Please Stop Talking - Marijuana and Pokémon Cards (feat. Brendaniel) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: June 1, 2018

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Before we jump right into it, I just want to talk about my Patreon, which is live right now. It's patreon.com slash SermiaoMusic. You can support the podcast, my Let's Plays, my music, and videos. And if we hit the goal of 500 per month, we're getting another show. So that's pretty... Oh my god, it's a fucking creeper! Hello, everybody. It's a fucking creeper! Hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of Please Stop Talking. As always, I am your host, Avery, but you might know me better as Shammy.

I'm joined today, as always, by my lovely friend, David. It's one of those rare guest episodes with no Cameron, so I'm also joined today by my lovely friend, Kyle. And the classically trained legend himself, Brendan, has returned.

So I'm just, I feel like opening this podcast by just complaining about Cameron, because Cameron was supposed to be on this episode again, like the last time Brendan was on, only instead of this time Cameron deciding he didn't want to be on the episode Cameron's fucking asleep it's 2pm in New Zealand

and Cameron's just asleep right now he's asleep or he's avoiding us or he died but like if he died he could have gotten us like a good story about it it's not even 2 it's 2.30 I mean it's too late now it is far too late now someone should tell him not to join

i'm gonna tell him right now we got sexy cameron back please be careful we got sexy cameron yeah did you put it in topics chat yeah i know it's a mistake that i did okay it's i understand so brendan do you want to hang on really quick before we get into it just in case i mean do we feel i do do does brendan need to introduce himself hi i'm brendaniel you may know me better as uh brendaniel because that's my name i've been on this pod can you i don't know why but your intro got stuck in my head on a feedback loop let's do so let's i think your intro is actually cursed it's so cursed i think your intro is cursed no the thing is people who type it out to me to try and make fun of me they're like see i got it right on my first try and then i I'll point out, you got the names backwards.

Like, like everyone fucks it up. It's not just me. I fucking swear. I mean, to be fair to, I don't have another name. Did you know?

Fun fact. I do. Brendan. Did you know that in high school, I tricked people? Fuck you. No, hang on a second.

Brent. No, let Brendan, Brent Daniel is not on your fucking birth certificate. Shut up. You have a different name. When I got out of high school and went into community theater, I tricked everyone there into thinking that Brendan Daniel was my real name. And sometimes they still call me by that.

Why would you do that? Because I was a terrible and still am a terrible person. Sick pranks. Sick pranks, dude. Hot pranks. Hot sweaty pranks dot PNG. David, you have a story about pranks, don't you? What?

Good transition, Avery. Not knowing what a story is about. David, I've not been reading topics chat this week. I have no fucking idea what any of your stories are about. I was kind of Hail Mary-ing that. I mean that's fair I don't prank you don't prank

oh yeah you just like things happen honestly my life is things happen and I'm there isn't like the idea of a prank that it's like not mean spirited yeah yeah okay you don't do that no David's social experiments

David what's your story about today my story today is uh thursday two weeks ago i went out with uh my friends ferds babs and tits we went to montreal and i't need, oh wait, why did I? Are any of those real names? Yes. Is Canada a real country? Canada's a wild place, holy shit. Yeah, really. Well, actually, that's not true. Ferds' name is Fred, but the thing is,

I don't know why we call him Ferds, but even his parents call him Ferds. Ferds is an anagram for Fred. No, with an S. Or a Z. With an Z. No, with a Z.

And a big old Z. Tits's real name is Didier. Okay, well I can understand not saying that one. And Babs... I mean, Babs, his real name is Xavier, so... Those sound even less real than the nicknames. Mm-hmm. It sounds like, oh, yeah, Babs' real name is Zod.

It's like you're reading names from Frank Herbert's Dune books. Xavier is Xavier. It's like the fucking Hunger Games. Everyone has, like, real names, but they just got fucked up. Oh, what the fuck is happening? Another podcast just started playing on my phone wow cheating on us while you're in the podcast holy shit xavier is a name yeah xavier is a name but how did you say xavier xavier you said it like that's his fucking name you swallowed every vowel sound so it just sounded like consonants it was xavier but only the country i think it's time for us to admit that david

is stuck in his mumble rap phase i mean it is his peak david tell us the story oh no but actually david tells the story continue your montreal tale so we went it was you ferds babs and yeah and we and our buddy our buddy david good old david uh different david than you you have to repeat that every time different yes different david was it a different day or did you just refer to yourself in the third person this is why you have to repeat it because now i'm confused this is so ass okay it's different david okay and we were in montreal and we were going to a cigar bar but our friend david doesn't have a cell phone and he and we had to meet him like we were at a restaurant and we had to meet him somewhere and so we left two people we left uh babs and tits at the restaurant so that they could like wait for david well

