Please Stop Talking - Hack Jobs | Please Stop Talking
Episode Date: November 15, 2020Gotta sit you kids down and talk about the birds and the 90s. Check out our merch store â–¶ http://pleasestopshopping.com Support the podcast and Patreon â–¶ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic... Join the PST Discord server! â–¶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65 Links: Avery â–¶ https://twitter.com/ShammyTV David â–¶ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Ed â–¶ https://twitter.com/PunkDuck_ Corbin â–¶ https://twitter.com/lobbymemez Podcast â–¶ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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slash sir me on music and now on with the show i don't know my name
welcome to the podcast. Oh my fucking god.
Welcome to the podcast.
Season 5, baby.
I already said it, David.
We can't have two claps again.
That was a season 4 thing. New year.
New year.
This isn't a new year.
Me.
This is April 3rd.
I'm dating the recording.
Shit.
Yeah, you shouldn't do that.
I'm going to censor that with another date to confuse people.
You're going to censor the date? Yeah, I don't want that.'m gonna censor that with another date to confuse people you're gonna censor the date yeah i don't want to say this is april 3rd i am not no i am usually
come out a couple days after right like like i want to say five right sure yeah something like
that sure oh man it's so crazy that is a sex pest i i have a lot of money writing on this
i feel like i need to take off my pants but it's fine It's a sex pest. I have a lot of money riding on this. Safe bet. Let me grab the Roomba.
I feel like I need to take off my pants, but it's fine.
Didn't you just pee?
Why'd you have them on?
What?
What?
Do you?
What?
You don't take off your pants when you pee?
What are you on?
Do you not put them back on?
No. Oh, I forgot forgot you use a catheter
i'm just confused i mean i just don't feel comfortable wearing pants all the time
so if i like go to the bath like i just i got my johns out man
i feel like you're the person will you call in your story please record your Corbin story take us out Corbin has a Corbin story
so I stole a car
oh okay well I wasn't gonna
I wanted to do a little preamble
to that which was
you guys might remember that the last time Corbin
was on one of the Patreon questions was
what is the furthest you've gone
to get laid
and after we finished recording the episode Corbin
messaged me and said oh i just
remembered an actual answer for that i stole a car what yeah what do you fucking mean you stole a car
well there was the opportunity right um and i just didn't have the means
you were looking for an excuse? No.
There was the opportunity for possible lateness.
And I didn't have a car.
And so I had to get one.
So is there a story?
Or is it just that you stole a car?
How did you steal it?
No, but how did you?
Oh, it was pretty easy, actually.
Did you hotwire it?
No, I just got.
From the start. From the start, from the start.
Take us from the start.
Give us backstory.
So I had been talking to this girl for a while, right?
And I lived in Houston at the time.
And so there's this big music festival there, like Free Press Summerfest or whatever.
And everyone that was cool went.
So obviously I didn't go and yeah um and so she was like she was there and um she's like hey all my friends are like incredibly
messed up because everyone is like drinking and she's like i don't have a ride home and it was
pouring down rain and she's like an uber is going to be like 80 to get home and she's like I'm stuck in like downtown Houston
can you come pick me up and so I'm sitting in my room and there's no one else at my house
and all our cars are gone and I was like yeah I got you so because I was I mean i was like okay she's this is my chance to be the hero she's alone
she's cold she's wet she's possibly he's had some alcohol in her system oh my god
i was joking
this is going places that i don't like uh Well, I mean, it's still a car,
so it's not like it's a really high morale story.
No, I would say that.
I would, no.
I think that those are very different things
on very different levels.
Yeah.
But go ahead.
Okay.
See, Ed, this is what incrimination is.
It's when you incriminate yourself.
I know because I'm controlling the narrative.
I'm so happy.
No, Corbin might be the guy
that steals my crown.
That people will go...
The biggest piece of shit.
Because I've never done something like that.
Corbin's just like an untrained
golden retriever though.
Actually, hang on.
Have I done something?
Corbin pisses in the corner
and it's like, ah, yeah, whatever.
But like you piss in the corner
and I'm like like that's malicious.
Okay I was 16
at the time.
And uh
I was just excited at the opportunity because I knew she liked me
and we hung out before and stuff.
Um and so
I didn't have a car but I went out into
our like driveway
and there was a car there and I had not
seen the car before. And I was like, that's interesting. There's a new car at our house.
And so I went into our kitchen where we hang all our keys and wouldn't you know it, there were keys.
And I was like, well, it looks like this is, this is fate that I have to take a car and go pick her
up. I was like, I now have the opportunity to do this. So I get in the car car and go pick her up. I was like, I now have the opportunity to do this. So
I get in the car. I go pick her up.
She's like, that's not Houston. So it
took me like 30 minutes to get there. And then we drive
back and
we get to her house and she's like,
oh, so like, do you want to come inside?
And I was like, of course I want to come
inside. And so I grabbed my phone at the back
of my car and I had like
15 missed calls from like my
dad my mom and they're like where the fuck is that car like where are you like why did you take the
car and i was like shit i was like actually i don't think i can come inside right now i think
i have to go home and die i think i gotta pull out i think i gotta go So I went home and my,
I immediately get home and there's like four people at our house.
It's like my mom,
my dad,
my brother and my brother's girlfriend.
So it turns out my brother's girlfriend had just left their car at our house
and she left the keys.
And I don't know why I decided to take it,
but I did.
And it was incredibly awkward.
And they were,
so they both left like my brother and my brother's girlfriend. Cause she was like, Oh, as long as I got my car back, but I did. And it was incredibly awkward. And they were, so they both left like my brother and my brother's girlfriend.
Cause she was like, oh, as long as I got my car back, it's fine.
I don't really care.
She was pretty chill.
My parents were like, insisted that I was gone and doing drugs.
And they were like, what are you on?
Like, what makes you think it's okay to steal a car?
Like we're going to drug test you.
And at this time in my life, I don't think I'd even tasted alcohol yet.
I was a good boy, apart from the fact of... Apart from the Grand Theft Auto, yeah.
Yeah.
And they were like, we know you're on drugs.
We're going to drug test you.
And I wasn't telling them what I went to go do,
because I was just like i don't know i just had to go pick up some friends and i used
the car and it was like a 30 minute argument and then finally they're like this doesn't make sense
like why would you do that and i was like well they're like who all did you go pick up and i was
like it was just one girl and my dad goes oh it's for a girl i was like yeah and he's like okay you're fine and i
never talked about it again
so you could you could just steal a fucking car if it's for a girl then
i think my dad was just relieved that i wasn't gay
yeah no that that that sounds like your dad from what i know about him
oh corbin you should talk about when you got your new fucking computer That sounds like your dad from what I know about him.
Oh, Corbin, you should talk about when you got your new fucking computer.
Oh, my God.
Wait, hang on.
Before we do that, because we're talking about being gay.
Did I ever say this on the podcast?
Have I ever talked at length about my grandma on here or no?
I don't think so.
Okay.
I don't know anything about your grandma. So my grandma is
very, very, I mean, she cares.
But she's constantly asking me things
about my private life that I really do not want to
speak about to a
almost 90-year-old
extremely Catholic woman.
Nine-year-old?
