Pints With Aquinas - 186: Happy New Year!!! W/ Cameron Fradd

Episode Date: December 31, 2019

Today I'm joined around the bar table by my wife, Cameron Fradd. . . . You're welcome. Today we talk about ... You ready: New Year's resolutions! Teresa of Avila Plans for The Matt Fradd Show Why Catholics should marry Catholics How to have a good sex life Advice from Jordan Peterson And much, much, much more - Here's the book I said you should read: The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains - Check out Cam's podcast Among The Lilies  SPONSORS EL Investments: https://www.elinvestments.net/pints Exodus 90: https://exodus90.com/mattfradd/  Hallow: http://hallow.app/mattfradd  STRIVE: https://www.strive21.com/  GIVING Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mattfradd This show (and all the plans we have in store) wouldn't be possible without you. I can't thank those of you who support me enough. Seriously! Thanks for essentially being a co-producer coproducer of the show. LINKS Website: https://pintswithaquinas.com/ Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/matt-fradd FREE 21 Day Detox From Porn Course: https://www.strive21.com/ SOCIAL Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mattfradd Twitter: https://twitter.com/mattfradd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mattfradd MY BOOKS  Does God Exist: https://www.amazon.com/Does-God-Exist-Socratic-Dialogue-ebook/dp/B081ZGYJW3/ref=sr_1_9?dchild=1&keywords=fradd&qid=1586377974&sr=8-9 Marian Consecration With Aquinas: https://www.amazon.com/Marian-Consecration-Aquinas-Growing-Closer-ebook/dp/B083XRQMTF/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=fradd&qid=1586379026&sr=8-4 The Porn Myth: https://www.ignatius.com/The-Porn-Myth-P1985.aspx CONTACT Book me to speak: https://www.mattfradd.com/speakerrequestform

G'day and welcome to this special edition of Pints with Aquinas. This is New Year's. Today is New Year's, so Happy New Year. If you're listening to this after in 2020, I'm speaking to you from the past. Happy New Year. I am joined around the bar table by my beautiful bride, Cameron Fradd. Let me tell you some of the topics we touch upon today. We talk about New Year's resolutions. We talk about advice from Teresa of Avila. We talk about how Year's resolutions. We talk about advice from Teresa

of Avila. We talk about how to go on a great cheap date night. We talk about plans we have for the Matt Fradd Show. We talk about whether or not you should be marrying a non-Catholic, obviously, if you're a Catholic. I know we have non-Catholic listeners, and you're very welcome, by the way. But we get into that. We talk about how to have a good sex life. We talk about advice from Jordan Peterson. That's super awesome. We take questions from our patrons. We get into a ton of stuff. It was a real fun episode. Also, I'm going to tell you about the amazing alcoholic beverage that I just made for my bride because I'm a super amazing husband. Here you go. Did you just laugh? You can't laugh like that. I love you. You are amazing.

Here's the show. AK! I said AK. OK! It's because you're Australian and Australia starts with an A. We say... A-E-K because you're American. Australia starts with an A. We say... A-E-K because you're American. Why would that be any different? UK? Oh, that's a whole other country.

Let's start again. Welcome to Pints with the Quietest. My name's Matt Fred. Today I'm joined around the bar table with my wife, Cameron Fred. Cameron, how are you? Doing really well, thank you, Matt. Thank you so much for having me in your upstairs office. You're welcome. Tell the fine folks about the drink that I just made for you.

Do you know what it is? It is delicious. It has ginger beer, maybe, yeah? Yes. And lime. Yep. And yumminess. And gin.

And gin. Oh, I didn't see that coming. Yeah, gin. I hope you guys are excited. I feel like, you know, we grew up, right, and people talked a lot about New Year's resolutions. I don't know about you, Cammie, but I've been noticing a lot more people lately have been putting out articles and videos saying things like, why you shouldn't make a New Year's resolution. And I think that's just clickbait.

I think you should totally make a New Year's resolution if you want to. I think that's super cool because we want to grow and become better people and holier people. And there's something about the new year that just makes that seem like we can really start over. We don't have to keep living the way we lived last year. Like we really can change. We have free will and that kind of stuff. So, by the way, this episode is going to come out on New Year's Eve. Okay.

Right? And tell the fine folks where you will be on New Year's Eve. What's going on? I will be in Phoenix, Arizona at Focus SLS Conference. And I actually will be recording on New Year's Eve with Kristalina Everett. So, well, I guess you would already know and we probably already recorded. So nevermind. I was going to say you can listen. If you're there live, I enjoyed seeing you. It was really fun giving you that high five. No, just kidding. No, that's good. For those of you who've never heard my wife speak before, she's really not... Professional? No, no, I don't mean that. You're professional. don't mean that you're professional i just mean

that uh you're usually not one who doesn't know how to say things quickly it must be that drink it must be just don't commit heresy like i did the other week okay the point is hey um if you're at sls there's going to be how many people 10 000 or less i know the big conference is about 10 000 if you're at sls right now go and meet my wife if you're a patron go up to my wife tell her you're a patron of pints with aquinas the matt fragile just me and i have a special gift that i'm giving to you all right oh great yes what do you mean great i didn't know okay why did you say great like that yay i love carrying around stuff from you for good okay and then my wife will give

you this gift and your life will be complete. 2020 could not get off to a better start after receiving this gift that I've got for you. So go see my wife. They invited me to come. I turned them down because I'm too good for them. Did you know that? No, it's not because you're too good for them. It's because you're too busy and you travel a lot. And even just this in the last month, you've been to so many different states and countries. It's a bit ridiculous. So you said no because you wanted to be home with your family, spending time with them.

So I said, I'll go and just take the girls. So they're going to have a boys' time here, and I'm going to take the girls and go to Phoenix. Super pumped about it. All right, tell us my good love, do you remember what your New Year's resolution was for 2019? Go. No, I don't.

It was probably to be more present in the moment or more devout in my prayer time. Okay, now is that because those are the sorts of resolutions you'd like to make for 2020 that you're thinking that those are the ones you made a year ago? And how have you done in that? Well, not good enough that I'm making the resolution again this year. I need to, I feel like I kind of do what everyone needs to do, right? It's like, you know what? I need to be working out more than I am. I recently got to go swimming in a beach that was pretty amazing and beautiful. And I just took off swimming, like in the ocean, like nonstop.

And just, I don't know, how many miles do you think I went? I was just all over the place. Miles, you think? I would say probably two of swimming, which is really impressive because as you were snorkeling and swimming around, people were like, wow, she's super fit. I'm like, well, she is, but she never works out. You don't really. I mean, occasionally you'll do right but i was super impressed at your yeah yeah my point was it was a lot but i don't work out as much as i need to so if you yeah give

me something to do i'm all about doing it like i can run with other people like i'm very social right so something's like hey we're running a 5k. I'm like, all right, let's do this. I got this. And I could probably fake it and then I'll be really sore the next day. And so this is what I did where I swam a couple of miles. And yeah, but I need to be working out more. I need to be more present to the people in my life. And I need to be more serious about my prayer life and pray more.

And I feel like that's what most people need to do and normally eat healthier. I am fortunate where I have a horrible stomach where if I like went to McDonald's and ate something, I would instantly vomit. So eating healthier is a little easier for me because my stomach doesn't let me eat too unhealthy. But yeah, I feel like that's the main thing. People are like, let's get in shape. Let's eat healthy. Let's pray harder. But I think the important thing though, is if you say things like that, you're going to be way more specific. So if you say, I want to eat though, is if you say things like that, you've got to be way more specific. So if you say, I want to eat healthier, if I just say that, that doesn't work. I need to say I'm going to eat paleo or I'm going to whatever.

