Pints With Aquinas - 31: Is flattery a sin?

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to Pints with Aquinas, episode 31. I'm Matt Fradd. If you could sit down with St. Thomas Aquinas over a pint of beer and ask him any one question, what would it be? In today's episode, we'll ask St. Thomas the question, is flattery a sin. Thanks for joining us at Pines with Aquinas. This is the show where you and I pull up a barstool next to the angelic doctor to discuss theology and philosophy. All right, all right, let's just be honest. If you could ask St. Thomas just one question, this probably wouldn't be it.

Starting point is 00:00:51 But this is the 31st episode we're doing, okay? I have to get down the barrel to some questions that we might not be totally excited to ask St. Thomas about. But you know what? If Thomas thought they were worth addressing, then I suspect they're worth reading and understanding. So, is flattery a sin? What is flattery? Well, flattery is just when we say nice things to people to please them. And we live in such a negative culture, a culture that is so quick to blame and to nitpick and to accuse that it might seem like, no, obviously flattery isn't a sin because if all it is,

Starting point is 00:01:39 is praising other people in order to please them, how can that not be a bad thing? other people in order to please them, how can that not be a bad thing? Sorry, how can that be a bad thing? Well, Aquinas says it is a bad thing. And so, in today's episode, we'll read some of the objections, which I'm sure are your objections. We'll see what he has to say. And then we'll ask the question, okay, well, if it's a bad thing, if it is a sin, is it a mortal sin? All right. So, let's begin here. This is in the second part of the second part of the Summa Theologiae, Question 115. Article 1. What do you think? Here's what Aquinas says. What do you think? Here's what Aquinas says.

Starting point is 00:03:15 Although the friendship of which we have been speaking, or affability, intends chiefly the pleasure of those among whom one lives, yet it does not fear to displease when it is a question of obtaining a certain good or of avoiding a certain evil. Accordingly, if a man were to wish always to speak pleasantly to others, he would exceed the mode of pleasing and would therefore sin by excess. If he do this with the mere intention of pleasing, he is said to be complacent, according to the philosopher. Whereas if he do it with the intention of making some gain out of it, he is called a flatterer or adulterer. As a rule, however, the term flattery is wont to be applied to all who wish to exceed the mode of virtue in pleasing others by words or deeds in their ordinary behavior toward their fellows. Before we look at another one of Thomas' responses to the objection we brought up in the beginning, I think this is a kind of, it might seem like a real kind of subtle point, maybe even a point not spending a lot of time thinking about, but I know this is true of me,

Starting point is 00:04:36 I have to think that it's true of you too, that in certain circumstances, we find ourselves affirming other people with just bad motives. Like either we affirm them too much, but what are our motives for that? Like it's one thing to praise virtue in another. It's another when I'm praising virtue so that you like me more. And this isn't always easy to recognize. We might think we have the best of intentions, but if we step back and reflect upon it seriously, and maybe in prayer, we might realize the only reason I'm saying this to that person is so that they'll like me more. So, it turns out we've got that incredible hunger and need to be liked.

Starting point is 00:05:27 It reminds me of that line from The Office when Michael Scott, do you remember this? He says, he's talking to the camera. He says, do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this compulsive need to be liked,

Starting point is 00:05:45 like my need to be praised. First of all, let's just give it up for my American accent there. Maybe not. But yeah, I mean, sometimes we can just be like Michael Scott where we're affirming people and maybe we're even affirming them for like virtues that they have, but our reason for affirming them is so that they like me more. So, it ends up what at first appears to be this sort of a selfless act is really a selfish one. Let's see what else Aquinas says. One may praise a person both well and ill, according as one observes or omits the due circumstances. For if while observing other due circumstances one were to wish to please a person by praising him, in order thereby to console him, or that he may strive to make progress in good,

Starting point is 00:06:42 this will belong to the aforesaid virtue of friendship. But it would belong to flattery if one wished to praise a person for things in which he ought not to be praised, since perhaps they are evil. According to Psalm 9.24, the sinner is praised in the desires of his soul. Or they may be uncertain. Okay. So, according to Sirach 27.8, praise not a man before he speaketh. And again, in Sirach 11.2, praise not a man for his beauty, or because there may be fear, lest human praise should incite him to vainglory. Wherefore, it's written, Sirach 1130, praise not any man before death. Again, in like manner, it is right to wish to please a man in order to foster charity,

Starting point is 00:07:34 so that he may make spiritual progress therein. Okay. But, says Aquinas, it would be sinful to wish to please men for the sake of vain glory or gain, or to please them in something evil. According to Psalm 52.6, God hath scattered the bones of them that please men. And according to the words of the apostle in Galatians 1.10, if I yet please men, I should not be the servant of Christ. Okay. So, the reason Aquinas brings up that quote there, if I yet please men, I should not be the servant of Christ, was in response to the objection he said himself from that same apostle, Paul in 1 Corinthians 10.33, who says, you know, I in all things please men. So, Aquinas is saying to those who would raise this as an objection, you should understand it in context. Let's look at a couple more objections.