Ninety. Did I not say ninety?
No, you did. David's an idiot.
Okay. That's reassuring um
so she's like asking me like oh are you still dating this girl that you're obviously still
hung up on who broke your heart or are you doing this or that what are you gonna do for work
so then um i latched on to the question where she was like are you still dating this girl and i went
no and she went oh are you dating anyone this girl? And I went, no.
And she went, oh, are you dating anyone?
And I'm like, yeah, I'm dating a guy.
Oh, I remember you telling me about this when we lived together.
Wait, why did you lie about that?
Because I just wanted her to get off my back
because I know she hates gay people.
So I just said, yeah, I'm dating a guy.
Then she went, what?
You're joking. And I went, no, no, I'm dating a guy. Then she went, what? You're joking.
No, no, I'm dating a guy. He's great. I'm very happy right now. And she went, Ed, this is a joke, right? You're not dating a man. I went, no, no, I am. And then she grabbed
me by the shoulder and pulled me in because this was at like a family gathering. I always
see her at family gatherings. gathering she goes you better break up
with him right now or i'm telling your dad whoa yep that's what i went whoa
and i just told no i'm joking jesus yeah she really doesn't like them. Bonus fact.
Them.
Bonus facts.
When I was
single once, and I was
telling her, like, oh yeah,
there's this girl that I'm interested in. She went,
oh, just do me a favor and don't date a
black woman like your father did.
Oh my fucking god.
I remember that one too.
Yeah.
I actually forgot a key part of my story.
Oh, okay.
Well then go on because I'm pretty sure I definitely, Avery, I definitely told the Olympic story on this.
Oh yeah.
You definitely did.
No, you definitely did. Go on Corbin.
Cause that's my favorite one.
But yeah.
Sorry, but really this, this is incredibly brief, but that's very different from when I dated a black girl in high school and my dad in the car where I couldn't leave or escape gave me this big long speech about how brave I was to date a black girl.
I thought he was going to give you that speech from Django where he talks about the skull and the dents in the skull.
Oh, no, no, no, no no no my dad is like
I mean he's a conservative
gen xer but you know he's not like that
okay yeah no I didn't
feel like he was
when he was I'm sorry
when he took us to a Mediterranean like
place I was like wow how progressive of you
what
what
I think my dad was convinced we were dating for a while when we were living together
he 100 was are you kidding me for that one bit where he was like i think he mentioned it both
to me and you or i don't know but he was like oh i heard some yelling from the room you guys were both in there did you guys have a fight
I fucking forgot about that
oh my god
oh fuck god damn
yeah no and I think he was really
sus because at that time you were
constantly talking about troubles with your girlfriend.
Like, while you were living with me.
So it's like you were talking about how you were having problems with your girlfriend.
And then you and I would be, like, chilling and...
Goddamn.
I heard some really rough gay sex coming from Avery's brother's room.
What was up with that, Ed?
God.
What a good time.
The moral of that last story was
it was a really good thing that they did call me
because...
So I ended up, like,
obviously calling things off of that girl
because I was like, yeah, the fact that I sold a car,
I'm probably not in the best spot. I sold a car, it's probably,
I'm probably not in the best spot.
I need to make some changes in my life. And I was like,
I'm not in the position to like talk or date anyone.
And then like a week later she came out as gay.
And Oh,
I was just really glad that nothing happened because if she would have come
out of as gay after we had done anything,
that would have been a huge
hit to my morale.
I knew where that was going.
You would have reversed David in.
Yeah. I think I already
talked about that though on the podcast.
I think so. I had the exact
same experience where
this girl was interested in me and then I was
like, no thanks
box head and then like
a year later she came out
as gay and I was like thank god
if I was you
I'd be like yeah I did that
my man boobs aren't that big
you would take pride in
no not me Jesus
sorry Corbin
you were going to talk about your new computer.
I mean, I do have an RGB keyboard.
That's true.
That's true.
No, but...
I thought that was it.
Oh, no, that was a gay joke, Ed.
Go on.
Wow. No, that was a gay joke, Ed. Go on. So, this is
peak Fortnite times.
What? What the fuck?
Oh, I thought you were saying that
you have to go.
No, no, no.
I'm saying see you later, guys.
The story takes place
in the height of Fortnite
and I had not had a gaming
computer yet but I really
loved playing Fortnite with the boys
and everyone else was playing on PC
and so I was like dang I guess I gotta you know
settle down and invest myself in a good
gaming computer
buy a boat, buy an RGB
keyboard
so in true Fortnite fashion on my gaming
computer i went all out on rgb and everything was very colorful and bright and shining in
multiple different lights and um i didn't tell my parents that i was buying it. Because I didn't want them to judge me. For being a gamer.
I hadn't come out to them as a gamer yet.
And so.
The computer arrived.
And I snuck it into my room.
And I set it all up.
And it was all working fine.
And then I think my parents noticed. That the wifi was getting a lot slower.
Whenever I was in my room.
And so.
They never came into my room.
But they came into my room.
My dad walked in and he saw like my gaming setup and he was like,
what are you doing in here?
And I was like,
Oh, I'm just playing Fortnite dad.
He didn't even ask me if I was winning.
Bro.
What the hell?
Um,
and so then I had to have obviously like the long talk with him that,
yeah,
I play video games.
The gamer talk?
You had to tell him about cranking 90s?
I was like, Dad, I killed Ninja.
He was streaming and I killed him on stream.
You had to tell him about the birds in the 90s?
Well, my dad doesn't understand technology at all and is very confused by everything.
And so I think he thought I was doing like illegal stuff online because for someone who doesn't understand technology, when they see a clear computer case and lights coming out of it, they're like, oh, obviously he's a hacker.
About a week later, my dad forgets his computer password and so he's sitting
on his computer and he can't get in and he like kicks open my door and he's like what are you
doing and i'm like i'm playing fortnite and he's like i know you're hacking me
and i'm like what are you talking about i'm just playing video games he goes he's like don't bs me
with that he goes i know what you're doing up here you're doing sketchy illegal stuff online I know you're
hacking me and I'm like I don't I don't even know the first thing about hacking I was like that's
completely different he goes I know you know you're one of those Gen Zers who does all the
computers and all that stuff because I know you know what you're doing and you need to stop it right now. And I was like, if I could stop doing it, I would because I'm not doing it.
And so he like pulls me downstairs and showing me his computer and he's like,
why can't I log into my computer? And I was like, you probably forgot your password.
And he's like, that's not true. i've had the same password the entire life my
entire life my my password has never changed i was like first of all that's not very safe
oh so you do know something about infosec corvin
um and i sit down on his computer and i type in what i obviously think his password is because
it's never changed uh and I get it
right on the first time I go yeah you were just typing in your password wrong I think he had caps
lock on was the thing no um but that did not help him convince that I was not hacking him that's
obviously not gonna convince him you're not so incriminating when you instantly fucking get him
on his computer I was like you just didn't know your password.
I was like, I wasn't hacking you.
And so it was like a whole argument basically until I left college that I constantly thought I was hacking him.
Even when I was in college, one day he called me and he's like, what are you doing right now?
And I was like, I'm eating lunch.
And he goes, OK, well, I can't open my my application on my computer.
