Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP8: Jamali Maddix

Episode Date: September 12, 2024

Jessica Knappett is joined this week by comedian, actor and documentary maker Jamali Maddix to discuss his perfect day. The duo discuss their experience on Outsiders, Jamali’s love of a specific style of shopping, favourite birds, big sticks, tax evasion, Birkenstocks and moths! Like and subscribe for brand-new episodes every Thursday. Follow us on Instagram @perfectdaycast.  To hear more of Jamali watch his brand new series on cults - ‘Follow the Leader’ on Dave! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All right then. Do you know what's overrated as well? What? Doves. Doves can fuck off. Hello and welcome. I'm Jessica Knappett and you are not your thoughts and feelings. Welcome to Perfect Day, the podcast where I ask funny famous people, hey, tell me your perfect morning and afternoon and night, will you? This week's guest is your friend and mine. Well, actually my friend, probably not yours. Unless you are friends with him and you're listening because he's your friend. That's right. It's the brilliant comedian, actor, writer, documentary maker.

It's Jamali Maddox. Now, I love Jamali. And if you watched Outsiders, you'll know that. That's a show on BBC iPlayer, by the way, if you haven't seen it. Sort of like adult boy and girl scouts, that's what we were required to do. We will give you a bit of goss on Outsiders, actually, later in the show. Jamali, I love him. I do learn a few new things about Jamali's interests, which I was surprised

by and I think you will be too. We talk about his love of Birkenstocks, we talk about car boot fairs, vaping in a forest and finally, finally, I get to tell you about my moth problem so let's do it shall we should we do what Jamali would want us to do slip on a pair of Birkenstocks make yourself a cuppa go on do it sit back and relax unless you're driving this is Jamali Maddox's perfect day I went to cum so weird I died. Jamali, where are you Jamali? Are you in this country? I'm in London. So you're back in London, but you've been in America, haven't you?

I've been in America and I've been in Colombia. Can you tell me about what's been happening there or is it top secret? I mean, it's kind of secret, I think. I've just been meeting crazy people. Jamali special. Yes. Can you say anything? The general premise is cult-like ideas.

Do you get scared? No, no. Do you honestly? There's places you can go with a camera that you if you went without a camera it would be sketchy but because you have a camera and there's a lot you don't just like rock up there like people who need to know know that you're there but so do you genuinely feel quite safe safe's a strong strong word, but I don't. And as well as you're so focused on the job. Do you know what I mean?

Like you don't, I think about it after and I go, oh, I shouldn't have done that. Like there's like a handful of situations where I was like, oh, I shouldn't have, that's stupid. Did you feel the same way about outsiders? Outsiders I think was more scary. That going to a white power music festival wasn't as scary as doing

outsiders when they told us to get in the tent remember when they said that we have to sleep in tents i do remember that yeah did you sleep in a tent um oh can we not talk about no comment oh no comment i can't remember we did sleep in a tent didn't oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i actually was really ill when we filmed outside as i don't know if i mentioned it to you really you seem fine you seemed like tip-top you seem fine you said i saw you doing cartwheels you seem what really healthy and good i didn't feel good and so i went and slept in the scout storms they were there were no scouts in there. No, no. But it was weird because it was like a huge, so it's like we all had our own dorm.

So it was like this rows of beds, but you was just by yourself in it. It was a little bit prison-y, wasn't it? People obviously have just started watching it again now because it's gone onto the BBC. This was not supposed to be a plug, but I just think people, there may be people who have seen it and and are coming to this primarily for me should we just get it out

of the way just say the catchphrase yeah jamali yeah do you know people still message me that do you know there's a whole reddit there's a whole reddit forum about you saying jamali and there's a whole red forum about you saying Jamale. And there's a whole Reddit and someone's compiled it. And I swear to God, it's 10 minutes. And it's just you saying Jamale and it's 10 minutes long. It's not repeats. But it's just your name.

It's just your name. How can it have become a catchphrase when it's just your name? Yeah, I think it's the way you said it. And you always said it because you was mad or you was kind of like just unpleased with what i was doing i did get asked a couple of days ago if you genuinely hated me yeah and if we've fallen out yeah i've been asked that before like i've been out i've had people come up to me after shows and they go like like you you and just like talking yet and i'm like what like, you and Jess aren't talking yet. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? And it's like, they generally didn't think,

I thought it was funny. I thought we were just doing an act. I mean, you know when you're doing it, like not to, you know, not to peep behind the curtain too much. Like obviously we're having a little, at no point did you actually genuinely annoy me, and I hope I didn't actually annoy you either.

