Please Stop Talking - Smashed & Smashing | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: September 9, 2022

Can I get a steak bake with that? Check out our merch! ▶️ https://pleasestopshopping.com/ Support the podcast on Patreon ▶️ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Join the PST Discord server! ▶️ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65 Links: David ▶️ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Ed ▶️ https://twitter.com/PunkDuck_ Ten ▶️ https://twitter.com/Tenvenir_VA Leon ▶️ https://twitter.com/LeonMassive Podcast ▶️ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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like asking a question during the patreon q aA at the end of every Please Stop Talking episode, access to all the pondering, spooky tapes, commentary tracks, and more. If you like our shows and you want to support us, check out patreon.com slash sermyamusic to see how you can help us keep going as well as get rewards for it. What if you were watching porn someday, like just jerking it, and all of a a sudden in the middle of like intercourse the woman just turns to the camera and throws a gang sign and just keeps getting fucked it's definitely already happened what i really want the woman to be halfway through getting raw dogged by two guys at the same time and then she turns to the camera and she goes did you know that 50% of people aren't subscribed? The guy pulls out his dick and the bogger off is like

made of his penis. He's got the analytics. Oh, fuck. That'd be funny. Like a big little purple dingus because the analytics are... She's getting reeled by Thanos and the other purple guy from Guardians of the Galaxy.

Is there like... I've never seen a porn parody. She's getting railed by Thanos and the other purple guy from Guardians of the Galaxy, Rodan. I've never seen a porn parody. I gotta watch a porn parody sometime. I feel like that's just missing out on my fucking... Go on. I don't know. I want to see the Avengers porn parody. I'm pretty sure that has to exist.

I've unironically jerked off to the Flintstones one. Do you have an ironic wank? Yeah. I'll drink to that, brother. Dude, a man's got to do what a man's got to yabba-dabba do. Shut the fuck up. Oh, yeah, the music guy.

Oh, shit, it closed. Oh, whatever. Hi, welcome to PST. Oh, it fucking shut music guy. Oh, shit, it closed. Oh, whatever. Hi, welcome to PSD. Oh, it fucking shut off on its own. Was that a... Was that a... Not a xylophone, the tube with the face on it?

No, it's a pocket... Oh, the automaton? No, no, no. What? No, it's a pocket operator. It's a little... That's a calculator, David. You put numbers in that.

No, that's the synth. That's the synth. You put the eight and the zero and the zero and the 0 and the 8 and the 5 in its boobs. And sometimes it does other things. The viewers can't understand the joke. Yo, you for real?

I'm so sorry. Dude, you can make it right soleil. That's sun in French. Yeah, sun in French. My name's David. Wow. Dude, that was fucking awful shit. Do you not have, like, what about that big fucking car in the back?

Can we keep going? No, no, we'll keep going from there. We'll keep going? Go on. Yeah, we'll keep, dude, fucking Ed. Just Ed. What's your fucking name? Hey, my name's Ed.

Also known as PunkDuck on YouTube. Shit, man. I fucking love Smite. He loves Smite so much. He loves Smite so much. He loves Smite so much it makes him act up. Make sure to check out the newest character.

Go on, Tim. Alright, I don't know if you want to keep that one in there. I'm going to censor that one and we can just move on. It's fine. YouTube's okay so long as you censor it you

know you're not allowed to say the word on youtube true yeah yeah that is on par with the n word yeah it's on par with no it's on par with um you trapped me you fucking this is on par with um yeah what other words is it on par with David? He didn't pull out the N, if anyone's curious. We haven't even gone through introductions. Dude, it's fine. They're all my words. David just introduced me. I don't make any videos.

We have special guest with us, Mr. Leon Massey. I really hope people go from watching your fucking analytical reviews about video games and then the first thing they hear is just a whole lot of censoring.

Oh yeah, it's going to be great. It's going to be like going from the real comfortable analytical side to leon's a bit problematic i don't know if i can support this anymore that's exactly how he is behind the scenes in fact when i was asking david what other words are on par with the c word leon interrupted and just listed them all out for, I want to say, 20 full seconds uninterrupted. 20 seconds. That doesn't seem like a lot of bad words.

You didn't say a lot of words in 20 seconds. It didn't happen. Eminem does it all the time. Exactly. He won a Grammy for it. He did not win a Grammy for it, dude. No, the Grammy award for most words. It's right there.

Fastest raps. For fastest guy. That's right there. Fastest raps. For fastest guy. That's an awfully hot coffee pot. The Micro Machines guy is way faster. He could drop so many slurs. The SPM. I'm thinking of the hydraulic press people. I don't know what you're talking about.

No, Micro Machines. Micro Machines. Fuck him. Oh, I thought you were talking about the slow-mo guys. I don't remember what he says. The slow-mo guys. I don't remember what he says. The slow-mo guys? Hey, Dan, what do you think of this one? Just like...

Fuck, dude. Yo, look at this shit. Oh, no. All right. Oh, that's great. Hey, audience. Intro of darkness, then redness, then whiteness. David just flashed Falco penis in everybody's faces. It's great. Hey, audience. Intro of darkness, then redness, then whiteness. David just flashed Falco penis in everybody's faces.

What was that? Redness, darkness, what? Tobuscus. You never watched Tobuscus? You never played Toby Turner? I've never seen Tobuscus. Real bad. Yeah, he's got some very good opinions.

I know he's got some fucking awesome opinions. I should watch him. Because I agree. agree created the trailer parody oh he did that tabuscus walked so honest trailers could run i thought i'm gonna be honest i thought honest trailers was tabuscus no no he did fucking oh he did literal trailers not honest he sings songy and he talks about what's happening. He also says, I just met Kyle Rittenhouse, my hero. He's making a cool video game. What, Kyle Rittenhouse?

Yeah, where you gun down. Oh, he did? You literally gun down. Go on, finish the sentence, Ed. You shoot turkeys that have like mainstream video on them. I'm looking up Kyle Rittenhouse video game Oh my fuck It's 20 bucks you can pre-order right now

It's 20 quid? Yeah it's 20 quid What do you mean? 20 fucking quid mate Dude I have not thought about fucking Kyle Rittenhouse in so fucking long. Good. That's a sign that you're a normal human.

This is unbelievable. This is... Oh, my God. It's totally believable. What are you on about? Yeah, it's fucking... It's believable. This is like fucking...

Dude, this is like Hatfall, but racist. Is this on Steam? No, it's on his website. It's probably not on Steam, right? I doubt... I doubt fucking Steam will is this on steam no it's on his website it's probably not on steam right i doubt i doubt fucking steam will let this on there it might be on truth social or something it's on itch.io probably i found out today that truth social is not available in my country what is where am i gonna get reliable news sources bro what the fuck kind of circles are you guys getting into dude andrew kate like in romania david i hung out with rexy for 10 days

oh fuck go ahead and tell us about rexy spill the beans spill the beans on rexy drop some fucking knowledge he's a horrible person i just want to point that out did you wait gave ed covered he coughed in his mouth and he said take it bitch so oh dude it's fucking hot in here but i want to wear my fascist shirt so i'm not going to take this off oh my god if the audience is not familiar with the man rexy is a old friend of mine who's also a smite guy i love smite i love smite game and he came to visit for um 10 days from august 25th to september 5th and it was really fun and my goal for this trip was i'm going to fucking ruin this man's body and his digestive system we um we did not spend a single day where we didn't drink and i thought that was very funny like uh on on day one his entire like all of his flights were delayed out the ass and uh he really didn't

want to go out but then i pulled some real like hannibal lecter shit on him and i was like oh you want to get fucked up and then and then we went out oh i also had him do absence shots for the first time oh dude, dude, absence is fucking wild, man. Probably not. Do the water drop? The only way to do them here is doing it correctly, because the bartenders give you the weird little fork and the sugar cubes. Does anyone have, like, a makeshift

bottle opener that they know how to make? I'm trying to use my table. You either use the corner of a table, you can use another bottle, you can use the crate the bottles came in, or you can use a knife. That's not the way that goes. Don't do that. Don't do that. You're going to break that bottle, bro.

