Please Stop Talking - Hack Jobs | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: November 15, 2020

Gotta sit you kids down and talk about the birds and the 90s. Check out our merch store â–¶ http://pleasestopshopping.com Support the podcast and Patreon â–¶ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic... Join the PST Discord server! â–¶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65 Links: Avery â–¶ https://twitter.com/ShammyTV David â–¶ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Ed â–¶ https://twitter.com/PunkDuck_ Corbin â–¶ https://twitter.com/lobbymemez Podcast â–¶ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Hey, we just added some Patreon-exclusive merch for people who are longtime supporters, which means that not only are you going to be able
Starting point is 00:00:36 to get the normal rewards you would get at the higher tier, but you're also going to get physical merch that is exclusive to people who have been longtime supporters. If you're interested in that and you want to help us keep this channel going check out patreon.com slash sir me on music and now on with the show i don't know my name welcome to the podcast. Oh my fucking god. Welcome to the podcast. Season 5, baby.
Starting point is 00:01:10 I already said it, David. We can't have two claps again. That was a season 4 thing. New year. New year. This isn't a new year. Me. This is April 3rd. I'm dating the recording.
Starting point is 00:01:19 Shit. Yeah, you shouldn't do that. I'm going to censor that with another date to confuse people. You're going to censor the date? Yeah, I don't want that.'m gonna censor that with another date to confuse people you're gonna censor the date yeah i don't want to say this is april 3rd i am not no i am usually come out a couple days after right like like i want to say five right sure yeah something like that sure oh man it's so crazy that is a sex pest i i have a lot of money writing on this i feel like i need to take off my pants but it's fine It's a sex pest. I have a lot of money riding on this. Safe bet. Let me grab the Roomba. I feel like I need to take off my pants, but it's fine.
Starting point is 00:01:49 Didn't you just pee? Why'd you have them on? What? What? Do you? What? You don't take off your pants when you pee? What are you on?
Starting point is 00:02:01 Do you not put them back on? No. Oh, I forgot forgot you use a catheter i'm just confused i mean i just don't feel comfortable wearing pants all the time so if i like go to the bath like i just i got my johns out man i feel like you're the person will you call in your story please record your Corbin story take us out Corbin has a Corbin story so I stole a car oh okay well I wasn't gonna I wanted to do a little preamble
Starting point is 00:02:32 to that which was you guys might remember that the last time Corbin was on one of the Patreon questions was what is the furthest you've gone to get laid and after we finished recording the episode Corbin messaged me and said oh i just remembered an actual answer for that i stole a car what yeah what do you fucking mean you stole a car
Starting point is 00:02:54 well there was the opportunity right um and i just didn't have the means you were looking for an excuse? No. There was the opportunity for possible lateness. And I didn't have a car. And so I had to get one. So is there a story? Or is it just that you stole a car? How did you steal it?
Starting point is 00:03:19 No, but how did you? Oh, it was pretty easy, actually. Did you hotwire it? No, I just got. From the start. From the start, from the start. Take us from the start. Give us backstory. So I had been talking to this girl for a while, right?
Starting point is 00:03:35 And I lived in Houston at the time. And so there's this big music festival there, like Free Press Summerfest or whatever. And everyone that was cool went. So obviously I didn't go and yeah um and so she was like she was there and um she's like hey all my friends are like incredibly messed up because everyone is like drinking and she's like i don't have a ride home and it was pouring down rain and she's like an uber is going to be like 80 to get home and she's like I'm stuck in like downtown Houston can you come pick me up and so I'm sitting in my room and there's no one else at my house and all our cars are gone and I was like yeah I got you so because I was I mean i was like okay she's this is my chance to be the hero she's alone
Starting point is 00:04:27 she's cold she's wet she's possibly he's had some alcohol in her system oh my god i was joking this is going places that i don't like uh Well, I mean, it's still a car, so it's not like it's a really high morale story. No, I would say that. I would, no. I think that those are very different things on very different levels.
Starting point is 00:04:52 Yeah. But go ahead. Okay. See, Ed, this is what incrimination is. It's when you incriminate yourself. I know because I'm controlling the narrative. I'm so happy. No, Corbin might be the guy
Starting point is 00:05:08 that steals my crown. That people will go... The biggest piece of shit. Because I've never done something like that. Corbin's just like an untrained golden retriever though. Actually, hang on. Have I done something?
Starting point is 00:05:20 Corbin pisses in the corner and it's like, ah, yeah, whatever. But like you piss in the corner and I'm like like that's malicious. Okay I was 16 at the time. And uh I was just excited at the opportunity because I knew she liked me
Starting point is 00:05:35 and we hung out before and stuff. Um and so I didn't have a car but I went out into our like driveway and there was a car there and I had not seen the car before. And I was like, that's interesting. There's a new car at our house. And so I went into our kitchen where we hang all our keys and wouldn't you know it, there were keys. And I was like, well, it looks like this is, this is fate that I have to take a car and go pick her
Starting point is 00:06:02 up. I was like, I now have the opportunity to do this. So I get in the car car and go pick her up. I was like, I now have the opportunity to do this. So I get in the car. I go pick her up. She's like, that's not Houston. So it took me like 30 minutes to get there. And then we drive back and we get to her house and she's like, oh, so like, do you want to come inside? And I was like, of course I want to come
Starting point is 00:06:20 inside. And so I grabbed my phone at the back of my car and I had like 15 missed calls from like my dad my mom and they're like where the fuck is that car like where are you like why did you take the car and i was like shit i was like actually i don't think i can come inside right now i think i have to go home and die i think i gotta pull out i think i gotta go So I went home and my, I immediately get home and there's like four people at our house. It's like my mom,
Starting point is 00:06:49 my dad, my brother and my brother's girlfriend. So it turns out my brother's girlfriend had just left their car at our house and she left the keys. And I don't know why I decided to take it, but I did. And it was incredibly awkward. And they were,
Starting point is 00:07:07 so they both left like my brother and my brother's girlfriend. Cause she was like, Oh, as long as I got my car back, but I did. And it was incredibly awkward. And they were, so they both left like my brother and my brother's girlfriend. Cause she was like, oh, as long as I got my car back, it's fine. I don't really care. She was pretty chill. My parents were like, insisted that I was gone and doing drugs. And they were like, what are you on? Like, what makes you think it's okay to steal a car? Like we're going to drug test you.
Starting point is 00:07:27 And at this time in my life, I don't think I'd even tasted alcohol yet. I was a good boy, apart from the fact of... Apart from the Grand Theft Auto, yeah. Yeah. And they were like, we know you're on drugs. We're going to drug test you. And I wasn't telling them what I went to go do, because I was just like i don't know i just had to go pick up some friends and i used the car and it was like a 30 minute argument and then finally they're like this doesn't make sense
Starting point is 00:07:54 like why would you do that and i was like well they're like who all did you go pick up and i was like it was just one girl and my dad goes oh it's for a girl i was like yeah and he's like okay you're fine and i never talked about it again so you could you could just steal a fucking car if it's for a girl then i think my dad was just relieved that i wasn't gay yeah no that that that sounds like your dad from what i know about him oh corbin you should talk about when you got your new fucking computer That sounds like your dad from what I know about him. Oh, Corbin, you should talk about when you got your new fucking computer.
