Please Stop Talking - The Fifth Dimension (feat. TrelliRelli) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: August 18, 2018

Can we hit my wife? - Greg. Support the podcast and David on Patreon: www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Humble Bundle Monthly: http://humble.pleasestopshopping.com/ Humble Bundle: www.humblebundle.com/?partner=pstpodcast Podcast also available on iTunes and SoundCloud! iTunes - apple.co/2slCqTT SoundCloud - @pstpodcast Rating us on iTunes is extremely helpful for us and a great way to grow the podcast! Links: Trelli - https://twitter.com/TrelliRelli Avery - twitter.com/ShammyTV Ed - twitter.com/PunkDuck_ Brendan - twitter.com/BrendanielH Podcast - twitter.com/PSTPodcast Art by Madbuns: Twitter - twitter.com/mad_buns DA - madbuns.deviantart.com Other links: Avery's YouTube - youtube.com/c/shammytv Avery's Twitch - twitch.tv/ShammyYT David's Spotify - spoti.fi/2gAtGSJ David's Soundcloud - @sirmeowmusic Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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But at the end of the day i just don't care i am so going to get coached for this welcome to the podcast unblogged hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Please Stop Talking. I am your host, Avery. You might know me better as... But you might know me better as Shammy. I'm joined today by the beautiful, the incredible PunkDuck007.

I'm okay. I'm glad. What happened? what happened did you fall no move on oh god we'll also join today the return of the man himself sexy cameron hey that's also known as brendan yeah that's me also first, your voice got deeper the second we started recording. I want you to know that I noticed that. I have to turn on YouTuber mode. Like, I just, I have to make sure it's on. I got to flip the switch.

Okay. And then first time guest, Shrelly. What's up, gamers? Who knew? I couldn't think of anything to say about you. I'm sorry. It's alright. I'm pretty lackluster as is. I got put on the spot by myself and it was

kind of fucked. I don't know why I would do that to me. You couldn't think of one thing to say about me? I mean, listen, I could think of a few things, but they were all like derogatory, like smite YouTuber, streamer on Twitch. Smite YouTuber's a slur exactly thing i'm gonna call you a youtuber idiot uh i don't deserve that title you're fucking talking

about yeah what are we doing what do it what we're doing let's let's start off four of us oh what's up brad oh no never mind no brindo the four of us went on a little bit of an adventure together as friends as comrades we've grown stronger and from our bonds we've grown bigger and better than ever before and now we sure have grown as characters. We sure are pretty great now. I like that you do your fucking D&D voice to introduce a trip we took to Colorado.

It was pretty good. It was pretty epic. Wow, God. For some of us, it was more epic than others. I mean, I learned how to pwn life from this trip. I learned to get my balls fondled. Hey, up top.

Are we leading with the ball fondling? I didn't think it was going to be as big as it was. I was more surprised. It definitely wasn't. What? I got small balls. Yeah, go ahead, Charlie. I was just surprised at how many people

weren't about it it's not that people weren't about it it's more that people didn't know about it no that's not true they did know about it and they were all like fucking Greg Greg was really opposed to ball bundling he's like nah dude

Greg loves women so much he won't even let them touch his penis he thinks it's degrading exactly blowjob Greg loves women so much he won't even let him touch his penis. He thinks it's degrading. Exactly. Is it a blowjob? Nah. Whatever, dude. I completely missed this.

I must have been doing nothing while you guys were doing this. You were vaping outside. No, we had this conversation outside. No, we did have it outside. No, we had it downstairs. I talked about Ball Fondly more than yeah. No, we had it downstairs. I talked about ball fondling more than you. You might have

introduced the conversation. I talked about ball fondling a lot. More than I care to admit. Trella, you might have initiated the

ball fondling conversation downstairs, but it eventually migrated to outside. I mean, I definitely heard about it outside. I heard about it outside, and that's

when I leapt to your defense because everyone was like, you're a freak getting your balls fondled. Can we explain what this means? Yeah, okay, so ball fondling, when you're receiving fellatio and or a handjob, I guess, if you're

12, they just like Wait. Go ahead. No, we got another story about that later. Oh, God. Trelli does. What? What?

For my 12-year-olds. Never mind. Fucking go on. Okay. It'll come back up, don't worry. Did he get jerked off when he was 12? Awkward segues, awkward segues. Anyway, so, yeah, I opened it up downstairs, and I asked, to the floor, to the general public, I was like, you guys yeah i had your balls fondled like in

a sexual way not in a weird way obviously and they were just like a couple people were like yeah ah i'm ticklish no and avery of course my man was like yes absolutely that's the shit and i'm like and i'm like i was like dude i it had me it has me reaching for shit that's not there you know like my soul is you enter another plane of reality. Exactly. I remember this. No, I was there for that because I said I didn't like blowjobs. Yes, you did.

You did say that. Yeah. You said that in five years, no blowjobs? Yeah, because my dick's too big. Yeah, that's also what he said. He said it was too wide is what he said. It's like a cheese wheel. Big, meaty, wide dick. It's like a cheese wheel. A big, meaty, wide dick.

Oh, what? Like a cheese... I'm pretty sure I stole that from someone who was on the Redneck Comedy Tour. I'm pretty sure you also just made Ed vomit in his mouth because... Oh, no! Ed's two least favorite things on the planet are penises and cheese. For some reason, instead of that, I'm picturing that thing that happens when you...

Oh, wait, all you guys are circumcised. You don't know what it feels like. Uh-oh, you fucking circus... circus. Ed, you're a daywalker. You're a sneaky circus. Ed, you're a daywalker. You don't count either. Yeah, you're half circumcised.

Yeah, I'm like... You're a day walker you're like no fucking what's his name hang on i'm the logic of penises bobby biracial yeah bobby by foreskin i had also masturbated one time before he was 16 and he was like didn't like that yeah no it's not what i didn say that. I just said it was weird. You guys want to know something worse than that? I was like, what's all this jerking off hubbub? What's all this about?

I didn't even have porn. I just literally laid down in bed and just tried for so long. And then when I got to the point, I thought I was having an asthma attack and I stopped. Yeah, dude, I got scared too. I was reading. I was terrified. I was reading an asthma attack and I stopped. Yeah, dude, I got scared too. I was reading. I was terrified. I was reading Chirub and there was like a chapter with two chicks in the forest. And I started thinking, what if they started making out?

And I closed the book. And then like I did that. I was like, oh my God, this is fucking horrible. I never did. You just said you didn't say it was bad. And then you repeated the story you told me where you said it was bad. At least I wasn't 16. I was 12. What the hell were you doing?

Let's get back to basics. Let's get back to ball fondling. Before we go back to ball fondling, the whole thing of Brendan saying his dick looks like a cheese wheel. If you're not circumcised and you jerk it a lot some of the fucking residue. Yes, there's gunk.

