Please Stop Talking - Etsy Curse | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: February 9, 2024

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if you want to give us some financial support as well as receive a little something in return all of that stuff helps like you would not believe i've had this thing where i've been spending a bit of money on like i need to save money for my wedding right i've been spending money on on this uh you ever seen etsy curses no basically i just spent three thousand dollars on an etsy curse that make my dick 20 bigger oh can you explain it's a curse to me like i i mean what is there to not get so you can you can hire a witch on etsy to give you a curse or give somebody else you can you can you can pay a witch ten thousand dollars on etsy to kill somebody oh my god that's like curse somebody

to death uh okay i mean is that is that like hiring a hitman but like that is i mean yeah i'm pretty sure you can still get arrested can you get arrested for an etsy curse no fucking way if you are attempting to pay someone to end someone else's life oh it's okay i found one that's way cheaper oh no it's 13 000 never mind 13 000 i mean oh my god this wait this curse is what is this for wait hold on you're actually looking at stuff i thought you were like i thought this is a bit that you were just doing i didn't know that there were actually witches on etsy no it's real i found i found a i found a complete soul annihilation curse. Why on Etsy?

I found the fuck em up jar. Yeah, I found the fuck em up jar. What the fuck? It's $13,000 to completely annihilate the soul of somebody you hate. This is awesome. This one's a bad luck spell. It's just a picture of a car crash. $10,000? Usually it's $30,000.

You can buy it right now and kill somebody. I was going to say, the complete Soul Annihilation right now is 50% off until February 9th. Unfortunately, nobody listening to this is going to be able to get to use this incredible promo code. Ultimate Death Curse. There's so many Death

Curses. It's crazy. There's so many reviews. They're all five star. 13 pages of reviews. Has anyone seen the Curse, the show with nathan fielder the fucking the the the trend in that like the curse is based around it's like a tiktok trend called tiny curse and you just like it's so i just found what i just found somebody that is selling his soul oh man on wait okay he's selling his soul on etsy and it's just a picture of his face and it says selling my soul vintage from the

1970s i'm selling my soul so that i may live in comfort and leave a head start for my wife and children. What? Guys, I found a counter spell. A detect curse spell. It's same day as well, so you can know if someone's... Wait, so you can buy a death curse and then check if your death curse worked with another extra.

Yeah, it's only $2 at the moment. It's like 75% off. You get shielding and protection for $10.96. Am I cursed? Have I got bad luck? Do you guys know that I'm reading this right here? There's an Etsy policy. All spells services are non-refundable.

And also, I hold the right to refuse a service if you're under the age of 18. What? They're selling powerful ancient vampire transformations for $1,500. $1,500? Dude, the curse economy is insane. Oh, yeah. I thought you guys knew about Etsy curses. I'm surprised you guys didn't know what this was.

Do you think that you could be held liable if you paid for someone to do a death curse and that person you cursed died? Can you get... That would be the quickest five-star review I've ever left.

But would you leave that review from jail? No, because how are they going to trace it back to me? Is the curse like cutting brake lines curse? Because then I feel like you might be liable. They die, right? Your enemy dies, right? And then the police walk into the scene they go

did he have any enemies well he had one okay let's look into this guy okay last night he made a 200 purchase for a death spell 200 200 they're way more expensive the curse economy is fucked are we in the episode i think we are welcome to the podcast i just found something so fucking insane on etsy i didn't know dude i didn't know you could sell sex toys are you serious what is this is buying curses how you like book a hitman is this like the fucking front there there's there's no fucking way that you casually were like oh you guys didn't know about etsy curses you about Etsy curses? You can just buy curses off of Etsy?

And now you see a sex toy and you're like, they sell those here? That's a man in an inflatable, like, transparent suit with his ass out on Etsy. You can have your ass out on Etsy. I don't believe you. Send it to me.

Oh, my God. All of the stuff they sell is inflatable shit oh this is oh this is a fetish thing there's a fetish thing yeah oh i mean good for them wait a sex toy is a fetish thing no inflate it's like an inflate they're like in an in a balloon oh like they're big no i mean i guess no they're just in a balloon i need a i need to you guys need to see something i want to see what the cheapest curse this person is selling us. This is insane. Oh, they come in different colors.

$153 for inflatable underwear feels a bit like a ripoff. I can't. These are wild. I'd rip them off. Inflatable urinal? Hold on. Inflatable urinal? Check them out. Oh, my God. Wearable? Wearable urinal check them out oh my wearable wearable oh it would be a fucking oh it's urinal yeah i thought it was an actual urinal i didn't thought i didn't there's an

image of him oh my god this is next level i'm sorry this is like kind of like what is that these are just actually the guy what the dude etsy product pictures where it's just a naked dude with an emoji on his dick or like somebody pissing on him what the fuck what's your favorite do you know what the category this is under gender neutral adult clothing good for good for all of us okay you want to know how i found this i found this because it showed like like under a death curse it said people who bought this also bought and it's just this fucking inflatable suit to protect them from death curses me in my urinal suit waiting for my curse to happen to my enemy i'm uh this is sending me billy now my fucking etsy home page is oh no mine is also the same yeah we looked at sex toys and spells i can never use etsy again hold on i can never use it either oh my god we have i'm gonna have to censor so

