Please Stop Talking - Ceiling Burgers (feat. Brendaniel) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: April 19, 2018

Brendan has a stash in every Shell of every state. Humble Bundle Monthly: www.humblebundle.com/monthly?partner=pstpodcast Humble Bundle: www.humblebundle.com/?partner=pstpodcast Support the podcast and David on Patreon: www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Podcast also available on iTunes and SoundCloud! iTunes - apple.co/2slCqTT SoundCloud - @pstpodcast Rating us on iTunes is extremely helpful for us and a great way to grow the podcast! Links: Avery - twitter.com/ShammyTV David - twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Bren - twitter.com/BrendanielH Bren's Youtube - youtube.com/c/BrendanielReads Kyle - twitter.com/SirZulu_ Podcast - twitter.com/PSTPodcast Art by Madbuns: Twitter - twitter.com/mad_buns DA - madbuns.deviantart.com Other links: YouTube - youtube.com/c/shammytv Twitch - twitch.tv/ShammyYT Reddit - reddit.com/r/Shammy David's Spotify - spoti.fi/2gAtGSJ David's Soundcloud - @sirmeowmusic Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I like that when the professional musician does it, it sounds worse. Welcome to the podcast. Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Please Stop Talking. I am your host, Shammy. Wait, fuck! I fucked myself up. I stopped to think about it and it fucked me up. I stopped to think about it, and it fucked me up. I got so in my own head.

I was so scared. We all have our bad days. Yeah, but Kyle, I'd like a good day, one of these. You know? Hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of Please Stop Talking. I am your host, Avery, but you might know me better as Shammy. I'm joined today, as always, by my lovely musician, David. Oh, man.

My lovely friend, Kyle. Thanks. And everyone's favorite podcast member, Sexy Cameron. Oh, hey, how's it going? It's me, Sexy Cameron. Yeah. Good fucking work, team. We've fucking done it.

I have no fucking idea. I feel like every time I come on it's like a nightmare just just you would think you would think because i i there was one episode that i wasn't on so this is the set this is the 18th time i've had to intro the podcast you would think at this point i would be passable at it at the very least there was a podcast without you yeah yeah the episode oh yeah okay yeah yeah fucking fucking wild and anyways david didn't tell the story yeah david tell your fans we're so bad at transitioning because you won't speak up you're the one with the story david this what do you want me to do this story starts in secondary for me my secondary it was the last day how old is that let's remind people of what secondary is in the u.s 17 i think okay 16 or

17 so like yeah it's like junior year anyways it was the last year secondary which means we all went to sage up right after and i actually was during the finals that's right so there was just this week of finals where you would just go to school do your finals and leave and there was this smart kid like he didn't talk or anything he had a lot of merits and everybody thought he was a normal kid until then because during one of the finals he and he like asked one of his friends and his friend was like extremely sketchy he asked him to like

bring his car so that they could steal the IMAX in the computer lab what? during exam week like one day he was staging a fucking heist yes it's like a fucking okay and we all learned about it because he got fucking caught um i'd imagine he he just

dirt like during when everybody was in the gym, because we would, everybody would be in the gym and there would be, like, a bunch of, like, school desks in there and we would do our exams there. He would, like, he just fucking dipped. Went into the multimedia lab where we would do our fucking multimedia stuff, like editing movies, whatever. And he tried to steal the iMacs.

Like, at least one. The iMacs. An iMac. It's just like the Big Mac. The Big Mac. The Big Mac. The iMacs. I-M-A-C-S. Yeah, Macintosh.

I was also super fucking confused. Oh, IMAX. I was waiting for the explanation as to why your school had a fucking IMAX. What was he going to do with it? An IMAX computer, yeah. So he's going to steal, like, plural of the IMAX.

That completely recontextualizes the story. Yeah, I was like, why do you guys have an IMAX? Wait, you fucking intro'd this story by saying you thought he was normal. What's so abnormal about wanting a free IMAX? Avery. What? It's theft, what do you mean? Yeah, I'd argue it's abnormal to steal things.

Oh. Carry on. yeah i'd argue it's abnormal to steal things oh carry on and he just fucking he was trying to like steal one iMac and he like he was like he just took the screen because the screen is the computer itself and he was just gonna fucking sell them i don't know man i don't i don't illegal you know so he just fucking picked up the screen and then he realized they were all screwed on to there so he just started breaking because he didn't have screwdrivers or anything so he he and his friends started breaking the thing to get the computer off and then when it didn't work they just dipped but they decided to use the elevator which like brought them like when they were like trying to leave the place they took the elevator that went directly to the student the the teacher's lounge and they got

caught like that. Huh. And I think he's still... I think the police were involved. He's still in that elevator too. He's gonna die in there. No, I think he actually did pass and went to Sajab afterwards. They didn't do anything because he was like a merit student.

He did get fucked by the police though. Oh. No, not like that. Now I see how by the police, though. Ooh. No, not like that. Now I see how he got out of it. So, David, question for you. When are they going to add this to Payday 2 as DLC? Oh my god. Well, listen. Listen.

If H3H3 can have their DLC, we can have our DLC. Wrong. Incredibly wrong. It's's gonna be stealing copies of video games from gamestop it's gonna be like what sorry uh gamestop heist the pst podcast gamestop heist please stop heist it's like a brin daniel video oceans 11 oceans tales from oceans Oceans. Tales from Oceans. Oceans 11. Fucking Christ. No, I don't. I'm trying to think.

The only thing that I have that happened to me. I mean, at my school, we had a lot of fights and there was like people got busted for just having fucking drugs in their backpacks and shit just at school but we never had a heist yeah or if we had a heist it was an incredibly successful heist you oh oh so this is something i've noticed this is something i've noticed from talking to people about their various high school experiences did every single high school have a poop bandit did y'all have a poop bandit yeah i i yeah i want to i want to bring it up again because i can't remember david did your school have a poop bandit yeah what are we defining as a poop band someone who just shits places that where there should not be shit so like you know on the walls in the stall next to the toilet? Not even necessarily. Not even necessarily in the bathroom.

