Please Stop Talking - King of the Castle | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: November 24, 2019

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Must be legal drinking age. If you're interested in supporting Please Stop Talking and getting some cool-ass merch while you're at it, check the link in the description or go to PleaseStopShopping.com to check out our merch store. And the other thing about Kojima welcome to the podcast this this episode style is going to be like the problem with hideo kojima i am your host punk duck i am joined today by my co-host Hideo Kojima. What? Wow!

It's getting censored! No, it's not. David, if you censor that, you're a fucking bitch. Wow! He went for it! You really did. David, you might be able to censor all the times I reference but you cannot censor What the fuck?

Why did you say that oh man welcome to the podcast i guess fuck oh this is the real star not the other one yeah no we're already going baby no we're going oh we're keeping the racist start the really racist yeah why are you surprised, Ed? I mean, you said worse things. Welcome to the podcast. The Thanksgiving episode where Avery is very sick.

Well, it's not Thanksgiving episode. It still has to intro the fucking podcast. It's not Thanksgiving for 75% of the people recording right now. Oh, that's true, yeah. And it's also moregiving for 75 of the people recording right now oh that's true yeah and it's also more of the family gathering episode because my story is about a family gathering not really a thanksgiving thing and it's also not really a story it's more of an experience hang on really really awful hang on bad experience if you guys still celebrate thanksgiving why can't

i hang a confederate flag outside my house? What's up with that? Confederate? Well, Ed, first of all, you live in Belgium. So? Flag's still there. You can do it if you want in Belgium, I guess. I mean, you could. Nothing's stopping you. Great!

There's no law against it. Wait, is there a law in the U.S.? You can't use Confederate flags? No, that's what I'm saying. There's no law against it. Oh, but it's frowned upon. Yeah, it's frowned upon law in the u.s you can't use confederate that's what i'm saying there's no law against it oh but it's frowned upon yeah it's frowned upon because of the racism but isn't thanksgiving also racism yeah but we don't think about that one oh yeah as long as you don't think about it that one's the funny turkey thanksgiving wait funny turkey racism funny turkey racism is fine the black people racism i was half expecting every time we drove back to your place to just see like a fucking one of those confederate flag oh yeah like just hanging off those fucking greek pillars speaking of driving through confederate flags

uh how camera what's your story yeah what's your story cameron oh my fucking god that's right guys it's a cameron episode cameron's special story i i'm high if you are hyping up saying guys i have the best fucking you will literally so many confeder will laugh so hard you'll piss your pants. It's time to go. That's what he said. I will laugh so hard you'll start arguing that it was actually about state rights. Don't.

Oh no. So Cameron, what's your Confederate flag story? First off, I am not American. I want to put that one out of me. God. Fuck. All right. So I'm trying to think about how to start with this story because it's kind of like,

ah, shit, I can't. Well, we basically wheeled you in. You definitely wheeled me in for sure. You're already in. You put wheeled me in for sure you're already in you put me in a place for sure um okay so this is like a night a few weekends ago where I went out drinking with friends

so it's a recent crime too nice it's not a crime I didn't commit a crime stop saying like no it's just frowned upon we just established that it's just frowned upon. We just established that it's just frowned upon. I. Okay. Anyway.

I don't. I miss this. Some of those stories. See, it's kind of, it was a long, it was a long night. So some of these parts are like disconnected in a way. It's fine. But they're also like, I don't know. It's kind of just the story about sobering up really

like after a long night of like going out a very human story like i want to get really down to earth and personal with you guys because i trust everybody here thanks for putting me oh i'm sober please don't do this to me right now. Yes. We're being together. No. So, me and a few fans are walking back from town after a night, like, in the clubs, you know, clubbing, that kind of stuff. Are you kidding? You go clubbing? This is... I feel insulted for Cameron. I also feel insulted.

I was about to, like, give him, like, a virtual high five. You just slapped him on the balls. What the fuck. I also feel insulted. I was about to give him a virtual high five. You just slapped him on the balls. What the fuck? I was fucked up? It just happened. I'm sorry. Just because I play video games and I smell bad doesn't mean like... Just because I don't shower...

Smelling bad makes you fit in in the club. Yeah, true. I mean, nobody's going to smell you. Oh yeah, no dude. I'm 6'4". Everyone's catching my fucking piss. One of...

So, it's me and three other people, three of my friends, walking back from town, and one of the... So, one of them has, like, a bottle of mixed drink or vodka that they hid

in a bush before we went into town because there isn't any alcohol allowed in town. So they went to retrieve it after, like, being in town, and then, like, they're quite drunk at this point, and one of them starts drinking it and they start passing it between each other, and then it's, like, still got, like, I want to say, like, a quarter left. Avery, that's really distracting right now. I'm really trying to tell my story.

I don't want to tell. I don't want to tell. Whatever. He posted an edited version of the New Zealand flag. With the Confederate flag. It's the New Zealand Confederate flag. Oh, that's genius! Where it's the Confederate flag instead of the Union Jack in the corner.

Welcome to New Zealand. That's amazing. Did you make that? I just made that right now. I would say make it the thumbnail, but... I'm not doing that. Anyway,

so they're passing it between each other, and then one of them runs off ahead and leaves three of us, and then with one person with just this bottle of, I think it was vodka and orange juice or some shit.

So the guy that left had the bottle. But they handed it back to their friend. Oh. And so they just start drinking all of it as we're walking back to town, back to, like, the flat. And they, I think they finish it, mostly, anyway. So they get way more fucked while walking back,

while I'm still sobering up, because I didn't want to drink anymore. Like, my night was over. Like, as way more fucked while walking back while i'm still sobering up because i didn't want to drink anymore like my night was over like as soon as i start walking back my night's over like i'm like i'm all right good sober up walk so we're passing we're gonna pass mcdonald's and they they like go oh i want chicken mcnuggets so bad i already know where this is going so they run across the street over and, and at night, uh, like,

you know, past midnight in New Zealand. I don't know if this is like this in, um, uh, America, but they have bounces outside of McDonald's. What?

