Please Stop Talking - Stop Staring | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: June 10, 2022

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tracks and more. If you like our shows and you want to support us, check out patreon.com slash Sermyamusic to see how you can help us keep going as well as get rewards for it. All right, the plug's out of the way. This episode is a fucking nightmare, so i hope you're ready for that the fuck was that let's see it's the fucking yeah it was a little tuba it's like i'm gonna be real like i i fucking hate i i fucking hate this thing where like we forced ourselves into starting the podcast with like instruments or whatever i i feel like it's always a half-assed i feel like i never want to fucking do it welcome to the podcast fuck yourself like i'm so fucking jaded by this shit it's so fucking

tiring every single time to start like that it feels like starting with a wet fart hey my musical my musical intros are always perfect i didn't think you were actually gonna be mad dude i'm actually mad at i'm so tired of that shit it sucks damn somebody get a fiddle in here let's have a fucking uh french canadian have a fucking a hoot down a ho down a hoot down a fuck shout out to the last time i went to i was present for my dad's birthday i got him a fucking harmonica that was like 10 years ago and that was like the last time we spoke the harmonica was it no i gave him a harmonica and

he went like neat and then last time i heard i got i heard from my uncle that he hasn't used it at all it's still in the box that's fucked up if. That's fucked up. If you gave a harmonica to Corbin, he would have definitely played it by now. Oh, Corbin, would you also do this thing where you promise to visit me every other weekend and then you buy a Tesla and tell me you're too broke to visit me and then don't visit me for all of my late teens?

I can try, but I don't know if I have enough money for a Tesla. Don't tell Ed I just bought a fucking Tesla. Awesome. Dude, no, I love my harmonica. It was also a gift, but I always fucking lose it. And so it's so exciting when I find it again, because then I go like, yeah! And then I just play Piano Man, and then I lose it again because then i go like yeah and then i just play uh piano man and then i lose it again

oh like actually like when you when you lost it in the uh in your fucking library library your fucking laundry hamper and then you were super excited about that i remember that i wonder if that's where it is now oh dude you should definitely go check you should definitely go check are you supposed to wash harmonicas they get like filled up with spit and goo? I don't know. They probably get filled with filled with Mandy harmonica owner for the past 30 years. I have no fucking clue. No, I've never washed my harmonica.

I didn't find my harmonica, but I found my fushigi. Fushigi? Yeah, fushigi balls are like a magic thing. Here, I can show you. I thought this was going to be like another This is an audio thing. This is an audio podcast. Can we just talk about the camera?

Can we just talk about the fucking camera? Can we talk about the fucking camera? So Corbin was showing us earlier how he installed a pissing camera so that when he streams, he can just go piss but still have a webcam like from above showing him pissing but the thing is for context sake this this whole thing began because prior prior to us recording i asked corbin a gentlemanly question of um do you piss sitting down at home or do you piss standing up because i always piss sitting down on a toilet bowl because if i piss

standing up i'm gonna get splash damage and then corbin was kind enough to showcase the toilet camera and teach me how to stream my piss properly into a toilet so i don't get collateral damage thus the toilet camera was introduced into the lore. Which he's just been broadcasting the entire time, so when he said he chose the fushigi ball, it just sort of rolled off screen in front of the toilet. He just threw it in the toilet.

The thing is, this toilet is connected to his roommate's fucking room, so there's just his roommate's door right there. So if he ever goes to take his shit, we're just gonna see his roommate's shit. so there's just his roommate's door right there so if he ever goes to take his shit we're just gonna see his roommate shit i'm really excited i really don't want that also the toilet i'm gonna be honest i don't want to see that smoking the toilet looks like it just got laid oh yeah he just like threw he just threw a bunch of like

toilet paper rolls on the floor. Yeah, for noise cancelling. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I do that shit too. I'm so bad at getting rid of the rolls. My last toilet paper roll, this one locks into place, right? My last one, you would just slide off

and it was so fun because I get so excited when we run out of toilet paper because I do a tactical reload where I go... With the run out of toilet paper because i do a tactical reload what do you what do i go and with the with the fresh roll of toilet paper i would knock off the previous roll and one motion slide it back forward onto the tube i had the same thing in portugal i had one like oh how do i say this like the little thing that holds a toilet paper roll you had like the two sticks that stick out to support the middle stick that the toilet paper roll then like, you know, spit roasts. Oh, okay.

But the fucking like tube in the middle wasn't like attached or anything. It was like just on top. So if I like was done with the toilet paper, if I like just flick the empty roll really fast, it would fucking just make the middle like pull fly off so what i would do is i would just fucking go like this catch in the air put the new one in put it back oh my god it was fucking brass sounded like you're reloading a car 98 it's so sick yeah you get the plane yeah there's probably somebody listening to this on the way to work and they're just like, oh my god, this is so relatable. He's got the same one. I got the same one at home, dude. Holy fuck.

I changed toilet paper like I'm reloading a moist nugget. What? What does that even mean? Elaborate. You ever heard of the moist nugget, the Russian bolt-action rifle? Everyone's heard of those. I thought it was a sex thing yeah we're like nugget that you i also thought it was like i don't know i thought it was like when i go to mcdonald's

order some chicken nuggets and dip it in uh eucalyptus flavoring aka vapor rub oh dude they're just really manky fucking like fast food place here in belgium i ordered like a wrap there along with my burger because i'm an idiot dude the lettuce was like wet paper that was not i think that's why my kidneys have been hurting all day like this is not normal maybe yeah maybe i feel i feel really bad i feel really bad are you gonna be able to survive through the through this uh episode dude oh dude when it comes to food like like, I was just telling Corbin, I ate, like, fucking pink chicken the other day. I'm fine.

By pink, you mean raw? No, like, I tried cooking it, and I clearly didn't cook it enough, because when I cut into it... So it was raw. Yeah, it was, like, nice and pink. So I was like, I guess I'll just eat around it. And then I asked people,

they said you're not supposed to do that, yeah. Just put it in the microwave or something. I don't know. See, that's what Corbin said. Like, if you're that lazy that you don't want to recook it, just put it in the microwave. Put it in the oven, actually. Putting it in the oven is probably a better idea. No, I know.

I'm now... You're now realizing that you just fucking ate... Dude, that's not... See, what I... Yeah? Cut that. dude that's not see what i yeah what cut that what i told my girlfriend was that like you're talking to the guy that ate like 10 year old like room temperature pizza for like a week so if i live through that i can live through fucking anything i'm just like i'll just like

slowly deteriorate then faster than usual. I've had this problem. There's this local fast food place that I've been going to and the fucking employees there are crazy. They're crazy. They're insane. I pulled up to the window two weeks ago

and the guy unslides the window super fucking fast and goes, bro, don't ever fucking go to shell town oh my god shell town and i'm like i'm like what and he goes don't ever is that like a rival restaurant no it's a city that i've never heard of and he goes don't ever go to fucking shell town and i'm like what are you talking about don't go i'm like why it's just a it's a shithole man it's a shithole don't go to shell town and i'm like i'll be honest man i kind of want to go like it's kind of hyping it up dude it's in san diego what the fuck and

he's like bro wait i googled i googled i googled shelltown and one of the first pictures i saw is just a bunch of tattooed dudes a bunch of tattooed hunks it looks like one of those russian like what is it again

those videos of like dudes hanging out to me to me it looks like a gta loading screen gta shell town no what's that fucking thing what's those videos those videos that people were sending to each other and it's just a bunch of like really muscular sweaty men oh gotcha gotcha yeah yeah gotcha yeah that's what it reminds me of i guess it's totally different now that i think about it i just the guy on the right's doing like something to his lips like he

looks good but dude i'm like i'm like man i kind of want to go to shell town he and he gets real fucking serious he goes don't bro don't fucking go and i'm like how do i get there he goes you just hop on i-10 and you just go straight down i-10 and then interstate 5 you just you head north and i'm like i'm like bro i'm going and he's like i swear to god don't fucking go and then closes the door comes back hands me my food and he's like all right man have a good one i was like see he's like i'm like see you later and i'm going to shell town he's like no you're not and see you later. I'm going to Shelltown. He's like, no, you're not.

