Please Stop Talking - Cops, Robbers & Pepperonis (feat. Kwite) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: August 16, 2024

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Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments, it's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. This winter, take a trip to Tampa on Porter Airlines. Enjoy the warm Tampa Bay temperatures and warm Porter hospitality on your way there. All Porter fares include beer, wine, and snacks and free fast streaming Wi-Fi on planes with no middle seats. And your Tampa Bay vacation

includes good times, relaxation, and great Gulf Coast weather. Visit flyporter.com and actually enjoy economy. Howdy! PSD and its shows are mostly supported by you guys. And actually enjoy economy. in return. All of that stuff helps like you wouldn't believe. Thanks so much for everything, and we hope you enjoyed this episode of Please Stop Talking. pain you can get gas pain from ibs it's like do you have crones i don't i have a friend who does and it's a lot more serious than whatever i got i'm gonna defeat i'm gonna offend you quite i i feel that sometimes you eat a bit too much you get a bit of indigestion fart and then it's like

oh yeah it's especially because i can't burp like oh that's right you can't burp that's right no he can't no that's right we had this conversation at fucking MAGFest because you kept shitting. No, I kept farting really loudly. Difference. You took the biggest shit in my toilet by far. Oh god, that's right. What's weird is you're the second person I know that can't

burp. You're not alone. How does that even happen? I don't know. I just get acid reflux whenever it feels like I might. If you ever hear me speaking and then I trail off and i'm like i get like up there with my throat it's because closed up when you get around to 25 if you ever drink one coffee or two coffee you'll just fucking have acid reflux you'll just start vomiting in your mouth that's just the reality of it i only get acid reflux though bourbon's off the table

and it sounds horrendously fake when I try. So can you not chug beer? No, I can't. What the fuck? I can't chug beer. You've seen me naked in front of you, bro. Oh, you did do it in front of me. You fucking... We shotgunned. I think you said naked in front of me. Naked. Naked. Naked? It's like an Australian slang.

New Zealand Australian slang for drinking beer very fast. Why do I know it, then? Why do you know it, then? I don't fucking know. I know like neck in the bottle. It's when you grab like a handle by the neck and chug it. Take a swig. I only hear it in the context of like liquor. Everybody heard it apparently. Except me. I've

never heard that. Silly Canadian. Silly Quebecky. Hey, hey, hey. What the hell? Can't just go around saying that. Is that actually a thing? No. Okay, okay, hey. What the hell? Can't just go around saying that. Is that actually a thing? No. Okay, okay, okay. It is now.

It is now. You filthy fucking... Whoa! Now it feels wrong. That's why I stopped, because it would have been a slur as soon as I said it like that. You could have said anything after that, and it would have been okay. I love Canadians of all varieties. I really don't like the actual

term for like a canadian canuck yeah oh yeah that sounds dirty it does sound like a slur it sounds it sounds like you're you should say the name of a hockey team it is yes the canucks yeah like that that feels like the equivalent of like what was the racist uh football team redskins yeah it feels it almost feels like that i know it's not but it sounds like it's just icky it's a spiky noise in my mouth yeah it's super weird because in recent years i've heard people say that hoser was a fucking slur and i was like what the fuck hoser take me to church guy hoser like a like a canadian is a hoser i didn't i've never heard that one yeah i i don't know like people started using like a hoser is a stupid canadian is a hoser i didn't i've never heard that one yeah i i don't know like people started

using like a hoser is a stupid canadian or like a moron canadian specifically i don't know but apparently people started using that as a fucking slur like puckhead that one has bite you know what's a really good topic not slurs i was gonna say how long before we someone of us like confuses an actual slur for like, I thought this was like a slur. And then it's the fucking truth. Oh, shit. You know what word's really bad? It's really funny

because I made a whole 10 minute video about slurs last night. Are you fucking serious? Are we having brand synergy right now, guys? Holy moly. And it's out tonight. Whoa. No, it's already out.

Oh, it's already in. Did you put it? Brian, it's on the gameplay leafy commentary channel. But it was basically about how, you know how as a kid we thought curse words went as bad as stupid and shut up being taboo for life? I don't think you could say that. Yeah, when I was a kid, I thought those were hardcore curse words because I bad as like stupid and shut up being taboo for life i don't think you could say that yeah like when i was a kid i thought like those were hardcore curse words like because i would get time out damn was it time out yeah it went in tears for me like when i was able to say stupid and shut up i was like oh that's not so bad and then i eventually was allowed to say crud

that eventually crap and then shit was always out of reach until it wasn't an image of like renaissance painting of you like reaching to the stars to the word shit i was a cruddy little boy i would i would just swear just outright i got in trouble a lot for it oh i i got in trouble then one of the neighborhood kids who absolutely fucking said all the words that I said around them taught me some of them fucking snitched on me to my mom and got me a like my fucking fucking rad. And they said it wasn't even like a malicious thing. They're like, I don't know.

I was bored. So I did it like just on a whim. And I'm like, you fucking prick. I never talked to him again. That's even fucking worse. What the fuck? Kids are a little fucking psychopath. Dude, I did. You know, you know, if they if they grew out of it or are they still fucking awful i don't talk

to them no they they still be telling their mom shit they still be tattling to my mom to this day bro we should be we should be fucking tattling to their mom just link here videos it's always so strange to me how like uh i guess pro clutch-clutchy Americans are about swear words. It's just not the culture at all here. Like, growing up, just, like, even in primary school, like, people were saying, like, fucking shit. It's like... Growing up, like, people in school didn't care. It was just the fucking teachers.

