Please Stop Talking - Schlock And A Hard Place (feat. SuperRAD & Brendaniel) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: September 6, 2024

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Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments, it's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. This winter, take a trip to Tampa on Porter Airlines. Enjoy the warm Tampa Bay temperatures and warm Porter hospitality on your way there. All Porter fares include beer, wine, and snacks and free fast streaming Wi-Fi on planes with no middle seats. And your Tampa Bay vacation

includes good times, relaxation, and great Gulf Coast weather. Visit flyporter.com and actually enjoy economy. Howdy! PSD and its shows are And actually enjoy economy. as well as getting a little something in return. All of that stuff helps like you wouldn't believe. Thanks so much for everything, and we hope you enjoyed this episode of Please Stop Talking. Billy, let me ask you something.

Okay, Brendan. What do you want to tell your little old me? You walk into a Chuck E. Cheese pizzeria, and it's your first day working there. An employee takes you aside, and they say, hey, be careful at the ball pit. They're going to be hatching soon. What? What do you do?

I'm going to have the biggest fucking omelet. They don't have that at Canada. The fucking zaniest. We actually don't. Oh, that's right. They don't have a chunky cheese in Canada, but they have the one Hooters that Rad really wanted to go to. Well, I did not really want to go there.

Oh, okay. Okay. I just want to jump in immediately. The first thing, I was like, the first time I talked to Rad again, I want to tell them that it was their fault that we went to the Hooters. And then they left. They left us all there! They stayed at the Hooters. They're like, they're having a great

time, guys, and then immediately leaves with three of your friends and we're all stuck in the Nexus. They actually had to. I had to drive them back home after dinner. Hey, we should all go to the Hooters. Everybody's like, I guess we'll all meet up at the Hooters. Alright, well, Rad wants to do it. Boo wants to do it. I had a great time at the Hooters. Everybody's like, I guess we'll all meet up at the Hooters. All right. Well, Rad wants to do it. Boo wants to do it.

I had a great time at the Hooters. We had an amazing time. I had an amazing time for the two minutes that I was there. I didn't go to Hooters. You didn't even get a beer, did you? I had a beer. I had two beers because we cut the G. We did cut the G.

But I had to drive, so I had to sober up a bit. And then we went to sushi and Matt stole a glass from the sushi place. Oh, dude. That's such a... Matt would do that. He gave it to me as a gift for moving to Montreal. That's fucking awesome. I'm going to bring it back to the sushi place.

That's like a quest. Yeah, you basically got given a quest. You have to go and return it. The only glass you can't bring back are when you walk into a 1990s Pizza Hut and you get the red plastic glass. But nowadays they just sell them, right?

Don't they just sell them on the fucking website or whatever? Oh, the glass? Yeah, the glasses. You can just buy it there. Yeah, I'd have to find it again. But like the Pizza Hut glass, you can find it at like a specific outlet or retailer that sells like restaurant glassware. And I know the model name. I can find the model number, actually. Let me see. the model name i can find the model number actually

let me see the model name there's a model number that people reference regarding it i should actually maybe i should buy those because every time we have people over there's a glass that breaks like always i'm fucking running out i know you guys talked about the hooters thing before i've since i've been on yeah but like i just wanted to ask if you told them about the insane like pro child advertisements they had for hooters when we got there what it was like it was like so you don't remember they had all these signs that was like hooters is for your family bring your kids bring your yeah oh you're right there was a bunch of like bring your kids advertisement with big breasted women let your kids hang out in the

epilepsy bathroom yeah it was so bad i forgot oh fuck let your children hang out of the epilepsy bathroom but speaking of epilepsy uh so y'all want to talk about the borderlands movie right okay okay welcome to the podcast the thing is right the thing is a movie by john carpenter we're talking about borderlands no the thing with our borderlands experience was that like fuck the movie right yes the movie is secondary to everything that happened in that movie theater at the time we went to we decided okay that's boo decided yeah to that we should like rent out like an entire row at a vip theater in montreal to go watch borderland a vip theater this is not yeah this is real a vip theater is the one where you can you have a bar and you have like really fucking nice cozy seats we just fucking decided to go it was our entire how many were we like 11 12 people dude it was unintended

because boo messaged me about going to see this movie and i'm like okay but i'm planning this surprise for my partner where i'm having a bunch of our friends show up for that i can't believe we did that your partner actually went like oh yeah yeah yeah she was like she's so she was way too cool with it if i was her i'd be like absolutely not but fuck off but yeah so i i was planning this surprise with like everybody so boo was like okay we'll just get these like four seats of vip because it was going to be us three and your friend yep and and then i was like okay well i need three extra seats for these friends of mine that are coming and then another seat for one of frankie's friends and so we ended up having a whole row and then your one buddy had to sit in the back

yeah he had to sit in the back when we got there i don't even remember what exactly happened but you like we were already hammered like we have your pre-gaming for randy of course did you see the reviews you have to i thought you were looking for a sober Borderlands experience. Hell fucking no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Absolutely fucking not. You could not pay me. When the psycho says it's pissing time, I was sitting there with a cigar going, magnificent, yeah.

Did that happen? It could have happened. I have no fucking idea. Remember when the psycho popped out of the door and said it's psycho time and then he psychoed all over the place, which is an ironic thing that actually happened in the Borderlands movie.

He actually said that. That's in the movie. What the fuck? I don't fucking remember that at all. If you don't see that in the movie, you didn't see the Randy cut. Yeah. You guys watched the patched version where they had to get the score lower.

We have to watch the ultra wide four hour long Randy cut. The claptrap shitting bullet scene is actually 50 minutes long they cut so much of jack black going trap comes that's the one where they got fucking clap trap pissing and shitting and can you believe he's bowser he's clap trap and now he's minecraft steve jack black is killing your childhood in one fell stroke. And Hero Brian. Dude, holy shit. He's grinding out. When we went to see the movie, so we were all half in the bag. Did we meet you there? I feel like we met you there.

Did you come to my place first? No, I went to your place beforehand. And we got, I don't remember how many fucking beers. Whenever I go to, so we have what's called Cineplex in Canada. And they have the VIP thing that Billy's talking about. If you ever go to a Cineplex VIP, they never card you to be in the VIP. But we go to this one Cineplex in Montreal that they're carding everybody. It doesn't matter how old you look like.

They're saying they're treating it as if it's a casino. They're carding everybody. So we all get carded. We all go in. And then one of my friends that I brought didn't have his ID. So we had to wait outside for him for a bit. The reason why it's weird, though, is because they card you before you go into the regular movie theater.

