Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP9: 'Drifters' reunion with Lydia Rose Bewley and Lauren O'Rourke

Episode Date: September 19, 2024

This week, it’s a Drifters reunion on Perfect Day as the brilliant Lydia Rose Bewley and Lauren O'Rourke aka Bunny and Laura from Drifters are back together alongside Jessica Knappett, telling you all about their perfect day. There’s an incredible revelation about Lydia on the set of Persuasion and a weird story about Lauren and Busted. But, they also talk about sticking stuff up their noses, doctor's visits, sleeping on sofas, Chiltern Railways, skips, curtains, Youtube clips, prolapses and becoming a lawyer. It’s much less shit than it sounds - promise. And if you want to watch Fairy Land Cottage, you can find it here - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOOoeFFt641fiLUghzE9CHg  Like and subscribe for brand-new episodes every Thursday. Follow us on Instagram @perfectdaycast.  A Keep It Light Media Production Sales and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All right then. Oh, look at the DOP's bum hole. Hello, friends and pals. I'm Jessica Knappett and you are me and I am you and we are all together. Welcome to Perfect Day. Thank you for being here. Thank you for coming back. If you're back, welcome on in if you're new. This is Perfect Day, the weekly podcast where I ask famous funny people to answer the question, Hey, what would constitute your perfect day then?

Today is a special episode. I can't have favourites. I love all my podcast children the same. But this week, they're calling this reunion bigger than the Oasis reunion. And, well, it's definitely cheaper, isn't it? And you won't have to waste an entire day of your holiday online queuing for tickets only to be accused of being a bot you know what no actually you've upset me now and i'm not paying for your divorce you can take your champagne soup and over and shove it up your arse i hope you never have a perfect day anyway the point is if you watched drifters currently available on net, you are going to love this week's episode because today on the show, it's the very eccentric, very not demure Lydia Rose Bewley and Lauren O'Rourke,

a.k.a. Bunny and Laura from Drifters. If you don't know the show, it doesn't matter. Just trust me, you're going to love it. It's up there on the chaos scale there's a lot of sharing we are very close friends i love these two buffoons so much and i'm so happy we did this and i hope you enjoy this episode as much as we did this is lauren o'rourke and lydia rose beulies drifters special perfect day like i can't like And Lydia Rose Bewley's Drifter's Special Perfect Day. Like, I can't, like, they don't know what time B&Q closes.

Shut up, you fucking dickhead. All right, then. By the way, lovely to have you on, guys. Thank you for having us. Thank you for having us. Drifters, pals, Lydia Rose Bewley and Lauren O'Rourke, respectively, you might know them as Bunny and Laura. We've not been together for a while.

I mean, doing a thing, have we? No. Are you meditating? No, I'm just closing my eyes. Are you tired? Do you want to have a nap? Oh? No. Are you meditating? No, I'm just closing my eyes. Are you tired? Do you want to have a note? Oh, no. Have you got sticky eyes?

Yeah, I don't know why I'm so tired. It's because it's muggy. I've diagnosed you. Working mum of two. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Whee!

All working mums of two. All working mums of two. All working mums of two. So tired, when did you last have a proper night's sleep? I think this is why I'm tired. I think it was last night. I've started using eye masks. Sometimes it's worse. I can't use them.

I get too scared. I feel like of the great many things that might be in the room as you're sleeping, you don't know because that sense is taken away. But that's what happens if your eyes are closed. No, that's not true because your eyes can still see stuff. You can see like light changes, like you could see somebody looming over you. It would wake you up.

And because it closes that sense off. I do know what you mean yeah because it's sort of the sixth sense can i just add why i'm using an eye mask so out of all the renovations in the house garden bathroom all right money bags well it's not really it's i live in a shithole the one thing we still haven't got four years in we haven't got any curtains oh for no we haven't either i've got a street light and it's just perfect i left i will ask you this now have you The one thing we still haven't got, four years in, we haven't got any curtains. Oh, for God's sake. No, we haven't either. No, I've got a street light and it's just perfect eye level. I will ask you this now.

Why haven't either of you got curtains? Because did you put up your own curtains? No, I've got a person to do it. I paid them to do it. Thank you. We're at the front on the street in our bedroom. I didn't realise what you could see because I just come from the shower in my bedroom. Oh, right.

So you're on the internet. You're on the internet. Sadly, I'm not. So many naked videos of both of you on the internet you do that thing where you think oh just i'll just hop around with the towel just but you can really see like you can see yeah you see can you see into other people's windows or no because they've got blinds so everybody on my street has got the barcode blinds. Oh, yeah, like the shuttery. Yeah, they've all got them.

That's the dream. That's what I'm aiming for. It was my dream, but now I want to do cafe shutters and hand make them, which is why it hasn't happened yet. It's not going to happen. None of this is going to happen for either of you. You're going to be blindless forever. You don't understand.

Both the children sleep with us at the moment. They come in like 2, five o'clock in the morning and then the son comes to say hello and there's no curtains. So they're up. Exactly. They're up. And what are you doing? I mean, genuinely at this point,

you know you can get those blinds that stick on with those little suction things. I know. I was just thinking that. It's so hard at this point. It is. I know, I get it. It's another thing to do. It's another thing to do.

It's another thing to do. It's another bit of admin. What are you going to complain about then? If you get a full night's sleep, then what are you going to say? I will not get a full night's sleep though, because Beth will still wake up. Guys. Then it will be, the curtains are so dark. Yeah.

I can't wake up. And then the alarm won't wake us up. Hell's bells won't work. Old car horn won't no and then the alarm won't wake us up hell's bells won't work old car horn won't work because the sun hasn't come i think you've both just given up on the idea of sleep haven't you you've just given it's like what's the point i'm not even going to shut daylight out at this point what other things do you put off everything so many so many many many many many doctors always the doctors yeah that's the same of all my symptoms yeah but you can't do that they don't like it when you say no then you're meant you're only allowed to have one yeah then it's so I've had this quite a few times where

I'm like right got a weird eye blink when I'm really tired we've all seen that that is tiredness you don't have to switch pines on your windows yeah got a weird eye twitch when I'm really tired. We've all seen that. That is tiredness. Because you don't have pines on your windows. Yeah, got a weird eye twitch that's probably there now. Is it underneath like that? Does it feel like a judder? And I'm aware of it. Yeah. So then when it's not there, I get aware of it

and be like, oh, sorry about my twitch. And then anyway, so going into the doctors with all of this. So twitch, what else? Sorry, what's twitch? My leg feels shorter than the other one. And she's like, how's work? How are your friends? Oh, she sounds nice.

No, she's implying I'm depressed. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you get a prescription? No, because if you've got too many symptoms, that's a symptom of depression. What? Yeah, yeah, too many symptoms is a symptom of depression,

so then they start going down that route. okay so all of this is yeah it's like you've got health anxiety or whatever yeah yeah yeah thought about it's just one thing so i i kind of like last time i was in there i was like oh i could mention the tiredness but it feels like i basically filmed my stomach pulsating it felt like i had a baby in there. Oh my God. Yes. I've heard that. I know exactly what you mean.

What is that? I don't know. Wind? No, I thought it was a parasite. And I'm not joking because it feels like a baby kicking, doesn't it? Yes. It's like something squirming. And it's like, oh my God.

