Please Stop Talking - Certified Barren (feat. MandaloreGaming, Noodle, Punk Duck & Brendaniel) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

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I'm, like, so worried about my sister. Randy, you cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but I am healed. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina.

The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday? This is so dangerous. I gotta get out of this. Based on a true story. New season Mondays at 9 Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on Stack TV. Clear your schedule for you time with a handcrafted espresso beverage from Starbucks.

Savor the new small and mighty Cortado. Cozy up with the familiar flavors of pistachio. Or shake up your mood with an iced brown sugar oat shaken espresso. Whatever you choose, your espresso will be handcrafted with care at Starbucks. us. It's the only way to ensure that the channel stays alive and you can get a bunch of rewards for it. Check out patreon.com slash sir meow music for more info. When I was a kid, we had those wall mounted, you know, those wall mounted ones. I know the invasive thought to put your dick into it. Yes. Welcome to the podcast. Actually, that kind of follows with what i was gonna say there was a kid who would constantly be like excuse me miss i need to go sharpen my pencil and then she would be like okay go sharpen your fucking pencil don't need to don't need to say it and then she just she said it just like that yeah and then he would just get up go to the

pencil sharpener which was like at the front of the class and he would just take his wiener out no he wouldn't i don't believe you i yes he didn't do that there was a kid in my fourth grade class who was as wide as i am tall and he would walk up to the wall mounted pencil sharpeners and rip them off the wall i believe that like he would just go every class he would rip them off the wall and they would replace them and re-screw them back every day and every day he would rip them off the wall and they never sent him to the principal's office it was just like a i'm gonna rip this off the wall now oh my god one of one of my friends like did you guys ever have like awkward like i feel like that was that's the equivalent of water cooler conversation in like elementary school or

whatever you call it it's when two people at the same time sharpen their pencils and they just they're both just standing there and one time me and one of my friends like we had already had these interactions where like we just were both sharpening our pencils and the entire class is quiet so we just both sharpen our pencils in complete silence but this was like the third time this week that it was the both of us again. So we're sharpening our pencils. And then he looks me, looks at me and he goes, Ed, how's your mom? What?

What? We're in an adult conversation. How is your mom? How is your mom? And the entire class was dead silent. And people would start bursting bursting laughing including the teacher his attempt at small talk and he still does it to this day sometimes i'll meet up with him we're both 25 i'll shake his hand at a bar and he'll be like, how's your mom?

That's fucking awesome, though. He's such a fucking moron. Dude. How's your mom? We should bring back pencil sharpening. We don't need to. I feel like pens drove them out of business. Fucking mechanical pencils put my grand them out of business. Fucking mechanical pencils

put my granddad out of business. It's mechanical pencils now. All these kids got the mechanical pencils. No need for sharpeners. Also, I'm pretty sure the pencils went out of business when the entire lead industry was monopolized by G Fuel. There was never lead in there.

There was never lead in pencil lead. It's graphite. It's graphite, yeah. Either either way it all went into g fuel they've all been like surrounding the big g fuel tank and fucking that's what the g fuel actually stands for is graphite thanks ed there goes graph that sponsor oh no david i killed your G Fuel sponsorship. G for lead. We'll always have gamersups. The G stands for GLED.

When are they bringing back Halo 3 game fuel? Don't even start me on that shit. Well, 343 certainly isn't bringing it back. Am I right, boys? They should give it to Remedy instead. They should give it to the fans. Oh, just like Spacebase DF9.

Yeah. Halo belongs to the fans. Not Bungie. Not 343. Me. Me, the fans. I'm eating my fucking... No, I like referring to yourself as the fans me the fans

happy coming out there everybody welcome to the podcast happy coming out everyone go back sir meow and today we're joined by yeah hey i'm brandon i'm uh 29 years old and i was an alcoholic. I was about to say that we all go, hi, Brendan. Hi, Brendan. Thank you. Hi, my name is Julian Noodle. I am an alcoholic. I guess we just skip Mandy. I'm punk-tucked.

What? Dragonstogma. I'm so sorry. Hey, I'm Lord Mandalore Gaming. I'm so sorry I'm Lord Mandalore Gaming I'm an alcoholic and welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous podcast and let's welcome our sixth host you, the audience, our sixth friend how cute, the girl reading this

our sixth friend, let's get this parasocial relationship started my goal is to just grab random PST fans out of the PST Discord server and just stick them in here and then just ask them why. Get them on here, ask them why.

Don't make that as a promise. No, totally. Dude, it'll be a new PST thing. We'll call it parasocial talking. No, pedestrian start talking. Parasocial therapy. Yeah. we'll call it uh parasocial talking no pedestrians we're gonna go to social therapy yeah pedestrians start talking we go to the streets we get a microphone we just ask people why oh like billy on the street but it's brendan on the grove yeah i'll ask them why they'll say

why what and i'll say i'll ask them why and they'll say why what and I'll say I buried my son today and then I'll walk away. And then you can just start flossing. You're like a fucking kindergartner whenever they find out that they can be annoying by being like just say why to anything and then just keep going.

I don't think kindergartners know that they are being annoying. I think they're just actually wondering. When I was a kid, I mastered doing one silly voice so I could run around and yell,

and I would repeat it ad nauseum constantly. I used to do this really annoying thing to my sister where I'd go down the Y flowch of like getting like answers out of her that like by the end of it meant fucking nothing to me i just wanted to see how far i could i could drive her insane everyone did that no but julian the best part is if i got to the end of the flow chart and she just said and she just ended it with ed i don't know i'd say

yes you do and you don't want to fucking tell me you're a scumbag and then i'd get her in trouble you'd get her in trouble yeah because i'd be like my sister's being mean to me she won't talk to me dude i literally learned English to spite her. What? How? I only knew Portuguese and French, and we had a babysitter because my parents didn't like me. And my sister and my babysitter used to talk in English all the time so she could talk about boys. Because she's seven years older than me.