I mean, the teachers, I'm sure the teachers cared as well in your primary school, right? Yeah, sure. They would care. That was more to the extent of it. That was the extent of it, how much people really cared if the students were. None of my friends care now. It might just be an old people thing

or a contextual don't do it if you work a desk job thing. Yeah, but you're also friends with people like us. There's also specific words like where like i i feel like it's just doesn't have the same like connotations for sure in america like like someone thinks i'm a misogynist if i say that shit but like here it's like literally when you i mean when you say that i have to censor it because it's one of those words even though it's okay in australia and new zealand you cannot say it on youtube everybody understands what you mean if you're like oh my gosh that's so like uh but youtube still demonetizes it yeah if i like say

it like that this has created a lot of work for uh billy i was thinking the same thing i was gonna start saying it over and over yeah i was like it's like let's go for it go for it get let's all get it out at everybody harmonize yeah i abstain from that pussy that was ass nothing but straight fucking ass. Pretty sure that is a word for vagina nut. The fucking word I think is the most guttural for vagina is poon. It just feels like it's punchy. It's way worse. I hate gash. The whappy slappy?

Gash is awful. But a gash is like when you get a fucking big ass open wound, right? Yes. Literally, that's what it is damn girl but it's like implying that female genitalia looks like a hatchet wound yes yes it's it's awful it's it's so fucking terrible is there is there a bad one for dick uh i feel like dick is always like dick cock cock member members like that's a very fanfic one like they're they there's let their let's because they like sound and implicate it like sound weird by on their own it's the context

that they definitely belong and really toxic yeah if somebody told me member i think i think i'd be like really embarrassed probably yeah it just sounds really embarrassing if somebody just says it like that you know like i don't i don't want you to talk about members right now we're talking about peanuts my peanuts my peanuts there's like one line zach fox has this one line i'd be in the cut like a tampon like it's so it's like oh this is one of the most this is really embarrassing but it's something that happened to me when i like one time i was um i was with a guy and this is before i got married of course it is because what i'm gonna say is about me having sex with somebody nice cover it was a nice cover yeah i we i'm just always fucking you know how i be

but uh the dude was just um i just remember like i was was going to give me head and he just looked up at me and he just said like, I can't wait to suck your penis. And I was like, you fucking dweeb. Oh, you fucking dweeb. Don't say that. He stood up, just started pointing at him. You fucking loser.eb. Don't say that. He stood up, just started pointing at him. You fucking loser. Don't say penis during sex.

Penis is weird during sex. I don't know. It feels weird. Don't say that. Say dick. Say cock. Not penis. I don't really see the issue. I don't have sex. How do you feel about anus?

Who the fuck is going mmm anus during sex? have sex how do you feel about anus who the fuck is going explicitly sex acts i mean even bunghole like joe dirt Yo, speaking of Joe Dirt. Dude. Oh my God. Dude, we were watching Joe Dirt two days ago and fucking quite cried. He cried in Joe Dirt, dude. Listen, I'm a very emotionally vulnerable person and I moved to tears or at least tearing up very easily. You were moved to tears by Joe Dirt.

It was heartwarming at the end okay related to his life story it was i know i get it i get it but i was gonna defend you quite i'm laughing because it's funny because it's joe dirt but i'm gonna be honest joder kind of slaps i really like this it's kind of really funny like i know it's bad but there's something about the fact that it's so it's so bad and it's so it aged like such shit it becomes hilarious and i know i it's like i know i shouldn't laugh i know it's garbage but holy shit it makes me laugh i disagree some of the gags were just straight up good and no caveats. The fucking weird ass fucking bit with the nuke. I could not stop laughing.

No, Joe Dirt might be art, guys. Actually, you know what? You've just convinced me with that. Joe Dirt is art. It is. Got me laughing like I'm watching it all over again. Yeah. Got me crying like I'm watching it all over again yeah got me crying like i'm watching it all

over again was it like you're you're cry laughing at a joke or or just like it was no no i said it was very emotional joe dirt had a really hard life why are you laughing that's not funny yeah he went through a lot he went through a lot oh man went through a lot. Oh, man. This makes perfect sense to me, but I just looked up Joe Dirt on YouTube, and Theo Vaughn was a podcast highlight, was one of the first things that came up, and I'm like, that's him. Oh, shit. Doesn't David Spade have an actual podcast now with fucking... Yeah, he does.

He talked with... Oh, God, what's his fucking name? The guy who did the Turtle Club movie. Turtleneck for the Turtle Club. Master of Disguise. Yeah, they confirmed years and years later that the 9-11 turtle thing was real. What was the 9-11 turtle thing again?

They filmed the... Are you Turtleneck for the Turtle Club? scene during 9-11 while it was happening. That's like... They basically went up and were like oh no this is a confirmed thing because they couldn't take off the the turtle costume in time to mourn so he just mourned he just mourned in costume that's crazy i mean it that's that's not the the only movie 13 ghosts was also filmed during nine 11 and all everybody in ghost costumes had

to stay in ghost costumes because like, you don't have time to like, you don't go like, oh shit, a terrorist attack happened. I gotta, I gotta get this costume out and then mourn. You're going to have to stay in the costume. Yeah. It's, it's like, it's nine 11. You got more things to worry about than your costume. Yeah, short of it being cumbersome and stopping you from being able to move, like not much to do. Yeah. We've moved past whatever the fuck I thought we would talk about this

episode. I'm curious about something, Corbin. What's up? JA BizTown, why is that in the topics chat? In the topics chat? Yeah, we do. I don't think I can see it. It's not for you yeah sorry yeah sorry buddy you can't see uh the same topics such as chasing paper and women recognized at

best buy and j.a biz down yeah segregation is alive and well in this server thank you very much i'm the only brown person in this server this is a very dangerous territory no you're not oh wait no no no. Julian. Wooly, what the fuck are you talking about? I didn't know Wooly was in here. Wooly is in this chat. Well, I am the only brown person in this call. That's true. Does Wooly have access to the chat? You don't need to know that. That's confidential.

