Pints With Aquinas - 41.5: Jesus Christ, the fulfillment of all desire

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to Pints with Aquinas, episode 41.5. I'm Matt Fradd. Today I'd like to share with you a bit of a meditation on the first two chapters of Song of Songs. Not something we usually do on this podcast, but I feel led to do it. You'll enjoy the show, I'm sure. Thank you for being with us. As I say, 41.5. Yeah, 41.5. Sometimes I'll do these 0.5 episodes when I want to say something or share something that's not in the regular weekly routine.

Starting point is 00:00:49 And I just feel led by our Lord to share with you a few things about my relationship with our Lord through the book of Song of Songs. And maybe you're not interested in that because this is primarily an apologetics podcast, I suppose, or a philosophical one. And we don't often share a lot, do we, from the heart and experientially and that sort of thing. So, if it doesn't interest you, then that's okay. You can stop listening to it. But I do feel led to sort of share a little bit about my relationship with Christ because I have shared quite a bit on this podcast and I hope this will be a blessing. I found out the other day that Pints with Aquinas has been downloaded.

Starting point is 00:01:36 We've been going since what, May of last year, I think. So it hasn't even been a year, but well over a quarter of a million downloads. And I looked into how many countries had been downloading the podcast, right? I knew the States, I knew Canada, I figured Australia, England maybe. But I didn't know how many countries had downloaded the podcast. Guess how many? 115. I couldn't believe it. 115 different countries have downloaded at some point or another Pints with Aquinas. So wherever you are listening to me from, thanks for tuning in. I was 17 years old when I came to Jesus Christ, or when he came to me. I went on a trip to Rome,

Starting point is 00:02:22 Italy, because it was a free trip and I was 17 and it sounded like a fun idea. I didn't expect to come back like one of those uber happy Christians that you wish would shut up for five minutes and stop being so happy, but I did. It was a game changer and that was over 10 years ago and as I've studied the faith, as I've read the works of Aquinas and other intellectuals in the Catholic tradition, I've found myself to be only more convinced of the truth of it. Doesn't mean I don't have questions, doesn't mean there aren't things that bother me, even intellectually that bother me. But I think the fact is, no matter what worldview one adopts, one is going to find some things he's not

Starting point is 00:03:05 sure how to reconcile as neatly as he'd like. Or put it this way, if you have found a worldview and you no longer have any questions, that might not be a sign that you found the right one. You know, we are finite creatures after all. And anyway, I want to talk about my relationship with our blessed Lord, and it's my hope, as I've said before, that these podcasts will help lead you into a more deeper relationship with Jesus Christ, because that really is my point, not to sort of fill us with head knowledge so that we can sound smart or quote philosophers to different people and that sort of thing.

Starting point is 00:03:44 The whole point is the truth, you know, that sort of thing. The whole point is the truth. And I think that's Jesus Christ. You might not, and that's okay. Thanks for listening anyway. I'd like to begin by reading Song of Songs. Let's see here. Probably chapter two. Listen to this. By the way, I have to say, I think Song of Songs is my favorite book in all of scripture. It speaks to my heart like really none other, no other. As an apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with

Starting point is 00:04:33 raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love. Oh, that his left hand were under my head, and that his right hand embraced me. This line, as an apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among young men. This is very much how I view our Lord, and I'm sure how many of you do too. If you think of a great forest, an apple tree is probably the least impressive tree that you'll come across. It's not grand. It's not high, you know. And yet, among all of these impressive trees, it's the only one that can feed you. And in my life, as I continue to journey throughout it,

Starting point is 00:05:24 And in my life, as I continue to journey throughout it, I find myself continually being impressed by things that aren't of God, things of this world, but they can't feed me. They don't work. Jesus works. I know he works. And I'm sure that's been many of your experiences as well. We become overcome with the glamour of the world, and we set up camp, as it were, around this or that particular person

