Please Stop Talking - oh no | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: August 31, 2018

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Or shake up your mood with an iced brown sugar oat shaken espresso. Whatever you choose, your espresso will be handcrafted with care at Starbucks. Hey guys, if you want to support the podcast and any future show or video or whatever we decide to make on this channel, you can check out the Patreon at patreon.com slash sir meow music uh if we hit the goal of 500 there's going to be a new dnd show and also the 10 patrons are going to be able to ask a question or a hypothetical for the new segment starting uh this september so that's pretty neat i don't have a joke there's like i i don't have a joke. There's like, I don't have a joke. I feel like I need to finish this with a joke. But honestly, this fucking podcast is a joke.

So, you know. Welcome to the podcast. That was better than expected. That was actually better than expected. Hi, it's a really good thing I don't need to introduce the podcast, David. Pretty happy about that. Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Please Stop Talking.

So better. You might know me better as Shammy. Today I'm joined by, you know, he's back. You know he's here, because he won't shut the fuck up, David. Coochie, dude. David, hey, fuck. Avery, you fuck up your David. Coochie, dude. David. Fuck. Avery, you fuck up your intro anyway.

Why do you care if David returns? Yeah, obviously. So I don't need anyone else's help, Cameron. Okay. Cameron's here too. It's the fucking triumphant return. Everyone's been asking for it. No one's been asking for it.

Oh, wow. Ed's here. Oh my God. Ed's always here. God. How's here. Oh my god. Ed's always here. God. How's everybody doing tonight? Scared? Scared. I wonder if the fucking cicadas outside are getting

picked up by my microphone. Maybe. I don't know. I don't hear them. It's entirely possible. What's the theme of this podcast, by the way? I don't think we have a theme. David has a couple... Oh, man. You have no idea. You have no idea how disappointed I am.

You have so much coming today. The fucking... Okay, so this story... Are we leading with this one? I think so. Does anyone have an easier story to lead us in? No, listen. We have a lot of energy right now.

I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm feeling it. We're going to start. This story is like a specific group of people will be like, hell yeah. And the rest... David, I know this story.

I don't think anyone is going to be like, hell yeah to this. You know what? You are probably right. This is a pretty bad situation. So I was at work and I was like, it was like a really, like, it was a slower moment. And I was just talking to my boss and my boss and I were like on really good terms. Are? Okay. We were on really good terms we are okay we were on really good terms what have you done okay we were on really good terms like i'd say work friend because i

like we used to like go wow how old is past hint this sounds really sad. Sounds, yeah. Weird that it sounds that way. This is really sad. I'm preemptively sad right now. I'm just... You're already cringing right now? I know where it's going. I know, I know.

I'm so upset about it. I'm going to watch an Aladdin. You know what, David? Upset me some more. Give me more context About the kind of things that you and your boss used to do When you were high speaking terms We used to like go to bars And like have

Friendly work outings I guess Okay Yeah we like I think we even went shopping like This one time for her Fucking boyfriend Like we were on really good terms Like pretty good friends I think we even went shopping like this one time for her fucking boyfriend. Like we were on really good terms, like pretty good friends. Is this like a story where you're like at like a workout and then he got way too drunk in front of your boss?

No, no, this is worse. This is so much worse. He wishes he was drunk. I wish I was drunk. You were sober? I was so, it was at work. It was during work It was like a slower. It was like a slow moment and we were just talking and I was talking about I Was talking about this cat picture I I found on Twitter. What kind of cat?

Just like a cute cat pic? Yeah, just a cute cat pic. I don't remember what the specific cat was. It was just a cute cat that I found on Twitter. Can I has cheeseburgers?

Can I has cheese Are you really? Are you really? You're really going for all of the outdated references. It was not I can has cheeseburger. It was just like... Anyone remember Harambe? Anyone remember Rage Comics? Anyone remember Enrom?

Continue. What the fuck is that? What? Wow, okay. That's not important it was no it was just a cute cat picture and i was like oh i gotta show you this cute cat picture that i found on twitter and then i just like i go in my saved picture pictures on my phone i go in the folder i go in the folder that says all i click on the, I tap on the cat and I do, I like grab the phone and I put it opposite of me.