And she was, like, saying shit that my feeble mind couldn't comprehend. And I kept trying to eavesdrop when they were speaking French. And then they switched to English. And I was like, fuck you. I'm gonna learn English just to piss you off. And it worked. And then they had to fire that lady. She was stealing. Oh. Yeah.

Just money or like stuff? No, money and like cutlery and jewelry went missing. Cutlery? Yeah, it was weird. Who steals cutlery in the 21st century? Yeah, what the fuck? She was doing this weird thing where

it might have been to troll my mom. She might have been playing the dumbest con known to man. Every time my mom came home, she swore up and down that the knives were bending like they were slowly becoming askew and i think every time my babysitter would leave she would bend the knife just a little bit to the left like every at of every day. I don't know why.

I don't know why. I'm gaslighting this family into thinking they have a psychic field. Maybe she thought she'd get me in trouble. I don't know. Maybe she thought that by accusing the knives of bending, she could distract

people from the actual thievery she was committing. To be fair, she was our babysitter for like 10 years. It took her ages thievery she was committing. Oh, from the jewelry. Now, to be fair, she was our babysitter for like 10 years. It took her ages to figure out jewelry was missing. Okay, but why would she steal cutlery and then be like, oh shit, the cutlery's bending on its own?

Like, what the fuck? Is she stupid? So you wouldn't miss it as much, I guess? Yeah. Because then they would, instead of focusing on the missing cutlery, they would only focus on the knives bending. Would she go and bend the knives herself?

David, think about it. Why does every magician have a hot assistant? You need the distraction. You need the honeypot. That's why magic doesn't exist for gays. Is it like elves in Wolverine or something? You see the world differently? Sorry, Manny.

What'd you say? Oh, I was saying that like gay people not being able to see magic. Is that like elves and Lord of the Rings and how the world is flat for them only? Is that real? Yeah. What? Yes. Dude, every time I learn Lord of the Rings, God punished mankind by making the world round, but only for them.

What the fuck does that mean? What do you mean he punished? How is that a punishment? Because they were fucking around the west so he went, fuck you. The world is round for you and it remains flat for the elves. That's why the elves can sail out west to the undying lands and people can't. Did you ever wonder why

Legolas? What do your elf eyes see? It's because the world is flat for him still and he could see farther. No fucking shot. That is so stupid. The world is exclusively flat for elves.

I thought he just had good eye. Yeah, but the world is also flat for him so he could see a lot farther over the horizon. Legolas, what do your elf eyes see? There is no curvature. I want to see the fucking... I want to see the flat earth cut of Lord of the Rings now. You've seen it.

Holy fuck. No, the earth isn't flat. That's why the people are like, we can't get to the Undying Lands because it goes around for them but the elves go straight there because the world is flat for them. I think I'm going to have a heart attack. That is such a... that is a level of like so stupid you know when people say like we you know when you watch like a movie or consume any type of fucking yeah i do that media

and then you just learn like you just learn something and after learning it you're like you learn that the entire time it you're like this should not this should not you should have not explained that but I'm glad you did that's how I feel right now what the fuck every elf is a flat earther

so they see the truth Tolkien's dead right he's been dead forever dead why do you want to get him on Tolkien's dead, right? He's been dead forever, yeah. Oh, okay, damn. Why, do you want to get him on? You're going to get him? Do you want to get him on the podcast so he can talk about Flanagan? I want to revive

fucking Tolkien. I want to revive Tolkien's skeleton and then just send him a meme that's like, Legolas, what do your elf eyes see? And it's just him tweeting this what what is that the sun is not 93 billion miles away it's moving you're not it's this account that i've been following for ages that's just a guy that earth oh my god what is is this a flat earther

twitter it's a flat earther twitter that i've been following for like three years oh my god there's so much think it's not illegal yet oh my god holy shit people have made diagrams about the elf flat earth that's good are you shitting me oh my god it's real of course it's real it's exclusively flat earth for elves flat world versus round world they made it round so that the people can't fuck around the undying lands anymore since Numenor fucked around and found out I can't believe Tolkien invented inflation there's a little

X where Numenor died on the fucking diagram this is where he died I love this image globe research famous globe scientist my dad my dad drinking a beer and beating up my fucking mom flat earth research writing flat earth yeah writing research flat

earth on the beach and a big laser pointer why is power everything everything happening tonight is so much i i can't believe i learned about so much cursed shit in like no time at all yeah we haven't even talked about the stuff we were talking about before we started recording we're not gonna shut up we're not never underestimate the power of planting a seed of truth in a fertile mind don't use the word fertile in this moment i am euphoric not in this moment this moment is an unfertile moment i do not say fertile this moment is barren this is a certified unfertile moment is barren this is the driest shit you've ever seen it's called a horizon line because it's a horizontal line and not a curve isin shit bitch i only know about verizon what this conversation is just when you're surrounded by people who share the same set of assumptions we need to put sandbags

that's reality oh sandbags i got a story related to sandbags how uh when there was a big flood here i helped sandbag a bunch of rich people's houses and they didn't pay me. What is sandbagging? Well, there's two meanings for sandbagging. Either like grabbing bags of sand so that you help houses during floods, or if you're a wrestler

and an opponent tries to do a big move on you and you go limp, that's called sandbagging. Oh, yeah. No, I do know that part but how do how do sandbags help with floods because they stop the we were yeah they stop the water they break the water uh keep like you put it around the house um to basically stop it from getting into the basements or to help it to stop getting to the basements it's mostly it's mostly to keep

it out of the basements because if it goes into the basement, that's just... Is that why World War I trenches were covered in sandbags? It's to prevent the trenches from flooding? I did that. You're welcome. You were there. I did that. That was to stop rounds because they could sort of do it, but not... If you put a bunch of sand up and it's thick enough, it'll

stop bullets from back then. Really? Oh, yeah. Because they all had muskets. Only sometimes. Fucking muskets. They all had muskets. Only sometimes. Fucking muskets. They all have muskets. Then in World War I, didn't they invent guns that shoot fast? What are those called?

