Please Stop Talking - Dirt Mountain (feat. Mikasacus) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: May 17, 2019

Cheese is rice. Support the podcast and David on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Humble Bundle Monthly: http://humble.pleasestopshopping.com/ Humble Bundle: https://www.humblebundle.com/?partner=pstpodcast/ Join the PST Discord server!: https://discord.gg/YNqTT65 Links: Avery - https://twitter.com/ShammyTV David - https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Ed - https://twitter.com/PunkDuck_ Mika - https://twitter.com/Mikasacus Podcast - https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Podcast also available on Spotify, iTunes, and SoundCloud! iTunes: https://goo.gl/X1C3nG Spotify: https://goo.gl/fdVg9V Soundcloud: https://goo.gl/i1zNgC Art by Madbuns: Twitter - https://twitter.com/mad_buns DA - https://madbuns.deviantart.com Other links: David's Spotify - https://spoti.fi/2gAtGSJ #ComedyPodcast #PleaseStopTalking #SummerCampStories Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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welcome to the podcast what the shit i was gonna do it imagine being in fucking meek spot what it just fucking started and he doesn't even know yet what i got i got cuck. I got intro cucked. Yeah, sorry about it. See, that's called taking charge. We're not keeping that in. I don't know why you even said that because there was zero chance that we were going to keep that in.

I know. Hey, we're not... Oh, that's a bad chord. That was awful. Can we just have David do it? No, it's perfect. No, let Ed do it. I can't do it because my instrument...

Can we each... Hey, look, I have a guitar. Guys, I'm trying to work here. Do it. You should leave all this in because it'll be really frustrating to listen to. Welcome to the podcast, guys. Woo!

We had to have a guest this episode, so we should probably mention that. Hi. Hey, Mika, how you doing? What? What did you say? Hey, Mika, how you doing? Oh, I thought you said, hey, I'm worried. How you doing?

I mean, I'm very possibly going to be late for something because of recording this episode so i'm a little bit worried that's kind of georgia's fault that's uh ed's fault it's joey's fault i i forgot i i was just watching it and then me and hirajin were talking about how like yeah that was okay and then she went to sleep and i totally forgot nice yeah nice i'm good thanks for asking how are all of you we're doing i'm alive i've been awake for a while yeah i am very well i can i just start with like an anecdote real quick because the podcast is for i saw my accountant recently right right and uh he needed he needed to to send me like or give me files and he's like a pretty old man so he doesn't know how like file sharing works online

so he just asked me like oh can you bring your hard drive so i like next next meeting i had with him i brought my hard drive and he plugged it in and i totally forgot what i named my hard drive and he was just looking for it and like because he's like really old he's like really like strained the eyes he was like looking at all the devices and the drives plugged into his computer and then i fucking i spotted before he does my hard drives just called bad bitch with a big messy ass. Wait, like that entire sentence? Yeah. Why would you do that?

Because I thought you were just saying your drive was called bad bitch and it has a big messy ass. But continue. No, I just named it that. And then he was like, he fucking spotted it and he just says,

because he can't really speak English well, he's like a bad bitch with a big messy ass and he just fucking looks at me and he fucking he knows what i did he looks at me he he's like you fucking does he yeah i mean he he knows he speaks english he just. He just has a really thick accent and a bit of trouble saying stuff. Anyways, he knows by now because he's also the accountant for PSD. And yeah.

How are you guys doing? Wait, what do you mean he knows? Wait, what does that have to do with being the accountant for PSD? What? I had to explain to him what PST was. And then I showed him

like, he was like, what is it? And I showed him the YouTube channel and like he actually like researched a bit. Imagine explaining this to anyone over 30. He was like, oh, you had

Pyrocynical. Good job. I was talking to my dad the other day and he randomly dropped on me. So I was listening to your podcast this morning. I thought, I saw my entire life flash before my eyes

and I realized I'm a cunt and a boring cunt at that. Wait, so which one did he watch again? The most recent one, the one with cool balloons. What do you think of the Q&A? I don't know. I don't know. He didn't mention it. He just mentioned that he listened to the podcast.

It felt like a warning. That's good yeah wait till you get wait till he he tells you that he listened to this episode oh man he just goes into your room he's like hey listen i'm fine with you doing the podcast but honestly i would rather you just do drugs listen I'm fine with you doing the podcast as long as that guy you know the one is not on it anymore you feel you hear me that's a lot of insinuation and I don't know who it is

towards I feel attacked I think I know who it is Kyle I mean he hasn't been on. Fuck you, chump. Good. We take your dad's heart. Your dad's.

Wait, what am I? Whoa. My dad's been messaging me. My dad? No, your dad. I mean, it's the same thing. He's been messaging me about like fucking that Kyle guy. Get him out.

Replace him with Mika, honestly. Like, Kyle's never on. How many times has Kyle been on? Because I've been on twice. Too many times. Far too many. You looked at season one? Travesty. Full of Kyle.

Why do you think they had to add new hosts? This is getting really mean. Kyle listens to these. We can't even get away with it you kyle you're all right kyle you're a sweetheart and i love you don't take what don't take these jokes too seriously please please take him personally oh my god i don't know who kyle is but I'm sure he's a fantastic person. Oh my god. No one does. Oh wait for a second I thought Mika was a host if only.

What? I was gonna say not even a host knows who Kyle is. No Mika's not a host. I mean I'm flattered you think of me that way. Oh. Does anyone have a story? Are we recording out of obligation? Does anyone have any story? Are we recording out of obligation? Does anyone have any stories?