ferds and i were we just went to the bar and we waited for them there. We head to the bar and then we just stay outside because Ferds wants to smoke. So he just starts smoking and we see this guy and he has, you know, those huge fucking backpacks, like hiking backpacks with like a bunch of shit everywhere. He just, he just like walks towards the bar and he just goes whoa holy shit that's so awesome and then we just look at him because he he like he's like really into that bar and he he's like twitching around and just jumping around and he opens the door to the cigar lounge and he's like, whoa, this is so cool. And then he turns around and he

looks straight at Ferds and Ferds just looks straight at me and we are fucking ready for some wacky shit. Is this a story about you jumping the stranger? No. Because that's what it sounded like was about to happen. I feel like whenever David's hanging out with his friends,

they all give each other this look of like, oh boy, it's time for another wacky adventure. Like every single time. Honestly, there has to be two things. David has two looks. What? Wacky adventure and i'm going to shoot you that's true i have people people that don't know my two faces people that don't know my face

that's gonna be lost on them but i feel like that's really accurate you don't know his face follow him on twitter yeah no but i mean i, when I'm on Twitter, I like smile or shit like that. My neutral face, I look like a fucking killer. I look like an absolute killer. I think, David, you have brown hair and glasses,

right? Yes. That's literally all it takes, my dude. No. No. You've not seen David's expressions, if you're saying that. David's, like, neutral expression actually looks dangerous. As long as, like, there's nothing that provides scale, it looks dangerous. Wow.

Anyways. Because he's so tiny. Oh. get it uh yeah so what was the wacky adventure the guy the guy just starts coming towards ferds and i and he just he just starts talking to us like hey man you guys you guys got any smoke oh i see you're vaping actually you don't have smokes what about you do you smoke and then we're just like we we just start talking to him and we just start asking questions and he's like oh yeah i'm i'm actually not from montreal i'm actually from halifax do you guys know where halifax is no idea where halifax probably not is that in the andromeda galaxy you guys know where Halifax is? I have no idea where Halifax is. Probably not. Is that in the Andromeda Galaxy?

You guys should get a map of Canada because I'm going to drop some Canada bombs. Okay, hang on. I'm going to pull up Google Maps. Is Halifax spelled the way it sounds? It's in New Brunswick, yeah. Yes, it is. Directions from Halifax to

Montreal, Quebec. Yeah. Oh. yeah yes it is yeah okay direction halifax to montreal quebec yeah oh he walked he told us like i walked all the way from here in two days no he didn't oh dude he he was twitching super hard hard how long does it take uh to walk yeah it takes 200 hours what the fuck did you like i think he must have taken the bus or because he he he told us that he was like this is walking from there this is the shortest route and taking a fucking this is also taking uh across the bay of fundy dude i don't i don't fucking know he was coked up i'm gonna be honest probably no i know he was coked up wait hang on a second this is walking speed not sprinting speed never mind but yeah no he was just like telling us like oh i'm from halifax and shit. And he was like super pumped. And he was telling us about how he was actually going to walk.

Oh, yeah. He just tells us like, oh, yeah. Do you guys do you guys know where West is from here? Because I'm going west to Vancouver. I'm actually walking to Vancouver. Do you guys know where Vancouver is? How do you get all the way from Halifax to Montreal without knowing where West is? Just keep going, dude. You're already on the way.

I don't fucking know. But Montreal to Vancouver, that's fucking all the way on the West side. There's no more West than Vancouver. That's across the country. That's across the... Yeah. Wow. He was so coked up and he kept jumping and twitching around and going like, ah, ah, and like hesitating.

He was really fucking weird, but he was so nice. And we were just like, we were just talking to him. And then our other friends come back and meet us up. And he's just like talking about like, cause we were asking like, Oh, why, why do you, where are you going there?

And he was just like, I don't know. Just a walk. I'm just down for a walk. I'm just down for a walk. And then. Do you guys have expensive plane tickets these days? We were like,

we, we were asking like, Oh, do you like, do you have any money like are you gonna be okay and he's like i'll be fine dude i'll be fine and then he fucking opens up oh that was before the other guys come come came he just opens up his wallet and he had like fucking loads of cash he was so fucking

weird and then he was talking about marijuana and legalization and at one point he just stops like twitching and he's like alright guys well I'll see you later and then he just shakes all our hands and he just fucking he just leaves

you know what I wish I did I wish I fucking asked for his phone number. How good. You could have had him on the podcast. That's what I was actually thinking. That guy's got stories. That guy's got stories for real. He was so nice too.

Fuck, I should have paid him like five beers. Why were you walking all the way over here? I like the McDonald's in this town better okay brendan calmed down he might be a crackhead he's not you oh yeah there we go the people in this mcdonald's don't try to start small talk that's why i like them brendan you literally got the job you have because you like talking to people and making bullshit small talk don't just because I do doesn't mean I want

it what do you mean like a kink for him what yeah I do like getting paid for my kink thanks what's your kink? My kink is feet.

