Pints With Aquinas - Is Your Schedule KILLING Your Relationships?! | Fr. Gregory Pine, O.P.

Episode Date: June 29, 2024

Father Pine talks about how scheduling can harm our relationships with each other. He talks about how to strict a schedule can make us unavailable to each other as persons. Support The Show: https://mattfradd.locals.com 📖 Fr. Pine's Book: https://bit.ly/3lEsP8F 🖥️ Website: https://pintswithaquinas.com/ 🟢 Rumble: https://rumble.com/c/pintswithaquinas 👕 Merch: https://shop.pintswithaquinas.com 🚫 FREE 21 Day Detox From Porn Course: https://www.strive21.com/ 🔵 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mattfradd 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mattfradd  

Hello, my name is Father Gregory Pine and I am a Dominican friar of the province of St. Joseph. I teach at the Dominican House of Studies and I work for the Thomistic Institute and this is Pines of the Aquinas. In this episode, I'd like to think about how strictly you should plan your day. That is to say how meticulously or how carefully you should plan your day. Which, Knots... Ooh, he used the word connotes. Okay, what I'm trying to say is like, how much ought you to schedule it? How much ought you to expect from yourself?

And how strict should you be in adhering to that? Because on the one hand, we don't want to be unambitious because, yeah, you say, I'm just going to let what happens happen. And then you find at the end of the day that you haven't done anything But we also don't want to be overly ambitious in the sense that like you plan your day So strictly that it leaves no room for the spontaneity or the community which ought to be part of it So yeah, let's think about it together. Here we go Okay, so I think you know some of this is going to depend upon your temperament, some it's going to depend upon your time and place and other circumstances.

So all that being said, I think that in general it's good as human beings to be more so concerned about people than about tasks. Sometimes people ask me, what's the best thing that's happened over the course of the past month and I'll be like, I finished this thing, or I checked off this item. That's a little bit tragic. Because I ought to say something like, I spent time with this person, or I served in this capacity. So I think that we always need to recall ourselves to the purpose, to the point. And what is the purpose? What is the point? Well, it's communion.

So Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, God is a communion of persons. He extends to us the offer of friendship through our Lord Jesus Christ so as to conduct us into that communion of persons. And it's communion of persons all the way down, right? So, like, the way that we get to God is together in the setting of the church through faith and sacraments. Like, God draws us in bonds of fellowship. So, our day ought to reflect that, and the way that we plan our day in the setting of the church through faith and sacraments like God draws us in bonds of fellowship So our day ought to reflect that and the way that we plan our day ought to reflect that So if you derive great joy from checking off, you know items from your checklist, that's cool

Right, but always keep the persons in your mind's eye or close to your heart Because like when somebody asks you hey, can you do this thing for me? You want to be able to say yes, you want to be able to give yourself to it. You don't want to have them see in your eyes like, no, don't ask me for anything. Don't place demands on my time because I've got a very strict schedule and if I don't keep to it, I'll come to pieces. You know, like, no, we want to live our vocations well with a kind of abandon, with a kind of freedom such that we are available, such that we can be drawn into others lives and draw others into our lives.

Not in such a way that we become boundaryless, like, I'm afraid that someone might see in me a rejection or I'm afraid of being rejected and so I'm just going to say yes always and have like no hard lines. Well that's no good either. I think ultimately you've got to know who you are and what you're for in order to live well, which is to say you have to have some sense for your identity and for your mission. I think about this in my own life. I need to know what it means to be a Dominican friar and a priest if I'm going to comport myself like one, if I'm going to live

after the manner of Dominican saints. So I need to know the charism. I need to embody the charism, and I need to give myself to my assignment so that way I do those things which are required of me, which are asked of me in obedience, rather than just kind of like doing this over here and that over there and cobbling together a life which might be subjectively satisfying but not real, you know? Okay, so in our own lives we want to approach our day with that disposition. Who am I? What am I for? What's my identity? What's my mission? And how do I give myself to the day that best reflects that in a way that best reflects that? Because ultimately I want to give myself to others and unto God so that I can partake of this communion of persons, which is

ultimately my destiny. Two little lessons that I picked up along the way. One was in high school from my history professor professor Mr. Rhodes. You know, you've heard this before, but if you've got to get stuff in a box, you don't just start with... Let's say you've got some big rocks, you've got some medium-sized rocks, you've got some small rocks, you've got some sand, and maybe you've got some water. This is a strange box, but here we are. You don't fill the thing with sand and water because that's going to leave no room for the little rocks, the medium rocks, or the big rocks. You got to start with the big rocks and then you can put in the medium rocks because they'll fill in the big rock cracks and then you put in the little rocks because they fill in the medium rock

cracks and then you put in the sand because it fills in the small rock cracks and then you put in the water because that fills in the sand cracks. So you need to be disciplined in your approach to planning in the sense that like, what's most important? Who am I, what am I for? What's most important? Let's tend to those things first. They might not always feel good at the outset, or they might not always be easy in the duration,

but they're me, right, and they're mine for the Lord. Second lesson that I picked up was in college from Professor Gaston. So we took a course my freshman year called Religion and Culture and we read this book by A.G. Sertiange, cool French name, called The Intellectual Life, which I recommend. Check it out, I'm recommending a book. I don't always do that. The Bible, the Summa, and the Intellectual Life. That sounds like the name of an album. Never mind, moving on. Alright, so in the intellectual life, the author encourages you to plan your day with some structure. Because it helps us, at the very least, to be conscious of how we use our time.

