Please Stop Talking - Punk Duck's Views Do Not Reflect Those Of The PST Podcast | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: September 20, 2017

Don't forget to boost Punk Duck on famous birthdays! : https://www.famousbirthdays.com/people/punk-duck.html Follow Punk Duck here: https://twitter.com/PunkDuck_ https://www.youtube.com/c/PunkDuckTV https://www.twitch.tv/punkduck Audible trial: www.audibletrial.com/PSTPodcast US Amazon Link: bit.ly/PSTAmazonUS CA Amazon Link: bit.ly/PSTAmazonCA Podcast also available on iTunes and YouTube! iTunes - apple.co/2slCqTT YouTube - (coming soon) Rating us on Itunes is extremely helpful for us and a great way to grow the podcast! Links: Avery - twitter.com/ShammyTV David - twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Kyle - twitter.com/SirZulu_ Cameron - twitter.com/SuperSneakSheep Podcast - twitter.com/PSTPodcast Art by Madbuns: Twitter - twitter.com/mad_buns DA - madbuns.deviantart.com Other links: YouTube - youtube.com/c/shammytv Twitch - twitch.tv/ShammyYT Reddit - reddit.com/r/Shammy David's Spotify - spoti.fi/2gAtGSJ David's Soundcloud - @sirmeowmusic VO in this video was mixed and mastered by David Tremblay (bit.ly/SirMeowMixing) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Miller Lite. The light beer brewed for people who love the taste of beer and the perfect pairing for your game time. When Miller Lite set out to brew a light beer, they had to choose great taste or 90 calories per can. They chose both because they knew the best part of beer is the beer. Your game time tastes like Miller time. Learn more at MillerLite.ca.

Must be legal drinking age. Today's podcast is brought to you by Audible. Get a free audiobook download and 30-day free trial at www.audibletrial.com. I recommend Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, narrated by Stephen Fry. Let's get it. What the fuck? I didn't even talk. Oh, fuck off, David!

What did David do? I didn't... Can this start of the podcast? Can just be Cameron yelling? Cameron, play your thing. Welcome to the podcast Hey Hello everyone and welcome to another episode Of the Please Stop Talking Podcast

I am your host, Shammy Wait, Avery Fuck me, I cannot stop doing that I nailed it like the first few episodes And then since then It's just every single fucking time. I am Avery but you might know me better as Shammy. I'm joined today by

my friend David. Hey, how's it going? The lovely Cameron. Hey, how's it going? And Smite YouTube superstar PunkDuck007. Say hello, Ed. I want to leave.

That was the worst way to introduce me. Holy shit. I think the worst way to possibly introduce you, Ed, is to release you trying to do that ad read uncut for everyone to hear. That wasn't that bad. That took you ten minutes. That was way funnier. Time goes by fast when you're having fun with your friends.

Ain't that right, Cameron? My bestie. What about me? Yes. Fucking hell. Yeah, you too, David. Sure. Woohoo! Fuck- okay, so- Ed, do you wanna introduce yourself? Oh, shit! Oh, so-

Everyone, uh, Kyle's out this episode again. Oh, well, that's because he was voted off. Yeah, Kyle was voted off the podcast. So now we have, now we're just going to have rotating special guests. Wait, what is this? Weakest link? Why'd he get voted off? It'll all make sense eventually.

Don't worry. Sure. Sure. Okay, so Ed, do you want to introduce yourself and explain who you are? Hey guys, have you ever heard of Smite? Well, I really crippled my channel by making videos about it, and now I'm here. Oh my god. Ed, do you seriously want... Ed.

Hey, Ed. What? It's funny. Ed, are you sober? I am sober. I've never been more sober. Okay, well well then you know what if you're okay with that decision i'm okay with that decision too there you go i'm always okay with my decisions so we don't have any fucking idea what we're going to talk about this week because i've been trying for the past half hour or so to get everyone together to be like hey let's figure out a topic David was just like

nah no I I was hungry I want to eat wait I thought you had a question for me when I like I do have a question for you it was mostly I just want to tell I wanted to ask you about your foreskin. Of course you did. It's not like I called it on day one. I have a question for Ed. Is it my circumcision? No. No.

It's just it's an interesting fact about you, Ed. So you know how most boys, they get their little wieners snipped when they're like, you know, newborn or like one year old? Yes. Well, I got mine snipped when I was at the ripe young age of

16. Oh, no. I've heard, I've, oh, no. I think I've heard this. Wait, have you? Have you? Really? I think, no, I think Avery told me. Did I tell you about this? I told you about this? Ah, sorry, Adam. Why are you telling people about my weed, Avery? It's a good...