What about yours? Ooh, talking. Not just talking, but specifically small talk. How's the weather out there? Everyone's walking around all day tent pulling. Walking around in his spandex. I'll show you customer service customer service

I'd like to service some customers that's literally the joke I just made but with different words Brendan the different words made it better fuck you oh fuck so did you find out why he was walking all the way to vancouver no reason no reason he just wanted to

that's all he that's all he told us isn't that a thing like some person walking or running all the way from one end of canada to other or something? Someone did that? What's his name again? Forrest Gump. Hang on. Who's the dude who ran across Canada? No, that was only shot in Canada. Terry Fox. I should have known that. I'm a fucking...

He's the dude. He has the prosthetic leg. Yeah, what a legend. Actual legend, though. Didn't he fucking die he did yes dude let him have his glory moment man what the fuck do you what do you mean he has his glory before you were born dude doesn't mean it's okay i mean kyle what i'm saying is now is your chance he's not competition for you and never was instead of canada do it in the u.s you're gonna be so fucking cool you have to chop off one of your legs first yeah chop off both your legs oh my god

you actually about to one up you know what brendan no one likes a one-upper no no honestly chopping off one leg is like much harder because then your real leg has to keep up with the fucking prosthetic and it's like how can you do that i don't understand i don't understand your reasoning on this that it's harder so what you're saying is you would be like no no no i want to dissect this a little bit kyle let me let me be you for a second so So what you're saying to me is that you, given the option, would choose to cut off both legs as opposed to one leg. No, but if I was running long distance

and my calves are going to burn, having no calves kind of helps. But I would still rather have as many legs as I could. Man. I completely disassociated for a second there warriors fan you hate the cabs to that fucking That's the sports joke of the century get that joke at all, but I left cuz I'm polite Thanks David Sports is that gonna save that polite laugh for the giggle folder?

Anyways, we got inside the bar. Is that going to cut out? Are you going to bleep out what I just said? No. I'll leave some mystery. Okay. We just get in and I order i order this cigar and we have like a nice night okay no because we've met other freaks oh wow jesus calling him a freak

what the fuck dude you were just talking about how nice he was yeah was nice, but he was coked up. That's true. No offense, but... I don't think he's listening, David. I'm gonna be honest. If you're listening, please contact me. Contact us. I miss you. Why would you give your...

You know you're gonna bleep that. You just made work for yourself. Why would you do that... You know you're going to bleep that. You just made work for yourself. Why would you do that? I don't know. I hope you forget. Let's call them characters. What other characters did you meet that night, David? We go inside. We're sitting down, but the thing is

it was really packed, so we had to sit at a table where we were with two other guys. And they were like let's say 25 year olds you know what the fuck are you talking about listen dude

I didn't say there was anything wrong with it but they look like millennial business types oh you know I'm not the failure to be honest they were kind of the worst millennial business types oh you know that's like the worst i don't know i'm not familiar to be honest they were kind of the worst millennial business type ew we were just talking about beers because we ate we drank like shitty beer and then we went from like it was a stupid thing and then one of the guys one of the guys just starts like oh yeah and we just talk beers with him and then eventually we stop talking to them and they just go back to their business stuff and we

start talking but i don't fucking know what we're talking about but we just keep hearing like stuff about marijuana and weed and like anxiety and pregnancy and we're like what what the fuck is me off guard exactly so we were like we were like what the what the fuck are they talking about so ferns ferns being the ferns being ferns he just decides that it's a good idea to talk to these two people. And he just asks them, like, oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I was just listening in. What are you guys talking about? Like, marijuana?

And then they start. Because apparently one of the guys was, like, a seller. And he was selling, like, his services to the other guy what does pregnancy have to do with this listen it's kind of whack okay um basically like he was talking to us about how with his services what he does he does a fake claim to the canadian government that you have like he he gave us his business card that i fucking burned with my cigar and it was like a full list of things that he could pretend to have oh dude i'm uh you're right i don't want you're right go ahead you're fucking right um it was like anxiety pregnancy i don't remember just a bunch of stuff pain continuous headaches and he was just like he's gonna make a i'm gonna make a fake claim

that i that i have that with your name and you Your. See. Like. Social security number. But it's not really. Social security number. It's more of an insurance number here. And. He was just. It was. Really.

Really sketchy. And the other guy was like. Kind of freaking out. Like. The guy that was buying the services. And. We were. We just start.

Asking questions like. Well. What's the point if it's gonna be legal like marijuana is gonna be legal in like a couple months in canada like what's the point of that and he just he he gets visibly upset he's like well it's because you're gonna be able to actually grow your own weed and like carry like a Ziploc full of weed everywhere around you. And like I tried it out and I didn't get caught. And we're sorry. How often do you need a Ziploc full of weed? That's what I was fucking wondering. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to go to my barber real quick. My barber real quick and hotbox the entire building yo we're gonna have some pretty righteous small talk after I bring this ziplock Brendan's gonna come everywhere oh my two fetishes weed and small talk barbers

