Please Stop Talking - Embezzlement | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: April 22, 2022

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Or shake up your mood with an iced brown sugar oat shaken espresso. Whatever you choose, your espresso will be handcrafted with care at Starbucks. Oh, no! It's the last call on all Folk and Dagger merch because we're moving on to Subliminal Space merch soon. Well, fret not, listener, because you have until April 29th to get anything from PleaseStopShopping.com with code PSD10 for 10% off.

That includes all our shirts, hoodies, stickers, and more. So go check out PleaseStopShopping.com and take a look at the Folk and Dagger campaign collection before it's gone forever and use PSD10 for 10% off. Enjoy the fucking show. It's been one minute. I can say fuck now. Okay, please Everywhere no, oh You're still a god. Oh my god Welcome to the podcast. Wait, we started? Yeah.

Wait, Cameron, are you okay? Okay, yeah. So what happened is I went to close my curtain because the sun was going into my eyes. And then I fucking knocked over a bunch of magic cards. And then they fell into my empty bowl that I just ate cereal out of. So now there's a fucking... I've got an island that's covered in milk. You have a milky island?

Fucking Cameron, now they're just fucking vintage. Now they're like preschool playing cards. Dude, I have got a time warp that's warped by fucking water. Like I dropped it in a puddle when I was 11. That's fucked up. So I think it's just limited edition honestly the milk's a bonus you get a card and a treat do all my grocery shopping at the Goodwill buying second hand food

hey say Brendan how do you pay for that um everybody here i have a jontron debit card to explain like back like if this would have been like eight years ago i almost don't want you how is it not expired by now? I know! Too long ago. I will explain. I've had this JonTron debit card since 2013, 2014. I took a picture of JonTron that said, Summer of me and the beach. I named it and I changed the metadata. And I uploaded it to my bank.

And they were like, yeah, this is fine. This is cool. And I was like, oh, this is awesome. And then eventually I was like, I need to get my debit card changed. I need the picture changed changed so and like 2016 i went and i tried to change it to like 2016 is an interesting time for you to have made that yeah i mean yeah obviously i was like oh man you know i'm thinking in five in four years i'm gonna in four or five years i can't wait to to experience januaryth. But for now, I need to change my debit card picture.

So I got a like stock photo and I tried to change it and they were like, yeah, it's approved. They sent me a new card. It's the JonTron card again. Okay. So I go in and I just try to,

okay, order a generic one. They send me one. It's the JonTron card again. For the last like five six years i've sent in six to seven different requests to get a new card and all with different pictures generic ones i have called twice every single time they send me a new card i've called and asked them to send me one that doesn't have that picture on it. Every single time they send me back this fucking JonTron debit card.

Dude, there might be somebody like a massive fan. A credit card. Please return to Brendan at 432. At Iowa.Place. That's all of Iowa. Yeah, I'm the one guy in Iowa. I'm the corn man. I walk through the corn mazes. I'm the guy who haunts them.

Gentrify Iowa, am I right? Brendan absolutely flashbanged me with that in Colorado. I did. I was like, yo, Corbin, check this out. Part of me wants to almost keep it now because it is like the most cursed card. It's such a relic. It's vintage.

It's such a cool relic. No, we were just sitting at a restaurant and he just slides his debit card over to me and i'm like what the fuck is brennan gonna pay for me and i pick it up and i look at it and i just stare back up and he's just smoking with like an evil grin it was exactly like the american psycho like fucking business card like i wanted to like just push it over corbin went from thinking that like whoa brennan's gonna pay for my meal to thinking oh my god he could pay for anything this is priceless oh what is it what is it you have a platinum black card sorry john tron debit card

when am i when am i gonna make my own version of this movie so that a nostalgia critic can review it and yell, is that a JonTron debit card? Dude, I was going to reference the same fucking thing. God damn it. We have the same brain cell. We literally just got off a fucking pain hole recording and our brains are just fucking melded. It's awful.

I keep thinking about wrestling or some shit. Hurricane Rana off the top rope. Yeah, exactly. Five shark frogs flesh. Oh oh my god what are you talking about aiming wrestling moves wrestling dude five star five star frog rob van damme does the five star frog splash oh my god oh my god he points his thumbs at himself and he owes rob van damn cool anyway this is what it's like talking to him like this is what it's like when i'm not subdued i don't get into discord calls like this i get in this for like pain hole and like prepping for anything else i'm sorry i'm sorry but we're not

doing pain hole right now this is are we wait what this is like just a big pain hole, but no game. Are you guys not playing video games? I just have you guys on in the background. I just listen to this while I'm studying. I just keep... I'm playing GTA roleplay. I just keep muting. I legitimately finished

a Halo Infinite Legendary playthrough like an hour before this. Oh, so you're cranked. Brendan, you have infected me with wrestling. The other weekend when I was at the bar, I kept showing people videos

of Orange Cassidy. And then they go, I don't get it. And I go, no, no, no, it's funny. Trust me. And then they just refused to understand. Dude, he wrestles with his hands in his pockets, he dresses up like the Drive guy, and he only watches the Fast and the Furious.

That's his whole character. Do you mean Ryan Gosling? I don't know his name. The guy from Drive. Does he have the fucking jacket? He has like a denim jacket. Nice. Nice, dude.

Literally me. Me when I watch Drive, and that encapsulates my full personality but then i have to watch the batman and i download a new personality oh my god do you want to talk about the camping story oh no brendan segwaying brendan segwaying i just said segway that's the that's the end well i want to know what gang girl is oh boy okay um is everyone else here like up to date on gang girl lore not no fully no i know it's a cat also just the listeners have no fucking idea what a gang yeah i know like the wrestler gang girl right i find that funny so like so like i mean i mainly just ask like you guys because the only fun part of the

story really is just like how it all started um so like is everyone else here like you know cat pilled in that regard fucking got bubby yeah what does that mean i built bubby a six foot seven cat tree today whoa it's a big cat tree and we got it for free because Petco fucked up. Yo, fuck Petco. So, Gangrel is my cat. Ten actually named them. So, I fucking... It was my birthday and I wake up and I'm fucking feeling like shit

because the night before we were all drinking and I had a huge hangover and I walk out into the front and like stare at the sun and let it bleed into my eyes so I can feel something and then I look over to my right and in the neighbor's uh in the in the neighbor's front yard there's this dinky little fucking cat little shit must be like I don't know more than they they gotta be less than like six weeks old this this uh this little thing is just an absolute

little shitter and i'm thinking oh a stray i'm gonna walk over anyway i'm gonna see if i can befriend it and this thing like has one look at me starts purring louder than i've ever heard any cat purr in my life and like sprints over to me and like fucking leaps into my hands so the cat shows you yeah the cat fucking chose me uh and it was birthday and i just like i felt bad because i was like shit either this is a stray or this is someone else's cat but i feel like this cat just fucking chose me i take i take him back i i hang with them a little bit and i'm starting to think to myself because we have we have a catio in the back of the house i was at at the time i put him out there just have him chill in while i try to figure out what i'm gonna do about this because i'm debating whether i want to like put up flyers to be like lost cat uh they are friendly smile or if i just want to like hold

on to them i start asking around and almost immediately uh the neighborhood then the neighbor uh next to us where the cat was comes over and she's like super chatty and gossipy uh you know like house mom soccer mom like browses facebook all the time kind of person soccer mom white soccer mom yeah she comes over and she's like oh no i i talked to the neighbors who have that kitten that they like and she tells me that um they uh apparently what they'll just do is they just like oh this cat's being annoying we're going to take them and put them in the garage and uh they're gonna be there we going to turn off the lights. That's just going to be there. And the cat kept escaping.