You don't need to know that. Walked into that one. Actually, we're kind of just segregating against you it's kind of selective how we do things around here biracial babies you don't like race mixing I get it yeah that's exactly it actually come on man

it wasn't exactly up to me boss yeah it wasn't up to me to be french canadian but here i am struggling my best life everyone's gotta be special these days that's what i'm saying you and me you and me quite we're we're we're the same french canadian and filipinos yeah don't do that don't put us together ew Jesus don't do that so y'all ever been to J.A. Biztown

yeah J.A. Biztown I've never heard of it y'all don't know what J.A. Biztown is I know Cameron probably doesn't no fuck no it's popular in Asia but not popular in Oceania

yeah Oceania okay it's oh these are them fucking kid cities them fucking yeah they're the kid cities they're the kid cities where kids can go and be adults what oh dude there's a okay they're sick ass i'm looking at images fucking awesome no they're awesome i had when when i was a kid we didn't have jay biz town or the other one like what what was the other one it was jay there were like two big ones in the u.s it was like jay biz town yeah that was like more centered around education and then there was one that was just an amusement park it might have been kid city is this just pretend you're a wage slave for a 12 year old yeah but it's way more fun because because you can

you actually get money and pay up for things what was your job bill i was okay so mine was different because instead of doing like mine was more like an amusement park it wasn't actually a jay biz town or whatever it was all like invented stuff it was a wild west town what yeah it was cool as fuck it was outdoors it was a tiny it was a little town and i was a i was a bartender and i would serve juice to the patrons which the patrons were all were just kids that were like different type like they would do different things so they they would do blacksmithing, which was an actual blacksmithing because, you know, you're not going to give a forge to a kid. Just, yeah.

Back in my day, we took apprenticeships at 13, but that's whatever. There were also, some of the kids were also like outlaws. Like they were given outlaw cards and they would do stick ups and then they were, it was cool as fuck, man. It was so. I am so fucking jealous. It was one of the coolest things I've ever done as a kid. And it like, it was cool as fuck man it was so i am so fucking jealous it was one of the coolest things i've ever done as a kid and it like it was so cool i i remember that day almost perfectly even though i was maybe like fucking eight like just a tiny fucking baby kid it was

awesome okay well i thought my day was awesome yo i'm sure yours was awesome too you want to know what my job was? What was your job? I was a fucking meter reader for an electric company. Oh my, what the fuck? And I got paid minimum wage. Wait, you had a different wage? Yes, yes.

So how'd they do it? That's not how they did it. For us, it was everybody got the same thing because otherwise, because yours is educational. Is this just child labor? Yes. so how they do it that's not how they did it at for us everybody got the same thing because otherwise because yours is educational child labor yes no no it's fake it's not real money but i mean children are still working you can buy a slice of pizza with your fake money they make you how we did it is you have to take like one of those dream career yeah or whatever oh yeah aptitude test sure hey kid what's your aptitudes bro yeah i got a fucking meter reader

he had been dumb as shit and broke apparently nothing changed nothing changed you got the short end of the stick they went he needs practice living on minimum wage he's gonna have to get used to this they have like you get money and there's an actual shop and at the time everyone was like getting phones and i had all older siblings that went through it all because we do it through school yeah because jay biz town was like an initiative for kids to learn like monetary value and shit yeah yeah my sister had told me that there was a phone there in one of the stores like one of the stores was a phone store and you could buy a phone i was like i don't have a fucking phone i fucking need like this is my chance this

is how i afford a phone this is how i buy one and so on the aptitude test i was like i fucking love numbers because i'm like i'm gonna be a banker bankers they have all the money and so i i took the aptitude test and it was like yeah you're gonna you're gonna read meters we're not trusting you with the money so i find out that it's like we get there i'm getting paid minimum wage the phone is like 200 and i'm like if i don't spend any of my money i still cannot afford this phone what yeah damn so realistic which caused me to what would be considered um embezzling and so in ours as well there is like a full banking system there is a president and there are police officers oh and like stop you're

fucking kidding there no fucking way there were kid cops kid cops that could actually put you in jail oh my god a cab includes kid cops at jay it's so true you should have unionized that's fucking power went to their fucking head they were arresting kids left and right oh it's so realistic i mean if you give any kid power they going to abuse it because they're a fucking kid. Yeah, I abused what little power I had because I would go to all of the stores and read their meter and tell them how much they owed. But nobody else knew how to decipher the meter. And so I'd be like, you owe me $500. And they're kids.

And they're like like that's reasonable and so they would give me the money oh shit i had a friend who actually got the position of banker i would go and cash the company check he would give me cash and i would return the correct amount to the company and so i was sitting on hordes of cash that came from thin air, essentially. Corbin. Yeah? Do you want to start an electric meter reading company with me? Just on a side note.

You guys want to start a little company after this? What are you guys doing after this? I went full-on white-collar crime mode. That's awesome. No, that's blue-collar crime, bro. You're a fucking meter reader. I feel like embezzlement is a white collar crime yeah but like the way you were doing it was cool so you were like robin hood the way you were robbing these folks no i really really we had to start we had too much cash and so like my two best friends one of them the banker we had to start

hiding the money and then they were like okay now we're gonna balance checkbooks and these companies were balancing their fucking sheets and they're like hey we're we're missing a shit ton of money oh shit they weren't smart enough to figure out where it was coming from but it was like because they were money was now hot and we had to fucking cool it down it was was a- You started money laundering? We had to start money laundering. We were doing under the table sales of random things. So we'd have to, I couldn't just go and get the phone because I was like, they know I don't have $200 because it's impossible for me to have made $200.

That's going to draw too much attention. So we bought smaller items from the shop and we bought them out. And then we'd start reselling them for more because we hoarded the supply we were really fucking bad kids jesus christ how did i not turn out and be a villain this is amazing because this is like clearly a program designed to like you know indoctrinate kids into loving capitalism and shit like that and then you just literally like took advantage of all of the systems in place to show how fucking stupid it is i mean it is literally the circumstances of capitalism pushed him to cry that's crazy the thing is it's not that crazy because defunct land did an epi an episode talking about how these kid cities work and apparently kids turning to crime because of kid cities

is like it happens a lot so you are not the only one that would abuse what little power you got because apparently it was a huge problem that's insane that's fucking amazing the thing is kids are just doing what adults are to chicken shit

no they're not fucking adults do that shit all the time what do you mean embezzlement's like it happens all the fucking time overcharging as well is embezzlement just like the most popular crime what's the most popular crime uh probably littering jaywalking most popular property crime in the u.s is much more common than violent crime drug use those are lame um that which is fucking base to be fair uh the girl reading this you so fine it's a crime every election year i have a joke ready to go on election night but it's so fucking it works this year i can say who am i voting for the girl reading this and i just have to

hope kamala har Harris follows me. Everyone, put your political takes in the comments right now. I'll respond to all of them. Yeah, we'll respond to all of them. With my personal opinion that you can hold me to. Everything I put in the comment section of YouTube channels, I am liable to. Oh god, I don't want...