I can just talk about how good Mortal Kombat 11 is. That's what I came here to do. I don't know if you guys have anything to talk about. I have two to choose from. I've got two stories to choose from. I vote for Mika's story over Ed talking about a game no one else has played.

Alright. It's really good. Thank you. I'm honored. Actually, after the first one, I was like, man, I gotta really think of some amazing stories, but unfortunately, nothing will ever top that first one. But I mean, these ones are pretty good.

Sounds good to me. Maybe. I hope. I don't know. I don't know. I think they're just okay oh my god it just fucking kept going down oh my god sorry I get nervous when I talk I mean I talk when I anyways

alright you can pick between Dirt Mountain or the Rock Fascist Rock Fascist are you kidding me or the rock fascist. Rock fascist? Are you kidding me? The rock fascist. Cool rocks.

Alright. Oh my god. I do want to tell you that I'll keep the Dirt Mountain in my pocket for another time then. Or you can follow up the rock fascist with Dirt Mountain. How pocket for another time then. Or you can just follow up the Rock Fascist with Dirt Mountain. How long is Rock Fascist?

I don't know. We'll feel it out. We'll get a pulse for it as we're going. Wait, why do... You know what? That's fine. It's another rock story. There's a lot of rock stories on this podcast I'm finding. I might have a rock story. Rocks, dirt, grime.

It's just dirty so this one starts when I was uh probably 11 or yeah probably 11 years old and I'm with this summer camp and we decide to go on a summer camping trip at a lake. And we're like, oh, cool. Let's do that. So me and some friends, we go with this larger group of people and we get to this lake and we're like, well, this is boring. So we decided to go down to the lake. And one of our associates, he's not really our friend because he bullies us but he's also like kind

of our friend or maybe because he's a fascist no no no no he's not the fascist oh okay is this like secret hillar we have to figure out who the fascist is oh i love this all right possibly possibly but i mean it's gonna be pretty are you the rock fascist because Because I already did that with my rock story. Well, hold on. All will be revealed. Okay. So yeah, we get to the lake and it's not a sandy lake at all. It's a rocky lake.

So like the beach is just rocks. In fact, getting to the lake barefoot is honestly one of the most painful things I've done in my life. Those are like Canadian beaches. We don't have sand. I can either confirm or deny these allegations at this time. Sounds good. Anyways, so. It's a statute of limitation on rock fascism.

So he, one of these people with us, he's like, hey, why don't you guys go into the lake because it's warm and swim around and we're going to play a game. I'm going to throw rocks at you. That's not a game. That's a hate crime. Yeah, that's a hate crime. That's not a game at all. Well, we thought it was a game. So we're like, all right.

Fair enough. we thought it was a game so we're like all right fair enough oh my god so you know we have adult supervision but they probably don't see this man throwing this child i will say wow that got really that got really fucking messed up no they're fine with it because like these are uh these are cool camp leaders like they're like, kids will be kids. Yeah, they're super chill. They know we've got it under control. But also, I'm pretty sure a few times... You clearly didn't. We didn't, but we did at the same time. You know, it's like one of those things.

Yeah, one of those. One of those rock fascism things. He's throwing rocks at us. You know, we get a few near misses. Almost hits my head a couple times. You know, it's fine. We're just booing. As he's throwing these rocks at us, I yell out, cheese is rice.

Because one of the camp leaders. Oh, because you can't say Jesus Christ. Yeah, I can't say that. And one of the camp leaders was like. I thought this was the start of the fascism. Yeah, well, I mean, it kind of is. Because like, we're in God's country, okay? This is like, this is Bible thumping town.

I feel like nothing good happens at Bible camp. Wait, was it a Bible camp? Bible camp is when I found out about Ezekiel. So, nothing good happens at Bible camp. That's a book of the Bible. What's Ezekiel? Ezekiel is the book of the camp that's a book of the Bible what's Ezekiel? Ezekiel's the book of the Bible where there's verses about characters about

people being hung like horses and coming like donkeys it's fine oh my god so this isn't a Bible camp it's just like a very religious part of the area you know okay yeah so like one of the leaders is like hey don't say

jesus christ just say cheese is rice because some people take that seriously around here and we're like 11 years old so we're just figuring out about like all these cool swear words and stuff but we're we're respectful so we're like the lord's name yeah exactly so yeah i yell out cheese is rice and then this guy this 40 year old guy from across the beach just yells out hey what do you think you're doing what did you just say and i'm like i just said cheese is rice and then he said i heard you said, but what did you just say? What? No,

I get it. I know exactly what he means by that. Yeah. That's more of an explain yourself freak. Yeah. Yeah. And then I just said like, again,

I just said no cheese. Like the food is rice. I didn't say the other thing and he's just like hey there are kids around here and you and you're throwing rocks and you're blaspheming oh man where are your parents i want to talk to your parents and then he pauses if you have any Wow. Like you were born from virgin birth? What is this? Little orphan boys. Not even immaculate conception. You still have

parents. He was just trying to say like I'm uncultured as hell. You're birthed from the void, Mika. I mean it's possible. I don't remember being born. Void child. Why do you speak those words? Everyone on the podcast is a void child.

Oh my god. Wasn't that a thing in a game, like a cult called the Children of the Void, or am I crazy? That sounds like something that a sci-fi writer would think of. If it's not, you can start it. Yeah. Ed, you seem like a cult leader. You smell like a cult leader, sir.