On the playground? Let's go. The more outlandish. The more outlandish, the better. We didn't have one of those, I don't think. Not in my four years. They must have been really good at hiding it, then. Of course, that's the only logical answer. Must have been Ed's friend.

What about you, Brendan? What about you, Brendan? Brendan, you live in a fucking third world state. There had to have been a poop bandit. There's nothing else to do in Iowa. Weirdly enough, no. I used to hide sandwiches in the ceiling in my senior year of high school. Wait, wait, wait.

Like I would get an extra sandwich from the ladies because we used to have like this weird. Okay, so meals at my high school were like you would get either the crappy meal of the day, or you could just get like a hamburger and fries because this is, this is, this is, this is a little bit back because I'm old. So you could get hamburger and fries and everybody would be like, oh, spicy chicken day. It's spicy chicken day. I didn't care.

I'm a, I'm a pussy anyway. So I would get these terrible, terrible hamburgers and I would just hide them in the ceiling cause I'm tall. So I would get these terrible, terrible hamburgers and I would just hide them in the ceiling because I'm tall. So I would jump on this hallway. There was this hallway leading from the cafeteria to the gymnasium. No, no, no, no, no, no. Brendan, the why for hiding hamburgers in the ceiling cannot just be because I'm tall.

No, why I did it is because they didn't want us doing any senior pranks because the people before us decided to spray paint the school as their senior prank. What? Yeah, no, that was what they... Yes, they wanted to... They spray painted the school and they were barred from walking. They still graduated, but they didn't get to

walk. Like, I want to say like a third of the senior class didn't get to walk. Yeah, that shit... Everyone I talk to is like a third of the senior class didn't get to yeah that shit like everyone i talked to is like either does some like wild ass senior pranks or like their schools like shut down senior pranks a lot hard like they threaten not letting them graduate it's ridiculous i do have a weird high school story that's related to poop though wait no no wait wait the sandwiches oh so i i would just i would just yeah i would jump on the table because they would actually i don't know if they're still there but i would jump up on this

table disgusting and just stuff them in the ceiling i think i stuffed like 30 or 40 up there honestly this is during the whole school year they're totally still in there wait so then see okay the thing is if they're fucking school lunch hamburgers, if they're still in there, they're probably still edible because of how many fucking preservatives and shit are in that food. That's amazing! 40 hamburgers, and you know they're still there. They won't fucking clean up the ceiling.

They're still in there. I know. Well, Brendaniel, what was the thought process of process of like the first time you put one up in the ceiling? I was like, I'm going to stuff a bunch of hamburgers. I don't know. I was like,

if you were expecting a rational line of thinking that led to, I'm going to stuff a bunch of hamburgers into the ceiling. That is the most Bren answer. I thought it was like, I don't want to get caught with too many hamburgers into the ceiling. That is the most Bren answer. I thought it was like, oh, I don't want to get caught with too many hamburgers in my fucking desk. Nobody ever caught me, too. Nobody gave a shit. I don't want to be caught with too many hamburgers?

What is that, you, Kyle? Yo, Kyle, you think I was like hamburger hoarding? You think I was like that poor? Like, I'm going to put these in a sack eventually, break into the school, the hamburger heist baby who needs an iMac who needs an iMac when i'm getting a big Mac you're giving yourself that would just be giving yourself additional work you're also not only are you the thief you're the security

you're playing both fucking angles dude was, was it all in one classroom? No, it was, it was in the, it was in the cafeteria. It was a hallway leading from the cafeteria to the gym because there was, they would staff, like they would stock the cafeteria tables there because the,

the calf, the cafeteria would be like emptied out for like, uh, I don't know why. I don't know why they would empty it out for, for cleaning or reasons, but they would put the tables there and I'd jump up on one of the tables and stuff them up there you should go back no you should go back and then immediately get told to leave

dress up in a loincloth and like rip the hamburgers out of the ceiling and just start eating them. Ah, my stash. Just say I'm a YouTuber and run away. I'm allowed to do this. I'm a YouTuber. This is just a social experiment. Don't you know who I am? I'm Brendan. No! There was this guy in my class

when it was in it was fucking second year of secondary so I must have been so third area fuck I think I was 12

yeah yeah I was 12 I think and there was this guy unfortunately named david also and he was he was he was 16 in a class full of 12 year olds because he failed a lot yeah I had a guy like that at my school he was a fucking whack he was so fucking whack dude god he during gym he would

always just spread open his asshole and show it to everybody it was whack okay I didn't have anyone like that no even worse we had to like I don't know what happened in gym. Was it the adrenaline? Who the fuck knows? Did you fuck him in the ass?

What? The fucking adrenaline takes over? I don't listen. It's just the sentence. I don't know if it was the adrenaline, like, immediately following every day at gym gym he would just spread open his ass in the dressing in not in the dressing room is it the dressing room locker locker room locker room in the locker room everybody was like changing and he would just change and he would always scream i'm gonna sound like a fucking retard he would do he would like just take off his clothes

and just spread open his asshole and go all right let me let me ask you david is that just the canadian version of the fitness scram pacer test well i i that's what i was gonna go that's what i was gonna talk about during the fucking during that test he got because we we did that test and at one point the teacher had to go somewhere else so he would say like just continue and write down what you like how well you did i'll be right back and he just fucking he took his pants down and his underwear down and he just ran with both the like just naked was this but he wait he kept like he ran like a penguin because he kept his pants to his like ankles and he would just still scream like david yeah it really sounds like you're making fun of a disabled guy right now no

he wasn't disabled are you sure i'm no i I'm, I'm so fucking sure that he's not. I know that he's not. And he was really fucking popular. Like every fuck, like fucking, he's spreading open his asshole for the boys. Of course. No,

no, no, man. He had so many, like he had so many girls girls going after him. Yeah, they heard about the asshole. I mean, that's what happens when you're 16 in a group full of 12-year-olds. That's probably what happened.

