Please Stop Talking - The Act of Thrusting (feat. Novacanoo) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: January 30, 2018

Jake was never the same after the tramp with his dad... Humble Bundle Monthly: https://www.humblebundle.com/monthly?partner=pstpodcast Humble Bundle: https://www.humblebundle.com/?partner=pstpodcast Podcast also available on iTunes and YouTube! iTunes - apple.co/2slCqTT YouTube - bit.ly/2sjmCAT Rating us on ITunes is extremely helpful for us and a great way to grow the podcast! Links: Avery - twitter.com/ShammyTV David - twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Jake - twitter.com/Novacanoo Jake's Youtube - http://bit.ly/NovacanooYT Cameron - twitter.com/SuperSneakSheep Podcast - twitter.com/PSTPodcast Art by Madbuns: Twitter - twitter.com/mad_buns DA - madbuns.deviantart.com Other links: YouTube - youtube.com/c/shammytv Twitch - twitch.tv/ShammyYT Reddit - reddit.com/r/Shammy David's Spotify - spoti.fi/2gAtGSJ David's Soundcloud - @sirmeowmusic Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Must be legal drinking age. Hey, David, how do you feel about video games? I love them. Really? Well, how do you feel about charity? Well, you only need to like one of those things to appreciate our sponsor for this week, Humble Bundle. Wow, what's Humble Bundle? Oh god, Humble

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goes to us. So... Wow, that's neat. F***. F***. Dude, it's so hard to play the harmonica. Just play the third note. But it... F***. F*** to the podcast. harmonica just play the third note hello everyone and welcome to another episode of please stop

talking i am your host avery but you might know me better as shammy It took a fucking pause to think about it. My lovely friend, David. Hey. My marginally less lovely friend, Kyle. Hi. And my once again lovely friend, Cameron. Hello, I am Cameron. Today's episode of the podcast is going to be travel stories again. I forgot how we do this.

It's been a while. No. Well, it's been a really long time for me. Yeah. For you. Yeah. Yeah. Get me through it, David.

Okay. Well, we're going to talk about because me and Avery and a bunch of bunch of good old friends, Charlie from last episode, we all went and met up in beautiful. Charlie was not there. Charlie waslie was not there oh fuck you wasn't what oh i was like i'm so wrong i'm so wrong i don't know basically we've met up you don't know how podcasts work i don't know is that when you took away from you thinking charlie when everyone's gonna know our story. Why is that your takeaway from that?

God. Okay. Well, basically, things happened. We traveled. David and I felt like we had stories. Did his travel stories. Jake, I just realized we didn't tell you what the topic for this week was. Yeah, you did.

Oh, I did? Oh, I'm the fucking best. I am a great podcast host. But first... Okay, first... But first, Avery... No, I already called him Jake. As your good friend Cameron,

Avery, you might have to remind me how this podcast plays out because I have only been on it approximately a dozen times, but may not be fully aware of the format. The format, essentially, my best friend Cameron, who apparently doesn't listen to my podcast. The format is a pretty, pretty much one person. everyone takes turns all at the same time telling stories basically we have a topic every week two weeks how the fuck often do we do this basically of a subject and we just sort of everyone shares stories and or anything remotely related to it and everyone cuts everyone off

yeah and it's a really good time and if you think someone has something interesting to say make sure you cut them off with a funny joke oh absolutely well you if if you really want to if you since ever since the injury seems since you seem to have forgotten what you contribute to this podcast... Yes. If you would like to emulate podcasts of old... This is so fucking meta! This is so fucking meta! What the fuck?

If you would like to emulate podcasts of the past, make sure you just grunt and chuckle every once in a while. Yes. And go, Jesus Christ. podcasts of the past make sure you just grunt and chuckle every once in a while and go jesus christ oh that's fucking spot on did the injury even happen my best friend cameron does listen to the podcast and so just to clarify avery you wanted to start with something okay well then this charade can't go on we have to break no no no right now i just want i just want to clarify though that it's not that i don't know what's going on it's this um my whatever i study at university lecturer told me to start speaking with my diaphragm. So I'm trying a few different things with my voice today.

What? You're whatever you study at university teacher. What? What the fuck is happening? I don't understand anything you just said. No, hang on a second, Kyle. On the subject of not understanding anything you said, Jake, I wanted to

ambush you with something on this podcast. Best friend Cameron, who is actually Jake Novocanoo from YouTube, fucking got all of you. Not him. No. Jacob, what are you doing here?