So like, uh, what the fuck? Yeah, no, straight up. Like security, security.

I no longer know where this is going. So they have security guards outside of McDonald's to like, you know, to deal with drunk people. This is the future liberals want. To deal with any drunk people and stuff like that. Because it's a student, it's a student town. So there's like a, it's every like Friday, Saturday, over the weekend. It's just like a shit ton of drunk people who are gonna go to mcdonald's yeah so they right they woke up and uh they they go they show up to them and they go

they go scrambling through their like wallet trying to get their id out and at this point i i know it's already over they're not getting in because you don't need a fucking ID to get into McDonald's I wasn't gonna question that cause you guys have fucking bouncers you absolutely do not need an ID the fact that they thought

that you did clearly shows you're too fucked to go inside the McDonald's it kinda shows that you're clearly shows you're too fucked to go inside the McDonald's. It kind of shows that you're responsible. I think it's like a literal version of the, sir, this is a wind. So like God, like is like,

no, hold up. You're going to have to wait out here. Like maybe your friend can like, maybe your friends can go get you food. So I'm like, Oh fuck. This is just like, and, and so much quicker. here like maybe your friend can like maybe your friends can go get you food so i'm like oh fuck this is just like and and so much quicker if i just go in and buy them like the fucking nuggets

and then get the fuck out of there you didn't i i did i did i i did okay so so like i was gonna say you a bitch if you didn't they they they wait outside um like like you're talking to the the security guard like for a while like i'm buying uh the nuggets while you go buy come buy your king some nuggets i come out and as soon as i come out it turns out they have like communicated with the god enough and like negotiated with them enough to like go in and use the toilet under like supervision from the security god damn speech 100 exactly that's what i was thinking i was like this is gonna end i was like damn this so they go and uh do go for a toilet whatever uh come come back out after a while talking to the the uh the other bodyguard that came and replaced them like while they went into their thing

but he literally went to me like like uh good luck and i'm like ah sick like see so we get back to the flat and i'm like, all right, time to fucking find the couch that I'm staying on only to find the, the, um, flat filled with, uh, people still wanting to party. Um, and I'm like, oh, so this, this person that I, they gave the chicken nuggets is really fucked. So they just go into like a corner and just like like just like speak nonsense for the rest of the night hold up listen this is this is like you just just remember they're in the corner at the moment um okay so one of the the people there pulls starts forming lines on the table

out of light powder oh so this is the illegal part why'd you do that to the nuggies so I'm I'm like I'm like I'm sitting there like this is fucking way too much for me so like I like I'm like i'm sitting there like this is fucking way too much for me i'm so like i like i'm like okay i'm just gonna like hang out on like the stairs and just like wait there well

for these guys to be done uh and and then i'll like you know fucking once they clear out i can go to sleep because they're all on the couch so uh doing. It turns out that they're not doing cocaine, they're doing ketamine. Oh. Oh! Oh! That's the best. Ketamine is the funniest name

of a drug. I was about to call you a pussy. You're good. Don't do ketamine. I really good. Don't do ketamine. I really didn't want to do ketamine. And what follows is like a really good explanation why. So the person in the corner, not getting any better at this point.

I've got to be honest. They have at this point dropped the chicken nuggets all down their front including the sweet and sour sauce it's all over the fucking couch which i was gonna sleep in which is sick but that's like not where it is so they've the people started doing the ketamine one of the guys one of the guys that was doing ketamine uh starts going off his fucking nuts. He starts neighing like a horse. Oh my god, no. He starts neighing like a horse doing noises and shit like that.

Oh no. Starts yammering. How fucking dare you assume that this story was gonna be bad? I wanna strangle you. This is amazing. Sir, what the fuck?

So they're, they're, they're neighing and doing horse noises and Stots yelling, I'm the king of the castle. Welcome, dude. Fucking, I knew,

I knew, I knew he was the king, dude. I knew. The moment you said it, I knew he was a king, dude. I knew the moment you said it. I knew he was a king. It came full circle? I've just fucking had it at this point. I'm like... Because they weren't stopping.

It's not like it was... It's not like it was like... Guys, stop it. No, no, no, no, no, no. Stop doing canopy. No, not like that. That's not what I mean. It's not like it was like... Guys, stop it! Stop doing canopy! No, not like that. That's not what I mean. It's not like they were saying,

I am the king of the castle, and then they'll say some other random bullshit. It was, I am the king of the castle, I am the king of the castle, fucking ad nauseum for like, I want to say two hours. Like, for the entirety of their trip. Like, if you just going to do

better. I have a story after this that's very much related. They're just pretending to be horses and fucking going at it. Meanwhile, the person in the corner

starts throwing up. Really? Really? Really bad? Really badly? And, like, the people that are still sober have to, like, take care of them, like, get them a bucket and shit. Like, really fucked and so one person calls a sober driver to get them home but then they wouldn't go with the sober driver um so they ended up having to call their mother so like when people join in onamine? Luckily they all had come down from their

high by the time they arrived their parents arrived and took them away with like vomit down their fucking top like dragging them out of a house a bunch of fucking like people who just zoned the fuck out and I'm just like in the corner just being like

please just fucking leave I just want people to be out of here so i can fucking go to sleep on the couch that doesn't have vomit and fucking chicken nuggets on it like so after that everything you know calms down um so if someone vomited in one of the beds as well which was pretty sick so the person who took ketamine ended up just falling asleep on the carpet um while i was i was on the couch and and as soon as i woke up i fucking left i was like i'm fucking going home i am not dealing i'm not fucking cleaning up anything. I don't give a shit.