Anyway, while Leon tries to MacGyver his roni bottles. Without lime, by the way. Without lime. I don't own limes. Now what you do is you grab... Is that a knife? Okay, you hold the bottle

and you twist the knife. You put the knife... Yeah, there you go. Face it towards you like this. And then you go like this. Dude, what is... Like that. How sharp is that? It's a fucking butter knife.

I don't think a butter knife is going to work. That's the sharpest you can get in England. Fuck off. Without a license. I cut myself. He cut himself. Dude, you're going to break that fucking knife before you open that fucking bottle.

Just get up and get a bottle opener. Not like that. Get a bottle opener at that point, bro. This is why you need to be a visual podcast. No. What are you doing? Leon, go get a kitchen knife. Jesus Christ.

Do you not own a bottle opener? What the fuck are you doing? How do you get the bottle opener open? Fuck, ow. I just don't have a bottle opener on me. Oh, I'm bleeding quite a lot now. Just go get one. I'm not going to get a bottle opener.

How did you... You are the first person to ever cut themselves on a butter knife. I hope you know that. This is record-breaking. I can't believe you put it on the bottle. Yeah, but you were holding a butter knife. Yucky. Okay, I'm going to go get a bottle.

Hold on a second. Continue your dumb little story. What do I do? Do I wait for him? Dude dude i guess we wait for him the fuck was that this is the first time anybody's drawn blood on the podcast that is the first time anybody's drawn blood on the fucking podcast how do you know good on you how do i know because i'm yeah that's it it makes it i edit it what the fuck you mean he's here all the time i'm playing you guys know something awesome?

Yeah. David's going to get really upset when I say this, because this is going to bring back a lot of bad memories. Rexy knows about my girlfriend, but he's never seen her face. So I thought, hey, that thing that I tried to do in Chicago, what if i actually did it for real for real this time it would work on him uh also that i know yeah i was just gonna give context leon and ten probably aren't familiar with this but when we were in chicago i tried to do this gimmick where um since none of them had seen my girlfriend's face yet it's not a gimmick it's a bit i wanted to do this gimmick where like i would sit down next to them and just complain about my girlfriend all

the time i'd be like oh god she's such a fucking bitch she doesn't let me do fucking anything women and then just like after 30 minutes just slam the table and go fuck it i'm cheating and then get up and just go talk to some random floozy but little did they know the random floozy was actually my loving girlfriend and then we just pretend we had just met and then I'd bring her back to the table and go like hey guys this is whomever and then sit her down and just like talk and then see like if anybody gets mad does she know that you call her if what did you say I call her worst i call her worst things to her random david yeah wait it sounds bad when maybe it's not it sounds bad but i don't

know what it means it just sounds bad but anyway that ended up like falling apart so i was like i really want to do this bit so we worked out a new backstory between me and her and i was like let's actually do it to rexy this time were you uh were you was she a hobo no she was not a hobo anymore hobo doesn't work hobo doesn't work no we went for uh her name was victoria and she studies marketing that's so i mean that's more believable, I guess. Yeah, it's more believable than homeless women. Women can't be homeless. That's true. I take Rexy out to this area called Delirium.

It's like a big street full of bars because the franchise that owns the bars rented out the entire street. Oh, that's fucking sick. So you can go to bars. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, you can order a drink at one bar and you can just take it out of the bar area and bring it to a different bar because it's all under the same owner so i take him over there and we started getting some drinks in and i'm telling

him like dude there's so many like foreign babes here they're so vulnerable i'll help you like i'll wingman you so hard so vulnerable why was that the one you went for well they were vulnerable come on because we got there at like 10 30 p.m so they had already gotten some drinks and so they were just so vulnerable what exactly what the fuck for it and holy fuck not a word you know what it's worse that it worked on rexy if i'm honest so it's kind of worse that it worked no no he was agreeing with all of it he was like oh yeah yeah they look super but no dude typical smite stream but in reality uh he was like i don't know if i'm really in the mood i'm like this is probably saying like, they don't look that vulnerable to me.

No, no. It's because literally the day before we had just gone back from Amsterdam. And I'll talk about this later. But in Amsterdam, his stomach was fucked. Like he was a couple of vomiting sessions away from meeting like God, his stomach washed. So he was like, I'm not really in the fucking mood to pick up anybody. So like we kept talking and I keep like fucking pushing like no dude fucking look at her she's really lonely and he was like i don't know and then i was like you

know what fuck it i'll do it then and he was like what and then i get up and there's my girlfriend waiting at the door so i just walk up to her and i'm just talking to her like hey we just need to like hold up this like 10 20 minute conversation within rexy's like cone of vision so you can see that i'm talking to like a random woman and then i'll go like introduce you to him and he's like okay okay but what's the plan i was like okay like you you're not interested in him at all you're only interested in me and then i just want to see if he gets really fucking pissed and then once once the fucking pot boils beyond like recognition then we'll reveal that you're actually my girlfriend here's the problem it didn't really work because halfway through our conversation rexy joins us oh like where we are and i go uh oh uh uh okay

new plan rexy this is victoria and then we just both start talking to her and i'm just like man i really hope he doesn't think my girlfriend's hot because otherwise the plan's kind of falling apart and then we're just talking and every time rexy goes to the bathroom i'm just like okay you need to make it clear you make it like super clear to him that you're not interested in him so like we start sitting down at bars and she's only like she sits between us but she's like facing me so we're really like driving the point forward this is such a complicated dude that this bit is so complicated no but dude it's working flawlessly like she's talking she honestly deserves so many props because she is talking like she just met me deserves an oscar and it was going so well.

Like, especially when, like, I mentioned that we're both YouTubers. She acts like she's never even heard of that stuff. And she fucking sells it so hard. And I'm just like, you're the man. You're the fucking man. But, like, none of us ever, like, break character. We're flawless at this shit. And then, like, she's, like like sitting between me and rexy but she's

facing me and then i can notice that rexy starts to get annoyed that she's not into him and i'm just like yes yes all right it's working and then i'm just like okay he's starting to look like he wants to leave and go do his own thing so we need to we need to like sell it soon because otherwise this isn't gonna work and then we go we order more drinks we sit at a table and i'm just like thinking like what the fuck do we do to make like the punch line like land as hard as it can and then i look to my left and i see a fucking photo booth and i'm just like okay okay here we go and i pretend that i'm more drunk than i'm actually and i was like yo guys we should all get in the photo booth etc and then i jump in like immediately and i'm just like who else wants in it'll only fit one person though oh my god and i'm just praying that rexy says no and he says like nah i don't really fucking want to and then

i tell her like oh how about you you want to get in on this she's like yeah sure then we sit down and i whisper in her ear let's kiss on the third one and then we take the first two pictures we kiss on the third one i come out and rexy's just is he i'm gonna go to the bathroom he just leaves and i'm just like i'm just telling her like oh my god we fucking killed it this is perfect he's probably so mad right now and then i tell her like okay let's just start making out for ages so that he comes back to us making out and then rexy comes back and he's flexing so hard i can see like veins pop out of his fucking body he just comes back walks up to me like he's the fucking like colossal titan he just goes ed give me your fucking keys right now i'm going home. Bro. Holy fuck. Fucking hell.

And I just start dying laughing and I go, Rexid, I want you to meet my girlfriend. And then he goes, I don't give a fuck. Give me your keys. And I go, No, I'm not joking. This is my girlfriend.