I am liable to. I ended up getting the phone did you yeah i did did you ever get found out no i was never caught this is i'm pretty sure the statute of limitation is up yeah yeah yeah well bj biztown doesn't exist anymore so i mean what'd you do with that i actually i actually did just search it up the one one in my hometown is still open. You're fucked. I'm calling you, dude. John Anthony Biztown is coming for my ass. He's closing in. John Anthony Biztown.

Dude, one thing. Is that what it was? What's JA stand for? Junior Achievement. Junior Achievement. Yeah, because Junior Achievement were a company that did teaching shit. One thing that you can apparently do at these that I actually kind of want to try is you can rent them out after hours and like as adults

and go there and drink. It sounds really fun. You feel like a gargantuan? Yeah, like you'll feel gargantuan but you can like play fucking kiddie job because simulating menial labor is more fun than menial labor. 100% of course. I mean to be fair all those fucking little

kid towns man, they weren't going to make you do actual work, so it's all like play work. And play work is awesome because it's play. No, we were doing actual work. What the fuck? You think I didn't go and read those meters? I read them, but just lied about it. Yeah, but reading

a meter is like, that's not a job. That's literally a job. What do you mean? That's not a job. Reading a meter, anybody, I's not a job. That's literally a job. What do you mean? That's not a job. Reading a meter. Anybody. I fucking look at the temperature sometimes and I'm like, damn, I guess it's fucking 28 degrees. Anyone can do it, Billy. Then why was I the sole person tasked for my aptitude test to be?

I was chosen. Oh, my God. I was chosen. I don't know what to tell you, man. Like the third biggest city. Proving in real time that fucking the full-out shelters are like actually real like yeah people would just fucking love their shit if they got chosen for it my special score the reason i really want to like rent out one of these places like

with like some people maybe you guys i would fucking love that it's because like do you remember like the weekend i said i got to mosh to the living tombstone fnaf song yes so like you fucking animal but like the day before they had a vip party and the venue was at a fucking kids like play museum no way there were drakes it was really fucking good it's i mean that shit like that is so silly it's fun man adults got let's no more bars for this guy. I'm going to J-Biz town. I'm getting wasted at J-Biz town. Getting arrested for drunk driving around the J-Biz town by my drunk also friends.

You're like a little tank. Because no adult is going to fucking work at Papa John's and not like steal from the cash register when nobody's looking. Oh my god. You're doing a robbery. I'd do that. Robbery roleplay in the J Biztown. It's cops and robbers. Let's play cops and robbers and Papa John's and police.

The three genders. Holy fuck. Cops, robbers, and pepperoni. Oh dude, I fucking, I love, and pepperoni. Oh, dude. I fucking, I love kid cities. They should make adult cities. Why is anyone doing that? If kid cities are so great, then why don't they have them for adults? Yeah.

Like, it's like fake. It's like fake. It's like a fake city. So you can pretend you're like, I don't know, a veterinarian. I was going to say a veteran. Like, just go into a... I'm going to... Oh, dude, I want to go to J-Biz... J-BizTown

and pretend to be a veteran. I go everywhere. I'm like, can I get the vet discount? I funded the BizTown wars. Stone Bower and J-BizTown. Corbin comes around to read my meter. Hey, man, you put it on the

discount on that shit. What's going on? I did have to give out discounts because someone got suspicious and so I started lowering their rates. Oh my god. You're like the fucking inside guy and like paying game. How many fucking

meters are there? There was a lot. There was a bunch of like stores there and shops and like radio stations all that shit it wasn't a radio station but we had a saloon and the we had like somebody because kids don't know how to play the piano so we had like an upright piano that would play in parentheses music but in in actuality was like a cd and then they would like have a little microphone to talk they were awful that kid was an awful radio host i would not hire them well unfortunately

too the phone was uh not a real phone oh what was it it was just a paper screen it looked like a real phone it was like a display phone that you'd have like you'd see at verizon in the old days like it was like a flip phone and the screen was was paper. And it was behind glass, so I never knew. See, I thought it would be one of those phones that has water in it and hoops, and you can press, and the air bubbles would push up the loot. No, it looked real. Do you know what I'm talking about? I know exactly what you're talking about.

But it looked like a real phone, and it was priced so high that I was like, it's got to be real. And it was behind a little glass case like a chucky cheese two hundred dollars that's like a shitty phone right like a real crap yeah this is back in like flip phone day this is also like a time when phones didn't cost like fucking five thousand dollars yeah exactly did anyone else get it get pinned on like the fucking where all the money was going? Like, how did they just not resolve that? They were just like, oh, it's well, I guess we were missing a bunch of money. Stupid kids.

No, the police just started arresting everyone. And they never caught the real guy in many such cases. Oh, I see. I just imagine you just, like, standing by, like, with, like, a fucking sly grin as, like, the fucking cashier gets arrested for apparently like stealing money from the fucking from the cash register it wasn't it wasn't martial law but it was pretty close so all right there's got to be adults there's like peaches there right like yeah and so yeah yeah of course there are there's teachers and there's like people that work at the yeah but they try to turn us all against each other because like so there's the radio station whoa whoa so there's there's a

radio station right and they they play the music they they stopped allowing music to be played at the radio station and so that made the dj host pissed off because like i can't play music and they're like well then find out who's stealing all this money. What? So, oh, he got a fucking upgrade. He went from DJ to fucking detective. Yes. But it was less of like he was a detective and more of like he was a DJ who just lost his job and was trying to find out the reason. And so they banned music, candy, skipping. Skipping?