Make it go ahead. We're getting really off track. Children of the Void is a Pathfinder thing. Go on. Sorry. From Apex Legends? No, Pathfinder is fake it i was gonna say it's better dnd ah i see anyways so yeah he basically starts yelling at us and calling us like like stupid little kids because we're throwing these rocks and then uh which i mean fair enough you know it's like

the kid throwing rocks he's got good aim but like you never know like there could be a stray bullet flying off and hitting someone to be fair we are like meters and meters away from everyone else but you know he just i guess it wasn't the rocks that got to him. It was just me saying cheese is right. It was the blasphemy part. Yeah. So then one of the camp leaders comes over, talks to him. We just hear a bunch of yelling. It's like it's like Charlie Brown, where you just hear more.

Fuck. They probably wouldn't say fuck if they were, like, insulted by the Lord's name. I don't get that at all, though. Why would you be insulted in the Lord's name? You're only supposed to use it if you're, like, a priest or something. You're only supposed to use it in praise. Yeah. Really?

I mean, he doesn't know you were like throwing rocks into the first part. You're just not supposed to take the Lord's name in vain. Yeah. Geez, I've done it a few times. You've done a lot of things, David. I don't think the worst thing you've done is say Jesus Christ every once in a while.

Yeah, you know why? That's not the worst thing I've done. Actually, every single curse word in French Canadian is literally a blaspheme. It definitely sounds like one. I mean, it literally is. Yeah, just the way French

Canadian French sounds is an affront to God in and of itself. Oh, dude. What the fuck? I won't apologize yeah okay well every single like swear word is literally like a church thing so like the uh what's the closet or whatever the tabernacle is it called wait really that's where it's from yeah no it's not a joke every single that's what i said every single swear word is an and it's like a blaspheme huh yeah no idea today please continue

i hate david oh that's sad that's not nice well anyways it ends with him just yelling kids pack up we're leaving and then he moves like 20 meters down the beach and sets his chair there yeah the man he's just like kids we're leaving and he just moves like

20 meters to the left and that's it that's wait, what? Oh, you want to hear like how I was disciplined and stuff? Well, you,

well, no, I was expecting like rock Hitler. I, yeah. Where's the rock fat. Why was this rock fascism? Uh,

honestly, my friend called it the rock Nazi story. Cause like we told it to a bunch of kids when we got back. And for some reason it just stuck rock nazi that oh what I cannot believe we talked shit about Kyle at the beginning of this

episode and then we immediately got a Kyle story from our guest I just stopped there was no end to that story it just stopped okay well I mean I can talk about how we were disciplined okay is it gonna get weird

Bible camp discipline that's always risky that is really risky and it's very scary as well I've been meaning to ask but I didn't want to interrupt Mika while his story wasn't finished but is Bible camp the same thing as Bible black no what's Bible black while his story wasn't finished, but is Bible Camp the same thing as Bible Black?

No. What's Bible Black? A fucking porno, you dumbass. Oh my god, Ed. Because I watched it in the video once. The guy was like, hey girl, you want to join my Bible Black club? And I was like, huh. I wonder what that is. I figured it was like a Bible Camp.

It's like an infamous infamous hentai oh it's pornography yeah there's like cult shit i think like at one point one of the ladies in the porno grows a weenie anyways how were you disciplined um David be honest have you seen Bible Black I legit no I've not I've watched a video on it but I've not seen the scenes like the

famous scenes be sure to tune in to our next episode where we discuss Bible Black oh my god are we gonna have a fucking Bible Black Bible Black special Bible Black anyways just commentary track so

one of the camp leaders approaches us and he's like hey I know that guy was stupid but um you were being a smart ass for yelling cheese is rice what wait what yeah didn't he also say was this the same council yeah no no this this was a different counselor

yeah because there were there was like management at this camp is a fucking mess no honestly it was really good I don't want to like i don't want to knock him down like they were honestly really responsible and still made sure we had a lot of fun it's just you know we're 11 year olds so things happen but yeah he was like uh if you touch a rock on this beach again i will send you home i'm like how, how can I fucking throw you? I don't know. But yeah, there were like three of us getting rocks thrown at us and one of us doing the throwing and a fight club. Yeah, we tried to weasel out of it.

We're like, we weren't throwing rocks. It was just this guy. And he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Batman? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I'm sending all of you home if you touch another rock on this camping trip. How do you not touch rocks on an entire camping trip? There are rocks everywhere. I mean, don't your parents also like pay for the trip?

Yeah, like I think he was just trying to be stern. He was just trying to put his foot down. Okay. We definitely still touched rocks. And like, yeah. I mean, that's a sentence. Yeah. And like instead of throwing rocks at each other,

there was plenty of other things to throw at each other, you know? Yeah. I think I... Dude. When I was a kid, I used to go to like, I used to go to this like English speaker summer camp. And it was like a summer camp in a school. I went to like this skate camp and I fucking like, I was skateboarding around I was like trying to fucking do an ollie and I was like a kid and I could barely like push a meter and I remember like at one point I fucked up

I fucked up really bad on my ollie and I just ate I just ate like the fucking cement with my face and at the same time i fucking sneezed like one one of those really nasty like big fucking sneezes where like the fucking mucus just shits out your nose yeah i'm very familiar with those yeah i was just like full of blood and mucus it was fucking disgusting and i remember like i was so young i was like maybe like eight or nine and like one of the camp counselors came to me and he was like why are you crying and i had like fucking blood on my face and just mixed with like the mucus and everything and i was like what do you mean And he was like super pissed at me because I broke my fucking nose or something.

That's awful. I know, I know, man. I went to like the worst camps. Oh, man. I never went to any camps. Oh, wow. Like whenever my mom suggested, hey, you should go to a camp during this specific holiday.

I tell her, that sounds so gay. And then I wouldn't go. And then I just do crack. Man, you are such a fucking Chad. Everyone here who went to a Bible camp became an artist, so you weren't wrong. Wait, really?