Starting point is 00:05:53 or philosophy or device or thing. But it's short-lived because it always disappoints. That is, it can't feed us. lived because it always disappoints. That is, it can't feed us. And so, my coming to Christ is very much like what the author of Song of Songs said, probably Solomon. He says, with great delight, I sat in his shadow. My coming to Christ was sort of like wandering through a gigantic forest, not knowing where to turn, not even really knowing what I was looking for, but being hungry and not finding what I didn't know I was after from these many grand trees. And then finding the one tree that gave me what I didn't

Starting point is 00:06:42 even know I was hungering for. And then what did I do? By God's grace, I just sat in the shade of this tree. I came into the church and I sat in the shade of Christ and he fed me. He fed me with virtue. He fed me with his body and blood in the Holy Eucharist, and he fed me with these sacred scriptures. And this caught my heart on fire for him. Yeah, I'm sick with love. I'm sick with love. What a beautiful line. I'm not really sure what that means. I don't know how to explain it in a very intelligent way, but somehow when I hear it, I do know what it means, even if I'm unable to talk about it. I know what it's like to pant, to long, to ache, to yearn for the only one who I really want, you know? So when I turn to porn or anger or alcohol or ego or any of these other trees that can't feed, and I pretend that they can or something. I'm always disappointed,

Starting point is 00:07:48 and I'm always hurt, and I'm never fed. But when I turned to Christ and I experienced his love, I became so happy. I often talk about this in some of my presentations. Perhaps you've been at one. Where I talk about I came home as one of, perhaps you've been at one, where I talk about I came home as one of these ridiculously happy Christians and everyone said, would you just shut up, please? You know, you're a little over the top. You know, I would go to the same parties I used to get drunk at and bring my Bible and talk about Jesus. And looking back, I see why that, you know, wasn't necessarily a successful means of evangelization or a good strategy, but it was almost like I wasn't even thinking of strategy. I was just in love and saying the sorts of things

Starting point is 00:08:29 lovers do. You know, when I fell in love with my wife, Cameron, I couldn't shut up about her and would keep talking about her to people who would, you know, maybe rather that I change the subject. this uh this always touches my heart this uh this next bit and i'm probably going to cry like an idiot as i read this and it's not intentional i'm not trying to make myself emotional to make it dramatic or something it's just that i don't i don't know if i've ever been able to really read this properly and and not and not to get choked up it's from verse 8 in chapter 2. I'll just read it and then we'll talk about it a little. The voice of my beloved. Behold, he comes, leaping on the mountains, bounding over the hills.

Starting point is 00:09:15 My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands, behind our wall, gazing in at the windows, looking through the lattice. My beloved speaks and says to me, Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is past. The rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth. The time of singing has come. And the voice of the turtle dove is heard in our land.

Starting point is 00:09:57 The fig tree puts forth its figs and the vines are in blossom. They give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away, my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the covert of the cliff. Let me see your face. Let me hear your voice. Your voice is sweet. Your face is comely.

Starting point is 00:10:24 Catch us, the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vineyard, for our vineyards are in blossom. Beautiful. I want to back up just a second before I explain a little bit about that passage. In verse 4 of chapter 2, it says, after talking about sitting in the shadow, it says, he brought me into his panqueting house and his banner over me was love. And I talked about being fed by the body and blood of Christ, fed by his word, given virtue by him. But this idea of his banner over me is love. You know, they tell me that when a, and I'm sure this is perhaps common knowledge, but when an army would take a city, one of the first things they do is what?

Starting point is 00:11:10 Well, they take down the other flag and they raise their own. And in my coming to Christ, in my conversion to him, it was very much like that, that I'm now property of our Lord, a slave to him, if you will. We don't like that word, a servant, whatever you want to say, but I'm somehow, the life I now live is not mine, but it's his. Now, I was at a conference recently last year, and a lady, Sister Miriam, who I love, and if you don't know Sister Miriam as you should, she's beautiful. She gave a talk and she talked about the love of God.

