Please Stop Talking - Health Class (feat. Kwite & Punk Duck) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: November 18, 2022

Thinkin' about hedge funds...   GET 3 MONTHS OF EXPRESSVPN FOR FREE ▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/PSTPod   Check out our merch! ▶ https://pleasestopshopping.com/   Support the podcast on Patreon ▶ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic   Join the PST Discord server! ▶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65   Links:   @SirMeowLive  ▶ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic   @Punk Duck  ▶ https://twitter.com/PunkDuck_  Ten ▶ https://twitter.com/Ten_Webbs   @Kwite  ▶ https://twitter.com/Kwite  Podcast ▶ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Clear your schedule for you time with a handcrafted espresso beverage from Starbucks. Savor the new small and mighty Cortado. Cozy up with the familiar flavors of pistachio.

Or shake up your mood with an iced brown sugar oat shaken espresso. Whatever you choose, your espresso will be handcrafted with care at Starbucks. Do you want me to restart it or do you care? No, no, no. I can convert it. It's whatever. You're just going to have a big file? It's usually in my...

It's just going to be a double file. It's just going to be a double file and I'm going to have to waste my fucking precious goddamn time converting it. But you know what whatever stop fucking crying or i'm leaving the podcast you know he only has five years left to live his liver is in critical condition dude my liver is actually so fucking diseased dude i i just lost like 25 pounds yeah i ate them i lost 25 pounds and most of it was the muscles on my liver. It doesn't work anymore. I have to fucking reach under my rib cage and pump it myself. Yeah, he's got to pump his own liver to piss.

It's pretty fucked up. Dude, it's fucking awful, man. I told David I'd help him and I have this bike pump that I put in his belly button and I go like... I hate when you do that. I fucking hate when you do that because I inflate big and round and I don't like it. I don't fucking like being inflated big and round with your

fucking dig-dug pump. He looks like Homer in the Simpsons game. You seem to speak about it a lot for someone who doesn't like it. I don't like it. Guys, please. I don't like it. You have a lot of comments about how much you dislike it. Guys, please. I don't like being big and round and full of air.

Stop. That is not who I am. He's not full of air. Welcome to the podcast. I'm not full of air. I would never be full of air, dude. I got a... Yeah, no.

No, you fucking talk. Oh, no. I was going to talk about conflation. I don't know if we can talk about that in the first 30 seconds somehow which is why the fuck do you want to talk about conflation i wanted to talk about the day i learned about it because it was really funny because like i don't kink shame but there's some fetishes where i just look at it and i start laughing like the first time i saw furry porn and they were just cum everywhere. I was like, surely you're going to make a business.

You were like, that's my shit, man. Me, punk duck. I endorse this. I'm not beyond fucking. I don't laugh at fetishes anymore. I'm beyond that. I will laugh at fetishes. Okay.

So, David, you tell me if I send you this picture that I have on my phone of this girl with like inflated knees. You know what? No, no, no. Oh, yeah. I'll laugh. But I won't kink shame this girl with inflated knees. You know what? No, no, no. I'll laugh, but I won't kink shame, like whatever. That's what I'm saying. I don't kink shame, but I will laugh behind your back. I'll laugh. I'll fucking push

you down the stairs. I'll point and I'll laugh, but I won't kink shame. I'll push you down your stairs and you'll go boing boing. I have a question about the social implications of these. Do you think inflation or cumflation is more socially acceptable by the wider community? Because one is feasibly possible. By the wider community?

The wider community? What is feasibly possible? You could theoretically inflate someone full of cum. Actually inflating someone like a bike tire is not very practical i thought i thought you were saying inflation was feasibly possible no no wait wait it has to be possible to do air inflation on a human i feel like they would die internals you're not like make it you're not making them like a balloon, man. Cumplation is just a stupid thing. What if you put the bike pump in between the layer of flesh

and the layer of muscle? Between the skin and the muscle and then you start pumping. I think I've seen this video before. I'm not a doctor, but I think you'll have better luck with cum yeah but i mean it could be full of air and then you'll just fucking i've never thought about what dude what the fuck man we were literally just talking about the conversations we have

as youtubers and how weird they are and like i mean that seems like a pretty fitting transition if you were hang on yeah inflate someone with cum i'm trying to think which stop welcome to the podcast no that's not okay i dude i fucking knew you would go for that you little weirdo everybody please welcome quite to the podcast once again which one would have direct access to an area where it could build up i mean the mouth right no because remember you have cochleas in both ears oh what the the thing that has the liquid it's the little like piece of your ear that has the liquid that keeps you balanced oh you're equilibrium i mean you can be a balance okay yeah you're eager librium yeah ed please you could be big and round with no balance nothing like that doesn't matter no what i'm thinking is i get two

guys two sexy guys to shoot cum in my ears so my cochleas are big and round and then i'm walking down the street and some jacked guy walks past me and he goes damn dude where do you work out and i say the library did you say they banned daniel redcliffe for impersonating no fucking way no it's real go look it up they actually did they they banned what from twitter said he was impersonating weirdo oh no it's shut up it's a prank yeah Shut up. Oh, my God. He actually did. Oh, yeah. They did. They said, like,

he actually got banned. No, he actually got suspended. Elon Musk stood on a big podium in a suspicious Neil Patrick Harris from Starship Troopers jacket and said, from this day forward. That's really funny.

So, David, I was asking you, like, I don't know if I can say this. We're not, we're doing mid-roll. I don't know. i can say this we're not we're doing no no i don't know isn't the mid-roll happening now it doesn't happen live ed it happens later you dude i you all right bro no because i was gonna say was the

because they probably have a really easy time doing it to all those that's not going in That's not going in. That's not going in. Because they have less volume. You ever want to watch an episode of your favorite horror doll? You know, the one that. Britney Spears. Heidi Ho.

