Pivot - BFFs: The Best of Kara and Scott 2021
Episode Date: December 21, 2021This episode takes a look back at 12 months of the most aspirational friendship in podcasting. Kara and Scott review a year's worth of hot takes, bold ideas, jealous fits, civil disagreements, and he...artwarming family vacations. Come for the memories, stay for the triggers! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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It's been an amazing year in the Kara Swisher-Scott Galloway multiverse.
Come with us on a trip down memory lane as we take a look back at 2021.
The best of Kara and Scott.
Beyond the brilliant commentary and visionary analysis, if we don't say so ourselves,
just the wittiest moments from our aspirational friendship.
The past 52 weeks have brought us everything from an insurrection to record inflation.
And in the same exact amount of time, we've seen everything from Scott's first COVID vaccine to my fourth baby.
Last week, we brought you our predictions for 2022.
This week, we're bringing you the best of what makes this podcast great.
And Scott, what is that?
Us.
Us.
Who won iHeartRadio's
best business and finance podcast?
Us! Us!
That's right.
We'll kick it off the way
we start every show
with some really classy utterances
from my co-host,
which of course means
things he should keep to himself.
I like to share.
I like to share.
I'm Scott Galloway
and I just have one question, Cara.
Yeah, what?
What the actual fuck?
I have been cleared by my urologist.
I'm going to be the backup quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers next season.
And I am one split end away from cutting my own bangs, Cara.
And I am the first person in the history of our economy to figure out a way to lose money on crypto.
And I would like to seriously explore a relationship with Bill Gates. And I'm here to announce that I am the first musical guest on SNL that has erectile
dysfunction. And I'm a competitor in the Olympic sport of sunbathing. And I'm proud to announce I
brought home bronze. This is Meghan Markle. I'm Tim Cook. This is Preet Bharara. This is Piers
Morgan. And I am so clearly your side piece. Why am I so aggressive in such a bad mood today? Is
it my tea therapy? I'm on tea therapy. You need to eat something.
I'm on tea therapy.
You need to eat something.
Our marketing department tells us that the reason so many of you guys keep coming back each week is that you like our chemistry.
That's right.
Nitro and glycerin.
Gary and Dean.
Wait, Gary and Dean?
Cher and Sonny.
I am so Cher, by the way.
You are so Cher.
Hair down to my hips.
You are so Cher.
Hair down to my hips.
What do you think the key element of our relationship is?
What do you think it is?
I think we come from different backgrounds, but we share a pursuit of the truth and a reverence.
Yeah.
And we like each other.
I think that comes through.
And as it says in the script, respect.
We do have a lot of respect for each other, but what you probably get to hear more of
is Scott's incessant jealousy and envy of my fantastic life. It bothers me. I am jealous that
you get to say I'm jealous, and I don't get to say that about you. Because I'm not jealous in any way,
but you're not just jealous of me. You're jealous of a lot of people. Let's roll the clips.
You'd think at my age I'd be more secure. You'd think.
And you'd be wrong.
And you'd be wrong.
You'd be wrong.
What would you do if I told you I have Anderson Cooper to come on Sway?
I'd feel jealous because I'm the one that's supposed to reach out to him.
I'm sorry to tell you.
I'm building up to that.
I'm building up to that.
I'm sorry to tell you.
He's coming on fucking Sway.
Don't even say that.
Don't even go there.
Seriously.
Don't even go there.
If he shows up.
April Fools!
I got you.
Actually, I have Don Lemon coming on with this book.
Don Lemon?
Yeah, I'm not going to ask.
I wasn't, I'm not going to.
Anderson is a bridge too far, though I certainly would love to have him on Sway, but I won't do it.
I got you, didn't I?
I got you.
You thought for a minute because you thought I could get him, right?
Correct?
Did I get you?
You know better than to go there.
I know, but it was a good April Fool's, wasn't it?
That's right.
It's April Fool's.
You did.
You could see your face.
Nobody can see his face, but he was like, has she betrayed me?
The final betrayal.
Who else would be a betrayal?
Anderson Cooper.
I don't know.
We've had Fareed Zakaria.
If you got Angela Merkel, she's another hero of mine, that would be very upsetting.
Well, that might happen.
That I'm not going to give you, Angela.
But I will give you Ando.
Ando is yours forever and always.
I'm emailing him today.
Or texting him.
Because we have each other's phone number.
And we use emojis.
I did that before.
It worked.
I'm so excited.
That was good.
But the fact of the matter is you should listen to the interview.
It was very good.
We all should. We all should. We should all listen to your podcast. That's what we should do. That one is good. But the fact of the matter is you should listen to the interview. Sasha Baron Cohen was very good. Yes, we all should.
We all should.
We should all listen to your podcast.
That's what we should do.
That one is good.
You'll like it.
Let me get right on that.
Then listen to the dog musher.
Let me get right on it.
If you're getting a great day, listen to the dog lady.
I'm going to listen with my favorite lesbian, Senator Lindsey Graham,
and I are going to listen to Sasha Baron Cohen on Sway.
That's my day.
Oh, he was in with Trump all weekend, calling up threatening senators. That wasway. That's my day. Oh, he was in with Trump all weekend calling up the threatening senators.
That was nice.
That's my day.
Let me get this, seriously.
On your other podcast,
you bring on Bill Gates.
What do we get?
We get some like Joanna Bag of Donuts
assistant commissioner
that you kissed in college on our podcast.
You've got to start investing in this relationship.
By the way,
I just want to point out that
Representative Khanna goes on to Twitter
and says, it was great being on Pivot
with the inimitable, incredibly thoughtful
Kira Swisher.
And then, you know, he said, and Scott, too.
And Scott, too.
That's our new thing, and Scott, too.
Thanks for the big wet kiss there, Representative.
It was literally like his press agent said, oh, wait.
You didn't kill the CEOs like I do.
You have to mention that guy, too.
You have to mention that guy.
You don't actually kill CEOs.
You seriously, you play me like a fucking fiddle.
You're like, okay, I've smacked him a little too hard.
You're like, oh, I heard you going on Bill Maher.
You literally played.
I'm happy for you.
You'll enjoy it.
I think you'll be great.
And more people should have a little Scott.
Two things.
Two things.
The first is I feel very manipulated.
And second, I like it.
I like it.
I like it.
It works for me.
The whole world will get to see.
It works for me.
The world of HBO Max, at least, will get to see Scott Galloway.
We all know.
So let's be clear.