Yeah, I played Battlefield 1. I know what I'm talking about. I want to say assault rifle, but I feel like an assault rifle is not what I want to say. Well, theans had carbines but they didn't go as far because the um the earth is flat for germans stop germans holy shit germans are elves that's the takeaway here yeah i don't want to think about this anymore i don't want to think about tolkien being globe racist say the say the word say what it is

it's so weird you guys get the plane you guys get the ball oh my god germans be like listen carefully can you hear it that's the sound of the earth not spinning is there a sound of earth spinning no because the earth is spinning wind idiot oh do you think flat earthers uh like grab a copy of terry pratchett's disc world read like three sentences into it and start slamming it into their desks screaming no no no no just ask julian he would know flat earthers see any curved object and start screaming go to chicago see the bean shit pants speaking of a great way of chicago that was a great thing about that just pull that out david then you'll see me extremely smart you're so right i'm gonna i'm gonna base boost it anyway i have a i need to know because it's been fucking bugging me

and nobody has talked about it because we were saving it for the podcast at one point we split up i don't remember why we split up, but you guys started talking to an Italian woman or something. What was that? What does that mean? What does that mean? Because Julian and Boo got to see an oblivion encounter that I have usually. I'm like,

oh good, they're here for this now. Someone else was there, I thought. The only thing I've heard about this entire... I don't think Charlie was there. I don't remember. It doesn't matter. It's not relevant to the story. Either way, we split up and you guys kept talking about Oblivion Encounter without saying

anything because you were saving it for the podcast and it's been fucking bugging me because we didn't have time because we got too fucking wasted last time we talked about Chicago. I need to know. What the fuck is Oblivion Encounter? Isn't that just the guy that goes, hey, you three

women? And then they turn down with some birds? Yeah, that, basically. It's when you're just walking, minding your own business, and then you're encountered with a strange person. Yeah. And they just want something from you. Yeah, they start talking to you. She literally offered me a quest and I was like no thank you and we went back okay but what

happened we were walking back to the airbnb and there was this old woman out in the front and she looked at me and she went they have my mail i'm like what are you doing because they have my mail the mailman he should have been here but he doesn't he has my mail have you seen him like no i haven't seen him i said i can't i i at the moment see at the time this is just like oh strange person but like listening to the words you're saying in that order and remembering that is exactly how they said them, that sounds like an NPC about to give you a quest. Because she started offering it like,

oh, maybe we could find him. Like, we don't live here. This is an Airbnb. I don't know. Yeah, but she was a nice Italian lady and she started dropping a bit of Italian and then she started guessing everyone's ethnicity. Oh, boy. and she started dropping a bit of Italian and then she started guessing everyone's ethnicity.

Oh, boy. Uh-huh. That's awesome. Was it like racist? I mean, I don't know. It's kind of hard to guess ethnicity neutrally, but she went for it. She's pretty accurate. Most of us were white.

But she looked at Boo and she's like, ah, like Utah, maybe Nordic. You look Italian too. I'm like, yeah, he's quite large because he has Roman centurion genes passed down from strong breeding stock.

And she just like nodded sagely. Holy shit. Holy shit. I think there was enough of a language barrier that i think like you could have said anything yeah you started using like that like what did you say mandy because you lost me and i i understand you i'm still we said a lot of things say i knew like a bit of italian to say like very basic things to her like i was like i could say like oh that's nice i speak a little italian i don't speak much italian he's like oh benny benny it's like yeah i have like two months of learning italian and

phrases i learned from assassin's creed and that's about it. I could say Requiescut and Posse. I wasn't going to say that to her. I wish I could remember who else was there because she went around and was just like, ah. Who was there? I remember because Julian and I had stuff. We had audio stuff to set up our jank setup

for the podcast recording. Julian was also tired. He's like, we've got to get inside. And so he's dropping hints like, ah, you know, we gotta... Oh, we should probably get going. And she looks at him. She's like, oh, I see. I see. You want to get away from crazy old lady. I see how it is. It's like

whenever you end, like, whenever you're talking to an NPC and you end the dialogue tree too early and they get at it and they're like, hey, I'm not done talking to you yet. She called herself crazy old lady. She was sharp. She knew what was happening. Damn.

June's like, ah, trying to make an exit and she's like, I see exactly what you're doing. She knew you thought she was fucking crazy. I didn't think she was crazy. I just thought she was weirdly talkative and I wanted to fucking leave and sit down it was also my fault because the second she started talking to us

I was so fucking happy I was like thank god they'll finally see it happening in person so I kept encouraging the conversation to continue I'd be like oh tell me about those mountains and she'd start talking to us about the mountains I need more information about the citadel yeah exactly yeah

what can you tell me about where we are right now tell me about the rumors it's like oh that lady up there strange it's like yeah she's she means she mean don't listen to her have you heard any the latest means she was mean yeah she kept yelling at me I don't listen to her have you heard any of the latest rumors mean she was she was mean yeah she kept yelling at me i don't know why every time i went i was outside like cooking you have the gay hair i think that was like dude she would get she would open her window and look down at me and be like some people work and then she throws the window and we weren't even we were literally talking at like the most normal like voice like this on the fourth of july on the fourth of july and she would she got so i i wanted her to look down at you see you what julian called the gay hair and go i know what you are. I fucking wish.