Ha ha ha. But the new season is locked by a really bad Canadian service that's unavailable in your province anyway? So you just use ExpressVPN to hop on New Jersey network to access the show for free on the American only sci-fi YouTube channel? Well, you definitely should. It's way less of a headache than getting in trouble for piracy. For real though, my homie's brother once got them in trouble with their ISP because they were visiting some unsavory websites and it's a whole fiasco. I would not want anyone going through that anymore. That's why even when I'm at home, I never go online without using ExpressVPN. Did you know that in the US, any ISP can legally sell your user data to third parties like ad companies? Yeah, ISPs are not your friend. ExpressVPN is an app that reroutes your internet connection through their secure servers so that your ISP can't spy on your online activity. I oftentimes use ExpressVPN to watch movies for our other show, Pondering Spooky

Tapes, and it's so seamless and in the background that I don't even notice it's on. I have to remember and go back to close it. Just press your button and bam, you're in the worst state in the US. ExpressVPN is also available on pretty much any device you'd want it on. So you can go watch Norbit in the Vatican in the shower. Protect your online activity with ExpressVPN. Visit our link expressvpn.com slash psdpod and get an extra three months free on a one-year package. That's e-x-p-r-e-s-s vpn.com slash-T pod. Express VPN dot com slash P-S-T pod to learn more. Can I tell you guys one of the fucking funniest memes I've ever seen because of it was a mistake? You know those people who have a young boy or an NBA young boy profile picture and it has edits of him?

What? NBA young boy is a rapper. Oh, I thought it was a program. Yeah, people say young boy better young boy never broke again like they use edits of his face as like a meme like they'll fucking like turn him into kirby or some shit or just like whatever character okay that dude yeah yeah yeah yeah so somebody was like doing he was looking for like a meme and he typed into fucking google young boy with cum on his face. Oh, come on. He got a fucking trial

award. No, dude. He's like, I think I might be a moron. Dude. Oh, jail time. Fucking jail time for this motherfuckers there was also there was another one similar to this where it was like oh you can't look up porn of this character because you'll immediately get in trouble because like his name was like i don't know his name was called big children or whatever i'll fucking know big big children oh um uh it was somebody

big children doesn't want you i think it was an anime character literally called kid so i was like well i can't fucking look up that and tons of people were like well now i can't look up porno her damn it foiled again by the japanese Japanese. There is a really specific reason. So I'm watching Chainsaw Man. I haven't seen the manga. And Makama gets introduced, and I ask my friend, Hey, are there spoilers for this if I look up porn? And he's like, yes.

And I got really sad. Yeah, there will be. There will be tons. Dude, I'm so pissed. Because there's plenty of reasons to hate MAPPA. So many people are hating on mappa because they're like oh they're bowing down to the ccp and they're censoring makima's ass she never had ass in the first place you're all just fucking inflated with porn in the brains

then all every single piece of porn from chainsaw man gives makima a fucking badonkadonk when in manga she's normal. She's a normal shapely woman. Okay, okay. Calm down. She does not. She has a Hank Hill ass, bro. Does she actually? Does she actually have? Let me look it up.

Let me double check. Let me double check. Let me double check if she has a Hank Hill ass. Makima, because most of the time she wears the fucking coat suit. Whatever. Dude, this is literally canon. This is literally from the fucking panels. You're such a liar.

Oh, God. Jesus Christ. Dude, honestly, it's fucking crazy how... It's fucking crazy how Hank Hill ass is like... Hey, audience, just for context, quite disposed pornography of Makima from Chainsaw Man with the fattest astronomical cheeks being railed on...

What the fuck? Have you guys never seen Hank Hill ass? Hey, audience, for context, are we in david just posted hank hill ass and he's being pounded one-way ticket to sex town have you never seen hank hill ass no i've seen it wait he's not gonna be quiet no quite have you never seen Hank Hill ass? Fantastic. Holy shit. I thought that was supposed to be the front for a second. No, no. That's what his butt looks like. That's what Hank Hill's ass looks like.

It's fucking amazing. This is the most unique physique on the planet, man. That's incredible. I know, dude. It's fucking wild. You know who's weirdly caked up in an anime? Oh, man. I don't know if I want to hear it, dude. It's fucking wild. You know who's weirdly caked up in an anime? The fucking... Hang on.

I don't know if I want to hear it, dude. Naked. The fucking guy. The first guy they fight in part 6. There's a shower scene and dude, it's... Holy shit! Oh my god! He got a BBL, dude. That's crazy. It's unbelievable.

That's fucking... Holy fuck. Yo, that's hot as hell, bro. That's how I wish my shit looked. Jesus. I don't have... That's how my shit looked. Hell yeah.

This is how he looks in the manga, and it's very accurate, but I hate that I don't have the picture anymore where the caption is, everyone is so mean to me. Everybody is so mean to me. Dude, holy shit. He's caked up. Honestly, we need more men and media with just the i found it but it's the anime version dude it's legit fucking like kim kardashian's bbl like it's the exact thing it is it is actually the exact same holy shit thank you anybody come with quite you got you got stories got little stories quite you got come

you guys are the fucking interviewers you're supposed to provoke conversation out of me not fucking could you carry the podcast quite you want me to provoke you no that's how it works it's never everybody everybody's got a fucking prompt the type of story we've been talking about butts quite when was the last time you nared your ass i've nared my neutral aired my ass no come on you know did you not know what nair is i'm gonna regret asking but no what nair you've never nared your ass oh i'm gonna regret this okay first okay first off first off you should not nair your ass too Too late. Second off, nair is just hair removal cream.

That's all it is. Why wouldn't you do that? I usually just shave it. Why wouldn't you nair your ass? Yeah. It can give you burns on your ass. You dipshit. If you use hair removal cream,

you got to use ass-specific shit. I bought ass- use hair removal cream you got to use ass specific shit like there's yeah products specifically i bought i bought ass i don't think hair removal cream for my ass there is because i have nair but there is no nair for your say that to my bathroom and to my clean shaven ass let me let me go on reddit real quick is it safe to use nair on my ass pube as long as you don't literally specific type as long as you don't shove it directly into your rectum you'll be fine bro your ass cheeks but your ass cheeks have like the hardest skin known to man you're sitting on it all fucking day long you it's made of calluses like do you understand why before gay sex dudes have to be prepped because it's really hard to get shit in there like it will mostly will mostly stay on, like, the cheek part.