Starting point is 00:08:30 Oh, my God. Wait, hang on. Before we do that, because we're talking about being gay. Did I ever say this on the podcast? Have I ever talked at length about my grandma on here or no? I don't think so. Okay. I don't know anything about your grandma. So my grandma is
Starting point is 00:08:46 very, very, I mean, she cares. But she's constantly asking me things about my private life that I really do not want to speak about to a almost 90-year-old extremely Catholic woman. Nine-year-old? Ninety. Did I not say ninety?
Starting point is 00:09:02 No, you did. David's an idiot. Okay. That's reassuring um so she's like asking me like oh are you still dating this girl that you're obviously still hung up on who broke your heart or are you doing this or that what are you gonna do for work so then um i latched on to the question where she was like are you still dating this girl and i went no and she went oh are you dating anyone this girl? And I went, no. And she went, oh, are you dating anyone? And I'm like, yeah, I'm dating a guy.
Starting point is 00:09:32 Oh, I remember you telling me about this when we lived together. Wait, why did you lie about that? Because I just wanted her to get off my back because I know she hates gay people. So I just said, yeah, I'm dating a guy. Then she went, what? You're joking. And I went, no, no, I'm dating a guy. Then she went, what? You're joking. No, no, I'm dating a guy. He's great. I'm very happy right now. And she went, Ed, this is a joke, right? You're not dating a man. I went, no, no, I am. And then she grabbed
Starting point is 00:09:57 me by the shoulder and pulled me in because this was at like a family gathering. I always see her at family gatherings. gathering she goes you better break up with him right now or i'm telling your dad whoa yep that's what i went whoa and i just told no i'm joking jesus yeah she really doesn't like them. Bonus fact. Them. Bonus facts. When I was single once, and I was
Starting point is 00:10:33 telling her, like, oh yeah, there's this girl that I'm interested in. She went, oh, just do me a favor and don't date a black woman like your father did. Oh my fucking god. I remember that one too. Yeah. I actually forgot a key part of my story.
Starting point is 00:10:49 Oh, okay. Well then go on because I'm pretty sure I definitely, Avery, I definitely told the Olympic story on this. Oh yeah. You definitely did. No, you definitely did. Go on Corbin. Cause that's my favorite one. But yeah. Sorry, but really this, this is incredibly brief, but that's very different from when I dated a black girl in high school and my dad in the car where I couldn't leave or escape gave me this big long speech about how brave I was to date a black girl.
Starting point is 00:11:13 I thought he was going to give you that speech from Django where he talks about the skull and the dents in the skull. Oh, no, no, no, no no no my dad is like I mean he's a conservative gen xer but you know he's not like that okay yeah no I didn't feel like he was when he was I'm sorry when he took us to a Mediterranean like
Starting point is 00:11:38 place I was like wow how progressive of you what what I think my dad was convinced we were dating for a while when we were living together he 100 was are you kidding me for that one bit where he was like i think he mentioned it both to me and you or i don't know but he was like oh i heard some yelling from the room you guys were both in there did you guys have a fight I fucking forgot about that oh my god
Starting point is 00:12:13 oh fuck god damn yeah no and I think he was really sus because at that time you were constantly talking about troubles with your girlfriend. Like, while you were living with me. So it's like you were talking about how you were having problems with your girlfriend. And then you and I would be, like, chilling and... Goddamn.
Starting point is 00:12:40 I heard some really rough gay sex coming from Avery's brother's room. What was up with that, Ed? God. What a good time. The moral of that last story was it was a really good thing that they did call me because... So I ended up, like,
Starting point is 00:13:01 obviously calling things off of that girl because I was like, yeah, the fact that I sold a car, I'm probably not in the best spot. I sold a car, it's probably, I'm probably not in the best spot. I need to make some changes in my life. And I was like, I'm not in the position to like talk or date anyone. And then like a week later she came out as gay. And Oh,
Starting point is 00:13:18 I was just really glad that nothing happened because if she would have come out of as gay after we had done anything, that would have been a huge hit to my morale. I knew where that was going. You would have reversed David in. Yeah. I think I already talked about that though on the podcast.
Starting point is 00:13:38 I think so. I had the exact same experience where this girl was interested in me and then I was like, no thanks box head and then like a year later she came out as gay and I was like thank god if I was you
Starting point is 00:13:54 I'd be like yeah I did that my man boobs aren't that big you would take pride in no not me Jesus sorry Corbin you were going to talk about your new computer. I mean, I do have an RGB keyboard. That's true.
Starting point is 00:14:14 That's true. No, but... I thought that was it. Oh, no, that was a gay joke, Ed. Go on. Wow. No, that was a gay joke, Ed. Go on. So, this is peak Fortnite times. What? What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:14:36 Oh, I thought you were saying that you have to go. No, no, no. I'm saying see you later, guys. The story takes place in the height of Fortnite and I had not had a gaming computer yet but I really
Starting point is 00:14:52 loved playing Fortnite with the boys and everyone else was playing on PC and so I was like dang I guess I gotta you know settle down and invest myself in a good gaming computer buy a boat, buy an RGB keyboard so in true Fortnite fashion on my gaming
Starting point is 00:15:08 computer i went all out on rgb and everything was very colorful and bright and shining in multiple different lights and um i didn't tell my parents that i was buying it. Because I didn't want them to judge me. For being a gamer. I hadn't come out to them as a gamer yet. And so. The computer arrived. And I snuck it into my room. And I set it all up. And it was all working fine.
Starting point is 00:15:38 And then I think my parents noticed. That the wifi was getting a lot slower. Whenever I was in my room. And so. They never came into my room. But they came into my room. My dad walked in and he saw like my gaming setup and he was like, what are you doing in here? And I was like,
Starting point is 00:15:52 Oh, I'm just playing Fortnite dad. He didn't even ask me if I was winning. Bro. What the hell? Um, and so then I had to have obviously like the long talk with him that, yeah, I play video games.
Starting point is 00:16:04 The gamer talk? You had to tell him about cranking 90s? I was like, Dad, I killed Ninja. He was streaming and I killed him on stream. You had to tell him about the birds in the 90s? Well, my dad doesn't understand technology at all and is very confused by everything. And so I think he thought I was doing like illegal stuff online because for someone who doesn't understand technology, when they see a clear computer case and lights coming out of it, they're like, oh, obviously he's a hacker. About a week later, my dad forgets his computer password and so he's sitting
Starting point is 00:16:46 on his computer and he can't get in and he like kicks open my door and he's like what are you doing and i'm like i'm playing fortnite and he's like i know you're hacking me and i'm like what are you talking about i'm just playing video games he goes he's like don't bs me with that he goes i know what you're doing up here you're doing sketchy illegal stuff online I know you're hacking me and I'm like I don't I don't even know the first thing about hacking I was like that's completely different he goes I know you know you're one of those Gen Zers who does all the computers and all that stuff because I know you know what you're doing and you need to stop it right now. And I was like, if I could stop doing it, I would because I'm not doing it. And so he like pulls me downstairs and showing me his computer and he's like,
Starting point is 00:17:35 why can't I log into my computer? And I was like, you probably forgot your password. And he's like, that's not true. i've had the same password the entire life my entire life my my password has never changed i was like first of all that's not very safe oh so you do know something about infosec corvin um and i sit down on his computer and i type in what i obviously think his password is because it's never changed uh and I get it right on the first time I go yeah you were just typing in your password wrong I think he had caps lock on was the thing no um but that did not help him convince that I was not hacking him that's
Starting point is 00:18:16 obviously not gonna convince him you're not so incriminating when you instantly fucking get him on his computer I was like you just didn't know your password. I was like, I wasn't hacking you. And so it was like a whole argument basically until I left college that I constantly thought I was hacking him. Even when I was in college, one day he called me and he's like, what are you doing right now? And I was like, I'm eating lunch. And he goes, OK, well, I can't open my my application on my computer. It's because you're you're hacking me with your video games.
