Please Stop Talking - Mobilize The Amish (feat. Brendaniel) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: August 23, 2025

Calm down, liberal, it's just train humor! A big thank you to  @HYENABLOOD  for letting me use his unreleased music! Check out all of his projects here! ▶ https://youtu.be/k-6jVBj56jM Check out our merch! ▶ https://pleasestopshopping.com/ Support the podcast on Patreon ▶ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Join the PST Discord server! ▶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65 Links:  @SirMeowMusic  ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/sirmeow.gay  @BrendanielGaming  ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/brendaniel.bsky.social  @Badddladdd  ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/badlad.bsky.social Cameron ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/cameron1.bsky.social Podcast ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/pstpodcast.com Podcast also available on Spotify and iTunes! iTunes ▶ https://goo.gl/X1C3nG Spotify ▶ https://goo.gl/fdVg9V Art ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/b00rad.bsky.social Video Template ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/thehangingrabbit.bsky.social Chapters: 0:00 Intro 0:20 Mike's Exciting Whites 2: Crackertoa 8:02 White On The Brain (Zachary Levi) 10:36 The Amish Lockjawer 13:44 Oh, Banana! 15:35 Bren of the Hill 17:32 The Amish Are Aura Farming 22:15 The Beach That Makes You Old 24:37 Lizzie From The Block 27:18 Is a man not entitled?!? 30:44 The Marble That Vexes You 32:36 The boys venture into BookTube 39:33 L'arrivée d'un train en gare de La Ciotat-like 40:54 Bring Back Lying 43:18 The Iowa Stickman 44:48 Smoking The Bog-Jabar 46:37 Patreon Questions! 1:02:03 Outro + Credits Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Check out our Patreon at Surmiao Music or the link in the description. And now on with the show. I have this segment. I have this bit I want to do, right? I was thinking about this. Because we started playing fantasy football and the fantasy football names are fucking hilarious this year. And I really, but the thing is, they all read, like, movie titles for, like, really fucked up movies, right?

So I was thinking, what if we started a bit a segment called? called Now Showing, where we, like, act out a trailer for the names of these stupid fucking names. We're really circling the drain. I do like this bit. I do like this idea. I'm going to take it, for example, let's use Mike's team name in fantasy football. His theme name is Mike's exciting White's Two Cracker Toa. What if we acted out a trailer for that movie and Brendan does the narration of it?

You know, like, this summer, the whites are about to get crazy or some shit like that. Do you get what I mean? This is a trailer for birth of a nation? Like, what are we doing here? Well, no, they're exciting whites, not racist. I mean, anytime you're specifying white. I mean, January 6th was pretty exciting. Anytime a white gets excited, you know, something.

Oh, a white-only team? Okay, interesting. In football? No, it's not a white-only team. I have an Asian kicker. Come on. Yeah, he has an Asian kicker The only other one that I would put to it

Is the, the Jettas just hit both bowers Are you kidding? Atlanta battery eaters is like a fucking trauma I was gonna say that does kind of sound like street trash Is Aaron Rogers still alive? That's what, a fucking lifetime movie? Dude, it's so funny because you're putting this up And yours is Billy, I don't have a name

Yeah, well, because I couldn't think of a name And I also didn't want to repeat my name twice Because it doesn't matter, this fucking website Is your name last year? My name last year was Jesus at Red Rocks. Do you know why? No. Because of that, what's that, do you remember that one player that just took his shirt off and fucked, fucked off midgame?

Antonio Brown. Yeah, Antonio Brown. The one who farted on that, that fucking guy giving him a massage and he filmed himself, like, just shitting him, his pants in front of that guy. He's gone on a football. What's up? What's up with football? What the fuck? Dude, CTE is a magical thing, man.

It's fucking insane. It's destroyed. Oh, man. It's fucking mushy, wet mud in there, dude. It's crazy. He could shake his head. His brain would fall out and you could spread it on some toes. Either way, it's because at one point, during his truly crazy media out explosion, he kept

yelling, I'm like Jesus of Red Rocks. I'm like if Jesus was at Red Rocks. And that's why I named my team Jesus at Red Rocks. And that's my story. Beautiful. I dislike football and hair. Apparently. So this is my only problem. I just do not like football. I think it has nothing to do. It's just a name. There's nothing to do with football. No, it's directly related to football. It's ontologically. It's literally parallel of football. It's just a name. It's ontologically related to football. It's oddologically football. Yeah. I mean, like it's it's I I I just have a I have negative inspiration when it comes to anything that is even close to football. It doesn't it's not it doesn't have anything. It doesn't have anything. to do is football. I don't get it. It's football fantasy team games. Therefore, it is close to football.

To Brendan, to Brendan, it doesn't matter. It's something that has the taint of pigskin. Mike's exciting White's two cracker toa is amazing. You can make so many things with them. It's like a 2000s parody movie. It literally, I can, I could smell the whiff of like the sports field. Oh, fine. What if, okay, what if we come back to this idea on another episode, but instead we people for prompts and then we have to come up with the trailer for it is that what you're saying Cameron give me one now that's not related to football the longest yard too finally he's coming back the lawnmower man and this time the yard is even longer oh my god my grass is so on count starring twain the rock johnson and kevin hart also including the revival of kevin spacy this is the

longest yard to press f to mow your lawn who here wants to voice kevin heart let's make the exciting whites truly happen oh man don't let them get too excited like okay this is this is my inherent problem with the bit billy i understand where the bit is but this is also it's i'm not trying to put you down i respect the ingenuity and i respect you as my friend but i will say this i tried i will say this this has high school class uh improv energy to it oh well it's but it's fun this show has been nothing but high school level improv since day one. This one is it, it doesn't happen naturally. You know, it's like trying to force the bit instead of like letting the bit kind of. Listen, Brendan, do you know what the first rule is? Yeah, yes and. The first rule of improv, yes, and. And yet you keep

denying me. I'm not denying me of my worldly pleasures, much like you would be building a house brick by brick, brown brick by brown brick and Minecraft. I am offering you constructive criticism in which I understand the want and the need to kind of move forward within the comedy sphere, to kind of like spread your wings and fly like a fish with wings. But I got to, you know, I got to put it to it. Maybe it was just a presentation. Maybe it's because it's football, but. I like a billy.

Your idea of someone sends in a prompt is just the follow-up to the, if you get a PST tattoo or change your middle name to PST, we'll do an improv bit for you. You're just, you're circling that. Brandon, gritty reboot of Tintin with Christian Bale as the lead. Coming this summer, Tintin is back and he's got a gun. He always had a gun. I don't remember if he was a dog or a guy, but in this one, he's a dog and a guy. Whoa.

He's a six-foot-nine anthropomorphic wolf with red eyes. No, she can't help with a badass katana and some tribal tattoos. He's also got a fat ass, and whenever he walks, it makes a nice. audible clap. Why the fuck would you do that? Why would you do that? Who wants to voice Tintin? Tintin give us your famous line. My ass is so big that I hide my gun in it. Finally, he pulls out his desert eagle and fires multiple shots. What is he shooting at? Just like a barrel in like the desert outside of a trailer. Like you must kill his dog to save the world. No!

It's pretty. It's pretty. They should have made a John Wick movie where he had to kill his dog. Oh, yeah, they should have. That's cinema right there. This says a lot about society, I think. To disarm the dog's bomb, I have to kill my dog. There's a bomb inside of my dog. They put the wires in his fucking aorta. I have to get into the left ventricle staff.

