Please Stop Talking - Sinks and Small Animals (feat. Kreal) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: September 13, 2018

Youtuber, youtuber, pants on fire. Support the podcast and David on Patreon: www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Humble Bundle Monthly: humble.pleasestopshopping.com/ Humble Bundle: www.humblebundle.com/?partner=pstpodcast Podcast also available on iTunes and SoundCloud! iTunes - apple.co/2slCqTT SoundCloud - @pstpodcast Rating us on iTunes is extremely helpful for us and a great way to grow the podcast! David's new song: https://soundcloud.com/sirmeowmusic/im-here Links: David - twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Brendan - twitter.com/BrendanielH Mandy - twitter.com/Lord_Mandalore Kreal - twitter.com/MyKreal Podcast - twitter.com/PSTPodcast Art by Madbuns: Twitter - twitter.com/mad_buns DA - madbuns.deviantart.com Other links: Kreal's YouTube - youtube.com/user/TheMykreal David's Spotify - spoti.fi/2gAtGSJ David's Soundcloud - @sirmeowmusic Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Or shake up your mood with an iced brown sugar oat shaken espresso. Whatever you choose, your espresso will be handcrafted with care at Starbucks. Hey gamers, do you like the funny video game monkey from Overwatch? Well now you too can shoot lightning from a funny gun and destroy your enemies with facts and logic. With Humble Monthly, you can get Overwatch as an early unlock for only $12 with more games to come. Check it out over on humble.pleasestopshopping.com and support the podcast and the Sharks. Water's expensive.

Why water's expensive? Because you got to put the Sharks somewhere, idiot. Welcome to the podcast. Did you not pay attention? Nope. Okay. Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Please Stop Talking. I'm your host.

Oh, man, I almost said Avery. Holy shit. No, say Avery. Say Avery. Please say Avery. I'm your host, Avery, Holy shit. No, say Avery. Say Avery. Please say Avery. I'm your host, Avery, but you might know me better as David. And I'm here today with my nightmare human person, Bryn Daniel. Hey!

And my also nightmare person, Mandalore Gaming. Oh, fuck. Hello! I'm so bad at making intros and today we're joined by whisper by special with special guest fucking English Jesus Christ and today we're joined by special guest guest, creeltube.tv.net.youtube. Hey. Hey. Thanks for having me on the podcast. Sure, man. Anytime.

No problem. Tell us about your story, your trophy story from high school that you told me about. Wait. Tell us your story. Give us the deets. Didn't you say something about. Tell us your story. Give us the deets. Didn't you say something about the story? You gotta whine and dine

me a little bit before I jump into the story. Oh, alright. I don't know how to do that. Somebody whine him. That's okay. David, you're good at whining come on now uh it's really hot in my room

this shirt itchy David how do you feel right now how do I feel right now I feel like this is a nightmare already this is great um alright tell us your story This is a nightmare already. This is great. Good. All right.

You know. Tell us your story. We are a professional podcast. Please tell us your story now. I want the story. I want the story. I want to know about the trophy. Yeah, I want to know the story too.

It's not much of a story though. I don't, okay. You told me about the, didn't you tell me about the like i did uh what but it's not okay it takes a long time it's not it's fine we have time okay we absolutely have time okay uh yeah when i was in uh drama club in high school, uh, a long, long time ago. Um, welcome to my talking about high school hours. That's fine.

We did that like five episodes already. It's not pathetic at all, but anyway, high school, really cool time. Uh, I was, uh, not the best kid in the world.

Uh, probably bottom 10 kids. Bottom 10 kids. Uh uh most likely but uh i was i was really in a drama club and we were we were really good friends uh we're all in drama club and uh our basketball team or something our girls basketball team won like a bunch of championships or some shit. I forget. Good for them. Yeah. Good for them.

But back, but back then I was not, not very happy about this. Uh, you know, cause how can anybody win a championship, uh, except the drama club. So,

you know, definitely very jealous. So, um, they had, they, they like cut funding or something for, for the play that we were doing to, this athletic director woman a new office and all of this shit.

Because she won Athletic Director of the Year. All right. And she had a giant number one trophy. It's the South Carolina Athletic Director of the Year trophy. It's a giant wooden one. It's probably like five feet tall. What the fuck? Yeah, we love our wooden trophies

down here. Just a big old wooden one to put in your office. Is that just like a South Carolina thing? It's a southern thing, yeah. That's because fires don't exist in the south, so nothing catches on fire. Have you seen our soil? water doesn't even go into the soil it just sits on top of it well it's a tradition dating back to the

civil war times you know southern tradition to use wood for trophies because they ran out of precious metals yeah of course I don't know if this is true I don't know if you guys are fucking with me the union had all the factories they did a lot of things with wood they built uh you know boats with wood oh

you know uh they uh tied slaves to wood oh no yeah they're really into wood so it's a big it's a big southern tradition to use wood uh so uh anyway that's why most friendship teas are made of wood oh shit yeah yeah this is a horrible part of history but you know we have to touch upon it if we're going to be talking about the wood tradition of the carolinas uh not very well known but if you live look if you look it up on wikipedia i guarantee you it's there but uh. Bojangles was actually a kind of fir tree. The wood era. Yeah. Made the first Bojangles out of the Bojangles tree,

and then they sold chicken out of it. You know, I forgot that. They teach us that. We only had like third grade. Dude, I saw Bojangles when I went to the States, and I don't know why I really wanted to go. It's really good. It's because of the funny name.

