Please Stop Talking - Seeking Encounters | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: June 28, 2026

*Uncubifies your Picasso* Check out our merch! ▶ https://pleasestopshopping.com/ Give us a tip! ▶ https://ko-fi.com/sirmeowmusic Support the podcast on Patreon ▶ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Join the PST Discord server! ▶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65 Links: Arson Subaru (Billy) ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/sirmeow.gay Arson Honda (Brendan) ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/brendaniel.bsky.social Larceny Corolla (Mandy) ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/lordmandalore.bsky.social Ten ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/tenwebbs.bsky.social Podcast ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/pstpodcast.com Podcast also available on Spotify and iTunes! iTunes ▶ https://goo.gl/X1C3nG Spotify ▶ https://goo.gl/fdVg9V Art ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/b00rad.bsky.social Video Template ▶ https://bsky.app/profile/thehangingrabbit.bsky.social Chapters: 0:00 Intro 0:26 Grogu Eruption 6:05 The Chumlet Stress Dream 6:57 IMG NEEDED 9:10 The Brendaniel Boy Factory 12:38 The Molyneux Connection 15:02 They want to be entertained by you. 19:01 Always back to Justin... 23:47 The Injustices of Childhood 32:48 Bring back the Xbox 360 headset. 36:46 The Ghoul 40:14 Hell is a teenage girl (with access to The Sims). 41:27 Brendan relives French trauma 46:03 It's good to be the Helpler 48:39 Seeking Encounters 53:58 Verdict: 57:54 Patreon QnA 1:13:58 Outro + Credits Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, the PSD Podcast Network is fully independent and supported by you guys. If you like what we do, share your favorite shows around, give us a rating, hype the video if you're watching on YouTube, and give us a follow. Little stuff like that helps way more than you think. And if you want to support us financially, check out the description for a link to our Patreon or give us a tip through our coffee jar. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Please Stop Talking. I went to my sister's birthday party and my, my,

little nephew, he pooped all over my mom. What do you mean? Shit explosion because he's a baby. My mom calls them eruptions and he had one in a while. But the day that my sister, like my wife goes over, plans like all this nice birthday stuff for my sister

because we didn't know if we were going to do stuff for her. We didn't know what like the plan was. So my wife took charge. And she was over there setting up decorations. And apparently they had an eruption, which is when he shit so bad, it squirts out the side of the diaper. Oh, Jesus Christ.

I was going to ask how often this happens that it has a specific name. I feel like, what's pretty... It was happening really often, and then he hadn't done it in a while. My mom was like, he hadn't had an interruption for like two weeks. And then boom, poop eruption.

Well, boom, boom, first off, second off, I can't, I'm not starting the episode with that. Are you kidding? No poop story to start. We gotta ease people into poop story. And welcome to the podcast. It's not even crazy. Babies shit all the fucking time.

Exactly. That's why it's not even crazy. Start off a lot. low note, go and end on a bang. It's progression. This is the hero's journey. We're going to be a kindly wise mentor. Mandy can be Yoda. Yeah, who's Grogu?

Me? I can be Grogu, actually. I'm thinking about the baby who had those grumpy dumpies. Everything is fucked up that baby Yoda was just eating sentient creatures because I think about that way more often than I probably should. And everybody's like, he's so cute. Do you mean the egg episode where it circles back around to? Yeah, where he's sucking him up like a vacuum. Oh.

Dimitri and I, we called them egg episode. We called like nothing. filler episodes of TV. Like, oh, it's an arc. We call it egg episodes because it's, you would think that, oh. You call it an egg episode because of fucking mandolorn. Yes. Because in that one, it's like he's helping the fish for context. They're escorting a fish person who has eggs to a fish planet. And Baby Yoda eats a egg. And the guy slaps it out his hand is like, no, no, no, like you shouldn't eat the eggs. Those are people. And you would think it's about Baby Yoda learning about the circle life or something. But at the end of the

episode, he just eats an egg again. He just eats another sentient creature. He's just eating babies. He's a fucking war criminal already in like that season. He's just, I mean, that. Already, he's 50. Okay, but like, how old is baby Yoda? I thought he was a baby. We don't know about what he was doing. I don't know.

I watched three episodes of the show. 50 something. We don't know what he was doing pre-baby, like, B-baby. We just know that he's eating those eggs and he shouldn't do that. Well, that was the episode before he was eating Crab Rangoon in a table with Jack Black and Lizzo. Heck, what? Yeah, Jack Black and Rizzo were there. I saw that out.

What? Old the fucking old. the fuck. I have been the Star Wars now and this is fucking epic. Jack Black Lixos Star Wars episode six season three. I saw that once but it really stuck out because they also had um what is Doc Brown's name the actor? Oh Christopher Lloyd. Yes Christopher Lloyd is in it where it seemed like oh this was the episode but then Jack Black and Lizzo said we want to be in Star Wars. They said okay we'll just you know bookend it with this because baby Yoda just sits in the throne room meets Crab Rangoon and they give him a medal at the end.

I would like to feed the baby. Show me the baby again. I went to feed the baby. Let me give him egg. It's freaking, dude, Alyssa holding fucking baby Yoda is driving me nuts, dude. I, what the fuck, man? That puppet is

fucked up. I think Star Wars is only truly over if Andy Dick appears in the Mandalorian. I would love Andy Dick as an alien. I was just watching community recently, and I forgot that Andy Dick was the little pill man when Chevy Chase's character Pierce starts taking drugs, Andy Dick is the little pill man. And I forgot he was getting work as

regularly as like the late 2000s. I don't think we're going to get anything else with Mandalorian anymore, right? I was going to ask, are they still making that show? I don't know. Because that movie, that movie, that movie, they got beat the fuck out by the big pirate. Who gives the shit about the fucking Mandalorian and Glob Shito?

We got big out by the big pirate baby. Yahr, yahr, y'ar, life ladies. It's Big Pirate. I watched that. It was awesome. I like the big pirate. Yeah. I got to watch it. So they're not, they're not making more baby Grock movies or whatever

they're there are. Was it, Mandelaary and Groger, I haven't watched it yet. It's on my list. But I do know that the, in general, like, it's, the, when you hear criticism and the criticism is, it's a fun movie. But, like, there's no elaboration. Because I can say a movie is a fun movie, and then I will elaborate. But if you watch a movie, it's fun.

And nobody says anything other than, it's fun. It's, well, a little bit of death now for that one. Every trailer just looked like a TV episode. Like, it even had that weird glow of, like the... I heard it was two episodes of the Mandalorian put together. It was like the amazing digital circus for Baby Yoda show. It was like the amount of parents that are getting divorced because Mandelorian and Grogu didn't have an Angelina Conda skit at the beginning

is it's going to rip families apart. It's crazy. The movie could have made $800 million for what was called the Baby Yoda movie. That's what I was saying. I said that. I've been saying it. It might actually, because nobody knows what the fuck Groku is. Moms would have gone and seen it no matter what. Nobody knows who Grogu is.

They know him as Baby Yoda. It's the worst marketing blunder since the Wii. What do you mean? Can I buy the tablet for my Wii? No. Have they ever called? called it Grogu? Yeah, they call him Grogu because that's his name. No, but, no, but in like, in like marketing. Come on, guys, it's, it's Kit Fisto and Gungi. Hey, I would go watch a Kit Fisto

movie. And Gungi, you're forgetting Gungi. Glob Shitto movie. I don't know who the fuck that is. Gungi is a Chubaka, he's a wookie with a lightsaber. Good for his name's Gungi. Are you inventing stuff? Are you, no, it's called Gungi. It's real. You can go pull up his wikens for Gungi. Gungi. I don't know why you saying Gungi is like a six-year-old trying to get me to play Roblox gun game, which is Gungi is Gungi. It's gungi, play gungi. Play gungi with me. Play gungi on my tablet.

Play gungi. You mean gung game? Gungi. Did Wikipedia take down the fucking Luke article? It's crazy, but they were putting chumlets on the wukipedia. They're not putting... I'm looking up chumly, actually. If you, if you talk about a chumlet, you have to explain the charmlet in the same episode.

Hello, I love you. I love it's been chumli. I love you. I love you. It's met chummel. Okay, now that everybody has left the podcast, let's continue. Wow. You just don't understand the joy and whimsy.

the chumlets. I love, I love making the chumblets, sending it to Mandy and then immediately getting a fucking nightmare for Mandy. Whenever I would do a stupid fucking voice that sounded exactly like that, you'd be like, Brilloo, shut the fuck up,

I don't want to hear it. You need the lore attached, no world building. You need the world building behind there. If you're going to be annoying, you need some world building. I'm not going to lie. You need to invent a guy.

If you invent a guy, you need to invent a lovable cute guy, and you need somebody to make an image of him so you can get images like I put in a recording chat where chumli, It's happened again. It's incomprehensible. No, I get it. I'm looking at it.

I get it. What if Chumley was little and he was just, he was unkillable, he was just a little guy. And he said, Hello, I love you. I love you.

I didn't both. Fubb and I love you. He was there the one time. We did a meeting greet at too many games. Chumley was there. I didn't get the lore. All that happened was, I was going to bed.