It's because you're you're hacking me with your video games.
No way.
Yeah, he just doesn't understand how it works.
You should have said it was for a woman.
He wouldn't let you go.
Ed, are you really shocked by this?
This is a boomer who was blue-screened by Caps Lock.
I'm very lucky.
Well, unlucky, really.
My parents were pretty good with tech I mean
they're both fucking tech engineers
so I never had that
so I'm just amazed when I hear that shit
you're hacking me
you're cranking 90s on my password
I'm just trying to open
Microsoft Word
they don't understand anything I'm just trying to open Microsoft Word.
They don't understand anything.
Why can't I install Microsoft Word?
My mom's Snapchat got hacked.
And that was the biggest ordeal in my family.
Because first of all, obviously it was my fault.
And she started freaking out because I was like, okay. I was like, the first thing you got to do.
I was like, like, what passwords that you have that are the same as your Snapchat password?
And she's like, my email, my bank account, all of our savings.
And I was like, okay, well, first of all, change all of them.
Jesus, her bank account and savings?
Yeah, it was the same as her Snapchat.
Now they're not.
I've taught her a world.
Oh my gosh.
Is that the end of the story?
Yeah, no, I like to end it on a cliffhanger.
Okay.
Is it actually done?
Yeah, no, it's still... It didn's still like it ended on a cliffhanger i feel like it ended in a comma what is this i'm sorry it's just it's still an ongoing event in my life where i constantly
get calls and they're like i know you're hacking me it's still ongoing my mom's broke when are you
gonna when are you oh god it's so funny the contrast of knowing that your family thinks
you're like some fucking big hacker man who's like getting into their fucking internets and
then you click over onto your fucking stream and you're in your bathroom wearing a fucking stupid hat trying to fix the plumbing.
Oh, my dad saw a clip of that stream. How?
I sent it to him.
I just want to ask, how
did she even get hacked? Was she like
clicking on fishy weird shit?
Yes. Well, that's
every fucking dude.
Like everybody in my family
does that shit all the time they're
like oh fuck i got a virus how because they keep going on fucking sketchy ass websites
just clicking on everything i feel like that's such a downloading toolbars and shit
do toolbars still fucking exist do what sorry toolbars yeah toolbars man oh remember having like six uh i i guess if corbin's done i just want to quickly mention
because i remember this while he was talking about oh you're hacking me so my parents were
very good with tech so i never had any experiences with that. But the problem is when social media started becoming semi-relevant, my parents were instantly on the everyone on Facebook is a pedophile bandwagon.
Oh, yeah.
Because they just hear about it on the news and they knew like how dangerous putting your private info was.
But this was even before Facebook.
This was when i wanted to
make a thing called the blog spot does anybody remember blogs i remember blog spot yeah yes
and i wanted to make one and i wanted to make like um movie and game reviews on that thing
if i can find it i'll i might be able to link it unless is blogspot bankrupt is it still
does it still exist i think it's probably still up i think geocities is still up like you can
still find the one pages i had a website on fucking pixel and i know that's dead blogspot's
still up oh wait a blogger oh is it called blogger think so. Yeah, if it's the orange B. Quite a lot of bloggers in the chat. If it's the orange B, it's Blogspot.
Like the same thing.
Yeah, it's the orange B.
Okay.
So I made one, and then I was just asking friends of mine,
and I was in fucking primary school when I did this.
I was like 10.
I was asking my friends like,
yo, do you guys have Blogspot?
Because we should follow each other, blah, blah.
And then almost none of them knew what
it what it even was and then this one guy on my bus route he was portuguese and he had one and i
was like yo shit um let me follow your thing and then we just followed each other and then i went
home and i started looking at it and i was like oh damn he's actually decently big and it was just
like he was basically using it like facebook or MySpace where you would just talk about school trips.
And then just post about that shit and post pictures.
And then he posted this one trip that he went to with his classmates where it was at a beach.
And I just commented on it saying like, hey, it's me, Ed, from the bus route at this school. Wow,
that girl in that picture is fat as fuck.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Oh, my God.
You're such a fucking dumbass.
You're so fucking stupid.
And then I told my sister about it because she's the one who introduced me to Blogspot.
And then she was like,
oh, that's cool.
You found a friend that has a blog.
And then I showed her the blog
and then she read my comment
and then she instantly told my dad what I did and then he
fucking took away all my computer privileges.
He called me a fucking idiot.
Oh my god.
The same thing kind of happened to me. I gave
my sister's Webkinz password to everyone
in our school.
What?
What the fuck?
Why? I don't know know she's being mean probably oh that's why my parents think i'm a hacker i did something
i did something a bit worse kind of than that you guys well you guys wouldn't know except maybe ed because
it's a french thing okay like french belgian do you know what blah blah land is no okay so blah
blah land was basically like this french game where you would go around and it was just like
a facebook game no okay no no no i i think it was literally just like it was like a browser thing.
I don't think it exists anymore.
No, definitely not.
Yeah, no, it was like this fucking game where you would socialize with other fucking kids.
Like it was like obnoxiously colorful.
And every game you look, you grew up playing look exactly the same.
I it's how it is but there was the there was like a premium currency that you could get right but to get it you had to call up this phone number and then the the french phone number
would give you back a code and you would enter it. Weird. Yeah.
You would,
you,
you,
you would get the points by,
uh,
paying with the,
uh,
your phone.
Like your,
it was like a long distance thing.
And then it had like extra fees,
uh,
added to it.
What I,
what I did was I had another friend who,
uh, who told me
that
what they would
do is they would go to like
when they would go to family gatherings
they would just
call the number like a few times
to get extra points
and then I was like
bro I was
like bro that's the most genius shit you can just get
infinite points like that and for like for for like the maybe three years that i played that
garbage game i would just sometimes you spent three fucking years playing blah blah land
dude that game was huge you have a dual monitor setup so you could fucking double
dip adventure quests dude yeah bro yeah bro no it's because my my older sister and my my younger
sister were also playing blah blah land like everybody i knew was playing that shit um
and yeah i i just i just did that a few times at a fucking, at a, at a family,
at family gatherings. And one time I was like, bro, fuck, I need this new skin that came out,
bro. I need it right now. So I just like, I called in like once at home and I've like legit i finished the call and i don't know how but my i think my my little
fucking sister said something to my mom she fucking barged into my room and was like david
alexander trembling and she just starts going on me and like i was i i she took away my fucking computer for like a month
for this for this fucking ten dollar transaction i did on our phone line dude
but i did get the skin how many times did you use oh sorry yeah old micro transactions are
fucking weird but david how much money did you spend of other on
other people's phone bills on this game dude i legit could not tell you hundreds i like i it was
10 each time so yes probably hundreds yeah like it was around it was like around five to ten dollars
every time i was such a trash kid bro got so many skins i was epic
sorry ed what were you saying oh no i was saying that just old microtransactions are
fucking whack and i was also gonna mention that um ages ago i got scammed on yoville
if you guys remember yo you talked about this yoville yoville no i talked about yova i didn't talk about getting scammed
um yoville was fucking huge in my high school it was this yoville it was wasn't that made by
the people that made a fucking farmville i think so yeah it was basically the um
the really cool hip kids hangout game.
