Please Stop Talking - Chasing Love | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: March 25, 2022

Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code PST at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod  Mysterious pubes, never worn.   Join the PST Discord server! ▶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65  Links:  David ▶ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Corbin ▶ https://twitter.com/lobbymemez Ed ▶ https://twitter.com/PunkDuck_ Ten ▶ https://twitter.com/Tenvinir_VA Podcast ▶ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's 20% off with free shipping at Manscaped.com and use code PSD. Unlock your confidence and always use the right tools for the job with Manscaped. I've got no fucking clue who shagged in my bed, by the way. use the right tools for the job with Manscaped. I don't know if it denies it's him, but I remember him telling me in the night that you've shagged it, but maybe it's him. Welcome to the podcast. What? That's how you... The fuck was that? That's how you met by cold open?

What? Yeah, I went out one night and then one thing led to another and one of my friends woke up with pubes all over his face i thought you were gonna start laughing i thought you were gonna oh no no the story is then how the pubes ended up on my friend's face oh shit so it's like a murder mystery but with yeah we're gonna to get there. Yeah, it's in media's res. Yeah. Who cummed? The janitor always wipes twice. Oh, I get it.

You know, it's like it starts with the murder, and then you do the walk back. Let us walk back. I don't want to. Why? What's wrong with pubes? Why are you being such a pube bigot? Oh, are we not doing host introductions? Is that not a thing anymore?

Oh, right. I don't know. I'm David. Surmeam Music. Welcome to the podcast. And today I'm with my friend Corbin, Lobby Memes, Punk Duck Eduardo, Pube Master, and TenVineer10. Hello. How was that? Was that good enough for you? No, that was fantastic. Now it's awkward. I do feel like you you're jumping the gun we don't know who the pew master is yet i'm sorry i've known you for a way it's called a red herring you don't know anything about storytelling i'm just tempted to ask you to show me your balls to prove that they're not shaved oh dude yeah actually show us your balls

you just show us your balls right i'm showing okay i'm getting on my camera the podcast people can't see it because sadly we don't record these but guys look oh my god it's my balls well shaven they're so clean why how did i shave these david how did you get those that clean so close such a nice trim what's up with the third one don Don't ask. Why do you have a third ball, dude? Yeah, but notice how the third one is also cleanly shaven. How did I go about this, David? Ungodly round. That's such a cute

little testicle, the extra testicle, dude. I don't want to say Nanskin because I don't know if they're going to approve of this. What? They don't approve of third ball? I don't know if they're gonna approve of this what they don't they don't approve a third ball i'm yeah they don't i don't know maybe oh no no i definitely can't yeah what the fuck you could just cut i'm sorry i'm sorry you could just cut it into the ad read but how'd you get this i'm sorry about your botched cock and malformed testicles tell your story my fucking my crotchal region looks like oh god i was gonna see it i was gonna

say an andy richter i was gonna say an andy richter painting but andy richter is that fucking dipshit from conan you mean ring ringo star What? That's Beatles guy. I mean, yeah, Beatles guy makes paintings. Are we good? Oh, no. You've never seen Ringo Starr's art? No. Wait, let me find your baby. What is wrong with you?

Let me find your baby. No, let me find your baby. You'll understand. I never knew he painted. I just knew he played drums mediocrely. Wait, let me. He does MS paint art and sells it for way too much money.

This is what he makes. He's still alive. Yeah, this is real. 50% of the Beatles are alive and Ringo is part of that 50%. It really is a coin flip whenever I hear about him now, huh? No, Ringo's very alive. That is awful.

He's a fucking weirdo, dude. Glad that he found something else to do. Besides playing the drums okay. It looks like he drew it with an electronic drum kit. He fucking drummed your baby. He probably holds the paintbrush like a drumstick and just starts going to town on it. How expensive is this painting? It's free.

I don't know. David sent it to you. Oh, shit. Oh, my God god it's 4 000 us holy shit nobody's ever bought it dude i'm david deleted we can't afford it david we're in debt we're in debt oh wait this is for the digital version what why is he selling digital ownership of this is 4 000 us dollars or free oh my god he's so incompetent that the the picture of him signing has the fucking date at the bottom of when he signed it 2005 you're fucking kidding man somebody's had that hanging up in their house for like 15 years him i don't nobody's bought this it's still available that poor guy ringo i hope he's doing okay i think he's doing okay i think he has enough money to be okay for quite a long time i i'm dying

to talk about the fumes please please i'm dying to know you you've you've sowed a mystery a mystery has been fucking set dangling and now i need you're dangling the keys in front of me. I'm a fucking stupid idiot and I want to know. But the keys are mysterious pubes with no owner. Just like a... Has somebody seen this? Baby shoes never warned. Mysterious pubes.

Excuse me? I don't know. Do you not know about baby shoes never worn? worn i know what that is that's that really dark weird thing i know that word poem yeah no that's a no it's a facebook marketplace it's a facebook market yeah shout out to my dad also participating in that contest and being really mad that he didn't win and that that fucking poem won yeah wasn't it like a contest it was like make a poem that's as good as baby shoes never worn whatever the fuck yeah baby shoes never worn was an earnest hemingway poem yeah and at one point it was like there was like a contest i forget where it must have been like

online i don't know if you're saying the truth or not no i am so yeah no it was like some online contest oh it is wait what oh 10 or me 10 he doesn't believe that ernest hemingway is the one who wrote for sale baby shoes never worn yeah no that's true yeah oh why would i know that i'm not a fucking poem guy oh i had no idea who i had no idea who wrote it either but like i'll take ten's word for it i thought it was a fucking facebook post now i feel like a moron dude i can't believe you're comparing one of the greatest authors of in american history to to my dad oh yeah yeah my dad was like really mad he didn't win a contest and his poem was his poem was just the sentence your oil is mine and then he said that ernest hemingway was a hack because he had to use six words instead of four

your oil instead of mine what did he mean by this like no he said no his poem was your oil is mine like david come on if ernest tendinger was still alive do you think he'd get a kick out of car slash two sentence horror i think he'd moderate it do people call do people call sex lube like come on like what what wait wait wait wait do people never mind i don't know sex oil what the fuck what i don't know did you sex oil did you think my dad's poem was about lube yes i actually did i was like i when you said that i was like oh yeah sex oil because i forgot the word for lube i thought you were talking about oil like it goes in cars or like you know how like you know how like some people are like really oily and greasy like the the guy from scream one couldn't be no some people are oily

i don't know i thought he was talking about like oh this person is i don't know i thought it was i'm gonna be real in my head i thought it was like a love poem about somebody really oily or something. Listen, I don't know where my brain is going today. I'm fucking... I'm on like three coffees right now. Were you on the panel of that contest? Were you the one that didn't let my dad rise to stardom because you thought he was talking about Lou?

I thought he was talking about Lou. I thought he was talking about Lou. Can you get your dad on the podcast so I can formally apologize for thinking that he was talking about an oily woman? What the fuck are we talking about? I don't know. I'm such a stupid dog shit moron. Tell us about some fucking pubes okay

please so anyway so recently it was one of my friends's birthday and he was gonna have a quote massive rager at his place and all the homies were invited and one of my plus ones was a lady that i've been seeing for a bit oh how do i make this christian we don't have to it's it's this podcast you don't have to we've been talking about sex oil for the past 10 minutes yeah we've been talking about sex oil dude basically there was a lot of implication that due to the substances that we were having at that party... You've been doing ketamine, okay. Actually, you know

that apparently it's very nice. But the thing is, I'm hearing all this from British people. It's better than living in the UK. That's not a big step up. It's really weird. I was making jokes about ketamine And one of my Irish friends was like No you shouldn't joke about that

Ketamine's the shit What a weird way to put that Put respect on the name of ketamine Please I'm trying to remember what else happened at that party So don't just jump straight to the punchline You gotta give me a couple seconds. You got to lube us up with some sex oil.