And Brendan sends me, I think, eight or nine images of Chumley. Oh, no. I know. I know. He did the same to everyone. It was just small. But I was,

I was like going to bed. I was in bed and I looked at the little chumlies. I'm like, what the fuck, whatever. And I turned off my phone and went to sleep. That night. That's such a real reaction. What the fuck, Brandon? Shut up.

Whatever, man. But I had a chumly nightmare. Or at least it felt like a nightmare. It was more of a stress dream where chumley was in my house. And I don't remember what we were talking about. It wasn't important. And I was walking him to the door. And I remember pulling out my cell phone and showing him the message Brendan sent me.

And I was like, what's with this like this chumlet? thing. And he went, oh yeah, chumlets. They're a real problem. You started talking about them like they're a real problem. Yes. Like he had rats. Like, oh, yeah, he's talking about the chumlets. And I'm like trying to blank this out. Like, what's going on? We get into my driveway. He pulls out a Nerf machine gun and he shoots like 300 darts into the street really quickly. He hands you the suitcase. He's like, you got to pick those up. And so we're both trying to find all his darts putting them in a suitcase. And he's also picking up like bits of metal and trash like Brendan did in Chicago. He's just picking up shit off the ground. And then I woke up.

Yeah. And I said, Brendan, I said, this gave me a fucking nightmare. Yeah, I sent him 9.51 a.m. You have some crazy fucking vivid dreams, man. This is why I love uncorking horrors in showing Mandy because I know it will come back to haunt him. But not that immediately. I looked at it for 10 seconds before and I went, oh, that's how powerful the chumlet is. It really left an impression. It shouldn't have. The chumblets leave an impression. I'm so glad I don't have many dreams because I feel like you would use it against me.

I mean, I know I dream. I just most I don't remember and it's usually I don't go. I had the craziest dream last night. It's just, it's never a good story. I had a surly son's dream where I walk into my kitchen. I like, I wake up in the dream and I walk into my kitchen. What? And there's a guy that's, okay, let me explain.

I said a surly son. Surly boys. I said a surly son dream. You have to get, let me get to the bit. Okay. I wake up. I walk into my kitchen and there's three. I think like three to six surly dudes wearing gray t-shirts that are towering in my kitchen.

And they're all looking at the electrical light. There's a small little, wise and old man next to them. And he says, don't you mind me and my six surly sons. We're just going to fix this light and be out of your hair. And all the surly sons, they look at me and they go, it's being like mumbo from Banjo-Kazooey. And they just reach out for me. And I slowly back away.

And then their arms elongate. Don't you mind that my seven surly sons are just going to pick you up. Another son has appeared. And then I wake up. Makes you think that Malcolm Middle episode, Rahal had all the, like, bodybuilders.

It's like his little cult. Oh, yeah. It kind of does have the vibe because he was the smartest boy. I think it was seeing the Tumblr post that was like, I hold you down. My surly umpalumpas hold you down and feed you fizzy lifting drink. Ew.

My surly oopalumpas. I really fucking hate that. I don't fucking like that at all. Oh, you don't want to be held by a surly umpalumpa. Swaddle you like a. A baby? Not fed fizzy lifting drink. I just don't want to imagine any muscular umpalumpas, quite frankly.

That would freak me the fuck out. You probably could go to Tumblr for that. Tumblr's like a, at least what I've seen of it, it's like a radioactive zone where it's like, you know, what if I saw this obscure serial box character who wanted to fuck the Onsler? And I just don't need that in my life. That's, that's like old Tumblr. Tumblr really, it depends on like what flavor you get because I'm friends with some seminal like Tumblr post, like some of the, some of the pals I have have legendary

Tumblr blogs. One of my moderators has the guerrilla blog on Tumblr. And so sometimes they just send me a picture of gorilla wearing jeans going, you think this fit is crazy or what? Oh, a jeans wearing ape. Yeah, Jape. A jape. Nice.

And then you, Surface Tumblr is just like, oh my God, what if the Wonsler was dating the Angel from Mandela catalog? But you get deep into it. There's some incredible esoterica there. I love a post that I found that was comparing streamers to philosophers. And then somebody said,

what is Brent Daniel and I I'm I'm Diogenes Fuck yeah dude I will die in poverty And present you a chicken And say is this a man Behold a man Behold a man

Behold a man But I will I do create a lot of guys And I will die in poverty So You do create a lot of guys It's been no problem I'm a bit of a boy factory

I pull the lever I'm a bit of a boy factory I pull the lever Pop the boy out of the boy tubes It's like one of those machines You had in the 90s when you were a kid Where you make aliens out of candy Like I make the boys

That's all the boy factory I fucking love the dude. Oh, Mr. Mr. The, what's the graveyard one? The fucking, the freaky graveyard guy. I remember the creepy crawlies, but those were more action figures. Machine for pigs.

I swear there was a, there was one that was like a, it was like a zombie head. And in the zombie head, you would make like a slushy. Oh, fuck. No, I know what you're talking about. I can see it, but I don't remember what it was called. Show me the millennial castle. Show me the millennial castle with the big rock that come out of the rock. Actually, that's one episode of the, that one cooking shot.

was going to do i was doing for a little bit that was one of the episodes i i was going to buy an expired like mr whatever the fuck zombie candy maker from the 90s and i almost zombie oh rob zombie knows who i am yeah what yeah what i talked about that right is this related to grandpa monster yeah rob zombie's called the grandpa monster alert uh clip like a while back through i forgot to tell that what the rob zombie knows who i Awesome. What? Man, I wish I was you right now. I love Rob Zombie. Rob Zombie and Peter Maloney collabing. Stop that. You gotta stop.

Oh my God. You can't keep doing this. You can't keep fucking edging me on this. I keep getting fucking the amount of times. They keep asking me. And I'm not allowed to fucking tell it. Why can't you tell it? Because he asked me not to. I can't yet. It's such a mundane story. You can't bring it up and you can't fucking get some mundane story and it's getting into mythos territory, man. It actually is such a mundane story to it.

There's literally nothing to it. It's like the most boring story ever. Hey, Brendan, what are you going to tell it? Don't bring up him, Brandon. I'm in Dan and dated with it. They're attacking me. It's not even a story. Really.

It's fucking nothing. Yeah. Peter Maloney, saw Brendan perform in direct horse. It was like, wow. It's amazing. I just, I can't tell the context of what was happening when this conversation was going on. You don't need the context. That's literally all there is.

Yeah. At the time, well, at the time, it was more, oh, you're talking to what could be happening. But it doesn't matter now. It was just, oh, yeah, it doesn't. Peter Maloneyu knows, at least at that time, knew who Brendan was and was like, what an amazing performance and was enamored with him. And I never got an email from him. And there is proof of this.

There is proof of this happening. You got an email from him? I never got an email from him. I was waiting for the follow up. Oh, sorry. I miss hurt. I thought you said I got an email from him. I was like, what?

I got an email from Peter Maladu. You're going to be the cube. They sent me a picture of Brendan in the cube and I went, that's me. Do you remember the cube? What the fuck was it called again? The cube. I don't remember. It was a long time ago.

Party cube. One million dollars if you, if you open the cube. Oh, I remember what you're talking about. Oh, right. Yeah, open cube. I think it was just called. Was it just called the cube? It might have been literally.

Yeah, the phone app. Yeah, it's the phone app where you would touch a thing. And if you were the person to crack into the middle, then you got to get put in that game that I don't think they ever finished. Oh, pop. Populus. Populous. I don't remember. I don't think it was Populous. I think it had another name. You're going to be in Populous. It was something like that. A popular. Fuck off. Sequel to populace. It was a sequel to Populous, Brendan. Populous. I'm going to be Populous. I hate you. Don't sing wrong songs from Rent. I don't like rent. Oh, it's rent.

Yeah, it's rent. Happy Pride Month. Rent for Pride Month is like an attack. It is. Going out of Santa Fe. Santa Fe. Santa Fe. Santa Fe. That Santa Fe is fucking. where's my cigar you'll steal another I said we'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe I did that for a choir Why does Santa Fe

Keep showing up in musical What's up with Santa Fe Big City Sucking Big Titty in the Big City Oh brother I don't want to suck Big Titty In the Big City Oh I guess

Speaking of high school drama I remember when I missed out of My big role as playing Captain Hook When we did Peter Pan Because I was in a drama class Oh you were gonna Well no I wasn't I was just in a drama class

for like the credit. And I did two semesters of it. And it was great. I had tons of fun. The teacher liked me and she wanted me to play, she wanted me to play Captain Hook and like the school's official play. Yeah. And I just had no interest in it.

I was like, no thanks. And then instead I went to this guy in class who fucking hated me. Because I remember at one point, I went down from doing one of the exercises. And I was sitting next to him. And he said, sometimes I wish you did not perform up there. I was really thrown off. And I went, what do you mean by that? that and he said, I feel like

they're not watching you to see you're acting. You're going up there and they want to be entertained by you. Oh my god. Dude, you had a high school musical moment. What are you talking about? I didn't understand. The only other interaction I had with him was I had a 9 a.m. class for math. And we were

returning our textbooks at the end of the semester and he took his out and he yelled out goodbye and farewell, tome of misery. And he put on top of the pile. Oh, my So he's one of those theater kids that wants to be the main guy, but ends up being crew. I get it. Oh, that's so ass.