Yeah, honestly, yeah. Oh, no, that's really creepy. There was this guy when I was in middle school, which is, I guess, secondary, the equivalent, because it's about that age range. Wait, I thought secondary was like 16 I mean it's just the end of the end of it yeah

fucking everything's confusing but no fucking I mean it's not super exciting it's just there was this 16 year old who was in my fucking middle school in 8th grade who was in my 8th grade class and they just let

him graduate when I was in 8th grade even though he didn't have any of the grades because they were sick of him and it's not that interesting it's just a lot of girls really liked him because he was 16 he had long black hair and he was always talking about

doing drugs so fucking cool oh man it's not really a story he was in uh hang on I talked about in the fucking um in the recall review about how I got kicked out of my shop class

he also got kicked out of that shop class I had to sit outside on a piece of paper with my name on it next to him. What did you do? What'd I do? I don't even fucking remember. I was just a dickhead. That's fair. He, however, was doing whippets in shop class. Check out

how many whippets I can do, bro. I think he got kicked out because he kept making dicks out of wood. Like, carrying around the class like, hey, touch my wood. So fucking cool. I found the guy. God, I wish that were me. Sorry, what? I found the guy that would show his wiener.

What do you mean you found him? What do you mean you found him? Like, under your desk? No, on fucking Facebook. Why are you sharing this with us because he's not he's not a fucking i believed you i believed you that he wasn't disabled well why would you fucking okay well he's not he's okay he's not does he have his never mind does he have his wiener out i don't fucking know his asshole spread as his

fucking facebook profile no he's a pastor now or he's a pastor now yeah he's a pastor now fucking christ and the lord says church got weird

church got so fucking cool oh jesus jesus fucking christ i'm trying to think of like more like messed up stories there was a kid my freshman year the first day who got kicked out uh a freshman year for just jacking off in uh in study hall like he just took his like normal kid perfectly fine rest the school year when he came back no when he came back perfectly fine got good grades but the first day of the first year he just cut one loose no and anytime like i saw him in the hallway because like i wasn't popular but i was i you know how i can't ever stop talking yeah yeah like that's that's who i am so i was like that in high school but worse uh so i i would talk to everybody and even him and any time i saw him i

was just like you're the kid who jacked off in study hall i didn didn't say that, but in my head it just loudly echoed. He probably heard it. I hear people who jerk off in study hall can like... Did he finish jerking off or did he finish school? Like, that's... I mean, either. Whatever you want to answer. I think he ended up finishing in both ways. Hell yeah.

My man. Honestly, that's impressive. Yeah. Being dragged to the principal office still going at it you talked about a fucking native american kid who stole from your game stop earlier that's the real trail of tears right there oh god like that was such uh that was he was it just made me so mad that like that was the first time I ever caught someone stealing when I worked there and I couldn't do anything because he's just a kid. He's just a kid and he ran out and I kept like.

So one thing I did do. Practicing judo for nothing. I will karate chop a kid if he's a thief. It doesn't matter. Once you're a thief, you're an 18 range, baby. It's not how that works. It's not how that works it's not it's not how it works um i remember too like he he went to walmart he because my game stop was near walmart and he went to walmart and i peeked my head out

the door and i kept making eye contact with him as he was playing with the with the with the like dolls he has he was playing with him in the walmart parking lot while I was making eye contact with him and I couldn't see his parents and I had to keep helping customers so I couldn't do anything. It was infuriating not being able to do anything because what am I going to do? Oh yeah, officer, he was a kid. Here's a sketch. Here's the security footage. He doesn't have an ID. He doesn't have

fingerprints. Kids don't have fingerprints. Yeah, fingerprints form when you're 18. Unless you commit a crime then they just that's how it works what the fuck ended up happening nothing he just got away with it he just got two free plushies like like that was about a year and a half ago and i kept because his mom and him were regular customers up until that point. So I assume she found out and they're just like, well, we can't go back to that store. Shame. Shame.

So the moral of the story is if you're under 18, you can get away with it. It's time to fucking go steal shit. Yeah. Fucking commit crimes. Right now. You can get away with it. Do it right now. Yeah.

On the subject of school stories to go back. I was about to say, Brendan, I know you have a lot of school stories. I do have the subject of school stories to go back i was about to say brendan i know you have a lot of school stories i do have a lot of school stories i have a i have a school poop story that is very embarrassing for me oh i want to get back to that at some point go ahead and tell yours though so it was it was night after a choir concert and i was hanging out with some friends in the in the school parking lot because i was in choir and i was i was a cool boy and we were just done and i was so excited because it was the last choir concert and I didn't have to deal with any of that bullshit anymore and I raised my hands up into the air and screamed and a bird shat in my mouth

are you serious a bird at night in my mouth that's the brindaniel way brindaniel experience unlucky that is super lucky that means you're gonna be fucking and then you were like you know what i'll start wait hang on no i don't i don't want that to david explain to me how that's lucky when the poop when a bird poop shit on your shoulder you're it's lucky what about your mouth it's extra love you know what bird shit tastes like it's oddly spicy

there you go please subscribe to me for more bird shit stories it's spicy luck what kind of spicy it's like a hot sour like acidic spice let's say I know how to rate this so you know how it's like uh-huh so you got a wing stop wings up has like the different tiers of spice Like, bitch, mild, whatever the fuck, wings.