John Wick tries to get revenge on John Wick for killing John Wick's dog. And we're just making Keanu Reeves the whale. Like, I don't... Yeah. Don't do it. Welcome to the podcast. Let them have it. Oh, dude.

I need a big pizza Oh, dude I feed like a big pizza I feel like I need a big pizza right now Excellent That's like all I had to go In with this little improv bit man You really shut me down

I didn't mean to shut you down I was quiet to let you try to build I was quiet for a whole like three minutes I was silent for a whole three minutes I tried to build I was like Oh okay so so It's exciting whites right I don't know why it's keep

The whites keep coming back We're really into white people today I mean they added the white Power Ranger To Fortnite so I get it The what? The White Ranger Everyone's got white on the brain Did they? Is that what it's called Officially? Well no white Ranger

Okay okay okay That was you don't remember Well I guess if you're not a Power Rangers kid They used to be like the I'm not a Power Rangers kid The joke in high school and in middle schools Like you like the white power Ranger Oh yeah no I mean that was

Yeah that was like everywhere I want to watch Tokusats. Every fucking kid did that and did jokes about how the Red Ranger was gay or like the actor. He was in a gay porn. I remember when I was a kid and I was, it was crazy to find that as an adult that people really hated when the Blue Ranger was like a kid that turned into like an adult Blue Ranger because I thought, as a kid watching Power Rangers, I was like, that's so cool.

I could be an adults, man. Oh. Oh, you would love this movie I found. It's called Shazam. It's starring Harold. The Purple crayon guy. Oh, Zachary Levi. You guys get your tickets?

You guys get your tickets? It's coming out, right? To the purple verse? Yeah, to the purple verse. Welcome to the purple verse. Dude, I'm already fully in, I've been invested in the purple verse longer than any of you have. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize we had an OG purple head.

Yeah, uh, actually, Zach Levi came directly to my house and I've invested so fucking much into purple coin. Please don't tell my wife. And he was like, he kept asking who you were voting for. It was really weird, actually. And I kept getting in his face and saying, you were on Chuck, you were on Chuck. How was that like? Huh? How was that like?

How was that like? Oh, you were on Chuck? you were on chuck how was that like huh how was that like uh number one chuck guy how's the field i know the best years behind you zachary levi no more chuck you're all chucked out no more chuck now you suck and all he had to do was just not being shazam too i was chazam too that bad how the how fucking awful can a movie be to sink your repute i mean okay that you know what i just realized as i was saying it there was also another thing i don't think it was the movie that sunk It was just a media superhero movie.

Why can't I get roles anymore? And I'm going to be honest. It was kind of, it was Loki Harold. Don't tell Harold. Don't tell him I said that. Hollywood hates anti-vexas. It's so fucked up. Hollywood hates the Purple Crown.

How long until he's in a movie with Stephen Seagull, you think? Ooh. Have we checked that it hasn't happened already? I have a feeling. I think Stephen Seagull would hate him. Stephen Seagall would love him. No, Zachary Levi would actually play the chair in the next Segal movie. that Segal sits in throughout the entire movie,

even doing action from it. So, Zach Levi's going to be the chair. This is, I saw a movie when, okay, I want to see, I want to see Videodrome in theaters, like a few years back. Our local art house, like, plays a lot of classic horror, like Canadian horror movies. So Videodrome, you know, it's a pretty big, uh, Cronenberg movie.

And before most movies, they always show a little short film made by a local filmmaker. Everybody sits down and the movie starts, the short film starts, and it's this woman that pretends to be a table, then she just starts sucking the dude off. There's like one guy to just go, whoa. Dude, it was so fucking awkward. It was like 10 minutes of a woman pretending to be a dick-sucking chair. Huh. What?

I just, I'm just writing notes. How often do you go to see movies and there's just sucking? in dick happening is what I'm wondering I don't dude I this the first time it I mean that's like the first time it happened I'm pretty sure I'm just wondering if there's some kind of like curse following you around what do you mean this never happened then what did this happen another time like yeah I think you might cast dick suck on you I cast a lock jaw no counter spell you're fucked damn there's just an amaze phantom following you around and he's doing the uh dick in his mouth like pantomime constantly

What? Why? Why Amish? What are you talking about? Ominus? Aminous, not ominous. Not Amish. Ominous as in like scary or like... There's an Amish ghost following you, Billy. There's an Amish ghost. Why is an Amish ghost doing the dick-sucking thing? ECW's Amish road kills following you around pointing at you, he's doing a dick-suck motion. Yeah. Yeah, but he's doing it without the use of technology. That's like fucking old-fashioned traditional...

I don't know if dick-sucking's changed that. much in overtime we have the technology have you seen the grapefruit lady video of course you have you're on the internet i'm just going to have grapefruits like come on no they can't they do not grow they don't grow in the lehigh valley not actually i'm gonna google this i'm i'm uh source cameron source uh source uh source uh i'm gonna ask google a i give me a see can the amish go to the grocery store is that allowed to an amish market like that's what the omish market is the omish market is like you go and you sell shit. And I'm guessing the Amish market is not going to get a banana.

I mean, they're not going to get a banana. But are they allowed to import it? I mean, if they don't, someone else will. They'd be mostly eating Scrapple. I'm looking it up. Yeah, Scrapple. It's like a pork and cornmeal and flour.

Amish 365, sweet and tangy grapefruit pie and a refreshing Amish-style dessert. What great-out are you growing here? Get out of here with your bullshit. Apparently, there's this fucking grapefruit. Yeah, what the fuck is? What is Jeff and Daya growing back there, bro? What the fuck?

There's Groves in Texas, so, you know. Huh. It wouldn't make sense that it can grow here. I mean, I'm sure you could probably grow bananas in, I don't know, California, right? I believe, maybe. I mean, they wouldn't know about the technique because they can't go on YouTube, right? Well, okay, so bananas are a really interesting subject because when it comes to bananas, like, there's a...

What? Turn them on. Like, the fact that we get bananas for as cheap as we do is particularly because of, uh, The Banana Wars. It all comes back to Banana Republics. The Banana Wars. Oh, I vaguely know what you're talking about. Yeah.

I very vaguely remember hearing. I mean, Banana Republic is where you can get awesome cargo pants for cheap. It's also where you get bananas really, really cheaply. It keeps smushing bananas on my fucking pants. Google United Fruit Company. I just said it, but I actually, I genuinely do not know if you guys have Banana Republics. In, do you?

Yeah. The fucking, oh, they're owned by Gap. Never mind. Of course, you fucking have Banana Republic. But also, very, very weird to call your fucking clothing store Banana Republic. Is it named after the concept of a Banana Republic? I mean, I'm not, I'm pretty sure Banana Republic. Bill, you make a-

I'm looking at it right now, and I don't see a single banana on the website. This is pissing me off. Billy, you make a, you make a decent living off of doing this show, right? Do you have a few dollars to invest? in my new, uh, clothing brand, a part-thide apparel. A part-hide apparel, I mean, you know, you can, in the fashion world, you can use a brand name to make a statement. And your statement, brave as it is, is that apart hide, not, not cool, man. If only I can have the parent company fashionism.

