Please Stop Talking - Spider Pit Time | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: May 10, 2024

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Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments, it's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. This winter, take a trip to Tampa on Porter Airlines. Enjoy the warm Tampa Bay temperatures and warm Porter hospitality on your way there. All Porter fares include beer, wine, and snacks, and free fast-streaming Wi-Fi on planes with no middle seats. And your Tampa Bay vacation includes good times, relaxation, and great Gulf Coast weather. Visit flyporter.com and actually enjoy economy. Howdy! and actually enjoy economy. It even happened in the first place. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this episode of Please Stop Talking.

Hey, so anyway, let me tell you, you know what's crazy actually is lately I've been wearing fingerless gloves and I actually can feel like my body just kind of like pumping up all of the blood inside of my body. I can just start to feel myself get a little bit stronger. And honestly, I'm going to say it. Fingerless gloves are pretty badass and pretty cool. And I think we should all wear them. It's not even a fucking joke.

That's just real. That's just actually what you've been doing. You've been having fucking fingerless gloves. I badass and pretty cool, and I think we should all wear them. That's not even a fucking joke. That's just real. That's just actually what you've been doing. You've been having fucking fingerless gloves. I have. I have, yeah. Have you considered swapping to, like, jean vest jackets, too, while you're at it? Not a lie. I spent three hours googling gamer gloves fingerless, and I went on Reddit because I

have cold hands while I play video games, and I was trying to figure out, like, how many gamer gloves are there? Every single Reddit thread was somebody making fun of the person asking, oh, you need gamer gloves, you little baby? What are you, gamer gloves? What are you, stupid? What are you, an idiot? What are you, a moron? And I was so, I felt

so weirded out by every single, I went through like 15 threads and every thread on Reddit was whoa, what are you, fucking baby? What are you, are you dumb what are you an idiot what are you a moran can i be honest those were all me billy's burner account yeah i have so many fucking burner accounts one day i remember i was in school and i was going through reddit it was my first time ever going on reddit and somebody was asking for virtual piano recommendations. And I gave the guy like five different recommendations.

And then he just messaged, replied back and said, none of these fucking work idiot. And I was like, I got so angry that I haven't used Reddit since. And now I'm taking my revenge on people who use gamer gloves. Brendan, dude, you know, I'm a Reddit hero, right? have we talked about that on the podcast i'm already you got a reddit purple heart i don't think we've ever talked about that actually i am on the banner of our mildly

infuriating and i have been for years yeah look it up right now on uh not what is it you can't look it on look at it on classic yeah it's have to look on you. It's on newer Reddit. Yeah, it's the banner. My face is just there. I think that Reddit should expand from Reddit Gold to more awards. They don't have Reddit Gold anymore. They got Reddit. What the fuck? What do they use now? I don't know. I think they use some kind of like... Purple Hearts.

They give you stolen valor medals. They give you a medal of honor that they found under a bridge in a box while they were magnet fishing. What they do is they send you stolen valor medals they they give you a medal of honor that they found under a bridge in a box while they were magnet fishing what they do is they send you a message about reddit cares uh which sends you a link to the suicide prevention hotline oh jesus man how did the r slash mildly infuriating thing happen because i made a terrible video like i often do and the terrible video was about when reddit changed their ui like years and years and years ago and the thumbnail for that video became the banner but it's my face inside of the reddit uh

the reddit guy i think his name is the reddit snoo no it's just snoo snoo snoo snoo snoo shut up you're fucking lying the reddit snoo the reddit snoo the reddit snoo snoo yeah oh dude i'm learning so much about reddit i fucking hate them they're making cum on reddit they got witches on reddit they're making big vials of cum they're making cum cauldrons on reddit they like witches on reddit aren't a big thing they've got witches on etsy we already talked about that one how many witches they got on grinder probably none probably a few i i gay people love the occult i'm pretty sure i've seen that you're looking on reddit now are you checking what what the what the current reddit award meta is so you're gonna go uh are you gonna are you gonna read it competitively no i i i just switched to new reddit so i could watch uh look at what what the banner

for mildly infuriating is and i'm gonna be honest they i think they cut off like most of the banner because now it's just your eye it's just my eye it's very it's you it's a hundred percent your eye i've seen your eye but it's literally just a piece of my face on there yep and it will be there forever looks great until until they find out i've been talking shit about it and i'm mildly infuriating by it and then they're gonna be like all right get rid of this guy cut this guy now you've never talked shit about it. I was a Reddit novelty account for a whole year, dude. That's the saddest thing

I've ever said. I could tell by the silence. It was the saddest thing I've ever said. That was a lot to take in. I was a Reddit novelty account for a year. I had the shitty watercolor guy was a big famous Reddit poster and he followed me on Twitter for a while. What does that mean, dude? I'm just saying, shitty watercolor followed me on Twitter

so it's kind of a big deal. I don't even know who that is. I also don't know who that is. I wish Ken Bone would fucking follow me. Big, beautiful human submarines. Dude, Ken Bone's Twitter posting is still Big, beautiful human submarines. Beautiful human submarines.

I'm thinking about Ken Bone again. We're Ken Bone posting. Like, that's just straight up a fucking banger and then he comes back and drops another fucking political banger, like, a few weeks back. What a fucking awesome dude. When is Ken Bone going to weigh in on the Kendrick v. Drake? When is he gonna fucking,

when is he gonna get into the dicks? I wanna see Ken Bone get into the dicks. Ken Bone diss track. I wanna Ken Bone diss track. Can we get Metro on weight? No. No, we can't get him anymore that's right like this is brand spanking new news just as we started recording we can't get him in anymore he's out allegedly allegedly god what the fuck man the only reason ken bone hasn't stuck his

nose in it is because schoolboy Q also told him to back out of it, along with J. Cole. Ken Bone is like, I need to pivot, I need to pivot. Okay, what if I get a Roblox obby course made? I know you're kind of on your whole comeback thing, but you need to stay out of this. Ken Bone comeback tour.

Well, his comeback tour started like super recently is it what how's his account is it a tour well you see here's what's happening is ken bone he's running out theaters he's running out theaters all across the united states and asking for pregnant women to bare their bellies in the crowd for him oh my god he's gonna come by and start slapping on the unborn children's head inside the womb. Is that what you think people with pregnancy fetishes do? Just fucking slap them? Yeah, they want to slap the big round belly. It's like a drum to them.

All they want to do is they want to have an orchestra of pregnant women. That's it, dude. They just want to have a line of pregnant women in varying heights with varying belly size. And they just start slapping the bellies. It's like the Blue Man Group. But when the baby is born, we call it the Goo Man Group. Yeah, because they have different... No, no, no. He's right. varying belly size and they just start slapping the bellies it's like the blue man group but when the baby is born we call it the goo man group hello no no he's right since they're different

sizes they have different tones so when you hit them with the mallet it's gonna have different i was just saying slap their belly with your hand i'm not talking about gallaghering a woman live on stage people in the crowd wearing a poncho as the woom goo fucking enters the crowd. With a percussion mallet, you little fool. I don't know what that is. I don't know what a percussion mallet is. Do I look like the type of motherfucker to be in band? I was a theater kid. We made fun of band

kids. You know what a xylophone is? No. You know what you use to... I mean, I know you're fucking with me, but it's really... No, what is a xylophone? I'm not doing this with you, you fucking... It's a skeleton instrument. it's really... No, what is a xylophone? I'm not doing this with you, you fucking... It's a skeleton instrument. A xylophone. It's the...