At no point does Kara ever, ever let me or anybody else forget that she is, I don't know, better than me.
Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I am better than you.
Does that bother you that I'm freakishly remarkable and you're unremarkable?
That's my question.
I'm used to it.
I think the thing, I trust the thing that makes you happiest in the world is your little girl.
A close second is when you trigger me.
Be honest.
She's always reminding us that she hangs out with the most important people.
You never listen to my other things because you ignore me completely.
But I interviewed Spike Lee today and we had a long
discussion about basketball. He did not talk about Scott Galloway, though.
Kara, of course, knows all the famous billionaires.
Everybody wants to be Mark Cuban. Everyone wants to be like the half of all strategic.
I just have a podcast with him today, which you may listen to.
Basketball-owning billionaire, Mark Cuban.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And will you be watching? Elon Musk will be on Saturday Night Live this weekend.
You know him.
I don't.
You like him.
You know, one time he showed up at a meeting with a stuffed monkey, and he made me laugh.
It just made me laugh.
In front of a very important person.
It was a harembe or whatever, and he kept playing with the monkey during this interview
with this very important person, and I just thought it was hysterical.
He's a quirky man, I would say.
I just think he might be funny.
I think it's incredible that Warren Buffett has been as,
you know, he's just very,
he's not only an impressive man,
what's incredible is how impressive he is at 90.
I had dinner with him a couple years ago, two years ago,
and he was very lively, although you could just see, you know, I was like, I wonder how, you know, he was elderly.
I just don't know.
You know what I mean?
He was definitely slower.
But then he ate, you know, a plate of meat as big as my head.
Twinkies.
And then ate the stuff on my plate.
She also knows politicians.
Stacey Abrams is the most significant thing to happen regarding the regulation of big tech in the last 20 years.
I guess I shouldn't tell you.
I'll ask her when I talk to her tomorrow.
Literally, I expose my feelings to you, and you know what you do?
You jab.
You jab.
You know who you would love?
What?
The new mayor of Miami.
I have talked to him.
He texts me all the time.
I did a little column.
I quoted him in.
He's good.
Francisco Suarez, right? Suarez. Mayor Suarez. him he and he texts me all the time i did a little column i quoted him in he's good france francisco
suarez right is mayor suarez and don't forget chuck todd i'm gonna go for drinks at chuck todd
and send you a picture from there but go ahead keep going she's even hung out with patrick stewart
also known as jean-luc picard my halloween costume jean-luc has not called starship commander jean
luc picard which by the way is, is my Halloween outfit every year.
Huge crowd loser.
He's great. You know, I met him once at dinner at the Shakespeare Theater.
He's lovely, right?
Tell me he's lovely.
Oh, my God.
He was so, like, so dreamy.
He was dreamy and smart and erudite.
The whole thing.
He was exactly what you do.
He was not like, I would have been sad if he was like, hey, how you doing?
No, he was totally classy.
And if I get too cocky, Cara is quick to remind us and me that she was way more popular than I was in high school.
Pretty low bar, 6'2", 140 pounds with bad acne, virgin until you're 19.
There you go.
Did you see my prom photo?
Yeah, I did.
You looked handsome.
I have one that I'm going to send you.
I'm going to put it up of me in college.
I look exactly the same.
So true story, true story.
I didn't think I had a prom date.
And I, you know, 12th grade, 6'1", 130 pounds.
And this is a nice story.
And it's about me.
Okay.
Prettiest girl in the school.
Yeah.
Prettiest girl in the school asked me to prom.
Wow, why?
And I was not the most popular.
I was not the most handsome.
But I made her laugh.
Oh.
That was such, and I posted that the most popular. I was not the most handsome, but I made her laugh. I was such that way.
And I posted that picture.
Yeah.
And, and me and the guy, the guy who's in the photo is still my closest friend, Adam Arkman.
I feel like I'm in a John Hughes movie right now, but go ahead.
I found that photo and it like, it like, it brought back so many memories.
Anyways, I posted online and everyone's, everyone's been really kind and nice.
Yeah.
Especially about the hair. I was like, whoa, that's a lot of hair you got going on that's
what everyone talked about the hair hair well there's a lot of hair going on i went to all
four proms all four there's four proms oh you went to a private school we could only have one
no there was four i went in ninth grade 10th grade 11th grade and 12th grade i had a boyfriend who
was in 11th grade when i was a freshman i had a boyfriend who was in a class 11th grade, 10th grade, 11th grade, and 12th grade. I had a boyfriend who was in 11th grade when I was a freshman.
I had a boyfriend who was in 11th grade, a different one, when I was in 10th grade.
Same boyfriend in 11th grade.
And then I went with a friend of mine in 12th grade.
I haven't told the parents.
Yeah, I think that's nice.
Yeah, I had a lot of boyfriends.
Kara Swisher had a lot of boyfriends.
You little...
I am.
Saucy little minx.
Saucy little minx.
I was an easy girlfriend to have.
I was.
I was like, I never really was like clingy and I would have sex with them.
That's pretty much why I was a great girlfriend.
Anyway.
That's a cocktail every young man likes to hear.
Lesbians make great girlfriends to straight men.
I was like, they're like, oh, you're not very clingy.
I'm like, no, I'd like you to leave.
All right, Scott, let's go on a quick break.
Can I get you an Uber?
Can I get you an Uber? Are you done? Can I get you an Uber? Can I get you an Uber?
Are you done?
Can I get you an Uber?
Out of here.
Even worse, Cara is constantly winning awards and getting on fancy lists, and this year was no exception.
Jesus Christ, I'm going to be sick.
I'm Cara Swisher.
And I'm Scott Galloway.
So just one question.
Yeah.
Queer 50?
Question mark. I get it every year. It's not like.
Queer 50? Yeah, that's right. There are 50 important queer people. I'm one of them. There's 51 of them, actually. We always throw one out. Queer 50. And I want to know the methodology.
You were number eight. I have no idea. Why are you not number seven or number nine? I have no idea.
I get on these lists. I like literally never,
when I was, when I was married to my ex-wife, who was the CTO of America, we were always on the couples list, right? Like there's only, they have to always have a bunch of pair of lesbians in
there. So these are just these lists. I think they're fine, whatever. You wanted to be part
of the queer 50, didn't you? Well, I'm part of the, the hot 50. I was 51, But I heard I was very close to making the hot, straight erectile dysfunction 50.
It's not like Scott is shy about his own successes.