Yeah, that's what it is. I'm picturing what happens when you don't clean your dick and then you pull the skin back all the way. We know what smegma is. I mean, I've heard of like gooch cheese but I didn't know there was, I have heard of dick cheese, never mind. You've heard of dick cheese. There's no way you haven't heard of dick cheese. I have. Right as I said it, I was like, wait, no, dick cheese,

right? Dick cheese is a danger of hitting a reload, so of course you're aware of it. The old Canadian handshake with the lions. Yeah, one of those. One of those everyday scenarios. But anyway, ball fondling. Yeah. I mean, there's not really much to that story.

Well, no, there was, because I was like, Ed, you ever heard of this shit? I mean, he's just like nah bro what's that all about and I was like I reminded him probably I want to say six times like listen to me I think next time you have the opportunity try it I'll add look at me look at me and we had like I like I'm not fucking with you other this is gonna change your life and for like because wait can we talk about yeah so anyways so i was like and then the days leading up to when ed's girlfriend was arriving i was like dude fucking try it trust me he was reminding me so much i

swear i had like this one phone call with my deathly sick grandmother and i looked over and trellis was just on the couch like just mouthing the words ball fondling while grabbing a sack. No I wasn't grabbing my sack I was like imagine like you know like when you. I feel like you were miming it. Yeah exactly like I was just rubbing my fingers like if you just listen ever so slightly I was just like imagine

like rubbing two coins together like huh? You like that shit? That's disgusting. That's just the general like Huh? Huh? You like that shit? That's disgusting. That's just the general, like, like the sign language for ball fondling is just like, yeah. Is it? I think that most people know what you're talking about.

Eh, yeah. I mean, no, I would think you're rubbing two coins together. I mean, what? You mean two coins? You mean like two plums? You know what I'm saying? You said coins. I'm saying you said coins I

Just feel like coins could be never mind anyways like you know everyone has coins everybody has you long long sized balls Wait who's the weird one I'm confused. It's a plum hang on a second. I know they're big. There's definitely big Yo, nice trelly plums aren't subjective they're big it's true but plums aren't subjective what the fuck was that sentence

I'm just saying like they're big for anyone like no matter how big of a man you are plums are big for to be compared to testicles, plums are always big, no matter how big you are. Unless you have elephantitis. That is true. Then they are small. Just move on.

I don't want to know. Go ahead. You never heard of it? Okay, yes. So I was like, I'm sleeping on the couch, right? And I wake up, and Ed comes down the stairs. It's like 3 a.m. ed comes down the stairs just radiating and i just i i was something told me to look up and he's just like trelly i was like i was like

yeah he's just like yo you weren't fucking around and i was like yeah i just got the best i didn't know he did I mean I don't suck my ass yeah so I was just like oh yeah so I was like I converted someone I was happy because so many people were like bro I'm ticklish I'm not about it and Avery was the only one that was like

I agree because I had experienced it I knew about the fifth dimensional play yeah exactly it puts you on some new wavelengths like some rush shit. Basically how I was, you guys Charlie, I don't know if you've played it, but all of you other guys have played Dark Souls, yeah? You know that emote collapse?

That was me at the end. Like just on my knees, spaghetti arms, just looking down so sad but we were talking about like yeah should we talk about that since we're on the subject of sex anyways who cares do i talk about it yeah you should absolutely talk about it okay so i have a problem which i hate

which i know when i talk about it, a lot of people are like, Oh, you lucky dog. This is pain. Everyone hates it. I hate it. She hates it. I can't bust ever. What do you mean, Ed?

What I mean is I can bust when I'm the maestro of my own orchestra. But when it's somebody else holding the reins, nothing happens. Are you referring to ejaculation, Ed? Yes. Okay. Oh, you didn't mean like breaking into a bank.

Yes. I just can't bust. Or like sculpting a bust. I just can't do it. Can't grow breasts either. You are indeed, speaking of ejaculation. Can everybody shut up?

Come on, I got like three more bits for this. I got so many. Come on. But yeah, so basically the ultimate way to describe this is I have had to fake orgasms on three

separate occasions because it got to a it would get to a point where i'm just like we're going at it for like an hour we're both tired we're both not enjoying it anymore we're both sweating just like if we keep going we're just doing it because we fucking hate each other so At which point I'm like okay. We've reached that state, so I just go oh god And also carries around a syringe of petroleum jelly with him at all times With a sun don't shine so he can reach it easily in the act. I'll be like, oh god, and I'll start fake wheezing, and she's like, oh, was it good? I was like, oh, you're damn right it was.

Don't look at my dick, though, and then I'll just limp away like a gorilla and throw the condom away, just so she doesn't see it. But yeah, the problem with that is, I can't stop my brain from going anywhere whenever I'm doing anything. So, mid-sex, I could just get triggered by the lightest fucking thing and I'll start thinking about the saddest shit.

The best example of this was like a couple days after Robin Williams passed away, my ex came over. So, while we were like doing the do i was just thinking like why'd you have to go man why are you i'm so sad genie's gone i think my favorite example you gave though was not robin williams but when you were just like miming like thrusting in the air and just being like, man, fuck, Brexit's gonna shit fucking wreck so many things. Oh, yeah, yeah, that was it. How am I gonna visit the UK? Yeah, yeah, like, that's what it was.

Am I gonna need a... I can't even use my passport in England anymore. I gotta get, like, a special thing. God, the pound is worth pennies. And she's just like, you're just on top. She's like, babe, how'd you get a chalkboard in here? And she's just like, you're on top. She's like, babe, how'd you get a chalkboard in here?

Wait, why are you Charlie all of a sudden? I bet Charlie would love that actually. Like chalkboard mid sex. Well, no, not just a chalkboard, but if you started talking about Brexit and the economic,

like, like back, whatever. Like he'd bust, but I'd started talking about Brexit and the economic back... He'd bust, but I'd stay the same. Oh, yeah. He'd break into all kinds of things. I think we might have just cornered the market like sex, Pictionary, like Dictionary. No, there's already a Dictionary, Trolley.

Oh, right, with the words. My bad. There you go. jesus fuck where do we do okay so at what point do we start to have any other stories let's talk about the bear oh okay not no not much to say. We saw a bear. We saw a bear, yeah. There we go. I mean, three of us saw a bear. I just feel like one of us didn't see a bear. The most pro bear boy here. I'm pro bear as fuck. There were a couple more things we had to mention.