Our time, I mean God's time. How we use the time that's been given to us. And you might find that initially it kind of chafes, or it it grinds or it otherwise causes friction But it's good as just like an exercise you might find that it doesn't fit for you temperamentally But as an exercise to kind of plan with some precision some accuracy so that you can know What's going well and what's not going well? Okay so then When you plan your day, I'd say start with the most important, not necessarily the most urgent or seemingly necessary. You've heard of this, like, you got things in your life that are urgent and important,

things in your life that are urgent and not important, things in your life that are important and not urgent, and things in your life that are neither urgent nor important, okay? Like YouTube. He says, undermining the very medium in which this is distributed. Okay, so we got to be conscious of the fact that what's driving the bus? Is it the urgency? Is it the importance? Sometimes you're going to have to tend to an urgent matter. There's a fire, it needs to be put out. Cool. But you don't want to live your life just going from fire to fire.

I mean, moms do this for like 25 straight years and it's a noble enterprise, but you don't want to live your life just going from fire to fire I mean moms do this for like 25 straight years and it's a noble enterprise So I don't want to like demean it But I'd like to say something along the lines of we want to tend to those things which are most important and it might Take us time, but it's worthwhile and so we should invest in that and when planning your day That means you start with your prayer time now. You're like, well, I mean I got work You know, I got a like leave at 17. and get back at 6 30. That's fairly...I mean, it is fairly structured, and in the end, you're going to have structure imposed on you from without. But you want to approach your day with that spirit of consent, that spirit of abandon, conscious of

what's most important so that you can render it back to the Lord in communion. And prayer time comes first, all right? Most people find that they're able to stick to a schedule of prayer when they pray in the morning. Does that mean that you can't pray at night? No. Does it mean that you're a bad person if you hate praying in the morning? No. But I would commend to you the practice of praying in the morning because I think saints pray in the morning, Christians pray in the morning, and it's worth trying. Again, it might not fit for you temperamentally, but I think it's worth trying. All right? So when you schedule your day, you're looking for 20 minutes at least of prayer,

and I think it's often going to work best when you try in the morning. But when you start planning at that level, you're going to have to plan beyond the day, because if you're going to get up at 5 25 a.m. and shower and shave and put on your clothes and cook yourself an omelet and then get ready to rock by 6 All right That means that you have to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 525 a.m Which means that what happens the night before has to at the very least be in check or It has to end at a certain time if you're not gonna die when this is lathered rinsed repeated It has to end at a certain time if you're not going to die when this is lathered, rinsed, repeated. So you can see how when you start planning, it grows out, right?

It begins to embrace more of your life. So that's why it's important to start with what's most important, because you want it to grow out from what's most important. If you just start with urgency or if you start with apparent necessity, then you can start planning your life in a way that's... like, it can't be otherwise than this. Well, it can. you know, it can by God's grace. It can be otherwise than this, and if you start with the most important, you will begin to see. All right? So then with that disposition, get certain things in, you know, kind of in place within your schedule, and then ask yourself, how does that shape everything else? Okay, so for me, what do I do? I pray a holy hour from six to seven. We have morning prayer

and mass from seven to like eight-ish. And then we have rosary and midday prayer from like 12 to 1225. And then we have office readings and vespers from like 530 to six. And then we have complement nine. And then I have meals, you know, with the community of midday and in the evening. I can kind of do breakfast whenever. So it's on that basis then that I begin to plan. Alright, so I know what I can kind of structure around or where I can pivot from, if that makes sense. Alright, and then when it comes to those important tasks which might be you know like ongoing, alright, there are going to be things in your life which are ongoing. Not all tasks can be completed in one day.