No, it's the skeleton instrument. You know what it is. Oh! You're not fucking for real. I thought there was something you used for, like, Mint Mobile, maybe. Are you for real? No, there... No, there's no way that you, like, Mr. Number One Skeleton Fan didn't know what a xylophone was.

No, I didn't know. I thought these were marimbas. You're fucking... You're fucking lying. No, I thought this was a marimba. There's't know. I thought these were marimbas. You're fucking lying. No, I thought this was a marimba. I know a clocking spiel, I know a marimba. I don't know what a xylophone is.

You know what a clocking spiel is? You know what a clocking spiel is? What the fuck? This is so much to unpack, Brandon. You have no fucking idea the Pandora's box of hate I have for you. Oh, yeah, you're a musician.

What the fuck are you talking about? I'm just learning now what a xylophone is. That's crazy. I'm going to the podcast. No, I i think he's lying there's no fucking way no i have no idea i had no clue what a xylophone was until i googled it right now you've never seen the little toy xylophone the little fisher price toddler fucking no i thought it was a little toy marimba we called it we called it a marimba little toy marimba the marimba jason i'm sure the xylophone came first i mean i guess they're close it's like when i was a kid i had that little abc book and for x they had xerces

it was a little warrior abc book yeah xerces i'm lying i know you're fucking lying you're the type no you're the type of motherfucker to be like oh i knew about vibraphone i knew about the glockenspiel i knew about the fucking marimba but I had no idea about the xylophone. I'm familiar with the glockenspiel, just learning about the xylophone right now. I'm getting new information right now. Xylophones look crazy. Skeleton instrument. I don't fucking know, dude.

What was I even talking about beforehand? We were talking about fucking xylophone malice or some shit? We were talking about busted open pregnant women on the stage, apparently. Oh my god! You're fucking making me sick. I'm gonna vomit. You little fucking sicko. Oh, dude.

Beautiful human submarines, but this one's like Ocean Gate, dude. Do you think if you had a bunch of skeletons and had them in a mosh pit they would make xylophone noises i think they could yeah i think i'd love to see a skeleton mosh pit i'm not gonna lie like jason and the argonaut style nice transition i'm on i went to a metal show architects while she sleeps metalcore yeah metalcore oh you said melcore and i was assuming it was like a melody band yeah no it was, no, it was Melody Korn. Still alive. He's still kicking. He was in Fat Man. He was in Fat Man. That movie's awesome.

Would you say it redeems everything he said? Oh, shit. Probably not. Probably not. It was pretty good, but not that good. It was decent. Listen, Kanye made Graduation, and that still isn't enough for him. Mel's got to step his game up. Like I was saying, I went to a metalcore show. I saw Architects, While She Sleeps, and Of Mice and Men.

Lenny. Lenny. It was fucking awesome, dude. I haven't been in a mosh pit in a while. I got fucking punched. I was drenched in beer. Most of it was my beer because I got a bit drunk. And at one point, the band said, okay, time to jump

everybody. Except they didn't say like that. And I was like, okay, I'm going to start jumping. Fucking with my beer, I just started jumping and I did not think about it. I just splashed it all over myself and everybody around me. It was cool though. Something similar happened. I wasn't the one

that jumped. I was standing relatively close to where the pit was going to be. They just came out and i was like well you know i'm gonna finish my beer because beers are fucking expensive at venues and then people started jumping and knocked my beer up in the air and i was like all right well everybody's covered in beer now oh dude i mean it's whatever it's a fucking it's a rock show i i was upset i still had a lot of beer left yeah same i was upset at myself but at the end of it i was full of bruises and shit. Like I was fucking dude, it was awesome. But I had to like stop being in the pit because I'm too old for this shit. Not actually, but I was bruised as fuck.

I get out. I go to the bar to grab another beer because I just fucking spilled mine. Then I see this girl next to me and she has like really fucking nice hair color. And then I was like, hey, I really like your hair. And I was like, because I'm waiting for my beer. Like beer like you know a little small talk while they switch out the bands then she looks at me and she says oh thank you were you the one who fucking farted in the pit i was like what excuse me and then she was like did you fart in the fucking pit? And then she started getting really aggressive. What the fuck, dude?

Did you? Did you or did you not fart in the pit? And I was just like, I didn't fart in the pit. I'm sorry. I don't. Then she got really aggressive and she pointed at my friend I was with. And she was like, did she fucking, did your little friend over there fart in the pit then? Like she was on my ass about farting in the pit

and i was like what the fuck is going on leave me alone eventually my beer gets there i just grabbed and i said well i'll have a great show and then i just i just ran away from her because i was like she was really intense that's such a weird thing to get on somebody about how'd you know somebody farted in the pit for people who don't know what how a mosh pit is, it's a bunch of people running around, going crazy and shit. There's so much movement in the pit. There's no fucking way that you would know who farted. And even then- I don't think you would know somebody farted.

I don't think you would know somebody farted. It just smells like sweat and beer. I think if somebody shit their pants, you'd notice. This definitely gives the vibe of somebody who's like, I'm going to fuck with this person. Yeah, I think you're getting fucked with. Immediately, the vibe of somebody who's like i'm gonna with this person yeah i think you're getting with okay immediately immediately my with if somebody immediately is like are you the who farted i would i would that's the bit that i would do yes yes okay here's the thing though because it doesn't end there night continues other band plays

uh they they leave i go back to the bar and then i talk to i start talking to another dude and we're just like oh dude that set was like really fucking good and we like we're just talking and shit and then eventually he says like dude funny thing happened to me and then he tells me that he also got fucking the girl also went up to him and started aggressively like pushing him around and being like did you fucking fart in the pit apparently she was like going around all night just accusing people of farting in the fucking pit that sounds like somebody who has taken the bit way too far that you were absolutely getting fucked with yeah you were a hundred this is

somebody who has one specific bit and they're like texting their friends dude i'm gonna do it tonight i'm gonna ask everybody in the pit if they farted in the pit and it's gonna be funny as hell dude i was really drunk and i woke up in the next morning and i was just like did that fucking happen i had to text my friend to be like what was there somebody like lambasting us for farting in the pit like accusing us for of that shit and she was like oh yeah no uh that fucking happened And she was like, oh, yeah, no. That fucking happened, and she was really aggressive. And I was like, okay, I'm not crazy that there was just a mean woman

going around getting mad about farts. Maybe somebody shit themselves in the pit. I didn't smell it. I just had to figure it out. To be fair, maybe she hears farts at a frequency with which the human ear cannot normally hear, right? Like a dog whistle. It's like a dog whistle like a dog whistle and her ears are like perfect so it wasn't more about the smell but it was about like she's listening she's listening and she immediately

in the middle dude during a fight if you can hear anything in the middle of a fucking room this sound i know this sound who who farted in the middle of a fucking room this sound I know this sound who who farted in the pit she like felt a vibration in her chest and it sure shit wasn't the drum it sure as shit was shit dude or she pooped her pants and she was trying to

deflect really hard another direction we can take this let's unravel this a little bit she could have pooped her pants and been like okay I need to deflect in case people smell the shit smell Another direction we can take this. Let's unravel this a little bit. She could have pooped her pants. That's so insane. And been like, okay, I need to deflect in case people smell the shit smell. Did you fart in the pit? Were you farting in the pit?