I turn it around to show it to her. And I just, I just, I'm just smiling. Cause I really like, it's a really cute cat. I'm just like having a good time showing cat pictures. She looks like she is horrified oh no she is like i see that and i'm

like why what is this that i like is this like did i accidentally show her an edgy meme oh this is no what have you done what have you done what'd you do my thought what'd you do i turn it around i look at my phone horrified i i am speechless completely white my eyes are fucking bulging like out of my skull dude i am freaking out because when I turned the phone to show her the cute cat picture, I accidentally swiped

and I showed her furry porn. Yeah! No! Why is it just in your general folder? Why would you just leave it just in your general folder? Why would you just leave it in your general phone folder? What?

Three, two, one. Note to self, don't fucking slam the desk. What the fuck, David? What the fuck? Why is it right next to just like a cute cat picture? Because there's a folder on my phone. That's just all. It's just called all and it's all the pictures on my phone.

Why would you have that in all? Yeah. God. Because it just takes every single picture. It doesn't care. It doesn't categorize. Quick question. Quick question. Yeah, but you do that. That's what we. It doesn't categorize. Quick question. You do that.

That's what we're saying. You categorize. Was it of a cat? Was it of a cat, David? No. Sadly, it wasn't that. Honestly, you'd be surprised. There's a lot of...

They don't even use real animals for it sometimes. I've seen dinosaurs real animals wait wait wait do you think dinosaurs don't exist dude what do you mean real not anymore do you believe in dinosaurs i thought this was a christian podcast i do too okay what all sorts of things are getting flipped you know i was being in a podcast with a bunch of Satan worshippers. Heil Hitler, my boys. David finally telling a story.

Yeah, so... Yeah, I had that happen to me, actually, in high school. Furry porn? Wait, I'm not done. I'm not done. Furry porn didn't exist in 2013, but yes, continue, David. Did you keep showing her furry porn you're like all right you like that one let me show you this this is my favorite

i was at a funeral right i just wait i i like i just i i'm like terrified and she just stopped talking to me since then like just straight up talk stop talk really that's weird i wonder why she i i don't know what to tell her but i'm and i'm pretty sure it's over i'm never i think i i fucking lost It's over. Hey, someone hacked my phone. Today David told the story. Replaced all my cat photos with furry porn. It's really fucked up. Leave it on someone else and get them fired. If I'm honest, if I'm honest.

Wait, what did you do in the moment? In the moment? I was fucked. What'd you say? Fuck, man. I was just like I I was And I just swiped and showed her the actual picture You just swiped like

Come up with an excuse or an explanation my excuse was oh sorry furry porn here you go Here's the cat My excuse was, oh, sorry, furry porn. Here you go. Here's the cat. My excuse was, whoops. Look at this cat instead. No! It did not work. Blame someone for it. My cousin is a furry.

My cousin is a furry. And he put that on my phone. Hey, David. What? Hey, David, how does it feel to finally know what it's like to get fired because of David? Terrible. I'm never doing it again. You're deleting your Yelp account this fucking second.

Goodbye, Yelp. Goodbye, Facebook. It's over. Your last Yelp review is of yourself. Like, a fucked up one star. You're just... fucked up. Oh man. God, dude.

Use folder's next side, retard. I'm such a fucking idiot. Amon, we're recording! Amon, get the fuck out! What the fuck?! What the fuck?! Idiot He just said yo guys my cat just ate a bird bird and then he looks okay Jesus Christ oh my god how the fuck David I didn't know I could still be disappointed in you

just like fuck I'm just awestruck because like I don't understand how you get yourself in that situation be so careless with something so fragile

so David why did you have furry porn on your phone yeah that's a one I'm missing um I mean I've had furry porn on my phone One I'm missing. Um. I mean, I've had furry porn on my phone. What? Yeah, when people... Okay.

When people send you shit on WhatsApp, it saves automatically. There's nothing I can do about it. Who's sending you furry porn on WhatsApp? Ass holes, that's who. Actually, the... See, David? It has the perfect excuse right for you right now. He's using it right now.

Well, he doesn't even have to show furry porn. Well, Telegram also saves shit. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. Man, I'm digging this fucking hole, dude. Jesus Christ. I'm like... I think I'm gonna touch the fucking core of the earth soon.