No, it was funny. Also, if you stay and watch... You obviously haven't watched the whole series because by the end of the series, we're deeply in love. Yes, yes, yes. That's what I say to everyone. That was our trajectory. And that is real.

That was our trajectory, yeah. We had a whole love story. Yeah, I just remember the woman's hair. Oh, no, that was absolutely ridiculous. That was fucked, isn't it? I thought about that the other day. I was like, yo, that's wild, and what they asked.

Remember they were like... Sorry, Jamali. No. Oh, here we go again. Wow. Jamali, what have I done now? What have I done that... we're not even in the context of the tv show anymore now you're just genuinely upset with me it wasn't that they asked us to do

it it was they asked us to cut someone's hair you didn't have to shave off her i didn't shave you took you took a lot off though didn't you but that's what they told me to do i think you forgot that there was a person. I think you were just like, head in the game. This is a TV show. We've got to do what we've got to do. Trying to win these points. Yeah, I think, do you know, there was like,

one of my favourite moments just working was you was there as well. And it was one of the funniest, I don't know why, but it just really made us laugh. You made me laugh more than I've ever genuinely laughed than any other tv show i've made is when we had to do that task where we made a fake telly and then the and then you were like look peep show's on and then he started doing bits from peep show like that was one of the funniest like genuinely like could not stop laughing because it was like, look, it's Peep Show.

And then it's just like, I do it like it got four nines. And it just it was it was so funny. It was so great. That was a real that was a real life highlight. Actually, you do get these moments from time to time, don't you? And I, I am obsessed with Peach. I've loved Peep Show.'s great for so for so long I mean to the point where when it used to be on on a Friday night if I was at someone's house we

would have to stop what we were doing and watch it I mean can you imagine watching TV in that way now no it's the idea of having to wait for a show to come on. I couldn't, no. Sky Plus kind of killed that for me. Once I had Sky Plus. When I was a student, I didn't have all that fancy TV. You didn't have Sky Plus? You were living in the slums, bro. What do you mean you didn't have Sky Plus?

I suppose it's what you prioritise, isn't it? Yeah, you're out here grinding, bro. Do you have Sky Plus or not? No. Out here like a pauper. Oh my God, I'm getting absolutely No. Out here like a pauper. Oh my God, I'm getting absolutely dissed here for being a pauper. No, I had Sky Plus. I remember there not being electricity in my house as a kid growing up

or like the electricity ran out, but I had a big telly. Really? Yeah. You couldn't watch it because you didn't have any electricity? No, because you had no electric. So you just had to look at your own reflection yeah jamali what do you think of the idea for this podcast do you like it i love it you know i'm okay i get asked to do podcasts a lot of them are just depressing depressing yeah i know what you mean well as in do you mean that you know that if you go on that

podcast you'll be asked to talk about your trauma yeah it's that or it's just it just kind of leans into that or it's just kind of like I'm there just to perform and I know there is a performative aspect to it I did a podcast one time and it's like a big podcast and the whole podcast went fine and I just at the end I said something and as soon as I said it because I miss I misspoke because i was like jet lagged it was in la and i jet lagged and i said this thing and it was everyone and it was like live and the whole crowd just went what what did you say oh my god so basically he says to me like and it was sort of like a deep question and um and it was all about how i sort of lived a normal life but i've you know but i've become weird and that's okay you know and then lovely thing to say something like that and then what

but what i said is is like i come weird and everyone just went huh and that's when and then he went well we all come weird jamali anyway uh this was a fun show and i was just like oh my god and like i just i wanted to tear the skin off my fucking face man did they keep it in was that you're out yeah that was the out that i come weird and you meant i've become weird yeah it was something about becoming weird. It was something like that. And how it ended was, I come weird. And it was packed.

It was like a sold-out crowd. Honestly, I wanted to just fucking come weird and die. I wanted to come so weird I'd die. I do know what you mean, though, actually, about becoming weird and die. I went to come so weird I had died. I do know what you mean though, actually, about becoming weird. Yeah. The weirder the better now, I think. After a while, you just think, well,

yeah, it's taken me a long time to embrace my own weirdness. How old are you? Oh, you know how old I am, Jam jamali i do know how old you are actually but i didn't i didn't know you didn't know if the world knew it's fine i i've talked about it okay um i mean they they brought me a cake on sunday brunch can the zoo tell us i'm happy birthday so everyone knows that i'm 40 now jam Jamali. Yeah. Happy birthday. Thank you. Was your age a factor in that you're happy with,

you're more comfortable with who you are? Yeah, definitely. I think so. I like that you're weird. That's why I enjoyed working with you. I like that you're weird too, Jamali. Oh, thank you. See that?