I need to deflect. I need a shit deflector. Were you the one who farted? That's like a fucking, I think you should leave this. That is. That's a Tim Robinson. That's an actual Tim Robinson gag. Is that actually a bit he did?

Who farted in the pit? Because it definitely wasn't me. Shit dripping down her legs. Shitty bong stalking. It just defies any notion of like how to interact in a social space for me. Oh, no. This seems this like for me in my head, this is total. Like there's like a there's like a word.

And it's like I want to say I'm going to use the word crank. This is total crank behavior. No, this is fucking freak behavior. No, this is the type of person who goes to Hot Topic or like Spencer's Gifts and they point at the phylacteries, like the penises and the poopnesses, and they're like, dude, check it out.

Penis. Are you accusing me of something? I'm just saying. I love pointing at the dicks in the Spencer's. I just realized we literally did that at Brunton's wedding. Yeah, we did that at your wedding. Chain wallet, Spencer's Gifts, pointing at the penises and the Spencers. I just realized we literally did that at Brunton's wedding. Yeah, we did that at your wedding. Chain wallet, Spencers gifts, pointing at the penises and going, penis, uh-huh.

That's Krang behavior. All right? Everybody does that a little bit. But it's Pickle Rick t-shirt wearing, like, cargo pants, fucking fedora with your blade. That's Krang behavior. You know what? She was wearing one of the—oh, my God. Anime conventions have this fucking,

these like cutesy shirts with animals on them. Oh, and they say curse words? Yes. You know exactly what I'm talking about. She was wearing that. Yeah, she was wearing that. I just, I mean, when it happened to me, I just thought it was like,

she was just being really mean and weird and aggressive. Cause she was aggressive, like way too aggressive. She was just being really mean and weird and aggressive because she was aggressive, like way too aggressive. She was just goofing. I wonder if this was either A, she shit her pants, or B, she was maybe just goofing. Maybe she actually did smell a fart. I think she was goofing. And she just needed, she was just a detective. She was being a real-

She was the fart. We met the brap detective. That's crazy. Oh my God. Tell me about the farticulate details. Plopsin and fucklock Holmes. I couldn't think of anything to write. I couldn't think of anything.

Incredible gassy Sherlock Holmes. I couldn't think of anything that you could put like fart into Sherlock Holmes. So do do detective. That was my fucking night. It was good. I've never been to a show with a mosh pit. I tried to start one at the Weird Al show, and I got kicked out. Did you actually?

No, that's a lie. I didn't get kicked out of a Weird Al show. Why would I start a mosh pit with Weird Al? I was in trance. I don't know, because it'd be kind of fun to mosh at a Weird Al show. It would be kind of fun. They would throw a pool noodle into the crowd, and it'd be awesome. Oh, they did that?

I mean, that's like basic stuff. You know, like every time you go to a show that's well i i guess if you go to a fucking orchestra it's not going to be that way but usually like when you go to a show that's a bit more high energy they'll be like oh we have a we went to walmart today and we got a few a few bouncy balls and then they throw the bouncy balls i went to the zoo and i got a bunch of spiders they throw a few spiders at the ground. Imagine going to a band and they have a big bucket of spiders on stage. They just start throwing it into the pit.

That'd be awesome. It'd be so cool. That must have happened. There's one brown recluse in this bucket. There's one. Every other spider is harmless, but there's one brown recluse. Hey, brown recluses aren't dangerous. What's dangerous, man?

I'm not getting on it. Okay. You're not goading me into this, Brendan. This is like the eight-legged freaks episode all over again, where I'm like, I'm not going to say any spider facts during the commentary. And then you said one thing

and I corrected you and I fucking punched my desk. Did you know, Ten, actually, it's insane. Did you know that Daddy Longlegs is the most poisonous spider, but its fangs are just too small to be able to bite anybody? Keep living in your delusions. Did you know that the Daddy Longlegs

is also the freakiest spider? I actually did know that one. The other spiders do make that one say. They do make the other spiders call him Daddy, so. It's really weird. It's not a spider. What is it? It's not a spider. What is it, Ten? it's uh it's not what is it it's not a spider what is it it's a harvest man so am i when i'm on the field looking for corn looking for soy i'm too easy to go into it i'm not gonna do it and then i have to oh listen you tell if you say that is the thing

if you say i'm not gonna fall for it i'm not gonna get into it i'm gonna put every bit of my power into getting you to say something about spiders is i'm happy we got it out of the way because last time it happened it was like an hour and a half later it's a lot of build-up i didn't even remember the thing so i i said it and i fucking hit my desk afterwards dude the other day like related spider fact the other day i was sitting at my desk uh i was just prepping some edits uh and uh spider fell like right on my lip did you kiss it no it was like a little spider kiss but i flicked it away you know you uh eat eight of those a year you know the adult human male the adult human male consumes 40 spiders every day when you go to bed. The Spiders Johnson post.

The average human actually eats zero spiders. The numbers are inflated by Spiders Johnson who eats two million a year. And he's an outlier that should not be counted. He's part of a band that throws fucking spiders in the crowd, so he just has his bucket in his bed. Do you think that a

band that throws spiders in the crowd would only play the Itsy bitsy spider over and over i like that we're world building for this band specifically the idea of this band itsy bitsy spider would what kind of band would they be polka arachnophobia like i like to i like to think it's it would be like a punk polka band and people would go fucking crazy. Oh, folk punk. Everybody in the crowd would be throw the spider!

Throw the spider! Did you guys know that eight-legged Braxton, when he plays on his accordion, eight-legged Braxton actually has spiders inside the accordion. I think the spiders get everywhere. They're in their tour bus chewing spiders away. They're like fucking side the accordion. I think the spiders get everywhere. The spiders get everywhere. They're in their tour bus just constantly like shooing spiders away. They're like fucking singing this shit.