Anything that resembled joy, essentially. And the cops just were like that walk was suspicious get in jail that walk was suspicious hey no skip stop i'm not joking we were hiding from the cops it was like don't get near the cops like stay away because they can just throw you in jail for no matter what kids are surprisingly like adults sometimes. I would say... At least they weren't discriminating, it seems like. Oh, wait, no, you didn't get arrested. Hold up. Wait, what?

What did all the kids think of? Wait, hold on. I walked by whistling, Good evening, officer. Lovely day. As my pockets have suspiciously money-sized bulges coming out of them. Suspicious money bulge. This is a good time, though.

Never got caught. Fake phone. My new mission is to break into the JA biz town and steal all the money. All the fake money. And they show up in the morning, all the cash registers are empty. I strike again.

Howdy. This episode of Please Stop Talking is sponsored by ASUS ROG's new handheld console, the ROG Ally X. Earlier this month I was bedridden for a few days and this beast of a handheld came in clutch. I set up my little pillow fort, all my favorite Monster Hunter plushies around me, cats biting at my feet under the blankets, and through the sneezing and wheezing, oh baby I was gaming.

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handheld and are interested in grabbing one for yourself, check out rog.gg slash psdpodcast. That's rog.gg slash psdpodcast. And now, back to the show. I've got getting recognized at Best Buy, which was incredibly uncomfortable.

Do you mean like recognized as... That's the thing, I don't know. What did they say? I don't think so i was just checking out and they asked for your phone number yes you gave it to them i presume i i gave them my phone number and the woman behind the cash register just looks up at me and goes you're corbin and i was like yeah that's what it says on the number pad like confirm and she's like no i like i've heard so many stories about you and then proceeds to tell me

the story about the man who made me pray in the middle of best buy she told me the entire podcast story and i'm like i don't this is so uncomfortable i don't know who you are and like i think she just heard about it from the best buy employees because she works i think so i think so but at the time i i'm gonna be honest i hope so because otherwise that's weird as shit i was i've never been more uncomfortable than like having someone hold my item that i'm trying to buy and then tell me a story about my life and i'm like have you just given them your phone number my phone number my address all that stuff and she's just telling me a story of my life and i'm like all of yeah that that happened right there can i leave the one time it happened to me i i think it

was in a voice call and i i didn't really know the per of course i didn't know the person first time i met them but they just told me about like oh i really like that story you told about the i don't remember i think they were talking about the shower door story and i was like oh yeah the time that happened and then he was like that is not how it happened and then he told me my story back to me like almost verbatim but that one detail was wrong and i i was like that's not how that happened and he was like no that is how you said it happened and i was like what the fuck is happening leave me alone i don't want to be here right now what the fuck it was dude it's weird as shit julian also got recognized at that best buy and it was a lot of fun because oh god i know everyone at that best buy like i know all

the managers and stuff and so i just was like planning out ways to fuck with this person i like texted the manager and i was like okay can you can you call uh that person into the office and be like hey so um youtube just reached out to us and they're saying that you're harassing one of their creators oh my god that's such a good bit that poor dude must have been pissing himself did they ever find out the truth yeah i'm pretty sure it was immediately made obvious uh oh i like to think that they actually believed it and they're still horrified yeah they believed that john youtube called them jonathan youtube of the youtube company holy shit went in there like three days later and uh i saw that person and they didn't know who i was so i kept telling them that i was

the um district manager's son what are you doing poor dude i know i fuck with everyone i don't know at best by super super hard because it's really really funny because I know a bunch of people there. And so they'll wave to me. They'll be like, oh, hey, Corbin. And they'll be like, oh, how do you know that person? I'm like, oh, I'm the general manager's son or something. Dude, you're running unethical psychological experiments at that fucking Best Buy, dude. It's like the rat utopia experiment, but for Best Buy employees.

There's also pictures of me all over that Best Buy. What the fuck? You're like a legend there. What? Physical pictures or just pictures taken of you there? There's physical pictures. There's drawings. Where are they put?

A lot of different places. There's some that are behind the cash registers. There's a drawing of me with a crown that's just hoisted above the computer section i don't know how much you're fucking with me corbin do you know who put them there i i know he's not faking that's the problem i put them there you put them they kept them there yeah just in case i told him if i ever came back and they were taken down i'd be very upset they're horrified do you like go back and check you're down, I'd be very upset. They're horrified. Do you, like, go back and check? You're, like, just making sure.

Of course he does. Of course he does. He just said so. I go to Best Buy all the time. Anytime I'm buying electronics. You have probably boosted the fucking, like, morale of that location for the people in the know, like, severely. Yeah, but the people who don't know are, like, genuinely horrified. The funny thing about this is in, like, five years' time when, like, all of the people who worked with you don't work are like genuinely horrifying the funny thing about this is in like five years time when

like all of the people who worked with you don't work there anymore there's still probably going to be photos of you up everywhere and nobody's going to have any context like what is what is that i don't know we just can't take it down like the old like the people you know are going to pass it down like and it's going to warp and morph over time into something completely unrecognizable like you're just going to be on fucking little cryptid that used to be around there it's going to warp and morph over time into something completely unrecognizable. Like, you're just going to be a fucking little cryptid that used to be around there. It's like the fucking, have you seen this man in your dreams shit. Oh my god. I want to return when I'm 80 and just, like, stand by the photos.

If they took, if you're 80, okay, role you are 80 you get there you're buying an hdmi five because we're at the fifth edition cable and then you look down your picture is not there anymore but there is a picture frame shaped uh spot like a dust mark yeah just a dust mark what do you tell the what do you do do you i i know i i i slowly move close and grab their shirt and bring them in and go do you have a stapler you grab you grab them like close enough for a kiss oh like like i'm in like they can feel my breath but like uh but like threatening okay their heartbeat will be like your heartbeat will be in sync with theirs. They'll be able to feel it. They don't know whether to be afraid

or just afraid. And they don't know how to react, so they'll just go I do. I'm going to need to borrow that stapler. Okay, sir. They give you the stapler. I grab the stapler. I pull the pin out of my pocket protector.