The most unlikely friendship in Shogas. Weird feeling. Yeah, I know. It totally is, isn't it? It totally is. That's why it's so good. OK, well, I want to talk to you about so many things, but I have sort of forced myself into a formatted podcast. Yes, please. So I have to ask you and I do want to ask you, Jamali, about your perfect day. Jamali. Jamali. Jamali.

What's your perfect morning? For me, I think it's the little things that I've started trying to do in my routine which made me realize oh this is actually what I want in my morning like I used to think what I used to think I used to think being hungover was the perfect morning because I had the perfect night when actually it's just a shit way to start your day. And one of my favorite things and makes my morning perfect is waking up to a clean flat. Oh, wow. Like having my flat clean and everything's already done. Yes.

You know? You've got clean bedding. Everything's away. And does it smell nice as well? Oh, of course. Yeah, of course yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah sending candles that have been a burning this is pretty grown-up stuff actually jamali isn't it another aspect of a perfect morning for me is coffee yes and the line not being long because i've got like a coffee shop that's popular near my house and the problem is the line's too long

and it's too many it's too many tiktok people who saw it on tiktok and now they want to like you know i mean i fuck those people like i like a short line not empty because i want to see them have a good business right have you considered making coffee yourself it's just never gonna taste as good isn't it it's like you know when people say like i'm gonna make my own mcdonald's yeah and it tastes shit it doesn't taste like actual mcdonald's in it and also the equipment you would need to buy to make great coffee cost thousands of pounds well we do actually have a really good coffee machine in our house it was a non-negotiable. Well, when we lived in LA, my husband inherited a really good coffee machine from a deceased relative.

What, like an actual... Like a proper one, yeah. The one that foams and shit. Yeah. Wow. And then there was no going back after that. Is that like a common thing to leave in a will? Like, I've never heard anyone leave anyone a coffee maker. Like, is that common to to leave in a wheel like i've never heard anyone leave anyone a

coffee maker like is that common to leave someone in a wheel and was he happy with that and my finest coffee maker daniel no i don't think it is that common i think it was maybe there was sort of like a house contents thing and then it was like oh we'll give that to dan because no one wants it in the immediate oh did he do that thing of he said it once passing that's a nice coffee maker and then they went he wants that coffee maker that doesn't work though because i've said something i said something in passing to my granny and it didn't end up... I didn't get it. It didn't end up falling into my hands. Oh. Oh, you tried.

Anyway, that makes me sound horrendous. I've got my eyes on a couple of things from my grandma. Do you? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my granddad. My granddad has a lot of jewellery. He has old school gold rings and gold necklaces. And I've sort of been like, you know, oh, they're really cool, man.

Like, you know, like just trying to sell the seeds. It'd be a shame if anything happened to them. Yeah. It'd be a shame if something happened when they went holiday in Devon. You'd want those looking after, wouldn't you? Oh, don't go so close to the cliff, Grandma. So your perfect morning is the the place is clean because do i remember this rightly jamali you're a bit of a night owl

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like i go bed about four oh my god yeah about three four i go bed always more time not 80 percent of the time and are you have you tried to go to bed earlier and that's just that's that's the earliest you can get to sleep or earliest i can get to sleep like i if i went to my bedroom at 11 i would just be laying there looking at the sky listening to podcasts till four anyway so i might as well just watch telly do you know what I mean so when we say perfect morning for you it's not the morning is it probably because you're what time are you waking up I wake up about it would depend I've sort of got better but I will so say you know at my worst I was going to bed at 4 now I go to bed at about 2 and I wake up for like

I wake up at 9 and think I've done something like I wake up at 9 and be very impressed with myself like I remember I was having that conversation the other day where people had 9 to 5 and I was like yeah you know I wake up like 9 and they were like do you know how fucking late that is like I wake up at

6 and I'm like oh I really thought I was like doing, I wake up at six and I'm like, oh, I really thought I was, like, doing something impressive waking up at nine. But I think nine was, like, a good, healthy, like, wow, you're getting stuff done. Like, if I wake up at nine, I go, you know, like, you know sometimes when you wake up early and you go, I'm proud of myself, I'm going to get stuff done.