And he goes, What? And I go, Yes. This is my fucking girlfriend. he just and he just grabs me and he goes show me fucking discord messages right now i do not believe you i do not believe you and the reason why he was in so much disbelief is because this bit lasted four hours oh we spent we spent an entire night selling it fucking lifelike jesus what's your fucking

it was so it was so fucking funny and i forgot to mention a crucial detail before uh we started doing this bit this was the day that my girlfriend had come back from bulgaria so i went to like pick her up from the airport and hang out with her for a bit. And that was when we worked out the backstory. Then I also told her, like, let's add an extra layer of fucking with him. And let's change your phone lock screen to something Dragon Ball related. So she changed her phone lock screen

to Vegeta going Super Saiyan. Oh, dude. Stop. No fucking way. Is he like a big Dragon Ball head? head no he's a massive dragon ball head like this profile picture is literally a smite character going super saiyan that's what he's been using for like yeah do you imagine if it was a smite character though he would have fucking lost oh my that would have been better what if the lock screen was just his fucking his fucking art of the smite character

no no that wouldn't work because i know she doesn't know what you know i know that's the whole david pay attention i know i'm fuck off um yeah let me think of oh yeah and then he was just really mad on the table. And just really mad that we went the bit gone for so long. That's so funny, though. It was fucking the entire night. Oh, my fuck. And then he'd like, as we were walking back, he was

like, you are so fucking lucky I didn't have your spare keys because my original plan was to go to the bathroom and just go back home. And then the moment you got back, I would have beaten your ass i mean no i honestly can't blame him like if i saw one of my homies do that like i'd also be pissed but i just love that he came back flexing like ed give me your fucking keys right now like a fucking stretch armstrong that you've put through a bike pump just boom boom no his neck had like five extra layers when he came back from the bathroom

like a michelin man he was fucking fuming michelin man yeah that was good times i also heard you were delirious and talking to will smith in your bedroom how much did she tell you guys that's like all she told us is that you were doing that and you had a fever yeah because we were we were we were talking beforehand and we were like is ed is ed gonna be okay to be on we haven't heard about him in a while and apparently cat came in and was just i mean your girlfriend came in and she was like he's talking to Will Smith right now. Yeah. No. It's because we, um, on one of the, like,

Arexi's really weird. And he'll just complain that we're drinking too much. While, like, give me a second. What? What is this? He's running away. He just fucking ran away? He gave up midway through the sentence to go and shit himself. I need you guys to understand the level at which this man operates.

We bought this five days ago. Oh, come on. That's a tiny bottle, dude. What percent is that, though? 40%. Yeah, that's like a 750 mil, dude. That's not that bad. That's like a normal bottle.

Yeah, but he would just... That's not enough. He would just drink it. No, but just daily. Like noon. Just throughout the day, he would just that's not enough that he would just drink it no but like like just daily like like noon like just throughout the day he would just constantly take shots how did he not finish it i i know but oh because this is like the fourth bottle by the way oh there we go okay this fucking guy dude that's not a lot that's not a lot yeah that's not a lot. Ed pulled out like a 500 mil. No, I think it's 750.

That's 750. 750 mil bottle. That's just a normal bottle. Like a vodka kind of thing. Gordons. No Gordons. No Gordos? Shut up. But yeah, no, he just drinks daily.

And I can't keep up with that. I just drink a shitload at night. And then for like prior to 6 p.m., I'll be a good little that's fucking that's why he fucking felt like shit he was drinking all fucking day no he was drinking all day every day that's not dude yeah because he would drink all day to heal the hangover of the previous day oh dude he was trying to ward off he was trying to ward off the nightmares every day you gotta get carbs in You can't just fucking keep drinking, you moron. Dude. Some motherfuckers don't know how to drink.

And then it really collapsed on the day we went to Amsterdam because we were traveling, so he couldn't drink throughout the day. So all the hangovers of that week collapsed in on themselves. And he was just like shaking on the train. Whoa. Like nauseous hold down food at all he's just an alcoholic whoa dude that's a lie like straight up and um by the time we got to the uh apartment that friends of mine uh decided to lend to us he just like i feel like he straight up got sick and whatever he had passed on to me because i had the shakes and the fucking whatever's today dude that might i'm not sure if that's alcohol anymore that might be just like the demons the demons and uh i was really delirious i spent

the entire day in bed even though i slept i slept from midnight to 10 a.m and then i spent the rest of the day in bed i only got out of bed at like 6 p.m because i was just fucked up and like whenever i was awake i don't remember any of the other dreams i texted them to my girlfriend but one of them was i had a dream well not a dream but i had like a vision that she was the new star of the new black panther movie and the poster was her lying down on a mountain but then when i went to like go say hi to her it was will smith that what the fuck are you talking about dude i i was fucking delirious and then at one point i dreamt that i was i i envisioned that i was like i was just lying in bed and i had just woken up from like being on the couch and fucking charlie slimesicle was sitting

in the other side of the room, and he was like, dude, let's do coke. I was like, I don't really want to do coke, man. I don't feel good. No, I had a bunch of weird visions. I thought I had a fever, but then I took a little thermometer thingy, and I didn't. I'm okay now.

You just had a brief schizophrenic episode. That's all it was. No, because with Rexy, he also had the same thing. It only lasted like a day, and then the next day he was perfectly fine. Just sucks that it was like the day we went to Amsterdam. It also didn't help

that we stayed at my friend's place in Amsterdam, and I went to his place here in Belgium to grab his keys, and he was like, okay, warning. I can't paraphrase him because he says a slur here. Let me give you a warning, Ed. Wait, what?

Let me give you a warning, Ed. My roommate is a fucking silly guy. And he, instead of taking the trash out, he took the garbage bag out of the trash and then didn't take it to the dump downstairs. He just left it in our living room. And we've been in Belgium for like a month. So when you get to our apartment, it might smell a bit bad. He really underestimated how bad his apartment was going to fucking smell.

Me and Rexy almost gagged on the spot when we opened the fucking door there was like fruit flies your what is his life like dude i don't know what the fuck just do it yourself then what i mean the guy his roommate is i don't know if i've told you guys about the coke heads i'm friends with yeah he's the leader of the coke heads. That's his roommate. He spearheads the coke heads. Oh, I like that. That rhymes. But yeah, I got there and it was like, it smelled like shit. There was fruit flies everywhere, like covering the kitchen, covering

the bathroom. We literally could not go anywhere without it being like covered in fruit flies. What the fuck? I had to do this like little thing where you get a bowl, you put in apple cider vinegar and... Yeah, with a bowl, you put an apple cider vinegar. Yeah. Yeah.

With a little, like a fucking fruit fly. No, with the dish soap. Yeah. That's a, you put it in a big bowl and the flies will think that it's, Oh,

delicious fruit. And then they get in the bowl and they drown. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I had to do. And then to like, uh, get rid of a smell.

I had to get some Febreze, but my favorite part of that night was, uh, rexy like get done cleaning and we're like all right job done and we forget that it's like an apartment like building but like neighbors and i just hear the neighbors go down to the hall one of them yells it fucking smells like shit dude i i have a question yeah what's a slur for silly little guy funny little fellow funny little fella i uh give us a letter give us a letter imagine we're playing countdown right now i'll be you know i'm asking for a consonant all right my roommate is a fucking rambunctious guy.

Ah. I see. Racist? Not. Thank you, David. We took two very different directions. Everybody's drinking beers and I have nothing else except a bottle of Chardonnay. I feel like a fucking fucking.

You fucking Tory. You Tory quarter after three. I don't even know what that fucking means. It's like a conservative for England. Listen, did you come all the way here without a story or what? No, I came here with a story. I guess it's kind of a story. It's still on the line of

drinking and just not being able to hold your bevies down. Okay. It's more about how... Wait, are you the one who can't drink no leon i really can't relate he just did a random shot that's fucked up that's fucking me i didn't but i could you know who drank from that bottle wait i mad my friends moved out and i helped him get rid of the of the rat shit and he gave me shot glasses. Why does he keep leaving?

I guess the story is on pause. Why does he keep leaving in the middle of recording, bro? Oh, it's going fine. I drank the first leffen and then Ed proceeded to drink the rest of leffen. Oh, you talk about our little trip together? Our little trip together.

Ed is convinced we had gay love inside of his single bed when we had two single beds. Maybe he did, but I don't know about it. Why not? Why does it bother you so much? Is it Ed, or is it just the fact that it's...