They look up at the top left corner of their tour bus and it says some pig up there and they're like fucking Charlotte again, this bitch. Do you think they communicate with the spiders like Charlotte? They talk to the spiders through web. The spiders are like

their spiders are like their their interns. What is it? Their groupies and they have to like yeah can you get me a coffee love and it just they have to wait like an hour for the spider to finish the web just to say yeah. They have to wait two hours for it to say we're out. This is so bullshit. The spiders

keep bringing me tiny little cups of spider coffee. I'm sick of this shit. What a stupid fucking episode. What's the band called though? I thought Arachnopoboy for some reason because they were based in New Orleans and they just really liked

southern food too. I was just trying to add some more layers to this. Can spiders eat po-boys? Let me just google that real quick. Can a spider eat po-boy? Can a spider eat po' boys i let me just google that real quick can a spider like in a spider are they allowed to have it cats can have a little salami as a treat i mean what do they is it Is a spider carnivorous? Yeah, they're carnivorous.

Well, are they carnivorous in the same way with like a dog when a dog eats them? The word carnivorous has been said too many times and it sounds fake now. Carnivorous? This is so bullshit. How am I going to fucking... This is so bullshit.

How am I going to fucking find 1,000 tiny shrimp and 1,000 tiny cups for all the fucking spiders? They can definitely have shrimp. Shrimp is bugs. I guess you could use whitebait instead of shrimp. I mean, whitebait is just a little fish. That's what they called me back in college. I mean, it depends.

How big is the spider? Spider size. It's a spider size spider. Oh, okay. I was going to say, I thought my joke was pretty good. Yeah. Which one? The one where I said Billy was talking about white bait

and I said that's what they call me back in college. Oh, I didn't hear it. I'm sorry. It's fine. It's okay. You just ran it back. I ran it back, yeah. What do you think about it? Give it a rating, please. Can I get a 1 out of 10 on that one?

I'll give you a 1. 7. I'll take a 1. I'll take a 7. That's an average of 4. That's pretty good. I think 4 out of 10. Wow, you did really quick math. I'm kind of impressed. Yes, this averages bitch You know, I won a math competition when I was a kid, right? Wow, what happened? Uh, well actually I didn't like win it

It was uh, it was uh, so we I won it. Never mind didn't win. Okay So like it was like a placement thing right where like we went into these big buses and it was like a county It wasn't even a county I think it was like a tri-county thing where they had like a thousand kids and i placed like 50th thousand kids that's pretty good that's not bad that's not bad i just uh i i don't use my brain uh to be able to do mathematics i don't use my brain to be able to write uh incredible prose i don't use my brain to to to come up with incredible theorems and incredible theories i use my brain to be able to speak at the fastest the most insane the. I use my brain to be able to speak at the fastest, the most insane, the craziest.

I use my brain as a machine that speaks nonsense. I am a machine that only creates chaos, and that's what I use all of my brain-telligence for. It's true. I like slime. Y'all ever think about what would happen if when we go to Montreal? We're going to Montreal.

Yeah, for my wedding. For your wedding, yeah. If we just make slime, we just spend the day making slime, wouldn't that be cool? You want to make slime? We could buy big gallons of glue. We go to the craft store.

We get glitter. We could record videos. Maybe people on PST would like to buy it. We could sell PST slime. You want to do slime videos? I'm thinking Gak is back, and I think that it's whack that we're not into Gak. PST Gak.

I think that's an entire market we haven't thought of as the PST triumvirate here. GAC enthusiasts. GAC enthusiasts right now in the comments screaming, bring me GAC, give me GAC. I want GAC, I love GAC. We could call it pheromone slime time. Yes, I wouldn't say pheromone.

No, we would because we would put spider pheromones in there. We would put spider pheromones in there and really fuck with people. Spider eggs. The Sephora lotion. Remember that from a couple months ago? That one was topical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like an ointment. Brendan has no

idea. That's why he's silent. Yeah, I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about. You're going to have to brainform me. It also wasn't true. Sephora had a lotion. Yeah, and the lotion had something that attracted female spiders male spiders yeah male male wolf spiders specifically is what people were saying i don't think it's true i'd

like to think it's true because that'd be fun but i also like to think it's true because it would be really funny but people are like yeah i've been putting this lotion on my hands and i just keep seeing all these fucking spiders and they're chasing me around and shit I think the lotion actually has ayahuasca ayahuasca in it ayahuasca I think the lotion has ayahuasca in it there are bugs in my skin there are bugs in my skin the spiders are being summoned I'm summoning the spiders the spiders are being summoned

I wouldn't have put it all into my fucking hands if I knew that I was going to the band that throws spiders in the pit band we still don't have a band name oh wait we do what's the band name oh arachnopoboy that's the band name oh arachnopoboy that's what you said oh arachnopoboy is what i said that's what we're saying that's what you said well my wife got home and i got confused okay i i heard the door open and i had to pause for a second so i could go and yell to my wife that i was recording and then shelby got home and i'm

like now i'm in it now i'm in a flux now you got me all befuddled you got me flustered you're flummoxed yeah you're flummox. You flummoxed the fuck out of me. I'm gobsmacked. I am flabbergasted. My ghast has been flabbered. No longer will they let me into the nether because I got a fat ghast. Yeah. That was a pretty good one, I think. I just like that. I like saying that. Can I get a rating for that one, please?

Five? I'll take it. Ten? Six? Oh, shit. We're looking at a 5.5 here that's not bad i'm working my way up the ladder i'm climbing the corporate pyramid all the way to the tippy top i'm fighting mr pst if anything in like with with how fast you're growing uh in let's say five more minutes you might get a six in five i thought you were gonna say with how fast you're growing in five minutes, you may get a comment from Ken Bone. Oh, why?

Oh, why, Brendan? I say why as if I'm not the one who fucking brought up Ken Bone to begin with. I was literally the... You opened up this door. Yeah. I didn't even ask you if I was allowed to be psycho on this episode. I just assumed. You can always be a little bit of a psycho. I don't know why you even ask

because even if I say no, you're going to do it. I have to ask. What the fuck? Why? If you say no, I'll be respectful. Why would I say no to that? I don't know. I mean, it makes for entertaining content for some people, but also sometimes it's just nice to be able to have the boys talking. I'm not always

psycho like this. Sometimes I'm chill. I drink a chai tea. I chill. I wear my big blankie. I sit down on my chair i just like push grandmother down the stairs for a fucking chai oh my god oh dude my grandma fell the other day i'm sorry for laughing i'm talking to me about serious stuff and it's like oh yeah, Nana fell. Nana busted her head open and blood was everywhere and nobody fucking told me. And I was like, why wouldn't anybody tell you? And I'm talking to my Nana and she's like, yeah, I'm fine.

I mean, there was blood everywhere because I tripped over some dog shit, but it's fine. I'm fine. I'm sorry for laughing. That's the reaction though, isn't it? Somebody says Nana fell and I laugh. Why is falling so funny?

I don't know. Just like in general. It's hilarious. It's even funnier when it happens to people who can get an actual danger for it. You know, like children and children and grandparents.

