Please Stop Talking - Kachow | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: August 1, 2021

This is your brain on Dorkly.    Kachow (Shina's pics): https://twitter.com/BastionMain11/status/1316584192713486337?s=20  Support the podcast and Patreon ▶ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic  Humble Bundle Monthly ▶ http://humble.pleasestopshopping.com/ Humble Bundle ▶ https://www.humblebundle.com/?partner=pstpodcast/  Join the PST Discord server! ▶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65  Links:  Avery ▶ https://twitter.com/ShammyTV David ▶ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Mandy ▶ https://twitter.com/Lord_Mandalore Brendan ▶ https://twitter.com/BrendanielH Corbin ▶ https://twitter.com/lobbymemez Shina ▶ https://twitter.com/FujiTheApple Podcast ▶ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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So, why do you keep me in the trunk here? Am I dangerous? What do you mean? The banging in the trunk. You said it was me. I mean, it's pretty funny. Ah shit. Hang on. I got this. Officer, I'm racist.

That's great. License and registration please. Oh, of course. Here. This is a New Zealand license. Oh, that wouldn't be a problem. Here. Where did you get that? That David is a rat fuck, but he makes a mean fanny pack. There you go, sir.

You're the passenger? Alright, I'm gonna need you fellas to step out of the vehicle. Oh, surely that's not necessary. What was that? That, uh, that was me, officer. I'm cocking my gun. You three stay put. You actually bought something from that rat fuck? Well, I needed affordable, fashionable storage, and policestopshopping.com is hardly an easy URL to forget, so yeah.

Please, you gotta help me. You gotta... Finally. Thank God. Officer, please. You have to help me. Oh, no. Ha!

Classic. Oh, God, what the fuck is that that's the Kirby automaton welcome to the podcast David was just strangling a cat that's not an instrument eat shit banjo hello everyone

welcome to another episode of please stop talking I'm Avery but you might know me better as Shammy I'm joined today by Corbin Corbin you might also know me as Lobby Memes from Twitch. Everyone just go down the list. We do what we did last time. Everyone go down the list alphabetically.

Brandon. I don't have to intro you. I was when nobody was finished talking. I'm Brandon. That got a real quiet. I'm Darkseid Phil. No, you're not. You just wish you were, you fucking liar.

They're coming to take my dog Oreo from me. Oh, no. That's not DSP. That's not Darkseid Phil. Uh-oh. I'm Sheena. Do you want to start over? I think we should start over

this is fine yeah let's just skip over David's because we know who he is so great yeah once again David I thought we agreed we weren't going to be doing this anymore because after the fucking intro it's just quiet because no one knows

what to fucking say after that that's why we stopped doing them in the fucking first place but it but it's always it's always somebody's first episode who cares fuck them it's my first episode no it's not i know i just want to fuck up the timeline corbin the only thing on your spotify is big time rush i don't think you've ever listened i don't think that's true i think right now it's the jonas brothers and yeah he has he has a lot it's just his sex playlist is all big time rush okay i had to stop um listening to drake bell because my tinder profile shows up my recent spotify plays oh no how did you explain that one so that every child band he listens to turns into sexual predators oh my god please no big time rush is just now going on a revival tour yeah it's gonna

be terrible ain't it no it's gonna be amazing how dare you? I can't wait until they play county fairs and all of them die of dysentery from drinking the corn water. What the fuck? Are you listening to Drake Bell or Drake Campagna music? Mostly Drake Bell. I don't even know who Drake Campagna is. Drake Campagna is a lot better. Drake Campagna is Drake Bell in Spanish,

Corbin. Oh, that's Spanish for Bell. No, he makes his music in Spanish too. It's much better. Also, David, have fun with this audio because I forgot to turn on

my noise limiter, so I think I'm no-clipping constantly. You're no-clipping constantly? Oh my god! He's going through his computer! Christ. I heard some fuzz. On the subject of your your tender profile i want you to talk about your what your your co-worker oh no so this it wasn't my co-worker oh it wasn't your co-worker

okay it was my co-worker's roommate ah uh so i was hanging out with my coworker a lot because we're really good friends. And I finally met her roommate and she laughed at all of my jokes and was was very funny and would continue bits when I would start them. And I was like, all right, so we're getting married. So I became very smitten with this individual. And surprisingly, she liked me back. And we go to karaoke, like me and my coworkers, all the time on Thursday. But one Thursday, no one else could go.

So I texted her. I was like, hey, we should go. That'd be fun because we still have fun doing this. Let's go, just me and you. And she was like, okay, cool. Sounds fun. I was like, great. I'm in.

Karaoke goes fine. They didn't have any big time rush, but that wasn't a big deal. We end up karaoke and I drop her off back at her place and she her apartment she's like do you want to watch a movie or something and i'm like sure and we're kind of thumbing through and picking what you want to watch and uh we end up watching uh what oscars adventures through grouch land oh fuck yeah what what the fuck is that did you guys do the raspberries at the same time they did them on screen we did do that we did do the raspberries fuck yeah what the fuck oscar the what canadian says what it's a it's a an elmo movie which she picked out so she picked out a kids movie and um we stayed up until like four in the morning we watched that movie and then watched a ton of like shitty youtube boobs and did not sleep that entire night we just sat together on the couch watching kids media and so at this point i'm like okay if that's not love

then what is that's also a quote from that's a naked brother's band yeah more uh so i did not sleep that entire night i had to go to work went the whole day at work and i was like okay i need to hang out with her again because her roommate uh i don't think she's back in town yet so i'm gonna hang out with her again tonight so I can just make sure it's just me and her so I go back over there uh after work we hang out the entire day and she's like hey do you want to like watch a movie in my room and you can spend the night and I was like this is amazing turns out her roommate had gotten home um she actually walked into the room at one point while we were both in her bed and it was very awkward we just stared at her and i told her to leave um oh she jumped on the bed too my co-worker what the fuck and i was like please stop this

is not the time uh but we're like laying in her bed and it's pretty late. And I have not slept since the day before. So I'm like incredibly fucking exhausted. And we're on Disney Plus and we're looking for a movie. And she puts on Cars. Oh no. Yeah, I know. As soon as she puts on Cars, basically we start making out. What the fuck?