I can't just say something generic. If I want to say I want to be faithful in my prayer time, I've got to be a lot more specific than that. Like I'm going to pray the Holy Rosary every day or I'm going to read this meditation every day or something like that. Do you think, do you agree with that? Completely, yes. I was overgeneralizing because I figured it would cover the majority of your listeners and my listeners. And I feel like those are kind of like the main things that we're always saying that most people make their New Year's resolutions about. But yes, eating healthier is not going to help you, but saying I am going to eliminate processed sugar from my diet, that's going to help you.

Well, I'm super pumped for 2020. I want to talk about all the exciting things I'm looking for doing for 2020 in regards to the Matt Frad Show, pints, travel, and stuff like that. Is that okay? Yeah. So, I, as many of you know, about three years ago, quit my job, told Joel about it after I quit my job and said, hey, do you want to support me on Patreon? Y'all did, which was amazing, which really helped. I couldn't tell you, hey, support me while I was still employed because that wouldn't have been cool. So I had to quit my job first. And then the latest thing that I did about several

months ago is I just cut my speaking engagements in half. So I'm still traveling and speaking around the country. If you want to book me, write to assistant at mattfrad.com or go to mattfrad.com and you can figure out how to get me there. But I cut it in half. I quit speaking at Steubenville conferences as much as I love doing that. And the reason I did that, and here's the first thing, is so that I can travel to some developing countries to help teach them apologetics. So as of now, and this could change because, man, they're not great at getting back to you, I'll tell you that much. I plan on going to Uganda to lead an apologetics conference for Catholic leaders there and to lead it in association with the Catholic leaders in that country. Kenya, Cuba, looks like a real possibility, and somewhere in Mexico. And when

I'm pumped about this, I'm pumped about this for a number of reasons. Number one, they don't have to pay anything. I'm just flying down there paying for the flight paying for the books and materials I'm bringing with me and this is all because of you guys are supporting me at Patreon really pumped about that I think these guys live in economically desperate areas and so they are open right to the health and wealth gospel which is rampant in these countries. So I want to help them defend the faith. They are not the beneficiaries as we are of great thinkers like Carl Keating and Peter Kreeft and Scott Hahn and the like. So it's really cool when I get to go down there, I get to feel like Scott Hahn. People think I'm super brilliant, even though I'm not,

because I'm just teaching basic Catholic truths to these people. So that's one thing I'm super brilliant, even though I'm not, because I'm just teaching basic Catholic truths to these people. So that's one thing I'm super excited about. Can I also just say that you said you felt like when you were there, like, you know, when the Holy Spirit is just working through you in such a powerful way, and you said you felt like now you know what St. Peter felt like? Is that what you said? I have to be honest. I'm embarrassed that you brought that up. No, no, no. No, I meant that as a great thing. No, and I'm glad you brought it up, but I'm embarrassed about it.

This is, I was flying to Uganda. I was sitting in an airport in Atlanta and I was writing in my diary and I was journaling about how grateful I am to Almighty God for allowing me to travel to these countries to proclaim the gospel, right? And as I was using this sort of grandiose language to proclaim the gospel to people in these countries, I got embarrassed again as I was writing it. And I thought, okay, don't speak like that. And there was almost this sort of embarrassment like, I'm not that important. I'm not that special.

I shouldn't really speak like that. I shouldn't really speak like that. But then I really do think, thank God for the Holy Spirit, who is God, actually, who kind of convicted me that actually to deny the importance of what I'm doing, right? To kind of bail on it, perhaps even, is not humility, but abnegation, right? Like the Holy Spirit is calling me to do this work. So to play it down as if it's not a big deal, it's just not to believe that God Almighty can work through broken people like yourself and myself. And I say that to me, guys, I say that to you as well. You know, in your sphere of influence, as you bring the gospel to people at your workplace, or your church, or your blog, or your YouTube YouTube channel or whatever, I mean, you have a tremendous opportunity to reach souls, to lead them closer to Jesus Christ,

to invite them to repent of their sin, right? To delve deeper into prayer, to play that down because you don't have as many followers as Matt Fradd or Taylor Marshall or Trent Horn or whoever else, that is not the Holy Spirit. I mean, in all honesty, you can start a YouTube channel tomorrow and within a year, you're probably reaching more people than Teresa of Avila reached while she was living, right? Think about that for a second. If you were to be able to go back in time and tell Teresa of Avila, say, you know, the work that you're able to do, the people you're able to reach, how you're able to reach them, you know, to downplay that is not humility. It's not okay. Don't do it. Rather, thank God for what he's given you, whatever sphere of influence you have, and then be faithful to that, you know. So that's, I'm excited to go to these countries and do that. Can I also say something about that sphere of influence? Um, I think it's also about the quality and not the quantity. So like for, I don't know, like I don't have as big of a following as

Matt or Bishop Aaron or whoever else, but the, like, so the quality, so my little family unit, my four children and Matt, you know, that like, that is so much greater than having a million followers or whatever it is. So you in your household, you, whoever you live with, if you are married and you have children, like influencing them and forming them like the power of that. So Matt's right. Like you, you can reach that many more people and maybe you're doing the power of that. So, Matt's right. Like you can reach that many more people and maybe you're doing amazing and beautiful things, but if you're thinking, well, I don't actually reach that many people, those that you are reaching though, you can make

a huge difference in their lives. Like what are you doing with them? And I think that was Teresa of Avila's thing, right? Those around her knew, like she called them to holiness. And even we were blessed to just read her recently. Matt was reading her to me as we had a bit of the way of perfection. It was so good. So many things that she said, I just felt like there was light bulbs going off in my head. And I actually had one cool thing that happened was she talked about if someone slanders you or talks bad about you, instead of getting upset and all worked up, just let it be. You know that that's... Could you explain this more? I feel like I'm not going to do it justice. You do it. I'm sure you do a great job, but this is something that really struck my wife and I as we were reading this. I am one of these people who is really bad at

fasting and imposing penances upon myself. I wish that I wasn't, and with God's grace, you know, I'll continue to grow in that area of my life. But one of the things that Teresa of Avila pointed out in The Way of Perfection is, it doesn't cost you anything not to defend yourself when someone slanders you, right? In the same way that it may cost you to not eat that day or something, right? It doesn't cost you to submit your will to your children, you know, in an appropriate way or to your spouse or to the people around you. Like they want to do something, you want to do something different and you just shut up and just do what they want to do. That doesn't cost you, right? In the same way as imposing, you know, penance upon yourself does, but it does, you know, mortify the will. And that I've been thinking about that a lot lately.

Like it's really easy to say, all right, today I'm going to submit my will. I'm not going to impose it upon other people. I'm going to try and be like docile to the Holy Spirit or whatever. And it's easy to say that at six in the morning when your kids haven't woken up yet, right? And you've got the fire going and stuff, but then they come up and they're yelling and they're loud and there's mess and I'm not good at it. You know, I fail and I sin and I fall, but I just thought that was fantastic. Like, so one example was a couple of weeks ago, if you're a regular listener to Pints with Aquinas, you'll know that I did an episode on Christ, who is one person who has two natures. Okay. So, I was trying to say

he is a divine person who has a human nature and a divine nature. Okay. But whatever. I mean, I got tangled up in my words and I said he was two persons instead of saying he had two natures. That's really embarrassing, right? I didn't mean it. I misspoke. And then people were writing to me telling me how I committed heresy, you know? And so just so you know, I put a little bumper to the start of that, saying, hey, please forgive me. I messed up. But that was embarrassing for me, but glory to God. I corrected it. So I did my duty, I think. But if people think badly about me, but glory to God, you know, like I corrected it. So I like, I did my duty, I think. But if people think badly about me, praise Jesus. I mean, whatever, if you're a listener to me, right,

and you've got bad things to say about Matt Fred, believe me, you don't know the half of it, right? You have no idea how bad I am. You have no clue. And I think one of the beautiful things when like self-knowledge, the beautiful thing about self-knowledge and knowing God loves you is that you realize that no matter how badly someone may speak of you, they don't have any clue as to how bad you are, but that you're loved anyway. Why am I saying that? I don't know. But do you see?