How is your Bible camp experience, Avery? What you've been you've been dropping so i know this bible camp experience i know i want to hear it i'm it just keeps going we'll talk about it off the air also i feel like i need to whoa i feel like that sounds really bad i feel like i need to uh clarify what i was saying earlier because i got it wrong it's actually not they're hung like horses and come like donkeys. They're hung like donkeys and come like horses. I got it backwards.

Ezekiel 23 20 is there she lusted after her lovers whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. Who wrote the Bible? Was it God? I've never seen a horse come. Allegedly. Allegedly? Man, God. How much come seen a horse cum allegedly man god

how much cum can a cum can a horse cum I don't know how much cum can a cum horse cum please stop if I could make a cum horse cum stop

oh my god say it three times fast Oh my goodness I'm sorry my rock story was so disappointing It's fine Tell us the dirt mountain story Alright this one has It's better than most of Kyle's stories

Hey Kyle fuck you What the fuck This is why we Everybody asking why we can't have Kyle In the same episode as Ed Exactly fuck this is why everybody asking why we can't have kyle because we usually episode is ed yeah exactly is this just a friendly rivalry or nope oh all right well this one has a perceived near death experience so um oh my god we were probably 14 at the time this was with some school friends and i uh yeah we were like 14 or 13 uh we were like super into high school so like we didn't really

understand how the public transit system functioned oh super early at high. I heard like we were super into high school. No, no, no, no. I was like, well, I was not. No, I mean, I was a keener type. Yeah. So but like pretty much we wanted to see a movie. It was like as the Marvel movies were just starting to come out or whatever. Or like, no like no no they were they were already like part way through their thing like this was definitely phase two end of

phase one type stuff i don't remember anyways um yeah so the problem was the movie theater is all the way in the middle of nowhere because the theater in our town decided to close down so like if you want to go to a movie you have to drive like half an hour to the middle of nowhere where there's just this theater among a bunch of other development and and whatever right yeah um cut out though because that that might dox me my dogs you yeah okay yeah thanks um so yeah the theater is just among like a bunch of developing property in the middle of nowhere and so we uh decide to leave early because we don't want to miss the movie because it's super important to us um except we get there an hour and 30 minutes early and we're like oh god this is

horrible um and then one of us has the bright idea of saying well hey we've never been around these developing parts why don't we just walk around and kill time oh no and we're like i've been here okay let's do it so we take the dirt road that's leaving the theater and we walk past a shed that looks like a crack shed and we're like okay nah fair enough there's probably someone chained up in there

let's just keep walking and then we pass did we ever mention the arm steel van did we mention the arm steel van on the podcast? No. Okay, let's just let Mika first. I want to hear this.

There's a lot of things that we saw. Actually, sorry, I don't think you guys ever talked about any of that stuff. No, we did. We did talk about the Dairy Queen, 100%. Oh, yeah, we talked about the Dairy Queen. Oh, yeah, you did. I'm talking about the stuff we saw, though. Sorry, Mika, we're completely...

Yeah, sorry, sorry. No, it's okay. I want to hear the story of this arms deal van after. Yes. Please finish. Okay, cool. So, yeah, then we walk past this house. Looks like a crack house.

We're like, okay. There are probably people doing drugs in there. That's fine. And we just keep walking past this dirt road until we get to this gigantic dirt mountain. Because they're building a low rise on this site. Like it's a construction site and it's properly fenced off. And there's a hole on the ground underneath part of the fence.

And one of my friends who's like... That's how bad ideas happen yep yep he's the adventurous type and he sees this hole and he's like i could probably fit in there and i could probably go underneath the fence and i could probably just like get us all in here and we're like i don know. That seems like a bad idea. And then he peer pressures us because we're just like 13, 14 and we want to be. Yeah. Yeah.

So we're like, OK. So, yeah, we we all take turns going underneath this hole because like it the the door is locked by like a chain lock or whatever. So we just have to go underneath the hole. And it takes us like probably 40 seconds each. Like there's no quick entry or exit out of this construction site. Right. And yeah, so they were probably trying to build a low rise because this this dirt mountain was honestly like three stories tall, maybe stories and i don't know what the piles of dirt are for maybe they're to set the foundation to

like make it super compact i have no clue but it's there uh maybe they were like digging the uh the basement apartment maybe something maybe i'm not sure honestly but um yeah so my my friend is like do you guys want to climb this and we're like okay no no we say okay so we start climbing and the first thing we notice is that this dirt is kind of like sand like every time we put our hands into the incline And we like move our hands down to like get leverage It sinks a bit so like it's really hard to make progress on this dirt mountain, okay, and

Like honestly five minutes in and we're probably only a quarter up And then it's another five minutes and we're like halfway and we're like so tired and exhausted so we just lean against the dirt and we're like guys i don't know if we can do this and then everyone else around me is just like this was a mistake and then we all go into our backpacks we have like some granola bars we're just eating

what like having some water for energy yeah for energy sounds like a Stephen King novel oh my god honestly okay does this end with a gangbang I'm getting there so It honestly okay. Yeah, so uh does this end with a gangbang? Uh oh.

I'm getting there. So okay. We're just sitting there. We're eating our granola bars having some water from our water bottles and then we see headlights coming from the road and we're like oh god because like we're on the side of the mountain that faces the road and the headlights come closer and closer we're like guys this is awful we're just done we're like what do we do and then one of our friends is like let's just let's just surrender so what so eventually the truck is like right beside us because it's a truck that's coming from the dirt road.