much shit i'm just gonna start clicking through DIY and cross just to get. I'm just going to look at jewelry for a minute. I love crochet. No, it's crocheted underwear. No, I just found a cock sock. We haven't had any witch encounters as of late. I think we're doing pretty good for ourselves we can we can force one we can force one tonight anybody want to put in a pot what's the cheapest

let's see what's the cheapest curse i can find i i the detect curse one was like three dollars i could i could get that i like the i like the werewolf werewolf spell unleash the powers of the primordial courage wolf. There are two wolves inside of you. I put them there. Pay $5 to get them out. The take curse one's gotta be funny because what if they just tell you you're not

cursed and you're like, oh man. Damn, I was scammed. Do you think if we tried really hard we could start putting curses on the PST shop? What? What think if we tried really hard uh we could start putting curses on the pst shop what what do you mean tried really hard why would we have to try really hard for this because we would have to yeah we'd have to we would have to uh you know this this person's getting five star reviews for great products is it legal for us to sell like a

fifty dollar curse that makes you uh i don't know what's a fucking what's a curse or spell we could sell to people what are what are what are our fans looking for in life cock leans a little too far to the left now what that's the curse yeah your nipples are your nipples are a bit less symmetrical i wonder if i go to my merch manager and i'm like okay i want to start selling curses and spells are they gonna fucking lose their mind and be like we can absolutely not do that what if they're real curse your microwave dinner will be too hot and burn your tongue oh no i have found the next level deeper and oh etsy curses you're still on etsy if you go to the reviews and you scroll down oh no and you click on the photos of the reviews

what they are fucking golden what you can leave reviews on the spells wait yeah and some of them leave photos and they just send photos it's just a picture of the dude they want to kill. Is that a picture? I don't know. I don't know. Why is his eyes dilated? What is he? Oh, dude, he's a vampire suited.

Is this a vampire ritual thing? Yeah, the vampire ritual. I saw that. Oh, my God. There's so many magic spells on Etsy. It's kind of crazy. Okay, so this one claims that they all come with proof. What are they sending you to, like, prove?

Yeah, all spells in this shop come with their proof. I'll let you know when I get your order and start working on your spell. The completion time varies. I think it might be because they send you a picture of the... I think they send you a picture of them, like, with their little crystal ball.

I don't know what the fuck... They got, like, a mortar and pistol. They're just, like, grinding up some oregano just to, like, fucking make it. This is, like, the... It's, like, the Crystal Girl crystal they're just fucking grinding up some oregano just to like fucking make it this is like the it's like the crystal girl equivalent of selling people bags of lawn clipping them like telling them it's a weed oh my god this one is a five star five star succubus summoning spell review i seem to have felt the energy from this particular vibration beginning at the time of purchase it was nice to see the the the familiar what wait this dude is saying it worked yeah why wouldn't it be paid for it is early on

but i sense the relationship of energies taking place oh this dude this dude fucking summoned the succubus and it worked uh most of the reviews i found were uh positive i finally found a negative one it's fucking golden he's saying that for his spell he was sent a folder he downloaded the folder and it was all in latin and he goes what the fuck so he translated it and it was just nonsense and it repeated after 64 pages brother got lorem ipsum he says it's fucking threesome spell i cast threesome this is all a front for like fucking there's no way i'm looking at it the price is insane and yet people are buying these that's what i'm saying this is the next step there's reviews you can't leave a review if you haven't

bought it i know someone who's buying them this is this is a death spell it's only 13 dollars that's what i mean there's like 70 off for the next 23 hours surely the the higher the price the better the spell right that's how that works the first the first five star review says i already have heard some bad news about that person one after another just wow i'm really speechless thank you asmodeus uh dude etsy's gonna start sending me fucking emails about buying magic i found a review for the best effective death spell and this woman is saying that she killed her neighbor she killed her she killed her neighbor with a fucking etsy spell i'd be so i'd be so pissed if that's what got me.

There are so many more things that I would do. Oh, no! I just read how they died. Oh, no! It says apparently their neighbor died drunk driving. What the fuck is this? Oh, my God. Oh, dude. Hopped up on Magic Elixirs.rs mrs lisa will you're crazy

what the fuck is um we have to move on we have to we have to move on this is i have a question yes so i've been trying to find out if this girl I've been talking to is into crystals. Do you buy her a curse? Do you want to buy her a spell? No, I want to send her a picture of the spells and say, you know about this? Dude, she'd be like, bitch, I am this. I am doing those spells. I don't know if she's into crystals yet, but last night I was working on geology homework for school.

Yeah. And I sent her a picture of the textbook and she was like, oh, I love rocks. And then I said the classic, the name, every rock. And she goes,

oh, I can't name them. I just collect them. Oh, she collects rocks. Like in what way though? Yeah. I don't know.

