Pints With Aquinas - BONUS: Me and the Mrs Answer YOUR Questions

Episode Date: November 4, 2019

Wow! Today me and Cammie (the Mrs.) answer your questions. Hope you enjoy ... even though it has exactly nothing to do with Thomas Aquinas. SPONSORS EL Investments: https://www.elinvestments.net/pints Exodus 90: https://exodus90.com/mattfradd/  Hallow: http://hallow.app/mattfradd  STRIVE: https://www.strive21.com/  GIVING Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mattfradd This show (and all the plans we have in store) wouldn't be possible without you. I can't thank those of you who support me enough. Seriously! Thanks for essentially being a co-producer coproducer of the show. LINKS Website: https://pintswithaquinas.com/ Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/matt-fradd FREE 21 Day Detox From Porn Course: https://www.strive21.com/ SOCIAL Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mattfradd Twitter: https://twitter.com/mattfradd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mattfradd MY BOOKS  Does God Exist: https://www.amazon.com/Does-God-Exist-Socratic-Dialogue-ebook/dp/B081ZGYJW3/ref=sr_1_9?dchild=1&keywords=fradd&qid=1586377974&sr=8-9 Marian Consecration With Aquinas: https://www.amazon.com/Marian-Consecration-Aquinas-Growing-Closer-ebook/dp/B083XRQMTF/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=fradd&qid=1586379026&sr=8-4 The Porn Myth: https://www.ignatius.com/The-Porn-Myth-P1985.aspx CONTACT Book me to speak: https://www.mattfradd.com/speakerrequestform

Hello and welcome to Pints with Aquinas. My name is Matt Fradd. This is a bonus episode in which I share with you an episode that I just recorded with my wife, Cameron Fradd, who is a super cool woman. I mean, don't get me wrong, she married up, but you know, still super cool. This is an episode for Among the Lilies, which is her podcast. It is a podcast for ladies who are tired of pretending and are ready to be real. There is so much fake, just junk out there. I showed this to my wife the other day. We were on Instagram and there was a photo of this woman

and she was very beautiful. It was a beautiful photo of her just taking a selfie in her car or something. Very attractive woman. And in the description, it said, I know I look super tired, but... And I'm like, shut your fat face. You are, you know, I thought, what would happen if I wrote back and went, yeah, you do look super tired.

I hope you feel better. She'd be offended probably because she didn't look tired at all. She looked bloody amazing. And it was just, both of us really threw up. Anyway, her, if you're sick of that junk, then my wife is the person to listen to. If you think I am like a little abrasive sometimes, Pines listeners, a little too much, then don't listen to my wife because there's that line from Friends. I forget who says it.

It's like, you have crossed the line. You are so far past the line. The line is a dot to you. I don't know what context that was said, But my wife, the lion is a dot to her So, anyway, I hope you enjoy the show Go, why don't we just process it on the air Okay Go

Okay, so Welcome to Among the Lilies This is a show for ladies who are tired of pretending And are ready to be real I'm your host, Cameron Fradd And today I am talking with my wonderful, handsome husband, Matt Fradd. Do you know if you ask my kids what my name is, they say Cameron, and if you ask them what their dad's name is, they say Matt Fradd. Like it's one word,

they don't. Which is funny. I think they know that I also am a Fradd, but my name's just Cameron, because enough people come up to them and say, hey, is your dad Matt Frat? Or he'll do a video or something and it's Matt Frat. One word. My favorite. You want to take a seat, love? We only have one seat.

We got rid of that chair, that big comfy chair we would both sit in. That was, I mean, I know why you, I'll try and sit. The other thing I love about Chiara Luce, my beautiful daughter, seven-year-old, is when she's like playing with me, she'll call me Daddy Fratty. What's up, Daddy Fratty? Anyway, what just happened? Well, I just got off the phone with a friend that lives in the neighborhood who is more in the know.

I don't know about you guys, so we've never lived in an HOA before. This is our first house that we've owned. This is the first house that we've rented or owned that's like in an HOA, Home Owners Association for non-Americans. I don't think HOAs exist in the rest of the world. I really think it's just an American thing. And this is the first time that we've lived in a neighborhood with an HOA. So randomly we'll get letters saying,

we've noticed that a car has been parked out in front of your house overnight and that's against the HOA rules. Or we've noticed that you're using your side lawn, which wasn't technically our sign line. We basically, we had some damage outside of our driveway. Our friend put rocks there to cover the damage and fill a hole. And then we also used to park Matt's Jeep because it's convenient to park a Jeep on rocks. And at the time we had someone else that was living with us. So we had three vehicles and our driveway is very narrow. So we were using it as a parking spot. So we got a nice letter from the HOA saying,

we've noticed that you're using your side lawn as a parking lot. That is against the rules and covenants of this HOA. So if you could kindly stop doing that, or we will be taking away your privileges of the tennis court and pool, which means a lot to me. I love our neighborhood pool. So I immediately said, okay, we won't park there anymore. Don't worry. Please don't get mad at us. So recently, we like books. No, we've always liked books.

That's not a recent thing. We've always liked books. There's some really cool towns. And there's this cool area of Atlanta called Decatur. And they have these great little neighborhood mailboxes. I feel like maybe I saw some in San Diego too. Maybe it's a thing all over the place. It's these cool little mini libraries. They look like a really big mailbox or a really tiny library. People think it kind of looks like a birdcage, but much bigger. So big birdcage, tiny library. And you basically, you put your old books in it and then people can drive by and switch out. So they can take some of your old books, give them some of their old books, give them some of their old

books, or you can just borrow a book, read it, put it back in. And it's just, it kind of promotes community and it's fun. Do you want to talk more about what mailboxes are? Yeah. Yeah. Well, we were in New Zealand. I was giving some lectures out there. I said lectures.

That sounds way more fancy than talks. I should keep doing that. I was giving some talks out in New Zealand, lectures in New Zealand. And while I was there, we were staying at an Airbnb in Auckland. Yes. Yes. We loved Auckland. One of those beautiful little mailboxes up the road.

And I thought, bloody hell, Cameron. What did I say? Library box? Library. You said mailbox. Oh, gosh. Yeah, I did too. Yeah, so I said, gee, Cameron, we're going to bloody do this.

I'm going to go home and build it. And she went, really? Well, I'm not going to build it, but I'm going to make one of my friends build it. And so that's kind of what we did. Shout out to Mac Barron from, what's his podcast called? Catholics from a Small Town? I think so. Yeah.

So he made it with me. And by made it with me, I meant I held the piece of wood while he went, no, no, no, do it this way. It is really beautiful. Like it's a beautiful wooden little library and it's gorgeous. And you can probably fit like 50 books in it and it's lovely. And there's a door, it's going to be a glass door. Matt and the kids started painting it white today. It's just really nice. We put it in the front of our property. We have kind of a bigger property. So like on the far corner, just so it wouldn't be in our way. And, um, but it's like, as people are walking down the street, we live in a neighbor, we're in the very back of a neighborhood. And if you go left out of

our driveway, there's like, I feel like this is getting way too in the weeds and boring. Sorry. Okay. Anyhow, there's multiple cul-de-sacs near us. A lot of people, not a lot of people, but the people that live back here walk by and we're thinking it would be nice to offer good books. We have lots of great books. So anyway, so we're going to get a bunch of good, let me just quickly do this, okay? We're going to get a lot of good books.

People can pick up the freaking books, okay? And when they put in their 50 Shades of Stupid books, we're going to set them on fire and then put better books in there by Lewis and Tolkien and Dostoevsky, et cetera. That's what we're doing. We set it up. Someone said they don't like it there. They said they hateA, you should check with them. We need to wrap this

up quickly. This is getting boring because the point of this podcast is we're going to answer a bunch of awesome questions that came in. Maybe it's not boring. Maybe it's just because I know the story. Okay, someone just called you. What do they say? Okay, so I had a good chat with someone that also is associated with the HOA. Why are we telling them this? Well, most neighborhoods, I feel like, are a lot of older people on the HOA. And some of them are lovely, like Dr. Peter Kreeft. Oh, he's such a beautiful, lovely old man.

And others are really like, don't do this, don't do that, and are really uptight and angry. And they probably have arthritis or something, and that's so sad. And I'm so sorry you have diseases and stuff. And that's just really rough. So anyhow, the person that I talked to said,

no, it's your property. Do what you want. It's beautiful. Like I'm not talking about an ugly, trashy, we put an extra mailbox up. Let's put a photo up for everybody. Yes, I will put a photo up on Instagram. Okay.

But if it's on Patreon, we'll let everyone check. You don't have to be a patron to see it. That's just the easiest way for me. I'll put a link, patreon.com slash Matt Frank. Click it. See the cool box. Or slash Among the Lilies. Either or, it'll be on there.