And one of them is, European listeners might recognize this, we played a drinking game called Ring of Fire. It's called King's cup in america who cares and avery had a ton of fun with this game avery was fine trust me can we talk about how like that night but like every night it felt like avery and i switched our alcohol tolerance levels yeah it was good we were swapping back and forth it was like freaky fridays switching back and forth like first night, I got, well, in fairness, I drank way more than everyone else because Kyle

fucking blows. So explain the game, Ed. I mean, technically, you and Kyle drank the same amount. No, because I had to drink more than Kyle. No, because Avery was like, he was hooked to two people, wasn't he? Oh, no. I remember what Avery did. Avery was like

I was telling people about all the rules and then Avery pointed at me and went, I gotta sit to the left of you. And I went, okay. And as soon as we sat down Avery went, wait. I meant the other one. The other left.

So you should explain why I said that and why that was a mistake. So to sum it up as fast as possible, King's Cup or Ring of Fire is basically the Mario Party of drinking games. It's a circle of cards in the middle of the table and each

style, what do you call it, kind of card. Suit. Yeah, every suit, yeah, thanks, represents a different minigame you have to do. Well, suit and number. Please. It's important, because you're about to start naming numbers. And then, no, I'm not going to

explain all of them. Basically, the two ones you've got to know about is that every time a king gets picked up, you fill a cup in the middle full of whatever, and then the guy that gets the last king has to drink all of it. But there's also another card. This is the one that kind of fucked Avery over, which is Waterfall, which is the guy that gets it starts drinking. And then everybody else starts drinking.

And you can only stop when the person to the right of you stops drinking. And then Avery was like, yo, big brain gamer, I i'm gonna sit to your left and fuck you and yeah again in colorado your left is actually your right yeah in colorado it's one of those liberal things we should also explain eight is made which means if you draw an eight you can pick someone and every time you have to drink, they have to drink. And Kyle got that like immediately and was like, Avery, because I know you have a horribly low alcohol tolerance and your blood is thin as shit right now. Yeah. Hey, Avery.

Avery, did you know that drinking three beers at this altitude is like drinking six? Do you want to talk about that guy? Real quick. We're not done yet. I was really hoping we were done. We didn't need to go through the rest of it. No, because you did so much funny shit. What do you mean?

Oh, God. We definitely have to talk about this. Okay, fine. Go ahead. So, like, the optimist in me wants to say halfway, but really it was a third of the way into the game. Avery was fucking blasted. Let's talk about the rulemaking card.

Oh, yeah. We should definitely talk about the rulemaking card. Yeah, there's a card that the queen, right? The queen. Oh, my bad. The queen is question master. Jack is you make a new rule. The jack makes a new rule. So instantly someone said that if anyone refers to Brendan as anything but daddy, you have to drink.

So if you called him anything like yo, man, anything but daddy, you had to drink. And then also, anytime he said anything at all, any words, anything, we all had to start clapping. And the last person to start clapping also had to drink. You know what's really hard to do quickly when you're way more drunk than everyone else? Clap. Start clapping on command whenever you hear

Brendan's voice. Oh, and also we had the rule where you went. I got way better at calling Brendan Daddy the drunker I got now. Oh. You could also only drink with your left hand is what we had later. When he's

blasted, just gets in people's faces. That's literally the only time I've gotten like that while drunk. Biggest like bulged eyes and he looks like he's gonna fucking kill you. I've never gotten like that when I'm drunk before in my life.

I don't know what it was that night. It was already bad then. And then Avery got a card called the Question Master, which is the queen. What the Question Master does is every time he asks a question and anyone answers it, they have to drink. Unless they answer with another question, anyone answers it they have to drink unless they answer with another question then the question master has to drink so what the question master does is he makes people forget he's the question master and then he fucks them over i got it

when i was beyond hammer like dangerously dangerously drunk because you were still so fucking conniving with it but no no but that's the thing because the second i got it i was like no one thinks i have the mental capacity to do this right now they're all so worried about me i'm gonna make some people you asshole i'm gonna make some people fucking drink tonight because you were directly across me. You just go, and I'm like, can you look away? You're like, dude, I'm fine. I'm like, okay, can you be fine anywhere else, please? You were just aiming your projectiles at me, and I was like, dude, just please stop.

I did vomit from drinking for the first time in my entire life that night. That is true, but that comes later. This leads me to my favorite part of the entire night which is when avery was almost throwing up and then he didn't and then he went i really need to lie down and then he went under the table i didn't i rested my head on the table you were changing what happened no you went under the table avery this happened no i did not because I still remember this part

I don't remember everything that happened, but I distinctly remember this part Please listen to me this happened you went under the table and tried curling up into a ball And then the moment you were done doing it you went okay not doing that and then you got But the thing is we were like we'd be'd be like, Avery, are you okay? Like, what the hell? And Avery would be like, you would ask some, like, question, like. How much did I drink? You drank too much, man.

Fucking drink, pussy. I was only thinking about questions at that point. I did not have anyone's self-interest in mind. Not mine at all. Like, my least of all. I think you only did this with me because i was sitting next to you every time you fucked me over and then you'd be like fucking drink you'd get so close to my face like our noses were touching i had to like lean back he's like oh you're gonna beat the shit out of me i don't know what happened that night i don't know what happened that night. I don't know why I got like that.

That's the thing though. It's like anytime, anytime anyone like answered your questions, you would just get real personal. Like you absolute fucking piece of garbage. You better drink. This is why your mother left you. Like,

okay, man, I got it. It's just a beer, man. It's okay. Like we were all like, the rule is you just take a sip of beer. And you'll be like, fucking drink, bitch.

And I'll be like, okay. Yes, I will. That's another thing. I was like, because it was like, you're supposed to take a proper drink, not just sip. That's what you said at the beginning. I was the only fucking person who wasn't taking pussy sips. I was also doing that. Yeah.

I was being very conservative, for sure. I wasn't. I definitely wasn't. pussy sips. I was also doing that. Yeah, I was being very conservative for sure. I definitely wasn't. I am, first of all, but I definitely wasn't chugging that shit. Oh, man. I was. I took big drinks. I watched. You guys were like...

The first chug, where everyone starts chugging and then right when the person to the left of you stops drinking, you can stop. I almost finished two beers. They were both just having a big dick contest, and we're chugging, and I was like, It wasn't a big dick contest. I couldn't stop until after Ed. Yeah, but

you, after Ed finished, you kept going, and who, some, whoever was next to you, I forget, it was like Charlie, and you, you finished, you, yeah, you, I forget, it was like Charlie. Because Brendan was next to me. You finished your drink, and he goes to stop yours, and you put your finger up in his face. You go, no, and you get another beer. You open it, and then you keep chugging. You're like, nope, I'm not done.

And I almost finished the second beer. You were like, no, not yet, bitch. You're like, watch me chug this shit. Watch me chug this shit, daddy. I remember being pretty silent after the talking rule because I didn't want to, like, ruin everybody. Yeah. But every single. Yeah.