I got to lube up my neurons. Busting up the neuron oil. One of the things that I brought to that party was a six-pack of beers and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Then a lot of my friends brought rum, and we realized we didn't have Chaser. I was like, being the big, big, beefy boy that boy that i am i was like we don't really need chaser we just take shots but a lot of them wanted to do rum and cokes two friends of ours were coming down from

amsterdam for the party and we messaged them hey can you guys um bring coke because we don't have any for chasers we forgot that the two guys we were messaging are coke addicts what what what uh-oh that is absolutely not where i thought you were going with that i thought you were from amsterdam so they just show up and they flash me this blue bag and i go what is that that's oh i just um and then but like at the time i didn't really like ask him about i was just like oh cool cool blue bag i don't know what this is so i leave and i go to like five rows they're gonna make cupcakes let's. These fruity boys out here. And then we went to like, we were chilling in the dining room. And then I came back to the kitchen.

And then I just see him with his credit card out just doing massive fucking lines on the fucking dining room table. Like the kitchen table. And I just fucking flip and I go like, oh my God. He's like, yeah, you told us to bring it no I didn't I mean you did you kind of did you should have known they were addicts you fuck

and then basically a big misunderstanding happened I didn't end up doing it but a lot of people did you guys don't see this but his third testicles just winked at the camera. Yeah, I didn't end up doing any of it, but a lot of people did. Yeah, just remember that for now.

And then for the rest of the night, I didn't do coke, but I did drink a lot. And I did do other substances that would get me barred from the pearly gates. I did drink a lot and I did do other substances that aren't, um, that would get me barred from the, from the pearly gates. And after a while, me and the lady that I've been seeing, we're just like making jokes like,

lol, wouldn't it be funny if we found a room and just like bang the shit out of each other. Like we're talking obscene, perverse shit on the walls writing with my own feces her shoes in a different house um depravity sex oil like levels of like because when you get to that point you don't even want to like do any amount of foreplay you just like want to jump straight into it.

And just it honestly like isn't comfortable for anybody in the room. So that's what we wanted to do. And we both go upstairs and, you know, there's that. I'm really smart. So I tell her like, oh, okay, we've been up here for like a fucking hour so here's what we're gonna do i'm gonna go downstairs first and then you stay here for like five minutes and then you go downstairs so they don't suspect a thing and she was like oh ed that's brilliant you're such a smart and handsome guy yeah let's do that so then i go downstairs and i have the fattest fucking smile on my face

and i walk into the kitchen where like half of my friends are still doing coke and they start freaking out when they see me bro bro you've been gone for so long where were you are you okay and i just have a big smile on my face and i just go i had to go to the bathroom and they go what you were gone for so long and i go yeah i was on my phone and then i start making a drink and then my friend jim turns to me and goes bro you were getting laid and i go what and then he just points at my hair. And then I find a mirror. And I look like a fucking 90s Nintendo ad actor. Why did you want to lie anyways?

Because a gentleman never tells. Unless it's like a couple days later. And very funny. A gentleman never tells unless I can make, unless I can profit off of it. Amen. And then five minutes later, she comes down.

She's like smiling and laughing and I just go up to her and I go like, what's up? And then she goes, Ed, I'm gonna like, I'm like crying. The moment I went downstairs, another one of your friends's girlfriend went upstairs and then winked at me and went into the same room

let's go then in the morning i received that message that voice message from that friend of mine saying like i have no idea who fucked in my bed because I thought it was Ed, but he said it wasn't him. So they honestly believed me when I said I was on the toilet for an hour. I told him today like, okay, I can't hold it in anymore. I have to tell you the truth. And he said, what is it? And I said, what if I told you it was more than one pair of people?

That makes it sound like you gang bang no exactly i explained to him the situation and now he's so fucking mad and he said and he said he had a fucking pube salad for breakfast different fucking varieties of pubes bro and um yeah did he send you that message the day after no this was uh this was uh this morning because uh we were we were trying to get him to come out today but he said that he was really hung over because he's been eating pubes like all night oh dude what the fuck man those parties at that guy's place get very wild because um i have like a billion fucking stories just from going there we've been basically having parties there like bi-weekly as in like not every two weeks like twice a week and i also need to tell you guys about my trip to amsterdam but you know what for now i, I will pass the... Let us simmer in the fucking...

Yeah, let us simmer in the puke salad. Oh my God. Dude, I had like... I went out like two nights ago. I went out with my friend's girlfriend for her birthday. We went to a fucking salsa bar, right? Like a Latino club. It's the first time I go out in forever. And it's the first time i go out in forever and it's the first time i go out with like a group of white girls i dude i'm fucking scared of white girls they're

fucking scary man dude how the fuck can they drink that much tequila actually fucking nuts like they keep every time i turn around there's a new shot of tequila and they're just fucking hammering them yeah they love the white women also do this like white women also do this terrifying thing where um they uh do tequila shots like a fuckload of them and then they also don't chase them with like the lime or salt like they will just do them keep fucking hammering that it was insane i can't hack that dude i can't understand it i was so fucking trashed i was i haven't been that trashed in so long man i was in an uber going back home and i had like i i told the uber like dude i let me out right now and i just fucking went out and puked on the side of the road i haven't done that in so dude i haven't done that in so long he actually did the dude the uber

texted me later and was like i hope you made it home okay and i was like dude my guy i dude i i gave him a 25 tip i. I felt so bad. But at the club, it was pretty much only white women. And it was pretty much every single, the club was like called Despacito something. Oh, great. They played Despacito nonstop. And every single time you could hear like, I was like at one side of the bar. I could hear like every time a new song started playing, I could hear like at the side of the bar i could hear like every time a new song started playing i could hear like at the end of the fucking clubs one of the fucking one of the white women groups going oh my god bitch that's my song i'm just going crazy if you think that's bad i went to a bar

that played fucking enemy by imagine dragons and one white woman said that shit. Dude, it's so weird. Oh, my God! That's my fucking song! And then they go fucking crazy. Dude, usually I go to like, I don't go to clubs. I never go to clubs. I usually just go to like bars, like pubs.

And that shit never happens. At a club, dude, I've never seen so many white women in my life. That's where they all go. Like it's fucking grim. Because it's just sweaty. It's loud. And all of the shots and drinks are so like marked up and expensive. Like you end up spending so much money.

And white women love to go to clubs. $12. Because white men will then buy them drinks. up and expensive like you end up spending so much money and white women like love to go to clubs because white men will then buy them drinks and that's me i'm bitches i'm white men i lose so much money when i go to clubs dude the only other club i've been to in my life was that one time we went uh at the monster hunter thing and then it turned into a club out of nowhere. Oh yeah, that was weird. Because I don't, I was way too fucking wasted, dude. Oh yeah, fucking open bar. Holy shit.