It's a neat... It's a fun fact. It's so disgusting. It really is. It's too late. You're telling the world now. Settle down, boys. Let Papa Punk Duck give you a ride on this mangled piece of meat all

right please stop i don't want you to talk about giving the audience a ride on your mangled dick all right speaking of rides i was 16 years old to potentially have more advertisers on this podcast someday sponsored by local bar mitzvah okay all right let's fucking tell the story yes i've never had someone actually say let's get to the story quick like people i suggest telling it and they go please leave this party you weren't even invited um but yes i was 16 years old and um i had this weird condition that um when i had oh jesus christ and how much detail am i allowed to go before you're allowed to go into as much detail as you possibly want to excruciating detail this is your soapbox yeah i had this condition where whenever my phallus was erect um i couldn't pull the foreskin all the way back which um led to some really awkward moments

with my first lady encounter um so i went to the doctor about it and he went yeah you have this weird ring on your foreskin and to get rid of it we have to cut it off which means i had to get circumcised so um he told me hey you can have two choices of circumcision like he gave me some options he said you can either cut it like right below the ring so you have a bit of foreskin left because apparently it's like a natural moisturizer or something um or you just get it all off and go to american style you know a way get the american the americano and then i said i don't want to look like a weird hybrid so i said yeah get it all off let's clean this bad boy up huh um so like a week later oh and i was really smart and i went circumcision is like a crew cut for your dick honestly I wanted to well that ruined that joke

I wanted the Vin Diesel look I haven't been setting this up specifically I just realized if we're going to have Ed on the podcast I wanted him to talk about his dick it's the talk of the town but anyway what was I saying how much I want to cut off.

Fuck. Hang on. Where was I? God damn it. I'm so, I'm totally lost. Was I at the part with the skin? Yes. You talked about the ring on the fourth day.

And you said you were getting it all cut off. And I said, get it all off. Okay, yeah. And then I had the brilliant idea of, he warned me that after it's off, I can't shower for two weeks and I'll probably like walk like a penguin or like a cowboy for like a month. So I thought, you know, best way to like do it and not miss a day of school because I'm a good boy. I'm going to get a snip during the summer. Best summer of my life when I was 16. So June came around, they brought me on the operating table.

The, uh, they, they, I'm like, Hey, listen, man,

I don't want to listen to the sounds of my wiener getting chopped off. So can I listen to my iPod? Fun fact, all the songs I listened to on that day are ruined. I cannot listen to them ever again because guess what? I was awake when it happened because it was a local anesthetic what songs what songs were you listening to it's fine it's fine it was some fucking really bad like dubstep because i was into some really bad music back then so okay cool

so they did you a favor yeah pretty much i just have a soundtrack on spotify called circumcision and it's all of them is that real can you share that's definitely not it's on my old ipod though i can probably go fetch it but yeah yeah um they so i'm in like that little gown that shows your ass and then they put me like on the table and they wheel me off and then they put so they don't so i can't see it if i look down they put drapes like so i'm lying down they put drapes over my waist so i can't see my dick and the moment they did that i grabbed the nurse by the arm and i went actually i changed my mind just get half of it off just get half i don't want this totally happened this happened oh my god i changed on my second she was like are you sure

and then the doctor came over he was like are you sure and i'm like yes just just fucking get it over with i just want half of it so um my god let me keep half of it 50 off um 50 percent the punk duck special oh no oh my god um anyway um so remember when i said it was a local anesthetic that means that the anesthetic had to go into my shaft and the nurse just comes over and she's like hey what are you listening to by the way this is gonna hurt a lot like hey what song is that hey is that a good band and what happened was they grabbed my, they grabbed my little, my little Barry by like the, my Johnson,

by like the head of it, like with their, like a claw. And they pinched the head of it just so it was straight. And then they fucking, they stabbed me in the side of the dick and I screamed, dude. I fucking screamed.

Oh my god. Because it hurts. Imagine getting a needle on the fucking side of your cock. I don't want to. You asked for this story, Adrian. I am trying not to imagine the pain. I wanted to laugh at you being

in pain. Why the fuck do they not just put you under? I'm so confused why they need to fucking stick a shit in your dick. They don't have any money, Cameron. We have no budget. I fucking... surely. Oh yeah, spoiler alert, they botched it. But anyway. Oh, what? I didn't know that! No!

Oh, it was totally botched. You didn't tell me they botched your dick surgery! You have a fucked up penis? Wait, wait, hang on. Before we can see... Oh my god you have a fucked up penis wait wait hang on before we can see oh my god what's the detail of the definition of botched what do you mean the detail of the definition i mean is that i mean it wasn't okay it wasn't failed they definitely got it off that's what i mean so they got half of it off but it definitely got infected and the side of it got swollen to the point where like my penis looked like How would I describe it?

Yeah If you guys have ever seen fist of the North Star and Kenshiro uses all the Like you're already dead and they and they start to like they get like growths on their heads That's my penis fucking god. Is it right now? No, not right now. It was It was like that for a moment I had to put ice on it, but I'm getting ahead of myself Anyway, they put the getting ahead of myself. Anyway, they put the drapes over it.

They stab my wiener. And then they go. And then anyway, then the nurse tells me, all right, that was the worst part. Now here comes the second anesthetic. Here comes the fun part. No, they stabbed me again. It's like the beginning of a really fucked up porno. They stabbed me again. But then they like that one i didn't

actually feel anything because the first anesthetic was like primo good shit and then oh the rest of it was just me screaming while listening to music and feeling something going around my penis like you don't it doesn't hurt but you feel something slowly grazing around your penis. Thank you for the sponsorship, by the way, Audible. It's really great to have you guys in support of us. Oh my god, I'm so happy. I blame this entirely on Avery. But anyway, after that...