Dang-er. That's really good. Holy shit. Banger. Amazing. That's so fucking good. Hell yes. Dude, we're on point. Never mind. Certified gem. You brought it back. For a second, I thought you were going to say certified jab, but you brought him back. Certified. Thinking about New King of the Hill and the bit is still locked in my mind when Dale was talking

about Jab. Jab Bush. It's going to live in my mind for the rest of my life, I think, is the idea of a third Bush. I need to watch the New King of the Hill. What is it on? It's fucking excellent. Yeah, I've heard of good things.

The first episode kind of lost me, but then as it can, kept going, it got really fucking funny. I mean, mostly because the first episode is like setting up a lot. But it's really good. I like it. It's on Disney Plus for Canadians and... It'll be on for their family as well, then. Just p-kered it.

Straight up. Just p-p-chit the shit. Who gives the shit? I just censored what I said, but like, you know what I just said. It's going to be a rickety old truck rolling past my street and something might fall out of it is what I'm. here and just oh my god the new king of the hill right in front of my doorstep oh he doesn't he's not coming back for it even i i well i don't i've put no idea how to get it i guess i'll keep it yeah

look at look at this cool king of the hill that i dropped i hope nobody picks it up i've just realized i can't truly ever know anything about the amish because all i'm finding about it is like websites they don't have the internet websites like visit the armish dot com and it's like well this isn't made by an armish person obviously no so like can I even trust any of this of information my thing I mean it might be it might be made by like some fucking guy that's like uh I don't know studies the Amish is that a thing is there like no there's not there's not a dude sitting in the back of every Amish village with a little oh but why oh but why do you know the Amish who's paying him the the fucking people that need

to know about the Amish dude they're the ones I'll have you know the website Amish 365 is run by a Pulitzer Prize win a winning journalist named Kimmy. Yeah. So... Yeah, Kevin goes suck mine, bro. I've talked about this on this show before. I have, like, a deep-rooted distrust of the Amish in general. Why? Quick recap, when I was four, my parents brought me to the Amish country,

because it's what you do when you grow up in this area. A day trip to the Amish, that's a thing people do? Yeah. They leave you with them for, like, a day and see if you survive. I was terrified of the Amish because I knew they didn't use technology or whatever, but I didn't think of it or like conceptualize it as like they personally just don't use stuff like that

I thought that they were like actively hostile against it and they were going to take our car apart like Jawa it's with the speed of building a barn they break down the car. That's so funny. Yeah Jerusha's gonna fucking go crazy on it no they can't touch it they get burned if you want to know about the Amish

I got an old little old song for you it explains literally everything. It's a song by Weird Al Yankovic called Amish Paradise. That might be our best documentation. And in the song he says, we've been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise. Like now that I'm older, wiser, uh, more perspective on the world. I just think like the Amish are a bunch of fake ass aura farmers. I don't like

them. They do kind. No, they they do kind of or a farm. You ever see like an Amish dude rocking down on a fucking wagon. Like Wait, I guess they, do they contract out like their fucking buildings and shit? No, no, they do they build it out of wood. Amish, Amish, Amish, Amish, they build

them out of wood. It's not how Amish Paradise goes. Me and Mariah got to go down to the old, we got to go down to the old Home Depot, got to pick up some wood. What happens if, like, you get caught, like, sneaking a little TikTok time in the Amish commune? Actual answer? Excommunication.

Just like, you're just brain rotting out the back. like and someone finds you and you're just been watching like fucking tin consecutive dance videos taking 12 milligrams of kison out to the dome do not take my misdemease for me I know I know that's like a thing that they do where it's um it's like when they turn 18 it's their thing where um they go and they spend some time living in you know modern society yeah thank you uh bless you by the way

is that a thing but it's it's that thing where it's like, oh, you know, go, go out and experience the world, see if you want to live that lifestyle, if not, you know, come back to the community. And all I know is those kids go fucking ham there. They just lose their shit. Yeah, you let your kids go out into the English world. Yeah, I would expect them to go fucking crazy. They don't even know what Bluey is.

They're probably fucking going crazy. They don't know what an iPad is. They're going to see an iPad and lose their mind, yeah. Yeah, they're probably just fucking watching Bluey and going fucking insane. Like, fuck, Bandit's hot. I'm pretty sure that there has been a, at least, God, maybe like three to five incidents of like Amish people getting a little bit famous on TikTok and then just kind of disappearing. Yeah, because they wouldn't, yeah.

Yeah. I remember exactly one, but I'm pretty sure there's more. I'm thinking back into the dome, there have been at least multiple instances of people in Amish communities getting a hold of phones, posting some TikToks, and then the Tex-Ox just stopped coming. I've taken your devil rectangle. I'm putting it in the well. If you get another devil rectangle, you're kicked out of town, you have to leave. Devilbridge. Back to the world of the English. I don't know. I had a thought about the Amish, but I can't remember anymore. Thank goodness. I'm going to go build a barn. They're getting to him. They're infecting his brain. They want to build their barns, their phylactaries.

They want to build a barn directly onto my fucking brain, dude, wood inside of the folds. We're talking about like, fucking four by fours, two by fours, all of them up in there. I just feel bad for Amish because, like, I know farmers, like, modern day farmers are getting really into drones and have been getting really into drones. They can never, they can never experience the joy of, like, whipping your DGI phantoms to the field to try to find people harvesting your grain. Is that a thing? I would expect it. Yeah, that's like a farmer's, a lot of, like, this is a, this is something when I used to work a Best Buy used to be very helpful with 70 to 90 year old men.

And that was the day that I learned that old people can learn technology. They just choose not to. Yeah. Right. Because I, I, I, I, I, I, they learned how to use an app on their phone to be able to pilot a drone. And I'm like, if you can do that, you can like, check your fucking email. Like, I don't.

It's okay. The Amish have, uh, they've innovated in drone technology. They've taken young Ezekiel. strapped him to a hawk he'll find it like a bird yeah like the bird just fucking he watches over using brown rope fucking tie him up and send him out him up there it's like balloon boy for the omish generation dude did you guys see this story about this balloon boy is crazy right i hope they get him down if you guys heard about this guy so they put a they put a boy in a balloon right i had a dream the other night that they remade mouth of in the mouth of madness and you know the bike kid in the mouth of

madness they did that bit where he gets old but it was balloon boy and he was was just up in the air and somebody was just checking a telescope periodically and he just kept getting older in the chair they put him in the chair that makes him old and sent him up into the guy i don't where are we the chair that makes them old is that like the beach that one fucking am night shaman movie yeah you put a little sand from the beach that makes you old in the chair and the chair becomes the chair that makes you old oh that's right the movie's called old i forgot i forgot it's called old it's going to be that spontaneous old bustian yeah the beach that makes you all conveniently located right next to the orb that kills old people if you could make a beach do

something to somebody what would you make that beach do i would make a beach that makes you impotent i mean the way that like your life has been trending right now bill you assume yours would just be the beach that sucks your dick what did you that's such a beach that makes you attempt self-suck like it doesn't mean that you're going to self-suck but you have to try and then it will not lately leave until you until you're self-sucked completion in my in my head this concept is like it's slow happening so just like over the course of like an hour you're just kind of bending forward yeah yeah yeah I can't stop it

that's very Junji Ito-esque yeah you turn into a spiral if you can't yeah and instead of turning into a spiral slowly yeah exactly instead of that you just suck your dick or try to until you die oh no the beach is the beach is making me suck my dick this is the beach that makes you old dude what are you talking about have you guys seen no I have to think about a beach that turns you in like a mediocre

Christopher Walken impersonator, the beach that turns you into a theater kid. Oh, fuck, that's awful. No. They'd have to fucking, they'd have to quarantine that place. Did you guys hear that Glenn got back from the beach that turns you into a theater kid? Yeah, he keeps wanting us to watch Monty Python in the Black Knight. I keep telling him, no, there's a new Marvel out.