Okay. If it was anybody else, you'd be fine with it? Oh, I'd be on board. I'd be encouraging it. I'd be encouraging. I see, I see, I see. But it's Ed. Encouraging, loving. Go on, love me in a single bed.

Yeah. Don't do that. Leon never made eye contact. I really didn't like that. Yeah, because my eyes were closed and I was asleep, you little freak. Fuck Ed. But it's not about Ed. Ed can... Well well he can't hold his liquor but he also can't remember anything that happens on the night after no yeah that's the thing my stomach is

but can hold his cum my stomach i don't know what it is about it it's like i know exactly what to eat to make myself impervious to vomiting and hangovers. But I'll touch alcohol and I'm just out of it. How quick you nut, Ed? It depends on the day. No, it doesn't. I'm on command.

I'm not on command. You're on command? Bro, I don't know. I'm on Ed's camp. Some days... Some days it comes out like a fine days like i'll get i'll get out like a fine fucking powder i don't know some days i'll give up halfway through i'm just like that's dude that's depression bro no some days i'll just i'll just get too sweaty and i'm just like what's the fucking point anymore i'm covered in sweat now this is just unpleasant that is depression bro it's a heat wave who who fucking doesn't finish bro what's the point in putting in all the effort

yeah you put so much effort you put so much effort and then you just decide you're done by the time i do come i'm gonna be covered in even more sweat. And I'll just be like, that wasn't fucking worth it. Ed always leaves him wanting more. Yeah. His balls? Someone. Who's left wanting? Wait, are we talking about nutting by meself or nutting with like a feller? With a feller? With a feller?

With a feller? The fellers. I keep nursing this shot. I really hate Jin. I could give you the time it took for him to nut for me. Ayo. If I knew, if I was awake. He didn't. Oh, God.

Hello? Hello? I had my eyes closed. Vulnerable. Dude, no! No, dude. Yeah. I bought all those lefts with the prospects of receiving a very vulnerable british boy

ed's response is just yeah yeah yeah yeah like in the middle of oh no he didn't take the shot yet he was like i have no he's nursing a shot like jen he's nursing a shot because he's a toddler oh i should get the bulgarian thing he's gonna leave again why does he leave i hate jinn ed's just been sitting staring at a shot of jinn for like three minutes i cannot stand jinn balls i got ball phanta oh my god what the fuck that fan is in a ball bro it's also pretty for people that don't know what we're talking about Think about like A Legend of Zelda potion

Where it's a big spherical thing With a hole at the top That's what Ed's drinking of right now But it's a Fanner That shit looks like a slip juice It looks exactly like a fucking Buzz Ball Except instead of alcohol it's just Fanner Leon what about your story

my silly little guy it's just like fucking teen so like for people that don't know without any of the negative connotations I wasn't involved but I played smash for like 7 years see Ed had a confused

face on the moment I said smash it was not confused it was disg face on the moment I said Smash. It was not confused. I was disgust from the beginning. I'm sorry. So, in the UK, we had our Smash major called Air. It's very good. You should go next year if you can.

No, it's very good. Fuck you, Ed. It's very good. You didn't say anything you didn't say shit bro it's on a university campus and it's an 18 plus event so a lot of people there get drunk

oh Ed come on Jesus fucking Christ fucking hell next thing that Ed's gonna come out with is not once did I hear the word Come on. Fucking Christ. You gotta keep the Smash players away from that. Jesus fucking Christ. Fucking hell. Next thing that Ed's gonna come out with is, not once did I hear the word.

Oh, God. Went to a Bioshock Infinite event. They were handing out free baseballs. He's gonna make his next Dear Esther video, and he's gonna start it with, what's up i don't know what that is let's at least move on fitz thistlewoods anyway um oh i i okay yeah yeah now i do watching like 2010s youtubers just

like slip over themselves from the past it's like whoa okay fair enough fucking up i don't know if they're sleeping i think they're just going for it dude going for the jugular they are gunning down them stairs and they're stumbling hard fucking anyway back to air basically it's this 18 plus event and so you have the people like me who know what their kind of like limits are on drinks and then you've also got a bunch of uni students um that are like like a smashers some of them are like just coming into uni as well for the first time and so it's like oh yeah for freshers week yeah they've been like they're starting freshers and so they've been drunk a couple of times and they think their bar's so fucking high when really it's like you're four shots deep and you're already out of the oh you're gonna have to believe that uh fucking it's an expression youtube's rules to

take away the british australians and irish how dare them fucking there's this lad i'm gonna call him james uh for the sake of security david you gotta cut okay fair enough uh stop man so james is this 18 year old kid he's just coming to uni for the first time and he doesn't drink. So it's, well, maybe he's drunk like once or twice, but he really doesn't even have a bar that he thinks he has. Wait, is drinking age like 18? 18 in the UK. Yeah, that's what I thought.

And they actually ID you. I feel like the UK is the most reasonable one when it comes to drinking laws. Over here as well, you get ID'd when you're 18. You can ID everyone. Canada's 18 then. It's 19 most places, but some provinces like mine

it's 18. You can drink at 16 so long as you have a guardian there to supervise you. Oh, really? As long as you can see over the bar. Wait, is that true? No, dude. That would be a cool's 10 10 walked in at the

age of four and it's just like oh you want a guinness surely i was taller than my uh kindergarten teacher in kindergarten what the fuck she was a really short lady and i was really tall i am no how short is that real short because that's wild to me. Bro, I was like six foot in like the fourth grade. Yeah, but you weren't that tall in fucking kindergarten. I was tall. I was taller than my preschool teacher. My kindergarten teacher. Was she like five, four foot?

She had to have been like five foot flat. There's no way. Well, like you were five? You were taller than five foot in kindergarten? I'm a big guy. I'm a big guy. I'm a big boy. That is so fucking weird. Way.

I love being meat products. You must have been an absolute fucking eldritch nightmare to birth. You must have been terrifying. Sorry, I didn't mean it. I was coming out of the gate swinging. I don't know what to say i was gonna say i wasn't there but i was i don't know no um i had that when um my mom keeps telling this fucking

story like it's one of those like you know those stories your parents will just tell you over and over even though you've already heard them not Not even at a party, just to you. And you're just, you've already told me this shit. Yeah. My mom loves telling me that, like, you know, Ed, you're so tall. She is. That when you were born. Thank you.

That when you were born, the doctor, like, you took a while to get out of my cooch. And when the doctor finally. Did she say cooch? It was in French instead. It was the portuguese i will kill you that is not cool um yeah you took a while to get out of my cooch in portuguese and then when the doc when the doctor finally held you he was like he instantly gave me shtick while i was buried in my own tears. He said, well, I could see why you took a while.

Wait. He's probably shaking me. Wait. Wait. Can I get a stike bike with this? A fast bike. Fuck. Oh, dude.

Oh, fuck. Gotta go to Greg's. Gotta go to Greg's. Your smash tournament. Yeah. So this kid didn't have a bar and we went to Mosh in Leicester I want to say

what's the postal code fuck off it had it had like a like a pop punk kind of area downstairs and there was like EDM all the way up it was really good at the bottom.

Uh, it was a bit mid of the, in the middle. So I hadn't seen this kid all night. I didn't even know he was here. Cause I thought he was still 17 and I didn't see him like at the event the whole day. Um,

so when James pulled up, I was like, Oh no, not James. At the time he was, he was not a cool guy for the most part. He's a cool guy now. He's sick.

But for the time... Because of this? No, no. Maybe. But, like, for the time, he was a bit of a freak. How long ago was this? Four years ago now. Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. That's a while back. But it's, like, he's going from Wales, where I imagine he's a bit secluded, to a big city where it's like, oh, he's got a lot of different perspectives around him, so it's not as big. So you would have been 21 then, and this kid was 18. Yeah, yeah. About that kind of time. Oh, yeah.

When you're 18, you're still a little bit of a shithead. It takes a couple of years for you to stop being a shithead and can confirm. Especially if it's like all your influence is like, I love Andrew Tate. Don't take that out of context. Fucking soundbite. I love that nobody talked when you said that.