I got angry. So they would just like leave the cat in the garage or just leave them outside. And the cat would fucking fend for themselves. This baby kitten. Oh my God. Yeah. And like, no, dude, it's worse than you think because we have owls and like coyotes and like strays like the fact that this little shit was alive shocked me and like clearly they were hungry and like lonely

because they fucking sprinted towards me and they were fucking like purring and like clearly that was partially because they're hungry but like cat i like cat so i i get really mad and i schedule like a vet appointment the next day i take them over there and they're like no there's no chip we have no idea so i just light up the doctor and say yeah i just found them i don't know who it belongs to and uh i just that's that's my cat now i go next week i had i uh i had gangrel uh chipped as like a power move so if they ever ask it's like no i had my cat as a power move yeah they if they ever ask, it's like, no, I had my cat as a power move. Oh my God.

They never chip the fucking cat. A power move against who? Your cat or your neighbors? No, a power move against the neighbors who bought the cat and then treated the cat like shit. It's my cat now.

Are you listening, David? No, I don't. Not really. I'm terrible at listening. For legal reasons. What the? No,

because I have ADD and sometimes I listen. I have ADD so I don't pay attention to my own podcast. David would be like, nice story anyway. My eyes glaze over and I just fucking ascend. I don't know what to tell you. Well, I mean, at least it's safe now, right? You got Gangrel.

No, it's not. It's with Julian. Gangrel is great. All I've learned is that... Whenever we first fucking discovered the cat, and before we knew it was mine or anything, and even now, it's like, there are some people who will ask for Gangrel updates

every so often just because... Yeah, because Gangrel updates are fucking significant to the server. If there's no more Gangrelrel updates we'll know you'll die you'll have died like I'm not gonna believe if you keep you put up a bot that sends gangrel updates when you die I'm not gonna believe that you're dead yet

yeah I would assume not because my discord account would still be posting pictures exactly of gangrel it's just a camera on a lipstick are you saying that if i continue being active in any other way but i stop posting pet pictures you're going to think that i'm dead yeah wait also are we just assuming that gangrel is going to outlive julian like yeah i think my biggest thing is when we get a lore update that gangrel is also making hannah-Barbera cartoon sounds

like Julian does in real life. That's what I'm afraid for gangrel. You can actually hear gangrel in the background right now. I don't know if you guys can hear that. Jesus Christ, that's a loud one. Yeah. Thinking about how we can spin the gangrel lore post updates into a creepypasta where the camera is just taking pictures of Gangrel and slowly

new pictures are moving over across the room and you just see Julian's dead body there. Just making Marble Hornet. Gangrel. Speaking of dying... How did you... Wow. How did you almost die at camp?

That's so natural. David, if you cut that whole thing, which would be a fair decision... Oh my god, Julian, you're being way too worried. Stop worrying. We're recording. Worry afterwards. Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm going to beat the shit out of you. I'm in your walls. I'm breaking you in half. Oh my god. I'm going to start punching every wall to get you out of you. I'm in your walls. I'm breaking you in half. Oh my god I'm gonna start punching every wall to get you out of there I'm gonna crack you open and make a fucking Omelette with your insides Okay, I want I want to see a scene of someone hiding in walls and someone else is just punching the wall

Dude, like the movie The Boy, but instead of like a sad mom, it's like a six foot seven like 350 pound bodybuilder Who's just punching the fucking walls open. Are you talking about the boy, the Brams the boy, the fucking movie about the guy living in the walls? I am now. Oh, Brams. I fucking hate it. Brams, whatever his name is. Brams the boy.

That movie would be so much better if it was like a huge Winchester style puzzle house and it was like a bodybuilder trying to get the dude out of the walls. Did they make, did they ever make a fucking horror movie? They did. It was called Winchester style puzzle house and it was like a bodybuilder trying to get the dude out of the walls. Did they ever make a fucking horror movie? They did. It was called Winchester. Never mind. Didn't they make The Boy 2 somehow? Yeah, it's on Amazon. It's called The Boys. No, it's called Brahms The Boys.

I hate you. I stole that from you, didn't I? Cameron, we cut you off. What were you going to say? I just realized I want to take this opportunity to complain about something in my real life. Oh, boy. Let's go.

Cameron complain corner. Women. This is a complain moment. I don't get a lot of these. This is a women moment? I've been playing uh magic gathering i've been getting i've been getting that with like my irl friends and i dropped all my cards no no no no jesus christ that's not a story um so we've been like going to the local game store to like buy cards um like for every monday we do it on mondays and there's

this been this guy there who works there who's just been the most annoying like person to have to deal with what it makes me like want to change stores because every time we go in there like one he never remembers us like he even though we've been in there like every week for like the last two months or so, um, he never remembers us. I think it's probably because we're all wearing masks, but like, whatever.

He always comes up to us. Like, like we take maybe like less than five minutes because we know what we want. We grab it and then we go by, but he always, without a doubt comes up and talks to us and tries to like, like he tells us. So on like card sleeves on the boxes at the bottom uh it will like show you what the color of the sleeves

will actually be like inside of the box and without fail every single time we go in he picks up a box comes over so he asks us like oh what are you guys looking for blah blah what card games do you play and then he'll like hey do you see at the bottom of the box this is this shows you which color like will be in the cards every single fucking time and every time i'm like yeah no i know i've been here before and he goes oh okay cool cool so uh like you know what kind of decks you guys gonna play and stuff like please just leave me alone i hate that shit i hate that shit i other time, I'm literally talking to a different guy. I hadn't seen him, like, the entire time. I was like, thank fucking God.

I haven't been, like, accosted by this dude. And I'm literally about to buy. He comes up to his coworker and starts asking him about a stock question about something else. Literally, like, I was about to pay for it. And he stopped me from being able to pay for it by taking his coworker aside and being like, so, like, if you were to deal with this specific problem. And, like, I was standing there for five minutes waiting for this dude to, like, finish this conversation. And I just felt so shit for the other co-worker because I could see him just fucking getting so mad at him. Oh, he probably does that.

Dude, he probably does that all the fucking time, dude yeah i got the feeling that he did that all the time oh and he was so condescending as well to his like there's like a woman that works there as well oh no it's all and i just i just got bad vibes immediately and like i'm going to buy magic cards and then he's like she's like about to serve me normally and then he's like he's like about to serve me normally and then he goes goes up to her he's like oh don't worry i can take over for you like i know about this i was like bro really oh my god she doesn't know how to grab the fucking cards that are literally below the counter what are you doing anyway it's just it's been so like it's just been dude i haven't like talked about it in so long but

it's just been awful experience every single time i've experienced kind of an inverse problem of that recently an inverse problem yeah what do you mean um where it's like i i keep frequenting this local game store uh in the area like a like a year, I don't know the details, but for some reason I was just going to this place and everyone seemed cool, but I wasn't a regular at that point. But one time I go in there and I noticed that every single person working there has been replaced, which was strange. The entire workforce was just completely different people. And I was like, I'm curious, but I didn't think much of it. And I started getting buddy-buddy with the new employees And I was like, I'm curious, but I didn't think much of it. And I started getting buddy-buddy

with the new employees because I was like getting there, I was going there more frequently. And it was like getting to the point wherever they were, they were really busy and understaffed one night. And I just like was waiting for a while.

