Please Stop Talking - Solid Milk | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: July 12, 2018

Just poop sock it. The Grinch: http://bit.ly/PSTEP23 The Shark: http://a.co/c7e7xez Support the podcast and David on Patreon: www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Humble Bundle Monthly: www.humblebundle.com/monthly?partner=pstpodcast Humble Bundle: www.humblebundle.com/?partner=pstpodcast Podcast also available on iTunes and SoundCloud! iTunes - apple.co/2slCqTT SoundCloud - @pstpodcast Rating us on iTunes is extremely helpful for us and a great way to grow the podcast! Links: Avery - twitter.com/ShammyTV David - twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Mandy - twitter.com/Lord_Mandalore Brendan - twitter.com/BrendanielH Podcast - twitter.com/PSTPodcast Art by Madbuns: Twitter - twitter.com/mad_buns DA - madbuns.deviantart.com Other links: Avery's YouTube - youtube.com/c/shammytv Avery's Twitch - twitch.tv/ShammyYT David's Spotify - spoti.fi/2gAtGSJ David's Soundcloud - @sirmeowmusic Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Miller Lite. The light beer brewed for people who love the taste of beer and the perfect pairing for your game time. When Miller Lite set out to brew a light beer, they had to choose great taste or 90 calories per can. They chose both because they knew the best part of beer is the beer. Your game time tastes like Miller time. Learn more at MillerLite.ca.

Must be legal drinking age. Hello? Listen to me very carefully. If you don't follow my exact instructions, you will die. Who is this? What instructions? Listen, you don't have much time. You need to leave the city before they find you.

Leave the city? Wait, you see them? Look, I think they're on my tail. I need to leave. Oh, no. They're here. Hello? I'm glad you asked.

You'll never take me alive. Are you okay? What's happening? Humble Monthly is a subscription service. No. What have you done with him? Where you can get a bunch of video games for $12 a month. How many times do you need to tell me about Humble Monthly?

I know what it is, David! This month's early unlocks are the Escapists 2, Conan Exiles, and Ahead in Time. I wish you'd drown with those goddamn shower doors! Just head on down to https colon backslash backslash www.humblebundle.com

slash monthly question mark partner equals PSD podcast to support the podcast and the Sharks. I hate this! I hate you. If you really hated this, why didn't you hang up? Welcome to the podcast. Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Please Stop Talking. As always, I am your host, Avery, but you might know me better as Shammy,

and I'm joined this time by my lovely friend, David. What happened to your voice? What do you mean, what happened to my voice? I don't know. You sounded sick. Yeah. Do you want me to redo the intro? Have you been drinking? Have you been drinking? been no i've not been

drinking this is a podcast not an intervention we care about your health i don't know i don't feel sick okay well tell me who this gentleman over there i feel sick what the fuck have you done to me it's the haunted synth i knew knew it! Oh, shit! If you... David cast a fucking spell on me, like in King's Quest. A fucking voodoo King's Quest thing. How do you feel, Graham? Oh, you're like the owl from the King's Quest game. Shut up, David! I'm not done introducing everyone!

Wait, what? There's an owl in King's Quest. Some of you also may have noticed that on this episode we are joined by Bryn Daniel, also known as Brynden, and Mandy. Hey. God damn it. Mandy.

Mandy, can you explain, because I know what you were doing before we started recording the podcast. Can you explain? I'm not telling the Grinch story. Okay, you don't have to tell the Grinch part of the story, but can you tell the other parts where I said, can you be on the podcast tonight?

And you asked what time? Are you talking about the chimpanzees? Yes, I'm talking, and the entire reasoning of you watching the chimpanzee fights. Oh! Right, let me find... Excuse you? Yeah, Mandy, before we were watching... Before I asked him if he could be on this episode,

said, uh... Well, not said, he was watching chimpanzee fights on YouTube. Oh yeah, I had this dream last night. And it was about the Gorilla Channel. The Gorilla Channel's not a real thing, but what happened was I was at this house with this family

and they were called the Belkovian family. This is fucking... I don't know if this was a dream. I feel like this was a past experience from one of your ancestors. When I woke up. Let him finish his story. No, he looked up the Belkovian family tree.

I looked up the Belkovian and it's not a word. There's been no one ever named the Belkovians in human history. But I realized that... How did you write it? Like B-E-L-L-C-O-V-I-A-N. But then I realized that I had watched the entire Twilight series over the weekend.

And you know how Kirsten, not Kirsten Dunst, Kirsten Stewart. Her name's Bella Cullen. Belle Covey and Bella Cullen. Like my brain was playing tricks on me. Why did you watch Twilight? That's a different story. That's a different story. Well, shit.

All right. And so I had this dream about the Belle Covekovian family watching the Gorilla Channel. And I looked it up and I said, you know, there's no Belkovian family, but maybe the Gorilla Channel is real. And there was no Gorilla Channel. I didn't think there would be. But there's a lot of playlists on YouTube. What was the programming on the Gorilla

Channel exactly? Oh, just these gorillas fighting. It was just this family sitting around watching this program and just nothing but gorillas like fighting it was just this family sitting around watching this like program just nothing but gorillas fighting I didn't bother to ask what the gorilla channel was that's a very weirdly

specific that's like a weird political post someone made about the gorilla channel what? there's a there's this there's this fake post about uh our our president uh watching a channel that is only gorilla fights all the time and it's called the gorilla channel it's a fake story and i thought that's what we were referencing

what the fuck is happening? This is a fever dream already. This is what happens when you get Mandy and me on a podcast. Maybe I read something like that at one point and I just remembered the Gorilla Channel. Probably subconscious. My subconscious combined Twilight and the Gorilla Channel

in one night. And then when you woke up... You couldn't find gorillas fighting, but you found the best thing. No, because I looked up the Belkovians on Google, and it's not a word. That word has never been said.