Yeah, nobody said anything. Yeah, new donation alert coming in hot. Fuck off. I don't even know what that means. I hadn't seen him the whole time and he comes in to like our circle and he is immediately kind of dead weight drunk you know when you it's not even that you don't have balance you're like double the weight you are before you're just sloping down yes

so we're trying to babysit him and he's insistent that we get more Jager bombs and our group is about like it's a smash tournament so there's like 400 people here so our group is about like 35 people at this point and so half of them go off 400 people here. So our group is about like 35 people at this point. Um,

and so half of them go off. Half of us were kind of paying attention to James and James at one point stumbles away with the brute force of a bull to go and chase them down to the bar. He insists on, he insists on paying for all of them. he manages to get like one or two down him before we like pull him away and like what the fuck are you doing go to the bathroom go and be sick um so i'm standing outside at this point i'm like he's probably gonna be fine everyone else just fuck off it'll be okay um so we're waiting outside the bathroom with him he's been yakking all over the fucking all all over the toilet.

And so a bouncer kicks him out. Uh, he looks, the bouncer looks at me and is like, are you with him? And I go, yeah. Cause I didn't know he was getting kicked out.

And he's like, you're out as well. Oh, dude. Yeah. I fucked it. So he's so spewed that he can't stand up at this point i have to lay him against the bench whilst i call for a taxi uh and at this point one of the lassies comes out and he's like

is james okay and it's like no he's fucked man uh and so we get into an uber and this is when the story actually gets a little bit interesting rather than just this teenager was drunk. I kind of liked it. So I'm excited. 18. What's the key word in there, David? Vulnerable.

You're not a fucking. 10. What? They're Smash players. No. Yeah, they are. you just said it you said they were smash players they are smash players but that's not the point I thought it was

why did you make such a big deal out of the smash hey go more work for you oh fuck it's the c word if people are curious wait that word is the new black albert if you just drop that word david will actually have to work okay uh doesn't work anymore man so he's in our cab and james he's hanging out the window and i'm going james please don't throw up in this car i cannot have i cannot afford to have you throw up in this car because in in england it's like

you throw up in someone in a taxi's car you have to pay 50 quid in cash right there and then to them also this is so these aren't just ibers. I mean, I get it. These are like proper cabs. No, it isn't Uber. Oh, it isn't Uber. It's like a cultural policy. It's like it doesn't matter if that's not the policy. You do it anyway. Oh, they don't even ask you for it?

You just pay them right there? I mean, shit. They'll ask you for it if you don't throw it up. I mean, I get it, though. If you don't pass it to them. Like, fuck. it, though. If you don't pause it, too. I've never heard of that. Because I've thrown up in Ubers. Oh, you're such a piece of shit, dude. You fucking suck.

Let me just say it real quick. The one time I threw up in an Uber was I had a lot of triple beers. Triple beers are 12%. they're very strong and this is my first time you could have been like hey man no yo you could have been like hey drop me on the street i'm gonna vomit bro you you did not you were not a good guy it came out i did not get enough like you know you know that saliva you get before you throw up that warns you that you're about to throw up i didn't get that at all you mean bile i don't know what the name now i know the name it's not as it's not his first language david come on yeah go you can't it's not my language

horrible english is literally my third language it's probably your second you fucking canadian dipshit but anyway yeah i i didn't get that saliva at all and this is my first time having triple beers so i was like oh yeah these are probably like fucking piss easy and i'm just knocking four back and that might at the end of my fourth one i was like oh fuck oh yeah those are those are rough and those are killer dude those are so fucking easy to drink too that's yeah they are and they just sneak up on you so by like the fourth one, I was like, I am fighting demons. You're fine. You're good.

Then at one point, you're like, I got to piss. I got to piss. You get up, and you're fucked. The moment you get up, it rushes back into your brain, and you're like, fuck. And I didn't even call the Uber. My homie who lived close to me back then, I was like 19 at the time, he called an Uber. So it wasn't even my Uber. And then we're just in the uber he's sitting in the front seat like chatting shit to the guy and i'm in the back like i might throw up

and then i throw up just a little bit on my own shoulder i didn't it doesn't go anywhere on the car because i'm just like okay like i could see the neurons activating in my head like i'm gonna throw up i'm gonna make sure this doesn't get anywhere near the car so i just go like and it just goes like all over my shoulder like down my fucking like shirt i'm just like you fucking nasty this is fine this is fine because i am the first stop so nobody's gonna notice so then the car stops didn't nobody nobody nobody said nobody said nobody had nobody heard this we just get to my to my stop then my friend turns around and he goes hey man see you later thanks for the good

night and i'm already getting out of the car i'm just like yeah dude awesome night and i'm just like all right okay i played that i played that off so when you said when you said you puked in the uber you puked on yourself, not on the car. But I was in the Uber. That's not that bad. Yeah, exactly. That's why I was like, you know, it's not that bad. I didn't actually puke in the guy's car.

That would have sucked. I puked on myself and I made sure my friend didn't see it. And the moment he tried to say bye, I was already fucking like half my torso out of the car. I was like, all right, bye, guy. Last time I puked was I was in an uber i just i i was like oh no dude i i i just came up to the uber i was like hey man can you drop me off here just like i'll give you like ten dollars extra if you let me like oh dude yeah out right here and he was like

you sure man we're like five minutes away from your home i was like dude if you want to let me out here yeah i was like dude you want to let me out here and he was like all right dude all right have a good night i was like all right you two get out immediately just all over the fucking floor dude i destroyed the pavement and the worst part is i was doing it somebody was walking their dog like right right now and that dude that person just went like and dude for the dog that was fucking somebody was ringing the dinner bell that dog i just want to say real quick so like for me i was like okay i got out of there like a bandit and then like two years later somebody was hosting a new year's party in portugal and that guy was coming to that party and i was like dude yeah

what's up i haven't seen you in like two years and he goes dude yeah last time i saw you you chundered in my uber and i went fuck fuck he actually fucking saw it bro i'm pissed oh you little clown i think i think he saw but driver didn't. And he told me later that like, oh, yeah, no, I totally saw you, Chunder. I just like, I was talking shit to the driver so he wouldn't notice and charge us extra. What a homie, though. That's a homie moment, bro. Very good call. I mean, you just had a little fucking puke pocket on your shirt.

A little chip off my shoulder. A little sick pocket. And it's just like hey hey buddy you want to dip why do you think they put those pockets on the shirt like that exactly oh wait was it was it in a pot on the pocket no david not gonna lie i was wearing my pst shirt it was on the fucking pst pocket no bro wait so you puked in the pocket yeah in the pocket in the pocket functionality finally dude that's why you gotta buy merch please stop stopping.com shut up leon go on so james is in the he to recap

james is in the uber he is hanging out of the window uh the other lassie is there and she's like is he gonna be okay um and i'm like it'll be fucking fine give a shit man uh and we we drive the whole way through james is going because he is halfway to throwing up but he doesn't know he's so drunk that he can't tell he's about to throw up he's just from Northern Ireland he's from Wales and different

places I get that when I used to get stupidly fucked up in college there's some moments where you just go like... Because you don't know the sensation. You don't know the lead up that goes to the payoff. I don't know if it's a payoff, but yeah, sure, man.

I don't know. I always feel fucking grand after a chunder. I'm like, well, I'm back alive. I mean, sure. You don't feel that good when you fucking when you puke from alcohol you get out of it you're like you feel pretty fucking you get a second wind your tummy goes from real achy to like i feel like it's like it's like the less sanitary version of burping out a like a like you feeling bloated or like a stomach pain i had one

of those this week like i i was like not feeling well in the morning and like the moment i burped out a fucking my all my bloat i was like and i instantly grabbed a beer yeah it's a hit or miss the last time i threw up from drinking too much is corbin and i were streaming and we thought it was a good idea to drink a bunch of alcohol um wait which one was that we were playing pga tour like that's the one i remember okay that's what i thought because i remember i remember i was busy that night but i kept going in from time to time and you guys were so fucked up well okay dude 10 i also puked from playing pga tour what? So, what is people doing? Why are people playing PGA Tour?

