Please Stop Talking - Meet The Frank | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: December 20, 2020

Send all your macrame fanart to our email address. Check out our merch store ▶ http://pleasestopshopping.com Support the podcast and Patreon ▶ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Join the PST Discord server! ▶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65 Links: David ▶ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Avery ▶ https://twitter.com/ShammyTV Ed ▶ https://twitter.com/PunkDuck_ Brendan ▶ https://twitter.com/BrendanielH Podcast ▶ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm, like, so worried about my sister. Randy, you cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but I am healed. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina.

The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday? This is so dangerous. I gotta get out of this. Based on a true story. New season Mondays at 9 Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on Stack TV. Clear your schedule for you time with a handcrafted espresso beverage from Starbucks.

Savor the new small and mighty Cortado. Cozy up with the familiar flavors of pistachio. Or shake up your mood with an iced brown sugar oat shaken espresso whatever you choose your espresso will be handcrafted with care at starbucks hey if you want to support the podcast and get some cool rewards for it check out our patreon at patreon.com slash sir me i'm music i honestly think we should do moan checks instead. Oh, fuck, dude. I'm fucking ready for that. You ready to moan check, Ed? Yes.

There we go, podcast. God, dude. Do you guys see that fucking tweet? It was like American porn stars be like, oh, yeah, baby. Yeah, you like that? Oh, yeah, you fucking love that. And European ones are like, oh yeah baby, yeah you like that, oh yeah you fucking love that. And European ones are like, oh yes, yes,

oh! I did see that. There's a really good bit in Letter Kenny where they talk about like porn star talk and they're just like, why do they fucking sound like that? The fucking the fucking male ones are the worst because they don't learn that like

straight dudes are watching this we don't want the guy to talk fucking well it's like when i when i have sex when i fuck like i don't like i don't make any noises i guess i'm just kind of like it's just like a silent. It's like it's like Silent silent It's like you hear epidemic sound drone to like I'll fucking play that I'll play. I'll play it right now. That's what it sounds like. You fuck like Shelby and I do stuff in the bedroom, but it's like it's like dumb shit. Like the like one time I grabbed Harry Potter and I just started reading Harry Potter. Oh, my God.

Out loud. Oh, my God. Brendan, what do you mean? What the fuck are you talking about? You start reading YA novels when you're plowing? Honestly, this explains a lot. Yeah, when I fuck, I read more. This is a joke.

No, I'm not joking. I have done that before. But really, like, I don't know. Sex is supposed to be like a fun, goofy time. So Shelby and I usually try to make it as dumb as possible that's like we don't that is fucking hilarious to be honest generally we just try to goof each other half the time i can't fucking goof because like when i goof i just instantly go flaccid like if i start laughing yeah no i can't keep it up i have here it might be erectile dysfunction you're a boring lay. Your sex noises are more akin to like just a...

My sex noises are either silence or the Joker 2019. Man, I'm really glad Sheena's asleep. For me, it's... I usually don't say anything either. When I fuck, it sounds like Epidemic Sound Sword Whipcord 3. I don't know. I got into the fucking... It's like fucking Johnny Test is going at it.

Yeah. Had a head of fiery hair and a turbocharged backpack. Sorry, Ed, you go? Oh, no, no. I was just going to say, like, if I start talking too much, I sometimes default to the fucking patch discussion video's voice and then I stop too much I sometimes default to the fucking patch discussion videos voice And I stopped myself when I go this is fucking terrible What's up, yo Jin

You know I go to him i go to him i so you you're not talking for the other person's benefit because because you're gonna be too much it's good no because start talking about changes because girls like it girls like it when you talk right but like i just think I sound fucking goofy. And then, I don't know, it depends. I feel like I've heard that before. I don't know if I would talk much. Shelby just laughs at me. Like, I'll get in her ear sometimes, and I'll start being like, Oh, yeah, you fucking like that dude.

Like, super fake porno. Like, oh, yeah. I'm going to give you this cock so fucking good. You're going to fucking go to McDonald's and get me a fucking burger later. It's going to be fucking sick. Hey, whoever's listening and masturbating right now, fucking stop. Can we keep any of this? Whoever's listening and masturbating right now, can you fucking keep going?

I'm pretty sure we're going to keep all of it. David, if you cut any of this, I'm going to be so mad. No, this is fucking hilarious. I'm just wondering, like, is this allowed? At least one person masturbated to Brendan right there. I'm 100% sure.

Brendan, you really need to stop. I am incredibly hard. Oh! Bro, I could break a wall right now. It's all good. When most people see me, they rise to the challenge. As in they moan back? No, as in their penis rises.

That's a penis joke. You have a moan off? Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It's like, well, I live in Iowa. They do like the pig squealing contest at the fair. Oh, I saw those of that. Come on, pig.

I just want to say how much I hate you saying, when I get horny, someone rises to the challenge. That's an incredibly upsetting way to phrase that. I hate. You know, I just get in the moan off with my girlfriend it's like i get i get like in her life in her right ear she gets in my right ear we start like moaning what uh and i have the most illegal thing wins i have a question for you guys if you had to describe your if you had to describe your sex life with a young adult novel what would it be mine would be the fault in

our stars by john green charlie bone i don't think i know enough ya novels to make this funny turtles all the way down i I almost did a spit take. Fuck! That's so good. I don't even know what that is, and that's funny. All I got is board games. As long as nobody says the magic school bus. It's just the haunting at the hill house.

Yeah, I got nothing. Oh, it's Betrayal at the House on the hill that's the name of the house is a ya novel no betrayal at the house on the hill is a board game it's a board game yeah oh can i change mine minus city of bones oh dude i don't read fucking why would you read ya dude art boys fucking ya it's ya ya is not art what kind of scale again john green novels right now what's the what's the uh what's the scale again art or um art or cool art or cool why why is cool that's not gonna make any sense to anyone listening because that's from a recording that was lost. This is so fucking sad.

I'm still mad at you for that. I'm also mad at me. Let's have a moan off. I'm the side. Epic moan battles of history. Oh my god. Who won? Who lost?

