Please Stop Talking - Pity Lap Dance | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: May 6, 2022

And that's why you never fish without a license.   Support the podcast on Patreon ▶ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic  Join the PST Discord server! ▶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65  Links: ​  David ▶ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic   Corbin ▶ https://twitter.com/lobbymemez   Brendan ▶ https://twitter.com/BrendanielH   Cameron ▶ https://twitter.com/SuperSneakSheep Ten ▶ https://twitter.com/Tenvenir_VA Podcast ▶ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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One last time, check out patreon.com slash sirmeowmusic. And now, on with the show. Can you try to play the... Play Hot Cross Buns. Play Hot Cross Buns. Do you know what Hot... Okay, Hot cross bun goes...

Are we actually introing like this, dude? Welcome to the podcast. You really want this? You want this right now? You want to go into this straight up after that? Yeah. That was a giant hot wet hot wet meat mess let's jump into it let's get in there face my back wall to play the recorder

because it's so loud okay i know we we said we would stop talking about props like movie props from this fucking auction site i need to mention how fucking weird it is to get a prop chest, a fucking Wolverine prosthetic chest appliance, because it's just, that's just Jackman's fucking chest. That's super fucking weird. That's super weird to own that. Well, then you can walk around being the huge Jacked man. Yeah, you can wear it on your chest and rip your shirt apart occasionally. It has such fucking weird energy.

I can be like, oi hugh jackman it's me i used to be a physical education teacher now i'm the Wolverine oh he was i remember seeing him uh did talk shit to a student in an interview he was yeah i was like a reporter who was a student of his and he's like, are you still keeping up with your physical education? And I'm like, the last time I talked to my PE teacher, he was being handcuffed and taken away. Dude, mine was actually doing drugs. He was doing the weeds. Mine died of cancer.

Aww. Mine, I guess, lead into a story. At my school, my PE teacher, he didn't get fired, but he got in trouble. He didn't get led away in handcuffs. That was a lie. A bold-faced lie.

Actually, no, the story is horrible, actually. Never mind. What the fuck, dude? What the fuck? Okay. Alright, dude. Did anybody ever threaten to blow up your guys' school? Yeah, all the time. A few times, actually.

I had a digital tech teacher who was always on 4chan during class. Oh my god, dude. What is this? This episode has such weird energy already. I don't think he tried to blow up the school, though. We had like two bomb threats to get us out of classes. We had five.

Five different days in a row. Holy moly. Wait, in a row? In a row? And then you kept going back? Yeah, no, we kept going back because they were like, okay, we know what's going on. And we were all a little suspicious of how they were like, well, clearly, like, you know, there's no threat here. Like five days passed.

What the fuck? And they finally catch the person doing it uh and does anybody have any cool guesses of how they managed to catch said person how caller id no no no they were being written on the walls in the bathrooms oh was it with the bomb threads yes somebody somebody was writing bomb threats on the walls of my school and that that's what stopped you guys no no we never stopped for everyone go outside for a fire drill and they were like all right this this shit needs to stop right now guys i got called down to the office at one point about it and i thought it's because they thought i did

it and i was like well clearly it couldn't be me uh no but my sister was just like yeah i'm a little worried about it so i'm having mom pull this bolt out of school No they caught this girl because she couldn't Spell bomb correctly on any of her threats Oh no Every single time she wrote it on the wall It was a B-O-M I got a bomb So they had her write a statement And as soon as she wrote B-O-M

On the paper for the statement They just had the cops come in and arrest her How old was she? How old was she? I think she was a senior No they just had the cops come in and arrest her. How old was she? She was like a... I think she was a senior. No! That school was interesting.

To say the least. Wait, so how old is the junior? Sorry. 16, 17. Yeah, 16, 17. You don't know how to write bomb? And after all of that happened and she already got arrested we didn't know and we had another fire drill and we thought it was another

bomb threat but it's just because some kid managed to just like completely burn butter in a pan in the cooking lab what the fuck kind of life were you living holy shit that reminded me of uh so 10 did everyone get called down to the office no not everybody got called down to the like nobody got called down to the office except me and everybody thought it's because i was writing bomb threats on the school wall why were you suspect one ten i no i wasn't my sister was like i'm genuinely worried about this and called my mom and my mom came and picked me and my sister up because I was like a sophomore in high school. Oh, right.

I'm walking down the hallway and it's like, I've never written a bomb threat on a school wall. That was suspicious. Why'd you have to say that out publicly, huh? I just need to get my alibis out there. Yeah, sounds like it. I was also not in Texas on April 15th.

I've never written a bomb threat. I've lot of stuff go down like that in our school. If you actually type in, if you start typing in the name of my high school, Google will auto-complete it to racist? Question mark. Yeah, I've seen it firsthand. Oh, I remember that. I remember that. That's funny. And then they fixed it.

The racism? No. I remember that. That's funny. And then they fixed it. I think that... Racism? No. Yeah, no. It's completely gone. We fixed racism. Obama won. Racism is over, guys.

We had someone break into our school over winter break and write hate speech and graffiti all over our entire school. Oh, come on. Very shocking going back to school after winter break and just seeing that. And then we had, for one of our pep rallies, it was ghetto day. Oh, no. Yeah. Dude, I remember.

Let's call it urban day. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. David, have you not seen that? What is ghetto day? David, have you not seen that? What is Ghetto Day? David, have you not seen that? No. What is Ghetto Day? Oh, God.

Oh, no. I can imagine. I feel like I know, but I want to be... I don't want to be right. People took the opportunity to, you know, go above and beyond and did, like, dreadlocks and wore chains and played rap music.