So I just like, and I had spoken to them long enough that I kind of knew how the store worked. So I just like hopped into the back desk and started helping them sort games and then like the manager comes in that's so weird the manager comes no the manager comes in looks at me and is like you don't work here and i'm like you don't care and they're they shrug and they start telling me how to help oh my god that's so fucking weird you're such a weirdo You're such a weirdo. You're such a weirdo. They shared pizza with me that night. We were homies.

You're so fucking weird. That is the most turn a jump the counter story I've ever heard has gone. So the thing is they were caught for embezzlement. You're on the list. I think that store is cursed so I had, I think that store is cursed because this is twice now that the entire workforce has been completely replaced with new people.

Julian, you ate tax free pizza. Oh my God. Yo, that's awesome, bro. Julian came over and was telling that story, but not found out it was for embezzlement yet and he goes yeah everyone just keeps disappearing and now they're gone again yeah i don't know what's going on i still don't know why they

vanished the first time but like this new workforce like at one point i asked someone and they were just like uh you professional reasons, I cannot really say, but for things they did, they're not here anymore. And then I asked some newcomer who was there and they were like, oh yeah, they were just stealing. I was like, oh, cool. What the fuck, man? That's because the other people, the people who can't talk about it,

are absolutely involved. They're totally involved. I mean, they were like... Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. I mean, everything I've said in this podcast is fake we didn't say where it was and it was all a dream

I had a game store social faux pas recently that I was thinking about now that we're talking about game stores so this one is not a wholesome big chungus like Julian or like awkward. It's awkward like Cameron's.

Embezzlement's real big wholesome. I hate corporations. Yeah, you're right, actually. Dude, they finally. But it's the corporation doing the, never mind. So we have a local game store in my town and I was pretty friendly with the owner because he used to come into my Best Buy store and like buy games. We'd talk. He'd come when I worked at GameStop.

He used to come into my Best Buy store and like buy games we'd talk he'd come when I worked at GameStop he used to come in there um and I hadn't heard from him in a while because you know I quit retail and I was checking like their Twitter well he got sick a little while ago and I was like okay and uh they just moved locations so everything had kind of calmed down in the area and I decided you know what I'm gonna go visit this store it's been a while I want to look at like original Xbox games thank you Julian by the way for the Mountain xbox yeah very cool and very awesome so i went in to look for games and they were open again they'd been closed since december when he got sick they opened up again uh i went in march they opened up like at the beginning of march and i walk in and i'm talking to the guy behind the counter and i was like oh, yeah how is uh, how is Jeff doing I uh, the Twitter hasn't been updated in a while and uh,

I was like, I was just wondering like where he's at today. The guy's like, oh he's dead Jesus And I was like, oh yeah, he passed away It was like he passed away we don't have access to the Twitter we're trying to get that fixed But yeah, you know, yeah, but we still got a great selection of games. And I'm like, whoa, you just hit me with like a bomb. And now you're trying to sell me shit. Oh my God.

Oh my God. I still bought stuff there. But it was. Yeah, no, absolutely. But like, whoa. I was like, whoa. Shelby was with me. And she just looks at me.

And she's just like, because I told her on the car ride over about this was like yeah he's sick I wonder if he's there today like I haven't like talked to him in a while from like the I haven't been to the store for a while since it was enclosed it must be open again so he must be doing better no just he's dead fucking how do you how do you never don't answer that yeah it Yeah, it was just he had cancer, so. Oh, my fucking God. Oh, Jesus. What the fuck? Why did I ask?

Yeah, I did you ask. Why did you ask? Real awkward podcast moments, allegedly. No, cancer isn't real. What do you mean, allegedly died? What do you mean? No, but like, yeah. And then a new game store opened in town too.

And I hate the new game store because they won't let me look at the fucking discs before I buy them. The dude behind the counter was so rude to me. But he was like, I can show you them

after you've bought them or I can show you them, I guess, behind the counter, but I can't let you like look at them. And I'm like, dude, I worked at a video game store. Let me look at the fucking back of the discs. Dude just want to lick it i just want to lick it even

even for pre-owned even for pre-owned that's so stupid dude this dude was like uh no we resurfaced them so there's gonna be no problems and i'm like are you stupid are you like that's not that's false information listen i don't know how they survive in that store. The back room of the new store is an arcade and it plays the Crazy Frog song 24-7. Oh my God. That fucking God. That's gotta ruin the discs. That's gotta ruin the discs and the employees have to have no

fucking brain. That's atmospheric degradation. Good fucking God. I bet they just straight up flushed the disc in the toilet. Is that a new Stanford experiment? Dude, I was just buying a copy of Furry Fighters on PS2. I just want to look and see if the disc is okay.

Please. Did y'all ever rub a banana on your disc? Yes. And peanut butter. What? Toothpaste is the one I always heard about. Toothpaste, peanut butter. When I was a kid, I had a copy of Oblivion. You guys were talking to clean?

Yeah, to clean the scratches off. Yeah, it would buff out the scratches. With a banana. You rub a banana on it and then you flush it in the toilet. Yeah, it actually works. It's pasty and all. The paste would fill in the gaps.

If it wasn't a super deep crack, that would genuinely help sometimes. No, the thing about is is it's acidic so it it wears away some of the plastic oh yeah no it's not it's not like it doesn't fill in the cracks of the plastic what it does is for for games and cds and dvds that have scratches it'll it'll slowly wipe away a little bit of the plastic that's why you leave the toothpaste set for like 30 to 30 minutes to an hour. I'm glad that we have the GameStop employee here to set the record straight.

I don't know how much I'm spreading misinformation on the internet. No, that's what resurfacing machines do though is they remove the top layer of the plastic to get rid of the scratches. Yeah, I do know that. That's also why they don't work for deep scratches. Yep, like if you put

your fucking game in the Xbox 360 and move it and it burns a laser circle in. I've done that. Or whenever you put any kind of Blu-ray disc in because they're made of a different material and resurfacing machines do not work on those discs. Do not put a Blu-ray disc in a resurfacing machine. Everyone fucking does it. You are ruining your discs. Blu-rays are really hard your discs. I know, but they resurface them anyway.

If your Blu-ray disc is just already ruined, I feel like you can't do much. Oh my god. What is the rumor? Taking off? Sorry, that was me. David was starting up his PC. Dude, some dude on my street

is just like on my street doing some fucking racing. What the fuck? Yeah, it was me. I live in a weird... I'm like in a little residential area with a bunch of kids running around. There was a dog barking way earlier.

Is that not normal for you guys? Do you not just have like speed racers in your neighborhood every so often? On my hill, they would die. I live on a tiny, tiny short street. I live on a cul-de-sac on the main road. Actually, the cops here are

super, super strict. Speaking of dying, Mandy, how'd you die? I mean, I didn't die. Or maybe I did. I guess this requires a bit more context to get to the central. Yeah, maybe. I'll be real. If I lived half the wild shit that you've lived,

and there's a point in time wherever I very well could have died, I would be questioning at this point. This is not the closest I've gotten directly to dying, but this is like, this could have been very bad. Okay. So I don't know. I can't remember the exact year it was. This was over a decade ago now. The only time point I have

for it was that the Elder Scrolls Oblivion was hot. Oblivion was out. Maybe between 2006 and 2008? Something like that. I know that because this was was a scout camp i don't

remember which which boy scout camp it was i was in the boy scouts we were either camp bob harden or it was somewhere in north carolina or virginia or somewhere in that little corner and when you have a scout camp you have like your troop that goes there but then you have like troops from several different regions come and like they just send upon the same campsite for that week so you can earn your merit badges oh gotcha and i actually looked this up because i it's really funny but i didn't want to dox them but it's okay the troop across from us was um they were called troop 501st and the game battlefront 2 had also come out like fairly recently a few years before and the fucking clone troopers and that were troop 501st and so we were like oh ha ha ha it's

like the clone troopers are next to us the thing is they were actually the most serious fucking boy scout troop i've encountered in my entire life and i guess something happened to them because i looked online about them because i was like oh i probably shouldn't say the troop number but it got dissolved and it was reformed in like 2014 or something what yeah the 2014 one is like a new troop 501st so the first one either disbanded or something happened to it i tried to look at their old website and it got like it's like deleted. So it's just like oh we're

troop 501 and I clicked on it and it's like this website is unavailable. And the new one is oh we're like we're troop 501st like the stars were. Oh boy. And so something happened. Well they're the new one I guess but no they're not the original ones we encountered.