I just unsubscribed from here. Everyone shut the fuck up. I'm trying to talk. Please stop talking. Don't let him ambush me. Okay. So, Jake, you have a private server called Don't Shrink From The Stream

in which you have invited Don't Shrink From The Stream Don't Shrink. Let me fucking talk. Oh my god, I forgot how much I hate this. No, fucking... Basically, you invited all of your YouTube

friends, and for some reason also Cameron and David, into this server, and a few nights ago, last night, two nights ago, I forget how time works uh at uh 4 0 8 a.m for me so let's do hang on what time is that for you oh it's like midday i wouldn't worry about it okay got it so about midday for you so you definitely weren't drunk when this happened probably not okay so out of nowhere he

just does an at everyone ping yes so we're going to be doing a dramatic reading of this we're going to read this out we're going to read this out you can play yourself who do i get to play uh you wait i want to hear you do a British accent, so you're going to be John. Can I use anyone but the British accent? David, do you want to do the British accent? I want to be Mandy. Mandy always has like

one thing. We don't have enough people for everyone to play one character. Oh! Kyle, let's do Mandy both. Let's both do mandy that's at the same time in this conversation that doesn't solve the problem we don't have enough people mandy's not in this into one role mandy does mandy say anything no no he doesn't wait where did this conversation happen In don't drink from the stream

In general on January 25th 2018 Last Thursday Oh my fucking god This is the least successful ambush of all time Okay wait who are you going to play What the fuck I'll play

I'm playing King K because I don't want to embarrass myself by pretending to do an accent. Okay. Wait, who do I play? You're John, your turbo button. Oh, okay, I'm sorry, John. Kyle, you get to do a Kiwi accent, because you're Cameron. Okay.

You're Cameron, and you're also... Does Mitch say anything here? He sends a heart Mitch sends a heart at the end I can heart Fuck we spoiled Fuck it this is memento now Let's tell the story in reverse

A dramatic reading of Don't Drink From the Stream Act 1 Act everyone I'm doing that you fucking sketamin god damn stronger maybe an odd place to say it but i'm lying in bed thinking serious jake here there's enough of us now in

our little circles and networks to literally fucking revolutionize games critique like for real what the fuck are you on about i'm gonna i'm gonna make it play in the background please do oh right the ussr was a fucking shithole. Nice. But at least the national... You need to speak clearly. This is an audio media. But at least the national handsome banged.

It's getting worse with every line. I can't do it. Wait. You're nearly there David Feeling up for a revolution if we got recent a theme Jake got a recent I'm really glad everyone's gonna be able to understand that we would need money Redo that I'm gonna redo redo that entirely, because that was terrible. That was awful. Alright, the USSR was a fucking shithole,

but at least their national anthem banged. What accent is this? God damn it. I don't know, but I love it. No, but I feel like I've been pulled into an alleyway, and I'm about to be shamed. But at least their national anthem banged. I'm feeling up for a revolution if we got the recent theme, Jake.

Is he a pirate now? Yes. We would need money for a startup, but John's a millionaire, so it's fine. Sick. John, pay me for my rent and food. It's for the revolution. For real, though, we we get hella hella i i didn't realize that was there twice

go on continue the reading babe this is your moment for real though we'd get hella hella traffic slash dollars no wait start again for real though we'd get hella hella traffic forward slash dollars if we banded

together for something not written review because lol words and not video review because none of you fuckers already making a living off this

need to prop any oh yeah that was good it's a revolution bro we can't be living it up i think i have a guillotine in the shed guillotine you're french how do you not know how to pronounce that word do i look like i give a fuck you whatever but something ain't going to come of this my dudes i feel it it, but like what though? I don't know we need to jump on the Dailymotion wait, so not written not video What are you planning to do? I? Don't know I'm the morale guy not the idea

What it was your idea? Clearly the ideas guy. I can't believe I put off sleeping for this. Fuck you. I was being serious crying face emoji, heart emoji. You legit had nothing to say though. Heart you guys. We should all do something here. No clue what though. You're all great. Embarrassed face emoji. That's actually relaxed emoji, idiot. Relaxed face emoji relaxed emoji idiot relaxed face emoji thank you lmao jakey boy get some rest why are you all so stone cold though for real because we have no idea what you're talking about ah because try again yeah that's what i'm doing shut up

because we have no idea what you're talking about. Mitch is the only one who sends hearts back when I send hearts. Disappointed emoji face. You're standing outside Hyde Park on a soapbox talking about changing the world. Mitch says heart. So, Jake. What? I'm done talking to you.

Podcast is over, guys. Sorry. Bye. Oh, hey, Cameron. Welcome back. Sorry. Jake was in here for a bit. Oh, Cameron. Hey, we're going to talk about travel stories.

Yeah, we're going to talk about travel stories. How are you doing? Jesus Christ. Okay. Okay. So there's this local taxi thing where they pretty much just a local taxi service yeah and they just bring you to the gondolas and we had some fucking wacky characters yeah that drove us there we experienced a few um interesting personality types i guess i

would say one in particular though one in particular really stands out a well i mean one and a half i would say because there's a follow-up to the this story that's oh shit that's right yeah i forgot about that until just now. That's right. So we get, we come, we're coming back from, from town and we, we call them up. The guy comes get us. We're like five this time. Uh, and we just get in the guys like, Hey, how are you guys doing? You guys had a good night?