Epic moan battles of history. Who's next? You fucking Philistine. Who won? Who lost? Who's next, you fucking Philistine? Fucking hell, dude. Jesus Christ. That would be good. Oh, actually, speaking of epic rap battles, this is a fun fact that I always like to tell people. And then they tell me i'm lying the newest spongebob movie ends with a rap battle uh from the epic rap battles of history guys the last five minutes of the movie are just a fucking epic rap battle video is it sponge out of water what is it again yeah sponge out of water

not the newest newest one that was made uh recently but no like literally like the it's a brat battle between a dolphin and a seagull yeah you just called it a brat battle dude epic brat battle brat battle is canceled people were shitting themselves oh no oh i looked it up there it is a brat battle what the the fuck? Oh, God. I'm so surprised that there's more than one fucking movie, dude. Yeah, they should. I mean, the second one, Sponge Out of Water, was written by, I can never pronounce his name, Steven Hillenburg, I think. Who cares?

But yeah, no, it was still written by that one. The newest, newest one, that one sucks dick, though, because it's just not funny. But it's got Keanu Chungus. Yeah, that's what I was going, though. Because it's just not funny. But it's got Keanu Chungus. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. It has Keanu Chungus. What was that fucking thing, Mandy? Dude, I'm still thinking about Mandy,

me and Mandy talking about Keanu Reeves. And we were trying to remember where it was announced that he was going to be in Cyberpunk. And he went, oh, I don't remember. All I know is he went on stage and he said, I know Chung Fu. I was laughing at that for like a solid half hour.

Every time, I know Chung Fu. I watched part of the Spongebob rap battle section and it's got Matt Berry as the dolphin and I'm very mad Who's Matt Berry? Matt Berry is the guy from IT Crowd that goes FATHER! Oh yeah

I never watched IT Crowd besides That's a great You ever see Garth Marenghi's Dark Place? Don't even know what that is If that's a YA novel that's my my answer. It's not a YA novel. That's an Adult Swim show. It's a very poorly made, but funny Adult Swim show.

I really like fucking IT Crowd. That's probably one of my favorite shows. He's one of the vampires. He's one of the vampires in What We Do in the Shadows, the show, the TV show. I haven't seen the TV show. I saw the movie, though. Avery, you've been real quiet. You okay, bud fine i'm just i got nothing to add what the hell what the hell are you gonna talk about fucking any rap battleheads speaking of poorly made but still

funny here's my story oh great great um you've talked about your circumcision before, Ed. Macrame cock. All right, Avery, you want to go first? Macrame cock. What's a macrame? Is that like the cheese? No, that's mac and cheese. Go on.

Wow. No, macrame is like... Why am I blanking out? I'm blanking out so much. Oh, the macrame is like... Why am I blanking out? I'm blanking out so much. Oh, the macrame guy. It's like knitting. It's like a style of knitting. It's like the knitting thing with the fucking... It's like when you have a bunch of fucking things on the hook.

You know, if I say macrame cock one second... David, are you okay? If I say macrame cock and macrame is like knitting with knots, what the fuck am I saying? Yeah, well, it's like there's like rope on a thing and then they... David, I'm rooting for you. You got this, pal. It's a fucking wall hanging decoration, man. Just fucking move on.

Tell your fucking story, man. Poster? poster okay who fucking cares about mac and cheese i went to uh when i was seeing my ex um we went to uh mexico to see her family and also to buy shit real cheap uh we went to like a gas station uh and we bought like chips and like drinks for everybody in the car and then i did the math and it was like a bajillion pesos and in total it was like 40 usd which is fucking crazy mexican people have it hard um yes which is going to be very clear uh in this story because part of visiting her family unfortunately they are very very catholic oh no and we went there during a weekend and you can't miss church on sundays so i ended up being dragged along to a church and I was like, well, surely it's going to be in English.

What a retard I am. It was completely in Spanish. And my ex was like, okay, just don't worry about it. Cause I've literally never been to church until then. My first church experience was in Mexico in Spanish. And she was like, just don't worry about it. Just follow everyone's lead. Sometimes they'll stand up. Sometimes they'll sit down. And when we like, don't worry about it. Just follow everyone's lead. Sometimes they'll stand up. Sometimes they'll sit down. And when we start singing, just mumble to yourself and you'll be good. You'll fit right in to yourself.

And then, uh, I went to the church and then we sat down and, uh, I'm just waiting for it to start. And then another group of people sits down next to me. And then I look to my left and I see this woman. And have you guys played DMC Devil May Cry?

Yes. Yeah. Where is this going? You know Mundus's wife? Ah. Yes. Imagine that, but worse like we're talking like skin is made of plastic and it's drooping off in places where it shouldn't be drooping off yes dude um and then i turn to my ex and i go what the fuck is sitting next to me and she went oh that's she comes here

all the time she's like a burn victim that had to get like oh full body plastic surgery to like look like a human being and i went oh all right that's fine um the problem is halfway through the sermons they said something in in Spanish that I sort of understood as hold hands. And I turned to her and I was like, do I got to hold its hand as well? She was like, yeah, you fucking do. Wow. Dude, no, you did not. You did not see this woman.

That's not even the worst thing I've heard Ed say today. I know, but I'm still upset. Stop clutching your fucking pearls. You're friends with this woman. That's not even the worst thing I've heard Ed say today. I know, but I'm still upset. Stop clutching your fucking pearls. You're friends with this man. Oh my God. But I was like, okay, fine. I mean, you know, I'm not a bigot, but if you make me hold

that hand, I'm just going to be, you know, slightly uncomfortable because this isn't what I signed up for. Just think of it as a glove. It definitely felt like a glove um like leather yes and then so i'm holding i'm holding her hand and i'm holding i'm holding everybody's hand we're all doing the sing the sing song thing and then right at the end when they're like giving saying like okay all right you can all go home now peace and love of christ and whatever you have to kiss like 10 people in an aoe what it was fucking awful no yeah that's the thing though at the end of

really don't tell me you guys aren't church heads. Come on. Oh, yeah. You don't eat the cookie? You don't... I'm not... None of us are Catholic. Eat the cookie. Well, technically, I was Catholic.