That'd be incredible. Unfortunately, she was not bigoted. She was just mean. That's worse. We don't know that for sure. You're right. My headcanon is that they just decided not to show that side of themselves. I mean, she could have been.

I learned a bit about the local election from Italian Lady, but I forgot all the details of it now. Because I at one point yeah because at one point I was just like trying to make this drag and seeing what I could get away with so I was just asking like really generic questions and at one point verbatim one of my questions was can you tell me about the latest rumors and she went ah and started telling me about the election of like because we saw some signs for it like in the grass I don't know what it was for. It was like a local, some local something. I think it was around like the

municipality or something was having an election. Yeah, so I was just like, can you tell me about the latest rumors? And she went off and started telling me about the election. Have you heard anything? Do you have a job for me? I had one of those. No? I had one of those.

No, I had two of those. I don't know what it is about me. I think I might have like Aryan main character syndrome. I think I might have like Aryan Ubermensch looks and then people like gravitate towards that. And...

Was that bad? Should I have said that? Can you elaborate on this? I don't know what that means. It's probably fine. But I've had two moments where complete fucking strangers just come up to me and just start saying shit. And I'm like, there was this one guy that was like a friend of a friend of my girlfriend that like no one knew like we wanted to have dinner with that girl but she brought like some random guy and you know how that girl and that guy knew each other he had met her brother on halo and now they were hanging out awesome

king shit and and like i was like trying to talk to the guy because i was like that guy is the fans he is the fans i was trying to talk to him because like i was there with my girlfriend he was there with his friend's sister and he was clearly not enjoying himself so i was like i'm gonna try to like get some conversation out of this dude so i was just talking whatever and then uh what's your plans for the next halo and i mentioned and then like i don't know i'm really i really did this to myself but like i mentioned i think i mentioned like the gas prices or inflation even though i know nothing about this shit why but then but then but then the guy's like i look inflation no no the guy goes like where i wouldn't know i wouldn't know anything about that i'm canadian and then i go like oh okay all right

so you guys so like are you guys like chilling over there in terms of this and he's like no not at all the liberals are ruining our country let's go and then and then I just looked at him and I went, oh. Oh, are you guys like Australia where your liberal party is actually your right wing? Oh, wait, it is? Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. I feel like I'm having deja vu. I feel like I've heard this before. I don't feel that way, but this is a common thing.

Did I already talk about this? I feel like no. Oh, okay. But yeah. But the thing is but the thing is david didn't say that when i said oh are you guys like australia like your liberal party is your right-wing party he went no not at all and i just went quiet and went oh which halo do you play but it is it is different there's the conservatives not in his mind and deliberate whatever to him to him everything's flat i also wanted to quickly add the the second one that i

had recently and this one was after the canadian man incident so i had learned from my mistakes it was when me and rexy were waiting for our train to Amsterdam here in Brussels, and we were speaking the Queen's English. So obviously, we're going to attract tourists that are completely lost. And this lady, very old lady, comes up to me. Her husband looks very bored, and she just goes, excuse me, I got to ask, is this the train to Amsterdam? And I go, yes, ma'am. Yes, it is. You got to, you got to check over here, blah, blah, this panel. And it's coming in like four minutes. She goes like, oh, bless your heart. Where are you from?

Oh, I'm, I'm Portuguese. And my friend over here is Canadian. And then I did like a thumbs down gesture. And then she was like, and then she was like, oh, he's fine. I am American. Now that's the real. And then she also did, oh, he's fine. I am American. Now that's the real. And then she also did a thumbs down gesture. And I was like, yeah, yeah, for real.

And then she goes like, seriously, what is going on over there? Our politicians are ruining the country. And my brain just started replaying what happened in Chicago. So I went, oh, my my god it is the wrong train i'm gonna go now what halo do you play so i just fucking left i had a weird encounter lately actually like a week ago because um we've been having like problems with our electricity like how the panels and everything are they're really old and uh they're sold in fact that if we get a fucking electrical fire we're not insured so that's really cool and uh we had

an electrician come by and that dude is he he was like he just came by while i was folding laundry i i swear to god every time somebody comes to like do renovations or anything i'm always doing laundry and watching a really fucked up horror movie except he was okay with it that wasn't the weird part the weird part was boo was still sleeping because boo had like worked all night so he he kind of like he was just sleeping through the day it was like 10 a 10 a.m or something the electrician just i show him the panel and everything and i kind of stay with him because he gives me weird i'm going to steal your cutlery and tell you they're bending vibes so so we're just there and he starts talking and he and he's like oh is there somebody in that room over there

and i'm like oh yeah my friend is there and he he dude he read me like a fucking book because he dead ass looked at me and said oh come on you're telling me you're telling me there's one bedroom and you're not a and i was like dude i was like holy shit this dude is crazy and then he and then he turned it into actually being fucking um just awesome because the guy started being like he started being like dude i fucking love gays i i live next to i live next to this artist do you know him and then he just says this fucking random artist i don't know who the fuck that is. Deadmau5? You know Deadmau5?

Deadmau5? I'm just like, no, no, I've never heard of him. He's in Fortnite. It's a French-Canadian musician. And I'm like, dude, I don't know him at all. I'm sorry. And then he just says like dude he has like he has like super famous gay orgies at his place

and i'm like what the fuck are you talking it's not like the cool art he does he has super famous orgies dude this that guy was so fucking weird i i wish I should... He gave me his card. I should call him back to be like, hey, what was the artist again that you said? Just so I can confirm that they're famous orgies. I just want to confirm. These are gay orgies, right? These are gay orgies.