I'm not the one who cut open your dick. I wish you were. Whoa, whoa. Okay. They wheeled me off into the the room and then they said yeah in about an hour you're gonna start screaming and i'm like i was sick and then my dad came over and he was like how you doing champ and i'm just like half my cock's missing dad i'm doing all right and then and then he and then he was like hey imagine that's what any

half of your cock no the doctors got really ahead of themselves they just took all of it while we're here um but yeah then my dad was like hey an hour has been past you're right and i was like yeah i'm okay and then he like gave me his hand and then i was like just holding his hand i was like this is gay shit and then and then the anesthetic wore off and i crushed his hand for like two hours straight while screaming at the top of my lungs oh my god that was worse than the anesthetic just two hours of me constantly in pain it was awful and then they and then they uh gave me a bunch of pajama pants and i walked around with my legs completely spread open back to the car went home and they me, alright, you can't shower for two weeks also, your dick's infected

you know, the whole Kenshiro mold's on the side of it so you gotta put ice on it every night also, you're now wearing a diaper you need to change it every time you go to piss and you might bleed when you piss and have fun, champ oh my god what the fuck

jesus fuck and then bonus fact two weeks later they were like all right you should be good now it's still like walking around a bit funny but they were like yeah it should be functional um and then the i went back to talk to him was like i'll give you a week for you to shower and get the stitches off because they should naturally fall off. But if they stay there, I have to remove them. Guess what? They stay there. Of course they did. With my luck. So a 50-year-old man had to

fucking pincer out some needles out of my cock. And that's how I got circumcised. Kids, good podcast. Can I go home yet? Not yet. Kids, good podcast. Can I go home yet? Not yet. Oh, great.

David, this is what happens when you don't fucking pick a topic. Oh, fuck me. I regret going... Jesus. I've been trying for the past... I've been trying for like two days now to try and sit down and figure out a topic and no one would help me.

I don't know. I was like, maybe... You know. Yeah. Here we are. Topics will happen. I mean, that's a topic. Everybody has a penis. It's relatable. Yeah.

Everybody on Earth has a penis. When they make your smite skin, are they gonna take this into fucking... Accountants? Like are they gonna add this to the pilot skin? Wait, what do you mean when they make a smite skin? In case they make a character that has half of you, dude. Why would they do that? I'm so lost, Cameron. Wow. Anyway, a little bit of an extra story, because this is pretty funny.

My friends have been low-key obsessed with seeing my dick. Because in Europe, a circumcised penis is like seeing Bigfoot. That is not popular here. I'm aware. So we were at prom and then we were all just pissing at the urinals and then we were all like pretty drunk. So my two friends came over and they were like, Ed, please show us your cock. We have to see.

I'm so curious that I'm dying here. Show me your cock. And I was like, go away. Like, it was so funny how desperate you were to see like did you show them your cock though no i didn't because it was a public bathroom fucking pussy i mean it was a public bathroom we didn't want to get kicked out what are you did you not show it to them because you were scared they would notice the little pussy lips hanging out from underneath you're fucking scared of it it definitely looked like pussy lips after the operation okay let's i say having your group of dude friends asking to look at your cock is a really

good way to transition to the thing that david and i wanted to talk about. I'm so concerned. We're going to play a game. It's not necessarily a game. It's more... It's a concept. Could we mention that me and Cameron have no idea what this is? This is a thought experiment. We're talking about straight moms, gay dads.

Oh, shit! We're talking straight moms, gay dads, because Ed is not aware of this like thought experiment on this podcast and in this friend group in general that we have we are of the belief that there are two types of people in the world ed you're either a game you're either a gay dad or you're a straight mom and david and i made a short list that we would like to go through and ask you do you think and it's not something you can really explain it's just something you have to like understand so

in order to like help you understand i feel like david we should go through people ed already knows and tell him what they are okay i'm down with this dabs on being a gay dad though uh yeah you're an absolute gay dad ed thank goodness you're an absolute gay dad, Ed. Thank goodness. You're an absolute gay dad. Don't worry about it. After that fucking story, Jesus. Avery thinks I'm like 20% gay or something.

I do, yeah. We can talk about that another time, though. We have a lot to cover on this episode. Okay, apparently. No topic's the best topic. Let's get it it let's start with you know avery right you know yes yeah there you go so avery what are you what am i i actually don't i don't remember what we decided i was i think i'm a gay dad yeah you're gay yeah i'm a gay dad

you're a gay dad i'm david's a straight mom i'm a straight mom david is an absolute straight mom like i'm trying to think of like qualify i have a question david who do you think is the like prototypical straight mom in our friend group is it you i want i want to say kyle because of the passive aggressiveness holy shit is that what this podcast is about to turn into? Holy shit. Well, that's why he's off. I mean, yeah, he's not on anymore.

He's not going to listen. He is going to listen. He's definitely going to listen. Friendship with Kyle ended. Now Ed is my friend. Please don't fucking do that. Thank God. So, go ahead, Cameron.