Yeah. Yeah. And we've both been to... Do you think you just had a big tea no no no it's happened a couple I filmed it I've actually filmed the pulsating because I think so you went in with the video of you not kicking baby and what did you I mean but the video was after I'd gone in about um what was it that I went in for I can't it that I went in for? I can't remember what I went in for, but then I was like, can I just mention? She was like, maybe come back, book another appointment for that one. I was like, can you just look at the video though? And then she was like, yeah, that is strange.

Come back. Yeah, that is strange. Just diagnosed. I've basically got an artery that's about to explode in my body. Or it's an enlarged liver that's going under your ribcage. Maybe it was the first thing you should have mentioned. What are your ailments, Lyds? You're going to get some viewers on this podcast.

Can I say... OK, basically. Oh, no, is yours going to be gross? Well, it depends if you call it gross, Lauren, or if you call it female opening up. No, all of it already. Okay, well, I'll be, okay, I'll just be

really, yeah, break the taboos lids. Okay, break the taboos lids. So many prolapses. Fucking hell. So many that when

I tried to run after my children every day, I was holding knees up and holding every single orifice in because there are so many and that was from my first birth.

How many? But hang on. There's only two there can be. No. There isn't. There's three holes. I've got four. I'm still finding this out. What? There's the bum hole. Anal. Anal. Anal. Anal. Vaginal.

Vaginal. I mean, this is wall. Vaginal. Vaginal. I mean, there's a wall, vaginal wall. So that's even kind of like, nothing can be done about that. Yeah. Sorry. All the men have gone at this point, by the way. Yeah, yeah. Bye, guys.

See you. See you, lads. Thanks for coming. It's not for you, and that's fine. Bladder. Oh. Bladder wall. And then a whole wall and then those two separate ones and i just bladder and but so bladder vag and anus yeah oh mate i'm sorry but that's fine and then the chronic although i guess that's kind of chronic is like i cracked my knuckles

and it's finally what do you mean the chronic which sounds like a snoop dog album it is a snoop dog album i learned this from my dad i'm going to sound stupid now but he's like the reason why i'm grumpy is because i'm in chronic pain because of his knees like when like chronic it's like it's ongoing yeah well it's chronic is it gets worse over time so it's got worse over time. So my knuckles, which that is my own fault. That's my own fault. And apparently it's not

the actual cracking of them. It's like if they worked out the pressure. Do you remember I used to... No, you probably don't remember. I used to do it in takes. Yeah. And didn't you know I was doing it?

And you'd see me do this. I really don't like it. You're so lucky you didn't start doing that. Because I don't know how I'm ever going to stop it because when you crack it and it really is a good crack it's like something gets released that makes you just go i think i remember you saying there's something about a gas or something

yeah it's like there's a gas in there isn't there you're like no you don't understand it's a gas i'm releasing a gas i do understand it makes you feel better I make myself sneeze with a hair clip you know I do that too you always used to do that on set as well sticking pins up your nose

and making yourself sneeze so many viewers right now will be going you used to annoy me so much no but they'll be thinking oh thank you I do that too when I saw that you did that

I was like yes I love it I just think it's a wonderful thing to share. Do you want to just explain? I don't think people know exactly what you mean. Oh, I bet they do. Yeah, hair grips, blades of grass, anything that goes up gives the old nose a tickle.

Rolling up a newspaper to a point. It's great. You know what it's great for? It's great on a hangover. Is it? I get to blow it out. No, you know, like, I'm either going to throw up or sneeze. So it's like my hangover cure.

I have a little sneeze session in the morning. So you just make yourself sneeze loads of times and it's like a release? Yeah. I don't think it's that great for the old part. What? Of course not. Oh, my God. Right, so both of you need to go to...

You've got to go to the GP and say that you crack you need to go to, you've got to go to the GP and say that you crack your knuckles a lot and you've got to go to the GP and say that you make yourself sneeze and you're worried about your heart. I would love them to do like, an MRI of somebody sneezing to see what it does to your whole body.

Because when I do like 10 of them, I'm like, oh. Well, but that's the whole, isn't that the whole thing about seven sneezes is an orgasm? Well, you're also doing that, aren't you? That'd be my sex life. Oh, my God.

That's how my sex life started. Oh, fucking hell, then. That's what happens when there's no blinds on the windows in your room. You're just standing there sticking pins up your nose. It's just me and Chris making each other sneeze. I mean, I have looked at myself with shame and I've come up from a sneezing session I look in the mirror my eyes are watering I'm bright red and then my like five-year-olds look at me like what you doing mommy I'm like you're right you'll find out that's what you do um is it like

orgasmic no yes of course it is Lauren it's got that same feeling as in like a like a in your nose it is when you hit that spot

isn't there meant to be like how do you know because oh it's um when a dog scratches its ear and you're like there it is oh my god

but the implement cannot be too sharp or you get that horrible scratch that's a danger orgasm that is a dangerous need i used to do it to get out of hockey at school with dried spaghetti so i carry dried spaghetti in my blazer and then because you know it makes you look really ill and you sound really ill because you're so full of smart and i go just go to the sand and be like oh really ill although once i said i think it's glandular fever which i didn't realize this like you're really over glandular i thought this was just me but you have in dried spaghetti and your hair grips are a good one also biros you know the old-fashioned biros. But I tell you once,

I did it at drama school for an object exercise and I was ill. So I stood outside just making myself sneeze over and over again and the teacher certainly thought

I had a problem. I think, I mean, I don't want to judge you. No, no. Do you know what? It's great, isn't it? It's great to hear about this, I don't want to judge you. No, no, do you know what? It's great, isn't it? It's great to hear about this because I don't think enough people know

about nasal orgasms from sneezing. I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I think this is probably the first time this discussion has ever taken place. This is groundbreaking. In a public forum. Do you have anything? What? Anything that I stick up my nose?

no just like a bit strange a bit weird not like physical no I don't think I do I think I'm perfect speaking of perfect is that a warm up by the way? is that a walnut by the way is that essentially

i want to talk about this all day but um i've sort of forced myself into having to talk to people about their perfect day i don't know how this is going to go because there's two people to get through i'll be really quick i know what yours is well probably both of yours is just standing there in a room with a hairpin and a blade of grass all day

making yourself come I tried to forget it it's disgusting that's really not on not oh sorry that's not the objective oh sorry

does it sound weird now does it when someone else says it it's a stress release it's nothing sexual right well it is for lids why can't why can't it be both when someone else says it. It's a stress release. It's nothing sexual. Right. It is for lids. Why can't it be both?

Lids, what's your perfect morning? And then I'm going to ask you because I know you're trying to figure it out. You haven't done your homework, have you? No, I haven't, I haven't. Studiously. I was pretending I was on a phone call going perfect what i'm sorry what what did what just happened you're pretending to be on the phone so on the walk over here i was pretending to be on my phone and talk about my perfect morning because i was afraid that thing would happen where you just go, uh.

Because... Whereas in fact... Whereas in fact, listen, I had the really jazzy perfect morning and then I realised, actually, I would just wake up of my own accord. Yeah. Nothing to do with the sun, nothing to do with the children. Do you have blinds or...? There are... Are there curtains on this perfect morning?