I haven't been to Wingstop in a long time. Then spicy, and then, like, probably illegal is what it's called or something. Usually it's a really dumb name. Nuclear. Syria. No. nuclear syria no it's where on that scale does bird shit fall

is bird shit in the mouth fall i'd say like just normal spicy i'd say like like like mind of mencia level of comedy spicy what is up with you and carlos mencia i don't know i've been thinking about carlos mencia a lot today i'm just like where is he where has he been anyone thought and carlos mencia i don't know i've been thinking about carlos mencia a lot today i'm just like where is he where has he been the first time anyone thought of carlos mencia

since 2012 can we get him on the please stop talking podcast probably yeah we won't but no we can probably it's just gonna be him trying to tell jokes and we just keep telling him please stop talking please stop talking see how long he lasts that's the real fitness grand pacer test it's a test of endurance you have to tell your jokes fast enough before somebody says please stop talking that's not no david what david never mind um let me see i'm trying to think of more school stories uh i broke up with like two girls my senior year via text well no one via facebook and one via text oh via facebook yeah because so many people know about that then i uh no one of them i dated junior year of high school. So senior year we dated and I broke up with her via text because she broke up with me via text junior year.

Wait. What? Did you get back together? I only got back together with her to break up with her via text. Wow. Are you serious? I am that petty. That was about to say that actually doesn't surprise me.

That's pretty good um i hated naruto in high school because there was a kid who was like uh i god this is this is a little insensitive but i used to call him the down syndrome version of me oh he used to run around the hallways uh freshman to senior year with a naruto headband on yeah we talked about that in the last episode we talked about the kid who ran around school and ran to classes and did the Naruto run and stuff that was actually a subject that came up

like in between talking about like children maiming each other and actually enslaving younger children that did get mentioned yeah no he was a good artist though he's a good kid i just uh i just uh okay that doesn't you can't say he was a good whatever but i just

doesn't offset it that much brendan i mean i could just say I'm a dick I mean yeah I guess you can No I wanted to get back To fucking the poop Poop bandit shit poop stories Because the poop bandit At my high school And I don't have very many high school stories Because most of what happened at my high school was just

Fights it was mostly just fights And drugs But the poop bandit at my school was like the fucking moriarty of poop bandits because so the general rule of a poop bandit is that they just basically start pooping in places other than the toilet and then it just gets more and more insane until they get caught the poop ended at my school planned ahead and before school started with shit in a pringles can put the pringles can in their backpack and then what the fuck and then they would ask and then they would ask to go to the restroom during class or go do xyz during class and then they would ask to go to the restroom during class or go do X, Y, Z during class. And then they would just find somewhere and empty the Pringles can.

So like, so like there would be fucking like, it's just classes would let out. How did, and it's just like, okay, how did they shit on the main staircase? How did they shit in the courtyard? How did they shit next the courtyard that's actually really good next to the principal's office like just the escalation was like a step above what it would normally be because this motherfucker was planning shit out one day they i think they brought two pringles cans and they shit in two places at once and they were big so everyone thought big shits so everyone thought there was collusion and there were multiple poop bandits but but it was it was just one really creative poop bandit people

wait so did they find the poop band oh yeah yeah that's how they know about the pringles can what a free they caught them with the pringles can what the fuck what a sociopath i'm not gonna lie like i don't support what he's doing but I support how he's doing it yeah you don't support it's like I don't like it I don't approve of it but I do respect it I respect his creativity yeah yeah it's like if you're

going to be if you're going to be like a weird fucked up degenerate with this weird like poop voyeurism shit be cool about it if you're good like if you're going to do that anyways have a little bit of flair you know yeah make it keep keep me interested it's just that has always stuck with me because it's that's just I feel like that's almost excusable because it's a school and they

clearly had really good problem solving skills yeah what did the people say did they say who the poop went bad you can't shit in front of the principal's office without immediately getting caught solution shit in a Pring principal's office without immediately getting caught.

Solution. Shit in a Pringles can. Pour it out while you walk by. Okay, but... Fucking horrible. Did they publicly say who was the poop bandit? Well, yeah. What was the aftermath of that?

They got suspended. How did people... No, they got sent to school jail. So the way my district worked... School jail? sent to school jail so the way my district worked of course no the way my district worked i sound like i went to school in the middle of fucking detroit or something but the way my school district worked is if uh if you were really bad um instead of just outright expelling you they would send you to a uh they would send you to somewhere called district and district was was school prison basically it was all of the worst kids from every school in the district went to district

so it was just a collection of all of like the biggest fucking troublemakers and all of them the teachers had to be like prison guards to control shit. Wow. Jesus. So they got sent to school jail. Which I mean... Yeah, our school jail was named Victory. That's a little bit of a misnomer.

What? Yeah, I mean, it was like, oh, you know, I go to Victory, but it's like Victory was for the kids. I go to Victory because I'm a failure. Yeah, essentially. I can't remember what my school jail was called. I do not remember. You definitely had a school jail. Wait, I don't know if I can say Victory.

My best friend's mom used to work in the school jail for the special kids who uh who were naughty boys special that's a word for it i did i remembered something like something like hit me in the back of the head while we were talking about high school stuff i had a there was a girl i went to high school with who got almost rebecca black famous what she had her own she she like one of the music companies that was related to like rebecca black contacted her and she had her own song called backstage pass i can't find the video anywhere i i can find live recordings of her singing it but i can't find the video anywhere so she got uh she got actually uh rated by 4chan on her video because there were so many weird allusions to, uh, the song backstage pass and people saying that it's about anal sex.

Oh God. And I, I think she's a model or something now. Uh, cause I was like, I was like looking it up, but yeah, I think,

I think she's just a model now, uh, which is, yeah, something that she can make it. She lives in LA. So it's, uh,

I mean, that's better than her, uh, her, her whole backstage pass thing. Yeah. I mean, if she lives in LA so it's, I mean, that's better than her whole backstage pass thing. Yeah, I mean, if she lives in LA she's doing better than fucking Iowa. Yeah, that's true.

She also has rich parents, so. Okay, that'll that'll that'll They lived in country club. They lived in country club? That's what we call the rich people place. It's called country club in my town.