That's me at 10. If I wake up at 10, I'm like. Here he goes again. Yeah, yeah. So I wake up at nine. Nailing life. So 2 goes again. Yeah, yeah. So I wake up at 9. Nailing life. So 2am to bed, 9am up. That's all right.

Although, where do you think the going to bed at 2 thing comes from? Is that just like a lifetime of gigging and... Yeah, my whole adult life was just gigging, isn't it? Like, I don't want to go to work and it's go to bed. Like, that's mad. So I've got to, like, decomp mad so I've got to like decompress I've got to watch some telly you know I mean I've got to like you know play some video I've got to do something you know read I don't I'm not reading I'm watching telly but you know

let's go back to your perfect morning yeah because you can have anything jamali you can do anything and and so far you've woken up in your own flat it's clean and you're and you've had some coffee yeah i like basic stuff and the weather yeah is it's all it's it's sunny but a bit chilly okay nice no one is like sunny but a bit yeah it's crisp like i'm wearing a tracksuit bottoms with a with a light puffer okay do you know that image yeah yeah okay okay and and you can do i mean bear in mind you can do whatever you want this morning like yeah and anything i'm putting on my i'm having obviously i'm washing i'm clean right i've eaten yeah and i've eaten you know my favorite breakfast which is ackee and saltfish and fried dumplings whoa yeah well now we go exotic what's ackee

ackee it's um it's it's sort of like it's a fruit basically but it's you know how that tomato is a fruit it's like oh yeah it's technically a fruit a savory fruit yeah and it's sort of it looks like scrambled egg is the best way to explain it that's someone someone someone has come in the morning cleaned my flat and made me this food oh hang on so now you've got a cleaner yeah yeah and the chef yeah okay okay like that one i'm gone by the time by the time i've awakened i've heard that this is a thing you know what a thing you can purchase i've heard i've heard of celebs yeah who have chefs come in, make them their breakfast and lunch and put it in the fridge before they wake up.

That's what a private chef will do. And then they go away again. And then they come back. If you're around for dinner, they'll come back and just discreetly make you dinner. How rich do you think you have to be to have that? Millions, surely. Do you think that's like a million millionaire or is that like a guy comfortable who's doing that no i think that's like i think you have to have somebody on that's like a salaried position isn't

it oh shit yeah i feel doing it every day, you're giving someone like, yeah, you've got to pay someone like... A chef's salary, surely. Yeah, maybe even healthcare with that. You've got to pay for their bupa. You've got to pay their pension. You've got to pay their pension. You've got to start paying their pension. You've got to pay for their vac.

But it's supposed to be a perfect day and now we're paying someone's pension now paying fucking taxes all right on my perfect day i'm also a tax evader a tax evader who never gets caught yeah i never get caught um oh but that might so the activity i can do right is what i do is i've got my tracksuit on and my light jacket right and i put on the essential thing you need for my perfect morning birkenstocks yeah suede birkenstocks right because we're about to do something we're about to do one of my favorite new activities because i think to give it context here i grew up in ilford bit of a shithole it's a great area i love it it's dear to my heart but it's sort of like you know and only later in life i started experiencing a certain

activity which i never knew about and um i've sort of enjoyed it in the last couple of years and it's formative with the Birkenstocks and my new morning is mooching. Yeah, I'm mooching. Oh, yes. All right, so what I'm doing, I'm putting on my Birkenstocks, right, and I'm hitting Stoke New Britain, yeah, and I'm hitting Church Street, and I'm just having a look. You're just having a mooch. I'm just walking down, I go look at having a mooch. I'm just walking down.

I go look at some pots and pans and I go, hmm, don't intend on buying any of it, right? Have a little walk around. And this is, I think this is such a missed part of mooching is you ask the guy who works in the shop a million questions about products

you have no intention of buying. Oh, Jamal. There's like a japanese knife shop and then oh my god we've got a knife shop on you love knives yeah yeah i do like that it's like 300 quid for a knife and i'll look at the knife i'll ask how balanced it is and i'll ask all these questions he thinks he's got to sell he don't know i'm a fucking moocher right so then i'm birkenstock out of that bitch you ain't seeing me again right and I mooch around right

and then I hit but the mooching is just I'm warming up to do my favourite pastime oh my god what? is my favourite pastime car boot sale

really? I love car boot that's my favourite thing in the world is a car boot sale yes Jamali this is so unexpected i love car boot sales i can't i honestly i i would never in a million years have been able to guess that your favorite thing was essentially window shopping you're a perfect girlfriend

i just didn't have you down as a moocher i I'm a moocher now. I never used to be, but I just, I live where I live now, innit? I live in an undisclosed location in East London. It's just prime moochers. Do you know what I mean? And then car boot sales. Like, we haven't got cracking in the car boot sale yet. Okay, so tell me, do you buy anything in the car boot sale or is it all just mooching around there?