It was basically Club Penguin, but for teenagers that thought Club Penguin was lame.
But it was fucking terrible.
It was even lamer.
And I felt, I mean, I just made fun of like boomers for like, oh man, who falls for that Nigerian prince shit.
But I legit looked up like how to make money fast on YoVille.
And one of them was, oh, it was like a YouTube video, you know, Soundscape 9, Notepad, whatever.
And it's a guy typing.
Yes, classic.
And it's a guy typing, oh, YoVille's developers are really dumb.
You can make money so fast by just sending in a fraudulent like support ticket.
You just have to email this thing with your email and password for your Facebook account.
And then they'll believe your case and just give you like any amount of money that you need.
And then I did it.
And then I came back to my account and everything I owned had been sold.
And then the guy left a note at my like YoVille apartment saying thanks for the money, moron.
Oh, my God.
Yo, that's smooth as hell.
And this guy is such a baller.
He had his apartment set to open.
So I went to his apartment and he had a couch on his room door so you couldn't access his room to see all the shit he had you could just hang out
in the living room but then i checked his inbox it was all just middle-aged moms writing for their
son saying you are such an immoral man for scamming my son this is this is so sad
that's fucking amazing oh my god um have i ever told go on have i ever told any of you guys
about the the time i strung along a nigerian scammer for a month. No fucking way.
Yeah.
I mean,
Jesus.
I,
uh,
I was trying,
I had to upgrade my computer to,
um,
for like video shit.
And I was trying to sell my graphics card and I was like,
you fucking selling shit on eBay is a bitch.
I don't want to ship anything.
I'm just going to try and sell it on Craigslist.
So I,
I listed the,
the, the graphics card on craigslist so i i listed the the graphics card
on craigslist uh and after a few days of like not getting any responses i get a response from some
guy in like fucking zimbabwe or something and and he's like hello i would like to buy graphic card
i am willing to pay double your listed price and i was like oh where's this going
and he was in in like because the listed price i had set was like uh three or four hundred dollars
or something it was way more than double it was like he was like i will pay you twelve hundred
dollars to ship me this card and i looked and a new card of the same type cost like six hundred
seven hundred dollars or something so i was like all right something's
clearly fucking up here um but i went i wonder what this guy wants and so i i replied to the
email and he's like uh yes i would i would like to buy a graphics card i cannot tell you address over email though do you have phone and i went
oh no and i said i just uh i was like drunk when i was when i got that email and so i just responded
no i do not have phone and he said can you get phone and i was like yeah i can get phone so the next day i went to um best buy and i got i
got a burner phone for like 30 bucks um just like one of those prepaid phones like it lasts a month
or so um so i spent 30 bucks i got that phone because i don't want this fucking guy having my
phone number i don't know what connections he has uh and he's and he starts giving me all these instructions, all these instructions.
And he's like, give me address so I can mail you money order.
Uh, and, uh, and I said, yeah, sure.
And so I gave him the address of my school, um, and had it addressed to me so that I could get it.
Um, oh no, I was in college at the time.
I had it mailed to my dorm.
I didn't specify which room number I was in.
I just had it addressed to my real name,
which is probably a mistake.
But, yeah, so I had him mail it to my dorm,
the one that flooded on the seventh floor twice uh that dorm and
i get the i get the i get the letter and i open it and it's it's some money it's like a fucking
money order check or i don't really remember what exactly it was it might have been just a check
but it was for uh 1200 bucks and he was like yes yes now go now go check that in account and i went
and i like googled like can you tell what the account number was that this was like redeemed
to based on this check and i looked and it said no so i I was like, all right, I want to see what happens if I do this. Oh, my God.
So I redeem the I read I.
Well, first of all, I spent like a week looking into it.
I mean, like on and off, because I think it's funny.
He keeps on messaging me like, please, I need graphic.
And so and it was all in like broken English like that.
But he was like, please,
sir, I need graphic. Do you have a bank yet? And so eventually I, I, I cashed the check after like
two weeks or so. Um, and he, he, and I tell him, yeah, I cashed the check. And he was like, okay, great. Can you send 600 of the dollar I sent to this account in Zimbabwe?
And I was like, sure, I'll get right on that.
And so he texts me every fucking morning for like seven, eight days, uh, constantly asking when can you go
send money? And I was like, I don't know, man, I keep going places and all of them are closed
and they tell me they won't send money to Zimbabwe. I don't know what's up. Meanwhile,
I'm just like, I'm just fucking, I'm just fucking sitting in my apartment, sitting in my dorm, eating chips or something.
I don't fucking know.
I won't fucking spend the money to Zimbabwe, man.
I'm at the bank right now, bro.
Lady won't give me a time of day.
I remember, yeah, no, at one point I was actually at Target and he messaged me and I took a fucking picture on the
burner phone and I texted it to him. I'm like, look, I'm at target. I'm at the money order place.
They won't fucking send the money. And then eventually I'm like, all right, I'm going to,
I'm going to tell him I sent the fucking money. And I was like, Hey, I sent. And so one day he
asked me, Hey, did you send the money? And I respond, yeah, I actually,
I just sent it. They said it's going to take like a week or so for the money to show up in the
account though, because I was like, I don't want to fucking, I don't want to fucking deal with this.
And so I immediately, I'm not even kidding, because usually he would take like five, 10,
20 minutes to respond to texts. The second I say
yeah I sent the money they said it's going to take a minute
for it to appear in the account. He says
help my daughter just in car crash.
Please I need
rest of money. Please send rest of
money. I need it for hospital.
Like instantly.
The second I tell him I sent the money
he's like send rest of money back. I need
it for hospital. Daughter hits by car.
Maybe dead.
Please, you
are killing my family if you do not send
money back. And I said, dude, I'm sorry.
We had an agreement. You said you were going to give me the
fucking graphics card. You said you were going to give me the
money. I'm giving you a graphics card.
Who needs daughters when you got fucking
voxels? Ripped to your daughter, but I'm different.
Ripped to your daughter, but I'm different. Ripped to your daughter, but I'm different.
It's just, and he keeps on saying,
please, sir, why are you so cruel?
Why are you so cruel, my daughter?
She hits my bus.
And I was like, oh, it's a bus now.
You should have told him you were driving the bus.
And just imagine some man whose daughter actually got hit by a bus.
And he was like, fucking loser.
He says, please, I am trying to drive her hospital right now, but I need money for hospital.
I said, she'll probably be fine.
If you're the one driving her to the hospital, she didn't need an ambulance, right?
And he said, please give me money.
I need money for hospital.
And then while we're having this conversation, I get on my laptop and I check my fucking bank account.
The fucking check was charged back.
He was trying to get, he was trying to skim me out of $1,200.
Oh my God.
I hope his daughter's okay.
Yeah.
No, I, I, after like, um, after like a week passed and he, uh, and he had stopped trying
to talk to me, like, I was like, oh, my burner phone's about to run out.
I'm gonna have fun for like one last day.
And so I texted and I was like, hey man, uh, just wanted to know if you were going to send like oh my burner phone's about to run out i'm gonna have fun for like one last day and so i
texted i was like hey man uh just wanted to know if you were gonna send me your address so i could
ship out the graphics card um hope your daughter's okay he responded fuck you That was a fun month.