And I show him my phone and it's the map's directions to Shelltown. Why does he want you to go so bad, dude? And he goes, give me your phone right now. What the fuck, man? And I'm like, bro, I'm just fucking with you. He's like, thank God, man. Don't ever go to Shelltown. So dangerous.

I kind of wanted a road trip to Shelltown now i know that's what i'm saying he was he was hyping up so much by saying telling me not to go funny holy shit i love that you just like you pull off the maps app you show it to him and i go there frequently that is the only time i've ever seen him there he got fired i think he's telling every single guy don't take him warning people like hey man don't even fucking not even once bud got fired for going to shell town dude i had a weird moment with um it's i i have um i i right now they're doing renovations in my toilet and in my bathroom. I mean, and you're getting like a sound system put in there. Yeah. I'm just fucking pimping my ride.

I'm installing a camera. I'm installing a fucking Nintendo game cube in it so I can play chibi robo. I'll take a shit. Um, no, the guy, the guy, there's a guy that came by to repair my ceiling.

And when I, I was just folding laundry and when I fold laundry, I just put on like a movie usually. And yeah, usually it's horror movies because that's the only thing I watch. Thing is, I wasn't thinking about it. I was watching Friday, the Friday, the 13th reboot while folding the laundry. And I opened the door. I'm like, hey, man, how are you?

Blah, blah, blah. OK, here's the toilet. If you need me, I'll be folding laundry laundry and i'm just i just sit back oh i just sit back down while like folding laundry looking at the tv and the dude is like he's a super like little he's a little guy he's like super quiet and he's like he looks very reserved and then the i don't know if you've seen the reboot mandy or anybody but there i i have a feeling of what scene he's the boat you calmly watching it's the boat scene oh it's the boat scene where there's like there's a girl that's like like braless on a sea dew and the and then there's the guy driving the boat and they're both like wow yeah spring

break or whatever and he was just like behind me he was just behind me like kind of half looking at the fucking screen and that's when there's a fucking jump scare of like the guy the guy driving the boat just gets impaled in the head and like right after that the girl the brawless girl just gets murdered and her tits are like like out and all that and then he he was he was while he was behind me like getting all his like molding ready or whatever he just i just hear like i guess you're not a man of God, huh? I didn't know what to say, so I just started I just had to fucking tie this Final Fantasy X laugh Like, ha ha ha ha ha ha

Oh, dude, he was probably terrified I felt like such a fucking dumbass I was just like, dude, oh my god This guy is just doing his job And he just got into a psycho's house like I usually try to check out the room when service workers are doing stuff oh dude I I mean there was that one time oh wait no

I think you were recording something that was like a year or two ago where I was telling someone what was happening when like service people came but I like had to hide last second because I realized it would be too weird if they saw me at that point and you were in the closet? Yeah, I remember that.

I remember that we were recording, yeah. Wait, so what happened? Were you just like... Oh my god, I don't remember exactly. It was like some service workers came because it's like an apartment and I didn't even say like, oh, you need a knock to come in or whatever.

The consent forms. Just, oh yeah, if I'm not here, it's like I'm out a lot, just come in and do whatever. Just come like, oh, you need a knock to come in or whatever. Or like the consent forms. Just, oh yeah, if I'm not here, it's like I'm out a lot. Just come in and do whatever. Just come in. Oh God. So I heard them like fixing stuff and I hear them like loudly making jokes. Like, oh fuck, they don't think I'm here because it's like I've slept in late.

Oh no. It's, I was dark. It's dark. Oh dude. Like, what the fuck do I do? Like, okay, they don't know I'm here. Do I emerge from the bedroom after it's been like silent for 20 minutes and it here and just be like hey what's up and then i hear i'm like oh fuck they'll need to change like one of the um they're probably gonna check the water heater which is in the bath like my bathroom yeah and someone oh fuck it you know what oh i'll just

i'll just stay out of their way but where do i go i'll just go into the closet and shut the door They'll never know That's so much creepier That's so fucking creepy One of them knocked on the bedroom door It was like maintenance So like they did check just to make sure Someone might have heard me when I was in there I was convinced That they didn't think I was in there

But they knocked and said maintenance And they opened it and like hello i'm like okay the longer i delay this the worse it'll be if like i have to confront them so like i got one in the closet and i fucking like threw a blanket over myself just like in the corner oh god i heard the bedroom door like slowly open and i heard him go like I guess there's nobody in here. I heard him fucking run to the bathroom. Are they talking like fucking

Metal Gear NPCs? Must have been the wind. Looks like they thought they probably didn't hear me. I don't want to have to talk to them. Then it's, oh shit, maybe they did hear me. Now they're wondering what that sound was. It's so much weirder that sound was it's so much

weirder dude it's so much weirder that you decide he opened the door and instead of being like yeah well hi you were just like i'll hide even it's because i'll hide even further too like i was i was not fucking thinking oh my god well i was just like oh no they can't see me that makes me feel much better because i was really embarrassed because the other day I screamed at a woman. Oh, what? Go on. I heard a knock on her door and I was expecting a package.

My hair was super messy and everything. All I'd done that day, it was still pretty early, was just chill in my room. I was like, I'm just going to grab the package. I walk out there and I open the door and I'm looking down and like stepping out to look down to the ground for a package. And then I look up and I'm like three inches away from this woman. And I just, my instinct was scream.

So I just went, ah! She just jumps backwards and screams. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a package. And she goes, can I borrow sorry i thought i thought you were a package and she goes can i borrow some blighters i thought you were a package i thought you were a package oh jesus christ holy fuck that's i i've been doing this thing recently where um it's usually when i'm drunk i usually like like if i i don't know you know when you're drunk you get some cravings for food And sometimes I order from Uber Eats

And I tell them always to Like leave it on the In the front of the door I've been doing this thing lately I do that They fucking knock anyway and bitch at me every time I don't know how that app works Maybe I'm stupid

I'm a fucking asshole I keep thinking it's super funny when I'm really drunk. I just have this really big window, like this huge window in my studio. And usually when I'm drinking and I'm like hanging out with people, I'm in the studio. And what I do is I just open the door, close all the lights except the one in the like very back so that i'm just like a black silhouette staring them down while they give like drop by drop off my food and the thing is it's such a big window that there's no way they don't see me and this one time i got a delivery on bike from like this this girl on bike and uh i just saw her jump off her like she she like put her bike away

and then she looked at towards me and then she jumped because the thing is i usually t-pose what what do you mean i just t-pose at the window i just i just i just like why because it's funny i don't know I think it's funny Because I'm like haha I'll give them a good Goofy scare Like you know how you watch Just for laughs and then there's like a laugh track When something funny happens