Starting point is 00:18:47 No way. Yeah, he just doesn't understand how it works. You should have said it was for a woman. He wouldn't let you go. Ed, are you really shocked by this? This is a boomer who was blue-screened by Caps Lock. I'm very lucky. Well, unlucky, really.
Starting point is 00:19:03 My parents were pretty good with tech I mean they're both fucking tech engineers so I never had that so I'm just amazed when I hear that shit you're hacking me you're cranking 90s on my password I'm just trying to open Microsoft Word
Starting point is 00:19:24 they don't understand anything I'm just trying to open Microsoft Word. They don't understand anything. Why can't I install Microsoft Word? My mom's Snapchat got hacked. And that was the biggest ordeal in my family. Because first of all, obviously it was my fault. And she started freaking out because I was like, okay. I was like, the first thing you got to do. I was like, like, what passwords that you have that are the same as your Snapchat password?
Starting point is 00:19:50 And she's like, my email, my bank account, all of our savings. And I was like, okay, well, first of all, change all of them. Jesus, her bank account and savings? Yeah, it was the same as her Snapchat. Now they're not. I've taught her a world. Oh my gosh. Is that the end of the story?
Starting point is 00:20:15 Yeah, no, I like to end it on a cliffhanger. Okay. Is it actually done? Yeah, no, it's still... It didn's still like it ended on a cliffhanger i feel like it ended in a comma what is this i'm sorry it's just it's still an ongoing event in my life where i constantly get calls and they're like i know you're hacking me it's still ongoing my mom's broke when are you gonna when are you oh god it's so funny the contrast of knowing that your family thinks you're like some fucking big hacker man who's like getting into their fucking internets and then you click over onto your fucking stream and you're in your bathroom wearing a fucking stupid hat trying to fix the plumbing.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Oh, my dad saw a clip of that stream. How? I sent it to him. I just want to ask, how did she even get hacked? Was she like clicking on fishy weird shit? Yes. Well, that's every fucking dude. Like everybody in my family
Starting point is 00:21:23 does that shit all the time they're like oh fuck i got a virus how because they keep going on fucking sketchy ass websites just clicking on everything i feel like that's such a downloading toolbars and shit do toolbars still fucking exist do what sorry toolbars yeah toolbars man oh remember having like six uh i i guess if corbin's done i just want to quickly mention because i remember this while he was talking about oh you're hacking me so my parents were very good with tech so i never had any experiences with that. But the problem is when social media started becoming semi-relevant, my parents were instantly on the everyone on Facebook is a pedophile bandwagon. Oh, yeah. Because they just hear about it on the news and they knew like how dangerous putting your private info was.
Starting point is 00:22:22 But this was even before Facebook. This was when i wanted to make a thing called the blog spot does anybody remember blogs i remember blog spot yeah yes and i wanted to make one and i wanted to make like um movie and game reviews on that thing if i can find it i'll i might be able to link it unless is blogspot bankrupt is it still does it still exist i think it's probably still up i think geocities is still up like you can still find the one pages i had a website on fucking pixel and i know that's dead blogspot's still up oh wait a blogger oh is it called blogger think so. Yeah, if it's the orange B. Quite a lot of bloggers in the chat. If it's the orange B, it's Blogspot.
Starting point is 00:23:07 Like the same thing. Yeah, it's the orange B. Okay. So I made one, and then I was just asking friends of mine, and I was in fucking primary school when I did this. I was like 10. I was asking my friends like, yo, do you guys have Blogspot?
Starting point is 00:23:20 Because we should follow each other, blah, blah. And then almost none of them knew what it what it even was and then this one guy on my bus route he was portuguese and he had one and i was like yo shit um let me follow your thing and then we just followed each other and then i went home and i started looking at it and i was like oh damn he's actually decently big and it was just like he was basically using it like facebook or MySpace where you would just talk about school trips. And then just post about that shit and post pictures. And then he posted this one trip that he went to with his classmates where it was at a beach.
Starting point is 00:23:59 And I just commented on it saying like, hey, it's me, Ed, from the bus route at this school. Wow, that girl in that picture is fat as fuck. I'll see you tomorrow. Oh, my God. You're such a fucking dumbass. You're so fucking stupid. And then I told my sister about it because she's the one who introduced me to Blogspot. And then she was like,
Starting point is 00:24:38 oh, that's cool. You found a friend that has a blog. And then I showed her the blog and then she read my comment and then she instantly told my dad what I did and then he fucking took away all my computer privileges. He called me a fucking idiot. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:24:55 The same thing kind of happened to me. I gave my sister's Webkinz password to everyone in our school. What? What the fuck? Why? I don't know know she's being mean probably oh that's why my parents think i'm a hacker i did something i did something a bit worse kind of than that you guys well you guys wouldn't know except maybe ed because it's a french thing okay like french belgian do you know what blah blah land is no okay so blah
Starting point is 00:25:33 blah land was basically like this french game where you would go around and it was just like a facebook game no okay no no no i i think it was literally just like it was like a browser thing. I don't think it exists anymore. No, definitely not. Yeah, no, it was like this fucking game where you would socialize with other fucking kids. Like it was like obnoxiously colorful. And every game you look, you grew up playing look exactly the same. I it's how it is but there was the there was like a premium currency that you could get right but to get it you had to call up this phone number and then the the french phone number
Starting point is 00:26:20 would give you back a code and you would enter it. Weird. Yeah. You would, you, you, you would get the points by, uh, paying with the, uh,
Starting point is 00:26:29 your phone. Like your, it was like a long distance thing. And then it had like extra fees, uh, added to it. What I, what I did was I had another friend who,
Starting point is 00:26:43 uh, who told me that what they would do is they would go to like when they would go to family gatherings they would just call the number like a few times to get extra points
Starting point is 00:26:59 and then I was like bro I was like bro that's the most genius shit you can just get infinite points like that and for like for for like the maybe three years that i played that garbage game i would just sometimes you spent three fucking years playing blah blah land dude that game was huge you have a dual monitor setup so you could fucking double dip adventure quests dude yeah bro yeah bro no it's because my my older sister and my my younger sister were also playing blah blah land like everybody i knew was playing that shit um
Starting point is 00:27:39 and yeah i i just i just did that a few times at a fucking, at a, at a family, at family gatherings. And one time I was like, bro, fuck, I need this new skin that came out, bro. I need it right now. So I just like, I called in like once at home and I've like legit i finished the call and i don't know how but my i think my my little fucking sister said something to my mom she fucking barged into my room and was like david alexander trembling and she just starts going on me and like i was i i she took away my fucking computer for like a month for this for this fucking ten dollar transaction i did on our phone line dude but i did get the skin how many times did you use oh sorry yeah old micro transactions are fucking weird but david how much money did you spend of other on
Starting point is 00:28:45 other people's phone bills on this game dude i legit could not tell you hundreds i like i it was 10 each time so yes probably hundreds yeah like it was around it was like around five to ten dollars every time i was such a trash kid bro got so many skins i was epic sorry ed what were you saying oh no i was saying that just old microtransactions are fucking whack and i was also gonna mention that um ages ago i got scammed on yoville if you guys remember yo you talked about this yoville yoville no i talked about yova i didn't talk about getting scammed um yoville was fucking huge in my high school it was this yoville it was wasn't that made by the people that made a fucking farmville i think so yeah it was basically the um