You want to talk about a strong move? The other day, I explained crypto to a rival dad in front
of his family. That's a strong move. That's a strong move. What is this crypto, Scott?
And then I pulled out my leaf blower.
What is this crypto, Scott?
And then I pulled out my leaf blower.
Boom!
2021 was actually a very big year for the dog.
He caught Oprah's eye.
Every once in a while, the dog gets a boom.
But let me just say, someone famous was mentioning you.
Everybody made a big deal of it because I'm such a name dropper and actually know all the names.
But you were named by two people.
Explain for the people what happened with your book.
I am generally very in touch with anyone who says anything nice about me,
but I don't know.
Brian Williams, I really don't know who you're talking about.
No, it was Oprah was talking about you.
They picked up your book.
Oh, James Corden, that's right.
James Corden.
He brought my book.
Yeah, he talked about my book.
What's with that?
Why?
What happened?
What is with that?
Well, occasionally, I know this is a shocker, but occasionally I do something outside of
this podcast that gets some positive reinforcement.
No, but how did he get the book?
I know that.
My guess is he did.
He bought it, Kara.
Some people actually buy books.
Okay.
And believe it or not, occasionally someone actually reads my book.
Not that you've ever read one of my books.
You know what?
As usual, you're triggered because you're a triggered kind of person.
The fact of the matter is I'm thrilled that he bought your book and and I just wanted to know how he got it, and that was great.
Oh, Amazon?
I'm going to go out on a limb here.
I know, but I wouldn't go James Corden and post-corona.
I just wouldn't.
That would not be a combination.
He is a very thoughtful guy.
I've interviewed him.
He's great.
He's very funny.
He's very funny.
But I was sort of surprised it was him, but it was interesting.
And then they talked about it.
Oprah and him, it was a big him. It was a big deal.
It was a big deal.
Oprah.
Who'd you get Oprah?
One of the most inspiring women of the last century.
We're getting Oprah.
Probably from my other podcast.
One of the most inspiring people.
I can't believe you just said that.
I can't believe you just said that.
No, but we're going to get the head of the Texas Health Commission to come talk about animal rights.
You know what?
Despite all its issues, New York Times, you say it and they show up.
I'm sorry.
It's just the way it works.
No, I'm kidding.
I did fine on Recode DC.
It's so true.
If I call Bill Gates' office, like, they call security.
They literally, they're like, uh, I think it's that crazy guy.
And they should.
Scott even went a little Hollywood this year.
He was in Hulu's WeWork documentary.
Scott even went a little Hollywood this year.
He was in Hulu's WeWork documentary.
WeWork was the most overvalued company in the world.
For God's sakes, they're running f***ing desks.
And he even took a quick spin on the late-night talk show circuit.
After working my ass off for 30 years, I'm an overnight success.
Thanks, Bill Maher.
I predict you're going to be on Bill Maher's show. Go on. I hear
you're going to be on it with Larry Wilmar, who I love. I don't know what you're talking about.
What did you say? You've been invited finally to the Bill Maher show. Tell me about how you
feel about that. What are you going to talk about? I think I'm, at the end of the day,
I think I'm like Lyle Lovett, and that is they bring me on a talk show hoping that Julia Roberts
will come on. I think that they're using me to get to you, but I don't care. No, I've been on the show. I know.
I think I want you back on. Anyways, anytime I meet someone who's nice to me, I'm like,
does this person want me on their podcast or are they just trying to get to Kara? Anyway.
You're my gator. You're the gating mechanism for Kara Swisher. Anyway, tell me what you're
going to talk about. What do you think your themes are? I don't know.
I think my guess is we're going to talk about Megan and Harry,
and there's a one in three chance I'll be canceled.
Oh, yeah. And we're going to talk about...
I watched Piers Morgan before you nailed off about him.
But go ahead.
Go ahead.
The honest truth is I don't know what we're going to talk about.
I imagine we'll talk about my book, Post-Corona,
From Crisis to Opportunity.
It's tomorrow.
I got to be honest, it's a dream of mine.
I love Bill Maher. I think he's courageous and funny. You and me will truly spark. You're of the same mind in many ways, from crisis to opportunity. It's tomorrow. I got to be honest, it's a dream of mine. I love Bill Maher.
I think he's courageous and funny.
You and me will truly spark.
You're of the same mind in many ways, I have to say.
A grieved, angry old guys, white men.
No, but I think you'll both feel like you'll bond.
I think you'll bond.
I think you'll bond rather well.
That was an amazing thing.
I have to say, I have to hand it to you.
They had never gotten a dose of Scott Galloway
and you decided to go full on Scott Galloway. It was amazing. You went nuts. So rather than me going on about you,
let's listen to you. You have capitalism on the way up and you have socialism on the way down.
I'm not done yet. And then you have socialism on the way down. That's not capitalism or socialism.
It is cronyism. It is the worst of all worlds.
Capitalism, capitalism is full-body contact violence
at a corporate level so we can create prosperity and progress
that rests on a bed of empathy.
We have flipped the script here.
We need to be more loving and empathetic with people
and more harsh on companies.
Capitalism, we are protecting.
We should be protecting people, not companies.
Fucking Delta, burn, baby, burn.
Yelled a little bit.
You were emotional.
The whole thing.
It was a perfect, it was vintage Scott.
I thought I was going to throw up.
Great job on that.
Your sweater was nice.
You were dressed well.
You looked good.
You looked smart.
I have to say.
Go on.
Go on.
Thank you.
I was very impressed,
because it could have been a frigging disaster.
I was expecting a possible disaster.
I'll be honest. Oh, there was a non-zero probability this was all going to come to an end on HBO.
I was literally like, oh, shoot.
You were nervous?
You were more nervous than me.
A little bit.
I'll be honest.
I'm like, what's he going to say?
Was he going to cancel us?
He's going to cancel us.
A little bit.
A little bit.
And I'm like attached to him like at the hip.
Oh, God.
I'm going down like the Titanic.
Except, you know, it'll be like, you know when Leonard DiCaprio was hanging on that thing on the door that Kate Winslet was on?
Remember that scene at the end?
Hanging on the door?
The Titanic at the end.
When they're at the end.
Yeah, when he's about to drown and she just lets him go.
She lets him go.
Oh, no, you're going down with me, by the way.
No, no, I'm staying on the door.
I was like, how do I stay on the door?
So just two words, Kara.
Two words.
My heart will go on.
First word, suicide.
Second word, pact.
We are in this together.
Oh, no.