So you like to do it, like, mobile even? Oh my god. Yeah, people will just send me, like, pictures of, hey, here's fucking... Church bathroom, just gotta rub one out kind of thing. I've had pictures of Chris Griffin getting fucked in the ass. Like, on my phone. Because someone will text you like, Yo, bro, you seen this?

I don't think I'm comfortable with sharing why I had that porn. Yeah, that's fine. You don't need to. I feel like it's kind of implicit. I feel like you should have thought about people asking that when you were going to tell a story about having furry porn on your phone. Well, it's because I don't want to put somebody else in the fucking... Interzone. So what is somebody else's fault? It's coochie!

Did he download it to your phone? No. He said- He said- I'm- Yo, I'm gonna really fuck up my- I'm censoring this. Did he download it to your phone? No. Yo, I'm gonna really fuck up my- Coochie, the one. I don't want to endanger him. Fuck this.

Okay. I'm in danger. You can just bleep out- You can just bleep out- Coochie. Yeah. I'm really gonna get David with this one. Another podcast member or ferns.

Just say it was- It's ferns! Ferns just fucking goes on your phone, downloads fucking furry borders like, I'm gonna get him so fucking fired. Who cares? Ferds is really upset because people think he's the one that took the huge shit in my toilet.

No, wasn't he? No, what? You were there, idiot. Oh, you were not there. I was not there. What? That's right. What do you mean, that's right?

I don't fucking remember anything, dude. I'm like, what's that in your brain? I got something. I got something. It's like how you forgot there was furry porn in your fucking photo gallery. Why was it next to a cute cat picture? I don't understand that. Because the last thing I downloaded

before the cat picture was porn, dude. I don't know. Well, I think we've all learned several things today. Ed, your turn. Hey, before we move on from this story, I also have a very similar one. I forget exactly what the context was. I mean, it wasn't furry porn the context was I mean it wasn't

furry porn like I said it wasn't discovered till like the late 70s but that is I was in high school and I wasn't even vended yet and I was like what like 14 15 I want to ask hang on that came out in 2013 what age was I in 2013 I was five years ago I was 16 or 15 okay wait and i was just like what came out in 2013 shut the fuck up uh we were just i was just going through my phone right and i was just showing my friend memes and like and then a bunch of people crowding around us because damn these guys memes are popping and then it was like a group of five dudes around my phone and they were all we were all just scrolling ah this one's funny and then i forgot i

was scrolling on the all folder and when i scrolled right one last time what was it elizabeth from bioshock naked what would kid levine think of you that's his daughter yeah do I specifically remember everybody going hell yeah gamer no you like that last meme? It's pretty good, right? Totally owned Ken Levine At least I got a reaction at least they didn't look horrified Some of them did they were like why this why not a regular human woman? You understand, man. Kinnivalin told me no, but I had to say yes. And then one of them asked, why did you pick the cage?

Oh my god fuck this episode this episode right now yeah that was my scrolling on the all folder story yeah I use folders so I don't have one of these stories I need to make a secret

folder now. To be fair actually, I don't think did the iPod Touch have that? Because that was my iPod Touch. You could definitely create folders. Can't you just get apps? I'm sure you can get apps. I don't have my iPod Touch

anymore. I mean, that's... Okay. Didn't Bioshock come out in 2013? Imagine what a starving African child would do with an iPod Touch. It was 2013, yeah. Goddamn. Well, I don't know where the fuck to go from here.

That's why I didn't want to lead with these stories. Christ. David, didn't you have another story? Yeah. Yeah, one that involved Elizabeth porn. Oh, yeah. Yeah, didn't you have another story? Yeah. One that involved Elizabeth porn. Oh, yeah. Easy segue, right? So my dead mother...

What? What? What do you mean? Never mind. I don't mean anything. Go ahead. Spoiler alert, Avery. So my dead mother... What do you mean? Never mind. I don't mean anything. Go ahead. Spoiler alert, Avery. Yeah. So my dead mother.