There's two different kinds. There's ones that are like, there's a really cool way. And, and like, yeah. And then there's a, kinds there's ones that are like there's a really cool way and and like yeah and then there's uh i like well i like the one that's just wow cool rock yes and so i'm trying to find out but what spell do i send her that well this is what i this is what i sent you is he thinking of you exact thoughts same hour and it's 70% off today no way send her the threesome spell no the threesome spell ask her who her least favorite person is

and then be like listen 14 bucks I can take care of it hit rock bottom curse same day same day delivery what would you do if someone told you they cursed you like I I'd fucking laugh at them what do you fucking mean what would you do if someone told you they cursed you like i i'd fucking laugh at them what do you fucking mean what would you do i don't know i'd reverse curse them

i'd go buy an even more expensive curse fuck them specifically from cameron does curses on ety. It's a new seller. With no context, if somebody told me that they cursed me, I would be a little concerned. Would you actually be? I don't know. Would you be upset? I don't know.

Would you be upset a bit? I honestly think I'd be a little bit upset. It depends how serious they're being. Yeah, if they say it really seriously, and then they walk away, I'm going to get in my own head about it something bad's gonna happen i'm gonna go oh my god it's true they they got the 13 etsy curse ah dude you know what the worst part is worst part is you say that i would probably be the same i'd be i'd feel i'd be suspicious about fucking everything after that it already happened with the the witch encounters that we had like two years ago i don't know yeah i don't know why we're pretending magic isn't real when we've we've had multiple we've had multiple yeah remember they summoned they

summoned a barn while i was driving and they almost got us do that corinne is it mostly crystals or is it like actual rocks i don't know yet i don't know yet okay you need to you need to ask for a picture of the rocks that that that she's been collecting because there that will tell you i think because i feel like if if she's like into rocks in a cool way there's going to be like a it's going to be a varied selection of rocks if she's into rocks in a non-cool way it's going to be all the same kind of rock you know like she just got a really big collection of just shirt like if it's just quartz and nothing else then it's like hmm interesting and like is she charging them or like that's that's my biggest concern are rock girls the

new horse girls like no horse girls of the 21st century. They're horse girls without access to horses. It's the next best thing, you know? They ride the rocks. Are there J.O. crystals on Etsy? You know, that's like mineral girls. Rock boys just have J.O. crystals and collect them.

I just have a cool rock I hold in my hands when I'm cranking my arm. Would you rather have a horse girl or a rock daughter? A rock what? Rock daughter. Rock daughter for sure. I'd rather have a rock daughter. I mean, it would be really easy to shop for them for like Christmas and stuff.

Just go to the backyard. Just go to the park and find some fucking limestone or whatever. I'd be making up rocks nobody's ever heard of before. I'd just be handing her shit. What's stopping you from lying to the rock girl? Nothing. That's why I do it.

You think on our next date I just bring her a rock? Valentine's Day. That's when I get her. Ooh. Ooh. You should get her a bouquet of rocks. Bouquet of rocks. Just a sack full of hammers.

Just chuck it through a window. Just like one, you you know like outside just got a boom box whipping a full speed at her play rock rock music oh play rock music is there a cool song about mining oh minecraft songs oh because i am mining for diamonds so what a weird fucking start to an episode. Jesus Christ. Why were you on the Etsy curse? Like, so how did this happen? Because I thought it was funny. I think it's funny as shit that people are buying curses on Etsy.

You know who told me about these curses? Fucking Mandy. Oh, of course. I'm like 90% sure he's actually bought one. Like, I'm pretty damn sure he must have bought one. Why, are you feeling it's a fix? I'm starting to feel it's a fix. I have depression.

He bought a protection spell. I don't think it was a protection spell. If he bought something, it would be like a death spell. I feel like he doesn't do like... He doesn't fuck around. He wouldn't do like half measures. He doesn't fuck around. And I shouldn't either.

Got $13? please be safe stay off of etsy spells okay she just said when i'm done studying i'll give you the hall she has a hall of rocks goddamn of course you can't be into rocks without a hole every time we're in it we have an episode with corbin there's a new girl and she's always into something new and we just kind of we're just over here hyping you up for like oh yeah you should ask her about this thing or that thing now i used to collect rocks when i was younger uh not not in like any serious way i would just walk around outside now go that one looks pretty cool and i'm sticking on a shelf in my room i had a shitload of rocks my uh my dad collected rocks

but always had to carry them we would uh whenever we'd go fishing he'd pick up a bunch of stones by the riverbed and he'd put my backpack and then we go out on the boat oh i got in i i i did that at one time i went to uh i think it was cuba when i was when i was a kid and i um i collected seashells and then i i just kind of i brought them back with me because somehow they didn't care which is not usually they care immensely because you can't bring like you can't bring seashells back home and you can't bring like rocks and shit or like soil i guess and then i just kept them in my backpack for the longest time and then the first time i was gonna like meet up with you guys in the u.s actually i

don't think none of you guys were there for that one, but I just went through customs and then they just stopped me and there was a whole thing because I had rocks in my bag. Apparently you're not allowed to have rocks and they had to do a full search. Yeah, how else the

plane fly? They had to do a full search on me because I had seashells and they were like are you hiding seashells anywhere else and i was like where the fuck you think i found these in canada dude that's such a weird thing to stop you over i don't know why i but apparently you're just straight up not allowed to bring those in the u.s crazy i brought a bunch of rocks back from ireland i just crammed them in my suitcase stuff like that's way more serious than new zealand it's uh usually to do with like um the biodiversity and making sure like our native yeah it's like bio yeah it's biodiversity like oh well yeah plants plants you're not allowed to