I would never sleep in a dark room, love, ever. So that wouldn't be perfect for me. I'm sorry, love. I'm sorry. Sorry, love. Sorry, love, I would never sleep in a dark room. So do you mean, hang on, let's row back a little bit, shall we? So you would never sleep in a dark room ever, ever,

so there would always be a light on? Unless Tom was there next to me. I would sleep in a dark room. You'd sleep with a light on. Actually, do you know what? Tom was there next to me. I was sleeping in the dark room. You sleep with the light on.

Actually, do you know what? I'm mocking you, but I feel the same way about pitch blackness. But I don't like the daylight to come in. But I always sleep with the corridor light on, which I pretend I do for the children, but it's actually for me. There you go. So I'm with you on this. Yes.

But I'm not with you on the letting daylight in to wake me up thing. No, it's appalling. And I agree. It's actually not the nicest way to wake up because the sun at the moment is so bright. And so early. And it's so early. So yeah. Okay. The sun can't come in.

The sun hasn't woken me up. All that's woken me up is me. That's all that's woken me up. It's just me. is me that's what's woken me up it's just me and then some hair like some like out of nowhere some hair some hair because guess how much sleep I got last night how much sorry I'll only mention this one four hours like four hours I've just got into really bad habit which again this would be my perfect evening actually. It's just like sitting on the sofa and just watching YouTube.

And that's awful. What are you watching on YouTube? The Cottage Fairy. Yeah. But we've both got into that. What's that? No, that's Fairyland Cottage. Yes, no, I'm into Fairyland Cottage. Although she's gone off a bit because she had a baby. Absolute respect to her. I think it's amazing. Absolute respect to her. She's supposed to be living off grid. Is she a YouTuber? No, she's gone off a bit because she had a baby. Absolute respect to her. I think it's amazing. Absolute respect to her.

So cool. Look, she's supposed to be living off grid. What is she, a YouTuber? No, she's mother nature. I just think it's so lovely. And she said, I'm sorry, but I'm just not going to be able to provide video content for you because I'm having a child.

So her subscription members have presumably fallen. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. I'm still there waiting for the next one to come i'd probably put that into a perfect morning too so i'd sit and have my coffee now i'm down in the lounge and i'd watch fairyland cottage which is the time of day you should be watching it not really late at night we'll put a link to fairyland cottage in the show notes oh yes if you haven't experienced fairyland, then you're in for a treat.

Honestly, Lydia sent it to me in lockdown. Sorry, Lauren, but it's definitely not your thing. You can't watch American Idol then. Okay. Lauren, I'm going to say that I reckon yours is the same. You're waking up whenever you damn well please. I've got a new trick, which is late at night when we're watching TV, I do the falling asleep.

Nice. When Chris goes, oh, come on, stay asleep, which means I get to sleep on the sofa all night so any of that business upstairs nothing to do with me Lauren is that bad sorry

you sleep on a sofa don't you think you have the best night's sleep on a sofa though the best night's sleep and you get because there's no pressure to fall asleep

no one's waking me up no one's waking me up all night so he wakes you up and you pretend not to be awake wow I'm coming up in a minute and I'm like

I'm settling I love falling asleep on the sofa I love it have you got a pillow what about your back that I'll take it's because you're that little bit younger your back stuff hasn't kicked in yet

I actually do fall asleep sitting up as well. So you just stay there all night? I stay there. And then I wake up ready for the kids that are even awake. But I feel so refreshed. So that's my perfect morning. Sorry, your perfect morning is still sleeping on a sofa? No.

Is that what you just thought? You've slept on a sofa. Slept on a sofa and no one's bothered me You can have anything Yeah, yeah You can have anything at all You can sleep anywhere in any bed in any period of time

anywhere in the world I'll take the sofa I love it I love it so much Sometimes I've woken up on the sofa at like half three and thought like I'll start my day here

Yeah I'm going to put the news on I'm gonna watch that for a bit and maybe nod off again anything's possible yeah and that's what it is it's just like a bit of free time downstairs maybe I'll get a drink yeah it reminds me of the first time in lockdown when my my mum looked when lockdown lifted for the first time and I finally had childcare because my mum and dad looked after our youngest daughter for the night I had been so sleep deprived and I suddenly just felt so amazing because I'd had this sleep I genuinely enrolled in a level classical study because I was like anything is possible I ordered the Iliad and enrolled in A-level classical studies.

And then my child was returned to me. And then it's hard. I was like, I'll cancel that. And also, I haven't even got as far as reading the introduction to the Iliad. Because I've fallen asleep on the sofa. Put it up by the toilet and you'll read it page by page. But I relate to that feeling of anything is possible. I'm going through that now.

What, anything is possible? I just started to be like, I could be a lawyer. Lauren. You could. You could. I would have to be a lawyer. Oh my God, I could do anything. What kind of lawyer would you be?

I haven't thought, I don't know. It hasn't gone that far, the fantasy, has it? I just want to stand in court and say. It's Erin Brockovich. You've watched Erin Brockovich. Yeah, I just want to be sassy and find the points that no-one's made. I like arguing, basically. I've been doing a lot of corporate arguing lately.

Oh, have you? You've been taking on the man? I've been taking on the man. First man I've took on is Chiltern Railways. Good. Lost. You can't win every case, can you? They've got a new thing where like i had the ticket i had a ticket i had a physical ticket and he went can you show me your ticket i said yeah i can it's in one of my bags he said if you can't produce it right now i'm gonna issue you a fine what i was

like okay well i can issue you it i can show you this is off but anyway I can issue you the ticket just give me a moment he said no well then they tried to take me to court what yeah so this is their new thing they it's straight with threatening letters by AI my I add I even rang up and I was like so I'm getting all these letters that are a I sure yeah it is a I was like okay I'm glad you admit that I was like but like you're threatening to prosecute me did you not find your ticket then

yes I sent them my ticket this is bonkers do you know what his grievance was what he didn't like your attitude

no that stinks but no he didn't like that I bought another ticket what so I was like I can't find his ticket and I was in a rush I was like I can't be arsed I'm in the like that I bought another ticket. What? So I was like, I can't find this ticket.

And I was in a rush. I was like, I can't be arsed. I'm in the queue. So I bought another ticket on my phone. Right. So I had two tickets for one journey. Like, that's mental. How are you taking me to school?

So you gave them double amount of money. And he was like, I missed two tickets. Yeah, exactly. I know what I'm going to do with you. Yeah. It's almost, yeah, it's like a double. You and your two tickets. Yeah, but what were they possibly using you for though?

For failure to produce a ticket. That's bonkers. But you've had two. But I had fucking two. That's so stupid. That's what I mean. And what a jobsworth.

Oh, what a little jobsworth. They're so annoying. Do you know what's really, do you know what is annoying? What? Is that I did run into him three weeks later

and I didn't have a ticket. Oh. Because my station was closed. My station was closed and it says, our sign says, buy a ticket at the other end. Great. I'll follow your instructions, thanks. Oh, what?

Did you take a picture of the sign? Yes. Oh, done. Yep, still more prosecution. I think he doesn't like, I think it's personal. Yeah, I yeah and it is so that but basically

taking on the man I got so engrossed with it that you thought I thought I could do this for a living and you could

and my new one is arguing with the umpire from netball oh yeah but how's that gone we're out of the league we're out of the league yeah but you're

out of the league because you've been dis disqualified no we haven't actually we're not actually out of the league because you've been disqualified. No, we haven't actually. We're not actually out of the league. We have chosen a new league of our own accord. But again, three-page email I wrote,

and then I put it into Grammarly so I didn't look thick. As all good lawyers do. As all good lawyers do. Then pasted it into Word, deleted it. Oh! Deleted it. Oh! Deleted it. Three hours of my Sunday afternoon. So actually I couldn't be a lawyer.