That might have been the last club I went to, if that counts. I mean, it was one. Over a club any day. Oh dude, absolutely. A few girls showed me how to do salsa. And dude, I don't know if y'all know what I look like. I'm talking about viewers, but I'm pretty fucking goth i looked so out of place i was just out there with my fucking nose rings and my fucking shirt that said

fuck god come on jesus or whatever i don't remember that's not that's not true that's not true but like i just had like this fucking edgy ass shirt and people were looking at me afraid so i was so out of place how bad would it be if pst got a shirt that looks like a share zone shirt that says fuck god come on jesus because i would rock i don't think you could i don't think you can sell that. I don't think we could sell that. I don't think my men... I think I'm going to get in trouble

already just for saying that joke. Come on, Jesus. I'm imagining with a big skeleton wearing a hood and a shotgun. Just pointing at you just going, fuck God, come Jesus.

Oh my God. I went to a bar the other night in Houston because I was on spring break and I definitely had a certified David moment. Oh, what does that mean? We went to the rodeo and they had this little place called the Wine Garden and they were selling bottles of wine at cost

and so we had me and one of my roommates ordered three bottles of wine just us two we drank them all and then we went into the rodeo for the concert and it was i think like sam hunt and because what are we were told that the drinks inside of the concert were like super fucking expensive so you know if you're gonna drink drink beforehand so we did yeah and then we went in and we found out drinks for five dollars whoa that's so cheap for a fucking yes at energy stadium they were five dollars for any mixed drink that you want yes that's incredible i don't know how good that is. I'm filthy and European. $5 is really fucking cheap. Usually it's like $8 to $9.

Usually it's like $9 for a beer. It goes up. It goes really up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's cheap as fuck. Dude, I got fucked up. And there was this little kid that was sitting next to me. There was this little kid that was sitting next to me

and he kept fucking staring at me. And it was the point where even even my roommate who's sitting next to me goes bro this kid keeps staring it's like he's got a fucking problem so it was pissing me off so i went up to go get more drinks um but i realized that they had stopped serving alcohol at this point and so i just started talking to the flirting with the mom that was running the stand and she gave me two rum and cokes that were double oh and so dude that's what happens when you're corbin dude my roommate gave me ten dollars to get two drinks i came back with ten dollars and two drinks and he was like what happened i go don't ask questions just drink drink. And as I'm sitting down... Why are you being weird about it?

We had so many empty cups that were just basically filled with ice. And as I'm sitting down, I spill them all on the kid next to me. No! No! Oh my god. And he's just staring at me.

Why do you call that a David moment? Because what the fuck? Because wait, wait. He's just staring at me. Why do you call that a David moment? Because wait, he's just staring at me and I go, what? You're such a prick. And I sit back down and I drink my rum and go, why is that a David moment? That didn't explain anything. What do you mean? Last week, I spent like every day chasing women at night for two hours. That was like a real David moment.

Dude, that's my cardio. Am I just... I did accidentally chase a woman. I felt really bad. My God. What? Corbett, no. What do you mean?

Okay, okay, okay. Okay, she had really cool... Allegedly So I was I was riding my bike What the fuck She did She

Allegedly So she I was riding my bike And she was in front of me And she She had come in from a side street And I saw like her pulling up And then she ended up in front of me

And I went Holy shit Like imagine the shirts I wear As pants Okay That's so cool She's my second half. She completes the fit.

Oh no, dude. What the fuck? I start biking faster, but she's really fast. Oh my god. But I'm gaining on her. Corbin! No, but I'm gaining on her. You're what?

I'm gaining on her. Corbin! You're what? I'm gaining on her. No, we got that part. Move on. We got that you're gaining on her. Like she was fast, but I was faster. We agree. No, stop! I can talk about a time I went to a nightclub and didn't chase any women.

But eventually, we get to a crosswalk and so she stops. And so I pull up next to her and I'm going to start talking to her. And I realized I was biking really fast. I'm very, very out of breath. So I'm sitting there just like panting. Just like, and then it realizes in my head, I was chasing her. Corbin. And I'm like, oh, fuck.

Corbin. I go, I didn't even mean to do that. I just wanted to tell her her pants look cool. What did you do? I like to sing on your ass. I started panicking. And I still really wanted to compliment her pants. And I'm sitting there thinking, trying to catch my breath.

Okay, what do I say? What do I do? And I go, shit, I don't want to compliment her pants because what did she think? So I was staring at her ass. And so I go, I still want to give her a compliment because I think she's a cool person, even though I don't know her at all. And so

I'm also, by the way, I'm looking the exact opposite direction and she's just staring at me. And so I go, okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to turn my head and at the same time point and whatever i point no i'm going to compliment and so at the same time i'm moving with my head or like my moving my hand i'm moving my head in tandem and i point directly at the ground and i just go nice. And then I just run away. Corbin spinning his head around procedurally generating a conversation. I just bike into the traffic.

I bike into the road. Corbin, were you moving like an amateur Gmod animation? What the fuck? I had to take off my shirt. I started sweating. Dude, I'm sweating just hearing you talk about this. Jesus Christ. Because that's what I always,

I usually like how I flirt with women is I walk up to them. I say, oh, I really like your shoes. And then I walk away and think, if they want to continue the conversation, they'll stop me because I don't want to be creepy. And I realized that was the creepiest thing in my life I've ever done. I didn't mean to. You chased her.

You chased her. She smiled and was like, oh, thank you so much. And then, but really, she said that while I was biking away. I'm fully shirt off panting my armpits right now. Man, I got a few compliments recently about my hair and I was like, you know what? Compliments are nice. I got some really fucking...

That was random. I'm sorry. I just never get compliments and then I got compliments about my purple'm sorry I just never get compliments And then I got compliments about my purple hair And I was like you know what hell yeah I got some people who gets like one compliment And I just latch onto it for like five years That's my one compliment Dude I'm thinking the exact same thing

I'm like dude at that club One of the One of the white girls on the fucking Dance floor was like damn the fucking dance floor was like damn nice hair and I was like oh my god this is gonna fucking fuel me for the rest of my life holy shit

honestly yeah that's so nice even if they're not into me I'm like dude they got a compliment for the day like that's gonna make their day better so I don't care even if they're not into me you could like not chase them through the street you could also do that

I was chasing them until I caught them your honor the thrill of the chase they were already in the net I don't do that because one time I did do a compliment randomly because I was like I feel nice today I'll be kind to someone

and then I did the compliment I really like your hair or nice today. I'll be kind to someone. And then I did the compliment. It was like, I really like your hair or something like that to a woman. And she was like, okay, creep. And I was like, what the fuck? And then you went, damn, okay, I hope you go bald the next year. Dude, I didn't say anything.

I was just so flashbanged by how brutal she got. What did you just say? Wait, What did you just say? Wait, what did you just say? Fine, I won't ask to smell it. Oh, dude, speaking of smelling it, today... No, no, no.

Okay, fine, what? My teacher absolutely docks my feet pics. What? Okay, what? Okay, run what i hate that okay run it back run it back what she absolutely docks my feet pics go on just say okay so i had i had surgery on my foot so i i can't like walk to classes so i had to email all my professors being like hey can you send me a zoom link um i can't walk and um one of my teachers was like i need proof like send me a photo of what

and so i sent my professor a photo of my foot she didn't ask for like a medical report she asked for pictures of your feet i mean it showed me at a big cast on his foot beers on saint patrick's day for him because he couldn't drink that's so weird that's such a weird ass it gets worse um so i sent her a picture of my foot and said uh thanks so much for like the zoom link if you need anything else just let me know which um jello told me you realize you just offered to send her more feet pics and um but that's fine um like it's not in class, it's the name of the class. Corbin, it's not fine. But what happened in class was the worst thing ever.