Giving crew energy. I've seen him around and knew his sister better, seen him since second grade. Only two, only conversation I had with him was that. He's probably on Broadway right now, actually. I would not think so, but I could be wrong. You could be wrong. My dark heart is bleeding because I am not the main character and my acting is such a tour to force. It's ridiculous that you would get a role such as this when it was born for me.

Well, he eventually did Captain Hook and it was, I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't go to the play. I heard like, oh, he's all right. It was just, I, that never left my mind was him just going, I feel like they're not there to see you act. They're just waiting to be entertained by you. It was like it didn't, it's not. It feels like it insists upon itself. It does. It does, but also it kind of goes hard. I'm not going to lie. I know what I knew what he met at. That's pretty tough. Well, it's like, okay, you're going to go up and it's like, okay, change places. Who's going to, like, be the other character in the chair?

And it's like, help, there's snakes biting my legs. Like, it's all everyone fucking around. And then he would go up and be like, a fellow. It was just not working, bro. Calm down. We're doing improv exercises. Yes, it was all improv. People fucking around.

We're playing freeze. You don't need to start doing chase beer. Yes. Yes, it's that. Oh, free. I loved freeze. Oh, my God. I think we were all theater kids.

No, there was one where someone had like their hands in their head. He's like, freeze. He went up. And he did that and he looked up and he was like, I can't believe we lost the baby. And some people started laughing. Others are like, it made everything weird.

Because it's like, it's in the middle of freeze and people are just laughing. And then it became like, it's weird. Like, let me bring some of the real world to this. Wait, have you, have you guys ever seen that, uh, that fucking the clip? Ricky Jerva is that show that he had where they have Liam Neeson come on. Oh, actor. Actors? Actors studio?

Actors? Was it an actor studio? Yeah. And he's like, I want to try my hand at improv comedy. And every single thing that he does for the bit is like, I have cancer.

I'm at the doctors. I were talking about improv and this is a perfect segue. Have I told the improv competition story yet? No. I know I've told it before. Improv competition. How does that work? So theater kid,

but I was, I was somebody who was in speech, which is a program for kids. I was in that. We, we, you pick like, you pick like different facets. So I was in,

individual improv, group improv, and radio drama. Yeah. And so we go to, you do competition and then you get to go to state. And if you do well there, you get to go to all state. So, solo improv, I did really, really well. And group improv, I did really, really well. I went out to state for both of those, right?

I need to know, how does it work? How do you get judged? So you go in. It's the funniest little guy. Basically, like, funny. Like, how did the scene hold up? So for mine, my first one, I remember it vividly, I got a steel worker and a gift wrapper counting gold in Fort Knox.

So they give you three or four characters and then two or three scenarios. You get to pick two of those characters and one scenario. And so I got Steelworker and Gift Rapper counting gold at Fort Knox, which really easy through line. Like you just make it to the steelworker

is constantly getting aggravated by the gift wrapper taking too long because he wants everything to look nice and perfect. And I did really well. I got a lot of laughs. Following guy have to tell you this story about the guy who followed me and I watched afterwards.

So he got a famous tennis player and a janitor. And it's at a grocery store, right? Yes. Walks up, talks to his other character, immediately starts it by going, Have you heard of Justin Bieber? I hate Justin Bieber. He switches to the other character's same voice. I hate Justin Bieber so much.

Have you heard of Justin Bieber? He got it, which he was dead. Justin Bieber is so crazy dead. I play tennis. You ever played tennis? I played tennis Justin Bieber once. He fucking sucks. Yeah, Justin Bieber.

I forget, I hate him. His whole routine was, I hate Justin Bieber. I hate Justin Bieber. And I was flabbergasted. I was in awe. he had discovered TikTok before it was even a thing. He had one bit and he was doing it with this fucking heart. No, it was, that was the thing.

Everybody was, yeah. Everybody was only, it was only that. And you have three judges, all old people, their faces in contorted pain as they're just like, what do we do for this guy? What do we? What do we do here? What is he doing? And I'm like, I'm a guy inventor.

What is this guy doing? He's not even inventing his guys. They gave him guys to use. flubbed out of it, absolutely dog shit. They did not give him a good rating, did not make it a state. I made it to state. I'm pretty cool. I did not make it to all state though. I didn't know there was state. Yeah, that's kind of nuts to me.

I could not imagine. Yeah, I did state improv. The only reason, so they score by ones, twos and threes in the college improv. College! Not college, high school improv, right? Sorry, I didn't do improv in college. I did acting in college. Oh, Jesus. So, high school improv, ones are, you're good. There's like three different categories.

They score you on, like, characters, how funny it is, scene structure. I don't remember the exact scoring, but it's three categories, and I got ones and all to go to state. And then afterwards, you have to get ones and all, and then recommendations to Allstate. So my second scenario was a businessman and a school bus driver, and the scenario was like a spelling test. And so I had this really great setup where the businessman was really aggravated because he was supposed to be an anger management instead of the spelling test.

He was on the wrong place in the community center. and the school bus driver kept asking him for the answers to the test. So like really easy just like back and forth. I didn't go to Allstate because the note said you introduced a third character, not good enough for Allstate because I had a teacher come in and pick up the papers to end the scene. I'm still pissed about it. Yeah, you do seem pissed about it. I'm pissed about it.

I'm still talking about it. This is 15 years or so later and I'm still mad. It is amazing how many small injustices you might remember over the years. We're just like, oh, this bullshit happened in class. It was the same as second grade. It was the same for me in choir competitions where I'd go in, I'd do good, I'd make it to state, and then I wouldn't go to Allstate because they're always looking for like the preppy, like printed out of the fucking factory white boys instead of like the born from the trash

formed in darkness white boys like me. They don't want a boy who was born to the darkness. They don't want to. If we're on a play together, you might bane me. He's bringing a different energy to the state choir competition. Deny him. So sad. I did get to be the Joker, though.

so that's pretty cool. Like the Joker baby? I got to be the jester I got to be the jester for Madrigal when we did like the big choir like event where everybody dresses up as old like English kings and queens and royalty

and I got to be the jester. Oh, lucky you. That's fun. I ran around with a little baby on a stick and I would bong people with it. What? Yeah, we got a little baby on a stick. Sunloaf or like a...

It was a cabbage patch doll in a jester outfit that I would walk around with while also in a jester outfit. Oh, right, right, right. I've seen it where it's like they'd have the little scepter that has like another little jester head on it. I've seen that somewhere before. Right.

I think one of the worst injustice. I still remember that I really should get over it, but I'm still, I think about it all the fucking time. It pissed me off so much as a kid. I can't remember exactly what happened. There was this fucking lady that was in charge of like the kids after school. It was like an after school program so that the kids would like, uh, like while the parents were still out and driving to go get them. I don't remember. We had it too. Like an after school daycare. Basically. Yeah. It's like after school daycare, I guess. Ours were just pile kids into the cafeteria. It's like just watch them, basically.

Yeah, it was, it was that or go outside when it was nice outside. And we went, we were outside. And to be fair, I was a shit kid. I was always getting into trouble. That's it, Billy, into the tummy time corner for three minutes. No! I've seen my share of fucking tummy time. I've seen, I've seen my share of tummy time back in my days.

I can fucking tell you, brother. Yeah, I can't remember what happened. Some kid got pushed. They got hurt. And then in, this. This fucking bitch, I'm still angry. I'm actually blood boiling pissed off about this. She, I'm seeing red.

I remember her face. I remember her name. This old lady, she always was on my ass. Even when I didn't do anything. She grabbed me by the fucking scruff of my neck, brought me to the fucking lunchroom. And she was like, confess now. And I was like, and I was like, confess what?

I didn't do anything. And she, she, she, like, kept me. in for like so fucking long. And as a kid, I was, I already had like, I was already such a hyper kid and I needed to go out and go play and do shit or else I would freak the fuck out. It was so long and I kept saying, no, I didn't do it. I, I promise you. I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm being so for real right now. For real, for real. And she kept saying, no, you have to confess. You have to confess. You're a bad boy. A bad boy must confess. And at one point. I just got so fed up. What she said was, if you confess, I'll let you go outside. This does

sound French. So I was, I just said like, fine. I did it then. Damn, let me out. And she went, I fucking knew it. And then she kept me inside for even longer. That injustice still pisses me off. That was an important life lesson on how most authority figures work. They're not looking for justice. They're looking for the fault guy. I am actually, dude, it's so fucked up because that is exactly. what it was. I'm still pissed off just thinking about it. What a piece of shit. I'm so angry. Who does that? Especially to a fucking kid.

Well, it's like when teachers did group punishment, right? Where it's like, there's like four girls or something talking to your class. That's like, I'm going to move. What do we have? Oh, I had in like second grade, we had the bear chart where you had little, we had our old names on bears. Bear chart. Oh, yeah. Oh, I know what you're talking about.

Like magnetic bears. Like, okay, if we move your bear to blue, that's five minutes timeout for recess. And like we move it to 10 minutes, 15, then Red is like, you're not going to recess and you're getting like a note home or something. But I remember this one, I think I had a substitute who lost his mind. It was scary. Yeah.