And um i know we knew they were so hard because we had like a canoeing race at one point like day two or something where we were like just it's a little canoeing race we were just laughing around like bumping each other one the kid had like dropped his canoe his uh paddle in like the first 10 seconds of the race so we weren't doing too hot so we dedicated our run to fucking up 501st like race and so we like we kept bumping their boat and laughing and like we're like making the bend to come back towards the finish line probably like seventh place by now and one of their scout masters fucking runs out from the reeds into the water like up to his knees

and he starts screaming at them you failed failed! You failed! You failed! Whoa! And he's screaming how they failed. Whoa! Whoa! But back then, of course, looking back, it was whoa, but at the time, we all started laughing.

Because we're like, ha ha, we owned 501st. They failed. They failed. They failed. Exactly. Because our troop was a fucking mess. Sometimes you'll have like a central, sometimes like they'll do Boy Scouts through your school. There's all sorts of little linchpins that it comes through.

Ours was from our church group, and it was a casserole of mental illness. Oh my god. And just weird kids. And I'm including myself. Mental illness? The reason I remember... Why am I getting deja vu from this? The reason I remember it's Oblivion was because we had this one kid named Benny.

And he would just... Oblivion had become his life. And when I say that, I mean, like, at night, we would hear him screeching out in the woods. And he'd walk in by the campfire and just be like, hey, where were you at? I was making sacrifices to Sheogorath. Oh my god.

Holy shit. Holy shit. The camp population in that area drastically went down. Yeah, and we had two scoutmasters there. One was Quiet Psychopath. The other one was literally Ned Flanders

from The Simpsons. He had the mustache. He was dead on Ned Flanders. And so he'd be saying things like, alright, you know, we're going to talk about the Lord tonight. And Ben would be like you mean lord shiagorath like no ben we're not talking about him now and so we took great pride and fucking up constantly but still being able to style on 501st because they never like came to their campsite individually they'd always come

in like a unit like all 30 of them or whatever would all come in a straight line into their camp you can never catch one of them alone and so he'd be like wow benny just beat them in the relay race they must be real bad over there but the um the central character of this is I probably should use a different name I'll call him Jimmy Jimmy had always been quite slow like he the kind where it's like you know immediately like something's up with him by how he talks

and just the glassy look in his eyes like he'd be like hey how you doing I want to talk about dragon ball or something like that okay and around this he was at this point one of the older scouts and he was starting to go through puberty and what happened with this is that he was always just like kind of he was going through like a goth phase which was also strange jimmy the goth yeah but he was like something he had some sort of condition but he was he was also goth okay which is a lot

which is a lot already now now put that in like a scout uniform like me yeah so yeah it was sort of yeah it was a lot but it started kind of harmlessly when um how do you like most of the warning signs were taken as him just being kind of a weirdo i really don't like how you're describing this well he'd be like in church or something and he'd be like hey like i have the deepest secrets in my cursed journal and it it was like, I think it was like a Death Note journal or something like that. What the fuck? And people would be like, oh, haha, that's me. Like, yeah, the secrets are so dark. They talk about the voices.

I'm like, ah, that's funny, Jimmy. And he'd go, like, you want to look in my journal? He'd talk about how scary the journal was, but he would show that thing to fucking, like, anybody. He wanted to alert people with how scary the how scary it might be yes and so i of course looked in the journal one time and it was like a billion dead stick figures like people's devil horns like shaking each other with like pitchforks it's just like just like edgy stuff but kind of from a slower lane kids always do shit like that like it's whatever oh yeah but it was yeah i probably did that you know exactly so it's what he was not the first like edgelord i had met if anything it was it was really fucking funny at the time because he just

be like oh do you know about super saiyans i'm'm like, no, I don't watch Dragon Ball, really. He goes, well, I'm going to reach Super Saiyan level 5000. I'm like, what? And I remember that one specifically because we asked him, like, what's Super Saiyan level 5000? And he goes, it gives you the power of the devil. And he would never elaborate

on that. Wait, does that mean wait does that mean the devil can beat goku i don't know he would just say that like it gives you the power of the devil but he would tell us these stories about like the voices in his head and like these demons visiting him at night and stuff but we thought they were fucking hilarious so we started like i was turning them into, like, City of Heroes quests. Like, it's an MMO. You can make your own missions in it. Yeah, so I started making, like, quest lines based on the dreams he'd tell me about. Maybe, like, Jimmy needs to go into

the sewers and, like, defeat this dragon and shit. The thing is, during Scout Camp, it was getting... He was getting different. Because he... When you go to scout camp you don't have like a um well this one at least had like provided

tents I can't remember if we told this story about when we pushed Benny out in the lake once I don't think so okay well they they're like a wooden kind of like pallet platform with like a tent on top of it but it's like it's a super thick and sturdy pallet we had once taken uh the oblivion kid and like lifted his tent while he was sleeping

and like just pushed it out into the local pond and it like floated but that anyways so you pair up two scouts per tent and i was i want to say i was slightly older than Jimmy I was not too far away from an age and I was like oh you know I'll bunk with you Jimmy he's like okay because I kind of felt responsible for him in a weird way I don't know

how to put it just because like oh it's like I know people get weirded out by him but it's like he's harmless so I thought because like I had gone to a I know people get weirded out by him, but it's like he's harmless. Yeah. So I thought. Oh, God. Because I had gone to a camp the year before and heard him losing his mind during a thunderstorm in fright. So I'm like, oh, he's fine.

But when I first went to bed, because you put your sleeping bag on top of these two cots in the tent. I'm starting to drift off to sleep. And then I hear next to me... I look over and I'm like, maybe he's dreaming. And he's not dreaming. His eyes are completely open and he's staring at the ceiling just whispering to himself. Are the words

illegible? It's not hearing your name yeah it was Latin it was too quiet the thing is I start counting and I count 200 and he has not blinked yet he's just staring at the ceiling whispering

oh my god so go Jimmy what jimmy jim like what are you talking about and then he looks over at me and he goes i'm not here i'm the demon and i'm like oh no and i'm like they, okay. And I just go off to sleep. You fell asleep. Of course I did. That's him being like, ah, the consequence of my actions don't matter.