You said you felt bad. And I was like, all right. So when I got the card I was like okay let's remove The bread and I was like no Don't You're like I like having power I like being a benevolent daddy That's

I wasn't gonna remove the daddy rule Just that we didn't have to drink when you talked rule Like having the voice of God Yeah The voice of God everyone applauds and they have to drink. These are the rules. I've read the Bible. If you start hearing voices, you should absolutely start drinking or clapping, whichever.

To be fair, I think that's an accurate simulation of watching my YouTube channel. Yeah. Every time I talk, you have to clap and drink. Anyway, that was the first day remember every subsequent day or it's like no let's not drink tonight and then we drank speaking of drinking uh i want to talk about the the dude who every time we went down to get beer we saw him like four and five times and every single time we saw him, he said,

you know, drinking three beers at this altitude is like drinking a six pack. Yeah, I had three beers once and I was gone. Literally like exact same like phrasing words, delivery, everything. I felt like the simulation

was crashing around me and he was an npc it actually fucked me up a little bit oh speaking of people we met yo brendan you want to talk about knife guy oh god i have two stories about people we met first off the guy in the little like cheerio curio shop that i like he he like stuck to me and spoke to me for like 15 minutes while you guys were outside. Oh yeah. Oh right. When you were buying the dice. Yeah. So this guy this guy like so we walked into the shop and this guy made like eyes at everyone and I have a

lot of retail experience and he made the like suspicious eyes because it's a group of 20 somethings walking into a store and everyone was you know suspicious as fuck looking because we're you know 20 somethings and we we walk through i buy some stuff i i go up i'm pretty sure um did anybody else buy anything i don't know i bought a magnet for my mom i bought a 50 rubber band gun i bought like some dice so we could play

dnd because i wanted to do a one shot and i was wearing my um i have a really cheap mass effect andromeda hoodie that i like because it has holes in the fingers. And I feel comfortable while I'm in it. I feel protected like I'm in the womb. So I was talking to this guy. Mommy issues aside. Talking to this guy. This guy was so aggressive with me.

He's like, he's like, he made like a reference to Mass Effect Andromeda. And I just completely went over my head because i've only played it for like 20 minutes and then he's like uh if you don't get that you have no right to wear that hoodie and i'm like what oh that's right i'm wearing the mass effect hoodie yeah i got this when i worked at gamestop and he's like oh yeah i worked at gamestop oh yeah what'd you do i worked in uh i worked in loss prevention for eight years i was like oh that's cool and he said no it's not cool i was responsible for over 600 people losing their jobs they called me the devil like okay all right all right okay you're the devil and then then he became one of those people that i hate can i just buy my dice dude can i just buy my dice so this guy like then he like chilled out because he realized that I worked retail and I didn't care.

I'm not going to steal anything from the shop. He mellowed out. I thought you were going to say he realized I was extremely uncomfortable talking to the devil. Like maybe talking to the devil. Maybe. So then he was just one of those people. One of those people that I hated at GameStop and I absolutely despise this is when someone comes up and they just start talking about all of the video game consoles they own and all

of the retro consoles they own and how cool it is that they own all these retro consoles and all these games and then they talk about their setup. They show you their setup. They don't shut up. Yeah, I have this entertainment cabinet. It's got all these you know, I got the Magnavox Odyssey. I got the I got the Pong cabinet. I don't care. I don't give a flying shit. I don't

care about your fucking retro games. So then I left. You don't care i don't give a flying shit i don't care about your fucking retro games so then i left care about his n64s of seven different colors oh i do not give a flying shit about his special pokemon gold and silver n64 that he got i do not care so that was an experience and i i absolutely fucking hated it uh then the other encounter david and i went on an adventure because i wanted to buy some oh yeah vape supplies and i thought that maybe this this tiny town would have some somewhere so we went on a little adventure david is at this point incredibly drunk oh yeah this is at 11 a.m yeah this is 11 because of the mexican place we went to a mexican restaurant and david a margarita, and he took one.

No, David, me, and Charlie. David, that's not important for the story, is it? No, it is, because I have a little thing I just want to mention. Okay, well, David ordered a margarita, and he took one sip, and he went, that is straight tequila. Yeah, to be fair, that was, like, I've never had margaritas, but that definitely didn't feel like anything but tequila. Yeah, no, and it was a tall, it was not a margaritas but that definitely didn't feel like anything but tequila no but and it was a tall it was not a margarita margarita glass it was just a regular like glass for soda oh yeah and so david starts drinking it and just complaining about how it's nothing but tequila

and he's like i'm not gonna finish this and then I think, was it Charlie who called him a little bitch? Oh, God. No, Charlie called me a little bitch. What Charlie did, he came up to me and he was like, yo, Ed, did you study medicine in college? And I went, no, Phil, why? Because you're nursing that drink. And then I looked him in the eyes and I fucking finished it.

That fucking asshole. Fuck you, Charlie. And then David looked at me and he went you're fucking stupid and then i said how about you finish it too pussy and he did yeah but the thing is david's very small yeah david was blasted so i i was like anybody want to go on this adventure with me and he looked at me and his head like swiveled around like a bobblehead doll. And he's like, yeah, I'll go. So we went around. We went around and we couldn't find anything.

So we took the ride back. And are we allowed to say like the gondolas? Yeah, you can say gondolas. Okay. Yeah, we were on the gondolas. And there were these people that got on it was a family it was a mom a dad and a son and the son sat right next to uh sat right next to me and david was right next to the dad and the mom and this kid pulls out a

pocket knife and the dad stepdad uncle robbie i don't care was was talking to him and he's like oh man that thing's pretty sharp and he grabs the pocket knife from the kid he's like, oh man, that thing's pretty sharp. And he grabs the pocket knife from the kid. He's like, I bet I could shave my leg with this. And he just starts cutting the hair on his leg in the middle of this gondola ride. And it looks like they're just looking with violent eyes. David and I are just, David's David's just eyes

wide open. I'm like, I'm on Twitter like, oh my god, I don't want to die. And then this guy like robots turns over to me and just starts asking us personal questions and i panic so i just start talking about youtube and stuff and i i don't i don't know why but for some reason when i panic i just start talking about internet stuff and so this kid this kid this dad uncle whatever or look me up on their phone and then subscribe to me? Oh, God. Yikes. Never stops networking this guy.

David and I get out and he just looks at me and he's like, Brendan, why the fuck did you do that? I'm like, maybe they'll listen to the podcast. Oh, God, What if they do? No, no. You called him a weird robot. And he'll come for you and he'll shave your legs. I just imagine for some reason, like when you said like a weird guy on the gondola shaving his leg and asking you personal questions, just sitting there like with a pocket knife

cutting his leg. He looks at me like, all right, so who'd you vote for? Is it weird that I was picturing Dave? cutting his leg, he looks at me like, alright, so who'd you vote for? Is it weird that I was picturing Dave? Dave, just like, you ever got your balls fondled, kid? Sir, please don't ask me that. Yo, David, cut this. Thanks, sweetie, I love you.