Oh, man.
Please, sir.
My daughter hits my bus, need hospital.
I like that at least he dropped the facade for the last one.
Yeah.
He probably made a 24-minute video about you.
I hope so.
He pointed at the text and went, you see that smile?
That's years of training.
But yeah, no, that's my scammer story.
Oh, David, you wanted to tell your fucking hackers.
You wanted to tell your hacker story, right?
Oh, fuck. Yeah. So when we when we it was like maybe we had just met.
Yeah, we had known each other for a couple months.
Yeah, it hadn't been that long.
And I was having I had this thing that would happen randomly where I would lose.
I would completely lose control of my computer like my
mouse would just go places and it would start like if i was like typing uh something it would
just start typing something completely different and i was just i i was a hundred percent sure that
what i was getting fucking hacked or just anything like it would happen all the time
yeah i i would no but for real it would happen all the time like we we would be playing tekken
or something and it would just start fucking clicking on shit and one time we were recording
and it started clicking on shit because it was like maybe a second episode of the podcast when this happened like it was super early on
it took me i i took it i took my computer dude i paid like hundreds of dollars just to get
something done with the computer i would send the computer over and every single time they would just
be like dude there is nothing wrong with your computer your computer is totally fine and then
i would be like okay i guess they cleared up
the fucking hacker man from my computer and then i would just start uh writing on fucking discord
and it would just say like it would just say shit like avery avery uh avery come uh podcast
no no no no no it would just start typing like random
or something
that's yeah that's what I
thought and like I was
losing my dude I was losing my fucking
your mind also move around and click
I don't know if you mentioned that yeah yeah
it would move around and click like I would be
losing my shit because I
try to do
anything productive when your mouse randomly starts
clicking around and typing avery avery uh shit like that i was losing my mind and one one day
i looked down i i i like no can i tell you where i am you and i were in vc when this happened
yes so you can tell this what happened was uh dav I were in VC when this happened. Yes, you can tell this part.
What happened was David had been talking to me about this hacker problem for months at this point, I think it was.
Yeah.
It was one month.
Was it only one month?
I thought it was like two.
Yeah, but it felt like fucking forever.
Yeah.
So for like a month, David kept on telling me about how he was taking his computer in
and like he had this hacker and it was typing shit.
And when this happened to David, when it started happening, David started to do a thing where
he's like, I'm going to try and appease the hacker.
So he opened like he opened Microsoft Word.
He opened Microsoft Word and wrote in big text, hello, after it happened one time.
And just sat and waited to see if anything happened for like 20 minutes.
And then that day, after waiting 20 minutes, David decided to start fucking around with something.
And I just hear, like, I hear through his microphone, oh my fucking God.
And I say, what's up, Dave?
And he's like, I'm not being hacked.
And I was like, what do you mean?
What's going on?
And he's like,
I accidentally recorded a really long macro.
I recorded, dude,
somehow, somehow, at some point i i pressed record macro and i recorded like a 30 minute long macro of just like me typing to avery or something and like
i recorded it for like both my mouse and my keyboard. So it was just typing random shit.
Like it was sending fucking month old fucking messages to Avery.
But like any dude,
Jesus Christ,
I felt like such a fucking asshole.
I remember we were like,
we were like playing random games.
And then all of a sudden,
all of a sudden,
it would take control. And I would sudden it would take control and i would
it would take over and i would just start talking yeah and i would just be like i would just be like
mr hacker please stop my mmr bro my rank
i would i legit thought at one point like bro i'm so out of options i need to be friends with the hacker
i need to i need to build a romance that was how the microsoft word strat started
i think you used that like three times and we'll
you just sit there with hello sir written you know i started doing that I started doing that? I started doing that because we were watching either E3 or the VGAs at one point.
And I was taking notes because it was, oh, it was around the first episode where we did the VGAs, I think.
I think it was around the first episode of the podcast ever.
No, it was around the VGAs because I was taking notes.
We took notes for the E3 episode as well.
Oh, it was for the E3 episode. I think it was for the VGAs because I was taking notes. We took notes for the E3 episode. I was taking notes. As well. Oh, it was for the E3 episode.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
I think it was for the first episode.
Yeah, I was taking notes.
And at one point it started typing,
Avery, da-na-na, podcast, stuff like that.
And I was like, oh, fuck.
He knows.
Maybe I can talk.
Maybe I can talk to him.
And then when he would stop,
when the hacker would stop typing,
I would be like, hello? and then it would start typing again it would be like every podcast uh these are like
the two only words i remember i remember the thing constantly typing because i think we were talking
about the podcast at that point when i recorded the micro i would guess guess so. And I was just, I had a moment where I talked with past David.
It was fucking insane, dude.
Wow, we have future David and past David now.
And nega David.
There's like so many fucking Davids.
Past David's just a really fucking stupid AI.
Yeah.
I'm just mad that I spent so much money on this yeah i went to geek squad so often favorite thing about this is that when this happened i was like that's fucking hilarious
we have to talk about that on the podcast and you would no we can't that's way too embarrassing
it's way too embarrassing we can't talk about this that's fucking amazing that's before that's before
we had that's when that's when i thought we had standards right after that you wanted people to
respect you to be fair when i heard that i got secondhand embarrassment like david i am so sorry
hundreds of dollars because he recorded a hundred like his fucking
daughter hits my bus he needs macro the worst part is that they they nobody would have nobody
would have ever known like if i when i sent it over to the fucking Best Buy or Geek Squad and shit. Like, nobody would have ever known.
I think no one told you because they really wanted to fuck with you.
No, because they had to have my keyboard.
They would have to have my keyboard and mouse, I think, or something like that.
Because I had a macro button.
It was on the Razer fucking Ultimate Black Widow, something like that.
And the play macro key was like right next to like something I always used.
And I would always accidentally click it, press it, and it would start the fucking recording.
Oh my God.
One of my favorite memories from that time is one time when we were playing
a game together one time we were playing a game together um in co-op and just all of a sudden i
hear you start shooting and i turn around and you're spinning like looking at the ceiling
shooting at it and i just hear through your mic this blood curdling
it was right after it was right after you got your fucking it was right after you got your fucking
it was right after you got your fucking computer
back from bed
it was like
it was like 30 minutes after you got it back
we were playing something
I plugged it back in
yeah I plugged it back in and then
we were I think it was you
you Kyle
Greg and we were playing i think left for dead or
yeah it was left for dead and then uh and then we were having a good time everything was good
and all of a sudden bam all of a sudden david is spinning looking at the ceiling and running
around erratically just screaming no it's like it's like he got a jockey on him in real life
oh that's so fucking embarrassing
man past david's fucking hilarious for fucking with you like that
oh my god nobody has played me harder than myself and that's fucking amazing
so fucking fun hundreds i's so fucking funny.
Hundreds.
I'm so glad we finally got to talk about the hacker, notorious hacker, David Tremblay.
I totally forgot about that.
I'm such a dumbass.
David Tremblay has so many job titles.
Hacker, pedophile, how high is the ceiling?
Oh, God.
I mean, those kind of like, that's been not a grab the circle.
Oh my god.