Starting point is 00:11:53 And it was one of the most painful things I've ever heard. And it was a very beautiful, strange experience. And I wasn't quite sure what was happening to me at the time. I think now I do. But it was this tremendous sense of, well, what Peter says to Jesus when he experiences our Lord's miracle of bringing in the fish. What does he say? Get away from me. I'm a sinful man. And that's sort of what I was going through as I was encountering our Lord. This is how I, at best, this is how I know how to explain it. It's probably not very sufficient, but here goes. I had this deep sense of maybe the Lord can cleanse me of my sin,

Starting point is 00:12:41 that is, wash me, but what if he does that? And underneath, I'm just deeply fractured, irreparable. There's this sense that I'm too much, you know, like I'm too talkative. I'm too, yeah, just tremendous shame, really, for who I was and who I wasn't. That's what I was experiencing. And this verse really spoke to me. And some of you are going to understand this. Some of you won't. And that's kind of painful. And I thought about this before the podcast. For some reason, I feel a lot more comfortable sharing so openly to tens of thousands of you who download this podcast regularly than I would speaking one-on-one to you because we all have had the experience where we try to explain something rather personal and profound and it's not received and it's crushing. Well, I don't know if you're receiving it or not, so I'm not as crushed. But that said, some of you won't understand this. But those who do, you will, obviously.

Starting point is 00:13:41 Our Lord, our Lord, our beautiful Lord comes after us and he sings to us and he has this explosive energy and joy and he pursues us, doesn't he? And there's this line here, behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing in at the lattice, looking, sorry, gazing in at the window, looking through the lattice. And notice those three things, wall, window, lattice. It's as if our Lord's coming closer and closer to us because behind the wall, I can hear him, but I can't see him. Behind a window, I can see him, but maybe I can't hear him very well because it's still separating me entirely from him. And then the lattice is sort of, you know, the wood crisscrossed over each other so that there's openings in this

Starting point is 00:14:33 barrier now. So, he's coming closer to you. He's coming closer to me. And then he says something lovely. He says, arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. The sense that our Lord is calling us on the adventure of holiness. He's calling us to become who we are. He's calling us to become fully alive. And he says, the winter's past, the rain is over and gone. In other words, all that you have done to find satiation, all of these grandiose trees you spent your time pursuing and standing around, he's not that interested.

Starting point is 00:15:18 He knows you need him, he knows you want him, and that's why he's here. And he says, come away with me. and that's why he's here. And he says, come away with me. Now, my reaction to our Lord saying these things is to swear at him. I don't want to do that. I just find myself doing it because I don't believe him. When he calls me his beloved, when he calls me his fair one, I want to say, shut up and go away, you idiot. You shouldn't say those sorts of things to Jesus. But that's what I want to say. And I want to say it because I don't believe him. And to the degree in which we haven't been transformed into Christ, you're probably like me.

Starting point is 00:16:06 You know, I don't believe you. I've said before, I think often Christianity isn't too hard to believe. It's too good. So there you go. Go away, Lord. And I say what Peter said, but I say things in perhaps fouler language. Because I just don't believe him. I've bought into things in the

Starting point is 00:16:25 past that promised me so much and left me with nothing and I'm not that interested. Go away. And he keeps speaking tenderly to me and to you. You know, the time for singing has come and our Lord isn't at all put out by our hesitation. He's grinning from ear to ear and there's a melody in his voice as he beckons us. Arise, my love, my fair one, come away. I love this line in verse 14. Oh, my dove in the clefts of the rock, in the covert of the cliff, let me see your face. And so we have this beautiful analogy, this beautiful rather image of a dove burying its head in the crevice

Starting point is 00:17:07 of a rock because it doesn't want to look at Jesus. And my reason, at least the best way I know how to explain it is just how I did. I don't believe you. Go away. Leave me alone. What is it that you need? Leave me with my Netflix and my small loves because you scare me. I don't know who you are. You seem a little crazy and unsafe. But he says, let me see your face. Let me hear your voice for your voice is sweet. Your face is comely. And again, I want to say what I said before, leave me alone, Lord, but he woos us. He woos us. Catch us the little foxes that spoil the vineyard. Now, of course, there might be multiple interpretations of this, but for me, the vineyard