bring through yeah they make you declare that kind of the seashells aren't rocks rocks can have stuff like lichen on it and things um so it can be i i don't know i don't know i feel like rocks that you get from like a beach are probably fine though like yeah but seashells aren't rocks don't the fuck is this living in them sometimes yeah well it is the shell of a dead animal wouldn't yeah wouldn't that make it even worse than yes yes so that's probably why they stopped me and yelled at me and killed yeah almost certainly what if they're empty then they're probably fine but they might have like trace of biomatter and stuff like that sorry she just said forcing people to look at my rocks is my favorite hobby man what the hell okay that's honestly that's kind of a green flag

because special little interest being rocks. If her part about, like, the rocks is showing it to other people and not, like, you know, using them- Jamming for violence? Using them to kill people? Well, no. $13 Etsy curse? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I keep using these rocks to fucking bash people's heads in.

I keep using this to channel my $13 curse. Just being weirdly into rocks is super cool the crystals is the only thing the crystals is the this the issue remember okay i i see like remember that one time we asked like dinosaur kids to give us an essay any kids and yeah any if there's any rock kids give us your rock essay. Give us some cool facts and lore about your favorite rock. Is it vascular?

Is it vacs? No, no. That's a cock. That's not what you're thinking. No. I love sedimentary rocks. Should I pack seashells into my luggage when I go to your wedding, Billy? Should I pack some metamorphic rock, too? You should your wedding, Billy? Shout out to Metamorphic Rock, too. You should get as many as you want.

As many as I can? You should just leave... Oh, dude, I was thinking about... You know how people... What's that thing where you hide a Smirnoff? What's that called again? Icing. I thought it would be really funny

if we just had a fucking 24-pack at my wedding and we would ice people. What if I ice the customs person? Because you're not allowed to have liquid. So they would have to stop me and like open up the bag and then I just like do finger guns and I'm like, eh, you gotta do it. Pop on one knee, brother.

Do you have any liquid over eight ounces? Maybe. I don't know you should look you should you should look you should look they'd arrest you you would get detained

if you like big smile on your face missing my flight for the bit you know how you know how sometimes they're like uh we

you had coca-cola in your fucking thing either you drink it or throw it do you think they would let you drink that fucking smear?

Just fucking check it. I'm curious. Do you have any liquids on you? Hold on. Let me check my bag. You got me. You got me. Billy, you have just come up with the best ice.

We're traveling with someone sneaking ice into their bag so when they get stopped by TSA, they have to charge. In front of the TSA! Oh my god! That is so fucking good. I actually have the opportunity

to do this to Charlie when I'm in because I'm going to go to Chicago first before going to your wedding. I should ice asked Charlie before. Before you guys take the fucking plane up to Canada you're going to either I remember when we were coming back

from Brendan's wedding. We still had a bunch of alcohol and Julian just shoved it in his bag and covered it up and somebody was like, are you sure? He's like, yeah, it's a check bag, you can do that. All of them broke open in his bag. Oh, my fucking God. Of course.

He's not even here to defend himself. No shit. Why would you do that? That was a fun time. There are, like, so many fucking warnings for your checked luggage of, like, shit that you shouldn't put in it. Because it's going to... Dude, you filled it full of glass. It's never against you.

It's not because, because like they hate you it's cause it's gonna fucking explode in your bag and you're gonna fucking hate yourself These motherfuckers don't want me putting live ammunition in my bag I hate the TSA These fucking cowards The first time

I like packed my own bag when I was flying I was still a small child and uh for some reason in my own bag when I was flying, I was still a small child. And for some reason in my carry-on bag, I was like, I might need so many different things. I was obviously stopped by TSA. And they just started taking the things out of my bag. And my family's all staring at me. They're like, okay, we've got an alarm clock, three rolls of duct tape, like 50 feet of yarn. And just a bunch of really random shit. Because I was like don't know what's gonna happen on this plane i have to be prepared why would you

have why would you need duct tape oh in case there's a hole in case there's a hole in the fucking plane you can you they'd be like oh my god is there anybody who can help us and then you'd be like i can that's the one flix tape ad they didn't do. It's like a fucking pressurized airplane. I saw this plane in half! I've been thinking, I've been thinking, I should ice my sister who's pregnant. No.

Why have you been thinking that? Double ice, you get the baby too! That's what I'm saying. The doctor comes back in with the baby wrapped up in a blanket shows it to your sister it's not actually a baby it's a bottle of ice oh god icing the midwife cram a smear enough ice up there first thing that comes out the doctor goes down to look on my wedding day i think i'm

gonna buy a six-pack before and oh i'm gonna buy a six-pack and then when when we go get our hair cut i'm gonna hide a shit ton of them everywhere at my at my sister's wedding they i went and toured the wedding venue with her and one of the first things and like only rules that she said is you are not allowed to ice. What? The wedding venue banned icing people. What? The venue itself banned icing? How bad did things get?

The wedding venue was in a college town, so. Oh. So everybody was icing. They had a sign for it? No. The lady who ran the place. It was like one of the first things she said to us. One of the first things? No icing people.

How the fuck did they immediately go for that? Like how often does it happen? We saw this rolled up and knew we were dull. I respect your grind, but no ice today. Icing is not popular around in French Canada, so I could probably get away with it. But people aren't going to know what it means. I thought you'd have a lot of ice up there. Yeah, they'd be like, what's icing?