And like we all just start waving because we're trying to make it look like we're not doing anything bad. We're so stupid. We start waving at them and then they come to a screeching stop. Like, I kid you not. They slam on the brakes. That was really accurate. What the fuck? Thank you.

And then we're all like, holding onto each other. We're like, oh God. Holding hands. Oh God, we're going to go to prison. We're going to get arrested. It's going to be awful. And the truck just stalls there. And then the passenger door opens.

Jesus Christ. And you know who gets out? Some older looking gentleman. Oh. And he walks out slowly with his hands around his waist. Oh, no. And you know what he does? Hands around his waist oh no and you know what he does hands around his waist big fuck yeah like you like you know no no like you know like on his way yeah you know what he does what he turns around and he

pulls his pants down and he moons what um questions yep wow i did not think i did not think that was going there what chad how was it he was it a nice ass i I don't think so. What was your question, Ed? Just. I think it was more the concept of questions. Yeah.

Why? He didn't say anything? Nope. He just pulled his pants down and then he started yelling. And then he hopped back into the truck and his friends started yelling too and they sped away and we're just there traumatized like oh my god it is a kyle story isn't there another one but with a ball sack kyle saw an old man's ball sack I think yeah oh both traumatized nah he was probably in his 20s he just looked old to us cause we were so young

um anyway so then probably true yeah when you said older gentleman I was like picturing the ancient 40 no he was definitely probably in his 20s i was imagining white hair yeah i imagine santa but like skinny skinny santa i actually kind of did as well that's

so fucking weird i have skinny santa showing ass isn't that a fucking crime? Yeah, no, it definitely is. But it's not like we're gonna tell on them considering what we're doing. What the fuck? So, yeah, we're just sitting there, like, traumatized. We're like,

Did you go back down? No, we're like, look, the top of the mountain is closer than the bottom. We might as well just finish. What? You know what? Fine. Look, we're dumb, okay? No, it's fair.

It's fine. We're rattled. It's some cost fallacy. I understand. We don't have the mental capacity to reason. Same, though. But, um, so we get to the top. We can talk about that after your story.

No, I don't want to. I mean, yeah, no. Um, but yeah, to wrap this up, we get to the top. And we get so angry. Because what? The moon? no because behind the mountain is a

spiral trail leading up to the top of where we were we could have literally just walked up the mountain we could have literally just walked up the mountain this is honestly like oh my god this is um mountain this is uh like an arrested development credits ending okay oh my god it

kind of never said arrested development but it kind of does sound like an Arrested Development skit. Yeah, no. What the fuck? And we're so upset and angry. And we're just like, nah, this whole thing was stupid. And to top it off, we walked past a completely empty portion of the fence that I guess we just decided to ignore. And we're just like, let's just go watch the movie it's about the adventure it's about the adventure though it's about the adventure and it's about seeing we thought we were gonna die like we definitely thought it was it um that's my story thanks wow the fucking moon what who the fuck

does that it's like the end of full metal alchemist brotherhood no one sees the moon coming my ass was a transmutation circle technically your ass transforms food into shit so that's basically a transmutation anyways what's this that's basically a transmutation. Anyways, what's this?

It's just, that's just more food. Van story. Okay, Ed. Can't stop eating poop. What's your arm? Oh, right. Arm steal story. I thought you were going to ask me about the poop eating.

I'm glad we're past it. Well, I wasn't in the story. Let's just talk about this. Yeah. When me and Avery, we were driving the old 27-hour road trip from where Avery lives to... Colorado. Colorado. We started, like... So, I was...

Avery was driver man. I have never had a driver's license in my life and i probably should but now you live in europe you're fine i like bumming rides off of avery and watching him be miserable that's always fun so i was in i was in charge of navigation and dj that was my job and also keeping him awake and sane. Quotation marks. So for the most part, it's a fucking straight line. It's a straight line through nothing. Through planes and shit.

So I didn't have to do much navigation because every time we took a turn, I'd be like, okay, so next direction is going to be in 250 miles. That was a lot of that. By the way, in 250 miles, continue. Yeah, pretty much. That was a lot of that. By the way, in 250 miles, continue. Yeah, pretty much. That was my favorite.

Keep going. I think map apps top out at 250 miles. They can't give you directions longer than that for morale reasons to keep you from swerving off the road. They'll just say in 250 miles

and they'll pretend like there's a direction that's coming up. But then the direction is just to not stop. Yeah. Um, but anyway, so it was mostly straight lines. Every once in a while we had to take a turn. Every once in a while when we did take a turn, it was through like some shitty little town with four houses, one church and one gas station. That's it. Also, sometimes a dead dog. That was fun.

I was wondering if you were gonna bring up the children of Mintown, where you saw the dead dog. I saw a dog split in half in the middle of the road. And children playing next to it. Excuse me? Yes? Somebody just ran over the dog? No, sliced in half. Probably.

Like, it was... What? They were in jail. Yes. Ed described described it vividly i didn't see it um and what about the uh what was that one church we saw it was called like oh fuck what was it the i don't know fuck me god damn it oh i'm so angry because it had an amazing name it was a dumb j name. I don't remember. Okay, well, I'm really getting Resident Evil vibes. It was. Every single one of these was Resident Evil.

And one of them had a McDonald's that the entire town was in. That was... We wound up stopping... Because we drove on Sunday. And we wound up stopping in this town in the middle of fucking nowhere. And we stopped at a gas station to get gas coffee and mcdonald's uh and every single fucking human being in the entire town was in the mcdonald's and we were confused for a minute until i realized that we were there at uh exactly the time that church would be getting out. So every single person in this town was in this creepy...