I want to see the new Marvel, but he keeps saying, ah. The beach that makes you sing talk. The beach that makes you Lynn Manuel Miranda. Yeah. Oh my God. Dude, that's actually, that's my nightmare. That is actually. actual fucking hell. Buying some groceries and going back home.

Oh. Writing my notes gonna call it a tome. Hamilton is in Montreal right now and I cannot. I'm so fucking sick of Lin-Manuel Miranda, bro. What do you people have a use for Hamilton for? Why don't you give a fuck about that show? I don't get, nobody does it's ours. Hey man, they hate the king as well.

I don't even fucking know why we have it. I thought they were dick suckers for the king for years. Us? Yeah. What? Nobody fucking likes the king. That's crazy. Oh, like, oh, current, wait, current king?

I was talking like history. Any king. I thought they were on your money for like years. That doesn't mean we want them. Do you think Australians want to be part of this shit? Hell no. We still got Luzi on our fucking notes. We ain't changed in that shit.

Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm fucking saying. Just because I assume it's because there's only one guy who works in your mint, Cameron. He's busy. Yeah, and I'm recording a fucking podcast right now. What are you want for me? Yeah, so clearly nothing's getting done. The only time I would ever fucking see the queen was there in the fucking queen's address on, like, fucking Christmas where she'd be like, hello, I'm the queen.

I don't know what the fuck she sounds like. Well, she doesn't sound like anything now. Well, she sounds like she's in a box or she's like, hello. Lizzie's in a box. Oh, yeah, just the. During the they don't film her casket anymore, but during Christmas, if you go near her fucking toothstone, it just goes Hello, they just like have a microphone on like a string and they drop it down. It's a Christmas miracle. She's back for Christmas. Oh, my God.

I like the box. It's very comfortable. Fucking stupid. Then you put some diet coke down me breathing home. Did they bury her with her stupid fucking. dogs, you think? No, but they buried her with her fuck-ass nephew. Is that a thing? They share, they're running out of space now they're doing

fucking box sharing. I have no idea. I don't, I don't keep tabs on a dead queen. Fucking royalty, the type of motherfuckers to not get incinerated when they really should be the first to go. They should dig out some corpses and put them through the machine. What? Just what? Just like start

fucking exhuming corpses just to cremate them? Yeah. Not enough space for bodies, anymore. This is a real problem. I'm glad that you're advocating for Bonesi, too. Billy, what do you think they're putting in Christmas crackers over there? It's corpse people. Oh, shit.

I'll be an Aunt Lillian this year. Oh, a bit of Henry in this one. Why do you think they're called Christmas crackers? Finally, the whites are exciting again. It's the most excited they've been forever. Hit pause on whatever you're listening to, and

Hit play on your next adventure. Stay three nights this summer at Best Western and get $50 off a future stay. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. I still think we should bring the transatlantic accent back. Agreed.

What is the transatlantic accent? What does it sound like? Well, I'm glad you asked Billy. A lot of people used to speak like this back in the 1920s and they just stopped all of a sudden. Oh, you mean like that? Oh, okay, okay. Did you know?

Did more people need to talk like Bioshock antagonists? Is it Matt not entitled to the suicide? With the suisse of his berb, no, says the man in the man. The Schwels and the man of the man? Is a man not excited by the suites of his berb? Is a man not entitled to swout? Swelow. That opening section of Bioshock I've played through so many times that it is just a YouTube poop in my head every single time.

No, it says the man in the man. No, it says that man. I had a friend in high school who he could recite the entire script to Bioshock 2 off the top of his head. The entire, like the entire game. To Bioshock 2. That's an interesting. Yeah. Bioshock 2, honestly, growing up

is realizing Bioshock 2 is the actual best one. Bioshock 2 fucking rules. Well, I, because it plays well. Bioshock 1 has a, listen, as somebody who's played the Bioshock games each, like 12 to 15 times. I like Bioshock 2 more gameplay-wise, but... Two has better gameplay. One has a better and more interesting narrative,

if you're not familiar with the subject matter that it is based upon. Yeah, if you know anything about Ayn Rand, you're like... Z. Listen, I'mran fact and the only one you need to know. She died in a Popper's grave. That's all you need to know. I'm softening that one before you get money taken away from you. Wait, she died huffin' poppers?

No, no, no, no, she was buried in a Popper's grave. Loosest asshole of all time. Einran died clubbing. That fish never went to a party in her life. Bussing under this fountain head. Make my fucking Atlas rise. Oh, fucking stupid. Atlas shrugged and brother

I puckered I hate her I hate her so much Holy fucking shit I don't know Bioshock 2 I like the I like the levels a lot I like the design of the levels a lot

I like the gameplay and the weapon load out but then one I don't know wrench and I like drill but like my biggest thing about the wrench in the first game is like I don't know I like how the drill is a constant like even to the end of the Bioshock too

did you ever think about the fact that you need the wrench to hack, though. That's so true. That's why you have a wrench so you can do pipe puzzles. Fucking pipe puzzles. But hacking, it's not fun. I prefer the hacking minigame in Bioshock, too, because it's less fucking annoying. Well, I love Bioshock one hacking until I have to do it. I say this every time

I play Bioshock. I love Bioshock-Hacking up until you get, like, towards the late game, you just start hacking things because you can and then you sometimes just get configurations that are complete horseshit. Like actual unwinnable ones. Well, that's who you got to invest in the hacking plasmids. Oh, did Sivivir. Did Sivir.

make a video on Bioshock? Because I remember watching a Bioshock one video and they were talking about how many times you, if you hacked everything, how much time it would take to hack like everything you come across. And it was like a ridiculous amount of time just wasted on that little puzzle shit. I believe it. Yeah, I can do it faster. But I'm built different. I'm built different. I'm goaded at pie puzzles. Dude, if you hand me the three blocks, the circle, the square, and the triangle, it'll take me like five minutes at most to put them in the hole. I just don't like it. Does the bead toy in the doctor's office vex you?

When you're not playing it on a controller, those puzzles become really trivial because they're so easy with the mouse. I was talking with somebody recently about doctor's office's toys and like the obsession that our generation has with them. And I'm not going to fucking lie. What is stopping you from going and getting that marble thing? The one that like spins around. The, well, it's the sliding bead toy. No, the one with multiple. It's the sliding beads.

like that one goes up and it twirls around and then another one goes that side and like, dude, that's sick as fuck. Lily, what's stopping me from ripping copper out of your walls and then making the bead toy myself? Out of copper? Yeah. You could do so much better with copper, if I'm honest. You could build a pickax. That'd be a really

millennial core bit in like an apocalyptic movie where like they go into like the bandits den and they have a, they have one of those sliding bead toys but it's made with wire and bone. What are you talking about? Like fucking Ocean's 11 they go to their hideout and they just have a bunch of fucking doctor's office toys for toddlers?