Yeah, we had a good night. And he just starts um i don't know how oh yeah and he did he brought it up yeah he brought it up he brought it up he was just like so uh you guys here for for the with ut because uh the university sorry the what well he's just okay i don't i don't what are you saying sorry about okay because i thought you said something no i was just gonna no you're fine go ahead and he says are you guys with ut the university of texas and we're like oh no why do you say that why do you say that yeah yeah he's like oh well there there's just a lot of a lot of ut chicks a lot of ut whole lot of there's uh there's a lot of ut chicks here i think it might be a might be a sorority thing and then instantly four heads whip around and they're looking at me because that's

where i went to fucking school yeah and uh the guy keeps talking about the ut chicks and he says chicks and like not we should clarify this man's age oh yeah oh yeah he's like okay this man is at least can we give him a fake name can we call him a fake name can we okay so cameron cameron is 50 cameron is at least 50 at the very least skips to that part of the video he got benjamin button it's a long story uh but uh yeah and he just starts being really fucking creepy about these we should just say he starts talking about like it's just like usual like playful teasing like ah you guys are here for the uh you guys are here for the UT chicks. I know how it is. Some of these girls,

you gotta find the ones that are daddy complex. The ones that are vulnerable. What the fuck? It's 2018 now, man. All these girls, they got daddy complexes. And it's just every single person. It's the moment

the moment he says they all have daddy complexes. In fact, I'm old enough to be some of these chicks' dad. And like the moment he says that, Ahmad just grabs my thigh. He just starts fucking laughing. Like he starts laughing at a pitch only fucking bats can hear. And some small species of dog. He just starts squeezing and slowly like...

And like... And like I'm looking at him and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And I'm sitting behind David at this point, and I just lean forward and I say, travel stories too. Yeah, the guy just kept on going and being creepy. He wouldn't stop. We were really trying to change the subject, is I, the really important point that we need to get across. Yeah. Except Greg, because Greg is too damn nice.

He goes, like, no, I agree, man. Like, yeah, dude, you just gotta do... Yeah, daddy complexes, I know. 2018, man, you know how it goes. And he just kept being creepy. And then at the end, he like all right well i hope you guys catch some tail yeah he just closes the door and leaves and greg just turns around and he's like man that guy was weird

but no but did you did we catch tail Oh. No, no tail was caught. Sorry. That's disappointing. Extremely, because I went to school with those girls. Side note, I went to that school. UT girls don't fucking trust them. They're insane. Shout out to UT girls.

Shout out to UT girls. Any UT girls listening. Sorry. Stop. UT girls, hit me up. But yeah. Second story. Hit the fucking Kiwi up.

We were supposed to go to this really fancy buffet. Oh, are we switching to this story? Okay. Well, it's the end of the... Well, no, it's not. Because... Oh, shit! The next day!

The next day! The next day, we call up the taxi service again and we're like, fuck, man, I really hope... I really hope it's not the same guy. I hope it's not that guy again because that was just too fucking much. And I don't want to hear anymore about the UT girls who wear incredibly short skirts. I don't want to hear about it. Oh, they're not dressed properly for the fucking weather. But... So, we get a new guy yeah this is a new man and he's like he looks like uh like 27 28 uh 30s i 30s like late 20s early to mid 30s i'd say like whatever it whatever. It's an age. Decent, whatever age. What the fuck is that? You know what it means?

Decent. It's like late twenties, early thirties. That's a, it's not quite. No, it's like they got a daddy complex and that's the sound they make. They go.

And we get in the guys like, Hey, how are you guys doing? Same thing. Like it's generally very conversational in these, and uh we get in the guy's like hey how you guys doing same thing like it's just like so generally they're very conversational in these in these rides oh yeah i mean yeah yeah so they want a tip so pretty much so we're in the car and he asks us how our trip's going so far and because ahmad is ahad he goes we were we got the weirdest fucking driver last time man

last night we were coming back in he was like talking about talking about these these huge girls like and he's like daddy complex you know like man that was weird yeah and then and then like the guy is like nodding and he's like he's like he seems to get it. He seems like a well-adjusted man. And then he suddenly says... He even says, like, man, yeah, that is really weird, man. But... He was not well-adjusted, apparently. He...

I got a bad read on this guy. Yeah. Because at this point... I think everybody did. At this point, I think everyone's going on this guy. Yeah. At this point... I think everybody did. At this point, I think everyone's going, oh, thank God. A human. Because then he goes,

well, yeah, I mean, it is 2018. What the fuck, dude? And if you're gonna be talking and if you're gonna be talking about this stuff you probably shouldn't be talking about it to a bunch of fucking 20 year olds

what the fuck yeah separate business and pleasure my dude yeah separate rock on that's pretty much the end of that that's we didn't get any of those drivers again but we were heading into town that day because yeah we wanted we were good yeah i came up with a really dumb idea because yeah okay basically the day before i went into a thrift shop to buy vinyls and um the vinyls were right next to suits and i think you and me it was me a mod were fucking around with suits? Yeah, we were just looking at the fucking suits that were in the thrift shop and we were trying them on.

And I found one that fit me pretty alright. Mine is fine too, actually. So the initial joke. So I came up with the idea of, hey, we're supposed to go to that buffet. Really fancy. Really nice buffet. We should dress for the occasion. We should all buy suits at this thrift shop.

But the initial idea was we should all buy ridiculous-looking, really big suits from this thrift shop and just rock in looking like fucking retards. I mean, we did look like retards, though. Let's wait until we get to that part of the story, David. You're getting ahead of me. Story structure. God.

You've taken a fucking English class. No. You've taken a French class. Yeah. So, everyone is against the idea because all my friends are no fun nancies. No, I was not. Yes, you were. Don't you fucking...

This revisionist history shit. I swear to God. What? You fucking Quebec people. I swear to God. I did not. I was like, that's a good idea. I did say it.