David, when you go golfing, there's this game that you play called 18 Beers. And it's like, you crack a beer at the start of the hole. You play the hole. You have to finish that beer before, like, before you finish. So, like, you're alternating. So, like, I would have been, like, hole two.

So, I crack a beer at the beginning of hole two, have to finish it before hole four. And Corbin was like, oh, let's do it in PGA. I was like, that sounds like fun. We forgot that it takes a really long time to play real golf games, and it takes not a lot of time. In a video game, you just skip to the hole. Yeah, so we

did that. You don't walk around. Corbin, like halfway through the first game goes this is a terrible fucking idea why are we doing this uh it was such a terrible fucking idea that we did it again we played a second game yeah and this time like it was like okay loser has to do a shot at the end of the first game so we were getting fucked up and then at the end of the second game i lost and corbin's like 10 you have to do a shot and you have to do a shot and i could already like feel my body shutting down i was like corbin i can't i cannot stomach a shot he's like no no no it's fine like just do

a shot i'll do it with you so i poured a shot of corbin oh my god i got ready to go i took the shot sat for a second and just like didn't say anything and stood up and threw up. I ran into the bathroom. Every single time. And I felt terrible. Every single time that I puked from alcohol. Recently, it was because I was hanging out with Corbin. Corbin. He's a bad influence.

Dude, he can out-drink anybody I know. I have never met anybody who can drink as much as him this sounds really fun he will drink you I need to because Rexie kept saying that to me he was like I can fucking drink you under the table and all this shit

I pulled out the fucking Bulgarian liquor that my girlfriend's grandfather made and that shit was it Brachia? no it was mastika oh and that shit is 47.5 percent yeah so is it like grappa no no no not at all it's fucking good it's delicious oh so it's not grappa cool yeah no no it actually tastes fucking amazing have you had it leon did you have it in bul Bulgaria? I did. I didn't like it. I don't think I like Bulgarian

spirits. I'm going to just throw it out there. My friends described it as good ouzo. Oh, I've had ouzo and I didn't like ouzo. You like ouzo? Yeah. Maybe you didn't like my sticker. Maybe a little bit strange. Maybe a little bit fucked up. I'm surprised.

Maybe you did fuck me in the butthole of sleep. Maybe, like, not to bring back any slurs from earlier, but maybe you are a silly little guy. What'd you say, Ted? I said I'm surprised that you've never drank with Corbin. I've never met him in real life. No, not in real, dude.

I don't know. Sitting on a call with Corbin drinking is a real test. I mean, it's not the same. It's a lot, dude. So the last time Corbin and I were drinking like a VC, it was just like me, him, and another one of our friends. And Corbin and I have started doing this bit where wherever we're on call, sometimes we'll stand up to go do something and we'll have our pants pulled down so our ash cheeks are just on the camera. It's really funny. To be fair, that is funny.

The last time I was drinking with Corbin, he took it to an extreme because he's got a big whiteboard behind him. And he gets up and he has his pants pulled down like that and he pulls them down further and starts writing down how many shots he's had and he keeps backstacking to the camera the entire time he's doing it.

It's the funniest shit. That's fucking great. That is the most fucking dude. That's such bro shit. Just showing your ass cheeks to your homie. That's so funny. Hey, buddy,

get your cock and balls out. Oh yeah. I saw his balls like three times that night because he cut me with shots. And he had to keep working them out. I, here homie that's so funny hey buddy get your cock and balls out oh yeah white lord hell yeah I uh like while Rexy was here two friends of mine went on a holiday to Estonia and then Finland cause they wanted to go like

they wanted to go like skeet shooting and fishing and a bunch of sauna they wanted to kill reindeers and like one of those is like not like the other at all and uh kill this innocent animal and uh like one of my friends was like hey can you guys post pictures i want to see the homies and they were just posting pictures and one of them was just like all five of them lined up at a cabin. Everybody had their ass and balls out.

That's so good. Just guys being dudes. We keep fucking sidetracking. What happened to James? What happened to James? I'm going to try and speed it up whatever happens to James because Ed's like, oh yeah, I remember when me and Rex and we did something similar.

He's gone again. He just motioned left and right me and Rex and we did something similar. He just went and peeped. He's gone again. He just motioned left and time out to his camera and got up and left. Are you, dude, I guess, I guess we wait. Do you want to hear about the time when one of my mates threw up directly vertical at a Smash tournament?

Vertical? Yeah. You know when you like, no, no, no no shut up No guys odds on I just do shit loads of truffles Like right now What the fuck do you have truffles for? 1 in 10 What do you have truffles for?

Alright 10 you ready? Wait wait How much are these worth? That's a lot of truffles This is 10 grams yeah these are a lot That's a lot of truffles. This is 10 grams. Yeah, these are a lot. That's a lot of truffles, dude. You sure you want to waste it?

Leon will count us in. 10. 1 and 10, right? 1 and 10. The bourgeoisie wins again. Fuck this. Okay. 3, 2, 1.

4. Oh, thank God. Jesus Christ. Why did you do that? Fuck off. Go piss. Somebody threw up directly vertical at Smash Tournament once and just threw up on one person

because everyone else had the reaction time of a fucking 12-year-old. And they were also 12 years old. No, they weren't. No, they weren't. It was another 18-plus event. Most good UK events are 18-plus because we're not fucking nonces. We wouldn't call them good.

We're not nonces here. I understand what America's got. It's not us. Anyway, fucking... So, James, to recap from the last time, he's in the Uber. He's, well, I'm going to be fine. And fucking...

So, he is actually fine. For a full 10-minute drive from Mosh to, like, Leicester University, I'm sure somebody can fucking check that. Fucking from Mosh to like Leicester University. I'm sure somebody can fucking check that. Fucking from Mosh to Leicester University. It's like, it's actually just fine. And I'm like, holy fuck. James is going to manage to yak it on the grass. Fantastic.

And I open my car door. Blassie opens her car door. We realized that James hasn't opened his car door. Oh, no, no, no. It gets better. It gets better. It gets better. It gets better.

Does it? He hasn't yacked it, which is curious because he hasn't opened the door yet. He shit his pants. He shit his pants. I pull the car door open. He shit his pants. I pull the car door open and James is kind of like he doesn't know if he wants to

lean in or if he wants to lean out no dude this motherfucking shit pants I start to pull him out oh my god and he fights it and I'm not sure why he's fighting it,

but he's double the weight that I am right now because he's so drunk. He hasn't shit himself. What he- What he does instead is he pulls back with the force of an elephant into the Uber that has stopped, that has the car door open that i am trying to pull him out

of so that he can throw up where i was saying oh motherfucker he framed you he didn't frame anyone he was pretty obvious i feel in a fucking still uber motherfucker right so we put we eventually pull him out the driver comes out he's like he i can see he's about to say give me give me some fucking money i already i've already got my wallet out i'm like this fucking dickhead dude 50 bucks dude that's a lot man yeah it is fucked up shit and so i'm all And so, I'm a little pissed. I'm like, whatever. Fucking James, fucking just get away from the fucking car so they can pull out. No. James is struggling to move away from the car.

The car doors are closed at this point, so there's no chance of him throwing up in the car. He's going to not throw up for the rest of the night which is a bit of a problem but he's still incredibly fucked he hasn't had the post euphoria that me and ed feel post throw up get i gotta get a time out again i'm gonna order food oh my god are you fucking serious fucking hell man keep all this shit in. I want people to know just how fucking terrible it is to record with Ed.