can't wait to see like sweet pokemon pics what barbers can't wait to see like sweet pokemon pics what i i stand by the fact that pokemon are the most fetishized thing oh sonic you say that but think of the variety yeah still i don't like this sorry we can get hang on we can get back to your illegal Ziploc bag of weed thing really quick. I'm going to I'm going to deviantart hang on deviantart.com. I'm going to Sonic wins Sonic and then I'm going to search

there's no way Sonic doesn't win Sonic. I'm even going to admit probably going to win it's if it's on deviantart probably what if it's on Tumblr though? Maybe Tumblr Pokemon wins all time what is happening anyways i'm just gonna continue my story while you search for your fucking

answer oh my god pokemon wins by a landslide yeah i told you i told you because of the sheer variety yeah no you're right i doubted you, Brendan. Don't doubt me on weird shit like that. Why do the Pokemon people get away with it? Because, so like, I feel like it's because of the greater, like, variety and body shape. I think David really wants to finish this story. We can talk about this afterward. Yeah, it's almost done anyways.

So, basically, the two, like, after that, we just, like, go back to our stuff, and they go back to their stuff, and they just finish their deal, and we, like, back to our stuff and they go back to their their stuff and they just finish their deal and we like keep shooting the shit eventually they get up and one of the like the seller just gives us his card and he says if you ever need weed you know you know who to call and we were like yeah the dispensary and yeah and the other guy the guy that was buying we like we we just we just like tell him like oh yeah thank you but we're probably not gonna because like we're probably

just gonna go to a dispensary if we really want weed and then the guy that was buying the services just looks straight at me and he he look he looks fucking pissed and he just says if you're for marijuana legalization you're against us okay and then the seller just looks at him and he starts nervous laughing and he just says all right guys well hope you have a good night you were like we're about to get into some wacky stuff and then they just they just leave and we have their card and that's that's the story jesus that's um hmm fuck i don't even have like a joke. That's just so strange. Yeah, that was a hefty toke to take in When I said I had no joke, I mean I thought of several jokes, but all of them were terrible That's why I take the initiative Cameron's online

In the future eat a fucking dick I'm sorry, Cameron. That's fucked up. Cameron's not going to listen to this. Why am I apologizing? So why do the Pokemon fetishes? Why do they get away with it? So let me explain.

The Sonic wall fetishized, I feel like this kind of explains it, is the body shape tends to be the same. When it comes to Pokemon and the furry bait, there's a lot of different body shapes when it comes to Pokemon. So there's a lot of different weird stuff you can do with Pokemon. I mean, Goodra. Look at Goodra. One of the

worst Pokemon ever created. It's just a dragon with goo. And I'm so sorry if you want to kill me for this. Wait for a future video. I'll be talking about this more in length uh gudra is is is so entrenched in the disgusting in the really disgusting fetishes it's like they're for pokemon there's a flavor for everyone sonic sonic everyone kind of takes sonic and does whatever they want with him but with pokemon it's like they stick to like the hierarchy a lot of the time so the hierarchy pokemon is pokemon is more popular because it there's a structure to it yeah i feel like there's

like a weird hierarchy of pokemon you found that quickly david i wrote it's literally like one of the first things on google images jesus christ jesus christ oh where's that at, Jesus? Cameron, don't. Because Cameron thinks you're responding to him. Oh, no. Oh, wait. This looks bad on my part. Okay. Okay, well, that's...

That's interesting. Okay, whatever. Anyways. Do you want to go into David's second story? David has another story. that's interesting that's okay whatever David has another story this is a dangerous path I just want to start with Kyle Kyle you saw the snapchat

I did what happened what is your understanding of the situation? Well, from my angle, I could only see a bunch of police cars. Before that. Oh. Oh, a plane. On the ground at a sage up or whatever you guys call.

So basically, Ferds and I went. It's always with Ferds. It's always with ferds it's always with ferds that weird shit happens we went to get we were going to buy some something at a store and we had we walked next to the sage app and we just see a fucking plane parked like on the parking lot what yeah just right there and there were like two guys jumping on it and shit we were like oh that's weird and we just don't really question it i take a snap and i'm like what the fuck is this and we just go buy our stuff takes about like maybe 30 minutes we get out of the store what a stage up is isn't that a that's like a community it's a school okay it's a community college type deal yeah just making sure oh

actually it i mean it's good because people probably don't know what that is we just get out of the store start walking towards the sage up and we we bought um i guess it's fair to, I could say it. We bought a shisha, like a, wait, the shisha is the thing you smoke. No. Yeah, the shisha is the thing you smoke. The hookah is the thing. The hookah is the thing to smoke the shisha, right? Yep. Okay, yeah.