Starting point is 00:29:41 the really cool hip kids hangout game. It was basically Club Penguin, but for teenagers that thought Club Penguin was lame. But it was fucking terrible. It was even lamer. And I felt, I mean, I just made fun of like boomers for like, oh man, who falls for that Nigerian prince shit. But I legit looked up like how to make money fast on YoVille. And one of them was, oh, it was like a YouTube video, you know, Soundscape 9, Notepad, whatever. And it's a guy typing.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Yes, classic. And it's a guy typing, oh, YoVille's developers are really dumb. You can make money so fast by just sending in a fraudulent like support ticket. You just have to email this thing with your email and password for your Facebook account. And then they'll believe your case and just give you like any amount of money that you need. And then I did it. And then I came back to my account and everything I owned had been sold. And then the guy left a note at my like YoVille apartment saying thanks for the money, moron.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Oh, my God. Yo, that's smooth as hell. And this guy is such a baller. He had his apartment set to open. So I went to his apartment and he had a couch on his room door so you couldn't access his room to see all the shit he had you could just hang out in the living room but then i checked his inbox it was all just middle-aged moms writing for their son saying you are such an immoral man for scamming my son this is this is so sad that's fucking amazing oh my god um have i ever told go on have i ever told any of you guys
Starting point is 00:31:38 about the the time i strung along a nigerian scammer for a month. No fucking way. Yeah. I mean, Jesus. I, uh, I was trying, I had to upgrade my computer to,
Starting point is 00:31:52 um, for like video shit. And I was trying to sell my graphics card and I was like, you fucking selling shit on eBay is a bitch. I don't want to ship anything. I'm just going to try and sell it on Craigslist. So I, I listed the,
Starting point is 00:32:04 the, the graphics card on craigslist so i i listed the the graphics card on craigslist uh and after a few days of like not getting any responses i get a response from some guy in like fucking zimbabwe or something and and he's like hello i would like to buy graphic card i am willing to pay double your listed price and i was like oh where's this going and he was in in like because the listed price i had set was like uh three or four hundred dollars or something it was way more than double it was like he was like i will pay you twelve hundred dollars to ship me this card and i looked and a new card of the same type cost like six hundred seven hundred dollars or something so i was like all right something's
Starting point is 00:32:46 clearly fucking up here um but i went i wonder what this guy wants and so i i replied to the email and he's like uh yes i would i would like to buy a graphics card i cannot tell you address over email though do you have phone and i went oh no and i said i just uh i was like drunk when i was when i got that email and so i just responded no i do not have phone and he said can you get phone and i was like yeah i can get phone so the next day i went to um best buy and i got i got a burner phone for like 30 bucks um just like one of those prepaid phones like it lasts a month or so um so i spent 30 bucks i got that phone because i don't want this fucking guy having my phone number i don't know what connections he has uh and he's and he starts giving me all these instructions, all these instructions. And he's like, give me address so I can mail you money order.
Starting point is 00:33:52 Uh, and, uh, and I said, yeah, sure. And so I gave him the address of my school, um, and had it addressed to me so that I could get it. Um, oh no, I was in college at the time. I had it mailed to my dorm. I didn't specify which room number I was in. I just had it addressed to my real name, which is probably a mistake. But, yeah, so I had him mail it to my dorm,
Starting point is 00:34:23 the one that flooded on the seventh floor twice uh that dorm and i get the i get the i get the letter and i open it and it's it's some money it's like a fucking money order check or i don't really remember what exactly it was it might have been just a check but it was for uh 1200 bucks and he was like yes yes now go now go check that in account and i went and i like googled like can you tell what the account number was that this was like redeemed to based on this check and i looked and it said no so i I was like, all right, I want to see what happens if I do this. Oh, my God. So I redeem the I read I. Well, first of all, I spent like a week looking into it.
Starting point is 00:35:11 I mean, like on and off, because I think it's funny. He keeps on messaging me like, please, I need graphic. And so and it was all in like broken English like that. But he was like, please, sir, I need graphic. Do you have a bank yet? And so eventually I, I, I cashed the check after like two weeks or so. Um, and he, he, and I tell him, yeah, I cashed the check. And he was like, okay, great. Can you send 600 of the dollar I sent to this account in Zimbabwe? And I was like, sure, I'll get right on that. And so he texts me every fucking morning for like seven, eight days, uh, constantly asking when can you go
Starting point is 00:36:09 send money? And I was like, I don't know, man, I keep going places and all of them are closed and they tell me they won't send money to Zimbabwe. I don't know what's up. Meanwhile, I'm just like, I'm just fucking, I'm just fucking sitting in my apartment, sitting in my dorm, eating chips or something. I don't fucking know. I won't fucking spend the money to Zimbabwe, man. I'm at the bank right now, bro. Lady won't give me a time of day. I remember, yeah, no, at one point I was actually at Target and he messaged me and I took a fucking picture on the
Starting point is 00:36:45 burner phone and I texted it to him. I'm like, look, I'm at target. I'm at the money order place. They won't fucking send the money. And then eventually I'm like, all right, I'm going to, I'm going to tell him I sent the fucking money. And I was like, Hey, I sent. And so one day he asked me, Hey, did you send the money? And I respond, yeah, I actually, I just sent it. They said it's going to take like a week or so for the money to show up in the account though, because I was like, I don't want to fucking, I don't want to fucking deal with this. And so I immediately, I'm not even kidding, because usually he would take like five, 10, 20 minutes to respond to texts. The second I say
Starting point is 00:37:26 yeah I sent the money they said it's going to take a minute for it to appear in the account. He says help my daughter just in car crash. Please I need rest of money. Please send rest of money. I need it for hospital. Like instantly. The second I tell him I sent the money
Starting point is 00:37:42 he's like send rest of money back. I need it for hospital. Daughter hits by car. Maybe dead. Please, you are killing my family if you do not send money back. And I said, dude, I'm sorry. We had an agreement. You said you were going to give me the fucking graphics card. You said you were going to give me the
Starting point is 00:37:58 money. I'm giving you a graphics card. Who needs daughters when you got fucking voxels? Ripped to your daughter, but I'm different. Ripped to your daughter, but I'm different. Ripped to your daughter, but I'm different. It's just, and he keeps on saying, please, sir, why are you so cruel? Why are you so cruel, my daughter? She hits my bus.
Starting point is 00:38:15 And I was like, oh, it's a bus now. You should have told him you were driving the bus. And just imagine some man whose daughter actually got hit by a bus. And he was like, fucking loser. He says, please, I am trying to drive her hospital right now, but I need money for hospital. I said, she'll probably be fine. If you're the one driving her to the hospital, she didn't need an ambulance, right? And he said, please give me money.
Starting point is 00:38:49 I need money for hospital. And then while we're having this conversation, I get on my laptop and I check my fucking bank account. The fucking check was charged back. He was trying to get, he was trying to skim me out of $1,200. Oh my God. I hope his daughter's okay. Yeah. No, I, I, after like, um, after like a week passed and he, uh, and he had stopped trying
Starting point is 00:39:18 to talk to me, like, I was like, oh, my burner phone's about to run out. I'm gonna have fun for like one last day. And so I texted and I was like, hey man, uh, just wanted to know if you were going to send like oh my burner phone's about to run out i'm gonna have fun for like one last day and so i texted i was like hey man uh just wanted to know if you were gonna send me your address so i could ship out the graphics card um hope your daughter's okay he responded fuck you That was a fun month. Oh, man. Please, sir. My daughter hits my bus, need hospital.