I'm fucking out of here. Yeah, that was a fuck. That was my kid. It's not a funny story, guys. Are you kidding me? I was starting to feel bad when I put the spotlight on you saying it was a Cameron special. This actually is the Cameron special. That was amazing.

I wish I was there. I'm the king of the castle. So that was a fucking experience. That was my first experience with being a academy. That was my first time doing camp. No, I didn't.

I'm a fucking seasoned veteran. No. No, I didn't. No, I'm a fucking seasoned veteran. No. For the record, I have never done ketamine. This is an important... Cameron, no one thinks you're that cool. You don't get the class. I'm around people that cool. Cameron definitely does ketamine.

In fact, his friends in his group chat, they call him K-Marin. Because he keeps doing that K anyways. That was awful. I'm cutting that out. I'm censoring myself. You can cut that if you want. I'm killing myself. You're kidding yourself more like. Am I right, guys?

Nice fucking cut. Now you can't cut it. Cameron, the puns with a K guy. Oh, man. You can't catch me with a K. I have a drug story. I fucking hope so. Remember when we said this was the family gathering episode? Well, mine is a family gathering gathering episode but it's also a drug

story hell yeah go for it perfect transition yeah so from time to time uh my family like my my two sisters and their boyfriends they come to my parents house and we have like board game nights and stuff and that how does this end with ketamine well not ketamine but like it was this was like a few weekends ago where we did this and my sister recently started doing ketamine her drug her drug exploration no oh god she started doing exploration with drugs so So she started doing recreational marijuana. And during our family gathering... As opposed to scientific marijuana.

Well, medical marijuana. I know, I know, but drug experimentation usually doesn't start with medical marijuana. Well, some people... Yeah, so... It's the gateway drug. My sister... It's the gateway drug. My sister.

It's the gateway drug. It's the gateway drug. Got that. So my sister, she, since, she really likes doing recreational. So she doesn't shut the fuck up about it, right? Because it's new to her. Like a stoner. Yeah. When you start out, you're always like in a stoner mood. she doesn't shut the fuck up about it right because it's it's new to her it's yeah when you

start out you're always like in a stoner mood like when i i started out i know that i i kept talking to you guys like oh you were annoying i was annoying as fuck i know i and now i realize that and i want to apologize for all the times i was like yo this straight is epic okay i forgive you so my sister was doing to punch you in the fucking i know i know my sister is doing the same thing to me so now i feel i feel the same pain and she kept saying like do you know what we should do we should we should we should do weed before we play a board game and i was like we should do weed yeah my she's she's starting out she's starting out and i was like okay i mean we can we can we can we can smoke we can smoke like a bit of my of a bit of my uh a bit of my weed so

and then this is more this is more like a cautionary tale of what not to do uh and you smoke weed before playing No, smoke weed with your family. I thought it was just going to be me, her, and my how would you call it? Her boyfriend? Yeah, just her boyfriend.

That's what you'd call it. Yeah, it's because in French it's like a Your boyfriend-in-law? Yeah, that's what you'd call it yeah it's it's because it's because yeah it's because in in french it's like a your boyfriend-in-law yeah that's what i was like uh she at the dinner table after we've we've talked about this we go eat and she declares to the whole family that we're going to smoke weed outside before playing the board game this was an invitation to the whole fucking family

to smoke my weed so first of all kind of sad that she didn't ask me if I was willing to share with everybody my fucking expensive weed second of all now my stepdad's in I was willing to share with everybody my fucking expensive weed.

Second of all, now my stepdad's in. And my mom is fucking pissed because my mom is somebody that isn't. She doesn't like drugs. And she doesn't like knowing that I'm doing drugs. So drugs. We I'm like, fuck, I guess I need to share now because now it's like it's on the table. I'm doing drugs. So... Drugs. We... I'm like, fuck. I guess I need to share now, because now it's like,

it's on the table. I need to share. So we go outside right before the board game. We don't even know what board game we're playing yet. Anything. We go outside. We start...

I start packing a bowl, because I have this water pipe. And I put, like, a decent amount of weed for, like, the four of us. We do one, like one, um, pass, I guess, just like everybody smokes. And then I ask around, like, does anybody want some more weed? And everybody's like, yeah, yeah, go pack, pack another bowl. And I'm like, okay, I packed the bowl for four more people. get I I'm ready I have like the pipe

and my fucking lighter in my hand and I say who wants who wants the first one and everybody says actually I'm good so I did the dumbest shit I could have possibly done at that point you smoked it

smoked all of it I smoked the entire bowl for four people. That's pretty fucking sick though. What? Come on. At that point it didn't hit me how much I had smoked.

I have like the weed that I picked was fucking really high in thc which if people don't know thc is the thing that makes you high like the thing that makes everything fucking whack and i finished smoking had a lot of high in it yeah yeah i i finish got a lot of juice i go we all go back inside and then my my little sister decided the board game and she shows it to the whole family

she says we're playing Monopoly and at the moment she says Monopoly it fucking hit me how high I was cause everything started I started sweating like really crazy and i smoked so much i was having a panic attack and i remember my like i was in the in the kitchen

and i when i when i smoke i usually have like a a bit of water because I like having water with me just because it gives me dry mouth. And then my sister. My sister just said like, wow, that was a lot of weed that we smoked. But in my fucking mind, that sounded more like I'm going to die because I smoke too much. And I start fearing my like I have a legitimate panic attack while i'm pouring water and you know how when you i don't know if you guys ever had like a panic attack or anything like that it starts from your toes like just it feels really cold and it just like goes up your whole body right i had sometimes yeah yeah well i usually have that it start for me at one point it started at my toes

it went up to my crotch and for some reason the cold spot was just on my crotch and it made me freak out even worse and i was i kept pouring the water and everybody was just laughing but in my mind i was like my my crotch is so fucking cold right now i need to warm my crotch up so oh my god i just went into my room and i i got like i got a pillow and i just put it like on my crotch and i just pressed it really hard and i was like they they give me my monopoly money and everything and i just pressed it really hard. And I was like, they give me my Monopoly money and everything. And I just pressed down on my crotch. Jesus Christ. My sister was like, not my sister.