Technically. Yeah, but you were like... Yeah, he was an Acquire. No, he was an Acquire. That's close enough. You were like... You were Trailer Park Catholic. Yeah, I was Trailer Park Catholic. I was Trailer Park baptized. They put me in the Mountain Dew. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. off you were you were like uh you were trailer park catholic yeah i was trailer park yeah i was

trailer park baptized they put me in the mountain dew yeah oh hell yeah hell yeah but yeah anyway uh i've been to like really is there really isn't any joke i've been to a few with my with my grandmother we've never kissed anybody in an aoe bro aoe kisses are not a thing that's like no yeah i had to kiss like 10 Mexican dudes and that lady. And like the entire time I was desperately trying not to make eye contact because I didn't want to be rude. I was planning on being

rude retroactively. I think it's rude to not stare at them, grab their asses a bit. Was it good for you, sweetie? What? I thought you were going to make a point for a second no okay um but yeah i was trying not to make eye contact to make her feel weird uh and then when i went for the uh tactical smooch i saw her eyes and they were like just fucking they were these

black pearls it was fucking whack and like the so they were these black pearls. It was fucking whack. And like the sockets were way too big for the eyes. It was weird, man. Yeah, anyway, my story is I'm making fun of a burn victim. That's the second. Ain't this the second time? No, that was my first burn victim.

Was it? That was your first burn victim. Was it? Yeah. That was your first burn victim? Yeah, we all get one. No. We don't. You do. What?

Okay, how would you react if suddenly you were, like, chilling in a Mexican church, you're, like, half a world away from home home and then a burn victim sits next to you and then suddenly you have to interact with it like fucking i have to go to first base with this stop saying it please stop saying it i had to go to first base with this lady is what i'm saying i was uncomfortable i would have been uncomfortable regardless it was i was in Mexico. Every time someone tells a story, can I make a new guess about what Ed's YA novel sex life name would be? Yeah, let's go.

Let's hear it right now. Because I don't think we ever landed on one for Ed. For me? What's the one right now? Just for every story. This story, for the burn victim story, I'm going to go with All the Walls of Belfast. I'm going to say Alchemist. I don't read, so I don't even get these. I'm going to go with all the walls of Belfast. I'm going to say Alchemist. I don't read, so I don't even get these.

I'm going to say... I'm just going off the title, Ed. I'm going to say The Giver. Because it's a generous lover. Yeah, it's a generous lover. Or Divergent, one of the two. Because of the split piss? I wish David hadn't immediately landed on one for himself because then i could say miss

peregrine's home for peculiar children that's more like me when i was in foster care don't say that's more like me don't say that oh wait no that's that's brandon if anything you're his dark materials we're gonna oh i am his dark materials. We're going to be done with this bit. Oh, I am his dark materials. Yeah. I'm so sad that I'm pretty much blood dry on stories. So now when I consider a story, like my bar has lowered so much that I literally just spent like 10 minutes talking about how one time I saw a lady who was burned. I like... My brain doesn't function properly.

So like for stories, for PST, it's hard for me to like think of something that happens and like hold on to it because i lose it so fast um but i did recently quit my job from best buy fucking finally fuck you best buy let's let's talk about where's my ps4 fuck you best buy two uh i quit in the wimpiest fucking way possible uh second wimpiest way possible you almost quit via email i i i messaged avery because i almost quit via email i wrote and printed out a resignation letter of the day i worked through my entire shift and then at the end of the day i was like uh here you go i handed it to a manager and I left. I fucking bolted out of the store. I was like, nope, I'm

done. My time at Best Buy I thought would be less cockroachy than my time at GameStop. But it was not. So have I talked about the roach stories on the podcast

before? I have never heard of roach stories. I don't think you've talked about the Roach stories on the podcast before? I have never heard of Roach stories. You've told me, but you haven't told them. Fuck yes. All right. So when I worked at GameStop, this is a Brendan certified retail story. One day I'm working at GameStop and a gentleman comes in with a stack of Xbox 360 video games primed and ready for trading. This gentleman comes up to the counter. He sets him down.

He says, hey, buddy. Is that all trading policy? My manager's standing right next to me. I'm like, okay, let me just get through this. He's got some tweaking out lady because she's on meth. I could tell. I don't know if he was on meth, but I could tell that she was on meth. I have a meth sensor, like a meth dar, and I know when somebody is like really like tweaking basically.

So I'm going through this guy's games and I hit game, game, game, game, game. And then I get to Transformers War for Cybertron on the Xbox 360. I remember specifically the one because I open it up with an audible. It is filled to the brim with dead cockroaches what you found his cockroach and i mean filled i mean literally it like burst open and it crunched like like just dead road so i slammed it shut i said it back on the counter and said dude i'm not taking that my the the lady with the dude is like oh what are you a you, a wimp? It's just some bugs. I'm like, one, no, absolutely not.

I'm not taking that shit. Roaches are like infestatious. They get in everywhere. So I'm going through the games again. I set that one down. Happens again with the next Transformers game, which was the other Xbox 360 Transformers game. I think it was Transformers the movie for that one.

And I open it up full of roaches. Why the fuck is that? Close it, set it down. I'm like, okay, no, this is it. So I take all the games without roaches, I hand the ones without back. And that dude kept coming into the store and he wouldn't stop talking to me about getting his grandfather's inheritance and buying his truck.

So for like the four years I worked at GameStop, every time I interacted with this guy, I was like, yeah, I got my grandfather's inheritance and buying his truck so for like the four years i worked at gamestop every time i interacted with this guy was like yeah i got my grandfather's inheritance yep i i bought that truck with it there i'm like dude i've talked to you like 18 fucking times shut the fuck up leave me the fuck alone jesus fucking christ holy fucking shit uh also the fact that while i was at gamStop, I had a certified method because of the amount of consoles that had bugs in them. So not just like game cases.