Yeah, don't employ me as a lawyer. Yeah, deleted it. Maybe it was quite cathartic though to get out that anger. It was, but the umpire is 23. I need to chill out a bit. I'm really angry. But still 23 year olds can... Maybe it I'm really angry. But still, 23-year-olds can...

Maybe it made you more angry. 23 is enough to take a bit of... To write a complaint, you know, like me shouting, you're ruining it! You're ruining it for everyone! So I've got too much time on my hands. Being 23 is no sort of...

Like, I don't think being 22 means that hands. Being 23 is no sort of comeback. I don't think being 22 means that you get let off for being a job. Isn't she a jobsworth? Oh, such a jobsworth. This is the one story that's really quick that sums it up. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. No, it's fine. She was carrying the net through the double doors

and I said, would you like a hand? She said, no, don't touch the nets. I then had to watch her try and hold double doors open whilst pulling in a net. And I just had to watch it. I had to watch it happen in front of me. And I couldn't help. And that is who she is.

Yeah, but that's her fault, isn't it? Well, yeah, that's her fault. What position do you play? Centre. I knew you were going to be centre. I think the team have turned against me and they're starting to offer up other players aren't they your best friends

isn't it like a group of your best friends from school yeah but they don't want me at centre anymore because I'm just running around like a headless chicken

I'll tell you what though if we ever get to remake any more drifters that's bad to say yeah these storylines are writing themselves fantastic

because can I tell you I was put as goal shooter which everyone just stands there I didn't really run as a child. Third reserve. Third reserve. You're on the bench.

Yeah. You're tall as well. I know. It's really, it's a damning indictment of my skills really, isn't it? But I invented a cheerleading team. Nice. To get you off the bench. That's great.

That's a life lesson. Yeah, I'm resourceful. Yeah, extremely resourceful. And unskilled athletically. Let's move. That's a life lesson. Yeah, I'm resourceful. Yeah, extremely resourceful. And unskilled athletically. Let's move back on, if we may, to our perfect mornings. Do you have any more

to add to that other than you just want to, you know, you want to wake up and watch Fairyland Cottage. You want... Do you... What do you want to do?

Be a lawyer. Hang on. Yeah Yeah we've lost track So you wake up on the sofa Sorry yes no no I've remembered of course You wake up on Your perfect morning Lauren Is that you wake up on your sofa I did think about Thailand

I was about to say I'll stick with the sofa Yeah but the sofa could be in Thailand. Another thing I would like to add on breakfast is I wish someone would invent a new breakfast. Right, but... I just hate it. You know what I mean? There's no other

meal that's limited. There's a set number of options for breakfast and I'm done with them all. No, there's not. It's what we've been told, what we've been brought up on. You can have anything for breakfast. It depends where you live. We had Phil Wang on and he had noodles for breakfast. That's not I want to live like that. Well then there you go.

And not be judged. Nobody's judging me Lauren. This is your perfect morning. You can have whatever you want. What are you having? KFC. I mean come on. For all these people who think I am Laura from Drifters. I haven't eaten KFC in years. That's not true.

No, that's not true. It's not my bad KFC. Actually, I've woken up in a bed with you where there's been chicken on the bed. Tomato ketchup all over my bed sheet. I thought she'd... Yes, we put it in Drifters because I thought she'd been bleeding.

But in fact, she'd just been eating chicken in my bed. Oh, God. Chicken in my bed. I'm a tramp. So forgive me for associating you with fried chicken. No, I would have a, yeah, I'm going to go Thai red curry for breakfast. With coconut rice. Absolute madness.

Oh, yeah. And anything else happen in your perfect morning other than waking up on your own sofa and eating a Thai red curry? But no. And you're a lawyer. Are you a lawyer? I'm a lawyer. Taking on the... The man? Not the man. Sticking it to the man all over the joint. Taking on children.

Yeah, go on then. I'll stick in a bit of American Idol as well. Yeah! Okay. Very good. Lids, post Fairyland Cottage, anything else happening on your perfect morning? Croissants. Okay.

Which apparently now come in a cube. Have you seen those? Sorry, that hurt. Is that all right? You're fine. Do you need a hairpin? It went down the wrong way. By the way, can I say that?

It's a hybrid of a tea and coffee. What? That's what you asked for. No. Sick of breakfast. I'm absolutely sick of breakfast. It's a toffee. Yeah, it is.

It's half tea, half coffee. Did somebody accidentally make you a tea toffee? Tea toffee. There you go. We've invented a new breakfast. Bless that. Oh. Can I taste that?

Yeah. Taste it. What did you order? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bless that. It, can I taste that? Yeah, taste it. What did you order? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bless her. It's when you don't know. Taste it, try it. It's making cafetiers. It's always interesting. Yeah,

that's a cafetier coffee. You need it. No, no, no, no. It's got sugar in it, hasn't it?

A little bit tea, a little bit coffee. You need a lot of coffee. And if you don't know, you don't know. Oh, there's coffee. So much coffee.

Coffee. Coffee, coffee, coffee. So much coffee. Coffee. Coffee, coffee, coffee. Loads of it. You're watching Fairland Cottage at this point and these things are being brought to you. Yeah, they're being brought to me. But also, and this is what I realised, in my perfect morning there's like a French air.

Like a French, a Parisian vibe. A breeze or an air to the air to the a Parisian yes throne so Liz you're looking like a prince really classic like this is like

your morning's really classy and mine's really I'm a scumbag hang on I want to hear more you're not a scumbag I'm going to have you say that

I want to hear more of the Parisian air is it is it about a smell it's like a yeah it's like a smell it's like an atmosphere it's like a light which I'm not an atmosphere. It's like a light.

Which I'm not even going to pretend to know. Just a beautiful, just like you'd have, you could hear French music in the background. Yeah, okay. Like a, what do you call it? Squeeze box. There's like wafting white linen curtains. Have you seen Beauty and the Beast? You know this is

what you're describing as the little town bit. It's Belle whacking open the windows isn't it? Yeah, are you running around going, good morning Belle. Do you know what though? I did get that song free in a CD from the Sunday Telegraph when I was at drama school and I did sing that most mornings. Do you know what I did? What? I got my mum to

write down all the lyrics when I was in like year four to give it to a boy in year six with a rose why couldn't you write down your own lyrics in year four all right oh no I don't know what year four is in Birmingham 14 oh yeah it would have been like eight oh right yeah not 14 no no that's the other year four because I know that's what I'm right sorry yeah yeah other year four, because I was 14. Yeah, no, that's what I was thinking. Oh, right, sorry, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, year four. That eight. It was moving too fast, so mum was pausing it,

writing down the lyrics. She didn't know my intentions. Do you remember that lyric? But it's not a romantic song. Oh, what? It's good morning, Belle, you know, have a nice day. It's not romantic. I know the most. Do you remember that bit where Gaston goes,

please let me through? Yeah, it's that bit. I know the rules. Do you remember that bit where Gaston goes, please let me through? Yeah, it's that bit. Gaston! Imagine receiving that. I need... In text form. That's too expensive. In text form with a rose.