Not. Yeah, you're not even at VIP at that point. You're not even at the VIP, not even near a bar. You're just near the fucking popcorn stand. You think they would block off the bar section specifically, but they didn't. They just blocked off the entire theater. I would say that's probably just a like a strategic hey we want to save money so we'd have our ticket sellers carting people instead of having like the people at the bar constantly

carting people that way you once you get in you are basically free to roam right oh yeah but the thing is the bar is like a separate space completely separate it's not even on the same floor maybe they just have a bartender who's really bad at carding people they have like aphasia. I asked the bartender if they had any IPAs and he said, what is an IPA? And I was like, what the fuck? He knows what's up. Where am I? But no, I think it was a strategic

thing where they wanted to sell Borderlands tickets, but they didn't want people to actually see the movie as money as they could get rid of because they didn't want the bad press. So they kicked my buddy out and so me and jesse was with us me and my buddy and jesse were like okay we're gonna go set it apart until we can figure something out and boo's texting me and he's like where are you guys we're already sitting down the movie started we're eating our food i was like i don't think we're getting in man stopped at the door to

the borderlands movie so you look like you will not understand the piss the piss gully rant like the piss valley scene you won't get it piss wash gully swash gully i already had a gigantic fucking pint i know i was already halfway through my pint of beer i know get me out of there no i felt i felt really bad and booze like he's like okay i'm gonna come up and we're gonna figure this out i was like i don't think you can talk this guy into letting us in but whatever but what we ended so what we ended up doing is we ended up walking back just so we could tell Boo

like it's alright but when we get back the guys the guy that was like being really hard on the carding he was gone so I look at Matt and I give him my fucking Ontario health card and I'm like here just cover my face show him the card and like let's walk in and it worked so we all got in dude you they all got in and we were i don't know how fucking i'm gonna be honest because we got in when it was way too late the movie already started i don't even

know how the borderlands movie started yeah i missed the intro you guys got even later you missed the psycho time that's like the that's where psycho time was yeah when creep shows up and they save tina out of the magic space station and then the borderland psycho pops out and yells it's psycho time and psychos all over the place that's where the cum trap scene is so the entire time sorry i just trap and all i could think of there was a voice in my head that was just saying ooey gooey ooey no no no shut up the movie actually would have been improved with a cum trap scene

they should have had it I don't want cum trap no can we start a petition right now please we need a petition you're evil today you're fucking evil you're vile we need the cum trap cut release the Randy cum trap cut release the randy cum trap if they had inflated clap trap nice and big and round no oh my god no randy's randy's obsession

is not cum it's fucking squirting did you know there's a penn and teller scene in the movie they cut out is that in the movie but it got cut and randy must be fuming about that you're i don't know if you're being serious now this is like i'm being serious penn and teller are in the movie but it got cut and randy must be fuming about that you're i don't know if you're being serious now this is like i'm being serious pen and teller were in the movie and they just got fully cut like even eli roth was like hey man i can't make magic out of this shit shut up wait pen gillette will be joined the live action yeah are you googling it is it real it got cut it's real it got cut. It's real. Not Penn and Teller, just Penn. Penn was supposed to be in Borderlands and then he got cut out.

No, Teller was supposed to be in it. He was going to play Scooter. No, he wasn't. He was going to actually talk for the first time on screen. He was going to yell, They were in Borderlands 3. I'm seeing pain and terror. They were the most boring Borderlands 3 boss fight out of every boss fight in that entire game just

like their shows that's not surprising that kind of stinks we were like really far into the movie i i i was already sitting down in my chair and my chair was like it was one of those chairs where where it like it reclined i thought you were gonna say it was like this sinko movie experience chair and nobody was saying anything i i just like on the side i press the button and it just fucking like the loudest fucking fart noise and dude i swear to god like the entire rows in front of me like there's maybe six rows with like five people five people look back at me and start staring at me just I just imagine you getting up and yelling, I didn't fart, I didn't fart.

Dude, I, I, deadass. At one point, Rad turns around and says, bro, you fucking farted. And I was just like, I very loudly, I was like, I don't want anybody, I want everybody to know that this is my chair. And I very loudly in the middle of the movie just said, I didn't fart, it was the chair it sounded so bad like i

just shit what's crazy is this actually happened like it actually this was like the most cursed screening of this movie i think we could have been in because like that happens before that even happens we have like this duo of like two dudes show up and tell us that they lost their headphones and start like searching between our legs looking for them yes that's right it's the middle of the fucking movie before this yeah the movie's on it's on like we're watching it he's just there with his flashlight and he's like sorry man i lost my headphones and he's just like what this fuck lets our dicks yeah he starts like he starts like going through our legs and shit like trying to get us to move he's just got like a mag light and he's just like i'm not gonna rob you bro i'm not gonna rob you actually he starts like he starts like going through our legs and shit like trying to get us to move He's just got like a mag light and he's just like I'm not gonna rob you bro. I'm not gonna rob you

Actually, he was like with his flashlight just flashing our dicks and being like, I'm sorry. I'm trying to find my headphones for everybody Just trying to use some ancient lore. He was trying to do the QTE to suck your dick Like three he kept coming back like leaving the theater and coming back at one point i just told him i was like no man like they're gone i'm sorry at one point he actually went under my seat while i had like my legs spread open and he had it on my fucking genitals and i was like my guy you have to leave i i just told him like hey man i'm i'll get up just could you please can you get out of here can you leave you're you're really

close to my weenie yeah i just farted in this chair i need you to i literally just shit myself i don't know if you want to be down there that's like you wait until the movie ends like i don't understand like the oh the movie had just started yeah i waited a fucking long time at the same time i still would have just been like all right i'll wait until the movie ends and i'll get him out like go to the bar go to the bar get a fucking bruski yeah there is there it doesn't matter that it was borderlands the the social like brain death that you have to have the amount of galaxy gas you have to inhale no i actually i i definitely gave so many people like normally i'm like such an like i i have hatred in me for people that like have their shit on in movies but like i was so patient with these guys because it was borderlands i'm just like i was like i can't

be mad man like what am i missing right now yeah imagine if that happened during dune like i know i would have lost my mind so much happens in dune i think i think for all the distractions that happened and there were so many in that fucking theater and we're because we're not fucking done i'm just waiting for this to start escalating and it's like yeah and then randy walked in and he released the birds no i actually i hate how fake this story sounds because like everything did happen and it's i have witnesses it's it's so insane because it's so perfect that of course it happened for borderless movie nobody's watching the movie you guys be quiet claptrap is about to do his dubstep noises there were four people that definitely weren't watching the movie in the back well there were two people because two others were watching the screen but

okay so in the back they're like every time claptrap makes a little joke the guy behind me just go every single time he would go go fucking beavis and butthead laugh and every single time he would do that laugh i would start fucking laughing crying because i was like there's no fucking way that this dude is laughing at the borderlands movie there's a part in that movie where like the only time any of us it was like all of us were laughing at the same time and we couldn't stop and it was like this scene it was this scene where this like younger version of one of the main characters like her family's getting fucking murdered and like everyone's getting assassinated and we i don't know why but we were all cry laughing that entire segment and we couldn't stop hey spoilers for the borderlands movie by the way

guys oh yeah it's really funny that like they're trying to be like yeah jamie lee curtis who is 10 years older than kate blanchett took care of kate blanchett when she was like 10 zero cents dude dude when people told me jamie lee curtis was in the movie, I thought they were joking and talking about Cate Blanchett because she looked like Jamie Lee Curtis. And so I was like, oh, okay, it's a joke. And then Jamie Lee Curtis showed up and I was like, I lost my mind. They show her and she just got her boobs out and everything. Yeah, it was...