You ride with the dog, you die with the dog.
No, I am Kate Winslet on the door.
After that triumph on Bill Maher, the dog even dabbled in a little acting.
Okay, so I did start.
Thank you for asking.
It's Father's Day.
I'm giving you all this.
I appreciate it.
A lot of softballs coming my way.
I did, on Friday, I recorded, I kicked off my career as a voiceover actor.
I'm the voice of Kingston, who is the Grand Tooth Fairy Instructor
in A Tooth Fairy Tale.
And do you want to hear the opening line?
Yeah, sure.
Go ahead.
Go for it.
Okay, hold on.
Magic has always existed.
Oh my God, a star is born.
That was really bad acting.
A star is born.
Can you try that again?
That was how you read it?
A star is born.
Oh my God.
And speaking of stardom, he went and got a third or fourth or fifth job at CNN Blue.
Yeah, we'll see if Daddy makes it to the first episode.
We'll see.
One word.
One word.
Midriff.
Doubtful.
Midriff.
Oh, God.
Break the news, Kara.
Break it.
The dog is getting a show on CNN.
Plouf.
Plouf?
Sorry.
Plouf.
It's Canal.
Yeah, Canal.
It's French.
It's going to be in France only.
CNN France.
The new show will focus on news and conversations where business and technology collide.
I think they've told me
to kind of lean into my irreverence.
I've said, have you seen my content?
Are you worried at all?
Are they ready for you?
They claim they're into the crazy.
Oh, well.
I really like that.
And they've hit the jackpot.
Anyway, CNN Plus got a show.
Thank you.
I think this show and you discovering me
and making me an overnight success after working my ass off for 30 years is a big part of the reason I got this show.
So thank you.
And let's be honest.
I'm so glad I turned down their offer.
Oh, no, I didn't.
I didn't get an offer.
Let's be honest.
I've outgrown you.
I'm Hillary Swank leaving that other guy who didn't get more movies.
Whatever it is.
I've outgrown you.
Oh, Chad.
I've outgrown you.
No, you haven't.
You'll be back.
Don't you worry.
I've outgrown you.
You'll see.
I'm McLean Stevenson going on to a big world of movies.
This is like a rubber band relationship.
I'm Shelly Long.
I'm too big for cheers.
I should be doing Beverly Hills Troupe.
Listen, I want you to behave a little bit.
Yeah, exactly.
You want me to?
Shelly Long.
I'm Shelly Long.
I want you to think about it.
I'm due for movies.
I'm due for much bigger things.
Money Pit and Troupe Beverly Hills.
Ultimately, let me just give you a piece of advice.
It's a very good quote that I love.
I want you to like, you should be you.
You absolutely should be you.
But there's a quote by Dorothy Salisbury Davis.
I just looked it up.
Don't sell your soul to buy peanuts for the monkeys.
Don't sell your soul to buy peanuts for the monkeys.
Hmm. Hmm. You don't have to do antics you're very smart you have a lot of insight i like the antics you think you don't think i should i think you i like your antics but i'm saying two things that you want to
do right two things that you want to do not things that are crowd pleasing right that's what the
peanuts are to the monkeys two things that you want to do don's what the peanuts are to the monkeys. Two things that you want to do.
Don't sell your soul for the peanuts for the monkey man.
No, you be you in any way you can.
Just what you're doing should be insightful and bring people.
Daddy with a capital D.
D to the A double D Y.
After our conversation that day, people thought Scott was leaving me as if.
Never. Never.
Never.
Can you make it clear you're not leaving?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
No, you're stuck with me.
Yeah, I know.
I'm riding this shit out.
I am riding this shit out.
I'm Daniel Craig.
I'm not leaving this franchise.
No, not at all.
There's no way.
Wheel me out.
I know, exactly.
I'm Adam West from Batman.
I don't want to leave.
They didn't even call me for the Batman movie't want to leave. They didn't even call me
for the Batman movie,
said Adam West.
They didn't even call me.
Death before divorce.
Time for a quick break.
When we come back,
the dog and the jungle cat
go on vacation together.
Jesus Christ,
that's a scary thought.
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These days, online scams look more like crime syndicates than individual con artists.
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Last year, scammers made off with more than $10 billion.
It's mind-blowing to see the kind of infrastructure that's been built to facilitate scamming at scale.
There are hundreds, if not
thousands, of scam centers all around the world. These are very savvy business people. These are
organized criminal rings. And so once we understand the magnitude of this problem,
we can protect people better. One challenge that fraud fighters like Ian face is that scam victims
sometimes feel too ashamed to discuss what happened to them.
But Ian says one of our best defenses is simple.
We need to talk to each other.
We need to have those awkward conversations around what do you do if you have text messages you don't recognize?
What do you do if you start getting asked to send information that's more sensitive?
Even my own father fell victim to a, thank goodness,
a smaller dollar scam, but he fell victim.
And we have these conversations all the time.
So we are all at risk
and we all need to work together to protect each other.
Learn more about how to protect yourself
at vox.com slash zelle.
And when using digital payment platforms,
remember to only send money to people you know and trust.
Welcome back to our very special episode of Pivot as we look back at a year of friendship,
insults, and triggers. Mostly the latter. Mostly the latter. As much as Scott and I bicker, we do like to spend time together.
In April, we took our relationship to the next level when I decided to take my entire family
to visit him in Miami. I'm Kara Swisher, and I'm packing right now my teeny weeny bikini.
I'm not going to touch that with a 10-foot pole. And I am Airbnb dog.
Okay, so this is what it means to be professional friends with Kara.
And then we decide to make the bridge into friendship after knowing each other for 11 years.
We're not really friends.
Okay, so that hurts my feelings.
So, okay, first it's like, hey, let's meet in Miami to go check out some venues.
And it's like, you know, I'll bring Amanda.
She's bored.
And then it's like, oh, you know, we have a kid.
She goes everywhere with us.
It's a baby.
What, do you want to leave it here with like a cracker and the cat?
And then, oh, wait, our 16-year-old son is bored.
Can he come with us?
He's coming.
It is literally a harem coming over here.
I'm thinking, do I need a bigger house?
No.
I heard your house is big.
What can the Swishers expect, the Clampettes, when they get there?
I'm not bringing Louie.
Louie wanted to come suddenly.
I got to be honest.
You are such my liberal progressive cred.
I'm inviting all my friends over to meet Kara and Amanda.
They're lesbians.