What? Lauren. Oh, Lauren. So sad. I was such a hopeless woman. But how was it received? He threw it on the floor. Yeah. What was his name? I. But how was it received? He threw it on the floor. Yeah.

What was his name? I don't think I should say his name. I thought you'd say that. I don't know him. You're still holding a talk. I imagine he's listening and remembers. He was also in my brother's year, so that'd be... Well, that's narrowing it down.

Whoever he was. You missed out. Missed out. Look at you now. Look at you now. Look at me now. I'm a lawyer. Oh, gosh. Let's get back on to Lydia's perfect morning.

Anything else happen after the Parisian breeze and the accordion? Oh, the accordion. Yeah, squeeze box. I'd have, I'm going to sound like a grub, I'd have a shower. Depayable. I'd have I'm going to sound like a grub I'd have a shower It's a payable I'd have a bloody shower

at the right time of day Which is? Actually it probably should be when you first wake up but I'd have it at like 11 like I used to do in my old life I'd have a shower at 11

and then I'd have so much time on my hands that I would body cream myself. Yeah. Maybe put some gold dust on. Gold? Wow, okay.

Happens so often. You don't do it anymore, do you? What, throw glitter on you? Just moisturise. I take off my jeans and it just sheds skin. And I'm like, that is rank. I know exactly what you mean. How have you got to the point?

You get leg dandruff. You take it to the road. You have dandruff when you take your trousers off you have to shake your trousers out yeah Chris was like are you peeling I was like no that's just my leg it's just my leg it's that dry it looks like the inside of the hoover bag

when you take your trousers off anyway any more to add to your perfect morning? Backstreet Boys. Yes. Backstreet Boys. Are they in? The Millennium album. I'd have that on

after the Parisian accordion. Sorry. I love them so much. Did you? No, still do. No, present time. No, I do. I mean, you could, so you've chosen to still do. No, present time. Lauren, I do. I mean, you could,

so you've chosen to play the album, but I mean, you could meet them. It's your perfect day. It's your perfect morning. No, I don't ever want to meet. I don't ever want to meet. Well, this changes things. No, sorry.

No, because I've met people that I have idolised. And this just either goes like this. I don't say anything or the worst stuff comes out it just just comes flowing out for example

when you met and I just can't because it's just I I was so it's a bit like this yeah I was so sort of

a bit starstruck it's lame to say to admit you're starstruck I was starstruck with Decatur Johnson like so starstruck I sat next to each other just when you were filming Persuasion I was filming sort of a bit starstruck. It's lame to say, to admit you're starstruck. I was starstruck with Decatur Johnson. Like, so starstruck. I sat next to each other.

Just when you were filming Persuasion. I was filming Persuasion and I was so starstruck. And I just, like, started saying, like, I thought, just play Would You Rather with her instead. Instead of talking. But was she playing it back or? Yes, she was. It was literally the only interaction we really had was playing Would You Rather.

That's quite cool, I think. So you sat down next to go to johnson and just said do you want to play would you rather no would you rather talk or play would you rather no i just realized that my general chit chat was just not flowing i was like oh you just need to start talking to do that what did what was the would you rather you presented her with can you remember yeah oh what was it? I was like would you rather lick the director out or fuck no or

or we were expecting that no yeah I know it went there I'd stick with small talk or

oh it's the alternative or or lick out the DOP's bum hole. Yeah. We never played that one, Drifters, did we? She didn't have time. Did she ever talk to you again after that?

Yeah, she played ball. We played it a few times. Did she answer? Yeah, she did. Oh my God, Liz, I love you so much. I love you so much. I didn't love myself in the production. Oh my God.

No, but you would prefer it though, wouldn't you? I hate small talk. You would prefer it though, wouldn't you? I hate small talk. I'd much rather someone sat down and asked me who on set I'd like to lick out. It's just a great way to get to know each other, isn't it? I used to live busted going on the 90s thing. And I stalked them whatever for quite a while.

Sorry. Yeah, I stalked them. I ended up on there. I didn't stalk. We can't say that. Sorry. Yeah, I stalked them. I ended up on there. I didn't stalk. We can't say that. Right. Yeah, okay, I didn't stalk. No, you're the lawyer.

But, you know, like, weirdly, I was quite successful, and I ended up being on their, like, last ever Wembley tour, like, as part of their entourage for a bit. What? Yeah, it's a long, it's too long. So when you say entourage, yeah, like, we went to their, after,

no, entourage is like part of their people, we were on the tour bus. Groupies. Yeah, but they didn't, like, really speak to us. So we were just around. Were you hired to make them look like? No, not hired. We met a security guard who, looking back, was a bit wrong, because we were, like, 17. And he was, who, looking back, was a bit wrong because we were like 17.

Right. And he was like in his, I don't know, 50s. And he was just letting us through everywhere. So we got on the tour bus. We ended up going to their party. And busted were on the tour bus? On the tour bus, yeah. So did you meet them?

Yeah, we did speak to them. You interacted with them? Yeah, but they were kind of like, oh. And they were like, can you sit at the front? No, they were just like, oh. They didn't really know who we were, but they knew that we were like... So they were like, can you sit at the front? No, they were just like, oh, they didn't really know who we were, but they knew that we were like... So that whole weekend, we went to their gig,

we got moved to front row seats. Lauren, is this true? This is true. This is absolutely true. I actually have a picture when I bumped into Charlie Simpson a couple of years ago and said to him, do you ever remember us? And what did he say?

It's all true. No. No, but what I wanted to say was talk about saying things stupid before that weekend that we spent with them. I've never heard you say about this. Yeah, they had their party at Soho Hotel. We went to that.

I danced with Max Clifford. That's weird. Oh my god. That is weird. Anyway, what I'm saying is before that. This is such a weird story. Also, especially given that I've Anyway, what I'm saying is, before that... This is such a weird story. Also, especially given that I've asked you what your perfect morning is. We're going on this.

I just want to say what I said that was stupid, right? Before that weekend, I was just trying to meet them in Birmingham at their hotel. There was loads of fans outside. So that I didn't look like such a fan, despite the fact I'm waiting outside their hotel, when I went for a photo, oh, it's awful, I actually turned round to Charlie Simpson and Matt Willis

and pretended to be American and said, I hear you guys are trying to break America. Don't worry what the pub press say about you. They looked at me and just went, oh, OK, we all had a photo. They were like, that's weird. Why is she talking with that accent? She had a Birmingham accent on the bus last week.

This was before the bus, but yeah. And you walk out of somewhere and I'm like, I just met them. That's what I've always wanted. And I pretended to be American because I wanted to look better than the other fans. You wanted to make an impression. I'm cool. I'm other fans. You wanted to make an impression so you decided to be American. I'm cool.

I'm from America. You do you. America. America. Anyway. You should be landing American girls with that accent.

I'll have breakfast with Busted. That's in my morning. Again. Again. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So it's a Thai red curry with mustard.

On the sofa. Whilst I'm single-handedly bringing down Chiltern Railways. And making yourself sneeze. Oh, God. So my perfect afternoon starts with... I'd be on the sofa too. Okay, you're turning into a sloth now. All right, you can't be on the sofa past 11. At least she's gone to Paris and had a shower. What have you done? Okay, you're turning into a sloth now. All right, you can't be on the sofa past 11. You can't go have it.