Yeah. All right. I'm kind of going on now. No, I agree. Yeah. I had something that was actually, I think it was the day after we read it, and it was something on my Facebook, on the Among the Lilies page. I have an assistant, a new girl who's doing Facebook stuff for me, and she's amazing. She's beautiful.

She's a busy mom like me, and she put something up, and it was like this great, beautiful image of the visitation. And you can actually see John the Baptist in the womb and Jesus in the womb, beautiful picture. And someone wrote this great thing. And anyhow, she posted it. It had like 60,000 shares or whatever. And she forgot to cite the girl and people are like writing all under it and they're all angry. And they're like, this is plagiarism. And I can't believe you're stealing this as your own Cameron. And you should be better. And they're like, this is plagiarism. And I can't believe you're stealing this as your own, Cameron. And you should be better. You should be ashamed of yourself.

All this stuff, all this drama around it. And I was really glad that Matt read that to me prior. And I was like, you know what? This is okay. I'm not going to own this. I'm sorry that they're upset. But I'm not going to lose peace over it. I'm not going to get upset with my friend who's posting.

We corrected it. Yes, we made it right. So it's fine that the girl's been cited now. But it's kind of like one of those where it's like uniformity with God will. St. Alphonsus de Liguri talks about uniformity with God's will and how we just have to have a peace in it. And it's like, okay, things could go really, really well or really, really poorly, but keeping peaceful through it. And I think it's, I don't know if it's my sanguine side or really, really poorly, but keeping peaceful through it. And I think it's, I don't know if it's my sanguine side or what, but I definitely am one

to react strongly with a lot of emotion either way, high or low. And I'm trying to be more chill with that and more, I don't know. I just, I love that. And so if someone does bad mouth you, especially when you know it's not true, it's like, all right, Jesus, I give this to you and offer that up. Like, I feel like that's huge. And that's a really good New Year's resolution for any of you that are more, you know, prone to drama or maybe are a little more excitable like Matt and I. Yeah. And one of the things I've been reading a lot about lately is the apparitions of Our Lady at Fatima. Andrew Apostoli, one of the original

Francis Confrases of the Renewal, wrote this book. It's excellent. I'd recommend it to any of you who are interested in learning more about Our Lady of Fatima. It really is a great sort of thorough introduction to those apparitions. It's on Audible as well. That's how I'm consuming it right now. But one of the things that Our Lady made clear is that we can offer sacrifices for the salvation of souls, that we can actually unite our sufferings with the sufferings of Christ. St. Paul talks about this in the letter to the Colossians. We can do that. And that's a beautiful thing, that we can actually impact souls. So if someone speaks badly about me on YouTube, I could respond with something kind of, you know, quippy and biting, which I often do,

right? But, or I could be like, I'm going to let that go and just accept that. And that hurts. And that pain that I'm feeling, I offer that for the salvation of poor sinners. So anyway, lots we can do. Okay. So that's one thing. We're looking at doing these trips to developing countries, which are made possible because of y'all on Patreon. Here's another thing I want to do. This is kind of a bit of a bigger announcement, which I'm super excited about.

And then we'll get to some of my patrons' questions. I would like to start doing two Matt Fradd shows a month. Right now we're doing one, and we've been doing that for the last, you know, 17 months. I'm looking. No way. Yeah. Would you believe that?

You've been nothing. Yeah. It has been because I just interviewed Derry a little. That was the 17th episode. We're doing one a month. Wow. So, you know, we've got to interview Peter Craved, Father Mike Schmitz, a bunch of other super cool people, Christopher West.

I want to tell you the next eight guests we have on the docket right now, and I want to tell you why I wanted to do two a month. Okay. So here are the next eight. Now, some of these might be subject to change. I'm not sure if they'll necessarily be in order, but he is on the docket as far as like the people I have in order who I'm interviewing. Okay. So Trent Horn from Catholic Answers, Dr. William Lane Craig, who is an evangelical apologist, philosopher. Many people have heard of him. He's done debates with some of the biggest atheists like Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris. Sam Harris actually said of Dr. William Lane Craig, Cameron, he said, it's an honor to be here with Dr. William Lane Craig, the one theistic apologist who seems

to have been able to put the fear of God in my fellow atheists. Isn't that great? All right, so I'm going to be doing him. Ralph Martin from Renewal Ministries, Matt Walsh from The Daily Wire, Mary Healy, Dr. Mary Healy, that's right. Thank you. Who's a scripture scholar, theologian. Dr. Andrew Swofford, who's also a theologian, scripture scholar. Cameron Bertuzzi, who has a great following now on YouTube. He's an evangelical, so a Protestant. He runs a website called Capturing Christianity. Him and I have become friends recently. He's going to be flying in. Gary Wilson, he's the last guy I have here. Gary Wilson is an atheist who runs yourbrainonporn.com. He's the author of a book by the same name. And it's almost always number one top seller on Amazon in that category. I think my

book, The Porn Myth, was beating his for about a month or two. But since then, he's always been number one. So those are some of the guests I have coming up. And what we've been doing is we've been doing these interviews, right, as you know, and then we cut out eight smaller clips and release them, you know, drip them over the next week or two. So I just interviewed Jason Everett. And so we've got all these little clips about AIDS in Africa. And isn't NFP the same? Isn't that just Catholic contraception and all these things? Okay. I would love to start doing two a month. And then if we did that, then we could release four clips a week. So that's what we're looking to do. If you go to patreon.com slash Matt Fradd, you can make that happen.

Because obviously this stuff costs a lot of money with flights and hotels and stipends and filming and editing and things like that. So just want to let you know about that. Super pumped about that possibility. What else? Pines of the Aquinas is continuing full pace Travelling, speaking, you and I are travelling together We're going to be speaking at a Theology of the Body conference up in Cleveland You know about this, don't you? No Yeah, I told you about this We're flying up, we're going to be speaking with people like Christopher West

Sister Miriam And a bunch of other folks So that'll be fun That's not till late next year. Okay, cool. All right, let's get into it. Let's take some of your questions. We're going to do our best to get through a bunch of your questions.

If you become a patron at patreon.com slash mattfrad, you too could have your life completely altered in the best possible way. Imagine that. Incredible. Amazing. Here we go. Nate Littlefield says, any plans to bring back the Bible History podcast in 2020? Thank you for asking that, Nate. Yes,

I do have plans for bringing that back. I'm currently, if you go to your podcast app and type in Bible History or Frad, you'll see it's there. I've done about 30 or 40 episodes. There's a lot more to do. I'm going to be getting back into that I promise I just need time where quite honestly the kids are out of the house and I have time to concentrate and record and edit all that

but that is definitely going to be there so please don't unsubscribe another question comes from let's see here gosh there's so many good ones I just asked these people recently my patrons are the best. Look at this.

Mine are awesome too. Your question. Why would I answer questions from your patrons? They're not paying me. All right. This top one? Yeah. Emery Weltons says, what did your finances look like early on in marriage?