We'll show you the really cool box. The kids were painting it today. It looks beautiful, and I'm so excited. So anyhow, someone talked to us about it and said we had to check with HOA. We're not going to. We're just going to do it. Because you know what, people? It is easier to ask, no, it is easier to ask forgiveness than it

is to ask permission. So I'm all about living my life to the full, doing what I feel the Lord is calling me to do, even putting up mailboxes and little library mailboxes. So very large mailboxes or miniature libraries in my front yard to help America be more literate, okay? Kids walk by from the school bus and I just think it would be good for them to have a good book to read, so it's easier to ask forgiveness than

permission, so HOA please forgive me for not asking your permission I thought this was America not communist China right? Shout out to our Chinese listeners alright so what are we going to do we love all of you Chinese

listeners so I thought this could be a podcast that we put why does this bloody thing keep twisting back and forth it's very annoying I don't know he's talking about the microphone just you know so I thought we could put this both on my web, like Pints with Aquinas and Among the Lilies.

Great idea. So what I did is I wrote to my patrons and I asked them if they had any questions. I said, any questions you'd like to ask us about dating, family, marriage, sex? I said, we are total experts and all our answers are guaranteed to change your life. Oh, wow.

I did not did you did you write questions to people uh yes i also asked for questions but i said we are not experts and what we say will not change your life no wonder i got so many more questions all right so do you want to just take them one at a time sure all right this first one comes from stephanie horvath i remember chatting with stephanie Thanks so much for being a supporter. You say, I love that you call her your bride. I think it's sweet and romantic. When did you start doing this

and where did you get it from? I think I've just always said that, right? Yeah, it is interesting though because different people do call their spouses different things. I remember Charity Hill and Connor, he calls her my beloved, which honestly feels a little over the top.

I just want to tell him to calm the hell down. No, but she's pretty amazing. She is a beloved. If you live in the Austin area, you can have a new BFF. Message me. I'll hook you up. She's new to the area. Okay, my podcast, no offense, is a lot bigger than your podcast. So I just don't think that you should just throw that invitation out.

Bigger does not mean better. So my ladies, message me. Matt's people, don't message me. You're bigger, but it doesn't mean you're better. You know what I'm saying? Like I've had a podcast before where someone threw out their number. Like, you, you sure you want to do that? And he was totally overwhelmed, couldn't keep up.

So that's what I'm saying. Like you've got your cute little woman's podcast. Very good. Good for you you but pints wow okay because pints doesn't have ovaries it's better is that what you're saying that the population of humanity exists because of women you're welcome okay all right i'm not even going to go down that road because clearly people exist because they're impregnated women are are impregnated. So, okay. Where's Timothy Gordon? Give Timothy Gordon a call. We'll put him on. I am not chubby. You son of a bastard. Okay. So I just, I don't know. I've always called her my bride. Next question comes from Michaela Acker says, did you

know what married life really was Before you got married If not what were some misconceptions you had I love your honesty both of you Yes Yeah I had no idea Like Yeah it is I grew up in a family

Without boys so I was just fascinating With all things boys Like I don't think I ever saw a boy like I just yeah so I obviously lived with my dad um it was very different than having a husband and I was just kind of fascinated by everything that was Matt and um it was fun learning and experiencing things but now having boy children as well I don't appreciate cleaning toilets after boys. It's not as easy as cleaning after females. Marriage is awesome and amazing. It's a lot. It's intense. You can't, I know people that are trying to get everything worked out prior to

marriage. And one of my, one of my patrons in particular that I'm thinking of right now, whose fiance is just going through a lot. And I think he thinks that, and I'm not using names, but I love this girl and I'm praying for her and her fiance. But I think he thinks he has to have all of his shit together before he can get married. We don't swear on Pines with Aquinas. Oh, I'm very surprised by that.

Cause I never swore before I met and married Matt Fradd, and now I do. So I think it's mainly because of him that I curse. And breastfeeding our first child, I think I cursed maybe five times in my whole life prior to that moment. I had a priest in our lounge room, and 50 curse words came out of my mouth in the first two seconds. You were on a roll, though. You were sharing something. I'm sorry I cut you off. This person thinks they have to have all their my mouth in the first two seconds. You were on a roll, though. You were sharing something.

I'm sorry I cut you off. This person thinks they have to have all their stuff together in order to. Yes. So he currently is wanting to postpone the wedding and thinking he's not quite ready. You can't postpone a wedding until you're ready to get married. Damn. Wait, what? I think in the aspect that you can't just postpone something. You can't have

all of your stuff together and then be like, okay, now I'm ready to enter this vocation. You'll never enter a vocation, whether you're trying to get all your stuff together to enter a religious order or a marriage. Like you can't like, yes, you need to work out some things, but you can't have everything sorted prior to marriage. So I feel like in the beginning of our marriage, we had a lot that we were sorting and working through and dealing with, right? Yeah, no, totally, totally. No, and I see exactly what you mean.

Obviously, there are certain issues that if you were struggling with, you should be honest about them and delay the marriage, right? And maybe you're not in a place to get married. But I think what you're talking about is those like myriad of things that we just are never going to have together. I think it was Scott Hahn who said, if I was to wait, if Kimberly and I were to wait, have waited until we were ready to get married, we still wouldn't be married, you know, because we're just not ready. So I think for me, gosh, what to say about marriage? The question is, what married life

was really like? I mean, obviously, you can't know what married life was really like. I mean, obviously you can't know what married life was really like. I'm glad that we got married young-ish. I was very young. Well, yeah, I guess relatively. I was 23. You were what, 30, I think? We both were in our early 20s when we got married. And I think that is young, actually. One of my friends that I really look up to her and her husband they were even younger than us I think she I don't know how old they were but I

they just have such a good beautiful marriage and I think it's because they did grow up together and I think that you are my best friend sometimes we fight and we fight a lot and it's hard and intense and very passionate and but i'm so thankful yeah i think like i think um i look i just think people are so bloody different i know people who

have the personalities of golden retrievers and they marry each other and they never fight and they kind of and you get advice from them right about how like why you shouldn't fight and i just think yeah but my wife and i are like freaking intense people so we actually fight a lot we're kangaroos we stand on our tail i think what with our little hands i think what we need to learn how to do is to fight clean right to not fight dirty i think that's the kind of thing we're learning um but yeah um marriage is good. It's... Okay, so here's the thing. I think, and I was just learning this the other day, I was speaking to Dr. Ray Garendi, for any of you who know him. Him and I went out to lunch together because we were

speaking at a conference in Nebraska. And he was saying like frustration happens when you don't, you know, get what you intended to or expected to. And so if you're aiming for this, raise your hand high up in the air. That's the goal. That's the ideal. And then you never reach it. You reach down kind of by your eyes if you're kind of... I'm using a visual here with my hands.

You're going to be frustrated. And I have a melancholic disposition. So I tend to be very idealistic about how the house should look, how sex should be, how our kids should dress, how, you know, just how we should look in public. Like, I have this ideal, and it often doesn't meet it. And that's not because my family's not incredible. It is. It's just to say that I have this unrealistic, very often ideal about marriage and that creates frustration. And something I'm learning to do more and more is to step back and say like, is that ideal even realistic? You know, like, yeah, I guess, I mean, someone said this to me the other day, it was Trent Horn, actually, we were driving to the airport and he said when he grew up, you know, like, yeah, his parents always had a tidy house, but he remembers when he grew up you know like yeah his parents always

had a tidy house but he remembers being yelled at you know and i shouldn't use him as an example i should use myself um you know he remembers being you know yelled at and feeling and so he's like you know now 20 years later does the does the house matter no but does the fact that i was yelled at matter like kind of like i still feel that you know and that was the same with me and i think that's the same with a lot of us. I wish I knew how to be cool with having a, I'm getting better at it actually. I think today I was pretty good.

So anyway, that's just to say, I think that's an important thing too. Like we have these ideals and like life is messy and people are broken and just learning patience with each other and with ourselves is crucial for a good marriage, I think. I have a follow-up question or like a side note from the same question from one of my patrons, who I'm leaving anonymous. My husband and I have been married for about six months. It has honestly

been really hard. I bring things up that I think could improve in our marriage, and he just feels like I'm saying he's a horrible husband. I feel like we were much better friends before we got married and now we're needing to build our friendship back up after the changes and challenges we faced in the beginning months of our marriage. To make the question even more applicable in general, what advice do you have to set a good foundation early on in marriage, especially when you've been fighting a lot already? Thank you so much. My first thought is to have sex with him a lot. Like that would honestly be my advice. Like you should have sex with him a lot and then you should talk to him. Because I think like men, if a man knows he's respected, he'll listen to you. Any man. I don't care if he has a PhD,

if he's a blue collared worker, if he lives on the street, if a man knows you respect him, he will listen to you. If a man doesn't feel respected, it's like men are allergic to the idea that they're the problem, I think in some ways. But a man ought to be respected by his wife. And so what you're bringing up, it may not be critical from your point of view, but to him, it may feel disrespectful. He might see it as you telling him, here are the ways that you're failing. So I guess my advice from a man's perspective is to love him well, love him, like, again, have sex with your husband and show him you love him, that you want

him, that you desire him. And I think when you're in that state, I think a man is often a lot more open to hearing things. And again, if someone, like people will misunderstand this and think, I think people misunderstand this, right? They think it's all about sex. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that very often men get this sense of, I am loved, I am wanted. I am welcomed. I am accepted. I'm respected through the sexual act and women may too, but I think for men it's very particular and that if that's not happening, then he's already not feeling respected. This is just something I hear from a lot of men. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think?