At least she's gone to Paris and had a shower. What have you done? I'm covered in curry. You haven't moved. You've just opened the door to busted. Go on, Lyds. You're on the sofa. Yeah, and it's kind of that perfect weather for me where it's not sunny outside.

And it's the sort of weather where you don't feel guilty for sitting on the sofa. Do you know what I mean? I'm talking like... Especially if you're Ginge. No, but it's bad, isn't it, when it's hot and you're of a fair complexion. It's the mug. I can't abide the mug. That mug heat is grim. Not but you know i'm talking like two weeks into october and it's getting like everyone hates that part you love the rain

though don't you i love the rain i love the rain i would dance in it i would rather go outside in the rain than go out in the sun um although i'm learning through the power of chub rub shorts and breathable materials that the sun can be nice oh right okay so because right so it's not yeah so I get chub rub so bad

in the summer and you know how the summer here just sort of like hits us out of nowhere and there isn't like a real sort of like slow progression into it. It goes from being really shit to really, really hot. But in my perfect afternoon, it's that sort of shit weather to other people that I adore where you're just like, ah, I can go in, I can go inside. I can have a mug of probably coffee again.

And then I'd watch Help My House Is Haunted. Have you ever seen Help My House Is Haunted. Have you ever seen Help My House Is Haunted? Thank you for the dramatic pause. I thought you were going to say that flower program you're watching. I thought your morning is the same as your afternoon.

So... But actually it's a palate cleanse. I do watch a little bit of her to stop me feeling less scared after I've watched Help My House Is Haunted I was going to say Ghost Adventures because I watched that non-stop when I was pregnant

like I just sat on the sofa, I'm not joking, I watched solidly so much Ghost Adventures and my mum would come in and she'd say it's really bad for the baby I was like, no no, this is good for the baby because... What? How can it be bad for the baby? Because it's scary, you're getting upset, I was like no what this is doing is it's like taking my mind off the anxiety of like growing a baby

and giving birth and all of that and put it onto onto ghosts which i believe in yeah so i would so like i would just sort of like zone out watching it doesn't give you so it focuses your anxiety on one thing which is ghosts instead of all the things, which is like... That's a good... Yeah, yeah, I totally get that. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you.

Clever. Yeah, clever. Thank you. So the reason you enjoy it is because it's sort of an anxiety focuser. I think so. So on your perfect afternoon, you still have anxiety. Oh, God. No, no, no.

I don't mean it like that. But like, yeah, you still are. Are you watching it for that reason? Or are you watching it because you're getting another type of enjoyment out of it? I just love it. And I love the fact, on my perfect afternoon, I can just keep watching it. And there's nobody to like, somebody comes through the front door and you're like, oh, I haven't been watching television in the afternoon. Yeah, I hate that. So we've got guilty son.

That's guilt in me. Yeah. I'm with you. There's a lot of guilt. There that's guilty me yeah i'm with a lot of guilt there's a lot of guilt yeah i just want to be i just want to be i just want to like remember me that's what i want to do and then i would i would go and like write in my diary which i haven't done in years and really truly i was such a massive diarist. I know. I would go to a cafe and I would just sit there. I would just sit there and write awful, like really, really appalling writing. Do you remember when you lost your diary on the Inbetweeners movie?

Oh dear. Sorry lads. I also lost the script. At Sydney Airport. That's bad. I don't think you should put this in. Why? They know about it.

Didn't it get nicked? Yeah, it did. Didn't it get leaked? The Sun found it, didn't they? Yeah, I don't think we should keep this in. Lawyer? Legally, no. You haven't got a leg to stand on.

Hold on a minute. The Sun found it. Yeah, the Sun printed... That was before. That was before. Which is why it got biked over to me do you remember

we had that Lebanese we went for a meal and I was like oh it's going to be biked over to me and I lost it anyway lost it

lost that one as well but then I would go to I would go for a picnic in Dovedale in Derbyshire oh I love Dovedale yeah I'd do that

Riverside Picnic a little adventures of Miss... It's very Toad of Toad Hall. Okay. Are you having a paddle as well? Absolutely a paddle. And what kind of weather is it though? Is it

raining or...? No, it's not actually. It's nice. Yeah, it's not. It's nice. Do you need shade? Thank you. Shade for the picnic? You're welcome. And so much ice cream. But in this one, there'd be a gelato van. Because I freaking love gelato.

Frick. Frick. What freaking gelato freaking flavour do you love? I'd get the freaking flavour from freaking Van Keeve. What? Frick. Oh, good lord. i've never tasted anything like in my life so it's a cone that they fill with hot nutella oh my god right after sorry i should

say the rim of the cone has been coated by the nutella first which they then roll in something nuts no like it's something like something crystall-y nutty like maybe it's like broken up I don't know caramel or something and then they put hot chocolate Nutella whatever at the bottom halfway up then they fill it with your gelato of choice my gelato of choice is this one that when it hasn't been broken into yet it's got a crust I've never seen anything like it in my life it's got like a caramel crust which has like a pistachio thing underneath it you've got to try it frick that does sound perfect

i'm gonna say by contrast but i don't. Lauren? I'm just doing what she's doing. I'm going to do it. Well, yeah, Lyd said something that made me, yeah, I just want to be, I want it to be boiling hot. Yeah. And I don't feel guilty, but my new guilty pleasure is... But you don't feel guilty. Yeah, I do, because I can get quite into a hole with it but yeah is going through comments

on facebook community groups yeah i can't stop i can't stop so like someone asked a simple question like um does anyone know what time the retail park closes because i've just received a fine and um she was like i was only there three hours but they're now saying it's two and a half hours and i'm like right okay like just how could this go wrong and like someone's like you overstayed abby pay the fine pay the fine abby and it's like oh my god she's poor woman's just asking and it's everything it's like oh anyone know what a good curry house is in the area and there's always just someone being like, Google it. Google it, go fuck yourself. And it's like,

and then I end up looking at the people and being like, it just, it goes, I get into a hole with it. It's just simple, like I can't, like, does anyone know what time B&Q closes? Shut up, you fucking dickhead.

It's just like so aggressive it's so aggressive and I'm like does anyone got anyone got like a spade I could borrow and he's like

oh how about you just get your own stuff figure out your own spade you cunt I just get I'm obsessed with that yeah people being nasty

to each other can I just jump in on that it's perfect it's perfect afternoon perfect perfect afternoon what would you say to this my pram got stolen at the front of my house the other day did i tell you this oh no yeah silver cross bright turquoise but it was on our side of the wall and somebody took it so that's not even like oh we're leaving this outside our

you know like when people do that not according to capturing chat you would love that that's what i mean you would love that how stupid are you to leave it out there yeah yeah did she get that yeah that's what it would be yeah i was just like i will find you whoever's got my pram is bright turquoise. Alright Liam Neeson. I will find you. That's my Liam Neeson. Did you find it? Did it come back to you? No. Shout out to the community of Kettering.

If anybody has seen a bright turquoise silver cross pram, it belongs to Lydia Rose Puley. Yes, she's a prick for leaving it outside her house. Fucking idiot. You fucking moron. What were you thinking anyway, leaving it outside? What do you expect?