I'm the devil. Yeah. I'm just like, no, I'm like, all right. All right. Good night,

bro. I don't understand. When he's clearly not, not correct. I didn't take much stake in it right whatever fucking god you wake up everything's on fire you know people always people are always like oh you guys are like pst is so superstitious always talking about witches and shit and then mandy lives through stuff like this it's like of course we believe in the main character of the darkness

dude i'll be real this kid it's jimmy from the darkness i've experienced kids like this like in middle school especially yeah and they like this intense honestly so far i mean i i don't know if i'd love to be proven wrong but i'd be intrigued to know if i'm proven wrong soon but like usually the kids would just like act fucking weird to get attention it was like yeah exactly that's exactly what he's doing like a kid desperately like trying to get attention by being fucked up you know which is what we thought it's like i was a year or two older than him he was maybe i don't know 14 15 ish he was in that range where it's like oh i've seen this before yeah i mean like look i'm speaking from experience i was i was bitches that was me at the

time too you were you were bitches you were out there you were out there fucking talking latin my my talking latin using your shit for i looked i tried to act like the biggest dumbass on possible so that i could get people to laugh and it never worked but like i had a notebook that had a list of people that i wanted to kill in it when i was that age so oh yeah yeah murder i remember you telling me about that yeah mine is just lame y'all have at least funny ones Stick figures killing each other List of bullies

That's what this sounds like I do not think this is supernatural Well It It goes Okay I wake We wake up at revelry

Oh no You hear fucking cap revelry Which is like at 5.45am And they play these This loud ass trumpet Through loudspeakers throughout the entire camp i wake up jimmy's missing he's not next to me and i come out and one of the 501st guys is um walking over with like four of his goons behind him because

they always move in fucking groups and he goes whichever one of you did that you're gonna be in fucking trouble even trashing our campsite and all this stuff and we're like why do they care about picking up sticks and it's like oh right it's fucking 501st but they had this big like we it looked like someone tried to make like a blair witch looking like totem in their campsite but it wasn't it wasn't correct we just had like weird leaves and shit impaled on it and so of course we're like I'm like oh my god Benny I'm so tired of your oblivion bullshit and he

goes that is not one of the pyres I made to my god and so we're all pissed at him because we think he's the one doing it because he doesn't stop talking about oblivion and so as this day is going on we find weird little like totems and shit around and and he's saying stuff like i didn't make that from a runes day gone it wasn me. But he'd also say like, that one over there is mine. And so... What the fuck? Dude, what is this?

I'll be real. That lends him more credence. You know, like I'd believe him after that. Like clearly he wants to tell you which ones are his work. What we realized is that Jimmy was trying to make weird devil totems for attention, but we kept thinking

they were weird fucking oblivion things that Benny was making because he had been making those already. Jimmy was getting really irritated by this, but he wasn't telling us that he did it. He'd say things like, I feel a dark energy coming from this one. It was not him.

I'm like, no, Jimmy, this is fucking him. Oh, man. Oh, my God. And so, we had two suspects. The 501st was blaming another kid who we called the deodorizer, which was not even from our camp.

We just encountered him sometimes. We called him the deodorizer because he was a very large child and he the first time we saw him he wandered between both ours and the 501st campsite without a shirt applied deodorant directly under his man boobs and then burped loudly so he would just kind of like wander around if you tried to burp if you try to talk to him he just burp at you and then go, ha ha, and laugh. Okay.

See, that's your Benny summon. Yeah, I never heard a word from the fucking deodorizer that wasn't a burp. I've never been in this, in the fucking Boy Scouts, so this is like

living vicariously through you and I don't know, man, this is fucking insanity. Boy Scouts is mainly really fucking boring and then you have campouts where things just

go fucking nuts. But anyway, so they're shifting blame between either Benny or the deodorizer. And as we're walking back to camp, I think we're doing merit badge classes. Oh my god, yeah, we had the same one, which I think was

some sort of... It wasn't wilderness survival. I can't remember the merit badge. But I remember when you're going back he goes hey you want to learn about the demon like okay and he goes the demon is British and lives in a castle

oh no stop stop stop you can't say that you can't just say the demon is British no that's how he that's how he opened it I'm like okay what else he goes

he drives a nice lamborghini me when i talk about my dad he said the demon was in his head but the demon was also like living in britain oh my god dude do you remember okay do you guys this really specific thing that was like really big in the art world and the fucking car world, like when it was just like weird demons driving cars and their heads and eyes were like popping out. I've never heard of this. I feel like I know what you're talking about. like it was just like uh an artist that would just draw like these fucking weird creatures driving like sports cars in my head that's what i'm imagining it is oh oh like the rob zombie like the dracula zombie like the super beast oh yeah i know what you're talking about now exactly that's exactly like when you said the demon is brit and he's driving a Lamborghini,

that's exactly what I imagined. Oh, God. Oh, my fucking God. I'm sure whatever he came up was being influenced by some kind of media he was watching, possibly Guild Wars. He really liked Guild Wars. Oh, my fucking God.

But yeah, so I get this huge rundown on the demon. In my head, I'm mentally taking notes because that's going to be like a fucking boss encounter in City of Heroes. I'm like, uh-huh. And I'm like, oh, like, what's the demon's name? He goes, the demon has a dark name. Like, just tell me it.

Demon. Dude, he hadn't crafted that bit of his identity yet. Yeah, he hadn't built it out yet. You're not letting this guy finish his OC. You're just asking fucking questions. He had this elaborate backstory prepared already so I was like, oh, he surely has a name.

Names are hard, man. As a DM, the name is always last. Names are hard. That night, we're all just kind of fucking around around the campsite. We're cooking stuff in the fire. The Quiet Psychopath Scoutmasters is somewhere else.

I think Flanders is... I don't know where Flanders is. And I remember looking at Jimmy, and Jimmy's not talking to anybody. He's just staring really, really intently into the fire. And one of the other kids walks up and is like, Hey, Jimmy, did you see Benny's newest Oblivion Idol? And Jimmy looks up, he goes,

We will all burn like this fire. And he goes like, Okay, Jimmy. And just walks away. And then that night, I go to um yeah I go to sleep trying to sleep pardon me and I'm in the cot and I start hearing the whispering again

but this time it's more audible and I'm starting to hear kill kill and I look over at him and this time he's messing with his pocket knife no

oh my god it's like a Gerber tool one so he's like flipping it in and out it has all these tools in it he's going cow cow like hey Jimmy what's happening over there he's going the demon's getting stronger with every day

I might not be able to stop his powers by the time camp is over and at this time i'm more concerned because he has a knife and now i'm like alone with him at fucking night i'm like okay this is fucking weird and i sleep very lightly the next day wake up he's already gone there's now what looks like I don't even know how to describe it it's like someone trying to make a crop circle in the fucking dirt by just dragging their foot all over the place

oh I did that shit and so there's weird like symbol shit all over our campsite and halfway on 501st because their scoutmaster is already screaming at them to sweep it up. Blaming it on them. So I don't even know what was drawn. And then come to find out, we all start getting on

Benny again. And he goes, It wasn't me. I sleep in my bare feet. It attracts the ducks. What the fuck? Dude, what the fuck? He had been stomping his feet in catfish bait to try and attract

ducks. Catfish bait smells terrible, by the way. It does. It smells so awful. Yeah, and so we see his fucking horrendous feet and we're like, oh, but then we look at the marks on the ground. I'm like, oh, this is... You could kind of see a shoe pattern in some of them.

And so we pulled a fucking glass slipper with on benny's shoes and we're like oh these feet are bigger than benny's and like he i i believe he has not worn shoes for the past few days so who's fucking doing this and then jimmy's like it is the warning The demon will awaken soon. Oh my god. Oh my god. And it's like, oh, okay. Fucking Jimmy's been doing this. What is it culminating in? And so, same story. Walking back again that night.