It has never been this bad. Fucking better. Are you back for real? Is baby back from his piss break? Baby back from binky? No, sorry. I just realized that after this shot, I realized I haven't had food in a while and I need to have food. But go on. Do you have your phone? Wait, you just did a shot yeah okay good you fucking better be yeah i just took a shot of this bulgarian thing so james is very

confused whilst he's drunk and he's trying to go back to the uber that is pulling away. Remember, he can't stand up. He can't put his weight on himself. So what he does is he stumbles forward towards the car and throws his hand under the tire of a car that is pulling away. We, thankfully, he doesn't lose his fingers. Holy fuck. But he comes incredibly close to. Yeah.

We have to pull his hand out. Oh my god. And it's at that point that I go from this kid's fine to something is wrong. Yeah. And so we're trying to figure out where James is situated on the dorm because at fate you stay at a university ground and you live in the university dorms for four days

so we're trying to decipher from James where do you currently live oh good luck with that the only thing that James can respond with is that or or

just a very genuine scream and only answered it away he gives us two answers it's like trying to fucking play 21 questions with somebody that doesn't know what the other half of yes to no is. It's really bad. Oh, dude. And so we're walking like towards where we think he is. We don't know. He's fucked. The other lassie's getting really worried.

I'm pretty worried, but I'm not too certain. So what we do is we go, should we call him an uber he falls over in the process of asking this question and we go oh my god we should call him an ambulance because in the uk it's free it's not yeah um and so because if he needs to get his stomach pumped he needs to get a stomach pump was it that bad it sounds bad the only thing that he would respond with to anything is a scream. And so when we looked at it, we went, yeah, we should probably get him a fucking ambulance. Did he get his stomach pumped? No.

No, he didn't. And the ambulance, the people working in the ambulance, I don't know what you call them, nurses? I don't give a shit. EMT orderlies. They got here, and they went, this dickhead's gonna be fine. They got him in a stretcher,

and the moment that they put the straps over him, to contain him he didn't fall asleep he panicked and all of a sudden he could speak english again perfectly fine and it's like oh no no i'm terrified i'm scared it's like all right so what they did was he was in like a stretcher that was also a chair at the same time. Yeah. He, they unstrapped him, told him to get up and he wouldn't get up.

So you know what they did? Fuck's sake. Pushed him out. Pushed that motherfucker out. And we went, dude, he's going to be fine. Completely good. Thankfully, the end of the story is we get him home. He's perfectly fine the next day very hungover obviously he pays me back

he's a sound guy now and the person who was predicted to get second at that tournament and likely completely ruin European Smash by making one of the most interesting upsets for like at least 10 years just got DQ'd because he didn't

wake up in time because he was so drunk. So, yeah. If you're 18 now, don't come near me, you fucking weirdo. Leave me alone. I want to be at the club by myself, you dick. Motherfuckers need to

learn how to drink. Fuck you. I'm not surprised that the Smash by myself, you dick. Motherfuckers need to learn how to drink. Fuck you. I'm not surprised that the Smash players have to try to tell 18-year-olds not to come near them. The Black Parade was playing downstairs, and I missed it because of you pricks. No, I don't agree with that. I think 18-year-olds should go fucking nuts with the drinking, because if you haven't had a chance to like reach your limits. No, because if you live in the UK, if you live in the UK, like that's why I love living here in Belgium and Europe in general.

It's because like the drinking laws are so lax that you learn your limits very early on in your life. So when you're like an adult, you don't embarrass yourself. You learn to respect alcohol before it fucks you up as an adult yeah yeah because if you're out here puking when you're like past your 20s that's just fucking embarrassing for everybody involved and the culture is so different here when it comes to like drinking young it's like in the states i imagine underage drinking is around 18 underage drinking is around 18. Underage drinking here is like 14, 15. Yes! You are nowhere near behind the wheel at that point, which is like, you're not going to cause a crash.

Yeah, exactly. So at least in Europe, if you drink and drive, you know how to do it. PSPT got so political. We are encouraging drunk driving if you live in Europe. No, we're not. No, we're not. No, we are not.

We were talking about this earlier. Stop! No! Allegedly. Did you know that 99% of plane crashes are done by sober pilots? Do the math. Sober drivers on their way to commit 75 percent of vehicle accidents that was my that was my story so if there's any other stories to go around grand because i'm

fucking dry uh i was just gonna mention that uh yeah i personally started drinking at 12 my first house party was when i was 13 so i've been very good like i learned my limits at 15 which was when i've already told this story on the podcast like my like my big drinking limit defining moment was when i drank an entire bottle of vodka by myself when i woke up in france that's when I went, okay, I know what my limits are. I want to cut this off midway through. Don't drink underage. Yeah, don't drink underage. I disagree. I think you should. Add, add, add, add, add.

It's like 9 out of 10 dentists. I'm going to take a bomb. You can bleep that. You can bleep that. That's fine. You can bleep that that's fine you can bleep that it's fine of course I'm gonna bleep that it's a threat wait were you there for the

cue-all moments Leon I caught it in the morning no worries perfect do we do we do patreon questions now is this where we're at I think we're at patreon questions hey patreon questions If you're a patron of the tier of

$5? I can't remember. You can ask us a question. Us and the guest who's currently on. This time being... Funk? Justin? Noodle? It's funky. Noodle's not a guest.

I don't care. Julian's not a guest. I know Funk in the last podcast said it was funky. It's not funky. Noodle's not a guest. I don't care. Julian's not a guest. I know Funk in the last podcast said it was funky. It's not funky. It's Funk. Fuck you, Justin. It's funky. I don't fucking care. It's a large E, you dickhead. It's a small E. No, it's the small E, you fucking moron. Is it actually the other way around?

It is the other way around. I have watched Justin since I was 15 and he can't say his name right wait no wait i'm 25 now fuck it would be like yeah you're an old bastard i am i was gonna say i'm 25 fossil feathers asks you no longer need. What do you do with the extra time? Dude, I would just jerk off. I was so close to saying that, but I was just like, meh.

With the extra time, I'll... I'm not going to lie about it. Of course I'm going to jerk off. What I do with the extra time, I finish Dragon Quest XI, because that game is 5 billion hours long. Can you not twice in a day, David? I can not a few times. My max

was 4. Does it come out like a fine powder for you? No. But most I have ever done is twice in a day. Really? I can fix that. No, you can't. We can fix that, Ed.

We can fix that. No, I do one of these, you do one of these. You know what I'm saying? If I never had to sleep again, I think... My balls aren't large enough for two fucking hands. No, but we can pretend. Because that's the thing that gets guys off.

If you pretend that their dick is big and you double stroke their dick, even though it's not big enough for a double stroke, as long as you fit in two fingers of the second hand, they'll like it. Go on, Ted. Ed be like, I'm not sleeping. We're talking about how to give banging hands how to get guys off.

I'll say, if I never sleep again, I would hang out in cemeteries and pretend to be a ghost. And just go... What would you do, Leon? I have horrible, boring news. I would play more video games. That's what I said.

That's what I'd do. I'd probably watch more movies and do more stupid shit. Life just doesn't have enough time to play more. That's why I don't get hate watching because it's like you're wasting your time. You're wasting so much time. I'd rather watch

a show I'll like. I think that there's a certain joy in consuming bad media. No, there absolutely is. Dude, like literally last week, me and my friends along with Rexy, we got really drunk and we watched, are you guys familiar with a movie called Tiptoes?