They just did... A lot of people got... They were just being racist. They were just being racist. I always participated in all of the... Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute.

Can we go back there? Let me finish. I always participated in all of the pep rallies and got dressed up, but even when I was like 17, I went, that's not... That's clearly wrong. But you still participated.

It was the one I didn't participate in. That reminds me of dressing up for Halloween every year. Sorry. No, I didn't know who was talking. So I just stopped. No, but you scared me. You scared me with Halloween. Yeah.

Well, like I, that's, that's so like in Halloween every year, there was a girl in my class and like my year and she always went above and beyond like freshmen. She, she went like really high quality into her costume freshman year sophomore year uh i think one year like sophomore year she was like uh one of the one of the like red hair dolls what are they called the the raggedy raggedy yeah she had a really awesome raggedy and costume junior year rolls around she is dressed as little wayne with blackface included like it is it is it is really like fake grill blackface this is a ginger girl who is fully

dressed as little wayne um yeah i don't know how she didn't get in trouble not once she just got through all her classes that day and now she's just like yeah i didn't get in trouble not once she just got through all her classes that day and she was just like yeah i didn't get in trouble or anything i don't think why i would and we all had to go explain to her and she was mollified she didn't realize what she was doing and then the next year she dressed up like a clown and i broke a table because of it out of anger or no no i i have a i have a debilitating fear of clowns to the point where like it's fight or flight choir um one year we were all dressed up and she walks in and full clown, like expensive, like thousands of dollar, like clown outfit looking like fucking professionally done clown outfit. And my brain stops firing or starts firing random synapses.

And I scream, run off of the risers, hit the railing, fall through the railing, and then fall through a table and break the table in half and then i get up and started running again i was like i can't be inquired today i'm sorry could not do it it's too much funny at all why are they always in your dnd campaigns because i think it's funny to throw clowns at people i'm not like i'm not gonna be afraid of a picture of a clown or like a video game clown but like I don't know Shelby wore a white glove the other day

and it freaked me the fuck out so even like the hint of clown the hint of clown IRL scares the shit out of me but like video game pictures whatever back in a theater when I was at the community theater some like members of the group I was in for I think Oliver found out I had a fear of clowns and they kept hiding this porcelain clown

doll and the second time they hit it my like the dressing room in my locker i grabbed it went outside and threw it on the concrete and smashed it yelling die die die oh this is a lot brendan i don't think this was any of this is funny really it's fucked up i don't have anything like half my stories aren't funny they're just kind's fucked up. I don't have anything. Half my stories aren't funny. They're just kind of fucked up. I'm just reading death threats to these people from my school. Oh, man.

This is taking a turn, huh? What happened? Guys, look at these movie props. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You can buy Breaking Bad blue sky meth prop. I'm just here to ruin the vibes. Oh my god. You can buy Breaking Bad Blue Sky Meth Prop. I'm just here to ruin the vibes. I've been talking about the failings of my public school.

Hell yeah. I almost got fired today for wearing shorts. Not really a story. A fucking place is going to fire you for wearing shorts. Capitalism? That's not a place. That's everywhere. Is he wrong? it's a mindset

i would get fired for wearing shorts oh no my my uh my teacher did not tell me that i had to wear pants and the safety officer went ran by and uh he scolded me and uh sent me home for wearing shorts damn speaking of schools i had this one math teacher in high school that I really liked. He was really funny. He actually played, he ran the D&D club. He's actually really good at it. He ran the D&D club.

He ran the D&D club and he also challenged me to a fight in his jujitsu dojo. And I did not show up because I was too scared. Dude, that's not fucking nice. He was waiting for you, man. A teacher challenged you to a fucking fight? Yeah, my senior year. Because he was like, oh, not fucking nice. He was waiting for you, man. A teacher challenged you to a fucking fight?

Yeah, my senior year. Because he was like, oh, you play football. You're super strong, right? And then I was like, yeah. And he goes, well, I do jujitsu. And I was like, I know. You've told me about it before. And he goes, do you ever want to fight me?

Here's my dojo. And then handed me the business card for his dojo and then walked away. Dude, maybe he was like... You could have been the new karate kid. You could have been the new karate kid. Jiu-Jitsu. He was probably waiting in his studio all alone, sitting on the fucking floor, just waiting for you

and you never showed up. Fucking Corbin Kai. Corbin Kai, yes! You denied him his legacy. This is fucked up. I was really upset because he goes, yeah, I practice on Wednesdays from like 6 to 8.

And I was like, I will go next week. And then the next week rolled around and he goes, you never showed up. And I went, I'm going to be honest with you. I couldn't handle losing. Dude. I love that teacher so much. He was so weird. What the fuck? We had such a good relationship because he would just say super like outlandish stuff

and people would stare at him and I'd be the only one to laugh. And I'd be like, Mr. S***, you are a genius. Oh, oops. Shouldn't say his full name. His last name. You said it twice, so are you. All right. Stop saying it.

That's his actual name. You did this the last time, too. I know. We started Googling my teacher. But there was one day where I was like, man, I love this teacher so much. I want to bring him something. And so I was walking down the hall. And in our school, there was the outside halls that had rocks on both sides.