So we bought a hookah with some tobacco because shisha is illegal in canada um you have to make it like yourself or some shit anyways i don't really understand it's illegal you fucking criminal stop advocating for the people who listen to this podcast to commit crimes david okay don't commit crimes anyway baby okay if you're gonna commit any crime don't commit that one because they actually care about that one anyway speaking of crimes we just we just like talk about oh yeah we uh let's just jaywalk because right over there there's a there's a convenience store right there and that has the type of beer that we want to get so we just while we walk and we talk about jaywalking we just hear like two police sirens behind us and

like they speed like really fucking fast right in front of us and there's an intersection in front of us one of the police cars actually drifts to block like it drifts and blocks the passage the other one parks really fast and they're the two guys that were on the plane are not like they're the ones that are walking two police women just take their fucking gun out like pointed at them and they start yelling like get on the fucking ground and like ferns and i are just right in front of this dude are you found db cooper went through a time hole and you found what the fuck are you talking about you don't know who db cooper is no okay finish your story we can explain this later it's a really good joke

it was a really good joke i appreciated it okay yeah they they just get on the ground and like more police like they're we just like we're just like oh shit what the fuck is happening and i get a call from babs because babs was gonna like join us from the say like at the sage app at the bus stop but the bus stop was full of fucking police like there were five police cars and like they were they all had their guns out pointed at the two guys on the ground and we're like i just get this call from babs and we like circle around and we're like on the, um, in like in front of the school, like in their parking lot, like really far from what's happening. Well, not that far.

Cause you can see from the picture, we're not that far. And I just, I just tell him like, yo dude, there's like this fucking thing happening and like the guns and shit. And he's like, oh yeah, yeah i see i see like two police cars right next to me and like he eventually meets up with us and we just that we're like a small group of people because like there's it's just a busy street so a lot of people like walk around there and we're just like all like what the fuck is happening like our we have our phones and we're taking like videos which we shouldn't do technically because it's illegal to

film police what i think is it what i think it's illegal to film police in canada i think you live in a different country yeah but like i feel like i've seen videos of people filming police from canada have you seen videos of people committing other crimes? Never. Oh. Well, fuck. Okay, I look foolish. You can tell they were Canadian by the moose. No, you actually can. You actually can film the police. Never mind.

I was gonna say, wouldn't that be like a... It'd be weird if you couldn't. Yeah, that would be weird. It'd be very weird, yeah. Yeah, I just start sending the snaps and then Babs comes out of the bus with an anime titties shirt

right next to the crime scene so there were two crime scenes is what I'm hearing and then the Canadian fashion police arrived and killed you on the spot and they were going so fast that one of the cars drifted

I'll just post the picture in guests this is the picture we took I love the fucking motion blur or like the blur on the anime titties that makes it look like everything's in motion apparently

the two guys actually had weapons really yeah and that's why they took so like they didn't take took this like really fucking seriously and sent a bunch of cars what type of weapons this This is Canada, so like nail clippers? It was... I don't know. But it must have been a really illegal weapon if there were that many police. Because they got patted the fuck down when they were on the ground and then they got

took into custody. You almost died! Yeah. Well, no. We wouldn't have had any stories! Cameron might have woken up in time. We would have two guests. Oh, wait. We could have had two guests. What?

Nothing. I'm so confused. I don't think it's worth pursuing. That's fucked though yeah that was really that was like i was i want to say scary but it was not scary at all because we were filming it and we were like oh dude this is gonna be so fucking sick later yeah i don't understand like who arms themselves in canada and there's like yeah let's go jump some let's go jump on some fucking planes, bro.

Yeah, dude, why weren't they jumping? But why was the plane there, though? There's so many questions. There's so many factors of the story. That's the thing, I don't know why the fucking plane was there. Yeah, because if the plane landed there, like, how big is the parking lot, man? That's gotta be pretty hard. I know that there are people

from this Asia that listen to this podcast. What? Yeah. Yeah. Because, because somebody sent me something about the, whatever, but when you took down the council,

okay. Okay. Anyways, if you, if, if you know, if you're, if you're listening,

they didn't have the tournament. So you ruined it for everyone. I didn't ruin it for anyone my memory is fucked then I feel like my memory of most of the stories that you tell just get overwritten with David ruined it for everyone oh my god anyways if you're from the Sejep

and you know why the plane was there please tell us I would really want to know it's such a strange thing if you put the plane there please tell if you were the guys jumping on the plane you're on the podcast you're on the podcast yes we're just gonna have a podcast of all criminals i think that's that's the eventual goal what this was the criminal cast. Let's get my dad. Brendan, are you going to do that two times you guessed in a row?

You already unlocked your tragic backstory. Come on. It's a throwback. Or should I say it was a Mountain Dew throwback? What? That's a flavor. Who are you sponsored by? That's a flavor of soda.

I give up. I told you. How many Mountain Dew flavors can you name? Okay, here we go. Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew Code Red, Mountain Dew Voltage, Mountain Dew Livewire, Mountain Dew Whiteout, Mountain Dew Kickstart, Mountain Dew Kickstarter, Blood Orange, Mountain Dew Kickstarter, Raspberry, Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew Livewire, Mountain Dew Whiteout, Mountain Dew Kickstart, Mountain Dew Kickstarter Blood Orange, Mountain Dew Kickstarter

Raspberry, Mountain Dew Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew Throwback, Mountain Dew Blackout, Mountain Dew Baja Blast, Mountain Dew Fusion, Mountain Dew God the Moonshine, Mountain Dew Shine.

