Please Stop Talking - Scott and the Goblin (feat. Noodle & Punk Duck) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: June 23, 2023

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Must be legal drinking age. You know that was going to be Adolf Hitler's, like, ice cream branch? Like, nicey cream? Yeah. Oh, Nazi cream. The sprinkles are... Ah, little German. They're shaped.

Little German boy. No, little German boy. Do not go get the Nazi ice cream. Hitler stans be like, he was a great painter. No, he was not. He sucked. I didn't see his paintings. His paintings are trash.

I did. I was fooled into liking them. The one that everyone posts is like, this is like, yeah, you just liked this painting, huh? Hitler made this. It's like, bro, he painted a stairway and then started putting windows on the house behind it and then got confused when he realized that one of the windows intersects with the stairway so there's just a stairway on top of a window in that painting uh i look fine he draws better than i can you know what you're right we go too hard on hitler

hitler's a better artist than i ever will be i'm really glad i'm recording this hitler conversation so what's your deal with hitler why are you so fucking weirded out by him i hardly know her can we not talk about these things can we not talk about adolf hitler you used to be able to make jokes what happened to this country what happened to talking about nazis online you know the we don't do that anymore why why do we never do that anymore one incriminating conversation later i don't give a fuck dude it's a two hour long podcast just skip the ad none of this is gonna skip your funeral when you die with a bullet by a gun licensed under me how do you think how under me. How do you think... How do you think...

How do you think... How do you think gun licenses work? Do you think gun licenses... You buy it and you sign it and then they sketch your name into the side of it. You think a gun license is the same thing as when you license music for a fucking TV show,

you fucking moron. You buy the gun and you have to lease it. You have to pay royalties. You gotta renew the subscription once per month. You have to pay royalties to Winchester, whatever. Hey, you guys are saying that, but that's how it works at MGS4. The future is scary. Oh my god, you think the world is like Metal Gear.

Every time you kill someone you get the gun owner has to get royalties for the body dude there's that's the big twist of mgs4 liquid controls guns of the patriots and then everybody's guns their subscription ends and nobody can shoot them is there i don't know anything about metal gear is there i hate that that's such a concise way of explaining what actually fucking happened in that game. I'm dead ass. Is there a man that can control piss?

No, I don't think so. What's up with the guy that pisses and shits himself? He can control both. That's Johnny. He's Meryl's husband. I guess he can't control. That's kind of the opposite. He doesn't have control. You're very intolerant

they retcon like him pissing and shitting himself did he does that because he doesn't have any nanomachines so so johnny's the reason they managed to beat the frogs which is not for word for french people it's an elite squad of sexy women. Oh my god. Because Johnny doesn't have any nanomachines. So Psycho Mantis. No, sorry. Flying Mantis? It's like his daughter. Fuck it.

It's not Psycho Mantis. Oh my god. Whatever. Ed, Snake in MGS4 is Old Snake. The word Solid Snake minus is being. Fox died created to kill him. Mutates into a weapon that kills the world in snake's womb so true i saw so many people retweet that kojima tweet and being like it makes you need to kill yourself no people were like no people said no way it makes so much sense

and i hate it i was like what the fuck do you mean he's rambling what are you talking about i i if anyone anyone sees that tweet and it makes any degree of sense they need to fucking take that does make sense because in four solid sticks the press because he's old is what i'm saying because because he fucking uh he lost all his sense of purpose and he doesn't what the fuck are they talking about is he on about when he says that it kills the world in snake's womb i don't i'm sorry because that makes sense oh my god the the woman fucking metal gear is the same as the darkness and kingdom hearts what the fuck are you talking about the woman metal gear is the same as the beach and death strand. What the fuck are you talking about? No, the woman in Metal Gear is the same as the beach in Death Stranding. Hey, we should start recording because I really don't have infinite amount of time.

We are? Hey, welcome to the Metal Gear Solid podcast. Oh, dude, that's like the last thing I want to talk about because I don't know shit about Metal Gear Solid. It's the first thing I want to talk about. Hey, you guys remember when Snake was undercover as general reikov reidanovic which was a stand-in for reiden yeah and then he was like oh shit i gotta infiltrate volgan's army i hope volgan doesn't see through my disguise and then volgan shows up and he goes reikov why

aren't you in my quarters and then he's like you're acting weird and And then he grabs Rykov by the cock and balls and he goes, you're not Rykov. Yeah. I don't know shit about this, but I would love to talk about Podracer Sebulba instead. Or how about this? Spoilers for Metal Gear Solid 5. Did you know that the ending of Metal Gear Solid 5 means that Metal Gear Solid 5 is just the plot

of white chicks you cannot say that you made me so excited I love white chicks and this is unironic MGS5 because you can customize the medic if you make the medic black the plot of MGS5 is the same as white chicks oh my god dude I love white chicks

Julian's thinking about it we don't have time We don't have time. We don't. We don't have time. The Wayne Brothers writing White Chicks 2. And it's just Metal Gear Solid. Dude, what are the Wayne Brothers even up to? Are they alive?

One of the Waynes Brothers is still doing acting. I don't know about the one that made the movies. Marlon Waynes? No, was it sean wayne's or marlon wayne's story oh wow okay okay can't talk about fucking wayne's you can't make jokes anymore it's not the way now we're doing jokes this episode i i know that sean wayne's that's the guy who's cock you see in scary movie one yeah and then marlon wayne's is the guy who's cock you see in Scary Movie 1. Yes. And then Marlon Wayans is the guy who's actually an actor. The one who's in...

Requiem for a Dream. Oh, he's in Air. Isn't he in Air? Is he? Yeah, I think he's in Air. He's also in Dungeons of Dragons. I don't give a fuck. The first one.