Starting point is 00:39:54 I like that at least he dropped the facade for the last one. Yeah. He probably made a 24-minute video about you. I hope so. He pointed at the text and went, you see that smile? That's years of training. But yeah, no, that's my scammer story. Oh, David, you wanted to tell your fucking hackers.
Starting point is 00:40:20 You wanted to tell your hacker story, right? Oh, fuck. Yeah. So when we when we it was like maybe we had just met. Yeah, we had known each other for a couple months. Yeah, it hadn't been that long. And I was having I had this thing that would happen randomly where I would lose. I would completely lose control of my computer like my mouse would just go places and it would start like if i was like typing uh something it would just start typing something completely different and i was just i i was a hundred percent sure that
Starting point is 00:41:00 what i was getting fucking hacked or just anything like it would happen all the time yeah i i would no but for real it would happen all the time like we we would be playing tekken or something and it would just start fucking clicking on shit and one time we were recording and it started clicking on shit because it was like maybe a second episode of the podcast when this happened like it was super early on it took me i i took it i took my computer dude i paid like hundreds of dollars just to get something done with the computer i would send the computer over and every single time they would just be like dude there is nothing wrong with your computer your computer is totally fine and then i would be like okay i guess they cleared up
Starting point is 00:41:45 the fucking hacker man from my computer and then i would just start uh writing on fucking discord and it would just say like it would just say shit like avery avery uh avery come uh podcast no no no no no it would just start typing like random or something that's yeah that's what I thought and like I was losing my dude I was losing my fucking your mind also move around and click
Starting point is 00:42:16 I don't know if you mentioned that yeah yeah it would move around and click like I would be losing my shit because I try to do anything productive when your mouse randomly starts clicking around and typing avery avery uh shit like that i was losing my mind and one one day i looked down i i i like no can i tell you where i am you and i were in vc when this happened yes so you can tell this what happened was uh dav I were in VC when this happened. Yes, you can tell this part.
Starting point is 00:42:45 What happened was David had been talking to me about this hacker problem for months at this point, I think it was. Yeah. It was one month. Was it only one month? I thought it was like two. Yeah, but it felt like fucking forever. Yeah. So for like a month, David kept on telling me about how he was taking his computer in
Starting point is 00:43:06 and like he had this hacker and it was typing shit. And when this happened to David, when it started happening, David started to do a thing where he's like, I'm going to try and appease the hacker. So he opened like he opened Microsoft Word. He opened Microsoft Word and wrote in big text, hello, after it happened one time. And just sat and waited to see if anything happened for like 20 minutes. And then that day, after waiting 20 minutes, David decided to start fucking around with something. And I just hear, like, I hear through his microphone, oh my fucking God.
Starting point is 00:43:47 And I say, what's up, Dave? And he's like, I'm not being hacked. And I was like, what do you mean? What's going on? And he's like, I accidentally recorded a really long macro. I recorded, dude, somehow, somehow, at some point i i pressed record macro and i recorded like a 30 minute long macro of just like me typing to avery or something and like
Starting point is 00:44:19 i recorded it for like both my mouse and my keyboard. So it was just typing random shit. Like it was sending fucking month old fucking messages to Avery. But like any dude, Jesus Christ, I felt like such a fucking asshole. I remember we were like, we were like playing random games. And then all of a sudden,
Starting point is 00:44:43 all of a sudden, it would take control. And I would sudden it would take control and i would it would take over and i would just start talking yeah and i would just be like i would just be like mr hacker please stop my mmr bro my rank i would i legit thought at one point like bro i'm so out of options i need to be friends with the hacker i need to i need to build a romance that was how the microsoft word strat started i think you used that like three times and we'll you just sit there with hello sir written you know i started doing that I started doing that? I started doing that because we were watching either E3 or the VGAs at one point.
Starting point is 00:45:29 And I was taking notes because it was, oh, it was around the first episode where we did the VGAs, I think. I think it was around the first episode of the podcast ever. No, it was around the VGAs because I was taking notes. We took notes for the E3 episode as well. Oh, it was for the E3 episode. I think it was for the VGAs because I was taking notes. We took notes for the E3 episode. I was taking notes. As well. Oh, it was for the E3 episode. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. I think it was for the first episode. Yeah, I was taking notes.
Starting point is 00:45:50 And at one point it started typing, Avery, da-na-na, podcast, stuff like that. And I was like, oh, fuck. He knows. Maybe I can talk. Maybe I can talk to him. And then when he would stop, when the hacker would stop typing,
Starting point is 00:46:05 I would be like, hello? and then it would start typing again it would be like every podcast uh these are like the two only words i remember i remember the thing constantly typing because i think we were talking about the podcast at that point when i recorded the micro i would guess guess so. And I was just, I had a moment where I talked with past David. It was fucking insane, dude. Wow, we have future David and past David now. And nega David. There's like so many fucking Davids. Past David's just a really fucking stupid AI.
Starting point is 00:46:42 Yeah. I'm just mad that I spent so much money on this yeah i went to geek squad so often favorite thing about this is that when this happened i was like that's fucking hilarious we have to talk about that on the podcast and you would no we can't that's way too embarrassing it's way too embarrassing we can't talk about this that's fucking amazing that's before that's before we had that's when that's when i thought we had standards right after that you wanted people to respect you to be fair when i heard that i got secondhand embarrassment like david i am so sorry hundreds of dollars because he recorded a hundred like his fucking daughter hits my bus he needs macro the worst part is that they they nobody would have nobody
Starting point is 00:47:38 would have ever known like if i when i sent it over to the fucking Best Buy or Geek Squad and shit. Like, nobody would have ever known. I think no one told you because they really wanted to fuck with you. No, because they had to have my keyboard. They would have to have my keyboard and mouse, I think, or something like that. Because I had a macro button. It was on the Razer fucking Ultimate Black Widow, something like that. And the play macro key was like right next to like something I always used. And I would always accidentally click it, press it, and it would start the fucking recording.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Oh my God. One of my favorite memories from that time is one time when we were playing a game together one time we were playing a game together um in co-op and just all of a sudden i hear you start shooting and i turn around and you're spinning like looking at the ceiling shooting at it and i just hear through your mic this blood curdling it was right after it was right after you got your fucking it was right after you got your fucking it was right after you got your fucking computer back from bed
Starting point is 00:48:48 it was like it was like 30 minutes after you got it back we were playing something I plugged it back in yeah I plugged it back in and then we were I think it was you you Kyle Greg and we were playing i think left for dead or
Starting point is 00:49:06 yeah it was left for dead and then uh and then we were having a good time everything was good and all of a sudden bam all of a sudden david is spinning looking at the ceiling and running around erratically just screaming no it's like it's like he got a jockey on him in real life oh that's so fucking embarrassing man past david's fucking hilarious for fucking with you like that oh my god nobody has played me harder than myself and that's fucking amazing so fucking fun hundreds i's so fucking funny. Hundreds.