David, leave that part in, though. What? And that part. leave that part in though what and that and that part and that part stop um do we have well my favorite gondola story is and i hope i think you guys all forgot but i remembered so the gondolas had this thing where like oh if there's not enough people in it you get put in a bunch a bunch of Randinis flood the gondola. Anyway, here's my gondola story. So, the gondolas have this thing where, if you're not an entire group of people,

if you're just a couple dudes, a bunch of Randinis start flooding it, like in Pikmin. Yeah. And we had, it was me, Avery, David. I think it was Brendan. I'm not sure. Either Brendan or Trelli and two very nice ladies in the gondola. Oh, it was talking. Yeah. You know, we were talking all those.

Some of us saw a bear. Trelli didn't get to see a bear. It's like some does here. And then and then we're just everything's going great. Like we're sharing a couple laughs. It's all a little bit of banter as the Englishmen say it. And then I forget what Avery was

talking about. Oh no, he was talking about one of his friends. Avery was talking about one of his friends and he was like, yeah, one of my friends went to a college there. Ah, what's his name? Ah, I can't fucking remember. Ah, I was there. No, that was me. I was there. What was his his name? Ah, I can't fucking remember. I was there. No, that was me. I was there.

What was his fucking name? Avery did this three times and I was dying. It was, it was right after the lady was telling us about how her little kids, like her children,

were getting back from baseball practice and it's like, oh, oh, teenagers. And then Avery's just like, I can't fucking remember.

I have a friend that lives there. What's his fucking name? I can't fucking remember. He's like, gosh, I'm sorry. I just can't fucking remember. Then we're all just like... We're all speechless. I caught myself on the third one.

I said, oh my god, I'm so sorry. So I was giving you the stare down, too, oh my god, I'm so sorry. So I was giving you the stare down too, because I was like, dude, please. Oh, I was giving him the stare down too. And my eyes huge and my teeth were like, please stop.

I just have a filthy mouth. You guys like, the amount of times people said, can we hit my wife in the middle of a crowded place I was Greg that was Greg can we can we hit my wife David saying he's the son of the devil oh god in the middle of the gondola David's like oh man very religious women

I'm the devil the moment the gondola opened they fucking sprinted out we weren't even at a stop they just they just opened the door and jumped out they were like we're just gonna get on the next one. We're gonna wait here at the top of this mountain.

I don't wanna be in a box with the devil. Fucking libtards, man. Oh my fucking god. Do we have any more gondolas? Do we have any more gondola stories? Shout out to Greg, man. There's no shame in hitting his wife. What a trooper.

There was a me and Chandler were writing. Hang on. I want to talk about something because this is something that fucking everyone started doing on this trip is they just started saying I'm horny in a really whiny voice publicly. I'm horny. In public. Quite loud. Oh, yeah.

In public. And they also start saying kumala yeah can we come and then i'm activated i'm activated was another one but the one that really like murdered me was when we were walking down the street and there were people around and just all of a sudden i start hearing behind me i'm horny i'm horny and i'm like shut the fuck if i fucking what's his fucking name god i can't fucking remember and I'm like shut the fuck if I fucking what's his fucking name god I can't fucking remember and like looking at you like shut the fuck up

we're in public stop speaking of people that needed to shut up we should talk about me you and Charlie at the liquor store I forgot about Charlie you missed this one this one is fucking great let me tell this story yes absolutely so there's a

liquor store in town and we went there we went there a few times but many times many times and then on one of the last days we're there uh it's me charlie and ed and the three of us are at checkout waiting to buy our alcohol and then fuck what how did you initiate it it was you're gonna get id'd and um because like they they said like uh they checked charlie's and they showed mine and mine says portugal on it and they're like oh don't worry i've seen weirder ids and then like uh and then i think he pointed at you avery and he said oh you're from this state and i can't have this one what right and i don't remember that at all no he was just joking about your ID not being valid and I was like oh no no because he had he hadn't asked for my ID until you started fucking talking and then the

second oh and then you made some fucking joke about okay no he made a joke about mine not being valid because it's from Portugal that's what it was and then he turned to you go ahead and then ed was like oh no avery he's gonna find out you're 13 he's like what did you not bring your fake id avery my 13 year old friend in this liquor store i'm not exaggerating he was like being that explicit. I was articulating so slowly. And then Charlie looked at him. He was like, dude, shut the fuck up. And it was like, what? What does it matter if we're all underage?

Oh, no. I got a fake ID from Portugal because it has a chip in it. And I know they'll just go, it has a chip. They won't check that. And all of us are staring up like, Ed, shut up. And while we're checking out, the clerk, he sells us the alcohol. It doesn't matter. He sells us the alcohol.

And then he looks at Ed and he points at him and he goes, doesn't matter he sells us the alcohol and then he looks at ed and he points at him and he goes don't do that in a liquor store i could have you i could kick you the fuck out right now and deny you service don't do that again yeah i didn't know because like in belgium everybody just jokes about that the drinking age is like seven you probably you drank before you jacked off. Like, I did. 100%. I was probably hammered during, too. Well, probably, if you were just reading some book and there were two women in the woods and you were like, fuck, I wonder if they're making out.

Like, while the story's happening. Yeah. God. Yeah, I had no idea. Then when we left the liquor store you guys explained that yeah people don't joke about that shit you can't they will kick you out i mean i'm not gonna do it again obviously i just thought that it wasn't that big of a deal like because that was like the 10th time we've been to the liquor store so i figured it was fine it's a different clerk yeah oh yeah it was

you're a moron oh fuck we told you to told you to stop, like, dead serious, like, four times. I thought you guys were like, you know, hey, let's do a bit. You know, we're serious. We're pissed. Hey, keep doing it, Ed. Ed, we're so mad. Please don't stop. Fucking Christ.

What else? That was good. Oh, we have another gondola. gun well it's not really a gondola story it's a story that trelly told us on the gondola this is not related to colorado but i want trelly to tell this story it's about your friend morgan oh god so yeah wait hang on trelly before you start ava you sure you want to say colorado Well, I've said Colorado. We've said Colorado. Oh, is Colorado fine? Yeah, Colorado's okay. Oh, okay. All right, yeah, keep going. All right, so...

Oh, God. Let me take you guys back to a much simpler time in gaming. Probably, like, what? Back when MW2, like Modern Warfare 2... Yes! Okay, yeah. Back when Modern Warfare 2 was still, like, the COD, like Call of Duty. I gotta stop abbreviating.

So yeah, a lot of my friends were on it. My friend, well, Morgan, his name was Morgan. And he was, he was, he liked telling people, you always got those messages like, hey, I'm hosting a 10th Prestige lobby, 1600 Microsoft points, and I'll get you to 10th Prestige. So like everyone, a lot of people, like not only really gullible people would join. Usually little kids. Yeah. So my friend,

my friend would make a living, not a living, because he would steal kids money, essentially. Like little kids. Paying his taxes with MS points. Make a living. He would make a Microsoft point.