We had a substitute who lost his mind because these four girls kept talking. He kept saying, the class, you just stopped talking. And they kept talking. The class you just stopped talking. They kept talking. This happened about seven times. And at one point he went, that's it! And he ran to the front of the room and he just like put his arms on the magnetic bears. And he tried to move them all to the

far side, which you can't do with like 20 bears. So he just through like 25 bears across the room. And then people start crying. He's freaky out. Then he starts freaking out. And we don't know why he's freaking out. And in retrospect,

it's, oh, the substitute probably had something. Yeah, he had something on his mind. Something was going on. He wasn't caring. He's just like,

shut up. And then he realized that he's freaked the fuck out in class and he might get in trouble. I remember him trying to calm everyone down. Like, I'll move the bears back if you're good. I don't remember the conversation after. Dude.

I'll move the bear's back. It must have been, it must have been like him realizing like, oh my God, I went way too far. Yeah. I remember that's it. Shut up. I'm moving all your bears. He went to the front and just like threw these bears across. So some kids aren't crying.

People are freaking out. I wasn't talking. We weren't talking. And he's like, oh, fuck. There's like a situation. Parents will hear about this. Okay, I'll move my back. Be quiet.

It could be a good day again. God. Oh, that reminds me of another fucking. thing that happened in school. That one, I hate, dude, I have so many, I have so much, so much rage in me about school, dude. I hated school. I, like, I truly, truly hated school. It felt so limiting. I just wanted to be a creative little twerp and do my dweeby little things. And all these fucking adults wanted me to go in a room and think about numbers or some gay shit like that. And all I wanted to do was just fucking be weird and make things. This is nothing to

do with being a creative kid. I was like in high, I was like in middle school. Like, I think it was actually first year of middle school. So you're still basically a child. This one teacher that was incredible, like flamboyantly, like so flamboyant, extremely fucking gay. But apparently he wasn't. Oh, my gator's never wrong though. So, uh, 100% that guy was in the closet. You found out before he did. Yeah, I found out, I found out before he did. That's, that's my fucking guy. Um, one time, I can't remember what he was talking about. Oh, it was for a fucking school dance. So he was like, don't forget boys, if you want to have a cute girl or whatever, go go with you to the dance. It's time to ask now. And then he came up to my desk and then like did a pretend whisper in my ear like super loud like, or if it's a boy you can ask a boy because you're gay. And I was like, what the fuck? You both clocked each other. Just, you're, you're, you're, He at two both clocked each other, I guess. He just loudly called me a little f*** it right in front of the class.

I never got over that. That guy fucking sucks. That is fucking crazy. Especially, like being a closeted kid in fucking like middle school. Are you kidding me, dude? That was my nightmare. I was like, oh my God. And the bullying was just nonstop after that.

What a terrible fucking stupid man. I hated that guy. I mean, middle school kids are the fucking worst. Yeah, but that was an adult. That's why I'm fucking saying. Thing is, I can't... I can't imagine what, you know, middle school's like now since... At least when I was in it, like, like, social media was kind of new.

Like, going into high school, like, MySpace and stuff was kind of around because one of the teachers was, like, monitoring MySpace in, like, sixth or seventh grade. And she'd be like, I see what people are posting on MySpace. And I don't remember what. But I think someone, someone was, like, talking shit about her. Because I remember her cops were involved at one point. Whoa. Like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, where it's like someone said something on my space.

So it's probably something like, you know, God, I hate, I hate Ms. Stevens. I want to kill her or like something like that. Or like, this clash makes you want to blow off my head, like something like that. And she would be like, I think she made like burner accounts or something to be watching people. And so like I just. That's so creepy. Yeah. So I had just heard about it. But like kids would be getting in trouble for it.

So like, well, I'm not fucking touching that. And by the time I was touching any of it, it was like a bit into high school. So I missed like, I miss seeing what this. this like other kids are posting in like middle school. But it sounded pretty fucking wild. Just seeing like it in tangent. But of course it was also it was also through the lens of the cops are coming because of something that happened on Myspace.

It's like the hacker known as MySpace, there's something fucking crazy going on there. The hacker known as MySpace is getting the kids in trouble. See, I don't think middle school would be too much different because I did get in trouble for having a list of people I wanted to kill in my planner. So like now they're just posted about it. Right. Yeah.

Oh, I think we've all been sent to the office. here at some surely obvious obviously i must all have an office story i think i talked about i got zero tolerance policy because the kid choked me out and made my nose bleed and i got in trouble that was always bullshit when you fight and it's like ah you fight back i didn't fight i i i remember it vividly i just said f off and he grabbed me in a headlock like uh made my nose bleed i said f off not fuck off i said f off yeah and then i got suspended for three days i was like what the fuck i didn't do shit i was just sitting there but i was a good boy i didn't even say i was a good boy i was sitting there I was working on my Tasmanian devil PowerPoint.

Then they made fun of me because my Tasmanian devil PowerPoint. Their balls are just out. That's true. That's so weird. Every image I had in the Tasmanian devil's to my PowerPoint. I didn't notice that their balls are out in every single one. And I was like, shit, son of a bitch. That's such a weird thing.

But I also remember like a kid having a Tasmanian devil PowerPoint for some fucking class. Freshman year biology. I was like, Tasmanian devils are a real animal and they're cool. They're dying because of like a cancer. And I was really upset about it because I thought they were awesome. They are awesome. Every time I showed an image It was like, I didn't mean to put the balls

Right there, you could just see the balls. Those aren't thylacine balls. Go to the office. I was thinking earlier, maybe the way you were talking. I was like, yeah, you don't have the, do you know what kind of train this kid is? You have the, have you watched Burr Peanut Kid? And like,

What is Burr Peanut Kid? I don't, what is it? He's in Fortin. I was thinking of the peanuts. Wait, what? You guys don't know about Bert Peanut? No. The Tarcov Streamer?

Is this like more of that baby nut shit? because I'm tired of hearing about planners. No, he's just the... Oh, Barb Peanut. Is that the... He's like a portmanteau of like Tabascus, Peatty Pie, and the annoying orange all wrapped up

into a V-tuber who's a peanut. I know the church one. Yeah, I was going to say, you know about the faithful sheriff. Yeah, the faithful sheriff. I know about that one. The Christian, they were, Mandy, for a while on Twitch,

there was a deluge of fake peanut V-tubers and one of them was a hyper-Christian guy. What do you mean fake peanuts? Is this the Larp shit? No, it's not. No, this is Larp ter. No, that guy is... Pre-larptuber.

This fucking clown would go around and like he would go around stream Fortnite and whenever he had a kid like in his like in his team, he would loudly proclaim like he would be like. You know about God? You know about God? You know about God? That's more constructive than Xbox 360 days, I guess. At least he's, I mean, yeah, but it's also just harassing fucking kids. He's so weird. He's doing his mission and he doesn't even need to knock on doors.

Oh, sure. But like when I was a kid playing online games, when I met adults usually they were. Yeah. If they were quoting Bible verses to me, that it wouldn't be, I'd be like, this is weird, but it wouldn't quite be

some of the other things I heard on Xbox especially. I think that's, and that's not like new. How did you get your Xbox Live Avatar to be a chick track? What? A chick track?

Oh, God, they should bring back like voicemails for games. There's nothing quite like when you mop someone and get that little, butroot,

in the little, I wish, there was one I had from a friend. Too bad to even tell you. I had a friend, Ian, in high school and I was really excited about Fall into Vegas D.L.C. coming out.

And Dead Money came out. And I'm playing Dead Money and he's playing it at his house and he sends me a fucking voice message and I remember exactly the quality was, this fucking DLC for the fucking gay fucking sucks why the fuck did you make me fucking bind this figure and I keep my head,

keep fucking blown up. Because in Dead Money, he kept getting his head blown up by the bomb collar. So he just got so mad. He sent me this fucking bit crushed, eight bit sounding, scary, terrible rant of him blowing out my speakers.

Man, different times. It was good, though. Actually, Brenda, you worked for Best Buy. You might have an answer on this. So one time, I remember this vividly, I got a voice message and I was like, hey, dude, you know, it's me. I figure, you know, you might want to hang out.

So I'm at your front door right now. And I went, what? And then like, two minutes later, I heard the doorbell ring. And he was there like, hey, you want to go down to the park? Like, he wanted to hang out. But how the fuck was that possible?

He lived like 15 minutes away from me. Was there any peripheral or anything where you could sit like an Xbox, voice message that was like mobile at the time. Because I do this today, I don't know how the fuck that happened. What year would this be? Oh, God. I don't, somewhere between 2005 and 10,

Prime Mike, five and seven? Hmm. Because I've wondered this for a long time. I don't even know there was anything like that. I wouldn't think so either unless it was like some crazy bit where his brother. Like where did he send the voice message through? Like just the Xbox. The Xbox.

Was there an, did he, oh my God, did he have a Microsoft phone? Well, I don't know. I always thought like, I think the Windows phone, I think, was connected to Xbox Live. Okay, because I always wondered if he'd like record his voice. That would be fucking crazy. I was like, I don't know. So I was like, does his brother record his voice? And he's like, hey, play this in like 10 minutes or something.