And then I'm going to turn on Christiana
Amanpour and wear my Berkeley sweatshirt and
boom, I'm fucking Alan Alda.
What can I expect at this house? Is this a nice house?
Do I need to bring my
own sheets? What's happening? Nice house.
I got a beer fridge.
I got a big
fat flat screen TV. I got video
games. Good. Okay. You have a basketball
court, I understand. It's a total man cave and a basketball hoop.
Alex is going to dunk on you.
He's very excited.
Well, that's what his mother does every week.
Boom!
He's really good at it, actually.
He's really, really good at it.
So this is going to be really fun.
We're going to take pictures.
Then we're going down to Miami.
I'm still trying to schedule our meeting with the mayor because you keep saying you can't do things.
So the mayor of Miami is going to meet us.
We're going to visit all kinds of things.
Mayor Suarez.
Mayor Suarez.
He was already a vice presidential contender, right?
He is.
He was meeting with Nikki Haley.
He's a very handsome man.
And so we're going to meet with him.
He is handsome.
And we're going to go see some venues.
We're coming to Miami.
We're coming to Miami.
Miami is coming to us, let's be honest.
That is fair.
That is fair.
Miami Beach.
This is very exciting.
We're going to take pictures everywhere. I'm very excited.. That is fair. Miami's coming to us. This is very exciting.
We're going to take pictures everywhere.
I'm very excited.
Our spouses are going to be horrified with us.
Well, that's called a weekday.
What do you mean?
We'll make it all about us.
Our whole thing.
Going to be.
Yeah, it's going to be fun.
We're going to have a good time in Miami.
Anyway, I'm not bringing a bikini.
I don't wear bikinis.
That happened.
Oh, I got a banana hammock.
I got a Speedo.
No, no.
N to the O. I got a little kilt for Big Ed and the Twins called a Speedinis. That happened. Oh, I got a banana hammock. I got a Speedo. No. N to the O.
I got a little kilt for Big Ed and the Twins called a Speedo.
That's right.
I like to scare people off the beach.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to be wearing sunscreen.
That's all I have to say.
Anyway, we've got to get to what we're doing.
This is going to be really fun.
We're going to do our whole episode on Monday about our adventures.
Very excited.
All right.
Me too.
I'm kind of excited.
I'm really excited.
It's going to be great.
All right.
Listen, it's been a year since we've seen each other, really.
It has been a year.
It has been a year. A couple of stories we have to talk about. That must have excited. It's going to be great. All right. Listen, it's been a year since we've seen each other, really. It has been a year. It has been a year.
So a couple of stories we have to talk about.
That must have been rough on you.
Rough on you.
No, it hasn't been.
That's rough.
So listen, Lena Kahn.
I'm a hugger.
I'm a hugger.
Don't hug me.
Don't even try.
What's amazing is that after a full weekend together, we were still friends, despite the
fact that Scott took me to a MAGA boat rally.
We did.
In Boca.
In Boca.
In Boca.
DeSantis. make America Florida. Who is the hostess with the mostest? Let's be honest, over and over was your family
who came and visited mine. Over and over, let's be honest, were you constantly asking yourself,
how can someone so masculine be so lovely? How can he be so lovely? No, I was thinking is your wife is amazing.
And now I understand the whole equation of how it works out for Scott Galloway.
That's what I thought.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
So some key moments, key highlights from the weekend.
Key moments.
Gotta give the fans what they want.
Okay, good.
Gotta feed the ducks here.
Yeah.
From moment one.
I wear a lot of makeup, but go ahead.
The Swisher family comes in and in walks the golden child, like little 18 pounds of magic.
That is the most beautiful little girl.
I know.
Happy.
No idea how you had anything to do with that.
No, nothing.
Don't understand the mechanics.
Don't need to understand the mechanics.
I created her from sand of the beach, but go ahead.
And then, in contrast, in walks this Clydesdale white LeBron, who is also your son.
I mean, he's the most enormous human I have ever seen.
We had to wax his arms to get him through the door.
I'm like, we're going to need a bigger house.
Yeah.
This kid is enormous.
Enormous.
And my favorite moment.
My favorite moment.
Him falling asleep on the entire couch.
My favorite moment.
We all decide after a lovely day on Friday.
A lovely day. By the way, who takes you to the We all decide after a lovely day on Friday. A lovely day.
By the way, who takes you to the Boca Bash for a Trump rally?
The dog.
I know.
Thank you so much.
The Confederate flags were something to see.
I have to say.
It was so Florida.
It was so Florida.
All you kept saying was, I'm not going in the water.
Is that a QAnon flag?
Anyways.
I'm not going in the water.
Anyway.
Anyways.
We decide after a lovely night.
A lovely day. We get dinner. We decide after a lovely night, a lovely day,
we decide to watch
something on Netflix
in Palm Beach
where you guys
wouldn't take off
your masks.
That was very comforting.
Yeah, okay.
anyways,
we're back at
Chateau Dog
and we decide
and I'm like,
all right,
I trust you
and I like you guys enough.
I'll let you pick
the Netflix program.
Yeah.
We're all sitting down
watching Netflix
right
and then
all of a sudden
your son comes
and sits down
and we all pop into the air
about a foot
I mean
Jesus Christ
that's a big fucking human
he is
and we can't see
over his size
45 sneakers
and I'm like
dude can you get
your sneakers out of the way
and what is
what are the Swishers pick
Jordans by the way but go ahead what are the Swishers pick? Jordans, by the way, but go ahead.
What are the Swishers pick?
What?
The great Boston art heist.
And then I realized I'm drinking tea, and suddenly I came to this really weird realization.
You're a lesbian.
I'm like, oh, my God, I'm a lesbian.
You're a lesbian.
I'm the second most famous male lesbian right behind Lindsey Graham.
I'm going for number one.
And I started thinking I couldn't focus on this woke shit we were watching. I'm like, am I Meritor Baxter Burney or am I Kelly
McGillis? Who am I? Let me take to my side of the picture. Scott's wife is superb. His kids are
lovely. It's kind of shocking. A lot of us kept saying of the family was we had meetings when
you were not there. We were like, how does he get
such a nice group of people to hang out with him?
First of all. Money. Mostly money.
It's a beautiful home.
They're very, like the refrigerator is
full of healthy foods. It's crazy.
There was not a junk food nary in sight.
None of his counters.
Is that you or your wife? The counters have
nothing on them. They're beautiful.
What was going on there with that? The counters? Who cleans the counters? No on them. They're beautiful. What was going on there with that?