That was a full-time job. Report his MS points earnings to the fucking IRS. He dropped out of junior high to steal money from children. But anyways. So yeah, he basically had a bunch of people that

he would consistently like, yeah, your Microsoft point card didn't work, so I can't give you 10th prestige. Give me another one. And he had a bunch of these little kids, right, that he would fucking steal their money. And that was, I thought that was the extent of their little kids, right, that he would fucking steal their money. And that was, I thought that was the extent of their relationship,

but oh, I was wrong. So one day... See, this is the thing I was talking about earlier about the 12-year-olds. It all circled back. Yeah, it always comes full circle. So you can, like, join someone's someone's, like, Xbox Live party if it's open. And so, uh,

usually it's closed and you can't tell they're in a party but I saw my friend Morgan was at a party and it was open and none of our friends were online so I'm like who the hell is he in a party with so I join and he's playing xbox minecraft right and I join and all I hear is like just three little like little kids like like eight years old I'm talking like very very young we're like 14 so they're like much younger and they're all playing old, I'm talking. Like, very, very young. We're like 14. So they're like much younger. And they're all playing Minecraft. I'm like, Morgan, what the fuck is that?

Uh-oh. Yo, what's up? What's up, Charlie? How you doing, bro? And I'm just like, what? And they're like, I just hear one of them go, Papa Morgan, is this enough wood for the hotel? And I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I was like, did he just call you Papa Morgan? this enough wood for the hotel what I

was like did he just call you Papa Morgan nah brothers that's just a joke come on cut that shit out man they Papa Morgan you said I had to call you Papa Morgan and then he mute so they brothers this is so funny, right? This little joke. I told him to do it when you showed up.

I'm like, dude, I wouldn't have came in if it wasn't open. Why do you have them? He's essentially having these kids call him daddy. He's like, they're just my slaves, bro. They bring me wood and mining equipment. And I'm just like, what? Like, he just plays with kids alone and has them call him daddy. I was so confused.

I didn't question it. I left. It was very uncomfortable for me. Do you still talk to Morgan Trelli? No, not to this day, unfortunately. I wonder what he's up to. I don't know. Probably some nasty shit.

Weird shit in Fortnite. He's trapped in his own basement doing the default dance to Fortnite on repeat. Oh my god. Papa Morgan, my legs hurt. Papa Morgan, can I stop yet? Keep dabbing, goddammit. Truly is the infinite dab. I don't fucking know where to go from that story.

I mean, where do you go from child slavery? Let me see. I mean, we've segwayed from child slavery before on this podcast. That is not a new thing. You were not on that episode. Oh, I wasn't here, yeah. That was the Mandy episode. Fucking speaking of Minecraft. that is not a new thing. Have we? You were not on that episode. Oh, I wasn't here. Yeah, that was the Mandy episode. Uh, fucking

speaking of Minecraft. Oh, Ed, I want you to tell the Valentine's Day story you told me while we were... Oh, why? Because it's really good. Oh, man. Oh, God. You know, shout out to Charlie being a bitch and listening to this story and being like, oh, mine's way worse. And I was

like, what's up? Yeah, this girl came over and she was like, want a bang? And I went, no. Yeah. That was trash, Charlie. He was hyping it up so much. He hyped it up so much. No, it wasn't even she was like, want a bang? And I said no.

And she invited him over. Avery, if I tell my Valentine's Day story, you got to tell your pizza story. Oh, yeah. Okay, I can do that. Yes. All right, I'll start. Or do you want to start? Mine's shorter. I should probably start. Okay. Do that.

So, in college, freshman year of college, I lived in this horrible, shitty dorm. I've talked about it before. It was, um... Wait, Trellis, you know about this? No, Trellis, I don't think... Trellis was not there for this conversation. So... Good. Freshman year of college, I lived in this dorm called towers at ut and i

lived on the seventh floor and every single weekend at towers if you use the elevator prepare to step in or near spilled beer some other mysterious spilled fluid vomit or cans and bottles of just shit like everywhere they're disgusting um because that that dorm is just it's trash and there's trash everywhere and everyone pisses in the elevator but so i just realized that's not relevant at all it's just it takes place in the elevator so i wanted to build the scene so there's a lot of piss a lot of piss in the elevator some of it might have been mine but no so uh it's it's a weekend as per usual i'm very lonely and sad because i'm in college and that's what i was like in college uh so are you saying you're not lonely and sad i'm doing great

lately honestly hey but uh i'm glad to hear that. Continue. Yeah, but so I, in my loneliness and sadness, I do what you do in that situation. I order a pizza for myself and no one else to my dorm, but they don't deliver it to the room because the elevator requires like a room key to access. So they just bring it down to the lobby and then they call you and you come down and get it. So I get the call, I go down, I get my pizza, I unlock the elevator, I step in the elevator, it's disgusting, I go up one floor, on the first floor, this, like, 10 out of 10 ridiculously attractive girl walks in like so fucking stupid hot probably the most attractive

lady i have ever seen with my own eyes in real life i'm not kidding why'd you why'd you shake so much on lady i couldn't figure out what word to use that wouldn't be degrading right because you got to be real careful but no yeah but she was uh you're gonna get one of those polygon articles oh god yeah no so i um i fucking she starts talking to me and this is the first time a girl has willingly talked to me at this point in a while and she and we're making conversation we're hitting it off and we're talking about fucking video games and shit because and she and we're making conversation we're hitting it off and we're talking about fucking video games and shit because and she i forget i was wearing some stupid fucking video

game shirt because i was a loser oh and she starts gamers don't grow old we level up i forget what it was it was like a it was like a fucking some logo for a game or something it was like a brendan shirt except like not the minecraft one with iron man on it that's a good shirt i love that shirt but uh she strikes up a conversation about the game because she actually played it and she was like we were talking about it and then it gets to it gets to her floor which is one floor below me it's the sixth floor and she looks at me and she looks at the pizza and she's like looks like a pretty good pizza. I could really go for some pizza right now.

And I was like, yep, I'm really excited about it. And then she looks at me and like, she has like this weird expression on her face. And then she waits like three seconds. And then she goes, all right,

see her around. And then she leaves the elevator and then the elevator doors close. And I realized what just happened. And I immediately start mashing the open elevator door button because I'm like, fuck, no. It's been so long. Come back. Come back. I'll give you some V-Bucks.

I'll give you half of the pizza. But yeah, that's I mean, that's pretty much how that story ends. I went back to my dorm and i ate the pizza alone and sad and i never saw her again it had nothing to do with the pee on the floor i was just building i was building this i was really excited about how the pee would come back i thought she was gonna invite you in and you dropped it in the pee or something when you introduce urine in the first act you gotta drink it by the last. No, it's literally...