At one point, behind me, there was the guy on the very, very left side with his girlfriend. And on the other side, there was another guy with his girlfriend and on the other side there was another guy with his girlfriend between them is your friend and but right in between them was ferns my my friend ferns and at one point the guy on the very very back right gets up and his pants were at his ankles and i i turn around and i see that and i'm like what the fuck he's hanging a hog for randy no one's no one's gonna fucking believe this but there was two separate groups of people behind us the dudes were getting hand jobs to borderland both guys in the back left

and right were getting hand jobs And that's what I was. I wasn't hearing him laughing at Claptrap. I was hearing him moaning. There was one guy, and Ferds was in the middle of it. And he was pissing himself laughing the entire fucking movie. Because he was in between two guys getting handjobs. He was in between two hard places. Oh my god.

Ferns was in between schlock and a hard place. Oh my god. Dude, it's insane. It sounds like, it actually sounds like a lie. It doesn't sound real. It doesn't sound real, but it was it was. The only reason I trust this is because the both of you are corroborating this, which means it wasn't real.

I have witnesses, too. I can bring people in. We have literally 10 people. That saw this. We have to have the trial of the century for this story. It's 12 angry men at the fucking borderline. 12 horny men. Oh, 12 horny.

It's 12 half-hearted hand jobs at the borderlands 4 look you can't you can't even be mad about it because like that is exactly what Randy would have wanted like if Randy

that is what he wanted that's why he's gonna put the Hawk 2A in borderlands 4 oh no yeah I've had that joke told to me like 18 times

and I'm at this point I'm so tired dude I'm so tired I saw somebody tweet they were like borderlands 4 is legitimately gonna have skibbity riz toilet humor in it and i i'm not ready for that information to be online no it won't it won't i played borderlands 3 borderlands 3 has 2012 internet humor in it they're gonna do 2016 internet humor in borderlands 4 they're ready for harambe joke oh we're we're eight years behind they're gonna show a picture of lilith and it's gonna have will she say it underneath of it and then she will what i don't

even know what 2016 had did it had that boy well let me tell you about a little word it's about six letters go to the polls will she say it what did she say will she say it say what a slur yeah i like your thought process i swear to god because i thought there was something she legitimately i remember watching the movie and being like some jesse what was so funny about it was that my buddy jesse was beside me and he's like this insane Borderlands expert. So anytime something in the movie was incorrect, he would poke me, and he'd be like,

that's not what happens. You got poked a lot. I did, yeah. I was like, if there's any gaming movie where I don't care, it's this one. Do you know who else got poked a lot? They weren't doing back shots at Borderlands. Back shots at Borderlands?

Oh, God! Dude! You turn around, there's like 12 people and they're all having sex. There's nothing else you can really do watching that movie. What's more insane, actually, is this is the first time that a Borderlands fan has gone to a movie and had their penis touched.

Oh, I mean, I'm going to be honest. i don't think they were fans i think they probably just saw that the movie was doing so poorly that they knew that they could get a handjob at a theater and then directly in front of them is 10 people 10 chuckle fucks and a guy between them the most chuckle fuck people of all time oh my god it just, it's so funny watching like a tragedy happen on screen and we're all cry laughing and we can't stop. And behind you just hear the soft thwip of the penis. The soft thwip? The thing is, you're the one that started laughing.

I know. You literally saw this crying child going, I lost it. Dude, the delivery in that scene is so laughing and the entire row started laughing at one point matt turns to me and he's like i snuck this in here he handed me a fucking mickey of captain morgan i was like, he handed me a fucking... A Mickey of Captain Morgan. A Mickey of Captain Morgan. I was like, you know what? You're so fucking true for this.

We're passing it around the entire row, taking shots and laughing at this movie. I didn't even know until the very, very end that he just went like, here, we all deserve this. So that was our awesome Borderlands experience it was it was a very immersive movie we had the splash zone in the back you know what would you rate the movie on a scale from one to ten dude i don't think it makes the cut i don't think it makes the fucking rank and

it's so bad i gotta buy the blu-ray me personally i gotta buy the 4K Blu-ray with Claptrap on it. There's a scene where they're in a vehicle and the vehicle drowns in shit. Literal shit. This is not a bit. It's piss, isn't it? Is it piss? Oh my god. It's his piss wash gully. And then like Tiny Tino, the child character rolls down the window,

gets covered in scalding hot piss and the psycho yells, Golden Shower! and you're like yeah that's great man that did not happen oh that's right you were you weren't there yet no i must have been there if tina was there there's no fucking way if they said golden shower they did i mean if tina was there yes a hundred percent tina tina was at the beginning of the movie and then you get all of lilith's, I'm too old for this shit. Lilith goes and gets Tina.

So I did miss it. I did miss it. Lilith goes and gets Tina. They have like a fight that looks like a Spy Kids. It looks like a- It looks like Spy Kids. That is like the perfect- It looks like Spy Kids.

The entire movie looks like fucking Spy Kids, bro. Hey, that's mean to Spy Kids. I'm the guy. I was waiting for Elijah Wood to come out and say, I'm the guy. I was just waiting for it. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, to be fair, Randy couldn't make better than spike the other thing i was thinking was like how much this movie

would be improved if jack black didn't try to do the claptrap voice and he just was jack black it was bad like how much the movie was worse because he was trying to do a claptrap voice i don't know if it would i don't i don't want to sound ageist to this movie, but watching Cate Blanchett be whatever that red-headed character's name was, it just felt so off because she looked like a 50-year-old woman. I was like, you can't... I don't think the age was ever... Watching it myself,

I was like, the age isn't the problem. The problem is that it's horribly written. You could make Guilf City work. You could. You could make Guilf City prosper. Guilf City could have so no wonder these guys are getting jerked off right like girlfriend or grandma grandma grandma you could make gilf city prosper you can make it a prosperous utopia all right utilitarian utilitarian utopia of gilfs all right you could make it work the problem was is is is is a you

knew nobody cared nobody gave a damn about their like their presence on screen it was immediately like of course not this is a paycheck job we get and we get the big paycheck they're paying us way too much for this we get out and b they immediately try to like resolve the grandma like older the older kate blanchett problem by having her say i'm too old for this at the beginning of the movie in the bar scene when you're introduced to her. And it's like, that's just a terrible... Her entire character was that. Why didn't you just get a different actor?

Like, I don't understand. You could still tell a good story if this was literally just a cool road trip style movie. If this was a cool road trip movie, you could fix literally everything because you just have to do bits and get them to the destination. I think one... Oh, God, this is turning into pondering spooky tapes. What the hell? But real quick, I think one... Oh, God. This is turning into pondering spooky tapes.

What the hell? But real quick... This was a horror movie. There is one thing... Yeah, it was. There's one thing that I will say. The reshoots to make it PG-13 probably destroyed this movie even harder.