So I was like, fuck it. And I just grabbed a giant ass rock. I went up to his room. And I placed it on his desk before class. As he was sitting there. And I looked like, fuck it. And I just grabbed a giant ass rock. I went up to his room and I placed it on his desk before class as he was sitting there. And I looked at him and I said, Mr. I might go, but this rock will stay forever. Keep this in remembrance of me. And without breaking eye contact, he grabs the rock and just chunks it out the window. That is closed and shatters the glass. And there's just glass flying everywhere,

and it's all over the ground. And we're on the second story, by the way. He threw it out of a second story window. And we just lock eye contact. We're just staring at each other, and I'm in shock. And then I realized that he didn't know what just happened. And he looks at me and he goes, I thought the window was open. And I was like, oh boy, Mr.

That bird hit the window really hard. He's like, I have to go tell the office. And so he runs outside of the classroom and runs to the office. And I'm fucking, my shock turns into just like hysterical laughter and I fall on the ground and I'm just laughing as the hardest I've laughed in my entire life. And I'm fucking crying. And at this time is when everyone started to slowly walk into the classroom and they just see me sitting under his desk, cry laughing, surrounded by broken glass. And just be like, what happened, Corbin?

What happened? And I just could not bring myself to words. And I just went, Rock! And then the principal came in and he just stared at me and I was on the ground still crying. He didn't get into any trouble. But apparently that legacy did stick with him

because at my graduation, he walked up to me and he goes, hey, I just want you to know what you did was really funny, but you shouldn't put things in teachers' mailboxes. And I was like, what? And he goes, I know it's you. Who else would it be? And I go, what are you talking about? And he goes,

someone keeps putting rocks in my mailbox. And I'm like, Mr. Shirley, it is not me, but that is hilarious. I'm going to start doing that. Did you know where he lived? Yeah, I knew where he lived. I actually sent him his own address once. It was hilarious. You sent him his own address? Yeah, I

bet him that I could find it. Jesus Christ. What the fuck? Wait, do you still talk to him? Why would he take that bit? We're, uh... Yeah. He didn't. Oh, okay. He said Corbin did it.

He said, Corbin, please don't look for my house. And then I emailed him a Google image of the street view of his house. But yeah, we're friends on Twitter. I don't talk to him anymore, though. Does he want to be on the podcast? I can ask him he can tell his side next podcast episode just

Mr. S*** says it all Mr. no no no Colton will ask him if we're allowed to use his name yeah yeah he can definitely do that. We'll get a client. Just go knock on his door.

Send him another screen view. Like, let me use your name or else. Another photo of his house. He's moved. He just... You know he's moved? Yeah. I almost said he doesn't live at Blank anymore.

Oh my God, dude. No dude No but see here's the thing If I ask him if I can use his name in the podcast He's going to watch the podcast and be so disappointed in me Why? I don't know For being on a podcast What if he was like ah that's my boy But like in a teacher

Teacher student way Not in a weird like david have you heard about a relationship i mean i just did yeah oh yeah i guess you had a good one he was such a cool guy he also uh not not funny but a really cool thing that he did was um he fought at our school that in a freshman have a mandatory study hall and he uh started this uh petition to make a change where it was no longer a study hall and it was a life class where they would teach you how to do taxes and how to like apply for colleges and all that stuff and of course the school shut it down oh cool yeah but he was why because why i don't know he he even told me he was like was that something that students want and i was like that's literally like all they complain about

all that's all any fucking student wants because then you become an adult and you have to do taxes you're like what the fuck is a tax i was like you could just call it adulting 101 he's like i offered to teach it for like no extra like pay raise or He's like, if it would genuinely help y'all, I want to teach you that. I'm like, you are actually a genuinely outstanding person. I'm so glad you gave him a rock and almost made him lose his fucking job. Teach is not paid well. Holy fuck. Brendan, I heard that you rock.

I do. Fuck, guys. I'm fucking epic. Guys. Am I recording? You're lying. No, I'm fucking epic. Guys. You're lying. You're lying. I'm sorry, David. I tried to beat you to that bit.

Wow, we're so funny and clever. We have so much fucking goger in our brain. So much chemistry. You guys should kiss. I have intrusive thoughts right now to stop audition just to fucking make this episode curse. No, that's not a curse.

I almost spit up my viewer. You do not need to do much to make this episode curse. I already did. After Corbin told this story on the... I think that was my first interaction with Corbin, too, was that podcast that we scrapped where Corbin told the story on uh because i was i was i think that was like my first interaction with corbin too was that podcast that we scrapped uh where corbin told the story uh i it reminded me i don't know i don't know why it reminded me of in in high school my freshman year i gave a presentation in biology

like a like a like a powerpoint on uh tasmanian devils. And like, I made this PowerPoint. I spent a long time on it. I wasn't paying too much attention. I was just pulling pictures of Tasmanian devils from like Google and talking about like how they're, how they're sick, how there's like a transmissible cancer that's killing them. And they're like a real animal.

I thought that was really interesting. They're real. They're real. Yeah. They're a real animal. Are you for real? Tasmanian devils are a real animal. They're a real animal are you for real tasmanian devils are a real animal they're a real animal what when you said they were sick i was like the cartoon got sick no they have a transmissible it's like a cancer basically um you know there's a really

rare pandemic there's a there's a yeah oh i feel so bad yeah i think the the one thing that sticks in my mind was doing this presentation setting it, putting like a real picture of the cartoon Tasmanian Devil in it for jokes. Nobody laughing at that and everybody else laughing at the actual pictures of the Tasmanian Devils because I didn't realize that every picture I got had their balls in frame and really like engorged. How did you do that? I wasn't paying attention. I was a fucking weird kid freshman year. I'm on Google image right now. I can't even find a single fucking Tasmanian textbook.