So if there is a criticism or an area that he could approve upon in the marriage that she's very well aware of, is she better off biting her tongue until after sex and then bringing it up then? Is that kind of what you're saying? I mean, I'm partly being hyperbolic, right, in sharing this. Obviously, advice to my husband feels I'm criticizing him is clearly not have sex more, right? Obviously, I get that I'm being a little hyperbolic. But in some ways, I'm being a little hyperbolic, but in some ways I'm not. I think if you're fighting, coming together, you know, there's things, times in the day, like you'll bring something up and I'll feel offended by it.

But I'm like, I know there's other times if you brought it up, I'd be super open to hearing it. And, you know, you might also kind of look, look, I don't mean to push this all on you. This might be him. Without knowing the intimate details of your life, you know, maybe he's a schmuck that just needs to grow this all on you. This might be him. Without knowing the intimate details of your life, you know, maybe he's a schmuck that just needs to grow up. Maybe you are, right? Like maybe you as the woman asking this question are just critical and too idealistic and have unrealistic

expectations of how marriage ought to be and how he ought to be. I don't know. It's probably somewhere in the middle. I think that's something Jose Maria Escriva said, that when it comes to your fights, he's like, usually you're both wrong. And the truth lies somewhere in the middle. It was a psychologist who was talking about talking with your kids. And if you tell them everything that they did wrong and what they need to do to be better next time, he's like, they're not really taking that in. They're not going to own it. If you bring up the situation and point out where it went wrong and say to them, how could you have handled that situation better?

And they come up with the idea, it's much better. So if there's something in your marriage that you're like, okay, this just isn't working. And even if you're like me and maybe you're a little more choleric and you're like, I know what he needs to do to fix it. Instead of saying, hey, Matt, this is what you need to do. I mean, your husband probably has a different name, but you know what I mean. But bring it up and be like, okay, here's the situation that happened earlier. How could we have handled that a lot better? No, I disagree.

That just sounds so condescending. And I feel condescending when you speak that way to me. Hey, I don't know. How can we maybe think about doing this next time? Like, how could we maybe react in a way that didn't involve you blowing up in front of the kids? No, I find that really condescending, actually. Of course, how could I not? The psychologist guy said it would be helpful. With your kids. It's a parenting podcast. Yes. Saying to your kids, you know, how maybe next time. But say that your husband's different.

I think, I mean, there's so many questions here. So I just want to wrap this up. You can say one more thing as well. But I think one thing I would like to do more with you and me, love, is to say to you, like, tell me what I can do to show you that I love you. Because you and i have different love languages you know like for you i think a lot of it's quality time for me it's touch it's it's physical touch like when we're in the car i'm like i need you to massage me i need you to rub my arm if you don't touch me i won't know that you're there and that you love me and that

you're rejecting me because i'm disgusting and i've always known i'm disgusting and this is convincing me of that i love you right um you are very much i think personal time and like acts of service is mercy immersive um anyway so taking out the trash taking out the church so just real quick if i was to say to you like please like tell me what i can do to love you and so this is what like last night i bought you that chocolate covered apple from the airport right i was going down the escalator and i stopped and i saw that store i went she would like it if i bought that for her and i bought that i didn't get anything for me and i didn't want any of that apple but it was like so like that's one thing that i knew that you would

like so it's like if you tell me what i can do to show you that i love you and then i do that thing i both show you that i love you and show you that i listen to you when you told me what you needed and then i could say the same thing rather than us loving in the way that we experience love. All right, let's just want to wrap up on this point just because there's so many questions, but feel free to wrap up. Also, I think it's good to have CRs, conflict resolution. I think it's really good when your spouse does, and this can be applied just in life with anyone, like with the roommates, this is really smart as well. With coworkers, it's smart. Maybe not your boss, but just people in general. Like if someone does something that hurts you to

the core and offends you, bring it up to them and say, Hey, listen, just, you know, when you said this, this really hurt my feelings. Or when you make a mistake, believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, I make mistakes in our marriage. And it's very hard for me to admit when I'm wrong. I don't know if I can. Don't, don't. And it's very hard for me to admit when I'm wrong. I don't know if I can. Don't, don't. I love you.

But it is good for me to bring it up and be like, okay, listen, honey, I'm so sorry. I did this. I shouldn't have done it. Please forgive me. It is so hard to do. Like, it's really hard for me to do that. But I know it's good for me. Harder for you, I think, more than me. Probably, yeah.

All right. No, it is. You're super right about that. I actually just did a podcast called Can We or Should We Criticize Pope Francis? And in the first bit, I took about fraternal correction because that's something Thomas Aquinas talked about. And I spoke about how you and I do that. Melissa Tolosi. Hey, Melissa, you rock. Thank you for this. Melissa is part of our Marco Polo private group on points. So thanks, Melissa. She asks, sorry, if you have spoken about this before, how do you two navigate things like traditional Catholic gender roles?

Not so much who takes out the garbage, but things like the man being the spiritual leader of the home and spousal sacrifice and submission. How do you make decisions as a couple who has the final say? What do you make sure you, but how do you make sure you both feel respected and heard you want to start uh i did yes so i think that this is a question that i know a lot of women struggle with and have a hard time with i don't and the aspect that matt

just very much is the natural spiritual leader of the house. He always has been. I feel like you have a much better prayer life than me. You're more structured in it. I feel like I'm very much more like, hey, Jesus, I love you. And we're on the same page and I talk to Jesus, but you're very dedicated in like your morning prayer, your evening prayer, your rosary or whatever it is. I feel like Matt's a lot more structured in it. And it's like, this is what we need to do. So we've always just been like, okay, yes. So when Matt's here, our night prayer is amazing and beautiful. And there is chanting and there is bowing and there's candles lit and it's beautiful. And it's very, it's lovely. And the kids are very well behaved when he's out of town, it's not so nice. Sometimes I like candles. Other times I'm like, I just see everyone in their beds. I'll pray with each of

you individually in your beds. And it's more scatterbrained. And so I feel like I know that a lot of women have written to me and said, how do I get my husband to step up and be more of the spiritual leader? I don't know other than to invite him. I think our situation is very different in the aspect that you naturally just lead our family spiritually and set that, yeah. Yeah, I feel like I don't – I've had a lot of women ask that question. I have a hard time answering because he just naturally takes the lead. Okay. But what about things like making decisions as a couple? So this point is – so there was the spiritual point,

and then it was spousal sacrifice and submission. How do you make decisions as a couple? Who this point is, so there was the spiritual point and then it was spousal sacrifice and submission. How do you make decisions as a couple? Who has the final say? How do you make sure you both feel respected and heard? Yeah. You know, again, I think it's going to depend on different couples. Like if I was married to a woman who was, let's say, less than competent in financial affairs, I think i would say to her yeah okay no like that's not going to happen you're not going to be spending that that much money and and here's what we're going to do but it just so happens that i'm in a marriage where i really trust your ability to manage money and i'm the one who's not good at it and so i i listen to you i

feel like this idea of you know gender roles gender roles, like, fine, whatever. If you want to be super strict to whatever gender roles are, go for it. But, like, in our marriage, like, my wife is the one who hangs up curtains. My wife is the one who does, you know, physical things in the house because I'm just not good at it. Now, if there's big things that need to be done, we hire someone because I'm just not that good. And honestly, I lack the patience to learn.

But you do take out the trash. But you do take out the trash. But I do take out the trash. When you're in town. When I'm in town. Yeah. So I think for us, when it comes to final decisions, it's mutual. Yeah. Don't you think?

Is it? Or no? I think so. But I think who it involves more maybe gets a little more of a say. So like we do this homeschool hybrid, but all of the schooling falls on me. Like Matt doesn't school our kids in any area at all. To be clear, at all. He doesn't help at all.

Did you get that? No, but what I mean is right now we're doing this homeschool hybrid and we pray and discern what's best for our kids every season. And there's been seasons where I've been really sick because of just having a baby or from being crazy sick in the hospital. And like we decide together. So like when we, when I had that septic infection and was crazy sick and we decided to move to Covecrest and put the kids in the Montessori, it was a mutual thing. But I feel like I would have had a little more say because it affected me daily and it didn't really affect you.

because it affected me daily and it didn't really affect you. Whereas right now I'm spending money to have these professional people advertise some of the work that I'm doing. And I consulted you about it. But you have more of the final say. Yeah, and you looked at me as if to say you have the kind of final say. So, yeah, like I think, you know, I think like ideally, I think the man should have the final say in big issues that have to do with the house.

I don't buy the idea that the woman ought not to be submissive to her husband. Like I don't buy that. I know that people try to like talk around it. And so when people say things like, well, why do you take your husband's last name? And people are like, well, you know, it's just like a – no. You take it because you're becoming part of my family and you are under me in a real sense. So – but that doesn't – but I look up to you and I ask you so many questions. And you are so wise. Like Scott said this about his wife.