The counters?
Who cleans the counters?
No appliances anywhere.
Everything's hidden.
I like that Northern European kind of OCD look.
It was aesthetic.
He has a beautiful house.
It's very healthy.
It feels, it doesn't, it's not, you'd imagine it to be a party zone, but it's not.
I'm very uncomfortable with this.
I'd rather be known as a faculty member living in faculty housing.
Okay.
With newspapers piling up everywhere.
No, you have a very lovely, woke life.
You're more woke.
It was a very San Francisco experience, actually.
Oh, that hurts.
I'm just saying.
That hurts.
It is also beautiful.
And it is also, you were an excellent host.
You were the hostess with the mostest, I have to say.
I wanted to impress Amanda.
You, not so much.
No, I don't.
And Giant Boy.
Jesus Christ.
They worked out together, too.
Seriously?
Venmo me about $11 million for the crap that that guy ate.
Oh, my God.
He didn't stop eating.
He didn't stop eating.
It's really crazy, isn't it?
It's crazy.
That kid.
He ate all your food.
Like, he kept getting thirds.
But your wife's also a beautiful cook.
Okay. We'll have all the Swishers. All over life scott you've now joined the swisher town my mom sat in your house and said you might be gay lucky lucky who kept saying like over and over
so i thought you were gay i still think we all laugh uncomfortably. And then we'd say, so you drove down from Vero Beach?
And she'd go, literally, she'd go, yeah, it took us about an hour.
I thought you were gay.
And then she called your wife a model.
She called your wife a model.
That was nice.
That's the story of our life.
The story of our life.
You're a model.
Aren't you gay?
She goes, I still think he's gay.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I was like, he's not gay.
That's his wife.
Oh, my God. Scott is actually so secure in our relationship that he actually
felt safe enough to take the entire month of August off. You know, daddy's going European.
They get it. They get it. We're going to be dead soon. Scott, you're going to be gone for August.
Explain people why you're doing this and abrogating our responsibility and our work.
Well, you know why I take August off. No.
Because I can, Cara.
Okay.
Because I can.
Okay.
All right.
And?
And?
I've decided I'm going to take August off
for the rest of my life.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Fine.
Well, I'm going to get guest hosts
as many as I can.
And of course,
I'm bringing back Andrew Ross Sorkin.
The Canadian.
Yes, the Canadian.
I'm bringing in Ben Smith
from the New York Times.
He's the media writer.
I have Baratunde Thurston.
Baratunde.
I've got Stephanie Ruhl.
I'm on his podcast this week.
I've got Stephanie Ruhl.
The ruler.
World ruler.
I've got.
I'm going to call her and just get all over her for anything she says on the podcast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I have Katie Couric coming.
Katie.
Yes, I do.
Yes, indeed.
Katie Couric.
Yes. Don't make fun of Katie Couric. She'll rip your face off. Yes, indeed. Katie Couric! Yes.
Don't make fun of Katie Couric.
She'll rip your face off.
No, I like Katie.
She looks nice.
She's very nice.
All right.
I got a lot of people coming in.
By the way, she's made the same deal with the devil to Tom Cruise.
She looked 30 when she was 20.
She looks good.
Now she looks 30 and she's older than that now.
Something's going on there.
That's a deal with the devil.
That woman does not age.
In any case, you know what?
For her Sarah Palin thing on...
Can you find out what face cream she uses?
No, I will not.
That's all I ask while I'm gone.
You can't afford it.
You can't afford it.
Anyway, and then lastly, I'm going to have to give you the news.
I have Preet coming on.
Preet coming on.
That's a joke, right?
No.
Preet's going to do it.
That's a joke.
No, I got to do a legal thing.
He's a legal guy.
I got to do a legal show.
There's a lot of legal things happening.
Why would you abuse our friendship like that?
Is this you lashing out? Is this you? Is this you acting out? No, it's not me acting out. He's part
of the Fox Media Podcast Network. We have to like be pushing our shows here. You know what I mean?
What does Preet think? Preet, what do you think? Before he left, Scott made a helpful instructional
video for the fill-in team. Hello, Pivot co-hosts or the dogs at the dog
park trying to take my ball. I wanted to give you some tips. First off, most importantly,
when you are addressing Kara, she really likes it. If you start everything with honey,
let me explain to you what's really going on here. That will go really well. But let's be honest,
if I can't do Pivot with Scott for a whole month, the next best thing is to make him jealous and insecure.
Scott Galloway is out the entire month of August.
So today I'm joined by our very good friend, NBC News senior business correspondent, MSNBC anchor, Stephanie Ruhl.
Welcome, Stephanie.
Thank you so much.
Good to be here. And like,
Scott, a month off. Are you kidding me? I know. I know. He's a European. He thinks he's European
or something like that. I'm not sure what's going on. He's Floridian. This week, I'm happy to be
joined by Preet Bharara, Scott's favorite person. Okay, Preet, what are the three reasons people
should check out this episode? Number one, find out why Andrew Cuomo is obsessed with me.
Number two, learn from a true American patriot, Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vindman, about what courage is.
And three, I'm a heck of a lot better than Scott Galloway.
Three, I'm a heck of a lot better than Scott Galloway.
We are lucky to be joined by author, commentator, and podcaster,
Faratuni Thurston.
Faratuni, how you doing?
I'm doing great, Cara.
I am not an Ibiza.
I am not on drugs.
I am- Ibiza.
I've chosen to be with you like a responsible co-host.
Scott Galloway is still somewhere tweeting and missing me.
So I'm joined by his favorite Canadian, Andrew Ross Sorkin of The Good Hair.
Also New York Times columnist and editor, co-anchor of Squawk Box and author of Too Big to Fail.
Andrew, how are you?
I'm great, but we still have never gotten to the bottom of this whole Canadian thing.
Do we even know?
I don't know.
Do we know where that's from?
It was probably some ayahuasca moment and he just decided.
He has a massive crush on you.
Like, kind of creepy, honestly.
It's mutual, by the way.
I'm a big fan.
Don't.
Don't.
I am.
Okay.
He knows.
I'm a big fan.
I'm just happy to sit in his seat and keep it warm.
Scott Galloway is somewhere watching Anderson Cooper. So I'm joined by journalist, author of the daily newsletter,
Wake Up Call and founder of Katie Couric Media.
Katie Couric herself, who is also a badass.
Hi, Katie.
Hi, Cara.
How are you?
Big fan, Cara.