I said, what about the Gorilla Channel? And there are several playlists on YouTube called the Gorilla Channel. It's nothing but clips and videos of monkeys and apes fighting. The one I linked to Avery has like 18 videos in it. Yeah, the exact message

that Mandy sent when I asked if he could be on the podcast, he said, I should probably stop drinking if recording is soon and get off the couch. I've been watching chimpanzee fights on YouTube. So you decided to start drinking while watching gorillas fight i was like you know it's sunday afternoon you're right take it easy what else are you gonna do on a sunday take it easy watch a bunch of fucking monkeys fight are you gonna you're gonna tell the Grinch story too or no? Are we skipping that one? Okay, so later.

Would I need to send the images for reference? No, I'll grab it. We know there's danger when you try and send the images. I'll grab it and send it. So there's this Grinch game that Konami made for the Game Boy but the Grinch artwork in them is very it's very forward what it seems to be drawn by somebody who wants the Grinch I'm gonna give it a second I'm gonna give an example oh my god let to give an example. Oh my god. Let me give an example as well. Ooh la la.

What the fuck? Konami now hiring for me. The picture that I sent. That picture has the story, which isn't much of a story. But I was talking to Avery. I just read the text, wow. Yeah. I was talking to Avery about these

about this Grinch and i went in chrome to um to copy the link to that image and i don't know what button that does it or what i clicked on but it started casting it to the tv i've been watching except my girlfriend was now watching something on it and instead of watching whatever her program was, she got a full screen image of that Grinch saying, my, my little angel. And she started screaming because I've never casted anything on the TV before.

And how did you explain it to her? I told her it was work stuff. It's so fucking good. Holy shit. And now he's here. And now he's here. What an adventure you had. I can't stop sweating.

From chimpanzees to fucking... I don't know why. The Grinch. I'm also sweating. I keep thinking about Twilight and the Gorilla Channel. I think it's the sickness that David has fucking cursed the haunted sin hopefully everybody survives the night hopefully and then I mean it was a soft curse was it wait did you wait how do you know it's the the cursed top or a bottom. What? What?

Oh my god. Fuck. Oh my god. If you're listening to this right now, if you're listening to this right now, you need a glass of water, like, immediately. Bren Daniel is right. There's several articles talking about Netflix.

Netflix makes statement that the Gorilla Channel isn't real. Netflix wants you to stop asking about it. The Gorilla Channel is real. It's just not on Netflix. Wait, did Vice make a Gorilla Channel? They did. It's a Vox article. Wait, did Vice make a Gorilla Channel? They did. It's a Fox article. What? Wait, what? Sorry? I guess they're...

After the article Brendan was talking about, Brendaniel, people... Call him Brendan. Stop calling him Brendaniel. I don't know. Please speak my full name. It's like the other day when I accidentally called Avery Shammy. like yeah that was fucked that actually upset me it had been like a week since i talked to you so it's just like oh hey

it's shammy avery the article he read about the fake gorilla channel caused people to try and make real gorilla channels that just have fighting gorillas on them vice made the gorilla channel a reality apparently vice is just dark netflix it is dark netflix universe netflix because it's gonna get canceled someday what the fuck are we talking about did we have stories that were not related to the Gorilla Channel? I have more Grinch pictures. I did have one story. So this one time, I had just finished high school and we were going to move to another apartment for like that summer. So since I had just finished high school and we don't really do huge like high school parties for like the for like graduation and stuff like it i know in the states like there's a fucking celebration for

everything for some reason so i just invited what i wasn't judgmental it was a bit judgmental okay i'm sorry so i decided to make this party with all my friends that just graduated. And it was in the middle of like a move. Like I think two days after the party, we were doing the final, like bring the boxes and everything. And we already had boxes over there.

I'm not going to, I'm not going to fucking say names, but one of my friends... What was it for? One of my friends comes back to me. One of my friends comes to me while we were all, like, playing a game or whatever, and he says,

Hey, man, I just came back from the restroom and your toilet is blocked and I couldn't find a plunger. So I say, oh, that's not good. And I go check out on the fucking toilet. It was definitely blocked. I just looked down in the fucking toilet. The hugest log of shit i've ever seen in my fucking life like it was it it was so fucking immense and i just i just i i just look around because we don't have a plunger because the plunger is in a box at the at the new apartment

but there's no i i don't There's no fucking way I'm putting my hand in there. There's no fucking way I'm putting my hand on that log. So I just... I mean, that's reasonable. I can't follow you for that. I go to my kitchen and I'm like, is there like throwable utensils that

I can use? I can only find chopsticks. Throwable utensils? Well, like, you throw them away at the end, like, just disposable. Not like you're going to chuck them into the toilet from across the room. I mean, it's kind of what happened, but I...

So I have this huge bag of chopsticks and I'm like, well, this will do. I go to the restroom. I put on some gloves and I just start like, so stupid. I just start like putting chopsticks into the shit. What? What?

Wait. What is you hoping to solve with this? He's trying to like break it up. He's trying to. Oh, wait. So the shit itself clogged the toilet. Dude, it is. It was huge.

It was the biggest fucking piece of shit I've ever seen. I fucking. I start stabbing the shit because I want it to break, but the shit is too powerful. Jesus Christ. Wait, hang on a second. Why is it two-thirds of the episodes we've had Mandy on, you have stories that are explicitly about you in toilets with poop? Hasn't there been every single one?