You walk into like the Bethesda, you know, dungeon. You walk into like a fallout dungeon and there's like bandits who are like scraping human bones across the wall. And then you look down and there's a doctor's office toy and it's copper wire and bone instead of beads. Okay. That's what you should. Yeah, I was going to say, Brendan is suggesting like Playmobiles House of a Thousand Corpses. Yes, yes. Playmobiles House of a Thousand Corps.

Isn't it fucked up that like the Flintstones cars are made of bones? Have you ever thought about that? What do you think Fred had to do for that? No, he went to a dealer. What do you think the dealer had to do for that? I don't know. He would have to order the car from a manufacturer, a fucking bone car manufacturer.

It's all the way up the chain that the first guy who had to kill the fucking dinosaurs. Oh, gee, Fred. So you got a new car. That's right, Bonnie. Hey, uh, where's your wife at? Don't worry about it, Bonnie. I got Christine with me now.

Holy shit, wife car. Christine, but it's cavemen, is it all. timer remake idea. I knew you'd mark out of that. I was going to ask earlier when you were talking about a lawnmower man, do you ever read lawnmower man? No, I've been reading, you know, I've been reading Stephen King, and I stopped at misery.

Okay. So I'm all the way up to misery. It was based off of a Stephen King book? Okay, so here's the thing about lawnmower man. I think you would know this already. Stephen King sued the movie, like, whatever company produced the movie, because it has literally nothing to do with the short story. Because the short story is one of his most, like, coked out, dumb ass ideas ever.

What's it about? I don't know, Brenda, or you can if I just go over a brief overview of it? Oh, you're fine. I'll forget. Don't worry about it. I mean, it's a short story, so it wouldn't be too long. Obviously, lawnmower man, yeah, lawnmower man, the movie is, like, you know, it's hacking and, like, cyberverse shit and, like, VR and all that stuff.

Lawner Man, the book is, I was sitting in my house one day, and I looked out the window, and a fucking satyr was on my lawn, and he was eating. Mr. Thubness counter and ring the bell! Holy shit! Ring the bell! He ran into my house and beat the shit out of me. That's it? That's the entire horror.

That's pretty much it, yeah. Like the fires of Gondor, Tumnus has arrived. It's crazy how Stephen King can make some of the fucking most horrifying concepts and think of like... And then he'll just make a thing like, what if a fucking Sater showed up and fucking beat the shit out of you? Bocaine is a hell of a drug. That is... That's the same, like, short story collection with Children of the Corn in it. Children of the Corn is one of his best things he's ever written.

It's amazing. This is such a good through line for me, actually, if we're talking about books. I like children. The book is way better than the fucking movie, dude. This has been such a good episode to bring up my Clown and the Cornfield reading. Oh, I keep seeing, I keep seeing this on fucking shutters. This is the movie, though. That was also in theaters, by the way.

Clown and the Corfield was in theaters. Yes. I know that. It was in theaters during a really. dry run. One night my roommate James came home and told me he had watched this movie. I found out there were three books. I read them. Bringing up the Amish and bringing up the cornfield has kind of restocked the neurons about how much I kind of hated but also liked parts of these books. So I just want to run through like real quick, just give you the plot, right? Like on one, two

and three and then just see what your thoughts are, right? Yeah. Let's see where we're heading. The book one, you have a bunch of teens. The town has decided that the teens are the problem because they're all like YouTubers. And they, the town says, we're going to call the teens because the sheriff is also a big like chud guy and so they go and try to kill the teens they kill some of the teens and the teens survive easy book number two the dad from the last book comes back from Argentina and he is rotting he is invading bra he's Brahms the boying the house that he used to live in to try to kill his son who is one of the protagonists okay wait I have a question yes and these are like this is all a timeline yes like it goes through the one two and three okay okay so book one is just town become clowns A lot of them get killed. A lot of teens get killed. Second book is people believe conspiracy theories that the teens actually killed the adults

and that the clowns were righteous warriors. So conspiracy theorists descend upon the town en masse. Uber-based clown alert. That's so far. Rest is clowns. Based clown. Red-dink-dink-dose clown alert. To the point where like somebody even tries to abduct

one of the main characters who is now in college by trying to like invade her dorm and kill her and then gets beaten the fuck up and then kills himself. Awesome. And then the dad from the first book survives, starts to rot, leaves Argentina,

brabs the boys inside the house, and then he starts getting beaten up by the cultus he inspired because he can't talk because his jaw got broken. They just think he's like a loser, so they just start beating the shit out of him and kill him.

Third book. They introduce a juggalo love interest for the main character who is. No fucking way. And not only do they introduce a juggler-based jugg-golette girlfriend. No, no, no, a juggalo boyfriend. Not only do they introduce a juggler love interest for the main character. The juggalo love interest literally talks about, yeah, ICP literally came out and talked about

the clown attacks and said they are not down with the clown. Facts. All facts, no printer. The entire plot of that book is an evangelist who has found the corpse of the dad from the second book and is feeding Amish people the corpse to make them go, we're. That's the whole book. That's fucking awesome. What?

The whole book is a guy wearing the man's skin as a. suit and then feeding an Amish community of pieces of the holy corpse so that they get drugged. I have mobilized the Amish like a fucking RTS. The barns are phylactories. We will harvest grain.

There's literally a point where there's a bunch of Amish-style kind of zombie people just in the cornfield standing around drooling. So they're running through the cornfield just running past people who are just dressed. They're just Amish people chilling in the field. They need orders. How did it?

come back to the Amish. That was what I was like, holy shit, this is the perfect through line, because the third book is like the worst one. Every episode is a circle. This is such a random. Okay, what is the movie? Is the movie just the first book? But they take out a lot of like the political

other tones, which is the bad guys in all the books are the bad guys in all the books are very like woke bad. Like we, we like make the town great again. Like that's why they're being clowns. I mean. Someone got paid to write that. But it's like, it's, it's very, very heavy-handed, like, and in the movie, I haven't seen the movie yet, but from what James told me about the movie, it is not like that, Will Sassow's in it, so WCW's Will Sassow, Brad Hart's greatest rival. That's right, that's right, Kenny Logan's impersonator, Will Sass, eat the lemon from the vine, Will Sassow.

Curly from the Three Stooges, brother of Shemp. Dude, I started talking about Shemp like yesterday during a fucking party and everybody looked at me like I was a fucking psychopath. As they showed. They were like, why the fuck do you know? about the secret fourth stooge. Well, there's actually like seven stooges, technically, in the main lineup. There's also other curly or other Larry. That's like the, that's like with the Wiggles, brother. They keep adding wiggles.

Do you know how many fucking wiggles there are now? Yeah, but they're never bringing Shemp back. There's eight wiggles. That's way too many wiggles. Billy, I've looked directly into the Wiggleverse. Technically, there's an unlimited number of wiggles as long as Wimsy exists and as long as you can have a big red card. Holy shit. I mean too many wiggles.

There's eight of them! that's not enough. Technically, there's more wiggles than that if you count like the Wiggles touring back in the day where they would have like false wiggles present themselves before the children.