Did you budget everything out? Was there financial strain? How much should you rely on the Lord when planning out finances while engaged? All right. All right, here's the deal. You ready for this? A month before my wedding with my beautiful wife, on my birthday, I was fired from my youth ministry job in Texas. Now, I don't think it was a good reason. I was friends with a family there and me and the 17-year-old son would kind of go to Starbucks and meet. And you were what, 22? And I was 22. And that was the excuse he used for firing me. But I think he wanted to fire me for a while. This priest fired people all around me, like the youth minister before me, the youth minister after me. And so, even though one would like to think

it's always the other person's problem when one gets fired, I get that there's a bias there, right? On my part, but I do think it was more him than me. But anyway, the point was on my birthday, I became both unemployed and illegal, an illegal alien baby. So I called your dad. I'm like, hey, I'm unemployed and I'm illegal and I'm pumped to marry your daughter next month. Right? Like it is pretty crazy. And to your dad's credit, he didn't freak out. It was pretty cool. He actually said things like, you know, he's had different job situations that have come and gone throughout his... Yeah, it was pretty amazing. Anyway, so yeah, we had a tough time.

First, I'd say five, six years of our marriage, we were doing ministry full-time. So we were living in Ireland, we were living in Canada. There's the famous story of us not being able to afford a secondhand bed from the Salvation Army and you crying about it, which is totally... No. Okay. It's how I phrased it. I don't mean crying about it. I mean crying because that is a sad thing. We can't afford a frigging bed. Go. So yes. So when we first got married, I was the single provider working full-time and going to school full-time in Texas. We moved to Ireland. We were below the poverty line for a while. So I think we averaged maybe 20 grand those first, Matt, what do you think? Five years? No, I'd say 30 grand. We were in the capital city.

Okay. Well, between 20 and 30 grand for the first five years of our marriage. Yeah. Six years of our marriage. And in Canada, in fact, when we were working for Net Ministries of Canada, I guess they wanted to renew our work visas and the government looked and the way they told the story, it kind of sounded like they laughed like, no, you can't live in the capital city and make that much money. Like we were so far below the line of poverty. There's like, no, you, we can't renew these work visas. They shouldn't make ends meet. Like this is ridiculous. But we did something called, while we were there making no money, we did something called Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey. And it was such a gift.

And this one couple had daughters that were old enough to babysit. So they babysat our children as we went to another friend's house and watched these DVDs in the basement and talked and went through the course. And it was such a gift. So we did every dollar and did our budget, like we zeroed out. And I remember like we had categories that would have $17 or $13 and 50 cents because we had such little amount of money. And I had student loans, but we're putting money on it all the time. And I feel like we did pretty good. We did the cash envelope system. So we're very strict with budget then. Yeah.

pretty good. We did the cash envelope system. So we're very strict with budget then. Yeah. Actually, and this comes to another question here. Matthew Sherpa says, best cheap husband-wife date night ideas. I don't want to get into that a great deal, but the best cheap date night I remember having was we couldn't afford beer. We couldn't afford meat from the store. We kept having beans and rice. But I remember one day my mom sent me a card because she knew we were struggling. And it had a $50 Canadian bill in it. And I went to the store. And rather than being sensible with the money, like a responsible adult, I bought a bottle of wine. I bought a DVD and cheese and crackers.

And we came home. It was just awesome because we never did that. I don't know if you remember that enough. I do. Yeah, that was super beautiful. But here's a couple of best cheap husband-wife date night ideas. Number one, go to Adoration and then go get a drink and then go home. Number two, go to Costco and eat all the samples. Number three, set up a video game system like the Wii or, you know, I don't know if they have the Wii anymore, but you know, something like that and light candles everywhere and invite your bride into that and have a cool night where you eat pizza and play

video games. What's another cool cheap date night idea? Well, our first date, our first official date was in Brisbane and Matt packed a picnic lunch. He borrowed it from a friend. It was like an old wicker basket lunch box set thing. And there was champagne and strawberries and cheese and crackers. And it was just, I was so blown away by it. And we went on like, Brisbane had like a free ferry. So we went on a free ferry, had a picnic lunch and it was amazing and beautiful. And I felt so loved by it. But yeah, going hiking, we live in an area where there's lots of beautiful places to go hiking. And I love hiking and just getting out and that's free and easy. And then just making each other a priority when the kids go to bed. So it's like, okay, if you have kids, if you don't have kids, it's easier. But if you have kids, getting them to bed and being like, okay, we're going to be intentional with having a date night tonight. So making each other a priority.

Absolutely. Okay. Peter Pelk asks, do you ever worry about raising kids Catholic in an ever-increasing secular culture or society? I'm not yet married and don't have kids, but deeply want that of my life. And I worry about how difficult the road ahead may be. Cheers. Happy New Year's. All right. So yeah, it's difficult. I mean, we live in Sodom and Gomorrah. So you better bloody be a faithful Catholic who loves Jesus Christ, who's committed to your prayer life. Your bride better be that as well. Don't marry a non-Catholic, I would say, generally speaking. Generally speaking, do not marry a non-Catholic.

Cameron can correct me in a minute because she's looking at me all funny. I would say, do not send your kids to public school, generally speaking, and probably do not send your kids to Catholic school, generally speaking. I think your two best options are to homeschool them or to send them to a hybrid Catholic school that's faithful to the teachings of the church. And then I would say do not buy your children a phone or a tablet or any of these stupid things. I'm aware that I'm offending many people who are listening. I don't care if you're offended. Rather than blaming me, look at yourself for a second, okay, and realize that these things destroy our children's interior life

and, you know, they'll most likely find porn on them. Here's what you can do positively. Find some good Catholic families with children, even if that's one or two or three, hang out with them. Find like-minded people who love Jesus Christ, want to make prayer a priority, who get the technology is so overused and don't want to give their children smartphones and things like that, and just kind of band together with them. If your Catholic faith, your love of God and Jesus Christ is not the primary interest of your life, then yeah, you ought to be worried about your kids. But I think we love our Father in heaven. We love Jesus Christ. We trust in the grace and the love he has for our kids. And so, even though our children are going to be wounded, we're going to hurt our kids,

our kids are going to be exposed to things they shouldn't be, we can trust that where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. And I think there's a sort of confidence we as Christians ought to have. Did you want to correct me? Well, no, I was just going to say, I think that we have far more in common with our Orthodox Well, no, I was just going to say, I think that we have far more in common with our Orthodox and Protestant brothers and sisters that are truly faithful and living moral lives than we do even with some Catholics in the pew or random people in the grocery of Protestant listeners and things like that. And so, you know, look, I mean, I think even as a Protestant, say you're a Protestant listening to me right now, I think you'd probably agree that would make a lot of sense for you and your spouse to be on the same page spiritually, right? It's probably not a good idea. I'm just speaking like lowest common denominator here. Probably not a good idea that you go to two different services and things like that. So as a Catholic who thinks that Catholicism is the true expression

of Christianity, the fulfillment of what Christ wants for us, I would say, you know, don't marry a non-Catholic. Now, does the church say that? No, the church does say that a Catholic can marry a Protestant, that this can be both valid and sacramental, but, you know, canon law dictates that the non-Catholic party has to agree that the Catholic party raises their children Catholic. I just think that this is a hassle that you don't want to add. I was in the Middle East giving talks and people were talking about falling in love with Muslims and things like that. I'm like, absolutely do not date them. Date a Catholic and marry them. And yeah, all right, go. I feel like that's like the extreme, like, don't marry a Muslim. Not a good idea to fall in love with them. And just let me quickly say, we're not saying