Starting point is 00:08:38 Further, evil is contrary. This is, sorry, let me step back a bit here. This is another objection. Aquinas sets himself regarding flattery. So this is Aquinas making the case for why flattery isn't a sin before he knocks it down. He says further, evil is contrary to good and blame to praise, but it is not a sin to blame evil. Neither then is it a sin to praise good, which seems to belong to flattery. Therefore, flattery is not a sin. Now, Aquinas gives like a sentence as an answer to this. He simply says, even to blame evil is sinful if due circumstances be not observed, and so too is it to praise good. So, his point is, yeah, we should blame evil, but we can blame evil in a way that ends up being sinful. So, for example, let's say if a priest were to hear a confession

Starting point is 00:09:35 and then blame that person publicly, he would clearly be doing an evil act since what is shared in the confessional is meant to be a secret. Or if a person should become angry when blaming his child, you know, and start shouting and throwing things. He might be right to blame evil, but you can still do that in a sinful way. Here's the third objection from Aquinas to himself. See, this is what's really cool. When you're really brilliant like Thomas Aquinas, you can sit alone in your room and just argue with yourself because nobody else can compete with you. He says, further, detraction is contrary to flattery. Therefore, Gregory says that detraction is a remedy against flattery. It must be observed, says he, that by the wonderful moderation of our ruler,

Starting point is 00:10:27 we are often allowed to be rent by detractions, but are uplifted by immoderate praise, so that whom the voice of the flatterer upraises, the tongue of the detractor may humble. But detraction is an evil, as stated above. Therefore, flattery is good. And Aquinas, in response to that, says, nothing hinders two vices being contrary to one another. Wherefore, even as detraction is evil, so is flattery, which is contrary thereto as regards what is said, but not directly as regards the end, because flattery seeks to please the person flattered, whereas the detractor seeks not the displeasure of the person defamed, since at times he defames him in secret, but seeks rather his

Starting point is 00:11:20 defamation. Okay, we're going to take a quick break now, and when we come back, we will ask the question, okay, flattery is a sin, is it a mortal sin? I would like to tell you about something more important than my podcast. Pints with Aquinas. Pint, pint, p-p-p-p-pints with Aquinas. Matt Fradd actually wrote a book on 50 plus deep thoughts from the angelic doctor. Pints with Aquinas. Here's the deal. Beer is easily lovable, but medieval monastic philosophers, they can be quite intimidating. Yet in this short, pithy book, and I don't use that word often.

Starting point is 00:12:06 In fact, I never use the word pithy. But I'm going to use it here, and you're going to agree with me. Matt Fradd made the greatest mind in the history of the church as easily accessible as your favorite beer. You'll laugh, you'll cry. Well, you won't cry. But you'll laugh, and you'll discover that this old school philosopher's wisdom is just as relevant today as it was back then. So do yourself a favor. Get a copy of this enlightening, pithy little book from Amazon right now.

Starting point is 00:12:31 And when it arrives, pour yourself a frothy pint and dig in. You'll be glad you did. Welcome back. We're going to proceed to Article 2. Welcome back. We're going to proceed to Article 2. Just a reminder to those listening that in all of these podcasts, what I've done is I've taken the text from St. Thomas Aquinas it were, or the text will come to the surface. I thought that would be really cool because I've had so many people say to me, I love this podcast, but I can't listen to it while I'm doing anything else because sometimes it's like really intense or difficult to wrap one's head around. So, you know, for those of you who might be sitting and listening, maybe you're in a bus, you know, and you want to read along, you can do that.

Starting point is 00:13:29 So, just a reminder, we're on the second part of the second part of the Summa Theologiae, question 115, and now we're moving to the second article, which has to do with whether or not flattery is a mortal sin, and this will be rather brief. It seems that flattery is a mortal sin. All right, this is the objection that Aquinas wants to respond to, okay? For according to Augustine, a thing is evil because it is harmful. But flattery is most harmful, according to Psalm 924, for the sinner is praised in the desires of his soul, and the unjust man is blessed. The sinner hath provoked the Lord. Wherefore,

Starting point is 00:14:06 Jerome says, nothing so easily corrupts the human mind as flattery. Pause. We got to pause. We got to pause. That's way awesome. We got to just go back and read that. Nothing so easily corrupts the human mind as flattery. He's talking about you, folks. He's talking about me. Have you ever noticed that you could have a hundred people tell you that you did a great job at something, but when one person critiques you, you get all offended by it, or it's the one thing that you can't stop thinking about. Doesn't that say a lot about your pride? Doesn't that say a lot about mine? A hundred people say, great job. You know, you've changed my life. That was amazing. Or that book that you wrote, or, you know, when you gave that talk, that was awesome. Or when you said that to this guy and I heard you, I thought that was really great of you. And, or when you

Starting point is 00:15:04 brought around dinner, you know, to this person when they were feeling sick, that just shows that you're a good person, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But one person might say, I don't know, I disagree with you there. I thought that was a little vain of you. Or I thought you talked too long. Or I don't know, I didn't think you had that much interesting to say. That is all we think about. So, what we need, what you need, what I need is to be humble, all right? And of course, as it's been said, humility doesn't mean thinking less about ourselves. It means thinking about ourselves less. And so, back to this quote here from Jerome, nothing so easily corrupts the human mind as flattery. One, because we like to think of ourselves in a higher light as it is. And so,