This is like 2008, 2009. And just every picture, balls, balls, balls, butthole balls. Like Tasmanian devil staring back. And the kids are just laughing. And I got in trouble by the teacher. It's like, you can't show that. That's lewd. And I was like, they're animals. Do you have a cat?

They have like balls. That's lewd. Oh my god. Check my teacher's history. E621. Fuck! That's not a math site! Not only did I find out the Tasmanian devil is real, but they have

balls? Yeah, of course. Dude, that same biology class is where I got my only in school suspension to. Did I ever tell that story on the podcast? Dude, I feel like I'm going to ask and it's not going to be a funny story. I feel like it's going to be a funny story.

I feel like you did because I talked about how I almost got suspended after that. Oh, yeah. Because, oh, yeah. In the scrapped episode? Are yeah. In the scrapped episode? Are we just repeating the scrapped episode? This is a running back episode. Okay, fine.

Fine. Oh. I got something. I decided recently that it was time for me to become a fisher, a fishing man, a man of the sea. Officially? Gotta go officially. I wanted to go back and start. I don't fisher, a fishing man, a man of the sea. Officially? Gotta go officially. I wanted to go back and like start. I don't know, man. Nature's beautiful. I want to catch some fish. I want to throw some fucking lead in there. You know, I want to throw some fucking lead weights and just

pollute our fucking beautiful sea. I thought I wanted that. This is like a story in the weirdest like not really a story it's mostly just i fucking i i met a creature so i just went to this uh fishing and hunting place to get a uh like a fishing rod some fishing accessories just whatever when i get there we're just like completely lost it's me and ferns we just have no idea what the fuck we're doing so we're both like looking at fishing can't like fishing rod and be like oh yeah fishing whatever and then event like in the hopes that somebody eventually notices like oh these two chuckle fucks don't know what the fuck they're doing eventually it does happen and we meet this fucking creature he looks he looks like every horror movie like weed like weed guy like junkie he's missing teeth he looks fucking he looks like he's gonna sell us like

just meth he might have yeah from my so you met one of my canadian family members i get it do you actually have canadian family members no but I bet he's related to me. Maybe, maybe. Cause he was a fucking weird one. Uh, he, we, we just start talking about like fishing games. I'm just like, Oh, can you recommend me like random stuff? Like, uh, like something for beginners. Like I, I'm probably going to do a decent amount of fishing this year.

Cause usually we go out to the pier and we just like hang out there. Do you need a fishing license in Canada? Yeah, I got a fishing license. Oh, okay. You got a license to catch that fish? Yeah, I got a license to catch that fish. And that ties into what the fuck he was saying. Because eventually I did bring that up.

Like, hey, so like, do I need, don't I need an actual license for like fishing? And then he gets on this fucking weird rant. I don't know what happened. That was like the beginning of the end for him. Because he starts talking about the weirdest shit. He starts going on about, this dude starts going like, Let me tell you about fishing without a license. I've seen it firsthand.

I've seen this guy he had 47 salmons in his house live ones he had a big water tank and then i'm like i'm like hoarding salmon when he said that i was was like, he had live salmon in his house, and he was like, yeah, we, he had, he would not eat if it came out of the fridge, this guy.

Touch the fridge? No, thank you. He would eat it fresh. He would beat the shit out of him and eat him fresh. Anyway, this one time i went fishing with him and he this guy would not stop talking to he dude he sounded like dill like french canadian dale gribble dude like i'm not even fucking kidding. This time I went out with him and he would not stop bragging about the amount of salmon he had in his home. And the fishing guard heard him. This is a real story, by the way.

Like, I can confirm because I did see the fucking news stuff about it afterwards. But, so, I'm not going to do the voice for the entire thing, but basically the guy, like, the guy was hoarding salmon, and he kept bragging to everybody, like, at the lake, pond, whatever place where they were fishing, and eventually the fish guard caught on. The fish guard? This is real, dude. There is, like, a... Isn't it just the fish guard caught on. The fish guard? This is real, dude. Isn't it just the coast guard? Isn't it?

I don't know. I don't think the coast guard gives a shit about 47 salmon. In the US, it would be a game warden. Yeah, it's a game warden. Okay, that's what it's called. I like fish guard more. I also like fish guard. I just said that because that's how you say it i i like fish guard more i also like fish i like fish guard i i just said

that because that's how you say it in french but translated in english so fucking the fish guard fish guard came up to the guy and was apparently like hey man he the fish guard pretended to be like interested in his life his life salmon fucking fishing thing is like a weird thing it was like hey man i heard you got the pick the i heard you got the fucking you know where to get salmon fresh looking for a salmon plug i'm looking for a salmon plug and then the guy apparently kept running his mouth and being like oh yeah i know where to get the i got 47 salmons and I just picked up two more and then when

he said that the fucking guy who was telling us the story at the fucking fishing and fishing store was just like just started fucking slapping his thighs and going fucking ham and I was like dude what is happening can we just buy our

fishing rod? We've been here for like an hour. And he just kept talking. He said the next day, buddy went home to his fish and the game warden came to his house and they took everything from him. They took his car. They took his fish. They took his house. they took his car they took his fish they took his house they took his wife wife was also a salmon you go home to your wife i go home to my fish we are not the same 47 salmons in a coat he was laughing his ass off and then he stops dead he looked at me and he said

and that's why that's what's waiting for me in heaven. That's why you gotta fucking get a fishing license. And I was like, okay, dude, can you just fucking ring me up? And he didn't ring me up at all. He just kept fucking going, talking about how he eats fish. Because eventually, like, we were talking about the types of fish at the fucking like uh river where we go to and he was like there's this there's that there's this and i he's also he was talking about you what is that wait wait ash what is that in french in english oh it's a bass. Okay, sorry. It's a lagger mouth, lager mouth