Are you familiar with a video called Smite Car? Hey, there's two of them. But Tiptoes is a movie about Matthew McConaughey and his girlfriend getting into conflict because his girlfriend finds out that the rest of Matthew McConaughey's family is all dwarves

and she hates dwarves. And Matthew McConaughey's brother that's not real is played by gary oldman who for the entire movie because they didn't have the budget to see jay's legs he's just on his knees for the entire performance and every single shot is above his fucking side what is this called tiptoes movie tiptoes movie look it up that entire synopsis but it's matthew matosis instead of matthew mcconaughey this is real it's real dude look up look at gary oldman oh my god what the gary oldman is just on his knee dude what no way and the main conflict comes the main conflict comes from like his girlfriend getting pregnant and she's

like oh my god i can't wait to have a kid then he's like i have news for you baby i have the dwarfism gene and she's like no you don't you're a tall guy then and she meets the rest of his family and it's all dwarves and it's it's peter dinklage no peter dinklage the only peter dinklage in that movie by the way is just a random guy who's not part of the main plot he's a b-plot character and he has a french accent he plays a french guy in that movie what was the question the fuck if you do with free time did you watch tiptoes all right next question we're done you pick one leon you should pick yeah wait what i don't even oh uh in the thingy uh fucking yo you know how bad i am at reading it takes me about four hours wait who asked that video who uh fucking shut up and kill

wait no i can't no you can't finish that can't finish that okay weird the patreon would allow a username such as shut up and kill yourself that's not what they were called though I think if you have to have sex with any cryptid or SCP you have to say who asked first come on fucking hell Mr. Shit if you could have sex with any cryptid

Mr. Shirt you fucking moran moran okay fair enough that's the guy from Blue Mountain State, by the way. That's not his question. If you could have sex with any cryptid slash SCP, which one would you choose and why?

I don't know any of the SCPs. I'm not gonna lie. The only ones I know... You know cryptids? I don't know. Creepy crawlies and fucking weirdos. Mothman. Bigfoot. Fuck the Mothman. Bigfoot's a cryptid? yeah I thought he was a guy

wait wait wait I'd fuck Bigfoot you already are fucking Bigfoot what do you mean David felt like Bigfoot in my mouth cause he's like 7 foot that's why I'm mean I sucked on David's toes Seven foot. He's six nine. It's flying me. I'm fucking... Jesus.

I sucked on David's toes. And they felt bigger down my throat, let me tell you. If I... I gotta think of like cryptids and SCPs. The only SCPs I know are the ones in Bun's show. Ikea. Yeah, Ikea. Oh, the infinite Ikea. Yeah, yeah.

Dude, you could fuck anything in the ikea that sounds amazing dude there's so many things that are fuckable at an ikea like like like what like they're no like the fucking vat of meatballs damn it i was gonna say meatballs i was waiting for the vat of meatballs they have a huge vat of meatball you can shove your dick in there if you close your eyes and try real hard you can you could probably fuck between like oh also they have they have like i think the i think the restaurant has a bunch of like salmon you could fuck a salmon you could they swim like just a fillet of salmon no you mor you moron. Doesn't have a head anymore. Stop looking like, oh, what are you talking

about? What do you mean? A salmon has bones in it. Have you ever eaten salmon like bones? They're fucking sharp. Imagine that. They're deboned. Dude, you think Ikea doesn't debone their fucking salmon? Who doesn't?

Hold on a fucking minute. I'll debone your fucking asshole again, Leon. You would go somewhere that doesn't debone their fucking salmon who doesn't whoa hold on a fucking i'll debone your fucking ass you would can leon you would go somewhere that doesn't serve you the whole fish it's salmon dude salmon you never get served the whole fish have you ever eaten salmon should no what i've never had salmon yeah i can tell yeah yeah i'm like dude this motherfucker's never had deboned fish before he just crunches no no no you get like fucking fillets of salmon you don't get the whole fucking fish eat my cock and balls that's that's what i would fuck my my crypt you already you all you already did in the single bed fucking you already did a fish a fish that has bones on it is a is a better meal

like no it's more no it doesn't matter it's you've never had salmon leon have salmon and then you can have this conversation you've never had it shut the fuck up then i have leon eat salmon and then we'll have the conversation where we want to fuck them off. I don't even know you anymore. You keep lying. We can talk about your cock and balls again. I'm a severe gaslighter. Fucking

Oh no. Smash player gaslighting people. Never seen that. Hey. Hey. It's an 18 plus podcast. In Europe? people. Never seen that. Hey, hey, hey. This is an 18 plus podcast. This is an 18 plus podcast.

I'm not going to have this slander. In Europe, melee is pretty sound most of the time. Shake? This isn't a visual podcast. The age of consent in Germany is 14. What? Is it? Yes. Oh, God.

Holy fuck. Why? How many Smash events have you gone to in Germany, Leon? None. I'm pointing a flashlight in your face and I'm turning it on and off. None. Fucking hell. Anyway, I would go for the SCP that is like graffiti that teleports around.

I don't know, but it would be adventurous. You'd fuck a wall? Oh, you mean like fucking like a glory hole, but it's a graffiti wall? No, it's not a glory hole. Well, how would you fuck it then? I'd find out when I get there, David. The what? No, you can't find out when you get

there. You gotta fuck it. What do you mean? Okay. Drill a hole in the wall and fuck the graffiti so you mean the back rooms it's like if i said the back rooms but i have to know now how i'm yeah you have to know how you're gonna fuck i mean the back room says the nun in it no no no fuck the extended universe of the fucking back the scariest part of the back is the fact that it's no the scariest part of the back rooms is the fact that it's... No, the scariest part of the backrooms is the fact that it is an endless void that is completely just empty of any kind of threat.

And the wallpaper is hideous. And the color schemes. Oh, my God. Dude, I'd fucking punch a wall in the backrooms and fuck it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so you wouldn't know how to fuck it. You know, there's a scene in Tiptoes. Hey, spoilers for Tiptoes.

If anybody here wants to watch. I'm muting, I'm muting. Hey, I'm muting, I'm muting. There's a scene in Tiptoes where the baby that the whole plot hinges around is finally born and he has the dwarfism gene. And the wife went through this entire character arc to be like, I'm okay with the dwarfism gene. And the doctor goes through this entire character arc to be like, I'm okay with the dwarfism gene.

And the doctor goes like, he's going to need a bunch of extra shots. Are you sure you're okay with this? And the wife goes, yeah, I'm okay with it. Are you okay with it, honey? And it hard cuts to Matthew McConaughey. And he just yells, God damn it. And he punches a hole in the wall.

And then he fucks it. It hard cuts to Matthew Matosis. And he goes, not it. It hard cuts to Matthew Matosis and he goes, not once. Not once. Anyway, I'm looking for more questions. Should we do a last one? Yeah, let's do a last one.

Fuck. Brain Soup asks, do any of you have a defined fashion style or just throw on whatever's on the floor? We're fucking gamers. Come on. I put on whatever it costs for the occasion. Like if I'm just going to be sitting at home

and just working and not doing anything, I'm going to throw on like a random t-shirt, case in point. No, if it looks spooky, I like it. There's a chocolate stain on this shirt because I'm not doing anything today. Like I don't give a shit. Get your cock and balls out, man. Dude, i'm wearing a fucking pabst shirt right now if i'm going out to like a thing

i'll put on like a proper like dress shirt or whatever if i'm going but if i'm going out to a bar might also be a dress shirt but like this question's fucking boring why'd you want to ask this you because it blew my mind. It's like, how... I feel like everybody dresses like this. If you're staying at home, you wear bullshit. If you're going out to an actual event, you wear nice shit. I'm sorry to call you a slob, David, but you are a gamer.

You just have to come to admit it. I like my jacket, if I'm going out. David looks real sad, as he's saying this. I just try. I just dress in black and pentagrams. I don't know what to tell you. I like Julian's dress code.

Julian will wear shirts designed to piss me off and he always wins. I told him this during our Brendan's wedding road trip. Every single day he dressed like a man who has lost a bet. Oh my god he does

we can't end on that question we gotta find something that was a limp dick question hang on sorry brain soup I didn't mean to throw you under the bus like that I figured out that you're not my patron I it was a fine question but it's like

I don't know I dress how I dress however I'm doing that day. Yeah, it really depends on what you're doing. That's common sense. Today I'm sitting at home. Okay, wait, wait. Let me end it out real strong. It's going to be a sentence, and then we're saying goodbye. KHL Long Girl, what's your favorite comfort food?

Ed's Cum Thanks for listening everyone It's been a great podcast We're not ending it on that you fucking moron What are we children? You think cum is funny huh? I do What's my comfort food?

Which will cum Taste good Are you going to fart? What's happening hey thanks for listening this episode would not be possible without the help from our patrons, such as... Air109 Alan Diver Olly Oxenfree

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