Next you'll leave your kids outside. Fucking stupid. But it's my own, yeah. My perfect. It started a whole debate. Do you know what happened to me, though? What? Am I allowed to say this? Yeah.

I don't know you. Again, you're the lawyer. Okay. We just bought my little girl a new scooter, and on the way to take my other child to school, I accidentally left it at the end of the drive, which is fair game for the tap men, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You leave it at the end of the drive, they be taking it. My husband got obsessed with reviewing the footage of it for some reason. So he gets the neighbour to go to our other neighbour's house because she's got a camera that sees all of our drive. I was like, please, don't ask him to do that. I left outside the front door. I don't know why it's been stolen. He's like, oh, he's come onto our property.

Outside the front door? Yeah. No, and you've got to drive it. If you left it on your pavement... Yeah, I left it at the end of the drive. It is my fault. But what I'm saying is my husband got obsessed with reviewing the footage. I'm going to say that if you leave something at the end of your drive,

it's not fair game for the tapped man. I don't know. Rules are rules. If it's metal and it's at the end of your drive, it's gone. It's got to be on the pavement. I think it's got to be on the pavement. It's got to have a sign saying,

take me. Yes. In a perfect afternoon. In a perfect afternoon. The tapped man stays clear of my house. And he only takes things with signs on them that say take me. It's also like skips.

We've got a skip on our drive. I mean you've got me and the sofa eating a curry with a skip on my drive. And the tap men like seagulls. Are they coming in your drive? Yeah they're always on the, you know what I mean, me naked in my bedroom with no blinds. Sticking a pin up your nose. there's loads of people around the skip.

Mate, if we're throwing it out, trust me, it's shit. You don't want it. What kind of stuff are they taking? Well, again, I suppose people go through your skip to get, like, you know, tat. But also old paint and stuff. They're going away with the tins of paint. And I'm like, trust me, if that was any good, we'd be putting it somewhere.

Like, we're getting rid of it. But anyway. But also on my drive. Do you just permanently have a skip on your drive? We are kind of that house on the road. And when do they collect it? When is it going? The skip people.

When it gets full. You just get full, you just call them and saying, can you come and take that? That's such a good idea. No, it's not. That means that your neighbour's constantly looking at a skip. And? You should see the back garden. You've got a constant skip on your drive. No, not constant.

This will go now on probably next season. We'll get another one when we do another little project. When's the next season? It'll be wintertime now. Wintertime. We've just sorted out all our garden. We're always building stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. We've done a bar. Home renovation. A treehouse. I mean, you can't put any curtains up, but... But we can build a bar. Because it's just boring. We've literally built a bar.

We've built a massive bar in our garden and we haven't got any curtains. Well done. Okay. Have you got any more to add to your perfect afternoon or is it just scrolling through comments on Facebook community groups? I'll throw in a bike ride for good measure. What kind of bike are you on? A mountain bike? I just borrow my cousin's

one. Is it an electric bike? No, no. That's cheating. That is cheating. So where are you going on a bike ride? I just go around the country roads in the sun. My cousin's bike's got a phone holder

so I can play music. I'm like a child. That's what I've been doing lately. Just doing little things that I enjoy. That's lovely, Lauren. Living a nice life. What else are you doing? Netball. Yeah, yeah. Swimming. Doing all the fitness stuff that I've just not done for ages because I've got kids.

Yeah. And now I'm like, I quite like this. That is nice. I do Blaze. What's Blaze? Blaze is a class at my gym where you have to fist bump on the way in and out. It's fucking gross. Oh, no.

No. No, no, no. Because I hate how red my face goes. So I don't want to be... Yeah, you all have to go in the middle and be like, blaze! No! No, no, no, thank you. I can't look anyone in the eye out. It's like I've had sex

with them all. That is excruciating. Yeah. Have you ever done pound? No. What's that one? I've done pound. What's pound?

I've definitely done pound loads. I mean, I don't do much pound anymore, but... Since I've been married and have kids, I don't really do much pound. Don't really pound. You're being sexual. Are you asking if I pound? No, what is pound?

A pound is when you hit the ground. It's a fitness thing where you hit the ground with drumsticks. What? And it's really, really successful. Oh, like stomp? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was my... Like the musical.

Yeah, that's what I'm imagining. You hit the ground with drumsticks. With drumsticks. So you just like... Yeah. Yeah... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just get it out.

But is it exercise or is it percussion class? It's part percussion, part exercise, isn't it? Percussion size. Percussion size. Percussion size. Is it really? Yeah. Is it a thing, Lids?

Are you making it up? Yeah, I don't know why you're hesitating so much about it because actually I probably shouldn't have brought it up but like it was created it's huge in America

right it's created by my brother's ex-girlfriend oh right and now it's come over here which is why I was asking do you pound

no I blaze. And I just play rounders once a year. Round. Okay, let's move on to your perfect nights. So my new thing is netball. Yeah? Yeah. It's honestly, I'm addicted.

I'm so addicted. Have you got all the kit? You only have a bit. Oh, you mean like... A netball skirt. No. A skort. A skort. No, not that.

We're terrible. We get beaten. Also, I gave us the name Dodgers. Yeah. Gold Dodgers. It's a good name. Coffee Dodgers. You know know everything works

it's a crap name but no that's like a really famous baseball team in Los Angeles the LA Dodgers go Dodgers

did you not know that yes I did da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da I don't know what's happening is what I used to sing along when I went to watch it. Oh, but it's come over here now. What, baseball? Baseball, yes. And I thought I should go and watch it and not know what's going on.

Rounders. I mean, it is rounders. Baseball is rounders. We're going to get, people are going to write in. We're going to get some comments. You fucking prick. What are you thinking?

You fucking die bitch. You think baseball is rounders. Anyway. Sorry, Lauren. So, yeah, I'm going to go play netball. Yeah, preferably I'd have more than one game. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And basically what it turns into is we go to the pub after and the netball game's... The preamble to Lachetown. Well, we call it debrief. Okay. We have a big debrief. And two o'clock in the morning is usually when it... When you fist bump out of there. Salute.

Bye, Dodgers! Yeah. So we do, we all get together and it's very, you know, good community. Communal. Communal, yeah. So we spent a lot of time discussing the mean umpire but now we've now we've got nothing

to talk about it's good to have a common enemy isn't it yeah but now there's no enemy because of so we're turning on each other yeah we're turning on each other now

yeah they want me not to play centre trying to stick me in the old goal not gonna happen my team I set it up and then someone on the whatsapp said oh

captain yeah captain I would not want to be messing someone else yeah someone else said oh should I be captain for this season no what that's brave that is but it's my sister-in-law actually oh yeah oh wow family feuds family feud yeah um what did you say how about no I just put um I've got more time on my hands than you. Right. Why do you need more time? So I like, you know, make myself look bad in order to keep hold.

Lovely suggestion. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Keep them to yourself. So, yeah, that would honestly, netball, drinks. It's great. So, I mean, you're living your perfect night once a week.

Yeah, yeah. Wow. It's every Thursday. Wow. Yeah. I'm living my whole perfect day, to be honest, yeah. Yeah, apart from Busted. Apart from Busted and the Thai curry.

And the Thai curry, which I think is attainable. I think I can do that. I think I can do that Friday morning. Yeah, I think my perfect day is... I'm nearly there. I'm 90% there. That's sad. Okay, I'm going to throw in something else.