bass. Okay. Large mouth bass. Large mouth bass. Lager mouth bass. What the fuck? Large mouth bass. Dude, I'm fucking losing it right now. Oh my god. Yeah, I prefer a stout mouth bass. He was like,

he was talking about how every morning he wakes up and his dude he had the breakfast of champions it was like i drink my pepsi with my four legger mouth bass and one egg every morning and let me tell you i get it so fresh i eat it and the fish can still stare at me eating him and i was like oh my god dude i want to get out it's been two hours now please let me get out dude he would not fucking stop talking and he would say we stayed there for almost three hours he would not shut the fuck up the thing is, he only said two things to us. He only talked about the fucking guy and the other thing. He would just constantly talk and say nothing. It was fucking insane. And I need to go back there because I need more fucking worms.

I need to buy more worms from the guy. He's my worm guy. David, I so wish I was there. I would have snapped into my South Sona and been Brendan at the liquor store. Your French-Canadian South Sona? Oh, I would have just... Let me tell you about my legal fishing spots. They're just by you. Not the by you, by you, but the by you, by me. Oh, my God.

The only thing I'm taking away from that story is if anybody asks about my secret fishing spot, I need to instantly ask if they're a game warden. They're legally required to tell me if they are. Dude, that's not a joke. If you get caught by a game warden, they can actually fucking

take your car. Yeah, but he's got to tell me if you're a game warden. That's not a joke. That's the law. It's very... They're careful about not you fucking up the ecosystem while you throw in your fucking lead hooks in the fucking...

As I drop some dynamite into the lake. Game one, put some dynamite into the lake. Dynamite fishing rules, man. It's so extra. Apparently you're not allowed to I also learned that you could life bait was the thing where you would catch a fish

and then use that fish to catch more fish that's insanely illegal now cause you could literally destroy the ecosystem it's the Geneva convention dude fishing is fun I love fishing I've been having a good time

enemy airstrike inbound fishing is fun i love fishing i've been having a good time fucking lake enemy airstrike inbound my uh my grandpa got an idea because he was a big fishing guy and i i've been fishing a billion times uh mostly to play pokemon red and blue uh hell yeah as you do on fishing trips my grandpa got it in his head that he should own and operate a bait shop out of one of the three trailers they owned and i have vivid memories of just me and my little brother going to like the crawdad tank and just picking up crawdads and throwing them into the forest like behind the trailers just to see like what would happen what what do you mean what would they grew where do you think yeah to see if if they got out and grew into big crawdads.

It was like kid logic. We'd take the crawdads, they'd pinch us on the finger, and we'd take them, we'd just throw them off into the forest to see what would happen. Well, you could eat it instead and have a good old fucking... No, that was bait. The crawdads were being sold as bait. Oh.

Brendan, I understand exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, at a bait shop, he had a tank of crawdads were being sold as bait. Oh, Brendan, I understand exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, it's, yeah, at a bait shop, he had a tank of crawdads. And I think the bait shop ran for like a full summer before he was like, I'm bored. I don't want to do this anymore. And they just closed it all down. I had an uncle who did the same exact thing.

Did you ever use to fight the crawdads? I wanted to get like little hats for them, but my grandpa and my grandma told me no. Like I wanted to get little hats because them, but my grandma told me no. I wanted to get little hats because I didn't have Beyblades because my Beyblades got burnt up in the other trailer fire. What? Instead of fighting Beyblades, you wanted to fight crawdads? That's fucked up. Yeah, well, I was in a trailer park, David.

I was kind of a fucked up kid. I mean, I did it. When we would have crawfish boils, we'd all make a ring out of our shoes and we'd put two crawfish and we'd let them fight. And then we'd decide a winner and then we'd throw them into the pot to be boiled. The loser would get boiled and the winner would go on.

And at the end, we'd let the winner go into the sewers. He would survive. Survival of the fittest. There is no survival in this story. Corbin was just speeding up Darwinism. Yeah, no, that's actually

that stayed with me, I think, for a long time. I was in high school and when I first started Lobby Memes, after one year of doing it, I went, I'm going to do something special. So I went down to a food market. I bought a lobster. You did a fighting ring.

No, I let it go, but I let it go into fresh water. I recorded the whole thing. I just realized Corbin invented Bel-Rail. I love just pretending to say things. I think PUBG owns you royalty. I hit the fucking sewer water and started emoting.

They forgot about me? I'm picking myself up. God, I wish we could emote in real life. I have so much good news. Colin, stand up right now and try. You won't believe it. You won't believe it. Holy shit.

Holy fuck. He's so fast. Oh oh my god I just realized he's on webcam this is audio media holy shit oh my god why is he so fast have you been practicing

have you been watching Ryan Reynolds' Free Guy my heart rate is so high that was genuinely so fast I love it I think the fucking sound barrier broke rate is so high. That was genuinely so fast. I love it when he gets the grindy gun. I think the fucking sound barrier broke. I think I'm having a heart attack.

No, that's just the Victoria. That's just the episodes like Curse trying to close in on you. Finally, I tell the story. The episode airs, but I'm never alive to see it that's the pact you made the episode will release but you will die for it finally how does it feel to die for content corbin that's how i figured i'd go yeah fair

i think i'm going to go like, I don't know, like a Walmart fire is like my bet. Walmart fire? You know what, actually, I was thinking about Walmart fires the other day. What? Because they're always like local Walmart burns down. Yeah, I was thinking about starting one.