Starting point is 00:18:06 is the work of holiness Christ is doing in the soul, and the foxes are perhaps different things. They might be evil thoughts or sins or vices in our life that are trying to disrupt the work of virtue and sanctity that our Lord is doing. Perhaps they can be just evil suggestions or lies, lies perhaps of who we are and who God is and what will make us happy. And so our Lord invites us on this adventure and says, catch the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vineyard. You know, let us do it together. I don't know much about the spiritual life, brothers and sisters, but I feel myself falling

Starting point is 00:18:47 in love with our Lord all over again. A priest friend of mine said that we ought to have a different conversion story every year. And maybe that's not true of you. Maybe you can point back to something that took place several years ago, but your relationship with our Lord hasn't been that beautiful or profound. And please don't get the wrong impression. Most of the times I go to prayer, I just sort of say my set prayers. I don't feel any of this stuff. I don't cry. I don't feel warm and fuzzy at all. But perhaps read this verse and listen to this chapter, chapter two of Song of Songs and let our Lord woo you, speak to you. And don't be afraid to say things back to him that you might not say in polite company. I mean, read the Psalms. You know, David said

Starting point is 00:19:32 whatever was on his heart. And I think that honesty is something we shouldn't be afraid to imitate. Imitate our Lord. Sorry, imitate King David. And just be honest. Alright, I feel kind of naked right now sharing all that. My beloved is mine and I am his. My beloved is mine and I am his. Say that throughout today. That's verse 16 of chapter 2.

Starting point is 00:20:02 My beloved is mine and I am his. Say that throughout today. My beloved is mine and I am his. No one will get you the way God gets you. And when you and I find security in who we are before him, we cease to care as much about what other people think of us. I often see in our society two things, you know, this vulgarity and meanness towards each other. But also, on the other hand, a sort of being overly nice. Yeah, overly nice. And I think one of the reasons we're overly nice, if you're like that,

Starting point is 00:20:40 I've fallen into the trap of doing that where I flatter people and these sorts of things. I'm overly nice because I'm terribly concerned about what you think about me. And I'm terribly concerned about what you think about me because I don't know what I think about me. And I don't know what I think about me because I haven't listened to what the beloved has said about me. What has He said about me? Well, He calls me His love. He calls me His fair one. He says beautiful things to me,

Starting point is 00:21:11 and too often I'm preoccupied and listening to something else. But today, over the next week, speak to Him, yearn for Him. I find our Lord often comes and, I put it this way, He takes me away with him. And when the Lord comes to take you away, you don't ask him where he's taking you. And this might sound silly, but it might be something like a memory of my childhood, my mom shuffling about the kitchen in her slippers and dad watching the football and the smell of pizza in the air that my dad used to cook every Friday night and still does, I think. And I find within me this incredible

Starting point is 00:21:51 ache and desire for what was beautiful and good and is no longer and these sorts of things. And I think sometimes that this is our Lord inviting us to direct that sort of ache and desire toward Him. Because Jesus is the fulfillment of all our desire. You know, not slippers, not pizza, not football, not dad in the lounge room. What we long for is this comfort, this familiarity, this being safe. And this is what we find in our Lord, in our relationship with Him. So just a thought that as our Lord might come to take you away in these different memories and these different things that well up within us, direct that, not at mutable things, you know, because it doesn't work when you bring an infinite desire to a mutable good, you end up addicted, usually, or thoroughly disappointed and and depressed or both. But turn

Starting point is 00:22:48 your gaze to him and say, Lord, I love you. I want you. I want you. I don't even know what I mean when I say that I want you, but I know that I want you because I want joy. I want peace. I want good. You've told me that you love me. I'm not sure if I believe you. Would you tell me that you love me I'm not sure if I believe you would you tell me that you love me until I finally do Amen Thanks guys

Pints With Aquinas - 41.5: Jesus Christ, the fulfillment of all desire

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