Out of the hand grenade that you put in your fucking pocket before coming i uh i then doodle a picture of myself on a piece of paper that i grab off the desk i then look at the dust mark on the wall and i hold up my drawing and then i hold it up in front of their face and i staple it to their forehead damn damn yeah that was hurt okay can i try uh role playing as 80 year old corbin just like for a quick second oh oh do you okay okay i have an idea quite your corbin cameron you're the best buy employee go scene hey welcome to best buy how can i help you hey i'm corbin and i'm 80 years old oh nice to meet you corbin. Would you be interested in a Best Buy membership? No, I'm Corbin

and I'm 80 years old. Hi, Corbin. Did you need help? No. I'm 80 years old. Also, you have all my address already, so we're good. Okay. Did you buy anything? What am I doing? You're just there?

This is surprisingly accurate to actual Corbin. This is very strange. This feels realistic. I don't like it. This is actual what happens when Corbin goes to Best Buy. There's no way no human ever buys that many electronics.

It's like how fucking suburbanites in the Midwest go to Walmart for fun because there's nothing to do you just fuck with this best buy because there is lack of anything better yeah that's there's not much to do in this town yeah what the fuck else are you gonna damn that is fucking brutal the only way you can get by is by fucking like messing with people making minimum wage no dude i remember i used to go to the my local best buy all the time just to use the vr fucking demo like i didn't get anything i just bring my friend there and like we just fuck around and

look at computers because that's fair that thing's gonna be a fucking hub of just like bacteria there's i used to do the same thing actually with um our local game store like back when game stores that weren't game stop still existed some do some do i i don't want the fucking comments you could try out any game you wanted to buy before that's sick buying it wait really i know yeah yeah so what i would do as a kid i would go there and pretend i was interested in buying a game and just play it for an hour and then they'd be like hey you've been here for a while you're gonna buy the fucking game and i'd be like i'm not sure yet give me another i would love a speed runner going to that store this game fucking stinks i already beat it and they're like what the fuck how'd you

do that dude it was like i remember like tracking the progress of a save file on spyro like when they had the game cubes in mcdonald's oh. Yeah. They had Pikmin, dude. Ours had Pikmin 1. Yeah. Somebody actually beat the game eventually. Really? That sucks. You should find them. Find them or find them for taking away my good time? Find them with a D. And once you find them, God knows, do what you want with them. The Lord's the only one that's going to be watching when i do it i'll be watching from the raptors that true that true ours was fucking pikmin which is probably the worst fucking game to put in a fucking one of those like little

display things but you don't have enough fucking time to as a kid you don't even understand pikmin you don't have the time to understand the strategies going around in pikmin do you know how many decisions you have to do puzzle solvinguzzle solving, RTSing, fucking flower picking. That's too much for a kid. You can't go through that in one happy meal. I was thinking the same thing because did you ever go to Cool Cuts for kids? No, but we had something similar.

I think I know what it is. Isn't Cool Cuts like just one of those places where you had like a TV, Gamecube whatever nintendo 64 it's basically the ja biz town of haircuts so the kids are the hairdressers let him go to town no you're gonna play video games while you're getting your haircut yeah i feel so bad for the hairdressers they're like not only did that to deal with cutting children's hair but they have to watch them just play Mario and run into the same brick wall 70 times in a row.

Oh my God. I would fucking lose it. I'd be like, kid, give me the fucking controller. Jesus Christ. Wave dash. He's playing Smash. Wave dash, you dumb fuck. I can't stand it anymore.

Quit spamming down b get them on the fucking counter-strike lobby oh fuck they really should start putting like gaming pcs in dentist's office fucking give them a steam library dude they have a fucking tv on the screen on the ceiling of my dentist's office so like when you're like oh yeah they had that when i was a kid fucking when i got my um wisdom teeth out the guy just put on uh was it secret invasion was that the marvel tv show dude i was secret invasion i was like this fucking shit sucks and then i like a taste of the fucking teeth is my worst day oh i know it's so dude oh i can't imagine watching secret invasion hearing your tooth like crackling

and then you eat the duck no you don't have to i i did not want to be awake for that shit no they just i did not want to be under for that shit so i did the opposite i was just awake i don't like being under i don't feel good about that they they they they prefer it when you're awake because if there is something wrong then you'll know and be able to tell them uh whereas like if you're out then it's like they have no idea if they've just like fucking killed you um for me it's like i don't want to be feeling something going wrong i just want to die oh well you know what i don't want to live with the consequences of however they fucked up you don't fear death because you're asleep i go the same route every time i go to sleep i flip a coin mine was during christmas time and we didn't have it they didn't have a tv so they just fucking

i was just pumped full of whatever the hell sedative they they gave you and it tasted like fucking just so gross man and i she we were just talking while i couldn't move my mouth because she thought it was funny and i could and then when she was like oh you want to sing a song and i was like yeah and she put on the radio and there were christmas songs and i was like, and she put on the radio and there were Christmas songs and I was like, and then she was clapping and going, yes, white boy, yes. I thought,

I remember I thought it would be funny to try and count until I fell asleep when I was like getting put under. I think I remember getting around to like 50

and everything beyond that in God's hands. Wait, really? When I was, so I got put under for, like I had appendicitis and they got me to count down they're like all right start counting down and i went one two and i woke up and i was like what the fuck that's how my surgery was i thought they always make you count

down so that they know when you're out yeah yeah i think that might have been what it was i just thought it was my own idea yeah yeah you're the 50? That's fucking baller. 50 is very long. I don't know. I don't... Dude, I was... I'm probably wrong. I was fucking under laughing gas.