I actually don't know. In the Ken M one, was there a story that David told about poop? Yeah, I think so. Oh, my God. Why? What is this association? Actually, no. I'm just unlucky with shit. What do you want from me? I didn't take a monster

shit and then force you to break it up with chopsticks. David, do you have any trees around your place? Do you have neighbors? What? You could go and ask for like a plunger. Oh, I thought you were about to talk about poop-socking it. No, like, no, you can poop-sock it.

We don't want mom to find a poop-sock. No, it's the one I played with Eve with. He poop-socked at a party. What the fuck is poop-socking? What? Just finish your story. We'll get into this after. We'll worry about that another time.

The shit was too fucking powerful. It didn't break with the chopsticks. And all the chopsticks were just... What kind of shit doesn't break with chopsticks? Dude, I don't fucking know, okay? It was just stuck in there. That must have been a giant dry shit. It was the fucking craziest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life.

And there was just like five chopsticks sticking out of it. And I said, well, damn. Wait, why were there chopsticks sticking out of it. And I said, well, well, why? Wait, what? Why were there five sticking out of it? Were you shoving the chopsticks in and then leaving them there? I was like, I keep puncturing because they got stuck. Were you trying? Oh, I get it.

No, I get it. This shit was really stiff and he was trying to make it relax. It loosens up. It'll go through. It makes a lot of sense. If this shit loosens up, it'll go through it makes a lot of sense if this shit loosens up it'll go down easier so i just i'm just like well damn there's nothing i can do so i i'll i'll just pick it up i'll just pick up the chopsticks and i'll go out what i just love the idea of you looking up how to get a shit that's clogging the toilet to go down.

And like the thing says, you need to loosen the shit up so that it'll go down easier. I just fucking, I took the fucking chopsticks and I just took the shit because it was solid stuck on there and i just i just took it and i did the walk of shame from the restroom to the outside world where the fucking trash was while i was walking out my mother saw me with this huge fucking shit stuck on chopsticks and she just started laughing so hard. I was so fucking humiliated holding this fucking shit on a stick. If I was your mom, I would have taken a picture. This is my son's homemade Sonic the Hedgehog doll. How many chopsticks were sticking out of it at the point where you took it out of the toilet five i just held it i took it outside threw it into the trash took a shower because i

yeah i mean yeah i understand you understand a shower, and then I went back outside. Everybody was still in the pool, but I knew. I knew what happened. Anybody else has a story? I don't have a story that easily... The best segue I have for a story out of that is I have a story about something that happened to me in high school with a friend. Well, shit. There you go.

Is that good enough? I guess. Yeah, because I want to talk about poop stocking. Yeah. Oh, wait I guess I want to talk about poop socking what the fuck is poop socking? what the fuck is poop socking? go ahead do this quickly I said we didn't have to talk about it let me tell my fucking story

why'd you bring it up? now you have to tell it Mandy Brendan do not give him an out Mandy has to explain it. He has to. This was someone I played Eve with, so I didn't witness this, but I guess he was at some party and he really had to poop, but all the bathrooms were occupied,

and so he went to one of the bedrooms, he took off his shoe and his sock, and he let one loose in his sock, bunched it up, and then gave himself the wipe with the tip. The problem was, he didn't know where to put the sock. That's not the problem. You can't say the problem in a situation like this.

There was many problems throughout the story. The problem was he had no chopsticks. Well, yeah. To be specific, five. To quote him he wanted to he thought of dropping it outside the window like just open up a window and dropping it in the yard but for some reason he thought

that would somehow show he was guilty the sock or the shit they're both now they're one at this point it is inside of it and so he's like do I drop it outside the window still and he goes oh no I'm sure he was drunk because he's thinking they're going to know it's me like, do I drop outside the windowsill? And he goes, oh no. I'm sure he was drunk because he's thinking, they're going to know it's me if I drop

outside the window. And so he twists it up really tight and he starts swinging it like an Assyrian warrior with a sling. And then he throws it out into the yard and it scatters all over the driveway. Oh god. And it was fine for about an hour until someone

came inside and said, whose sock was that? Everyone take off your shoes. That's exactly what happened. Oh, that thing is some other people were barefoot. Also intoxicated, thinking that either they thought that they might be thought guilty or maybe they didn't remember and thought they might have been the poop sock bandit. And so people bailed. Like at least nine or ten people fled the party when this question was asked of whose sock

was that. Maybe, wait, did the host of the party then think, was that a communal sock? I don't know. It's like communal poop sock. Yeah, because their sons were like, hey, you know, who pooped in the sock and threw it all over the yard? And then you see ten people run out of the room.

Can I be honest? That absolutely sounds like an Eve player at a party. That does. That just makes sense. Well, the term poop-socking started coming about for, I need to get up and use the bathroom. Then we'd say, no, you know, just poop sock it. God damn.

God damn. That is, um, that's not what I was expecting i'm gonna be honest that is not what i expected it's not it's what didn't happen at my school it happened while i was in high school so i was like 17 or 16 at the time um when i was high school, uh, one of my childhood friends who I don't really talk to that often anymore or ever really, uh, he was, uh, he, in high school, he sort of became a delinquent and, uh, he got really, really into, um, street racing and shit. And, um, I mean, this isn't a super duper exciting story, but, uh, basically there was this one time where he, uh, he came up and he, he came over and he picked me up and he said, well, under the pretense of going to go see a movie. And I don't remember what movie it was. And then the second I got in the car, uh, he looked at me and he was like, listen, I'm going to level with you.