Fact. You're literally, are you literally telling me, a gay man, how to how gay sex works? Fucking dumbass. Yes. Mansplaining anal sex. This is an equal fucking exchange. We're on the same fucking playing field. We're on the, just fucking

alright, shaking the head like, this is how you, this is how gay sex works, this is how gay sex works, good. Thank you. Gay sex works. Shut up. I don't know, I fucking just shave mine, dude.

How do you get the, can you, how do you shave butthole? Uh, well. How do you shave butthole? You have hair on your butthole? Use one of those hair clamps that keeps it open. You don't have hair on your butthole. Do you want to understand? Wait, you ever go to the dentist and they put that thing that opens your mouth. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's how you do fucking spelunking down there. It's funny.

Dude. I'm going to be real, dude. I'm not letting that. I'm not putting that in the podcast. We watched it straight up not. I'm not putting that either. They made us watch it. They should have been playing on loop there. So we're like 40 minutes into,

or like 20 minutes into recording. There's like five usable ones. I don't have a story. What do you want me to say? I have a liver disease and I stay at home. I've been playing a lot of Modern Warfare too. No, no. Let's go back to the ass shaving.

So quiet. You tell me you've never like shaved your ass. No, I've been playing a lot of Modern Warfare 2. No, no, let's go back to the ass shaving. So quiet. You tell me you've never, like, shaved your ass. No, I've shaved my ass. Oh, you've shaved it, but you've never... We have all said that we shave our ass. Yeah, I, like, shave, like, a lot of my body hair regularly. I like feeling smooth. Feeling smooth is nice. I get lazy

a lot, though. I only, like, really keep up with, like, the fucking upper shit, like the armpits. You don't keep up with the nads? Nah. I mean, it's not like I'm using them for anything. True. Dude, nads, I'm going to be real. Ball hair, bro?

I get scared. Nope. Yeah, yeah. And also, nobody gives a fuck about ball hair. I mean, I'm not getting my balls sucked anytime soon, but most people maintain the mean maintain the crotch area that's what most people go for if you shave if you shave it it's for aesthetic purposes or because you have like a specific arrangement with like the person you sleep with yeah that's like a ball sacking is a thing you like both know you want to happen or some shit and that's why you do it i need to find

a way to dilate my ball sack enough so somebody can give me a hamster ball no what's that move called the hamster mouth? What the fuck is that? Is that when you get both of them in? Yeah, it's when she gets both of them in, but she gets one nut in each cheek. But my sack doesn't stretch enough. I need it to dilate. My nuts hurt when you said that, actually.

I've always thought about this, but you know how you can lose a ball if you get testicular torsion? Wow, really? I did not know that, it almost happened to Grawlix, but like he, like when he got misdiagnosed he was at risk of losing his ball. Are we allowed?

Should we have that on? He's public about it. He's public about it. Okay, okay. Because for a minute that was like, whoa. I need to dial it back a bit. What's testicular torsion? Is it like when you get them twisted? No, I think it's like when the inner urethra gets fucking twisted up and it just fucking can be painful as shit. And if it goes untreated too long, you really can lose your balls.

Okay, it occurs when a testicle rotates, twisting the spermatic cord that brings blood to the scrotum. There you go. But I've always thought if I had to lose one of my balls if i had to get them cut off i would want that shit like uh what's the word like what do you do to animals to stuff them and make them stay in one place taxidermy i don't want to taxidermy then fucking like laminated and then i want to use it as a cue ball and i'm gonna i just remembered something testicle related that happened to a friend of a friend of mine um oh my god i don't know the exact story why is nobody talking about themselves and

everybody's just outing people i don't know the exact story but i'm gonna post four images i'm not talking about your homies pictures of people we don't know dude oh my god oh that's fucking awful. That's awful. Holy shit. Wait, wait. There's two more. There's two more.

Dude, they just brought the fence with him. That's crazy. All right, last one. I don't like this. R slash Medizi. Am I right, guys? If you donate $50,000 or above to the PST Patreon, you can see my mutual friend's nutsack being impaled by a fence.

For 50K, Dave will recreate it. You know what's impressive? Yeah, dude, fuck it. And for 100K, I'll find the fence and give it to you. Why is there just a paramedic giving a thumbs up to the impaled testicle, dude? I just got a message from my girlfriend, all caps. Why did I click that? That's awful, Ed.

Ed literally just sent us a series of pictures where at first you can't tell what's going on. Then it keeps going and it's you just realize that the dude's impaled his ball sack on a fucking fence it's like a thick fucking impale it's not like a little splinter it's that is i'm surprised that they fucking cut it open dude like i thought it would pay it oh dude i feel like i'm gonna get sick you know what's the worst part of all this i was gonna make a joke about the fucking ewok celebration song you know the one that goes yub nub yep no and i've just been listening to yub nub while looking at the pictures of the dude's boss getting impaled and i'm losing my fucking mind i don't think it yub nub my nuts have had like a

phantom pain in them for about five oh yeah dude every every time i talk about like ball related shit wait keep talking so you can lose one testicle from i i don't know but you you can lose your nuts don't get it twisted like can you just lose one ball and you're good uh it gets twisted it is a medical emergency and if not treated right away within six hours you can lose the testicle so like that that's why it was such a big deal with growlix they misdiagnosed him the first time he went to the hospital and then it kept fucking hurting so he went back and that's how they figured out what it actually was dude that's fucking scary yeah the human body is a scary little thing dude it's so it's like fragile and the weirdest so much shit can go wrong no because that's the crazy part though like bones are so fucking hard to break

and but like your balls can get impaled i i really that's fucked up i honestly don't understand some of like the design choices made with like the human form like what the fuck surely the ball sack should be on the inside. Like, surely. If it's that important. It is for ladies. Did you know that a ladies ball sack is the fallopian tubes? Yeah, a lot of people don't know this.