Yeah. And he gets brutally decapitated in that movie. It's hilarious. Hey, spoiler. Sorry. That movie's fucking epic. It's awesome. The new one's pretty good. I really liked it. I liked it i like the new one yeah well i actually hated it so julian what the fuck is your problem today

no wayans hour no dnd hour what do you want to talk about yeah how about how about you tell us what you want to talk about if you're going to be such a freaking controlling freak uh julian always does that he always loves controlling he loves control he loves control you know why he loves controlling others because he doesn't have control over his own cocaine habits come on man i'm never gonna beat the allegations like this we call him the maestro because he calls every shot he tells me when to wake up sir yes sir i'm here julian he had a story he had what the fuck's your problem man because he calls every shot. He tells me when to wake up. Sir, yes, sir. I'm here, Julian.

He had a story, Ed. What the fuck's your problem, man? You had a story? What do you mean? Nothing was happening there. Julian, before joining, said, I have a compendium of stories. I save my stories.

I save my stories for whatever I'm, I don't know, on the toilet or something. What? I'm very funny. What are you talking about? I don't know. You go to the bathroom? You just sit on the board and just start telling a story to no one?

I don't want to get bored. Julian, are you okay? Is everything okay at home? What the fuck is he talking about? What's going on, man? You're cutting everybody off. You're talking about telling stories to yourself on the toilet. I just, okay.

Did you fall off the wagon? We don't need stories. I want to talk about something. Go off then. Go on, Billy. Spit your shit indeed. I haven't thought about this dude in a while, but when I was a kid, I had this... I would call him a cousin, but he's not a cousin.

He was the son of my mom's best friend at the time, like forever ago. I don't know why we just kind of stopped talking. I think it just was like... It's just like... He got racist. Times... Oh, dude, he was already racist.

That's kind of yes that's one of the few things you and him had in common i think it's not it's not something you choose this you're born with it this dude who i i would call my cousin because we were always hanging out at their place. He was maybe four or five years older than me. And I just had this thought recently while watching the Mortal Kombat gameplay demo. When I was a kid, I remember his mom was making us fucking Kraft Mac and Cheese. And we were sitting there waiting for our food. And he just looked at me and said, Hey, Dweebus, can you name all,

can you name all the mortal combat characters? And I was like, dude, I was like nine, 10. So I, mortal combat is fucking epic. So I knew all the characters.

I just start naming every character in mortal combat. Armageddon. Holy shit. You were so fucking cool. Mocap. Dramon. Havoc. Suhao. Oh my God. Suhao. character in mortal combat armageddon holy shit ramen and all fucking cool mocap drama marissa no not marissa that's a street fighter character uh serena serena what's the one what's the oh do you know how are you doing what's the one that's like uh he looks like ken okay do you cobra cobra with the k either way i just name all of them and then he just like he he's like holding his chin and looking at me like

with you know with intent and then he just he just says man you're a fucking loser why did he ask i thought he was gonna do like the spongebob thing like you forgot the pickles he just i thought he's gonna scratch his chin and go no impressive no you forgot bow right show what a fucking asshole though he would always do that shit he always be like hey man uh do you know this nerdy shit and i'd be like a kid so i'd be like oh yeah the that's how you do that in the game and then he'd be like you're fucking loser dude you know what that is that's a less illegal way of doing what mr whiz was doing like the owner of evo would go up to kids and be like hey I bet you $20 you're not going to show me your cock

and then they'd go to the bathroom the kid would show him his cock and then Mr. Riz would go man you're gay and then give him $20 and leave wow that's crazy none of that's going in what why not why not

Julian wants it that's funny and also presumably widely reported on What? Why not? Why not? Now Julian wants it. Julian, you were the one who said it. That's funny. And also, like, presumably widely reported on. Yes, it is. He's no longer running Evo. No shit it's widely reported on. You take it something like that.

It's not like it's fucking slander. Why would you censor that? Because it's bringing my freaking vibes down, bro. Oh, okay. Oh, I apologize to Mr. Wiz's estate. estate apologies to all the whiz in the whiz stands in the audience the wizards his name was mr whiz and he would look at penis that's kind of funny that's the one that's the one baby that's the title my cousin scott was a fucking weirdo because he's like i i mean wait so he's like 32 or something how old am i 26 so he he's like 31

and he's in prison for selling drugs to kids god damn it why would you sell drugs to kids man sell them to me yes julian you're there's no there's no shortage it's so weird there's no shortage of adults why are you going to kids for drugs they don't have money adults have money what are you doing don't don't fucking hate on him for hustling he's trying to break into a new market what do you mean hustling who is hustling to like 14 year old enterprising young man and you are getting in the way of his enterprising one of the one time it was it was a summer and i was just hanging out at his place we just got out of the pool and we were with his other weird fucked up little creature friend i say fucked up creature

friend because that dude was a goblin irl he was so fucking weird and he would scamper around on his four legs. I want to meet that guy. I just remember there was some dude. He was a bully. He was not a very nice guy. And he sold drugs to minors. That was not cool of him, I think.

And he didn't know who Havoc was. That one day, what he did was he told us that we were going to go hang out with one of his friends. Me and the goblin were like, okay, we'll go hang out with the guy. And we went to this dude's house and we got in. And then the person who answered the door was this dude's mom and she was like oh uh he just went to the convenience store but he'll he might be back in a little bit do you guys want to wait for him inside i mean first of all red flag what under what under what circumstances it's kind of weird fighting you no it's not it's kind of weird if you don't know the fucking parent what are you

talking about you are weird for thinking that's weird i think it's weird i think it's real fucking weird parent so what you know how many parents get caught for doing some really terrible things what do you mean nothing abnormal about a parent offering kids to hang out inside while waiting for their kid to get home there's nothing weird about that what happened was not that uh we okay we got inside and then scott just turned to turn to us and he was like okay so here's the thing we we go inside this this other kid's room that we're in his house and then it's like okay here's the thing this kid he's a total dweebus and i fucking hate his guts we're gonna steal his bike and i i'm like this kid and

then i'm i'm just i'm just being told that we're actually in a heist movie and like he didn't even know this kid that well all he did was bully the kid and know where he lived and then he when we went to his place and he saw his mom he He was like, Oh, is he home? And then he took the opportunity that he wasn't there. And he decided it was time to steal his bike. He made me go talk to his mom. What? His mom was in the kitchen and it's one of those kitchens with an open

fucking window, right? I was really young. I was eight. One of those kitchens with a window. You might not have these in Europe. No, like those big patios.