I don't want to go see this fucking movie the real reason i picked you up is because i want to take you to this street racing meetup okay yeah so it was a meetup and um it's basically do you i it's it's just a bunch of people with like tricked out cars it's basically a bunch of people meeting in a parking lot for a closed down grocery store, all with their tricked out cars. And they all stand around and walk around and look at each other's cars and shit. And then race and shit. Oh, yeah. Like a car meet.

Yeah. Yeah. Sort of. Sort of like a car meet. But how upset were you? How upset was I? Yeah. I wasn't that upset at the time.

I was just kind of like, oh, okay, I guess. Like, I'm not really doing anything else, I guess. I'll come see what a street racing meetup is like. All right. I mean, there's probably a reason why he lied to you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, no. So after we are at the street racing meetup and we're like walking around and uh and they're like he's like oh look at this car it's got a blah blah blah and i just look at him like it's got four wheels um because i don't know fucking anything about cars and i know even less about cars at this time they were like ah so people would like look at me i'm like which one's yours and i'm like none of them like how you don't drive and i'm like i do it's a i drive a volkswagen and they're like ah and then they would leave so um we were walking around i was looking at the cars and then people started racing. And of course, my friend being a delinquent, his car had the muffler removed.

Oh. And so when he started racing, and also he was obviously not the only one who did this. So the racing was very fucking loud. Very, very fucking loud very very fucking loud so pretty quickly after driving around at like 80 miles an hour because i'm not in the car when he's doing it because i'm like listen i'm gonna level with you i don't feel super safe in this abandoned grocery grocery store parking lot at midnight yeah uh surrounded by strangers and they're decked out cars, but I feel safer than I would be when you're behind the wheel trying to drive fast.

So I told him that if he's going to be racing, he's going to be racing without me in the car. And naturally he does. Uh, he's racing. And during his race, we start to hear, um,

some sirens in the distance. Oh, no. Do you have a criminal record? No, I don't have a criminal record. Let me get through the rest of the story. So we get in, or not we get in. He comes back for me because he might have been a delinquent, but he was still a good friend in some sense. So, so he came and he drove back to the, uh, to the parking lot where we were at

and he picked me up and I got in the, and he like stopped, slammed on the brakes in front of me, like while everyone was getting in their cars and like driving away and, uh, and fucking, um, And fucking... So he slammed on the brakes, and then I opened the front door, like the passenger side door, and there is another person in there who is not my friend and who I've never seen before. And then my friend yells at him

to get out and he scrambles out of the car and starts looking around the parking lot very panicked I don't know why, he didn't break any laws he was just in the car but he was looking around very panicked and like ran off and then I get in

I get in the car and I look at him and I said who the fuck was that guy and he says I don't know, he asked if he could sit in my get in the car and i look at him and i said who the fuck was that guy and he says i don't know he asked if he could sit in my car during the race i was like do you know his name no i don't know his name and i was like is that a thing you do often um what the fuck probably had drugs on him if he took off oh probably that makes a lot of sense yeah so he's uh so fucking at this point um censor that my friend

my friend uh my friend uh i get in this car and we drive off and we're in the clear. We get far enough away and we stop hearing sirens. And then obviously he's like, all right, we're in the clear. I'm going to start going 100 miles an hour. Okay. And we immediately get pulled over. And it's so the cop says then we we pull over to the side of the road and i want you to understand that we were it wasn't 100 miles an hour we were going 70 he was driving 70

something in a 35 so that is felony speeding and this is also a friend of mine who had previously like a month prior already gotten a felony speeding ticket. He was going to prison. So if you get two felony charge speeding tickets, cause he had not appeared in court yet for that one. So if you get two felony charge speeding tickets, this is apparently, this is how he explained it to me because obviously he knows.

So if you get two felony charge speeding tickets. This is apparently, this is how he explained it to me because obviously he knows. So if you get two felony charge speeding tickets within like a certain amount of time or a certain distance between one another, and we were like a mile from where he got the last one. So he gets pulled over going uh going triple the 70 something in a 35 and the cop pulls us over and he goes so you guys know how fast you were going no that's not what he fucking said he pulls us over and he says you know why i pulled you over like looked at him like nervously and i said i do

what the fuck okay yeah yeah i do i i do we were we were speeding and he's like do you know how fast you were going and he was like no i don't know how fast you were going? And he was like, no, I don't know how fast we were going, sir. And he's like, is your friend dying or something? And then he looks at me and I can see his mind racing. And I don't fucking know what to do here. I've never been in this situation before. And so he looks at me and he looks back at the cop and he says i thought about lying just now but no he's not i was just going really fast because

i'm an idiot and i cannot i fucking shit you not the cop like leans back and he crosses his arms and he goes you know uh you know you were going like felony speeds right and does yeah yeah yeah i do know i um i don't know i was being an idiot did i say his name again just now you keep saying like six times just keep listening just keep censoring it i'll record myself after the podcast just hang on let me give you a clean one what cameron there you go okay so basically he looks back at the officer and the officer looks back at him and there is like seven seconds of pure silence and then the cops

the cops like little fucking radio thing starts like chattering and he just kind of looks at it and he looks at my friend and goes and I think it clicked in his head this kid looks like he's 12 years old because my friend had an absolute

fucking baby face and he just goes you know what i'm gonna let you off with a warning on this one what the fuck you probably had something more important you've absolutely had something more important news this but if i if i find out you're doing this again, I'm taking you in. And he just fucking lets us go. And my friend looks over at me like while we're driving off. Still speeding, by the way. He's such a fucking idiot.