And then he was like, yeah, they keep fucking and then they go into my yard in my spa and then they fuck there but I'm okay with it I don't mind that dude that guy was so crazy see that's the kind of homophobe I want to be he was so funny

I kind of like him he was just so funny he kept being like dude I fucking love f***s just because you say that doesn't mean you can say us the slur goes uh there goes our sponsorship it's fine he'll black albert i can't believe black alberting is just censoring now oh yeah oh yeah he he was a weirdo and uh then he left and uh he he spent like two hours didn't fix anything and left and hasn't come back just came in called me a slur and left i love the idea of the grumpy

old man neighbor who isn't homophobic he'll just go outside see the gay orgy in his lawn and all he'll say is hey keep it down no he didn't do that he was he apparently not apparently all he did was like hey good shit like apparently he was super down with the orgies and stuff and i was like i was like i i know you're lying to me there's no way that's true but like world famous orgies world famous orgies is so funny that reminds me of belgium's famous hungarian gay orgy did you guys get that in the news no during like peak covid times in october 2020 this was like all over the fucking news here in belgium um it was like you know peak covid you can't have parties you can't have gatherings outside of your bubble yeah or

like more than three people or some crazy shit outside of your bubble yes that's the word they used and and you know people were obviously still sneaking in parties and a bunch of like hungarian dudes decided to like try to have like a party with every single gay guy in brussels just like a massive fucking orgy because i don't know i guess they're trying to see if they could get away with it i i don't i don't know how they got sexual pleasure just because like what if we did can we do this yeah can we do what would happen will we get away with this i do i do get it though like that like there's there's a certain element of it being taboo that's just like oh man that's so fun i really want to do that i also i also just remembered at one point actually during the entire time that the guy was there he

was making a lot of noise and that woke boo up and i told and boo was like boo kept messaging me and being like can i should i get up is he gonna is the guy weird and i was like dude the guy's fucking crazy weird and he at one point he was like i can't hold it in i need to go piss and i was like okay he boo comes out and the guy sees how tall he is and he just goes whoa and looks at me and goes like he looks at me and goes good shit and i'm like i'm like dude oh my god he was so funny is boot is boot tall enough to the point where like people ask to take pictures with him because I used to have a 7 foot tall coworker at GameStop and people would

walk up to him and be like hey can I take a picture with you? It hasn't happened but people always stop and go like and then he's like just like blankly staring because he doesn't speak French yet I speak French I have no idea to be real. I speak French.

I have no idea what you just said. I hope that never changes. For his sake. To a bank. I told him to remain strong. Just very fast. I just want to add to that Hungarian orgy thing. So a big Hungarian gay orgy,

obviously like it ends up making too much noise and the cops get word of it i think from the neighbors or whatever they get an anonymous tip and they raid the fucking place and then tons of people get arrested and then one of the neighbors goes oh my god one of them's getting away through the fire escape and i'm just gonna post this article in general and read the headline at the same time okay joseph surveyor hungarian mep quits after allegedly fleeing gay orgy oh my god he made meps please and you want to know the best part about your boy joseph he is a hardcore homophobic

political candidate in that is always that is always time it never ends and yeah he got caught banging 50 dudes what a moron 50. That's fucking impressive that he thought he could get away with that. No, it broke records. It broke records. They did it then. They met their goal. Yeah.

Thanks, guys. We met our goal. 50 men. Most Hungarian MEPs present at Gay Orgy. That's not true. That's not true at all. Who am I kidding?

Does Guinness have, like, a thing for like most people having sex at the same time or is that too uh no that's in red leaves believe it or not ridley's believe it or not is just fucked up in crazy guinness guinness at night guinness veers into the the realm of fuck corky gu up and crazy You get both of them at the Scholastic Book Fair but the Ripley's believe it or not is like I need to get this one this is the one that calls To me I have a Guinness book like five feet away

From me it's like the 2008 Gamer edition or something of it Oh I remember that when I was a kid Holy shit it has lots of incorrect Information it has Mario on the cover Does it Well is it it incorrect information now or was it always no always incorrect information oh my god because with guinness you just like you

can pay money to just get shit certified if no one cares about it because they won't come looking with gaming guinness really doesn't give a fuck a lot of the time. You know who cares? Me. The fans. Same thing. So we were originally, all of us getting together because this was Chicago part two. There is one other part of Chicago I wanted to touch on that didn't happen until after the recording. Which, I don't know. It still cracks me up.

Just thinking about it. Because it's so fucking stupid. Oh yes. True fans will remember. The Chaz ending. Of the Chicago episode. Which we recorded. After recording the main thing.

Once half of us had passed out. And the other half had sobered up. A tiny bit. The hangout in the Airbnb continued all around us, so weird shit just kept happening. At a certain point, very soon after the podcast session had ended and Mandy was, you know, full-on sick with it,

he decided he'd do a funny little prank. I'm trying to figure out the best way to tell this. Manny, do you want to tell your side and then I'll tell you what we experienced? Right. So I was like, oh, they're going to come back for the Chaz recording. And at this point,

I'm sure Ed and I were on similar levels of being pretty cross-faded. I went, ha, ha ha ha ha when they come in I should jump out and surprise them where should I hide I went oh I shouldn't go in the closet that's obvious they might poke around in there why would we do that

so I went oh perfect I'll pull my bedspread off the bed go into the corner and lay down and just throw it over myself since there's like a pile of like uh pillows and shit there already but perfect i'll just hide under these blankets and wait for them to come in and start recording and i'll wait till they're like 15 minutes in and i'm gonna fucking get them okay okay okay so i love how simple that is. So that's it. So, um, we wait a good while. Um, cause you know, parties bussing, people are having fun, but eventually I, I tracked down Chaz and I'm like,