My mom was like, why do you have that? Why do you have a pillow on you? Why are you pressing a pillow down? And I'm so high. I'm just like, do I say the truth do i lie and i was like there's no reason why i wouldn't lie why would i lie to my mom she's my mom and i just tell her like i have the coldest crotch in existence right now this is funnier to me because I know he said that in French. Say that in French really quick, David.

Oh, dude, the worst part is that I said like, I swore when I said it to my mom. I said like, Say it. Oh, please say it. J'ai la queue la plus fraide de l'univers. And my mom... is the direct translation of that ed mike i have it's like so we say it again david i'll try to translate it so it's basically like my i have the coldest tail in the universe yeah because tail is tail is like a a slang for a slang for death

yeah and you didn't swear that's not swearing well it is a swear in in french canadian kind of oh yeah okay everybody everybody at the kitchen table starts fucking laughing and it makes me feel so much worse because i'm just having a panic attack and now everybody's laughing at my cold crotch and oh no everyone is pointing and laughing yeah exactly and i was like i was like oh oh shit and i immediately i was like okay okay let's move on uh oh uh uh do i have all the money for the starting out and then they go like yeah like yeah we have we have everything and we start playing the game and uh when you're really fucking high let me just say monopoly is the worst game monopoly is the worst game when you're sober yeah imagine worst game imagine playing it high while

you're having a panic attack it's like so much worse i don't think anything is fun while you're high and having a panic attack yeah i'm gonna be honest and uh really might be my sister kept looking at me and going like i'm so high and she was like she was thing is she was laughing but i couldn't i couldn't tell if she was laughing because she was laughing so hard she was crying. So in my head, I was like, she's hurting right now. Yeah, I was like, my sister is hurting right now. Oh, God, this is starting to sound like an Ari Aster movie. This sounds fucking awful.

It does. It feels exactly like an Ari Aster movie. And I was like freaking the fuck out. Dude, that was so awful and at one point at one point my mom started saying like she started saying uh that like like i can't remember how this came to be but we were talking about how like i i have like a lot of english friends and even with my uh my french canadian friends we all talk in english because i don't know we just we just do and she was like she said something along the lines of david speaks so much

english that he doesn't know how to speak french anymore in my head it it made me click like something clicked in my head and i forgot how to speak french and oh my god she cast a hex on you i immediately i was like i thought i know how to speak french i know how to speak french I know how to speak French I was speaking French earlier and then it made me freak the fuck out even more but dude I'm gonna pat myself on the back

cause I don't think anybody knew how freaked out I was when she said that I was sweating balls I had the pillow and I was nobody said anything now, everyone knew. Dude, nobody said anything. Thank God. Yeah, because they were being polite.

Everyone knew. Dude, that was the worst. That was the worst experience. My stepdad was just so high that he wasn't saying anything. He was just playing the game and having a good time. Also, we were... How was everyone else high? I thought you said you smoked the whole bowl for four people.

Yeah. They already smoked before. No, they smoked before, but they stopped. They asked for more, and then they were like, actually, gotcha. I forgot about that part. Yeah, so... Don't smoke weed with your family.

I wasn't planning on it, David. I wasn't planning on telling the story, but David talking about bat tripping made me remember the one time I bat tripped. It's not very long. It was... I went to this park near my place.

Oh, I just remembered. This was actually... Did I ever tell you the Monopoly story that I had with this one girl that i was trying to get with no i don't think so maybe oh i think you might have told me on the drive yes okay good so this is two stories in one you guys are in for a treat so there's this one swedish chick hot as balls right and i was trying to and i was trying to get with her for a while i'm trying to remember while talking at the same time and then finally i build up the courage i'm like hey uh

hey how you doing whatever hey let's talk about shit that we like hey baby you like you like hey baby you look good you look good on my arm, doll. You want some suggestions? I actually did say that one. Yeah, how did that go? So we were just talking, and then she happened to mention that she was watching Breaking Bad. And me, being the huge brain gamer that I was, I had already finished Breaking Bad. So I told her, hey, if you want, I got all the Breaking Bad DVDs back at my place. This was in high school, by the way. If you want, you can go back to my place.

Suddenly, this seems familiar? I don't think he's told it on the podcast. He doesn't tell it on the podcast. Oh, okay. I wasn't sure. So, after school... I mean, it's a story about Ed trying to get laid in high school. That's how half of his stories start. That is true.

That is true. Hey, a high success rate, though. But we go back to my place. As far as we know, Ed. So, we go back to my place. We're watching Breaking Bad, and I do the old, you know, slap my arm around her. Well, not slap. That's not the correct word.

I slap her around a bit, you know? Let her know her place. Listen, these are my DVDs. I am the danger! Oh, I am the king of the castle. That's when she starts doing horse nays for no reason horse girl put my arm around and then she knows what's going on i don't i don't go for the kiss

though for i i'm just like arm around her watching breaking bad i think it was like season three or four who gives a shit oh no i think i didn't go for the kiss because the ended the ending of that episode was really bleak oh spoilers for breaking for Breaking Bad. It was the one. No, I'm watching it. Oh, are you actually? Yes. No, don't spoil. I'm watching it. Oh, okay. Basically, that episode ended

fucking horribly. So I was like, maybe this isn't a make-out mood. I can imagine so I still go hey uh do you want to do something else because we've watched like two or three episodes like it was like fucking two hours worth

Breaking Bad is a good show so we were like fuck it let's watch one more so then I ask you hey do you want to do something else and she goes mmm what board games do you have and I go uh well not a lot but you know I got the classics. I got Monopoly and then she tells me

Why did you say Monopoly? I mean yeah I said Monopoly and she went yeah let's play Monopoly. Who fucking goes yeah let's play Monopoly? Are you guys sure I haven't told this story? That's a huge fucking lie. I've never heard this.