Yeah, I'm also testing out.
I'm testing out co-hosts.
So, you know, if I have to kill Scott at some point,
which is obviously inevitable.
Don't kill Scott.
No, I won't. But you understand he's going to cancel himself at one moment in his life. So
therefore...
I think he already has a million times, but somehow he's able to live to do another podcast,
right?
It's true. I don't understand it. But nonetheless, I have to be, you know, be prepared.
Scott Galloway is taking in a performance of his favorite play,
Mamma Mia. So I'm joined by George Hahn, actor, writer, satirist, and, according to the New York Times, urban raconteur.
George.
Cara.
I'm so excited to have you here.
Not as excited as I am to be here.
Well, you are the final guest host, but Scott can never stay away too long.
George, we're going to pivot to a listener question.
Roll the tape.
Bonjour, Cara.
My name is Bertrand.
I live in the border between France, Belgium, and Albania.
What is it like to work with such a formidable genius that is the hound that is the dog the expression of
masculinity is just strong like both love this show again this is that trance definitely betron
big fan oh scott scott get back in here he's in the other room no he's in the other room
Scott, get back in here.
He's in the other room.
No. He's in the other room.
That was last night.
And he managed to get, he managed to, he's.
Get those asses chaps off and get over here.
That's not an accent.
He's trying to talk through a gag ball.
Scott, knock it off.
Water later.
We're going to take another quick break.
And when we come back, a few notes on parenting, Twitter,
and all of our very best insults
from 2021.
And there are so many. experiences of investment professionals, you'll discover what differentiates their investment
approach, what learnings have shifted their career trajectories, and how do they find their next
great idea. Invest 30 minutes in an episode today. Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.
Published by Capital Client Group, Inc.
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Welcome back.
If there's one thing Kara and I do well, it's multitask,
which Kara also proved by running two other podcasts,
writing tons of columns, and having a fourth child at the age of 89. Super impressive.
She also had a cold for what seemed like an entire season. Do you know it's the year of the cold for
Kara Swisher, but fortunately, she also had the dog to cheer her on. We have such really big news
here, and I'm very serious. Yes. Scott is getting a vasectomy.
No, no.
That's not what's going on.
It's related.
It's related.
It's related.
So do you want to break the news
or should I?
I shall because it is not about you.
Oh, everything's about me.
Come on, go ahead.
Bring it back to me.
Trust me, I'll be able to do this.
Because you love my children so much
and because you always talk about
how I'm a perfect parent,
which I am.
I've decided that it's a good idea.
And, of course, I had nothing to do with it.
That we have yet another child.
My lovely wife and I, Amanda, are having another baby due in December.
So we are four kids.
That's what we're doing.
We're being very inappropriate.
Are we allowed to talk about the sex of the kid?
Sure.
Yes.
Yes, I guess. It's a boy. So I will have three boys and one
golden child girl, and the two of us will. And I'm very excited. I'm very excited. I feel like
only lesbians and evangelicals are having that many children, except ours are getting vaccinated.
I am so excited. And by the way, of course, like every piece of good news,
I have a nice emotional response. I think people like you and Amanda should have kids. I think that's good for the
world. Yes, we have good kids. And I'm not bothered by your age because you're rich.
And the fact that when this kid's going to college, you'll be, let me see, dead. You'll be
dead. That is the only thing. I thought, you know, my oldest son turned to me and he said,
you were almost out, mom. You mean Bane? You were almost out. Yeah, Bane, my oldest son turned to me and he said, you are almost out, mom.
You mean Bane?
Yeah, Bane, my 19-year-old lovely son.
Louie, literally.
And you'll see him at Code next week.
He turned to me and he was literally like, you are this close to me.
I think you lean in.
There's a Sultan of Brunei with 45 kids.
You're the Sultan of Wokistan.
I think you go for like a dozen kids. My other son was that some men had, he was telling me about, I think it was
a Genghis Khan, I can't remember which one he was. He had like 300 kids, so I feel okay.
I feel okay. I cannot have 300 kids.
So you know there's a decent chance I'm the father, right?
No, 100%.
Okay, so this is how. This is a true story.
Okay.
True story, and again, because of your voice, I'm taking over the show.
You know, Jeff, there was an item when my first son was born that Jeff Bezos might be the father.
So that's got as much accuracy as this.
But go ahead.
Please avail yourself.
Okay, so true story.
Because I was an athlete for seven months, I had something called Access to the Athlete Job Board at UCLA.
Yeah.
And one of the jobs is, you know, people say,
follow your passion, the money will follow.
Well, I found that for nine months, and that is no joke.
I became a sperm donor.
Yes, I remember that.
So if your son, when you go to get his driver's license,
is 5'10", 120, with bad acne, angry but funny,
and really good on a skateboard, chances are I'm your baby daddy.
It's too old. Your sperm is too old, and it was unregulated. No, you are not the father at all.
Let me just disabuse everybody. Wouldn't that be nice? No. Wouldn't that be nice? Except I could
sue you for a lot of money. No. So now four children. Okay, let's get back to Amanda and me
and the children. No, I want to finish where I started. I think that the reason we're here is to create a better world through happy, loving, secure children.
And I think the two of you are outstanding at that.
I think all your kids share those qualities.
So well done.
It's a good survey.
Kara, I'm okay with you having kids at the age of 78.
You and Tony Randall, I'm fine with it.
I'm fine with it.
All right.
I'm very excited.
I think four is my limit.
That's great news.
If not, I turn into like an Appalachian story.
So I am very excited, and Amanda is the best parent, and my other kids are great.
And I co-parent my kids with a very wonderful person, too.
So I'm a very lucky lady with all these children.
I agree.
I would agree with you.
And my fifth child, who is always Scott Galloway.
Anyway, who is the most difficult?
Who is literally, like the golden child is so much easier than you are in every aspect,
just so you know.
That's right.
Yeah.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, thank you, Scott.
I'm very excited.
And may I ask Amanda's permission to say this, but we're super excited.
So I may take a few weeks off during that time period, but probably not.
I'll probably be-
Unacceptable.
Unacceptable. Unacceptable.
Unacceptable.
And by the way, the reason you are in this relationship with someone younger, cooler, and hotter than you is because you make the cabbage in the Benjamins.
That's true. Fair point.
Let me give you a little inside track on what it means to be a daddy.
Fair point.
It means you bring home the cabbage.
That is true.
So no time off.
No time off.
No time off.