He's still speeding at this point. And he looks at me and he goes, oh, my fucking God, dude. I have so much weed in the glove compartment and I said that's crazy bring me home so that was a night and that's pretty much the end of that story

that's not even the only story i have with him but that's for another fucking time i would need to like try and remember those better i think everyone here has had run-ins with the cops at this point yeah absolutely oh god i i mean i I don't... Wait, have I? I have two stories. One's a shorter stupid one, one's a longer one that more so involves me for cops. We can do both if it's short. The first one's short.

My mom was taking me I believe she was taking me home because I was doing laundry at her place. This was like four years ago. And a cop pulled us over in a school like a school zone uh she was going the speed limit she wasn't even on her phone she was just driving me home we were talking got pulled over and this lady cop comes up to us and says she she knocks on the window my mom rolls down do you know why i pulled you over no it's because you have all that stuff hanging off your rearview mirror my mom's like

that's that's not that's not illegal she has a lanyard and a necklace bead necklace on not like the that's the rearview mirror side view inside or outside inside that's okay okay she has it on the rearview mirror and the cops like, yeah, it is. And, and from the cop car, you can see from the rear view mirror, there's this older white dude who's just shaking his head with his hand in it. What? What a fucking idiot.

His face is in his hands and she goes back to them and you can hear them loudly arguing. The cop comes back like disturbed. Like, uh, you can go. I'll, I'll let you off with a warning this time. And my mom was so pissed off. What an idiot.

What? She got pulled over for having a lanyard and a necklace hanging on her rearview mirror. They really are letting all the felons get away with warnings these days, aren't they? Don't say that about my mom. She went to prison twice. Oh, right. I forgot. Brendan, I'm sorry.

I sometimes forget. I look so bad in every episode we're in together. Because I accidentally, I either very intentionally or very accidentally say something about your fucking family. God damn. Okay. Curse.

And I have a longer story that involves my my college partying days. Very short lived college partying days. Me and the pals that I used to hang around with used to go down to this beach. This beach was at a campsite and you weren't allowed to go after 7pm. Naturally, we went at 11pm to do the early 20-something things like skinny dip and

everyone else smoked weed. I just drank usually. I was 20 years old at the time. I don't have my license because I'm terrified of driving. This is integral to this story. We were drinking, partying, driving. This is integral to this story. We were drinking, partying, whatever. We're about to leave. And it's around 12 to 1 a.m. when we're driving away. Everybody's super drunk and wasted. My girlfriend, Shelby, was driving because she had only drank one beer and she has an iron liver. She drank a beer 20 minutes before us leaving. And so a cop naturally pulled us over. He was he was waiting

for us right there. And he stops the car. He is going through the spiel. He gets my girlfriend out because she's driving. There are three people in the backseat. This isn't my girlfriend's car. And my girlfriend blows zeros on the breathalyzer. We're almost in the clear. He asked why I'm not driving if I'm not intoxicated because I'm not totally not intoxicated i'm only 20 not allowed to drink alcohol no no no and cop comes back with my girlfriend about to let us go before one of my friends boyfriends yells i'm gonna rip your throat out to the cop what god the whole time my girlfriend is talking to the cop by the way by the way this motherfucker drunk as shit is going i'm from the streets guys i can handle

this i'm from the streets i know what to do here in this situation i can do this i'm from the streets he's not from the streets this is rural iowa i'm visibly i'm very upset at this motherfucker he's from a fucking small town of like 200 people that's as far away from the streets as humanly fucking possible i pimped cows for crack money holy shit so the cop immediately what the fuck did you just say and we're we're trying our best no no he's super drunk we We apologize. We're so sorry. And he gets him out of the car. And he starts coughing before his girlfriend comes out and explains that he has problems. Wow.

Somehow, some way we get away. This cop just lets us go. He thought we tricked him into thinking that we were visiting people at the campground that was near the beach and he let us off with a warning when one of the boys said I'm gonna rip your throat out wow holy shit

everyone got home visibly just shaking the entire time fucking wow that guy's a maniac what a fucking maniac the entire time. Fucking wow. That's dangerous. What a fucking maniac. I guess we wouldn't understand we're not from the

streets. I guess so. I'm closer to from the streets than he was. Like I don't. You live in an Iowa town with 400 people in it. You guys had a fucking streetlight rip your throat out I'll rip your throat out you pig

what's that no sorry we're just here to visit the campground he doesn't know what he's saying he has problems that was that was you have to understand he's from the streets the weirdest part about that night was that was the night i fell in love with my girlfriend because she didn't get drunk at all and she blew zeros after drinking. Wow. Sick. That's powerful. She's built like a tank. She's probably never gonna listen to this. Yeah, so you're safe to say

that your girlfriend is built like a tank. It's not exactly a compliment, Brenton. Shit, you're right. She was a human fucking Abrams. Just like my Japanese anime. You better hope she's human fucking Abrams. Just like my Japanese anime. You better hope she's not an Abrams or she'll fucking blow you to pieces.

Oh god, I hope that happens. This metaphor is so confusing. Isn't there an anime with tank girls? Is that what this is about? Girls and Panzer. Oh, of course you know what it is. Why do you... You know what? No, you know what?

Fine, whatever. I don't care. It's not worth going into. Christ. I have too many cop stories. Mandy, give us some cop stories. I don't even have one. The shark?