That's what it's like in my head It's like hahaha she got scared That's I mean I kind of get it It's not funny at all i don't know why i i i stopped like i just i stopped doing that i'm gonna be honest because ever since that girl like was genuinely scared and unhappy i was like oh maybe i should stop scaring the uber deeds people yeah maybe i should stop terrifying women i had to start waiting because uh i scared a pizza delivery man because he knocked

once and i knew he was coming because you can track him on the app i knew he was coming so i was waiting by the door he knocked one time and then he was going to knock a second time and i already opened the door and it scared him and so now when they knock i go and i wait by the door and i count to 30 and then i open it oh yeah yeah it's the same it's the same thing with phone calls if it ring like i always have my phone on me if it rings once i'm just gonna wait a bit till i pick up because if you pick up immediately you just look like a freak like were you waiting for me to call you you fucking loser something similar in a high school but that was a little more advanced than the t posing okay let's hear it so dimitri

has always looked the fucking same since like kindergarten yeah he's always been six for all directions with a large beard and so we had some friends over my parents were out for a while we're just like fuck you're on over the weekend and one of them was like hey like can these girls come over and stuff and we're like sure. But what ended up happening was one of our other friends was like, oh man, you don't, his friends are weird. This is going to be awful. We can't have them here. They're all terrible. And they're trying to warn

me that it was going to be a disaster. And that he might, it would be bad if they stayed. And so I trusted him over a friend who's like, they're going to come over. It's like, okay, Dimitri, how do we make them really fucking uncomfortable? And our house has of like angled by the the front door so you could like you if you're walking up to it you can like yeah yeah like some couches and stuff yeah okay so what we did while they're like watching tv and like fucking around and stuff

we put him we put him in like this sofa chair facing the window. And we put this blanket over his lap. And I was like, okay. Like fucking, like the grandma from Resident Evil. Yes. Yes. But this ties into something. Oh no. Because the Boy Scout story returns.

Because they're like, okay, Dimitri, do your Jimmy stare. And then he did this thousand yard distant face and then started smiling. With this blanket draped over his lap. Oh god, dude, no. into this thousand yard distant face and then started smiling oh dude so when they were walking up he looked so fucking uncomfortable because he's just staring out the window and not at them they came in and they're like oh like what's his deal and like other friends in the like main room so they didn't see what the fuck he was doing like oh don't mind him he's just he's just being fucking weird he's like oh my he's so tall and strong like you could be so fucking dangerous oh man he was just like he wasn't rocking at all in this chair just has a

blanket on his lap just like it's the weird part i don't know why but the weird part to me is just the blanket on the lap that's just yeah the blanket on the lap is what makes me really uncomfortable that makes me so it makes me uncomfortable like if he's just sitting there like that's weird but like let's put let's put a blanket on his lap to indicate there's something up. Like there's something... He's hiding something. That's such a good way to fucking hide something bad.

I think it's just like a movie thing, because you'd see people and they'll have blankets around them for some reason. They're kind of distant. It's like, oh, there's something under there. Yeah, there's going to be a big reveal. A big John Woo towel throw. Maybe it's just because old people are fucking weird and creepy and they do that shit like oh stop being cold you frail bitch maybe i i've i've only done that by accident uh the best one easily the best one was uh one of the internet men that came, and I'll get to the other ones,

but this one was my favorite because he was a fucking prick. What's great about when in Belgium they send you an internet technician, they tell you the day they're coming, and all you know is that they're coming past noon. So from noon till seven, they can show up whenever they want. And you have to be home

because if you're not home and they show up, you got a fee yeah that's how it'll come back like a week later that's so fucking awesome it's it's really sick um but usually they're not like obligated to do so but usually they call ahead like by 10 20 minutes and they'll be like hey i'm gonna be there in like 10 20 minutes uh just making sure you're home. And you just go like, all right, yeah, you're good. One of the guys that came here did this awesome, awesome, awesome thing on the night that my girlfriend was staying over. He showed up at 9 a.m. Oh, dude.

And didn't call. I just suddenly started hearing constant ringing from outside my apartment. And I'm just like, dude, who the fuck is ringing my place at 9 a.m like i'm not gonna lie we got fucked up last night and i was like if somebody's ringing my door at 9 a.m they are gonna face the consequences i was barely clothed when i answered the door so i'm like fully like not fully exposed but you can make out the contour of my ball sack. And I'm answering the door and it's the guy holding the router. And he's got a big fucking smile on his face. He's probably like a morning person, like a real mutant.

He's like, hey man, I'm here to fucking set you up with Fiverr. Let's get to it. And then I was like, oh God, why didn't you call? Like, I didn't say it, but I i was like you fucking uh like i was barely like fucking i could barely see him and i forgot to mention this but like obviously the ringing woke up my girlfriend but i was like don't worry just go back to sleep i'll take care of it oh no she was oh my girlfriend didn't get a lot of sleep uh because the moment we walked into my apartment, the loudest yell blanketed my right ear. Because I forgot that, you know, we got fucked up and I had people over.

And I did this funny thing where I set up the Kojima cutout in an area where, like, you could barely make out what it actually was. So he yelled in my fucking ear. And it woke up my girlfriend. And he dropped all of his equipment on the floor that i've only ever done that accidentally i've done that to myself too i used to have the guy behind me i don't have him anymore he's over there he's next to the tv i have this i have this new gimmick where every time i have people over i always change where i put him uh the uh the final one is gonna be like in the bathroom i'm gonna put him like behind the shower curtains you're so fucking evil and when people when people come over i'm gonna tell them i put him away because he was getting like scratched up that's

my uh that's my final like that's my end game see it's hard to describe how like atmospheric that story was when i'm staring at a grainy camera feed of a toilet yeah you never know what's lurking in the fucking dark i uh i used to have more cutouts of myself that i'm i'm proud to uh admit uh because like in were they life size uh one of them was a larger than life side cut size cut out of my head were they different poses or all like the same one? They were different poses. They were all from like sports and stuff, you know? Okay.

And I used to scare people with the cut out of my head. And then eventually I had to throw it away because the thing is it would, I had two that went around. One was, I would hide, it was a tiny figurine of me. And I would hide it in my friends' rooms. And it would always end up back to me. And the face started scaring me too much.

What do you mean a small figurine of you? Like a tiny cutout of me as a child. Okay. You can ask Brendan to see it. He has it. What is he no actually yeah i just thought about it that makes a lot of sense i had to i had to send it to a different state uh because i was it kept coming back i would fucking no matter where i put it it would always

end up somehow in my room and it would scare the shit out of me because there's a tiny version of me just staring right back at me. Fucking demon eyes. And I'm terrified his eyes show up again one day. That reminds me. At my parents' place, I hated that they had tons of pictures framed of my sister. And three of me. And one of them was when they shaved me bald. And it was just a framed portrait of me when I was six.

Because they decided they wanted to shave me bald. Like fucking Charles Xavier on the staircase, just staring me down whenever I go down, whenever I used to go downstairs from my room. It was so fucking annoying. And I remember that distinctly because do you know why they shaved me bald? It's the stupidest reason. Not because I needed a haircut. Not because they thought i wanted to be bald or i was six i don't know i just cut my hair bro they cut but they

shaved me bald because their razor was dying and they needed to at least use it one last time before they are you kidding me i'm not joking and because it was dying the blades were dull as fuck so my hair would get caught in the razor fucking constantly i had to like constantly yank it out it was the most horrifying experience of my life and sometimes there'd be moments where i'm just like damn my hairdresser really fucked up my hair and my mom would be like why don't you let me cut your hair and i go go, because fuck you, whore. There's no way I let you cut it ever again. The same thing happened to me as a child.