The person that was the most against it was Greg. Of course. Greg was against it because Greg does not support me in spite of being a very nice boy. In spite of being the most supportive person on the planet. Yeah, so when Greg doesn't support a decision, that's probably when you should give up on that decision because it's probably not

the best idea. We did not give up. We did not give up on this decision. So everyone decides, fuck that. We're not doing that. And I'm very sad about this. So the next day I convince everyone, guys, how good would that be though? And then everyone was like, that's a really good point. No, I was like, you know what? Fuck it.

I was the one. No, you weren't. Then everybody followed me. Yes. When I say yes yes everybody says yes Fuck you No absolutely not Fuck you

No No It sounded like it was a good idea of yours Until David is the one that made it happen So good job David you know There is no podcast Anyways you guys bought suits We did

So the original intention was for everyone to buy a really big suit that looks fucking ridiculous on them because it doesn't fucking fit but somehow that got lost like literally everyone except Ahmad forgot that that was the joke while we were buying the suits

really nice suits everyone bought suits that fit them like surprisingly well except for a mod a mod bought a suit that was like 17 sizes too big to the point where when he wore it he looked like someone stuck lego skeleton legs on a regular lego man's body because it was just a fucking giant rectangle and then legs sticking out of the middle of it. And with a mod's head attached to the top of it. Of course.

So. We the next night. We time to go. It's time for us to go. We had to make a reservation for this place. Oh, really? We get off the gondola and we go into the restaurant. And all of us look fairly ridiculous.

But Ahmad again looks like fucking Megaablocks reject oh yeah so shoulders were really fucked so he looks fucking ridiculous all of us together look fucking ridiculous walking into this really nice restaurant that we really underestimated how nice it was because we thought it would be pretty funny if we show up really overdressed and then we get in and we're like we are underdressed and retarded we were actually underdressed

it was insanely nice it was very very nice and so we tell them our name our collective name what's your collective name? our collective name? The Boys your collective name? Our collective name? The boys. Okay.

Fucking scrungo table. Hello, it is us, the boys. No, what was that? What was that first one that John said? I don't remember. Grungo? Grungo? No, it was, um, it was Skitterman.

Oh, Skitterman? You fucking Skitterman. Yeah, the Skitterman family has arrived. Party of five for the boys. They sit us down at the table and we go this doesn't look like a buffet this doesn't look like a buffet these are menus and then the guy just starts pouring water and we're like oh so i have to get up and i have to go talk to him and i would be like hey we were actually uh wondering about the buffet and then he was like buffet closes at noon oh shit but the worst part the worst part

when he did the reservation he he was like i literally said the buffet for the buffet reservation for the buffet and they did not correct me. So, we then say, okay, well, can we- let's look at this menu. Can we just deal- Can we afford something? And just everyone buys, like, something small. And then we open the menu, and it's like, these dishes are $80. Yeah. Oh, shit.

No, dude, it was- it was fancy as fuck. You guys are fucking dumbasses. Holy shit. Yo, Kyle, if you were there, you would have been equally as stupid. I would have been so against that because one, I would have had to buy a suit and I wouldn't have spent that money. Yeah, it was like $15. Dude, if you wouldn't have bought a suit, you would have been like

King Killjoy. Oh yeah, you would have been. I mean, I would have worn like a nice t-shirt. More so than, you know. I think you would have hated me, but then if I would have walked in there with you guys, extremely underdressed, it would at least take the pressure off you more so than you know i think you would have hated me but then if i would have walked in there with you guys extremely underdressed it would at least take the pressure off you so you know what they wouldn't have let you get i don't think they would have let you in i mean granted they let lego man in so but so we then immediately go i walk we walk i walk back up to the waiter and i'm like we're gonna leave

yep and then he just sort of looks at me and he looks me up and down in my fucking blue jeans and my olive green suit jacket and my fucking like beanie and my gray t-shirt and he's like wow yeah and so we ashamed shook and shamed walk out of the restaurant i'm not kidding when i say i look around and i the staff is fucking staring at yeah no straight up the the staff was staring at us and i think Greg almost lost it. He was so upset. He was incredibly sad about the entire affair. Everyone was very embarrassed except for me and David because we thought it was fucking hilarious.

We were laughing so fucking hard. And then Ahmad's like dude I'm gonna fucking kill myself. Oh my god, you guys are never going back to Colorado. Dude, try and fucking stop me. I still have the suit jacket, Kyle. I'm wearing it next time.

Now we know. Buffet is only lunch. You can't fucking stop us. You can't get rid of us. Oh shit, buffet is only lunch. What was't fucking stop us. You can't get rid of us. Oh shit buffet is only lunch. What was that? I don't know. I wanted to confirm.