I buy absolute tat. There's a guy there, right? And when he sees me, his face lights up and he goes, I've saved some stuff for you. And it's the most absolute tat and shit that you don't need and I fucking, I buy all, right? I bought, like, I've got, I think I've got some stuff here that I've got. Oh my God, show me.

Like, I'll buy old 90s wrestling figures. Oh God. I'll buy, what's this? I bought this framed Richard Pryor poster. Oh, well, that's pretty cool. I'll buy cameras that don't work. You see, this is like a DV camera That doesn't work

What have I fucking got in here Are you going to get it fixed Or Nope that's not the point of the car You don't fix stuff with a car boot You buy it and you hope it works And if it don't work it just goes on your storage Have you got

A lot of stuff around your house Now I'm feeling a bit sorry For the cleaner who's coming, actually. Do you know what? I did a bargain hunt. Did you? I did bargain hunt. Oh, my God, Jamali. We'd be great on bargain hunt together.

Do you know what the fuck that would be? Yeah, we would actually be very good. And we went to an auction house. And, like, I thought it was just for the context of the TV show that I bid for something. And I won the bid and i was like i don't want it and they rang me for like four months saying are you gonna buy it buy it and i was like nah i didn't think i thought you could just for the context of a tv show pretend but they really i was just pretending i'm always just pretending it's all it's just a

joke and recently i went to like um uh it's best described as a MAGA festival right for the new tv show so it was like a MAGA festival and they were doing like a bid and they were like selling guns like guns and ammo and i scratched my nose i went like this and he thought i was bidding and he went uh he went 300 300 i was like no luckily someone outbid me you're going to auctions where you bid for ak-47s i'm going to auctions where you bid for a job lot of candlesticks yeah i would say we're both equally disappointed when we come home yeah and and we have to deal with these things in our homes yeah what what we recently became addicted to is vintage you know vinted yeah is that the clothes we buy vintage that's the clothes yeah yeah yeah and we were

like oh my god this is amazing we'll never buy new again and this will be really good for the environment this is such a great thing to do yeah we now have a moth infestation in our house and everyone who's been round says it's going to cost at least £9,000 to get rid of them. To get rid of the most infestation. Yeah, and I can't tell you how bad it's going to be for the environment.

The chemicals we have to use. I have to throw away all of my clothes that can't be cleaned. That's funny as fuck, man. So why did the clothes not come de-muffed? Well, you just have to be careful, Jamali. I'm just warning you because you have to be careful with vintage items. Because moth larvae, you cannot see.

It's microscopic. And you only know that you have a moth infestation when the moths hatch and become moths. And I'll tell you something as well, Jamali. When you turn 40 and you're starting to be concerned about ageing and then you open your wardrobe and moths fly out, concerned about ageing, and then you open your wardrobe and moths fly out. It's not a good time. It does feel a little bit like the world is poking fun at you.

Yeah, yeah, it kind of seems like symbolism. Yeah, it does a bit. But genuinely, be careful what you collect, because you don't know where it's been. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm worried for you that my house is your house in five years time how often are you doing this mooching um like i've become a bit too busy now you're too successful for a mooch yeah yeah we're trying to

be do you know where i think is the i I think I'm picturing your mooch taking place in London on Columbia Road. I haven't been to Columbia. Is that where the flower market is? Yeah. Oh, my God, Jamali. I mean, it sounds like you already live in a place where mooching is on the agenda.

Yeah, I'm kind of... I feel like I've fully mooched everything here. You know, I feel like it's mooched out. Like, I feel like I'm coming to the end of this mooch. I need to find some new mooching,

you know. Like, I've actually ended relationships with women because the area they live isn't moochable. And I'm like, I don't know how we're going to have a relationship

and it's like, what are we going to do? She goes, we can mooch. And it's like, yeah, what are we going to do? She goes, we can mooch. And it's like, yeah, but you don't live anywhere moochable. Have you spent much time in LA? Yeah. Because I don't find LA very moochable. It's not walkable.