Hey, it's time you, it's time for the funny. Let's, let's get recording. And we, uh, we do it. We set up the recording. it takes about i don't know maybe 10 minutes in total after i set up the binaural audio setup and uh the thing is it was in a different room so we finished the recording come out and then another like 10 20 minutes go by and we're just like where the fuck is mandy where did he go? I know Ed has the messages somewhere so it was probably nearly an hour before it fell apart. I wasn't checking

my phone at all because I have excellent recording etiquette and then I also start questioning along with Julian where the fuck is Mandy? I gotta tell the moment, the big reveal. No, no, no gotta tell the i gotta tell the moment the big reveal no no no i'm gonna pull up the messages real quick so we could so you guys could see

i forget what insult did you call me did you call me a fucker i don't i don't remember i just remember i don't know what i just ctrl f hiding i'm sure it'll come up if you do that just just a quick side note i got it i got it like like a side note too is during all of this while they're setting up for recording i like peaked i was like looking for mandy too just to like check up on everybody because i was stone cold sober and i just see like a pile of blankets no no no no brandon brandon oh no okay save that that's the best part i i get i get like so i check my phone after i'm like where the fuck is mandy and i just see texts from mandy but say julian will have no idea and it's like and it's like a picture of i think it's it's just all white. I could barely...

It looks like a big fucking marshmallow. And then five minutes later... I think it's a pillow. Five minutes later, another text saying, Shh, I'm too far in now. Don't blow my cover. I hear you plotting. Ed, fuck you.

What the fuck? Ed had nothing to do with this, by the way. I think Mandy might have heard Brendan and thought it was Ed. So I thought I heard Ed going like, I'm like, Ed's ratting me out! So, back to our perspective. After I'm done recording and Mandy had been sitting under a pile of pillows for like

an hour brendan and i start looking for him and eventually just go back to the room where we where we had done the first recording and see this very very large human-sized pile of bedding directly next to the bed that is slowly breathing and we think oh okay got it so stupid and i still i did what i was eight i was 50 50 like just let this happen until mandy comes out on his own i wanted to run up and start like shaking the blanket yelling nightmare nightmare nightmare i i really wish we had just left him there see how long it would have taken before he gave up did you just fall asleep under there no i was just like waiting so long they finished and we're leaving i had taken edibles and they had kicked in and i was

pretty drunk so i was just like giggling under the blankets for an hour i cannot stress to you did you how obvious you looked from the outside no it's like i looked at immediately i'm like oh okay he's right there like if we had gone in there and record it wouldn't have, I would have known immediately. The only reason I didn't find out is because I didn't re-enter the room at any point. I'm just

very impressed by how long you kept the bit up because by minute one, I would have been sweating my ass off and I would have said, this isn't worth it. That room was so hot. I don't know how you did that. Well, I remember, yeah, because the room had no AC. I mean, when I came out,

I'd been under there for about an hour, so I was quite fucking drenched in sweat. That's right, because I remember when I came out, it's like, okay, I have all sorts of stuff in my system. I'm out of the blankets. I've been sweating. So we're coming out, and you were talking to Kat. Wait, bleep that. Maybe. I don't sweating. So we're coming out and like you were talking to Kat.

Wait, bleep that. Maybe. I don't care. I don't know if she has a name. I heard she'll be on an episode. Yeah, that's fine then. Because she turned around and she looked at me. Her eyes got so fucking wide because she was alarmed.

I stumbled into the kitchen and then you went, wow, what happened? You look like shit. Maybe. You were wearing the blanket. You came out and you kept the blanket on. Oh, I don't remember that. That explains a lot more of the reaction I got.

You were wearing it like a cape. Oh, that explains way more of the reaction. I vaguely remember that. You looked like crackhead Moses. Crackhead Moses. Oh, fuck. I remember the blanket now. That explains so much more of the reaction I got from people.

I was fucking like mingling with that blanket. You were. You kept it on for a good while. In fact, I think you kept it until you crashed again and like went to sleep for real. You just used that blanket instead of the one that was on your bed. That's so possible. You used it like a toga for the rest of the day. You just never let it go.

Oh, you studied architecture? That's cool. I'm talking to people. I do remember that now. And that's why I remember that considering how fucked I was. I have so little memory of post recording that night yeah same that's why that episode

just ends so abruptly that episode I love how abruptly it ends it's just a car crash it's so good it literally ends with me going like I love you guys and then everybody stopped using their microphones and just started being like like i love you guys and then everybody stopped using their microphones and just

started being like no i love you then i just remember the whole recording i like sat next to mandy and i just kept moving his mic like hey like hey like yeah mine kept fucking drifting five minutes into us recording that one i jumped in the bed with julian and we just started like making out that's true dude there's so much editing that went into that one oh dude i was and i had a little secret so never looked locked eyes we just start fucking laughing she was really disrupting a lot yeah i'm surprised david made any sense out of that because being there like and remembering how that went it was impossible it was just a catastrophe remembering how it went but you're remembering how it went while you were just fuck david i was sober so it's immediately what i had

maybe a couple drinks in me tops i was not one of the fuck so you were i was not one of the fucked up ones there brandon and i were like the ones who were most grounded during that i was stone cold sober very yeah i was like move your microphone stop having a side conversation let's i was like let's get this pony going let's try to make it legible i was like not i was very normal i think i i had shotgunned a beard before i was i was i was so pissed and i get why you did it obviously but like a lot of the cross talk that was happening that brendan was rightly trying to shut down during that recording had me fucking dying like oh dude yeah we were we are very funny guys i agree with you on that one guys good job i i have absolutely zero memory of what we were talking about.