Starting point is 00:15:57 we tend to want to surround ourselves with people who say good things about us. And we tend to shun those who have like critiques of us, or we'll start speaking negatively about them. We'll find things about them as a way of dismissing them. But really we need both, I suppose. But more than both, what we need is to be humble. Because if one is truly humble, it's like trying to paint the sky. You might throw a bucket of paint up in the air to try and paint the sky or paint the air. You won't be able to. And the reason that is, obviously, there's nothing there for it to stick to. And if you and I are truly humble, whether people throw praise at us or throw blame at us, ultimately it's not going to stick because our identity is grounded not in the opinions of others, but in our identity as being sons and daughters of God. All right, let's see what

Starting point is 00:16:58 Aquinas has to say in regards to this objection, which tries to say flattery is a mortal sin. On the contrary, Augustine, in a sermon on purgatory, reckons among slight sins, quote, if one desires to flatter any person of higher standing, whether one of one's own choice or out of necessity. So I answer that, says St. Thomas, as stated above, a mortal sin is one that is contrary to charity. Now, flattery is sometimes contrary to charity and sometimes not. It's contrary to charity in three ways. First, by reason of the very matter, as when one man praises another's sin, for this Isaiah 5.20, which says, Woe to you that call evil good. So, we might think of an example here. It might be,

Starting point is 00:18:08 suppose someone that you'd love gets an abortion and you know that this is gravely evil or you should know that it's gravely evil, but you don't want to hurt their feelings. You want them to like you. Maybe it's someone in power over you, like a boss, and they ask you your opinion and you say something, no, no, abortion is a good thing, you know, and good for you for doing it. You know, you've got your career to think about or something like that. Well, in that case, Aquinas is going to say, yes, this is grave matter and therefore may be a mortal sin. And he quotes Isaiah, woe to you that call evil good. All right, now here's another reason flattery can be contrary to charity. He says, secondly, by reason of the intention, as when one man flatters another, so that by deceiving him, he may injure him in body or in soul. This is also a mortal sin.

Starting point is 00:19:09 And of this it is written, sorry, in Proverbs 27.6, better are the wounds of a friend than the deceitful kisses of an enemy. Better are the wounds of a friend than the deceitful kisses of an enemy. So, in that sense, it could be a mortal sin as well. You can't help but think, of Judas, who said to those who wished to capture Christ, I will go and kiss the man, and that way you'll know it's Jesus and you'll know to arrest him. Now, of course, betraying Christ in and of itself, receiving the money and going through with this, the whole thing was a mortal sin. But in a certain sense, we could say that act of flattery that Judas gave to Christ was itself a grave sin because he wasn't flattering Christ to tell him of his greatness. Instead, he was flattering him in order to, well, in a way,

Starting point is 00:20:17 to deceive him of what was about to come upon him. Now, thirdly, here's the third reason he says that flattery can be contrary to charity. By way of occasion, and when the praise of a flatterer, even without his intending it, becomes to another an occasion of sin. On this case, it is necessary to consider whether the occasion were given or taken and how grievous the consequent downfall, as may be understood from what has been said above concerning scandal. If, however, one man flatters another from the mere craving to please others, or again, in order to avoid some evil, or to acquire something in a case of necessity. This is not contrary to charity. Consequently, it is not a mortal, but a venial sin. So, what we spoke about earlier, when you say something nice to someone, maybe repeatedly, because deep down you want them to like you.

Starting point is 00:21:19 Well, that isn't a virtuous thing, but if we're not cognizant of it, it's certainly not a mortal sin and may not even be a venial sin. And even if we know that we're doing it, you know, in order to please that person, so they might like us, or to get something in the case of necessity, this wouldn't be a mortal sin either. But some interesting things to think about. Next week, I'm pretty excited about this one. We're going to be talking about confession. And the reason we're going to be talking about confession is that I've had people tweet me,

Starting point is 00:21:53 at Matt Fradd is my Twitter handle, by the way, M-A-T-T-F-R-A-D-D, and tell me that they really want to hear Aquinas' opinion on the sacrament of confession. So I'll be listening to that. In the meantime, do me a favor. Would you please rate Pints with Aquinas on iTunes? That would mean a lot to me.

Starting point is 00:22:13 Thank you very much. And also shoot me a tweet, you know, and let me know what you thought of today's podcast. If I get your feedback, it helps me to adjust the episodes so that they're more interesting and more helpful. If I get your feedback, it helps me to adjust the episodes so that they're more interesting and more helpful. By the way, if you hashtag PintsWithAquinas, you know, I will almost always retweet it. So you might want to do that. Until next week, God bless you. I would give my whole life to carry you, to carry you. To carry you, to carry you.

Starting point is 00:22:54 And I would give my whole life to carry you, to carry you. And I would give my whole life to carry you, to carry you, to carry you.

Pints With Aquinas - 31: Is flattery a sin?

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