Oh, wasn't it Dirty Mud Church or something? Dirty Mud River? It was something like that in Spanish. Oh yeah, it was in Spanish. It was Rio Puerco. Yeah. So... Which just means Dirty River.

Yeah. So everyone had gotten out of the D dirty river church and gone to the McDonald's because where else are you going in this town? We saw a bar in that town next to the dirty river church where the sign for the bar was a piece of cardboard. Do you remember that? I do. where the sign for the bar was a piece of cardboard. Do you remember that? I do. People live there. I also remember that one town that had a big B on it.

I do remember the big B. Like, not a B as in the animal, as in the letter B. Just on a hill, there was just a big-ass B. Like, we're talking a Hollywood sign big. It was fucking huge. It was enormous. What? It was so fucking- it was- it wasn't standing up like the Hollywood sign though. It was like a- It was on the plane. It was just- it was just there on the hill. Do you think they were trying to write out the name of the town and cave out? There was no room for the rest of the name because the B was enormous. Like, they started out with a huge B, then they went,

wow, we don't have enough rocks for the rest of the letters, so I just leave the B. Oh my god. But yeah, so mostly it made us drive through, like, those tiny towns and stuff, but sometimes once we turned into a town and then

instead of telling us to go straight it basically told us to turn again in a couple meters and i'm just like oh that's weird hey avery turn right here and then as we started walking through i realized this was this was at night by the way pitch black and then i presume out of the map and i realized oh it's making us turn into a weird crime alley even though we could have just gone straight oh whatever let's just keep driving we should also we should also mention that uh we were out of gas at this point oh yeah we had been very close to being out of gas very very close to being out of gas we had like i think it actually hit zero miles left on

the tank like when we were in the crime alley road and i remember avery started lying to me and saying that we were coming up on a gas station so i wouldn't freak out yeah and it was very very scared that's the responsible thing to do though yeah and he was the one supposed to be keeping me sane need i remind you no once that meter hit zero i was an animal it was over i was looking at abry like i was gonna fucking eat his leg yeah no i was looking at the i looked at the gas and then i looked back over at ed and he had torn his own shirt off and tied it around his head as a bandana he painted his face black with like a green stripe across it and I don't know where he got either of those colors. It wasn't even

camouflage at that point it was just blackface. Yeah. He started talking weird as well. It was... And I started drawing funny lips. That's racist. He started telling me about his opinions about Bioshock Infinite.

And how the first half isn't that bad if you think about it. Cool balloons. But anyway, the reason I was so scared of being out of gas, like being out of gas is already shitty enough in the middle of the night, but I was scared because when we turned...

I'm going to shit. what's up did you did you i don't know if you noticed this when we were driving because i i never brought it up while we were driving um and i don't think you've ever mentioned it when telling this story but when we're in this crime alley like a mile down into this crime alley back road and there are like shanties and american favelas like around there was a car on the side of the road that was like off and then when we drove past it it turned on and started coming behind us oh oh that doesn't freak me out that happens happens a lot. In Crime Alley? Yeah! Okay, you would have been shitting your fucking pants. Yeah, I already was.

Let's be real. I'm glad that while Charlie and I were fucking running away from coyotes, you guys were running away from real danger. Wait, what? Coyote's story has been told on the podcast before we can fill you in afterward. Okay, okay.

But anyway, so we're driving through Crime Alley and then I see two big objects. And I'm like, oh God, this is it, Avery. This is how we die. Because at this point I was freaking out and I was zooming out and I was counting the miles left on this fucking Crime Alley because it was two alleys. We had to turn

right and then we had to turn back left into the main road that was illuminated. No, the second road was still crime alley because the intersection is where we saw it. So, and then we're driving past it and then we see what the two big objects

were. Were this big, unmarked fucking tinted windows, white van. It was black. Oh, it was black? And like a big family car? Like an SUV?

Was that what it was? Yeah, it was a black SUV. And just two men hanging out in front of both of their respective vehicles and there was a barrel of something and then i just turn around and i go that was either an arms deal or human trafficking i was gonna say yeah it was either there was something in those barrels it was either meth guns or people or people honestly i think it was drugs yeah i feel like it would be drugs and then i told avery

madam please drive faster and i said i would love to ed but i can't keep up this charade anymore we're almost out of gas i cannot accelerate or we will run out of gas faster. I need to keep us on cruise control. And that's when I got the black markers. I had a really good time on that trip in retrospect. Did we talk about on the drive back, did we talk about the other gas station that we stopped at? With the bullet holes?

Yep, that we quickly had to vacate. Sorry, where are you road tripping? From Texas to Colorado. So you have to go through West Texas and New Mexico. I've done this shit before, so when Ed pointed out the bullet holes,

I was like, I don't know. And then I bought my iced coffee, because I needed iced coffee. I wanted it. There's no active shooter now. What are the bullet holes from the past going to do? I don't know. Oh, they're going to get breezy at me?

Crazy Diamond repairs the bullet holes, and gonna get breezy at me? Crazy Diamond repairs the bullet holes and then they come back at me? You're a clown. I don't know how this shit works. You haven't been in America long enough. Specifically West Texas. That's a nightmare.

West Texas is a nightmare. The only places where there's civilization in West Texas is a nightmare. The only places where there is civilization in West Texas is like El Paso, which is like Mexico in America. Albuquerque was nice. Albuquerque was nice. You know how you know El Paso is a shithole? When they needed a scary place in Breaking Bad,

they didn't go to Mexico. They went to El Paso. What is El Paso? it's a city in Texas oh means the pass Patreon questions I might have to leave in the middle of Patreon questions by the way

that's fine I wish I could leave what the fuck Patreon questions, by the way. That's fine. I wish I could leave. Oh, what the fuck? Patron questions. If you're part of the $10 and above tiers on the PSD Patreon, you can ask questions. We'll answer them.