So, Jimmy, what's this demon thing? What's this going to be about? He goes, I'll show you in the journal when we get back. And so, he hands me the journal. I'm like, well, what page is it? It's on every page, the story. The story was mostly intelligible.

It was not legible. I couldn't tell what it was. I can make out the stabbings. There was the giant corpse pile which had been there for like fucking months already. It was all the same shit there were some new pages and those were the alarming ones those are the ones showing stick figures like stabbed in their beds and i was like this is kind of weird and he's like he's

like don't worry i have the demon contained. He's too busy. He literally said the demon was about to be uncontained. Well, now it's contained. And I asked him why. And he goes, because the demon's a movie star and he has to film tonight. What the fuck is going on? Oh, my God. Dude, you gotta get your fucking story straight, buddy. This is the weirdest OC I've ever heard of.

Jimmy, like, oh then that night he's too busy filming american beauty dude i would not want to yeah but i don't know if i could sleep with him after that shit this is where it changes because that night i hear some i hear like oh no like the creaking sound of someone getting up and i look he's now sitting on the edge of his bed with his knife out whispering to himself and now he's staring at me no and i look over again i'm like hey jimmy what's going on tonight he's like i'm not sure but i think it's getting stronger i barely sleep that night i do not sleep until he does oh my god thankfully this is the uh wednesday was like a parent's day or something since like there would be younger scouts there and that's when parents

show up oh my god and so thankfully worried his dad his mom pardon me shows up my dad shows up a few other parents like show up because my dad fucking loves the scouts he's just what they're to fucking fuck with people because he's a prankster and i'm like hey dad there's something really fucking strange going on with jimmy and he's like oh jimmy of course there's something strange going on with jimmy you know he's not right i'm like no dad this is different and so i'm like there's something really weird about like he's talking to the devil and stuff and he's like oh he's been doing that for months you know what he's just trying to get attention because he's weird

I'm like I know but this is like different and so I now realize the fucking predicament I'm in is that like he's being really really fucking strange but that's expected of him that's just how he's been i mean obviously as a child you don't like it's harder to like rationalize what would get people's attention

but did you not think to like mention the whole knife part that's i did i was like he's like messing with his pocket knife and he's like that was the one part where he's kind of like that's a little weird like i'll talk to his mom about it and so he talks to his mom and his mom talks to him and they have a little meeting with me my dad and his mom oh god and they're like yeah so um it's like what exactly has he been saying to you and i gave him the vague parts of the demon i could remember and she's like yeah i'll be honest when i was talking to him he seems different than when he usually is at home oh no oh my god i'm like yeah it's strange no no no and then that night in the campsite one of the kids fucking screams and we all run over

and he's like someone pranked me someone pranked me and there is a dead fucking copperhead snake on top of his sleeping bag that's not a prank oh my god not really

so we're just like what we found out later was that this had been in one. It turned out that Jimmy had not killed this animal himself. One of the, um, one of like the merit badge class leaders had killed it and was just like showing it to people like in the class.

Like, look what I killed in this bucket. And Jimmy had then grabbed that snake and taken it with him like from the class. So he didn't kill this animal by himself. We found this out later, though. Right. On the spot!

On the spot, you're just like, oh my god, this kid is just killing animals now. I'm working my way up. Oh god! So we find this dead snake, and we're all looking at each other. The parent's like, who did this? And then Jimmy goes, the tower serpent is here. so we find this dead snake and we're all looking at each other the parents like who did this and then jimmy goes

the time of the serpent is here the demon's power will be awakened soon and so his mom tears his ass out yelling at him but the thing is he usually gets upset if you like you would yell at him

instead he has no fucking expression on his face and he's just staring her down and she's like you're gonna be in so much trouble and he goes well where my powers are at now you can't really stop me oh my god it's worth mentioning that um jim Jimmy's the kind of slow where he has the strength to go with it. Oh no. What do you mean?

If his mom got physical with him, he would win. And so this became a situation where someone else's dad and her eventually had to drive him out of camp, but they tempted him with the promise of they were going to Wendy's, which worked wonders.

Oh. Demon hungers for a Baconator. Yeah, the demon was also a big fan of the Dave's Double, apparently. But I got the details after... He was not the Dave's double apparently but I got the details after

he was not back the rest of the camp which had it's own fucking he will get a milkshake no one can stop him from getting a milkshake it's a frosty actually one thing is demon's thirst a milkshake

from Wendy this is a defining moment. They had read through his journal and I had not seen the latest entry, which was the one where he was going to fucking stab me to death that night and then go through tent by tent and do it. Oh!

Yo! God damn! It turned out the reason for this was that I just happened to be the one who was closest because he was just going to go through like well he had it written down he was just going to do it by proximity basically and i learned later after coming back and talking with my parents and stuff since we just didn't see him again for camp god and my dad's like yeah so um his mom was terrified driving him off because he said she said that he was just staring at her through the rearview mirror the entire drive.

What the fuck? Yeah, they took him to a mental hospital or something, got him checked out. It turns out he was very deep into schizophrenia. He's schizophrenic. Holy shit. Holy shit. Oh my god. Oh, he could have acted on it.

Oh, fuck. Which is why I said that oh he was going through puberty because like that kind of stuff doesn't you know sometimes it won't manifest around that age

oh my god so like it's not a thing you think is like possible yeah and again this was diagnosing him with schizophrenia back then

who knows what it would be now but he had a bad bad kind of mental illness holy shit but it was it had been developing long enough on its own because he was already just kind of weird and slow and everyone would discredit him anytime he tried to get attention yeah because he's talking about like

voices and like how the voices are talking to him but like that sounds because of his his slow brain interprets it as like oh i hear i do hear voices but it's a british millionaire who's a movie star yeah it's it's it sounds like he manifested mental illness to some degree and i don't fucking know i mean i'm sure psychology let's not let's not let's not no i mean like i'm exaggerating here but what what i do believe is that it probably has something to do with the amount of fucking people rejecting it. It's like the dude would go to further and further extremes to get that attention. I have no clue. That's horrifying.

It sounded like a choice to me. I have no idea. Whatever it was, I have no idea whatever it was I had no fucking clue even then I didn't know what to make of it then I still don't know what to make of it but it was oh he had something going on he got a new thing going on

but no one knew like no one saw any sort of warning signs like oh my child is now suddenly acting strange the thing is with people that have schizophrenia sort of warning signs like oh my child is now suddenly acting strange a new groove yeah i mean the the thing is like with uh people that have schizophrenia usually they're the victims about 99 of the time so it's a it's really sad but oh my god man yeah i mean again this was getting diagnosed with schizophrenia like a decade ago and a yeah and like the nearest mental facility to like a mountain

campsite but they're like oh yeah like he's he's not well at all and it's very good you brought him here because he was on the cusp of having some kind of meltdown oh my fucking god that's so fucking scary yeah and we had no clue because he'd be acting semi-normally during the day but like when the sun went down like he'd still say the weird shit during the day but then like when it got dark out something different was going on when it when it got dark out it also went dark in something like that i mean that just sounds like something he would say the only thing that would subdue is hunger a double baconator with cheese

that was just like one of the things that happened that week too Jesus like ultimately scout camp shit just continued and more wacky shit happened but it was just like oh yeah midweek remember when remember when Jimmy and the demon got fucking exercised out to the Wendy's and

are not with us anymore oh my fucking god questions how did you just fucking move on like that jesus oh man holy shit i mean yeah unless you wanted to keep talking about uh other camp things inspector asks, whomst has awakened the ancient one? What? Is that a real question? Yeah, it is. Wait, is it actually?