They reshot it? Of course they did because it was supposed to be extremely gory. Right? Because Eli Roth... Yeah, at least with the gory, you could watch the hyper violent borderland stuff and be like all right okay this fits with the f that it was the with the f i thought it was like kind of tame yeah because it was pg-13 but apparently like eli roth was saying something about having the movie be like really

gore like gory shots and then it just became back i'm sorry felt it on the back of your neck oh god i he's right behind you he's right behind me isn't he oh he's coming right behind me no like i don't know what i'd rate it obviously very low but i will say like because it ended up being pg-13 i'm sure like i I really don't I really feel at that point that movie is not for us like it is for children and children will probably enjoy it to some capacity I don't think they don't even know because it was really fucking boring it was very boring I like there was there was the whole the whole main arc of that movie is that they're looking for like three keys right yeah and i remember they find they have the first key i'm gonna be honest i'm surprised you remember because i barely remember i was so fucking bored i mean that's part of the game i

remember because like there was a point during this like arc or like this this part of the movie where i was like oh thank god because they have one key and then they spend a huge portion of the movie finding the second key and i they spend a huge portion of the movie finding the second key and i think i looked over to like jesse or something and i was like i was like if they have to find the third key i'm leaving and they basically as soon as they found the second key they're like oh shit we already have the third key we're done oh that's right i remember the okay i literally clapped and I was like, thank God. Spoilers for the Borderlands movie, by the way. Don't go.

I still think about the way that originally they were going to call the Borderlands game Pandora and Game Informer straight up told them, hey, don't do that. So they changed the name of the game. Why didn't they call it Pandora? Yeah, because one of the game was a Game Informer's editor in chief is

literally the reason why is because he made up some stuff about not wanting to rate the game because they already talked about too many games that month that started with P. So they changed the name because of that and Borderlands is born. I put the original like it was on Game Informer because Game Informer died, unfortunately.

Depending on how you feel about it. And they had like a big like ending. Weird. Yeah, it was originally going to be called Pandora, but they made up some bullshit about like, we didn't want to call it. We didn't want to talk about the game because it was called Pandora. And he was also like, this name sucks, dude. I don't think it sucks though. It's not a good name.

Borderlands is a really good name for a game though. Isn't Pandora like the world from Avatar or some shit? It is also the world from Planet. No, Pandora is also the name of the world in Borderlands. Oh, it's in borderlands and it's an avatar did you not pay attention to the fucking movie you did watch the lore when lilith is like i hate this crap whole pandora the planet pandora where i come i thought it was called like vault city or some shit i love those games vault city is the place where muse plays oh my god oh i forgot it's from fallout

2 was it vaults ah fuck i don't know at one point there's a fucking super massive black hole played and i started laughing so loud play in the movie oh my god it's a 10 out of 10 that's that's honestly all i need i had uh flashbacks to twilight you know what maybe we're the worst we were we were very disruptive in that theater to be honest we were awful we gotta start giving hand jobs these guys are too goofy i would have been a lot more quiet if i was getting a hand job just saying oh bro would have kept to myself you know great fucking it was a great day though howdy this, this episode of Please Stop Talking is brought to you by FitBod. If you follow me on Twitter, you've probably seen me talk about my

fitness and weight loss journey since 2021. I've lost a total of 30 pounds so far, but since I started using FitBod, that actually went down another five. And it's all thanks to the app keeping me accountable and giving me fresh curated exercises every time I go to the gym. I've never been really good at keeping up with a workout plan, but Fitbod makes it really easy by giving me a personalized workout routine based on my goals, fitness level, and available equipment within the time restraints I have. Some days I just don't have the time to drive to my gym. So I just set the app to body weight only, take my yoga mat out, and I get to lunging and crunching and squatting my way towards my fitness goals. It also tracks my muscle recovery

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check out hashtag SMM workout on Twitter. That's where I post all my workouts. Let's keep each other motivated. And now back to the show. So we go to a bar. We go to a bar. We have a lot of cocktails. We eat a lot of different foods, whatever. And Rat just has an allergic reaction at one point.

And he's completely red and wheezing. Yeah, we still don't know what it was. I have to go get a test done at some point. This is at the very end of the night. It's like 2 a.m. And we had to call an ambulance because you actually were having a lot of trouble breathing. And we were getting really worried. Yeah, I was like, don't call the ambulance, please.

I don't want to pay for it. I'm like drunk out of my mind. You're Canadian. Calm down, brother. Yeah, I forgot. You're good. We'll call an ambulance. Yeah, if it was me in America having the allergic reaction, I would have grabbed a

pen tube and just stabbed it into my throat. I'm like, I never needed a pen before. I didn't even know I was allergic to some things. It was weird because I remember everybody that was at the bar at that time was so fucking wasted. Yeah. And I was like, I will accompany rad in the in the fucking in the

fucking ambulance who was trying to find your fucking phone too for a while i know i was in the ambulance and you were strapped in they were asking you questions and at one point like i don't know if you were just really drunk but you turned to me and you said randy did this and i was like what the fuck i i don't know what happened when you were inside but the nurses just like brought me they they were like bringing me around and like they they brought me to triage and then they were asking me questions about you and i'm dude i was so fucking drunk. What did he do tonight? I don't know. He saw Borderlands. The entire time I was just like, I got to sober up to answer these genuinely important

questions. Lock in. And at one point, dude, I had to lock in and she was asking all these questions like, what did he have? What did he, what did he do? Like, I was trying so hard, but I knew I was slurring my words and I knew I was having like, I was like standing up by like holding myself up like not not i i could stand up but i knew i had the the the little

wiggle you know yeah yeah the little the little wave i was slightly holding your balance at one point she asked me a question and i answer it and she just says sir are you intoxicated? I felt like such a fucking asshole when she said that. We were all intoxicated. I know, but I just, in my head, I was like, oh God, I look like such an idiot. I look like such a moron. I was honest as fuck with her. I was just like, ma'am. I had to watch the Borderlands movie.

Ma'am, it was Randy. No, it was Randy, ma'am. Ma'am, it was Randy. Randy got me again. I don't know what happened in my brain that made me think it was a good idea, but I started listing everything I drank that night to prove to her that I drank too much. That I am drunk. I had this many beers.

I had this many shots. I did this. And I was just enumerating everything. And at one point, she was just like, it's okay. I believe you. You could have just said, yeah, a little. Yeah, a little. She wouldn't have believed me.

I was fucked. Having the allergic reaction wasn't even like a big deal for me. But the ride from the ambulance to the hospital was probably like five, ten minutes. And I get incredibly, like incredibly motion sick in cars when I'm drunk. It was not five minutes, dude. Dude, it was something like that. It was, dude, I was coasting. It was like two minutes.

It was like two minutes, right? Really? Dude, why am I fucking arguing? I was so drunk. Well, if you're saying it was shorter, it felt really short. So it was very short. But I got the most motion sick I've ever felt in my life. So they thought I was dying.