Once again, David has not put emojis on these, on the ones that we want to use. Well, no, he puts emojis on the ones we've answered. I'm the clown. My want to use. Well, no, he puts emojis on the ones we've answered. I'm the clown. My bad. Jan de Oliveira asks, Oliveira asks,

how did David and Ed have had contact with English? You guys don't have any telling accents. I really like how much you butchered reading that. The question about you being very good at English. Well, it's because... I don't get the first part of the question. How can you

mispronounce a Portuguese name this badly? What name? I think it's Oliveira. Yeah, the Oliveira. No, Oliveira. That's the one. There you go. You get that snake tongue out of here. That was the second half.

How did I have contact with English? I just watched... I grew up with Cartoon Network and Cartoon Network, for some reason here, was like not dubbed. I don't know how I got lucky, so I watched a lot of Bill and Mandy.

Pretty much taught me English. I watched YTV when I was a kid. Like, YTV. I watched YTV when I was a kid. Like, YTV. And what's the one with the really hot robot? My Life as a Robot? My Life as a Teenage Robot. Yeah, that one. That one was also in English.

It was like for... I watched English cartoons and also One Side of My Family. One Side of My Family is from the US, so... Yeah, that's pretty much it yeah and then i just oh and then i used to watch movies dubbed in french but then my dad was like my dad was like my dad did this thing where he forced me to consume the same media that he enjoys which i then inherited so shouts out to my dad and then he like he was, forced me to watch all the Terminators, and the

Terminators didn't have a French dub, so I basically had to watch it subtitled in French. Yeah, I don't know. It was weird. So, at least the DVDs we got didn't have a French dub, so I watched it in English. I don't think the DVDs... I mean, anyways, like, every French dub is made by, like, five people.

It's always the same five voices yeah I know always Harry Potter on via Poudlard I don't like that the French version of Hogwarts is Poudlard why is Poudlard yeah I have no fucking clue anyway

Patreon questions Philippe asks, Overwatch League goes bankrupt and the PSD podcast acquires all the studio space and equipment. How do you guys make the most entertaining, not good or practical, entertaining esports competition ever made?

Make knockback in esports? The Mormon dinosaur game? What? I would take a fighting game first of all because fighting game tournaments are amazing. I would also do that because they're way more interesting and

fun. And I'd pick either dive kick or fight of gods. Oh. I would not take fight of gods. Why not? I would take jump force but you can only use custom characters yes oh that's a really good one i would also pick jump force but you can only use goku because goku's the strongest what shut up ed leaps at any opportunity to shit on dragon ball uh actually i don't leap uh i do

uh instant transmission sorry yes i yes thank you fuck yours is better i said sets of beat the fuck to shit on Dragon Ball. Actually, I don't leap. I do... Instant transmission. Sorry. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Fuck. Yours is better. I said Setsubi.

The fuck is... Whatever. I don't... Okay. But no, I would use either... I'd probably use Divekick, actually. Divekick's so hype. Divekick is really hype.

Oh, no. I'd do Arms. Arms is really hype. We gotta play D arms is really hype we gotta play dive kick we all own dive kick and none of us play it it's so good yeah dive kick is really fun uh i guess i'd also like want to have because i feel like dive kick you need to have like way more like like like if we have infinite budget and studio space we're not we're thinking way too small you know we need to think like how to make it like over the top okay okay so okay we'd have dive kick dive kick tournament uh who would be like the mid because you know

like the super bowl has a show in the middle of it okay oh. I'll catch y'all later. Later, buddy. This is now a three-man show. We're taking over. Avery's gone. Okay. Who would we have as like the mid-show performance?

The mid-show performance? What is it called? What is it? It's called... Halftime show. It's called... Halftime show. Yeah, halftime show.

Who would be the pst kick dive what no i'm talking about hiring an artist like a musician you idiot exile who the guys that did the the theme song for Street Fighter 4. Oh, shut up. Indestructible. Indestructible. That was kind of hype. Okay. I agree. That's like the hypest.

I feel like it's hype, but the thing is, not everybody would sing along and be super into the cheese. If you're going to a dive kick tournament, I think you'd be into it. I think you would be into it. I think you guys are going about this wrong.

Oh shit. Go on, Mika. Let's hear it. Now picture this. Yeah. I want you to envision this. Eyes closed. This is the game we're going with.

Are you ready? Please, daddy. Go on. This is the game we're going with. Are you ready? Yeah. Please, daddy. Oh, I don't know. Did you not think about it before? No, I didn't. He was stalling for time, trying to think of a game. Here's what we do.

Uh-huh. You take... Are you listening? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You are stalling so hard. Now, it's just an eSport. It doesn't have to be a fighting game, right?

I mean, yeah, just random eSport. Yeah, yeah. I mean, anything, any video game competition works. All right. sport yeah yeah i mean anything any any video game competition wars all right what if we turned sonic into an e-sport like sonic team racing sonic the hedgehog like yeah like sonic adventure battle no wait so which game the sonic one okay there's a lot of them. There's a lot. How do you...

Okay, how would you turn Sonic into an eSport? All right. Speedrunner versus? You gotta beat each level in like 30 seconds. And for every time you don't someone

hits you with a pipe chili dog tomato that's thanks low stakes that's really low I was gonna say like because when you said Sonic I was like oh Sonic Adventure 2 battle yeah that's what I figure battle mode dude all right, you know what? No, I'm done playing around.