That's why I said, I don't know why I'm talking about the elevator in so much detail. It's just where it happened. Like, it was just in a disgusting elevator is where this happened. I know too much about that elevator. I know. I know more about the elevator than I know about the girl. Yeah, I just know she was insanely hot and somehow knew video games.

I'm usually not attracted to blonde girls, but she was blonde hot and somehow new video games i'm usually not attracted to blonde girls but she was blonde and like fucking astounding but yeah usually not attracted to girls either fucking it's not even up top that's sorry i just really i know it's how you are i understand yeah it's like if you hear a woo you're already high-fiving it's yeah 100 it's like it can be your worst enemy and your hands in the fucking air like let's fucking get it trelly's such a bro bro every time i end a sentence with boom he throws a fucking party i'm all about the self-esteem you know i? I got you guys' back. Oh, wait. Before I tell this, do you want to... Fuck!

We should have used this as a segue from my can't-bust story. Trell, you want to talk about me getting cooked in the elevator? I was going to, but I don't think it's going to be as funny this time. That's what I was going to say, but I'm down. When Ed got absolutely put on the rotisserie while we were in the gondola. I don't remember what happened. I remember bringing up Robin Williams

again saying, Genie's gone. And then Ed's like, that's gonna be tonight! That's all that's gonna be in my head! No, what happened was... That's not what I said, Avery. I just gotta remind you. What happened was, we were on the gondola. It's late at night.

There's no lights on this thing. It's pitch black. We can't see in front of our faces. We just know we're going up on the gondola. And we already mentioned this. Ed can't focus during sex. And so we all decide to join hands and perform a seance to summon Robin Williams. Oh, God, I was there.

Yes. Brendan was Robin Williams. Can you do a short impression for us? Hey, how's it going? Oh, he's back! Gunla, huh? Oh man, I totally didn't see him here. Oh my god, that's actually good.

I feel like I can bust now. Yeah, and obviously here's the ghost of Robin Williams. He's not too happy about it. So he goes, I'm not going to be able to come for a year now. And so Ed's girlfriend's name is Denise. And I go, now you know how Denise feels. Up top, baby. Instantly, the whole cart goes fucking nuts.

Everyone's yelling oh shit you know air horns going off and so someone Ed hasn't said a damn word made a sound and someone goes no it was David oh David gets a flashlight he's like what's going on with Ed and he puts the flashlight up to Ed's face

cause we can't see his reaction and he just has the thousand yards there 100% not to has the thousand yards there, 100%. Not to mention, Denise is on the cart. Like, she is there. And I expected everyone to... I think she high-fived you. I think she was like, eh, finally. Fuck yeah.

But yeah, Ed just had the face of just like, oh. Like, I lost. There's no coming back from this. I feel like you experienced that with Trelly a lot on this trip. Like, oh, like I lost. There's no coming back from this. I feel like you experienced that with Trelli a lot on this trip. Like day one. I apologized.

I was like, I'm sorry, man. Oh, no, you don't apologize. I didn't care. Like when Trelli got here and we went to pick him up. Oh, that fucking drink. I was more pissed about the drinks than that. Easily the smallest drink I've ever seen. like one of those two sippers like oh done the end and so i look at his drink and i just i got the extra large fucking

mega can right so i just plop it down it makes the noise when it hits the ground put it right next to his and i was like nothing wrong with average brother he was just like he's like the fuck man i'm just like it's all right you'll finish yours first and mine will still be here thick as ever and he's like can we not do this and like for the rest of the trip i just can't believe like just making you know dick innuendos about his small drink i don't know why it just kept coming up and And then even when I actually, we got the same drink, and then I fucking,

I fucking drank mine as fast as possible so I can show him how big my cock is. So I was like, I mean, you're just used to finishing first. I understand. I was like, damn it! I can't win! You're coming to the ring.

You better be ready to throw fucking punches, Ed. I never won with drinks or semen. Never, ever. But when you get your balls fondled, we're all winners. Yeah, when you combine them, everybody wins. Ed, tell the fucking Valentine's Day story. I will, relax. You've been avoiding it for far too long.

Okay, so I was 15 and my demogorgon had not planted inside a young actor from Stranger Things yet. What? That was the

I forgot his name. That was the most Papa Morgan way you could have said that. That was so creepy. What's the guy's name? Jonathan Banks. Finn, but why did you even bring this up? What are you doing? Jonathan Banks is fucking the old guy from Breaking Bad.

What did you... Okay. Where are... Ed's trying to confuse us. Ed's trying to use gypsy magic to confuse us. Ed's using a verbal flashbang to distract from this Valentine's Day story. David, cut all of that out. Just leave the part where I say Jonathan Banks.

I was still a virgin, and I was like 15, and I was dating another girl in my high school. Okay. Wild. Wild. school okay wild um and uh i had never before that point i had never spent i never had a valentine's day where i was in a relationship i was always sad fucking watching a movie or something fucking god i hated high school um and we had started dating like point blank fucking new year so when valentine's day hit we've been dating for a month and a half which is perfect you know

month and a half that's when you slip it in that's how it goes you were obviously an expert at this point plus valentine's day plus valentine's day is like the women's version of the fucking full moon so she was like just boiling at the seams and i was ready to cash in so we're like in fucking uh we're just texting each other back and forth because i'm supposed to go to her place after school and like we're like 15 so we don't fucking know what we're doing so So like, oh yeah, I'm gonna slap you in the fucking face. It sounds like you knew exactly what you were doing. Oh yeah, I'm gonna pour, I don't know, put LaCroix in your butthole.

I'm gonna grab your shoulders. Yeah, I'm gonna cut your fingernails or something. I want you to look pretty. I just care about you so much god I miss it what is this anyway and then like I'm on my last

class it's 45 minutes until game time and then the saddest shit happens she texts me saying Ed I have bad news my little brother who's 8 years old fell down some stairs in school and got a concussion. You can't come over. Fucking heartbreaking.

Our hero is devastating. Curveball out of nowhere. Fuck that kid for being clumsy. No, I mean, yeah. First of all, yes. I mean, he wasn't clumsy. Was he? I think somebody pushed him or something.

I don't care. You mean, he wasn't clumsy. Was he? I think somebody pushed him or something. I don't care. You pushed him. It was her. The point of the story is I was sad because I figured, you know, no water in my noodles today. How many fucking allegories do you have? Your sex references are so bad, first of all. No water in my noodles. Not one of these has landed with me like for a second

picture like visualize what that means in sex no watering for my noodles today yeah noodles are hard and then they get soft that's the opposite of sex do you get flaccid the second you stick it in because i think you not finishing has less to do with Robin Williams than you might think. Too much water in my noodles today. Okay. Okay. Anyway, so I messaged my boys and I'm like, yeah, my girl's brother has a concussion. Valentine's Day is canceled.