I've only heard about gay dads, straight moms, and passing. Like, I do not know a lot about this. Oh, you only have a passing understanding of the gay dad, straight mom dilemma? Cameron, I'm going to be honest. I have no idea for Cameron. I think Cameron's a gay dad. I feel I'm feeling a gay dad on Cameron, honestly. I feel a strong to light gay dad on Cameron. I think Cameron's a gay dad. I feel gay dad. I feel I'm feeling a gay dad on Cameron, honestly. I feel a strong to light

gay dad on Cameron. Are we going to explain the rules? There's not rules. It's not really a game. It's a thought experiment. It's just something you have to understand. You have to get in that headspace of gay mom, gay dad, straight mom. Help everyone understand.

Help everyone understand. Help everyone understand. So we're going to first, Ed, we're going to go through some celebrities, and then we're going to go through people we know. And then... Alright. And then there's a final bonus one. Oh, baby. Is it going to be my girlfriend?

I swear it's going to be my girlfriend. No, it's not. I didn't even think of it. What do you think Denise is? Gay dad or straight mom? Oh, shit. I don't know what qualifies these. Is it just like what my heart tells me? What does your heart tell you she is?

Is she a gay dad or a straight mom? I mean, based on what you know about like, like picture a gay dad and picture a straight mom, which is closer. I mean, I guess gay dad because. Hell yeah because hell yeah straight mom I think of my mom my mom's a total bitch so oh no oh my god let's not have the mommy issues podcast let's fucking derail from that immediately holy shit let's talk about

holy shit yeah you want us to fucking black that no because i'm imagining my mom my mom's the one that's always like i want to she's one of those like i want to speak to the manager types and like oh yeah that's a very straight mom thing to do yeah those people are totally not like that so i guess gay dad by elimination. Yeah. David, we've discussed this. You are a straight mom. Yeah, I know. You are exactly that type. I know.

Okay. We have, this list is very short, David, I'm realizing. Yeah. We can think of names. And also, I don't know how many, okay, so. Jesus. Let's just go through them. This is fucking terrible.

I love that this is the fucking thing you came up for instead of an actual topic. I've been asking for days, Cameron. You didn't even suggest anything. Why didn't you figure one out yourself, you fuck? Why didn't you make any fucking suggestions? Why is this my fault all of a sudden? You're the leader of the podcast? No, David is.

I'm the only one that's super excited about this. I'm stoked. You're stoked? Jack Nicholson. Straight mom, gay dad. Shit. My heart tells me gay dad. My heart tells you gay dad?

Can you explain why? I actually really don't know because I don't think Jack Nicholson is a human being. So it's kind of hard to nail down. He's a fucking goblin. He's seriously a fucking... He's the first known goblin on Earth. He was the first goblin. He's my dad.

Jack Nicholson is my dad. So if he's your dad, he's a gay dad. That's... Exactly. Oh, there you go. Plus, like, I think he is a gay dad because he looked at the script for Anger Management and he said, yes, I will participate in this movie. Well, there you go. That's a gay dad if I looked at the script for Anger Management and he said, yes, I will participate in this movie. That's a gay dad

if I've ever heard one. Christian Bale. Also gay dad. That naked chainsaw scene in American Psycho. I'm thinking straight mom because of the shit that he pulled from the... I'm thinking straight mom because of the Terminator Salvation set.

Yeah, Terminator Salvation you know you remember that video yeah you're right yeah that's a very straight mom get off my set that's a straight mom that's a very straight mom maneuver right there most actors i think like deep down straight moms yeah yeah because they're all fucking bitches except for like the one exception every now and then. Yeah, for sure. Batman, the fictional character of Batman. Oh, he is straight mom as fuck. Yes. Yeah.

Yes, he absolutely is. That would explain the casting, you know? Yeah, there you go. We need a straight mom kind of guy. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that another thought experiment? Like, that only gay dad people can play gay dad characters? I don't think that. I think that's a question for another day, David.

I think we should figure it out. Oh, my God. There's been a lot of things brought up that are going to be brought up next episode. Not next episode. It's never going to be brought up again, except in, like, random conversations at 3 a.m. Santana. Oh, gay dad. It has to be gay dad. I don't know anything about his music.

It has to be gay dad. Yeah, sure. I'm with you. You never listen to Santana. He's not jammed. What about Niall, Ed? Pyrocynical. I feel straight, mom.

You really? I feel I get real gay dad vibes from nile no i'm feeling really i'm feeling straight mom because whenever i play dark souls with him and i do anything that's like not serious he gets super pissed like we had this one boss fight where i just turned myself into a chair for the entire fight and he had to do it by himself there it is he's he. He's a straight mom because he's autofocused on fucking sex. Wow, that got sexist, Cameron. That got real sexist.