Because, so I can see, she shows like her whole screen to the class and she's going through the slides and she goes, oh, let me show you something else online, like on our website. And so she closes out of the slide and it's just my email

and it says my first and last name, my student ID, and it's a giant photo of my foot on this giant auditorium projector of a giant two-tiered university class. Why? And it was just my foot and my full legal name and my student id and i was like holy shit i i i don't know how i don't know how to respond to this i'm just i'm i'm logging off jesus fucking christ what the fuck i wanted to just unplug my desktop i mean you're are you i mean if i if that was me i would have fucking messaged them and be like what the fuck she goes can you send me like a doctor's note or a picture of your foot? So you did take the weirder.

You did make it weird. I had just woken up and I didn't have my doctor's note on me. So I go, well, foot pic it is. I guess that's fair. Is that the same you sent me? The one with the stink lines? You didn't have to add those. No, David, don't lie. You added the stink lines. Okay, fine. I with the stink lines you didn't have to add those no i you david don't lie you

added the stink okay fine i added the stink lines that was like literally two hours ago i got in a car accident my boy how was it um fucking awful so boo for context because this is this might take a bit boo got me the uh 4k uh special edition of lord of the rings okay this is going somewhere oh yeah i was about to say what does this have to do with the head no i really i really fucking love that movie i love those movies so much and it was it's his first time watching them so i was like i really want to watch it like best possible quality like 4k all that i discovered that the original ps4 cannot read 4k uh blu-rays the original ps4 yeah yeah that sounds about right yeah it it can't read 4k it can't even uh yeah because the whole

4k push was the whole reason the pro exists yeah it was it was the pro uh so what so i was like fuck i i we really we because we have i have a bunch of 4k dvd blu-rays that i bought that we were gonna watch of like my shitty weird horror movies and boo was like well why don't we just go buy a 4k player and i was was like, oh yeah, let's do that. Dedicated 4K Blu-rays are fucking expensive. Like $500, like insane amounts of money. So I was like, fuck that. I asked on our friend group, like, hey, does anybody have a good Blu-ray player?

And somebody mentioned like, oh oh get a used xbox one and i was like oh shit that's a great idea i boo and i like we check on uh canadian craigslist and we find we find one two hours away in oh no but fuck nowhere and i we're like dude we'll make a road trip out of this. Like we, we, this is our, this, like we were on break, like we were on break for that week. So we were just like, let's just, let's fuck around, go over there, see if there's any restaurants,

like stop by and see, like, I don't know. We're bored. We have nothing else to do. Let's do it. On the day of, we leave to go over there. We do the whole's do it. On the day of, we leave to go over there. We do the whole two-hour drive. And when we get close to the destination, to the guy's place, to pick up the Xbox One, Boo turns around, looks at me and says,

I just checked the weather. There's going to be freezing rain, like torrential freezing rain. Yeah, I remember hearing about this. I just told him like, dude, it's fine. Who cares? We're in a car anyways. Nothing bad's going to happen. Nothing bad ever happens in cars unless you're sober. Yeah.

So when we get to the place, when we get to the, it's a a really like there are like five houses and they're all separated by like big ass hills and the houses are fucking massive there we are in buttfuck nowhere two hours away from where i live there is nothing around us except these houses i don't think i even saw like a fucking grocery store or anything it the city is like a city of 5,000 maybe. It's very small. We do not have service. There is no cell phone service. So I don't know which house it is. I remember him saying like brown house, blue house. So I was like, okay, so let's go to the blue house let's go to the brown house it seems like a big house and it's like very pretty have you guys seen the uh there's a mike

flanagan movie called hush oh uh fuck that movie fucking comes i don't think i have seen it but i know about it if you for people listening if you've seen the house from hush it looks exactly like that like oh it's this guy. Yeah, huge. It's the Haunting of Hill House guy. Huge windows on each side of the wall. I just always get it confused with the Batman story. Yeah, it's just a fucking huge ass window.

And I can just see this woman. Boo and I. Okay. Boo is 6'9". I'm 5'6". And I have like painted nails and I look like a fucking, I look like a fucking freak. You look like a Saints Row custom character. Yeah, exactly.

I look like the problem with Saints Row video thumbnail, you know like i just you look like um you look like a stock photo somebody would use for a video about brie larson fuck you anyways like we look like freaks i just knock on the door on on like the the the glass door because the thing is the door is basically like just a big big glass thing that's the front door i just knock on there you french doors are weird this woman just shoots back shoots up and looks at us and she looks fucking horrified to see people and i mean this is like this is like a horror movie scenario, right? Like we are in the woods. There is nobody else. She's like probably alone with her fucking, her fucking daughter and dog. And she just like, she just said like points to us and said like shows like a hand, like five

minutes she leaves with the dog and the daughter. And when she comes back she comes back next to the door she locks the door puts her hand on the glass and she starts she says can i help you and i was like uh yeah we're here for the xbox and then she just she just stares she just like stares at us super confused and she's like we don't have an xbox what are you talking about and i'm like uh well there's a there's a craigslist ad and uh you you're you are you i i think your husband might be the one selling it because i talked to a man and then she's like i'm sorry you have the wrong. And then she starts fucking laughing at me so hard. I felt so embarrassed.

And I don't know why she laughed that hard. She just went like, ha, ha, ha, ha. What? She just laughed. Like a fucking witch and smiling friend. I was like, dude, she just started laughing. And I was just apologizing like, oh my god, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to

Because she looked so horrified at first I got so confused So anyways wrong house go to the blue house when we get to the blue house. I managed to somehow get like So I I get some fucking uh, some bars on my phone and I just text the guy and I'm like, hey, we're at your place right now. And then he's like, oh, I'm in traffic. I'm going to be late. So I'm like, okay, guess we're going to wait. So Bo and I just wait in the car.

We talk about whatever. We're just hanging out. I'm going to be real, David. I thought this was going to be like the ending of Shining where the woman would just turn you and say, but sir, you've always been here. And then I'm the one behind the glass door. And you're selling boo. Dude, we're waiting there.

And then we just see a couple of kids. We just see a couple of kids looking horrified towards us. Just going home inside the blue house. And I just... I don't mean... We don't mean to do it, but we don't realize it. We're just staring at these kids we look like the creepiest motherfuckers and then i i just turned to boo and i'm like

are should we be like should we just cancel on the guy should we really be doing this like we look like fucking creeps and we like as as i'm thinking about leaving he actually does get back home and then he's like we we go in he shows us that the xbox is working and all that and then he just while like he's he while he's giving us the xbox and like the games that came with it and whatever he just turns to his kid points at him and says so these guys are the reason why you called me all scared i was like well i was like dude why would you say that i'm right here either way we get the xbox the weird creepy we stop being like weird, creepy horror movie villains. We get, we get back in the car and we're like, let's just go home. It,

this took like so long. It took like hours because of how, how much Phil fucking around we did. So we were going back home and that's when the ice rain starts. Yeah. I'm like, it is, we are driving on buttfuck nowhere we do not have

any cell phone bars it's around 5 p.m and we're listening to the incanto soundtrack it is so vivid it is a great soundtrack it's so stuck in my head everything that happened at this point i just i literally on the beat dude on the beat we don't talk about brew no no no bang it was my wedding day literally at that point i hear like, it was our wedding day. And I'm like, oh no, I hit the fattest fucking hole. My like, I'm freaking out. I'm like, oh no, this cannot be happening. You are fucking kidding me. It is like outside.

You cannot see anything. It is pouring rain. And as it falls, it becomes ice. That's how bad it is. Like, it is actually insane how bad our situation is. I look at Boo and I'm like, can you check it? Can you please check it? I don't want to check it.