anything about the morality of these people. Obviously, there are Muslims who are more moral, right, than some Catholics we know. Obviously, there are evangelicals who put Catholics to shame in how they live their life, love Jesus Christ and the scriptures. Get it. I get it. But we're talking about best case scenario here. Yeah. But I think getting your kids around other good kids. So, we are very blessed to have good friends for our children. So, they're calling them on in holiness and they're challenging them and their faith and they're being positive peer pressure, you know? So it's, yeah, I feel like even we lived in San Diego. And so I know you're thinking like California, so liberal, all this stuff. We actually had such amazing, good fellowship there. And there was a group of families and their kids were so good and they were striving to know what

is true, good, and beautiful. And they were lovely and they were raising their kids very well-formed in the faith and living in a state that does not promote such things, you know? So I feel like it really is important to get plugged into some type of community to help you raise your kids. important to get plugged into some type of community to help you raise your kids. Yeah. Thanks. Elijah Huber asks, Matt, I am engaged going through the last year of marriage prep. My question is, how do we keep from becoming selfish during sex? Yes, we are waiting to have sex until marriage, but how do I not get caught up in the moment and stay total faithful, fruitful, fruitful, free when passions are running high. Okay, so Aquinas has

some cool things to say about this in the Summa Theologiae. The objection he responds to is, how can sex possibly be moral, right? Because when you're having sex, when you orgasm, you kind of lose your mind in a similar way to when you're drunk, you know? And so, obviously, getting drunk is a sin because you're not kind of rationally there in the same sense that you are when you're not drunk. Something similar happens, right? During climax. And one of the things he says is no, sex is good, right? It's created by God. And the reason it's different is you make an informed and rational decision to come together with your spouse.

And yeah, then, you know, orgasm or something results. And in that sense, you might kind of be less rational, but you still made that decision prior. Does that make sense? So my point is, I wouldn't worry. I think it's really important that, first of all, we're faithful to what the church teaches about no sex, you know, outside of marriage, which it sounds like you're doing, no contraceptive sex, you know, and sticking to the church's teachings on human sexuality. Next thing I would say is maybe read, you know, John Paul II before he was Pope, wrote a book called Love and Responsibility when he was Carol Wojtyla. And he talks a lot about there, about how we can, especially as men, not be selfish, right? That the goal in sex is not my personal fulfillment, but I want to love

my wife and lead her to climax. That's actually the language that John Paul II used, that I'd be more interested in my wife's gratification and joy than my own, that I want to serve her even in that. And when we fail, and not to get scrupulous about this, but if we know that we failed to repent of that and then to repent to our spouse about that, um, and to trust that his grace will give us what we need to do better next time. Yes. I have two other sex questions there.

If you want to read them that we can go off of. Um, yeah, I think that it is, it is good to have your eyes on the other and looking for their good and focused on, yeah, as Matt was saying, focused on their needs. And I think if you are focused on your wife and she is focused on you, you don't have to worry. And when there's seasons that you'll go through where either she's pregnant or she's, I don't know, just had a baby and you need to abstain

or, you know, whatever, like you, just had a baby and you need to abstain or, you know, whatever. Like you go through different seasons together and you learn to love one another and offer things up for one another. And I think it's good to be in tune with each other's needs and loving them through that. So, go ahead. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if I want to get into these questions a great deal because they're rather personal. Okay.

But one of the questions from Cameron's patrons, and I'm not going to say their name because it's kind of of an intimate nature. She says, insights as a couple into being intimate when intimacy is physically painful for one of you, how you work together to still make your marital unions joyful and unitive. Um, I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I would say if someone is experiencing like discomfort or serious discomfort in intercourse, that this is something they should maybe bring to the doctor to try and figure out. Um, did you want to speak to that? I don't know. Yeah. Um, yes. Talk to your doctor, figure out why. I think a lot of times you can have an infection and not be aware of it. And then if you have PCOS or endometriosis, which I have both, sometimes you go through seasons where it is more painful in intimacy. And I'll actually address this question in a lot more detail. I will do an episode over on my Patreon to answer her on my,

no, no, no, on Patreon with the sex series. I'll go into that a lot more, but basically talk to your doctor, be on the same page with him, talk to your husband and be honest and vulnerable with him and say, you know, like this is painful, do whatever you can apart, then come together. Not apart, I didn't mean it like that, but like be aware. So sometimes like if, if the woman is experiencing pain, it's better to kind of wait to come together until right before climax, then the entire time I'll get into more details over there. But, um, but yeah, but, but talking to your husband and communicating with him, um, I think that's the main thing is talking. And even sometimes where you're like, okay, I'm really embarrassed to say this, but like, do it. Like, this is the person that you love so much and he is going to make you a saint

or she is going to make you a saint. Like, when you have this intimate relationship, you need to be honest with one another. You need to communicate. So, make sure you're talking things through, even if it's later on, not in the moment, but it's really good to over-communicate in these situations. All right. Yeah, that's really awesome. All right, man, we've got so many questions here. Let's try and take a couple of ones that'll be somewhat easy to answer. Christine Dubois says, do you two have any New Year's traditions? Well, this New Year's, my wife and I will be separate because she will be at SLS at Focus Conference. I'll be home with the boys.

Hopefully that's not a tradition. But one of the things we've done in the past is we've had friends over and we'll all get a drink and we'll say one thing we're grateful for. So I think that's one thing. Let's see. Have you been to Stone Mountain? What's your favorite part? Asks Oggy Parry.

Yeah, when do we go? Is it 4th when do we is it july 4th or during the summer they have these beautiful things here in georgia stone mountain huge firework show music music actually a bit of trivia here flannery o'connor mentioned stone mountain if i'm not mistaken in her short story a good man is hard to find did you know that? No. There you go. But their fireworks show this year, they did a whole tribute to women and powerful women. And it's like Dora the Explorer was in there. I don't know why, but Mother Teresa was in there.

How cool is that, Mother Teresa? Our son's favorite thing is there's a train that goes around Snow Mountain. He loves being on the train. It's a great, fun park, really cool to walk around, all sorts of fun stuff to do. So if you're ever in Georgia, you should go check it out. Rachel Roth asks, what's your favorite board game?

Go. I asked you to go because I don't really have a favorite board game. I'm not really a huge board game person. I love the idea of board games and then I get bored with them. But I do like playing. Yeah. You like the kitten game. Well, it's not a board game,

but I like playing Exploding Kittens with one of my daughters. That's a pretty fun game, even though some of it I think is a bit inappropriate, but it's still fun. Tell them about the new game you just got. I just bought a game that's published by Sophia Press. I forgot what it is called. Let's see if we can...

Inspiration. Google.com, Sophia Press board game. I learned about this from my mate, Brian Holdsworth. He was talking about this in one of his videos. And so I went online and bought it for Christmas. But I can't find it now. That kind of looks like that. I know.

That's not it though. Gosh. Well, I'll tell you what. We'll take a photo of it and upload it if it's really as good as we hope it'll be So, yeah, not really a big board game person myself You like Monopoly? I do Yeah, alright

Here we go Oggy Parry says What temperament do you think the Blessed Mother had? Which person of the Holy Trinity do you feel closest to? Find yourself praying to the most I find myself lately talking to our Father in heaven and Christ, less than the Holy Spirit, I have to say. But that doesn't mean I should, it just means I do. As far as temperament, I don't know. Probably a good mixture of all because she was like,

holy is holy. Gosh, man, so many questions. Let's see. Here we go. As a mom whose husband, I'm not sure if I should read their names. No doubt. I won't read the name in this one. So forgive me if you wanted your name read, but this seems a bit kind of personal, so I want to respect your privacy if you didn't want me to read your name.