Those are fallopian tubes, you dumbass. No, no, no, but David. Get them away from me. Because here's the thing. You know how like, fucking, there's the chromosomes you got the XX chromosomes and the XY chromosomes the chromosomes

when baby you know how like you put the cum in the embryo and it's like four balls and then eight balls and it keeps dividing if you guys don't know how babies are made please quote me I can't believe I can't believe we're in this podcast baby swans on suicide watch

no it's snorks wait sworks what's the bird what's the fucking baby bird storks storks motherfucker oh i was thinking of snorkeling like when you go underwater you guys know that a penis is just an inside out uh female reproductive system that's what i was trying to say when fucking babies are made they're always double x right exactly but if you got a little bit of penis in you a little bit the white chromosome the this this is my favorite fucking piece of trivia is like this is why dicks have a seam down them exactly that's the that's the like it's splitting open and then reforming like inside out facts that's always been like and then they do the reverse for like a

vagina is just a penis on the inside they they reverse the process for vaginoplasty exactly this entire episode has been just health class like just learning i'm just so glad i i we can honestly this is awesome because that means we can just change the category of this episode to health and education you're so real for this i said dude okay that means i can show my balls on one time on a thumbnail i don't think we talked about it much but there was one time it was the last episode you were on it was the last episode with quite on the thumbnail was like ed showing his balls on his switch and the reflection of his dick was in the thumbnail and our manager messaged me like because we had a different manager at the time just messaged me and was like dude dude i see shafts none of us realized that that ed's dick was in the thumbnail

until your manager messaged you and said god damn is that yours it's like congrats man but you might want to hide that hell yeah no i it was just like the the the post on uh twitter people were looking at the the thumbnail and going like is that a cock and then my manager messages me and like dude that's a cock and i was like oh shit dude i don't know how we didn't get in trouble that shit still gets a little giggle out of me i uh i forgot we did that dude that was a phase of my life where i was doing a bunch of snapshots where i hide my genitalia well you're you a motherfucker there's a lot of class excuse me but you act like that stopped because i remember new years i remember new new years last year i was i was about to talk about new years like two years ago no two years ago it was 2020 because everybody was

in there no 2020 We were watching fucking. Oh, no. 2021 New Year. We were watching nobody. I wasn't there. Yeah. And then everybody kept sending each other Snapchats. Oh, is that what I sent Corbin the hedge funds picture?

No, that's what he sent me. The hedge funds picture. It's a picture. It's a picture of Ed looking down at his phone with his balls on the side. With one ball on the side and it just says, thinking about hedge funds. And he's making a really sweet face. Why is this episode just the balls episode? I forgot about that. all we're talking about is come balls and it's weird this happens every time i come on this podcast i don't know what is

up with you it never happened i got it i got this never happens who who asked the cumflation question when we like we're not free free roll hey guys you guys want to talk about video games ed talking about it yeah sure fuck it You guys want to talk about video games? It was just Ed talking about it. Sure, fuck it. You guys excited for any upcoming video games? What the hell? Yeah, dude, I'm so excited for Sonic Front View. Let's go back to fucking Texticular Torsion.

That was fun. What else is there to say? You lose your balls if you don't trade it in six hours. They spin around really fast. They spin around really fast. You can make an edit of it going really fast. I got it one time. I was browsing my TikTok and I got a 3D model

time-lapse, like the Playboy Cardi of a vaginoplasty. It was just the dick getting cut in half and then fucking being shoved back in bursts. That was just on my For You page. There was also this one time I saw the NSFW protocols for TikTok. do not catch that shit

for days there was like a little slide show where it was like hey red imposter what's up and then it was like the next slide was the 3d model of the imposter with a massive cock just laid on the floor i just had this thought did i ever talk about the fucking uh the time like recently when i went to the to get my blood test wait but david david before you do i do have to mention this one thing before we move on from uh sending each other pictures of our balls so during that earlier phase where i was getting really creative with them i kept i kept sending i sent literally all of them to trelli because i knew for a fact that he hated them what a pussy and it got to it got to a point where he just wasn't opening my snapchats because he was getting so mad at the fact that like he would never be able to see it until i

pointed it out i sent him this one and i go dude i promise there's no balls in this picture. Just check out my nails. That was really good. Check out my nails. It's incredible. That's fucking good. And then he's like, I don't get it. What am I looking at? And then I said, hey, Trill, you see my thumb? And he went, yeah.

That ain't balls. That ain't balls? You mean that is balls? No, it it is not it's the stick it's the it's the show oh yes sir oh god i'm pretty partial to nice watch myself nice watch it's very nice watch is really good no it's not even nice watch 10 you're forgetting it was um thanks i was just dragged by something in the picture. No, the nice watch was, um, thanks for the watch, Grandpa. I miss you so much. David, talk about your blood. Yeah, go on, David.

Recently, I went to get a blood test. This is not a story or anything. It's just something that happened I think is fucking whack. I was getting, like... I went to get a blood test at a clinic, and while she was harvesting me I get really nervous for some reason anytime something medical happens so I just

start saying the most stupid inane shit possible and I just randomly told her do brave boys like me get lollipops and she was like this close to putting it in my arm. She just stopped there for a second, thought about what I said.

And she just went like. She started, dude, she started fucking like slapping her fucking thigh and screaming. And she was like starting to heave and going like. Oh, my God. You almost killed her. What? you met a spongebob character dude i was like what the fuck is going on right now dude and it got me so much more stressed out like she was fucking crying and laughing and like and then like at one point she's just like oh you're you're you're a funny one you're a funny one and then she just missed my vein that's it that's the entire you made her laugh dude i shit like that happens all the time and i don't know

why man i always do shit like that you saying that shit in public like i've been making a lot of videos on furry struggles recently and most of them are people like did you just say furry struggle yeah it's a twitter account like it's a Twitter account. It's a lot of furries doing furry shit in public and then realizing, oh shit, I'm in public. One got scratched on the head by their mom and they fucking purred. Oh, stop it. Stop it immediately.