Is it good? It's really good, actually's because of the funny name. Is it good? It's really good, actually. Don't lie to me, please. Oh, shit. Are you serious? If you hear someone say KFC is the best fast food chicken, you know they've never been to a Bojangles. Oh, shit.

I mean, we don't have fried chicken here, so I would be really excited. Anyway, sorry. Go on, Creole. Yeah, so anyway, we were eating at Bojangles, and we decided that we were eating at bojangles and uh we decided that um we we were very upset that they had cut the drama school budget uh and gave this woman a new office and stuff so you know one day i don't know who it was uh definitely wasn't me or my friends

you know definitely wasn't us at all if you can if you were to implicate somebody in the in the crime it definitely wasn't us uh let's pretend you did do it like yeah if we were to pretend that's a good let's be hypothetical with it allegedly yeah sure we were to do it we did just uh work on the play after school closed and then just went into her office and took it but you know that was easy It wasn't even locked? I think it was, but somehow we used a credit card or something. What? This is all hypothetical.

Yeah, you know the deadbolt trick with the credit card. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The old... But, yeah, so it got buried in somewhere. It's buried deep underground. How deep are we talking? Six feet under? Yeah, yeah, it's buried deep underground how deep we talking six feet under yeah yeah it's real deep nobody's gonna be able to find it but yeah for like a week during school there's like every day in the announcements like the trophy that was stolen come forth and where did you bury this?

I'm not telling you where I buried it. So you did do it. Dude, what's the statue of limitation on... Oh, it's five years. Is it five years for stealing a trophy out of a school? I think so. Specifically, let me bust open my big book

of laws. Five years in one month. I mean, it's not a murder. book of laws. Yeah, I think it's like either five or ten. I mean, it's not a murder. If it's a murder, it's... I mean, our books are probably old, because it might mention like capital lashing or something. Is this a law podcast? Yeah, this is a law podcast.

Bob Loblaw's Law Podcast. So anyways, next year, podcasts are illegal. What do we think about that as lawyers? What do I think about that as lawyers? What do I think about that? I think that's bullshit. And I want my podcast back. Please, God. You know, gotta have my podcast.

Like the Corn Pops commercial. Gotta have my podcast. That's the new ad read after the current arc is done. Breakfast cereal commercial arc. Dude, gotta have my video games. I just wanna play video games. Yeah, use that song. Whoa.

Dude, why is everybody talking about that video? Is it new? I sent David a video. It's a classic. Earlier today. That video's so old. It's just running in my mind. I can't escape it.

Yeah, I mean, the kid who sings it is dead now it's that old oh yeah what what he did die recently in the past year or so i think you can't just fucking do this no he died he died while we were in colorado because that's when i saw like the fucking like wasn't that recent really yeah how did he die you can't fucking do this to me i just discovered it was that recent mandalore is really low what did you say fire at the sea park i thought it was a car accident i don't remember i thought it was a car wreck or uh yeah i think so damn he died in a roller coaster let me pose a question what celebrity do you want to see arrested and for what crime would you like to like what would give you the most joy oh fuck oh man that's a hard one

like i feel like the the ones i want to say i would get like people would get really upset at me for saying why dakota fanning human trafficking i was gonna, human trafficking. I was going to say human trafficking. This is my vote. What the fuck? Fuck, I don't know, man. Katy Perry, manslaughter. Jesus. Wesley Snipes.

Fuck. I don't know, man. Man. Oh, Wesley. Wesley Snipes stealing all of the uncooked McNuggets out of the back of a McDonald's what is that a crime it's a crime dude I might be in trouble oh shit Jennifer Lawrence, yeah. Kevin Spacey, loitering. Oh my god. Anyways.

Is there a segue? You know Urkel? Remember Urkel? Treason. Dude. Urkel gets charged with treason. Did I do that? That's a good episode of Family Matters. Benedict Urkel.

That was the wildest episode. When he and the robot Urkel, Roeberkel. Wasn't that an episode? Yeah, when Carlton got charged for weapons trafficking. I never watched it. Yeah, the Rourkle episode. Fuck, what are we talking about? Dude, this is podcasting.

Now this is podcasting. Now this is podcasting. Avery usually has a whip and he forces us to get back on track, but now we can do what we want. This is just a nightmare. We can just go off tracks. We got topics we got to discuss? Just Google News. Honestly, nah. Just Google News. I have to pose a question. just nightmare we can just go off tracks what do we we got topics we're gonna discuss just google

honestly nah just google news i have i have i have to pose a question i have to pose a question because i put it in topics earlier i was working and i work at a retail store and a lady she did like three things that were just weird first off she did the thing where she's like i'm so a cd i'm so a cd like everything needs to be i'm so a cCD and that's like always a little unnerving because if you know what it's like to actually have OCD it's really demeaning almost like it's like I have OCD I totally have OCD and it's like

yeah okay OCD is OCD is supposed to be crippling yeah it's it's it's it can be almost crippling yes it's like you can't leave your room because you must stack jars of jelly beans yeah like that and then she and then she was talking about these headphones she was returning and she's like yeah i just don't like them and i was like oh yeah i'm the same i have sensitive like ears so i had to like be very careful in buying a gaming headset and she's like

really video gaming bar you a grown man oh and then i helped her out and she left and she said, Oh, thank you for your service. And she walked away and I'm like, why? Thank you for, cause. All right. Is it weird for someone to say, thank you for your service?