He said, Kimberly, she has never like led me astray. Like when he's asked her like advice, she's always been right. And I feel like that about you. Like when you say, no no this isn't working or there's times you say don't do that and i do it i'm like i should listen to my wife so i know like on paper whatever you know before you're married it's theoretical right the husband's the leader of the household but i think when you get married and you learn each other's weaknesses and strengths you you then, you optimize those things. Do you think?

Yeah. Yeah, I agree completely. And I think it also, yeah, it depends on the couple and your strengths and the gifts that you have. Like if Matt were to look at me, like you don't know what our budget is on so many levels, on so many things.

And I try to keep us on budget and I try to make good choices in that. And yeah. Here's another example. Like if we got a flat tire, I would ask my wife, like, how do I, how do I do this? Like, where's the thing, the wrench thing? Not even convinced it's called a wrench. Like that's how little I know about that stuff, but I'm, but I'm okay with that. Yeah. I could totally change a tire, but yeah yeah if i asked you to do something you can yeah so i think we're both using using our gifts and using our own wisdom and you know i think for a man again it comes back to what i said to before like if i feel respected by you then i will i'll

do whatever you want it's if i don't feel respected by you like i i'm crushed and i'm hurt and i'm offended and bitterness creeps in i think seeps in in. But you're not offended that I hung up curtain rods and stuff? No, I'm thrilled. I'm glad you did it. I was like, oh, I was out of town. I couldn't do it. Sorry. All right.

Another question. Cliche question, but how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give to a couple discerning marriage? That's a good question. I knew I was attracted to my wife when she cried in front of me do you remember that i won't go into it but you didn't cry because of something i did i just saw like this beautiful tender feminine side of you and i'm like i love you so i think that's when i was like you're just the best as far as how did i know when i was going to marry her that's a good which i think also

sorry to be like oh wow she cried in front of you. Do you have any girls cry in front of guys? Like, that's a normal thing. But I think the fact that I'm not... I don't normally cry in front of people. And then, yeah. Yes, my wife is not what you would call a girly girl. She was a super tomboy.

She was the captain of her wrestling team in high school. That is not a joke. That is 100% true. Captain of her wrestling team. So she is is not a joke that is 100 true captain of her wrestling team so she is uh yeah one tough cookie one tough cookie hang on just real quick though i have a couple here oh sorry yeah let me just finish this question and then um so yeah i knew she was the one um i when i so i was living in australia like we did net we served with national the national evangelization team in ireland she went back to America. I went back to Australia.

After a year, she visited me. I visited her. I quit my job, sold my car, moved to America. A couple of months later, I had a wedding ring. I bought it in Australia, but was still questioning. And I called my mate, Mark Bennett, in Australia. And I said, yeah, I'm thinking about proposing to Cameron, but I'm nervous. What if I make the wrong decision?

And he said, his exact words were, are you kidding? She's way better than you. You should propose to her before she figures that out. And that night, I proposed to her. So as far as advice, I don't know. I do not believe that there is a one person for you. I think that's a platonic and not a Christian idea. There is not a perfect person for you out there who, you know, there is someone who perhaps in God's providence wants you to marry. But this, I think this idea that there is a soulmate, I think that's very unhelpful and unchristian. So I think I've heard Jason Everett say this, like run towards God and then look to the left and right of you and see who's running with you and marry one of those people. You know, marry someone who you're like, she'd be a beautiful wife. She'd be a beautiful mother to my kids or a beautiful husband, whatever the case may be.

You know, marry that person. Yeah. Do you want to read that or do you want me? You. Okay. Let me just see. Okay. This, can I say her name or no?

Yeah, you can. Kelly Donahue. Fun question. If you could pick your perfect last meal, what would it be? Gosh, that's a good question. My first thought was sushi because sushi, I think, is legitimately and objectively the greatest food. Oh, but a good steak. Oh, yeah.

You'd love steak for sure. Do you want to keep reading or do you want to answer that as well? No, no. Yeah. Couple question. What is your favorite thing to do when you spend time together, like your perfect date night? I think our perfect date night would be something early in the day,

like 5 o'clock, where maybe we would drive to a fun part of town. And I think perfect, it would involve something kind of crazy, something kind of spiritual, and good food and drink. So I would love to do something weird. I still want to go go-karting with you. I want to do that. I'd love to go to Adoration for like half hour, not a whole hour, just half hour,

and hang out with you and pray, give our marriage to the Lord. I'd love to go eat and drink with you. And then I would want to come home and try to make babies. You want to open that again? Oh, yeah. And then advice question. I'll let you answer this one. I'm a recent convert from Protestantism. It'll be one year on December

23rd. I came into the church alone after serving for years in youth and music ministry at mostly Baptist churches. My husband, though supportive of my decision, has lost all interest. It seems in church since around the time of my inquiry into the church, I know I can't change him and force him to come with me. Any advice on how to encourage him to take interest in his faith and maybe even the church? I tend to be the one more interested in theology and deep study while he is action and service oriented. So I struggle communicating my passion for the faith in a way he understands. Gosh, that's a difficult question, isn't it?

Yeah, gee, I don't know. I have no idea. Your advice would be better than anything I could say, Kelly. I guess I would just say love him well, you know, make love to your husband. This is always going to be my advice to wives. I'm sorry. Make love to your husband a lot and serve him well and pray for him. Don't be naggy. Don't be leaving around spiritual books for him constantly in a way that's obvious

and over the top. You know, you're married to this man. Presumably it's a legitimate marriage. And so I think, yeah, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them convert to Catholicism. That's the old saying. Yeah, I would also find what his passion is. So if his passion, like maybe he's passionate in philosophy. Have him listen to Pines of Aquinas. Maybe his passion is more service-oriented.

Maybe not your parish, but maybe another parish near you. They do great service projects. Try to get involved in that. Do that with him. Find a good holy priest. Try to get involved in that. Do that with him. Find a good holy priest. Invite him over for dinner. I feel like a lot of times it's... So don't just think like he's going to take any aspect of the faith, but pick one particular thing that he would also be interested in. So you said he's service-oriented. So find out if there's a mission trip you can go

on together. It's like, okay, honey, we can go to this third world country and do this thing, or we can go to a soup kitchen, like do stuff that he would be more likely to be interested in and continue to pray for him. Yeah. It might also be good to realize just a couple of things. Like one, you're not responsible for your husband's conversion. I want you to hear that, you know, like you're actually not responsible for your husband's conversion. Deep breaths, you know, deep breaths. The father is more interested in the salvation of your

husband's soul than you are and than he is. So be patient. Maybe if you want to be very honest with him, I think we should communicate our needs and our desires to our spouse. Like, I need you to come to Holy Mass with me. Like, I know you don't really like into the theology stuff, but this is something I would need from you. It would mean a lot to me. You know, and you're asking one thing of him as opposed to, you know, a hundred. I want to ask this question, Cammie, because I think you'd be great at answering it. This comes from, actually, I'm not sure if I should answer this person. I'll say their first name. This comes from Jeremy. I don't want to say their full name, you know, just in case. They say, what has been your experience with NFP? I understand the theology behind it, but I feel like I was sold a bill of goods on the actual implementation. It is without

a doubt one of the most challenging things I've ever done in my life. When I was engaged and learning about NFP, it was always presented as super easy, spiritually rewarding, and almost guaranteed way to prevent divorce. Twelve years later, it has been spiritually challenging and sexually frustrating. I'm nowhere near divorce, but I was curious about the experience of you and your beloved. Can I say something quick, and then you can give the bulk of the answer? First of all, I just want to applaud you, Jeremy, for being so honest. And I think that we as a church,

when it comes to the area of sexuality can sometimes fall into the trap of a sort of sexual health and wealth gospel. So, you know, the health and wealth gospel, the idea is if you love Jesus, you'll be healthy and wealthy and happy, you know? Well, we've done something similar when it comes to sexuality, I think. Save sex till marriage and your marriage will be great one day. You know, don't use contraception and like you'll have mind-blowing sex, right? This is not true at all. I mean, you might save sex till marriage and have a terrible sex life for the rest of your life. You might not use contraception and it might be terrible.

So I just want to kind of throw out the bad news first, because I do think sometimes people can fall into this. And it sounds like that's kind of where you're coming from when you say a sort of bill of goods. And I just want to say, yeah, like it's been, I mean, my wife was super sick and had to have a hysterectomy last year for health reasons, obviously, who chooses to have a hysterectomy unless they're crazy for no reason. And, you know, but up until that time, yeah, we had times where we were like super frustrated with each other, you know, like angry as crap. And I think maybe, I don't, I've done this very infrequently, but maybe slept in another room, I was so angry at you or something. And like a lot of this came down to sexual frustration and who the hell do you

talk to about this? And what's so frustrating is the idea that you would talk to this, about this to someone and all they have is theoretical knowledge, but not practical knowledge. Well, you know, like the Lord gives grace. Yes, I know that. But what I need to know is something a lot more kind of enfleshed and helpful. So I'll let you answer the question while I go get a drink. So I'll let you answer the question while I go get a drink. Yeah. So Jeremy, I'm sorry. Yes.