You guys still down to do a few When Mr. Robot started with Rami Malek
taking down a pedophile, I was like,
wow, way to break stereotypes.
Wow, this isn't historically accurate.
I executed a DDoS
once and I jerk off to lollies every night
oh my christ
five dollar tier blah blah blah i kind of like this one from pyro pat which is make up an excuse
as for why cameron isn't on the podcast today or explain some of the more notable excuses from Cameron.
Oh, man.
Wait, I just realized there's never any
notable excuses.
There's never been.
Yeah.
There's never been a good
excuse. It's always like,
oh, shit.
Oh, shit. I slipped in.
Oh, shit. Can you shit. I slipped in. Oh.
Oh, Ed.
Can you fucking feel in for me?
Ed, I am back. I honestly like that one because it's just like the absolute certainty that Cameron would
not be here.
Which one?
The one I read.
Oh, yeah.
It's just make up an excuse for why he's not here.
If Cameron's not here just make up an excuse for why he's not here not if cameron's not here
make up an excuse the best part is that we just got this question like two days ago so it's like
i mean the most realistic ones the most he always comes up with something but we all know he slept
in right yeah it's always we have to come up with something that he would realistically come up with that he would think we'd buy
How to think like Cameron
That's hard, I buy nothing he says anymore
How to think like Cameron
I'd go make it to the podcast
because I was in line for this new album
by this really pretentious artist I follow
Sorry guys
Slept in late after the fucking animal collective.
Sorry guys, can't make it today.
Crying my eyes out after listening to a crow look at me.
The new Grimes.
The new Father John Misty.
No, he doesn't like the new Grimes.
He doesn't like Grimes.
He told me that.
Yeah. Yeah. That's why he'simes. He doesn't like Grimes. Yeah.
That's why he's crying.
And that wasn't very realistic.
Why is he crying?
The realistic one is,
I was listening to Father John Misty
and I couldn't see the alarm clock.
Sorry, guys.
I listened to true comedy
and I took to the streets.
Sorry, I was up late guys
I was reviewing all of Sam Neill's filmography
on Letterboxd
this is so fucking good
oh my god
good question thank you for that one.
Pyrobat, would you like to be a host?
Would you like to be a host?
What are you doing tomorrow, bro?
You want to come on?
I think it's listening to the new Grimes album.
It's so pretentious.
What else is here?
This one's also good.
Damn, they're learning.
See, tough love. It works uh smaggle asks are there any stories you regret telling on the podcast slash have had any real
life consequences on you after you told the story uh for me yes all of them because my sister listens
to these what oh i? You said that once.
I totally forgot.
And then when I asked, oh God, tell me you don't
listen to all of them. And she went, no,
just the ones you're on. Oh, good.
All of them.
What do you mean, oh good?
Those are the worst.
I said, oh good, sarcastically,
David. I hate that she listens to these.
I don't know that, bro.
Maybe you're happy your sister supports you.
No.
Yeah, no.
David, you haven't had much character development.
Current, you would still do the macro thing, I think.
Yeah, that's 100%.
I would have done that by accident.
Well, this new keyboard that I got
doesn't have a record button for macros,
so I'm fucking safe.
I don't think I have like any real life repercussions that I remember.
My boss now knows that I've pooped in a sock.
What?
Your boss listens?
Yeah.
Oh God.
I'm also in the middle of like asking for a promotion he now knows that I'm illiterate and pooping socks
I think I got it in the bag
and now you're a fucking permanent host bro
are you gonna get promoted to the gamer section
actually yeah
oh yeah I mean like poop stocking is a fucking
prereq for that i think yeah yesterday i went into work and my boss was like you're not scheduled
today i was like what because you're not on my schedule and i looked he goes oh never mind you're
not on this paper because you're in the gaming section you're doing gaming now oh oh sick big
guy moving up in the world no i think it's moving
down almost certainly where were you before computers oh yeah it's moving down you're a
console club now yeah no i gotta talk about keyboards so the layman's gaming oh corbin
sorry this is not related to the patreon question but corbin can you talk about
have you in an argument
with an eight-year-old about what keyboard they wanted?
This motherfucker, Jesus Christ.
Oh, God.
Actual dumbass.
So, he's fucking seven,
and he just wants to play Fortnite, right?
But he keeps asking me what the fastest keyboard is.
And I'm like, okay, that's not like, that's not an actual thing.
I was like, you're talking about like actuation point.
Like, what do you want?
And he's like, yeah, like I want the, the, the clicks to be faster.
And I was like, okay, you probably want like an Omni point switch.
I was like, there's the, the steel series, uh, that has the Omni point switch.
It's like the, you know, fastest actuation.
You just like wiggle the keys and it's a key press.
Like you'd never use it. That's an extreme example. But I was like, it's a thing. Like that could like the fastest actuation. You just like wiggle the keys and it's a key press. Like you never use it.
That's an extreme example.
But I was like, it's a thing.
Like that could be the fastest one.
And he's like, but is it clicky?
I was like, okay, so like you want blue switches.
And he goes, no, I want this one.
And starts showing me the Mamba, the Razer Mamba.
And I was like, this motherfucker wouldn't know the difference
between an OmniPoint and an Opti fucking mechanical
keyboard if it fucking smacked him
in the face. He just wants to crank 90s on
bitches with his blue fucking RGB
keyboards. I was so
fucking livid. I literally had to take a minute.
I was like, I'm going on break. I need to cool down.
He actually texted me while working
so fucking mad at this seven-year-old
right now. I keep yelling at him about keyboards,
but he won't listen his mom was just standing there just nodding her head to everything i said and i was
like this would be like the fastest one he's like yeah but this one and like that's membrane kid you
don't want that it's not good for the 90s yeah i mean membranes also are going to be super slow
because you have to push it all the way down for it to actuate.
I'm actually, I'm sweating now.
You got me so fucking riled up.
Dude, if I was you, I'd just be like, sure, fuck it, kid.
Just grab whatever you want, man.
You hear that, Corbin's boss?
Corbin takes his job very seriously.
Give him a promotion.
Oh my God, I just remembered something.
What? Oh my God. I just remembered something. What?
Oh my God.
Corbin, you saying that?
I never worked retail, but I was at my local fucking, it was like a tech store, but they
also sold video games.
And because this was at the launch of the PS3 and I was too broke to get a launch one.
I was like saving up money for it.
So what I would do, I would just go to these like tech or game stores
because they would always have a booth
where you could just try it out.
Yeah.
Right.
And I would just play Guitar Hero
or I'd play Motorstorm or whatever the fuck.
And I was just browsing all the launch titles
and thinking like,
is it even worse to get a PS3?
I could just keep using my PS2, whatever.
And I was just looking at them.
And at this point,
I wasn't very knowledgeable on video games.
My extent of video games was, if the cover looks cool, I'm going to buy it.
And I saw some guy looking at a game.
And he was just so undecisive on whether to buy it or not.
And he then came up to me.
This was in Portugal.
And he came up to me and he went, what do you think?
Is this game good?