I used to beg my parents for a buzz cut, and they would never give it to me. And then eventually my mom started cutting my hair, and one day she just went, oops. And then she went, hey, Corbin, do you still want a buzz cut and i was like yeah and then she gave me a buzz cut because i just like the way it felt you know like when you rub people's head and they have a buzz cut i think it feels cool when you rub people's head yeah you don't whenever someone around me gets a buzz cut i just instantly start rubbing their head

dude you're such a head rubber you look like a head rubber man i am such a head rubber oh my god but yeah that's the last time she ever cut my hair because when she did it, I went, mom, you fucked up. I got a... One time I let a friend cut my hair and he stabbed me on the side of the head. That was funny. He stripped me down in his garden. And then he put me in a chair. I was naked.

And then he fucking hosed me down with a garden hose. What the fuck, dude? And he was like now trust me i've cut tons of people's hairs we were very drunk and he was just like you know doing the moves on my uh doing the moves on my hair and uh it was very uneven and it ended up being very uneven because i felt like a good stopping point was when he like stabbed me on like the side of the head with the scissors. And my mom came to pick me up because this place is super far away. I was like 14 at the time. Oh, dude.

So my mom came to pick me up. And she was like, oh, didn't he say he was going to cut your hair? It looks the same. But she was looking at the side that he actually had because i was in the i was riding shotgun and then dude her fucking face when she saw me from like a front facing like angle oh dude was precious it was it was like the same like it was almost on par with like when she saw me me after the car accident when I was just in my bed and my arm was backwards. It was like she didn't go pale and pass out, but it was like

it was on the level. I have a photo from when my friend gave me a mullet when he was drunk. How did he give you a mullet? I had long hair and then he cut the sides off. Ah, right. Follow up, but I did find some scout photos from that camp. Oh, right. I also follow up, but I did find some scout episode, uh,

photos from that camp. Oh my God. The problem is they're mostly from a Polaroid. I mean, that's fine. We're, we're probably, I'll post this just for reaction.

Do you want to see the kid who thought he was a, um, yes. A priest of like oblivion. Yes. I only have one photo of him. We're not going to post any of these. Wow. Oh dude dude that's telling

do you think he's still I was holding that camera turned to the left and screamed and flashed that actually looks like a fucking Blair Witch what the fuck man oh my god it's just like

it's so unreal. Oh my god. I really want to download that picture and turn the contrast like way down so you can barely see him. If you do that, at least send it to me. I'll make you my background. I mean, that photo is like a while old now. Oh, that reminds me. Because speaking of old pictures, damn, none of this is going to work for them.

Oh no. Oh no, Corbin, don't. Don't piss. No, stop. Stop looking at to work for them. Oh, no. Oh, no, Corbin, don't. Don't piss. No, stop. Stop looking at the camera like that. Stop that. I think Corbin is leaving behind like a trail of food to bait Joel into pissing. You can't even.

Oh, we can't hear it. I can hear it. Oh, my God. He's at my game. Corpse of cadets. That's what it says on the back no stop how are you still pissing corbin have you mastered the art of pissing with the seat down because i have you sit down coward no but i'd like, when there's women over, I also... I can't be fucked

to put the toilet seat down and I also don't want to... I respect women too much to put my ass on the seat. Oh, my God. Wait, let me wash my hands. Oh, Jesus. The fact that it's not an instinct.

What are you talking about? I love that. That's really irritating. What are you talking about not an instinct? The fact that you didn't go immediately to wash your hands. Oh wait, I'm on camera. I'm not shaking your hand.

I'm not shaking your hand anymore. Well, joke's on you. You already have. Right before I scratched my balls. Oh dude, I actually did. And you actually proved it to me. I just wanted to mention real quick um because speaking of old photos i recently like synced my new phone to my google photos and it had like

some really old shit and for context sake one of my oldest friends is very very redheaded so he's got like all the you know like the fucking freckles like super pale skin and all this shit yeah like everything ginger yeah yeah uh and how do i where do i even post this like oh i could just do this and i found a picture where i was like i need to like mandela effect all my friends and i made this picture and i started sending it to people like oh dude last night was so fun I photoshopped those eyebrows on him and I just sent it to a bunch of people

to see if anybody would notice we can't even show this to anyone because this is just all fucking audio this episode has to be titled The Visual Episode. It's such a visual. You need visuals to understand anything.

A visual episode. Because we just see fucking Corbin pissing. We just see like... All the images. We see Oblivion Priest. Speaking of seeing things, how is L mandy oh yeah i uh i got lasik a month ago oh my god it has been a month dude it's been yeah the procedure itself was like quick it was a very strange light show at one point it's in the back of your eyeballs when you can't see it all which is hard to describe that i don't like that that's so weird yeah but what happened after was that um

you can like drive yourself back to your post stop but for the day of you're not driving afterwards because you need to go home and sleep yeah so i had like a ride also can you open can you open your eyes oh yeah like on the right home you it's fair to close them for the light and you have to wear like sunglasses outside a week oh man okay it's on the right home, it's better to close them for the light, and you have to wear, like, sunglasses outside a week. Oh, man. Okay. But it's come a long way. But it's like, oh, for when you do this, like, you need to set up a ride to take you back.

But they're so pretty, like, COVID strong. Like, with just, like, procedures. They're like, oh, if you have, like, someone to pick you up, like, they can't even be in the like the doctor's office in the lobby yeah because we don't want too many people in here so like okay i'm not gonna ask a friend to do it i'll just get a ride set up and so i get out and it's hard to see my phone and i just see this text that's like oh sorry i'm gonna be about a half hour late wait from who from like a uber driver basically okay that's like oh it's like hey sorry like it's your ride's gonna be late it was also very hard to see through it it just i realized my drive is late and i they put

me on some uh drugs for it not a huge amount they give you like lorazopram or something oh yeah whatever it's called yeah but i took it like you're supposed to i guess do it for like 15 minutes before because ideally you take the drugs lead lead the operation, then like an hour or so later it kicks in and you can like sleep when you get back. What happened in my case was I took the drugs, they were ready for me two minutes later, and it hadn't even

been 15 minutes by the time I was done. Oh, so you were not even No, but I was starting to feel it. Oh boy. And so I'm like, well well i can't stay in the lobby and this this office is like kind of in the um it's like the middle of the city yeah like if you're anywhere near like charlotte you've heard fucking radio ads for dr moziani and lasik i didn't go there by the way but the office was by like this parking garage and they gave me these sunglasses that are the wraparound ones.

Oh, like fucking Geordian Forge? Yeah! Hell yeah! That's sick! LeVar Burton! He voices Dragon Tales! I'm sorry, I'm a big LeVar Burton fan. I thought LeVar Burton did The Reading Rainbow. He does. He do.