She knew you're a gamer. She knew I was a gamer. Thank you for being a gamer. Is that weird? Is it like, is it weird? Cause I've only heard it said to like military personnel. So they basically said

thank you for your service for being a gamer you know for doing my job like it is a service and she said thank you for your service like like for my job but it was weird because i've only ever heard people say that yeah i mean i've heard thank you like like oh thanks thank you i've never heard thank you for your service I've heard people tell me thanks for your work yeah not thank you for your service she's a fucking weirdo fuck her I don't like her I don't like her either

let's break into her home and steal her jelly beans let's steal her fucking trophy let's steal her jelly beans let's steal her jelly beans she can't stack them if she can't find them she can't stack them that reminds you the kid in middle school who stole the sink excuse you i don't know good segue the whole sink yeah okay so we had a um i don't know how well built your schools are in canada but in middle school

we had these uh i mean they're they're finally built yeah these tell you this one was not as well as well constructed the sink it was basically the um i guess the sink bed i don't know what to call it just let the big square tub part the water would go in and it goes down like as the drain and stuff it was so loose on the pipe on the drain pipe you could basically wiggle it around like it wasn't directly attached to the um like the faucet but the faucet was just mounted above it and so it was wiggling you could wiggle it wiggle it and then people found out that you could you could lift that sink tub off you just pop it up like huh we thought it's funny but then one day everything got different because a teacher comes in and she goes okay kids were going out in the hallway and at first we thought it might be like a um

like a fire drill or like an earthquake drill because usually once go out in the hallway it's you earthquake earthquakes yeah and so i'd have those earthquakes they'd either do um under the desk or sometimes we'd go to like a different room if the room did not have desks like man i've never had one of those probably because i live in blizzard town we don't even get earthquakes here christmas town i made it strange but anyway so we're all out in the hallway and the vice principal walks down he goes okay i'm gonna ask once who has the sink and some people are laughing. And he's like, quiet.

You know, like that, that adult teacher yelling voice. Anyone like shits their pants. Quiet. He's like, oh, he's like,

I'm not asking again. Who has the sink? And I was fucking looking at each other. Like what? And then the investigations begin. They start pulling kids into different rooms one by one to have interviews about the missing sink and this one kid one of my friends jonathan he was um he moved from mexico in the third grade he kind of looked like the fawns

he always had like a slither jacket and these curly black hair yeah he's sitting near me and i'm like and we're talking like this is so weird and look at jonathan and he's fucking sweating oh no and he's whispering he's like it's like this kid we gotta go home soon man we gotta go home soon don't worry the fuck what yeah and we're like jon like, what's going on? And he looks so fucking panicked. Where's the sink, Jonathan? Yeah. Where's the sink? And we're like, did you do it?

And he doesn't say anything. He just looks at us. And we fucking knew he has the sink somewhere. Where the fuck did he put the sink? I'm just imagining the sink under his shirt. And he's like, it wasn't me we gotta get out of here I need to go home right now

but they keep doing interviews and then the vice principal's like the longer this takes the worse the punishment is going to be and then all of a sudden he fucking cracks he just covers his face and we hear i stole the sink

and the principal looks he's like what where's the sink it's in my locker i have the sink what how did he fit the fucking sink in his locker it was like it wasn't a very deep sink it was just like a it was like a little rectangle. It was cheap. Who the fuck knows? He thought it would be funny. And so what happens is the janitor opens up his locker, pulls the sink bed out,

and he walks into the bathroom. He doesn't fix it. He doesn't glue it back on. He just puts it back on. Yeah, he just throws it back on. And he didn't get in trouble. We just had to talk about it. Because he didn't know how the fuck to punish him. He just had to steal sinks.

Don't steal sinks. Don't take the sink. Didn't even fix it. Just walks back in the bathroom, plops it back on the drain, and walks out. Well, shit. Don't steal the sink. That's what we learned that day. Clearly on the syllabus it says, do not steal the sink. That's what we learned that day. Clearly on the syllabus, it says, do not steal the sink.

Yeah. We should have learned that at the beginning of the year. It was just a prank that went too far. Like, did he think he was going to get it home? How does he get it on the bus? He's like, he's at home in his bathroom like, ha, two sinks. Pretty sweet. Now I can wash both hands at the same time.

Making my closet into my bathroom one part at a time. Jesus. So we're all YouTubers, right? Yeah, unfortunately. Unfortunately, we're all YouTubers. And unfortunately, that comes with a price. And in high school, that price for me was a pair of pants. What?

Is the pants because of YouTubing or is that what pushed you into it? So some people might may know I used to make video game reviews. Oh, Mandy knows very well. Yeah. So there's a forbidden video that I've never talked about because it is. Oh, man, it is, Oh man, it is cursed. It's,

uh, the first video game review I've ever made. It was on the video game altered beast for the PlayStation two. Oh, that's a, it is. So cursed. One day I might,

might release it just to laugh at it. But during the filming, because I used to do like face cam stuff where I would do reactions like, oh, the video game is so wacky. And this one time I was filming one of those scenes and the lighting was too bright in my room so i just filmed student that i just took a pair of pants like really shitty pants from my high school because i had like there was a dress code where we had to wear the like the specific pants and the specific shirt and my pants were black so i just put my black pants over my lamp. And I just, I think I do the scene and I redo it a bunch of fucking times. And at one point, at one point, I'm, I start like, it smells like burning, like really intense burning. I look peripheral vision.