Those big patio windows. And the bike was like right there. So he was like, go talk to the... Distract the mother. The kind of house that had doors in it. You might not be familiar with these if you don't live in Europe. That's just my joke. Billy, continue. Ignore the cokehead.

I guess I'll do it because Scott is super cool and he tells me I'm a loser. So I just went and started chatting up the mom, but I was eight, so I didn't know what the fuck to say. I was just like... Hey, baby. Thanks for around these parts. Do you know about Bakugan?

No, I just remember I just went up to her and I was like, Hi, do you have a pool? And then she just turned around at the patio and was like, yeah. Good talk. I was so young. And then while that was happening, the two, Goblin and Scott just fucking, Scott and the Goblin just went outside and took the bike and left.

And then I didn't know. They left you there? Yeah, I didn't know when to go oh so i was just like the worst part they didn't even leave far they just left the house and then come back for me and they were just waiting for me in front of the house with that kid's bike and i was just there talking to the mom and then i i didn't know what to do i i didn't know what to say so i was just like okay bye it's just fucked up cool i just fucked off back into this kid i didn't know's room and i just sat there yeah at one point i remember

getting tired and i just left back outside because i saw them throwing rocks at the window what the fuck is wrong with these kids scott is fucked up scott was a bad seed, bro. He was a bad apple. He was a bad seed. If you were eight at the time, does that mean Scott was like 15? Yeah, he was way older than me. Wait, no, you're 26. He's 31.

He'd be 13. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, really. He was still way older than me. Like in kid age, like five year difference is a lot he was i mean whatever he might have been like 47 i don't know it doesn't matter i think scott was actually like in his 50s and stealing a bike either way at one point i i start throwing

rocks and i i just like stop looking at this kid's gamecube games and I'm like okay time to go I guess and I just I just leave this house I just leave and the mom is still doing shit in the kitchen and like looking at me leave from the front door why were you allowed to just hang out with people at eight years old I feel like that's a bit young to just be fucking around the neighborhood because it was like a closed neighborhood right I don't know I've never i've never known anybody else who was in a closed neighborhood like that and my parents were like well he's like 15 he's gonna take care of this kid wow that's how i see it but i think that was a bad idea either way no why would you say that either way we get out and then scott is like okay let's go to the let's go to the convenience store parking

lot and do donuts on the bike and i was like okay he said yes i was eight what do you fucking mean i was eight i just go i really heard fucking do we're gonna do donuts on this bicycle and he was like whoa yeah i was like no fucking way and i just fucking awesome he was like get on the bike and do some donuts i ate shit i started crying because i was eight he just gave you the bicycle was like do some cool shit and you just fell over and cried he would always do shit like that i know it's just a very very funny image He's such an asshole. Dude, get on the bike and do some wheelies. Okay.

I mean, that was how I was as a kid. Yo, yo, do some cool shit. Do some shit. Entertain us, monkey. And you fall over and that's the end of it. Literally entertain us, monkey boy. And I was like, okay. And I would get on the bike and eat shit. And then he'd be like, hey, you fucking loser.

You ate shit, man. I'd be crying. You live to serve, clearly. I just remember at the end, after that, we went inside. We got like candy because we had a bit of change from our parents. And then he was like, I'm tired of this bicycle. I'm sick of this shit at this point i was like oh are we bringing back his bicycle and then he he started laughing i was like oh boy oh you're not that that dude's never seeing that bike again that i think he did because

i don't know i think he did because scott jail. I mean, if that kid's listening right now, Scott stole your bike and I was accessory. When Scott was finally brought to jail, all of his belongings were repoed and they found the bike there. So he'll probably see it sometime soon. He was like, okay, let's drop off his bike to him. Because I remember I was like,

no, we have to bring his bike back we can't do this to this guy and he was saving private ryan yeah no like i i at that point i was fair i was like no we are not stealing this i i say as an eight-year-old to this 14 year old you're so brave he was really condescending probably because he knew i was a dumbass kid and he was just like okay no fine we'll give him back his bike i i know the drop damn i'll put it oh damn i know i know a place i know a place where he always drops his bike off we'll just drop off his bike there and then we went to the park we went to the park and you thought you bought it he yeah of course i was eight that's so funny he took the bike and

threw it in the bush wow he just threw it in a bush and then we went back and the entire time i i mean i was a dumbass kid but i knew what we did i knew what we did was not nice and then goblin child went back to his home and i went back with scott and we ate corn on the cob but while he while i was eating corn on the cob i was looking at him and i knew he was not the person i once knew he grew as a person and i did not like the person he grew up to be sounds like a good day it was actually pretty awesome we had ice cream yeah and then we went to the pool what about the bike kid what did he have no bike not a bike dude what if I was just

thinking about it I was just thinking about it like man where the fuck is this guy now and I just like looked up his name and he's in jail I think Scott may have had some anti-social behaviors but I'm not sure he was like anti-bike behaviors I didn't know this but apparently you're allowed to

adopt a child as a single parent I didn't know that why would you not be able to you just have to prove that you're able to make some donuts if you don't fall over and cry you're allowed to adopt a kid oh man you show up to the adoption agency

they hand you a copy of Tonyony hawk's pro skater get all the letters unfortunately i don't want to adopt i'm gonna he's gonna end up selling drugs to kids and stealing bikes and throwing them in bushes that guy was an asshole then he's gonna make me try to do a cool stunt i'm gonna fall over cry. My own adopted child will be like, get on the bike and do some donuts, dad. And I'd be like, okay. Going to the fucking orphanage

and finding the perfect child and then watching them like, like having them watch you leave in tears because they gave you downhill jam. That sucks. His name was not actually Scott. I just thought it was a funny name. Oh, thank God.