That's why it's not moochable. I really... And the only place that's... What's that? No, just you've identified something that I didn't realise was important to me too. It's walking. That's one thing I hate about LA is you can't walk. The only place you can walk is downtown.

That is dodging some serious crimes. Yeah, you can't mooch around. Like mooching isn't like, oh, avoid that heroin needle. That's not mooching. Don't look at him in his eyes. That's not mooching. Mooching is good morning. If you told someone that you were going downtown

in la just to go and have a little wander around they would they would look at you like you were you were saying like i'm just gonna pop into the gates of hell yeah yeah yeah okay should we move on i mean maybe this is maybe that we already did it it's rolled in but have have you got something to differentiate from the morning and the afternoon or is that what the is that what the carburetor yeah yeah see what I did as well is is like I'm giving myself options because I think sometimes sometimes and then this is like just a just an add-on to the other bit sometimes a perfect morning is just waking up at your own pace and having nothing to do and just watching the tv and just do you know I mean? Like that also is perfect for me.

You know what I mean? And also I don't have any responsibilities. What I don't like is the emails are coming in, but I'm not answering them. I feel like it's basically just Christmas Day and the occasional bank holiday. Yeah, it's Christmas Day without having to see my family. Like that's the vibe.

That's the vibe. The vibe work-wise is it's okay because nobody should be emailing you anyway. The days in between Christmas and New Year's. You know that weird couple of days? The perineum, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The technical term, the perineum.

So that spot right there is the good spot. And I would say that my perfect afternoon, yeah, is I fuck with a good forest walk, man. I'm a forest walk guy. That's who I am. I put on my my my my shorts yeah i've got my my waterproof jacket on that i might take off because it's a bit warm i put on my hiking boots and i'll just i'll just run through a reservoir what absolutely

running through not running but like just stomping you're walking you mean you're you're doing like a hike around a reservoir yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there's bits of forest as well yeah forest walks and but nothing hilly all flat flat reservoir yeah flat reservoir little stop offs for food yes but nothing i have to sit down and no knife and fork it's all just like a pork pie or a sausage roll but yeah i'm sorry um and uh oh no i can only think of you could have just said halal sausage roll where you can see only pork based food ham sandwich no um cocktail sausages. Yeah, cocktail sausages. So it's like a little, it's a little picnic.

It's a hand picnic. Yes, hand picnic, but like a flat surfaced forest. Yeah, and my favourite thing to see when I go on a forest walk is to see parakeets. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because of the old, there's so many reasons, isn't there, why there's parakeets as all the different urban myths?

Yeah, would you be Hendrix? It's Hendrix, isn't it? Is that the one we're going for? Yeah. Hendrix had a... What is it? What's the myth? He had a man and a woman one,

or male and female one, and then he let them go and they bred out. I think more likely is people had them as pets and went, fuck this, and just let them go. I think i think more likely is people had them as pets and went fuck this and just let them go i think that's more likely yeah they're invasive species now but they're they're not good for the environment but they're but i feel like you know what okay they're invasive yes they they they fuck up the ecosystem yes they're noisy yes but they're better looking than any bird we had i'd take a parakeet over a pigeon wouldn't you yeah let's get rid of the pigeon i think we've Yes, they're noisy, yes. But they're better looking than any bird we had.

I'd take a parakeet over a pigeon, wouldn't you? Yeah, let's get rid of the pigeon. I think we've had enough of the pigeon. Do we need pigeons? I don't think we need pigeons. Like, how are they helping the ecosystem, really? I would love to know. Yeah, they're always just like... And especially the ones in London, they all just look like smackheads.

So when you go to Australia,ia like you'll see these birds and they're they're gorgeous they're like these big beautiful elegant birds and you go wow look at that bird and they go ah it's the fucking bin bird like like for you it's just beautiful elegant bird of paradise you've never seen this before and then for them it's just like a fucking piece of shit like they it's weird how like we think something's beautiful because we've never seen it and then like there must be if you've never seen a pigeon you would go and you went to alca square you go this is like surely not maybe do you know what's overrated as well what dubs dubs can off what oh what are you just a slightly different color to a pigeon piss off and i've got to come to your wedding and then you let him go and i've got to go

oh my god what weddings are you going to a dumpster i don't i don't go to people's weddings that's a whole another story you don't go i try not to why is that i just think it's kind of like i think it's selfish of you to make me come and celebrate your love like it like it's like why so but it's like i saw you telling me i've got to go to leicester and book a hotel because you like each other do you have it well yes yeah yeah because because you're celebrating two people who you love, hopefully, or maybe just one of them. Yeah.