This is so fucking Corbin. And I'm making out. What the fuck? This is so fucking Corbin. And I'm freaking out. It's the most Corbin story ever. I'm freaking out because I'm like, this is, I've peaked. Like this, it doesn't get better than this. I'm currently making out with this girl that I like a lot

and Cars is playing on the background. So we also did not sleep again that entire night because we were busy um sucking face and uh jesus christ i get a call from my grandma at like eight in the morning because i had forgotten that i had to bring my car into the shop and she had scheduled it and she goes hey they're saying you're not here yet and I'm like oh fuck so I scramble out of bed I drive over get my car inspected and I had work again so I get my car inspected I rush to work and I'm like walking I'm like in the clouds right I haven't slept in two days and I was like high on emotions and's just, I'm all shaken up and weird. I get to work.

I walk in, the day's going normal. And about halfway through the day, a coworker comes up to me and she goes, ka-chow. And I'm like, what the fuck? This is awesome. I go, this is so. I just go, this is awesome. I go, yeah, man.

Ka-chow. And then I don't really think that much about it and continue working. And then like 15 minutes later, someone comes up to me. They go, hey, Corbin. I go, yeah, what's up? He goes, ka-chow.

And I go, dude, this is like the best day of my life. What the fuck is that? He's like, am I in a coma? I'm like freaking out because i'm like everything is going just perfect like this is my dream world am i still asleep like did i die your dream world is people readily stopping you and going kachow yeah pretty much shit and then i see um my co-workers, the same co-worker that I was at her house last night, whose roommate I was watching cars with. And she's talking to my boss and they're both laughing and pointing at me. And I go, oh, this is problematic.

So I walk over there and I'm like, yo, what are you talking about? And she goes, oh, I was just telling him about what happened last night. And I go, what do you mean what happened last night? She then explained to me in the middle of making out. Unconsciously. I was listening to the movie in the background while making out with her. Stop. Opened my eyes.

We locked eye contact. And at the same time as lighting McQueen, I go, ciao. And then continue making out. No! Holy fucking shit! Holy fucking shit! You're so fucking Chad! Dude, that is the chattest thing ever holy fucking shit was she impressed um i think i like i barely remember that i uh vaguely remember maybe she laughed and then we just started making out again she dude she was impressed if she

goes back in she's impressed i mean yeah she kept kissing me but then yeah we're just friends now because that made me unbelievably sad what What the fuck? Yeah. Because I was like, she doesn't reply to any of my Snapchat today. That's weird. And then, so she didn't reply for the whole day. And then the next day we were supposed to hang out and she canceled. And then I was like, well, this is problematic. So, yeah.

No, we decided to just stay friends. She decided. You chowed yourself out of a relationship honestly dude it's it's what the fuck that's how i wanted to go like if that's if she won't date me because i'm gonna catch out like i don't want it i'm i thought it was during making out it was i just oh yeah i don't know no we were just because that was like a step above a bit I'd say dude what the fuck man if somebody knew cars that well

that they would stop in the middle to say ka-chow insane that's a selling point that is exactly what I'm thinking it's a selling point that's a fucking keeper I didn't want to tell her hey just so you know this is the third time I've watched cars this week

why because then she wouldn't believe me i think she would believe you i i'm pretty sure she would have believed you after that genuine question how many how many times when you have like a girl over do you put on cars how many times is that your go-to uh no i think with my ex-girlfriend one time we're watching cars and we started making out and uh she got pissed at me because i just started watching the movie that's actually a good lead in for like what's the worst thing you've watched like on a date that's far too early yeah

yeah mine was um oh fuck I don't even want to say mine mine was bad say it oh my god this was in uh this was in high school when she came over but she was like really um she was from a very sheltered family. So I went,

oh, I need to get something that doesn't scare or offend her. And I was digging through my dad's DVDs trying to find something that wasn't like a gun movie. And the only thing I could find was Dunstan Checks In. Whoa! For those unaware

that's the gorilla channel that haunted you your whole life that's the fucking gorilla movie it's a chimp right no for those unaware it's about a a little boy discovers an orangutan in a hotel

that's owned by an evil man and he becomes friends with a monkey. Yeah, he plays the monkey hunter. How is your life so monkey adjacent, Mandy? This was just one time though. It wasn't like I was

always watching Dustin Jackson. Why is that the one you went for though? So I was like, oh oh i have like ancient vhs's from when i was like three like oh i have a i have like the tigger movie or something like that it's like no this won't work but dunstan checks in won't scare her like the rep she was scared by like they're like the most mundane shit like she would cover her eyes seeing orcs and lord of the rings kind of sheltered so I was like oh um Dunstan checks in surely won't be scary

I think it was but I don't remember how what now I'm curious now I really want to know what the scary scene was I don't know so I think someone has a gun at some point. I think he tries to shoot

the monkey. He like does get shot but survives or something. I think there's a monkey shooting. What? Bat and orangutans are scary. Orangutans could rip your face off. They're frightening. They're like the chill monkey

though. They're the chill monkey though. They are but they could do it. They could they're like a chill monkey though they're the chill monkey though they are but they could they could they don't yeah yeah but they're the chill monkey chimpanzees well those are the i guess they're all apes they're apes if there's a tail it's a monkey i think that's the rule yeah i believe so i don't know why but that reminds me when i was straight uh there was this one time when I okay you're gonna make him correct that I was so fucking when I thought when I thought I was oh yeah I forgot you've had a year I can understand how long has it been that long oh my god I can't remember the last time I've been on this properly no that's not that's not even what I can't remember the last time I've been on this properly and not D&D

that's not even what I meant forget about it I was talking about what happened when we were watching Vinland Saga oh I gotta watch that oh right I really gotta watch that you do it's a good show anyway sorry go on when I was dating this girl I remember bringing her

home and she was also really um I wouldn't her home and she was also really um I wouldn't say sheltered she was uh fucking scared of everything though and I was like oh I want to I want to make her watch a movie I really enjoy and I was like thinking of like action movies I could put on and for some fucking reason, my head was wet. Like, Oh, you know what?