I know where the story to me on the drive. I know where this story is going. Okay, okay, good. I've never heard this. I thought I did because every story starts the same way. By the way, that's a huge red flag. I would have fucking gotten around my house. Monopoly, fuck off.

Cameron, when a Swedish girl is in your house and she's that hot, all the red flags just look like flags. You know what I'm saying? And she starts talking about fake money? I don't think so. She seems like a capitalist. We go back to my room. We're playing Monopoly.

She actually is really good at Monopoly and she's kicking my ass. So at this point, I'm just trying to roll the dice. Ed, you're trying to get in her at Monopoly and she's kicking my ass. So at this point, I'm just trying... She's good at kicking your ass at Monopoly, Ed. Ed, you're trying to get in her fucking pants. Of course you're gonna accept every deal she offers you. That's not what you mean she's good at Monopoly.

That's the thing. No, guys, I was actually really trying. I actively try to expedite my loss as much as possible because... What I'm saying! That's what I'm saying. She wasn't good, you were I'm saying when the game started I was like yeah fucking Swedish woman blonde she's gonna be a fucking dumbass

no way she can play this big economic game and then she actually like kicked my ass so I just swallowed my pride and I went fuck it I'll just say I was inting and then while we're playing Ed became a feminist then while we're playing... It's the day Ed became a feminist. Then while we were playing,

she looks over my shoulder. She can count. She looks over my shoulder and she goes, you have a guitar? And I go, oh yeah, I do. What can you play? And I go, I'll show you. So you play Wonderwall.

I get... No, fuck off. I grab the guitar. I'll show you. So I sit. So you play Wonderwall. I get up. Fuck off. I get up. I grab the guitar. He plays Sabaton. Oh, my God. I get up. I grab the guitar. I sit on the bed.

She sits on the bed next to me. And I show off pretty much a couple songs I know. I show her one I was writing with the five chords I knew. And she lied. And she lied and told me it was good. And I was writing with the five chords I knew. And she lied. And she lied and told me it was good. And I was like, yeah, thanks. And then I put the guitar down. She goes, wow, you're really

good. We look at each other in the eyes. I stare at her lips. I look back at her eyes and I go, you want to go finish the game? What? Ed.

You sure you wanted this? And then we both get up. She goes, sure. The moment I sit down and I pick up my cards, I have this thought. This dumbass has no idea I'm going to beat her ass. And I go, oh, fuck. He's such a moron.

So at this point, I just tell her, it's late. We don't have time to finish. It's a school day. We don't have time to finish Monopoly. We're a school day. We don't have time to finish Monopoly. Like, we're both really good and this is going to take ages. I'll walk you home. And then as we're walking, like, I'm barely talking. I'm mostly just looking at the ground, clenching my fists

like, what are you fucking idiot? You fucking stupid fucking idiot. And then I just walk her to the subway station and she leaves. Nothing happens. Is that the end of the story? So then I'm walking back and it's night.

It's like 8pm. It's pretty late. And I'm like, fucking god damn it. I'm so mad. I'm so fucking mad. And then I look to my right and I see three... Ketamine. I see three of my high school friends just hanging out at the entrance of the park

i go ah fuck i'll see what this is about i'm like hey guys what's going on oh yeah then we just talk and i go what are you guys doing oh we're waiting for um uh because this was one guy that this was two people i knew from high school and one random fucking french kid i've never seen in my life i And I was like, oh, what are you guys doing? And then he said, oh, the French kid's name. He's waiting for his roommate because his roommate's bringing like a fat fucking weed pipe for us to try out. You want to join in?

And I go, yeah, fuck it. I want to spend the rest of the day pissed off. Fuck it. I'll get high. Let's go. So we're for the guy. He shows up. I was 16. 16 turning 17 very soon, for a fact.

I just realized something else that the guy said when he was high off ketamine. He says, you can't tranquilize me. Nay. Nay. Wait, what is it? You can't tranquilize me. Nay. You just can't. Wait, what is it?

You can't tranquilize me. It's ketamine is horse tranks. So, I'm at the park. Roommate of the French kid shows up and he's got, in fact, he does have a big fucking weed pipe.

I go, okay, impressive. We all take a couple hits shows up and he's got and in fact he does have a big fucking weed pipe i go okay impressive uh we all take a couple hits and i'm sitting on the couch next to the guy i knew the best and then the other three dudes are just standing we're just like chilling we're talking about some random bullshit but i do distinctly remember one of the guys whipping out a really tiny guitar i don't know if they make ukuleles that small but it was really small and he starts playing stand by me and i'm high as shit so i just go fuck it i like stand by me i know the lyrics and i start singing we do the entire song and then one of my friends the guy i knew the least well but better than the other guy like like after i'm done singing everybody starts clapping and the other guy just fucking hugs me

and he goes that was beautiful you made some powerful friends um and then we all just realized we're high as fuck and then the three dudes go uh like the one of the guys i knew and the two guys i didn't know they go all right we're gonna go back to our flats we go all right peace and then it's me and the other guy and like i didn't know him the best out of everyone there but he was still fucking weird so i was like hey man i man, I'm also going to go home. I got to sleep. He goes, all right, later. I don't know what happened the moment I said goodbye. Maybe it was the fact that it was night and that I was walking home by myself. But instantly, my entire body started shaking.