And you're celebrating their happiness. I suppose the whole vibe really is joy. Yeah, and I hear you. And I can make an allowance and I go, okay, cool. You're my sister. You want me to come to your wedding? Fine. But I think a wedding is like, that's on my worst day list. If you do like another podcast about worst days is having to go to someone's wedding. Well, I don't need to because what's happened is I've asked you for your perfect afternoon and you told me about how much you hate weddings.

Anyway, we were talking about doves. We were talking about your perfect afternoon and you told me about how much you hate weddings anyway we were talking about doves we were talking about your perfect afternoon yeah um have you got more to add than the forest stories that that's it that's do you know what i like to do when i go on a long walk find a big stick yeah and use it as like a walking stick yeah yeah yeah do you know what jamali i know you do it's it's such a human thing my kids always find big sticks and feel very proud of them yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there's something quite do you do you ever have you ever carried a big stick when you go for a walk yeah i've carried a big stick i've been known to carry a big stick yeah feels great it feels great right do you touch the trees, I don't touch the trees.

I honestly think something happens when you touch a tree. Oh, okay. Yeah, like a forest, like a nice forest walk. That's so lovely. What a beautiful, beautiful image of you just strolling through a forest. Good vape in my pocket. Go have a good vape on you. Just breathing in the gorgeous watermelon-scented air.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely chuffing, bub. You think there's a steam train going through that forest. Oh, Jamali. Yeah. What's your vape flavour of choice? Blueberry sour raspberry. Absolutely rank.

Yeah, probably. What are we going to do? What am I going to do? Stop vaping? We'll move on just quickly. Jamali, what's your perfect night? Perfect night. your perfect night i would say my perfect night yeah is i've transported myself now so i'm not in england anymore right and it's a hot to warm evening i'm in new york and it's sort of like a bar but I'm in the garden yes

you know and I'm sort of with friends and the bar's a cool bar they let people smoke joints and it's just you know it's just like the music's good but not too loud what are you drinking? well I don't drink alcohol anymore

but if I was drinking alcohol it would be a Miller High Life. Okay. Ice cold. And what sort of friends? Like comics? Yeah, comedian friends. I've got like some, yeah, like good comedian friends or just even like normal people. Who's like, who would have to be there for it to be perfect? My friend, Elliot Steele.

Yeah. You know Elliot Steele? No, I no i don't i mean i don't know he's a fucking mess i love him him um there's another friend i like he's from new york his name's max he's a good dude like there's a couple good heads yeah and it's just you know i mean and and the bar in new york it sells pizza or it sells like a little food snack the kitchen's good like a sort of buy the slice situation. Yeah, buy the slice situation. Oh, God.

That's lovely. You know, they do a beef pepperoni with jalapenos and a little hot honey. Oh, come on. Yeah. I'm not eating carbs right now and I don't eat dairy, but this is my perfect evening. You are really optimising, aren't you, Jamali? I am. You're optim i am i'm biohacking

i'm on reddit forums oh my gosh what's going on watching a good podcast that's my perfect night watching a good podcast yeah watching a good podcast yeah building up my net worth just slowly creeping towards becoming a high net worth individual yeah yeah yeah yeah i love watching them that's that's one of my uh things now is i watch toxic podcasts on tiktok do you not have friends that are worth 10 million um yeah i i i yeah so like a sort of hot evening oh i, I love that. With friends. In New York. In like an outdoor bar in New York with good food. Is there a reason you're in New York in this perfect?

Yeah, sure. This is back from, this is from a time where I was, I think I'd maybe done Hate Thy Neighbor season one and I'd sold out two shows in new york yes and i remember walking on stage and there's been two moments in that comedy wise where i was like oh and i remember thinking in the moment and it's rare it's rare than that happens but i remember thinking in the moment going like this is one of the best days of my life do you know what i mean because i got you know so this is a memory yeah this is more of a memory

but I remember like the idea that I've sold out a show and it was like 150 people but it didn't matter and it was like I sold out a show in New York and it was my first