I just can't believe they found me. Dude, they burn it down and it's just like Loki. The Marvel television show you can watch on Disney+. Brendan, you've been accepting Disney money, Ian? You know what's fucked up is I did used to work for Maker technically.

You did? You were a Disney princess? That was my first YouTuber-like partner program was Maker and I wanted out so bad. It took me like two to three years. But I was like, hey, my checks are signed by Disney. $50 thanks to Disney. Hell yeah.

Big ups to the big mouse. Brendan, I had a story that I was leading into but I... I fucking blue screen you good. Brendan, I had a story that I was leading into, but I... I fucking blue screen you good. No, you said when you started speaking, I just maxed

out volume in my head, which is a manscaped ad. I'm lost. I don't... Never mind. How do you do this? Me? How do you... How do you... You literally... You just walk out of my fucking monitor

and you just grab the thoughts in my head and you eat them in front of me like that guy from Monster House. His name is Nevercracker. No, it's not Nevercracker. It's Nevercracker. No, not Nevercracker. The gamer at the arcade.

The gamer at the arcade. Oh. That guy. I don't know his name. How the fuck do you guys know that movie that well? Well, I've seen that movie like 18 times. I just can't remember. I've seen it 19 times. Yeah, liar.

Oh my god, please don't fight. Well, Corbin's obviously he's directly lying right to my face. So, I mean, we have a problem here. Are you doubting my authority on children's media? I mean, the other day we were talking and you didn't remember the old man's name. Patreon questions. Can we please Patreon questions?

I don't want to. I'm done with Monster House. Patreon question. Corbin asks, why is Brennan such a never cracker? Whoa! Well, it's his name. It's his name. Hey, it's fine. We're on YouTube.

It's okay. We're on YouTube. We can say anything. It's a noun. It's a noun. Anything. Wait a second. Patreon questions. Cameron's getting bold. Dude, I love that. Getting bold is such a good way

to say it. Instead of saying I'm going to have a gamer moment, just say I'm getting bold. I'm getting bold. Alright, if you're part of the $5 and above tiers, you can ask me questions for the Patreon Q&A. What's something you've told to a stranger that would make you sound like

a psychopath in slash out of context? Has that been asked before? That was by Rick Toran. I don't think so. I went up for training for my job and it was like a completely different team

and it's like in hospitality. So I was in a kitchen and they have like paper for wrapping like items and then like food products right and there was a technique that they did where uh they would steam it in the steamer just so the the edges would curl so it'd make it um better to like pull off and just like i i i realized that like people you can't just like say things to random people that you don't know. But I said... But I was like, oh, yeah,

it also makes it, like, taste better as well, right? Just, like, as, like, a joke, but I said it completely straight-faced, deadpan, like, looked her right in the eyes as I said it. And she just, like, goes, what? What? What did you do?

I was like, oh, uh... I was like, oh, uh, I was like, oh no. I was like, wow, I sound like fucking, you should have doubled down and be like, yeah,

no, I was like, yeah, no, I did. I did double down. I, I,

what do you mean? Why? Because I, there was no way out of it at that point. I was just like, oh, well, I'm never going to see this person again.

So I would have just said like, um, that was just a joke. You fucking idiot. You don't just a joke. You fucking idiot. You don't get a joke. You don't see a joke when you, it's right in your face. And then I push your face down the fucking grill.

Oh, um, so I can't think of any differently in the kitchen from you. Yeah. I don't think I, I'm trying to think if I did, I feel like I definitely did something where I said something to somebody. And then I realized afterwards,

like, Oh fuck, you can't say that. Like I for sure did that. One of the only times i could think of it wasn't even that bad i was getting my hair cut my barber like knocked me in the back of the head pretty hard with a uh like the the like the the razor like i i was fine and everything but she was like apologizing over and over and i forgot how human beings talk to each other and i was like oh no it's fine i get hit in the head all the time like that made it better if that happened to me i would have been like the moment i was like that doesn't make it like that she didn't hit me any less hard like i was

fine but like she was apologizing a bunch it's like i hit my head all the time i don't know dude i can't right now. I can't think of any. I feel like I talked about it recently, though. I had two customers when I worked at GameStop come in, and they were regulars, and something had happened. And the words that I said to them were, hey, can you go steal something from a little kid in the Walmart parking lot?

The first thing that I said. Okay. And the reason I said it to them is because this kid earlier came into my game stop walked up to the plushie section grabbed an arm full of mario plushies and ran out and i can't leave the store and i'm not gonna call the cops i'm like a five-year-old so like this kid and i kept poking my eye out because like he was waiting in the wal Walmart parking lot by his parents' car, arms full of these plushies, and I'm just like, can you guys just go

over there and steal those from that kid? And I was like, I'm joking, I'm joking, like, don't. But I was like, I don't know what to do. There was one time when a girl at work asked me if I ever got sad, and I said, no, I'm not allowed to, and then walked away. That's a good one. Oh, oh, Oh, I thought about

another one. I talked to a co-worker once that they were talking about I think she had just bought a yo-yo or something and she was like, yeah, man. I was like, oh yeah, I could teach you how to yo-yo. She was like, oh, you know how to yo-yo? And I go, yeah, I'm a 22-year-old man. Of course I know how to yo-yo.