What's a fucking awesome ass action movie cabin in the woods. Action. I don't know. She cried. Yeah. And yeah, she cried. And that's not even cabin in the woods for like,

Oh, if you really like horror movies, you'll like this. Yeah. I'm a fucking moron. And the worst part is that like right after we finished watching i we went to a fucking asian restaurant and i got i got like a uh fucking general tsao i think it's called and it came with a uh oh fuck what's the what's that little thai pepper that's not the Thai pepper I know what you're talking about it's uh it's not fucking either way I was I was like hmm I'm secretly gay but I need to prove to her that I'm I'm a I'm an

alpha so I was like I'll fucking I'll I'll bite into this pepper why I don't know I had to prove that I was a man I really like David's thought process of what would a straight guy do in this situation? 2010 me is a fucking weird dude. I was like, you know what? I'll fucking bite into this pepper right now. I started biting into it and I just... I vomited. What a nightmare. What? You started vomiting it was really spicy i

couldn't stop i couldn't stop god oh god i i couldn't stop like uh coughing and snorting and i just vomited i was drinking milk and at one point the milk did not work oh so you vomited. I was drinking milk, and at one point, the milk did not work. Oh, so you vomited from the milk, not like you swallowed the pepper and instantly projectile vomited all over. If it's spicy enough, that can make you, yeah. Yeah, I vomited from spicy food. I'm just saying she was really impressed. Was it black pepper? No, it was Tabasco sauce.

There we go. Tabasco. I think black pepper would be like me. I forgot. Corbin is like really bad with spice. Corbin thinks ketchup is spicy. What? Hey, I agree with Corbin.

I'm right there with him. Not regular spice. Okay, Avery says this out of context every time. I think spicy ketchup is spicy. Spicy ketchup from Whataburger isn't fucking spicy, though. It is spicy. Hey, dipshit, it's in the name. Yeah, it's not fucking spicy.

Brendan, have you had Whataburger spicy? You're an idiot. Not you. Anyone else? I forgot. I forgot your fucking milk is spicy. Hey, Avery, is cold water cold? It's not frozen. What? It's not frozen.

What? It's not ice. But is it cold? What is happening? Corbin, okay, Corbin, I am now going to call all ketchup spicy ketchup. Is all ketchup now spicy? If you classify ketchup as spicy, it is spicy ketchup. Actually, the only ketchup that's normal ketchup is ketchup mixed with mayonnaise. If it's not mixed with mayonnaise, it is spicy ketchup. Oh! Actually, the only ketchup that's normal ketchup is ketchup mixed with mayonnaise.

If it's not mixed with mayonnaise, it's spicy ketchup. This is my rule now, so it's all spicy, according to you. This is just argument the Joker movie through, like, a few levels. It was a bird-eye chili, also. I just found it. Bird-eye chili?

Yeah. What was the pepper he ate? How many Scoville is that that's 100 what's it compared to spicy ketchup 100k I think that's less than spicy ketchup which is similar nah it's similar to spicy ketchup

like pretty close got some zeros yeah I'm unironically angry now oh Corbin yeah I know you are I uh also Corbin

while all this was happening, I had a realization. Do you guys remember Prom Story Girl, that girl I dated in high school? Oh, yeah. Yes. I just realized that she also really liked children's media. Look him up! Look him up!

To the same degree. She's married now. I'm talking like corbin tier like she watched nothing but like fucking disney channel and shit as like a senior in high school and she's also the one who introduced me to heathers so that's interesting oh wow that's a weird turn it was children's kids movies and heathers very weird combination can you give me her first and last name i won't she's married first of all why who cares why who cares

i'm not doing this i could be her prince charming or her shrek you don't know or her shrek Since we're talking about high school stories and girls, I have authorization to talk about a series of events that I haven't been allowed to talk about because he was like,

no, don't do it, and now I'm allowed to talk about it. Back in high school, my friend when I went into high school, he absolutely hated me. So much so that he still has his yearbook and if you go through his yearbook his yearbook you'll find my face and it's cut out he went through his entire yearbook he hated me so much my freshman year his sophomore year that he cut my face out i was sitting i was sitting next to him with like a group of people that i didn't talk to at all and his group of friends and i looked at him and i

said i'm gonna make you my friend sophomore year he's my best friend we're both in choir uh eventually you know uh he has an interest in um a couple different girls throughout the sophomore year nothing junior year nothing uh going into junior year graduates and i start dating a girl he really liked uh which was honestly probably a terrible idea uh because she was really nice but she would only watch monty python on the holy grail really cool one of her brothers worked at uh blizzard really cool she got like a lifetime free wow sub i did not care about that i hate mmos but monty python and the holy grail was the only thing she watched um a couple years later i would end up living with her mother for like a year which is also quite interesting um skipping over so much we where's this going there's like an entire fucking anime

i i've i've i dated her over the summer of my 16th birthday and 16th to 17th and um it was very mad at me he would not talk to me he would not answer any of my like skype messages he would not like answer texts or phone calls he was pissed because he thought that i stole her from him even though the only attempt he had gotten to ask her out was leaving notes in her locker so we go to see i go to see this predator movie with another group of friends this isn't like new predator this is like predators the first predator remake other than predators that was predators yeah i go to a theater and zuck is there alone four seats ahead so i'm with a different group of friends he won't talk to me and we're sitting

there we're everybody's watching the movie and i go up to james after the movie is over and he bolts out to like get away. So he doesn't have to like talk to me because he's so mad at me. But we watched the whole movie together. And eventually this girl and I broke up. And the day we broke up, I called James and he answered. He's like, yeah, like we broke up. And he's like, oh, cool.

I'm coming over. I'll bring a case of. What? cool i'm coming over i'll bring a case of what this wasn't the end though of like me accidentally dating the girls he was interested in the second one is much much worse and this is why i needed authorization i just needed like a setup this is senior year so i dated this girl named mara i dated this girl named megan and then i i broke up with megan to date this girl named Mara. I dated this girl named Megan. And then I broke up with Megan to date this girl named Madison, Madison. Two of my friends were fighting over her.

It was then my friend Abe, they were like fighting and like giving her gifts and whatever. One day she just like comes up to me and says, Hey, you're cute. And then we just start dating. Like it is, it is.