Like, all of it. And my vision just instantly narrowed. And basically, imagine a really opaque vignette effect on your vision. That was me. All I could see was just like perfectly straight in front of me. And on top of all that, my brain started screaming at me that there's assassins on the street and they're out to fucking kill me so imagine me six foot four man shaking like a shaking thing i don't know what vibrates a lot a vibrator sure but like fucking violently and i'm like gritting my teeth trying to focus on fucking walking while my eyes are constantly shooting left right up and down trying to spot any fucking

snipers i was freaking out every single person that walked down the street next to me in the opposite direction got the biggest fucking death stare of all time. I was just like whispering, don't fucking touch me. Don't fucking touch me. Don't fucking touch me. And every time I saw the street I have to go down

or up actually. It's all townhouses. So it's all like houses are glued together and all the garages are like, they're basically tiny ramps that go down under the house. Whenever I saw a house that had a garage, I would go and like down the ramp in front of the garage door, just crouch.

And then like fucking third person shooter, just peek over the fucking wall. There's no way that was just weed. I'm telling you. Dude, I have no idea what the fuck was in that pipe. It was PCP. You got fucking drugged, dude. You know what I mean? Straight up.

I have no idea. And then, that was that for this big-ass walk that lasts, like, 15 minutes on a sober day. I have no idea how fucking long it took me to get home. But I remember it taking a while. And then the thing is, remember, it was 8 p.m. So I get home at around 9 at the latest.

My parents are still awake. So I fucking open the door and I close it. And I'm just hoping, okay, maybe my mom doesn't know that I left. I'm just going to like go on the stairs and go upstairs. Right. Cause I can hear my mom and her boyfriend. They're both in the, in the bottom floor. Right. The one that's the one that you go into when you open the house. And here's the thing. I would have made it upstairs on time because my mom probably just heard me come in and she goes oh he just got home from like a night out he's gonna go upstairs and sleep

the thing is she probably thought it was weird that she heard the door close and not a single sound after because what i did was i got in my house, closed the door, went up one step on the stairs, gripped the fucking handle of the stairs as hard as I could, and just stared at my feet for like 20 minutes. Oh my God. So I was just there. And I remember my brain just screaming at me, move your foot, move your fucking foot, move your foot. And I was just staring. My mom comes around the corner and she goes what are you doing and i go i'm really tired i'm gonna go sleep she's just looking at me i'm shaking so much she goes are you okay i go yep and then i just lift up my foot in perfect slow motion and

just fucking i'm going upstairs and uh after a while i start to pick up a rhythm and my mom's like as my mom is just screaming are you okay okay? As I'm walking up the stairs, full vibration settings. And then I just, I managed to get to my room, which is at the top floor, a lot of stairs. And I'm just lying on the bed. My head won't stop shaking. And I go, I am never smoking weed ever again. So when did you break that rule? Oh, like a month later like yeah okay so everyone here is familiar

with like american thanksgiving right no okay no but so the basic it's basically just family gathering you get the whole family together everyone does a big eat usually it's turkey that's like usually the go-to meal um it's just basically family comes together we're all thankful for each other we all pretend we don't hate each other for a day it's really good it's beautiful is it like really passive-aggressive like uh it depends it depends on the year um and who all's going um well i my parents are divorced so i alternate back and forth between uh thanksgiving dinner thanksgiving stuff with uh with my mom and with my step family and that's usually very passive-aggressive you can't relate and uh yeah well that's a divorce thanksgiving what's a family

thanksgiving with my dad which is usually just the kids and my dad, which is like more low key, but like it's whatever. So this happened on a year where we were doing Thanksgiving at my dad's. And at this point, everyone in my family had kind of come to expect that Thanksgiving at my dad's just kind of means that we're just having dinner with my dad. We're going to all make a dinner together and we're going to eat it and it's going to be chill and that'll be it. Pretty, pretty good. It's just good food, good food good food lots of food way too much food for like the amount of people that are eating it so we're prepping for thanksgiving dinner uh and my sister is making a lot of the food this year for like the first time basically because usually it's mostly my dad but

this year it was mostly my sister and then as we're preparing the food out of nowhere like not this wasn't told to any of the kids or anything one of my dad's weird cult friends just walks into the house and nobody knows what cult like oh my dad's weird cult thing it's my dad's weird cult friends who are in a cult it's weird um so white masks um they go they go into the woods flag hanging outside of our house it's weird they go into the woods they have they have a new ghost club in the woods. So basically one of them, and it's the really, really tall guy who looks like he's entirely gray.

You know, the one. Oh yeah. Him. It was him. Yeah. Great. That's not the one I hated the most,

but it's still bad. Yeah. So he comes over, he just walks into the house and it's like all right well this is weird and then he brought with him like a woman who was apparently like with him like they were together and i was which was very confusing because one this man is gray like his skin is gray and he's the grim reaper and he's really fucking weird and she's like like really pretty like she's a beautiful woman and i'm like oh that's strange and so like an age difference

uh i don't fucking know how old this guy is you can't tell cameron there's no way of knowing there is no way of knowing how old this man is. He's like a part eight rock human. He's fucking weird. That's a perfect description. No. Yeah. So he, he walks in, they walk in and I say hello.

And I say hello to his wife. Date? His date. Or wife. Or victim. We're victim. We don't know yet. So I say hello and she doesn't respond.

She just smiles at me and nods. And I'm like, oh no. Oh no, she can't speak English. This is getting very strange. Victim. Victim for sure. Male or a bride, maybe. I look over at my sister, and Ed, you can picture this.

My sister looked fucking furious. Oh, yeah. And you can imagine what that looks like. So, after, and then my dad comes out of the bathroom and he's like, oh, cold guy. Yeah, and then, like, my sister's like, what's going on? And then he's like, I invited him over for Thanksgiving. And I was like, you didn't think to tell any of us? I was hoping he showed up uninvited.