What are you saying about women? I'm saying women don't know how to use manual focus. Next question, Avery. I'm saying straight moms can't fuck off. How dare you? Yeah, no, okay. I'm obviously outnumbered here. Niall sorry

you're straight mom what the fuck it's not negative what do you mean it's not negative I don't think Niall wants to be a straight mom I think Niall would prefer to be a gay dad I mean okay I think wanting to be a gay dad is a sign of being a straight mom really

that is so fair that's a very fair yeah that's probably yeah I guess so final one cause this list is really short and we should fucking move on fuck final one

uh Kuzanbo oh fuck off really no one's gonna get this literally I'm gonna get this maybe Cameron I get it. I get it. Cameron and David both get it. We've all played Smite. Yeah, no, I just watched that video and I don't play Smite.

How dare you! We have a passive interest. I think it's gay dad just because of his laugh. I think Cousin Beau is the gayest of dads. Oh, absolutely. Victory Scream. Cousin Beau is an absolute gay dad. Like, if you need to understand the prototypical gay dad, it's Kuzumbo. Prototypical straight mom is David. I honestly say Kuzumbo is more gay dad than the Chiron skin.

Yeah, no, for sure. The Chiron skin is straight mom as fuck. Okay, now it's going into... Now we're going too far into this might talk. Thanks for reeling us back. There's literally nothing else to talk about on this podcast because these are the two things, literally the two things that I thought of

that we could talk about. Okay, fine. I'll talk about part of it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I have a story. Okay. No, David has a story. Okay, okay.

What do you mean, no? No, go ahead. Okay. What? Did I? Okay, so this is the story of how cameron that was very straight mom you're definitely straight mom yeah you're a straight mom now fuck you is that a bad thing no it's not you just are a straight mom it's not i just wanted to tell you to fuck off i mean i was talking first but it's all right oh okay you want to

why don't you go ahead story are we listening to i don't know, but it's all right. Oh, okay. Why don't you go ahead, Danny? What story are we listening to? I don't know. I think it's David's. My story. So I did one year of movie or fucking film arts, or I don't know what you fucking call it. Film school. Yeah. I did film school, sure, in college, but it wasn't college.

It was Sajab. And I fucking hated it. And I had a documentary class, and we had to do a documentary about something so i decided to do a documentary about this club that was called the student movement and they would basically like make movements that's all they would do they would be like just for the sake of movements yeah yeah. Yeah. Really? Pretty much. What were some of their movements? Fucking.

I'm not. Okay. I'm I, I don't even want to talk about the movements because I feel like it's like really politics. Oh, it's really political. Okay. Let's not get into it then. Fuck. But basically I went inside their, uh, their club so I could meet their president.

So I could do the interview. David, did you end up getting this club banned as well? No. No, no, no. You got a club banned? I want to hear that story. That story has been on the previous episode of the podcast. Darn.

David's gotten a lot of shit shut down. Go ahead, David. I didn't shut down. didn't david is a straight mom tornado just wrecking through everything tornado of straight mom yeah basically what happened was i uh i went in like the moment you get in it smells like fucking weed my guy weed beer and piss and like there's broken glass bottles like broken beer bottles everywhere on the ground and they're like passing a huge bong like maybe two meters high jesus christ it was insane and they were all so fucking high and at the back there's a sofa and the club president was there with his girlfriend

and uh were most of their movements about legalizing weed the sometimes sometimes but most okay most of the times it was okay i'm not i'm not gonna say it but it was way more political okay uh move on on the sofa he was there and i i couldn't see it i i was just like okay i'm gonna i'm gonna set up the camera and set up the audio and set up everything and then my teammate is like looking at the camera settings i look up i look at the sofa there's the club president and he he's doing a fucking weird face and looking at me i'm like what the fuck it looks like he's fucking pissing himself or whatever he looks he looks absolutely out of it and i like i already know he's high pretty pretty sure he's also drunk and then like

i just crossfaded yeah and i just see a face going like a head going up and he was getting oh my god holy shit oh god and i just i was like the camera to face him i i didn't know what to do i just i'm just like because like it's it's a small room and there's just a bunch of people there and they're like yelling and listening to like really loud screaming metal shit and like i just look at my teammate i'm like you've seen this shit dude and then he looks up he's like well that's gonna be a problem. And I'm like, we don't want to record a porno for a fucking thing. So I'm like, do we let him finish? What the fuck?

Do we let him finish? Oh my. That was your biggest concern? That is one hell of a quandary. That's the biggest bro move. I didn't fucking know. If you let him finish, you're the biggest fucking bro on the planet. I mean, we wouldn't be, like, is it our place to be like, hey, stop sucking his dick?

In public, yes. I think that's anyone's place. I think the only way you could have been more of a bro besides letting him finish was letting him finish and, like, started, like, cheering, like, yeah! You win! of a bro besides letting him finish was letting him finish and like started like cheering like yeah you win I was just we were just like let's wait and he become a gayer dad the longer I know you and we I just we just sat there and we were like talking to the

other people and we were like he's getting head and like they were like talking to the other people and we were like he he's getting head and like they were like yeah and eventually it eventually like he was he was done he zips up his pants and the the fucking girlfriend leaves and everybody leaves and which dude it looked like a fucking mafia boss scenario okay like when he was done everybody left and it're just... Dude, it looked like a fucking mafia boss scenario, okay? Like, when he was done, everybody left. And it was just us with him. Okay.