I would take a video game console, usually, usually a PS4, sometimes an Xbox One, and I would tap, tap, tap, set it on every side and try to see if bug parts come out. Like I just have to shake it basically to see if bug parts would come out so that i can hand it back and be like nope uh one day i was

working and i i looked at the display case and there were like five roaches crawling out of a ps4 pro that i hadn't taken i'll like take it in so i like took it bagged it trashed it was like nope uh people are fucking gross here's a pro tip guess what if you have roaches they're in your electronics and guess fucking what they can flatten themselves to be almost as thin as fucking paper so if you ever wonder why i'm terrified of fucking cockroaches it's because if you see fucking one they're fucking everywhere so let me dude. Let me give you that bit of information to ruin your fucking day. This also happened to me at Best Buy once.

I got one Roach box at Best Buy as a return. It was a disgusting PS4 that they wanted to return for a like a warranty claim. They couldn't turn it on, and the person working with me, who I was training at the time, couldn't get it on. And the person working with me,

who I was training at the time, couldn't get it to turn on. So of course, with my four years of GameStop experience, I'm like, all right, I take the PS4, set it down, plug it in. And when I plug it in, I hear an audible crunch. But I plug it in and I push it in pretty hard for the power cable. I plug it in, it turns on.

I'm like, okay. I go back to take the PS4 and I look at, they brought the original box in with the PS4, and I look, and it's covered. Like, I didn't see it before. I wasn't paying attention. Literally crawling out of it are just bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs. I'd fucking slam it all into a garbage bag,

hand it back to the customer. I said, not taking that. Have a nice day. Bye. Dude, that is disgusting. I lived, when I was growing up as a poor kid um second third grade the apartment building we lived in was filled with roaches so i have like a natural aversion to cockroaches when i was a kid one time i went to school and they did a lice test and sent me back with a with a

with a cockroach on a post-it note that said lice question mark what it wasn't life it was a cockroach that had it like embedded itself into my hair so you gotta understand no that's awful fucking fucking hate cockroaches i fucking hate them yeah i don't think i hate an animal more than cockroaches bed bugs when i when i was fucking living in houston i i fuck that shit was just nightmare every other day sometimes i'd see one and then one time i was just like gaming and then i was like something was tickling my feet and i thought it was one of the dogs and i looked down there's just a roach on my toes oh no not a fan those things are fucking gross yeah we we don't get the big roaches here either we get just

the small ones so i'm always fucking like anytime i see a fucking bug anywhere i immediately first priority kill capture control the three c's three c's am i fucking like break my almonds all activate at once my brain goes into hyper fixation mode like all right i need to take care of this problem how do i take care of this problem i need to go to the store right now and buy buy roach cream i need to go to the store and buy i don't know i don't know i said roach cream i don't know yeah that's what i was gonna ask about i was like what the fuck is roach cream i need to do a mani pedi i need to do a mani pedi on these roaches make their feet nice i need to fit in so i can infiltrate their civilization. Give me some roach cream.

Do a psyop on the fucking roach infestation. I can imagine Brandon applying it under his eyes like Rambo got the roach cream. If you read Terraformars, that's just blackface. Oh, that shit's awful. Terraformars is fucking terrible, man. The day that I'm reminded of Terraformars existing

I'm just angry for the rest of the week can't wait for that one guy in the comments because you'll never see it in motion it is in motion there's a fucking live action movie and an anime it's got so many adaptations it's incredibly popular

it's so bad fuck you hey terraformers fan writing in the comments right now eat my whole ass I don't give a fuck fuck up terraformers fans you're fucking wrong I have bad taste and I know that shit is bad

terraformers fans be like have you seen green book shit let's be realistic terraformers fans fans be like, have you seen Green Book? Shit. Let's be realistic. Terraformers fans are probably bigger fans of Birth of a Nation. Oh my fucking god. Terraformers fans were blue screened by

that article of the actor from Get Out not knowing that it was supposed to be a joke. Oh, I just thought of a new one for ed for the the ya thing yeah pride and prejudice that's not a ya novel is it is it not i mean they make you read it shadow of the hegemony i actually just have like a list of titles open right now and i just got to open Mike Knight at Westminster Cemetery. What I'm like throwing stick while I'm plowing while you're plowing corpses. Here's the thing. Speaking

of plowing corpses, I have one perfect for it. It's in the it's in the Ender's Game. It's in the Ender's Game book series. Speaker for the dead. How about radio silence? I don't even have any necrophilia stories. Where is this coming from? Ready Player Two.

That's not, bro. Ready Player One is in a fucking ya novel it's actually art ready player two about to go sonic.exe on us what if i went backwards really fast really fast christ about a whisper that my girl's ear holes oh holes holes stanley yellnats ass if i ever get insulted like i'm on stream and somebody in chat says oh fucking stanley yellnats looking ass i'm gonna be blue screened because i don't know how to respond to bro that's a fucking great insult nobody fucking knows what to say

about that that's not even an insult which one was that was that Shia LaBeouf yeah that was Shia LaBeouf LaBeouf apparently allegations came out recently that he's an abuser so that's fun great oh whatever yeah who isn't one anymore

are you really an influencer if you haven't had to apologize once hey okay so um what's your fucking story then uh so this is i this is I remembered something like a couple of weeks ago, which was just it was a very small thing that happened when I was at my dad's wedding. Can you give me a second real quick? I just saw the picture David posted. I need to click out of the chat. OK, continue. Sorry. All right. Yeah. okay continue sorry all right um yeah so the the it was for my dad's wedding and uh my dad's friend sean was there oh baby

this is i'm gonna like this one i'm gonna sit up yeah so Sean is a friend of my dad's baller that's who he is that's all you need to know Avery's dad god rest his soul is a white man he is the white man and somehow his best friend is this guy called Sean

who has fucked every woman on earth. He is so fucking cool. Think earthworm Jim, but a guy. What? What the fuck does that even mean? Another description of Sean I've heard is a walking Me Too moment. Oh no. No. Dude, he is great.