But I remember having giggles. The only bit I remember, Ed, is whenever David said something vaguely racist that he cut out of the final version. And then you and me both looking at each other, pogging, and me being like, dude, he says what we're all thinking. And then like two seconds of silence and then I lean back over and I say as long as what we are thinking is the n-word and then you just bust out laughing wait what what the fuck are you talking about

David I guarantee you that's in there go back and re-listen to it I also have a faint recollection of every once in a while when somebody else was talking I think I said something that might have been sketchy but it was not like a gay related but we just took it and ran with it and just decided that you were you were you just hated minorities braces whenever somebody had been talking for a while and then they dropped like a random whenever a noun would be like

emphasized i would turn to i i faintly remember turning to julian and sometimes going you can't call them that anymore i do remember that i don't remember any of that because you would not talk in your mic you wouldn't talk in your mic so i don't think any of it was picked up we were just having a chat just guys i kept looking around the room like a disappointed dad at a homecoming dance. Very faintly just like, you can't call it a day. Good times.

That was fun. Very fun times. Next time, where do we go? I'm thinking let's tailgate at a fucking Let's tailgate Are a fucking oh let's tailgate it are you suggesting that we record an entire podcast while tailgating someone on the highway is that a tradition that has to be recorded in the most awful environment that gets worse every year that's that's a really good tradition i love that we should we should we should record in like

a parking lot of like a fast food place let's do a spelunking trip should record in a parking lot of a fast food place. Let's do a spelunking trip and record in a cave somewhere. I was going to say, think about that. Think about all the weird fucked shit that would happen. Imagine if mid-recording someone tells us to

leave because we're loitering. No, mid-recording we get a side quest. We're going to start doing podcast challenges. See how long we can record in a McDonald's before getting kicked out. I don't think we...

I don't think we would get kicked out. I don't think we'd get kicked out. Yeah, I mean, it would just be us having a conversation with... Yeah, you have to really be like obnoxious and loud and awful. Yeah, like maybe... Trust me, we would get kicked out dude when i worked

at a fucking mcdonald's like fucking in high school or whatever like the people would not get kicked out for being loud and rowdy that shit was just not i'm gonna get kicked out because of my sexy grimace costume i think maybe if we went went to an Applebee's or something and we got drunk, then maybe they would ask us to leave. That's about it. Me slamming the table yelling, more mozzarella sticks, more mozzarella sticks. Oh my god, dude. Can we do a challenge where we go to

Applebee's and Applebee's and do a whole recording? And we only get mozzarella sticks. And we try to eat as many mozzarella sticks as, yeah, but it's funny. Why not? That's so dumb.

I want the one stipulation would be that we have to eat into the microphones, no exceptions. Oh my God. I need to ask, does America do the thing where like your McDonald's, like the sauce is free? Like if you get ketchup with your fries? Is that free? It's free, but they'll make you feel bad for it

and make faces at you. Can we just go to a McDonald's and just eat ketchup the whole time of recording? See how long it takes until we vomit? When I worked at Taco Bell, people would go in there and they would steal the

sauce packets when they thought we weren't looking. They would just start grabbing them by the fistful and shoving them into their pockets in their purse. And then just like leaving it up their ass. Boss will be happy about this. My boss wasn't happy about it. The boss actually was pissed. No, no, it's their boss. Oh, okay.

Because they're in the fucking barbecue sauce smuggling business all I know is that my boss was pissed about it wait don't we gotta do fucking guy questions oh wait no

I have a I have one you have one you have one you have one you have one hey this is the Patreon question

hi everyone holy shit we're listening to the Patreon questions there's some pregnant girl lying on the ground here she looks like a

crack whore, but damn, I think she's going to die. Mr. Hollywood comes up to you with an unlimited budget to remaster one movie with a cast of your choice. Which movie do you cast? Wait, who said that? I forgot about it. Yeah, boy, Gustavo was the one to say this.

Ooh, Gustavo. Why did you do that? I had forgotten about it. You fucking dickhead. What did you do that? I had forgotten about it. You fucking dickhead. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? I fucking hate you. What are you laughing?

Nothing. Mr. Hollywood comes up to you with an unlimited budget to remaster one movie with the cast of your choice. Which movie and cast do you pick and why? I will remake Metamorphosis by shindo l from diamond unbreakable there it fucking is i would i'm trying to think of a movie that would be incredible

with like an unlimited budget and that movie is Dario Argento's no what's a crazy fucking movie that would be insane with a budget with an infinite budget

master of disguise I was gonna say uh either um sam ramey's dark man or oh my god yes that movie fucking rocks i love dark man how about this give an infinite budget to darren aronofsky right before he starts making Mother. Oh, Jesus. I don't think... He doesn't need more money. I think he would still make a piece of shit. I'm going to be honest with you. He would still make a piece of shit,

but it would be even more psychotic. Oh, oh, I know. I saw like a fucking post about a girl saying that she got grounded because she watched Mother with her mom and she started laughing when they were eating the baby. Spoilers for a bad movie.

I don't fucking care. I do know. I want Peter Jackson to remake Braindead with a budget. That would be incredible. Is the question like who would you have as the actors?

Yeah, remake the movie and, like, yeah, you pick the cast. Alive or dead. Doesn't matter. Who cares? Bro, it's fucking current year. We can CGI them in. It's fine. Have Peter Jackson remake Fellowship of the Ring.

With accurate Earth's eyes. Well, they already had that. dji them in it's fine have peter jackson remake fellowship of the ring with accurate earth size well they already had that i mean i was i was watching rings of power and they have like all the the diverse hobbits now okay okay i know but now in the movie like they're all white so then that means something really bad happened yeah i saw that i saw the tweet that was like the hobbits had a really bad stain in their history books between Rings of Power and the movies. Whoa. A bad stain? Okay, I know.

I would change Lionel from Braindead for Vince Vaughn. Who the... Oh my God. I don't like you. No, you don't like Vince Vaughn? Do you see him in True Detective? He's pretty good.