And then he's like, okay, dear, I'll go check it. He gets up, looks outside, and I can see his face like... He does a face that's like... And I just know... Tire's fucked. Completely fucked. He comes back in. He's like, we might need towing.

Yeah, Jesus, man. I just look at him and I'm like, we are in a road where there is nothing we are alone on this road we're like we are in the worst place possible for this i wanted to cry so bad dude i was like no way is this happening right now this is the most expensive xbox ever and i just i just go out i look at the tire and i'm like oh my god it is completely like on the floor i get we get back in the car and i start like calling towing just every towing possible it takes us like so long to find a towing that will take us because every towing at that hour is like they

don't tow anymore like at that hour people are are gone they don't have 24 hour towings at this like in this area because there's not enough people so um insanely lucky there is one towing that is like yeah no absolutely we'll we'll get it we'll we'll get you in like a few minutes and i'm like oh thank fuck only thing is that we need to wait out i i need to wait outside of the car like we need to wait outside of the car for the guy to get there because he doesn't know exactly where we are so here we are two stupid ass motherfuckers, two gay men in redneck country. Like, this area is, if you're gay in this area, don't be gay in this area, you know? Don't do that.

We're just sitting there, like two stupid fucks. Boo has this thing where he doesn't bring a fucking coat anywhere during winter and that it pisses me off all the time he was fucking freezing outside like in a t-shirt and shorts in like minus 20 degrees uh celsius. Like it was so fucking freezing cold and it was dropping. Like my, my head was fucking full of ice. Like it was so cold. Eventually the guy does come and then we get into his car, his towing. He, he like, he starts telling us our options. Every option is fucking horrendously bad. Because he's like, okay, so every garage is closed. So you would have to come back for your car tomorrow.

And I'm like, okay, are there any... I'm two hours away from home. Is there any hotel that we could maybe stay the night at and he's he fucking laughs and he's like dude do you know where you are we don't have hotels here who the fuck wants to be here and i was like fair fair spot in redneck redneck county like i fair fair um and then he's like okay you boys are you you boys are fucked i can tell you boys are fucked where do you live i thought he was about to say like hey you know what you guys are cool there's a hotel around the corner i was just fucking with yeah no he was like

okay where do you live and then i i tell him where i live and he's like that's two hours away man that's pretty far and i was like at this point like he was like i can do it i can do it but i'm going to i'm going to have to upcharge you i mean at that point it gives a shit at that point yeah at that point i'm like dude i can't like what else am i gonna do like there is literally nothing else we can we could have done at this point so i'm like bring us home two hours from here like i'll take the fucking l we'll take the fucking l we sit back into his car and he's like okay oh this is where shit goes hard he turns on the radio and it's the incanto soundtrack no worse much much worse we okay we sit down he asked me like oh i'm gonna put your your place on the gps where where do you live and i'm like uh i live at so and so and then he's like okay

uh say it uh he's no he opens his phone and on his wallpaper. It's a Confederate flag. It's a Confederate flag. Well, it's the French Canadian version of that. Yeah, there you go. Yep. I had a feeling. He has a thing from, it's a group called La Mer, which means the pack.

And they're like a French french canadian nationalist group that are you know go on you know we get it yeah um he um at that point i don't say anything boo doesn't understand what's happening boo is just like try boo is like trying to put his hand around me and i'm like, no. Do not. I keep taking his hand and pushing it back. And then we stop by Tim Hortons and I'm like I tell Boo

he's a far right nationalist but he's our only hope. David halfway through the drive going this guy's got some pretty good ideas that's like the poster for like a Pauly Shore action movie that's the tagline that's like right before

like the intro of an Always Sunny episode the gang joins the far right he's storming the capital now he's storming our hearts I've never heard that much vile shit in my life we were okay at first we were just talking like normal shit we were like i don't know we were talking about like music then we started talking about weed and then this and then that and then at one point he's like please tell me he starts talking like the homophobic dog. It's so vile. Not too fond of gay people.

It's like, it's genuinely some of the worst hate speech I've ever heard. I'm not going to repeat it fully. But he just says like, those blacks are so cheap. And I'm like, and that is the start to one of the most insane rants I've ever heard. And I was in the weirdest position where I didn't know what to say because I'm not going to confront him. I'm fucked already. I'm not going to fuck myself over even harder.

I'm in his car. I don't know what he's capable of he's he's probably violent if he's part of a far-right nationalist group so i'm just like i dude i felt so uncomfortable the entire fucking time i was like what the fuck am i doing right now and he drops the worst shit and then he's like he from that. And then he starts talking about gay people and trans people. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Yeah, I can't let he, he, we need to keep him like, we need to make sure he doesn't find out. Because the shit he's saying is like, oh my God.

Yeah, I think he'll be fine as long as you don't like force it down his throat like your agenda yeah yeah yeah yeah my fucking agenda my fucking agenda dude he says the most vile shit during the whole time i am sweating fucking bullets and i mean i'm like agreeing like oh my god i'm so true bestie and i'm just like whoa i'm hoping he asked he asked you guys what you do for a living and he subbed to the podcast no I didn't he asked what I did for a living and I was like oh I'm a musician for hire

haha yeah that works it's kind of true and it's kind of you know and he was like oh cool cool I was in a band once and I was like oh yeah and then he was like dude he was in a punk band and I was like, dude, he was in a punk band. And I was like, what? Oh, God, he was in a punk band.

He was a Nazi punk. I was going to say, he was a Nazi punk, probably. On Fort. No, yeah. I'm pretty sure he was a Nazi punk. And I was like, dude, this is a nightmare. We're like an hour. This is 30 minutes in.

We're like an hour and 30 minutes away from home. It was a nightmare. Oh, dude, I've never been that uncomfortable in my entire fucking life. I honestly don't know how you handled that. You handled that way better than I think I would have. Dude, I was like sweating like crazy. I was drinking like every time he would um he would say something like really shitty i would just sip my coffee and not say anything i did not know what to say did he not get like context clues that you guys were extremely uncomfortable i i think he didn't care oh fair enough also well boo didn't understand because he was talking in french and boo doesn't speak oh okay so boo had no idea how it was like yo david what's going on my boyfriend yeah yeah

no he he was like why is my boy like at the end we we get out of his car at the end we're at a garage and like he just the dude just drives back home or whatever. And then Boo was like, why were you not, like, what was up? And I was like, you have no idea. I just explained to him everything that happened. And he was like, what the fuck? Undercover racist. Oh my God. David, you should have offered him some of your water.

I could not. Drink this, it'll change your mind. Oh yeah. And five five minutes like five minutes before we're at the garage he just says i don't fucking believe in vaccines dude why was he gave he just and i was like no fucking way yeah he gave me the entire like we're five minutes away and he's like i don't fucking believe in vaccines if i get it i get it and even then that shit it's just a fucking cult and he's like what like i've been riding with you like i've been riding at like right next to you the entire time and you're just dropping this on me you

motherfucker what the hell did you get his number well i have the number of his dump dumpy dump of his uh i have the number of his fucking uh towing i want to see if i can date his daughter and david when corbin mentioned your water and you started talking about it took five minutes i thought you offered him your water and said drink drink this. It'll take five minutes for you to be gay. No, no, I didn't have water. I had coffee. Dude, what the fuck, man? What an experience.