And I was like, no, I just need to throw up. And they give me a bag to put my mouth over. And so I put it over, I put it over my fucking mouth and I'm breathing into it. They're like, don't breathe into it. Don't breathe into it. And I was like, oh my God, why? I don't know what's happening. Oh, cause it was a bag for vomit. I was like, I'm trying to throw up. What do you mean? The craziest part is that there, there's a guy that just like lost a leg at one point that I just saw. That fucked me up a little bit. I'm not going to lie.

I was really drunk. There was just a guy that got into a nap. Dude, I saw so much shit at like 4 a.m., 3 a.m. Billy told me this and he's like, yeah, you slept right through it. And I was like, hell yeah, I was tired. You slept right through it. But the guy next to you like just had a giant stab wound. Oh, yeah. I could hear him complaining when I woke up.

I didn't realize, and I was just fucking with you. I was in his room, and there was somebody else, and you should give me your YouTube channel. Ha ha ha ha. Just like all these fucking clown ass jokes that I told him. No, I mean, at that point,

Rad was fine. He was totally fine. Oh, yeah. I was totally fine oh yeah i was totally i was normal i'm just i'm just imagining you in the middle of a hospital surrounded by hospital if you die bro and there's like people just bleeding out on the ground the thing is there was a guy behind us and i didn't realize there was a guy because it was like fully quiet and then rad eventually fell asleep because i don't know what the fuck drugs they gave you they probably gave you they just gave me epinephrine but it was it was so late and we were so intoxicated that i just like oh you just passed you just passed out

and i wanted to make sure you were okay so i just kind of i i sat next to you like for like one or two minutes yeah at one point behind you i just hear oh is this the other guy or is that me no it was the other guy i turn around and there's this guy was a giant stab wound fucking with blood everywhere and i was just like holy shit dude what that's the thing that made me leave because i was like i don't i've i've seen a gash tonight i need to go i have also as i get out i the others were in the triage waiting room and we just hear oh my god just some dude screaming about his leg the dude like mangled leg and i was just drunk as fuck thinking like oh my god i need to leave i can't stay here it was fucking freaky i i didn't i personally had a great time um and but i got

very if they give you an epinephrine to like deal with an allergic reaction they're like you have to stay for four hours and i think about three hours and i was ready to go so i i i i was very irresponsible i got up i took off all the shit they had on my body i took out the iv i walked up to like a nurse and i was like hey i want to go home they're like okay let us just have the doctor come talk to you and i was like okay Hey, I want to go home. They're like, okay, let us just have the doctor come talk to you. And I was like, okay. So I waited like five minutes for the doctor to come talk to me. They're like, okay, you're sure you're good. Blah, blah, blah. We're going to give you a prescription for an EpiPen. And I was like, okay. But then they didn't come back for like another 20 minutes. So at that point I was like, Oh, and I'm in a hospital I've

never been in before in a province that I just moved to. I'm like, okay, I'm just, I just walked out and walked down and called an Uber. You walked out before the epipen i did it because i knew i was going to get one from my family doctor so i actually have a prescription for one to go pick up okay that's good you took an ivy out by yourself yeah it was it was really gross looking and weird but yeah that's the bravest thing i've you might be the bravest boy that's like waking up in 28 days later i was so hung over and so tired and like it was like now light outside and i just i had this guy with a stab wound i saw another dude that had his face kicked in so hard that like his entire he swole he was swollen all over and then like apparently someone lost their leg everybody was waiting for me to get back to my apartment because

they were all staying awake so i was like i i have to get back. I want to go sleep in my own bed. I'm not sleeping in the hospital. I pulled that shit out. I dined and dashed. If I was hungover, I would have just taken the fluids. There was no fluids too. That was the worst part. They had an IV in me and they had nothing connected to it. I was like, why is this even in here?

At least give you fluids. At least. Hydrate me at least. Do something. That would have helped like so much. Yeah, if they had me on fluids, I'd be like, all right, once the bag is empty, then I'm going to start asking some real questions. I know. I was pissed. I couldn't believe it. But then again, like American healthcare system, if I was in the hospital, I'm like, all right, I'm going to be in debt for the rest of my life.

I'm going to make it worth it. Bring me the hospital food. Ew, I don't know about hospital food. Bring me that disgusting slab of like cold pizza. Give me that nasty corn. Give me my slop, Randy. I'm the dirty piggy. I'm getting into the sty.

Fucking feed me that slime. I'm a dirty pig. Give me my slop. I'm not eating until you give me the trowel, you fucking asshole. You have to give me the trough and you have to give it to me now. I deserve it. Oh, yes, baby. Give me the trough.

So why do you guys sell a trough in the hospital gift shop? I mean, if you want to be a dirty little piggy at home, you can do that too. So yeah, that was Borderlands, the movie. Yeah, great experience. You know, I tortured myself in a theater

only to get tortured in an ambulance for like, thank you, Randy. Thank you for making that movie and then announcing Borderlands 4. Let's be honest, like 100%, this was all Randy randy's fault like because we still don't know what you're allergic to it was probably the fucking photon raised from the uh i legitimately don't know what it is i i i think i have i have a inkling as to what it is because we smoke cigarettes from a reserve, and so they're not as packaged as professionally

as government-issued cigarettes. Oh, you think there might have been some fuck shit in there? Maybe just randomly something by accident that I am technically allergic to. Just a bunch of salvia in there? I mean, no, no, no. If it was salvia, I'd be having a great time. That's crazy.

A great time. A great time. It depends how much salvia. Depends which company. Depends a lot of things, you know? Yeah. So it's all about the strain, man. What strain did you hit?

Yo, what strain of salvia? You on indica salvia or you on satavia? Did I talk about when I thought roger from american dad was going to kill me what do you mean is he real podcast is he real okay well salvia was mentioned and i i immediately thought of the story you did salvia uh well okay so a bunch of high school okay i have to i have to i have to say this story look at him of course he's done so all right uh so i had i was living with my mom. I was just going to college

and a bunch of like people that I knew from high school moved in. My mom lived in these townhomes, these condos that were all in one big, like they were, they were basically

just apartments, but they had two floors. So she called them townhomes. I don't know what you call them specifically, but essentially a bunch of people from high school that I knew moved into the one next door.

And I saw them one day and it's like brennan you're cool you should come and party with us and i was like okay uh so later that night i go over there and they have this giant ridiculous bong and they're all taking hits from it they reload it and they hand it to me and light it up and say here you go brennan and they're all laughing and smirking and i'm like all right i'm not a big weed head but uh you know what okay i can walk right home that's that's fucking evil man so i took like three hits out of this and i sit there and i start just like my my brain just starts going you're gonna die here brendan you're gonna die here they're gonna get you brendan you're gonna die here and i'm like hey guys i i know the pizza's cooking but uh i'm gonna go home real quick uh i may be back we'll see and i like caveman i get on all fours and i

like run to the door because i'm like if i walk human they'll see and i like caveman i get on all fours and i like run to the door because i'm like if i walk human they'll know and i don't want to mean if i walk human if i walk human they'll know so i like get on fours and scamper over the door open it up go outside and i just i start like hearing how like no i don't howl but i start like just hearing animal noises and cheering that i don't think is there so I start just hearing animal noises and chittering that I don't think is there. So it's just a lot of like... What the fuck is wrong with you? What the hell? And I'm like, what did they do? What did they do to me?