And we did the interview like nothing happened. Jesus Christ. Oh my God. And that's... That's the story. That's the story of how I saw a dude getting ahead in public. Holy shit. The most upsetting thing to me about

all of that is the fact that he made eye contact with you while it was going down. I think that's the thing that upsets me the most. I just realized how fucking weird that is. Yeah. It is weird, isn't it? How did you only just realize?

I was just in shock. I was just in shock the moment i saw the fucking blow job i was like oh my god david you yeah you you're not a person you don't have like you don't have no no i'm just saying you don't like jack nicholson you're a fucking goblin i'm like my dad i'm like my dad what can i say no fucking you don't have human being experiences you don't know what it's like to be a person i'm convinced i mean you're not aware i mean i've you know no i don't know what are you doing what am i doing with my life i don't know watching a guy get blown make an eye contact what's wrong with that no i i mean we weren't

doing icon we weren't doing not the entire time no that'd be gay no of course not i i just i looked at him in the eye and then i was like, oh, he's, what? Nothing. It's not important. You should have looked at him in the eye and then like bitten your bottom lip. Do you think he would have stopped? The thing about that is that I'm fairly certain if you were in that scenario, that's exactly what you would have fucking done.

Oh, absolutely. I would have done the cheering too, like when he was about to finish. I know you would do this. And you're not, you're conspicuous as fuck as well. Because you're, you're. I would have done the cheering too, like when he was about to finish. I was really fucking shy. Honestly, during that time, I was so shy. And you would have walked up to him and said, Alright, five, four, three. Tap on the shoulder.

Yeah! tap on the shoulder yeah I should have just went tap on the shoulder and be like my turn next oh my god in which position no when he finished I'd go up to him and say good job son and then kiss him on the cheek like I'm

nice one ruffles here maybe just like I taught you nice one fucking ruffles here maybe jump sports just like I taught you fucking Christ that's my story yeah that's the story

it's a it's a fucking good one that's definitely a David it's definitely a David story that's a David story I want to mention something if like if the no topic issue

ever becomes really like prevalent throughout this podcast I have a bunch of stories I could just whip out. Dude, go for it. If you have any stories, it's basically just a podcast where we tell stories. So if you have stories. So do you want the story where I ended up owning 500 British pounds to the British government? Sure. But that. Sure.

Go ahead. All right. So here's what happened. It all started out when i was still in college and i didn't last too long but still i was in college in it was not great i mean it was pretty good because i stopped going to my classes a month in so i just went out every day and got really shitty but anyway i was in college in England and we had this student owned bar slash nightclub place that all the students went to on like a Tuesday or some weird shit. And I had this friend that was a giant loser, but his name was he was a great guy. But but like when it comes to women, he was the worst. But, you know, he was average looking. So I just told him hey dude

if you manage to pull tonight i will buy you i forgot what it was like five shots or something i don't know it was something ridiculous because i knew he couldn't do it jesus christ ed wow are you gonna come out of this looking okay at the end because right now that's absolutely not okay good anyway he goes off on his own little adventure. I'm just chilling with the rest of my friends, but he's really trying. And then three hours in, he messages me like, yo, dude, I did it. And I'm like, oh, sick. Let me go check this out.

Because, you know, classic, when I walk over, I kiss him on the cheek. Good job. Whatever. Classic. Yeah. Look him in the eye. Bite my tongue. Strike his cock.

Swallow his cum. All right. Just being bros. It's called a bro job. So I go over and I'm and I see this fucking whale like sitting next to you. Oh, my God. Come on. She she was fat is what i'm trying to say all right we know what you were trying to say we could read between the lines on that one i think

all right um what i'm trying to say is she was so fucking christ um and I tell him it doesn't count. And then he goes, what do you mean? What? It doesn't count? What the fuck? Dude, if,

if anything, Oh my God, David, you are not helping. Holy fuck. But anyway, I stand my ground. I say,

it doesn't count. I ain't buying your shit. And he goes, ah, whatever. And he just keeps making out with her and I'm like, hmm, that's not a good sign. So I go back and I'm chilling. Oh my god. Not a good sign. And then he's still-

Hold the fuck. And he's still making out with her. So I'm just doing it with my friends. It's almost like he's making choices for himself. It doesn't fucking matter. Okay, so I'm hanging out with my friends. What a disgusting human being. Oh my god.

And then I go back like i better see where he's at all right name drop his name was you did that already you already did it when you called him a loser you said here's his home address so i like i walk over to the couch where he was at and he's not there anymore neither's the creature so i just i just start asking around like has anyone seen simon they go nope and then one guy goes i think he went home with her and i'm like holy shit panic alarm i'm like i'm panicking now what is wrong with you ed so like did they take your soul away when they took away half your foreskin yeah the doctor was really fat and i just hate them now oh my god he like tells me he's like

tells me like no i'm really in love or he's like no you're fucking not you're like how fat she is look what she did to my wiener but then like me and my friend all my friends are in agreement we're pretty drunk let's be honest but we're all in agreement like we gotta go save like it turns into fucking saving private ryan but the bullets are all really fat women and then oh my god oh my god why'd i take a drink god damn it fuck and then we were all running over to like the dorm and we like we knock us man ed why did you get fired from the other podcast you were on i i honestly no idea but yeah we're knocking at the door um we're banging at the door like get out of there we're here to save you but he's like not

there we don't want to go in either because that would be cock blocking. What do you mean? What are you fucking saying? How is that more cock blocking than showing up to the house? Anyway. Because we lived in the same house. He was just in his own room. You know, it was like English college dorms.