I love it when children and the elderly fall down. I mean, it is funny. It's a little funny. It's pretty funny. Not gonna lie, Billy. I'm gonna have to talk to the big man upstairs. I'm gonna have to talk to Mr. PST. I'm gonna have to funny. It's a little funny. It's pretty funny. Not gonna lie, Billy. I'm gonna have to talk to the big man upstairs. I'm gonna have to talk to Mr. PST.

I'm gonna have to have a conversation with him about this. The big man upstairs. You're gonna have to have an HR DEI meeting. I was thinking about this while I was talking and I was just imagining some incorporeal beast wearing like a suit and tie with the PST logo as his head and he's just like shaking his head as Billy's at it again.

I didn't say anything that was out of line. We're going to lose our pizza party. No. I think the only sponsor we're going to get for this episode is Patriot Food. Buckets of slop for your old people. They're not going to be happy. Oh, please. We haven't had a fucking sponsorship in years.

But what about Patriot Food? Have we thought about it? Have we contacted them? Why would I want to? I mean, mac and cheese ball. Oh, the round meal? The meal that feeds three not even kidding though that that it would work for me i would go fucking crazy i would i

would probably try the round meal but how do you cook it like you can't microwave it because it's got to be a little bit larger than the microwave door solid but i feel like you you would have to cook it in a like a bay marie do we need to do we need to let people know a frame of reference for what the round meal is? Oh, yeah. So the round meal is a popular meme of a meal that is round. It's just a giant ball of mac and cheese. I think it's an obvious plant thing. An obvious plant makes a bunch of fake products and puts them in stores and does photo shoots with them. It's a joke. It's very funny.

But also, like would i would eat it conceptually i if i was ever a billionaire a millionaire or even a trillionaire um i would probably have a buffet where all the food is or shaped like an orb buffet like i'm gonna be honest it's not that hard to make a meal round let me let me go around the uh the round table here real quick the big and round table here real quick let me just roll around the round table here real quick. The big and round table here real quick. Let me just roll around the round table here real quick. Ten, Billy, if you could have a food in orb form, what would be your desired food

that you would like to see in orbular fashion? My face is getting red and my fucking veins are poking out trying not to say big pizza. We're not going to do it. Zero big pizza this episode. They already make orbular pizzas. No big, zero big pizza this episode. But the thing is, like, they already make Orbealer pizzas. It's called a fucking pizza pocket or a fucking, the other one that you guys have. Talking about pizza rolls.

Pizza rolls. Yeah, they already make those. And their iconic mascot, Pete Zerrell. Is that actually? That's real, yeah. Pete Zerrell. He's a pizza roll with googly eyes. I am pizza Totino's boy.

It's goofy. Anytime I think about pizza rolls, I think of the Tim and Eric commercial, and all I can think of is in my head of them yelling, feminine pizza bag. It's all I can think of. Feminine pizza bag. And that's all I can think about when I think about pizza rolls. The thing is, I'm thinking about it, right?

Most food is kind of already orb-shaped, meatballs. There is a lot of food that is orb-shaped, but what is something that is traditionally not an orb that you would like to see in everything i think about a banana probably because the thing is it has to it has to have like it has to be at least like one foot okay one foot let me fuck you up with this let me fuck you up with this vichyssoise so like a marimba is that like a vibraphone it's a i believe it's a cold soup a vichyssoise a vichyssoise because it's in v for vendetta which is like voila and view a humble love veteran cast vicariously as both victim and villain but the vicissitudes of fate this visage no mere veneer of vanity is a vestige of the vox populi now vacant vanquished

yeah it's in it's in the v speech that's how i know it's soup yeah it's uh yeah it's like a gush spot show i guess or no that's a character from chowder borscht cold it's borscht cold we don't know a lot of boys can we get some borscht facts actually anybody who oh actually we we know we have a lot of russian people listening uh tell us about your how your nana makes borscht give us your nana's borscht recipe oh wait it's ukrainian borscht is a hundred percent ukrainian my bad yeah delicious delicious little boy it's like a sour soup i i know that yeah i know that it is so sour first it's sour then it's borscht i'm like i would want a sour soup i'm sure it's good though because it has like beetroot and i really like beet i'd rather have a savory or even a spicy soup i would try sour soup i

definitely try i i mean like i try anything like if you gave me like a pickled pig's anus like i do you say it's good i'm gonna try it if i don't like it i don't like it but i'll try anything too like i used to be really really picky but then i grew up out of it and now i can eat pretty much anything i'll try it but if i don't like it i don't like it like capers fuck capers i don't mess up i don't mess with capers dude that's like the only thing i can't i don't mess with most fish i know i'm a child for this but i don't fuck with most fish yes who cares dude we are we weren't even supposed to be eating fish dude if we were if we'd be swimming around like if you don't like fish that's fine the only thing humans were supposed to eat are like grass

we were supposed to graze we don't have four stomachs we were supposed to be grazing grass sticks and twigs the appendix doesn't do anything anymore start eating grass you're supposed to eat like rabbit's hole i guess i don't fucking. I was talking about this with my wife. What in the evolutionary and the hunter-gatherer tribes was necessary for me to be able to go into my mind palace and imagine Pinky and the Brain fucking each other? Why did I need to be able to have

a vicious imagination? What would that have helped if I had a mind palace? Would I solve caveman crimes? It all started with the thumb. And then we lost control and now we're thinking about Pinky and the Brain mind palace would i solve like caveman crimes it all started with the thumb and then i thought you were gonna be lost control and now we're thinking about pinky in the brain uh fucking pinky getting brain dude we started throwing rocks really fucking hard and just fucked everything up you ever think about that everything got kind of goofy everything got really goofy when we realized

how easily we could throw shit really hard thumbs really do a lot it's pretty cool They got that boy who put his thumb in the pie and pulled out the big plum. And I was like, Oh shit, what a good boy. Am I? Fresh out of the oven. Singed my shit. Scalding hot.

Some people are the type of motherfuckers to float towards the pie on the windowsill. Me. I'm using my drive impact to get over there as fast as humanly possible. You don't really use your, I mean, drive rush you mean? Okay. I don't know fighting game. I played the most fighting game I ever played was Mortal Kombat

on my game. That's not true. I thought it was fucking Street Fighter 6. We played a shit ton of that. No, I played way more Mortal Kombat as a kid. Did you not play that much? I played Street Fighter 6 until I won one competitive game as Marissa and I said, I beat it. I won. And then I play that? I played Street Fighter VI until I won one competitive game as Marissa and I said, I beat it.

I won. And then I stopped playing. I played one ranked game and then I was like, I won. I'm done. Dude, the crazy part is that's probably the only way

to win at fighting games. I won at fighting games. I'm Mr. Fighting Games now. Win, win, 100%. I, no, I think I'm winning at fighting games. I go to locals

and I turn to people and I say, I don't even play this game. Oh, I do that and somebody told me to stop doing that. i took a game off a guy that was way better than me and i audibly whoops did you get in billy trouble again i so i went to my local it was my first time ever playing competitive uh it was street fighter six i was being i was being like buddy buddy i dude i feel like I tried too hard to be buddy buddy

With people and then I do the social Fuckeries that put me Your social faux pas Once again fell into the social faux pas To be fair That was true I turned to him and I told him

This is my first street fighter So go easy on me, Matt. You know, like, I fucking, I was being a little dozy. Oh, no, isn't this the guy that you were like, oh, I suck at this game? Which one? I don't know. Was it Soul Calibur? Oh, that was another time.