And he's in Dragon Tales? Yeah, dude. He has had a long career in children's entertainment wide range yeah like star trek man children entertainment anyway yeah wow aren't i funny he was in smart house sorry so i wander out of the office and there's a few other keys that are like clear i'm not well one is that before they do um they do the lasik on you yeah they've gotten so efficient at it it's like oh my i don't know how to describe it it's like lining up to get like your blood

like blood donation but even faster like by the time I was done, there was a person in the waiting seat waiting for me. It's like a seven-minute person in and out at most. To keep track of everybody, they put this name tag on you that's your name and then your birthday below it. They put it on upside down because the doctor's going to be looking at you from

standing behind you operating the machinery and then he could look down at your tag. I'm outside. I'm like, my ride's going to be gonna be late i can't go in here but there's a parking garage nearby holy fuck it's bright i need to retreat into the darkness so i'm like stumbling into this parking garage and i see some like my vision's super hazy after lasik so it's hard to describe it's like when you're seeing a car windshield that's super fogged up. It's like that, but your eyeballs. You realize you can see better, but it's much more foggy.

And I see there's some shapes standing around somewhere inside the parking garage, and they're talking. But it's an area where the cars aren't going through. So there's probably an elevator or something nearby to get up to higher levels. so like oh cool i'll just go over there and i don't even realize how bad i'm stumbling yet i'm wearing sunglasses and stumbling into there i hear someone go hey boss you doing okay over there i'm like yeah i'm fine they think you're off your tits yeah they're like you don't look fine man like no I'm good I'm good and I'm closer and I see they're wearing orange vests and I realize they're like

they're probably construction workers or something on break because they're building a lot of stuff in the area and they're probably also in the parking garage because it's hot as fuck right now I really wanted you to get cat called no because I'm walking up to them and they're like you seem high as fuck dude i'm like like no i'm fine i'm fine i'm like just no i had some work done like oh you like for that building yeah yeah and so like one of them says my name like oh i was like i was like how the fuck do

you know that it's not your name tag but it's upside down man i'm like oh that's supposed to be that way everything i say sounds like a lie it sounds like you're a fucking escaped convict well yeah and so i just have this upside down name tag and i'm stumbling around in sunglasses in a parking garage god oh my god you were just in yeah but the thing is i can't see them very well take it off oh no i didn't take it off yet i just left it there because i was like fuck it fuck it i was like i don't see a trash can i don't want to have to be holding this thing and then i realized i started because the medicine's kicking in pretty hard at this point

and i'm getting like drowsier and i'm realizing oh fuck like i don't know who these dudes are i don't know where the fuck i am and i can't tell them i can't see because i can barely tell who they are because they're like talking like oh like where you where'd you get your stuff from and stuff like you know like oh god they hit you with the um help you carry your bag, sir? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god, man. They're asking like, oh, that's crazy. Do you know Tay? Do you buy from Tay?

You got the name of their suppliers, dude? Yeah, so I'm standing there. I'm like, no, I'm okay, I'm okay. One's like, well, I got the sunglasses on. Let's see your eyes. Like, why? Let's see your eyes.

The TV's high. That's so weird, dude. That's so fucking funny. And guess how your eyes look after LASIK. Really fucking bloodshot. Oh, no. Yeah, probably. And so I go.

Also, you must have such a fucking violent reaction if you take it off. Like, it's just like a fucking burst of light. Well, it wasn't... It's not as bad as you would think it would be, because I could, like, look at my phone. Is it not? But I was in a parking garage. It was, like, unpleasant. But, like, okay, and I put my sunglasses down.

And, like, whoa, look how toasted you are! They're like, Tony, let's fuck up! And they're all laughing. Dude, you definitely picked up from day bro you're right i i did see you but you sent me a picture yeah fucking read your eyes where they were like bloodshot yeah because you're like whoa you look you're like well you look like so fucked up and i was like yeah there's gonna be a story about that christ that's i already talked about this but that reminds me of like i already spoke about this on the podcast but i don't think mandy or corbin on this one it was when like i was trying to go to a convention when i was at it in uni in manchester and i was like the only guy awake at fucking 7 a.m at a bus stop and but like 10

minutes later these two guys show up that are clearly like not there yeah and they just walk up to me and they go like yo dude what's up and i go hey what's going on man dude you are so fucking tall and i just go yeah i'm like a meter 94 and then you just stare at me do you like weed and then they just hand me a j and i'm just all right oh man that's awesome that was my morning no because i definitely already talked about this because i remember i i uh it was like a fucking youtube convention and i ended up being like way more high than i thought i was so i was just fucking walking around with my fucking eyes shut asking people how to make thumbnails like random fucking strangers.

I got offered cocaine for the first time in my life the other day. How did that happen? Corbin is just a fucking cocaine magnet. You know, the coke heads, they just find me. No, I was hanging out with Julian.

Oh, this explains more. No, never mind. Julian is a coke magnet. The coke heads, they just find me. No, it's hanging out with Julian. Oh, this explains more. No, never mind. Julian is a coke magnet. For context, Julian has a really bad coke habit. Continue. Don't say that. That's personal. Hey, man, you can't out him like that.

That's not nice, dude. That's not cool. So, I went to Julian's house, You can't out him like that. That's not nice, dude. That's not cool. I went to Julian's house and Julian lives really close to my cousin. And I went, hey, I'm going to go spend one night with my cousin. Just hang out with them, go to clubs. Ended up not spending the night

at my cousin's house. Because I met a random girl at the bar. Yeah. Okay, first of all, she fucking... So, I'm in the club and I'm dancing with my boys. And we're doing the dance from Vampire the Masquerade. Oh, my God. The one with the big step, like making waves.

That's what it's called. So, we're doing that. And she walks up and she goes, are you on TikTok? And I'm like... And you go, no, but. I'm like, you should. I have a podcast. No. No.

No, no, no, no. What? Oh, come on. No, I did not. What do you mean hit her with that? No, dude. Saying to a girl that you're on a podcast just reeks of desperation. I didn't say that.

I think I told this story, too. I swear, didn't I say it worked when I was wearing one of the Into the AM hoodies and one girl was like, yo, that hoodie rules and I was really drunk and I went, you know if you use code punked? No, no, no.

That's what I thought. It's not the same if you're like, oh, I'm a YouTuber. It's equally as desperate though. It's equally as bad. If you're like oh the youtuber oh it's equally as desperate though it's equally as bad no because if you're if you're youtube full-time it's like yeah but the people who make podcasts anybody can put a podcast on spotify dude i'm not gonna lie even more desperate the the day like the the first date i had with my girlfriend like the day we met um she uh we were really hitting it off and she told me one time she went to the bathroom

she didn't actually go to the bathroom she was considering going home because i told her i had a podcast of course that's what she asked bro she asked i never mentioned the youtube stuff i just sometimes mention like oh people i know from the work i do or like something fucking whatever and she asked me what i do if i do anything besides youtube and i was like god she fucking prided out of me i didn't fucking bring it up yeah see that's why that's why you gotta be like you got you gotta you gotta start saying you're an influencer then they're gonna be like oh my god influential no she's gonna start putting lids on her drink david that's what she's gonna do well oh my god jesus christ it's true but jesus it's true wow dude this man i i anyways yeah i should have had a lid on my drink

whoa whoa whoa wait are you wait are you sure can we just take a minute are you sure? Can we just take a minute? Are you sure you can keep going with this? Also, LeVar Burton, not on Dragon Tales. Yeah, I'm not going to lie. I was talking out of my head. I would have known. And I was so flabbergasted. I was like, there's no fucking way. And I've been trying to find it where he was on Dragon Tales.

Yeah, I think I was thinking of reading Rainbow because sometimes there's a dragon on that yeah where were we with uh story yeah cocaine i'm ready to go let's go so dude first of all she fucking starts off the conversation so weird with the tiktok thing and then she grabs her groups of friend and she goes okay y'all want to play a game and we're like yeah she's we're playing fuck marry kill but with apps on your phone she's like so like everyone what's your like favorite app and me trying to seem like an intellectual i was like uh quizlet fucking grammarly hello Fucking Grammarly. Hello. And then my friend goes, what the fuck is an app?