Jesus Christ. There was one where this dude was... My mom asked, who's a goofy puppy to our dog? And I accidentally said me. I'm going to fucking die. There's a lot of good ones. Oh, there's worse ones, dude. A lot of them are about these furries leaving bad dragon dildos out when they have

the cleaners come through. Oh, I do that. I accidentally fucking crushed a full and open can of Monster between my thighs. I just thought about another thing I fucking did recently. Again, with medical is that why she stopped i um because i gotta i gotta get my wisdom teeth extracted very late because they came out like super late and uh well i was i was just telling my dad because my dad was like well

because i was asking like how long is it going to take to go back to being able to work and she was like well it depends what work you do what do you do and i i don't i don't want to tell her i'm a youtuber that's fucking pathetic and embarrassing so i told her like well i'm a comedian and then she was like oh really say a joke right now i fucking hate that shit dude i hate i was like dude no dude you can't do that dude i i don't know why but the only thing i could tell her was just like my humor is a bit too dark for you this is the thing you don't you don't i don't know why, but the only thing I could tell her was just like, my humor is a bit too dark for you. This is the thing. You don't know.

I don't know. I didn't want to say anything and I didn't know what to tell her. So I just said like, yeah, I make pedo jokes, I guess. What you do is you like whatever, like, yeah, you just analyze how old the target audience is. And the older they are, the more racist the joke has to be for them to like you. Dave, let me as someone who's been, you being a stealth youtuber for years let me give you some free game you need to give them the most like boring sounding conversation killing uh like piece of like a profession that sounds like you could steal something extrapolate like

say you're a fucking top 10 watch mojo video editor. So you'd like know kind of how video editing works. Yeah. They will like fucking conversation over. I don't do much video editing. I do mostly fucking audio editing. Do you know enough? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know enough to fucking like, to be fair. Yeah, that works. Like, I don't know. Just do that. I should be,

I should say that. But for some reason in my head, I was like, well, I want to know the truth. Like I want to know, cause I'm going to, I'm going to be talking a lot. in my head, I was like, well, I want to know the truth. I want to know because I'm going to be talking a lot. So I'm going to be like, well, I'm a comedian. I go to bars and make jokes.

I've started outright lying. No, I don't. I don't, but I lied. I tell every Uber who asks some different shit each time. I did that. Oh, dude, I did that to Leon. He was so mad we were in an uber and uh he sat in the front and he was actually making like small talk with the guy and i was and like me and shane like long story short we had been back and forth in ubers for fucking ages

because we uh yeah fuck's good because we were fucking super lost we had no idea where we were and for some reason london has this really awesome rule where streets can have the same name like three streets within the same area can have the exact same name and number i gotta rip hey at least they have names i went to ireland and none of them even have names it's like oh it's it's the school road it's like i don't know where the fuck that is i don't know what i'm doing and the and the thing is they differentiate because they have specific zip codes for every street stupid so i hate i hate british zip codes so much man they're like they have like a space in them and i don't know where the numbers and like the letters are meant to go in it it's so stupid man i hate it getting shipping stuff to me like when i was over there for a month sucked

yep um so canadian ones have a space in it but it's like three it's like three space three yeah stupid just make it one number just five like five digits the u.s had it fucking perfect yep done anyway we're on like our third uber and me and shane have fucking zoned out completely because we're so mad that we're so lost so we're both on our phones and it's leon making small talk with the uber guy and the uber guy eventually asked him you know what do you do for a living since this is how the fuck can you afford three ubers in a day and he's just like oh i do i do youtube stuff and i hear them talking and i'm just, like, being on the outside looking in for once. And then he's like, oh, what do you do stuff on?

He's like, oh, mostly, like, fighting games and stuff. And then the driver goes, are you, like, a pro gamer? And then Leon goes, no, no, not at all. And then I go from the back, yes, he is. He's one of the best. And then he goes, fucking shut up. And I go, like, inon leon is so good that he teaches me i he i make he charges me just for playing with him and sometimes when i play with

him and sometimes when i play with him he tells me to put the controller down and to just watch him that's how i get my money's worth that's how good he is and the driver was eating it up he was like dude that's amazing i was like ah he was he was losing his mind that was that reminds me of that that reminds me of that one guy i saw on twitter who was like he was like for halloween he set up a fucking melty blood setup in the window yeah he was gonna give out candy and he was gonna force kids to play melty blood with him like holy fucking shit he wasn't gonna force you to see the important part it said trick-or-treat one piece of candy uh take one round against me two pieces of candy if you

beat me you get a king-sized chocolate bar oh i thought he was forcing no it was because i was like that's fucking i mean it was no it's not black it's baller it's cool it was like, that's fucking... I mean, that's still whack. No, it's not whack. It's baller. It's cool. It was funny. It was like, oh, if you beat me in one round of Melty Blood, you get two pieces of candy. If you beat me in one game... Why do you guys trust Melty Blood players so much? I'd stick my fucking...

They didn't go inside the house. The TV was in the window. I would have the wall controllers. I'd stick my fucking CRT outside my window. I actually live on the bottom floor. I could do that. I'd stick my CRT outside my window, put a fucking copy of BCV in there, and give the guy a gamecube controller that's battle

construction vehicles by the way it's the one where you oh my god i remember that it's the one where everybody can play as a different piece of construction equipment just beat each other's asses and and and then your mom your mom is like an anime woman in the game yeah yeah i remember you can play as a big crane and there's fatalities. It's fucking stupid. Dude, I gotta rip ass again. You guys gotta talk. I have a story. I wanna hear it.