I just see smoke. I fucking turn around and my lamp was on fire. Oh shit. My pants were straight up they burst into fucking flames. I just

get up and I fucking run to it and i have the these fucking this fucking pair of pants that's flaming and my mom's upstairs and i'm in the basement because my room was in the basement so i was like oh fuck oh, fuck, what am I going to do? Am I, like, I need to, because I can't go up. I can't go up and show my fucking flaming pants to my mom. She's going to think I'm stupid. That's not the way to come out. So. So I just, I just took the pants and i fucking threw them on the ground and i just kept picking

them back up and throwing them on the ground because i thought it would do something and honestly it just made things worse oh and i was there was so much fucking smoke in my room and i just i decided like the course of action is picking them up and pretending that i need to go to the bathroom or something yeah throw them in the tub yeah that's what i that's and that's what i did and i fucking threw them in the tub and then i started the i i pretended to take a shower and i i dude i mom mom can't know mom can't know what happened you know so i take back i take the bird pants put them in the trash outside i'm smart you know i wouldn't put it in the kitchen trash i go back downstairs i don't know what to do about the smoke because my room didn't have a fucking window so all night i just had smoke in my room and it smelled like burning and i may or may not have that video uh wait of the fire dude I was filming at the same time

you have the video of the seeing your pants on fire I remember having the video I think I still have the SD card I need to find my camera dude if I can find that that would be so fucking sick also my mom absolutely

knew cause I got fucking grabbed did she specify or did she just know that you were playing she came to me she was like i i found like your pants they're they're burnt what the fuck did you do and i was like oh i was filming a youtube video and I put my pants on the lamp and the lamp made them burst into flames. And I swear she I've never seen my mother more upset in me. That's why I need two sinks. That's why I need two sinks.

One for washing hands, one for putting out flaming pants. Yeah. That reminds me of like a weird story, like coincidentally, because it's about fire. So I remember the corn crib story and then it awakened. It opened a door into my childhood. Oh, my Lord. One time, my cousin Johnny killed a badger much the same way you would kill someone in call of duty black ops 2 if you threw a knife up in the air and it landed on the other side of the map and headshotted someone oh my god no wait was it intentional though no oh no how so we were we were on the

so my cousin johnny isn't like my nat it's it's a really weird family tree because he's my my grandma had a boyfriend and her her boyfriend had a sister. So she was kind of, quote unquote, my aunt. So her son was my, quote unquote, cousin. What a mess. So we're at his, quote unquote, uncle's home playing out in the field because he also lived on a farm. And we're all just goofing around me me, Johnny, and my little brother. And we're just kind of exploring, messing around. And he has a knife.

And he's like, all right, I'm going to throw this knife. And depending on where it lands, that's the direction we're going to go and explore. He picks it up and he throws it and it flies up in the air. And it lands and you hear a... Oh, my God. Oh, no, that's triggering a nerve. I don't remember if it was a badger or a possum, but it lived in a hole. And it was a mammalian creature that he had freaking murdered.

No fucking way. I want to think it's a possum from the sound. It wasn't white. It was like a brown. But I live in Iowa, so I'm like, badgers aren't really native? What did you do with the body? We just left it in the hole, dude. Oh native. What did you do with the body? We just left it in the hole, dude. Oh, no.

What did you do with the axe? Did you take back the bloody axe? No, the knife. The bloody pocket knife that murdered an animal. That's insane. Did you bring it back? Yeah, we brought it back. Did you lick the blood of your fucking victim?

I'm pretty sure he just cleaned it off on the grass. Don't ask me, dude. I was like 10. You didn't deny it, so you might have licked it. I didn't lick the blood. What did you say so defensively? What's the point? What's the point with you?

What's the point, dude? Fuck, but that triggered a memory of when I killed a small animal by accident. Jesus. Jesus. Dark energy about. Thanks for having me on your podcast about killing animals. Oh,

fuck. I, I was in Cuba and it was like my first time in Cuba, probably like last day we went to the beach. I was just like walking around, going to the beach i i was just like walking around going to the beach and i had headphones on and i could hear a bunch of people being like like really fucking loudly at me and i i like take my headphones off turn around to look at them and i just hear this fucking crunching like the crunching and a loud oh no you stepped on his tendies no i i just looked down at the bird and i i start like i

started crying because i was like really young i think i was like 10 and then i look around and everybody is just this man a lot of people are disappointed in me today on this episode Jesus just random people just frowning at you just random strangers looking at me like you fucking did that you motherfucker that's like when my dog got hit by a car oh yeah my uh

my kid was playing with it in the front yard and uh they were playing with a ball And they threw the ball out And the dog went and got Yeah, run over Killed instantly We got a new dog

A lot of people didn't like it though My wife Lois was really upset about it Fuck you Oh my god Fucking shit Oh my god. Fucking shit. Oh my fucking god. Oh, fuck you. Peter!

I cannot believe I cannot believe I got that tattoo. You piece of shit. Creel said it's so goddamn somber. That was just the perfect setup. It's really serious, okay? Brian the dog is the worst.