No offense to Scott Stans. Don't worry, Scott. If you need a parole officer, I got you. Parole officer? What are you going to do? Stop him from selling drugs, bro? Stop him from stealing bikes, dude. The drugs can stay.

That's the least of his worries. Is that how he got caught? You think he was stealing bikes dude the drugs can stay that's the least of his worries is that how he got caught you think he was stealing bikes still he was doing donuts on a stolen bike could you imagine years later the police come up to him and say hey we we know what you did we found the bike man they just found the bike in that one bush yeah it had is that how they approach them too there's no like sir do you have a moment to speak Scott answers

the door with a bike shaped stomach the entire PD the entire PD knows so anytime he walks by an officer they just whisper him to like a fucking NPC in Skyrim being like Hail Sithis. What did you say at the end?

Hail Sithis? What the fuck is Sithis? It's Talos, isn't it? No. Isn't Talos the guy? This motherfucker didn't play the Dark Brotherhood quest line. I did. It was a long time ago.

You had to kill someone at the end. You know what, Julian? Just for that reference, Scott would call you a loser. Yeah. No. He would. He would be like no if i was on a bicycle i would do a fucking awesome wheelie and then a pop shove it i'd figure out a way to do it on the bicycle wait wait dark brother everyone would clap that's just shit with cicero i'm remembering wow you would really impress scott and the goblin yeah i would that sounds like a fucking band yeah i'd listen to that shit joe dante's small

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language learning journey today with babble there we go scott and the goblin it was animated by the guys that did uh slip and jimmy you guys know about slip and jimmy i don't know yeah it's awesome they did like a they like a oh you don't know it, Billy? It's a fucking spinoff of Better Call Saul, but it's animated by like the big mouth people. And it's like Jimmy McGill, Saul Goodman. This is real, by the way. He's not gaslighting. It's Jimmy McGill, Saul Goodman in like elementary school. And they just fart all the time.

No, it's not. That's not real. That's not real. Anyway, I'm going to post it in general. Here's Slippin' Jimmy fart fetish scene. No. What the fuck is this? It's Slippin' Jimmy fart fetish scene.

Oh, God. It's animated like a Yo Mama video. It is. I mean, it's just cheap rig animation. Oh, why? No. Billy, don't look don't look

woof that smells awful why did she fart frogs I don't know I'm really I'm really proud of

Jimmy McGill's fucking actual what's his name his actor Bob Odenkirk yeah I'm really really proud of Bob

for not taking this why is she farting so much because it's hot you don't fucking get it okay it's so fucking hot dude every time we have one of those like things where we just send each other webms or mp4s or whatever i sort by like file types you find them by fart types and and and like it sorts all the same files alphabetically and the first one every single time is Sonic and Knuckles

but they're really fat and they're just farting at each other and I need to delete that video cause every time we fucking were about to do it I'm just like this video is not funny why the fuck do you have that downloaded I don't know I'm just gonna say you just mentioned that you have that video right after showing us a slipping jimmy fart there's something here what's wrong

what just be like the rest of us dude just go on youtube and watch pet crab eating chips or something like a normal human. Sorry, I'm looping chimpanzee gets electrocuted. I love that video. Come on, man. Come on. Come on. That video is super funny.

It's really funny. Dude, the way he hits his head on the way down. Guys, come on. We are not. This cannot go in. What? come on we are not this cannot go in what of all the things that can go in we can't say that chimpanzee getting electrocuted i don't want to put that out there it sounds like animal abuse it is it's not animal abuse the monkey did it to himself and that's not the monkey really did it to

himself that actually happened not it's not we're just that does not sound right we're just talking about snuff videos right now it's not snuff it's an animal it was a chimp that was stuck like he was hanging from like a like a telephone pole and like a bunch of firemen put up a ladder to try and save him and then he touched like an exposed wire then shocked himself ed i'm deleting that. I sent Julian the fart video with Sonic and Hedgehog. Ed, I can't delete that. Please delete it. Sorry, let me send you the GIF version

so it plays automatically. Oh God, can we move on? Fuck's sake. Can we... Ed, I will fucking report you if you don't get rid of that. I deleted it. I deleted it.

God forbid men do anything i like the julian core videos i don't know how to describe what they are oh the one oh yeah so julian can send people like oh look at this funny video of like a two-year-old being beaten to death with hammers but god forbid one chimpanzee gets electrocuted accidentally i did not know that's what that is not a video that i posted i thought julian court was like a goose stepping really fast with epic music playing in the background that that is that's my shit yeah i don't know man getting really defensive i know i assume i assumed this was all just gonna get cut oh no not at all dude because me and billy just figured out the next

guest for uh for the next episode yeah dude it's the it's the guy that animated the sonic and whatever who's the bread knuckle oh you. I keep calling him Hedgehog. I keep saying Sonic and Hedgehog. What a fucking horrible day. What a fucking horrible day. My favorite duo, Sonic and Hedgehog. Oh, dude, that guy's almost as good as Scott and the Goblin I was so confused when I bought Sonic 3 who the fuck is this Knuckles guy they keep talking about

oh my god this is Hedgehog I don't think he's even a Hedgehog oh no he's not no he's the animal that can fly what can echidnas fly no because knuckle fly they glide they glide they glide they don't fly they do not wait they do not look aerodynamic if i if i caught a fucking echidna on the ground

and threw it ain't no way it would get electrocuted and hit its head on the way down this is providing me. Do you guys know about that feature on Google? Where like if you look up an animal, you get like a 3D model of that animal? No. What? No.