They are literally like Goku versus Vegeta fighting over her. And she just walks up and it's like, you're cute. then we just start dating like it is it is they are literally like goku versus vegeta fighting over her and she just walks up and is like you're cute i'm like oh okay cool i guess we're dating all right megan i'm breaking up with you all right cool because i was kind of an asshole uh plus she worked at mcdonald's so she smelled like french fries i feel like that should be a plus for you yeah that was a super plus that was sick we'd make out and she smelled like french fries. It was awesome. That's so gross. What the fuck? The reason I needed authorization

and I needed to ask if it was okay is because Madison and I were sitting in her house one night and one her mom didn't want me to teach her brother about D&D. This isn't just a weird tangent. Her mom didn't want me to teach her brother about Dnd this isn't just a weird tangent her mom didn't want me to teach her brother about dnd because she thought it was like satanic so that was just like a really odd thing to deal with because that was one of my passions at the time and then um

madison brings out this copy uh of like firefly which is like hey I know you're friends with Zach. He gave me this copy of Firefly like a week ago. I open it up and he's like, yeah, there's a long note in there that's asking me out. I'm just going to close it and then hand it back to him and pretend I never saw it. Oh my God.

Zach. He's been my best friend for 11 11 years I love them to death I just had to basically ask permission because it was it was so awful I ended up breaking up with her after she cheated on me and then I dated someone else who led me into like Shelby and Shelby and I've been together for eight years

what a tumultuous time Firefly is like a TV series on Fox it only ran for one season it's like the holy grail of does anyone else like Marvel movies Corbin you know that like other Iowan girl that we ran into

at the liquor store in Colorado oh no she kept talking about Firefly if that gives you an idea of what it is I want to know what movie i thought it was oh what i thought it was like firefly as in the superhero that drake bell plays in that one movie with charlie what what the fuck is that oh my god superhero movie

talking about superhero movie yeah movie, yeah. Oh! And I was so... The Waynes Brothers movie. I was so excited that I finally got a movie reference, but I guess I was wrong. Avery, I've been having, like, I've been having, like, night terrors every once in a while about that lady in Colorado,

how I just kept, like, being Midwestern to the point where she brought out, like, the Baby Yoda koozie that she was making for her friend i'm never wearing a baby yoda t-shirt just to mess with my friends in public ever again i was standing in the middle of that conversation and i had no i am so i had no idea of any of the words that were being said like it was worse than like when y'all talk about anime or video games or movies it was like they were speaking a different language i was so lost i had to turn on the game stop part of my brain it was really like it was really funny to watch because i i was sitting i was standing over by the wines and she was talking

to you in like the liquor area and i was just kind of like watching and i got to watch you shift gears into fucking game stop so we're missing i'm missing context what happened exactly i'm not a story i was just trying to give corbin context you just like met a woman basically you know you know when you're at the grocery store with your mom and she runs into someone that she hasn't seen in a while it was like it was like that but i was the mom yeah Yeah. I just beat by beat. I was I brought a baby Yoda shirt on the trip because I thought it'd be really funny to wear it around because I was like, oh

man, this is fucking awful. It's a baby Yoda Christmas T-shirt and I walk into the liquor store and there's like a lady there and I immediately my fucking senses go off and no, I know she's from my area. The slack jaw the like fucking like hunch posture. i know she's from my area the slack jaw the like fucking like hunch posture i know she's from the fucking part of iowa that i'm from it's the worst what it's there's chemicals in the air that fuck people up here what you don't you don't come out of the area

i live in without being fucking emotionally or physically scarred there is a dog food factory and a waste treatment plant that are both way too close to town and they're killing like 500 pigs a day in the middle of the fucking city you don't come out okay you don't come out of sioux city okay you just don't jesus christ all right i believe it so i sense it and like i go look at vodka because i i told avery i'm gonna buy the most expensive bottle of vodka I can find because I just really want to see. And I was looking and I was like, I'm not impressed by any of these. The one that I got the last time I was here, wasn't there.

And this lady comes over and she's like, well, if you're looking at vodka, I'm like, oh fuck. She's got the fucking Midwestern accent. I know it. And she's like, oh, that's's a that's a cute baby yoda shirt that's amazing you know i'm crocheting one for one of my friends for like their baby and i'm like oh yeah yeah yeah okay yeah all right that sounds it sounds really interesting yeah uh she's like yeah let me show it to you she goes back to like the fucking desk grabs this baby yoda like koozie brings it back to me and we just talk about like i can't even remember. I think it was like a five minute conversation that I phased out of because

once I go into that gear, I don't remember a single fucking thing. It's like getting blackout drunk, but it's like getting white out in Pokemon. I made it all the way from baby Yoda to talking about firefly the entire time. I was just holding on to Brendan's shirt, just tugging it like it was the worst because like i we were buying alcohol and i hand her my id and she's

like oh my god my grandparents live like 20 minutes from here like i fucking knew it it was a good time it was uh it was a good time i just i'm never gonna wear a baby yoda shirt again i can't handle going back into that gear. I can't do it. I can't go back to that state. I really need to return my Baby Yoda shirt that I got. Why did you get a Baby Yoda shirt? I was at the wedding reception.

Oh, of course. I'm really excited for the wedding reception because my family has decided to bring all of their children. Oh, that'll be great. Oh, God. I'm really excited for the wedding reception because my family has decided to bring all of their children. Oh, that'll be great. Oh, no. And the place that we're going to is specced for 80 people. 96 have said yes. So...

Oh, no. Yeah. So, Brenda, you brought that up by talking about Night's Heirs. And ever since people seem to like the Brendaverse dream, I usually think talking about dreams on podcasts and stuff is really fucking boring, because it's usually like, oh, this is fucking crazy. Then I was in the library, and then I was

made of lightning. But, that's usually what it is. I was made of lightning. I wasn't trying to umberfuss, but no. I love Percy. This one's really, really short and simple. Um, I had a dream. I had a stress dream because all of the dreams that I'm ever going to bring up are going to be stress dreams. I had a stress dream where I was going through a period where I

was really anxious that none of my friends liked me. Um, and it was in the Colorado house and I would wait and i would wake up and everyone would be downstairs and they'd be talking and i'd walk downstairs and every time i would say anything everyone would stop talking for a second and then just stare at me silently uh and then and then they would all like their heads would all rotate like machines back to where they were looking previously. And they would just continue their conversation. Like nothing, nothing happened.

And so it reached the point where, um, it was a bunch of people sitting like out on the, on like the patio. And I was like, all right, I mean, does anyone want to go into town for food or anything?