The shark. What is the shark? What did you do to the shark? Okay, I wasn't involved with the shark directly, but I witnessed it. What happened was... You didn't head up the shark operation? No, a few years ago when I was... Man, this was only like three years ago yeah because i was in college

and there was this no it was four it was four it was four because i started dating my current girlfriend three years ago i was pursuing this other girl who was in um she was a biology major and she was like hey you know we have this um we're having a party like in the department building tonight you should come and i was like that sounds like a great idea wait well yeah go ahead yeah like on the campus no yeah which was unusual but like they had the um they like classrooms in a lower level and i guess an upper level some of them were dorms and i don't or they had like space i don't know how but they had to get together there oh okay no okay. No, we had a building like that. I know what you're talking about.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So I go there and I see this group of people and it was, it was like foreshadowing a horror movie. This group of maybe six or seven people carrying a large inflatable shark

over their heads walking on the street. Okay. I was like, what's with the shark? What horror movie does that remind you of? Sorry. What? No, it was just

dark out and they're holding this big shark. There's something eerie about it. Okay. They said, you know, what's with the shark? And this guy looks at me and goes, it's a shark, dude! And they all start cheering. What?

And I thought they were, um, I thought like they were taking it to somewhere else on campus, but they then start walking towards the biology department building where I was walking. Oh my God. And they had to fit it through the double doors. It's hard to, it's hard to emphasize the size of the shark.

It was like a canoe. And so they're shoving it through the double doors and they get it through. And I just thought it was weird. And I was like, Oh, I guess I'll go through another door because you know, that's the shark store now. And I,

you know, everything's going great. Having a good time eating some new people. And then maybe two, three hours later, we start smelling smoke oh no the shark at first we're just like because at first it was like a light smell so you know i may someone's smoking or maybe someone's playing with the bunsen burners but then as you do it's

it's it starts getting aggressive the The smell gets aggressive. And then we start hearing sirens. This guy comes in, he's saying, now there's a fire! But no fire alarm's been set off yet. I don't know if someone tried and was faulty, but they never set off the alarm.

And so we have these half-drunk people running out of the building, trying to escape the fire. to escape the fire and then the fire alarm starts going off and at this point it's starting to billow smoke out of the vents like like it seemed like the whole building was on fire and then we were all out there we're out in the road and the the uh the fire department's all pulled up and we said they're all running in they have the hoses out But they don't seem to be pumping water. And no one's really sure what's happening.

And then about 15 minutes later, some very angry-looking firefighters come out with the tattered remains of the shark. They're dragging it behind them because it's been deflated and torn up. And it's so large, it's trailing across the entire street. And they're pulling it behind them because it's been deflated and torn up and it's so large it's trailing across the entire street and they're pulling it out behind them and so we're standing there wondering what happened to the shark and what they were doing with it and apparently they just they had it in their their room for partying for whatever reason

they just wanted this shark in the room. And then one of them said, we should put it in the air duct. Woo! And so they tried to shove it in the vent because they thought it was funny. And I guess it got caught on an air conditioning fan or something. And the fan was like grinding against it.

And so it did something to the wiring where it would start sparking yeah it was like the mechanical part of the thing yeah they were screwing up the motor or something yeah they got oh my god it was an electrical fire no I don't know if it was

it was but it was small it was just making they messed up the motor and it was making a lot of smoke but the thing is the air duct system was blowing the smoke out of all the vents so it seemed like the building was burning to the ground but it was just the shark that was caught in the fan just sending smoke out through every orifice of the building that sounds like that sounds like you're playing fucking hitman and you need to get a building evacuated yeah so we have this brigade this brigade of firefighters going and trying to

find the fire and they realize it's just this shark that's caught in a fan in the air ducts what a fucking bunch of idiots i saw one of the guys from earlier talking the fire department and they're asking what the shark was for and I heard him go, come on we had to have the shark and they didn't hear anything else. To this day I don't know what the shark was for. It was the size of a canoe, a big

great white. They just had it and they had to have it in the building. We have to have the shark. We have to put the shark in the air duct come on dude it'll be great the shark in the air what do you think about it why are you being a fucking buzzkill yeah what the fuck i asked every person there afterwards like over the next few weeks, trying to decipher the mystery of the shark. And the most solid answer I'd get was they just wanted the shark.

I'll never know. What the fuck? Like the cops were, the cops are like there, but no one got any charges pressed against them. Cause it's like, well, was it damaging property or at this point i want to hear a story that you have with the cops where someone did get charges pressed against them i think they somehow i think

they wrangled out of it by saying that somehow the shark was sucked into the duct or something even though the eyewitness by convincing the fire department of the importance of having this shark even though the eyewitness testimonies I heard were that they were aggressively shoving the shark into the air duct they were trying to save it because it had to be in the air duct that's its home

that was its habitat the shark was trying to convince everyone that the building was on fire because he was hoping the sprinklers would turn on like well you know the shark's made of air where does air live convince everyone that the building was on fire because he was hoping the sprinklers would turn on. It's like, well, you know, the shark's made of air. Where does air live? In the ducts. And where do sharks live?

Sharks live in the water. Get those sprinklers on, put it in the air duct. Holy fucking shit. I stayed far away from the biology department after that. I didn't understand them anymore they don't burn my eyebrows off basically with the salsa but it was i don't want to deal with them anymore they burnt your not never that's another deal but what do you mean the biology department there was crazy you can't you can't just say they burned my eyebrows off with salsa, but that's another story. Okay.

I didn't mean to say eyebrows. I guess I should say nostril hairs. Okay. In South Carolina, they were developing this, with a few other schools in the area, this pepper called the Carolina Reaper. Yeah, I'm familiar. Yeah. Yes. The school I was at was one of the ones they were like

doing samples with and like crossbreeding to try and make the pepper hotter and so before people knew about it they're like hey you know and mandy you know we're making these peppers in the lab you want to see the peppers i'm like and i don't really like spicy food that much i'm like okay i'll see the peppers you're making i didn't know they were making the hottest peppers in the world. They just told me they were making peppers. So they bring it into this room and

it looked like a high school science room. It looked very amateur, I guess. It didn't look like a Tony Stark lab. They just had some of these peppers lying around and they had some vials of something. One of them said, had, you know, some of these peppers lying around and they had like some vials of something. One of them said, you know, like, hey, you wanna you wanna have a sniff of this?