You were banging on the door. What? No, they're in the room. But like, no, but here's the thing. They weren't. They weren't in that room. They weren't in the room. It's like shit. They're in your room but like no but here's the thing they weren't they weren't in that room they weren't in the room it's like shit no no they were in they were in the girl's room girl oh my god they were in her room and then we're like shit we have no fucking idea where she lives

so we're just asking around we're seeing people outside have you guys seen and then one of her fucking housemates he says oh yeah i saw her bring some guy up and her room's on like floor something thank god he told us the floor um so like we we get in the thing and then we run up but the problem is like the way these are separated like anyone can get into like the apartment because it was different buildings and they're all like tiny apart tiny one room apartments but like the hall they're all separated into like six room halls those were locked with a key that every person in that hall would have so we just couldn't get in and then we were like fuck well mission's over he's gonna bang that thing so everyone's

everyone's packing it and going home and i'm just thinking like no i'm never suggesting i'm never suggesting a guest again i'm not not giving up. Not just yet. Did you climb through a fucking window? It's like liquid from Milagrosal. It's not over yet. And then my friend's like, hey, Ed, the fire alarm's right there. Ed, you did not. Ed, no.

Ed, no. I was very drunk. Isn't that an offense? Isn't that a literal crime? That's a literal crime You can get fucking done with it Welcome to the crime cast We're all criminals Welcome to Australia

Don't say we're all Don't implicate us in this Ed You did this I feel like everybody did crimes on this podcast everybody did do crimes we deleted the last podcast that had crimes in it we're not what i paid i paid my dues i can talk about my crimes you right i i paid my dues that's what do you think the 500 british pounds came from okay right that was it i forgot that that's how you intro'd this story.

I was distracted by you dehumanizing a fat woman. There's nothing human about it. Oh my god! Jesus fucking Christ! Anyway, I'd just like to point out that PunkDuck's views do not reflect the rest of the podcast.

Thank you, I appreciate you pointing that out. That's going to be the title of this. That is going to be the rest of the podcast. Thank you. I appreciate you pointing that out. Thank fuck. That's going to be the title of this. That is going to be the title of this episode. Punk Ducks of Use. Do not watch. Do not reflect those of the podcast. But anyway, so yeah, I hit the fire alarm. But I even, I fucking botched it because I get my key out and I try to hit it and I just

break the glass and it doesn't go off and I go, uh-oh, is it broken? Then I hit it again and then it goes off. So then me and the f***er just sitting there sitting there like huh it did go off instead of thinking holy shit we should run so then we run and we fucking literally bump into a fucking staff and i'm just like uh i just don't say anything i point at the staff and then i run oh my god hacks on him oh yeah it's like oh black magic voodoo you're like challenging you point him like you and then you start running off i point at him and i go you pull the alarm oh my god yeah then i run back to my room and i'm and i room and I'm a fucking idiot so I'm thinking

man I got out of that scot-free I got out of that like clean as hell five minutes later someone knocks at my door and they go hey did you pull the alarm and I go there was an alarm oh my god and then they were like yeah you're gonna have to show up to

a meeting tomorrow and I go what meeting? And then, yeah, I had to pay 500 British pounds. You can't do shit like that. Here's the thing. I need everyone to understand something. When Ed is trying to be like inconspicuous in any way, doing anything. Ed is six foot seven.

Ed is enormous. You can't get away with trying to be inconspicuous or incognito when you are six foot seven, Ed. We saw a TV antenna running away from the scene of the crime. I don't know what's going on. But yeah, I showed up and then fun fact, 500 British. This was the start of October and 500 British british pound 500 british pounds was literally all i had in my bank account so i ate like shit for a whole month it was awful yeah it's literally

it's entirely your fault it totally is totally i'm not blaming anyone i was a fucking idiot was debatable yeah all this just to fucking cock block your friend because you thought his pool was shit. Oh, it didn't even work. They evacuated and then they came back and then they banged. Yeah, naturally. I don't know what you thought was going to happen. You thought fucking this.

I thought they were going to get teleported to the fire alarm dimension and then just. Can't do it. God doesn't want it. Maybe putting that hex would have worked. But yeah, I just like my lowest low was for dinner. I ate a jar of apple jam. Oh my God.

Because I was completely flat broke. And yeah, that's how I became a criminal. So I started my smite YouTube career. That's what drove you to start making smite content? That amount of self-loathing? Oh, absolutely. And now it's higher than ever. Fucking Christ.

I don't even know where we can possibly go from here. Like, do any of you have stories where- Or any of you criminals? Do any of you have stories about committing crimes because you're a terrible person? I already told mine. I don't need to tell anymore. I don't have anything. I have nowhere to go.