He set up, he set up a 15 minute, a minute, Lou Goldberg to press the A button to send. Because the voice, I want that. The voice quality was so bad, like, already with his microphone. It wasn't like, oh, wow, it sounds like shit. It just, oh, hey, do you go, God? come hang out dude like too much later he was like at the door like how the fuck did he do that and he was laughing the battery ran really fast god i wish maybe he did well one of our um one of our friends uh demetri and his mutual friend we started calling him the um we started calling him the ghoul because we had known

him so we've known him forever but he would basically wander the city like a feral ghoul and fallout three where they're just like i'm going around so was like he was like did you come you're the ghoul. I'm like, what, no way you mean? Like, oh, he was just here 10 minutes ago. We're going to go to the boba place with the ghoul. You got the tabby. Yeah, the boba place with the ghoul. Well, it's like, we'd be like driving or like we'd go somewhere and he would just,

we'd see him like just kind of wandering aimlessly. He wouldn't be like at the park, but he wasn't like really out walking. Because the nature described it to me once. He just said, he's wandering like a feral ghoul. And he kind of was. It was very strange. Like, I don't mind going outside. Like, I'm just got to go for a walk.

But it was kind of like he would make the rounds. to be like you're around. Like you have my phone number. And sometimes there was once he just emerged from the woods by Dimitri's house. Holy shit. He's got to fucking awesome. He's doing environmental storytelling exclusively for your friend group. He's only doing it because he's the girl now.

My dad called me at Demetri's house once and was like, hey, you know, Gould is here looking for you. What, why is he there? Who is here looking for you? No. The thing is, he wasn't. He doesn't because he said he's here looking for you. I'm like, is he?

Like he didn't say anything to me. He said, well, I think he's looking for you. Like, have you talked to him? Well, he's in our backyard eating oranges off the tree. What? Eating oranges off the tree. There were peaches, but apparently it was like seeing a deer in the yard where he was just in our backyard like eating peaches off the tree. He was like, I think he's looking for you.

Peace mode. That's fucking awesome. The thing is, I'd be too fun. fucking scared, like back down the pesticides people having stuff. I'd be like, I don't know if any fruit's safe to eat. I don't eat strange fruit on the trees in the Carolinas. I'm not fucking doing it. They're going to be poisoned. Like, I know

some people. I could never survive in the Carolinas because I would be eating so much strange fruit off of the trees guaranteed. My hungry ass could never stop myself from eating a strange fruit. I remember my great grandma, my grandma, Betty Lou, she used to have a crab apple tree outside of her house, and we'd go to Betty Lou's house and we'd

eat the crab apples off the tree even though they sucked. Oh, ew, dude. I never had a crab apple though. Are they like sour? They suck. They're just bitter. They're just bitter and they suck. They taste like a fucking Nintendo switch cartridge. Belly full of crab apples. We'd leave Betty Luz. We go to my great, great Aunt Arlene's house. It would be way too hot. She'd try to feed me drinks that were eight years expired. Then I would say, no, thank you. Fun childhood. We go to Cookie's house, who is Arlene's great granddaughter. And then Cookie's house would be full of roaches. And I'd be like, can we leave Cookie's house? The bugs are

staring at me. The bugs are staring at me. I don't like it. Just the bugs. It's a collective. Yeah, a lot of. bugs. My brother is expecting he's impreg and we found out that it's going to be. No, that's not correct. He's not. He's not. He's not impreg. I did have a heated conversation with my brother and I'm going to have a heated conversation with my grandma later because my brother took me aside and said, hey, Nana and Jamie don't want you over the house because they think you're going to throw away stuff that they don't want thrown away. And I'm like, what, the poop? Oh no. Are you kidding? For real? Yeah. So I have a journey ahead of me and I can feel

the journey because I was going to help my brother clean because he has a baby on the way. So like I want to help and I want to help my little niece. But like, man, they have a dumpster. He's cleaning. He's doing his best. But all my uncle want to do is talk about his fucking his Sims eugenics. All he ever wants to talk about. His Sims eugenics.

He's not in the eugenics, but he's very into selective breeding his Sims and then writing them down so he can breed the perfect traits. Okay. So it's Sims eugenics. It's way. Is that a thing? Is that a thing they added eugenics to the Sims? No, no. It's what trying to get their.

right traits into the right kids and that if they he lets them grow up and kills them in a pool if they don't grow up the way he wants them to no i knew girls who did that growing up that's a thing you can do oh yeah my uncle's super into it i didn't know there was actual like traits that in in the sims i guess if you give like a 14 year old girl animal crossing or the sims they'll make eugenics programs that you could not fucking dream of surely my sister because my sisters are super into the sims they still play that game it's basically like the one game they play all the time i just like the sims because you could be a wizard, you could do magic, and then you do magic, and I smile.

I'm so curious if they have done eugenics. Sims force still going strong, but it's like, oh, I'm drowning him in the pool. Why? He's ugly. It's like, all right. Damn, all right. Fuck. I did play Paralives, the Sims like parolives.

Yeah, yeah. I like that his steam workshop support right off the rips so you can just put Xbox 360 in there. It's made in Montreal. Thank you, French people. I smile when I see French people. You do? Yes. I smile whenever I talk to my friend, Billy.

First smile or ever. First guy to ever smile at a French person. I know. That's why I'm going to get a hard baguette to the fucking nose. Guaranteed. Oh, man. That's why they were mean to you when you went to the hotel because you didn't say bonjour. Or bonsois.

Not like Diamond Jim from Tim and Eric's billion dollar movie. Bonjour. That's not my Johnny. I know my Johnny. I do still think about my social faux paus in Montreal. And if I go back, I'm going to, it's going to happen again where I just, I know I'm going to be like, you speak English. I mean, I really love.

I mean exit. I love where's the sorty, the sortie room is fun. Where's the sorty exit? The sorty room. But you saying like, oh yeah, my, uh, Sordy exit is pretty good. My hotel, my hotel receptionist speaks no English. That can't be possible.

Did you speak French? No, I went in and said, Hey, I'm checking into a room. It's like a sphinx room. I'm I'm Iowa. I'm dirt farmer, Iowen. I come from the fat of the land.

The people of the common clay, morons. All you need to do is go, I acknowledge that your first language is French. So you say hello and French. And then you speak English and they're fine. with it. Yeah. I don't expect you to speak English. There's a reason why there's a reason why most restaurants, stores, whatever, when you go in, they go, Bonjour hi. Yeah. Bonjour hi. And I walk in with my 10 gallon hat and my spurs and I go, howdy there, partners.

Howdy there, partners? I know, I'm from the great. It's so crazy. One of my Uber drivers knew where Sue City was when me and my wife mentioned it. Fucking Googled me out of this gourd. I was, I was flabbergasted. I loved that guy. Can I be real? He could have said that just because he wanted No, he mentioned specific things. Oh, man. He meant like the Sergeant Floyd monument. He mentioned that he had been there. Oh my God.

Like really downtown. To be fair, I've been there. You had a good reason. He also was driving like 80 to 85 miles an hour down the road and I kept fucking nodding my head like faster. Like everyone warned me about, you know, oh, you go to Montreal and it's like everyone was very lovely. And then I went to Heathrow where they do speak English sort of.

And it's like, holy fuck. Everybody's. Every trip I've taken through Heathrow for work has just been a nightmare. I think. The last time I went was for a friend's wedding. And when I went through, there was this guy in line. He was like, you know, doing the basically the TSA thing here. Like, take out your bags.

Put him on the ride. You're going to move. And he's acting like, you know, someone's about to blow up the place. And then one of his friends is like, I look at this cheeky little thing. And he's like, oh, really? And like, they go over and start talking. And he stops doing like the drill sergeant act for five minutes. And it's like, great.

I could get through the line. Where it's like TSA here is dramatic. But this was like the biggest shift of like, I'm now going from screaming to fuck it. I'm just going to go over here and. chat. And then after I went, thank God, I went through that line. I've got to piss. I go to use the bathroom by the, uh, by a five guys. When she had a knee throw. And I go in and there are three people in the urinals with their pants around their ankles, ass cheeks in the wind. Oh. Are you fucking kidding? No fucking way. Three in a row. I don't know as a family. It's just how they

do it over there. What the fuck are they do? What the fuck are they doing up there? You gotta let the cheeks fly free. He throws a fucking Metroidvania. It's like, oh, you've got to go to take the shuttle to this terminal. Oh, they were looking for wall chicken. Yeah, take the, take it to this chicken. This terminal. Oh, you won't know your flight until 30 minutes before it departs.

Oh, you're in the right terminal. Everyone's moving so quickly. And I saw so much ass. There was too much ass on Heathrow. Sorry, I'm going to, I'll keep going off about Heathrow. I've got to stop. I fucking, I talked about the fucking juggler incident. in Montreal, right?

Yeah. I feel like that episode we had, yeah. Yeah. I still think about my, my Uber, my other Uber almost running over a juggler, and then the juggler slapping his hood. Montreal is so fucking funny. Did I mention the juggler had a monkey?

I mentioned that, right? No, you didn't. I didn't mention the juggler and a monkey. I don't think you, I don't think, you definitely talked about it. You did not mention the monkey. You do not remember the monkey.