Got it. One of my old high school friends. Why are there rich people in Iowa? One of my old friends, actually, his dad owns like the steel mill and the iron forge here in town. And his dad has the biggest

house in country club with like a fuck with like a pool and a sauna built in and it was it looks like a fortress i've been up there a couple times in iowa yeah but it's still like it's like it's like a taste of it's like you get a taste of great society it's like a taste of real god imagine god imagine brendan living somewhere where you can see that kind of thing regularly. God, imagine if I could, like, afford having blood. What the fuck? God, fucking tax season's crazy.

Iowa has blood tax. It's wild. I had to give the corn my blood to make it grow. Thank you, maize. You played throughaze. You, you played through that. You played through the entirety of maze on stream, right?

Yeah, I did. Why would you do that? No, pretty good. Brendan, explain what maze is. Maze is a game that is trying so very hard to be funny.

It's, I would call it like a, I, I would call it like a funny, people use the term walking simulator and, and I would, I would, I would call it fire watch,... People use the term walking simulator, and I would call it Firewatch, but bad and trying way too hard. Yikes. So if you like Firewatch,

and you like being a masochist, play through Maze. I don't even know, do they still sell that game on Steam? It's a nightmare game. I'm sure they do. They sell so... They peddle so much garbage on Steam. It's a nightmare game. I'm sure they do. They sell so... They peddle so much garbage on Steam at this point. It's absolutely still up.

Fucking Christ. Does anyone else have any fucking high school stories so we can get off the topic of maze? No? Not necessarily. My high school is pretty fucking... Wait, Avery, have you talked about your, like, the dorms at the...

Yeah, I have. That was an early episode of the podcast where I talked about my're like the dorms at the yeah i have that was an early episode of the podcast where i talked about my dorm that flooded twice oh yeah i have a college story oh hit us with it uh one of my one of my former friends in high school uh college uh we shared the the dorms that we were in were right across from theirs. And they thought a ghost had haunted their building because they were very spiritual, incredibly spiritual. God, I'm a vegan and I'm so spiritual.

You're at a community college. You ain't nothing. Anyway, you ain't nothing. You too poor to be vegan. That's expensive. Don't do that. Eat me idiot.

Uh, so they thought, they thought the ghost had haunted the building. Obviously, it was just old pipes making noises because these were the oldest dorms. They were garbage. But the reason that everyone wanted them was because you got your own room and you got an actual kitchen and not a communal kitchen. And they they thought there were ghosts. So to get rid of the ghosts, they anointed the room in oil, extra virgin olive oil.

Oh, my God. What? And they burned incense and smoked weed to try to get rid of the ghosts. Ghosts. Notoriously straight edge. Is someone smoking weed in here? Well, I can't abide by that! I'm too calm to haunt!

What the fuck? So is that just, is that the entire fucking story? They just, I just, they tried to use anointed for weed seance. Oh, we also got to mess with them because they,

they started getting really uppity with me and my girlfriend who I'm still with Shelby. She's, she's, I love her. She's, she's, she's a person.

So, Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. Real person. Shout out to my girlfriend. Real person. She's real. She's real. I mean, with Brendan, that's a fair clarification. She's

real. I promise she's real. So I heard her voice there. They've got they got a little uppity with us. So we got those annoy atrons from ThinkGeek And we planted four of them You're a fucking terrible person It is a little device

That makes a random beep In random intervals And it is incredibly loud and the battery can make it last For up to a month So we hid four of them in their dorms You are such a piece of shit Wait wait where did you put it God my girlfriend hid two of them.

I hid one in the fridge in an old box of, like, pretzels that nobody had eaten. They were, like, frostbitten, so I hid it in there. Why were you in their room? Because we went there all the time. Why? Did you like them? Did you not? We liked them for a while.

They were, like, the party people. They would always have booze. They would always have booze? They would always have booze. Was it ghost booze? No, it's not ghost booze. One of the Annoyatrons is just whispers. Yeah. Oh, you fucking...

Well, that was before. Those came out after. Those came out after. This was back when there was only the one type of Annoyatron where it still looked like... This is before GameStop bought ThingGe thing geek before it became terrible imagine i should imagine reaching a point in your life where you buy an annoyatron uh i don't think redaniel has to i know he doesn't that wasn't directed at him

i mean it was it was very passive aggressivelyaggressively directed at him. Yeah, I was gonna just... I'm a much better person than what I used to be. Still not very good, but I'm getting there. Yeah. Did they ever talk to you about the beeps and stuff? No, they ended up finding them and hiding them in our room

as revenge, and we found them immediately because they were just awful at hiding them. Put one in our underwear drawer I'll put it right on their nightstand they won't know what the fuck it is this is gonna be so fucking epic I remember playing humans vs zombies on that campus and it was great there were like 200 people involved and i was one of the first people to get turned and i launched a

zombie wide gathering campaign i think i personally turned about 30 to 40 people and i coordinated efforts to turn more people the rest of the event we had people scared hiding in their rooms the safe spaces because they couldn't leave or else they'd get immediately turned. I had like a zombie patrol schedule set up. It was amazing. Wow. I,

I'm, why is that? Why is that the skill you got? See, I don't know. I just, I just, I was so pissed because I got caught like immediately.

I was like the second person turned. So I was super pissed off. Cause you're so angry that you decided to ruin it for everyone else purely out of spite. Now, that does sound like you. It absolutely was fun because because after like after like after like a bit like they had to like launch missions and stuff. And it was terrifying for them because they didn't know where the hell we were. Like I would clear out a building full of zombies and then just to make it fair and then send them all in running at once jesus fucking christ you're like a you're like a dm in real life oh god my audio oh no there we go i'm like a dm in real life yeah i mean yeah i like it

what do you think is the most spiteful thing you've ever done? The most spiteful thing I've ever done? That you're allowed to say on the podcast. Yeah, there we go. There we go. There we go. Oh, God. Probably the text.