You were like, oh, dude, I suck at this game, and you perfected a guy? I mean, yeah, but then he fucking annihilated me. So, like, the truth of that. He released his pure inner downloaded me and the guy who organized that was also a listener which was pretty funny and also oh this was a mech fest no i'm talking about my locals yeah so i turn around i i'm a little goober like that's my my first tournament and i was not lying and he fucking destroyed me, completely annihilated me, and then it was duo. So it was, like, me and my homie, and we would rotate.

And my homie and I, we, like, completely misread the entire, like, social dynamic we had with this dude we were playing against during casual competitives and at one point my homie is just like he basically like perfected me like completely annihilated me and then we just were like oh man he totally cheated bro and I was like hey man did you cheat and I was like making it very clear that I was kidding by laughing

like a fuckhead and then he just looked at me with like the most serious fucking eyes and said i would never fucking cheat at fighting games he got really mad and in my head i was like oh i'm sorry i didn't mean to like i thought we were in agreeing that i'm the moron but then i was the double moron i thought they were vibing just doing a little i thought they were vibing. Just doing a little goofing. I thought we were goofing! Bro, we're doing locals. I thought we were goofing at the locals, but we were... It's fun to goof at the locals. That's what I'm saying.

That's why I don't even play this game. It was only for Bantz. It's the only game I play. It was only for Bantz. We weren't going to like... There was no cash prize. It was literally like a free tournament. It was duos. It was kind of goofy. Very unserious. So in my head, head i was like i can goof around but

apparently you shouldn't do that i've been told not to do that anymore then that guy's girlfriend came up to you and said were you the one who fucking farted while playing soul caliber if that was the case i would say yes because i had so many people at the local i farted did you fart at the fucking locals did you fart at your wedding at your wedding i'm gonna be like super on brand i'm gonna be super nice behave myself very well and then the second you introduce me to your mom i'm gonna turn to you and say did you fart don't do that i hate i don't did you fart in french yeah why why don't you just talk to my mom oh bro bernadette have you been practicing your intro my intro for for context my mom my mom doesn't talk a lot of english she she understands english

but not that much she's she's very much like french oh dude i'm just gonna be super polite nice like i'm just gonna be like hi my name is brendan nice no no i'm just saying no no it's just for context like people coming to uh me and my husband's wedding we like a lot of people are saying that they will be like practicing just to like say hello and like casual conversation with my mom because my mom i said that my mom would really really like that because she i mean i don't know she wants i don't know your mom i'm not learning french for your mother i i i said that my mom would really really like that because she i mean i don't know she wants to know your mom i'm not learning french for your mother i i i i've got three things yeah just my name and where i'm from yeah that's it you don't need to either way you don't like either way i'm not learning french it's not you don't have to it's just i'm gonna have to translate

on my phone and i'm gonna just be playing themovie script in French over and over again on my phone all throughout the wedding. I'll just translate for you, dude. I don't care enough. I'm going to walk in, going to have my beer hat on, going to be wearing a white tank top. What the hell? I'm going to be on my best behavior. No, I'm going to be nice. I don't know any French, and I can try to learn some simple words, but realistically, I'm just going to be nice and polite and I'm going to be a quiet guy, Brendan.

Yeah, just don't go around and tell people about fart. Talk fart. Do you know about Ken Bon Oui? The only thing you should be learning is how to talk about... I got to learn beautiful human submarines in French, yeah. Don't you think the dance floor would be a little bit more exciting if we were moshing and also there was a bunch of spiders? Billy, don't you think the

wedding would be a little more exciting if we were playing some Rage Blood music and we just had a bunch of spiders? Like a whole bucket of them, just chuck them in there. Just a bucket of spiders. I mean, how much is it? A bucket of spiders? A bucket of spiders? I don't think they sell that. Let me look up spiders by pound real quick. Yeah, hold on.

By spiders by pound. What do you mean, though? Let's see. Reddit post. By Bryn Daniel. Can I buy 100 spiders and release them in my house so they can take care of cockroaches? Nobody ever answered me on this one. Why wouldn't they sell spiders or spider eggs? Oh, you can sell spider figurines, spider gummies.

No, like spider eggs. Look up spider eggs. Buy live spiders real. Because how else are people getting spiders? Inverts for sale. Here we go. Undergroundreptiles.com. You can't buy like a bunch of them.

Why not? I mean, you could. I could technically. If I wanted the moon crab spider, they're $15 a piece. Because you can't keep them together, Billy. Oh, it's just a crab crab. Oh. You can't keep them together?y oh it's just a crab crab oh you can't keep

them together yeah why because they're spiders a lot of spiders are cannibalistic by nature so realistically a desert huntsman spider is 25 right so a hundred of those is gonna be yeah it's gonna be about 2500 dude that's to be the most expensive fucking party favors I've ever bought. Yeah, $2,500 for 100 spiders. There's 70 people coming to the wedding. Everybody needs at least one spider so that nobody's like... Here, your personalized spider. Here's your personalized spider. I could buy different types

of spiders. I can't believe Billy is handing out spider butlers at his wedding. No, just spiders. And I can't believe that everybody in the community is invited. No. No, that's not true. Next MAGFest, we should give people spiders. B-Y-O-S. Bring your own spiders.

I'll hand out spiders next MAGFest. If you know a guy who may be, in fact, somewhere in the Montreal area who's like a spider farmer or hunter and you want to know the address for the place, DM me, maybe, and we can talk about maybe a spider's deal earlier today while i was because i i took a little break and i went i went

on youtube shorts and i just saw this lady that was talking about how she was had spider eggs and how she took care of her spider eggs the way she would talk about hatching spider eggs was really creepy to me. God forbid. God forbid people have hobbies, Billy. God forbid. She kept calling them my little critters. Yeah, God forbid.

As a millennial, God forbid millennials have hobbies. Do you think she's a member of Iraq and the Po'boy? Oh, dude, I definitely thought you were going to say, do you think she's a member of the Spider Taliban? And my brain was immediately going into overdrive. Like, what? In what universe was I going to say i don't know in the universe where my brain was ramping up spiders taliban references a rack attack what's the original name of that movie oh that's right and they had to change it how do you remember that because it's a really funny piece of trivia

for that movie the moment i put out a fucking uh fucking episode i forget everything sometimes like sometimes i talk with people who watch the show and then they're like i remember when that happened or when you said that and i'm like dude i don't fucking oh dude i always talk about this but i i always say there's podcast brendan and outside of podcast brendan and inside of the podcast i remember most things but once i stop recording i'm like i don't remember a single thing of what i said it is actually a fucking bubble and then you get out of there and you just forget everything i i have a i have a friend who got really into the podcast recently and they will they will be like brendan do you remember and i'll be like no i don't like i don't i wish i did but i don't yeah this is a jump scare for c buff if you're listening right now at work i'm gonna find you i'm gonna get you

i don't know i literally lose all brain matter. My brain elasticity, when I'm looking at the Adobe Audition waveform, actually, my brain gets like Mugiwara Luffy, where I've eaten the gum gum fruit and my brain is a rubber man. Everything snaps back immediately right into place. If you've got that reference, you're part of the challenge. You have to comment with your favorite gum gum fruit. What gum gum fruit would you eat? Tell me your One Piece fan theories.