time ever being on stage in America and I remember watching comedy and you would always hear about New York and it's kind of like a mecca of comedy I remember and I was doing it you know I mean and I was there and it was me and I wasn't I wasn't watching it I was a participant like I am the thing doing this you know and then I think it was sort of a it was a Buddhist sort of talk about it is that being present and it was like a real vivid moment of presence. Do you meditate? I used to I used to go Buddhist or not. Did you because I'm just wondering what you did to become that way in that on that occasion do you know? It just it just you know it wasn't a

conscious decision. It just happened. And it's like, it's never, and it's only happened a few times, but that time it was the most vivid. Like that time was the most vivid of I was completely experienced

in the moment. And I felt happy and it was overwhelming happiness, you know? And yeah, like I, anyway, and then after I went out to drink with a couple of comedians from there and like you know I knew a few of them and it was just I remember like I sort of brought over that feeling was still that it's all right you know when you

you know when you I don't know if you've done mushrooms but you do mushrooms and you peak and then it goes away but it's still kind of like a lingering feeling i think it's so interesting that you describe feeling things very strongly i don't i yeah i bet it's um i bet it's just part of what drew you to become i guess so what you to be who you are yeah what you do and perhaps i didn't really have other options it was like it was absolutely nothing else i was good at yeah it was literally nothing i wasn't to be who you are. Yeah. What you do. And perhaps I didn't really have other options. There was absolutely nothing else I was good at. Yeah, there was literally nothing I wasn't good at. I'm sure that's not true. What would you be doing

if you weren't a comedian slash documentarian slash writer? I'd be like a youth worker. I'd like to do work in like Young Offenders or something. You'd be amazing at that, Jamal. I think I'd be good. Yeah.

But other than that that I don't know fuck knows owner dojo dojo owner dojo of which kind of martial art all of them I think like a judo do you do judo

when I was a kid yeah but like a judo dojo. And I could like, you know, take where would kids and teach them the art of the gentle way. That's beautiful, Jamali. Yeah. Gosh, well, look, there's so much more we could talk about, isn't there? There is.

Can I just ask you one last question, actually? Do you have any bedtime rituals because it's the night time now i try to like i try to drink a tea before bed like a nighttime tea sleepy tea sleepy tea love a sleepy tea little herbal a little valerian root perhaps yeah yeah yeah maybe a rubus uh i have a tea. And then I listen to a podcast. To fall asleep. Yeah. I listen to podcasts.

Your podcasts. You'll be listening to this now, ain't you? I'll be listening to this one. I'll be listening to my own voice talking about this moment. How very meta that will be. Yeah. When this is... It's kind of inception-y, isn't it?

Night night, Jamali. Do you want to say goodnight to yourself? No, I think that's too creepy. I think that would creep me out. because I would sort of be half asleep and then wake up to that and it would be like some weird, it would fuck with my dream. Oh, so you'll be listening to a podcast and then you'll just drift off and it'll be 2am by this point.

It'll be 2am, nice and early. But in your perfect night, are you going to sleep a bit earlier? Nah, my perfect night is I sleep when I sleep, innit? Okay, you don't worry about it too much. Nah. Because you don't have to get up, necessarily. I don't have to get up. By the way, I would love this day.

So, next time you free Jamali... We'll do it. It's all quite attainable as well. It's not like, I mean, the New York bit. I mean, I'd love to have a beer and a pizza with you on a warm evening in new york that's achievable it's all achievable i think that's what i like about this perfect day let's um next time i'm up north i'm gonna take a day off after the show and we're gonna go for a mooching go for a mooch me you and the husband bring the kids oh my god

and then and then we can go up the reservoir go around the forest get a big stick hug a tree and jamali who's that big man with a beard holding a stick you go down mommy i find him scary he's all right once you get to know him he's all right he comes across abrasive but he's actually a nice guy he loves smooching look you can tell he's a nice guy by looking at his feet he's wearing Birkenstocks I know he shouts a lot

but he's alright she's alright oh Jamali thank you so much for coming on perfect day thanks for having me it has been

a perfect day and night this is my perfect day appreciate you perfect day and night. This is my perfect day. Appreciate you. Well, that was Jamali. Jamali! What a surprising man he is. Mooching, tax evasion,

vaping, pizza. Yes, yes, please. All of it. I've been inspired and I'm off for a fucking mooch in my mothy clothes. So have a lovely day. Have a perfect day even. And if you've ever broken up with someone because their area isn't moochable, let us know. We're at perfectdaycast on Instagram. Yes, we are. You know what to do. Like, subscribe and leave us a review. And that's it.

Over and out from Yorkshire with love. I'm Jessica Knappett, wishing you a perfect day.