The texting, maybe. That is pretty spiteful. Getting back with a person to break up with them over text is pretty fucking savage. Totes savage. Dude, like like that is another epic takedown my little brother my little another one I guess my little brother once had a bed

wetting problem when we were kids and he stopped wetting the bed for about a year and he like he like broke one of my video games and I think it was one of my Pokemon games and I started putting his hand. No, he like broke it. This is related. He year free of wet dreams and I started putting his hand in a warm of glass water at night.

You are such an ass. What a dick. That is so bad. You literally thought. Wow. Pissed so bad that he had to start wearing diapers. What the fuck? What the fuck?

Why would you... Okay, the worst part about that is that you did it multiple times and were like, yeah, this is almost good enough of a bed. Yeah, okay. Imagine making him fucking wet the bed one time wasn't enough for you. It was a campaign. To make this story even worse we shared a bed wait what hang on hang on hang on i just real none of the things you've said are

like contained incidents of you doing something you sustained put fucking hamburgers in the ceiling you sustained a relationship with a girl just so you could break up with her over text you sustained an effort to make your brother wet the bed to the point where he needed diapers what the fuck is wrong with you he's so fucking persistent you're so fucking dedicated in the worst ways possible i'm not a good person i get really i'm really petty yeah i am i fucking know i'm i'm really petty i i'm not as bad i i've gotten a lot better but i i don't know i feel like i i was raised weirdly and i don't want to blame my upbringing on how i act or how i acted because we're all like people but i feel like i feel like

like that affected how i how i decided to go about like revenge needed to be carefully planned and plotted fucking christ brendan i mean given like your fucking upbringing i think it's insane that you can speak yeah why was he like left i do what do we want to talk about i mean i guess we should for context i can i can talk i talk about it all the time like it doesn't bug me all right i mean yeah so as long as you're fine with it so my dad used to i i lived with i was born to parents that were teenagers and i lived with my grandparents for a while as as a young lad so i was raised by them for a bit and then i moved in with my mom mom from second grade to third grade. I lived in a hovel of an apartment with cockroaches everywhere. It was dirty. The bathtub sometimes wouldn't work. My mom did drugs at the time. Some things happened and I ended up living

with my dad for five to six years. And my dad was abusive. He would hit me, call me a retard, a moron every day. I used to draw a lot as a kid. And he said, this is stupid. This is retarded. What are you doing? Don't waste your life on this, you idiot. It was a lot of just physical and verbal abuse that culminated in me being, when I finally transitioned out of that household into foster care for a year and then back with my mom who was clean and a safeguardian,

I was really kind of goofed up. I used to lie a lot. I was a bit of a pathological liar i i did everything to try to make friends with people and i i didn't know how to interact like a normal person for a while and i still sometimes have trouble interacting with people uh weirdly enough i do a lot better in real life than i do on the internet but it's it's it's condensed there was a lot of abuse and that kind of culminated into me having some issues. You're questioning if that's going to play a role in how you act later?

That's why I said, Brendan, come on. Yeah. No. Yeah. Again, it's incredible not only that you are, like, I was going to say well-adjusted, but, like, I can't say functional either. The fact that you're, I can't say functional either the fact that you're I can't say person the fact that you are

the fact that you breathe and can talk the fact that you're enjoyable enough as a human being to be around that you've been on this podcast twice now three times oh the Christmas oh four because the bloopers the bloopers count yeah sure three and a half men all right fuck it oh i love that show because

there's the christmas bloopers dude when charlie sheen fought Batman, that was so fucking. Dude, I fucking wet my pants. That was so epic. Can I tell you one more thing? I'm trying to fucking talk to you. One more thing. So like my little brother, to go back to like the serious topic, he didn't endure a lot of this because I took a lot of the blame for the stuff that happened. So he was,

he grew up without a lot of the bad stuff happening. But this is, this is completely unrelated to that. I don't know why I even brought that, brought that up. One year, my, my dad was trying to buy my love and my grandparents were trying to buy

my love. And I got two game boy advance SPS and he got a game boy advance that didn't work. I also got a game boy advance D like a, like a DS, a three DS Nintendo 64 game cube. He also got a Game Boy Advance DS, a 3DS, Nintendo 64 GameCube. He never got any video game consoles.

God, get fucked, your little brother. Get fucked, Garrett. Fucking God, Brendan, imagine how tall you'd be if you'd been nourished. Well, he, alright, so to balance this. Imagine how tall you'd be if you'd been nourished. He's, I, he, he's's a he's a head he's a head

shorter than me and he has he has arms that reach almost down to his knees yeah he has like he's a fucking orangutan he has like oh don't say that i used to call him garrett the ferret did you just dock your own brother i i don't want to be we we have different last names so okay that's fine then he's my full-blood brother but we have different last names so it's even if he gets dox what's he gonna do smoke some weed and get mad at me that's true fuck i mean yeah it's you turned... You turned out great, all things considered. I mean, honestly, yeah. The moral of the story is it sucks to be Brendaniel's brother.

The moral of the story is that Brendan is a cursed human being. I got hit, so I gave him shit. That's... That's my biography title. That's a really good title it's pretty good yeah oh fuck Brendan you need everyone needs to go subscribe to Brendan's channel because he needs to get super famous

so that we can get a lifetime movie with that title that would be great I want the part of I want David to play brendan i'll play my dad oh no that's perfect that's perfect because you're so much bigger it's so intimidating it's so imposing nobody knows how bigger than... I'm really short. I mean, Brendan is 6'12".

I'm 6'5". Yeah, Brendan's a giant man. And I'm 5'7". Yeah. Wow. Almost a foot. Yo, welcome to Manly Hamlet, baby. Stop.

You guys earlier when I made that joke brought up Hamlet the play. I was just thinking of Hamlet a town where all the where all the small men all the small men live it's safety in numbers guy Bren we could film we when we road trip

to Colorado we could you we could film a scene where we're in a uh in a brandon beats the shit out of you where you beat the shit out of me in a truck stop dude hell yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna buy like 15 i'm gonna buy like oh god i'm gonna buy 15 gas station burritos and we're gonna i'm just gonna upload like 15. Charlie can film. Oh God. I'm going to buy 15 gas station burritos and I'm just going to upload like 20 videos on my channel of just me reviewing different gas station burritos. Fuck yes. Oh my God.