So there are some people that are very textbook and they could use almost the rhythm method. That's not what we use, but the old school calendar method, rhythm method. Those girls have very easy periods. They're very easy to figure out and they have like their seven days of ovulation a month and that's it. So it's very easy for them to be like, okay, here's your seven times. And I think a lot of, unfortunately, there's a good handful of natural family planning instructors that think everyone falls in that camp. Jeremy, I question if your wife does have some form of either endometriosis or PCOS or something. She is what Creighton would call a yellow stamper

and she has a lot more mucus than normal people. So sorry for our listeners that aren't used to mucus talk, but yes, I would love to know what form of natural family planning your wife uses. And if it is not Creighton, I would look into Creighton because I think she's probably what we call a yellow stamper when you just have a lot of cervical mucus. And normally it's because of a hormone imbalance, whether it's because of PCOS or endometriosis or some other form of something going on with her cycle. It makes it a lot harder and a lot more difficult. So you have a lot less green days and a lot more fertile days.

So when you're trying to achieve, it's fine. But when you're trying to avoid, it's very hard. So it looks like you only have one week a month that you're okay to have sex and not get pregnant. So yes, I question your wife's type of natural family planning that she's using. And I would have her encourage her to talk to a practitioner about it. I feel your frustration. I'm so sorry. I had PCOS and endometriosis and I was one of those yellow stampers. Um, which just means you have a lot of cervical mucus and you have a lot of drama going on. And I think that we abstained a lot more than we needed to in between kids. And, um, like in particular, like in between when we had Avila and Kiara, like, I feel like we were abstaining a lot more than we needed to out of fear of another pregnancy.

And we had a very colicky baby, which just made it hard. Um, I have a colicky baby question that I'd love to follow this up with if you're, Oh, I thought you were going to, okay. So, um, Okay. So, um, Therese, uh, Therese says twofold question. My husband and I just had our first baby. First, do you have advice on having patients with screaming babies and having balance with spouse taking turns caring for baby? Our baby isn't colicky, but still has those fussy times. Second, do you have any advice on the practical ways to be patient during NFP and the confusion time of postpartum and breastfeeding? So very

much tied into the same, um, to rise, I feel your pain. Our first baby was colicky, actually extremely colicky. We were actually talking to someone at mass today. They had a beautiful new baby and was just gorgeous. And he was talking about just how he's tired. And I was like, he looks like a really good baby. And he's like, he is just, it's a lot of not sleeping. We had a baby that literally screamed from, was it like 4 PM to 4 AM? There was a window and he just screamed nonstop and he was extremely colicky. And hindsight, I think if we had him in the States, he would have been on medication and he would have been okay. But in Ireland, it was like, oh, well, he'll be grand.

Yeah, just, you know, keep shaking him and holding his stomach and jumping up and down. And it was a lot. It was a lot of... It was brutal. I mean, just to be extremely real for a second, and I get the sense that this won't actually reach many people because I think I'm in the minority here. You know, when I got married, I sort of figured, and this comes back to that

question earlier about misconceptions about marriage, I sort of figured that because I kind of got the theology of the body, you know, we had saved sex or marriage, we weren't using contraception. You know, I didn't consider myself a sort of pig of a guy who would cheat on my wife or anything like that. None of us are beyond falling, I get it. But I, you know, I didn't consider myself a sort of pig of a guy who would cheat on my wife or anything like that. None of us are beyond falling. I get it. But, you know, I just like I get it. I got this.

I got this. So when our first child came along, who I love dearly, he was so hard. And I remember just not being happy, just being really sad. We lived in northwest Ireland with no family around. We lived in a freezing cold house. It would blow a gale every day. And I just remember being so unhappy and feeling guilty for being unhappy. I'm like, I don't like my family right now. I remember thinking, I liked before this child was here. I liked that life, you know, when we had freedom to do what we wanted, but now everything revolves around this child who's always screaming.

And quite honestly, if you're somebody who's single and doesn't understand what I'm saying, please, before you judge, like have a baby who does this. Because I don't think people who have easy babies or have no babies could possibly understand what this is like. Imagine, who have easy babies or have no babies could possibly understand what this is like. Imagine, you know, driving somewhere and for an hour having a child screaming constantly, it will drive you insane. And, you know, parents talk about having all sorts of thoughts. Before I was a parent, I would hear a story about a mother, say, who threw her child into the crib and killed the baby accidentally. And I might be tempted to think like, what a horrible mother a mother, say, who threw her child into the crib and killed the baby accidentally. And I might be tempted to think, like, what a horrible mother.

After having a child who screams like that, I have sympathy. I mean, no one should throw their child, of course. But I have sympathy. It is very difficult. And so I would say just be easy on yourself. Be gentle. And I would say get as much help as you can. And I would say do not try and, like, one. And I would say, do not try and like,

like one of the things you said in this message is you said, you know, he's not colicky, but he's, you know, and maybe that's true, but I would say avoid downplaying how difficult life is right now. Avoid saying, well, other people have it worse. So really I should be on top of this. Don't do that crap. If things are difficult for you, they're difficult for you. So acknowledge that and get the help that you need, get the sleep that you need because without proper sleep, we just can't be the parents that we want to be. Do you remember that intervention that the Foy's had with us? Do you want to talk about that? that intervention that the Foy's had with us. Do you want to talk about that?

I remember I was holding my baby. Like I had to hold him in a certain way. I had to put pressure on his belly and bounce up and down. So we both were constantly bouncing all the time and holding pressure on his belly. And I loved kids. I loved kids so much. And I was so good with them. I thought that I would be a great mom

and it would be really easy. And I think that I ended up with a C-section, which I didn't want. And so I had a harder time, obviously, giving birth and having the baby than I had planned. I thought it would have all been easy. And I remember holding him and bouncing up and down. And a friend of ours who had seven kids say, you need to admit that he's a hard baby. And I was like, no, no, he's fine. He's great. We're great. Everything's okay. And he said, she looked at me with love and said, you're ruining your marriage because you're not willing to admit that he's a hard baby. I've had seven. You have a very difficult baby. If you don't admit it, you're going to drive Matt insane. He needs you

to admit that he's a hard baby. He's drowning and you are too, and you need to admit it. And I remember like being angry. I'm like, no, no, we got this. We got this. We're totally fine. We're okay. We're okay. I got this. And if it wasn't for that friend, like confronting me in a loving environment, like we were at her house, you know, and she did it out of love. And she's like, you need to admit this. Like you need to say that you have a hard baby or you're, you're shooting yourself in the foot. Like you need to be with your husband and be, you know, be on the same page and be like, yeah, you do have a hard baby and life has changed. And it's a lot harder now. And there was other elements of it that made it hard,

but he was extremely colicky and just, you know, hard, very difficult baby. Um, and, and looking back, like, I mean, obviously looking back, there's so many things I would have done differently. Right. But, um, we were doing the best we could in the environment that we were in at the time. Um, but I think that there was real wisdom coming from my friend to like admit that it was difficult and what you just said. Well, I think what happened, I think what happens is if your spouse is verging one way, that's not healthy, you try to overcorrect. And this happens in our marriage, right? Like if I sense you being snappy at the children, I'll be like, okay.

And be, and then same thing with me. If I'm getting very irritable and angry with the children, you'll be overly the other way because you're trying to balance kind of your partner out. And so maybe that's what it was, right? I was getting really frustrated and you were just like, no, no, this is good. We got this. Whereas maybe if I was great about the whole thing,

maybe you would be the one who was like, I can't do this. This is brutal. So yeah, man, I mean, like parenting is bloody tough. Parenting is difficult stuff stuff so don't be ashamed get help um you know it's that can only be a good thing for your child not just you you know all right let's have a bit more of a light-hearted question here zach tenter or tentor asks how did you define your personal boundaries throughout the dating process how did you make sure that your relationship didn't become only about the two of you,

but also include healthy relationships with other close friends? The fact that we're on different sides of the earth made that pretty easy because I had my life and my friends, he had his life and his friends. And finding that time that we could talk was hard and difficult. So I feel like it was easier for us because we were in different sides of the world. Um, and we had our friends, we're both very social people and we like our friends. And, um, even when you moved to Houston, when we were engaged, I feel like we still, I mean, I lived with other people. Um, I lived with

friends of mine and we both were friends with those friends and hung out with them. And yeah, I feel like we did spend a lot of time with other people and I think it was easy for us. I think because we are so social maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, but setting boundaries. So, I mean, there were times like my wife and I, by God's grace, you know, saved ourselves for marriage. There were times we kind of went further than we should have. And we went to confession. I think one of the things that really helped us is like going, like we gave chastity talks all over Houston. And so when you're up there talking about the goodness of chastity and saving sexual marriage, that'll do it. So here's what I would say. I know that it can be very frustrating when people offer a sort of unhelpful explanation on how to, you know, not go too far in a dating

relationship. You'll hear someone say, well, the proper question is how far can I go in loving the person? And yes, yes, I get it. But seriously, can I touch your boobs or not? But so, I think that, I really do think that this is a helpful thing, right? That if I am with my wife or my fiance or my girlfriend, and my body is preparing for the sexual act, I have gone too far. So, if I'm laying on the couch with my wife watching a movie and my body is preparing for sex, like that is to say, if I'm seeing bodily reactions and physical signs taking place, like that's too far. That's my kind of thought. Like if you, yeah. So, maybe it's my kind of thought like if you yeah so maybe it's not helpful to say like okay give me like the absolute thing but okay if you want it like there

there would be some and so like obvious i think like laying down and kissing would be inappropriate um i think um anything about sex yeah i hear sex in every question. Let's see. What was the question? Boundaries. I thought it was a friendship. No, he's, believe me, he's talking about sex. Define your personal boundaries. Crap, you're right. He's probably not talking about sex at all. I just get so many questions about sex when it comes to boundaries. Okay.