And then they all like heads rotate. This is there directly at me. And then at the bottom left left hand corner of my fucking vision i see the counter-strike vote kick thing come up and it instantly ticks everyone voted yes and i woke up i can't believe i got vote kicked for my own fucking dream oh my god did you wake up when you uh got kicked yes I woke up the second I got vote kicked it went like tick tick tick tick tick and then I woke up

I told you this Avery but it was like two days after you explained the Brendaverse to me I had a Brendaverse stress stream I told you about this Avery the dream starts and it's pitch black and there's a spotlight and Brendan is just standing there.

And I walk up to him and he goes, hey, man, can you just sign this paper? What are Brendan's stress? Corbin, I have to tell you, I've been like on and off trying to like fucking just bring that to your mind I've been like I've been like in the shower every once in a while I'm like fuck it'd be funny if Corbin had the Brendaverse dream Was there more to your Brendaverse? Or was it just spotlight Brendan? There was more

I sign the paper and he goes good And then Walks back into the darkness. The lights turn on and there's like four other people there that I've never seen before. And they're in like a racing position. And I'm like, what the fuck? And they just look at me and they go, get ready.

And then the front door opens and they all run out so i'm starting to follow them and it's a full like wipe out just obstacle course and there's a black figure just chasing us and slowly picking people off one at a time that's horrifying terrifying did you have a Brendan you'll play or one? I finally get into the last room and in the last room is all of the papers that Brendan has made people sign before. And there's like a million and you have to find your paper and you have to sign it to avoid it. And I'm going through the papers and I can't find mine. But I find one that has my mom's name on it. Oh my God. Oh my God.

That's so scary. What the fuck? Cleve, save her. Save her. This is horrifying. As I find it, I see the black void person getting closer. So I forge my mom's signature and get into the safe zone. And as I get into the safe zone, the light turns on and it's John Cena.

Okay, what the fuck? And so he walks out of the room and I'm like, fuck, this isn't actually my paper. For some reason, I was like, I have to go find mine. So I switch it out. I actually my paper. For some reason, I was like, I have to go find mine. So I switch it out. I find my paper. I sign it, and John Cena walks back in, and he goes, you cheated. And I go, hey, man, it's just the name of the game.

And then he started crying, and I woke up. Your stress streams are fucking horrifying. Yeah, it was terrifying. I usually love my stress streams. My paper was made for me fuck you fuck you man oh my god you signed yourself into like a stress i think it was a side effect i think it was a side effect of uh the bean stream to be totally honest because brendan kept telling me you signed a contract, you can't

get out of it. Oh, that's absolutely... I did, I did. That's the problem. If you accidentally get me at 100%, I will not stop. I won't. I'm basically like a wrecking ball. If you agree to do something with me, you're going to fucking do it.

You signed a contract. Yeah. How many others have signed this contract there was a lot of papers there's a lot of people remember the contract you signed when you got on uh psd i wrote that contract we're all fucked we're all fucked. Stress dreams. I've talked about like if we're talking like dreams as a segue. I think the only I've had three awful dreams, but I'll only talk about one because it's dream stuff. And I usually don't have a memory of a lot of my dreams as an adult. I just vividly remember three dreams from when I was a kid. And the worst one is the octopus dream.

When I was a kid living with my mom and my dad, I was about four or five years old and I went to daycare and I had a really bad experience there. And the night of I had this dream and it's stuck forever in my head. There's a line of children and they're walking into a big building that says daycare on it. They're going inside, walking through the doors. And I am sitting there and I'm four years old, blonde, curly hair. I have sunglasses, a leather jacket, leather pants, and a spiked belt. I don't know why this is important, but it was very important to me in the dream. These kids are going in single file, one after a time, and then you hear this ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk. Finally,

I get through the door of this daycare Inside is a giant metal octopus And it's picking up the kids One by one And it's mouth is full of saw blades It's picking them up, throwing them in And then a bunch of parents Two lines of parents are all clapping Three times every time a child gets thrown in

Eventually It's my turn I turn around and I look at the kids. I salute them, give them a thumbs up, and I jump in backwards, and I wake up. It's like a Hunger Games. It's this image of this giant metal octopus with saw blades for mouth.

It's just stuck, like burned into my head. That could be a good boss in video game. Oh, man. Surge 3, finally. The badger dedicated. It'll take place in the dreamscape. Fuck off. Speaking of

dreams, have y'all seen Jim Carrey's The Mask? Yeah. That was the joke. You're an idiot. You're such a fucking moron. That's what the mask is. Oh, fuck off. It took me a full fuck off. God, I hate you.

Oh my god. I hate that it took me that long to realize it. You really slammed the brakes with that, Corbin. Yeah, you fucking ruined my day. You ruined our day. Okay, I've been biting my tongue ever since Avery said dream the first time.

The fact that I held out for like 15 minutes, I am so surprised. You're a broken human. I know. I guess that's what the point of the mask is. Shut up! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, shut up! I'm sorry I didn't take my normal pills.

I knew that was coming. And I'm still mad. And I'm still mad. Oh no, Corbin, you mixed up your normal pills with your wacky and zany pills. Oh, shit. Your zany pills. Shit.

You took your zany pills. Now you're going to shit in the cash register at Whataburger. I feel like we're somehow talking about the movie Joker again. Your ketchup is too spicy. What the fuck are you saying? Just title this episode of the podcast The Joker 2019. No. No. Why would we do that joker 2019 full movie please name it

just gonna message me and be like what the fuck did you do oh fuck did you do? What the fuck? Fuck me. I wanted to ask you a question, Corbin. Yes, Machina. When did your fixation on cars begin?

It all started in the year 2006. The release date of cars, yeah. I can't believe you know the release date. 2006. Where are we? The release date of Cars, yeah. I can't believe you know the release date of Cars. Can you really not believe that? Really? No, you know what? Yeah, you're right. I wanted to ask because my brother, when he was little,

was very into Cars. He loved Cars. He loved Hot Wheels and Mr. Lightning McQueen. And my parents were changing up the house a bit, and they decided, we're just going to give him, like, a race car-themed room. They went really all out and um so he had hot wheels like wallpaper he even had like a race car shaped light somehow what um how does that work yeah he did have a lightning mcqueen

bed wait i remember i remember seeing... I need to show you this. He had it. Series of pictures I've ever seen. He had it until recently, didn't he? Because I feel like I saw it. No, no, no. It's so sad. I've been looking for a Lightning McQueen bed for so long.