I also have to rip ass. Let's all rip ass at the same time. 3, 2, 1. I can't do it. More like the fucking brapsync. Get him out of here. It's still a clapsync just with your ass did I ever talk about the time that I climbed a big mountain had like a

oh when you went you yeah you just you just came back from Ireland there's this big fucking mountain in Ireland called Crow Patrick that like one day like one Sunday a year a bunch of people show up and they climb it barefoot as like a pilgrimage I didn't climb it barefoot because that sounds fucking terrible were you there at during the sunday where that was happening i was oh they call it reek sunday so there was like a

couple thousand people climbing up and down the mountain when i got there so it was pretty oh my god um but that's a lot of people so i'm i'm walking up this mountain it takes me multiple hours to get to the top of this mountain and i didn't have headphones or anything i was just kind of like vibing sending it up the mountain i didn't bring a stick either which would have been a really good job like idea because my knees were fucking shot at the end of this i was just like so pissed because i'm climbing this mountain and people like are talking to me on the way down and it's like you know i'll say like hey how's it going stuff like that but i didn't have like an actual conversation with anybody after like i think three hours of climbing i finally made it to the top and then i stood up there for a little bit just kind of like taking

in the view uh but then as i start walking back down is where i finally met somebody interesting uh there's this like really big like fat guy i'm walking down with him and his name's marty so i start like chatting with marty a little bit because it's like i you know i just basically was like in silence for three hours climbing a mountain i'm tired i need to go all the way back down uh and he's telling me that he's done it like 22 times on reek sunday before holy shit so he's done it a lot uh and we're just like sitting and chatting and it's like hey this is a pretty nice guy and at some point he says don't listen to anything my brother tells you and he was by himself so i was really confused if he was talking to me or somebody further down the mountain because i saw

this beet red shirtless guy like absolutely just beyond sunburn like bright red just like talking to a group of people and i never learned his brother's name because he introduced himself to everybody as a different name every single time when i was walking with him i think he said john to me uh and then like he would like go up to another person he would talk to him be like oh you know my name is Patrick and he just like would keep coming up with different names so I don't I don't know what his deal was and I start walking with him and it's way funnier than his brother uh because he just starts lying to people going up the mountain about like how far away they were or like how close they were because like i i've only been

walking down for like 15 minutes at this point so like it's still pretty close you can you can get up there pretty fast if he heard anybody complain when we were still near the top of the mountain he's like yeah i know you still got another maybe hour and a half of climbing left to go and he told me he did it 25 times and i don't know if i believe him based on everything that he was telling everybody else. And then he eventually like stops talking with a group of people. It's like, all right, I've already been on this mountain for a bunch of hours. My family's sitting down at the foot of the mountain in a pub waiting for me to come back.

So I'm just going to keep walking. And then I started taking a break and Marty's brother caught up to me. And the first thing he does is like put his hand on my shoulder and look at a woman that was just about to pass me and go when you get up there do you want to come back down here and meet up with us and we can go back up me and my buddy John and he points at me and says are about to head back up a third time what dude and then I i like he was trying so hard to wingman you holy shit i i like i like gave him like a courtesy laugh and then i got up and we started walking again he was just you know following me because we're both going down the mountain there's one path down the mountain

and my sister keeps like texting me every 25 minutes to make sure that i didn't like fall and hurt myself because i was doing this by myself and one of the times i looked down at my phone he he goes, oh, who you responded to there? I was like, oh, it's my sister. She's sitting at the pub. And he tells me, he says, text your sister. I've fallen and broken my leg. You have to come up here and carry me down. I didn't do that. I kept going. And occasionally I would turn around and see if Marty's brother was still following me. I never saw him again after that. I don't know what happened to him. It's only one path down the mountain. I don't know where he went. Disappeared into the fucking ether.

And then I got sagely advice from a man in a big hat while walking down the hill. So that was pretty exciting. And then it was immediately ruined because I opened up my phone and I looked at Discord and everybody in the Discord that I said, hey, I'm climbing a big fucking mountain. I'll be right back, said, Pixar, it didn't happen.

Pixar, it didn't happen. It was like eight responses of that. And you forgot to take a fucking pic. I took a bunch of pictures. Oh! Did you take a picture of Marty and his brother, John? I should have. No, that's John.

Listen, this is John. There was a nutsack in one of them. I did not. I went, dude, you should have. Fuck! I didn't. I should have, though, because there was a bright red man just lying to people going down a mountain on a religious pilgrimage. I think I might have met the devil.

When someone asks me, where do you see yourself in 20 years? I'm going to say bright red lying trolling people on a mountain in Ireland. Trolling people on a religious pilgrimage up a mountain. Specifically. Can I show you all something a bit humorous? It's kind of unrelated. So there's this ASMR video on Twitter of Springtrap fucking the shit out of you.

Wow, wow, okay. What is Springtrap? From Five Nights at Freddy's. Oh. The replies are... It's literally all just adding me. It's so... Dude, awesome.

Yeah, he keeps going. Don't worry. He keeps going. Why? Do you... Okay. Because we're dating. Do you have a...

Oh, you're dating? Yeah, me and Springtrap. Awesome. Good job. Happily together three years. That dude's got money, dude. That dude's in one of the biggest gaming franchises of all time. Good on you.

Does he get residuals from you? You know what? Fuck what fucking we're going back to shaving like ass and ball hairs you wouldn't do that for spring good little detour i do is spring trap fuzzy uh depends on the artist depiction sometimes he's like a fucking robot and like full of gore other times he's like a hot furry bunny anthropomorph i know so i gotta get into these games at freddy's dude i can't dude there there's like i want to do a like finesse animatronics like smasher pass or like tier list so bad because there is like so much you just do it i'm just trying to find the time because i did like the jump scares last night but i still need to do i still need to do that video for this channel called podcast hosts i beat up i and guests yeah yeah and then i also need to do that video for this channel called Podcast Hosts I'd Beat Up.

And Guests. And then I also need to do Podcast Hosts and Guests I'd Smash. It would probably end up being the same people. It's like a preview. Gage Entrust, how would you rank the people in this call right now?

For both tier lists. Who would you fuck? We already know you and me pax i remember pax so i like i could we already know i could beat up oh we're not talking about fucking okay never mind beat up and then fuck yeah two separate lists two separate lists two separate lists two separate okay let's start with quite i think let's start with quite i think i think me and quite would be evenly matched. Thank you. That means a lot. Then I think I could beat up David

but then 10 could just sneeze in my general direction and I'd go flying. What about fucking? Please fuck me. Please say fuck. Please say smash. Please.