So Kim Levine one time. What the fuck is happening? I was waiting to tell this story for a long time. What? But I couldn't because this person was still... Breathing. Was it your mother yes no she it was like oh it was like friend of a friend and but now this person is i mean i don't talk to this person at all anymore but i still kind of did but now i can actually tell this story because i kind of i was like on okay terms with her this story because I kind of, I was like

on okay terms with her, you know, like when I saw her, I was friendly with her. It sounds like you were on okay terms with her. What? Go ahead. Anyways, so I get everything I've ever said. Who cares? Who are you?

I'm Avery. You might know me better as Shammy. Fuck off! Oh my god. I can't believe you. Can you run into his room and hit him? Please? I want to kill it right now. Do it.

Don't do it, Ed. I'm not going to hit you, Avery. Let's go. Save that for later, you kinky whore. Oh my god. David, you were telling a story yeah yeah um man we are getting so sidetracked like non-stop it's almost like ed and i had beers before we started recording well i should have a beer then i have a bunch of no no that's not a good idea can you just talk about

your dead mother story i'm so curious my mother was really dead and i i was taught like this girl, we were just like, I knew she had a boyfriend. I was happy for her because she was like really happy with him and all that. And she would tell me like stories about whatever. This one time it was me, one of my friends and her. And we were at the mall and she was having like problems with her boyfriend or whatever. Like, and she seemed having like problems with her boyfriend or whatever like and she seemed really upset and she was saying like oh well tonight he's spending time with his mother instead of me and then i was like oh well was she dying sadly no um sadly what why did i say that wow what do

you mean set that's fucking That's fucked up, David. Jesus Christ. Listen, guys, overpopulation is a very serious issue. No! Shut up, Thanos! Yeah, shout out. And her phone just starts ringing

and she kept doing this thing where she was talking about her boyfriend all the time. And it was like a sweet thing. And she was like really like pouty and shit. And she picks up the phone and she was the fucking devil. She was like talking to her boyfriend. And she like he what I could gather from what was happening is like he wanted to spend time with his mom because she.

Oh, man. Now this sounds really bad on what I because of what I said. Oh, man. She was actually dying. She had cancer. Oh, my God. I forgot about that. Oh, no.

We had a. I forgot a I forgot don't fucking lead us in with a bit about a dying mother then tell us she actually has cancer I forgot you fucking baited us I actually forgot

I actually forgot oh my god this is really bad I forgot about the cancer anybody else got a story let's just write cancer fuck this fucking story no david come on you said you've been wanting to tell this story for ages yeah just so you can make the bit about the dying mother you're like this is gonna fucking dream right now um okay whatever so she just she's just like starts screaming at her boyfriend like why are you fucking spending time with this bitch

and like she's talking about her fuck his fucking mother that has cancer. Like, it's really bad. You're avoiding the word dying now. Her fucking terminally ill mother. No! She didn't die! She didn't die! Why would you double-dip? I'm kidding. It's just escalation, dude.

Hey. Keep going. I don't like this story. Can we just change? No, we just change no no no you have to finish it just make it worse just keep going cancer mom story she just keeps going and she's being really loud people like we're in the food court people are looking at us and it's

really like insanely uncomfortable and food court at the hospital yeah the mall i forgot to and she just like at one point she just stops talking she looks like straight ahead of her her eyes are fucking popping out she becomes like she's fucking possessed by the fucking devil. And she just screams, I'm your mom now. Like really fucking loud. What?

Yeah. And I was like just terrified because I didn't know what to do. Because everybody just looks at us and she just like hangs up. And she just like sits up and she just like sits back down and starts crying. She's like, I fucking hate my boyfriend. Right after screaming, I'm

your mom now. Jesus. I don't. Maybe she gave her, maybe she gave his mom cancer just to like try and replace her. How come you're not friends with her anymore? I don't know. We should be best friends.

Wait, is that the end of the story? Is that actually the end of the story? That's a Kyle story. How do you know his mom's still alive? Because he... Hmm. Oh, no. Can we stay on the good note, please?

Was there a good note? What good note do you want us to stay on from that story, David? If you stopped talking to the girl and you didn't know the guy, how would you get that information? I'm sure she's fine. She had cancer, David. You just called her terminally ill. What the fuck's wrong with you?