What? Okay, now you... I counted 13 real ones. I counted 13 real ones, I think. Mountain Dew Shine? What? Okay, now you... I counted 13 real ones. I counted 13 real ones, I think. Mountain Dew Fusion was real, but it was discontinued. Mountain Dew Shine is also real and was discontinued. Why are you an encyclopedia of this? Mountain Dew Green Label, White Label, and Black Label. There were three.

Yeah, those are really good. Look them up uh mountain to green label was discontinued first but that one is it's a sour green apple mountain dew oh that sounds good it's i'm sad i've had all of these i have had all of these yeah did you work for mountain dew no i just i'm passionate about the drink he's very passionate about mountain dew you're the fucking really so since this is basically a series of stories about crimes, Brendan, you, like, lived in a trailer park for a while. Surely you have some crime stories.

Oh, my God. Oh, so my dad had over 40 illegal firearms when I was a kid. I meant, like, funny stories. God like funny stories god funny stories god like Brendan do you know what this podcast is god maybe I should please stop talking

oh don't you mean we should PST podcast no one's gonna get that that argument was completely no i i got i really like i was a kid when all this stuff was going on so i don't have a lot of like crime memories besides like the stuff that my parents did fucking god I don't know where to go from here that's such a sad sentence

I don't have many crime memories except for what my parents did fuck I have another story okay so this one time I'm sorry for trying to transition into that it was we had a guest we should let him tell his story I'm sorry for trying to transition into that It was Ferds

We had a guest We should let him tell his story Do you have any other stories before we let David Uh Uh Let David tell a story I'll think of something I need a minute to

This one time It was me, Tits, furs, and babs. It's all, it's always us. Let's change. Let's have a wacky adventure. David wasn't there. Oh, no, I think he was actually there. We're the crew.

We're the crew. The boys. Anyways. I thought we were the boys. Yeah, I mean, this is a boy trail you can have multiple boys this is an international boys but this is local boys

okay I'll accept that okay so the local boys we went to the we were like oh let's go to a new bar because we always go to the same bars in Montreal so we went to a bar it was like a video game bar a new bar sounds we always go to the same bars in Montreal. So we went to a bar that was like a video game bar. A new bar sounds like a

Overwatch map. It sounds like a Star Wars planet. I bet it would be terrible like all of the other ones. Yeah, it's but true. Anyways, so we get there and Ferds knows this guy that has his birthday party there

so we just kind of hang out with him and his like his other friends and they pay us shots like constantly we did not pay for alcohol that night and eventually we just go like one of them is like oh i'm i'm gonna go smoke do you guys want to like grab some fresh air and we're like all right and we just go outside and we're just talking one of them just takes out like weed randomly and he just asked like oh do you guys want to smoke and we say i'm like no i don't want to smoke and like they start smoking and eventually the birthday boy is just like look at this and he just takes out this fucking huge joint and it was completely golden. The golden joint. He looked so fucking baller with that.

Did you take a picture? I wish. Was it spray painted golden? I don't know. I don't think so. You don't smoke it. Okay, Brendan, listen. You might have grown up in a trailer park, but

I don't need you to be correcting my stupid jokes. It's too bad. You can actually get gold paper, I think. I'm sure you can. There are crazier things in this world than gold paper.

Turquoise paper. He just started smoking it. And I regret not smoking the golden joint. Is that the entire story? I mean, what do you want from me? David, why do you keep on saying these things are stories?

Back when I was... You want me to say... I have a crime story I thought me to say, I have a crime story. I thought of, all right, I have, I have two crime stories. I thought of, I guess one throws my little brother under the bus,

but I don't really care. Cause he's not going to ever see this. He's too busy smoking weed. Sick. Oh, Oh, Oh, take that.

Brendan's little brother. I'll get you. I censored myself. Cause I don't think he wants his name on the airwaves. No, I'm sure he doesn't want his name associated with you either. Oh, he loves me. That's fine. Oh, yeah. We hate each other.

It's like a love, love, hate, hate kind of thing. I didn't mean for it to spiral into this. I was just, never mind. Now you got me back on my family shit. I didn't do this. I didn't bring up your brother back when I was but a small child maybe in around like middle school I thought you know I wanted Yu-Gi-Oh cards I wanted Pokemon cards I thought it was I thought it was the coolest thing ever

everybody loved Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh so I was at Walmart with my grandparents and they went off and I thought some people loved Pokemon more than us I can commit grand larceny I can steal grand larceny. Uh-oh. I can steal these Pokemon cards. Oh, God. So I took a pack of Pokemon cards, put it in my pants, went to the bathroom, and I had

like a... Oh, my God. Why am I doing this? I started crying in the bathroom. I opened up the pack of Pokemon cards. I put them in the toilet and flushed the toilet. Wait, what? You were still in the bathroom?