As a mom whose husband is currently deployed, how do you cope in a faithful way with separation? My little struggles with the absence of their dad even though we have FaceTime and talk on the phone daily. I'm not sure where to try to pull our faith into it outside of prayer. As you've dealt with speaking arrangements and longer trips, what's your advice? Cameron, I think you'd probably do a good job answering this. Yeah, I think that if you are Catholic, talking to your kids about seeing Daddy in the

Eucharist and being joined with him in that, or praying the rosary, or even if you're not Catholic, having a set prayer that you both pray. So, John Eldredge has this great prayer in Wild at Heart, is it in the back of the book? It's a beautiful prayer, it's for spiritual warfare, it's a massive prayer. So, I would say you and him pray that, but find another prayer that you could say and say like, okay, every day we're going to do this. And so even though you're not together during that time, that's something that you are doing. And I think just reminding them of how much daddy loves them and misses them and wishes he could be with them, but also thanking daddy and affirming him. He could be with them, but also thanking daddy and affirming him.

Like we are so blessed that daddy is off fighting or doing whatever he's doing. He's defending our country and our freedoms. And we are so blessed that daddy is willing to sacrifice this time away, even though it's so hard. He's doing that because he loves us. We are so appreciative that daddy's doing that and he's working. I know that sometimes when Matt's gone on longer trips, my kids are like, I wish daddy was just home. I'm like, you know what? Me too. But it's good that he is going and speaking to these men and women that need help and healing and daddy's

able to do that. And so just affirming him, but also reminding your kids like he's on a great mission and yes, he misses you and wishes he could be with you. I think it's great that you get to FaceTime. I think that FaceTime is such a gift. And I think knowing where the kids are at too, whether they can handle it or not, sometimes FaceTime could be a little harder if they just want to be with them. But God bless you and thank you so much for your husband's service. I really appreciate it. It's hard. It's hard to be away. Yeah. Yeah. I echo everything you just said there. I would also ask your husband, what can I do to love you? Like step out and say, hey, like we're away and this is difficult. Like, what are some things I can do that like show you that I love you? Obviously it cannot be anything

sexual because you're away and that would be inappropriate, right? But what can I do? What can I do that you feel loved? I think that might be a good question and hopefully he'll respond with the same question, but that's got to be tough. God bless you. Colin asks, do you have a workout plan or reading plan you'd recommend? Looking to get in shape and read more this year as a new dad amidst the demands of work and family life, but not sure where to start. It's over there. You're looking for your phone camera, Fred. It's over there. Yeah, pretty cool typical resolutions I know. First of all, I would say don't be ashamed that your resolutions are typical. I think that's really cool. I mean, it's awesome that you should want to work out your body and your intellect.

What a beautiful, beautiful thing. My resolutions, it's been like this for a while, is to work out three times a week. I get a CrossFit. My goal is to go three times a week. I don't look fantastic, but I look better than if I weren't working out. So that would be one thing that I would do that, you know. One of the things Jordan Peterson says, which I love, is he says, what could I do that I would do that would make my life better? I love how he phrases that. He

doesn't say, what could I do that could make my life better? Because there's all sorts of things that you could do that would make your life better, but you know that you won't because you're a schlup, okay? So, what could you do that you actually would do? And so for me, I'm like, okay, I can get to CrossFit three times a week. That's something I can do and I will do, and that would make my life better. Okay. So that's one thing I would say. As far as book studies, that's a good question. We are looking at doing a book study just for our patrons on Augustine's Confessions with a scholar on Augustine from the Catholic University of America. That looks like

that will be happening. That's something you can join if you are a patron, so you can do that. And I would also say the same thing, like what book could you read that you would read that would make your life better? So, you could read, okay, The History of Philosophy, you know, by, who's that bloke? Copleston, Frederick Copleston, but you probably won't read it because it's huge, you know? Like, you could read the Summa Theologiae, but you probably won't, okay? So, what's something you could do that you actually would do? I was thinking about that very question recently when I went on this vacation with my good looking wife, and I decided to read Teresa

of Avila's Way of Perfection. I've got about 100 pages left, but I've read like 250 pages. So that was something I was able to get through, and it wasn't too big that I knew I could do and would do. So I think those are good questions. Kemi? Can I just add to your workout, getting exercise as a new dad? Something that Matt's always done with our kids, and it's obviously, you probably still didn't do more to work out, especially if it's just a baby, but doing like pushups with the baby in the air, Matt would do it with our kids and he would like work out with them. Right, when they they get a little bigger but it's fun and the

kids love it they lay like a board and he does push-ups with them but also like going for a run going for a jog and pushing the stroller taking the baby with you you know encouraging your wife let's go for walks together i know when we were new parents going for walks um we couldn't take a stroller because we lived in. And I don't know if you know about Ireland, but you know, there's not really straight flat roads. So it was lots of rocks and pebbles and all over the place. It was a little too crazy. So I'd strap the baby on me and we go for walks. And I feel like that was really good because it motivated me to get out too. So that's something that maybe you and your wife can do together by taking turns wearing the baby or

pushing the baby in the stroller and getting out and going for walks together. Yeah. Kaylin York says, is there ever a time where voting for a political candidate whose policies are contrary to church teaching is permissible, i.e. pro-choice, same-sex marriage, etc.? So Catholic Answers has a great little pamphlet about this on how to vote like a Catholic. So you might want to look into that. But I personally, I can't vote. So I have a green card. I'm a permanent resident, but I can't vote even if I wanted to. But I am totally fine with being a one issue voter. If someone is for the slaughtering of unborn innocent children, they will never freaking get my vote in a million years. And I think you should feel the same way. Absolutely. That doesn't mean you have to vote for

the opponent necessarily, but I think it would be absolutely impermissible to vote for someone who is pro-Holocaust of the unborn. Absolutely no way shape or form yeah agreed and oftentimes when we're voting unfortunately we're choosing the best of two evils and so i'm with matt like you've got it if you're like okay well say you have a candidate who is pro same-sex marriage but it's anti-abortion and then you have someone else who's pro-abortion but anti-same-sex marriage. I'm sorry. Killing innocent children. It's never okay for a big, strong person to kill a little person, a little weak person, right? So I've got to go pro-choice. I mean, pro-life, not pro-choice. I've got to go with the less evil option, right? Not murdering babies. The other things that they may take stands on,

whatever, I'll figure that out later. But if they are going to protect innocent life, then I'm going with that. So I very much vote pro-life. Yes. And sometimes people throw that back in your face, right? Like you're just a one issue voter. Okay. Well, let me give you an example, which I think most people would agree with, even if they're against the one-issue thing. You ready? Here it is. Okay, suppose you have two candidates, and there's one candidate who you agree with him on everything, right? Most of his morals, his economic view for the country and things like this. But the only thing you disagree with is this particular candidate is against black people and white people marrying. But the only thing you disagree with is this particular candidate

is against black people and white people marrying. But other than that, he's fantastic. Would you vote for that person? Bloody well, no. And so I sometimes will, when somebody says, you're just a one issue voter, I'm like, I'm fine being a one issue voter. And then I give that example. And I say that to the person, if you agree with everything this person stood for, think of the perfect candidate. And they're like, okay, I've got it in my head. Okay. The only thing is they're against black and white people marrying. Would you vote for them? They would say, absolutely not. And then you say, well, how dare you be a one-issue voter? And I think hopefully that'll help get the point across. Let's see. Dan Lindstrom says, has there ever been a time when one of you was spending too

much time doing ministry or traveling and the other had to say something and intervene? If so, what was that conversation like? Why are you smiling like that? No, that's a good question. Why are you smiling like that? No, it's a good question. You go first. No, it's a good question.