And they just handed me this vial. This orange-red vial. I'm like, uh, what's in it? What? Oh, no. Yeah, they're like, just sniff it. And I took a little whiff of this vial. Oh, they didn't even tell you to waft it. They got you to whiff it. Yeah. Oh, fucked up. even tell you to waft it. They got you to whiff it.

That's fucked up. These are biology majors. I learned that shit in middle school. This was before the shark. I didn't know what I was in for. Wait, hang on. Is your life separated into pre-shark and post-shark? No, I'm saying that I wouldn't have sniffed me.

It makes it sound like you're a shark attack survivor. That was something pre-sh shark Mandy would have done. Post shark Mandy? Absolutely not. I would have known to waft it. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. Because it's like because I was looking in the room and one of the guys in the lab coat was

one of the guys who would later be holding the shark. So if I had seen him holding the shark and then this happened after, I said, you know what? That guy shoved a shark into the air duct. I'm not sniffing his vial. That sounds like the weirdest to fucking. What a strange logic. But it makes sense.

Yeah. It's like, you know what? I saw I saw a guy holding the shark. I don't think I should trust anything he has to offer. And so I had a little a little whiff a little whiff and it was like oh that smells a little spicy it smells it kind of burns a little now i don't smell anything oh god oh my god and i realized that i could barely taste or sniff about two days you couldn't smell for two days i put it right in my nose like and for the rest of the day i could not smell it was dull the next day like i could not taste anything that is i learned i fucked up this is when they're

making the carolina reaper they. They have a scale for hotness for spicy foods. The Scoville scale. I think a chili pepper is like 150 or 200 or something like that. The Carolina Reaper was something like 1.5 million.

It's something absurd. I'm the person who goes to Chick-fil-A and I'm like this spicy chicken sandwich like ha need some water after that and it's like here that actually is the story done are you done with the story

that actually just fucking reminded me so fucking Ed and I are living together right now congratulations shut the fuck up so um bucking ed and i are living together right now and uh congratulations thank you it is the water burger story what is okay what is water it's a it's a fast food chain for they have like exclusive to texas uh i thought no it's like i thought so but it's apparently also in florida and i don't know what other states.

It's kind of around. Ah, fuck. I wish fucking... I should probably tell this story when Ed's here. Just ask him to come in your room like right now. Ed! Ed! What the fuck? Hang on.

Oh man, we're taking a break. Hell yeah. When editing this, you should have it so that Avery's picture splits. It splits. Yeah, I watched it! You said it! Take a bit! Wait, you can use your headphones so you can be in the call and hear them, I think. I can hear it. You can hear it through this? Sure. All right.

How do we do this? Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up, shoot? I can't hear anything. When you said you'd take a bit, I left. What? Why? So the original plan for this was that I would bring it up and then Ed would burst through

the door You wait you were planning on this I wanted Ed to burst in. I could turn around and say, Punk duck, what are you doing here? This is so stupid. This is so stupid. I'm keeping this in.

I'm saying like, oh, we're going to talk about some cheese. Alright, so this story is basically about Oh shit, did somebody say cheese? I actually Punked up Oh my god It's not working Stop fucking laughing Let us tell the story basically so we it was at like fucking two eight four a.m seven a.m we had not slept yet that's what it was ed and i were up all night i were up all night. I was up all night writing. Ed was up all night playing Monster Hunter or making a video.

I don't remember which. It was half and half. Half and half. First half making a video. Then I finished the video. And then I was going to stay up until you finished a segment of your script. So I started playing Monster Hunter. Yeah, that's right.

So Ed and I had both been up all night and it was 7 a.m. And I asked Ed if he wants to go and grab some. Did we talk about the cars? Is that worth talking about do you think? Fuck it. I honestly think we didn't see any cars it was just delusions. That's entirely possible. Ed and I kept on thinking we were seeing cars that

were like an old car from the 1960s but it had like this neon blue headlights and like this golden trim all along the side and then i saw another one that was like a like a normal okay that one was that one was later but then i saw another one that ed didn't see which was a you know uh brendan you live in the country so you know about know about how it's like a thing that people like jack up like trucks and stuff like pickup trucks. I get. Yeah, I know.

Raise the bed and stuff or whatever. I don't know. So I'm going to done that to a regular car. Incredible tiny dick energy. Yeah, it was incredibly powerful. So then another car that we saw was a bright red charger that had green headlights like bright green headlights and the wheels were a weird color as well i didn't see the wheels the tires were like white on the outside oh sports tires yeah sports tires so whatever that's not

important to the story basically we're real tired it's entirely possible we saw plenty of normal cars we were just no yeah i can i can explain that actually what time was it seven it was like 7 a.m yeah old people dude old people go to like breakfast and tricked out cars all the time what do you mean when people go to breakfast and tricked out cars all the time did you there's like a stereotype no there's like a meetup at one of my local fast food joints where like all these old people meet up in the morning and they all have these really nice like 1950s cars and all these nice cars and they just meet up and eat like fast food while they're chatting every single sunday morning oh what you don't take your bugatti to the cracker Barrel? Shut the fuck up, Andy. So, Ed and I, we get to the fucking drive-thru at Whataburger to get the breakfast shit. And I'm getting a honey butter chicken biscuit because I've been to Whataburger, so I know that that's what you get for breakfast.