Is that like glassy? It's like buffalo. You can try to get people with it, but it's not going to fucking matter because they're not going to know what you're talking about. Buffalo's fucking massive in New Zealand. Or at least in my frequent, and I hate it. Wait, wait, what's buffalo?

So buffalo is when you are holding your drink in your right hand. massive in new zealand i or at least i'm so happy and i hate it wait wait what's what's buffalo so buffalo is when you are holding your drink in your right hand anyone your dominant hand your dominant oh really they just say right hand because i'm left-handed so i get away with buffalo so many fucking times it's awesome but uh but if anyone's holding their drink and drinking out of their drink with their dominant hand you can point to them and go buffalo and they have to finish the drink wait oh wait oh wait wait so when it's in your non-dominant yeah so like your dominant hand so if you're right-handed and it's in your right hand you have to hold it in your left hand yes that's so fucking stupid we we have a game that that tin knows about i i know about i'm not allowed to explain the rules because if you get

the rules explained to you you have to join the game and uh the only rule you're allowed to explain is it's called life and you're in the game for your entire life it's uh like the game i just lost the game i feel like i feel like buffalo is is a similar premise because like i feel like you can't get someone who doesn't know about buffalo with buffalo that's fucking brutal yeah no you can't because i'd be pissed i'd be like i didn't even know we were fucking playing a game exactly but once you know it's fucking awful i once you know it's awful i mean i literally always drink with my left hand yeah i mean i mean i i always got away with it because i guess the way our group plays as we just said it was right hand which was awesome for me because yeah it's it's

non non-dominant. Yeah, it was bullshit, though, because every time I checked my phone, I'd swap my hand, and there'd always be someone hawkishly watching me, and they're just like, immediately, just Buffalo. I'm like, you bastards. Dude, drinking games are so fun. Drinking games are great. God, I love drinking.

I haven't been drinking. I've been careful. I've been good. I have been drinking a lot less. After MAGFest, dude, after MAGFest, I was like, man, I gotta take a break at least a few months. I don't think I've done months.

I did like two and a half weeks. I have also been trying to lose weight, so not drinking beer helps a lot. So many of you guys got cornflour. I did. I didn't. Yeah, I did. You fucking definitely did, Billy. Jeez. I was fucking sick as hell. I was on Castle Super Beast. so many of you guys got conflict i did i didn't yeah i did fucking definitely did billy jeez i was fucking sick as hell i was on castle super beast oh my god nobody realized okay i was on

castle super beast like a week ago or two weeks ago i can't remember and at one point my nose started itching and i just like put my i just like rubbed it and i didn't realize but i just smudged like a shit ton of blood on my face and i didn't nobody noticed that i had like a shit ton of blood on my face for so long and then i at one point i just i just went like oh fuck i have like blood all over my face what were you bleeding on that's what apparently i scraped my knee without knowing under my desk. And I just like spread blood all over my face. And the only person to notice was Wooly, but he didn't say anything. What? That's so fucked up.

Why wouldn't he say anything? I don't know. We're professional. We're professional entertainers. We don't say anything. He's like, oh, this is a good bit. I saw him like last week. We went to get dinner and he just said like, I just told him like, oh man, did you notice that I was bleeding?

He was like, yeah, I didn't say anything. To be fair, I don't know why my webcam makes everything look so red. It looked like my face was a tomato. So maybe that's why it was hidden in there. Blended in. Blended, blubbed. Thanks. Did a great job. So maybe that's why it was hidden in there. Blended in. Blended, blubbed. Thanks, boss. I just thought I'd break the silence.

You did a great job. It wasn't even that long, dude. It was like less than five seconds. Less than a, yeah. You just went for it. You had it chambered and ready to run. What's other funny things I can do at TSA that won't get me arrested? Oh. can do at like tsa that uh that won't get me arrested oh because when i was coming back to new zealand from uh from china i was dead tired and they had a dog at the uh at the fucking airport

doing like sniff checks and as it sniffed me i asked the handler i was like can i please pet him and they're they're like absolutely fucking not and i'm like oh man it's so rude like what it's so fucked up that they just like give dogs jobs yeah they don't even get paid no they don't it's fucked you did you actually asked if you could pet the tsa oh yeah i i was i was very tired to be fair and i i really wanted to pit the dog i've had similar things happen to me and it's like muscle reflex to where I start to lift my hand and go no I cannot pet that dog it is working

they shouldn't have jobs I guess I can see that sometimes I see somebody who's blind and I'm like what if I just grab that dog and ran away with it okay I don't do that that's completely different you cannot equate my scenario

how is it different what are you i think being a guide dog is a lot different you're about to find out exactly how it's different i'm ordering a blind spell on you 25 with the coupon code one is a was providing like a necessary service the other is like fucking just stopping people from having fun with cocaine. Like. The other is. Yeah. The other is fucking helping me find my dealer. I don't fucking know, man.