Do you want to go first? No, you go first. Are you doing that because I sometimes get on you about not doing mongolian stuff? Go for it. Tell me. No, you go. I mongolian stuff. Tell me. No, you go. I want to hear your response. It's a great question.

Well, I was going to answer. I mean, I think this would apply more to you, right? Because you're the woman and I'm traveling and speaking. Okay, you go. In relation to you? Maybe, sure. Okay, since you're smiling and I know why you're doing this. Yeah, there are times where I'm like, be with my children and don't travel.

Don't speak. Because I need my house in order and I need our kids to have routine. That's come up a few times and that's been awkward. Now, let me set the record straight. My wife is way more present to my children than I think most wives are, quite frankly. She homeschools them heroically. She's very present to them and all those sorts of things. But I already travel. And so when Cammie says, hey, I got this one trip coming up and I'm only doing like two this year. There are even times like that where I'm like, I just don't want you to do it. I want you to stay home. And maybe that's legitimate. Maybe it's not. But I think there are times where you're like,

yeah, but I get so much life from going and speaking to the hearts of these women. And that when you come back, you're so refreshed. So that's, I know, I think I need to be a little bit more open to that. Is that, that's why you were smiling. That's totally why you were smiling. No? So I didn't even have to bear my soul for these people. Okay, go on. I'm glad you did. No, I instantly thought of Peter coming home on the feeding tube and you not canceling that trip. So we lived in Georgia and we had no friends. We were new in the state. We had one friends and they were great. One couple that we were friends with who did our marriage prep and they were

wonderful. But I was very much on my own and had a sick baby. We had a NICU baby and then, um, he just wouldn't gain weight. And then he got RSV and he got put in the hospital and he was on a feeding tube and was just crazy sick. And I remember just feeling like I was drowning and someone handed me a baby and I was still drowning and I just needed help. And Matt had a trip and, um, he went and said, and I think at the time I took Liam, it was up to Canada. I shouldn't have done it, but I took Liam. Okay. But then there was another trip and that's why I drove to Texas. Okay. So it was, and I think that at the time hindsight, it's easy to look back and be like,

okay, we should have canceled. Like Matt should have just canceled whatever talks he was doing. One was a big conference and they had advertised that Matt was going to be there for like two years in advance. He's like, I need to be there. But then it's also like, this is how he makes his money. Like this is how he supports our family. He needs to go. He needs to travel.

He needs to speak. But I think it was also just a lot at the house. It was a lot to deal with and it was probably a little easier to go to work than to stay home yeah and um yeah so that's instantly what I thought about was just feeling like you shouldn't have gone and no and you're exactly right I shouldn't have gone at all I should have absolutely cancelled the trip and being with you and and Peter I think things were just chaotic and yeah yeah, I was a coward maybe, or I didn't, I was, if not a coward, just sort of oblivious to what I ought to have been doing. And so, you know, it was guilty on that front. Yeah. Like I think the

fact is like, you know, I do a lot of work helping people with different things, but suppose I help like a thousand people, but neglect my wife and family, I go to hell. And my family might as well, because I'm not guiding them. So I think, you know, this is something I think we're kind of learning. Like you had to, unfortunately, because of your illness, you had to have a hysterectomy last year. And thank God, right? I was like, okay, I got to cancel a bunch of trips. And I did then, thank goodness, right? But I think that was really hard to do because these people have booked me a year in advance. But that was the right thing to do. It's not okay to choose to speak to a men's conference of 5,000 men and neglect my wife because God, you know, he wants

me to love you and the kids, not these 5,000 men. You should be chosen above them every single time. wants me to love you and the kids, not these 5,000 men. You should be chosen above them every single time. Yeah. And then I also thought of, yeah, I don't know if it probably was the surgery too, but I also thought of a miscarriage and you didn't have to cancel. Like I would have been capable of trying to hold it together until you got back, you know, especially if it was just a couple of days trip. But I remember you canceling and it was more like, I mean, physically I was going through a lot. I was bleeding and miscarrying, but, um, but just the emotional, you're like, no, you don't need to go through this alone. I'll be with you. And you canceled. And I just felt so loved. And so like it was exact opposite feeling of what I felt last time, you know, with you going and

it's hard. It's so hard to be like, it's not like, oh, I'm going to miss the sales pitch, because it is. It's like, no, these souls are, you know, I can encounter and help. So, yeah, I just thought that was a really good question and very vulnerable and hard, but I do feel so loved when you cancel trips for me. But I also feel loved that you go and do the trip. So, that was a good question. That's all. Yeah, there's a great line from Holy scripture, Psalm 127, unless the Lord builds the house, it's builders labor in vain. And so I think, you know, I would do better.

It wouldn't just be a better thing for our marriage and our kids for me to stay home. Right. In, in situations where I ought to, but it would actually be like, I'm not going to be as effective because I'm not doing what the Lord is calling me to do if I was to neglect you for the sake of speaking whatever. You know? Yeah. All right.

Man, what's great is that we haven't had time to read these in advance, so some of them are pretty intense. All right, let me refresh, and maybe we should, what do you reckon, begin to wrap up? Man alive. Thanks to all of y'all on Patreon who've written these questions and apologies if I don't get to them, hey?

Let's see. Attachment and attunement in marriage, Joyce Lynn asks. Why our spouses respond the way they do? Love this topic. I'm not really sure what that means. Do you? That wasn't really a question. Attachment and attunement in marriage. Why our spouses respond the way they do? Love this topic. I don't. I don't know if... You go. I think it's kind of like what we were talking about before is just being aware. I'd read and see if there was a question

right above that, that it's like reiterating. But I thought of the question that we already answered about the gentleman... I think it was the gentleman that asked about intimacy and purity in marriage.

And I think being aware of each other's needs and talking and communicating, I think they're just reiterating some of the other things. Jack Himpler asks, my girlfriend and I are similar to you two in the sort of role reversal you guys talk about having in your relationship. What are some tips you could share for how you worked past any sort of disconnect in your different personalities, love languages, and things like that. Also, what's your best New Year's memory together? All right. So for those of you who aren't familiar with my wife, because maybe you don't listen to

her fantastic show, Among the Lilies, you might not know this, my wife and i um aren't you kind of stereotypical bloke and woman um i tend to be i don't know more kind of i guess feeling kind of guy and i cry more than you and i love poetry i love poetry and i love to read and i i i i'm the one who is more likely to say it's not what you said but how you said it than you are. Right. Whereas my wife is the one who's like fixing stuff around the house because I'm terrible at it and things like that. So how do we move past that? I think just like accepting it. I think the more we've been able to accept our gifts, the happier we are. You know, like I know, like I'm, I am comfortable in my masculinity and what the Lord has given me and my gifts and abilities. And if I was to tell my wife that she ought not to do those things

that are more quote unquote masculine, I think that would be super narrow-minded. And I also think it would be coming out of a place of being threatened, which is not good. But if instead I'm like, oh my gosh, you're so much better at this. Just could you do this? Like sometimes we'll go to a store and you want to go like correct the

waitress or, you know, ask for like, my wife is very good at being confrontational. She's very cleric. And if something's wrong, she'll figure it out. So I'm like, okay, yeah, go for it. I'm going to sit here. I know you'll be good at this. You'll do this better. Like you'll get your way. You go for it. I'm going to sit over here and read John of the cross. Yeah. So don't you think, have we struggled with that in the past? Are we getting better at it? What do you think? Yeah. I think, I think early on we struggled with it. I think you thought there was things I should have done that your mom did and you expected that of me. And there's things that I'm like, well, no, this is the guy's job. So you need to do it. But more things like taking out the trash, which when you're in town, you normally do take out the trash, which is great.