And Ed is looking over the menu and he's reading every single item and he says and he's reading through them and he gets to uh the jalapeno biscuit uh jalapeno biscuit egg and sausage sandwich whatever the fuck biscuit that and i and i go oh that's good and ed goes oh okay uh i'll have the egg and cheese biscuit and i was like oh a different thing than what i just said that's fine i guess um weird that you would agree and then order something else so i uh we we so i order the i order mine and i order his and uh he hears me say out loud when i'm ordering egg and cheese biscuit. And then they repeat back. OK, so that's two honey butter chicken biscuits and two egg and cheese biscuits.

Right. And I look at Ed and Ed nods and I say, yeah, that's it. And so they say, thank you. We pull up to the window. We pay. We get the food. Drive all the way back. We drive all the way back when we're in the neighborhood.

Parked. When we're back. No, we're not parked yet. We're driving back in the neighborhood. Ed's like looking at the receipt and he goes, what is, what is, what is biscuit ECH? And I look at him and I'm like, it's a egg and cheese. And then he like, and then he looks at me, like, just with the fury of a thousand fucking suns in his eyes. I am pissed. He is so angry. And he just says, did I order something called egg and cheese? And he's so angry, and I don't understand why, but he's so mad that I just start laughing

Like I'm fucking cracking up die Yes, it is Staring at me in this furious disbelief about how he ordered something called egg and cheese and Three minutes while I'm pulling the car in he says do you know why I'm mad I said no he said I fucking

hate cheese I despise it it's so gross I think it's fucking vile I hate it as a concept what's your fucking beef with cheese I think it's fucking vile! And I asked him what- I hate it as a concept! I know what you're about to ask, Manny.

What's your fucking beef with cheese? I just hate it! And you know, what did you say about cheese specifically that you hate it? Oh, right. I hate it when people fuck with milk! I just leave it! Now it's a solid It's solid milk That shit's weird

Okay It's really not just solid milk Shut up Mandy So We get there and I'm like Oh it's fine I'll pay for it You don't have to eat it though

Like just don't eat it And then Ed sits down And he I get my biscuits And I sit. And then Ed sits down and he... I get my biscuits and I sit down and then Ed sits down across from me and he just starts angrily taking out the fucking egg and cheese biscuit. Because I want to check if it has a lot of cheese.

And then I'm like, I repeat, I'm like, dude, seriously, you don't have to eat it. I paid for it. It's no big deal. And then Ed just looks at me, and with a sense, just... And then he raises the egg and cheese biscuit to his mouth

and takes the most pained bite I have ever seen anyone take out of anything and just starts chewing it, and I swear to god he starts crying I didn't start crying I was tearing up you were tearing up there were tears coming out of your fucking eyes

what the fuck and he's just staring at me like fury in his eyes while he cries he cries through every fucking chew and he's looking at me, like, fury in his eyes while he cries. He cries through every fucking chew. What the fuck? And he's looking at me like it's my fucking fault. And I'm just, and I said, like, can't confirm this has a lot of cheese.

And I said, okay, stop eating it. And he just looks at me like I told him to go fuck his mother. And leans in to take another giant bite. And I keep on telling him, dude, stop eating it. You are very clearly

not enjoying that biscuit. And so, he eats one of them, and then he eats half of the second one, and he's like, it's too much. I can't fucking do it. I can't eat the cheese. And I said, that's fine. You don't need to. And he leaves the cheese.

He leaves the biscuit out, and I'm like, do you want to throw it away? And he's like, no. I don't want to throw it away. Like, five hours later, after playing Monster Hunter for five more hours, he goes, do we have any food? And then he stands up and he looks over and he just sees the biscuit. Oh my goodness! And I can see in his eyes that a decision has been made. No!

And I go, Ed, if you didn't like it before, you're really not gonna like it now. And he looks at me, and without saying anything, he walks over, he picks up the biscuit and he bites it and he bites through it all the way this stale ass egg and cheese biscuit and he looks at me and there's no more tears this is this is the day that boys became men and men don't cry he's glaring at me and he

walks over and he throws the rest of the biscuit away and starts chewing yeah That's it. But why? I don't know. Get the fuck out of here. What? Like that? Just like that? Cheese stories always. Oh, you use me and you throw me away.

Like a vegan cheese biscuit. Exactly. That's all you order me. Wow. More much? Fuck off. What? Here, why is that zoo on?

He's gone, we're safe so yeah, that's my that's my cheese story Avery, in general is that what Ed looked like? sorry, what? yeah, that's that's spot on

fuck me I think that's it, I don't know where to go from here that is it where do you go where to go from here that is it where do you go from there I found the shark by the way did you post it post the shark the shark will be linked I found the exact shark

the shark will be linked in the description the one star review 7 foot long you can recreate a felony from 14 foot oh it's about how it's leaking i was hoping that the one the single one star review would be from them thinking of the same fucking thing from the fire department 2013 that would line up jesus christ whoa this is their cover story oh okay whatever listen we need to plug our shit i'm dying all right david you start uh you can follow me on twitter twitch and soundcloud at sir

meow music and on spotify at sir meow you can follow me on twitter on twitch i stream extremely occasionally at ShammyYT. I'm also Shammy on YouTube. Brendan. No, this is power game now between me and Mandy. This is the worst. You are bad at this one. You can follow Brendan on Twitter.

You can follow me. I'll do it. I end on YouTube at Brendanial. Mandy. You can follow Mandy on Twitter at Lord. I'm on YouTube and on Twitter.