I saw him... He's pretty good, and also he's a really funny actor. I think he would be really good in that. I saw him in Cell Block. I saw him in Cell Block 99. Oh my god. The Psycho remake has Dude, the Psycho remake has a Goatsy in it.

What? Have you never seen the Psycho remake? Oh wait, no, it's the Vince Vaughn Goatsy. There's a fucking... No, remake oh wait no it's the vince vaughn goat there's a scene death note no it's i don't think it's i don't think it was or it's like a double or something it's no it's like anne hesch's ass oh i thought vince vaughn did a her ass what are you saying what are these words that movie has vigo mord Mortensen in it. It's so fucking weird. No, okay. The Psycho.

The Green Book guy? The 1998 remake of Psycho has, like, just at one point, during, like, I don't know if it's during or, like, before the shower scene, like, somebody just has their asshole spread in front of the camera asshole like there yeah the asshole i'm looking i would have um i would have 2012 smosh uh direct and cast um a remake of parasite 2019 oh my god y'all are wild y'all are wildling like wildling wild wilding I'm gonna give you Bull Schindler's List

oh no I want wait actually Uwe Bull is always a good pick nostalgia critic starring in Schindler's List channel awesome

Schindler's List channel awesome passion of the Christ but Mel Gibson has to do cameos in Doug Walker's videos I'm trying to think of a movie. What's a movie with...

What's a channel awesome recreating 80s channel awesome movie? David, it's not Goatsy, but you do definitely see some butthole. All right. Yeah. Channel awesome recreates the Green Mile. Oh, man.

What's a movie with an ensemble cast? Snatch. Oh, my God. Channel awesome Tropic Thunder. Oh, no. Yes. movie with an ensemble cast snatch oh my god channel awesome tropic thunder oh no yes yes channel awesome's ocean 11 dog i got you the tivo dude who do you think would play ro Downey Jr.'s character Kirk Lazarus in that? Oh my god. I don't know. I want other Joe to be part of the main cast too.

I just had one. I'd remake Requiem for a Dream, make Jared Leto and the other guy make him the two guys from the Dungeons and Dragons movie. Oh, you mean the old one with the Wayne guy? Yeah, the purple one.

Oh, my God. And random white dude? One of the Wayne's brothers. And then I'd replace the crackhead woman with a different crackhead woman. Okay. Oh, Ed! Ed!

Fuck you! You can have boondocked saints with Angry Joe and other Joe. Fuck. I'm putting Pete Davidson in the mask oh wait is that son of the mask wait no that was a different unfunny no i'm gonna put pete davidson in dumb ass i just want to ruin it i'm just gonna go back and put pete davidson in multiple different movies you know what's crazy i saw a movie recent my favorite body's body of the year has pete davidson in it yeah and he's amazing in that movie and now i'm like reconsidering everything i've ever thought about him because

dude that movie is it's a very good movie i like it a lot you've seen it i've seen it yeah i enjoyed it even better than everything everyone's so funny no but every everything everywhere at once is my favorite movie of the year still it's my it's my favorite movie of all time but my favorite movie of the year is bodies bodies bro it's got lee pace i don't know why i'm a lee pace fucking stan okay it's just movie i look everything everywhere all at once is like my favorite movie of all time but this year i don't know why that movie just bodies bodies bodies is just stuck in my head forever it's so fucking funny what movie would you say would be ruined the most by being remade entirely by channel awesome ruined the most i mean i'd say schindler's list i'd say this would probably be rough like ben her like warren bin her is a really good one

some sort of like some sort of like epic yes the four by three black and white snyder cut but it's all channel awesome instead oh oh that'd be insufferable channel awesome city channel awesome citizen kane yes they're so they would they would be so insufferable about like how do you reference it they would triple the length of the freak out scene where he's just like throwing shit and then sometimes look at the camera and go I'm still going channel awesome remakes 1984

oh is that a movie they made a movie out of it of course they did they even did a funny with it? Of course they did. They even did a funny with it in the V for Vendetta movie because they have Suttler played by the man who plays Winston.

Channel Awesome V for Vendetta. Imagine Doug playing fucking V. Voila! You're a humble Vaudevillian veteran! You can't be curiously as both victim and villain by the V. This is my very good pleasure to meet you. You can call me V. humble Vaudevillean veteran who can't scariously be both victim and villain by the Vistus and Jerusalem. This was the I'm a Dara Vandera veteran. It's my very good pleasure

to meet you. You can call me V. Hey, thanks so much for listening! You might have noticed, but the outro song is not the usual one. This is a song I wrote for the game Cryptid Crush. It's getting a new update called the Graveyard Update, and it's releasing on October 28th. I've been writing music for the game for a little bit, and there's a few of my songs in the game already. If you'd like to go listen to the music, check out my Spotify at SirMeoww.

And if you want to go check out the game, check the link in the description for their itch.io page. This episode would not be possible without the help from our patrons, such as... Alan Diver, Oli Oxenfree, Ben Krizmanek, B.E.R., Bongo Crust, Boopoo Lou, Brain Soup, Brobly, Butternut, Caffeine Addicted Chemist, Caleb Wallace, Chris Chapman, Christian B, Dreams of Ice, Ducky Madness, DX Studios, Eric Scott Gillies, Ethereal, Bang Jade, Generic Phoenix Handsome Destiny Harry Norris Hater 115 Inspector Seb Inverted Van Man It's Ducktastic

Jacob Jeff Smith Kaka Leo the Geotech Loudon Woodworth Matt Me Mr. Shirt Notoriety Samuel... nothing worth mentioning Schizo Lingvo Shantanu Bhatia Smaggle Snake Asylum Spherical Nathan Stinger123 nothing worth mentioning once again thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time