You were still in the stall? Yeah. I was crying in the stall on the toilet, and I threw them and flushed them down the toilet. What the fuck? Because I felt so bad about stealing them. I never got in trouble. You hadn't stolen them yet.

No, I hadn't. I was still in the walmart but i was scared oh my god the fact that it's a walmart it was so scared oh god wait what does your brother have to do with this this is the second story. I said I had two stories. The second story is the time my little brother burned down an entire corn crib. What? So I lived on a farm for part of my life. Yeah, a corn crib is like imagine a barn full of corn. Like that's all you need. Okay. Barn full of corn.

That's huge. Yeah. We were on a farm and my dad dad rented the farm it wasn't like i was a farmer i went over to friends houses sometimes and i did farm chores for him but my dad was a quote-unquote mechanic uh in mechanic the farm looked like a junkyard all right it had cars everywhere like car pieces everywhere monkey wrench instead of a belt. Oh, there we go. Oh, no. Let's move past this. Avery, now it's your fault.

I'm trying my best. That is 100% your fucking fault. I'm trying my best to not make this the Daniel Beatdown podcast. It's like someone turns on the fucking YouTube video oh it's been daniel whining about again oh his dad hit him so fucking what my dad committed tax fraud brin daniel what about yours brindan i'm sorry i love you so much all right so alright that was the last your dad hitting you joke

I'm ever going to make on this podcast I guess I have a crime story and I'll transition that into a farm story okay so Jesus I was so worried because of what we were just talking about it's all good so we were at the farm and I lived there for about God

my dad beating me. I'm sorry. Like, all right. Second story. The weirdest thing happened at the end of the second story. And I'll get to that. So this first story is the corn crib story. And the way it went is I was at home. My little brother was somewhere don't know where he was we lived on the farm we didn't keep track of everything we were usually doing something i was playing probably halo 2 on the xbox so i hear

i hear my dad yell fuck and there's just fire coming from the back fucking back part of the farm we run back there nobody knows what's going on my dad has a fucking fire extinguisher and a fucking gas mask and he's going up there and trying to put it out he like he's like he like he like he's trying to put out this raging inferno by himself because this is all dry corn we don't know what's going on at this point there's just a gigantic fire so the fire department from the local town comes by and they they stop the fire and my dad's like who what happened who started this where's my little brother at he There's just a gigantic fire. So the fire department from the local town comes by and they stop the fire. And my dad's like, who what happened?

Who started this? Where's my little brother at? He had run two miles down the dirt road and was hiding in a ditch for an hour and a half to two hours. He was like seven. Oh, my God. What did he do? He was like he was like seven. He fucking was lighting corn on fire and throwing it at the barn for fun.

It was like, there's nothing wrong with this. I'm sorry, it was a complete accident. I was just playing flaming corn toss like I always do. And I don't know what happened. Somehow the barn caught on fire. Who thought that lighting corn on fire would result in more corn catching on fire? Kids are dumb as shit, dude. Kids are dumb.

I definitely thought it would be something so fucking innocent. Oh my god. I'm laughing at that. But my memory literally starts like all of my memory the furthest i can remember is me sticking a fork in an electrical socket when i was four that's literally where my fucking memory starts that's what brought you to like consciousness i think i wiped everything before that speaking of like first memories, my first memory is like playing in a ball pit at like

three or four and just thinking, I will remember this. I remember it. What the fuck? I feel like you've told me that before. Yeah, I think you told that on the podcast before. You never told me that. I will remember this. See, you remember being on the ball pit. You don't remember

telling us about it. Okay, so second story is So I will remember this. You remember being on the pulpit. You don't remember telling us about it. Okay. So second story is, uh, I guess less funny. All right. Oh, okay.

This is very concerning. So third grade, third grade, Brendan, I got dropped off on the bus, dropped off at home. Nobody's at home. The farm door is locked. It is the dead of winter.

It is cold outside. I can't feel my hands when I get off the bus. Nobody's home. I don't light some corn on fire for warmth. God damn, that would have been a good idea. Dad, I blew up the septic tank. Why'd you do that? Because reasons. I wanted to be warm.

Methane, ethanol, it's all the same uh so 20 minutes pass i'm banging on the glass door nothing happens uh an hour passes nobody's home it's getting dark i uh sit there for another 30 minutes the battery on my game boy was out and i walk over to the laundry room window i wrap my hand in my coat and i punch the glass window why i punch the glass window again break it all open because i couldn't get in i didn't have a key oh i didn't i like my parents my dad didn't give me a key he didn't trust me with that i don't know why my dad didn't trust children like he knew kids are awful. I can't imagine why he wouldn't trust children after the flaming corn incident. That was this was before the flaming corn. Well, I take it back.

I'm sorry for trying to defend him. So I break the glass and I get inside like I crawl inside the laundry room and like three more hours pass. And it's like my dad pushing the Range Rover up the dirt road they pushed it five miles like five to six miles home because the battery just died in it and he goes in the laundry room he looks at the broken window he's like it's okay that you did that but there's a key under the rug under the rug. You didn't even check it.