Me walking down back alleys with my fucking drug dogs just so I can see the best deal. Yo, this one pure? Who has the best. And just give it a little. Who has the best goof. Oh, hell yeah. Do you reckon they can tell like how good. yeah i i mean i don't know what what are they smelling just like the chemicals dude why are we making dogs smell cocaine that's what

i'm saying same as just the same as injecting it no in your nose no why they just smell it they just smell it with their nose. Do they smell poppers? Because that would be bad. Wait, what do you mean poppers? I don't know what that means. Little CO2 things. Oh, nangs. We call them nangs here.

No, that's not what I was... That's not at all what a popper is. A popper is something that makes your asshole... It's very popular in the gay community oh okay they used it in an episode of always sunny yeah yeah and all you have to do is sniff it well like smelling salt and then you're oh you're high it's kind of like smelling salts i guess what what the fuck what the fuck are we talking about dude are these legal yeah we're talking about i thought poppers were legal are they i don't think they're elite it's not elite it's not illegal to sell the chemicals

in poppers but poppers may not be sold uh that might be canada because i'm i'm pulling up you can legally buy or sell it's nitrate nitrate nitrate nitrate poppers are illegal in uh legal in australia apparently yeah because because poppers are just like you get a they give you like they give you euphoria but they also like relax your muscles so they make you they make you ep illegal in canada though apparently why i don't know because they hate gay people you know all you need to do is just sniff the fumes straight from the bottle that's cyanide treatment what it's used to treat cyanide poisoning and being gay great oh no actually canada banned them in 2013 for recreational use because and a lot of people are saying that the decision

was discriminatory so it might actually be the reason yeah what is the negative what are the what are even the negative well it's still a drug first date idea give them cyanide poisoning and then oh no guess we have to do poppers what if you just rub poppers all over your hand and you just go to your date like hey smell my hands what if you do that you should do that to the tsa agent damn i can't how long are you my asshole is and they're just like a little sniff like i might have covet i can't smell this can you smell it the dude just goes back and is in the break room looks at the tsa agent looks at somebody and goes like man my asshole is so relaxed fucking loose it's so loose i don't know what's going on oh my god

we're talking about drugging people with poppers you think yeah i like how i started this with what's legal, cool things I can do to TSA agent. And we've landed on drugging my fucking TSA agent with poppers. Drugging a TSA agent. Well, there was a story about a cop that confiscated smelling salts and just smelled them and passed out.

That sounds like a fucking fentanyl, like drug story. It's so funny though. Being 10 meters within the 10 meter vicinity of fentanyl like drug story like that like fuck it's so funny though being at 10 meters within the 10 meter vicinity of Fenton they read about it they fucking buff fentanyl latest bad you ever seen this video of some guy like in a hospital and they're like hooking them up to an IV and the nurse yeah the nurse is explaining what she's gonna do she's like all right we're just gonna give you a little bit of fentanyl and he starts sitting up and like trying to leave and she goes no no no no no no it's the

good kind the good kind i don't even know the difference between the bad and the good kind it's dosage and you shouldn't be putting it in other things you guys think michael buble fucking off his nut on uh the nhl yeah yeah he's he's one of my favorite singers and it made me so happy to know that he's a fucking dog just go up go up on the fucking stage talking about like hockey and he's just like i did so many fucking mushrooms when I got on the fucking ice, man. You have beautiful silky mitts. You have silky mitts, my friend. He goes, you got silky mitts, brother. You got good hands, dude.

Yours got silky mitts, my brother. He thought he was in Blades of Glory. Yeah, he thought it. My friend told me it was a microdose. That was a lie. My buddy told me this is just a micro dose of mushrooms and he was lying i'm i'm glad that you sent that video to me and you said he talks like you do he does oh man you got silky bits right michael buble talks he like when he's high he talks like i do normally it's so fucking

weird that's i don't know if that says a lot about how fucked i am it's so like he's he's since come out of his head to say that uh oh he's lying but like anyone who watches that video fucking shit knows that guy's coming down from the best high of his entire life like there's no his eyes dude his eyes are still dilated like fuck off that's so not like he's absolutely high would you say that he was so funny higher did he make a song called higher i don't know he made a song he made a song what was that what was the higher song i don't remember that song not the one by creed so who cares what the fuck did you know that he was sitting next to will or net during that interview i did know about that what the fuck the angle that everyone that the that twitter like posted

didn't have well i need in it but the one with him in it is so funny because he's just like laughing his ass off and has his like head in his arms the entire time because he's like this guy should not be saying this shit at all he's probably the guy that gave him the fucking mushrooms like when he says my friend he looks to the side and winks at Will

oh fuck let's do some Patreon questions what the fuck man if you're five dollars and above tier on the patreon you can ask a question for the patreon q a and you can also uh pick topics or for episodes of press star turbo and pondering spooky tapes so check it out uh let's see here what's over here mr dj asked what's your favorite Kidz Bop song? It's probably Thrift Shop. Actually, fun fact,

the first song that Kidz Bop ever released was All Star by Smash Mouth. I'm horrified that he had one song ready to go. No, I don't think that's true. I think you're lying or wrong. Oh, he just lived. I was a

misinput. Let just lived. I was a misinput. That was a misinput. Let me see. I have to pull up the kids bop discography. Sorry. Is this real or is this fake? Did they do WAP? Did they do WAP?