I appreciate you confirming that buffet is only at lunch. You are better. I can't imagine. You are better at taking reservations. The only thing that would have been better is if you got Ahmad to wear the owl mask. Well I wore the is if you got a mod to wear the owl mask well i wore the actually wanted we actually wanted to do something way worse we wanted to

so the original plan was we were gonna walk in and we were going to have the suits and we were gonna look fucking absurd but then when the waiter came to give us our silverware we were gonna wave him away but like oh no we brought our own and everyone pulls out our own forks knives and spoons out of our inside jacket pockets like believe me we know how things go oh my god that was that's amazing thank god for no we're not doing that see now it's to the point of like it tipped over the amount of dumbness that I might have been on board I would hope so

and I wanted to bring the owl mask also just to take a picture with everyone in the restaurant wearing the owl mask because how good I don't think, I think that place would have flipped

their shit if we brought our own pretty sets if I put on a rubber owl mask. They did ask us to leave. I mean, they did. No, he didn't ask us to leave, but he understood. He understood. He was like, mm-hmm, you're leaving now. Yeah.

So, that was an escapade and then we spent the rest of that night we were just wandering around in town in fucking suits being like what is the thing is it was it was so fucking late that everything was closed or closing what time was it it was nine and things closed really early things closed pretty early there yeah so and was that when we wound up going to the the bar the sports bar oh yeah is that it is that when we went there oh yeah it was I remember we were in the sports bar

in suits in suits and people were looking at us especially the table of UT girls oh god the table of UT girls they were actually staring at us. Any chances of tail were lost on that night. On what night? What night do you think, Kyle?

Oh, that. Yeah. The same night we've been talking about. I thought you said a different night that I didn't hear. No. Any chances of UT girls' tail was lost on the night we rocked into the sports bar wearing fucking suit jackets like a bunch of fucking retards god we look so vaccinated and you know like yeah absolutely so fucking immunized and you know ahmad was actually like

ah dude i love fucking sports ball, man. It's so good. No, Ahmad was just like, I want to fucking die. Ahmad, everybody took it off except me because I have balls. I put it back on because you gave me

you mean mugged me and I was like, fucking fine. Yeah, you were taking it off. I didn't take it off because I was embarrassed. I took it off taking it off I just stared at you like oh yeah cause it was fucking hot see what you guys have to understand is like I'm not from slightly upper class so like that'll get back to him you know word will

get around that he did that and it'll come back to bite him what? that's why he wants to die him doing that pulling that stunt shame to his family name is that what you're saying probably that's a bit racist kyle oh that is a bit racist anyways we were on the plane oh okay so that was like the last night that we were there so the next morning we all have to get up and leave we have to pack our fucking suit jackets. We have to fucking go on the

goddamn stupid plane. And David and I end up on the same plane. Yeah, we end up on the same flight, actually. And we sat next to each other because the person next to me was not there. Yeah. That was nice.

That was a good bonding time. I got served coffee that tasted like crude oil. Yeah, it was the most disgusting shit I've ever had in my mouth. And that's saying a lot. Are you sure? Would you like to change that? What? How much is airfare from here to New Zealand?

What is happening? What are to New Zealand? What is happening? What are you sending me? What? Jake? Hello? I'm just going to let that one hang. What? What?

You can't do that. Okay, whatever. And at one point, the fucking starts like tilting just a bit and i'm like i'm really bad with their like i get fucking scared shitless he almost grabbed my thigh multiple times i but and i am spoken for so at one point i just i know i miss his thigh and i just stare at him like i'm scared of planes this was about how this was about halfway through the flight i think yeah we were gonna land soon and i just flip my tit dude i can't do air travel that's same way like i like i used to like a kid, it was like the coolest thing.

It just like, oh my God, I've been in Transformer or something. What? Hell yeah. Like, like. Fucking. Wait, what the fuck? Wait, were you in like fucking bombers and shit? Has there ever been a commercial airline like Transformer?

Yeah. Has there? I'm sure they transformer yeah has there sure they have i'm sure they have i'm looking this up right now hang on a second okay yeah but like you know as a kid it's like whoa this is awesome but then just in in my as i've gotten older like i went through a period of about four or five years where i just like cried whenever a plane would take off like i just i just like i didn't i didn't feel that like cripplingly concerned but like i just could not stop my crying watering up when the plane took off and i was like oh god maybe you thought it was the most beautiful thing on the planet. But yeah, me and Avery, when we're alone, we don't. So David and I are both really dumb and we don't filter our language when we're in public because we are used to no one being able to hear our conversation.

We're from the internet. Everything's terrible here Yeah We're just like fucking shit fucking shit fun. He's on plane mother fucker Which I was this coffee Can't believe I'm on this can't plane eat my pee pee bitch that fucking retard plane fuck dude that all the whole flight the whole fucking flight we talk

we're so vulgar because we are the least classy people as I'm sure surprises no one but um at the end of the flight we're just like oh well i have a flight there and he's like oh i have a flight there and then we stand up and then the the elderly couple that's sitting directly in front of us stands up immediately turns around and says you two have filthy language and then walks off the

plane i was like uh and david looked at me and it looked like he had been shot like he like a gun had just been pulled on him and he was like this is the american experience dude i was like, this is the American experience. Dude, I was like, oh, oh my God. I don't know what to do. David was blindsided by someone being upset by his language. Yeah, I don't know. Everybody always fucking swears. I would have felt so mad too. Yeah, I felt shitty.

We felt fucking terrible because neither of us realized who was sitting in front of us and you just apologized oh sorry the most awkward apology of all time and i was just like next to you yeah the most awkward apology of all time when I had a fucking gremlin grunting next to me. I was the awkward one in that scenario. Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Which of these is a more uncomfortable reaction? For real, though, why the fuck didn't he say anything? I don't know why he waited until the end of the flight. People are so polite.