What an awful fucking night I had. That day was like one of the worst days of my fucking life. It was horrifying to be next to somebody that horrible. I wonder how my friends feel. Dude, I was talking to be next to somebody that horrible. I wonder how my friends feel. Dude, I was talking to this girl. And we've been talking for like two and a half weeks, right? And I had already asked her out on a date, but I had to get surgery. So I'm like, oh, I kind of had to postpone it.

And it was spring break. And she was like, oh, yeah, i'm going to like some town in mississippi and i was like why and she was like oh it's the town is named after my family and i was like what i was like that's crazy and she goes yeah my great-grandfather owned like a ton of slaves. Boom! Maybe don't admit that to somebody. And I went, I went. Oh my god, dude, I just spit everywhere, dude. What the fuck? Oh my god!

First of all, I Was that the first time you met her? No, no, no. I haven't talked to her in a while. I was under the impression that she was, you know, very far left. Because she's like, oh yeah, I'm studying to be a therapist. I'm a double psychology major. And I'm like, oh, sick.

And then she just goes, yeah, my great-great-grandpa owned a lot of slaves. Like a ton. Oh, no. So many they named the whole city after him. I just said, what does that have to do with anything? And she was like, well, he had a very, very large plantation. And after the Civil War, he couldn't afford to keep the plantation. So he gave it to the city and they named the town after him.

And I was like, what the fuck? And she was like, what do you mean? It's history. Oh, no, not one of those people. And I immediately, right after this happened, I went to go get lunch with Joel. And we were just talking about her. And he was like, oh, yeah, you think we can convince her it's the Lode Baron Confederate Monument? And then she snapchatted me the next day. And she's like, i've been driving around town and seeing statues of my family wow oh my god so we're going on a date next week

why i'm gonna show you all the statues i want to see what happens i i honestly would do the same thing. I would do the same. She could have just been joking. Do it for the, I mean, do, do it for the bands. That's what I do. In life.

I do everything. I'm really sad that once I hopped on a dating app, I met my current partner, like fairly quickly because I've really, I never had any bad dates with randoms. I really wanted to go on one where she was just like white and just like I wanted that level I wanted like extreme racism

so I could I don't know I wanted to see like how what would happen yeah just for the bit really well the problem the thing that I started thinking why does this keep happening to me like am I the problem I'm shocked that you met that're you're just so zany

you're just such a zany dude and girls are like i love the zane i she did call me a quirked up white boy yeah there you go i'm shocked that you found her on that dating website because some of the like openers that you would send to like jello or me oh yeah they are fucking nuts oh yeah no well that's what i do i filter yeah exactly my insanity and then i realized that that's that's i'm doing the wrong kind of filtering i'm just keeping the crazy people um just to just to finish off my my story um the uh the tire it wasn't just the tire that broke i I took that hit so hard. I took that hole so hard that my rim actually fucking

broke. Oh, did you dent it? No, it did not dent. It fucking broke. You broke it. It broke. I wasn't even going that hard. I don't know if it's the weather or anything. It just straight fucking broke. It was a very expensive Xbox, guys.

I could have bought like... I could have just bought a fucking... I could have bought a fucking Blu-ray. A fucking Blu-ray at that point. You hit like a horror movie pothole. Yeah, it was the most expensive fucking Xbox of all time. Anyways. I was going to say that I also have a very quick story related to your um car accident well

not your car accident specifically this isn't about you david we uh did you guys i was talking to people but apparently you guys didn't get this in the news at all did you hear about the big fucking storm that basically tore through england and then also hit up like a bunch of northern european countries like belgium and the netherlands were affected uh not i saw a youtube thumbnail but i just assumed it was one of our friends was like really like how i learned about this was through one of my friends who was really bored at work and he sent me a link to a stream called big jet tv and it was just a stream that had like half a million people watching and it was cameras at the heathrow airport in london of planes trying to land

and he said he had been watching that for three hours at work oh man um but anyway um the the problem is for that specific weekend where the storm hit on the friday we were meant to go like me and a couple friends that were here had been organizing a surprise birthday party for one of our friends in amsterdam we had been organizing this party for months like actual fucking ages and then we had bought the bus tickets. We all had our bags. We all had like this, like massive fucking thing organized. Okay.

Uh, we get to the bus station and, uh, we're waiting for the bus and we start hearing like news about buses that are, uh, happening past 4 PM are all canceled because that's when the storm's going to peak. But ours was at 2 p.m., so we were chilling. And then once we get to the bus station, we're worried because there's a lot of people there. And then I ask a guy that's working at

the bus station, I go, hey, is our bus still good? Because ours is at 2.45, so that's kind of cutting it close. And he said, 2.45? Yeah, it's's coming it's coming shortly we're like yes sick so it's just me and my two friends talking and um just for a bit of context it's the same people that were there for my last amsterdam trip where i ate somebody's shit but regardless uh we're yep cool so we're just hanging on the bus station and then suddenly these two american girls go up to us and they are as they say peng as fuck and they just go up to us and they go first of all they compliment my voice and then later on the conversation they compliment my friend's jacket and you know that's when it clicks that they're about it and they're asking us like oh we have like a really big group of girls like and then we look over it's like 10 or 15 women

and uh we just wanted to ask like because none of us speak french are you like is the bus still coming we're like oh yeah we just asked the guy and he said it's coming whenever like okay cool where are you guys from this and this and then they asked us like have you guys been to amsterdam before and we went oh yeah like a couple years ago and then they went oh that's sick so you guys like know the area well like do you have any recommendations and then all three of us at the same time went uh and i explained to them yeah we went to amsterdam but we don't remember much of what happened so you're not gonna get much from us and then my friend pulls out of his ass this random fucking cafe he goes oh you should go to the blue dolphin the cafe we've never been to

and i'm like oh blue dolphin that sounds cool what is it and he went um it's like underwater it's like a sub it's like a bar inside a submarine in the canal. Why would you lie about that? Because it's going to be really funny when they get to the blue dolphin and it's above water. They're like, oh, that sounds so cool. Thank you so much. We're going to go back to our group real quick and tell them that everything's fine. We're like, yeah, sure. And the moment they turn away, me and my friends

are just like, dude, holy fuck, this is going to be the best trip ever. Because they don't know that in our bags, we have a shitload of liquor hidden away in beers that we're just gonna fucking pass around everybody on the bus just be like yo fucking two-hour party bus let's get fucked up and we're just gonna pass it to all the american girls and shit and then our bus arrives everybody on that bus starts like getting out of it and getting their bags and we're all raring to go um the bus arrives on time everybody leaves bus driver comes out of the bus we all have our

bags and he goes all buses to amsterdam are canceled oh dude fuck that sucks like i like i don't even have a reaction my jaws just drops to the floor and i'm just so fucking sad and me and my friends are just turning like we all just like turning each other just go like dude what the fuck like we're so pissed because they waited till the last possible moment to tell us that the bus was canceled too so we were all extremely sad and then like we're kind of just like calming down trying to think about what to do and then we go like oh we should ask the american girls what they're gonna do and we look around they're already gone it's over the party bus dream is dead dude we never saw those girls again

they just fucking ran off to the blue dolphin that fucking sucks dude so we go back to like in the interior of the station and but yeah so like you know the the bus was canceled because the storm was really fucking bad um and at first we were like dude that's some pussy shit there's gonna be like 200 people in this bus and buses are heavy that storm is not gonna affect us at all and then we're walking out of the bus stop back to the station we literally can barely move forward. The wind is hitting us so hard. I don't think the reason was that.

I feel like the reason might have been visibility more than how heavy a bus is. Yeah. But dude, straight up, we were walking back to the train stop. Sorry, to the bus station. And we could barely walk forward. And around us, people were falling and fucking lime scooters were flying. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was really bad.