They're all just so expensive. It slipped through your fingers. It really did. I wanted to ask if he had one. And he also had a Lightning McQueen table set for very small children. I just want to bring a girl home, have a Lightning McQueen bed, and go, You ready for the race? Don't worry, I always come first. Jesus Christ.

My brother dated someone in high school. This is not my story, it's his story. What a gentleman. He dated someone in high school for like a year, I think. And one day after school, he brought her home and they laid down on the... Lightning queen bed. On the lightning queen bed because his room has not has not changed since like 2000 whatever and they looked at each other and then he got up and he played overwatch for like two hours and

she just laid there in the bed and then she what your brother is living my dream. For people interested in seeing the pictures. I'll put it in the description. Yeah, very important. It's good. Life is so unfair. I work so hard for these moments and for some people it just comes naturally you could just uh

you could buy a lightning McQueen bed they don't make them in like king sizes or queens they don't make adult sizes you need to get you need to get a lightning McQueen bed and a mater bed and you cut out

the middle boards and set them together. Think about it. Think about it. Mater and lightning McQueen. Just go on Etsy and find somebody who makes adult sized

kid beds. All you have to do is find a modified race car that looks like lightning McQueen and then cut out all the car stuff. Is there an actual Lightning McQueen out there? Yeah, guaranteed. Was he based on a real person?

Yes, he is based on a real person. Dale Earnhardt Jr. No, that's John. Jeff Gordon. Dale Earnhardt Sr. I think it was John McQueen who he's based off of. Oh wait, this is real. I was just making shits and funks.

I think I would joke about... Corbin, are you going to attend Dale Earnhardt Sr. College? That's a college? Yeah. What do you learn? Turn left? Isn't that what happens at most colleges?

No, based on what we heard about this one, this one might be turned right. Brendan, I got it. I got it. I also got it. Wait, what are we getting? Don't worry about it, Sheena. It's fine.

It's fine.'s fine hey not cut so good just watching it just watch an episode of king of the hill you'll get it immediately I love king of the oh should have added Hank to What? What? What? Should we go into Patreon questions? I don't even fucking know right now. I guess. King of the hill. I don't. Shut up.

Wait. When are we starting recording? Oh, did y'all start? Corbin. No. Cut all of this. This is so shit. So, Patreon questions. been no cut all of this this is so shit so patreon questions you you ask them we answer them that's not wrong from its abbeys have you ever been in

any cringy fandoms if so do you have any stories from your time in those fandoms i was a brony surely you've talked about why you stopped being a brony on the podcast before i i'm like i'm pretty i'm pretty sure i stopped talking about it but like there are a couple reasons a dude looking at brony porn in the middle of the like uh cafeteria of my college the fact that i like hype myself up into giving a speech and speech class about my little pony in college the fact that a hot topic employee tricked me into buying a women's jacket because it was the my little pony like flyers jacket the fact that my mom found out and then one christmas she got me a ds but she also got me like a hundred and fifty dollars of my little pony toys

And I threw them all away the next day. Oh my fucking god it was I did make some cool friends in the friendship gaming brigade, but I What I was in a brony gaming brigade for a little bit It was a forum My cutie mark was taxes what do you mean taxes taxes i mean like it was imagine saying the words my cutie mark was taxes i thought it'd be really funny i thought it'd be really funny if i had a pony that had like a shaved head that looked like that one fat guy from the office that i don't know his name is and he had like just a cutie mark and it was fucking taxes and he looked depressed as shit and his name was

i'm just confused was it the word taxes like a pile of paper no it was like it was like a pile of paperwork with a pen yeah i made it in gimp i was so proud of myself shout out to your mom supporting you and all of your interests she did it to make fun of me she didn't buy it to support me they were like a bunch of like really cheap she bought like bags of these cheap toys she didn't do it because she was supporting me she did it so i could open them on christmas and she could laugh at me so thanks mom love you holy shit rescind my shout out i love my mom to death but she likes to fuck with me too much it's a

it's why I don't visit as often wow what the okay okay alright alright I'm gonna send her this episode I don't think that's a good idea so David what are you do you have any extremely embarrassing

moments from the furry fandom do you I don't go to cons or anything so no so you've had no embarrassing moments

from the furry fandom I feel I mean I do and I've I've told them before though that's the thing that's true

I feel like you have told your I thought of one oh yeah yeah the fandom is Christianity oh my god I applied for a job to be a camp counselor for a Christian camp

oh my god that's right they didn't like they wanted me to be a janitor at the camp because I didn't open, I wasn't, they were trying to get me to say that gay marriage is a sin and I wouldn't do it.

Whoa. Whoa, okay. Woo, boy. It was, they were not nice people. It was very uncomfortable. The guy, he sat me down and he was like, do you believe everything in the Bible is true? I was like, yeah.

And he goes, okay, cool. So it's a sin to be gay, right? And I went, no. And he goes, okay, well, you're a janitor. Did you actually work at that job? What? No, I started ghosting them. And they always contacted me.

They kept calling me. And I would just never reply and then he got mad at me one day he left me a very passive well no it's just aggressive voicemail oh really he was just he was like i've been trying to contact you forever you haven't shown up for work at all he's like where are you he's like we're leaving to on the bus in like two days and we have no idea where you are it's like like, yeah, but I'm not showing up. Good on you for ghosting them for the gays. Yeah.

Damn. It was at that moment I became an ally. Corbin, when I took that test, it said I'd be the overseer. Because you're really homophobic? No. Is this the joke? I'm confused. I don't know.

My brain made a connection to Fallout 3. I don't know. Ignore me. Why would we know that? Because, I don't know. Corbin was talking about this, and I was just imagining him sitting in the vault at a desk and somebody was questioning him about like No the worst part is we were in the middle of the library on campus so no one else is talking

we're sitting in this room and he's like it's a sin to be gay right and I'm like dude we're like surrounded by people I'm embarrassed what the fuck I just was thinking about the goat test from Fallout 3 because he asked you a question and then gave you a job I don't know I can't explain it I just was thinking about the goat test from Fallout 3 because he asked you a question and then gave you a job. I don't know.

I can't explain it. I'm sorry. It's a webcomic. It's okay, Brendan. Oh my God. This is a fucking... This is a Penny Arcana webcomic. This is a control delete episode, dude. Fuck me.