People are passive-aggressive. aggressive no you can just be like sorry guys could you like tone down the vulgarities just say that yeah cause we would have been like oh my god we're so sorry yeah we will yes and then we probably wouldn't have spoken anymore cause I don't think we can have a conversation without swearing and honestly

I was surprised he could even hear he was like dying oh my god I'm pretty sure he stepped off the plane and that was it and died he was really fucking old they were very elderly I'm sure they were very sweet but they were not

they were not having any of our millennial lingo millennial lingo such as fuck that's a very new term. It's pretty bad, dude. So you guys... You pissed off Greg. We didn't piss off Greg.

We disappointed Greg, which was so much worse. Okay, so you disappointed Greg. You had the most uncomfortable encounter at that fancy restaurant that'll probably happen the entire year there. I had a worse encounter. What? Oh, did you? I didn't tell you this avery oh when i was i took my i took a plane to new jersey and i was stuck there for six hours um so during that six hours i found a place to go eat. It was like a sandwich shop. I sit down and this fucking really nice man just gives me my menu. I look at

the menu and he comes back. He's like, will you have to eat sir? I look at him and I tell him, I'm going to take the sandwich. He looks at me.

He looks at me with the fucking the most confused face and he's like he just says pardon and i'm like and i i just like i i i don't know why i was like English what and I couldn't I couldn't fucking English and I just stared at him for a solid five minutes okay maybe not five minutes but god damn it felt long as shit at that point you should have just handed the menu back I'm very sorry I mean just leave

I was like I was like thinking like do I leave cause that was really weird and eventually i'm like fuck is this guy's problem at one point i just look at the menu i i like i point and i'm like barbecue chicken please i wanted to fucking die i was like oh, oh. Because every time he came back, he was so understanding. And I was like, I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry.

I just Frenched. I'm sure he was fine. I do the same thing. Whenever I'm in foreign countries, I just sometimes speak English. I can't help it. Fuck you. It's because I was talking to my mom in French. And then he came and I was like still French.

Dude, I'm so glad your mom could make it out to Colorado. That was awesome. Shut up, Kyle. Real good joke. Also New Jersey. Anyways, I didn't get stabbed. Got home all as well. Yeah, that's good.

What about your story? My story? My story is not not not as exciting basically i had a connection uh i after the flight because i had a i had a two and a half hour layover in denver and then i had a connecting flight in dallas after that where my connection was me walking one terminal over and still almost missing the flight because of how close they were together. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was I was the last person to board the plane. So I walk in and they tell me that they're like, we need to we're going to need to put that bag in checked luggage. We don't have any more room on this plane. I was like, fuck me. This is going to be a really crowded plane and i am the last person to get on the plane and i'm just like fuck it i don't i just. I find my row, which was, uh, 23.

It was 23. Uh, E I think was my seat. Oh, that was a big plane. Uh, yeah. And,

there's a man in my seat and I'm like, uh, yeah, that's my seat, sir. And he was like, Oh, uh,

no, it's my seat. And I said, oh uh no it's my seat and i said no it says i'm like can i see your ticket because i'll just go sit in your seat i'm not i don't have any kind of i'm not married to this seat i don't care so and he's like no this is my seat and i'm like can i please just see your ticket i just want to sit down so we can, so this plane can go. And then he's like, fine. And then he shows me his ticket and he's like,

Oh, this is your seat. And then I go, all right, well, what's your scene? He's like 12 B. And I'm like,

how did you think this was your seat? And then, and then, and then I'm like, it's fine. You don't need to get up. I'll go sit there. So I walk over to 12 B.

It's a bitch in this seat. And I'm like, it's fine. You don't need to get up. I'll go sit there. So I walk over to 12B. It's a bitch in this seat. Oh! And I just go, uh, hello. I just spoke to the person whose seat this is. And this is where I'm supposed to be sitting. Because I don't see any empty seats like anywhere else in the plane. Because it's fucking packed. And she's like, no, this is my seat.

And I'm like, I know it's not your seat, ma'am. And she says, really? Let me see your ticket. And I'm like, not my seat either. Oh, my God. I'm just like, can I please just see your ticket? Because I'm pretty sure it doesn't say 12B on your ticket. I just want to see where there's an open seat.

And she's like, fine. And I'm like, I'm sorry for that. I just want to see where there's an open seat. And she's like, fine. And I'm like, I'm sorry for, I just want to sit down. And so she gives me her seat ticket, her seat number, which is, um, I think it's,

I think she's literally 12 C. So then I look at the person sitting next to her and I'm like, what is your seat? And they look at me and they're like, I thought it was this one. And I'm like, I don't care. Just tell me what your actual seat number is. Because at this point, I'm just, I'm like,

I'm done. I just want to sit down. And I'm just looking around the plane and I'm like, fuck it, whatever. I'm going to go find a seat. And so I just want to sit down and i'm just i'm just looking around the plane and i'm like fuck it whatever i'm gonna go find a seat and so i just i walked down because because the they just weren't showing me their ticket because they don't they didn't have it anymore i don't know what they did with their boarding pass but they didn't have it you need to keep it during the whole time you're supposed to i know the rules i know the rules david i'm not the one who has decided to play musical airplane on my fucking final leg of my journey when i'm the last person

boarding the plane anyways so i walk in and i look like i have a fucking iq of i don't even fucking know i look like i don't i look like like my fucking skull house is a collapsing star on this plane. My skull is like folding in on itself. It's a fourth dimensional object. And so I'm just I walk down and I sit down and in the in like the first fucking empty seat I find. And I'm like, thank fucking God. And then. Oh, no. Someone walks in like, oh fucking God. And then. Oh, no.