Then I walked away. That's pretty fucking good wait do you know how to yo-yo uh uh no she just couldn't prove it at the time yeah she did have a yo-yo on her i'm not bringing it to work oh dude she pulled it out of her back pocket and said i would have i would have pulled some shit. I would have tried my best. What if she swung it around like a mace and struck her in the side of the head? I would have, like, come up with a fake name for a move. And then just, like, when I fucked up, inevitably, I'd be like,

yeah, that's what that's called. I still think the best is when I told a stripper that I buried my son today. Wait, wait, wait, you did what? To who? Why? What? Everything winds up, but there has to be a lead up to this. That's a story for a different time.

How could you fucking do that? Do what? What the fuck was that? Bury your son that day and then go to a club oh yeah that's what yeah what it was what because she was what asking questions too i didn't have any money oh my god you you were just yeah you were just doing it to get a free lap dance? Free Greek lap dance? Oh my god. Corbin. Oh my god. That's so bad, bro. That's real.

You're down bad. No, no, no. That's on par with showing up in a wheelchair or pretending to be a veteran. That's a whole episode of Always Sunny. Yeah, that's an episode of Always Sunny, dude. Oh no. Oh my god.

Corbin, you know it's bad when it's bad when always sunny has an entire episode in like the second season that was so early on too they were like we have all of these ideas let's have them go to a strip club in wheelchairs to get petty lap dances well to be fair to be fair oh my god it was paid for. Just not by me. It was paid for by your fucking dead son. No, it wasn't the industry card. I was financed by someone else and she asked why he paid for me. And I said, because I buried my son today. And then

I also did tell another stripper that it was my birthday. And then she said, my birthday's in January. And I said, no way. Me too. That's a good one. It was not January. Yeah.

I went, my birthday is January 6th. Corbin has conversations like a dialogue tree that doesn't work correctly. Why do you lie? Why do you lie? It is kind of funny. It is kind of funny. I agree. I used to lie to this guy

at the fucking food court for like years. Oh, I've lied in so many taxis as well. Whenever they ask me what I'm doing, oh, what do you do? I taxis as well. Whenever they ask me, what do you do? I just fucking bullshit. I can't be bothered. Sometimes I get the same taxi driver and I'm like, fuck, what lie did I tell him?

Yeah. I talked about this on another episode. When I used to go to my fucking my old barber, I would just lie to her. I would be like, oh yeah, I'm a fucking astronaut. I'm studying plants. I'm doing this. I'm doing that. I'd just fucking say lies.

And then every time she would be like, what the fuck? She'd be super into it. I'd be like, yeah. She doesn't catch on that it's a different lie every time? I think she forgot about me every single time. She was fucking dumb. Do you go to the same lady? Yeah. Oh no. Well, I used to. Now me every single time. She was fucking dumb. Do you go to the same lady? Yeah. Oh, no. Well, I used to.

Now I go somewhere else. That dude's fucking sick. My new fucking hair guy. My hair guy. He's fucking cool. No, he's fucking cool as shit. Yeah, I go to the sports cuts. What the fuck is this hair guy shit?

Dude, I used to go to fucking great clips, and then I donated a bunch of hair, so I got a free haircut at a nice salon, and I was like, oh, shit, dude. This is way better. You don't want to go to fucking great clips and then I donated a bunch of hair so I got a free haircut at a nice salon and I was like, oh shit, dude. You don't want to go back, dude. I go to a nice salon and I ask can I get your people in training, please? Because they have something to prove and they're cheap.

They are super cheap, yeah. And you're providing a service. Yeah, that's a super smart thing to do. If you can go get a haircut at a hairdresser school, academy, that's a great way. You get a super cheap haircut and they get training. That's a great way to do it. If you're going to college, at least. 30% more chance for

bald, though. Yeah, but if I go to the same lady every single time, I know that she cuts my hair like how I like it. Oh, true. Counterargument. I sit down in the chair and she just starts going and we just chat for a little bit and then I leave and my hair looks good. Dude, my fucking hairdresser always talks about like, oh, I just went to this Screamo

show and I'm just like, you're so fucking cool for a 50-year-old. Why are you so fucking cool? Just got my hair done purple yesterday. I really want to see it. Give me your hair. Mail it. Yeah, you want to what are you going to do with it? You're going to eat it? 1708. Are you going to eat it again?

East O'Hara Drive, New Mexico. Albuquerque. What the fuck? Sorry. Did you start rattling on my white dress? I'm going to change my address again. Jesus Christ, COVID. The screen keeps going idle and I keep thinking that my

fucking computer just turned off. It's because Corbin told the Rock story again. Can I bring back a question we already answered? I just want to make sure people understand. SonicFan69420 asks, would you have sex with your clone and if so why yes yes that's it i just want to confirm that i would just want everybody to know that i

would have a hundred percent have sex with myself well actually i've been thinking about this what you changed your answer from a couple episodes ago would you let your clone have sex with your partner? Oh, fuck no. I'd kill him. If I saw a clone of me, if I saw a clone of me, I would kill him with a rock. I would grab the rock that broke the teacher's window and I'd bash his head in. I think I might kill him. Are you having sex there?

I don't care. Death of the ego, death of the id. I don't give a shit about that. No. If I saw a clone of me i would kill them 100 i don't care i would kill you i'd bash your head with rock i would burn you in cold blood there goes my weekend yeah so both of you everything after it like the idea of having a clone of me scares me so much i would immediately commit like it's a self-harm i would destroy them like they would fight me too though because they would be me so it would be yeah they would also do it because they yeah it would be like a fight to the death between oh it's like gemini man it's

like gemini man i'm pretty sure they try to kiss shelby and i slap them just like will smith and i say keep your wife keep my wife's mouth out of your mouth, you fucking idiot. And then I kill them. See, I feel like I know my clone. Well, I mean, if I had a clone, I feel like I would know him well enough that we'd be like...