It's awesome. Julian, Julian. Google ostrich. Didn't we do it? Didn't we do that like, I swear we did that like a few episodes ago. Wait, why isn't it doing it? Mine is doing it.

I'm looking at a goat. All I have is a button that lets me hear the sound an ostrich makes. No, no, scroll down, scroll down. So, I don't know if you guys are aware. Are you guys familiar with... Billy, there's sound coming out of your mic. What? Billy is suddenly in the jungle.

He's immersed. He's immersed. Oh, I'm in the jungle. He immersed he's immersed i'm in the jungle no it's a goat dumbass sorry um but yeah goats are smaller than you think when they're in your room and when they're in your tummy but yeah like two weeks ago charlie uh came to visit me in Brussels for like 10 days. And for one of those days, we were like, let's just go on a vision quest. Let's do tons of drugs and then stay inside and try to freak each other out.

It was me, Charlie, and then two of my friends, two of them that were present during the Children of the Bjorn incident. Yeah. Which, funny enough, we were the exact same crew from the Children of the Bjorn episode. Look at that. Come back together, part two. Yeah. The band's back. The gang's back.

But yeah, so it was me, Charlie the misogynist, and the Estonian guy doing tons of drugs. And I was telling them about the fucking, oh you know if you google an animal you can uh like it'll give you a 3d model and two of them were like dude shut up and then the estonian guy was like no yeah that's true and then you can also like fucking like like you can put it in your room and i was like no no you can't and then like i kept fucking looking up hostages and then opening the app and then just crawling around my room to try to get it to come out and then the massage just was like dude i don't want to see what this is gonna look like this is gonna fucking freak me out and i was just like no no it's gonna be like fucking it's gonna be no no don't worry it's gonna be like ipad you know like it's gonna be in my room it's gonna be like

in my room in my screen it was like oh it's in your screen i thought you're gonna reject an ostrich like tupac i'm gonna tupac an ostrich real quick but yeah and then i kept trying to do it like in my apartment but for some reason there was something about the lighting or maybe i didn't have enough room but it would like reject the floor i would show and then we're like ah dude this fucking sucks it's not working and then we went out to the balcony and I was like, let me try this shit again. And then I was like, try to find the floor. Cause he keeps saying like, oh yeah, scan the floor, then hold the phone straight and it'll work. Most of the time it didn't work. And then I was trying, I was trying outside. They were all like smoking cigarettes and just

looking at me. And then the fucking ostrich popped up for like two seconds and we all freaked out. He's there, he's there. Did you, was it a good freak out or a not good freak out? No, it was a great freak out. No, but all we did was like try to fucking psych each other out. At one point, we just like, when we were peaking, I put on death grips at like full volume through my soundbar. Oh God. Why? And whenever like one of them would leave to go smoke a cigarette, I would change where Kojima would be placed. The best one was I placed them right behind my shower curtains.

For people who don't know. Yeah. He just has a Kojima life-sized fucking. Cardboard cutout. I love Metal Gear. I love being in the womb. Whatever, man. julian it's smart you don't get it i really don't i can honestly say i don't man that week with charlie was uh

fucking stupid one of my favorites was uh he got in an argument with a um polish homeless man outside of mcdonald's why and what were they arguing? How did that start, first of all? We were getting McDonald's and we were very drunk. And then this Polish homeless man was like, American, American. And then the Polish homeless guy started telling Charlie about American history, like the 1800s

and all that shit. And then Charlie was correcting him or whatever. And then the Polish guy grabbed him by the shoulders and started like yelling something that wasn't in french anymore and charlie instead of going in a fight or flight or i guess this was his fight or flight charlie started rubbing his bald head and then he said and then charlie said Magnifique excellent Oh Charlie You card What the hell That's cool

Did it defuse the situation? Yeah it did How the fuck would it How the fuck would it defuse I feel like it would do the opposite But man I guess that Polish guy just really liked the rubs. I think the Polish guy was so confused that they did not

know how to process that. To be fair, if you want to get out of any situation, confusion is your greatest ally. Yeah, it does to me. Ain't no way. Nobody knows what the fuck to do once you confuse them. Wow.

Truer words never spoken really i don't know like if i get in if somebody will become really really positive whenever they get happy if somebody wants to fight me i'm instead of fighting i'll just like start doing some weird shit like i don't know i'll just start reciting Stairway to Heaven. I've already punched your fucking face by the time you announced proudly in the middle of the ring that you're about to recite

Stairway to Heaven or something. If somebody, like, if a big Polish guy tries to, if a big bald Polish guy tries to fight me, I just start doing the 12 Idol stance. What if you just start breakdancing are they gonna do then beat the shit out of you but on the floor you know it would work they would be like oh i didn't know it was that kind of fight and they'd like join you oh shit i didn't know you were chill

like that dude and then they leave fucking movie gag i didn't know you were chill like that dude and then they leave fucking movie gag i didn't know you were chill like that fuck yeah and then they just join in they also break dance and then it goes shut up i did uh at one point we were like guys we're not tweaking enough we need to go out and see the real world and then uh we thought it'd be funny to make ourselves like uncomfortable. But we left my place. We went out to the center of Brussels at 10 p.m. with all the lights and shit and tons of people, super high on acid. And we were just standing there. And then we'd just be looking around like very uneasy. And then we just look at each other and go, is else like extremely uncomfortable because i want to go home and then and then fucking the misogynist was like no no this is hilarious are there any people out right now let's go join them and then we got on a bus