Starting point is 00:49:50 I'm so glad we finally got to talk about the hacker, notorious hacker, David Tremblay. I totally forgot about that. I'm such a dumbass. David Tremblay has so many job titles. Hacker, pedophile, how high is the ceiling? Oh, God. I mean, those kind of like, that's been not a grab the circle. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:50:11 You guys still down to do a few When Mr. Robot started with Rami Malek taking down a pedophile, I was like, wow, way to break stereotypes. Wow, this isn't historically accurate. I executed a DDoS once and I jerk off to lollies every night oh my christ five dollar tier blah blah blah i kind of like this one from pyro pat which is make up an excuse
Starting point is 00:50:39 as for why cameron isn't on the podcast today or explain some of the more notable excuses from Cameron. Oh, man. Wait, I just realized there's never any notable excuses. There's never been. Yeah. There's never been a good excuse. It's always like,
Starting point is 00:50:59 oh, shit. Oh, shit. I slipped in. Oh, shit. Can you shit. I slipped in. Oh. Oh, Ed. Can you fucking feel in for me? Ed, I am back. I honestly like that one because it's just like the absolute certainty that Cameron would not be here. Which one?
Starting point is 00:51:19 The one I read. Oh, yeah. It's just make up an excuse for why he's not here. If Cameron's not here just make up an excuse for why he's not here not if cameron's not here make up an excuse the best part is that we just got this question like two days ago so it's like i mean the most realistic ones the most he always comes up with something but we all know he slept in right yeah it's always we have to come up with something that he would realistically come up with that he would think we'd buy How to think like Cameron
Starting point is 00:51:49 That's hard, I buy nothing he says anymore How to think like Cameron I'd go make it to the podcast because I was in line for this new album by this really pretentious artist I follow Sorry guys Slept in late after the fucking animal collective. Sorry guys, can't make it today.
Starting point is 00:52:14 Crying my eyes out after listening to a crow look at me. The new Grimes. The new Father John Misty. No, he doesn't like the new Grimes. He doesn't like Grimes. He told me that. Yeah. Yeah. That's why he'simes. He doesn't like Grimes. Yeah. That's why he's crying.
Starting point is 00:52:27 And that wasn't very realistic. Why is he crying? The realistic one is, I was listening to Father John Misty and I couldn't see the alarm clock. Sorry, guys. I listened to true comedy and I took to the streets.
Starting point is 00:52:44 Sorry, I was up late guys I was reviewing all of Sam Neill's filmography on Letterboxd this is so fucking good oh my god good question thank you for that one. Pyrobat, would you like to be a host? Would you like to be a host?
Starting point is 00:53:11 What are you doing tomorrow, bro? You want to come on? I think it's listening to the new Grimes album. It's so pretentious. What else is here? This one's also good. Damn, they're learning. See, tough love. It works uh smaggle asks are there any stories you regret telling on the podcast slash have had any real
Starting point is 00:53:33 life consequences on you after you told the story uh for me yes all of them because my sister listens to these what oh i? You said that once. I totally forgot. And then when I asked, oh God, tell me you don't listen to all of them. And she went, no, just the ones you're on. Oh, good. All of them. What do you mean, oh good?
Starting point is 00:53:58 Those are the worst. I said, oh good, sarcastically, David. I hate that she listens to these. I don't know that, bro. Maybe you're happy your sister supports you. No. Yeah, no. David, you haven't had much character development.
Starting point is 00:54:12 Current, you would still do the macro thing, I think. Yeah, that's 100%. I would have done that by accident. Well, this new keyboard that I got doesn't have a record button for macros, so I'm fucking safe. I don't think I have like any real life repercussions that I remember. My boss now knows that I've pooped in a sock.
Starting point is 00:54:36 What? Your boss listens? Yeah. Oh God. I'm also in the middle of like asking for a promotion he now knows that I'm illiterate and pooping socks I think I got it in the bag and now you're a fucking permanent host bro are you gonna get promoted to the gamer section
Starting point is 00:55:01 actually yeah oh yeah I mean like poop stocking is a fucking prereq for that i think yeah yesterday i went into work and my boss was like you're not scheduled today i was like what because you're not on my schedule and i looked he goes oh never mind you're not on this paper because you're in the gaming section you're doing gaming now oh oh sick big guy moving up in the world no i think it's moving down almost certainly where were you before computers oh yeah it's moving down you're a console club now yeah no i gotta talk about keyboards so the layman's gaming oh corbin
Starting point is 00:55:40 sorry this is not related to the patreon question but corbin can you talk about have you in an argument with an eight-year-old about what keyboard they wanted? This motherfucker, Jesus Christ. Oh, God. Actual dumbass. So, he's fucking seven, and he just wants to play Fortnite, right?
Starting point is 00:55:59 But he keeps asking me what the fastest keyboard is. And I'm like, okay, that's not like, that's not an actual thing. I was like, you're talking about like actuation point. Like, what do you want? And he's like, yeah, like I want the, the, the clicks to be faster. And I was like, okay, you probably want like an Omni point switch. I was like, there's the, the steel series, uh, that has the Omni point switch. It's like the, you know, fastest actuation.
Starting point is 00:56:22 You just like wiggle the keys and it's a key press. Like you'd never use it. That's an extreme example. But I was like, it's a thing. Like that could like the fastest actuation. You just like wiggle the keys and it's a key press. Like you never use it. That's an extreme example. But I was like, it's a thing. Like that could be the fastest one. And he's like, but is it clicky? I was like, okay, so like you want blue switches. And he goes, no, I want this one.
Starting point is 00:56:36 And starts showing me the Mamba, the Razer Mamba. And I was like, this motherfucker wouldn't know the difference between an OmniPoint and an Opti fucking mechanical keyboard if it fucking smacked him in the face. He just wants to crank 90s on bitches with his blue fucking RGB keyboards. I was so fucking livid. I literally had to take a minute.
Starting point is 00:56:56 I was like, I'm going on break. I need to cool down. He actually texted me while working so fucking mad at this seven-year-old right now. I keep yelling at him about keyboards, but he won't listen his mom was just standing there just nodding her head to everything i said and i was like this would be like the fastest one he's like yeah but this one and like that's membrane kid you don't want that it's not good for the 90s yeah i mean membranes also are going to be super slow because you have to push it all the way down for it to actuate.
Starting point is 00:57:26 I'm actually, I'm sweating now. You got me so fucking riled up. Dude, if I was you, I'd just be like, sure, fuck it, kid. Just grab whatever you want, man. You hear that, Corbin's boss? Corbin takes his job very seriously. Give him a promotion. Oh my God, I just remembered something.
Starting point is 00:57:45 What? Oh my God. I just remembered something. What? Oh my God. Corbin, you saying that? I never worked retail, but I was at my local fucking, it was like a tech store, but they also sold video games. And because this was at the launch of the PS3 and I was too broke to get a launch one. I was like saving up money for it. So what I would do, I would just go to these like tech or game stores
Starting point is 00:58:05 because they would always have a booth where you could just try it out. Yeah. Right. And I would just play Guitar Hero or I'd play Motorstorm or whatever the fuck. And I was just browsing all the launch titles and thinking like,
Starting point is 00:58:16 is it even worse to get a PS3? I could just keep using my PS2, whatever. And I was just looking at them. And at this point, I wasn't very knowledgeable on video games. My extent of video games was, if the cover looks cool, I'm going to buy it. And I saw some guy looking at a game. And he was just so undecisive on whether to buy it or not.