He was the first time I met him. He he came back from a night out drunk and he just started talking about seeing Avery's mom naked and Avery was getting so uncomfortable. And I had to leave the room. What the fuck? Yeah, it was like, your mom's got a great bod. Yeah. what the fuck yeah

he was like yeah Avery your mom's got a great bod yeah so uh the reason that I kept saying I want Ed to be on this is because of this specifically because I wanted Ed to be able to help me describe Sean so I wouldn't have to say any of that stuff

you're good go on so now that you two Brendan andid now that you have an idea of what sean is like sean arrived the day after um i did and we're out in a park uh and we're not a park we're like in the yard or something and we're about to eat uh lunch and sean just walks up to me and he pulls out his phone and he's got this like mischievous ass fucking sean smile and knows what i'm talking about he's about to show you and he's like a kid 100 no he literally is pulling out his phone and he walks up to me and he just says hey avery how you been you want to see my Frank what what oh no oh no and I and I said I don't know what that means and he's like my Frank surely your dad's told you about my Frank

like no he hasn't he hasn't mentioned it because I'm accepting that I'm gonna see the Frank like it doesn't matter what I'm about to say I'm seeing the Frank and he just takes, he takes out his phone. He opens his camera roll and he just shows me a video of a, of a Raven attacking his dog. And he says, that bird is Frank. He's my pet Raven. Yeah.

And then he just showed me this entire fucking album of pictures and videos of this big ass fucking raven and he's talking to me and he's like yeah this is frank i he's my he's my raven now i guess and i was like how do you have a raven and he said i don't know what what yeah i don't know he's not raven he just keeps it he did not buy the. So it's not his pet raven? He just keeps it? He did not buy the raven. It's his raven, though. Like, it sits on his shoulder, and it keeps on stealing shit from his neighbors. What?

Yeah, it keeps on stealing shiny shit from his neighbors, like jewelry and stuff. Sean is a fucking Dark Souls NPC, I swear to God. You go up to him and he goes, you wanna see the raven? Heh heh heh heh. Hehven? Heh heh heh heh. Oh, God. Yeah. Sorry. That's pretty much the entire story. Like I said, it's not really a story.

It's just a thing that happened and I wanted to talk about Sean. Have you guys ever spoken to someone from Finland? Yeah. They're a quiet bunch uh they don't really talk much they're very like reserved and uh especially in the year that i was in every single finnish guy there was just one guy called ziggy that i've already talked about it's the guy that ended up going to the army he's got like a huge ego but that's not who i'm talking about oh

yeah he was like the outlier everyone else i knew like sort of by name, but they never fucking spoke, even in classes that I had with them. And one kid was like. Not good looking, but not bad looking either. He was just like he looked like a preset in an RPG. He was just like guy character to Finland guy. Um, and I figured since he didn't speak, he was like one of those, like,

you know, uh, not really, and not much of a personality guy. So imagine my shock when, uh, this man starts dating someone. Cause you know,

fucking high school, everybody knows who's dating everyone. Um, but then like when I finally see his girlfriend, cause he was dating her for a while. you know, fucking high school. Everybody knows who's dating everyone. But then, like, when I finally see his girlfriend, because he was dating her for a while, and when I see her, I find out that she's actually

four years below. Oh. And we were 17 at the time. Oh! Yeah. Incredibly fucking weird. Because, like, at first I saw her and i was like oh surely she just looks young right and then i just see them walking and i see the height difference and i see like she definitely doesn't just look young and then i look it up and you know she's four years below

and then i asked my friend what's up with that finnish guy dating that 12 year old and he looks up and at me looks at the guy and he goes oh you mean mr steal your daughter which is fucking great that's the whole story by the way i just love that you just knew what you nickname you gotcha okay great you guys just want to go to patreon questions i guess no i was gonna tell my sad story oh you had another one oh sorry no no it might be funny that's the thing it depends on how i i'm gonna wing it but it might be funny so okay okay dude um have i ever i definitely didn't talk about it on the podcast but in case a lot of you have heard it i might just like not tell it um i know avery has heard it so brendan and david have i told you about what happened with the girl that I dated while I was in college? If you did,

I don't remember, so I'm going to say no. David? I don't think so, no. Perfect. Okay. I heard Avery laugh, so I know he remembers. And since he's laughing, I'm assuming that's because the story's going to be funny. So, I'm dating this either funny or really sad let's see what it is so i'm in high school last two years and for those entire last two years i'm editing this girl and she's great whatever

and then uh june hits and we're both kind of like oh what should we do about college because she was going to um england and i wasn't even sure what i wanted to do at that point i wasn't sure if i wanted to go to college or uh if i was just gonna try to give the youtube thing a shot my heart was telling me the youtube thing so you know, I told her, oh, I think I'm going to take a gap year to see how this works out. And then she goes, oh, I don't think you want to do that. And I go, oh, why? And she went, well, if you take a gap year, we have to break oh my god in england which was awful because uh i made that decision like the last possible moment so i couldn't even apply so you got really shitty college no no that's not

the thing i couldn't apply through the system properly i had to spend like weeks like calling up universities seeing if they still had spots for me it was fucking aids i forgot what it's called it's called like the second wave or whatever it's a system who gives a shit yeah um so i go to college um and i obviously fucking hate it there because it's college for like um film editing and british people um and my flatmates suck i've already talked about the russian guy and the other guy that i never even saw oh yeah yeah yeah and i'm just fucking miserable uh i ended up just hanging out with people in different flats who weren't foreign. And I'm like asking like, oh, is this course like any good for the first couple of years? And they go, no, you're going to do some editing three years down the line.

And I'm like, wow, this fucking sucks. What? Yeah, no, that course was just... Three years? Jesus. I had like a module for editing but that was about it 90 of my uh of my course was like script writing handling cameras and shit which i just hated especially the handling cameras and whatever it was just awful i had to take a photography class

um but at least i was like hey at least i'm still with my girlfriend and it's still semi-long distance, but I'm in Manchester. She's in London. So it's not bad. We like call every day. And then like on weekends, we go see each other. It's like a 30 minute, um, uh, train ride, but I go see her, um, for the first weekend that we're going to see each other. And I can tell she's being really fucking weird. Like, weirdly, like, spacing herself from me. And I was like, aha, what gives? But I didn't say that out loud. It was when we got back to her room that I went in to kiss her.