Well, that's different. That's different. They do that for any fucking, they do that for like every show like that. Like a hydra. Yeah, well, I mean, I just, I wouldn't want to meet a false wiggle. Like, that'd be,

that'd be kind of terrifying, I think. Why does the false prophet cloak himself in the guise of the righteous? Wiggles in the cornfield? The town is turned to Wiggles. They eat the fruit salad. Wiggling in the cornfield. just sounds like Iowa Dune.

What do you, what do y'all think about the concept of just calling movies Dune Likes? Like first person shooters used to be called Dune Likes. Yeah, I love this idea. I've been,

I've been working on this a little bit. I've been, I would go all the way back. I would go train arriving at station likes. Was that the name of, that's not the name of that. That was the first thing ever filmed. That was the,

that was the movie where they got scared by the train? I'm pretty sure. Oh, was it technically horse? Was it the man riding horse? If anyone's watched, Punch Punch Forever. There is a bit about the fucking train like driving towards the screen

and they all scream at it. It fucking kills me. Wouldn't it be the horse in motion though? If it was the first motion picture. Yeah, the first motion picture but I think the first thing shown in like a theater was a theater was the train.

Ah, okay. Theater. It would be like the horse the horse and mortion. Go down to the Nickelodeon. See the train come towards the screen. Don't freak out now. It's not going to get you.

Calm down, liberal. It's just a movie. That's just train humor, liberal. What's the problem? Calm yourself. It's just train humor. Oh, slow down there, liberal. It seems like you're running out of the theater

on account of the fact you're afraid of the train. I think you should calm down. It's just train humor. Apparently that didn't even happen. People didn't run out of the fucking, I mean, obviously, they knew it wasn't real. They did freak out a little bit, but they knew it wasn't real. I love, like, bullshit, apocryphal stories of, like,

the past, because it's always really funny. My favorite is, there was the, oh, my God. somewhat years ago got a bunch of people to believe this where it was like before the invention and like widespread popularity of colored TVs people used to dream in black and white it's like yeah dude because no one ever saw color ever before that I that's such a stupid fucking I love things like that we need more we need more fucking stupid shit like that my like thing where I'm like return is we need we need to bring back stupid shit that like or like stupid urban legend type things that trick people into doing dumb shit. Like the ones where it's like, put a spoon in the freezer and then tape it to your hand and then run it under hot water and it will bend.

It's like, no, it just fucking explodes in your hand. What's the prop rocks thing? Oh, the what? Oh, the pop rocks with soda, it'll kill you. It'll blow your stomach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's in Urban Legend the movie, but I'm talking about the ones that like... Exactly Urban Legend. They fake like, it's like fake life hacks.

Okay. Like there's the one where it's like, this is how you make your own crystals in a water bottle and it's like this multi-step process and it is literally just a way to trick people into breathing and mustard gas through a straw that's crazy I got actually got by one of those fucking like

TikTok mom like tips and tricks thing it was this lady she was like oh here's how to keep your cheese fresher for longer she's like just wrap it in wet cheese cloth and put it in your fridge it'll be fine I was like I didn't really think about it I was like oh yeah sure I'll try this

this fucking white lady probably knows more about cheese than I do. I did it. Shit was rock hard within like the next day. Just completely fucked all of my cheese. I've encased it in cheese. It's just going to air raid it. What the fuck? I know.

I wasn't thinking. I trusted the lady. Okay. Cameron, if you have white woman trust on TikTok, the first thing you must do is check their username, go to their profile. And if they have a video where they put mounds of cheese in a casserole dish

with non-cooked like macaroni noodles and they just put it in the oven, walk away. Oh, Christ. walk away. They got to die. Almost certainly she did that. One of my favorite ones from years past was the, uh, with the new iOS update, uh,

iPhones can now be charged by being microwaved for 30 seconds. Yeah, I said, iPhone microphone. Yeah. I, dude, that was a crazy time. My, okay, so years ago, and this is, uh, this is like two years ago, um,

I started making up a story about, uh, a fake Io encrypted. And then Mandy mentioned it in a video. And people were just trying to figure out who the Iowa Stickman was. Yeah. They were trying to find lore documentation about the Iowa Stickman. Do you remember which video that was in?

Was it a... It was in a stream, actually. What I did was I just started making it up and talking about it. And then I took a break. I went outside. I got my shovel. I recorded it slowly leaving from behind one of my trees. And I came back, huffing, being like, guys, I got footage of the Iowa Stickman.

He's out there. And now that you've listened to this, you have a task. ahead of you. You must like keep it alive. Spread the stick man. Yeah, it was stick man. It's a dreadful creature. You know what they say about cryptids? The more you talk about them, the more you give them power. I'm pretty sure that's the story and that's a horror movie. That's a tulpa. That's a topa. Oh, it is a tulpa. It's the by-bye man. What the fuck. Yeah, me talking about any kind of cryptid. Oh, fuck. No, that's just a talpa again. Fuck. Me recreating the bye-bye man. God damn it's like

everything evolving into crabs. All scripts eventually become the bye-bye man. It's the bye-bye man or auroroboros. Oh, dude, I've been watching this. Dune like called Bye Bye Man? How does it? When are they going to bring to Gopjabar in? What's the, where's the worm at, buddy? Topas? Oh, a bye bye like.

Super Creek be like, can we watch a Baba like? Oh, my boy. Fucker. He's on fire today, fellas. Isn't that just the Dune like, though, really? Cameron, you're one of the Dune warriors. I wanted to pitch you, what do you think of Bog Dune? Bog Dune?

So, like, it's a Star Wars. It's Digabobah. That is Star Wars. No, no, no. I'm thinking about Bogdune. Unrelated to Star Wars. What about Bogdune? So like... What are you replacing the worm with? It's a worm. Oh, boo. Big alligator. I was thinking like massive alligator.

And instead of spice, it's old bay. We've cultivated sea power and air power. We must now cultivate bog power. We power our ships off of the strength of bog swamp gas. Yeah, what would, what's bog power in this case? I would assume like some kind of geek vape. Geek vape? Yeah. I think, I think there are probably a.

lot of vape stores in the bog. Instead of spice, they're just moving salvia. Just for those at home. What is a geek vape compared to just the regular vape? Oh, that's like a disposable vape. Yeah. Oh, just disposable? Okay. It's not like a nice, like hefty one.

It's a disposable vape that has a screen and you can play video games on it, but not too long or else you can't charge it anymore and you have to throw it away. Oh, you could always also get the, uh, the disposable vape watch that you can use until it runs out of vape liquid and then you gotta just throw it away. What time is it? I don't know. Yeah, buddy, it's like fucking 430, 431, yeah. I'm not gonna lie when somebody first mentioned the Gomja bar to me. I thought it was from Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory, so I...

It does sound like it. The everlasting Gomja bar. What were, like, the creatures that were attacking the umpalumpas before Willy Wonka stole them all? It's like that. It's raw doll style. I'm gonna assume sneaches? Oh, the horn swogglers, the snows wangers, and the wangdools. Yep, that's a raw doll.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The snazberries taste like snazberries. Rotten vermissuous. Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days, delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no. But a banana, that's a yes.

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Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. That was it. This hurts to listen to. Yeah, you would never understand the BFG. Speaking of Hertz to listen to. Patreon question. Oh, smooth. There it is.

If you're part of the $5 or above tier, you can ask a question for the Patreon Q&A. Unless we try a new bit. I don't know. We're kind of experimental right now. Only questions from Amish people. You must stop being Amish to ask a question. Now let me talk to the Amish people here in the audience. You're going to have to send a letter to the English world.