And we're like, an app on your phone? He's like, what? And I show him my phone and I'm like, apps on your phone? He goes, I don't know. Fucking messages? Why is he so upset? He don't know what he was... Fuck yourself. Mess Message his asshole.

For him, it's such an invasive question. So then she starts, like, only talking to me because she's like, fuck this guy. This guy's a psycho. Babe, it's weird as fuck. And so we start talking, and she's like, okay, like, do you want a drink? And I was like, yeah. And so we go, and she's like, hey, can I get two shots? And she said some weird-ass fucking drink. And I was like, and so we go and she's like hey can i get two shots and she said some weird ass fucking drink i was like what is that i've never heard of it

she's like oh uh she's like i love it it's a shot like we'll do it we do it i immediately take the shot and i was like that was jagermeister she's like don't ever fucking call that jagermeister what but like it was literally just it tasted exactly like jagermeister but don't call it that and then she goes here i couldn't do. Do you want to do mine for me? And I was like, fuck yeah, another free shot. So I do it. Oh my god. That happened another time after that.

Then the bars end up closing. Oh, wait, no, no, no. They go to hand her her check. And this bar, after the fact, we think it might have been like a hookup bar we didn't know we just walked into a random bar but the fucking they give you your check instead of putting it like a little like leather booklet or whatever that they usually do at restaurants or yeah yeah they put it in a like a porn book like i mean a porn erotic novel oh like those

that's pretty funny they're always in piles at like grocery stores yeah and so me being smooth as fuck and definitely not drunk at all I point at the cover and I go what if that was us wah wah wah

wah no Corbin you can't say that it worked I heard the move in the background No, Corbin. You can't say that. It worked. I heard Boo in the background. Wait, did Boo just... Boo, I'm recording. Dude, I totally get that.

Sometimes my girlfriend comes over to just work here. And recently Tekken started having physical tournaments. And I'll just be working and having a tournament on my other monitor. So sometimes we'll just be dead quiet, both of us working she's trying to write a fucking essay about urban planning or some shit and just in the dead quiet of the apartment she'll just suddenly hear me going oh oh fuck because i'm just watching the match and i'll just hear from like the other side of the room like you okay jesus dude so we go outside and uh i can't believe that worked can i i'm just oh just still on that that's fucking

wow oh dude no that's i mean i wasn't too shocked that it worked european women are subhuman anything works i'm an european no i know i'm just saying i'm not shocked that it worked on a woman because here like like here are the fucking like the dentist thing human anything works i'm an european no i know i'm just saying i'm not shocked that it worked on a woman because here like like here are the fucking like the dentist thing the dentist thing from the dentist system where he goes like this pizza's uh this pizza's pretty good and he goes you're the one that's good that would work on a scottish woman unironically jesus fucking christ it's true it's scottish people it's true It's true. It's Scottish people. It's true.

He's pointing. He's on webcam pointing at this fucking camera. Pointing at the Scots. She's from Philadelphia. Anyways, how does this become cocaine? So we go outside and she's like, can we go back? I'm watching Breaking Bad for the first time. The bar closes

and we're the last people to leave and one of the bar backs called me Mr. PDA because we were making out in the bar. And then, so we walk outside, and she's like, can we go back to your place? And I was like, we can, but also we can't because I live three hours away.

Fair. And so she was like, okay, I guess we can go to my place. I'll call an Uber. And then I'm like drunk as shit and I see her calling a Lyft but like I'm pretty sure she didn't hit like the call button like she put in her address but like she didn't hit the call

button oh Jesus Christ she puts her phone away and then she's like trying to make out with me outside the bar and I'm a little uncomfortable with it because like we're in public and then she like reaches down and like starts to like unzip my pants and i'm like whoa no i was like i was like we are oh my god by the way we're not like the only people on the street there's like a bunch of people around us oh dude this is like a friday here i i don't know europe is fucking wild uh i saw um i think i saw

a guy shit yeah i did see a guy shit the other day like on the street he was just like i oh my god dude it was so fucking i was walking with my girlfriend and i was just completely like there's something wrong with my brain i can't look straight ahead when i'm walking i'm always like just fucking like daydreaming and just fucking whoa power rangers just just like looking at shit and i was walking like forward but with my head like completely 90 degrees to my left and i was just staring at a store i used to go to as a kid i'm just like damn i can't believe like i can't believe these guys went out of business that's so whack and then my girlfriend grabs my hand and she goes, what the fuck are you doing?

Stop staring. I'm like, what's going on? And then I look back to my left. There's just a homeless man squatting, shitting his brains out right in front of the store. And I just didn't see him. I was just staring at the story, getting nostalgic. And she got fucking mad at me because she thought I was staring at it man

I can't believe they went out of business oh my god it was a really good toy store anyway Corbin I'm not I'm not bold enough to shit in the street I'm not bold enough to shit in the street so I told her no

and then she goes well you can do it to me and i was like no that's that's still the same and i'm like i'm it's been a while i was like where's where's our uber uh and she like looks and she goes he fucking canceled which i'm like this bitch didn't even call it no she did yeah and so then she calls it and we're sitting there waiting why and um she's like i don't care like what people see like look and she looks over to a group of guys and just flashes her tits and so then they all start screaming so they walk over to us and i start talking to him and the guy's like oh dude like it's my friend's bachelor party right now like thank you so i call him over i'm like bro we've been married for fucking 15 years

and she just looks at me like i'm insane i'm like this is the love of my life like we're like oh my god we're in love and like the fact that you got to see my wife's tits makes me so happy because she's been freaking me out so i thought i needed like you know return the favor you need to yeah you need to freak her out like equivalent exchange like in full metal okay okay i i could i could confidently say the the tit flashing is like where europe stops like that is not something that happens here please continue so i ended up talking to the guy for a while and then he like gives me a hug he's like bro i love you like if i knew who you were you'd be my best man at my wedding and then we get in the uber we go back to her place we walk inside and the first wait

what does the uber come in did you did you end up calling it yeah she ended up calling it okay and uh also all of my friends have already left and I have like no money. So I was like, dude, I have to like get in her Uber. So we get back to her place. She walks in and she goes, man, like, I think I think I have some Coke. Do you want any Coke? And I was like, do you have any Dr. Pepper? You didn't say that.

I did. And she just looks at me and she's like what and i'm like yeah and she's like no like cocaine and i was like oh no i don't i don't i don't do drugs i was like i drink but that's you know that's about it and then she's like oh like i'm so embarrassed i was like no like don't worry about it like it's it's not a big deal like i don't care what other people do. And she was like, okay, so I can do coke? I was like, sure. So she pulls out a little baggie.

And something that I didn't pick up on until I was telling this to other people, what she did is she put her finger in there, and then she rubbed it on her mouth, and then she kissed me. Oh, that's a little bit fucked up that's that's a lot that's no bueno imagining that your hookup is now the that man from red line betting on the races

all the time what the fuck what a weird pull and then i haven't seen i was saying the dude rubbing cocaine in his gums when i hear people who that. I first saw that when the red line came out. I wasn't 100% caught up yet. And then I looked down at the counter and there's two chilled glasses of wine that she has not recently poured. And she hands me

one. I was like, where the fuck did this come from? Which I was like, this is way too fucking weird. I'm not even drinking this. And then she goes, I have to go get ready. But like, you can sit here and chill. And then like, I walk into her living room. She like turns on the TV and she goes, has anyone ever told you that you like look a lot like Jack Harlow? What the fuck?