to get to a karaoke bar um and all four of us were like all right let's let's fucking calm down so we don't get like don't get derested don't get fucking kicked off the bus and me and charlie are standing up the estonian guy and the misogynist guy are sitting next to us and they're sitting in front of the ticket machine yeah and then there's there's this one lady with a luggage italian lady gets on and she can't figure out how to take a machine works like she's there for like a full minute and her ticket won't scan and she goes away to the fucking driver and ask him but the moment she leaves

the misogynist leans in into my face and just goes the fuck was her problem what an asshole why he killed me what's his fucking problem he was just trying to make me laugh and it worked i couldn't stop fucking laughing and then like whenever anybody would just walk

past us he would always just turn to me like get in my fucking face and go what the fuck was it everyone has so many problems and then we got to the karaoke bar and dude i don't know if you guys ever been in like a like here's how it works for me i can be in a public space on shrooms i need to be in a private space with like three people when i'm on acid because dude public spaces with a lot of stimulation on acid is like dude it's like it's like the voices start talking they're like everybody knows you're high everyone hates you you should kill yourself and all that shit so i was like uh i was at a karaoke bar and it was like a shitload of people shitload of people trying to talk to me and then fucking it didn't help that me and the four uh dudes on acid we kept doing

this thing where like if one of us started talking to the other one the other person would like look past them and pretend they're a ghost to freak us out i'm really happy that you're living your college like as a 26 year old man dude it's awesome it's so ed what prompted the what prompted your new drug era what happened yeah what happened uh what happened was did did you actually skip your college phase of drug? Billy, I was in college for four months. That's so much time to do drugs. You're such a coward. It really isn't.

When your girlfriend cheats on you, then you're depressed for two months, and then you drop out. That's when you do the drugs, moron. Oh, man. Oh, no. What the fuck was his problem but yeah all this to say

when I was at that bar at one point 21 guns by green day starts playing and I love that song but then but I straight up like I got on the dance floor and I started doing the 12-idle stance. Nobody knows what the fuck

the 12-idle stance is, dude. From Third Strike! That doesn't fucking mean anything to anyone who's not as terminal as you are. It's a good game! You should play it! This is about to get freaking serious.

You know what, Sheena?ena for this i'll start recording okay good you're gonna want to get this guys you're gonna want to hear this okay now this is serious okay you guys left ostriches are freaking scary okay well yeah when i was like six or seven like every couple of years we would go back to japan to visit family wait japan has ostriches it was a zoo oh i'm an idiot that's how you spell ostrich you asshole that's a country oh did you just type austria well move on so when we went over to visit my family was like really tried to plan like a a nice little adventure while we were there and on this trip we went to the zoo and it was a zoo themed around. I don't know if you guys would be familiar with this character, but his name was Pangkoong. He's like this chimpanzee that would wear like overalls and ride segways with like a little dog.

Like Curious George. I don't know, but I want to. But it was like a zoo centered around that guy. I think he like lived. At that zoo. Oh wait, I found a really epic picture. Here's me holding a bear that no one else can see. Anyway. Whoa!

Is the bear eating a banana? It's bamboo. The bear is wearing a shirt. It's a star shirt. Your brother is wearing a car's shirt. Holy shit. he looks uncertain and you look so determined you are holding this gigantic bear the size of you anyway you know they had like little things like that where you could interact with animals very cool and one of the animals was an ostrich just sitting there under a tree

on a leash next to some guy holding the leash and we walked up to it like uh yeah what do we do and my mom translated for us you we can we can pet the ostrich and i don't know if you guys have seen ostriches up close but to me who is very short especially back then tall dinosaur they're large like generally yeah i mean i have one in my room right now and it's pretty darn big yeah okay imagine that and you're trying to pet the feathers my brother went first because i was a little too scared even though he's the younger one he did it first because I was a little too scared. Even though he's the younger one, he did it first. And everything was fine. He watches cars.

He knows what's up. I stepped up to the plate and I reached my hand out. Have you watched cars at this point? I watched it with him. Okay. You should have been ready for this. Yeah, you know, I didn't do my homework there. That was on me.

I reached my hand out and the ostrich's head slowly craned towards my direction. And its mouth started to open wider and wider as he leaned closer and closer to me. Was it asking for food? What's this? In its mouth, I saw the death of everything. She knows. Jesus. She knowsena was the food. Jesus.

Sheena was the food. As it leaned in closer and closer, I finally shook myself free of my fright. And I ran and I screamed and I cried. And from that day forward, I became deathly afraid of ostriches. Okay. Wait, that was it? That was that was the story yes this is so important okay ostriches are so scary and i will not tolerate people laughing at that fact they are so scary they are this reminds me of whatever i was like nine or ten and i had a dirt bike that was way

too big for me and it was really heavy and for some reason as a child I was deathly afraid of storm drains because I'd look at them and I'd be like I could fit in that if I go down there if I go down there then like I'll never come back so like two years later two years later I return the same ostrich is. I'm a bigger girl now. It's an old friend. I can do this. I can do this. And it does the same thing. And I scream, cried, and ran away again.