So on another note, sorry that he assumed you were talking about sex, even though you weren't. Okay, so this is from Amy Mahorik, maybe. Amy, thank you so much for your support. I'm so sorry I can't pronounce your last name. My husband and I are wanting to start a type of open porch night like your family does. What are your suggestions for getting started and keep it going?

Well, first suggestion is go subscribe or support. Oh, gosh, what do they call it, Matt? Delray Collective. Delray Collective. Well, first suggestion is go subscribe or support. Oh gosh, what do they call it, Matt? Delray Collective. Delray Collective. Delray Collective. Open Porch is not something Matt and I invented. It is our friend, Annie and Kena Hickman.

They invented Delray Collective. I mean, they invented Open Porch and they have a ministry called Delray Collective. They're amazing and beautiful. Basically, Open Porch is, we literally open up our porch to anyone and everyone. And I randomly invited some neighbors today. I'm hoping that they'll come next Sunday. The Hickmans do it every single week. We do it once a month. And we invite friends from church, from school, from the neighborhood. It's like just loving your neighbors. And people bring a dish to share and some, they bring something to

share. Yeah. They have to bring something to share. And most of the time we have, um, someone brings, you know, a six pack, someone else brings a beautiful dinner, someone else brings a dessert and it just kind of turns into a great meal. And we have anywhere from 20 people to a hundred people that'll come and it's great. And kids play outside and have fun. Yeah, I think the main thing is just do it. Just do it. If you're debating doing it or not, just do it. And do what works for your family.

So I know the Hickmans do it every single week. We could not do it every week. It would be too much for my family and too exhausting. One week we had 100 people. We never let kids play in bedrooms. We had over a hundred people one week and we used to let the kids go in the basement and we don't let kids play in bedrooms. So we kind of shut off the bedrooms. Our basement got so trashed and I don't think it was anyone's fault. I think the parents were

having so much fun chatting with each other and no one was looking after kids. And it took us like a week to get over cleaning the basement. So after that week, we're like, okay, new rule. We're in the kitchen, in the main level of the house and out back on the porch and outside in the backwoods on the trampoline swing set. Um, and that's what works for us. Like getting our basement trashed is not something that we're up to cleaning after. So it's like, okay, we're happy to host, but these are kind of the guidelines and the rules that we follow. But it's a great time of community fellowship. Yeah, I would say, yeah, just what you said about like, you know, you don't have to invite everybody at church.

You might just invite three families around. I think it's really important to kind of keep it consistent. So if you do it once a month, maybe say the first Sunday of every month or the first Wednesday of every month, keep it consistent like that. So people begin to realize, okay, it's the first Sunday, so it must be on. People ask how to build community. That's it. And I would say, you know, I mean, this is just our personal advice. You do what you want because communities are different, but we made the decision, we're not going to get together and pray a rosary. We're not going to get together and pray or do a Bible study. We're going to pray grace before meals.

And then we're going to eat a meal and drink bourbon and be together. That's it. And then it's funny. Usually this happens at the end of the night if there's like 10 people left and we all have to go to bed. I'm like, hey, I'm going to do night prayer. You all want to join us? And we'll do that. But I don't want it to turn into like a churchy thing. As

great as prayer obviously is, I want this to be a thing where we can just be together because there is something so counter-cultural and good and Christian about just chatting and looking each other in the face and talking about our lives. and I think also be okay with what it is. Like I, I've said it before to friends of mine and I've said it to Matt too. I feel like I create this wonderful space for other people to have community. I kind of have community in it and I do have some really good chats, but I'm also being hostess. So it's not as rewarding or relaxing for me as I think it is for Matt and everyone else that's there. They're able to just chat and be, and I kind of have to oversee it, but it's a sacrifice that I'm willing to make because it's providing the community for

everyone else. So I'm glad that I do it. Travis G asks, and then you can ask your question, how did you come to an agreement together about attending the divine liturgy? Was there a process or transition? I'm currently discussing attending the traditional Latin Mass with my fiancé. We are going to be attending a traditional Latin Mass on Friday evenings, as well as our regular parish on Sundays. For the time being, to let the Lord work in our hearts. Any advice as we discern what is best for our future family.

Good question. So, I tend to think in the next 50 years, there will only be traditional churches around. I think these other churches with terrible music, felt banners, and everyone say, Hi to your neighbor, and let's do the Mexican wave during the Eucharistic prayer. Actually happened once. Super gross. This guy, this priest, he put down the chalice and went, you know, this just gets me

so excited. You know, when I go to football games, we'll do the Mexican wave. I feel like we need to give Jesus the Mexican wave. I'm like, you need to repent. That's what he called it? The Mexican wave? Well, maybe not, but what do you call it? We call it the Mexican wave in Australia. No. What do you call it when everyone throws their hands up in the air like that?

Yeah, I think we just, the wave. What, is it cultural appropriation? I don't know. Do waves in Mexico look like a bunch of hands in a stadium? I don't know. The point is, you know, I'm attracted to tradition, as I think most people are, who haven't got a bad taste in their mouth for some reason.

When we were in San Diego, we went to the traditional Latin mass and loved it. I met a priest who said in his experience, it's the man who brings his woman to the traditional Latin mass. And I think that's true. I think the traditional Latin mass is masculine and is very appealing to men. You know, let's just be honest.

I think sometimes you can go to a traditional Latin mass where people are dicks what yeah like jerky and angry and like just uptight now yeah that's a generalization and that might be a little unfair but you know that there is truth to it so we are the Latin mass here in Atlanta you know great but an hour and a half away for us. And one day I was speaking at a Steubenville conference and I met this priest who was dressed to the nines. I knew he wasn't a Western priest because he had the Eastern kind of vestments on. And he said, oh gosh, like I'm up the road from y'all. It's 30 minutes away.

And this was about four or five years ago now. We started going. And it's a Byzantine church. And as soon as we walked in, I just felt completely at home. And I think for you, you've spoken to me about the fact that you found this far more appealing than the Latin Mass. Talk about that. Yeah. So, I didn't ever feel at home at the Latin Mass here in Atlanta. In San Diego, the people were amazing and beautiful and they just,

they were not judgmental or anything else. I really enjoyed them. And, um, and we made some great friends and, um, yeah, it was, it was a really, I didn't have a bad experience there, but, um, yeah, I, I love the Byzantine. I feel like there's not an uptightness about it at all. And there's just a beauty and a full participation. But I also think that I found that in the Roman rite as well. Our old parish was amazing and beautiful in the ordinary form. Yes, in the ordinary form. And even just because you threw the Mexican wave out there, I went to adoration the other day. I was spending an hour. It ended up being like an hour and a half in adoration. Next thing I knew, people started coming in. I was spending an hour. It ended up being like an hour and a half in adoration. Next thing I knew, people started coming in.

I was in a tiny chapel. It's not a big chapel. It ended up being packed full of people at one point. I looked around. I was the only white chick in the room. It was a Mexican mass that was going on, a Spanish mass. And these people were beautiful, okay? I didn't understand what they were saying.

It was a Spanish mass, so none of it was in English. I didn't know what they were saying. The priest homily, he was very passionate. But the singing, it was glorious. Like I was in a tiny chapel with probably, it should have probably fit 20 people. There was 50 people in there. There was kids, there was middle-aged people, there was old people, and it was beautiful. And they were all on fire for the love of Jesus. And it was gorgeous. And I was like, okay, churches like that will remain. This church that I was at, I don't know that it'll last, that it'll remain, but those people in that chapel will. It was really beautiful. And I think when the faithful people are on fire, it's really beautiful and good. And yeah.

So, yeah, we just fell in love. I mean, we just fell in love. Look, prior to the Council of Trent, there were many variations of Holy Mass. You had the Dominican Rite, you had the Carmelite Rite. It was Trent that sort of unified it into the, what we call the Tridentine Mass or the traditional Latin Mass. And that's fantastic. But there is diversity within the church, legitimate diversity that I don't think we should seek to quash. I mean, the divine liturgy was written by St. John Chrysostom, St. Basil the Great. It's very beautiful. We love it. And I can't imagine myself anywhere else. But you say like, what's some advice?