Someone walks in like, oh, that's my seat. And I'm like, and then I look and I notice. And I'm like, do you know where there's another seat? And they're like, no, but that's mine. And I'm like, yeah, it is. So I stand up and I just one more time look around i notice one more fucking seat open and i'm like that's the one was it the one yes it was i go and i sit down and the guy i sit like it's a middle seat naturally and the two guys and the guy in the

fucking aisle is like mean mugging me while I'm walking up. And it's like, is this your seat? And I'm like, no, but can I sit there? And he's just like, if it's not your seat, why should I let you sit here? And I just look at him and I say, do you want to leave this place? I really want to get home. So he just lets me sit down and that's the end of that story.

That's amazing. I wanted to fucking die. That hurt. Yeah, that physically hurt a little bit. That was a journey. For you, really? Was it? I'm glad I could bring you along. That nearly gave me an attack

I was I'm exhausted after hearing your story I wanted to fucking cry I never want to be on a fucking plane again I was so fucking annoyed Because the thing is, second to last seat The guy had gotten The guy was coming back from the restroom

So I looked at the guy next to me and I was like You didn't say anything? Why did you let me sit here what is this fucking madhouse of a plane where everyone's in the wrong fucking seat but it's sure that it's the right seat that's fucking amazing why would you choose 12b over 12c why do you want the middle seat? Who are you? Who the fuck took E, whatever, over 12B? I don't know, man. Anyways, I think that story might have just made all of our listeners exhausted, so now would be a good time to... Jake has a story, though, doesn't he?

Jake? Yeah, if you want. Okay, let's do it. Let's do it. Okay. It's Jake time. It's Jakey time. David, make a jingle for that okay Jakey time okay right so I was told this was acceptable no we did talk about this I can't you we did talk about this because Um, right. So I was told this was acceptable.

No, we did talk about this. I can't you. We did talk about this because I, because we were talking about whether the word tramp is understood or not. What? Americans. Remember? We've had this conversation.

Yes, we have. I'm not saying we haven't had this conversation, Jake. I'm having, I'm saying I have no memory had this conversation yes we i'm not saying we haven't had this conversation jake i'm having i'm saying i have no memory of this conversation this is a wacky travel okay so so i have to i have to say again that i have no idea if the word tramp means hike oh okay oh like now i remember yes you talked about no okay it means that to me but i i don't know if it's slang or not so slang yeah i've never heard a tramp you describe a hike yeah okay so is is does does the word hike imply the fact that you're going into like the bush and staying in a hut overnight and not just walking for one day. No, hike means going into like some... Hike can mean so many different things.

Okay, but we understand the concept. Okay, we understand the concept. Okay, so there's the sit-up. Getting some Barbies. You're in a... Yes. You're in a trap in a bush. Wait, no.

The saying you're on a tramp is just... He's on a trap in a bush wait no the saying you're on a tramp is just he's on a train anyway so anyway so um my dad and i when i was about uh 10 11 um we would go on a tramp uh each year about, about that often. It only lasted for about three years or so, but like, so the first one we go on, um, my dad's like, uh,

on the way in to the hut. I think it was my dad's just like, so Jake, uh, do you know about sex yet and and and you know i'm like i'm like eight so i have no concept of the sex talk i don't know that exists right so i'm like so of course i'm like oh no what oh what no i don't and he's like he's just like do you do you want to know and i was like oh no this is the best way you could have brought it up to your kid so you know he dropped the subject right and then um we go on another tramp, like maybe a year, maybe two years later.

I can't really remember, but so we, you know, we stay the night at the hut and then we're tramping the way back out. And, you know, that's like a four hour walk. Um, and the same question comes up. Hey, Jake. Hey, Jake. Um, I think, I think it's, I think you're old enough now that i need to talk to you about sex and i'm like you know dad what just leave it and he's like no this needs to

happen now oh god so um you know that's the whole reason you guys went on tramps too like that's the only reason yeah yeah listen on principle I feel like for the sex talk, there needs to be consent for both parties. That's my personal feelings. So like, so, you know, my dad's just like, you know, I need to, I don't want you having any misconceptions. So I want to talk to you about it comprehensively. And if you need to i don't want you having any uh misconceptions so i want to talk to you about it comprehensively and if you need to ask any questions about it uh you know you can

and uh and then if you don't ever want to talk about it with me again afterwards i understand because it's kind of awkward and so what's burdensome you know my dad starts talking about he starts explaining and like i genuinely had absolutely no idea like this is all this is all mind-blowing to me i have never had any had any um any comprehension of the idea before this like um somehow i had completely avoided the act of love somehow i had completely avoided the act of love somehow jake that is unbelievable knowing you somehow so um oh what do i take from that so so you, you know, this is like, this is like incredible. This is like, this is like changing my life. So like, of course, of course I actually, I do have questions and I am curious and I