Make them as crazy as possible. I would eat the submarine gum gum fruit. I would eat the bone bone fruit. It turns you into Ken Bone. You get all the power of Ken Bone. But you can't be a beautiful human submarine because you're not allowed to swim.

I mean, there is a baby baby fruit in the manga. I... I don't know. Excuse me? Is that actually... It turns you into a little baby? No, it actually it's super weird. It makes you hyper fertile so you can have more babies. You're making shit up. I'm not. It's the baby

baby fruit. You can look it up. He didn't do that. I'm not typing that. You just gotta type up one piece pregnancy fruit. I'm not not doing that i'm gonna get like a weird drawing of monkey d luffy you're gonna get a drawing of monkey d luffy and one of the swat cats holding him tenderly in front of 9-11 is what's gonna happen why why so specific why so specific there's always two random unrelated characters one of them is pregnant in front of 9-11 It's always that One of the SWAT cats could work

I was thinking what is the furthest away from One Piece And it's probably SWAT cats You know what Brendan? I'm going to say it That was a pretty good question Speaking of good questions Patreon question If you're part of the $5 and above tier on Patreon

You can ask a question for this Part of the section of the show And we'll answer it or make fun of you depending Please really depending The guy with the hat asks Since Billy's having his wedding reception what are your best worst wedding Stories mine is when I Was at my uncle's wedding

And my Aunts now husband, then boyfriend, uh, got so incredibly drunk that he literally went on the dance floor. That was a little bit slippery. He got so drunk that he like tried to slide like head first through the dance floor. And he bowled over like 15 to 20 people injuring my uncle who was getting

married. Uh, and then almost injuring his, his, his new bride, his new wife. And then he got back up and he's like my bad and he tried to do it again doing it again is insane that's fucking powerful as hell what do you mean injured do you mean like injured people fell over onto the like tiled floor

like he bowled over at least like two old people and i'm pretty sure they had some bruises it was so bad that he was like he literally was like i will never drink again oh my god has he drank probably i don't know oh he lied i think he drank at his wedding but i think he was like in moderation he didn't do anything crazy again after that i mean if it's his wedding he can he i would have done it again you know what do it at my wedding brendan do it at my wedding i gotta get up off the bathroom floor and I gotta get to the dance floor instead. You know, the biggest thing I'm scared of is like somebody

shitting at the wedding just on the floor. Oh, my plan is to buy a hundred fakes poops and then every bathroom I go to in Montreal I clog the toilet up with a fake poop instead of a real one. Mine is to buy a hundred real spiders and release them all at Billy's wedding. I don't

think i i don't think anything crazy happened at my at any of the weddings i've been to i i did i did do a a speech for my parents wedding that was also this year it was pretty cool i did i did it and then i was told that that just sounded like me doing a bit on pain hole and then i i'm never doing speeches at wedding again because i don't want to i don't want to sound like i'm doing a bit on Pain Hole and then I'm never doing speeches at wedding again because I don't want to sound like I'm doing a podcast. Every single funeral, they ask me to do

a speech. No. It has been three times. It has been three funerals and all three of them, I've been asked to speak and I always dread it. My mom's like, oh, you're so articulate. Oh, it's so nice. And I'm like, I don't want to do this. Every time I do it, I break down crying at the funeral. Like, this is the worst.

Why would you ask this of me? I've only been to like a couple of weddings like in my entire life. And honestly, nothing crazy happened in any of them. At my mom's wedding as well, my brother and I were hanging out. I don't know if I told the story of the Poskis already, but me and my brother were like smoking weed. Poskis. Poskis, Poskis story.

Me and my brother were smoking weed outside and one of my mom's friends was like really fucking weird and like started interrupting me and my brother having this heartfelt conversation about a marriage. We were like, yeah, it's really looking up for my mom. Spoiler alert, it's not. She got divorced like a month ago. But me and my brother, you know, we not she got divorced like a month ago but uh we have a brother

you know we're having this tender like sibling moment between us and then boom bam boom this guy comes in just like oh you boys haven't seen your boys in forever mind if i get a hit of that oh fucking like we're like crying having a tender brother brother moment where we're just talking about like shit in life and then oh hey boys it's me oh it's old ricky oh hey boys was he his name is ricky i can't remember his name it's like it's i it might i think it actually old ricky oh hey boys was he his name is ricky i can't remember his name it's like it's i it might i think it actually is rick oh man and he just kept pulling it's like you boys are you boys doing great with your life you boys are wonderful oh this thing this thing hits hard this shit is like oh boy do you even know who that is yeah i did i knew he's like my

mom's friend's boyfriend slash husband and then like another wedding story at my fucking wedding. My friend Stebby, I don't know if I told you guys this. Oh, we know. I was talking to my uncle, my uncle Chris. And he was like, I'm going to Stebby was like, I'm going to do something funny. I'm going to try to like disco Elysium, check him. And Stebby asks, hey, do you have any secrets? And my uncle's like, yeah, I got a trash bag full of weed in my car and then went away for like an hour during my wedding

reception to smoke weed with my uncle out of the garbage bag of weed because my uncle sells drugs allegedly uh smoking weed out of this garbage bag full of weed and i didn't know about it until we get back to stebby staying at my stebby was staying at my apartment i knew like half of that i didn't know i didn't know that he went up and said fucking do you have any secrets do you want to tell me about yourself do you have any secrets i do i gotta start doing that just like go to bars i was gonna say i gotta go to bars and start asking people, do you have any secrets? Do you have any secrets? Do you have to say it with like a funny cadence?

Do you have any secrets? Do you say it normal or goofy? Do you have any secrets? I got a bag of weed in my car. I don't know. Trashbag full of it. That's a good secret. That's the good ending.

That's because like, I don't know. Trashbag full of it. That's a good secret. That's the good ending. That's because, like, I don't know. I, I, I always worry about coming on the main podcast, but I do have a bazillion stories

they just have to get unlocked in the right way. I mean, I, everybody's the same way. You don't always fucking thunk about stories. They happen,

and then you don't think about them until you think about them in a conversation. Thinking about Julian at my wedding, yelling, boo, made me commit a hate crime

in front of the old people in the winery. It's fine. In his gamer t-shirt? You're going to be going through what I went through in a little while here. Thing is, I don't care as much as you do. They can say whatever they want. Who's going to understand you? It's like a Bill Murray, like nobody's ever going to believe you. You can be as crazy as you want. They're not going to know you? It's like a Bill Murray,

like nobody's ever going to believe you. You can be as crazy as you want. They're not going to know what you're saying. They're going to know if you like unloaded a bunch of spiders on the dance floor. But they're not going to know who. So first they're going to have to pretend you're going to have to teach the spiders French. I think they already speak it. Yeah, see?