So we were like, okay, maybe it was justified that the bus trip was canceled. So we go back to the train station. And me and my other friend were like, I guess we could buy a ticket. And we go first thing in the morning. Then my other friend goes, no. I didn't fly from fucking England to go tomorrow. Wait, can you do it with a British accent? No, I'm not going to do that.

Fuck you. We're going to go to Amsterdam. And we're going to go today. So we go, okay okay what do we do and then we're like trying to see like maybe we can use like there's this app or like there's like this ride sharing app and if people go to like you type in a destination you try to see people who are going but all of them are booked except for one that's like 11 p.m we go like no fuck that because there's gonna be a party because it was on a friday and we can't miss that and then we go okay what if we rent a car oh dude you guys rented a car for that and we were like going through the app whatever it was really fucking expensive because it was very last

moment and whatever are you wait are you even allowed to take a car out of your country anyway so we rented a car okay that's what i thought me and my other friend can't drive but the guy that was like we're getting there today he's the only guy that can drive and the whole time we were like i feel like the storm already peaked i don't think it's gonna be that bad but we were still gonna like be careful and not drive like dipshits yeah um so we're so we're like okay let's always do the speed limit we're like all right perfect um just to cut it short because the ride itself wasn't very eventful um throughout that three no two and a half hour car ride we saw four flipped over trucks whoa one of them happened right in front of us. Whoa.

Holy shit. Yeah. After the first one, we used kilometers per hour. Yeah. And the speed limit is 120. We were like, how about we just do 90 for the entire trip? Dude, 120 is pretty fucking fast. For highway.

I mean, that's still fast. Our highways are 100 here. Oh, weird. Yeah. Oh, oh yeah we did 90 the whole way and uh we got there in one piece but like pretty late and it was supposed to be a surprise party but um the guy whose party it was a surprise for is a lazy piece of shit and did he not show up no he he lives in Amsterdam, but for the longest time he had been in Brussels, barely working, because that's basically where all of us are. That's where all his friends are. And he would say, like, I'm going back to Amsterdam the next day. And then we'd go out and he'd be like, oh, I'm too hungover to go back. And then January to going back to Amsterdam a day before his birthday. Oh man. So we cut it real fucking close. And the night before the trip, we went out with him and we were just like,

we were being very blatant, dude, you need to fucking go back to Amsterdam for the love of God. It got to the point where we really had to make him go. So one of my friends started calling him with a voice changer and saying he was going to hurt his family if he doesn't go back to Amsterdam. What the fuck? Hey, it worked. But after a couple days, he clued in that it was us fucking with him.

And he started messaging both me and my friends like, oh, haha. So anyway, what time are you guys coming? were like what what do you mean we're not coming at all but honestly the storm was a blessing in disguise because he knew that all public transport was canceled and he knew that you like the storm was insane so he was like okay they're definitely not coming so his face when we fucking show up and we look like shit because we went straight from like the highway with like the massive winds to his house like we had a fucking rager and just to conclude this story um i was like drinking a shitload and two very fun things happened one of them was one of my friends kept drinking from like a massive bottle of water.

And he looked off his ass. Like he looked completely fucked. And I was just like, dude, are you good? Like you've just been drinking water all night. And he went like, no, no, this is like full of MD. Oh my God. Whoa. What is MD? I went like, lol.

MDMA ecstasy. Is it ecstasy as well? It is ecstasy, yeah. Yeah. And I was just like laughing like lol mdma ecstasy is it ecstasy yeah yeah and i was just like laughing like lol funny joke but then he kept drinking it and just looking like completely fucking i went like wait is that actually just i didn't know like yeah no bro you can drink it yeah i didn't know you could drink it that's what i was gonna say that's fucking wild i didn't know either and basically he spent the entire night squinting europeans and fucking hard drugs name a better fucking duo it's what's up hey mdma is not okay

it's not that hard but it's still like but he did a lot and after and after like we also did talk about complaining he kept complaining like can somebody fucking open a window? I can't see shit. And I went, bro, you're squinting. And he went, what? And then he opened his eyes and he went, oh. Holy fuck. Oh my God, buddy was fucked up.

And then, okay. This is a side story that then leads to the final punch line uh which is um i because i was just drinking but a lot of people were like smoking weed yeah um i did i did smoke a little bit of weed come on it's amsterdam um but then like i punched the guys because the guys that came from amsterdam were there were like hey um we're gonna go buy coke from a dealer who wants in and i was like it's always coke fuck that and then oh they come back and they're doing it on the fucking like coffee table and i start telling one of my friends like dude i am so fucking tired i went to sleep at 6 a.m and i woke up at 9 to take this fucking bus and it was canceled and that entire road trip just tuckered me out like i might have to sleep soon and it was already like what 5 a.m so very reasonable time

then he turns to me and he goes like no no dude he puts down his drink stop drinking just go do coke because that'll wake you up i mean i'm sure is it up and i'm really drunk i mean i'm really drunk so i go like yeah fuck it whatever so i go over to the table and i have one of my friends who has a problem i have him coach me one of my friends who has a problem i have i have him coach me on how to take it and then i do it and i go like, oh yeah, that wasn't that bad. Yeah, I'm pretty awake right now. And then after I do it, I ask that same guy, because he's one of the guys that owns the apartment. I go, oh, by the way, where am I sleeping?

And he goes, I guess you could take the couch. And I go, this couch? And then I sit down on the couch and I go, damn, this couch is really nice. And I instantly fall asleep. I took Coke and instantly went to bed and because i was so tired and like i had like fucking five different substances in my body i like properly clocked out um and that was at like five six a.m and i was the last person to wake up but you know when you're like really hung over yeah and you're like you're awake but you cannot move oh dude fighting for your fucking life that's awesome i had that happen the day after saint patrick's day i had that

happen like two days ago after i got wide girl trashed so okay fuck where was i yeah and then like i'm just like in the on the fucking couch and i'm fighting for my life i cannot move and i'm just hearing the conversation from like the kitchen and it goes like this dude i'm gonna fucking kill blank i can't believe he did that and And all of them were like, dude, like that is unreal. Like he's, I had never heard of him doing that. And I'm just like, what the fuck is happening? And then the guy that they're talking about shows up and he goes like, dude, I'm so sorry. And he goes, dude, you can't just say I sorry, when you woke up in the middle of the night, went upstairs, and pissed in front of my neighbor's door. No way.

Oh, God. I know, dude. I'm so sorry. I did way too much MD. And he went like, why did you fucking knock on their door after you did it? No. Oh, no. No.

Oh, fuck. So anyway, that was my trip to Amsterdam. Oh, my God. Let's do Patreon questions. Oh, good fucking Lord, dude. Jumba Wamba asks, what are some of the cringiest family members you have? Mine's my sister. She has the worst fucking taste on the planet,

and I know she listens to these, so that's part of the reason why I picked her. I was going to say, you told me yesterday or like two days ago that your sister and my sister listen to the ones that we're on. I was going to say, my sister as well, my younger sister.

My sister's an sister, she has some ideas. I can tell you that. My sister is an angel. I'm saying that to preload my next statement. But boy, is she definitely one of those people that did not get Parasite.

Did she not forget to rent it? No, she watched it. How do you not get it? Oh, Corbin doesn't get it either. Okay, okay. You should. Good movie. It's a great fucking movie. Too much reading.