Some of them take plenty of time. So like I'm writing a book right now about the Eucharist, which is cool. And it's almost done. But I can't just binge write it. I have to write it gradually. It has to mature. It has to become refined over the course of many days. And I find that if I don't chip away at it, I try to write for like two hours a day, if I don't chip away at it, I try to write for like two hours a day, if I don't chip away at it, then my anxiety grows

and my distance from the project increases and I begin to feel alienated from it. I forget what I've written, I fear that it's not good, I like read something else somewhere about the Eucharist and I'm like, does that fit in, but I don't know where and yada yada, this and such, okay? So I think with big things, we chip away and that helps us on the one hand to complete

the project, to offer it to God, but then also to manage our anxiety. So that's going to then place claims on you. You're going to have to defend certain times of your day, of your week, of your month during which you attend to this task. So I was assigned in Louisville, Kentucky from 2017 to 2018. And we had the morning mass was at 7 a.m. and then officer readings I think and morning prayer were at 8 a.m. and I usually got back to my desk at like 8.25. And you could do whatever, you know, at that time.

We had confessions at 11 a.m. and then the midday mass at noon. So like I had a fairly well circumscribed morning. But what I did was I just didn't schedule anything else from May 25 till 11 a.m., and I guarded that time for study. All right, so I knew that study was important. I was thinking about, you know, hopefully going to graduate school and writing something about Jesus that was worthwhile, and I knew that it had to come

as the fruit or as the issue of a habit of study. So I was like, all right, I'm gonna guard this time. Or with writing, you know, it's like, I write best in the morning, those are my moments of plenitude, says Sir Tienge. And so I'm going to guard this time in the morning, so that way I can attend to it. And then easier things as you go throughout the course of the day. So that way, if you come to pieces, right, you come to pieces with less, you know, fear that you're never going to amount to anything in life. Another thing that I'd say is you'll often find that there are little chunks in your

day of like 30 minutes here, 40 minutes there, or 20 minutes there. And we often tell ourselves that they aren't big enough to use well. That's a lie. You can always use those little chunks. That doesn't mean that we become efficiency monsters and we're always like tossing in AirPods to work on a language, which is something that I do But it but it means that like we can use those times at the very least to be in conversation with God All right, and not just to give ourselves to like frivolity because it's not useful time

All right, it's like I just have 12 minutes. I'll like watch a YouTube video or I'll like putter around the house and whatever You know like rearrange the curios in the cabinet. No, those are 12 beautiful minutes. You could have a meaningful conversation with a friend, even if it's just a quick check-in, and you say at the beginning of the convo, hey, I don't have a ton of time, but I've been thinking of calling you,

and I always hesitate to call you because I don't have enough time, but it's just like, I wanna talk to you. And so, let's start a convo, I'm not gonna be able to finish it, you're great. Okay, so don't say that this chunk of time is too small to use, alright? And then I'd also say that when you do have these little tiki-tack tasks throughout the course of the day, which only take five minutes, ten minutes, don't just use them because they're

... Don't just do them during the big... Alright, Gregory, be clear. There are things that you're gonna like to do. Things that take five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes. Like folding the laundry, like checking your email if you're a crazy person, like praying the rosary, etc. Now let's say that you have a good chunk of time, a good work period during which you can kind of lay into those more important tasks. I'd say safeguard those times for those more important tasks, alright? And then use those small chunks of time for the

little things, alright? I don't know if that's entirely clear, but you see what I'm saying, alright? I hope you see what I'm saying. Okay, so then I'd say be conscious of time-wasting, and that's not to say like you want to eliminate all time-wasting from your life because time-wasting is a human phenomenon, and usually time-wasting is symptomatic. You're tired, you're distracted, you're sad, you're angry and so you're taking a little distance from your work or from your Apostolate or from your whatever and you're bopping onto this YouTube channel to watch this video or whatever else. Okay so I just be, this is my encouragement, is just be conscious of your time wasting and what it indicates. So if you try to work continuously for

four straight hours, you might find that your work really devolves over the course of that period because you're increasingly tired and distracted and whatever else past perfect participle. So what do I wanna say about this? Yeah, be conscious about it. All right, so like, especially when you're

in front of your computer or you're close to your phone, it's always a temptation, right? It's always part of the, it's always part of the dynamic and the more that you are conscious of it, not simply for the purpose of auto accusation, but for the purpose of recollection, you can bring that into conversation with God and ask him what it means, okay? So I'd say it's good to be at a little bit of a distance from your phone. It shouldn't be with an arm's reach in your workspace or it's good at times to a little bit of a distance from your phone. It shouldn't be with an arms reach in your workspace. Or it's good at times to turn the internet off on your computer, just like symbolically.

You know, just switch to Wi-Fi off. So that way it's not one click away, it's two clicks away. And two clicks is far many more clicks than one click. You're like, it's just one more click. Okay, regardless, but there's a huge difference between one click and two clicks. All right? Or like throw on like a little content blocker where you can add websites that you don't wanna visit.

Even it's a thing like you can manage that extension and change what is and what isn't. Just throw a little blocker there so it creates one level of remove or as it were protection so that way you can be again, more deliberate, more intentional in how you waste time. Alright? So then I would say plan breaks.