Yeah, it is. Oh my God. Dude, that's so horrifying. But yeah, Patreon questions, I guess. Yeah, sure. Holy fucking shit. I guess. Yeah, sure. Holy fucking shit. I guess on the back burner for those other

camp stories. I feel like I just heard a sleepaway camp sequel screenplay. I'm going to have the worst fucking fever dreams tonight. In retrospect, it was just Jimmy was being fucking weird and he got taken away so it didn't really affect the rest of the camp that much yeah i was just learning in retrospect about it that was oh

whoa my god what happened jimmy's being really fucking weird so his mom took him home i like i think i like this one uh jumbo wamba asks what are some of the cringiest family members you have and uh um i was just thinking of a way to bring up that my cousin was on mori oh your cousin was on mori my cousin was on mori um can you explain what mori is for people who don't mori mori is a television show where you go on and it's like jerry springer it's all about like drama basically mori does like a paternity test to determine whether or not the uh the dad is or is not the father it's it's the it's that it's that famous show that's like are you the father not the father yeah yeah my cousin was on mori and uh

she had a baby and uh the dude was not the father and then uh she kind of sold the baby what sold the baby well it was like an adoption thing and essentially they like the parents like paid her to like speed up the like the stuff for the adoption so it was kind of like a weird gray area thing where they kind of ended up paying for the baby so they could have a baby dude i'm gonna be real i'm so confused'm so confused. But what do you mean? What do you mean? How does it... So they went on Maury? My cousin went on

Maury and she had a baby and the guy was not the father and there was this big, huge breakdown. So she ended up being contacted by this family in the area and the family was like hey you know uh we're interested in adopting a baby and she has been like looking for someone to not

have to deal with this baby uh so oh okay i got so no not on maury sorry you're a separate incident you were talking about your cousin the baby on Maury. What the hell? That's not cringe. That's just insane. That's just insanity. Okay. My uncle is also... I could go on forever. My uncle had like a basement full of Mountain Dew piss bottles and wouldn't stop telling me about his vampire stories

that he was going to write. I only met my uncle once for similar kind of strange reasons. Are you not going to elaborate on that? He's a very dense man. I'll say that he once killed a pregnant woman and her child. Jesus fucking Christ. On accident,

but somehow did not go to prison. And that's the kind of life he lives. So cringe. Jesus Christ that's so cringe the cringe part was when he came the one time he visited our house drunk uninvited

he began to sing cover bands of things he thought I would like I was just a kid and he was singing shows he thought I'd be into but he was fucking the lyrics up. Just like a drunk man crawling through our yard going like, SpongeBob Squidward

SpongeBob Squidward Oh my god. And my mom trying to hide me and my dad having to explain who the funny man was later, and that he in fact lives across the country and should not be here what christ i don't know i was just gonna say my sister's cringe because she's racist

that's it what was the question that's it who's the cringiest family member I can't fucking answer that yeah I feel the same my fucking family members all listen I'll be shooting myself in the foot they all listen my grandma stole my abyssal whip yeah my brother showed my mom the podcast

it's over for me although there is an answer to that question have fun everyone oh it's your dad in it no it's the british demon no it's the british demon oh my god it's the british demon oh no maybe cut that actually maybe hey david maybe bass boost it. Bass boost it and add a ton of reverb.

So much that it's incomprehensible. Just manipulate it so that it sounds like I'm fucking blackout. My cousins just got a new house and upstairs they have like a little nook where there's like a bar and

they're like, oh we're gonna get rid of that and my little cousin was like I'm gonna make it my anime corner cool my anime corner and he kept just saying it over and over again trying to get me to react and I was just don't touch any socks in the anime corner

I really want to know what an anime corner is I really don't like yeah like one of those like otaku I really want to know what an anime corner is I really don't Is it like a reading nook but smellier? Yeah Like one of those otaku reading nooks Like at the fucking Like in Japan those fucking manga cafes

He also He kept going what video games do you play? What video games do you play? And I kept going checkers I played checkers for the Wiiii warehouse and logistics simulator 2013 i mean this one's such an easy one but someone asks like what's the worst story from a previous place of employment oh okay i i feel like i already i feel like that's like an episode but yeah that's an entire episode i already talked about mine

i think i've talked about so many i've talked about most of mine i think i don't even know which one's oh i i have okay i have a really cool one oh i do i do actually tell yours it's not the worst but this one time i was uh while i was where i this is like forever ago I was working at McDonald's during like high school and at the time I was not out and I was working with somebody who was incredibly homophobic and they he

the slurfs it was yeah dude Corbin why did you do that it was so awkward for everyone either way I was just making fucking burgers, and he was like, if one of those fucking F-words would come by around here, I would not...

I'm giving you the pass. Just beep yourself. You're fucking... Shut up, breeder. No, he would be like, if one of those fucking homos came by the McDonald's and asked for a Big Mac, I would not give it to them. And I was like, oh my God. What the fuck?

Who sexually does not deserve a Big Mac? Now what? That is the Big Mac. No. That's got to be the lamest homophobic action. I know. Like, yeah, I'm going to stop the lamest homophobic action yeah I'm going to stop the gays from eating McDonald's

no gay gets the big mac it was so lame he would just non-stop talk about like say random comments like we were just like I don't know I was fucking flipping burgers and then he would have like a fucking brain aneurysm and think about something and he'd be

like, I would not kiss a man. And I was like, okay. Nobody asked, dude. What the fuck do you want? He was just non-stop talking about how not gay he was. David, I think he was hitting on you. He doesn't know. I still think he... I'm not going to kiss a guy.

Would you kiss a guy? I not gonna kiss a guy would you kiss a guy? I would never kiss David he'd be like angrily staring at the lettuce if we were to kiss right now I'd hate it he would be pissed he'd just grab the tomatoes and throw them on the patty and he'd just be like I would not kiss a man

if you just like passionately looked into my eyes, stared at me for a bit and then you know like delicately looked into my eyes stared at me for a bit and then you know like delicately pressed your lips against mine I would like hate it it'd be the worst

I would fucking hate it but like in reality if you tenderly squeezed my ass I would fucking hate it don't do that there's only one way

to know that I would I hate it if you proposed to me under the sakura cherry blossom tree I'd fucking hate it I think we should kiss to find out

if I'd actually hate it but I know I'd hate it I know I'd hate it that I'd hate it I think i think we should kiss to find out if i'd actually hate it no but i know i hate it i know i hate it that i'd hate it i mean i'll fucking show you i'll show you how much i hate it do it right i'll throw it right off like he would go he would go to the wash which is like the place where we would wash dishes and shit and he would he would just be fucking cleaning up ketchup off of fucking whatever and he'd just be like those fucking gays it was dude it was just so weird had a vendetta maybe you misheard him me he goes i'm fucking gays he kept saying i fucking love man men and I just didn't get it because I was the homophobic one. He was saying, I hate anal sex.