You tried, Cameron, you tried. Yeah, I was going to say, bongo cross ass, give me the most morbid but creative way to kill somebody. I'd clone Brendan. Fuck if we both die. Would you both die? You think you're that evenly matched with your clone?

No, here's the problem. Here's the problem. We would attack each other right away. We would try to play mind games with each other but also like a part of me is just like fuck should i just go in with the rock so it's gonna be really like half and half then we'd never kill each other and then he'd just live here with me it'd be awful but would

your clone be completely equal wouldn't he have like a weird like a little fucked up thing i mean the only way to know if that would be the case is if we got twins to fight. No, twins aren't clones. Twins aren't clones. We need to actually clone someone, David. Yeah. Well, what if we got that goat that got cloned? Hey, David, fun fact.

That was at my university. It is? Why would you say that? You're still going. You just doxxed yourself. You just doxxed yourselfxed yourself I don't know do people know I've said it multiple times

and Corbin also talks about like being on campus and names specific places yeah there was someone in the comments that goes I live next to Corbin's best buy go in I dare you go in I dare you aren't you scared? When you said how long

to dox myself on stream and you were informed that you already did it. I've done it multiple times. Because Corbin got so excited. He was like, oh, I was on an interview for Best Buy and then pulled it up on stream with his full name in the Best Buy that he

worked at. Corbin. The bot is gone. It's fine. Yeah, the bot is gone. Because somebody told you to dock yourself. I don't know how I've not doxxed myself. Because I'm also open to fucking talk about edge shit all the time. I don't know how I didn't pull a

fucking Corbin yet. Listen, my neighbor who lives at 1708 West Point. Yeah. No, I'm just kidding. Arizona, Texas. Yeah. Arizona, Texas. Albuquerque, Texas.

Meth capital of the world. Is it? No, but Brendan, I will clone you. Yeah, you can fucking try. Here's the thing. You can clone me, but it's not going to have the trauma that I have built deep into my bones, so I'm going to win.

I don't think that. I think both of them are clones. It's you again. It'll have a fresh body. No, technically, it's not memories. It's a genetic clone. It's basically a twin. It doesn't have memories? Then it's not a clone. I slam you with a big paper.

Then the clone loses. The clone loses. If it doesn't have my memories, it loses. Yeah, it loses 100%. What is it going to do? Poop its pants? What memories is it going to have? It's going to go goo-goo-ga-ga and I'm going to stomp on its head. The clone hasn't seen...

The clone hasn't seen the WikiHow video on how to fight your clone. Oh, fuck. I will. Shit, I'm not reading it anywhere near the internet. I'm not reading the WikiHow just in case it gets my memories, so it's like a break-blast situation. You clone it, watch the video on 2x speed and then go fight your clone yeah i'm gonna get myself cloned lock him in a sensory deprivation tank for a year and then pull him out when i need videos edited

and just do it do it do it get back oh my god your clone's gonna hate you it's going to try and murder you it's going to try to murder you yeah it try, but I'm too stupid to get out of a sensory deprivation tank with a padlock, so he'll be too. Brandon, think about all the time your clone has. I think of all the time I have. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm too stupid

for that. I know me better than anybody else. I'm way too dumb. Name his clone 64 Salmon and then the game warden's gonna raid his house and take his clone. What do you think? Do you think that guy was putting the salmon

in a sensory deprivation tank? No, he was floating them. He was doing salmon experiments. Oh, what are salmon like in sensory deprivation tanks? Is it morally right to keep your fish in a sensory deprivation tank?

Mexican blind cave fish or something. Yeah, but salmon isn't. No, they are really sensory deprived fish. Would they survive? Lager mouth bass isn't. No, they are really sensory-deprived fish. Will they survive? No, too much salt.

Too much salt, they die. Put fish in a sensory deprivation tank and only play the weekend songs every three minutes? Oh no, you're right, because the water has a bunch of salt in it so you float, right? Too much salt, they die. But they're already floating, they're fish, they don't need less salt.

It's just regular salt water. So if you had them in a tank that was just dark, they were in a sensory deprivation tank. Would it mean moral? Hey, you listening right now, you fucking chuckle fuck, comment below. Would it be morally right to keep a 47-year-old

in a sensory deprivation? Shut up. They're fish, not people. God fucking Christ. Wow. Wow. Talking about Britain They're fish, not people. The fuck am I going to do? Wow. Talking about Brandon's clone that way. Wow. You're going to come here,

pretend you give a fuck about fish? You don't give a fuck. They're not dolphins. They're not smart. I can't believe we're fighting about the clones. What is the worst Patreon question? Who asked it? I can tell them without a shadow of a doubt it's not whoever asked this clone question i i don't know i i now i just want to fucking i just

really want to put like listen can i what if you know how fucked up it is that you can just feed a pig nuts for like its whole life. And then when you slaughter, it kind of tastes like nuts. Is it going to taste any different if you fuck up with, with like fuck with its senses? Probably not. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. I feel like I would. Yes. No, no, no. Genuinely stress me.

It would actually stress me. Yeah. So could we stress out a fish? Is it moral to do that? Oh my God. Is it moral we stress out a fish? Is it moral to do that? Oh my god. Is it moral to stress out a fish? Is it moral to torture my fucking cow before I kill it?

If we cloned crawdads and made them fight, would it taste better if we threw the winner in the sewer? I had a pet biggest name was Wilbur. He died. Really? Yeah, my neighbors shot him.

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