Oh, this is bad. Oh my god. What's wrong with you? Why would you say that? You've been wanting to tell this story for a long time? It doesn't have a resolution. It's just a shitty person. And you made us look worse.

What the fuck? He didn't make us look worse. He made himself. It's fine. I'm definitely a worse person from now on. Oh, yeah. Wow. Oh, God.

David, you've tainted all of our images. I take it back what I just said. Cameron's right. Can we cut this story? No. No. Tainted all of our images. I take what I just said Cameron's right Can we cut this story? No Definitely not I'm gonna go donate blood Hey, you're sorry, right? Do I? You did. You told us. I feel like

I've been so disarmed by that fucking story. Speaking of... Dying mothers. No? What else was in that story? Hospitals? Food courts? Screaming people? Screaming people, yeah. there you go hey speaking of

people yelling speaking of people speaking of events okay oh I got a sneeze everybody pause the recordings i david i okay well i have another story that i remembered this one actually has resolution okay take us out of here david please come on david so this one time when i was in college, I wanted to get a job. So I went to Forever 21, the clothing store. I mean, some people don't know what that is, probably. Not the immortality elixir, right? Yeah. Tell your fucking story.

I was thinking of that movie with fucking, no wait, Matthew Perry and Zac Efron. What was that one called? Yes! That movie slaps! Continue, David. Hell yeah! I went to this interview. Have you guys ever been to

these interviews where you're just with group interviews? Yes. Those are horrible and i went to that we were all sitting down like and we had to talk like what's your favorite movie what's your favorite animal and like shit that's like stupid and after that they just start asking questions about like the company itself why do you want to like and she she like i don't i've never been to a forever 21 in my fucking life i'm like i don't know this i i was just inventing shit and she's just like so why do you want to work for us and i just start telling her like oh well because you know you guys are just so fashion forward and I just I fucking butter that shit up like I say so much

bullshit and she she's just looking at me like like I'm just the dumbest idiot on earth and I'm just I don't get it and I I keep going and I keep going. And eventually I just stop and she's like, okay, that was good. And then she asks somebody else and she says, so why do you want to work for American Eagle? I am. What? What? Because I was at an American Eagle interview. Oh. What? What? Because I was at an American Eagle interview. Oh.

Oh. What? Oh. I was at an interview for American Eagle Not Forever 21, and I just kept talking about Forever 21. Wow. And this was like a huge group, like 20 people just looking at me like this guy is so fucking stupid wow oh they just sell jeans okay yeah i felt so what were you just talking about like and you had to sit through the favorite animal favorite movie thing as well beforehand you wasted

so much time hello my name is david my favorite animal's a cat. My favorite movie is The Fault in Our Stars. My favorite store is Forever 21. Wow, you fucking got so on point, Avery. I actually can't believe it. Holy fuck. That's so David. That is 100% David. David, you can't claim that you didn't like The Fault

in Our Stars. Just try and say it. You love Junker. I know you do. What the fuck is happening? David lived through the Fault in Our Stars. I am the Fault in Our Stars. I don't think you got the joke I was making. I didn't. I'm going to be honest. Cancer, idiot.

What did David just talk about, Cameron? What the fuck is happening? Ed, get us out. Tell tell your fucking story everyone's fucking slow today and i drank okay that's your fault what that's not what i'm saying it's not it's not ed's fault that you're slow today and cameron's also slow today holy fuck what's happening i don't know the only ones who have had anything to drink, and I feel like we're the most sober people on this podcast. Look, Avery, I didn't sleep, okay? I'm going to be honest.

I know you slept. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. No, I really didn't. At least I'm trying to bring some fucking stories, man. Fuck. Cameron, Cameron, all you do is sleep. I've been trying.

You keep talking about all fucking all this awful shit! This is the worst episode. Wow. Every time I try to segue, you go, actually, I beat up a disabled person. Let me talk about this one. Yeah, I used his crutches. They're really good like blunt force weapons.

Wait, I beat him up? I used his crutches? Damn, this toy's more fucked up than I remember. Maybe I want to cut this out. Anyway, here's the time I cleanse an entire race. I don't... Hey, did that disabled person get to the ambulance? I don't know, I just left him there.