Okay, I did mention the monkey. The juggler did have a monkey. Like, was it real or like, that's fucking awesome. I think it was a real little monkey. He was just on his fucking shoulder. Montreal is, known for having like the worst drivers in Canada. And I agree. I do it. Bitches don't know how to

drive here. Yeah. Fucking awful. Oh, we all had the driver stories of mine just like basically tapping someone, them yelling at him and him going, and he keeps driving. And then looking over and seeing girls going to prom who are just shotgunning vodka's in the front of the car. Oh. This place is insane. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Dude, nobody knows how to drive. It's fucking, either they don't know how to drive or they're actively fucking trying to be the most dangerous motherfuckers on the planet. I did have a story, actually, before we move the Patreon questions, that is recent and not relevant at all to what we're talking about.

So perfect. Okay. Sure. It came up from my mind. Okay. So me and my wife, we've been trying to move like my mother-in-law up to a like care home. It's like these really nice apartments. And that didn't end up going like super well, but everything is fine now.

I asked my brother to help. And my family is really right or die. We're like, yeah, they'll do anything for you. They'll lay on their lives for you, but they will bitch about it and guilt trip you the whole time. But my brother came done. Okay, Bill. That's just family. Yeah. I out guilt tripped him, though, so like, I won. Cool. Competitive guilt tripping is a necessary.

My family, and I'm the number one champion. I learned from the best. But me and my brother, we have to move this couch. I took this couch apart. It was a fucking awful nightmare for my mother-in-law, and my brother and I were bringing it upstairs. We have to use the elevator. We bring it upstairs. And there's this old lady in one of the apartments, the doors open. And she keeps screaming, like, hey! As we walk by and I tell my brother just ignore her. Just ignore her. And then my brother looks in there. It's going to be a it's going to be a whole fucking thing. If you look. If you look and you help her just ignore her. My brother's like, no, I got to help people. And so like we come and back up.

She does it three more times. We're bringing stuff. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. My brother's like, Brendan, I think she's falling out of her chair. I looked over. I think she's like falling. I should go help. And I'm like, you go do that. And then he does. And he's like, she wasn't falling out of her chair. She captured me for like 10 minutes just to tell me that like the bottom sockets don't work if you flip the light switch. He was in that room with that old woman for 10 minutes and it felt like three hours to him. It's because I knew. I was like if it was real help, I glanced out of my eye. She looked like she was just in her chair. Old lady with like the, hey, like the bird mouth, the spherical glasses, the big gray hair, big old blanket on her. I was like,

she could just ignore it. Just an old lady trying to, we don't have time. We got to move stuff. He's like, I got to go help her. Yeah, she was just talking about the light switch. Your brother's just the helpler. I love doing shit like that with people. I was at work the other day. Some guy was walking by and he was like, oh, he was like talking to everybody. I was there with like five co-workers. And he was just like talking to anybody who would listen about the photos that he took while he was here. And all of them didn't pay any attention. I walked over. That's nice. I like, I like that. And I started talking to him. I let him show me all of his dog shit photos he took on his iPhone four and posted to his Snapchat story. And then he walked away

and I walked back to my coworkers. And they're like, did you know that guy? I was like, no, I never met him in my life. I just let him talk to me for 10 minutes. That's nice, though. He just wanted, he just wanted, sometimes old, old people are nice. I have an aversion to random encounters. No, he wasn't old. He was like my age. Was your age? Well, damn, I don't know. Look it, man. He wanted to show people his photos and everybody's being mean to him. I said, bro, show me your photos. I have an aversion to random encounters because of one incident at GameStop where I was walking home from work because Shelby was working really late. So it's just like, I'll just walk home. It's not a big deal. It's on like a highway.

And I decided that somebody pulled over in a truck and I went, I should hitchhike. That would be cool. I live really close. I should give this person my head. Wait, what the fuck? This is like, You've never, you've never talked about that. Oh, God. You, I feel like I have talked about it. You did a random hitcher. No, I have a, is this why you don't drive? Because you went, oh, wow.

This is also, okay. So I get in this guy's truck and I'm like, I live super close by. I'm walking by the sewage plant. Like, it's fine. And I'm just super trusting. Like, this is maybe the last time I had a crazy random encounter, like, of my own volition. And this was the moment where I went, never again. I get in this truck.

And it's like a five minute drive from the sewage place to my house. house, right? And this is the moment where I get in the truck. I look down, full of empty beer cans. The guy's a little bit younger than me. And he's just like, hey, buddy, you just need a ride. I go, sure, man. I get in. I see all the beer cans I close the door and go, this is a bad idea. But like, I've dealt with family. That's a little bit worse. He's drunk driving. He starts driving and I tell him, like, it's just like a turn up here and then it turned to the left. And immediately he's just going, you know, it's crazy what them folks are doing white people, right? Have you heard about like replacement theory?

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, ho. And for five minutes, I am. I'm locked in the dome with a balding white man who is telling me about replacement theory. You know, they're just, they're breeding him crazy. And I went, they're breeding them? He's like, they're breeding them, brother. They're crazy? Yeah, that's crazy, man. And I got, I was like, he actually let me out of the truck.

I got home. I smiled. I gave him the nod. He's like, stay careful out there, brother. Don't let those N-words keep you down. And I went, yeah, yeah, this cool, man. And then I ran up into my apartment. I was like, thank fucking God.

It's like a building. He's not going to know where I live. And then I never saw him again. and I just never again and I never again ever in my life I try to just avoid random encounters

it was just too much for my heart to bear well that's not even that's like hitchhiking is like way more dangerous than just like yeah

hitchhiking is seeking encounter that's why I will never seek an encounter again I had one really bad one and he's I have to explain his eyes I swear he didn't blink

every time he would look at me and away from the road and his eyes were open wide he would not blink huh man probably was a truck Like, that's a dedicated trucker then. Just used to going into the eyeballs,

have no goo on them anymore mode. Maybe he just needed the confidence to drive. That's what the booze is for. Calm and collected behind the wheel. And my wife gave me so much shit. She's like, Brandon, what the fuck did you do? Yeah, no shit.

Your wife gave you shit. This is the problem with like ADHD where like a year ago I got to a random person's car while they were in their car. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. It's pretty funny though. I fucking was mad about my internet.

And it's the same kind of white car that my wife has, different make and model and everything. but I just see a white car and I lose track of Shelby when I'm looking down at the bottom and I just open a white door's car I get in the lady's like, get the fuck out and I'm like, I'm so sorry. Oh my God, what did I do? Welcome to Cash Can. More like welcome to Kill Cab, but I'm in Iowa.

I'm lucky she didn't shoot me. I realized recently that I'm the random encounter and I have to stop. I'm just very abductable. It's one thing about like, it's one thing about seeking out random encounters because, you know, for the bands, it's funny. We have fun here. It's another when you realize slowly that you're the random encounter and you're the weird one. I had this realization. I always do that, especially when I go to shows,

I'm the random encounter because I just get drunk and I start talking with people because I'm like, ha ha, what if they're weird? And I realized recently, oh my God, I'm the weird one. I'm the free. What the heck am I doing here? I don't belong here. You have a radiohead creep moment. It's not like I'm belligerent or anything. Like I let go very quick. It's less that. It's more like, oh my god realizing oh shit I'm a dumbass I'm a Moran I've said it before we're like man the iron opposite ends of the chaos spectrum where it is it is drawn to both of us but it's different kinds and when I'm around Billy I'm just usually trying to keep Billy from drinking paint out of a bucket yeah like when we went walking through Montreal like you know

we talked about the stupid the park druid the whole like just weird shit was happening non stuff like go guy shirt outside of the illusion place yeah walking out and immediately that's awesome though that sucked No, I didn't want to see that. No, it's awesome. That fucking sucked. Like, wow, that's just Montreal. That's Montreal culture.

Well, it was, here's Brendan showing me nightmares for a good half hour. Like, I feel like a little bit dizzy. I walk outside. And the first thing I see is a man with a shirt covered in those faces. Ahego faces, yeah. It's immediately right there. Like, great. Let's just Uber back.

I don't want to walk through the street again. After everything we saw in the way. Let's just sit in the park. Oh, there's a protest starting. We should leave before this ramps up. They're setting up barricades. It would have been, let me tell you, if my, if my wife wasn't around, it would have been so much worse. I was, I was holding back.

My wife is my limiter. She was holding it back. Thank goodness. I bless her heart every day. She is a light of my life. I love her to death. But if I am not around her, it is 2,000 times worse. Yeah, but I mean, it's fun, though.

We get to bring someone new, like, when Julian and I were alone in Chicago and let's like, the old woman approached us where it's like, see, the random encounters just happen. They do. There's witnesses who see, like, we did nothing to invite it. And it just happens. You know what? Maybe I don't know why we get so many random encounters with people. I don't happen to me at jury duty. Like I just see a guy that's like, oh, that's the weirdest guy here. He's going to talk to me before the day is over.

Where it's like, I'm having the problem. It's like Billy. When I went to jury duty, it was the guy, uh, I go to a vape store every once a while. And it was the guy at the vape store who immediately sat next to me and just started fucking yapping at me like we were besties. And I was just like, that's crazy, man. And then I told the judge, I'm uncomfortable with this because I have a mistrust of cops and they let me go. Wow. That's easy. It still work. I'm surprised that still works. I explained it because of my family history and I asked, they brought me into the back with the family history. Okay, family history probably helps because otherwise, yeah, yeah. They brought me into the back with the judge, the lawyers, a cop and then the actual like defendant to talk about it. Like in a group set. I was really weird. I was just like, okay. And I explained it was like, well, yeah. I didn't know they went that far. Yeah, it was. My mom, I was like, my mom has that drug charges. My dad has. So I'm just distrustful if this is like drug charges because they were like, get out of here. And I'm like, yeah.