I don't know if they did. Kids bop. I remember people making jokes about it, but I don't know if they did kids bop I remember people making jokes about it but I don't know if they actually did it they did not do kids bop they did lucid dreams what what

didn't they also do 1-800 the logic song lucid dreams is now my favorite kids bop cover that's so fucking funny i see astronaut in the ocean and i think that's a fucking funny song already so it's probably even funnier with kids singing it i mean they they did that they did like wake me up wake me up inside what's that song called again uh evanescence is it wake me up i don't know why

just go wake me up by devon in my head in my head i always think it's called something else i don't know why why are there so many french songs on like i'm on kids bops like thing and it's just full of we gotta move on we can't we can't talk about the kids bop hall philip a boy philip philip a boy yeah boy oh philip your boy i'm an idiot philip your boy philip your boy uh on brand with the rebrand what do you guys think is the worst rebrand of any brand ever uh i think patreon is pretty bad it that's just like a really recent one i'm not i'm not gonna lie that one was really bad and you should feel some amount of shame for giving them uh a bit of money with every transaction to please stop talking.

Why did they go to an amorphous blob? Like, what was the... I mean, that's not even the only thing they fucked up. They, like, changed every... Like, the entire layout of the website. It fucking sucks now. Trying to post anything is a nightmare.

Their app is awful and they added dude they added like a chat feature which is weird sometimes i try to go on there but i always forget that it exists it's just like discord but in patreon twitter to x is like an easy one but oh dude it sucks it's twitter to x i i'm gonna be honest i feel like it didn't change as much as people say it wouldn't change the website even the rebrand the rebrand I still call it Twitter

I still call it tweets I still call it quote retweets I still call it a retweet I'm not calling it a fucking repost it's so funny how angry Elon is about that kind of shit though there's like clips of him where he's like talking to someone on a fucking stage and they all say like retweet and as soon

as like he gets to talk and respond he always like reiterates like oh when i repost things and when i'm posting it's like come on bro like the one like it's i feel like what of all the things you would change tweet is so iconic yeah exactly yeah that's why it's like, like, it's the... I feel like, of all the things you would change, tweet is so iconic. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's why it's not a good pre-print. Like, it's such an... Like, it's so iconic. Like, you post on Facebook, you post on Tumblr,

you post on Instagram, but on Twitter, you tweet. Yeah, you tweet. That's such a fucking, like... It's so iconic. Why would you change that? There's a term for it, but when the brand name replaces the adjective for when you're doing something. Like

refrigerator. Or Lux. You know, like you're Luxing something or some shit like that. Kleenex. Band-Aid. Yeah, exactly. All this stuff. Google. Popsicles one. That's like the most important part of the brand is that ubiquity with the naming. It became a word.

Yeah. It just shows how fucking stupid this whole shit is. It's just so dumb. The Patreon changing their website and their logo stinks, but dude, X. You had one of the most recognizable things

on the planet and you changed it to X. I would say my least favorite was actually Kidz Bop when it wasn't just... Did Kidz Bop do a rebrand? I didn't know that. I don say my least favorite was actually Kidz Bop when it wasn't just... I'm sorry. Did Kidz Bop do a rebrand? I didn't know that. I don't think they did. Let's get back to it. No, they did. I think he's trying to circle back. Are they? Did they?

Wait, is he actually... Yeah, sorry. There was vomit on the ground. Yours? I don't know. No, yeah. Kidz Bop used to be just sung by one man not a shot not children no yeah it used to be some old dude that was like oh the small things it was really weird get rid of those kids bring back the jingle cats honestly the jingle cats yeah man you ever heard

the jingle cats christmas album i mean let the silence be your answer i have no idea what that is corbin please i can't i can't be the only one that knows the jingle cats oh okay yeah i know the jingle cats yeah you know the jingle cats what is it what is this wait it's it's uh it's christmas music it's it's a fucking jingle cats dude cats meowing songs what do you want from me it's like uh okay it's like kids bob for cats cat bob watch i'm gonna check this right here and they're gonna have released a new christmas album i actually turned on a jingle jingle cats thing and it's gonna drive me insane i need to stop wow wow wow that's awesome guys we got a release in 2024 i'm actually not kidding i'm not'm not surprised. I feel like- Cat's lo-fi-

Christmas albums. No, it's not even a Christmas album. They put out multiple songs. Oh my God. Dude, no, there's like three lo-fi albums. This one's called Whisper of Wonderland Symphony, Music for Playful Kitties. What the fuck? You're right.

There's just lo-fi- We're so up, dude. The Jingle Cats are back. Shilla Hop beats Jingle Cats? The Jingle Cats are so back. Peaceful purring lo-fi. We're so up, dude. The Jingle Cats are back. Shilla Hop beats Jingle Cats? The Jingle Cats are so back. Peaceful purring lo-fi tunes. There's no cat. None of these fucking lo-fi Jingle Cat album.

Binaural mindfulness, reflective water ambience for cat's peace, and it's just a bunch of fucking water sounds. I think somebody might have just like stolen the jingle cats spotify the the artists on all of the songs for this are water fx binaural systems and the jingle cats yeah i think somebody's using jingle cats to up their eso spotify that's wild somebody should do something about that spotify get on it somebody get joe rogan on this somebody's impersonating the jiggle cats how can i sleep soundly the litter box expert uh winnie rab asks the u.s government has been overthrown the public has decided that each of

the kind folks at psd podcast should rule over a state of their choosing which state would you choose and why uh Mine would be Idaho because I can fix her. I like your Idaho joke. That was very good. Thank you. Is that why you asked the question? Just so you could say Idaho? Yeah, I wanted to say Idaho. It's a fun... Because I can fix her.