I was at dinner with my entire family last night because it was my niece's birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you. It's not mine though. Everyone listen to the podcast so she can hear David say happy birthday. She turned one and she was like, I'm a huge fan. You know the niece

or my music? We're all sitting at the table and my brother starts talking about how he was listening to a podcast. It was a podcast about Dude Perfect. Did Dude Perfect have a podcast? They're still around?

Yeah. My little cousin went to one of their concerts or something. A concert? Concert? Yeah, Tyler, the main guy, he was going on a sermon tour where he was just giving his testimony. Huh.

Testament. Testimony. Testimony? So, my whole family starts asking me Do you know who Dude Perfect is And I was like yeah I watched it when I was like 12 And then my brother was like yeah and the guy doing this podcast Who's like some big YouTuber

He's like Corbin Do you know who Mr. Beast is Oh fuck's sake And I was like yeah And so my dad was like what's who's what's what's mr beast like who's what's what's a what's a what's a beast what's a beast and so then i had to sit there for dinner and like for like five minutes was just explaining like different youtubers that toddlers watch and it was horrible it was gotta gotta talk about Bippy or whatever.

Blippi? The guy who shit on his friend's chest. You guys know the... I was like, dad, don't get me started on Dream. Oh, why would you... That's how you... That's what the mask is. Oh my god.

Dude, we should write an Among Us song. Why? No. Ten, your turn. I'm skipping right over that uh i don't know like most of my family's kind of just like they're yeah kind of based yeah um based actually i mean like my my aunt would like babysit me and my sister all the time and uh that cousin was kind of like weird growing up but she's fine now i wouldn't call it cringy anymore well i have a i have a question sonic fan 69 420 asks would you have sex with your clone yes yes yes i was thinking about that last night absolutely

yes so fucking much dude and it would get weird it would get real weird because i when you because i i know i know the line yeah yeah you know line, so you can go fucking hard on the motherfucking pain. It would get really weird. Friend. The amount of pubes I'd leave in my friend's room would be obscene. Wait, do y'all have a line? Of pubes? Corbin just keeps going and he never stops.

No, no, no, no. Okay. I didn't mean like a line like a... a like a how do i just like okay so i have are you talking about a puke line i have a certain thing that if i okay so if you ever meet a clone of yourself what what do you have a line that you say so you know it's a clone what look at it just look at it corbin corbin i was talking about getting weird yeah i was talking about like a line in terms of- Like the line in the sand.

Yeah, like you don't cross this. It's like, I know what that limit is. I don't even got to ask. Let's just fucking go. Yeah, you don't have a, yeah. Oh, no. I'm saying like to know that like I can get like, because what if it's like just either like a doppelganger

or like someone else's conscience. I fuck my doppelganger. That girl that you chased on the bike. No, no, no. So I have like a line that only I know that, so I know if it's an exact copy of my mind as well, that if I say that line, I go, all right, like that's me. Corbin, what's that line?

I promise I won't use it against you. No. I promise I won't have sex with you. Yeah, I promise that I won't have sex with you and then say it halfway through I can change it, I can tell you what it is now okay fine, what is it? we just walk up to each other, stare at each other

and go 1738 Corbin, I would do that if I saw you anyway I have a question, why? what is 1738? it's from a song David, Jesus I'm a... I'm sorry, Wap Beasts.

But we don't do it in tune. I don't think you can say that. I'm going to make it. You either go like 1738 or you go 1738. And then we know. Oh. You can't go 1738. No, that doesn't work.

It's like 1738. Okay. I have a Patreon question, eight. Okay. I have a Patreon question too. Yeah. Yeah, I would definitely fuck my clone's brains out. Yeah. Because you have like, there's like so many things that like your partner will ask. Like, are you into this stuff?

And then you can tell that they think it's weird. So you tell them like, no, no, God, no. Ew. Ew. Ew. No, thank you. I would never do that. But deep inside you're like, oh my God, fuck you, fuck you.

And then you smoke a fat J and then you accidentally end up telling them that, oh yeah. I would never do that, but deep inside you're like, oh my god, fuck you, fuck you. And then you smoke a fat J, and then you accidentally end up telling them that, oh yeah, I'm super into that stuff, and then you're fucking... Like sex? And then she's on your ass for a week. Have y'all ever had sex? No. Before marriage?

I don't have a clone. Before? I was gonna read the one... What's the question? I was gonna read the one from Smaggle that reads, what is your nightmare scenario for meeting a fan of the show? I've lived it. I've lived my nightmare scenario for meeting a fan of the show.

What is it? Because when I was still using Hinge, I matched with someone and then they said they watched my videos. That happened to me. I already talked about it, but that was pretty much the same nightmare scenario. mean somebody on a dating on a gay dating app that was like oh my god i know you and i was like oh fuck no you don't i had a legitimate nightmare where i was um like hooking up with a girl and then she moaned lobby memes into my ear and i just like threw her down and

went how do you know that name? Oh, I thought I would throw up if that happened. A random person just sir me on music. I just woke up so sweaty. I was like, no. Dude, I think I might be into that. If a girl whispered punk talk 007

in my ear, I might cum. But my scariest fan encounter would be if someone just walked up to me and went, 1738, and then walked away. Like, oh, they walk away? Like, they don't even acknowledge what it means to say that to you? Because I don't think I'd have the courage to chase them down. But I would know it was my clone.

You definitely have the courage to chase someone down. I only chase people down on accident. Well, you might do another accident. Who knows? I'd probably follow them. I wouldn't run. What if they started running? Would you run?

I'd probably walk faster. Okay, well. Corbin, you're going to get in trouble. Am I? No. No, you're not. It's legal to chase women. It's my to chase women.

It's my cardio, two hours a day. I don't chase women. I chase a woman consistently. Consistently? You got to get your numbers up. I'm not a stalker. I only stalk one person. David, what's your nightmare scenario?

I mean, I already said it. When I was doing dating apps, it happened. thing happened i lived that um but was it a person that you had threatened to murder it was a girl i i i how i matched with this woman was i threatened to gun her down in the street if i ever saw her that's one of the ones you told me and i was like Ed you can't just say that to women on the internet you actually cannot just randomly say that but he did that's how he broke the ice you know what's really funny the girl I'm talking to now is the one I told

that I was in her walls girls like crazy they do I'm a threat to society I'm gonna be real I don't know if I could even think of one because I'm super threat to society I'm gonna be real I don't know if I could even think of one Because I'm super new to this And I don't have a fan base outside of this

I'm gonna piss my fucking little pants Dude My tiny little micro penis is leaking from piss I need to go He has to pee Hey baby. Yeah, talking to you. With the cute little eyes and the tight little ass. Do you smoke cigarettes?

What the fuck am I saying? We'd like to extend a big thank you to our patrons and give a shout out to the ones that aren't fucking annoying. A big thank you to Matt, Caffeine Addicted Chemist, Senmato, Senmaoto, Senmaoto, Hater115, Handsome Destiny, Loudon Woodworth, DX Studios, That's A Lotta Numbers, WhinyRab, Suicide Show, Beer, Will beer will 94 55 John with a B wait a minute that's a joke I made in the you bitch probably Ethan games major beast jingles the 665th plus one the big gay Matthew Riverhead Shantanu Bhatia Harry Norris Zorro Akar all snake asylum the snacks a That movie fucking sucks. Jade, Generic Phoenix, Inverted Van Man, Ben Chrismanek, Notoriety, Winchester Curse, that movie fucking sucks, Desric Gothroy, Ducky Madness, Teague, Travis Vapes, Boo Paloo,

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