I got dorkly on the brain. I'm so sorry. Dorkly on the brain. Dorkly on the brain. I got dorkly on the brain i'm so sorry asks the psc hosts are transported to the brindaverse and are being hunted down by everyone there how long will you survive always yeah i mean i'll just forge my mom's signature i feel like everyone whether what are the rules of the Brendan rules is it just normal I thought it was just normal life with Brendan it's every single

person on the planet is now Brendan but this this poses something that I think is going to come with me in my sleep tonight which is that everyone there is looking for me that's awful are they looking for us that's what the fucking question says David it wouldn't be hard because they just have to look for someone that's awful are they looking for us that's what the fucking question says david it wouldn't be hard because they just have to look for someone that isn't brendan yeah you can't hide brendan

would survive because he's just like i'm brendan i mean i they would find him and they'd be like this can't be right it would be the weirdest painhole recording ever that's a lot of brendan you're thinking yeah i'll just be doing painhole while being hunted by my co-host i'm already hunted for being on painhole what does you but by brendan yeah that's what i said there's lots of them and he wants to kill you he's going to try and kill you that sounds like painhole yeah that sounds like painhole to me i don't know about you. I like the idea of it's just Painhole, but that Brendan is staying there as a distraction so that all the other Brendans can close in on your location.

So just in the middle of the Painhole, you hear people banging on the walls and windows. It'll be like being at Mandy's place. Do they have Brendan's voice? Wait, do they have Brendan's voice? Yeah, they all have brendan's voice then it is painhole if everyone is transported at the same time i will i will offer protection it's easy i know my weak spots i can't believe we're gonna get isekai'd into fucking the brendaverse listen all i have to do is turn on my dad voice and then all of them will be too terrified to reach me what's your dad voice

huh i'll just say oh yeah hey dad's on the phone and then i'll hit i'll like show them the phone and they'll back off like light light versus darkness oh my god it's like alan wake but with father issues alan wake with father issues is so good. Holy shit. Thanks, Brendan. I don't think I'd survive that long. I wouldn't want to hurt a Brendan. I would absolutely hurt a Brendan if it was coming for me, but I don't think I got the attrition for it. I don't know what I'd do.

Brendan's like twice my size. Oh, but not everyone's like that. They're small Brendans. The children are scaled down Brendans. Everyone else is roughly Brendan's size. That's like Brendan a roughly Brendan's size. That's like Brendan a million times my size. Yeah, it's a lot of Brendan.

Wasn't the worst part of the Brendanverse be food would taste like nothing? What? Huh? Because my favorite food my mom makes is like slow cooked chicken and potatoes. They don't all have your personality though. That's not part of the Brendanverse. It's everyone dressed like they normally would be with their own personalities, but everyone's you, and they look at me all the time.

I don't know if this is a boring question, but I feel like I have a really exciting answer. Then go for it. Oh, dang. Okay, I've hyped it up too much. But William Oliver asked, what are your guys guys favorite video game weapons and why I don't know if you guys have good answers but for me I really like the hunting horn

the hunting horn is really fun I like the hunting horn a lot so fun but also music think about it help your friends and you go wow and you hit them.

I don't really have a good answer for that. Fire axes. I feel like it would be an Ultra Kill weapon. Yeah, probably Marksman from Ultra Kill. If I'm doing an actual answer. The glue gun. Yeah, probably that. Oh, yeah.

Corbin loves it. Corbin knows how to use it just fine wait what the fuck am I saying it would be a keyblade of course yeah I'm like what the fuck David I mean I don't think that it's just a sword but it's a key it's not my favorite weapon like genuinely

that doesn't have to go in the episode if it's not very interesting there's a lot to pick from. Yeah, there's so many good ones. There are a lot of good ones. For a real answer, I think it would come down to something in Ultra Killer Blood. That's what I'm thinking. Maybe the TNT

from fucking Blood. Like, holy shit. What a fun weapon. Yeah, Dynamite from Blood is very good. Ethan Howell asks, if you could put two podcast members alone on an island, who would it be and how would it go? I would want to be alone with Brendan and I would hope that a ton of boats would

come by to come rescue us. They would hear our conversations and then just sail away. Sail away, yeah! Jesus Christ, they would! Fuck! Oh my gosh. I would pick Ed, because I think that's the longest I would be able to stay sane. How would he keep you

sane? We live together, and we live together with no air conditioning and no internet for a while. I'm trying to think. That sucked. I'd put Ed and Cameron together and wait for them to come. Oh, that was what I was going to pick. Yeah, Ed and Cameron together and wait for it to go. Oh, that was what I was going to pick.

Ed and Cameron together would be a very good one. I just want to see how gay it's going to get. I didn't think it'd get gay. I think it'd get very confrontational. Maybe it might. He's going to start talking about being kino-sexual or something. It would be fucking awful.

Which one of them is going to say kino-sexual first? Cameron. Cameron, are you fucking serious? or something it's gonna it would be fucking one of them is gonna say kino sexual first cameron cameron are you fucking serious of course it's cameron ed keeps saying kino sexual i think ed would bring it up first to joke around i think ed would bring it up first what does that mean i learned it today it means you like good movies so it's what it means yeah it's this is like a strange question because i feel like by putting them alone and like i'm thinking like deserted on an island that's what i'm thinking yeah i feel like i'm just cursing two of my friends yeah yeah i literally imagined that one little tiny circle island with one palm tree. That's exactly. The newspaper comic.

That's. Yeah, that's like the deserted island. I was thinking the island you see in like the Spongebob intro. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Yeah. Yeah, like a far side comic. Yeah. Oh my God, we're all just agreeing and saying the same

thing over and over again. This is the Brent. Have you ever opened an almond joy i love almond joys i like to take the almonds off i fucking hate you i don't know what an almond joy is it's got like coconuts and almonds but i don't like to eat the almonds i just like that it touches the chocolate and the coconut oh Oh. What the fuck? What? You're such a fucking weirdo, dude. I like to take the almonds off, I suck the chocolate off, and then I throw the almonds away because I don't like almonds. But I don't like mounds either.

Dude, mounds are fucking shit. I'm fucking losing my mind. Stop! Mounds are good. Mounds are shit. Almond joys are way better. Wait. Which one? No, wait. Almond joys. Wait. Yeah, no. Almond joys are mounds with the almond, right? I think it's the other way around. Okay, then I was wrong.