Could you imagine cranking the fucking gramophone for the entire episode? I mean, I don't want to crank my grandma phone. I feel like I don't want to prank my grandma, dude. I finally found the question that makes the podcast a perfect circle. Oh, shit. Let's hear it. Lukavi asked, congratulations on your sentence to Lichdom podcasters. What object of significance in your life are you choosing to make your phylactory? And it's a barn.

It's a barn every time. We're back. Amish people are back. What is a phylactory? That's where your essence is contained. It's like the power of like a lich. Why are we using weird lactose words? Not what it is.

That's where the essence of the lich is contained. The lich does not die. That's where the soul of the lich is. To defeat the lich, you have to destroy the phylactory. It's like a bottle or an object of significance. My actual, my shoot phylactory is my VHS copy of Nazca, the anime that's in the Malcolm in the middle opening. that is my my thing isn't that a jipley movie no nausica is that nauska is the anime from malcolm in the middle

oh okay i don't know i have that on v a test it's very important to me i'm just gonna go for a rubix cube that's on creative do they have to solve it to be able to get to the soul is the thing or do they just break it oh that's kind of tough they gotta solve like as a as a d as a dm peeled like fucking dice sell right here like i if i was looking at the rubix cube I can immediately already see the barbarian taking the Rubik's cube and just smashing it on the ground. I drop my D20 to be here. Does that mean that my fucking lichdom never never ends because the barbarian fucking destroyed the one thing? It's in there.

No, they wouldn't do anything, bro. You got to solve it. You're rolling in at 20, buddy. I'm sorry. He's got to break it. He broke it. He's going to solve it. He's got to solve all the broken pieces.

You know, he just rolled a 25 on wisdom. Okay. Question. Can instead, can I give it to somebody else? Can I give a phylactory for someone else? Like create someone else's file actory, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hit it.

Okay, so Brendan would have a snowman and you have to keep it alive. You're a dick. No, it's like that movie with the snowman dad. Jack Frost, not the horror movie. Billy's filactory is going to be a copy of, it's going to be a Caravan Palace vinyl record and it has to be on at all times. Oh. Yeah, don't come to me with that, motherfucker.

I took a second and I was like. I would be fucked. Dude, I'd have to, I have to fucking get a generation. or some shit, dude, that's awful. And you got to listen to Electro Swing. How much delay is there between the vinyl stopping and me dying? Is there like immediate death? Immediate.

That sucks. I'm going to die. Even if I did try to keep it alive with the stupid dopes and boops. Oh, no. The record player would be magical. It would continue to go. You just have to listen to the record. Oh, it's a magic.

So I don't need to power it. I just need to have it around. I'm just imagining like Billy sitting there and it's playing the fucking Ramsey's record from Courage to Carrey. cardly dog, like repeatedly. Ramses, the man and gauze, the man of gos. Could I not keep the Caravan Palace vinyl record player in like a glass dome? Even when it's far away from you, you still hear it faintly in the distance, like somebody

is listening to Electro swing in a room next to you. You're just adding shit. You've got an ear pod in your ear linked up to the fucking thing at all time. Yeah, sorry, you're a Bluetooth litch, buddy. I, uh... A Bluetooth litch? What powers do I even have? I mean, you can raise the armies of the undead.

You can call them the fun dead. They're all gonna be fucking... You can cater parties with skeletons, dude. I don't know. You think about being a party litch? I don't know, dude. Being a party lich sounds cool, but like, I don't even know what a litch really does.

It's just like a dead wizard. I mean, they're kind of like the height of the undead. So, like, they're like a necromancer turns into a litch once they seal their soul away in the file after read. I see. I see so basically, like, Like, I'm just a fucking wizard. Well, I'm listening to this Caravan Palace stuff.

This sucks. Yeah, I hate it. I can't stand it. Wow. I think my philactory, realistically, would be a copy of layer. Not a copy of Hayes, because that'd be too predictable. And they'd destroy every copy of Hayes, but they wouldn't think about destroying the copy of layer. Plus, having a copy of layer in your layer would be funny.

I double up a layer. Oh, my God. He's doing the fucking... Is it Raiders of the Lost Doc? You got to pick the goblet that's humble. Burr, yeah, per se. Yeah, you got to pick the correct one. You got to pick the game that has six-axis, bro.

Exactly Pick the game with six axes That locks you out I hope you're not having a third party controller It's a matter third party boy Afraid of a little motion control Bunga guy asks What's the next viral trend

That is going to attach their brand to That will ultimately get you in legal trouble I'm already in talks with the 24 karat gold Labou BBL lady Oh yes Wait, so why is she in trouble We're gonna get her on And she's gonna show off all of her racist libuboos

Brandon did you see her Her one Laboo that was the KSI one I was just saying we're going to invite her on and she's going to show us even more racist ones Dude wait is there not seen that Billy I don't know shit about no no no no this is not An indictment of you I'm sending it in chat please look at that

Because I'm gonna say just real quick the only thing I know about Labubu is that one time we started a podcast And Brendan could not stop fucking talking about Labuboos and that sounded like the most Gugu Gaga shit speech I've never heard Yeah you gotta you gotta go to the Labubu subreddit Look at the BOOBEL techniques that's a that's bad dude that yeah that yeah she also paints her dog by the way i found that out

that is a that lububu is evil that's a that's a hate crime wow i mean i you that question said what will get us legal trouble oh that's k s i that's k s i oh my fucking god dude that's fucked up man match a lot of palates before a labo boobo rave oh oh jove that's that's that's that's there's like post of the year that is one of the funniest ones i've seen that one in the uh what is it oh have you tried viral to buy chocolate yet mate you got to try viral to buy chocolate you got to try viral to buy chocolate mate i'm not trendy enough to actually know any current modern trends i don't think i found that about laboos like months ago but that's because i had gotten accidentally so my ticot is on the forefront of insanity usually yeah let me share a video actually with y'all uh

Don't include me in your baby name, suggestion, text. If you're just going to ignore my ideas, poop, it is a lovely name for a boy or a girl. What? What is the, what the fucking, what is he talking about? So like, so like for an example, I get, I get at the forefront of some of the most terrifying, like, weird TikToks in general. Like, I get videos with 10 likes and five views all the time.

And so I found out about, I found out about Labubu's like two, three months back because somebody was, I wish I had the video, but it was, um, somebody doing surgery on their Labubu to make its ass fatter. And then I was just entranced by this idea of Labubu BBLs. Fucking dying. Is he saying fucking Pooper is a good name for a boy or girl? Do you know what he's talking about? It's like, you know, Post is like, oh, give me suggested. Give you suggestions for, like, a baby name for, like, my kid that's, like, you know, going to be delivered soon. And he's going out there going, regardless of gender, pubert.

No, but, like, that's beast mode. My, my, my algorithm is perfectly coded to give me only freak shit. That's awesome. You've done a good job for yourself. What was the question? I don't even know where we are. Yeah, anyway. What trend are you hopping on this?

I get you cancel or sued. I mean, what is, what trends are there right now, except. the fucking Labubu shit. I don't fucking know. Cheating on your wife at a cold play concert, Labubu. Oh, viral to buy chocolate. I know that is one that just came up. I don't think I can commit to that. I can't go to a cold play concert.