He did. We don't know. What kind of disability do you have? Bone cancer. I made a weapon out of his fucking shattered legs like in Monster Hunter. And then I beat his extended family with it. Tell your fucking story, god damn it. I just did.

This episode sucks. For you. this episode sucks for you um anyway speaking of uh this one time uh when I was still in high school so the thing about my high school is that every year they have a uh football tournament

soccer uh for all the fat people listening to this. And then... What? He's not wrong. And, I was fortunate enough, blessed enough, oh my god, I'm gonna fall. Okay, I was fortunate enough to be chosen as

one of the two commentators of the event. It was me and my friend, event. It was me and my friend Jimmy. It was me and my friend and my friend Jimmy that got chosen to be the... It was like, you guys

watch sports, video games, shoutcasters. We were going to be the casters for the tournament. And since it was a school in europe how the tournaments worked was uh it was like a teams a bunch of students but each team was the name of a country so you had like uh fucking croatia slovakia china no we didn't have china um yeah you know i'm saying basically like the world cup but like local but without trying not yeah definitely without china okay and um so like we were even doing like the the cute world cup thing every time a team was introduced you play their national

anthem and whatever but so our job at the tournament was to just commentate talk shit actually do play by play and they told us every time a team scores you need to play their national anthem and get like really hype like oh go oh shit go lasso shit like that but the problem is that year everybody was really underprepared and we got to the place where we were supposed to, you know, set up the commentary table, and they told us, yeah, we haven't gotten the soundboard yet,

so instead we're gonna give you guys the aux cord for the speakers at the tournament. You guys just plug in your phone, and then you do what you gotta do. We went, alright. Oh no. That kind of sucks, but you know, fair enough. So we went on, I didn't's that kind of sucks but you know fair enough so we went on i didn't have 3g i don't remember why so we had to use jimmy's phone to go on youtube and

look up the different national anthems that we had to use so and like three games go by everything's fine we're having a lot of fun uh we had a couple people get pissed at us well mostly the croatian people because the croatian team got fucking shit on and I had this one eight-year-old kid come up to me be like you know you're not supposed to be biased suck my ass um yeah little kid you're getting shouted out suck my ass um but the first problem arose that what's up I'm not going anywhere near you telling a child to suck your ass that is figuratively figuratively oh okay you know what I mean relax let's not I'm not going anywhere near you telling a child to suck your ass. That is pretty bad. Figuratively. Figuratively. Oh, okay. You know what I mean.

Relax. Let's not. All right. Yeah. You're the ones with the dirty minds here. Anyway, let's move on. Do you know if he had cancer? You know what?

Ed, continue the story, please. I'm trying. I'm really trying here, man. Cameron, what is wrong with you? Look, man. A little problem arose when it was the... I forget. Oh, fuck.

Oh, it was Greece. Greece versus Germany came up. And, you know, they were playing, whatever. It was actually a pretty good match. And then, you know, it went like 45 minutes without anyone scoring, which is pretty fucking wild in a football game. And then finally, like, minute after the first half, minute 50-something, someone scored. And it was Germany that scored. And me and Jimmy was like, oh, shit. Like, we were really into it. Because that match was intense as shit. It was like the quarterfinals or semifinals or whatever. And then we went, wait, fuck, Jimmy. We got to play the national anthem for Germany. So we look it up. Oh, no.

We play the first result. No. No. And then someone in the audience, who I recognized. My fucking audio interface fell off. Oh. You guys want to scrap this episode? What the fuck?

You're joking, right? How does your audio interface fall off, first of all? You're joking, Avery, right? Yeah, sure. David, what the fuck was that? Hello? Oh my god. Oh my god. This is his cover up.

Ahhhh! This is how he deletes the episode. Oh shit, David's fucking scheming. Oh, whoops. My audio interface fell off and deleted all my files. That's weird. Oops. My little brother got on my computer and deleted all my files and That's weird. My little brother got on my computer and

deleted all my files and put furry porn on my phone. And he also put more furry porn on my phone. That's weird. How did I get into all of these furry Discord servers? Oh, I did it. Okay, I'm back. Welcome back. You guys talk so much shit. I fucking know it.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I gotta redo the climax so fucking what was I saying you play the Germany and then yeah Germany scored the Skype sound whoo Germany scored and then I still gotta fucking go and then germany scored and we went shit jimmy we gotta play the national anthem so we searched it played the first result and the music starts playing and then someone in the audience who i recognize is one of my german friends of that year jumps up and yells, Wrong song! Wrong song! What did you play? You didn't play, like, the Nazi National Anthem. That's what I'm...