And speaking of daddies, Scott took his shirt off a lot this year, unfortunately.
It would be unfair to keep that to myself.
Hi, everybody.
This is Pivot from New York Magazine and the Vox Media Podcast Network.
I don't know what to say, but I'm Kara Swisher.
Scott, are you there?
Okay.
Let's just call out the elephant in the room. You are
questioning your sexuality. Is that what's going on? You saw my photo and you're thinking,
I don't know. Maybe I'll get this whole outdoor plumbing thing, this hooking up with guys with
Knicks sweatshirts and baseball caps on backwards. Maybe I made a mistake. Look at the dog. No, it's actually solidified my commitment to lesbianism.
I have to say, I am now a,
there is no way I'm going back at this point in my life.
Listen, for those who aren't following
everything Scott Galloway does,
he posted a photo of himself
with the caption unwaxed and vaxxed
and he was showing off his gun show.
Gun shows in town.
Boom!
I'm too sexy for my shirt.
Too sexy for my shirt.
So sexy.
I need you to explain yourself
because I got pummeled last night
by people.
Rebecca did.
Dad, you're so embarrassing.
So embarrassing.
So embarrassing.
My 13-year-old boy
refused to go to school this morning.
Okay, all right.
Thank you.
Everybody is like, what the fuck?
Explain yourself, Scott Galloway.
I don't use the term lesbian.
I just say ex-girlfriend.
Okay.
Excellent.
Excellent.
Listen, Kim Kardashian, I don't know where to begin.
Jeff Bezos shows off his pecs.
Who else does that?
You know, Christopher Maloney.
Chris Maloney was in this new SVU version of whatever.
That guy's in great shape.
Yeah.
Yeah, he is in good shape.
He shows his butt off a lot.
You have yet to do that.
And if that happens, I'm not, I think we're going to have a divorce.
But explain yourself.
What possessed you?
Because literally, I was slammed.
My texts were slammed.
The Twitter was gone nuts.
Explain what you were doing in that moment.
So this may come as a shock to you,
but like many of my tweets,
I didn't put a ton of thought into this.
No, like zero.
It's less than.
No, but honestly, Cara, honestly,
I think it's important to raise awareness
around the role that exercise plays in mental health
and how important it is to stay fit during COVID.
That all is a lie.
That all is a lie.
So you want to really know what it is?
I found it fascinating.
Why didn't you show you meditating then?
But okay, all right.
Well, first off, first off, what's amazing is no one's noticed that in everything I do,
I'm constantly in a state of undress.
I love to wear drag.
I constantly wear women's clothing.
Yeah, you do.
I'm constantly taking off my shirt.
You are.
I did it on Vice TV.
I love physicality.
I love being profane. And let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. So first off, I did the tweet and immediately Stephanie Ruhl kicks things off with, I just threw up in my mouth.
Yes, I know that because she also tweeted and texted me, but go ahead. My women's group went crazy.
There's not enough bleach in the world. That was one of my favorites, but my favorite was definitely raising us back.
Yeah.
That was a good one.
But here's the thing.
She just wrote insane as she texted it to me.
Why, comma, comma, comma, why?
And then someone else was, Amanda was, it's a lot.
Hillary Rosen was, Bill Maher influence, question mark.
That's right.
You know, what is happening here?
Well, hold on.
Before we deep into it.
So let's be honest.
I'll break it down for you.
51% vanity.
All right.
40% insecurity.
Actually, it slipped.
51% insecurity, 40% vanity.
And I've been working out four times a week for 40 years.
I like to signal my fitness.
I like to say to people I'm a fucking monster.
It makes me feel masculine,
and it's totally vain. The question I have, though, the question I have-
You know, Chamath did this, FYI, Chamath Palihapiti.
Yeah, everyone was comparing me to him.
Yeah, they were. And then Bezos, sure, with the shirt off kind of thing.
I don't mind. I don't mind either of those comparisons. Anyway, so let me ask you this,
and I'm being serious. What if I had exact same thing, but I post the same picture,
but I was a 56-year-old woman? How would the response have been different?
I know. Then I began to think about it.
How would the response be different?
Hot, hot, hot. Like looking good.
You're a queen.
Okay. All right. But you just put it up because you think you look good, right? Is that really
pretty much it?
Pretty much.
Pretty much.
Full stop. Full stop.
You did look good. I got to say. You look very good.
Little half the dog, little dog in his pound.
Little dog in his pound.
Give me a bone, baby.
Give me a bone.
You just, what are you going to do next?
Is it full nudity?
I'm 56 years old.
Do you know how fucking crazy terrible I'm going to look in 10 years?
Probably.
When I'm on my deathbed, and this is how I make every decision, I'm going to look back
and I go, yeah, that was stupid and I'm glad I did it.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Embrace the sloppy vein part of yourself.
All right.
Okay.
You know what?
If Kim Kardashian can do it.
Me and Kim.
Me and Kim.
I appreciate it.
I appreciate your defense of my vanity and insecurity.
I defended it to everyone who said, what the fuck, Scott?
You need to dump his ass immediately.
I was like, no.
You need to dump his ass immediately.
It's true.
I know. I was like, no. You need to dump his ass immediately. It's true. I know.
I was like, no, not today.
Thank you for joining us each week as we exchange bold ideas, smart takes, civil disagreements, and articulate arguments.
We look forward to bringing you more of that in 2022, double that.
But don't worry.
There'll be plenty of bickering, triggering, dunking, Twitter shaming, and world-class insults.
dunking, Twitter shaming, and world-class insults.
B-League, Bad News Bears, Peter Navarro, Joey Bag of Donuts team.
I call him Uncle Satan because he's so affable.
He's kind of a representative gaslight.
He's a reductive nincompoop.
That sellout, that lipstick on cancer.
That gas station posing as an economy called Russia.
Republican douchebaggery.
Baby boomer, encephaletic.
And hustle porn.
The mother of all star fuckers.
Stupid windmill.
Mendacious fucks.
Mendacious fucks.
Mendacious fucks.
These people have to stop.
They need to shut the fuck up.
Thank you.
That's a wrap on 2021 for the Jungle Cat and the Dog.
Happy New Year.
I'm absolutely going back to Tulum and doing a bunch of Molly just for the good of the world.
Don't hug me. Don't do it in front of me because you'll try to hug me and that will
end badly for you. She's so badly want to hug the dog. I really don't. You pretend.
Twitter knows you love me. Twitter knows you love me. There's not even a moment that I think about
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