Your dad inviting him is weird. Yeah, you're right. I mean, both are weird, but yeah. So eventually we just finish making the food in silence. And then we go and we set the table and we all sit down and we start eating. And it is fucking dead silent. Nobody is fucking talking while we all... It's just the scraping of forks and knives on plates and chewing.

That's all you can hear and then eventually eventually cult friend cult friend speaks up of course and he starts saying i saw a funny video he starts talking about how oh i saw a uh i saw a funny video on the youtubes no it wasn't your video was it no god jesus christ this was no, this was before that. So. Okay. Oh, okay. If you're going to say he saw Smite Car, I'm going to shit myself.

No. He's a big fan of you. Big Smite Car fan. So then he's like, yeah, can I, can I like play it on the TV while we eat? Oh no. Oh no. No. My dad was like, yeah, sure, of course. Oh, of course. No of course no no no i'm pulling my hair out he

puts it he puts it on the tv and then it's just it's like fucking louis ck or someone just shouting about dicks like for five fucking minutes oh and so i bet he i bet he i bet he's in like a low gravel like... Yes, he's the only one laughing. It's just us sitting in silence. My family sitting in silence eating our food. Louis C.K. yelling about dicks. While a fucking cult... While a gray cult man laughs to himself at the dinner table. While his wife is sitting in silence also eating.

And a predator is yelling about penises from the other room on the TV. I'm like so fucking uncomfortable at this point that I'm like I just need to do something to fucking break this silence. So I look at his wife and I say what do you do?

What do you do? She says Who are you? Are you do? What do you do? She says... Who are you? Are you okay? Blink twice for help! And she's just looking for work in like the thickest Russian accent. I knew it! I knew it!

I knew it! I am looking for work that's basically it like I said it's not a long story by the way I've seen her once since she's vanished into the wind I don't know what happened to her she's returned home that's fucking uncomfortable as shit

one I totally want to do that to some family in the future when I'm like 50 years old and I'll put on a video of monkeys being electrocuted on the television or something. I'll start laughing about it to myself. Plus,

this pot's my favorite. I really thought this story was going to end with, and then halfway through the dinner, the guy just drops dead on the fucking table. God damn, dude. That's a fun one. And then he wakes up.

Fuck that. Fuck that. Jesus Christ. This is fucking awful. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. No, but I was genuinely hoping he showed up uninvited because I didn't want this to be your dad's fault. I feel bad.

Yeah. Oh, God. Speaking of awkward gatherings. Speaking of my dad being at fault. Patreon questions. If you're part of the $5 and above tiers, you can ask a question for the Patreon Q&A at the end of the podcast here are a few

Aaron John Aaron John Stun exotic what's the most entitled fan base that you're a part of if you say furry that's cheating Pokemon Pokemon for David for me it's Smash I guess I really like Smash Bros

I guess I really like Smash Bros I guess I'm a Smash fan fuck Smash fans though go take a shower how do you do Shoryuken I'm trying I'm thinking I don't know I'm trying to think too

mine's definitely Smash though Star Wars oh yeah do you though. Star Wars. Oh, yeah. Do you still like Star Wars? Do you have a love-hate relationship? I really like the original three.

I still adamantly do like Last Jedi quite a bit. I don't know. But yeah, I don't know. Fanbase really sucks. A lot of them are fucking morons. I'd say most of them.

I'd say Ruby for you, Avery. I'm not. Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm entitled to watch Crow and Clover fuck on screen if I don't see that by the end of volume 7 I will be writing letters

oh boy very long title latest I don't fucking know video games I genuinely have no idea Halo fans aren't really that entitled they're just mad about Halo 5 yeah it's like mostly anime fans Halo fans aren't really that entitled. They're just mad about Halo 5. Yeah.

It's like mostly anime fans or anime adjacent fans usually. Jojos? I don't think so. Are they that entitled? I wouldn't describe them as entitled. Definitely not. I don't know.

Gamers. Generally gamers. Honestly honestly can we all change our answers to gamers well you Pokemon outranks gamers also Smash fans outranks gamers it's gamers new game plus put Goku in the game where's Goku

put Goku in the game his power level is fucking nuts wait does Star Wars even count if I don't like the majority of the things Where's Goku? Where's Goku in the game? His power level is fucking nuts. Wait, does Star Wars even count if I don't like the majority of the things that are in the, like... Are you still a fan of Star Wars? It's an easy question. Do you still like Star Wars? I...

If it's good Star Wars... Wow. Wow. Your answer would just be Star Wars, Cameron. But you're also part of the problem, because you're entitled. You think you're entitled to good movies. I... No? I just

wish they were better. Cairo asks, what's your actor body double? As in, what famous... None of us can answer this question. Why are you asking this one? Yeah, why are you asking this one? I don't know who I look like. I mean, I kind of do. Thanks for listening to the newest episode of PST.

You can follow me at We have to do more than one Patreon question, Ed. I tried to do more than one, Avery! Alan Diver asks, You are unable to switch into any niche area of YouTube, ranging from a general genre, such as Let's Play

Commentary, etc., to something extremely specific, such as Smite YouTuber. Haha. Once you switch, you get a decent crowd in that area, but must work to keep it. What field would you best fit? Wait, what field would you be best in?