Starting point is 00:58:38 And he then came up to me. This was in Portugal. And he came up to me and he went, what do you think? Is this game good? And I just looked at it and I went I don't know this cover kind of sucks ass that game was Metal Gear Solid 4
Starting point is 00:58:51 oh well to be fair that fucking cover sucked ass and then I grabbed another game and I went this one looks pretty sick I'm not gonna lie it's got like dragons and it's got like gyro controls oh yes yes yes looks pretty sick. I'm not gonna lie. It's got like dragons and it's got like gyro controls. Oh, yes!
Starting point is 00:59:09 Yes! Yes! Oh, the return of Lair. I'm really, that's one of the big reasons I want to buy a PS3 because of the whole motion thing with the controller. I would honestly go for this. But up to you, man. Ito Kome Lair. You fucking sold the man Lair.
Starting point is 00:59:26 That's immoral. You're a fucking monster. I thought Metal Gear Solid was a really shit franchise because I saw the cover for 4 and I saw somebody play and I was like, this looks boring as fuck. You're a monster, dude. I had someone, I was in my Best Buy uniform and I was at an HEB and someone came up to me
Starting point is 00:59:44 and they're like, where are the tortillas? And I was like, oh yeah, our tortillas are just right down this aisle and you take a right right after that and someone came up to me and they're like where are the tortillas and I was like oh yeah our tortillas are just right down this aisle and you take a right right after that and it's gonna be our fresh tortillas and she walked away and I was like I don't even I don't even fucking work here so what just happened I went into full like retail mode bro what are you okay no I'm
Starting point is 01:00:00 not what the fuck the thing that bothers you the most is that I said are like I fucking worked there and I'm not. What the fuck? The thing that bothers me the most is that I said R. Like, I fucking worked there. And I'm in a Best Buy uniform. Yeah, it's an H-E-B stroke Best Buy. What's an H-E-B again? H-E-B is a grocery store.
Starting point is 01:00:16 It's Texas only. Henry Edward Butt. Yeah, it stands for Henry Edward Butts. That's true. That's actually what it stands for. I know it's true. I haven't had a call like that it's funny um we're doing one more or like two more sure sure yeah we can do a couple more
Starting point is 01:00:32 i'm having fun oh see guys this is how you ask questions just keep these keep these up please yeah uh by the way any stories or repercussions um uh my mom found out i was bisexual because of the podcast oh really yeah that's how she found out yeah i wasn't really out corbin so that makes sense i'm still i'm still upset about that what are you upset about what do you mean why didn't you tell me first i don't't... We weren't talking at that point. I know, but you could always, like, could have said something. Could have fucking hit you up,
Starting point is 01:01:11 yo, Corbin, by the way, I fucking love dick. And Vagin. You could have just left it at by the way. Can you imagine if I just showed up in your fucking text after, like, not talking for a few years, just show up out of nowhere, by the way, I love cock, see you later. I'd be like, hey, I'm years just show up in nowhere by the way love cock see you later
Starting point is 01:01:30 Do you think I'd have a takeaway from that I would just pick all thanks. Thanks for thinking about me, bud Fair enough I Actually had repercussions because of the podcast you remember the nexus bar story yeah yeah so they went bankrupt well yeah i mean yes but the review i that was part of the story he ran the nexus story was him running the bar out of business with a bad yelp no i i remember now sorry basically david argues he's not straight mom. Sorry. Go ahead. That review got, got some traction because when I told it on the podcast,
Starting point is 01:02:10 like a bunch of viewers started like, or listeners rather, they went and actually found the review on my Facebook. Cause it was like a, it was like a Facebook review and a fucking, and it was also a it was like a facebook review and uh fucking uh and it was also on google reviews um and then i had a bunch of people finding my fucking real ass facebook back then when i when i told this story and also like just a bunch of random people that don't even listen
Starting point is 01:02:43 to the podcast like messaged me about the review and were like bro i don't know what you did like because they found that that i said it on the podcast and we're like you're you just ran their business to the ground for fun you fucking monster and shit like that and i was like i was like holy shit i can't i cannot deal with it shut up bitch i know i just deleted my fucking facebook like i couldn't you're like i cannot deal with it shut up bitch i know i just deleted my fucking facebook like i couldn't deal with like people finding out so much shit about me um mandy's not here but i want to answer for him it's dear aslan it's uh after talking about uh the play on the podcast and they got so many reviews that were all five stars but saying fucked up shit like
Starting point is 01:03:24 the lion ate their children and he showed up three weeks later at a chick-fil-a yeah that after that happened um when i was visiting to find out if i wanted to move here uh we went and saw the play again and they changed literally everything he talked about they even took the uh they even took the uh the the truth about vaccines thing out of the pamphlet like the doctor didn't say the truth about vaccines on it anymore they changed every single thing that he talked about yeah i remember you guys talked about that purple cucumber hey how hey howdy hey guys i don't care i don't care i don't care what was your worst neighbor slash roommate experience and how long did you deal with it
Starting point is 01:04:12 mine was this one requires some context mine was uh when i was in college and um my college for some reason uh when it came to the accommodation, segregated all the international kids into the same dorm. And so I had two roommates. No, sorry, flatmates, a Russian guy and a Ukrainian guy. I never saw the Ukrainian guy ever. I think he never left his room. But the Russian guy, his room was right next to mine and uh he might have been like the worst person i've ever i mean he was russian but he might have been like the worst person i've ever had the pleasure of dealing with because and he was just confusing he he would constantly get mad at me for talking at like 10 p.m and threatening to report me to the flat like controlling people
Starting point is 01:05:06 at like 10 p.m and i was like dude you're in college you is 10 p.m seriously your bedtime because i was just on discord talking to people and he was getting so mad to the point where like one time at 11 p.m mind you he fucking kicked in my door and just started screaming in Russian and I was so confused because I was playing Siege I was playing Rainbow Six Siege because the beta was out
Starting point is 01:05:34 and I was playing with people wow this 4D shit is crazy I thought I was getting fucking like in the game but then I just turned it around there's just an angry russian man with dreads this is how you know he was a piece of shit he was white and he had dreads oh no way and he just came in i had no idea what he did but like the i know that he did this motion where like he very angrily pointed at his skull with his index so i i assume he was calling me crazy but then i just looked at the clock and
Starting point is 01:06:05 it said 11 p.m and i was like okay grandpa whatever um and then the most confusing shit was the day after he adds me on facebook and he's like hey man sorry for getting mad yesterday i was trying to listen to music why were you up so late lol and then i went oh where were you i was like i mean it wasn't late i was just playing video games with my friends and i was recording it he was like oh why were you recording it and then we just went on this long conversation about how like you know what youtube is and stuff because i was already doing it back then but like for fun and then he was like so interested and i was like who am i talking to what happened to the man screaming at me at my fucking door did you cut your dreads are you suddenly a better person
Starting point is 01:06:53 did you wash your fucking hair and then and then the day after um i made some fucking fish sticks and i was really full after I made them. So I was like, I'll just leave this in the sink because there was like three sinks, mind you. Everyone had their own sinks. So I was like, I'll just leave this in the sink and I'll clean up later when I eat my dinner. And then I went back to my room, did whatever.
Starting point is 01:07:19 And then I came back to the kitchen to eat dinner and then clean shit. And then when I brought my shit to the fucking sink to clean it, there was just a note on my sink in terrible handwriting that said, clean after yourself, you fat fuck. And I was like, what? I love that. What is going on? He didn't call me a fat fuck. I added fat fuck but he insulted me though
Starting point is 01:07:48 he said clean after your shit blank and I was like what the fuck is happening I was just so confused and then after that I dropped out so I never had to interact with him again but that was the most confusing person I have ever met
Starting point is 01:08:03 I had a roommate freshman year and he was just like incredible. He broke one of my Xbox controllers from throwing it from playing FIFA and was just like really, really inconsiderate and constantly eat food even though we like wrote our names on our food.