You know, I would say be consistent and delve right into the Latin mass. You're gonna go to the Latin mass, you know, provided that your, I think you said your fiance wants to go with you, is willing to go with you, maybe make this a thing that you do. And, you know, especially once you have kids,

I think it might end up being confusing for them if you were to bounce back and forth. You know, quite honestly, if my only options were novus ordo or extraordinary form i would go to the extraordinary form like if it was like in this the same distance i just find it so much more no yes even oh yeah yeah if i had a good yeah this is just me personally if i had a good novus ordo or a good latin mass i'd go to a lat Mass. But that said, yeah, all right, you can disagree if you want. But that may be a good example of where I give in and submit and we end up going to the short air form, which did happen in San Diego. Oh, here's...

I have a couple too. Oh, okay. You go ahead. Okay. I only asked this one because two people have followed up with it. Seth Coutinho says, how do we find a spouse without serving with net ministries and then melissa uh tolsi says ha ha ha i second that question jennifer sorry jenna wilson says additionally and without joining catholic match and stephanie oh horvath says is it outside of god's will to hire a matchmaker asking for a

friend yeah man this is a big deal hey But what do you say to that question? Like, you know, I'm sure some people who are single out there, they're kind of a little frustrated. Like, yeah, we met on that and we just fell in love. And they are frustrated because they've tried to find people and they're not. What do you say to somebody who says that? You can come to our open porch, maybe.

There's some great Catholic guys and girls that are coming that are single. I think immersing yourself in good Catholic groups. I know that's not the only answer. My wonderful, beautiful friend Sarah Hood actually works for Life Teen, and we did a podcast a while back on all you single ladies and talking about being single in your 30-somethings and just wanting that good Catholic guy. And I don't know.

I don't have the answer. I'm so sorry. I know good, holy Catholic men. I know good, holy Catholic women. And I like to hook them up as much as possible. And I did actually have one really successful hookup that they're now married. And they're having a baby! They don't want to hear about that they want to hear about them oh my goodness but it's so excited

they're having a baby um anyhow it'll be the first among the lilies baby um i'm sorry i'm not trying oh my goodness i called it the among the lilies wedding i can call it the among the lilies baby okay you better believe i'm gonna get a onesie made for that baby. Boy or girl, it's going to stay among the lilies. It's going to be beautiful. But I'm sorry. Yes, I feel your frustration. I think letting people know that you're open to being set up is huge. And then going to things like a focus conference or going, you know, if you're able to serve with Net Ministries, it actually is really great or focus or life team. Um, when you're in your 20 somethings, that's easier. I don't know that I have a problem with Catholic match. I know other people do, but. Oh, let's look at our friend

Chuck's website. Keep doing that. Yeah. So catholicchemistry.com is another really good one. Catholic chemistry.com. Our friend Chuck, um, Gallucci, what's his name? Yeah. I interviewed his wife.

It was a great episode. Catholic chemistry.com. He is a web developer. He's amazing. He's very talented. It's a new way of dating. It's totally different. Oh,

look, you're on their thing. It is not a new way of dating. What the hell would you say that for? Did you read that on their website? It's a new way of dating. No, it's not. It's totally different. Oh, look, you're on their thing. It is not a new way of dating. What the hell would you say that for? Did you read that on their website? It's a new way of dating? No, it's not. It's just, it's like, it's no different than Catholic match.

Yes, it is. That sounded like such a pitch. It's much better than Catholic match, I think. In the aspect that it's not like, oh, you're Catholic, you're soulmates. No, they talk about like what, what mass you prefer. Do you prefer praise and worship? Yeah, yeah, you're Catholic. You're soulmates. No, they talk about what mass you prefer. Do you prefer praise and worship? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, first of all, I want to apologize for just crapping on what you said.

Sorry. Let me sign in. I'm going to sign up right now while you talk, and I'm going to see what kind of questions they ask you. Okay. So I made a bunch of my friends sign in, so I could have given you this. Is it weird that Matt Brad is signing up for Catholic Match? All right, listen.

None of you better try to date my husband. That would be really weird, or make a match with him. starting up a Catholic match. All right, listen, none of you better try to date my husband. That would be really weird or make a match with him. You could probably use Josh Beckman. I'll come up with someone. John. Okay, make up a random person. Man.

John man. It's binary. I don't get to have a third gender. So some of the questions that are really fun is, would you prefer an hour of quiet adoration or an hour of praise and worship? Would you... Yeah. So, it gets into what your prayer life like, the way you prefer to pray. It talks about different food preferences. It's more than just... I feel like Catholic matches like, how Catholic are you? Do you agree with five of these things or... Okay. Check this out. All right. Let other members know how you view the teachings of the Catholic church. Okay. So there's one, two, three, four, five, six. There's several options

here. And there's three, you can say, yes, I accept. I'm not sure. I know I reject this teaching. Divine love. I'm like, yeah. Okay. I accept that. Sanctity of life. Yes. I accept this. Sanctity of marriage. Yes. Priesthood, yes, I accept this. Premarital sex, the teaching of the church, yes, I agree with that. Real presence, yes. People infallibility, yes. And then more faith-related questions. What does your faith mean to you?

You can say that. You can talk about the type of liturgy you go to in this one. Complete profiles. And you keep going. But, yeah, I think what Cameron's point is what's great about this is, like, this is created by like a trad Catholic, like, which is just awesome. He's just a super awesome dude. He goes to a Latin mass, like he's legit. If he asks, I don't care about him, but between you and me, he's one of the coolest guys I've ever met. Okay. So check it out. Catholicchemistry.com. The only thing that's not as great about Catholic chemistry versus Christian match

or whatever is Christian match has a massive pool. So there's lots of people near you that are Christian that are available. Catholic chemistry, you may have to travel, but let's face it, it's not that hard, people. Southwest exists. You can fly to meet someone, okay? You can fly and do a blind date in another country

and stay at an Airbnb or a hotel. Or he can fly to you. If all of you listening to this right now that are single, get on Catholic Chemistry right now. The pool will widen and there'll be more of y'all. Check it out. It's pretty cool. Sorry we can't do more than that.

Antonio, our friend from New York. Antonio is a sweet, awesome dude. I honestly feel like if we lived in the same city, we'd be mates. Yes. Antonio asks, what do you like about yourselves? Isn't that, that's just cool. Not what do you like about her or her about you. How cool is this question?

This is why Antonio is awesome. But what do you love about you guys as, oh, oh okay he's saying as a marriage or as one flesh what do you two do so well together other than the physical act of love which we crush um thank you antonio what do i love about our marriage you go we do podcasts pretty well am i? What else do we do well? I just, you know, at our best, at our best, I just, I love you. Not many women can make me laugh. It goes Trent Horn's wife, then you, then Tina Fey. Yeah, so I just enjoy you.

I enjoy us. I think at our best, we are lively and adventurous and open to new things. I think we often agree, you know, when we're actually talking about things in general. We can, you know, I just, you know, it's an intense relationship. So, if things aren't good, they're not good. But if they're great, they're good. You know what I'm saying? So like what else do you think? It's a good question.

Spend some time on that. It's a wonderful question. I love that we are never lukewarm. We're always hot or cold. There's no in between. I think that we like having fun together. I think that we're really fun and we enjoy each other. Like we legit enjoy each other's company.

Like I much rather, like if there's a show I really, really want to watch or Matt wants to read a boring book, I much rather read the boring book with Matt because I'd rather be with him than watch the really fun show on my own. Whereas like I am happy to be with myself. I don't need her to be with him than watch the really fun show on my own. Whereas I am happy to be with myself. I don't need her to be with me. So it's like, I wish I could say I was the same. But I'm like, okay, that's great.

I'm going to read this book on my own. Oh, you want to join me? Okay, sure. Okay, I guess I'll read this out loud. I think that's why we normally end up doing what you want to do. And it's like, well, what do you want to do? I'm like, I mean, I could tell you what I want to do, but I'd rather be with you.

This was your idea, though. The podcast was your idea tonight. This podcast was your idea. We were sitting on the couch, and I said, do you have a podcast up this week? And you said, no, would you like to do one? And I said, would you feel loved by that? And you said yes.

This is true. Thank you so much for doing this podcast with me. I greatly appreciate it. This is true. Thank you so much for doing this podcast with me. I greatly appreciate it. I think that the Lord uses us in amazing, beautiful ways. And I think that we're a good tag team. I think that we work well together and we're very passionate and we are very opinionated and we're fun. You know, we're just, you know what I'm saying? Okay, no, that's very nice. Okay. Man, these questions, they keep coming.

Who cares about your patrons? Mine are more important. Mine are on this podcast. No, you can read it. Go ahead. Oh, so I can go? For mine. Oh, yours.

I can read your patron. Who do you want me to read? Either one. Okay. Amanda Casper says, have the two of you always been super in tune with each other or did you ever have an aha moment in your marriage when you realized that God knew you were meant for each other way before you ever did?