We played the Third Reich theme at my school's local tournament to all the children and parents that showed up. Oh, no. God, that's really bad. Needless to say, we didn't get invited next year. It wasn't even entirely your fault. They didn't have the soundboard ready.

That is true. That's what we said. You were the Nazis. They're like, oh, man, why is the soundboard missing? It's just like somebody's fucking just taking it away. We could have said, that's the soundboard the school gave us. They gave us the Nazi song. Uh-oh. Is that actually the first thing that comes up

when you search Germany? I think we looked up, like, Germany Nazi theme and then we clicked the first thing. Why would you look up Germany Nazi theme? That was a joke! That was a joke! Ed, I don't know with you. Why would we...

It's impossible to know with you. Yo, Jimmy, fuck him up. We heard David's story about cancer moms today. We heard David's story about furry porn boss today. I believe anything today. Is that the thing called dance moms? I believe fucking anything today. Is that the thing called Dance Moms? I believe fucking anything today. If you told me that you found it on accident when you searched Nazi Anthem, I'd be like,

that sounds like Ed. That doesn't sound completely out of the fucking realm of reality. That specifically sounds like 14-year-old Ed. Oh my god. I wasn't 14-year-old, I was 17! Oh. That's even more likely. Honestly. What?! Hey Ed, why can't Shibbolonké read?

That joke is a fucking banger and you know it! Ugh, you're so white. It's good to be back guys, you know? Is it? No. You don't even have a you don't have anything to contribute hey you were there that's because you tell me cameron tell a story about you being

a terrible person um i could lead up to one oh what do you mean you could lead up to one go tell i mean it's not really like, it's not like mom dying David here, you know. Nothing is. Hey, nothing's set in stone. Except for that mother's death. Oh, yeah. Ah!

I'm... God! You guys are making me sound worse than I am. Are we? Do you want me to tell the story? It's fairly short. Like, it's kind of... It's just short.

Hello? Hey. What? Yes, go! Okay, thank you. Cameron, you are so out of practice. Alright. This is what happens when you binge me for fucking five episodes, Avery.

Hey, I didn't bench you for five episodes David benched you for five episodes. What the fuck? I didn't do he was the one that said he didn't want to give Cameron access to the no Cameron chat on this server And he will see everything oh this is no Cameron There definitely isn't move on it sounds like something someone who would say that if there was no camera in chat ed you stumbled your way through that sentence so yeah way through your fucking story of course so uh i was like out at town and we're going to clubs with me and a few friends and uh like it was it was pretty late um and we're in line for this one and then this

really like just absolutely wasted chick starts like like fucking poking my back and like saying hey you know and like hey come talk to me and while their friends like pulling her away from me like no just leave them alone and shit like that it's like and then she starts like you know hugging me and stuff like that and i'm just i'm just like no please leave me alone and then i look at my friend and he's just like laughing he's like no and he's like no no he's really into it he says this to her he's like no no really and i'm like you piece of shit like i'm just like giving him the deadest eyes like i'm like you fucking cunt i could not believe he was doing this to me it was so it was just the worst and i just couldn't wait until i got past the bouncer and the bouncer would like kick her out because of how like drunk she was and i'm and like as

soon as i get in he's like laughing at me because like this girl was just like fucking just pulling on my shirt and shit and uh and i'm like you piece of shit i'm gonna get you back like you're such a shunt so like two i want to say three or three weeks late we're out well out at town again but it's like a really really busy night did you see the same girl no no no there is like four of us all waiting in this like huge fucking line like it's probably the, like, I live in quite a relatively, like, small city, so usually it's not, like, packed, but I think it was, like, the weekend before students left, and, uh, and so, so, like, it was really busy, and there was this just huge line, and we're waiting for people who are already inside, and we're just, like, waiting