No, I was the third grader! Dude, I didn't know what the word herpes meant until I was a high schooler. What does that have to do with anything? Alright. I didn't know what the word turd meant until I was a middle schooler. How was I supposed to know people hide keys under the mat?

What is the fucking welcome thing? Is that a thing? People hiding keys under the fucking welcome mat? Or herpes? Both of those are things. It's not really hidden if it's a thing everybody does. That was a delayed reaction, Kyle.

Yeah, no, sorry. I just took a second i was like oh i get it i mean yeah it's not common to do anymore because literally everyone did it and then people who rob houses if only there was a faster way to say people who rob houses finding the keys so everyone everyone's like ah i'm gonna outsmart these people who rob houses I'm going to put the key On top of the fucking sill of the door And everyone starts checking there It's under the potted plant now

Just so anyone who wants to rob houses Anyone who wants to rob houses It's underneath the potted plant But you shouldn't rob houses I'm gonna get a small statue of a key That has a keyhole in it that you open up with a different key. Alright, I'll listen. You don't need to listen.

Oh, no. What the fuck are we... Is that it? Alright. Is that it? I feel like that's it. Yeah. Oh, shout out to the old lady at work who is mad at me for being on time oh do you want to complain about your job

yeah can I complain just for a short little minute this is your therapy episode honestly Kyle you can't use the podcast as practice there is an older lady at work and she complains about everyone I feel like there's someone at work who complains about everything. Usually

I'm that person, but I'm not, which is surprising. So let you complain. She complained. Yes, thank you. Thank you, Kyle. Brendan, get fucked. Yeah, I got fucked. I got fucked hard, fast, and

God. Go ahead. Complain about the old woman. I am so good at my job. Not to brag, but I'm good at my job. I do what I do. And the only thing she can complain about me is that to my other coworkers behind my back is that I'm on time and not literally 15 to 20 minutes early every day. I come to my shift exactly on time, sometimes a couple minutes early, and she's mad at me because I'm into work on time.

How? Why? What? How do you? How? What? Okay. Alright. Nah, it's fine. You should fire her. I don't have that power. What do you mean, Kyle? Like, you know, corn fire

it would work yeah she's not fast enough to get away from that help police someone's throwing corn at me and walking menacingly towards me oh fuck i gotta light this on fire, don't I? Call that the Iowan Molotov cocktail. Is that all you wanted to complain about? Is just the woman bitching about you being on time?

Incredibly mundane. I didn't have anything. I love my job. That's not true. I like my job considerably more than working at GameStop. You tolerate your job. It's just better than your old one. I tolerate my job. Yeah. Okay. I mean,

I'm fine with that. That's an interesting note to end the podcast on. Absolutely. But if you want to plug your shit. Yeah. Check out my YouTube channel. Check out my youtube channel check out my uh my my twitter brendaniel uh what is my twitter is brendaniel youtuber.com slash user slash brendaniel reads and my twitter brendaniel h uh you can go there there's stuff i'm working on a couple new ideas right now it'll be pretty fun you'll see them and you'll go wow that's everyone

should go to brendan's channel and you should well you should watch the entire worst one series And you should also watch a controversial video a controversial video is a really good introduction to Brendan's channel. I love that fucking video Alright alright, and then you stream you plugged your stream Oh twitch.tv slash burn Daniel I play video games and mumble into a microphone. It's great because he has a very nice voice You're in your mumble rap phase too? Me too. I like CMT's insanity.

Plug your SoundCloud on the topic of mumble rap. My SoundCloud is SirMeowMusic. My Twitter is SirMeowMusic. My Twitter is... SirMeowMusic. Why am I forgetting? It's SirMeowMusic.

I think it's... Why do I know this better than you do? My Twitter is SirMeowMusic. David, do you want to do the intro and I can do your plugs? Because I feel like we'd both be better at that. Oh, that would be fucking sick. Do it. Okay.

If you want to follow David on SoundCloud, his SoundCloud is... No, use my voice. SoundCloud.com slash SirMeowMusic. Use my voice. Okay. If you want to follow David on SoundCloud, his SoundCloud is soundcloud.com slash sirmeowmuse. Use my voice. You don't want me to do that. Use my voice. You don't want me to do that. I'm not doing that for your sake. My name is David.

Please check up. David, you edit these podcasts. I don't need you to be upset with me while you're doing that. Okay? Okay. You can follow me on Spotify it's just SirMeow if you would like to follow me on

Twitter it's also SirMeowMusic uh yeah Twitch oh Twitch I don't care about your Twitch SirMeow is it SirMeowMusic I forget what your Twitch is everything is SirMeowMusic except for Spotify I'm pretty sure probably

Kyle plug your shit you can follow me on twitter at sirzulu underscore that's it is that it okay david do my intro i don't you did i just enter hell