I'm going to throw in a curveball. UB40 are playing in the pub. Right, again, you've done this though recently, haven't you? What, met UB40? Yeah. Is this why you're bringing it? No! Oh, yeah, just a segue into me.

No, I did meet UB40, but I still thought the singer was Ali Campbell but it's not it's his brother so I spent the whole night calling him Ali and it's Robin Campbell

so that was good so I met my idols are they twins? I still don't know they're brothers but they don't get on they had a really famous so there's kind of like

so it's great when you mix them up yeah they love that they love that they love that although he didn't say anything i've literally got a video a lot i've got a video of him that i sent to my dad of me going hey it's ali it's not he didn't say anything i know jess is wincing it's painful well yeah but i wouldn't have known either but but you say they're your idols. They're my soundtrack to my youth.

Yeah. But at least you didn't ask them which member of their band you'd rather lick their arsehole around. Great chat. Great chat. Why are they called UB40? Yeah, it is the unemploymentemployment Benefit Form. Ah.

Yeah. That's pretty cool, isn't it? And I, Ron, is it a joke? Like, ha-ha, we're not unemployed because we're... Or did it start as... Sort of like being called P45, isn't it? You have to be sacked. Yeah.

What, it's P45? It's when you're sacked. Oh, right. Yeah, I got a few of those. It's when you're sacked. P45 is when you're sacked. Oh, right. Yeah, I've got a few of those. It's when you're sacked. P45 is when you're sacked. P60 is when you get employed, right? No, P45 is the form you fill out when you...

No, it's when you're on the way out, lids. Okay, if they start handing you a P45 when you go in... That's a bad sign. That's a bad sign. I beg to differ. I think it... It definitely is. Fact check, please.

I remember when I worked for Jim Brie, Play for Kids, they said to me, have you sorted out your P45 form? Because you leave. No, mate. I was the dogs. No, you definitely get it. It's P45. Yeah, it's P45 when you leave it.

It's when you're leaving. What? It's P45 when you're leaving. It's when you're leaving. They're like, she's still here. We keep asking her. Yeah, that's why. Excuse me, Lids, have you received your P45?

It's on its way, love. No, literally, can you get your P45 and get the fuck out? Yeah, love, darling, it's in the post. Lids, you perfect knight my perfect night my perfect night would start with a massage like when they walk on your back like a time massage um la and then i would probably go to bali i'd go to bali oh for the night night i would i'd go to what new For the night? For the night! I would. I'd go to what, New York? I haven't been to New York.

Right. Hold on, I do. Yes, well, look, I'll mix them up. So, Bali to a place called Desasani, which is a village, very beautiful. And I'd sit by their salt water pool and eat fruit and coconut and all of that stuff.

Actually, the children would be there with me and my husband. That would be really lovely. That would be really nice. That's nice. Yeah. I should probably include my children and my husband at some point in my perfect day. You'd be surprised how many people don't. And then I'd have a coffee in Central Park,

which I've never been to. You might hate it. No. Because it's just like the movies. I'm walking through it with my husband. We're walking... That still sounds so weird. My husband.

Of three years on Monday. Oh, yeah. Monday, yeah. Three years. Yeah, three years. Yeah, so I'd walk through it because I'm not going to say his name. And then I'd have a coffee. And then I'd go for a cocktail.

Do you know, I'd go for a cocktail with Kate Winslet. I would go for a cocktail with Kate Winslet. Yes. And then I'd probably be like, Would you rather? Kate. Oh. yes and then I'd probably be like would you rather Kate oh I can't believe that still lives

great it's great I can't believe I do you know what I was pregnant at the time did she laugh

yeah yeah there's a way that we sort of like communicate because we had to sit next to each other quite for quite a lot of time

you know between takes yeah there's a lot of time to film if you've got nothing to say, let's play a game. Let's play a game. There's another saying, if you've got nothing to say, don't say nothing at all. Yeah.

I was, like, vibrating, though, with, like, you know, I like to talk. I want to be friends. I think I'd feel like that if I was working with someone really famous. Like, not only do I want to meet you, like, but be my friend. Like, I want you to be my friend. Hey. Hey. Don't worry about America.

Don't worry about what the pop press say about you. She's a great sport. She played it back. I want Hollywood friends. You know what I mean? Not famous. I want Hollywood. Who would be your Hollywood friend

Margot Robbie that's doable they're doing Narnia oh no hold on a minute that's great yeah Greta is doing I think Margot Robbie

Greta is doing Narnia oh I am I am manifesting the shit out of that so what are you manifesting I don't know no no because I think

that's Liam Neeson again isn't it I don't know I'm not I'm just manifesting to be in it I don't care who No, because I think that's Liam Neeson again, isn't it? I don't know. I'm just manifesting to be in it. I don't care what I'm in it. I know, but who are you going to be? Oh, Mrs. Badger.

Okay, fair. Badger? Is she a badger? Yeah, Mrs. Badger. Or like a warrior in it. I could see her as a badger. She's like my nasal flap. Oh, not another flap of yours oh no

nasal prolapse do you ever get that when it slaps you it can sting me that really hurt do you ever get that nobody else gets that no

I've got a really big nasal flap and it just goes fucking ow shit yeah so look really big nasal flap and it just goes fucking out loads shit yeah so yeah so look then I turned it to Kate

to Kate just having cocktails with Kate you've been binned off the family obviously in Bali you've been off your husband

in Central Park kids are in Bali no yeah sorry let me look sorry so the husband and the children

looking at the great big Christmas tree at Rockefeller it was like a dream of ours we'd never seen it aww yeah and then and then I'd be like hey guys

I'm off to see Kate and then I'd go and hang out with my pal Kate and I'd say I love you there it is that's my perfect day

it's good it's really good yours has reached some heights mine hasn't really got off the ground your children haven't been involved have they at all or your husband It's really good. Yeah, yours has reached some heights. Mine hasn't really got off the ground. Your children haven't been involved, have they at all,

or your husband? They're all upstairs. And the only mates that scraped through were your netball team, who don't like you. Yeah. Well, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, the family are upstairs. Let's not bring them into this.

Yeah, OK. Lydia, Rose Bewley,uren o'rourke thank you so much for coming on perfect day it really has been a perfect day there it is there they are that was it please just tell me i'm not mad am i the only one who doesn't shove something up my nose and have an orgasm no yeah well is that is that just to be honest i haven't tried it and we are all probably going to just be careful okay because the nhs is on its ass don't end up in a and e because you've tried to make yourself come by putting something up your nose okay after you listen to this that is a public safety announcement and if you if you do tried to make yourself come by putting something up your nose, okay, after you listen to this. That is a public safety announcement. And if you do want to let me know how it goes,

then sure. Everydayaperfectdayatgmail.com. Let us know if you are enjoying the show, please, by liking it, subscribing to it, leaving us a review of it. That's the end. Next week, to it leaving us a review of it. That's the end. Next week, it's another episode. We haven't decided which one yet. Oh, by the way, also, if there's anybody you really want on the show, do let us know because I'm just curious as to who you'd like on. All right, that's it. From Yorkshire with love, I'm Jessica Knappett, wishing you a perfect day. I'm Max Rushton. I'm David O'Doherty. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast,

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What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really downplaying it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?

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