Starting point is 01:08:20 Like one time I bought Cheerios. I wrote, these are Corbin's Cheerios. Do not eat. And I specifically cheerios do not eat and i specifically told him do not eat them come home from class and he's sitting on our couch not eating them in a bowl just grabbing his hand into the cereal and just shoveling it into his mouth it's like i fucking hate this kid and so like the end of the year came around and uh we were like trying to figure out who we're gonna live with and so my three other roommates like yeah we're gonna still live together but we're not living with uh the fourth
Starting point is 01:08:49 kid because like fuck this kid because we all hated him uh and then we're all eating lunch together and he goes so like who do y'all plan on living with and then my third roommate goes oh i'm living with some other friends and like not us and then me and we're like uh oh yeah we're gonna live together next year in a house uh but like you should find a different place to live with a bunch of babes um and he was like okay like yeah whatever and i was like i can help you find a place because like i've already gone through it all like if you need help like just let me know like we're really nice about it. It's like, okay.
Starting point is 01:09:27 And so we kind of stopped hanging out. Cause he finally picked up the drift that we don't want to be his friend. Cause he would just follow us everywhere. And we don't talk to him for like an entire semester. So like half a year, we don't talk to him at all. And then one morning I wake up and i'm at my cousin's house because we had just like been partying and stuff and i look at my phone and it's like three messages in a group chat from him with like all of our friends from like high school i was like what the fuck is this and i opened it up and it says fuck you fuck you corbin and especially fuck you and i was like what the fuck is this
Starting point is 01:10:08 i was like i haven't like we haven't talked to um this kid in like over like half a year like what's going on and i was like uh good morning how are you doing oh my god and he was like shut the fuck up you know you know exactly what you did. And I was like, honestly, I'm a little confused. What is going on? And keep in mind, I'm at my cousin's house.
Starting point is 01:10:30 You're so diplomatic. Well, yeah. And then that's how you talk to like these angry people. Cause I never got mad at the Russian guy. I was just like, are you confused? I mean,
Starting point is 01:10:40 what are you going to do even if you get mad though? Yeah. I mean, it also, it's cool. It's Corbin. Sounds a little bit like Corbin went into help desk mode from Best Buy. Oh, 100%. Okay, I'm waking up the morning after drinking with a ton of people.
Starting point is 01:10:56 And so I immediately look and I'm like, hey, everyone, come over here. We got some stuff going down. This is going to be really funny. And so like a group of like six guys are just gathered around my phone and we're just like we're just gonna you know see where this goes and he just starts going off he's like y'all are so fake y'all are fake friends like you didn't tell me you were living with third roommate like why would you fucking lie to me and it's like also wasn't in this group chat he wasn't even the one person who lied to him wasn't in the
Starting point is 01:11:28 group chat he was saying this all in this is just an old friend group chat from like our high school so like eight of the people in there have no idea what the fuck is going on i didn't wait i didn't i didn't catch that this was in like a public fucking group chat yeah no this is in like a like a pretty big old friend group chat from high school. And it was just a 30-minute conversation of him just fucking screaming about us being fake friends and lying about who we're living with. And it is the funniest shit in the world. And then he goes, finally wakes up and starts saying some shit, too. And it's really funny.
Starting point is 01:12:04 And then he goes, well, you know know what and then I think someone kicked him and I've never talked to him since aww I want to hear how that story ends I want to know what I do too message him right now well I just saw a post he did on Instagram
Starting point is 01:12:20 and now I'm a little scared because oh what he has a gun did you disrespect a future US Marine I think he's been training bro because ever since we saw he was like you know not very strong we were like roommates and stuff
Starting point is 01:12:35 and then yesterday I opened up Instagram and I see a post of him doing muscle up which is like when you do a pull up and then you lift yourself on top of the bar and he goes last year I did my last year I did my first pull-up, and today I did my first muscle-up. And I was like, last year, do the math. That's when that conversation happened.
Starting point is 01:12:52 Next year I'm going to beat the fuck out of Corbin. Fuck, bro, he's been training. Oh, dude, you're so fucked. I've been hiding all the pens and pencils. I'm scared. I know how this plays out. Make sure you check in the bathroom stalls. You might be hiding.
Starting point is 01:13:10 Do you really need to get jacked to stab someone? I mean, if you want to do it right. If it's Corbin. Corbin's wily. Yeah, my skin is tougher now after the scar tissue. Yeah, that's how it usually goes. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:26 It's like that fucking guy in Parks and Rec going, oh yeah, I'm immune to bee stings now because I got stung once. Well, I haven't been stabbed since, so prove me wrong. Don't prove me wrong. Oh shit. That's a challenge.
Starting point is 01:13:42 When you come to PSTCon, watch out. Everyone's just going gonna have really sharp pencils people are gonna make you sign pencils and you're gonna be on edge bro you're gonna be like Corbin sign this you're gonna be like having PTSD non-stop like fuck just flashback
Starting point is 01:14:01 you and Mandy have that in common Mandy also got stabbed with a pencil in elementary school. Oh that's a story for another time then unless it's not a story. He had graphite in his back for his entire life up until like a few weeks ago.
Starting point is 01:14:13 Oh my god. What the fuck? Yeah finally it was finally gone because he would it was actually it was in his arm because he was
Starting point is 01:14:19 he told me about it. Every time he would take a shower he would like feel for it and be like oh yeah it's still there. But then but then a few weeks ago he would take a shower, he would feel for it and be like, oh yeah, it's still there. But then a few weeks ago, he was taking a shower and he felt for it and he's like,
Starting point is 01:14:29 it's gone. Where the fuck did it go? Oh yeah, no. He's all better. The body assimilated it. I have glass in me. Still. I just have a tumor. I had a tumor. His name was Rocky. I can't tell. Are we all being serious? Because I was being serious.
Starting point is 01:14:46 Do you guys have tumors? I have none of tumors. Do you actually have a tumor? Yeah, my leg. His name was Rocky. You have a fucking tumor? Yeah, his name was Rocky. He was in my leg. Oh. It was benign. But they wouldn't let me keep it. I was pissed off about that.
Starting point is 01:15:01 I have not a tumor. I don't think maybe. It on the it's on like my side i have like a big ass bump oh i don't know most of the time it's a cyst i think it's probably not a tumor yeah yeah i feel like it's more assist i was just making who fucking cares Hey, are you ready for the end of the podcast where I thank everybody that is a top supporter on Patreon? Because that's where we're at. Hey, thank you so much. Agrabah Winslow, AJ Wigglesworth, Alan Diver, Alex Steer, Ark, Buckshot Papaya, Dead Dreams,
Starting point is 01:15:48 Desric Gothroy, Dreams of Ice, Ducky Madness, Eric Scott Gillies, Fang Jade, Generic Phoenix, Jeff Smith, Manuel Martinez, Marcus Sotelo, Miyako, Notoriety, Pyropat, Seawolf812, Sky, Teague, Thatman, The Ultimate Lifeform Shadow the Hedgehog creation of Gerald Robotnik and Black Doom and Protector of this damn planet, Travis Vapes, Unarmed Toaster, Vandrick, William Oliver, and Winchester Curse. I really hope you guys liked the first episode of Season five and we'll see you next time.

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