And she was like, I don't think I want to kiss you. And I went, oh, why? Oh, because it's long distance now? to kiss her and she was like i don't think i want to kiss you and i went oh why oh because it's long distance now and i don't know you you kind of feel like a stranger i just don't feel comfortable like like we're hanging out but i don't want to like do anything intimate with you this weekend i was like oh okay um this whole time by the way this might sound shitty now but when the story ends it won't um but dude the the flat that i was in it was the four because like it wasn't mixed sex so i had like just like foreign guys on my floor and on the other side it was foreign girls and there was this one spanish chick that would fucking hit me up for conversation

every time she saw me on the stairs and she was smoking hot whatever story's not over um um anyway i get back uh and then we planned for her to come see me uh for for that weekend uh the one in two weeks and then for the first week that i'm back uh shit's just a little bit weird because i'm still like not really getting where she was coming from during that weekend and then she just tells me like I don't know I don't think long distance is working I think we should really like I don't think we talk enough and whatever we should really like try to spend some time together for the coming week to see if like this is if we actually like doing this. And I was like, yeah, fuck yeah, I'm down.

Let's watch movies and whatever. Like after our, what do you call them? Not seminars. Jesus Christ. Lectures. Fuck. I was thinking of seminars. After our lectures or whatever, let's just hang out on Skype and watch shit.

And then for a little bit, it's fine. But then like for the next week, she just starts fucking ghosting me. And I remember this one conversation where we had a call randomly during the week after not talking for ages. Where it was during Halloween season. She was telling me her Halloween costume was going to be a dog trainer. And I told her, that's fucking retarded. How is that scary? And she got so mad at me.

That's retarded? How is that scary? Because I was like, it's Halloween. It has to be scary. And she was like, no, Halloween's just costumes. And I just pounded my desk and I went, no, it's carnival. You're thinking of carnival. But yeah, whatever.

I was getting like joke mad because i didn't really give a fuck about the costume she was gonna wear the party that i wasn't going to but like she fucking held held that shit forever like she resented me for that conversation forever but anyway we don't talk pretty much until the weekend that she visits me. And then she gets here. And like Avery was saying, you know, oh, I don't know if I was making it obvious that I wanted to break up with her. She made it painfully obvious. Because when I went in for a kiss, she fucking straight up did the grimacing emoji. And she fucking reeled back.

And I was like, okay, i look like a rapist right now because there was like it was at a fucking train station it looked like i was fucking like um forcing myself on her i instantly felt like something's something's going on here um and then we're just on the bus back from the train station and we're barely talking. She's not even making eye contact. And then we get to the room and I just turn to her and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And then she sits down and she goes, give me a moment. She reaches into her bag and she pulls out a sheet of paper. What?

Which has a massive fucking speech written on it. Oh my god. Holy shit. And I was like, okay, I know you're gonna break up with me, but can we at least talk? And she just goes, Ed, this took me so long to type up.

Can you please just let me read this? Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my God. I am so happy you guys are laughing because I'm on the brink of tears. Thank you. What the fuck? She's fucking crazy. What a fucking psychopath.

And I just indulge her. You're like, I quit Best Buy. The story's not done. So I just indulge her and I just sit down on my fucking chair and I go, fine, read it, whatever. And then it's just this spiel. I don't even remember because at this point my brain is just white noise because I'm just like so fucking mad that like she's. How did it start? Did it like start with Dear Ed?

Yeah, it did. Really? Yeah, it started with dear gamers dear gamer um and yeah she started reading this shit and one of her points was that like oh and we didn't even we barely talked at all before i even visited i feel like we're taking this for granted and in my head i was like you fucking i'm so mad right now um but yeah and then i heard around she was like okay now what do you have to say and i just went oh i didn't have time to type anything up you could just leave you're fucking crazy holy shit that's so fucking good and then she went ed you're being

childish and i went i mean i don't care we broke up and you've clearly made up your mind you spent so much time on that paper i'm whatever i'd say isn't gonna do anything like seriously you could just leave and then she was like no ed you're supposed to fight for this and i just went okay fuck off and i just turned around and i launched d4 on my computer and i put my headset on d fucking four man and then she just got mad and stormed off and that was the last time i saw her and the worst part the worst fucking part about this story is that this was this happened two months into me being at college so every single girl that i had talked to knew i had a girlfriend so i was fucked. It was awful.

Retroactively, seeing all the women I fucking turned down who were there, and they're in college, so they're all like, let's bang. Who cares? Oh, we have the same eye color? Fucking my top's off. Let's get it. I'm just mad. Are you going to get pizza in this elevator?

Yeah. Oh, you want to go to promise friends i'm glad that story's getting cut so people can just imagine why it had to get cut it was so upsetting oh and bonus fact uh the reason she went dead quiet before she visited me uh it turns out she cheated on me super hard with a guy at her college so why don't you fight for this idiot you're supposed to fight for this what a fucking she is a psycho holy shit yeah it's like given the person that ed is it's like my instinct if ed says yeah no my ex is crazy i'm kind of, it's like my instinct. If Ed says, yeah, no, my ex is crazy. I'm kind of like, it's like, no, you're, you're, you're probably the issue.

But like, oh my God, dude. Fucking hell. No, no. It's I'm on good terms with most of my exes. Not that one. Definitely not that one. Oh yeah. Why?

Can't imagine why.esus christ man yeah and then like all the other breakups were like just it was just it was almost always mutual it was just them that they that initiated it and i'd be like yeah fair enough literally all my breakups have been okay that's not true but most of my breakups have been... Okay, that's not true, but most of my breakups have been like a form of I'm gay, which is fucking funny. You'd use that one more than once? No. One time,

don't you remember the girl I dated that was gay? No, I know about that. I just thought you said most... Yeah, exactly. I thought you said most of your breakups were like that. And I was like, you don't get to realize that more than once. I didn't date that many people so yeah most okay yeah the worst part was i lied by the way i that okay no that was actually the last time i saw her but i did talk to her again like a year ago because i I was making a LinkedIn account. And I fucking saw her there.