We've been married 14 years and are at a huge growth point right now after a severe low. God bless you, Amanda. It's beautiful now, but it was definitely not for about a year. Now we are realizing the vast extent to which God knew exactly what he was doing when he led us together. That's beautiful.

But we had no idea in the naive first years of our marriage. Yeah, I mean, I would just like be real and just say like you and I have gone through some tough times lately. Like our arguments have been brutal. And I made this analogy to you. This is the best way I knew how to express it. It felt like our marriage had like a low immune system and the slightest thing would take us out.

And like we hit some like pretty gross lows actually, the two of us. So I don't know what to say except that i know that if i was to abandon my wife and family i would go to hell so that helps that's why i'm here that's why i'm here um did you have a specific did you want to say something to that yeah i think it goes back to we don't have any lukewarm like we are all hot or all cold like I think that we are like on cloud nine in an amazing wonderful beautiful place or we are in the spares of

our marriage is going to hell in a hand basket or our what do you say sometimes our marriage is I've said that about once you've felt it a lot of times. And I think that there's no in-between for us. It's like we're doing really, really good or not good at all.

And we do fight, and it is intense and a lot. But even when we're fighting and it's intense and it's a lot, I think that we know that we both love each other very, very much. I think more recently our wounds have been rubbing up against each other and colliding, which has been hard. And it's not one of us trying to hurt the other, but it is that one area that you're hurting in happens to hit an area that I have a huge wound in and it

causes more pain than either of us anticipated or wanted to deal with. But I think choosing to turn back and not run away is huge in those moments. Amen. Amen. Amen.

Shannon says, what are some of the best spiritual or practical resources, devotional practices, books, or other podcasts you have found to be helpful in your marriage? Among the lilies. No, honestly, I think

just good friends who love Jesus Christ, who we speak to over the phone. That's been the best source of help for us. Have you read Aquinas together? And if so, what's something that St. Thomas has taught you both? Okay, this is a funny story. Wait, sorry. Can I comment? I just want to go back to Stephanie, was it? Shannon. Shannon, sorry. Back to Shannon. I have a friend who I feel like their marriage mirrors ours, but she's more like Matt and her husband's more like me.

And me going to her for advice is huge because I feel like it's the feminine version of my husband. And she's able to, they're just also a good, beautiful, holy couple that loves Jesus. And I know when I bring something to her, she gives me, and actually Laura Horn too, I do this with her too. And I'm not Trent, but in some ways, sometimes, yeah. So I have two girlfriends that, I have a lot of girlfriends that I talk to, but two in particular that are

kind of similar to Matt. And when I bring something to them, I know that they see his side better than I see it. And they both love my husband and think he's amazing. You don't want to be chatting with friends who are going to be like, yeah, you're right, your spouse is a complete jerk. Not at all. Not at all. So these two girls are more like my husband, and they would almost take his side over my side more

because they see where he's coming from, and it's really helpful. And I love getting advice from them. And then I have my women's group from Canada. I have these six women that also know and love my husband. And I'll take things to them. And it's not in a gossipy way, not in a, isn't my husband the worst? Oh my goodness, he sucks.

That's bad, Matt. These are women that love their husbands very much and would only speak kindly of them and call me to holiness. Just to kind of, yeah, second that. You want to have friends who are more for your marriage than they are your friendship. Yes. Like you want to have friends who are like, if our friendship goes to hell, that's okay so long as your marriage thrives.

Like, you know what I mean? So, yeah. So long as your marriage thrives. You know what I mean? So yeah, if you have a friend in your life and you were to go to them and say, our marriage is terrible right now, and they were to take your side and not encourage you to reconcile,

ditch that friend immediately and make better friends. I think that's amazing. I'm so glad. It actually makes me super happy that you have friends in your life that you talk to about me because I know I'm a lot sometimes. And it makes me happy that you have

people in your life that you talk to who are championing yes yeah and even like Carrie and Jamie like I I have girlfriends here and one of them in particular I remember just sharing that I was like going through a lot or whatever we were going through something and she's like no give me your kids and the two of you go away like Like, go have a date with him. Give me your kids. I can handle this. You need time alone together. And I have a- We love you, Carrie Beckman.

Yes. And my other friend, Jamie, is her and her husband on their wedding day. Literally, legit, it was their wedding day. They just got married. They really should have their eyes focused on them. And they both said, hey, we're happy to look after your kids. You guys can go away and spend time together.

Their wedding day. They said that to me. Well, I kind of shared like a bit of a fight we had with Jamie before, but just, yes, they're amazing, beautiful women. And so we are, we're going away with friends of ours. And it's just, I love that. I love women that are willing to champion you and your spouse. And our marriage is more important than my friendship with them. To say, like, I know that in no way, shape, or form, if I brought up something that you did to me, would either of them be like, oh, he's such a jerk. It's like, well, you know what?

He's going through a lot right now, and how can you love him in this? And they are, you're right. It's fighting for my marriage more than fighting for my friendship with them. That's beautiful. Yeah, beautiful. That's really beautiful. Well done, love. I don't know why I just said well done.

Yes, you did that well. That's the out stack. Julia, oh, don't do that. Janot Janowski, who is at our Pints with Aquinas meetup at Focus. By the way, everybody, I think my wife and I, we are for sure going to be at this, is it called SLS, S-L-E-S, some crap? It's not Seek, but it's like a Seek wannabe thing.

It's not Seek, it's like the Seek wannabe in between thing. We're going to be there running podcasts and we're going to do a meetup at a pub one night, just heads up. Julia says, I may be late, but if you had to listen to one song together for the rest of your life, what would it be? Ben Harper's forever.

Yes, we should play that. I should look it up and play it. Should I do that? All right. You answer that question, read it and answer it while I look it up. Okay.

So that was, Oh gosh, my phone just fell on my feet. Um, so Matt, the night Matt proposed to me, he sang the song forever by ben harper and then we danced to it on our wedding um night and then he sang he made a cd at our wedding for a giveaway it was a

cd that was love songs for cammy and this song was on it and it was amazing and beautiful so that would be the one i choose obviously little bias okay besides. Besides Covenant Eyes, can you give us some examples about how to discuss the body, baby's purity with your kids? I know some of the stuff we want to teach our kids, but being from a family that gave no sex talk of any kind, I literally learned everything by osmosis. I feel so overwhelmed. Yes. Okay.

Monica, I'm going to be doing a series on sex for you. So keep listening to, um, among the lilies. I just interviewed a woman that struggled with a pornography addiction. We have a friend that wrote a book, um, that's called good pictures, bad pictures. I'm going to be interviewing her soon on among the lilies. So I'm going to answer your question more in other episodes. So yes, please stick around for that. All right. up all right yeah yeah i'll do it so we'll wrap it up i don't think you'll be able to hear the guitar terribly well um they can hear you singing yeah so i'll sing this song um but only because i have a couple of whiskeys in me this is forever by ben harper this is the song i proposed to you well before i, yeah, we'll wrap it up like this

Alright Is that alright? Yeah, I love it It's a bit out of tune, but that's okay By the way, I have no Australian accent when I sing this song So shut up Not talking about a year No, not three or four

I don't want that kind of forever in my life anymore forever always seems to be around when it begins but forever never seems to be around

when it ends so give me your forever please When it ends So give me your Forever Please Your Forever Not a day less Will do

From you People From you People spend so much time every single day Running round all over town giving their forever away But no, not me, I won't let my forever roam Now I hope that I can find my forever home So give me your forever Please, your forever Another day, less will do That was a bit Australian.

From you So give me your This is what it sounds like in Australian, just so it sounds... Oh, there's more. Here, hang on, another one. Like a hammer skllock with numbers an infinite of time no not only forever found only in the mind forever always seems to be around when it begins forever never seems to be around when things end

So give me your forever Please, your forever Not a day less we'll do From you Yeah Okay, so then in Australian it sounds like this. So give me your So give me your

Forever This is what it would sound like if I didn't sing with an American accent. Please your Forever Oh crap! Sorry. Did your bucket just accent uh please you're forever oh crap sorry not a day less will do you know what i'm saying from you yes that's right g'day hey again right out bye that's sitting on a tupperware container As we're recording a podcast episode And it may have just broken Alright, God bless y'all

So if you are listening to this On Pines for the Quietness Go subscribe to Oh, what? Did you record that? What just happened? What did you record that on? What?

If you are re Are you done? Yeah, sorry If you are listening to this On Pines for the Quietness Go subscribe to Among the Lilies if you're a woman! Or a man, I guess, maybe. I actually have a handful of guy listeners that are super awesome and cool

and a handful of priests. But last time I remember hearing Matt play that, I mean, I'm sure he's played it and sang it before. I just put it up on Instagram because I loved it so much and I want to watch it and listen to it later. But the last time like legit remember you sitting and playing that and singing it was the day you proposed to me and so it was really beautiful and i just feel really loved right now so thank you you're welcome all right so yeah if you're listening

to this not among the lullies go sign up to pines with aquinas subscribe so i feel good about myself and vice versa god God bless you all. Bye.