I've seen what quite looks like so definitely smash nice and then i mean yeah everybody i can't think of somebody i wouldn't honestly i think we'd all smash each other you're a good friend dad you know that i i gotta look at guests i i you know what you know what brendan's married so i can't do that i could i wouldn't be able to do that to Shelby Why would that Stop you? Because that's a sanctimonious agreement I mean she just has to agree to be in the room to monitor Make sure nothing bad goes wrong

Don't be on a line She's a chaperone What's the ring guy? The ring bearer The ring guy? No not the ring bearer the ring guy no not the referee the referee yes thank you the ref the referee referee the fucking ding ding ding like a fucking herb dean walks in he's got to stop the fight if it goes too hard i couldn't tell if you're talking about like a wrestling ring or a

marriage ring i thought you were talking about the fucking movie the ring i didn't even know where you were going we all had a different interpretation of the word. Would you need, like, if you and, like, or like Daniel were like, to fuck, would it be, would you need a UFC ref or a boxing ref? I feel like probably UFC, right? Because it's mixed martial arts. It would probably be UFC. Oh, I get it. I get it.

Martial, like, martial matters, like the ref. No, it's because every UFC event, when it goes to the ground, it just looks like two dudes fucking. This is true. Dude, I gotta watch more UFC. That fucking bitch Parkey's been holding out on me. The craziest

shit, like it wasn't who was that guy? There was one guy on UFC that fucking like kicked some guy's leg the guy didn't even flinch and the guy who did kick the leg he broke his leg in half and then he tried to put weight on it and it just snapped anderson sova right like when he fought chris weidman man yeah also mcgregor also mcgregor did that that's insane dude dude it was so it was so annoying because like i i was in england recently with uh foxcade and leon massey uh previous previous

guests on the podcast if you want to check out their episodes click the box right here so dude why are you so fucking awkward uh why are you so fucking awkward and uh while we were there i was like oh hey one of my friends lives in london let's go have dinner with him and we had like it was pleasant it was a pleasant dinner but it was a very normal saturday night and then we fucking like did i even save these pictures like because while that's happening we're literally just fucking at we're just having like a pleasant dinner in while our friends are out in belgium uh going crazy for halloween they they all went out for halloween and one of them went dressed as a security guard uh ignore the fact that he has a bag on his head

uh in this picture because that's just him with like my other friend's costume like he put a bag on his face but like his regular costume was he was just dressed as a security guy guy on the left yeah so while we're having dinner so while we're having dinner we just see this image pop up in our group chat and it's our friend in between like an actual altercation between some drunk guy and a real ass cop. And then we're just having dinner and dying laughing because we're like, dude, what the fuck happened? And they were like, Sam's been standing there for five minutes and they still haven't noticed him. And then I got info when i got back to belgium and this is a direct quote from sam the guy in the security outfit he said ed i'm so sad you missed that night it was a perfect ed night

because it was so mongy that's the exact word what does mongy mean it just means why is it fucking weird what the fuck do the british invent these kinds of words he just told me that like apparently they just took like they went to a halloween store and then they did tons of ketamine and they ended up going to like five different bars one of them was like where that altercation was taking place out front and sam that night took like every drug known to man and then one of my friends was like dude we gotta get you a fucking uber you're not even human anymore we gotta get this dude behind the wheel and then they get the my friend's phone was out of battery so they have sam call the uber but my friend was like, I can't let you get in the Uber by yourself.

I need to make sure you get home. So they both get in the Uber. And then Sam turns towards my friend. And he says, wow, it's so nice of you that you're willing to escort me to this house party I told the Uber to go to. And my friend goes, what? And then he checks his phone. And it's not Sam's house. It's some random address that apparently has a house party at 6 a.m.

So my friend goes, shit, I got to hop on my phone and change the address. But then Sam goes, that's not how Uber works, you fucking moron. And then he goes, shit. And then he literally gets out of the car while it's moving oh my god and then sam goes to this party by himself and he tells me that it wasn't even like one of his friends's party it was a random bartender from a bar they were at eight hours ago it was his party and then that dude slipped a

molly and then Sam woke up in a ditch at 11 a.m. He doesn't remember the party. And you have so many stories on this level of like nutty that it almost comes across in those commentary channels that like

have more stories about high school than there are days in high school. Dude, it's not even my story i wasn't here for it i'm so pissed it just feels like you're a fucking well then like you have an endless amount of these it's great it's europe man europe europe turns people into animals man is this what walkable communities do to people they fucking act like this we every we have access to everything so we can just do shit and suffer no consequences because nobody has to drive i feel like your average american like is incredibly boring because they grew up in the suburbs and like the worst they'll do is die while drunk driving or they just don't go out to valhalla i yell while going 80 in a school zone.

Anyway, are you guys familiar with Patreon? Yeah, I am. She paid my re-until I won. Fuck off, man. Strogan on his beef until he comes like this. If you're part of the $5 and above tiers on

patreon you can ask a question on the creds patreon q a and also you get an update on what's happening with other stuff like perilous like how much i need to piss which i do let's do a let's do one of the ones from the new batch let's do this one that nobody wants to answer that's sure the snacks a lottle asks what's your worst sexual encounter i know i know uh no i don't fuck probably the one that gave me phimosis thanks mine was this one time i was with a dude and i the fuck was so boring, I just fell asleep. This is, that's, I, yeah. Well, at least you maintained your economy. It was real boring. What did the guy do?

Was he respectful? Did he tuck you in? Okay. We were in a hotel room and we were like watching something. And then we were like, haha, what if we had the sex? And we had the sex and we had the sex and uh instead of paying attention to me and having sex as two people he was watching fucking uh who was it he was watching like some fucking youtube video instead and he was he was like flaccid at best and i was like i was like trying my goddamn hardest

but let me tell you i just fell asleep i really want him to be like on top of you just whispering fucking mary sue no dude it was really boring i just according to the analytics 25 percent of you aren't subscribed i just fucking hon shoot, and press the notification bell. I don't know why this reminded me of this, but I was at a party for Halloween the other week, and I was fucking blown away because one of my friends actually played Earl at the Function. Played what?