And I just looked at it
and I went I don't know this cover kind of
sucks ass that game
was Metal Gear Solid 4
oh well to be fair that fucking cover sucked
ass and then I grabbed another game
and I went this one
looks pretty sick I'm not gonna lie
it's got like dragons and it's got like gyro
controls
oh yes yes yes looks pretty sick. I'm not gonna lie. It's got like dragons and it's got like gyro controls.
Oh, yes!
Yes! Yes!
Oh, the return of Lair.
I'm really, that's one of the big reasons I want to buy a PS3 because of the whole motion
thing with the controller. I would honestly go for this.
But up to you, man.
Ito Kome Lair.
You fucking sold
the man Lair.
That's immoral.
You're a fucking monster.
I thought Metal Gear Solid was a really shit franchise
because I saw the cover for 4 and I saw somebody play
and I was like, this looks boring as fuck.
You're a monster, dude.
I had someone, I was in my Best Buy uniform
and I was at an HEB and someone came up to me
and they're like, where are the tortillas? And I was like, oh yeah, our tortillas are just right down this aisle and you take a right right after that and someone came up to me and they're like where are the tortillas and I was like oh yeah our tortillas
are just right down this aisle and you take a right right after
that and it's gonna be our fresh tortillas
and she walked away and I was like I don't even
I don't even fucking work here so what just
happened I went into full like retail mode
bro what
are you okay no I'm
not what the fuck
the thing that bothers you the
most is that I said are like I fucking worked there and I'm not. What the fuck? The thing that bothers me the most is that I said R.
Like, I fucking worked there.
And I'm in a Best Buy uniform.
Yeah, it's an H-E-B stroke Best Buy.
What's an H-E-B again?
H-E-B is a grocery store.
It's Texas only.
Henry Edward Butt.
Yeah, it stands for Henry Edward Butts.
That's true.
That's actually what it stands for.
I know it's true.
I haven't had a call like
that it's funny um we're doing one more or like two more sure sure yeah we can do a couple more
i'm having fun oh see guys this is how you ask questions just keep these keep these up please
yeah uh by the way any stories or repercussions um uh my mom found out i was bisexual because of the podcast
oh really yeah that's how she found out yeah i wasn't really out corbin so that makes sense
i'm still i'm still upset about that what are you upset about what do you mean
why didn't you tell me first i don't't... We weren't talking at that point.
I know, but you could always, like,
could have said something.
Could have fucking hit you up,
yo, Corbin, by the way,
I fucking love dick.
And Vagin.
You could have just left it at by the way.
Can you imagine if I just showed up in your fucking text after, like,
not talking for a few years,
just show up out of nowhere,
by the way, I love cock, see you later. I'd be like, hey, I'm years just show up in nowhere by the way love cock see you later
Do you think I'd have a takeaway from that I would just pick all thanks. Thanks for thinking about me, bud
Fair enough I
Actually had repercussions because of the podcast you remember the nexus bar story yeah
yeah so they went bankrupt well yeah i mean yes but the review i that was part of the story he
ran the nexus story was him running the bar out of business with a bad yelp no i i remember now
sorry basically david argues he's not straight mom. Sorry. Go ahead.
That review got,
got some traction because when I told it on the podcast,
like a bunch of viewers started like,
or listeners rather,
they went and actually found the review on my Facebook.
Cause it was like a,
it was like a Facebook review and a fucking,
and it was also a it was like a facebook review and uh fucking uh and it was also on google
reviews um and then i had a bunch of people finding my fucking real ass facebook back then
when i when i told this story and also like just a bunch of random people that don't even listen
to the podcast like messaged me about the
review and were like bro i don't know what you did like because they found that that i said it
on the podcast and we're like you're you just ran their business to the ground for fun you
fucking monster and shit like that and i was like i was like holy shit i can't i cannot deal with it
shut up bitch i know i just deleted my fucking facebook like i couldn't you're like i cannot deal with it shut up bitch i know i just deleted my fucking
facebook like i couldn't deal with like people finding out so much shit about me um mandy's not
here but i want to answer for him it's dear aslan it's uh after talking about uh the play on the
podcast and they got so many reviews that were all five stars but saying fucked up shit like
the lion ate their children and he showed up three weeks later at a chick-fil-a
yeah that after that happened um when i was visiting to find out if i wanted to move here
uh we went and saw the play again and they changed literally everything he talked about
they even took the uh they even took the uh the the truth about vaccines thing out of the
pamphlet like the doctor didn't say the truth about vaccines on it anymore they changed
every single thing that he talked about yeah i remember you guys talked about that
purple cucumber hey how hey howdy hey guys i don't care i don't care i don't care what was
your worst neighbor slash roommate experience and how long did you deal with it
mine was this one requires some context mine was uh when i was in college and um
my college for some reason uh when it came to the accommodation,
segregated all the international kids into the same dorm. And so I had two roommates. No,
sorry, flatmates, a Russian guy and a Ukrainian guy. I never saw the Ukrainian guy ever. I think
he never left his room. But the Russian guy, his room was right next to mine and uh he might have been like the
worst person i've ever i mean he was russian but he might have been like the worst person i've ever
had the pleasure of dealing with because and he was just confusing he he would constantly get mad
at me for talking at like 10 p.m and threatening to report me to the flat like controlling people
at like 10 p.m and i was like dude you're in college you is 10 p.m seriously your bedtime
because i was just on discord talking to people and he was getting so mad to the point where like
one time at 11 p.m mind you he fucking kicked in
my door
and just started
screaming in Russian
and I was so confused because I was playing Siege
I was playing Rainbow Six Siege because the beta was out
and I was playing with people
wow this 4D shit is crazy
I thought I was getting fucking like in the game
but then I just turned it around there's
just an angry russian man with dreads this is how you know he was a piece of shit he was white and
he had dreads oh no way and he just came in i had no idea what he did but like the i know that he
did this motion where like he very angrily pointed at his skull with his index so i i assume he was
calling me crazy but then i just looked at the clock and
it said 11 p.m and i was like okay grandpa whatever um and then the most confusing shit was
the day after he adds me on facebook and he's like hey man sorry for getting mad yesterday
i was trying to listen to music why were you up so late lol and then i went oh where were you i was like i mean
it wasn't late i was just playing video games with my friends and i was recording it he was
like oh why were you recording it and then we just went on this long conversation about how like
you know what youtube is and stuff because i was already doing it back then but like for fun
and then he was like so interested and i was like who am i talking to what happened to the
man screaming at me at my fucking door did you cut your dreads are you suddenly a better person
did you wash your fucking hair and then and then the day after um i made some fucking fish sticks
and i was really full after I made them.
So I was like, I'll just leave this in the sink
because there was like three sinks, mind you.
Everyone had their own sinks.
So I was like, I'll just leave this in the sink
and I'll clean up later when I eat my dinner.
And then I went back to my room, did whatever.
And then I came back to the kitchen
to eat dinner and then clean shit.
And then when I brought my shit to the fucking sink to clean it, there was just a note on my sink in terrible handwriting that said, clean after yourself, you fat fuck.
And I was like, what?
I love that.
What is going on?
He didn't call me a fat fuck.