spend the entire four hours asking various things about it. Such as? Like the whole, oh, I'm not. What? Come on. like the whole oh i'm not on what come on you could ask your dad but you couldn't ask three of your friends on a podcast that you know is being recorded and broadcast to strangers you need to give me a question no no no you'd need to give me a second to think about this um because there are a couple that i just do that stick out the most and i do not tell us off air

i promise not to tweet about it that means nothing no okay hang on let me think let me think um what would i have asked uh oh okay so um state is laughter no one says anything for a bit so you know this whole new concept because before this conversation i thought that your balls were your bladder and my parents just let me believe that yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah

so like this is new new information to me and i'm like so like clearly you produce if if your balls are there for that then you clearly produce more sperm than you can possibly use so where does it go and like okay that's a good question kind of to tell you about the jizz fairy so my my dad's my dad's answer was like he he he described jacking off without like describing it properly because he's a good christian man and doesn't want me doing that naturally so how did he describe jacking off so uh he was just like, I don't know. Start rubbing your dick on things. No, no. It was just like, so you know when you need to pee and your penis goes hard? I don't know that. Sometimes. That's not what happens to me when I need to pee.

Sometimes. What the fuck? In the morning. Morning wood. Morning wood. No, yeah. in the morning morning morning no yeah sometimes it comes out during that and that was all i got that's that's harmless yeah um i want you to say one of the nasty ones I really want to know one of the weird questions you ask okay

we can cut it out if you don't want to no I'll give you one I'll give you I'm gonna go no I'll give you one um the one that sticks out most clearly in my mind is like okay so

um ladies in the audience close your ears oh um david so so you know you can you can like you can clench your your kegel muscles i think it's called right is that how that's pronounced yeah Yeah. So, like, you can do that and, like, your dick moves just a little bit, right? And my dad had already described the act of thrusting, right? Oh, the act of thrusting. When you're, what, 10? So, that's about when you have the sex talk, isn't it?

I don't remember. Okay, full disclosure, I never got the sex talk from either of my parents. I never got the sex talk either. Yeah, I honestly didn't figure anything out. I started to figure shit out between like 12 and 13. Didn't figure anything out. Still haven't. I'm just walking.

When I'm with my girlfriend, it really lost i like just touch her yeah we're actually learning everything right now i like blow on her ears and i'm like is this so so put your finger in her nose like is this like so i mean you know ultimately i am glad for it that like it just kind of you know i understood and i didn't have any misconceptions and didn't have to find out for myself that's nice what's the weird one so the the so what i asked was like obviously i was already aware of like the fact that you could, you could clench your dick. Right. So I will.

So the question I asked was like, do you, do you like thrust by moving like your hips, your whole body, or do you just sort of clench your dick? That's amazing. You just, just look at that fucking

around oh god I have never told anyone that you guys are privileged and now you just told like at least 5000 people that's amazing honestly that's pretty good that's a pretty good that's a pretty

good question like that's weird yeah i certainly thought it was like just knew what thrusting was though well i didn't that was the point of the question. It's a ha-ha. Cut that out. Realized that too late. I'm sorry. So, like, what was your dad's answer, like, for a friend? Yeah, wait, does he have any information for me? I honestly can't remember. How much technique did he learn? Please tell me he at least laughed at that if he didn't laugh at that like come on he's a good christian man kyle he doesn't laugh ah fuck fuck is that is that what happens i i don't know where

yeah i think that's it i think that's it no this is it yeah is that the end is that the end? Is that the end? I'm asking Jake. Nova Canoe, Jake. Jacob, Jake. Nova Canoe. Where can we find you? Scooby-Doo. You can find me stumbling around your backyard at about

7pm on most Saturdays. Or if you don't like going outside you can find me on hang on are you familiar with the platform that you make videos on? wait wait wait no no no no he's got a new one that he's making

you can find me on youtube.com slash channel slash UC7VOJKF8-Tgvimb572cmuda question mark view no forget that last bit because that's only for me just search nova canoe fuck you fuck all of you search nova canoe on youtube also at nova canoe on twitter yeah uh Fuck all of you. Search Nova Canoe on YouTube. Also, at Nova Canoe on Twitter. Yeah. And, um...

Leo Lulu on Pornhub. Can we end with me since I'm the most disappointing one? What? Kyle, where can we find you? You can find me and my Twitter link at the end of this podcast, right after Avery and David say their names. Kyle actively doesn't want attention. Or on Twitter at Serzulu underscore, I think. I don't know.

I almost have 500 followers, so follow Avery. What? What? Okay, I guess I'll go. You can at 500 followers, so follow Avery. What? Okay, I guess I'll go. You can follow me on Twitter at ShamyTV. I have a main channel. You probably know about it. You didn't need the sex talk.

Yeah, fuck this shit. I figured that stuff all out on my own. Look how well adjusted I came out. Look how fucking well adjusted I came out. How did that work out for you? I also have a Twitch, twitch.tv slash shamuyt. David. I have Twitter.