And I was like, I'm curious. I need to hit her up. And then I fucking did some fucking brainiac detective work. Because while I was talking to her or whatever, I was like, yeah, how are you? Blah, blah. Where are you living right now? You know, fucking who cares? I managed to sneak in like, oh, who are you living with with and she went oh my boyfriend and i asked oh how long you guys been dating

and then she told me like the fucking year and months and at the moment she said that i stopped replying because i did the math and it said fucking october and I was like, fuck yes, we broke up in November. I knew it. Whore. Wow. Oh, man. Oh, my God. Speaking of whores, Patreon questions. Fuck yeah. I didn't...

Oh shit, I'm on the topics chat. This is not the Patreon questions. I just added them. I know you guys always give me shit for not picking a question, but if I pick one, you guys give me shit anyway, so I'm not picking one. Wump underscore asks, if your dick made a noise audible

to everyone around you anytime you got hard, what would you pick? Rust sound. Like rusty door opening. Avery's got the blicky. Minecraft block fall onto the ground sounds, so just... That's a good one.

Have you ever heard... You remember that the really deadly frog? Like the little desert frog that's a good one have you ever heard uh you remember that the really deadly frog like the little the little desert frog that's really deadly yeah the one that goes that fuck you actually can i pick brendan's because i want brendan's to be the first chapter of harry potter the entire first audiobook yeah Yeah. Chapter one. No, no. My dick when it gets hard in stages is Harry's theme song for his videos, like the...

I really like this one. Mark... Because this is going to get a lot of us really heated for no reason. Mark Newcomb asks, What is your most hated holiday and why easter i think easter's fucking retarded easter valentine's day what i fucking hate it it's consumerism at its finest and i fucking hate diamonds and i fucking hate manufactured holiday to show love to your loved ones when you should be showing them that love all year fucking round.

Like some people use it as some fucking excuse to be like, oh yeah, no, this is when you get your gift, darling. It's chocolate. Here's a diamond ring for you. Fuck that shit. Fuck capitalism. Burn it all. Do you like Christmas? Do you hate Christmas too? I love Christmas, but

I get presents on Christmas. I mean, for fuck's sake, are you gonna cover your bed in like rose petals and light up candles every day? Yeah. You should do. I mean, I think it's I'm with him on some points. Yeah. I think it's weird. And for a lot of people, like for a lot of people, they go to a restaurant for the first time and fucking forever with their

fucking significant other. I mostly hate Valentine's Day because it's basically corporate manufactured whereas Christmas is turned into a corporate manufacturer but it wasn't originally. My problem with Valentine's Day is it is wholly fabricated whereas

Christmas is only like half fabricated. Mine's Memorial Day. The fuck have they done for me lately? Holy shit. Whoa. Did you see Mike Pence say that the Space Force soldiers are going to be called guardians? That's real, by the way. No way.

Bro, that's real by the way no way bro that's badass that gets the badass seal of approval you know i mean i i just make an effort in like the bedroom department like set up speakers rose petals candles because like fucking when you're raring to go when the when the h bomber guy theme song starts playing you're not gonna fucking set it up like every time yeah that's fair bro sometimes you just want to hit it from the back while she plays shadow the colossus corbin just messaged me just owns owned another boomer okay thanks corbin thanks corbin let's see the gibbler asks sky high or spy kids and if you say spy kids why are you wrong one second spy kids is better kids i mean my kids is way better as much as a meme as we we we did like i know that spy kids is better do you think god because i like sky i mean i like sky

i like sky high but like spy Kids is actually like really fucking good. Sky High is a funny metaphor for having to come out to your parents as gay where the solution is just actually be straight and it'll be okay. It's pretty cool. I think it's a fun movie but Spy Kids is actually like

it has a lot going on. I like it. And Sky High doesn't he just get the powers anyway like yeah yeah that's the yeah that's right yeah that's not only is he straight he's double straight he gets both powers he grows a second cock that also only wants pussy it hungers for pussy that's in X rated cut I hide too he fights his kaiju cock I'll watch anything with Kurt Russell

in it I'll watch fucking that one Kurt Russell is so hot he gets hotter as he ages he's like Brad Pitt you've seen him as Santa Claus dude Brad Pitt got me fucked up in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. That man is...

Yeah, he looks written. Ridiculously attractive. Especially in that movie. Fuck. That movie, too. I like that one. Brad Pitt, if you're listening, I want to have a moan off. Oh, my God.

Corbin sent me a follow-up message. She thought she knew more about children's media than me. Oh, great. He fought... Oh no, he got in a fight about Fortnite. Probably got in a fight about Sky High, knowing Corbin. Might have gotten yelled at for putting Drake Bell's fucking Christmas album on. Landshark asks,

If you had the ability to make 2020 even worse than it already is, what would you do? I'd still be playing Smite. I have nothing. I posed you a simple question for a question. Bees? More bees. More bees. I think more bees. like we already had we had the murder we had the murder hornets yeah what about the fucked up and crazy bees oh oh here's how i'd make uh

here's how i'd make 2020 worse for david i'd make 2020 worse for david by telling him that i planted a cockroach in his uh apartment but I wouldn't tell him where it is. That's fucked up. Why me? I'd make 2020 worse for David by forcibly updating all of his copies of Kingdom Hearts to replace Sora with Gilbert Gottfried, but just human Gilbert Gottfried. That would make it so fucking good. Why is that so specific? But the best part is you can play the whole game, but he gets stuck at the first doorway, so you can't progress past because

he's taller than Sora. No. It's not even a stylized Gilbert Godfrey. It's just Gilbert Godfrey. Human eye. Human. Human Gilbert Godfrey. FMV. PS2. Oh, FMV. FMV Gilbert Godfrey. I think i'd make 2020 worse for avery by making the prom story public that wouldn't be that wouldn't be that much worse that was mostly

just me going wait this is not funny we got end theories now it's time for avery archaeology it's not really that interesting dig up the truth i. I just, I just, I just, a girl, a girl I was dating confronted me because she could tell I didn't want to date her. And then I still went to the prom with her three days later. Um. What a moron. Yeah. Well, we should do one more.