I added fat fuck but he insulted me though
he said clean after your shit
blank and I was like
what the fuck is happening
I was just so confused and then after that
I dropped out so I never
had to interact with him again but that was
the most confusing person
I have ever met
I had a roommate freshman year
and he was
just like incredible. He broke one of
my Xbox controllers from throwing it from playing
FIFA and was just like
really, really inconsiderate and constantly
eat food even though we like
wrote our names on our food.
Like one time I bought
Cheerios. I wrote, these are Corbin's Cheerios.
Do not eat. And I specifically cheerios do not eat and i specifically
told him do not eat them come home from class and he's sitting on our couch not eating them in a
bowl just grabbing his hand into the cereal and just shoveling it into his mouth it's like i
fucking hate this kid and so like the end of the year came around and uh we were like trying to
figure out who we're gonna live with and so my three other
roommates like yeah we're gonna still live together but we're not living with uh the fourth
kid because like fuck this kid because we all hated him uh and then we're all eating lunch
together and he goes so like who do y'all plan on living with and then my third roommate goes
oh i'm living with some other friends and like not us and then me and we're like uh oh yeah we're gonna live together
next year in a house uh but like you should find a different place to live with a bunch of babes
um and he was like okay like yeah whatever and i was like i can help you find a place because
like i've already gone through it all like if you need help like just let me know like we're
really nice about it.
It's like, okay.
And so we kind of stopped hanging out. Cause he finally picked up the drift that we don't want to be his friend.
Cause he would just follow us everywhere.
And we don't talk to him for like an entire semester.
So like half a year, we don't talk to him at all.
And then one morning I wake up and i'm at my cousin's house because we
had just like been partying and stuff and i look at my phone and it's like three messages in a
group chat from him with like all of our friends from like high school i was like what the fuck
is this and i opened it up and it says fuck you fuck you corbin and especially fuck you and i was like what the fuck is this
i was like i haven't like we haven't talked to um this kid in like over like half a year like
what's going on and i was like uh good morning how are you doing oh my god and he was like shut
the fuck up you know you know exactly what you did. And I was like,
honestly,
I'm a little confused.
What is going on?
And keep in mind,
I'm at my cousin's house.
You're so diplomatic.
Well,
yeah.
And then that's how you talk to like these angry people.
Cause I never got mad at the Russian guy.
I was just like,
are you confused?
I mean,
what are you going to do even if you get mad though?
Yeah.
I mean,
it also,
it's cool.
It's Corbin. Sounds a little bit like Corbin went into help desk mode from Best Buy.
Oh, 100%.
Okay, I'm waking up the morning after drinking with a ton of people.
And so I immediately look and I'm like, hey, everyone, come over here.
We got some stuff going down.
This is going to be really funny.
And so like a group of like six guys are
just gathered around my phone and we're just like we're just gonna you know see where this goes and
he just starts going off he's like y'all are so fake y'all are fake friends like you didn't tell
me you were living with third roommate like why would you fucking lie to me and it's like also
wasn't in this group chat he wasn't even the one person who lied to him wasn't in the
group chat he was saying this all in this is just an old friend group chat from like our high school
so like eight of the people in there have no idea what the fuck is going on
i didn't wait i didn't i didn't catch that this was in like a public fucking group chat yeah no
this is in like a like a pretty big old friend group chat from high school.
And it was just a 30-minute conversation of him just fucking screaming about us being fake friends and lying about who we're living with.
And it is the funniest shit in the world.
And then he goes, finally wakes up and starts saying some shit, too.
And it's really funny.
And then he goes, well, you know know what and then I think someone kicked him
and I've never talked to him since
aww
I want to hear how that story ends
I want to know what
I do too message him right now
well I just saw a post he did
on Instagram
and now I'm a little scared
because oh what
he has a gun
did you disrespect a future US Marine
I think he's been training bro
because ever since we saw
he was like you know not very strong
we were like roommates and stuff
and then yesterday I opened up Instagram
and I see a post of him doing muscle up
which is like when you do a pull up
and then you lift yourself on top of the bar
and he goes last year I did my last year I did my first pull-up,
and today I did my first muscle-up.
And I was like, last year, do the math.
That's when that conversation happened.
Next year I'm going to beat the fuck out of Corbin.
Fuck, bro, he's been training.
Oh, dude, you're so fucked.
I've been hiding all the pens and pencils.
I'm scared.
I know how this plays out.
Make sure you check in the bathroom stalls.
You might be hiding.
Do you really need to get jacked to stab someone?
I mean, if you want to do it right.
If it's Corbin. Corbin's wily.
Yeah, my skin is
tougher now after the scar tissue.
Yeah, that's how
it usually goes.
Yeah.
It's like that fucking guy in Parks and Rec
going, oh yeah, I'm immune to bee stings
now because I got stung once.
Well, I haven't been stabbed since, so
prove me wrong.
Don't prove me wrong.
Oh shit.
That's a challenge.
When you come to PSTCon, watch out.
Everyone's just going gonna have really sharp pencils
people are gonna make you sign pencils
and you're gonna be on edge bro
you're gonna be like Corbin sign this
you're gonna be like having PTSD
non-stop like fuck
just flashback
you and Mandy have that in common Mandy also got stabbed with a pencil
in elementary school.
Oh that's a story
for another time then
unless it's not a story.
He had graphite in his back
for his entire life
up until like a few weeks ago.
Oh my god.
What the fuck?
Yeah finally
it was finally gone
because he would
it was actually
it was in his arm
because he was
he told me about it.
Every time he would
take a shower
he would like feel for it
and be like
oh yeah it's still there.
But then but then a few weeks ago he would take a shower, he would feel for it and be like, oh yeah, it's still there. But then a few
weeks ago, he was taking a shower and he felt for it and he's like,
it's gone. Where the fuck did it go?
Oh yeah, no.
He's all better. The body assimilated
it. I have glass in me.
Still.
I just have a tumor. I had a tumor.
His name was Rocky. I can't tell.
Are we all being serious? Because I was being serious.
Do you guys have tumors?
I have none of tumors.
Do you actually have a tumor? Yeah, my leg.
His name was Rocky. You have a fucking tumor?
Yeah, his name was Rocky. He was in my leg.
Oh. It was benign.
But they wouldn't let me keep it.
I was pissed off about that.
I have not a tumor.
I don't think maybe. It on the it's on like my
side i have like a big ass bump oh i don't know most of the time it's a cyst i think it's probably
not a tumor yeah yeah i feel like it's more assist i was just making who fucking cares Hey, are you ready for the end of the podcast where I thank everybody that is a top supporter
on Patreon?
Because that's where we're at.
Hey, thank you so much.
Agrabah Winslow, AJ Wigglesworth, Alan Diver, Alex Steer, Ark, Buckshot Papaya, Dead Dreams,
Desric Gothroy, Dreams of Ice, Ducky Madness, Eric Scott Gillies, Fang Jade, Generic Phoenix,
Jeff Smith, Manuel Martinez, Marcus Sotelo, Miyako, Notoriety, Pyropat, Seawolf812, Sky, Teague, Thatman, The Ultimate Lifeform Shadow
the Hedgehog creation of Gerald Robotnik and Black Doom and Protector of this damn planet,
Travis Vapes, Unarmed Toaster, Vandrick, William Oliver, and Winchester Curse.
I really hope you guys liked the first episode of Season five and we'll see you next time.