I'm just, like, picking a number right now. Give one to 50. Everybody in the room clapped. They were like, no fucking way. You did so good. You skipped 48 numbers no way i do have a much funnier like actually true um like emergency room story like do you remember like when i uh accidentally almost cut off my finger yeah vaguely so i was stabbing the cardboard cut out of richard nixon

knife folds i have to go to get stitches the next day um and the i did such a shit job wrapping getting the peeling the adhesive off hurt way more than getting like a third through my finger but the funny bit was was after it was like the area was numbed it wasn't bleeding but you could just like see the gash open and i asked if i could record a video of them like puppeting it while like making it talk one of the doctors like started puppeting it like and laughing while talking stop are you serious yeah oh my god that was probably one of the more fun days at the office for them that's so fucking funny dude i can't post that vid anywhere i just did it for me i mean i don't know put it on uh put it on lively funniest live league video of all time probably i don't know i don't i haven't checked in a while

same i don't usually go on fucking lively bro the er is so fun because you're either gonna get somebody who's fucking just wants to have fun because of how horrible that job is and how depressing it can get or you're gonna get somebody who is just not down for your clown i would not consider the er a fun place yeah that's why when you get a fun person you have fun this was like peak covid so people were just like dicks to healthcare workers in general around the time wait i thought everybody clapped for them in new york well it's like people thought like they were like evil anti-vaxxers and shit or like evil vaccine cultists i just want to say i'm an anti-vaxxer i don't know what they're talking about the earth is flat really angling for that spotify contract billy jesus christ i'm trying man

like fuck do you know how much money we could make we could buy a whole other host literally create a host yeah ai host next guy that's what i'm actually another thing people didn't know about this podcast we're a pro this is very true and real and based anti-creatives anti-art pro ai now keep going anti-pepto-bismol i don't fuck with that it gives me it gives me bubble gut and i don't like it isn't that the the point? Pro Shadow the Hedgehog. Oh, I don't know if I can stand with that last one. Incredibly fucking based. Incredibly.

You know what? I was not with you until you said Shadow the Hedgehog, and then I understood, and now I am with you. Now I blindly follow. Now I'm anti-vaxxer, bro. Next guest is Gronk, the Twitter AI. So Patreon questions. anti-vaxxer bro next guest is uh gronk the twitter ai so patreon questions if you're part of the five dollars and above tiers on our patreon you can ask a question for this part of the podcast that

was the question and i was so confused aldax asks kind of elaborating on the last episode but what movie truly scared you as a kid but now as an adult you can see it was not really that scary crank crank i was horrified because of the one do you guys remember and i think it's crank too high voltage they're on the top of a building and there are girls in like weird pods and they're like doing sexy dancing i have no idea what crank is crank is a fucking banger it's one of the best action movies ever it's so funny i don't know if i would say it's good but i would say it's a fucking fun ass movie but i was scared because when i was a kid i went downstairs at a friend's house while i was staying his brother i don't know who else his dad they were watching crank 2 and in crank 2 there are women in like these

spheres that are like glass and they're like doing sexy dancing and then there's a shootout and all i could remember is these the women in those like dancing bubbles were horrified because other girls in they couldn't leave the bubbles but there was a shootout and some of them literally got like shot and there was blood all over the fucking spheres and as a kid i was like oh my god that's horrific but then i learned that actually it's best and awesome crank two hyper crank is freaking sweet so um spider-man three oh shit i remember i was like scared of the venom symbiote taking over me and like fucking just fucking my shit up and i all i was scared of the omnitrix for the same reason uh now i think the venom scenario is hot fucking i knew it i fucking

knew you were gonna say that you fucking asshole i knew you were gonna be like i want to get symbiotic carnage is cool and awesome dude all right what's cooler venom or carnage because i think it's carnage carnage is fucking red and black and that's the coolest call carnage is cooler but the relationship that i'm has is more ideal and healthy i didn't know we were talking about like romantic wise well i mean like i would rather like be in the position of a venom than a carnage because you know like fucked up and toxic failed yaoi um but like venom is like cool and loving you're so you but also you're so true eminem didn't make a song about carnage so little sims did not either for me it was uh dead silence do you guys know that movie i like

that movie it has the cool puppet that's what i was gonna say man i watched that when i was like i want to say 11 or 12 uh like oh that was kind of young hotel room yeah no definitely yeah i think it was just on like late night tv while i was traveling and so just like put it on and i was like i was like oh what's this that's a crazy movie to put on late night tv yeah big spoilers there's like this guy was back carved out and it turns out he's a puppet and uh it it it freaked me out so much when i was a kid that like i woke up the next morning and i was like reaching for my back to make sure that i wasn't like a puppet you weren't a puppet oh my god i didn't get puppified while i was asleep true trauma that was true

trauma and like holy shit and like i was like uh i was like thinking about it like a few months ago and i like looked up the scene i was like man how bad was it and i watched her i'm like oh this looks like it's really not it's not like it's like damn this is like nothing this movie fucking blows it's a it's like a an old ass movie dude it's like 2001 isn't it no no 2007 i'm looking at it now it's uh 2007 really it doesn't look like a 2007 movie i always thought it came out close to saw one james was like yeah james one made it yeah james yeah there's a billy the puppet reference in that movie because of all the puppet stuff that makes sense yeah yeah it's james one and leigh wannell i always thought the plane hits the hit the towers and uh he couldn't take off the puppet costume that's the story i heard you joke

but this is not a joke saw one happens one day before 9 11 when you like i i don't know if when did saw one come out now i need to check because i know for a fact that it happens on september the the events of the movie happen on september 10th it's a fucked up soul trap that's ominous as hell it came out in 2004 so i feel like it's a bit if it is it's a very funny i i was afraid of uh the little mermaid because how they breathe down there what do you mean i just freaked me out man i feel like they need to come up for air oh you're oh you're for real it freaked you out because of that i didn't like the fact that they were underwater i was concerned for their well-being

that's real i was also terrified of uh the bridge to terabithia but i think that was just because i was really sad every kid fucked up rope swings for the Marissa My Life. That's a good movie to know if your kid is going to become like a psychopath. If they don't cry at that or if they don't like get a bit you know, shooketh by that they might be fucked. Nah, it can be fucking nightmares. I was also at the

age where like I don't think I was really following plots very well because I was just like it just kind of happened and you were like oh fuck it was just happy happy happy happy what the fuck where'd that girl go I also feel like it's like some kids first experience with like

understanding diff and stuff like that that it's just like it could really fuck you up it just hit me and I was like what the fuck I can die I was into that shit mortality yeah I was like oh fuck the fuck? I can die. I was into that shit. Mortality? Yeah, I was like, oh, fuck. I ain't gonna deal with this forever. That's a relief. Jesus Christ, man.