I think Brian's strong, but I prefer gay baby. Gay baby? Gay baby. What's gay baby? I don't remember gay baby. That's Stewie. I only know Family Guy funny moments volume two. I only know Family Guy through osmosis.

Lady Bird went in the Megalomart. You guys remember when he fought the chicken twice? Yeah, dude. No, it was four times. They did that more than twice. It was like four to ten times. Oh, man. I need to catch up on my chicken. remember when he fought the chicken twice yeah dude no it was four times more than twice four it's like four to ten times oh man i need to i need to catch up on you need to catch up on your family guy lord i'm not a cop of the show but i know it's more than twice is it weird that like

it like shows like that like syndicated cartoons they either go like really bland and boring or like family guy and american Dad and like a lot of the McFarlane shows the longer they run the more like gory they get because they can get away with more and standards for censorship have also been going down but even like SpongeBob

maybe not gory but like more horrifying well SpongeBob had more of the Ren and Stimpy people like come on board after a while like Hellenberg after the movie he was out yeah it's like oh well now that he's gone let's do more ren and stimpy shit let's rip pretty sure he was gone because of squidward's suicide that shit was fucked up fuck off squidward suicide's a terrible episode man squidward suicide is bad but sandy's Tax Evasion is even worse.

Oh, man. Dude, Sandy's Tax Evasion. I was surprised. Speaking of celebrities. I like when she filled out her post 1099 and started bleeding eyes at the screen. Yeah. This is the nightmare episode. This is the best episode.

Yeah, it is the best episode David I want you to cut this bit but this is the podcast that will stop ISIS yeah don't cut that why would I cut that we will stop ISIS why would I cut that this is just real

I understand like a Jedi mind check voice welcome to the solutions on how to stop ISIS. Gentlemen, what do we got? I've got a rock. Just write a stern letter. Tell them, listen,

what's been happening with you guys? David, you got ISIS's fax machine number? Yeah, right here, dude. Thanks, man. We're just going to do what my mother always said. We're going to kill him with a smile. Yes. Yeah.

That's how you do things in this podcast. Speaking of this podcast, let's move on to Patreon patron questions. Oh, okay. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Wait, do you. Oh. yeah wait do you oh do i need to explain how patron question works it's just a patron q a

and if you're part of the ten dollar plus uh tier on the patreon which is in the description. You can ask a question for the Q&A. All right. Philip Hein. Hein? Huynh? Hein? Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know. Asks, if all of you guys could be Avery for a day, what would you do to ruin his YouTube career as fast as possible?

Delete his channel. Delete his channel? That's cheap. He can recover from that. He can make a new channel. He can recover. Yeah yeah you have to really fuck him up come out anti-free oh shit

I don't think people would believe that like re change his avatar to be like the the owl but like instead of feathers it's all flesh oh my no I don't think that will work I think it would be it would have to be like...

Fuck. Three words, David. I love women. Oh, fuck, dude. But a lot of gamers like women. That won't work. We have to be anti-gamer. I think I would have him...

I'd start by being Avery. I would tweet out a big rant about how much he hates sellouts and money grubbers and then immediately start pushing for a furry dating mobile game. Like his own mobile game. I've just announced it. Oh shit. I've taken all the

Patreon money. I would just turn his channel into a watch mojo clone. I think he can recover from that. I don't think he could recover from that. I think people would be too upset at him for becoming a WatchMojo thing. Top 10 funny Fortnite moments. But they might think it's ironic, though, like the melon video.

Fuck, you're right. That's the problem with Avery. How do you kill Avery in a day? How do you kill Avery in a day how do you kill avery theory crafting theory crafting i think he's unkiddable in a day i think you can't do a lot i got it You can tweet out a weird rant about something. I got it. Four new No Man's Sky videos. In one day. In one day? That is gonna kill him. Holy shit.

It wouldn't kill his career. Change his password and take his account as mine. Just make it so that he has to commit to them once you're no longer Avery. Oh! Announce a monthly No Man's sky series yes and in the announcement video when i when i'd chroma the owl i would have the green just be slightly off so you

could see some green specks behind the owl oh everyone would want to quit forever avery would want to quit let's do a really shitty chroma job on all the visual effects. Holy shit. Wait, let's try to ruin everybody's channel that's in this thing. Oh, that's a good idea. In this voice call. How would you guys ruin Brendan's channel? I'm drinking salt water all fucking day. Like syrup, lemon juice, everything.

I would just make it a b documentary channel they'd love that they would love that they would love that fuck why are your fans weird i would change the name to daniel brenn ruin the whole thing we're not trying to kill him we're just trying to ruin his channel calm the calm the fuck down. Sorry. Got a little overboard there. Oh my god. How would you ruin Creel's? Just do what I'm doing right now. Oh no.

Why are you fucking doing it? Move closer to the coast in time for the hurricane to come. Yeah, move closer to the coast. Let Creel, I'd be Creel and say, you know what, we're going on vacation anyways. We're going to Charleston anyway. Bring it on, Hurricane Florence.