Instead of eating the last bite, can you just put the burritos up in the ceiling of the gas station? And that's like your signature sign off? Can you? of the gas station. And that's like your signature sign-off? That's so good. Oh my god. That's vandalism, isn't it? Is it vandalism to put

random food places? It's littering. Yes, it is. Food decomposes. It's not littering it don't count i mean that's true food does decompose or or it's feeding the next guy what do you mean the next guy the next brindaniel the next guy who sticks his hand up in the next alternate alternate reality brenda who's just scrounging burritos from the side of the highway that That's one of your possible futures, Brendan. It's a cautionary tale.

See, that's me if I grew up with well-adjusted nice parents. You become burrito. Become burrito Smeagol. My dad didn't do me right, but I turned out alright. Goddamn. No, fuck. Brendan, you should go a step further and

instead of just making a series of videos where you review gas station burritos make a full-on like mini documentary no clip style of you trying to find the perfect burrito the perfect you know it's weird not only that you know what you should do is like wait you should like make it like so you're leaving a breadcrumb trail and people can go to oh my god a burrito ARG oh my god I have the exact alright we're gonna have to continue this conversation off the podcast

let me let me call Sean Murray let me sell this idea to him fuck right off the beans update to no man's sky your character can now shit and fart oh fucking you can already make animals shit in that game yo shout out to my co-worker who uh didn't know that i was me and is a fan of avery yeah that's a super that's super funny also to the podcast yeah that's how he found out who brendan is oh he was gone for a year at at the store that i work at and he came back

and he was like i i was doing some cleanup late at night and we were just talking about like oh yeah i used to work at gamestop and he says wait a minute are you are you brend daniel from the pst podcast not just not just an avery fan but a pst podcast fan he knows you david oh so fucking great yo shout out and shout out you seem like brendan has spoken very kindly about you very nice very very nice what's name? Let's shout out his name. Yo, shout out to Daytona. That's his name? That's a fucking awesome name. Shout out to you, Daytona. You're a fucking hero. That's a fucking

awesome name. That's a pretty fucking sick name. That's sick as shit. That's like the video game. David. David. named after a person no it's it's actually after the beach i think that it's called no there's a song that's like, Daytona! That doesn't mean it's not named after a person. There's going to be so many cheeks.

Daytona doesn't mean it can't be named after a person. Is Daytona the NASCAR guy? I don't know, dude. Oh my fucking God. What is happening? Yo, what if Daytona Beach and Normandy Beach were switched? What? Would that be fucked up or what?

Yo, what if Daytona Beach and Normandy Beach were switched? Pretty fucked up, right? Yes. What the fuck is wrong with you? Pretty fucked up, Brendan. I think... Did you just ask what is wrong with me? I think we explained that previously.

I mean, that's true. I got a lot of baggage. Oh man, you were fucking baggage with legs. I'm the walking trunk mod for Skyrim. You're a fucking kaiju. If you didn't have that baggage, you'd be as tall as a skyscraper. It's compressing your spine.

Yo, take John Boyega out of Pacific Rim 2 and put me in there not even replacing John Boyega just replace one of the Yeagers oh my fucking god what the fuck are we talking about oh man can I

I want to tell a GameStop story it's weird i said gamestop tori i've had two co-workers at gamestop named tori great yeah nice epic nice better ruin it for daytona yo shout out to gamestop shout out to tori and tori from gamestop yo brendan call it game shop? That way you're not implicated or anything. I don't give a shit. I know. So this is a story that I thought of

that I should have put in my GameStop video because it's a really good story. I don't know if it's a really good story. You guys will be the judge of this. But it is something that I completely forgot about that popped up in my mind like a month after making that video. So I was working with my manager.

We were closing. It was a normal, you know, average night, kind of slow, but it was a weekend. So we were like, why isn't it a little bit more busy? 830 rolls around. We close at nine. This man and his child come in and they're looking for video games. So I recommend a couple of kids games. Crash Bandicoot, you know, had just come out on the PS4 and not not PS1. I'm not that old. Jesus Christ. It came out on the PS4 and I was

recommending Tearaway on the PS4 because it was cheap and it was a fun little game and it had a couple of interesting mechanics. The kid takes a shine to this and he says, oh, man, this sounds really cool. So I hand it to him and he's looking at it and the dad's like, this looks like a sissy game. So I hear this and I'm like, OK, all right, whatever. So I turn it to him and he's looking at it. And the dad's like, this looks like a sissy game. So I hear this and I'm like, okay, all right, whatever. So I,

I turn him over to crash bandicoot. And he's like, I'm going to buy this for my son. I'm going to buy this and you're going to like it. And the son starts throwing a fit, throwing a gigantic mega piss baby fit, incredible fit. And dad buys the game and the kid won't leave.

Dad and the kid won't leave. Instead of like picking up his kid and just walking out, he kneels down and tries to reason with his screaming tantrum throwing child. Oh, my God. You do not reason with a child having a fit. You be the parent. You pick them up and you leave. So 850 rolls around. We are 10 minutes from closing.

The dad's like, OK, I'm going to return Crash Bandicoot. Give me my money back and I will just get him this game. I'll just give whatever so i'm like okay all right let me get the return stuff set up i'm gonna need some information from you i need your your name and your address and and such and such for the return and he says well uh my name is this and my address is you can fuck off i'm not giving you my address and i was like what no it's just it's just for the return man we just we just get your information. He's like, I am not giving. This is the first time the guy's blown up.