for fucking, like, I want to say, to say like 20 minutes and then i feel like he this friend who who did this to me like last time was like i think i think you're like a few steps ahead of me or whatever and uh and then then like the rest of our friends were behind me and and then the friends behind me spot the people that we're gonna go in and see like walk out and they're like tap on my shoulder like all right let's let's get going we don't need to wait in this line they're already out and then i go to tap on my friend's shoulder but i just like in that moment i just remember exactly what he did to me while he was laughing at me and just like just walk away and just left him in the line and i didn't see him

again that night and he died he he had cancer and died can we go one story one story without it just without just someone having cancer no he's fine he's he's fine he's fine he's in remission it's totally fine. He's fine. This episode has fucking cancer, dude. Jesus Christ. I wonder what we're going to call this one. Cameron is a fucking tumor on this podcast. Can't wait to see you guys all in five episodes time.

Five. Okay, Cameron. Let's give us ten. this gives a give us tin give us a big runway technically technically you're in most episodes uh what do you mean yeah technically because of season one i'm gonna shave my head for this podcast thumbnail when you just take a picture of me next ad read it's just just my fucking character dying It's like ah we never see him again. I wanna look like a Nazi Everyone for listening to this Baby you might know me better than Shane We're not done! I had more stories! Are we not done? Where do we go from here? Everything leads to cancer!

All roads lead to cancer! No! This one doesn't! I can't believe none of you interrupted me during my story I fucking... Why did nobody give him shit for his story? Cause he didn't insult the cancer mom. Or show his boss furry porn. Welcome back to cancer mom.

That's the name of the episode. I don't want to call the episode cancer mom. This episode of cancer moms was sponsored by Coochie. No, don't say that. Mute it, mute it, mute it, David. Mute that one. So, Ed, you said you had a story that didn't end in cancer. Did you have cancer?

You're in remission, though? God. Please tell me you have a story that doesn't end in cancer. Let me think about it. Anyway, here's a story about how I vandalized somebody else's property. MMM! Anyway... I was at a mosque, and crazy. A mosque? A mosque?

This is... I'm fu- NO! That's not the start of it! I was- that was- that was a joke about, haha, shaved my head, look like Nazi, and then I burned down a mosque. JK, I didn't do that. Oh yeah, good joke, Ed. Good joke. Anyway...

Continue... Oh my god... JK, I didn't do that. Oh, yeah. Good joke, Ed. Good joke. Anyway. Oh, my God. We could just end the podcast if we want. Like, it's... Nah, Ed's got a story he wants to tell. Ed's got a story. I mean, that's... That wasn't... There's not much to it.

I'm going to be real. It's just I got high once. Stop my outro. That was an actual outro? Yes. That was a joke. That was an actual outro? Yes! That was a joke! That was something you could be like, ah, burned down a mosque.

What a fucking banger to keep the episode going for five more minutes. But it's not a mosque at all! Oh my god! Why'd you burn down then? I was worried about you burning down a fucking chapel. Just end the episode. End the episode and the episode don't even nobody deserves today nobody deserves you can follow me at super snake i can't believe i had the least offensive story this episode no i had the least offensive story I somehow feel like everything that happened on this episode was my fault Definitely. You didn't even talk! I know

Avery you're like, I feel like I only made everything worse though. Let's have Cameron back on What's up, Terry? Okay, hang on. Let me think of a story where Avery beat some minority up or something. There have not been any minorities up in front of you. I don't know if we're still recording anymore I'm gonna be honest. He keeps it strictly down in the basement, and you know it, Ed. You know not to go down. You don't have a basement. You don't have basements here. They'll flood. I'm so confused. Are we still going? Are we? I don't know. I thought we ended.

Hang on. I need to think of a... Ed, I swear to fucking God. This is... I'm actually in pain. Yeah, okay. You can end it. No, thank you. Kind fucking stranger you thanks for the privilege of ending the podcast thank you everyone I'm going to find out what's up with all the dead

Cherokee dudes outside your room until then thank you everybody for listening to this episode of please stop talking where can people find you I don't want this episode to be associated with the please stop talking

you can find me on the local news burning mosques and also on youtube cancer moms I don't know dude are we putting this out