Sounds like a challenge to me. Hell yeah. How would you ruin Mandy's channel? Say, I hate Russians. Yeah. In every video. Oh, shit. At the beginning of every every video it's like that roman center who ended

every speech with carthage must be destroyed just end every fucking video with the russian people are a disgrace oh my god now i have that sound clip all right yes you grasp so uh spooky ghost asks who among you do you think would be the most likely to survive in a horror movie scenario? Trapped in a cabin with a serial killer, being haunted by a malicious ghost or something of that nature. So when I was a kid in high school, I theory crafted. I was one of those kids that was obsessed with like with with, you know, the the oncoming

zombie apocalypse. I would hide kitchen knives all over my room what yep i even thought where would be the i even like went and surveyed places like where would be the best place to survive i've i mean i've thought about it i feel like a walmart would be the best place worst place it's going to be a high center of traffic people are going to go there to raise supplies almost immediately i think everyone thinks about this at some point when they're lying in bed at night like, you know If everything goes shit up tomorrow, where would I hang out? I was I was obsessed with it though Like I was like, all right here here like here like centers for like uh for like crazy

Like if crazy things happen, like here's where people go for a tornado earthquake Where would people go during these pandemics and where would I not want to go to avoid a high mass of people and I thought Kmart nobody's going to want to go to Kmart I think you know what I think people would want to go to Kmart I think people would just want to go anywhere like

I mean that's also assuming that you know everywhere will immediately be a fucking daisy PVP zone that is true everyone going to kmart isn't going to be someone with a gun looking to get fat loot off your body people have kids people honestly honestly legit ever the ever since the first moment i think i've ever thought about like oh what would i do during a zombie apocalypse i think the first thing that came to my mind was accept death.

And if, if that's not the most David thing, well, fuck, I don't know what is. I honestly think Creel would be the most likely to survive. I think so too. It's the dad instincts,

you know, me. Well, yeah, it's not just the dad instincts. It's also the, he knows horror movies. So he knows what's a good fucking way to die. Like, you know why me well yeah it's not just the dad instinct it's also the he knows horror movies so he knows what's a good fucking way to die like you know what i've seen this before oh

shit you're right it's bad we shouldn't go into that cabin yeah i don't need to eat uh i'm always gaming so my hand-eye coordination oh shit through the roof dude honestly, us gamers, we're ready. I say to people, I'm a gamer in the streets of MLG in the sheets. You know? What if we were trapped in a cabin? All four of us. Scooby-Doo-ass cabin. You know, one of those cabins with the doors and you walk

through the door, you walk out the other door at the end of the corner. Like a wacky hallway. start checking fucking bookcases oh dude that is right first step start checking bookcases and fireplaces and then make sure there's no like knock on the fucking walls to make sure i can't like hear any hollow shit then just start punching walls gently tap every couple fucking punch wall the floor. Fucking punch walls. Here's the thing. I'm going to need wood to survive. That is true.

What are we fighting? We're fighting a serial killer but he's unkillable like that one guy from the movie. You remember that one movie? Okay. Michael Jason. Is it like It Follows?

Well, that's not Freddy. It Follows is not real life. I can't analyze that. That is true. I mean, but... Or else we're just going to kill him with our big gamer brains. We're just going to murder him. The best course of action is to just team up against him.

That is true. Only one of us will die and I... You know, it's not going to be me, so... It's... Let's be real. It's going to be me. So it's, let's be real. It's going to be me. You're going to say my name. Like you hesitated.

I heard the B. I heard it. Well, I, cause I was thinking I was going to be me. I was, yeah. No. Cause it's going to be you. Cause I'm going to throw your ass at it. Oh, what the fuck?

I'm going to be the, I'm going to be the chance. I'm going to be one of the people that lose. Give me a chance to run at him. Me, Creel, and Brendan will be making a big plan. We'll say, David, go get some firewood. But the camera will be following David for some reason. David, go to the Funny Forest gas station. Okay. Dude, honestly, I'm way too Canadian.

If you say please, I'll do it. Wait, I would die immediately. Oh, you would die immediately. If I tried to hide, I would need to smoke a cigarette, which just immediately exposed me. I'd be sitting in the dark like, oh yeah, smoking breaks.

Fuck, I need one. Honestly, my best defense technique is show the serial killer my dick. What is he going to do then? I just, I'm going to make him stop in his tracks and then run the fuck away. And I'm just going to keep showing different body parts.

I'll work up to the dick. First, my nipple, then my armpit, then my feet. Honestly, if you're in a fight with someone stronger, just stripping down and screaming is a good way to win. I legit thought about that so many times though. Cause I'm five, seven. If they start to fight you and you start screaming and stripping down, though, because I'm five, seven. They start to fight you and you start screaming and stripping down.

They don't know how to react because, yeah. Oh, this person isn't rational. I might want to get the fuck out. And then I just start running after them with my wee wee out. Yeah, exactly. What are you going to do? Punch me. If you punch me, you're going to hit my wee wee.

Then you're going to touch dick and then you're going to get gay. Say, where are you going to punch me you're gonna hit my wee wee then you're gonna touch dick and then you're gonna get gay say what are you gonna do punch me you've been diagnosed with gay what are you gonna do stab me i'm naked you can't natural body armor he doesn't have shoes or anything like all right has anyone stopped a serial killer with like a ghost a ghost pepper? A ghost pepper? What, like, squirting into their eyes? Yeah, like, like, think about it. They gotta have their

eyes to see you. I mean, that's Scooby-Doo as shit. Like, just squeezing a pepper and the juice flies in, like, a line directly into their eye sockets. If this, okay, if this was Scooby-Doo, who would be Shaggy? Me. I think Creel might be Shaggy. I've just said me because Shaggy me I think real maybe Shaggy I'm just said me because Shaggy's tall and I'm six or five. Oh, yeah, Bren you would be deaf. I would be the creeper

I think I'd be that astronaut with the skull inside of it that goes, like, wonders in the airfield. Oh, what would I be? You'd be Scooby. You'd be Scooby. You'd be Scrappy. You'd be Scrappy-Doo. Let me at him. Isn't that his line? Let me at him.