I was going to say usually in the form they ask, you know, you could have just gone, like, you know, do you have family, like, in law enforcement or the prison system? Well, yeah, that's why they brought me into the back because they really wanted me as a juror, I think. Well, yeah, because the people are there because you have to be approved by the prosecution and the defense, basically, where they're both like, all right, like, we agree it's a juror. So if you go, oh, wow, like, I have family in the prison system. It's like, ooh, that's going to color you. Like, get out. My uncle's a cop. Ooh, that's going to color you.

Get out. I was actually thinking about it very recently. Like, I've never had jury duty in my. my fucking life. I mean, I don't want to do it. It sucks. Even the selection process sucks. I absolutely do not want to do it, but it never happened to me, but everybody I know has had to go through it. I just count myself lucky. I got, I've been called in every year and they finally got one that like went to trial. Well, there's like different circuits you could get it to. Like the other ones that got canceled. So it's like, oh, it got canceled. You're eligible again. This one,

they can't get me for three to four years because it actually, we were out. the room, like waiting to go in for the trial, basically. And then they basically, they accepted a plea deal because they were told, like, the jury's outside are going to get started. They went, I'll fuck it. Yeah, I'm taking a plea deal. So they said, you know, yeah, he spent three hours here. But, you know, you did help the process because they knew you're all waiting.

And so that did move the case along. It's like, ah, dude. When I went, I never got polled for like a case or anything. But they may just watch like a little video on the first day of jury duty. That was basically just like, yeah, you're doing your part, even if you don't get picked for a thing. I was like, you're, you're threatening people with juries. I mean, it kind of is, isn't it? Yeah, it's like, I guess it is different where it's like, okay, no, I want to go to court.

I want to go to court. And it's like, hey, the jury's outside the door. We're about to get started and like, I mean, that's like, oh, fuck, you know what? I do want to make a deal. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. All of a sudden, it gets very real and there's actual pressure and like. Yeah. It's it's it makes you feel a little less like you wasted a few days, but it's like doing the multiple selections. But it's. I feel more bad when it's like you have people who like cannot. I mean, I know there's a form that's usually like I can't afford to be here since they still pay. Yeah. I know we I think we talked about this once before how little different areas pay. It's not it. It's not. It's not. Oh, here they don't even do a mileage anymore. It's just like, uh, they moved it up by like a dollar or something in our 25 bucks for three.

Yeah. Oh my God, no way. No, straight up. It was just like, here's, here's, here's the $5 for a day of bus fare for three days. I have the prepaid card and I fucking lost it somewhere. It's got like 35 bucks on or something. That's awful. That's really fucking awful. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah. That's why everyone's trying to get out. That's why I don't want to do it. But I, and so far, it's never, I never got a letter or nothing. I was wondering like, I was wondering yesterday, which is weird why it fucking came up today. just I was wondering yesterday like do is it because like I don't know what I did man why do you hate me am I not good enough why don't he want me man why don't he want me man

speaking of dumb bitches that don't want me patreon questions pizza hut in the garage pizza hut in the garage if you're part of the five dollar two headed a two headed a two headed a if you're part of a two headed a beast a five dollar two headed a beast on patreon you can ask a question for the patreon Q&A I like this one but it's mostly because it has to do with my birthday. Tristan McCall asks, hypothetical, it's Billy's birthday, and with your infinite money earned from being a PSD host, lull,

you decide to gift him a piece of historically famous art. However, before gifting it, you decide to change the art in some way to personalize it for the birthday boy. What piece of famous art do you gift Billy, and how do you change it? Saturday devouring his son, and it's me devouring Billy.

Done. Fuck you. What the fuck? Why? The blue boy by you. Thomas Gainesborough, but you're the blue boy. What's the blue boy? I want to see the blue boy now.

I was also going to say Saturn devouring his son, but the body's upside down. So he's going up like ass first and like reaching out and screaming. I don't hate the blue boy. Yeah, it's going to be you. I don't hate the blue boy. How do you know the blue boy? Because for some reason, my aunt and my dad think it's the funniest painting ever. I agree and I don't know why I agree.

It makes me laugh. I look at it. He's just in a gay little outfit. He just has a gay little outfit. I saw this vividly in my mind. I saw that you need to see this in your mind. Okay. Do you know the painting of Washington crossing the Delaware?

You've seen it. I am a real married. Hold on. Second, second thought. Do you know the furry meme where it's the furry that's drowning and their head is barely above water? No? Where it's like under the water, it's like,

you never know what somebody is going through. And it's like the furry creature. He's like, help me. And it's just you see the head. head above the water. I would put your Fisona's head drowning in George Washington pushing you away with a musket. What does the

Trouting Furry mean? Okay, so I'm going to be real. I Googled a drowning furry and it's mostly kink stuff. Apparently drowning is hypersexual. What the fuck are you talking about? Billy, I would get you a copy of the Great Red Dragon by William

Blake, except the Great Red Dragon is a bit more up on its tiptoes and it has really detailed feet from one of Brennan's Agumon like feet collection pictures and they're slightly orange. I would get you a Pablo Picasso painting, but unbeknownst to you, it's exactly that teacher from eighth grade that called you gay. What do you mean? What do you mean by that unbeknownst to me?

It's that teacher. It's like a cubism, so you won't know it's him, but I'll know. Oh, it's a cube. Oh, because it's still cubism. I thought, I thought you were saying like you would uncube uncubify that painting. I get you a Pablo Picasso. I uncube that son of a bitch. That's just a guy.

That's just a guy, moron. That's so fucking stupid. I uncubify your Picasso. I want to do that to all those rich people. I'm Pollock your Jackson. I make him use brushstrokes. Fuck you. Thanks to the power of baby Grock in theaters now.

We can finally see what this looks like uncubed. Granc, make my Picasso circular. Make it round. I demelted your fucking clocks, dumbass. They're normal clocks now. Suck my ass. Oh, fuck. So fucking stupid.

Mona Lisa, I gave her a cell phone. Fuck you. Oh, that. Why do I remember that? I vaguely remember that. This says a lot about society, Mandy. It says a lot about society. Too busy being on your phone instead of taking portrait.

Oh, that was a thing, wasn't it? I don't know. I'm just making it up. Yeah. There was a thing. There's a lot of Mona Lisa on phone. Yeah. The one I'm thinking of was the one that was on,

on Facebook. And it was just like, a bunch of people taking pictures of the Mona Lisa and one guy just looking at the Mona Lisa and it just said like, yeah, it says a lot about socializers. They should remake Are You Alone in the World like me, but it's Studio Ghibli and everyone on their cell phone. I can only ever think of that with the fucking the comment that was my teacher showed this in class and some kid called it gay and he got so mad he had to leave the room.

It's the only thing I think of when I see that. It's amazing. You could make like something that says, Polluting the water is bad and if your cartoon is obnoxious enough, it'll be like, man, I should throw car batteries out there. Those eels aren't going to charge themselves. Why doesn't society see this? Brass asks, if you found yourself hopelessly bleeding out on a hill watching the sunset, what song would you like to be playing? This is an easy one.

I'm picturing like a blizzard. Gary, come home from the SpongeBob soundtrack. Your lipstick stains. I'm up my lips Is it like a dramatic orchestral score? It's the dramatic orchestra score of Haysal Sister. Oh, I thought it was gonna be, I thought it was gonna be El City. Why did you, why did you add a twang to that?

Why did you go, hey soul sister. Hey soul sister. I don't want to miss a single thing you do. It's the movie trailer version of Haysol System. We got movie trailer brained on this. I would like the movie, uh, trailer version of,

uh, a cat's like granite for you. Haunted Brito Mars has been haunting me. I know, it makes me laugh every time I think about haunted Bruno Mars. Dude, what if Bruno Mars was haunted? Bruno Mars ghost won't be that big.

Bruno Mars is in the fucking quantum realm fighting Tardar grades. We'll be fine. What the fuck? He's too foot tall. I want to do Hulk Hogan's Real American, but the trailer version. Yeah.

I am a real American. Dun, done. Fight for the rights of every man. Can you imagine your death to, like, pose this question to somebody and someone answers for them, like, oh, yours would be Al-L City. Oh, wait, can we answer for each other?

Wait, wait, can we answer for each other? I like that. I actually like that, too. You would not believe your eyes of 10 million firewomen. Flores. Brendan, you're getting the Beetlejuice theme, but slower and sad.

Mandi, you're getting Living Tombstone Fight, that's a Freddy's song. Why the fuck do I get that one? I don't want that one. It's so great to meet you. Brendan, Mandy threw a grenade, you threw a nuke. What the fuck?

That's evil as fuck. Living tombstone, my headstone. That sucks. I'm giving you theatrical, orchestral version of shut up and dance. Ooh. Walk the moon. What shut up and dance?

Why? Don't don't choose to hair look back. Don't put your eyes on me. I say you're holding back. I'm giving you moon base alpha. Yes. Shut up and dance with me. I don't hate that song, actually.

