Pints With Aquinas - What is Gentleness, REALLY? | Mother Natalia

Episode Date: February 11, 2024

Mthr. Natalia talks about her journey learning that humility and gentleness go hand in hand. She takes us through the phrase, "I was just being Human." , St. Paul's command to gentleness, and more. ��� Join Us on Locals (before we get banned on YT): https://mattfradd.locals.com/ 📖 Fr. Pine's Book: https://bit.ly/3lEsP8F 🖥️ Website: https://pintswithaquinas.com/ 🟢 Rumble: https://rumble.com/c/pintswithaquinas 👕 Merch: https://shop.pintswithaquinas.com 🚫 FREE 21 Day Detox From Porn Course: https://www.strive21.com/ 🔵 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mattfradd 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mattfradd We get a small kick back from affiliate links

Glory to Jesus Christ. I'm Mother Natalia, a Byzantine Catholic nun from Christ the Bridegroom Monastery, and this is Pines with Aquinas. I'm going to start today with a story that's not exactly a fun story for me to tell. A few months ago, back in August, I think, I was with a friend. And this friend, I don't know him super well. We're kind of at the early stages of friendship. But I just realized at the end of the day that in this interaction with him, multiple interactions, I had teased him a lot. And I had teased him a lot. And I teased him because I love him. And this is how I've experienced love in my life, right? So I grew up in a family with brothers and a dad. And when someone's teasing you, it means they love you. And, you know, I've told people that teasing is one of my love languages. But after this day, at the end of the day, there was just something kind of weighing on my heart

and something about the way this friend had reacted that I was like, does he know that I love him? Does he know that that's why I was teasing him? Does he know that I love him? Does he know that that's why I was teasing him? And I just was really convicted after praying about it for a few days that I needed to reach out because I was like, the problem with teasing, I'm not opposed to teasing, okay, let me start by saying that, but the problem with it, the danger can be when we're teasing someone and we don't really know their heart. And I realized that being at the early stages in friendship,

I don't actually know this guy's heart. I don't know if the things that I'm teasing him about are real things. And I don't know if I'm touching tender places that he's just going to be touching, tender places that he's just going to be like ashamed of or something like that. And I certainly don't want to... That has the reverse impact that I'm hoping it will, right? Someone would feel less loved as opposed to more loved. And I reached out to him and he responded and he confirmed exactly what I had been afraid of. He was like, yeah, I really just thought you didn't like me. I really, at the end of that day, was like, man, she just doesn't want to be my friend. And that was really painful for me to hear because no one wants to hear that they've

hurt someone else, I don't think. It was painful for me to hear, but it also was really brought about this good conviction that I just need to be more gentle in life. I'm not really a gentle person. And I've had a lot of people recently who've met me and have just talked about how gentle I am. And I'm like, this is real new for me. So thank you for affirming that.

But yeah, having this conviction, I had a couple days of retreat. And during that retreat, I was like, well, what do the fathers say about this? What do the fathers say about gentleness? And what can they teach me here? So, I pulled out one of my, I think it's in the second volume of the Philokalia, which is a collection of writings from the early fathers. And I came across two quotes by St. Maximus the Confessor, who if you're not familiar with St. Maximus the Confessor, this guy is like the man. You should look him up. Everything he says is just so solid. So two quotes from from Maximus the Confessor that I want to share. The first is this, Every humble person is invariably gentle, and every gentle person is invariably humble. A person is humble when he knows that his very being is on loan to him.

He is gentle when he realizes how to use the powers given to him in a manner that accords with nature. And withdrawing activity, withdrawing their activity completely from the senses, places them at the service of the intelligence in order to produce the virtues." So St. Maximus, the confessor, is saying a couple really important things here. He's saying that a person is gentle when he realizes how to use the powers given to him in a manner that accords with nature, which means it is according to nature for us to be gentle. And he also says that doing this produces virtues. It's really frustrating for me. This is something that I've tried to root out in my own way of speaking. You know, when people say, well, I did this sin or I said this unkind thing or whatever, it just came out and I was just being human.

But I don't think that's actually just being human. And the reason I don't think that is because Jesus was fully God and fully man. So if Jesus is and was fully human and he didn't sin, then it's just not correct to say that when we sin, we're just being human. We are acting in accord with our fallen nature in that sense, but we're not simply being human, not as humanity was meant to be. So what's the solution? This was my question. I was like, okay, well, I'm not gentle and I need to be more gentle with people and how do I do that? And then I come to this next quote by St. Maximus the Confessor.