Let me at him. Let me at him. Let me at him. And then I would just get my wiener out and run at them. That's my favorite part of Scooby-Doo, And then I would just get my wiener out and run at them. That's my favorite part of Scooby-Doo, when they finally decide to take out their wieners. No, Scrappy-Doo pees all over Daphne or something.

That was in the live-action movie. Yeah, the live-action. That was in the live-action movie. I was listening to the ritual music last night, actually, from Scooby-Doo. What? Yeah. Wait, what? Why? There's this ritual music in

scooby-doo and they're trying to like put the souls so scrappy can devour them and they're all doing like the ritual chant in their cave and as you were listening to that yeah we were playing rust and we were like oh you're all like people and i was like you know what i can't play we do can we do ritual music why can't you play play Rust? Oh, man, are you Markiplier? Dude, awesome. Dude, say you are and they'll give you shit, though. Dude, that's right. You can just pretend.

God, I don't want to pretend, though. I just... I already get enough. I don't need to add on to it. That's fair. Ruin his reputation, though. I thought about it like two years ago. Ruin his reputation though. I thought about it like two years ago.

No, like three, four years ago, five years ago when Rust came out and I got it on like my old Asus gaming laptop. I played it for the first time and I was like, man, people started being like, oh, are you Markiplier? And I'm like, no. But then I thought I could ruin him. Say yes and start having gamer moments

on the server. Walking around yelling yelling my name is Markiplier and I hate children oh you wouldn't say that if you want to ruin him we're not going to say what he'd probably be saying if you want to ruin him oh you're right why did I even say that it happens to me all the time it's awful people come up and they're like

you're just like Ryan Gosling you know I get that a lot but I'm going to show you. Man, that's crazy. Yeah, it's really nuts. It's a problem. I love doing that Blade Runner. People come to me, and they tell me I look like Idubz, Steven Suptic,

You look like Ben Folds. Ben Folds. Who is Ben Folds? From the Ben Folds Five. It was a band. Ben Folds from the Ben Folds? From the Ben Folds 5? It was a band. Ben Folds is from the Ben Folds 5. He's fucking from Red Hot... Who the fuck is he again?

I forget. No, Ben Folds 5 is an American singer and songwriter. Oh, fuck, you're right. I was like, wait, where do I know? I'm thinking of Avenged Sevenfold. What the fuck? What? Avenged Seven... No one said the name of? I'm thinking of Avenged Sevenfold. What the fuck? What? Avenged Sevenfold.

No one said the name of that band in years. Avenged Sevenfold. What's up? What's up, millennials? Today we're at the, it's VH1. I love the 90s. Today we're talking about. Oh, dude.

Benfolds. Benfolds. He's got glasses. He plays the piano. Go back and listen. It's an oldie, but a goodie. Didn't he sing fuck the police or something and it he did a cover of that because bitches ain't shit that's what oh bitches ain't shit

that's the one okay i know who that is yeah i kind of look like ben folds i could rock his fit yeah say you're ben folds i can i'll just go to places and say i'm ben folds until they give me free shit i'm ben folds what's up i'm ben folds remember when i covered bitches ain't shit let me let me sing it to you and then i'll just get out my automaton you have to introduce yourself as ben folds from the ben folds five That's what you have to do every time. Oh my God, here's your 25% off laundry detergent. He's Ben Folds. We need to give him a discount.

We need to give him a discount. Here's your 3% discount on your McNuggets, Mr. Folds. Mr. Folds, sign my gas pump. Thank you. I might put you in my next song, but you never know. Wow, thanks, Mr. Folds, sign my gas pump. Thank you. I might put you in my next song, but you never know. Wow, thanks, Mr. Folds. Thanks for signing and then breaking my MacBook, Mr. Folds. Kenneth Ward asks, what are everyone's experiences with speedruns

and which games have you seen or enjoyed? I used to hold a world record. That's fucking right. I forgot about that. That's wild. Wait, what do you mean used to? Who's the little bitch? Challenger came and

overthrew my Limit the Lost speed run about a month or so later, but he went all out though. He installed a fresh copy of XP that only had And overthrew my Limit of the Lost speedrun about a month or so later. But he went all out, though. Oh, did he actually? He installed a fresh copy of XP that only had Limit of the Lost installed, so it wouldn't crash. He set it all up so that it wouldn't, nothing would go wrong. And I think he shaved like 40 minutes or something off of it. Wow.

I may or may not have been also fucking around during my run of it because there were no other runs but that's i used to be a speed runner but i retired after that that three hour career do you think we're ever gonna see you at agdq i don't know oh there's so much pressure with being a speed runner they don't tell you a lot about speedrunning. You know, you gotta play the same game over and over. In my case, twice. No way. It's fucked up.