Yeah, I can fix her. And why would I not just pick the state that I'm currently living in and enjoy living in? Oh shit, I do Rhode Island and I make every single bar have to be the uh bar from uh family oh the drunken clam that's actually genius you just turn it into a family guy themed state that's like yeah you can open a restaurant here but it's even family guy i mean to be fair the tourism industry in that place would go fucking would skyrocket dude god what if all the states were like you could already go there they already all talk like peter griffin what if all of the states were like you could already go there they already all talk like peter griffin what if all of the states were just themed off to fucking

like adult cartoons like you get a fucking south park state new jersey i got great news for you south park state you mean colorado the place that that fucking show takes place i cannot believe they made texas from king of the hill a real thing that depends if you watch French Canadian French Canadian dub yeah the French Canadian dub of King of the Hill it's happening in like I don't fucking know Gatineau or something in Quebec I don't think so it's not Gatineau

I'm just saying what's next propane and propane accessories I think they've gone too far they're gonna outlaw propane pretty soon are they actually I heard I don't know anything in propane accessories i sure hope they make an episode on that when the thing comes out the fucking hulu reboot that's definitely happening are they actually doing a reboot good god i was so disappointed by the futurama reboot that thing has been like i was really dude that toy episode was terrible man holy shit i couldn't believe it i was watching

episodes on on the plane and i still couldn't get through the entire season i was like i just i just stopped after like the third or fourth episode i was like man this is kind of oh the fucking nft episode or the uh the that one where it's like a town it was just boring as hell yeah i don't know i i don't know what state I'd fucking... What state needs the most fixing? I'd fix California. I'd stop making it so fucking woke. Finally, taking the battle

to the woke mob. Yeah, what I'd do is I'd go right to Washington, D.C. and I would walk up to the steps of the Capitol. Not a state. Not a state. Okay, well,ia i i would simply take over virginia and rally an army to march on washington hey it it was a it was a peaceful protest billy was there he confessed you could take seattle i i can attest i was there i i i

actually met the the jimmy pesto the the voice actor of Jimmy Pesto from Bob's Burgers there. Oh, nice. I forgot that he worked there. Isn't that guy like a... Isn't that dude who's in that case? I can't remember. Who was it? Was it Bill Goldberg's fucking family that was in at the January 6th riots?

I don't know. I don't know enough. Oh, yeah. Jay Johnson. Yeah, that was him. Okay, that's why. Right. Man, we're learning. It's kind of funny how many people Do you guys have a third

degrees of July 6th? January 6th. Oh, January 6th. July 6th. Hey, man. Don't give away the scripts so early, Billy. What the fuck, man? Oh, man. Tell them when the second one's hidden. i can't believe billy forgot my birthday

you know how people have like third degrees of like knowing kevin bacon or i don't fucking yeah six degrees degree six degrees of kevin bacon i i'm pretty sure I have a third. Six degrees of July 6th riots. January, buddy. January. Oh my God. I can't stop saying July for some reason. That's because the new plants are in my head right now.

They're going to say Newport. We've been going over the fucking, the blueprints. Ten, did you say, did you say yours? What? I just said, why would I not pick the state that i'm currently living in and enjoy living in that doesn't you're not changing anything you have to change at least one thing i've i've got some ideas oh shit let's go go for yeah for me yeah i i've got some people that i think you should kick out of that state. I think you would agree. Deshaun Watson. I would put Deshaun Watson

in a big catapult and shoot him across Lake Erie into Canada. Why don't you fucking want it? Deshaun Watson is fucking... Deshaun? Deshaun Watson. He is an NFL quarterback that has 26

allegations against him for sexual abuse. Okay, gotcha. You're right. He's a horrible person. Can he throw? Not really. No, not even. Oh my god. I'm sorry.

That's the worst part, Cameron. He's not even that good. That's the worst part? You can't say that, dude. You can't's that's the worst part cameron he's not even that good that's the worst part you can't say that dude you can't say that oh my god i fucked up my fantasy draft tim won't even get in trouble for that because there's people in the organization now they're like yeah he's he's actually a really good guy oh great that's awesome. 22 women? Yeah, that's what we said. Hey, that we know of. That we know of. That's the fucking worst part. That man's a fucking monster.

Oh my fucking god. What a cool turn for Patreon questions to take. Put him in a catapult. And that's why you have to ask good Patreon questions or else we use real life consequences against you. We're going to start a sports podcast and nobody's going to care. Give us another bad Patreon question and we will raise awareness of really bad people in this world.

Yeah, we'll just fucking, we have a list of people we fucking hate. Like nasty, stank ass bitches we hate and we're gonna put them on blast if you give me that list and 15 for each of them i got somebody on etsy i could hook you up with yo thanks so much for listening this episode would not have been possible without the help from our patrons such as alan diver arnavagan beck davis pure blind but funny Such as... Thanks so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.