He has not been angry a single moment, but he just says, I am not giving you my information. I don't want people to hunt down me and my child. I refuse to give you my information. You can keep the fucking game. And he throws the game over the counter at me. And it goes back to his kid and kneels down and starts to try reasoning with him. 920 rolls around and they're still in the store and he's still trying to reason with his hysterical child after yelling at me my manager and i have to go up to him and say hey we're gonna

have to ask you guys to leave like it's been way too much we might have to call the police and escalate the situation we really don't want to but you're gonna have to leave so the kid gets scared by the police finally it shoots through his head and then he he gets out leaves they were still out in the car when we left and we could still hear him screaming in the car wow wow wow that what the fuck there is another incident where when i worked at the mall for two weeks where i asked someone if they had a rewards card with us and they they yelled at me immediately and said i'm not giving you my information so you can sell it to whoever you want to i've gotten hacked before i know what it's like and immediately left oh they fucking showed you wow yeah they got me that's fucking they posted on facebook about

that afterward they owned a gamestop employee yo if you're trying to own a gamestop employee just don't we don't care like any retail employee like shut up like if you cry enough of course we're gonna give you what you want but we're not gonna be happy about it and we're not gonna give you the full experience you're not you're not gonna get nice boy brendan you're gonna get neutral brendan robot me you're missing out on a lot if you do that you are missing out to a service worker or missing out on a lot you're a shit human not only are you a shit human you are drinking spit and piss

oh absolutely if you are shitty to waiters I'm gonna tell you right now you have had spit and piss in your food I worked in fast food you have definitely I didn't do it though I've never done that.

I do have a night. That's a lie. I did that. It was a friend. No, I did it once. I did it once because there was this fucking bitch who was yelling at the girl

and it was like her fucking third day and it was like her fucking third day and she was like you fucking bitch you got my fucking order wrong and like she was going ape shit and I was just like speaking of shit and I just dropped

I just fucking I fucking accidentally I accidentally dropped the burger on the ground and stepped on it. I was like, uh-huh. She ate it. David, I know your pain. I used to work at Sonic.

Oh, and it's a bad, bad food. No. Yeah, bad food from Sonic. Wait, you used to be the roller skatey boy? No, I used to be a cook. I really hoped you were a roller skatey boy. That would have been so much. That would have completed you.

Goddamn, if someone had drawn that, that would have been incredible. 360, fucking 360 jumps. Now is where you tell everyone that you had to wear roller skates as the cook. No, I want to tell you to tell you about my powers of master manipulation. I worked about 20 hours a week at that job. And I for four months that I worked there, I never cooked one burger because I was scared of the grill.

So I kept tricking people to work the grill. So I didn't have to. So all I did was the hot dogs, the burritos and the French fries. How? I just kept being like, oh man, can you take care of this? Why were you scared of the grease? I'm scared of the heat! You became a cook! I didn't want to get grease in my face. Like, I was

terrified because I have, I have, alright, let me, let me humble brag here. I have fantastic skin. I have never once in my life had a zit breakout. Not like a, like, not like, not like one or two, like, I mean, I've had a zit or two, but I haven't had like an outbreak ever on my face Wow mm-hmm, and I was so terrified of ruining that

I also have a sexy voice, but like nobody cares about that anymore it's true wait no it's not i was saying no i was saying it's true i was saying it's talking with a sexy voice and then he continued talking i was like oh no to talk about brain lag is so fucking good to talk about alternate reality brendan again at least he's homeless he has a chance of getting a voice acting job oh brendan brendan again for the 50th fucking time make a goddamn demo reel oh i need to i do i know i'm i don't know what to put in it i really don't know what to put in it. I don't fucking help you, bitch. Yeah, we'll fucking write shit for you. Fucking help you, cunt. Cunt, David, why are you being so mean to me?

Slut, slut, plug your shit. Plug your shit. Yeah, we should wrap up. Right now. No, fuck you. Plug your shit right now. What do you mean, fuck me? I'm on your side.

Brandon, right now. Okay, plug my shit. Hey, I'm Bryn Daniel. I make videos on YouTube. I have a smorgasbord of videos you can watch. If you don't like one series, you can always try another. I do Mountain Dew reviews. I do reading stories from weird websites.

I also have a series where I review things like media, movies, TV, books, stories. I have one coming up where I'm going to be talking about classic creepypasta and the worst of classic creepypasta. Not to spoil it. You'll know what it is. But I'm really excited for that one. And it's going to be out in a few days here once I finalize the script and get the video all polished up and recorded. Probably be out by the time this episode is out.

Probably. It's coming out. This episode is coming. What's your YouTube channel? My YouTube channel is YouTube.com slash Bryn Daniel or slash Bryn Daniel Reads if you use the old link. If you just look up Bryn Daniel, you'll find me. Also, Diet Market Player.

That'll probably pop me up, too. Is that real? Also, Brynden, you should fucking shout out your fucking Twitch. You idiot. Oh, yeah. I do stream a lot. I do stream a lot. So I stream at least four days a week.

If you want to check that out, it's Twitch.TV slash Bryn Daniel. And my Twitter is twitter.com slash brendaniel h yeah easy nice you can follow me on twitter at sirzulu underscore where I will probably not tweet by the time

I'm on the next podcast he retweets the podcast episodes he's on there you go uh you canets the podcast episodes he's on. There you go. You can support the podcast and me at patreon.com slash sirmeowmusic. You can follow me on Twitter at sirmeowmusic.

SoundCloud, sirmeowmusic, and Spotify is sirmeow. I just love how dead you sound when you play your own shit. Like, you're not even trying to sell people on it. If you want to support us and the fucking whatever, it's

patreon.com Hey, guys! Do you want to support the podcast? No, I don't need it. Yeah, I want to support the podcast! Well, you can do the support on the patreon.com don't need you. Yeah, I want to support the podcast. I don't need you. Well, you can do the support on the patreon.com test. It should be our music.

Say it one more time in a normal voice for the people in the back. Patreon.com slash Sermon Music. There we go. My name's Avery, but you might know me better as Shammy.