You should have brought food that time. Does it want food? Or does it want cars once? I did not. I was a big girl. I thought cars was for little kids. But cars is for warriors cars is for everybody what the fuck

I know better now specifically I relate to that because as a kid I was afraid of the storm drains and so one time while I was riding the bike I was doing a turn on the road and I stopped mid turn because my trajectory aimed me directly

towards a storm drain and i locked up and my life flashed before my eyes as i my my bike hit the storm train i fell over ate shit on top of it and then the bike landed on top of my mangled body your mangled body yeah no my leg and arms and shit got twisted up in the bike man that sucks yeah man looking like a pretzel my my ass froze up because i saw myself going towards the drain and i was like what do i do it just sent me a picture of him filming a goat inside of his home and he's just petting the goat yeah that's awesome yeah i'm sorry guys i just i felt really strongly about it listen it's okay speak your shit king finally i'm i mean and that's i mean that makes more

sense than my biggest fear is algae what it's because algae is like i like swimming in the ocean you don't like it tickling your funny feet yeah i don't like it tickling my feet i don't like the idea of like i'm swimming right i'm swimming in the ocean. You don't like it tickling your funny feet? Yeah, I don't like it tickling my feet. I don't like the idea of I'm swimming, right? I'm swimming in the ocean and then something starts tickling my feet. Then algae just feel fucking gross to me. I'd rather get fucking snipped by a crab than algae. That's your greatest fear, is touching something

and it's icky. I have multiple fears. I'm going to keep some of them in the bank, but algae is one of them. You said greatest fear. Your hyperbolizing ass needs to start speaking true shit. It's not a greatest fear. What did you...

Hang on, Julie. We got to go back and analyze that sentence. Stop hyper ass and speak true shit? You heard him. That's not what I said. No, you said that. You heard him. So if you donate enough money, you can ask a question for us on Patreon. But it's only if you give us enough of your money.

Which is, let's say, ballpark $5. We can, look, our people will talk to your people. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out, but usually it's around $5. But you have to have a good question or else Ed's not nice or else we cancel your subscription or else or else we'll cover you in algae in your sleep what is up with algae dude i wouldn't want to be covered in algae

if i went to sleep he's got a point there the kind of motherfucker who would not have a foot fetish because he would not like being tickled there i I don't want to... Here's the thing. I don't want people going down on my feet. I don't want people going down on my feet, but I'm down to reciprocate. Okay, so we're going to move on from that. Rid Schwartz says if he had the superpower

to appear like a disabled slash challenged person, whenever it was convenient, how would you use it? We are not answering that can i can i answer that one i don't know should answer that one well daily posted it so i'm answering it well how i would use it is uh i would make oh my god oh my god that all of that got censored that's crazy we're moving on i apologize to the community oh my god okay we had big fans i'm moving on i like this one parth parthian doom rider asked did any of you guys have bionicles and

if you did what was your favorite yes you know that bionicle is an allegory for cancer i don't care my favorite i don't care it's true with the glowy green eyes i think they were a woman but i was like yeah so i was i was like my head ken was they were my awesome fucking guy what was the bionicles oh no go ahead sorry i was gonna say my favorite is the green one from the second generation oh uh was the second generation the one where it was like still the little guys but with the masks no the little guys were in the movie uh was the second generation the one where it was like still the little guys but with the masks no the little guys were in the movie this was the little guys all grown up did they grow up yeah they were fucking awesome wasn't it the toa metal that were like the little guys or

whatever i don't remember i just love i just really liked toa haldi my favorite was the green guy in second gen he's in the top left. Yeah, first gen was fucking awesome. Second gen was cooler. I don't remember the first gen. What was the ones that were... Oh, yeah, oh my god. I came into it with like third gen. I don't know. I just remember

seeing an ad that showed off all the new Bionicles. Yeah, you know the one. Move along like I know you do. It was like all of them and they were like behind gates and it was like raining and stormy and i was like this is the coolest fucking thing that's ever been made in my entire life i gotta have all that one the the i like the red one with the like mask that looks like the he had like a gas mask looking thing with like an eye thing and you could turn around like he had a little gear on the back and he would like smack the shit out of you this was my guy are we still talking about my dad this was my fucking okay

yeah me talking about ed's dad that was my guy awesome what the fuck dude look at this fan bionicle they were like they should make this guy and he's like the the fucking bionicle warrior yeah people made fucking crazy ass bionicle oh i remember on the lego magazine do you guys remember the lego magazine it was so popular you like i just remember it had like comics with legos like the bionicle comic in it and then at the end of the bionicle comic they'd be like look at what these nine-year-olds did with their bionicle and then it would just look like the most insane fucking death ranger murder night ever kids were fucking nuts i really like who had way too much fucking money given to them by their parents to buy all the fucking Bionicles. I wanted them!

I only had two! I really liked the villains in second gen because the Boroks, if you remember them. Borok! That's the one! Borok is the one I really liked. That's exactly the one. The blue one. So the Boroks were great because I could make them

fucking do the 12 idol stance and then and then if they needed to peace out they turn into balls and then i had a realization when i was 13 as to why i like them so much i just went oh my god they're just droidekas oh that's my that might be why i fucking love dude the orange and blue one was my favorite by far because it was... Dude, I love blue and orange. That's such a good... Like, that combination of colors is so pretty.

And I was always like, this is the sickest shit ever. I love Bionicles, dude. I also... Around the time I stopped collecting Bionicles was when the third gen was coming out. And I was collecting the evil guys. Do you guys remember what they look like? They look so fucking awesome. I don't know. In the generation

that I jumped into, they looked weird. They looked like little reptile things. Yeah. I had that guy. I think I had the red guy too. Yeah, the red guy. In short, never heard of Bionicles. You know what really fucking rocks? The movies. I fucking love the Mask of

Light movies. They're so fun. I own all three of the DVDs. I haven't watched i haven't watched any of them yet the mask of matanui sheena what's your favorite bionicle i did i am a confession right i'm actually a big idiot loser and didn't didn't know i'm sorry man i will forgive you for that one if you watch the movies with us. Okay. Sheena, it's okay.