I think they gave me salvia because I ran over to my house, I turn on the TV, I swatted myself in a blanket, and I start watching American Dad. And at one point, Roger turns and looks directly at the screen, Roger from American Dad, and says, I'm going to kill you now. And I thought he was trying to crawl out of the TV to get me.

So I had to scream. I had to call a friend. Like the girl from The Ring. Yeah, I was going to say this, dude. Live the worst version of The Ring you've ever heard. I thought that Roger from American Dad. I thought he was going to pop out of the TV and kill me. It has the same vibes as

julian being so high and having a bad trip and watching a king of the hill and going i can't handle the conflict the conflict literally the same that's that's real though like that's that's a real thing even when you're not high the conflict and that shows like insane sometimes things happen to Bill Dautreve and you just can't handle it. Sometimes Peggy has to like prove a point and I can't watch the show.

Sometimes they got that kid that says dusty old bones full of green dust and you're like, oh God, that's me now. I have dusty old bones full of green dust. I'm a dusty old bone.

Oh God. I'm the dusty boy. I had to call a friend and they had to come over and like calm me down because apparently I was almost like yelling on the verge of waking up my parents upstairs

I wonder if it was salvia because that should last like five minutes usually I have no idea all I know is I was freaking out you definitely got laced with something though it was not weed I had had weed before and all weed had made me want to do was watch Farscape and eat pizza now that's a good evening, buddy.

You know, it's about the strain, though, man. It's all about the strain, you know. It's all about the strain. You probably took some dog shit strain. That was actually called OG fucked up and crazy. OG Kush fucked up and crazy. That's why you were fucked up and crazy, bro. There you go.

They gave you Joker weed. Oh, no. They gave you the Joker. They gave you the Joker weed. The Joker's strange. American dad to me is just regular dad. You wouldn't get it. That's a good one. Are you guys ready for

Patreon questions? Yeah. If you're part of the $5 and above tiers Do we do, are you guys ready for Patreon questions? Yeah. Patreon questions. Alright. If you're part of the $5 and above tiers on our Patreon, you can ask a question for the Patreon Q&A. Ooh, Skelicopter asks, what is your favorite strangest meal combo? I finally get to talk about this in the podcast.

Oh no. When I was a kid in school, they used to give you a little cup of chili, a cinnamon roll, and a vegetable. And to this day, I will still ask for cinnamon rolls whenever chili is made because I like to dip them in the chili. Oh, man. In the past, I remember you telling me that and I said, ew, freak, ew, ew, freak, shut up. Did you try it? No it no i didn't but i know that some chili has cinnamon in it so that's why it's not that crazy to me anymore and it's just like sweet cornbread it's to say

it's a sweetness savory you're just dipping the cinnamon roll in the chili there's nothing crazy about it i mean some chili also has like brown sugar in it so that's why in the past i would have told you were fucked up and crazy i don't anymore i like dipping mini cucumbers and yellow mustard okay you should die i don't fucking like that you should kill yourself i love that picture this is a hard one i i don't know i'm a i'm a fucking regular guy when it comes to eating food i would have to think like really hard. You ever make a Thanksgiving sandwich? No.

What's a Thanksgiving sandwich? Are you like cranberry? It's mashed potatoes, corn, gravy, a little piece of turkey and a bun. Oh, that's so normal. That's kind of like a hot chicken sandwich almost, you know, like in concept. Oh, dude, they don't know what a hot chicken sandwich is though. Dude, they have one at restaurant Miami in Montreal, Canada. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but the thing is like when you say to somebody hot chicken sandwich, chicken sandwiches though dude they have one at restaurant miami in montreal canada yeah yeah no

but the thing is like when you say to somebody hot chicken sandwich they're gonna think it's like a spicy chicken sandwich you guys know it's gonna be like a hot beef right it's not well it's chicken the fuck is a hot beef it's a hot beef you get a hot beef you get a hot beef so it's like it's like two pieces of bread and in it is chicken and then like a bunch of gravy on top and then peas yeah it's like a hot beef yeah but with chicken dude it's so good it's so good okay if we're if we're if we're talking about things that you make like that can i talk about the the slider dogs at the fucking progressive stadium dude i love slider what's a slider dog a slider dog is a hot dog covered in mac and cheese a little bit of bacon and and fucking fruit loops.

I'd eat that. I knew it was the fruit loop thing. I was thinking about it. I was like, isn't there a weird fruit loop thing? Dude, of course you're the freak. Everything about that was good until the fruit loops. These guys hate

sweet breadcrumbs on their mac and cheese. I could get the crunch. I could get it. I could get the crunch. Dude. I could understand it. Fruit Loops become fucking paste. Yeah. No. Fruit Loops become paste.

No, they don't. You get the sweet with the savory. I understand this. They put them on as a topping, brother. They don't mix it in. It's like, here's a hot dog. Here's a dollop of fucking cake. Do you make this yourself or do you order this?

No. You eat this in a baseball game. Yeah. Okay. I was going to say, I imagine you going up and asking for this at a stadium, and they just think you're psychotic. No, it's a Cleveland staple. That's the most stadium food of all time.

That is diabolical. If you go to a Guardians game, you've got to have a Slider Dog. It's so weird, man. I don't know. Can I get a Slider Dog, no Froot Loops, please? Yeah, what are you, a pussy? Yeah. It's because it's a stand for a restaurant in Cleveland called The Happy Dog, where whenever you go, their menu is a little test Scantron sheet

where you just circle in the dot of anything that you want on a hot dog, and they have really weird shit. Fuck it, man, put peanut butter on my hot dog. Oh, it's like going to Yok it's like going to yokata where you get to like just circle everything you want i want to go to yokata what the hell we can i'm dieting until december i've also been dieting we'll go we'll go in december when i'm done sam uh yeah no i i don't have one i think everything i eat is pretty normal actually i'm normal you guys are fucked up don't talk to me that's the other hard thing about like some

food things though too is like sometimes you don't talk to me that's the other hard thing about like some food things though too is like sometimes you don't know you're not normal until like the cinnamon roll thing i didn't know until i was like 25 that that was weird i'm trying to really think like i mean like i used to eat like peanut butter and cheese whiz as a kid like on a sandwich is that weird that's kind of normal kind of normal no i'd say that's kind of weird We're riding the line I hate Cheez Whiz, dude You can get peanut butter crackers and that's peanut butter in between two cheese crackers I fundamentally understand peanut butter and cheese

Yeah, kind of worked out Yeah, peanut butter and cheese crackers The one thing my sisters would do was maple and Cheez Whiz And I thought that was way too much See, that's too sweet Yeah, that's a little weird It's so sweet. I feel like peanut butter is like a muted sweetness, whereas like the maple syrup is

going to be like straight sweet. That's like my grandma with her sandwiches. It's not just that, though, because it was like it was like a crepe. So a crepe is already like fucking super sweet. So they would have a crepe cheese whiz maple syrup on top, roll it, and then they would eat that. It's like doubling up on sweetness and a tiny bit of salt and i always thought i actually think that's like that's

like when my grandma used to make candy sandwiches oh what candy sandwiches how do you have two okay a candy sandwich my grandma used to make them it's marshmallow fluff spread on one piece of bread cream cheese frosting spread on the other piece of bread, and then marshmallows and the dots. You can buy a box of dots, and then you put the dots on there, and then you grill it, and then you eat it. Grill it? Yeah, you grill it to make the bread crispy and to melt the marshmallows on top of the marshmallow fluff. That's

so fucking nasty, dude. That's the worst thing I ever heard, Brandon. I thought you were going to talk about fucking fairy bread or something. No, fairy bread is different. Because fairy bread is different. Because fairy bread is pretty normal. I'm pretty sure it's a thing in Australia and New Zealand. Isn't it just toast, butter?