Earl Sweatshirt. Earl Sweatshirt at the fucking party. Earl Sweatshirt. Which is crazy. That's like host-garing music. Oh, dude. In London, during Halloween day day we went to a bar where all the cosplayers were at because we were there for comic-con and because the dj wanted to

appeal to the kids he played a trap remix of the pokemon theme we instantly left we were there for for 30 minutes and they played a my chemical romance song they played teenager leon was popping off and it was like this bar's sick and then immediately after it was pokemon themed trap remix and we went we're leaving dude the uk is crazy because whatever like bright side is essentially their national anthem yeah mr like if that goes off in a club like someone's dying like mr bright side or come on eileen yeah mr bright side is like it's it's big in america obviously but the uk every living organism knows it in that country. What about you, Ted? What was the worst?

My sister knows about this podcast. I'm going to decline. Self-preservation. But does she know about the answer? Like, have you told your sister about that? She doesn't know about the answer. Ah, okay. Because I was going to say, if she knew, then there would be no harm no harm no foul father hill asks what is the worst patreon question

who asked it oh yeah whoever that guy is it has to question about smashing each other's nuts with a rock like five times did somebody somebody asked that Somebody asked that multiple times. I don't remember that. That's possible. I think we just... Yeah, fuck that one. We've never answered it, but I know I've brought it up more than once. Fuck that one and fuck you. The ones that I hate are the ones that are like a fucking paragraph.

Like, dude, I'm not reading a diary entry. Keep it succinct. One line tops. He doesn't even know what succinct means i guarantee me short oh how would i not know what that meant if i used it correctly you should be like a patreon questions to like shittiest to best uh i i i saw i saw a good one i like uh who that matt asks who would y'all's dream pick be for a new podcast guest or host no limits whatsoever on who i'm gonna guess that pat and oswald we would just fucking bully the shit oh and his dead wife uh i think now pat and oswald would

have to be an in-person once and if there actually get jumped. And if there's no limits on whether or not they'd be dead or alive, for host Patton Oswald for guest his... Y'all are like... Am I allowed to answer this question? Yeah, everybody is. This feels so vanilla. Y'all should have gotten Pontius Pilate or some shit.

Who the fuck is that? The dude who killed Jesus! No, he didn't kill him. He condemned him to death. I don't know. Why would I know that? The dude who killed Jesus. He condemned Christ to death. No, he didn't kill him. He condemned him to death. He fooled him. I don't know. Why would I know that? This guy doesn't know about Jesus. It's not even about knowing him. It's like that's one of the most interesting fuckers in history. Imagine like he sees like the shit that he set in motion now.

He's like, fuck, man. Why didn't I just let him get the fucking five? I want whoever wrote the book of revelations on the podcast because nobody knows who wrote it. And that shit's crazy. Oh, I want Judas. Let of Revelations on the podcast because nobody knows who wrote it. And that shit's crazy. Oh, I want Judas. Let's get Judas on the podcast. Dude, I am so fucking like, do you think Judas was actually a traitor?

God was like, nah, you should actually, like this was part of the plan. You guys are forgetting that these dudes are all from Palestine. They're not going to speak English. They said no limits. Let's assume we have a translator. We have a translator. We can bring a translator. Why could we? Why not's assume we have a translator. We have a translator.

Why could we... Why not? Why not have a translator? I don't get this. Listen, you getting Pat Maslow on the podcast is already fantasy. You might as well take it another step. No, because that's within... It's not fantasy. He's real and he's in garbage. He's also... Oh my god, Ed.

I can't keep fucking censoring you allegedly also the world's devolved into a post-apocalypse which member of the podcast is first to die and how does it happen first we need to decide what kind of post-apocalypse quiet he didn't say who asked it yeah yeah who asked it shut the i fucking hate y'all weird name adam wutrich did i say that right he asked that yeah okay adam I fucking hate y'all. Weird name. Adam Wootrick. Just say his name, bro. Did I say that right? He asked that. Wootrick.

Okay, Adam. Let's see. So probably me. I'd fucking kill myself. Do we want zombie apocalypse? Do we want nuclear fallout apocalypse? Do we want climate apocalypse? Oh, not climate apocalypse.

That is too close to home. Let's do nuclear. Okay, nuclear apocalypse. And do you want to say that there's no hope of restarting civilization or like there's fucking if you stay alive there's a possible future like how are we feeling just bleak future i think i i think the we should focus on who was smart enough to build a shelter and who had enough friends to be invited to a shelter so who would die first hmm i think i'd make it i think i'd make it a little bit who who is this only for hosts i don't know yeah i mean who's not making it who cares

who's not me julian you wouldn't you wouldn't make it oh julian would say julian would be a denier julian would see a nuke like fucking shimmering off the morning sky and say like, whatever. He could be a star. He would have to interview the people who made it to get the real story.

He'd be like, this is such a shit. I love you, Julian. It would be like, Julian would be like, this sounds like fun. I don't like this. Julian would do that

characteristic Julian laugh that we all know and then he'd go, fuck off. I have that sound bite in my head of him doing that multiple times. It's like a soundboard I just play when I need to go. Mine is just erm. No, he'd probably look at the nuke and be like,

now you guys will finally know what it's like to be a 343 employees. Howdy. Thanks so much for listening. This episode would not be possible without the help from our patrons such as... BANGJADE GENERIC PHOENIX HANDSOME DESTINY HATER 115 INSPECTOR SEB INVERTED VANMAN IT'S DUCTASTIC JACOB JEFF SMITH

KAKA KAWAII BOY TOY LEO THE GEOTECH LOUDON WOODWORTH MEEEE MR. SHIRT NOTORIETY

SAMUEL NOTHING WORTH MENTIONING SKITZOLINGVO SHANTANU BATTIA SMAGGLE SNAKE ASYLUM SPHERICLE NATHAN STINGER 123 TEEG nothing worth mentioning. Schizolingvo, Shantanu Batia, Smaggle, Snake Asylum, Spherical Nathan, Stinger123, Teague, TheBigGay, WinnieRab, Will9455,

William Oliver, and WinchesterCurse. Once again, thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.