It's a much shorter one, don't worry. Those made like wild beasts by evil habits and actions are tamed by kind and tender counsel, and return to their natural gentleness." So again, he's saying that the gentleness is natural. He's saying that in being tamed, it's something we come back to. in being tamed, it's something we come back to. He also says that evil habits and actions make us like wild beasts. In other words, when we're sinning, we're not acting human, we're acting subhuman. We're acting like animals. But what really struck me about this quote the most is that I'm like coming to this,

I'm struggling with so much self-condemnation about the fact that I've hurt this person, who's a friend of mine, who I'm like, I've totally failed this person as a mother, right? I'm called Mother Natalia. And I didn't have for this man any of the motherly tenderness that I think he really needs and is worthy of and all of that. So there's a lot of condemnation there. There was a lot of condemnation there. And I was like, okay, so how do I come back to, like, how do I be gentle? Because I just need, Lord, I need you to yell at me and to give me my penance and to basically, like, you know, kick me around a little bit and so I can learn my lesson and be more gentle. But that's not what Maximus the Confessor says.

and be more gentle. But that's not what Maximus the Confessor says. He says that when we're made like wild beasts in this way, we're tamed by kind and tender counsel. And the reason that struck me is because I realized my lack of gentleness with other people is completely a result of the fact that I'm not gentle with myself. And these past few months, I think I've really been growing in this gentleness,

and it's come through receiving so much gentleness from the Lord, and from my spiritual father, and from my spiritual mother, and from good and beautiful friendships. And we need to do this for each other. We need to have this kind and tender counsel for one another. Because how we speak matters. Our words matter. And Jesus is abundantly clear on this, right?

When he says, On the day of judgment, men will render account for every careless word they utter. Do you have any idea how terrifying that verse is for someone who speaks publicly on pints with Aquinas? Every careless word they utter, they will be held accountable for. I don't want to be careless with my words. I want to be gentle. And gentleness is a fruit of the spirit, according to St. Paul. You know, St. Paul says to the Galatians. And St. Paul, let's be clear, St. Paul is like a rough and tough kind of guy, right? Like he speaks the things, he says the hard things, and this is St. Paul speaking.

If a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Saint Peter says, always be prepared to make a defense to anyone who calls you to account for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and reverence. And then we read in Hebrews, which was written either by Saint Paul or someone who knows Saint Paul quite well. Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works. Not let's teach each other how to be angry or unkind, but how do we stir up one another to love and good works? Not let's teach each other how to be angry or unkind,

but how do we stir up one another to love and good works? I also recognize that St. Paul tells Titus to rebuke sharply, and I know that Jesus flipped the tables of the money changers. Jesus flipped the tables of the money changers. But if you're wanting to speak sharply to someone instead of speaking with gentleness, I would encourage you to look at what's your motive in that? What's the reason you want to speak sharply to them? Is it actually to change their hearts? Or is it to make your own point? Is it to be self-satisfied?

You know, I gave a talk to some married couples a few months ago, and something I said to them was, in talking about how to speak to their children, you know, I said, I want you to think back on the times that you've been yelled at. And I would encourage you to ask yourself, when was the last time you felt your heart was softened and opened to the Lord in the midst of being yelled at? Because I think the yelling doesn't really convert hearts. So yeah, if you're rebuking sharply, what's your motive? And I would encourage you to try to be honest

with yourself about that. And to ask the Lord to show you that, to show you your own motives. Because we read in the gospels that when Jesus told the rich young man what he needed to do, that he needed to sell everything that he had, that looking at him, he loved him. This rich young man could tell from just the look of Jesus that he was loved.

So as you're rebuking sharply, does this person know that they're loved? Because if they don't know they're loved, then their hearts aren't going to be changed. St. Paul, even when he's writing to the Corinthians, he admonishes, he convicts, but he says very specifically, I do not write this to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children. And I think that even when we admonish, this needs to come across. When we are called to correct, are we doing it with a spirit of gentleness? In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen. Heavenly Father, I ask that you grant myself and all those who are listening to this a spirit of wisdom to discern when and where we are called to correct, but also

how we can do that with gentleness, with love. Father, I ask that you continue to show us your kind and tender counsel. Place the people in our lives to give us that kind and tender counsel so that in receiving gentleness we can be gentle with others. I ask all of this through the prayers of St. Nathaniel, St. Paul Saint Peter, Saint John Paul II, Saint Thomas Aquinas, the Most Holy Theotokos, and all the saints. Amen. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.