Bread with butter and fucking... I mean, it's not sugar. It's those little sprinkles, right? Oh, like sprinkles? We used to make bread butter and sprinkles. If you're a poor kid you probably know like if you want something sweet uh you toast a piece of bread you put butter on it with sugar and cinnamon and that's it oh i mean that that's like a classic though when you go get a beaver tail after a fucking day of skiing usually that's what they do

do they know what beaver tails are that's i just realized how fucking psychotic that's how good you are in that moment i mean you know what i mean no i mean a beaver beaver tail is just like this um it's just this like flat pastry that's it it's just a flat pastry and you just put things on it that's it it's deep fried pastry flat and they put a bunch of toppings and seasoning on the top it's really good it's usually like a because they always sell it at ski place like ski resorts i don't know why i said resorts they're not they sell they sell it everywhere dude they sell it literally anywhere they can get their grubby mitts on they try to sell beaver tails not really because they kind of they kind of stopped doing as well and a lot of beaver tails closed and now like ottawa was thriving ottawa was crazy when i beaver tails clothes and now like ottawa was

thriving ottawa was crazy when i was there because it was invented in ottawa they love that shit that's like their national food it's crazy yeah they love beaver tails fucking if i had a beaver tail right now in front of me just basic ass cinnamon and sugar i'd go fuck i destroyed i'd go ham yeah it's delicious it's delicious. It is actually insanely delicious. It's very frustrating to eat something like that. Because the thing is, it's not like a heavy dough. It's a very light dough. So when you crunch into it, it looks like it's thick, but it's not thick.

Okay, I am on a diet, Billy. Come on. I'm sorry. It's just so good, man. It's just so good. It is very good. My favorite part of dieting is you get to only eat chicken. Do you have to diet?

You're so tall. I feel like it just... I was 280 pounds. I'm down 25 pounds. Holy shit. I'm down to 255 now. Yeah, I have to lose weight. I've been dieting and working out for the last four or five months. Yeah.

Yeah, I've lost like 25 pounds. I for the last four or five months. Yeah. I've lost like 25 pounds. I'm going through it. I'm going to get you down here. We'll go bench together. I got to word some muscle mass. I lost 30 and then I lost another 10 recently. Goddamn. I've been dying for a while as well. It was really hard.

It was really hard in April when Bubby died. And then I basically stopped dieting for a whole month with the wife. And they were like, we got to get back on track. We got to do this shish. This shish. That's the thing, right? I find it hard for me to get fucking motivated sometimes, if I'm honest. Dude, sometimes I just

don't want to fucking... I just want to have five beers and chill. But also, one beer is like 300 calories if it's like a pint and it's like uh what i ended up starting to do was uh like whenever i go on a diet i like i cut beer out completely and i only drink vodka i can't i have to drink something it's potatoes and they're good for you yeah they're good for you but it just it's such a lower calorie intake in comparison and then you just fill it up with like a bunch of diet soda or something and you got a big old drink that you can suck on i didn't thunk about that but i might do

that clear spirits are the way to go they're always the lowest in calories i i found another one but i i already picked one so fucker on a pizza asks did any of y'all or know someone who had a toy that scared you as a kid that or any just weird ways you used to play with toys as a kid um i used to have this scooby-doo alarm clock and whenever i woke up and it would go off i would grab it bash it against the wall multiple times and then put it back on because i just would always wake up angry but it worked for like a full like three years and i would get wake up grab it start smacking it against the floor and throw it against the wall and be like all right heck yeah time to get on the bus and start my day didn't we already do this question did we i'm pretty sure we did i have a good answer for it

though it how vulgar am i allowed to be i'm gonna like try to keep it very professional fuck off go vulgar okay so uh when i was a kid i used to know this other kid that liked to hump barbie dolls like he would take their clothes off and he would oh dude he would like lay them on there he would lay them on their backs and then hump them you unlocked a horrible memory oh you were that friend that's crazy okay no no no no i just want to finish the final part of the story there was one time he got in trouble because he ended up this is a real story he ended up humping tickle me elmo to completion i swear to god I swear to god you know what was

you know what was crazy though this kid knew to like go to his room to do that shit I know what I'm doing in the VIP theater for the Minecraft movie to completion is insane dude what the fuck I don't like that like I wasn't even that old so that I knew what that even was at this time was like a little

sus, but like, yeah, that happened. Man, it was crazy. Of all the fucking, why,

where the fuck do you get a tickle me Elmo when you're at age to do that? He wasn't like, he was just, I don't know. It was, we were in Nova Scotia. So who knows?

There's like a, there's like a weird air. Everybody from Canada listened to that and just went, Oh yeah. Yeah. I see. It's the sea air you know like the seawater and shit messes with your mind water dude it's like the lighthouse but with tickle me you're not cleaning that shit out either right like that that's getting thrown out

now your mom's gonna buy you another tickle me omo or it can be like a the webkinz milk rabbit ew what sucking the milk off of it making a whip on the wall what thought of the tickle me elmo you unlocked a memory of uh i don't know why the humping barbie doll thing but the humping thing unlocked a memory of uh i had a friend in high school yeah i have talked about it on the podcast before but he had uh three fingers and he had these small arms on each arm they were about down to your elbow they weren, but he had three fingers and he had these small arms on each arm. They were about down to your elbow. They weren't like,

he had two, basically two arms down to your elbow and he had three fingers on each arm. And one day I went over to his house to play. I think he wanted to play

Operation Flashpoint on the 360 and he wanted me to like watch him play it because he loved those like military shooters. Delta Force. And I'm like watching him play

and I'm hanging out. I'm like petting his dog and he's like, oh yeah, do you want to know how I jack off? I was like, hell yeah, I'm hanging out. I'm like petting his dog. And he's like, oh yeah, do you want to know how I jack off? I was like, yeah. Hell yeah, brother.

Hell yeah, brother. I take out my notepad and I say yes. Not really, dude. He's like, oh yeah, let me just give you an example. So I have this sock and he grabs this sock. And he's like, oh yeah, so I just put this thing on and I just roll around on my bed until I'm done. Oh no.