I need to look up what he looks like. And I went, what the fuck? No. Not at all. She's like, you just remind me like so much of Jack Harlow. And I'm like, that is the rudest thing anyone could ever say to another human being. Also, you don't. What?

I know. I was so fucking confused. Not even close, dude. So then she puts on Jack Harlow on the tv and goes into the bathroom takes a while so i'm just sitting on her couch just watching jack harlow wanting to kill myself and she walks back out and she goes why did you stay so long why did you stay there she goes will you sing for me julian why julian lives near what the fuck did you think at that moment you were jack harlow i don't know but she kept asking me to sing she must have she goes will you please sing for me and i was like no that's so weird and she's like please i know you can sing

i think she was convinced i was actually Jack Harlow. Yeah, she must have. You could have sang one of those Cars movies songs. Life is a highway. I'm gonna drive it. She would have been like, holy shit, he really is here in my boat. I need to start hanging out with cokeheads again, because I really want somebody to go up to me and go anybody ever tell you you look like brett ratner i really want that interaction

to happen oh my god dude what'd you did you sing for her no i refuse to um i would have eventually we did end up going to bed and i'm fucking laying there in her bed and I'm thinking to myself she's gonna stab me in my sleep. I was like, you're fully convinced. I was like, no. This is it. If I close my eyes that would be the last time I close my eyes

she's going to stab me. And I'm like, okay, I've got options. I can lay here awake all night and stare at the ceiling i can run away or i can just go to bed and what wasn't what wasn't julian like didn't julian live like near uh no he was like 45 like corbin said he was three hours away from where he lived so he's at minimum okay wow. Yeah, he's like out there. And then, yeah, next thing I know, I woke up at like seven in the morning. She was asleep.

I look at her and realize for the first time, this is like a 34-year-old woman. Oh my God, Corbin! And so, I run around her apartment, scramble together my clothes, throw them on, contemplating stealing something as a souvenir. And then I was like, wait, what do you mean? Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. A souvenir? I was like, yeah. Remember my magical time as Jack Harlow?

The time a 40-year-old cokehead thought I was Jack Harlow. It's not something I want to forget. Wait, what did you steal? I didn't steal anything. I was like, that's fucked up. And then I was standing in her living room and I go, do I just leave or do I tell her that I'm leaving? If you wake her up, she's going to be no Jack, come back. So I was like, ah.

Come back to bed, Jack. I was like, that feels really fucked to just leave without saying something and it's like kind of suspicious. So I walk over and I tap her on the shoulder and I'm like, I have to go. I have an important business meeting. And she was like, okay, goodbye.

And she tried to give me a kiss and I just like swerved it into a hug and then sprinted out of the room and fucking ran away i have to go i have to go record an episode of my podcast you should have said that she'd be like ew off i have to go record a new lp we're getting married tomorrow if you want to come oh yeah dude i i made the worst joke in my head. She will always remember that day as the day she almost stabbed Captain Jack Harlow.

No one can catch that Johnny Depp. We were so close. Ed, we were so close. And you were the one who said, I hope it doesn't get brought up. I didn't say anything. I said Captain Jack Harlow. I didn't say

anything related to that. Also, we should probably do Patreon questions. I checked how much we've all been recording. I was going to say the exact same thing. I was going to say the exact opposite. Five more stories. You have five stories? You have five stories? exact same thing. I was going to say the exact opposite. Five more stories. Five more stories.

You have five stories? You have five stories? Five more stories. I'll tell the Snorlax story next time since I found the picture of it. I remembered a ton of stuff while you guys were talking. That's why I randomly kept going oh, but I'll save

gaslighting an autistic person in public for next week oh my god wow okay uh whoa first question but just yeah anybody have a question wait um if you could gaslight an autistic person in public what would you tell them and why? Who would win in a fight? A Brendan-sized David or David-sized Brendan? Wait, who said what?

Oh, yeah, that's good. The second one. That's a good one. Yeah, say the name. Cam Unlike Metal asked, who would win in a fight? Oh, hey, I know him. Why'd you pause for so long?

I think he caught me off guard. I was like, did he hear me i figured that entire lead-up to it would be cut by david oh i mean i will i i will but i can make it longer i thought i somehow pissed you off i thought you were like biting your lip for a second before you biting the lips and being so fucking mad like why does he want me to say the name? What a demanding little bitch. Why does he want me to sing? Do you want to share with the class what you think is so funny?

Wait, what was the question? I feel like I would win just because I would actually fight but Brendan would not. Wait, you didn't even read the question. Yeah, I don't know what the question is did who would win in a fight a brendan sized david or a david sized brendan is it cam unlike metal or cam unlikes metal what the fuck does that mean what do you mean is he unlike metal or does he like not like that that's not the question corbin i'm so confused brendan size david wins that's my answer

i would probably yeah brendan size david because i would actually fight if i had to i i'm gonna root for the underdog and say david sized brendan because if you guys hey spoilers for the ending of shadow of the colossus the big guy loses bible spoiler david wins bible spoiler yo you're so right you're so right and i think a david a david sized human with the brain and schemes of brendan the thing is the thing is whenever i talked whenever whenever i asked brendan like oh if you were in this dangerous situation, what would you do? He always just answers with, I'll kill myself. And I'm like, okay, well, I don't think he wants to survive.

I'm going to be real. Every time I ask, he says something like that. It's fucking horrifying. There's another good one. Anthony Bellinger asked, oh, no, you're a loot goblin and you've been you've been slain what kind of loot do you drop honestly just ketchup packets from like McDonald's or something I that's it I'm I don't know like I just I just

collect them in my car there's just so many ketchup packets all over the place I don't like ketchup I love ketchup oh so you just like packets yes maybe someday because boo likes ketchup so I don't know maybe one day we'll be on a road trip and he can just squirt him in

I drop laundry coins and miniature calendars for gay bars I drop the carcass of Mungus he's a character from Dragon Tales is that real? I drop the carcass of LeVar Burton

oh shit mungus from dragon tales is an actual character he's not a dragon he's just a giant who lives in the castle in the clouds a floppy disk with a bunch of Ultima games and a Costco membership card Ultima that's so specific I with a bunch of Ultima games and a Costco membership card. Ultima? That's so specific. I drop a bunch of

untagged USB flash drives. Things don't click. Oh, dude, I kind of want to drop flash cards. Just so people think I'm smart. What is a flash card? Flash cards are your... You mean like when you're doing a

presentation and you need a flash card? Just playing with flash cards. you mean like when you're doing a like when you're doing a presentation and you need a flashcard just playing flashcards I'm an office depot what the fuck dude dropping school supplies would be kind of cool oh this one's fine

the snacksalotle asks you have to kill one historical figure of your choice. Can they be dead? Is my question. Does that change history? I got a similar question recently. Does that mean you're the one to end their lives?

Yes. Kill. You're killing them. No, but I mean, yeah, but would that rewrite history so that instead of dying from, I don't know, a heart attack, they got stabbed by you or something? Okay, let's assume they appear in a room with you and you could just kill them.