John Madden. John Madden. 999. 999. You know what, Mandy, I'd give you fuck the police, but a white guy acoustic version. So like boy in a band or something,

some other YouTuber, he's probably done it okay. Boy in a band. Wasn't boy in a band redacted? I don't know, actually. I think something bad happened with that guy Ten, you're getting a son of man

by Phil Collins from the Tarzan soundtrack Yes Oh, that's a banger Son of man Why does he get a banger? Because I asked a question Fuck. Yeah, and he was doing doing zoo stuff

So it's like, fuck it Son of man He's doing what stuff? He's doing zoo, you know, worked at the zoo You can't say it that way What do you mean? Never mind What's wrong with being at the zoo?

Oh, is this some disgusting internet thing again? God damn it No, we're moving on. We're moving on. God damn it. Brendan, what would you do for me? Lego Yoda, that sounds stretched out 1,000%? Lego, what?

Lego Yoda. That sounds stretched out 1,000% with reverb. And then immediately after that, you just hear, actually, you know, I got it back my original idea, which was the song from cars, but Corbyn's face appears at 1% opacity in the sky as you die. The song from... Life is a highway. Life is a highway from cars,

but Corby's face appears in the sky. It's not even done by Rascal Flats. Whatever. It wasn't made by them. It's a fucking cover. Hmm. I wouldn't hate that. I feel like if I'm gonna die,

I would like to have a friend looking down on me. Looking down on me. It's Corbett, but he's actually Majora's mask and his head is getting larger and closer. I don't like that.

Dude, you know what? If you're going to die, I'm going to stress you the fuck out. If you're going to die, I'm going to stress you. you the fuck out. Blood mood, brother. That's a Corbin moom.

Oh, man. Just, uh, Billy, Billy saying that you would give Mandy, uh, fuck the police, but it's a white guy cover. Have I ever told you guys about, uh, white girl ukulele roulette? No.

No. Me and, uh, me and one of my friends would go on YouTube and we would look up, um, ukulele cover and then just put in rap song titles. And then we would click on the first video we see it and take bets on whether or not the white girl says it. I thought I was just, that's so,

That's so much funnier than I could have ever imagined. That's awesome. I thought I was just, hey, let's watch Hather Delilah on different repeats, but no. No, you look at the ukulele covers of rap songs and see if she censors it. And if she does, she gets a standing ovation. If she doesn't say it, I should say, she gets a standing ovation. We boo her if she says it. By the way, Bill, your song is you get the alien ant farm cover of smooth criminal.

I don't like that. I can live with that. I'm looking up King Kunta, uh, ukulele cover. They change the lyric. They've changed the lyrics to say, Billy, are you okay as you're bleeding out? Chipples asks, what would your ICP name be? Big Sippy. What would your juggles?

What would your juggalo name be? Your juggles Sona. What's your juggles Sona, brother? Oh, fuck. What was it? You already gave me one and I forgot about it. I was good. I don't remember it, but my brain immediately said, tell me time, the drinky clown.

Chubby Wobby boy. I don't even know how they name themselves. I'm not down with the clown. You name yourself after, okay, your juggle sona is, let's do this, like, old internet cell. Your jugga sona is your first conviction. and the brand of car you steal your first conviction and the first brand of car you steal the catalytic converter out of of arson super larceny carola

people are gonna what's up my name is arson honda why is arson twice why arson twice larceny carola arson honda these are just fighting game characters from a game you've never played yeah this is i don't think it works that I don't think it works that well. These are baseball characters from an NES game. Dude, ICP fighting game right now. How is there not? They're in backyard, uh, they're in backyard wrestling, yeah. When the fuck are they making new Def Jam?

What was that one fighting game with Eminem in it? And it was like a MTV, like, no, MTV, um, you remember the robot chicken guys would just animate celebrities fighting each other? So we're talking about celebrity death match. Celebrity death match. Wow. It does not have Emineminate. It does have milk attacks from one of the women in it.

No, I have it. I just played it recently. You have to like play the campaign to unlock the werewolf, the vampire, the Frankenstein. It's really bad. So it's not actual celebrities? Ron Jeremy is in it and he uses penis attacks. He uses penis attacks. Cool.

And Nicole Smith is in it. She uses breast attacks. She fucking uses milk beam. She attacks people with a milk beam. No. No. What are we playing bad at Evo? I don't think.

What's up? Black Tation Nation. This theme at Evo, it's the milk theme devo. No, you can't do that anymore. It's been bought out by the Saudi government. They can't allow that. Ah, we're doing our own Evo with milk. Because everybody's a grown boy.

Everybody needs their calcium. Everybody needs their calcium. What a terrible episode. What a terrible fucking episode. Hey, I think I have to ring that bell. This is an awesome episode. It would be even better if Mr. Tumnis is here. No.

Brits is fucking Bucon. The Tumnus tunnels are real and canon. No, no, I'm just. I'm trying to find it because I watched the sequel. The, um, Prince Caspian. Yes. What are you talking about the tunnels are really?

There's this part where they go under like this underground pyramid thing. It looks like the AVP pyramid. They, where they're like hiding out for the bad army. And it has like these historical hieroglyphs of like the original movie on it. And I think there's a Mr. Tumnus carving. I think they're,

I think they're actual Tumnski are you inventing something. No. I've been waiting years for you to figure it out. What? I've been waiting years for you to figure it out. I've been waiting years for somebody to figure it out. I used to read all those books.

I've watched those movies a billion times. I've been waiting fucking years. There is a tummus tunnel. I was watching it. I went, wait. Is that Mr. Tomnis on an edge? Why were you watching that?

I was going through the Narnia movies. I'm like, wow, it's been a while. I should, I should take some time and watch some bonus a week. An incredibly low payoff for an elaborate pit that I have been planning for years. You finally found them. Don't worry. I screeched like a chimpanzee and pointed. And I didn't, at the time, I was so flabbergasted.

I didn't say, Brendan Temptus totals, surreal, the real. I just sat there screeching. Beren't top the total! I don't have brain damage. There are so many worms I've released out to the sea, and I'm glad that one is finally found to purchase. I still don't believe you. I dead ass don't believe you.

There's no way you plan there. The spiders, the spiders threads are out there, and you will befall them. That makes you think of Bioshock because, I had never ever harvested a little sister in Bioshock until recently, because I'm working a video for it. And I didn't know you actually pull the fucking slug out of them. You see the actual seaworm. How did you not know that?

You suck the slug? You suck the slug? Yeah, I had never felt temptation. Like from the beginning, it's like, I mean, there's literally no reason to do it. No. It's a man not entitled to the suisse of his berb? You can harvest the energy from this child or don't do that. By the way, I'll have something really special for you later.

If you don't, we're saying, okay, then I'm not going to do that. because that's clearly the better option. There's a surprise box. The Little Sisters teach you about capitalism. There's short-term games and long-term games, and that's the whole bit is there. If you get, and you turn them into slugs, you get more Adam right off the bat.

If you wait, you get way more Adam for long-term games. It's a long-term investment. That's why Frank Fontaine cornered that market so easily. I'm going to take you, and I'm going to kill you. Now, let me get in this big machine. Please don't hit me with the funny syringe. You better not be injected me when I'm up on the goo platform. Oh, not again.

Unway Frank Fontaine's sounding like the villain from Oliver and company. Oh, I can only have you done this. Oh, my piece porridge and Savalore. You've taken it all. Give me my plasmids, three days, three sunsets, three sunrises. He doesn't sound like this at all. Just someone do their best Atlas impression. Would you kindly? Hey, what's up, guys? This is me, Alice. I made the Underwater City. I didn't play that game. Oh, my families in a little bathysphere. Would you kindly eat that popcorn?

No, would you kindly eat that soda? No, would you kindly eat that poots? Oh, I hated that fucking. Or like, Fatless. Fatless. Actually, she died in poverty. Atlas shrugged. More like Atlas bugged.

I got to stop trying to find a fucking ukulele. You keep looking at a ukulele. I really wanted to find it because I... We'll play afterwards. It's so funny. Okay, fine. Let's end it. I want to play.

He wants to play. Youkulele cover NWA immediately found one. Does she say it? We have to find out together. No, I just, there's a whole bunch of them. We have to stop recording. We need to find out. It's because instead of saying the end word, they say, motherfucker.

Easy E, ukulele cover. There's a bunch of them now. Easy. Isn't you white? No. Who am I thinking of? That's the episode. Wait, easy.

I just realized I'm fucking clear. This episode would not have been possible without the help from our patrons, such as Alan Diver, Art of Avery Pascal, Bupulu, Brain Soup, Rass, Cassandra Crash, Chipples, Chris Chapman, Dirt Eater 2713, Dubiology, DX Studios, Edward Macmillan, Eric Scott Gillies, Ethereal, Frogs Bite, Gief, Guitaryon, Heretic Shark, I Love Wifus, I Am Scarf, Jack of All Corgs, Lomdeman, Lucavia, Moraine, Rain, Mr. Starchy, Mr. Shirt, Piro Suki, Presta Husk, Rat Supreme, Rudolph Fluff, Sir Blorbo Blister Staff, Sponge Guy, the Frosties, Tukin, Farben, Tyler Hall, Ulbert, Wake, and Woodstock. Thanks so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

Oh my fucking God, I'm thinking, dude, I'm thinking of G-EZ, holy shit, dude, you are. Thank you.