And then where it's just like, I would just feel loved normally do take out the trash, uh, which is great. And then, um, where it's just like, I would just feel loved if you took out the trash. Like, obviously I'm capable of taking out the trash. I just really think that you should do it. Cause it's a gross smelly job. Um, and then like hanging curtains, like I can do that. Like I know how to measure, I know how to work a drill, whatever. Or like fixing stuff around the house. I feel like I have more of the brain for it. So it's like, that's fine. I can do it.

Where if I was like, oh, I just wish I had a husband that could do it. I sat around complaining. It's like, well, it's not getting done. Might as well do it. And I also think like you're much better at math. So you do our budget. I'm much better at reading. So I'm the one who reads to the kids at night.

And I'm so glad you're like that. And, you know, like I wish that I was better at the budget so that I could take that off your plate. And maybe I just need to grow in that area and stop making excuses. But then it's just, I think, you know, like, gosh, you think of an individual person and then compare them with any other individual person. And you recognize that they're very different people. I think sometimes we look at different people and we're like, oh, that person looks like someone I know. And we just assume that they're like that person. But if you have children, none of And we just assume that they're like that person. But if you have children, none of them are the same.

They're all very different. People are very different. Okay. Then you put two very different people together in marriage. That marriage is so different to any other marriage. And that's okay. And being okay with that, I think, is a good idea. Best New Year's memory we've ever had?

Do you have one? I don't think I've ever. Do we have any good New Year's memory we've ever had? Do you have one? I don't think I've ever. Do we have any good New Year's? I don't know. I remember in our early days back in Houston with the Blessing Cup with our old friends, and we would get together and just chat and share and, yeah, and then just kind of go over our blessings for the year. Like, I loved our New Year's parties back.

I think it was probably just not having kids too. So it was easier. It was like mainly all single people hanging out at our friend's house who had kids and their kids were already in bed. And I think, yeah, I feel like we've had multiple times over the last, oh, oh, that rise up conference. It's not the one in Canada that we did. We went to a New Year's Eve there, which was really fun.

It was like opening. It's probably similar to what Focus is going to do. We kind of opened the New Year in with adoration and praise and worship, and it was pretty amazing. Funny story about that. I actually invited an evangelical friend. You remember that girl? To our talk, to this conference,

she was to give a talk to the ladies about struggling with pornography. She did not love Catholics. She grew up in a community that was very anti-Catholic, and I don't say that lightly. I don't think people who disagree with the Catholic Church are anti-Catholic, but she thought, like, pretty much all Catholics are going to hell and whatever. So, it was so weird for her, right, to go to adoration and to hear all this stuff. It was in Montreal, and we were going to the St. Joseph's Oratory where they had the heart of Blessed Andre encased in gold. All right. She looks at me and she's like, it's not really his heart, right? It's like the sacred heart you guys

talk about. I'm like, yeah, no, that's his frigging heart. They cut it out of him and put it in gold and we're going to go and like kiss and kneel in front of it and stuff. I get it if you don't want to be Catholic. That was super funny. Okay. Final question. And I'm going to answer this. I'm going to have you answer this. And then I've got something I want to say. Derek Dragseth asks, what is a book you would recommend someone to read in 2020? Here's a book I would recommend. I'm reading it now. It's fantastic. Many of you have probably already read it. It is called, oh crikey, where is it? Here, I'm going to look it up. The Shallows, what the internet is doing to ourins. Go get it right now. Take your iPhone, smash it. If you never listen to this podcast again, you'd be better off than if you listened

to it every week and had a smartphone. I'm convinced of it. I'm seriously close to doing it. The Shallows, What the Internet is Doing to Our Brain. That would be one book I would recommend. I would also recommend The Way of Perfection by Teresa Vavala, since I'm reading that. What about you, baby? but also recommend The Way of Perfection by Teresa Vavala. Since I'm reading that, what about you, baby? I just finished Defiant Joy by Stacey Eldridge and really enjoyed it. It was wonderful and beautiful.

I also, like something just easy is I got this book from Lisa Breckmeyer. I'm really bad at her name. It's called Be Still. It's just like a daily devotional and it's just like a one-page reflection. And I'm really enjoying it because it's being a busy mom, I feel like I don't often have times to sit down and read like large chunks of things, but I can handle like a small Bible verse and a reflection on it. Like a one-page thing is pretty easy. And so I'm looking forward to trying to be true to that and do that each and every day. And I think, as Matt said, like finding something you're interested in. I think that we go through seasons, but I love Matt reading to us. So right now he's reading Chronicles of Narnia again,

The Magician's Nephew. Is that what you were reading last night? And I just love doing that as a family, like having Matt read to us and I'll often make tea and the kids and I will sip tea and color as Matt reads to us. And I love that. Just finding something that's doable for your family and not beating yourself up because you're not, like, don't pick something too hard. So if you're like, I'm going to read all of the summa, like, I mean, maybe you're in that stage in life and if you are great, but if you're not, if you're in our busy, crazy stage, that may not be doable. I would say finally, as you make your new year's resolutions and head into the new year,

don't underestimate how much you suck. You suck more than you think you do. You're not as disciplined as you think that you are. Lower your expectations in a sense, okay? I don't mean in the realm of sinning or anything like that. But I mean, like, as far as working out, reading more, having a perfectly clean house, getting in shape, you suck, okay? And you're probably not going to do nearly as good of a job as you would like to. So, instead of setting the bar unrealistically high, failing, becoming discouraged, and then giving up, ask yourself, again, this advice from Jordan Peterson, what's something I could do that I would do that would make my life better? And then go and do that. Yeah. I have something to add. So I'm going to be doing my

monk manual. I have this new book and it's like a planner and I'm going to be true to that. Like, I'm going to be using it and it helps you like set your priorities and what you're going to try to get done each day and just being more proactive. I think both of us tend to be reactive to life. Um, but I want to try hard to like have my days planned out and say, okay, these are my top three things I want to get done and it's doable stuff, you know, and I can set what they are. And so using my monk manual to help me grow both spiritually and just getting stuff done. Awesome. Yeah. All right.

This has been really great. If you go to patreon.com slash Matt Fred, you'll see how much we are trying to raise so that we can do two Matt Fred shows a month so that we can do all these trips to these developing countries that we can release a Pints of the Quietness app. that we can do all these trips to these developing countries, that we can release a Pints with Aquinas app. I want to tell you right now, as we wrap up, what I will give you if you become a $10 supporter at patreon.com slash mattfratt. First of all, I'm going to send you a signed copy of my book, Does God Exist? A Socratic Dialogue and the Five Ways of Thomas Aquinas. That's it. A signed copy. It'll be worth so much more in the garage sale. Just think about that.

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And we really do appreciate it. None of all of this work that we are cranking out is only possible because of our patrons. So if you can give $10 a month, give $10. If you can give $1, give $1. If you can give more, give more. Go to patreon.com slash matt frad thanks for tuning in be sure to subscribe and be sure also to leave us a five star review on itunes that helps people learn more about us and hey if you haven't checked out my bride's podcast among the lilies it's a fantastic show for ladies who are tired of pretending

and are ready to be real god bless and have a very happy new year. feeding myself to who's gonna survive who's gonna survive