I roll around in my bed until I'm done. Oh no. I roll around in my bed until I'm done. He's like, yeah, I roll around on my bed. He didn't demonstrate it. He just was like, oh yeah. I think it was just, it was a funny edgy thing. Cause like I was thinking about it the other day and I think about the like high school presentation I made with him and another friend where we did a history presentation where we did a Joseph Stalin rap where they made me write the rap out and perform it as Joseph Stalin and then he dressed up as Hitler and put a Hitler mustache on one of his

little fingers and put it on his mouth and the ending of the project was it zooming in on him going da na na da na na so I know exactly what that's from too what do I know cool what do I know that yeah those those burdened memories is that the saw theme no that was

it could be anything honestly it could be the saw theme as well dude it's so weird how at that age like kids were just jerking off in the tickle me elmo everybody dude it was crit no i i spent the night in his house a lot i am pretty sure uh one night i was spending the night at his house i was sleeping on the top bunk in his bedroom he was jerking it while the tooth fairy scary movie was on i'm pretty sure he was jacking off under the bed like blanket because i kept hearing like i was terrified because that tooth fairy movie scared the shit out of me when you're growing up and you're like experimenting and you're just discovering how jerking off works and then all the all the other dudes you're talking

to around the same time are just like this is how i jerked off and you're like oh yes oh yes comparing notes taking notes i i was legitimately like terrified of that shit because i had to go through three different sex ed classes in eighth grade because i moved schools three times and all three of them were doing sex ed at the time that i moved to that school lucky and so i got terrified of this shit until i was like 16 17 and i was playing the sims and i was like my boobs huh i remember i was very young but like just old enough to like kind of really start being into like girls and we had like these two me and my buddy had these two older girls that we would hang out with sometimes at their place and we were trying to like you know as like pretty young kids trying to like riz them up and i know i know i know no no and uh so they were like oh do you want to watch

a movie and we were like yeah let's watch like friday the 13th let's like watch a scary movie and we watched the movie it was like one of the more recent ones at the time and we got me and him got so scared we had to go home dude i i remember there was one kid that actually um in our in middle school i was in math class and there was this kid that was known for being a weird i don't know how to put it nicely a comer deviant you had a kid jacking off at school. Yeah. He just jerked off during... Oh, God. What the fuck was it? Study hall? No.

We were watching a movie for cultural studies, and he just straight up jerked it. And the thing is, the teacher literally had to be like, stop. Dude. Just like straight up. She didn't say anything else she just said stop we are talking after class but everybody knew because he was he was such a coomer coomer he's going to like force that out yeah you really didn't want to say coomer just fucking you could you could you can tell when he was behind he was going go go oh it man. Oh, it's the same guy.

It's the same guy. He followed you. I like freshman year, we had a kid who would keep jacking off in study hall, and he'd get kicked out for the day, and they wouldn't suspend him. And it happened like 25 to 30 different times. He just kept getting, you gotta go home. You gotta go. And he just kept doing it

until he finally had to talk with the principals and he got expelled. They didn't suspend him they just kept sending him home and i don't think he was jacking off because he was horny i think he kept jacking off because like this i'm gonna get out of class today oh my god this is how i get out of class i just kept doing it this is how i get off of don't want to be here time to crank my hog what a way to go honestly that that's it that's tactic you can use now currently in your everyday adult life i don't want to be in this work meeting i'm gonna crank my cranking my hog i don't want to be in this podcast oh my god that's a get out of jail free card that's a get in jail free card what are you talking

about i mean it depends where they got a leaderboard for that's a get in jail free card what are you talking about i mean it depends where they got a leaderboard for that kind of crime they got a leaderboard what's it called again the fucking sex offender registry oh my god that's the leaderboard that's an optimistic way of looking at it you know that's a yeah that's a crazy way to call the sex offender register you're a glass half full kid half full type of guy you know like that's fucking crazy yeah they sealed my record i called that getting prestige like what i i prestige they wipe my record i gotta start over dude don't talk to me right now i'm grinding Prince he's barking my hog in public I'm on a kill streak right now

I'm on a kill streak I'm on a goon streak I can't believe you got the tactical goon inbound What's the highest score you can get before they put you in prison for more than 10 years Oh my god This is so awful Fucking horrible Hey man Grev asks what's your favorite type of alien they put you in prison for more than 10 years oh my god this is so awful oh fucking horrible hey man grev asks what's your favorite type of alien a little gray alien there's nothing better

than a little gray alien who wants to like poke his long fingers at you and go i agree i agree i like the generic gray alien gray aliens are good because they just look fucked up and they have the high score on account of the probing. They're on the leaderboard. I don't remember what it was called, but it was like a little game where you live on a farm and aliens just start to invade and you have to beat the shit out of them. It's like first person. It's like semi-recent. Oh, Grey Hill Incident? Yeah, Grey Hill Incident.

Grey Hill Incident is really bad, but yeah. But it looks so funny. Isn't all the voice acting just like text-to-speech? It's so awful. I played through half of it and then I was like, this is so terrible. All of all of the art is ai all the voices like ai dog shit it's such a bad game where you get to hit a gray alien with a baseball bat okay but that's actually hilarious i want to hit their giant fucking heads with a baseball bat i want to hear a fucking sploosh i want to hear the fucking juice and they're just going i want to hear the brain bounce against the skull

i like when aliens look like bugs look like bugs bugs i like i like i like big bug aliens do you guys see the movie about the the mute girl that's like getting abducted by aliens oh no and one will save you yeah great movie i love that movie i haven't seen it yet but it's on didney plus it's it's it's very it's a fun watch you know i don't want to jerk off to gray aliens you don't have to someone does someone will someone is a hundred percent into gray aliens somebody has a somebody has a folder on their on their desktop that says duende docking they have like they have like different categories like big heads enormous heads big forehead forehead big dumpy big dumpy they never have big dumpy fake fan fucking shit it's gonna be messed up when gray aliens are real and they come to earth

but they have noses i have a request if somebody would like to draw a gray alien with a big dumpy in a glue trap send it my way i'll use it for good i don't know what he's beating up don't be that change in the world don't be that change in the world do we do one more how do you like to jerk off while playing monster hunter i like to crank my horn you know one button i love when i mode's in the game. One button. I love when I can slow down the game so I have more time to jerk.

Oh, here's one. Here's one. What is your favorite strangest meal combo? We already heard that. We did that one. Brendan, go first. That's a great one. We already did that one.

No, I don't think so. No, Brendan, go first. You guys ever tried cinnamon rolls and chili? Oh, my God, I have. That's crazy. I've never had that before. You know, there's so many posers that say they've had it. Bro, you ever have cinnamon egg? I know Billy has.

I had a big old cinnamon egg and I choked on it. This sucks. Okay, let's end it. You guys ever come inside a Tickle Me Home? Okay. You guys ever fuck inside the Chick-fil-A? Hey, thanks so much for listening. This episode would not have been possible without the

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Beam, Invictus Echo, Jay Bird, Lambda Man, Leo the Geotech, Mr. Starchy, Mr. Thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time.