Yeah. What field would I be best in? Or. What field would I be best in? Or what field would I want to be in? I'm going to answer what field would I want to be in. Yeah, instead of best in. Yeah. For YouTube

purposes. One of those ending explained people. No, you have to go super specific god damn it god fucking damn it so that like I can just talk bullshit and have like waves of people be like oh thank you you're so fucking smart

it says explicitly you have to work for it though Ed yeah I'll work for it to be like very like well produced but it's bullshit no Avery it's relative it's relative to the niche. It's like you only work as hard as the hardest working person who does an ending. Oh, shit. Funny moments. I'll make a-

Fuck you, Avery. I'd make an Elsa Spider-Man channel. You won't make any money off of it, though. Kappa. Kappa. It sounded like you were saying kappa i know just make some money all the funny spider-man elsa channels are dead and buried good yeah so you need a new answer no i you don't have to make money you just have to be passionate about it and I'm passionate about Elsa

Spider-Man asshole I want to dress up as Elsa in front of a green screen shoving syringes up my ass or whatever the fuck happens in those videos Avery you're the Spider-Man to my Elsa don't you ever say that to me again

yikes um videos. Avery, you're the Spider-Man to my Elsa. I'm not telling you to ever say that to me again. Yikes. I've got, like, I feel like I would, okay. Okay. Just let Cameron talk. You already gave your answer, David. I was going to change mine. Go ahead. You can change yours. Go ahead.

Okay, I want to change mine real quick. I would do, like like documentaries type stuff on music because i've already thought about it and i've written scripts about that okay um so like i've got i've kind of got two minds like i feel like i'd either be a political youtuber oh my god oh my god or i'd be an esports journalist I think that would be like a lot of fun yeah esports journalist would be fun I have a friend who's an esports journalist if you genuinely want to get into that I could probably talk to him what's the hype

what's happening he's being serious I was being serious I like that Ed you've gotten so abusive to Cameron anytime you offer to do anything offensive, he gets scared. What's the catch? What's the catch?

Are you fucking with me? What are you doing to me? You're just gonna send me to a back alley. There's gonna be assassins. I was waiting for the fucking punchline where it's like, ha, Cameron's useless or some shit. I was like, damn. I was like, damn. Cameron, you sick sticking that punchline yet

wow it was implying i ever was okay with it boomstick asks what is your favorite way you didn't say anything avery whoa whoa he said funny moments oh i didn't hear gaming funny moments it's hard I said funny moments. Oh, I didn't hear. Gaming funny moments. It's hard. I have to record myself, and then I have to cut out all the parts where I'm not talking. But that means you have to have so many funny moments, Avery. How many funny moments will you have? All I have are funny moments.

David, don't say that. You fucking asshole. What did David say? F***. Oh, God damn it. You gotta censor it. Do you? Do you have to censor that, though?

I want him to. I don't want to be trying to. Fair enough. Boomstick asks, what is your favorite episodes of the podcast so far? This one far I like I like every episode where we talk about

when we meet up in real life oh I really like the one where the trellis in that one's very good yeah fifth dimension is a good one I changed my answer perilous storytelling episode one of folk and daggers actually I changed my answer.

My answer is the pain hole. Subscribe to pain hole. I literally said the fucking one Trelli was in, Cameron. How could you have not heard that? Cameron! It doesn't work. This does not work when it's you

oh oh good times I think mine would be fucking Dear Aslan Saving Recess or Treaty of Canem those are my favorites I really like the Trelli

episode though just because of that bit about the dictionary was amazing. Yeah. There already is a dictionary. Oh, fuck, you're right. Words. Last one? Yeah, sure.

Sure. Pillows the Cow Farmer asks, You need to buy a gift to one host of the podcast, but you can only buy a dakimakura. What daki do you give your host friends? A what? What is that? A body pillow.

What is that? Body pillow. Oh, just say body pillow, you weirdo. Well, Avery's getting, Avery's getting, let me think. Avery's getting Pyra. Wow.

From Ruby. Oh, I was gonna go 17 you freak they're all 17 who's the youngest character in Kingdom Hearts Sora David you know what you're getting I mean

David's getting a fully nude Sora and then a call from SWAT team I mean wouldn't she be like 21 now if she didn't die, Avery? Let's be real. Spoilers for Ruby, everybody. Also, I think only

one year has passed since then. What? We can't know. They don't fucking tell us. You'd get Korean Josuke. Oh. Oh, rough.

Korean Josuke with a Korean butthole, dude. What does that even mean? It'd be off-center. It'd be on one of the cheeks. Off-center. Just slightly off-center. God, I'm feeling so complicated. That's not going to feel good at all.

One of his cheeks is the wrong size. The other one's Okuyasu. And the entire time I'll just be looking at his ass cheeks like, oh man, they're so off-model. What's Cameron getting? Cameron's getting Legosi from Beastars. Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

The fuck? I'm never gonna watch it, Avery. It's so good! Stop being fucking furry racist! Hey, Cameron, go watch Vinland Saga. Join me, the not-furry. Nice. Wait, you're not a furry

that's what I just said do you remember the conversation we had the other day that's a conversation for the next episode goodnight everybody bye bye catch us in December

and then we all clap in midair and freeze frame. Catch. Fuck no. Catch me in December on twitch.tv slash super sneaky. The camera's like pulling out and you don't hear us anymore but we're all like talking to each

other and slapping each other's backs. Going like, oh that was a good episode. And the audience is clapping so fucking hard right now and nobody nobody on you oh my god hello everybody welcome thank you so much thank you so much for uh listening to our show tonight i i hope you had a good one i hope you had a few laughs uh i would like to just take this moment real quick to just thank a few of our supporters, our top supporters.

We have, let me get my, let me get my cue card, my cue card with all the names. So we have Alan Diver. Thank you so much. Alex Steer, Buckshot Papaya dax richie thank you man thank you uh dreams of ice eric scott gillies jeff smith magnus melot um marco sotelo always there always there for us always there for us uh rayon also always there for us. Rissen, looking fresh. Thank you so much.

Ryan Rankin. Seawolf812. Sky. Spooky Ghost. Tyra Collins. And of course, the one and only Unarmed Toaster. Thank you all so much. And thank you for listening again.

You know, we like to have fun here. We like to have fun here. We like to have fun. you