Oh, it has no almond. Yes, almond. Mounds is just a coconut and chocolate. It would be really weird if the almond joy was the one that didn't have almonds. That would be a great prank. They're like, get it, because like mounds, like the bumps of the almonds. Oh, wait, no. Carbon, you tricked me.

I was like, that's such a good way to remember. Sheena, there's an even easier way to remember. One of them is called an almond. Oh my gosh, it's all coming together. I'm sorry, Sheena, it's my fault. Purple Cucumber asks, this one is from Andy. Did you ever keep in contact

with Viper? And if you did, what are the chances of being a guest? Guest chances, I'd say are like zero.

He hates you? No, no, no, no. He's He had a falling out? No, there was no falling out. He's very, he's very preoccupied with, um, Getting his son. He's, he had a falling out. No, there was no falling out. He's very, he's very preoccupied with,

um, yeah, with that, with actual real life drama. So that's probably not happening. That was not a funny answer. What the fuck? I was going to keep it vague.

Yeah. Sorry. Can you, can you base boost savory when he says that I'd like an echo to it. Why, why would I do that? Cause I was like, Oh, you know,

you had some stuff going on son the fuck but i mean even before that he was um he was communicating with him was very sporadic like it'd be 3m he'd be like fam you up yeah i have new music okay from goku drip sorry uh they say hello boyos hypothetical you've just been brutally murdered and have returned as a ghost who killed you and how do you haunt their every living moment? I guess this is basically how would you mess with people as a ghost?

And which one of the other podcast members do you think would kill you? I feel like Avery would kill me. Oh, absolutely. Okay, well, I think Gotta watch my back now. What the fuck? I think... Gotta watch my back now. What the fuck?

I think anyone here could. Maybe he would kill me, but I'd keep slightly turning his sink on for the rest of his life throughout the three parts of where he lives. I keep... I keep, like... Can I set macros on keyboards?

As a ghost? You're gonna... You can just haunt the keyboard, can't you? Can I... I'm gonna haunt the keyboard. That you can i i'm gonna haunt the keyboard that sucks who killed you david i did it was avery if you haunt his keyboard he loves keyboard so if i fuck up his his keyboard then he's gonna be so pissed switch out all the switches for blues oh every oh i'm gonna every time you have like every time you switch your fucking your switches

i'm gonna do that back in yeah but you're gonna when i start putting blues in i imagine this goes like this david infects avery's keyboard and it starts being spooky and moving it around avery puts it in the closet and then he trades it because it's an unusual now. I feel like Brendan would kill me. I mean, okay. But it's what Corbin's feeling.

I honestly feel like it would be a team effort and he would give me to sign a contract and he wouldn't purposely kill me. He would give me to sign something. It would lead to my death. But then in the contract, it's a ghost clause. So now that I'm a ghost I have to do his bidding. A ghost clause. If you were a ghost that had to do my bidding

that'd be sick. I could do haunted house dreams. You could just make shit move for me. Yeah there we go. Damn. Hey Corbin I got some papers I'm going to send you. Okay I'll sign them. Did you just get a pin? I don't know who. Who would kill Shia? Yeah who would kill me I don't think anyone good I think there's like an accident who would kill you one accident yeah that narrows it down who would kill Sheena on accident? It's gotta be Brendan. Why? Ah, Brendan charged with two counts of manslaughter. How far can we go with this? How would he kill her?

He would send my ghost to scare her. I get so frightened, I just fall over and die. Now you join the league. Yeah, I want to be like Casper, and just do all your chores. What the heck? Why is this all on me? This question has turned into a ghost butler army. This fucking is the rule.

But it'd be cool, like, me and Corbin could hang out. Like, Corbin's helping with your stream and I'm just like quietly doing the dishes in the other room I'm just yelling at Brendan about my fucking keyboard this is such a weird this is such a weird fucking roommate situation

but it'd be so cool like what if he had a friend ghost and two of them how many people are living in this house what do you mean how How many people are living in this house? What do you mean, how many of them are living? This is such a good sitcom idea. What's that?

Yes, it is. Write it down. Why is this sitcom me running around blindly, accidentally committing manslaughter and summoning an army of ghost butlers? It is. It's a good idea. Shut up. Now that the plot is about Brendan accidentally killing more people, it's better. And he keeps going his catchphrase is, Oh, cripes, I've done it again.

Daniel slaughters. Who would kill me? Brendan, we just met. He just kills everybody by accident. I think i just make you so mad talking about bethesda games i think you just die on the spot that's the one time you've ever screamed at me it wasn't real scream it wasn't but i still got scared because it was i was defending fall Fallout 76 and Avery had turned direct

vision at me. What the fuck? I would have vote kicked you in that moment if I could. Avery, I think just based on past stories in the podcast, I think drunk Mandy would. I think he's the most likely. Yeah. I'd kill me too, actually.

It's me! You have to hunt yourself now. Because, like, I remember drunk Mandy would just, like, leave traps for himself or something. Yes, and me! You know what? Mandy would kill himself. But how would he hunt himself?

Haunt himself? Can you get drunk in the afterlife and bamboozle yourself again? You would set traps for yourself in the afterlife. What if your ghost split into Drunk Mandy and Sober Mandy? That would make so much sense.

Two separate ghosts. That would be so scary if Mandy died and Drunk Mandy was left. That sounds like a twist on a shitty Insidious sequel. When your son died, he became two ghosts. One's his angle and one's his demon.

His angle and his devil. Your son Siamese Twin was living in him the whole time. And he was living in the walls for 20 years. Oh, that's like Belial from Basket Case. Mandy, it's like the house is the womb. Oh my God.

I like Monster House. Oh, fuck. What the heck? you're still here? Okay, well, thanks for listening. And a huge thank you to all our top patrons, such as... Crust, Boo Poo Lou, Cab Z, KC Brownow, Kleotic, Daxter092, Destrick Gothroy, Dreams of Ice, Ducky Madness, Eric Scott Gillies, Fang Jade, Generic Phoenix, Harry Norris, Inverted Van Man, It's Abbey's, Jeff Smith, Manuel Martinez, Mellowolf, Maya, Notoriety, Pyro Pat, Schizolingvo, Seawolf812, Snake Asylum, Teague, Travis Vapes, Trevor Wood, William Oliver, Winchester Curse, and Zoroacurl. Thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time.