What the fuck? Is there not comfort in nihilism? Too far. Did you not fucking read the room? Can't read. Autism. Next question. Next question. What gives you the right? Oh, fuck.

Matt Kingos asks, what prompted the redesign of the avatars? Is this something you'll be doing every season? This is directly at you, Billy, I assume. Yes. I got this. Yeah, so basically... I mean, that's literally it like yeah that's it like we oh well probably not every season i'm gonna be honest like seasons are seasons of this fucking show are so like

loose in their definition i think nebulous how i used to do seasons for this show is like oh we have a new a new person joins the joins the the permanent hosts so this is a new season but now i don't see what the point of seasons are but i still do them because i already said i would do them so now i'm kind of stuck doing them cataloging like i guess i mean i guess it's easier to find specific things it's also just fun like just to have like a fucking refresh and like have different art and stuff yeah i mean that that was the big part was just i was i i mean i never i i don't know about you guys but i never liked the older i like i liked it for a bit the minimalism thing but i'd never really thought it fit and that was the joke at first it was like oh it's a look at how serious and minimalist please stop talking is but then i i like it's

been it's been years it's been like five years when we did the redesign and i was just like i don't want to keep the fucking redesign it's been five years it had been five years when the redesign happened. Fuck. I do really also like the rebrand. I like the rebrand more just because it makes more sense with the vibe that we have. We're more chaotic. No.

We're more chaotic. We're more like cartoony people than we are serious corporate minimalist types. It has been unwoke. This is a very serious podcast. People call it a think tank. Yeah. We're the JP Morgan of podcasts. Please stop

talking and listen. Just like when you watch Joe Dirt, you don't watch Joe Dirt, you listen. You inhale. Get that dirt in your mouth. The Frost Ace asks, everyone is separated into different rooms with only a red button. If you press the button, all the other hosts will die

and you get $10 million. If you can wait... Can I finish the fucking question? I'm sorry! What do you think, that's it? You're just putting a room and the red button kills everyone? Because you would press it immediately if it did. If you can wait an hour without pressing the button,

no one dies and the money is split between you all who presses the button first great phrasing of that and how long does it take them because i like how this person immediately assumed someone's gonna hit it they're not gonna wait an hour are we are we talking about a cartoony scenario or a real scenario because i'm gonna be honest if this really happened i don't think a single one of us would yeah i'm getting 10 million that's awesome yeah if anybody genuinely did that i i would be in heaven looking down and be like what the fuck man and and i would go to heaven motherfucker yeah no that would i would break me up that would break me up like i would be i would be like man what the fuck i would not i would have never pressed it like there is not a single moment in my fucking life

where i would have pressed that button never would have considered it if anybody did it no matter who you're on my shit i'm haunting your fucking ass good thing i don't believe in ghosts let me tell you a story that might bring you some worry. There was one time I was locked in a room. No, I'm kidding. There was a button. Let me tell you what happened in my last friend group. I was on a different podcast before this, actually.

We Stopped Talking used to have an old cast you didn't know about. Yeah, why do you think I stopped talking? Where I work, there is a giant, big, red button on the wall. And like, my very first day, I asked the boss, what is that button and can I press it? And she said,

nobody here knows what that button does. Do not press that button. I made it like a month. You're a scientist. A month? We only need to last 10 hours. Perfect. What do nothing the button leads nowhere that's so disappointing well the thing is if somebody told you it would kill people would you do would you have pressed it corbin one day you're just gonna show up to be a spy and it's just gonna be a crater and i want you to know it's gonna be a crater and in the middle of a crater it's gonna be your little picture right

no just a singular red button just see billy the thing is that button could have been anything i didn't know worst case you would have called like fucking emergency services that's like you know it's fine yeah i know that's why so the first time i hit it because i do it a lot now you do it a lot every time you're there every time you go there you press the button oh it's actually really fun because uh every i've worked here like longer than anyone else and so anytime there's a new employee i'm the only one that knows the button doesn't lead to anything and so i get a fuck with them really hard and i'm just like oh yeah this is like if you're ever in an emergency situation make sure you hit this button and then they'll be like okay does it call the police and i go yeah watch and then i hit the button really hard you're such an asshole and then i obviously tell them the button leads to

nothing you know corbin what i'd do is like i'd hit the button really hard and just like look them dead in the face and be like why did you do that oh my god i have to wait until someone quits now and i that is you have to do that do that. You have to do that to somebody. That would literally destroy them. But the first time I did it, I like fake leaned against the wall and tried to make it look like I accidentally hit the button. So in case like the police came,

I could be like, I was just leaning against the wall and it was an accident. And then the police never showed up. So I tried it again and nothing happened. So now you just keep doing it. Oh my God, you're the worst yep it's fun quite just said he's gotta pee he's peeing when he gets back i'm gonna go piss you know what when he gets back i'm also gonna go piss i gotta go piss really bad i i do have

to pee can we oh god we got the old hands can we like can we can we go piss i'm already being yeah we'll be back like next month yeah yeah once i finish pissing yeah once i finish pissing we'll be back like next month. Yeah. Yeah, once I finish pissing. Yeah, once I finish pissing, we'll be back. Okay? Is that okay with you, listener? Okay, everybody, pee break now. Peeing. Hey, thanks so much for listening. This episode would not have been possible without the help from our patrons,

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