What if you go to a hot play concert? Biggest Chris Martin hater of all time. They just wouldn't let me pass the doors. What? Next question. I just realized the viral trend that gets us actually fucking arrested. We all dress up like the Yakuza clan from Yakuza 3. And then we all play Google Babies in the middle of New York.

How is that a current, like, trend? You'd be surprised. No, it has to be the next viral trend, so we can, we can start goo-goo babying. We just have to, well, gooking, a goo-goo? Billy, they call it crinkling and you know it's a plain dumb. Oh, they do call it that, that's right, the crinkle mafia is here. The crinkle crew arrived. The crinkle mafia is here and they're pissed, they're gonna piss their pants.

We're so chicken-headed. What do you mean by this? I've just been reading Philip Kicks, so. Chicken-headed? Yeah. you ever dream an electric sheet buddy or did you just call philip k dick philip kick i just poured i was so i was like who the fuck are you talking about immediately what you were saying but it's really funny i hate you

yeah reading reading me robo on the tree fuck he robo oh god he legend to be like Be legend. Let's do another question. I think we're... You want to do another one? Yeah, just one last one. Let last look about.

Okay, there's one right here that I dead ass don't think we could even talk about because that would, that's like... Is it the uncle one? The creepy uncle, it's like, yeah, well, if you're a creepy uncle, it's like, there's a reason why you're creepy. Oh, yeah, my creepy uncle just got arrested

for drug dealing again. Why is he creepy? Yeah, I guess I get arrested. For drug dealing creepily. See, there's nothing There's not enough to that Exactly Oh and my other creepy uncle

Like died because his butt fell out I've seen that happen His ass? I've seen that happen many times His ass fell out Yeah What do you mean his ass fell out? Yeah Well he had a

So he passed away last year in hospice And we still don't know what to do With his pout like We don't know what to do with his anime figures We still don't know what to do with them Nobody has explained to me What the fuck So like at least what I've seen

If you get people from like nursing homes and such and they have really bad pressure injuries on like their sacrum which is you know the area kind of right around your butt crack it just kind of causes all of that to go away and the term that i used to explain it to people is i'm like this guy came in and he was straight up on the iron butt like what does that mean i'm okay there but it doesn't fucking okay what do you want to know and i just the ass is gone okay so that the skin around the area has become so damaged and ischemic that it is necrotized and sloughed off and it's just like a crater oh yeah it's a crater yeah yeah the butt fell out yeah yeah the butt fell out oh my god that's horrifying

and now he and now they are on the iron butt i bit pooping feels great when you got a crater ass oh my god that's horrified so when you said his ass fell out i was i thought you meant like the fucking a prolapse thanus that is just fucking well it was just he just he had rectal cancer and he didn't take care of it and so his butt just kind of fell out so he lived with my grandma for about eight months in hospice and he has he has boxes and boxes of anime figures we don't know what to do with that's crazy i didn't know that was a thing i don't i mean are they good anime figures are they vintage i haven't gone through them because i got to go over to my grandmas and like i i don't i love my grandma but going over there is kind of a trial uh and then the funniest

thing about that is that like my mom has a couple of them in her like her chotchki shelf so she has like little porcelain angels at her house with big titty anime figures like in the middle of it oh shit by the way, Tritty Bird asked the creepy uncle question. Just kind of moved off from there. That's interesting. Yeah, that's interesting. We learned so much about butts. I like the one that's, what would the PST Mobile be?

What kind of car would you use? Wizard van on the left side, big bong like art on the, on the right side. I'm thinking of like Carl's car from Aquitine. You guys drive up my car, huh? That's awesome. I was watching that last night, and I love the bit where Shakespeare's trying to kill himself in his car. I know what mine would be. I do believe that I know what mine would be.

I think the PST Mobile would be Brendan Fraser's fat suit on wheels from The Whale. Oh, God, that's so good. It's like a giant hamster ball. Would it look like the Eddie Murphy Mobile from the two trucks cover art? What did you just say? I love that. Would it look like Mike knew immediately. know exactly what you're talking about i'm imagining it's like it's like the fucking cat bus from totoe but

it's just brendan fraser stretched out across the fucking entire thing it's the two trucks cover image uh from lemon demon and it's the eddie murphy head i put it in recording oh yeah oh the eddie murphy head oh i was just imagining like not even it's not even a car it's just actual whale brendan fraser but he's massive and we're on top of him rolling around on like the balls in Mario Party. I was going to say like SpongeBob and David Hasselhoff. Like, oh, he squeezes us out of his butt cheeks. Maybe a white Ford Bronco.

Anyone, anyone specific, anyone specific driving that Bronco? I mean, newest member of the podcast. OJ! Yeah! I have a cool option and a troubled option. Troubled first. A killdozer.

Awesome. What's the cool one? Option is, you know, one of those vehicles that they have in, like, just sci-fi where it has, like, the drill on the front. I just think it would be awesome. Just like the excavator, just like the big drill on the front, you get inside, you go to Mission Control, you just... It represents the podcast because we're constantly digging ourselves deeper into the hole.

Real? Yeah, it's metaphor, bitch. Maybe hear of it. Chaka with the Wallsville. Armakinjolata, Tanagra. La-Boo-Boo-Rave. Ah, yeah. Bacha Malates said, LaBubu-Boo-Rae.

Sorry, but watching a lot of Star Trek lately, so... You're always watching a lot of soundtrutes. I'm doing a lot of sounding usually. You think if you put a knitting needle in your dick and the hook will get stuck, that hurt, right? A little bit. Can you repeat that? You ever think, like, somebody has accidentally put a, like, a knitting needle in their dick?

But, like, the hook then first, and then as they pull it out, it just pulls out the entire vast deference, like in one sweep. Okay, that's what I thought you said. You're off the podcast. Yeah, I was going to say, real men use a DS stylist. Come on now. Hello, Stylis. Oh, Mario.

No, he's got the DSXL. This will be my greatest challenge to date. Oh, my God, he has the DS fountain pen. God, damn it. Lend me your energy. That's me sounding off. Jeepers, dudes. That was a pretty fun time, eh?

I want to give a quick shout out to Haina Blood. He let me use his unreleased track limit break for the intro and outro of the episode. So go check him out. He's got a bunch of different styles of music ranging from metalcore to ambient IDM and much, much more. So you'll definitely find something you enjoy. There's a link in the description to his socials and a video showcasing his various music styles.

So go check him out, give him some love. Tell him that stupid bitch Billy sent you or something. I don't fucking know. And speaking of shoutouts, thank you so much to our patrons for keeping this show alive. And a big special thank you to our top supporters, such as Alan Diver. Bupulu, Brain Soup, Brass, Cassandra Crash, Chipples, Chips, Chris Chapman, DX Studios, Edward

Macmillan, Eric Scott Gilly's, Ethereal, Geif, Generic Phoenix, Gidreon, Guy Beem, Heretic Shark, Invictus Echo, Kekuha, Lambda Man, Leo de Geotech, Lucavia, Mr. Starchy, Mr. Shirt, Philosophical, Presta Husk, Rat Supreme, Sponge Guy, The Frostace, Trading Bark, Trity Bird, Tuken Farben, Ulbert, Wake! Will 9455 and Woodstock. Thanks so much for listening and we'll see you very, very soon, because it's already kind of the end of the month. So, you know, like the next episode is coming really soon.