It is fucked up. It's like torture, except voluntary. Yeah, I mean, I saw some Halo 2 speedruns. Those are cool. I rewatch a lot of Tony Hawk's speedruns. Like the Thug games games or the other ones all of them because the the people that play them are fucking insane oh wait two worlds they perfect they like oh yeah oh isn't the two words is that the six minute one it's uh okay so the

last boss of the game is literally at the beginning of the game, but you're too weak to kill him. But if you shoot him with a bow and then run into town, all the NPCs are invincible. Yes! So the entire town murders him, and it's all dependent on how quickly the townsfolk can kill the dude. It's the best one. Yeah, I remember this one guy was like,

oh shit, we need to get more guards here. I'm going to try and angle them towards them. Yeah, I like speedruns I like the max pain 2 speedrun there's a lot of cool tricks in that one yeah I like learning about tricks that I'll never use yeah yeah

what about you Brindani speedrun they're neat. Epic. Epic. I don't know. I think I really like the Taskbot stuff. Oh, yeah, that stuff's cool.

Okay, does anybody know what a Taskbot is? I straight up don't. A tool-assisted speedrun. So it's essentially a little computer they built that they programmed to speedrun games. It basically like completed the most efficient way. Does it learn?

Not really learn. You input like the exact command and like the exact timing for it. That sounds fucking insane. So you can put like a perfect run with like a reaction time that people can have. That sounds insane. Why would you do that? To see how fast it could be

beaten theoretically. But why would you take time out of your day to do that? That's speed running in general. That is true. Why would you take time out of your day to make a shitty podcast? Why are we here kai pascal i'm guessing it's pascal

or paschal i'm guessing it's pascal pascal alright says what was your worst most awkward dating experience you know maybe we are done oh shit oh uh uh in college i dated this girl and i uh i dated her for two months and then i took a shower with her

and i farted in the shower and she broke she broke up with me the next day that is a true ass story my like my like current girlfriend broke the fart barrier on her own and i had to choose at that moment like two weeks in do i or don't i stay with this woman and i was like why not oh shit you were gonna break up over the fart barrier no i was just like i just it was it smelled so bad oh it was like it wasn't like't like a little cute toot. It was like a garbage bag full of dead raccoons. Soaked in sewage and their own dead raccoon urine.

Swished around and fermenting in a barrel for a hundred years. Jesus Christ. That could be a delicacy in Japan. Worst dating experience. Oh, God. i don't know a girl went to like a senior year i i a girl went out to the like homecoming dance with me out of almost pity because i really liked her and then she was like hey i'm not interested in you and i was like oh so i like was super upset the whole night and then like the next day in choir i i told my friend very loudly because i knew her friend was sitting in front of us that i was like man that sucked

like she she didn't reciprocate my feelings and i wish i at least didn't like have to pay for my way i wish i got my money back i i was such a little prick like like i knew it was her friend later in the day too. She tried to give me money back and I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm a dick. Like, no, just keep it. This is never talking again. It's all my bad. I just, I was really upset.

Yeah. Oh, that's really bad, but not as bad as dating a girl for two years and being gay. Oh shit. Wow. What a debacle two years and being gay. Oh, shit. Wow. What a debacle. Oh, no. Wait, wait. Is that somebody we know?

Yeah. No. No. Oh, okay. You know, I don't want to laugh at somebody that we know. Oh, yeah. That's a little rude.

That is a little rude. Yeah, but it is a little rude. Yeah, but that is a little ridiculous. That is ridiculous. She told that person... Just give it up. Let's pretend it was David. Okay, yeah. What do you think happened?

Allegedly, I'm gay. Got him. Allegedly, I went out with a girl because I couldn't accept it. Allegedly, I broke up with her and allegedly she told me those were the two worst years of her life.

Oh! And she wasted two years with me. Ooh. Well, fuck. Somebody told me I was the worst thing that ever happened to them. That was pretty great. That's rough, though. The fart girl?

No, it was my parents. I'm just kidding. I'm not going into detail about that you should like fucking find me and beat the shit out of me Creel speaking of finding you where can the good people find you

on YouTube on socials tell us what's happening www.youtube.com slash pootiepie you check out my channel it's pretty small it's just it's a startup

it's pretty tiny you were really wanting to say it's youtube.com slash creeltube and then I don't know what my twitter account is at my creel and why oh it's gonna be linked in the description oh yeah link that shit in the description yeah look at the

link consider yourself linked you want to hit that reveal more button and click the creel link you know thanks you want to hit hit the the bell hit the bell you want to hit the bell. Hit the bell. You want to hit the bell? You want to watch all his videos? Because they're fucking sick. How about you, Bren? My name is Bren Daniel on YouTube. You can find me at youtube.com slash brendanielreads. And also on Twitter, I go by brendanielh

because Bren Daniel's taken by a Canadian company, so I can't have it. Wait, wasn't it a woman? It's like a... Wasn't it Brenda? No, but like there's a company called Bryndaniel and she like works in that company. Her name's Brenda Neal.

It is. That sweet lady. What about you, Mandylore? You can visit me at mandyloregaming.ru wherever you want to check out my videos. And you can find me... What about you, David?

What about you, David? You can find me at twitter.com slash surmeowmusic on SoundCloud at surmeowmusic and on Spotify at surmeow. My new song, I'm Here, is out right now. Link in the description and it's going to be the thing playing us out.

Bye. Bye. Bye-bye. Thanks for listening. Sorry. Apologizing. Sweet dreams. Bye.