Scott is beating the shit out of all three of us and you will be spared. No, he's probably calling us a loser right now in prison. He's like, my loser senses are tingling. Oh, God. He's going to fucking show up at my house later with a bike. He's going to roll up like a borax. Snacksalotle asks,

you have to replace one body part of yours with that body with the body part of another animal which do you pick and what animal i replace my neck with an ostrich and i show up outside she and his house replace my head with a hamster but it's like real size because i think that would be funny can you anytime i look at you i just look like a fucking dumbass but could you speak or i mean sure it's not really a priority priority number one looking whatever whatever i look at you it it's funny. I would give myself chicken legs. Why? And are they like chicken sized or normal size?

No, like, you know how ostrich have like big fucking, I want ostrich legs. It would be fun to go very fast. And then go very fast towards Sheena. No. Imagine Billy's fucking neutral stone face just motion tweeting towards you at high velocity with an ostrich

lower half. It's scary. Like, their legs are their greatest defense mechanism. When they run away from, like, lions and stuff, they can kick and crush their skull in. Jesus Christ. They're little dinosaur-like creatures.

Someone out there is like, I love ostriches, and we're like, shut up! Probably Scott, if I had to guess. The ostrich community is in shambles. Scott fucking loves ostriches! I wouldambles. Scott fucking loves ostriches. I would replace my arm for spider monkey arms

so I could swing around really big and look goofy. That's my answer. But wouldn't you just have tiny monkey arms? My arms are already tiny. They just need to get longer. Dude, Billy, what the fuck is this guy's problem rich wars asks would you rather be privileged by law to be able to commit and murder or be the only person allowed to have slaves what is wrong with what is this person dude this dude's the same guy. Yes. What is his problem? Same guy's disabled.

Is this okay? Obviously the second option. Oh, man. I don't like it. I don't want to kill anyone. Look, man, if you guys have watched Vinland Saga, it just means that they're going to go through a great character arc, and they're welcome.

I don't know what that means, but i feel like that's not true oh it is anyway we should probably not answer that one moving on you already did what the fuck are you talking about the guy with the hat asks one animal of your choice is given the ability to speak english but with brendan's youtuber voice what animal do you choose and why an ostrich and i want it i'm gonna teach it to only say sheena an ostrich and i'm gonna teach it sheena's phone number you can't even dial it it just knows to say it oh yeah you know what you know what it can say it can say okay google called sheena shout out to everybody's phone who just went off julian you know um phones oh actually we don't

have phone booths anymore never mind i was gonna drop you some fun audio trivia which is what you guys come here for i would have ate that shit up oh okay well julian in phone booths back in the 90s yeah what you could do if you couldn't type the buttons you know how like when you type the buttons in a phone booth it goes like it does like different tones for each key so if you manage to reproduce the tones without hitting the button the phone booth will input the

button that's actually cool is that real? that's also like do you know how like fucking hackers in the early days would like jack into would they would jack into private fucking networks by like uh putting a phone thing like just taking a phone and putting it into a speaker and then feeding dial tones into it so they would effectively use the phone as like a mic okay I just realized something I think you were lied to

I think somebody told no not you Ed I think somebody told you that because they wanted you to go and get a fucking phone and just go it looked like a tip shit make chip noises now calling the fire department

I feel as though that's probably technically possible but extremely difficult because dial tones are usually two toned so I don't think a voice can replicate that properly you can't do that no it's bullshit it's bullshit I don't know

you would need someone to harmonize with to make that happen somebody else I'll get the Brendan Ostrich what the fuck were we doing I don't know to make that happen. Oh, get the Brendan Ostrich. What the fuck were we doing? I don't know. Fucking Ostrich, Brendan. Brendan with hyper-realistic Ostrich.

Let me think, because I said Ostrich, but that's just... You guys should watch the movie Hackers. They hack into the mainframe by putting a phone onto a speaker. You know what you should watch, Julian? Your fucking tone okay i'll watch what i want let me decide an animal let me decide an animal let me decide an animal is what all furries go through at least once in their life okay yeah you're yeah

man i don't know either. Alright, I've decided. It's going to be like a really, really fat red one. Knuckles. I want Knuckles Brendan. Wait, no, that's real. Didn't he voice him in the movie? That was Idris Elba. No, that was Brendan. That was Brendan. Brendan is Idris Elba.

Oh man, thanks Brendan. I have an answer. I would get a pet dog and I'd give it the ability to speak English so we can hang out. Whoa. But then it would be Brendan's voice. It would be kind of weird.

I was going to be like, I give my dog Brendan's voice and then I was like, that's weird. I know Brendan. I don't want my dog to sound like my friend. Oh, and it sounds like Brendan. Yeah, it has to sound like Brendan. It's like the caveat.ndan yeah yeah it has to sound like brendan it's like the caveat that's what stops me from wanting to do it is that it's like i know brendan so that's weird i would go to a zoo pick a random animal and give him brendan's voice and then then

leave and never check on it and then throw a child into the enclosure just it's gonna freak someone out some zookeeper is gonna be like okay okay walter time for your bath and then walter the yeah walter the sea otter and then he would have brendan's voice and go oh boy i would add a stipulation that only one person who goes to see the animal in the zoo will ever hear the voice for the rest of their life they're like no i swear to god every time they go back they hear it again they can hold a conversation with the animal but no one else can hear it well oh like dr doolittle actually no because dr doolittle learns how to talk to animals i think yeah do you think that would freak them out or make them think they could talk to animals i think

it would make them think that they're hallucinating which is what i want oh wait i i thought i thought you were like would it freak out animals if you could speak to them? I don't think anything changes for the animal. I think they just keep saying dumbass things. No, because then you understand what they're saying, so now you can have a conversation with the animal.

They never said that. I said that. What if you could talk to animals? Would they be freaked out? Would they be like, get on the bike and... Hey, thanks so much for listening. This episode would not be possible

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