Plan those little flex times, those little fun times. And plan them in a way that's meaningful. Alright? Don't just always bop on a YouTube because it's like what do you want to do? Do you want to read scripture? Do you want to read some spiritual author? Do you want to make a little visit to a chapel? Do you want to take a little walk?

Do you want to do something more recreative? Write something that's genuinely leisurely. Great. All right. Well like plan for that. Plan that as part of your day So I love Reform Wellness. I've talked about it a couple of times on Pines, but you can check out Reform Wellness online it's a Catholic holistic wellness practice and You know, they encourage various practices as they concern stress management, sleep, and nutrition, and faith obviously is the center of it. But they get into things like functional movement and play and yada yada this and such. I mean it's important stuff.

I don't mean to be, you get it. I just speak real quickly and then I grow impatient with myself when I haven't finished a list yesterday. But one thing that they say is like, you know, like build in some of this time in your work day. They encourage a 90-30 kind of thing. So like 90 minutes of intense work and then 30 minutes of, you know, something more leisurely or recreative or otherwise elsewhere.

I find that my motor just runs fast, my furnace burns hot. And so I like to do a 45-15 kind of situation where I start my work day at eight, and I'll work for like 45 minutes, and then I will bop over to a chair away from my computer and read scripture for 15 minutes. And then I'll work for another 45 minutes, and then I have the luxury of living in a house

with the Blessed Sacrament Reserve. So I'll bop into the chapel for a little bit of 12, 15 minutes of recollected prayer. And I just find that that's really wonderful, right, because it keeps this kind of communion of persons in mind. It's not just like, let's finish the task. It's like, who's it for? And what's he think about it? And what does he want to say throughout the course of the day? You know, so you think here of the kind of Christian practice of recollection, where you seek to be constantly in the presence of God. I mean, God's always present to you, but are you tuned into that? Right? Are you dipping into that?

So plan breaks and flex time, you know, breathing some breathability because you need to breathe and you want other people to be able to breathe around you. OK, it was it was once observed of me by another friar like, look, there is a soul dragging a corpse. Right? You're not going to ask a corpse for help with something because it's a corpse. It's like that guy's basically dead. But if somebody sees in you someone who's like living life or trying to live life well, then they're going to want to involve you in their plans. They're going to want to like hitch their wagon to your proverbial whore. That's a weird image. Keep going, Gregory.

their wagon to your proverbial whore. That's a weird image. Keep going, Gregory. But it's going to be an invitation for a kind of communion of persons which will ultimately be enriching. Not because we're like spiritual hedonists. Let us amass many riches of interpersonal communion and connection. No, but it's like that's what life is for. Life is for people and the tasks are in service of the people and when you have breathability it creates space for the people All right now does that mean that you say yes to everybody no You know it's gonna be yes to some and no to some in light of who you are and what you're for identity and mission charism and assignment

But you're at least going to be able to like judge in light of that big picture and place it Within the setting of that big picture rather than just be like I'm scared or I'm overwhelmed or I'm stressed and then react in kind of squirrel like fashion. And so then this gives us I think some principles, some ways to plan the day. Start with what's most important, grow you know kind of grow those important things out in their implications and see what that demands of you and how that's going to structure you. Include some breathability, some flex time, some breaks as it were. Try to chip away at the big ticket items. Use those big periods of work for the things which are most important.

Don't ever despair of the usefulness of a small period of time or just like revert to the YouTube or the whatever else type kind of avenue because blah blah blah You're just tired and overwhelmed And I'd say like all of this can kind of help us to break out of a dread logic where it's like This is my day. I am living it here. We go again You know, there should be there should be space, you know, there should be enjoyment. There should be a kind of delight And I think that you know, it's not just about the day. It's also about the week, it's about the month, it's about the year. So you want to plan vacation, you want to plan a visit with your family, you want to plan a retreat.

Because human life is, you know, it unfolds according to a human shape. And some things function at the unit of the day, at the unit of the week, at the unit of the month, at the unit of the year. So be conscious of that. And have things to look forward to and things to look back on and people with whom to share it and let your day be in service of that communion which is ultimately the point for which we are made. Okay that is what I hope to share. My apologies that was a little long. This is Pines with the Quinus. If you haven't yet, subscribe to the channel, push the bell, get sweet email updates

when other things come out. And then I contribute to a podcast called God's Planning, which is awesome. And we talk about stuff like this, so you should check it out. Also, I work for the Thomistic Institute. We have a study abroad program in Rome at the Angelicum for undergraduates,

which is wild and awesome. Ask people who have gone. And I think we're accepting applications now-ish, if not now, sometime. So go to domesticinstitute.org and follow the link tree and apply because it'll be sweet. That's all I got guys. All right, my prayer's for you.

I mean, I'm praying for you slash pray for me slash talk to you soon. All right, bye.