I guess. I see one, but I don't want to say it because that's going to land us in the forever zone where the podcast never ends. Yeah, I know which one that is. I'll read it. GenericPhoenix asked, did you guys ever resolve the bear versus gorilla debate?

It's not a debate. Bear wins. Yes, we did resolve it. Bear wins, yeah. Bear wins. Really, Ed? ProtechTech asks what's a bad game that you've played that has a special place in your heart for any reason this kid doesn't want to get in a fight

knows he'll lose you are beneath me taking the high road gorilla ass worst first date experience. We're not doing the game one? Oh, what one? They asked two questions.

I was looking for pro tech. What's a bad game that you've played that has a special place in your heart? Oh, David, this should be easy for you. Oh, yeah, it is. Come on, David. I'm not going to say Kingdom hearts like it's not kingdom hearts that's not the one i'm thinking of what is it legendary why would that why would that fucking have any why would that be the thing with a special place in my heart why first review

it was not my first review was altered beast on the playstation 2 and nobody's seen that video ever that game does not rule it does there's a weird i remember review of bio freaks i fucking have i have i still have the review and at one point in the review i was like uh i see i i i remember like because you would have to suck the energy out of out of things and i had a i filmed myself like in like in the in a cold shower screaming and i'm like 12 i have really ugly ass braces i'm fully clothed and i'm screaming and my sister's in the back like screaming because she's playing the sims or something and like that shit is so fucking cursed mine is dark void because this was the first game oh that's uh that has made me genuinely angry like not just oh this game is hard i'm so

mad it's just i am so mad at the game and myself because i bought it it is the stupidest fucking game i've ever played and then i bought it again just to show how fucking stupid it is i don't think i've ever seen a game live rent-free in someone's head like Dark Void does in Ed. I know. He's so fucking dumb. Literally, you talk about that game every single fucking week. Ed talks about Dark Void once a month. Dark Void made me so mad that when I was 12, I made a David review of Dark Void that no one will ever see.

You did what? A David review? I made a dark void review how is this the first time I'm hearing about this that's why I hate it so much I hated it so much I learned how to edit that's generally

how one becomes a youtuber um I don't need to answer this question everyone knows mine Fallout 76 um i don't need to answer this question everyone knows mine yeah fallout 76 it has a special place in your heart yeah i like it but it's it's just liking it i guess i i don't i don't really have like the only game that really is like in my heart of hearts is katamari Damacy and nothing else is in there. Everything else is right outside trying to get in.

That's like the only game I love. Everything else is just okay. No, Katamari Damacy. That's the only game I give a shit about. Every other game can fuck off. I want to roll stuff up in a ball. I don't give two shits, three shits, four shits, five shits. Am I thinking of Altered Beast or Bloody Roar? Because one of these is fucking sick, David.

Bloody Roar is a fighting game and it's great. Wait, why do I have Altered Beast and Google suggested? I've Googled this before. Altered Beast is like an arcade Genesis game. I love this game! Are you nuts? They made a sequel on the PlayStation 2, you dumb fuck. No, not that. the not the genesis version i'm talking about the fucking ps2 game there was a 2005 ps2 game

oh this is this is so sick this is just that cover but up-res'd it's bad it's not good oh and the logo's made of bones that's so cool it bad. It's not a good game. Yo, and the logo's made of bones! That's so cool. It's not a good game. I have a review for you, bro. One of the suggestions is this image from a Reddit thread called

Can we get a PS4 remaster of Altered Beast? Let me post the controller with which to play Altered Beast. Give me a second. Oh, the bone controller. You can only play this on this controller.

When I used to go to the local, I used to go to like a local game store. I used to hang out there and I was like, I would just like fuck around with the owner. And I remember one time I was like, Oh yeah,

I actually make a video game reviews. And he was like, Oh yeah. Okay. What do you make? And I was like, ah, I showed him,

I showed him the altered beast review. And he put him, he played it on loop inside the fucking store for a day. Oh, and Oh my God. god when i was when i was like young i was like oh this is the coolest shit ever but thinking back i'm like that is the worst shit that is so fucking lame of you david this is so sad i don't know i don't think so he he he was telling like i i would talk he had like such shit taste he would tell me how much he loved playing that what's the fucking lord of the rings uh xbox 360 game third person shooter

what oh um yeah fucking the the demons forge hunted the Yeah, no not that there was an actual Lord of the Rings third-person shooter. What? Yeah about this War of the fucking ring or something whatever of the ring No, what's the fucking any war of the ring? They're fucking Not conquest war in the north war in the north oh yeah that game sucked ass and he would he was like he would constantly be like yo this is literally my favorite game ever i have played it like 20 times so like i'm pretty sure his taste in anything was really fucking skewed and fucked. This was like an action RPG.

Was it? Yeah. Oh, who cares? I remember playing War in the North because when I worked at GameStop, I borrowed that and I think the Game of Thrones game and I borrowed those from the store. Wow, good picks. And I remember both of them putting one in, playing it for 10 minutes, being like,

this sucks, and then putting the other one in and not remembering which was which. Yeah, I mean, they were both the fucking same game, to be fair. They were both lame fucking games, bro. You know what the Game of Thrones game plays itself? Really? Which is my favorite fact about it, yeah. The attack button, if you just click it, your character will auto-run to the next enemy and start attacking. Oh my god. it's fucking trash any war of the north heads in chat north heads north heads can we be done like we're not finding any patreon questions that

are funny and now the entire chat's filled with Altered Beast covers. Season's greetings and happy holidays to all that listened to this episode and everybody else can fuck right off. And here's a special holiday thanks to our top patrons. Dead Dreams Des Rigothroy Dreams of Ice Ducky Madness Eric Scott Gillies Fang Jade Generic Phoenix It's That Damn Fake Hedgehog

Mark my words Sonic if you get in my way I'll use my Pogma Action M16 on you Jeff Smith Jonathan Sobran Manuel Martinez Marco Sotelo Miyako Notoriety Py Pat, Seawolf812, Sky, Taylor, Teague, That Man, Travis Vapes, Unarmed Toaster, William Oliver, and Winchester Curse. Once again thanks so much for supporting us and we'll see you next year!