No, David would kill Hitler only for the credit. No, I would not. But I would not. I feel like killing Hitler would be, like, too big a deal. I couldn't handle it. Like, I couldn't handle it. It's a lot of pressure. You know, you hitler and then everybody

it's a lot that's all you are you're just the guy who killed hitler you're not the guy who has a dream you don't you're not the guy who has a podcast anymore you're the guy who killed hitler and i don't want that i want to be known as the podcast guy i don't know i i don't think i would kill hitler i i'd let him i'd let him let him live. Do your little shenanigans. I'd kill him. Hang on, I gotta Google who did this. It's hard to have vengeance against specific historical figures.

Oh, wait! Historical figure? Fuck! I was thinking of actors. I was gonna say I would kill I would empty an entire clip into his skull. He's like a living man. Yes. I am going to censor that because I think that's just a death threat.

It's just a death threat, dude. He's alive. I forgot it said historical figure. He's not historical. It's a past figure. Well, then it's a my answer too. I apologize to the estate.

He's alive. Stop saying his name. Please, God. Is David Cage a historical figure? Oh, my God. Oh, no, you can't kill him. I really want to play that Star Wars game. Come on, man.

We have to get the remaster of Fahrenheit or fucking Indigo Prophecy. Dude, I've tried to play it on my computer. It always breaks it. I hate that fucking game. I can't play it. You'll miss the zombie impregnation scene. Spoilers for Indigo Prophecy. Two games that I really want to play that I

bought to play, not to do any sort of video with it just to play them uh fahrenheit slash indigo prophecy and fucking street fighter cross tech and both of them bricked my fucking computer i am so mad i want to play the bad games oh my god and i can't historical figure who starts the fire and library and Library of Alexandria? Fuck them, I guess. We lost so many great poems about people fighting boar or whatever the hell they had. Oh, I could kill John Wilkes Booth. That would be awesome.

Yeah, David, the very first published anything. Well, no. Gilgamesh is one of the world's oldest stories. It's about a man fighting a fucking boar. Really? Wow. I just imagine the scene of the world's oldest stories. It's about a man fighting a fucking boar. Really? Wow. I just imagined the scene of Abraham Lincoln in the booth.

And then you see John Rook's booth and the guns pointed at him. And then you hear the fire. But then John Rook's booth falls down and I'm standing there and I start emoting. That's what I want to do. Richard Nixon? I don't know. Do people like him? Probably not. He wasn't a crook. i might have to skip my answer because i'm not gonna lie i started googling the

family tree to see if he had any like ancestors that were historical figures to see if i can like cut it off at like the the nub oh my god you think uh matthew mcconaughey has anyone like that why matthew mcconaughey why are you fucking you guys are being weird man like this okay this is so weird so actually fun fact about me hating matthew mcconaughey i didn't know why i hated him for the longest time and then i found out it's a bit within uh big time rush that gustavo rock fucking hates matthew mcconaughey oh my god and there's like multiple episodes where they're like yeah we gotta you know i had to bust gustavo rock out of prison because he got caught smashing matthew mcconaughey's mailbox you can't let that show

brain poison you it did though and i had no idea why until i was watching it earlier this year and i was like that's why i hate matthew mccononaughey? That's so fucking weird. That is so fucking weird. Who genuinely hates Matthew McConaughey that much? Why Matthew McConaughey? Me and Gustavo Rock. He's a harbinger of ghosts from the future or something. I don't know.

What the fuck? That question brought us in a weird... That really brought out my inner bloodlust my leg is shaking I'm gonna do a video on I'm gonna do like

a video yeah I have to censor so much shit you just said you'd stab him so many names they'll never guess when they hear Danny can the thumbnail just be a picture of my toilet? Can the thumbnail be a picture of

f*** rotting corpse? In my bathroom Literally There's the thumbnail Just the bathroom That's what I've been staring at the whole time It's the most it's such a fucking like you're right i could just screen grab this right now and that's the thumbnail

fucking kubrick oh wait oh my dude i'm remembering i'm remembering so many great stories just from watching corbin piss just write an outline in like a fucking notepad or something but i want to say it now damn it fuck it while we haven't clapped the episode's still going so one time when we were in atlanta um this was like the first and only time trelly tried to vlog keep fucking keep the sound of him pissing and flushing and um he he brought like this really expensive camera you want this in the episode he brought this really expensive camera and he was just like vlogging the entire time and he was just like dude vlogging is a this in the episode he brought this really expensive camera and he was just like vlogging the entire time and he was just like dude vlogging is a pain in the ass and it is

and then one time him and two of the guys staying with us went out to go get drinks and me and dave stayed in the house and he was like and he just left the camera there and he was like wait don't you want the camera and he was like nah fucking i already recorded us buying drinks. You and Dave stay in the house and quote, do vlog shit. So I was like, all right. So I just walk around the house sometimes. Every once in a while, I'd hit up Dave like, yo, what you doing? And he would just look at me and then back at his phone. So I was like, well, this is, well, this sucks.

And then at one point I really had to shit. So I was like oh okay it'd be really funny if i like recorded myself shitting for trelly like for trelly's video so i set up like a shitting cam that perfectly like would crop it like my waist like i was genuinely shitting right i was genuinely but i forgot that this was high-Rez Expo. And we were constantly eating out of the fucking food trucks. And those things do a number on your duodenum. So I really hope he hasn't deleted this. But Trelli is potentially in the possession of a 54-minute long piece of footage

of me sitting on the toilet grimacing the entire time and just wiping oh my god and at one point like i keep like grimacing and like exhaling and at one point i go like this isn't even funny anymore and i just keep wiping and then i give it back to trelly and i go here we did vlog shit without saying a word and he only hits me up like weeks after iris expo and because he couldn't be fucked to edit it and he just goes 44 minutes what the fuck 44 minutes that is such a long time 54 54 that's even longer no because i was shitting i was shitting a lot and then i was wiping a lot because i'd wipe then i'd have to shit more because i'd stimulate my duodenum and Oh my god. And the entire thing is on... It's recorded.

It's on camera. And it's like... And it's like... Hang on. I'll try to like recreate it with my webcam. But like it was slightly off to the side because I left it in a sink. It's basically like... Hang on.

It was basically just this. Why is this... Why is this the hardest I've ever laughed in my... The thing is I can hear the fucking soundtrack. And you'll recognize it. Why is this the hardest I've ever laughed in my fucking podcast? The thing is, I can hear the fucking soundtrack. And you'll recognize it. This is the fucking soundtrack I hear to Ed shitting. What is that?

You'll recognize it. I need to message him right now. Trelli, this is so important. Do you still have the footage from HRX of me shitting my brains out? This is very necessary. I can't stop fucking laughing, dude. You're going to laugh even harder if Trelli's online which i doubt he is 54 minutes dude oh he's probably asleep that is so long make that like a patreon goal bonus no because like it's all safe for work but like it's just like you just need to know there is a

real human shit coming out of my ass just like slightly off screen celebrating we're actually celebrating five years in a bit so like don't actually do not actually i'm not actually gonna do that that would be holy shit i um would you like to watch ed shitting while kevin mcleod's carefree loops for 45 minutes? David, what I want you to do is I want you to know how YouTube tells you like everybody who's subscribed to you, the 100,000th person to sub gets

a private link to that footage. That's a great idea. That's, I mean, wait, actually, isn't that like harassment or something? it might be it might be illegal somehow solicited uh shit no but it's not graphic we didn't have to censor it but can we we have to clap i really love my screen just being my toilet open oh and add next to it while Carefree is playing in the background.

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