Look at that. That was French. Softball question easy one chip says what's your favorite dnd or tabletop and general character you've made or played as i mean i i don't play as much dnd as i used to and i don't remember those characters that i did when i was a teenager but i think my favorite character is probably she because you i mean i don't know man you get attached to the character you're playing as right now you know i did have fun with uh oh my god what was his name did you play dnd with us i did um i'm blanking i'm blanking what was his fucking name i was i was i was gonna say do you

want to make it easier and because i was gonna say keys hug yeah i mean a character you're not currently playing is your favorite that you've played past tense i would probably go with uh my bug that i did i can't remember his name right now though off the top of my head he doesn't even remember his name nesu nesu i just remembered my bug yeah he was a bug he was a bug and he had a uh he had a puzzle box like a a little Rubik's Cube, and through the campaign, the Rubik's Cube kept... He was really dumb, like fucking negative fucking intelligence, and he would, during the campaign, sometimes when we had free time, he would tinker with it, and the cube kept getting bigger and crazier and goofier,

and then eventually it became like a mishmash of random puzzles and mechanisms. And he was, I don't know. It was a really fun character. He had good, I thought it was a good gimmick. It was also super easy to get in character when you like,

when you have a solid gimmick that you can just like go into, it's pretty good. It's pretty, it's pretty fun. I think about my, uh, vampire, the masquerade character. The i think about my uh vampire the masquerade character the one time i played vampire the masquerade it was a mock avian i made two

character sheets for him because on the weekends he was a accountant named blood and on the week on the on the on like weekdays he was a hobo king living under an underpass named flesh that's actually really good it's funny because i every session we played was accidentally on the weekend, so I was always the accountant instead of the crazy hobo guy. He would just stay in his house and do vampire taxes. He just worked for vampires and balanced their checkbooks.

I'm sorry, I really don't know what I'm going to do in this situation, dude. If I had a calculator handy, it'd be awesome. But like crazy guys on the weekdays. It's a fun freaking game. I a brendan ran a couple of sessions of a pathfinder game and i was playing as a fairy detective that was literally just colombo named sprinkl better be that was kind of fun he ran a detective agency with a knoll called half pines i did i had so many cool plans for that world too i was doing like dreams becoming reality i had

plans for more like fucking horrible machinations i'm gonna have to work those into subliminal space in some way a pig or i did have a pig orb i had a pig well because like in that campaign i had a pig katamari because i wanted it to be like dreams infesting reality through chaos magic so this town looked normal and the they the the adventurers went in and without asking any questions they tried to kill everybody in this house uh and they ended up killing a bunch of people in the house before somebody was like we're government agents we're trying to take care of this town this town doesn't exist uh because they did not check anything in the town and they just took everything at face value i was playing a detective by the

way yeah even if the town the townsfolk were being fucking face value. I was playing a detective, by the way. Yeah, even if the townsfolk were being fucking weird, they get back and there's like pig spiders and a pig Katamari and like pigs. They pulled up like a carrot and the carrot has like a pig face on it. I have something to do with the dreaming God that the dreams

are leaking through reality. I had a bunch of plans for it and then it kind of fell apart because I didn't want to schedule tabletop while I was worrying about subliminal yeah that's a vampire character that i had for a one shot that i really liked too and he was just a real scum fuck piece of shit landlord zameshi oh dude i always build granite my my trusty player character is just a half-orc who loves hammers and talks like this and that's it that's my favorite guy is just a half-orc who loves hammers and talks like this. And that's it. That's my favorite guy is just a big half-orc dude who hits things.

I mean, I get it though, because I hate, I don't like D&D combat. So every time I do D&D, I usually go for somebody who has two skills. Not even true. She is so complicated. She is the most complicated character.

Yeah, because I wanted to play- No, that's your last character. Sad Machine was also complicated because you picked Swarm Master Ranger. Yeah, because I wanted to try something new. Because I always play the same characters in normal play. So I was like, whoa.

I'm like screaming. I'm going through like 15 different fucking worksheets. Like, how many bugs do you have, Billy? How many bugs? How many bugs, Billy? How many bugs? Where are your bugs, Billy? What are your bugs?

Where are the bugs? How are the bugs? Why are the bugs? We're past this. Now this now i have bombs instead yeah where are the bombs how are the bombs where are the bombs billy how many bombs do you have how many where are the bombs how many bombs i love playing martial characters you hit the thing it's pretty fun we played uh we were talking about before it was the campaign that um nessie was from i was playing as a fucking uh goliath monk named megan and it was super fun because towards the end of the game it's like i'm just gonna almost kill something round one all i'm doing is punching him a bunch of times it's like

dm i'm rolling uh six dice for all of my punches it was a good good time it was a good time oh i also like the elderly warlock attribute i do i do like the idea of an elderly warlock that's something i want to run at some point where basically imagine a 70 year old gnomish man who accidentally entered a warlock pack and he's just like a librarian fuck no i'm just thinking of cool dnd characters i know it's the worst and then the worm pit and then like the fucking campaigns would fall apart because scheduling sucks yeah it's always scheduling it's never a fucking warlock that i had such a cool idea for and i gave the d on the green light i was like you can fuck this guy up however you want i don't

want to know anything going on behind the scenes he was basically the guy from upgrade as a warlock oh that's so beautiful love that with the haunted one background ecto asks each member gains the power to alter or create a new mascot menu item for an existing restaurant food chain or a new and made up one Let me think about this, and I'm thinking... I feel like we should all collaborate on one. Like, find a restaurant that doesn't have one, and then build

one up. Okay, who needs a mascot? Who needs a better mascot? We should go for a fancy restaurant, like a fancy... Are there any fancy restaurant chains? All I'm thinking about, a fancy-ass restaurant you any fancy restaurant sheets all i'm thinking about all the restaurant you walk in three michelin stars right all of their food served inside of bowling balls like bowling balls yeah no plates no bowls they're hollowed out bowling balls that

they put the food in who's the most popular bowling star the big lebowski's big balls of eatery fun three michelin stars okay yeah i think they they could have pete weber sign on you know The Big Lebowski's Big Balls of Eatery Fun. Three Michelin stars. Okay. Yeah. I think they could have Pete Webber sign on. You know who Pete Webber is? No. But is he a... He's the bowler who screamed, who do you think you are?

I am. It's Pete Webber. That's the only professional bowler I can think of. Okay. So Pete Webber's... Pete Webber's web of lies. All the food spiders. Thank you for your time, everybody.

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