It hurts. You had like a battle face for homophobes. He had a bad experience with his last boyfriend. He was on a rough come down. I think genuinely, probably my worst work experience was working for a construction company. And I was,

I would drive and bring stuff to construction sites and so I'd have to stay late to make sure they had the things for the next day and I'm driving in Houston and it's like six o'clock I'm fucking exhausted because I've been working all day driving down the freeway going like 75 miles an hour and just the car in front of me just swerves off the road and the reason they swerved off is because there was a giant fool fucking car engine in the middle of the highway oh my god and i almost crashed into it going 75 miles an hour and had to like fucking fishtail my truck to swerve around it. Legit saw my life flash before my

eyes. Made it to the Home Depot and just started throwing up. What did you see when your life flashed? Just a bunch of cocks. Can't stop thinking about them cocks. Actually shit, there was that time I worked for Walmart for a week but then I found out about the drug ring. Oh oh fuck that's an episode

that sounds like an episode so you ended up working there for longer no that was a brief thing it's not my worst job story but it's definitely my briefest job oh yeah I was in school desperate enough to try to try to work for Walmart to get some cash flow and that went differently

props on getting a job at Walmart apparently they're very selective, question mark. What? No way. The amount of people who apply to Walmart versus the amount of people who get hired is way higher than normal. That must be new then because

when I got the job, they said, by the way, 95% of our employees leave before they do their first six months. I went, really? That's not good. I had to do the fucking Walmart dance one time. What's the Walmart dance? I knew it!

Actually, when I worked at that McDonald's, it was a McDonald's in a Walmart. In the morning, when I would get up, I saw them. I saw them do that weird fucking pact. It felt like a cult. It was so weird. And I had no idea.

Like, I didn't know anything about it. So I didn't either until I worked there. I worked there for night shift, but when I was like getting oriented, I came during the day. I'm like, okay, this is our team exercise we do the walmart dance and they have you sing this fucking song and everyone does this dance it's made what's basically made to break your spirit i think it was i did it once i was like oh this is

this is to make you actually feel like human garbage and keep working here oh for sure like i i was just dude i was going to my job where I would clean like I would clean the like scrape the shit off of like the oil fryer. And I felt like more of a human than they did while they were doing their little fucking jig. I was like, oh, man. The ones who you see genuinely enjoying the jig are the ones who love Big Brother now. They're gone. That is the happiest time of their day. See, I would have enjoyed doing the dance.

It's very different. It's sad because you look around while doing the dance and you can see the people who are like, they're gone and they love the dance. You see the people who are hanging in there for the paycheck. There's no in-between, I'm sure. It's horrendous. It's so bad.

Oh, man. That was probably the... I mean, I have way better and worse retail stories from working at a hardware place, but man, that week at Walmart was fucking insane. Walmart is just the place with all the weird stories. These motherfuckers... everybody that works or goes to Walmart is just

fucking nuts hey we're a retailer and we have an orientation video that says by the way here's why you don't need a union that's how you get fired from Walmart immediately you cannot say the word union if you want to get fired from Walmart

like if you're tired of working there start talking about unions within like earshot of somebody and you'll be gone immediately wow they literally have you watch a video on how epic it is not to have a union which to be fair we are a family there are incredibly shitty unions

that do take advantage not like completely unnecessary retail is probably not one of those spheres because they make you watch a video where they go the union kept taking my money and I just want to do more work at Walmart like there's no fucking way okay buddy

I can't give more hours because I'm in a union no other job I've worked anywhere and I've worked strange places has ever had anything like that even the ones that didn't have unions didn't have a video that's like here's why you shouldn't talk about unions video games I think I've seen three different non-union

videos yeah really yeah I worked at Shopko GameStop and Best Buy I've seen three videos Best Buy oh my god video game developers are very much that way in all three of my jobs like in the seven years in retail

that I worked at GameStop and Best Buy I've had three separate Roachbox incidents oh cool I love my life fucking love Roachbox I love Roachbox 360 oh my god nowadays Roach s4 that's there's

gotta be a better name for it it was it was the last one was a roach s4 yeah those are like really common these days from what i hear because like apparently the soon it'll be a roach box series um yeah i mean i have like a boring real answer which is that like i wasn't allowed to go home while working at best buy despite having a 103 degree fever and having trouble standing up but that sounds yeah that just sounds yeah they wouldn't let me go home when i worked there when my my childhood cat died and i was like can i just take a half day they were like nobody else can work checkout yeah how do you expect anybody else i was like, can I just take a half day? They were like, nobody else can work checkout. How do you expect anybody else to work checkout?

I was scuttling and barely walking and a customer asks, are you good? And I'm like, no. And then I pick up a TV and bring it to them. But that's not funny. I don't know, what's with such shitty Best Buy's? No, that's just retail in general. No, but the Best Buy I worked at, it was was like if you just weren't feeling it you could just go for a lucky one huh yeah that sounds fucking great corbin i'm happy for you this is unreal um i told you about the fucking the the dude with the trash bags right what what do you

mean the dude who brought in the bunch of phones like in in a big trash bag yes yes yeah i told it on the podcast yeah he brought in like i don't think i was on that because that sounds pretty like to recycle or to sell or he brought it he had this massive garbage bag like a 20 gallon one full to the brim of smartphones of every make and model and he brought them to the samsung kiosk and back whenever best buy had a samsung kiosk and he he brought it in he showed it to the employee and he was like I need you to scan every single one of these and format them

and you're like why the trash bag and he says because it's the only way the government won't be able to spy on me that sounds like a great opportunity to sell total tech support oh my god oh christ you're a bad person brendan i know i am when i was at

best buy i was the top employee because i sold so many memberships and credit cards it was insane i was awful you were a record setter for like one of the best i was a record setter for one of the worst i had a i worked checkout one day and i had a 30 attack a protection attach rate which means 30 of the things that came through checkout that day i i sold them protection i'm evil you want to know what i sold eight dollar protection on a pair of ten dollar headphones i am not a good person oh my god see i know i would do that to every every single keyboard and mouse that I would sell I would get with protection because I'd be like hey you get two years of protection

bring it back after two years and just get a new keyboard that's what I do every two years just smash it on your desk and then bring it back but you know the only things they track now are your credit cards and total tech supports.

They don't even care about... You got to remember I was in customer service for two years and that was the only thing they tracked. Customer service does not exist anymore. Thank God. God bless. No, it's so much worse. I know. Now everybody has to learn to do returns.

Listen, listen, you don't understand. The two years I worked in customer service at best buy were the worst two years of my entire life that is oh yeah experience i had i swear to god dude i i had to deal with like every single appliance issue every single every single like major like sales issue i had to fix everything and managers would literally grab me off of checkout mid customer interaction like in cameron's story but'd just pull me off and be like, Brendan, somebody messed up this appliance order. I need you to fix it.

Because we had an old system that only I knew how to use when the old lady wasn't there. Dude, I think what I'm realizing is that we need to stop recording podcasts where Corbin, Brendan, and I are all on, because it just becomes a Best Buy podcast every fucking time. You just talk about Best Buy? It's a problem. Somebody talks about it and I want to talk about it.

Let's talk about one last question. How about that? You didn't have a question, did you? No. Did you have one? I'm trying to move. You didn't have a question? You just laid us out for it

to go into another question. You know what would out for it. How about you find one? You know what would be king shit is if you end the podcast after that segue and silence and there's just no next question. It just hits to the fucking music. People think it's a genuine mistake. Yeah. Dude, people are going to ask.

Actually, I'm going to do that. Fuck it. It's funny. Fuck it. I'm going to do that. You know what would be really good? One more question. Fuck it. It's funny. Fuck it. I'm going to do that. You know, it'd be really good. One more question. Wait, why? Dot,

dot, dot. You know, I just like, end it after Julian explains the bit. End it after. Oh, fuck you,

dude. That's so much work. Fuck off. No, end it right now, actually. Fuck, I forgot.

That was the same camp we took the Snorlax hostage. So, uh, that was a fucking episode, huh? This episode would not have been possible without the help from our top patrons, such as Air109, Alan Diver, Ben Krizmanek,

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