All right, listen to this. Okay. Mario Kart Balloon Battle. Oh. Okay. That's actually... Tournament style. Yeah.

And if you get eliminated... What? Which version? The DS version. Okay. I've never played the DS version. Okay. I think it's super hype. Okay think that would be and uh yeah if you get eliminated someone gets to throw turtles at you okay it's like a real turtle yeah that hurts more than

the tomato and it's animal cruelty that's bigger stakes yeah also turtles are probably really expensive to get so that's good that's our that's our like uh no no the turtles are like really well taken care of and i guess instead of throwing them they would just like put the turtle on you and like it can just bite you so like the turtle can just do whatever it wants to but you can't touch it because you're right, that's animal cruelty. Yeah, I fuck with this. Yeah, and basically it's all televised. There's cameras pointed at everyone's face so you can see the

reaction of them getting bitten by the turtle if they lose. Do turtles actually bite? Oh yeah, no, I haven't bitten by a turtle. Many times. How bad does it bite? Many times? I was just trying to feed it and it bit my finger. It's not too bad. It's like a beak. It doesn't hurt.

Yeah, so that way like, yeah, and also we have to make the competitors sign disclaimers beforehand. Yeah. Where's the budget part? And that's it. Yeah, fuck with this.

I like turtles. Turtles are pretty sick. Guys, remember the Master of Disguise? Where he turns into a turtle? Oh, yeah. Was that the master of disguise i don't even know if i'm talking yeah dude what every fucking every school would just show this shitty movie where he would turn into a turtle and he would say turtle. Hey! Anon! Thanks for answering

my last question on the recent episode. My question is, what is your favorite dessert and why? Mine is an Italian dessert called a tiramisu. It is fucking delicious. Oh, tiramisus are really good.

I'd probably go for like just a really really good chocolate mousse like an actual chocolate mousse it's kind of vanilla though what like no it's fucking chocolate you dumbass no okay all right oh nice very good really good walk right into that one dude I don't care if it's vanilla it's fucking delicious it's delicious and like you can make it really really fancy if you want you can make it gourmet as fuck

and if it's good it's good dude you're gonna say no to a chocolate mousse you fucking too good for chocolate mousse huh you big bitch what are you what are you what are you too good for a fucking

chocolate mousse I could go for a good one yeah it's just most of the time they make me like what do you call it not like store bought jello not store bought jello like an actual chef making it. I get it. Maybe if the chef is feeling a bit fucking crazy,

you could put cherry syrup in it and make it really creamy and nice. I think that's... What about you, Mika? I'm going to keep it working class.

I love a good ice cream cake. I'm not as fancy as either of you. Dude, I've had, like, when I was a kid, every birthday, my parents would always, because I would always ask my parents to get, like, the Dairy Queen ice cream cakes. Those are fucking, those are. Those are really delicious. They're delicious. And before the comments

are all like, you guys are wrong. Your opinions on desserts are terrible. There's also a really good one. You guys aren't going to know what I'm talking about because it's Portuguese. But it's called... What are we too good? Shut up. I'm going to link it. I'm linking it right here. So it's it's called what are we too good what are we too shut up I'm gonna link it

I'm linking it in in uh right here uh so it's a Portuguese dessert called babat camil which translates to camel drool and it's so good what is what is it is it caramel yes pretty much it's like it's like it's got a shit ton of eggs and oh I think I've had this It's like, it's like, it's got a shit ton of eggs. And oh, I think I've had this. It's really good. It's amazing. Oh my God. It is a lot of eggs. It's just six eggs and one condensed milk.

If, if we're talking about non-dairy desserts. You put like caramel over it and it's amazing. But yes, go ahead, Mika. If we're talking about non-dairy desserts, because I recently became lactose intolerant. I'm going to say banana bread. Banana bread is really nice oh banana bread like if you get really nice banana bread oh man yeah you know there's this secret thing you can do oh my god it's not really a secret but it's like this thing you can do that a lot of people don't know about if you add a bit of zucchini to your banana bread i've heard of that yeah no i i thought it was like a joke but i tried it it's delicious what

does it do so good it it keeps the banana bread really moist and not dry huh i should actually try that if i ever decide to cook again yeah just throw in a bit of zucchini it's delicious that sounds good god bless god bless god bless you m word what excuse me m word mika oh i'm cutting that one out that's the stupidest shit i've ever heard. No, you have to keep that one in. Oh, that was so bad. That was so bad. Where can people find you? Who, me? Yeah.

Oh, um... Can we do the same thing last time where I censored my name and just spell it out? Yeah. Alright. so it's uh at m-i-k-a-s-a-c-u-s on twitter youtube okay michael sauce uh no no m-i-k-a-s-a-C-U-S Okay. Alex Unknown on Spotify. Yeah.

David and I are cooking up some heat. Muy bueno. Muy bueno. It's going to be... I'm pretty sure so far every track has been either a slapper or a banger. Yeah. No, so far it's really good uh what about you

ed you can find me on punk duck on every single platform except for twitter where it has a little underscore at the end it's kind of cute it is kind of cute for me it's Sermiao Music on Twitter, SoundCloud. Why do I even say SoundCloud anymore? Twitter, Twitch. I'm on YouTube now as well. I've put up like a song. Isn't SoundCloud dead too? SoundCloud is very, very much on life support. And I'm also just Sermiao on Spotify.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh my God. I'm also just Sir Meow on Spotify. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh my God. I'm sorry. Mika, you're not going to be a host with that attitude. Honestly, I don't think I'm cut out for being a host on this show. Hey, we have Kyle as a host. Our standards are pretty low.