Remember your story that you wanted to say? Why don't you tell us? Oh, yeah. What story? No, Cameron had a story, and then David was like, no, I have a story, and you all went back and forth.

What was it? I just want to talk about how you had like one of those uh fucking things for famous people where it shows your birthday and shit you do what yeah he does does he actually is he on famous birthdays or whatever wait whoa yeah yeah he's on Famous Birthday. That's amazing. Wait, I'm on Famous Birthday? Yeah, you are. Oh, what? Yeah, what does it say? Like, I'm trying to find it again. It's completely wrong, which is great. Really? Does it say you're a League of Legends? What does it say?

No, it says he's 15. What? What? Oh, my God. PuckDuck YouTube star. I found it. I'm going to post it. Yeah, yeah.

There it is. So, I was doing a bit of research on you just to try to like see if what I could find to talk about An avid gamer who rose to fame for his punk duck channel He's known for his sadistic humor and focuses his video game content mostly on male users Gay dads only. Oh my god. He's originally from Belgium and identifies as a quad gender. Did you set this up yourself,

Ed? I totally did not set this up. Birthday, April 17th, 2002. He's associated with MiniMinter. Who's MiniMinter? He's one of those FIFA YouTubers, I think. Why?

Dude, you are the 23rd biggest web star born in Belgium. Well, there it is. I am the 43rd thousand most popular person in the galaxy. I appreciate that. Dude, wait. Hang on. I need to see see something there's no way i'm on here if you're yeah i'm not thank god all right i'm suggesting shammy tv for famous birthdays punk duck is a member of youtube stars 15 year olds, born in Belgium and Aries. Both Logan and Jake Paul are in groups you're part of. Oh, PunkDuck. No, here's

the thing. PunkDuck fans also viewed Lauren Orlando. Annie, I don't know any of these people. I don't know why I'm reading these. Annie LeBlanc, Jojo Siwa, Caleb Logan LeBlanc. Why are these all children? Because you're 15, Ed. You're 15, Ed. You're 15, Ed.

God damn it. I'm going to boost you. I clicked boost. I clicked boost as well. I'm going to click boost. Everyone go and click boost on Ed. Ed needs to be more popular. I just want the quad genders to get more recognition. Can we get Ed?

Can we get the first quad gender in the top 10 most popular web stars born in belgium quad gender wait my twitter bio used to say i'm god gender that's what it is oh my god oh my god that's where they get their shit from right makes sense that's fucking amazing that's yeah my twitter bio used to be that I'm quad gender and my pronouns are shim and shay you're real funny Ed you're so dumb you're such a fucking idiot let's say this is the end of the podcast

are we saying that it might have been a shorter episode might have been a shorter episode than usual but that's what happens when you go in without a topic and then punk duck is just incredibly terrible the entire time Just the worst guy Why would you love me?

Why do you want to know that Ed so now that you want anyone to know anyone who? Is their first impression of you Ed would you like to plug your Twitter and YouTube channel and twitch wait? Are we actually done? I got more okay. Okay, fine. One more story. One more story. One more. Alright, one where I'm not a criminal. Fuck, that's a lot of them gone. You can be a criminal. You've already fucked up your first impression. Yeah, I've already fucked

yourself up here. I think I made a fantastic first impression. Your first impression was you talking about getting your dick mutilated, then we talked about straight moms and gay dads, and then you talked about being a criminal and a terrible person like you have not left a great first impression already I don't think you need to be that concerned okay hang on oh shit

everybody cut this bit of the podcast good old uncle punk dog has to think of a story they didn't have one ready oh shit uh you said you had more stories you literally said you had more stories you literally I know that was a bluff That was a bluff. Why did you

stop us from ending the podcast? Everything's in shambles. Did you just want to seem cooler like you have a shit ton of stories before you end it? Fuck yeah, I do. I want to hear the story of... We're done. This is it. Plug your shit, Ed.

We're done. I'm not humoring you anymore. Plug your Twitch and your fucking Twitter and shit. Check me out on Twitter at punkduck underscore. Yes, that's what it is. And then Twitch is just punkduck and then YouTube is just punkduck and then that's

about it. Also, famousbirthdays.com slash people slash punk dash duck dot html please post him there will be a pinned comment on the youtube version of the podcast that will have a link to that famous birthday so you can boost ed on famous birthdays fucking hell cameron plug your shit i can find you on twitter is everyone angry i feel like i'm this is my fault you can follow you on twitter why is everyone angry I feel like this is my fault you can follow me on twitter at super snake sheep I tweet

David go ahead you can follow me on twitter at sir meow music you can follow me on soundcloud at sir meow music you can follow me on twitch at sir meow music and you can follow me on spot twitch at sir meow music and you can follow me on spotify at sir meow please follow so i can claim my fucking artist page you get the check mark and then i

want to get the check mark and out analytics and other you can follow me on twitter chat shammy tv you can follow me on fucking YouTube Shammy is my channel you can fucking follow me on Twitch Shammy YT I don't can't remember anything else so I think that's it I think we're done alright Ed apologize

hey I am so sorry