You guys just want to like go to Phil's place and get fucking hammered and play video games. And they were all single. So they were like, fuck yeah. So it was me and my friends Phil and David different David we were all at his place different David yeah different David yeah

and we were fucking like by the time midnight no it was like 11pm hit we were all fucking gone playing like every game Phil had on his PS3 and then I get a gift from the heavens my girlfriend texts me saying i finally put my little brother to sleep head and he has a concussion so he's likely gonna sleep forever

do you want to come over and then i reply yes i am on my way and then as as i'm tying my shoes I get a brilliant idea a special idea fuck off god and then I ask my boys I turn at them with the biggest

fucking smile on my face and I go guys do you want wanna come too? and since they were also shit faced because naturally anyone would have said no you fucking retard they said fuck yeah

let's get it so they also got their shoes on we were leaving They said, fuck yeah, let's get it. So they also got their shoes on. We were leaving. Each one of us had a beer in our hands that we were going to finish on the way because it would be impolite to show up with beer. And then a little bonus fact, because we were so blasted, we had to piss. So we were like walking down the street. We didn't want to do it in public because we heard because one of our friends, like literally a week before, got arrested for public urination.

So we were all very paranoid. So Phil and David try to find a spot in this huge parking lot. But I went parking lots are gay. There's so many people there. There wasn't. I'm not going to do it in a parking lot. I'm going to. Oh gonna oh perfect this huge semi i'm gonna piss behind the big ass front wheel so i got i got my little my little my little boy my little boy out and uh he's just and i and i start pissing

naturally and then whilst it's happening like behind the sound of the ongoing stream, I start hearing music. And I'm like, what? What's this about? Is my phone on? Oh, God. And then I look up and it's because the truck's radio is on. And then I look up some more. The driver's in the truck just staring at my cock who does that? who just sits in a truck at midnight and just looks at little boy penis

who whips out little boy penis to piss on a truck tire so anyway you are in the wrong yeah you started pissing on his truck he's within his rights to watch the moment i noticed like i'm the law of the jungle open i have my mouth open because i'm a fucking moron i'm just like staring at him and then i zip up and i fuck off and then i run into phil and david who are panicking because they were like bro we didn't piss either because we tried to go in the parking lot but we saw a light flicker and we panicked and ran. So neither of us have pissed and we get to my ex's house and she's like,

what is this? And then the first thing I say to her, my fucking girlfriend showing up with, hammered with two other hammered guys, I go, can we please use your bathroom? And then the speed this up basically we sit down and we start watching a movie called snatch great movie and my girlfriend at the time Was a smoker so every 30 minutes you went out to smoke a cigarette and

Every time she did that, me and my friends would raid her parents' liquor cabinet. God, this story makes me cringe so much. So, not even like, you know, Jack Daniels or something. We were raiding the expensive shit. Naturally, that's what I would assume.

And then, we finished the movie, and that happened three more times, by the way. We finished the movie, and that happened three more times, by the way. We finished the movie. They sensed the vibe, and they left, so it was just me and my girlfriend. Wow, perceptive young lads. Are we overstaying our welcome there?

Happy Valentine's Day, guys. We're going to head off, though. Oh, no, they did that. As they left, they were like, oh, by the way, happy Valentine's Day. We're like, thanks, guys. You guys are the best. Well, I don't think you two were like that. I think one of you was like that.

No, I said that. And then, somehow, she was still down to, like, soil ourselves. God. So, we went up. She just took you to the back and you both shit your pants? Do you know what soiling yourself is, Ed?

It's not fucking. No, it's to shit your pants. She looked at you right in the eyes and she said, can we shit? Ed thought that was sex at the time. He's like, we both just shit our pants and that's you get pregnant, right? Oh man Think of the York's in fellowship of the ring But yeah, oh

Get it you're right Yeah, I get it, I get it, you're right Alright, can we move on? Yeah, I got you Yeah, like that And then, Christopher Lee's like, ooh Um, what? Oh, hey, it's me Rest in peace

Rest in peace, Christopher Lee What is happening? You're the worst Oh in peace, Christopher Lee. What is happening? I don't know why I said that. I'm so delirious. But yeah, we go back to her room and she's like, we're both naked, uh, and then, we're both like, God, I hate myself, and then a door opens. Like, like, extremely naked, extremely obvious what's going on, and then a door opens it's like her parents aren't home who could it be

it's her little concussed brother I love that this story keeps going and he opens the door and he's like I want juice I'm so tired and then I was still pretty hammered so I just laid in the bed and my fucking three inch

are out like it's just like staring at him with a dumbass girl what what I did was that illegal is that illegal to be walked in by it be walked in on by a child I don't know you didn't like I mean I think showing your day child you actually showed your don't truck driver as a child that Yeah, showing your dick to the truck driver was definitely where you get the power. He was so concussed that he couldn't tell what was going on. That's pretty concussed. But yeah, and then my girlfriend left off my back.

I think that him being eight might have also been a factor, just confusion. Yeah, but yeah, fucking... My girlfriend did some fucking genjutsu or whatever. She did the wood-style substitution, just disappeared, and then reappeared with a robe on. She was like, oh, what's wrong? You want apple juice? And he's like, eh! And then I was just like, I have no idea what the

Christopher Lee? I was thinking about the kid from Ghost Story. Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I feel you. And yeah, then she came back. She was like, you should probably leave. And that was my first Valentine's Day with a woman. Thanks for listening.

Can we talk about how you showed brain to three separate people that night? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The truck driver, your girl, and her little brother. That's a record for me, personally. That's like a variety of people. It wasn't even all at once as well. Yeah, that's the best part.

What a night. What a night. Anyway, you guys want to end on that? I don't have anywhere to go from there. I don't have a story about me. Hang and brain with ladies'm alright with that. I don't have anywhere to go from there. I don't have a story about me, like... Hanging brain with... Yeah, no, I don't have any. If only there was another story afoot.

What? Wouldn't that be quite a feat? Eh, Ed? What? Oh, Ed! Please! Come on. One more. One more. Okay, fine. Whatever.

Who tells this one? I think Brendan should. So I was probably the least drunk at this point. And we've got 10 boys in a hot tub. Boy soup in a hot tub. 10 boys all in a hot tub. And it is a night. I believe this was after the waterfall game, right?

This was after the ring of fire. Everyone is blasted. And I'm probably the... I should clarify. After I vomited that night, I was on the same of fire. Everyone is blasted. And I'm probably the... I should clarify, after I vomited that night, I was on the same level as everyone else. I was fine after that. But everyone was still at 99% proof. Blood is ever clear.

David and Ed are in the tub as well. And Ed is just so forgotten. He doesn't remember this, but he keeps trying to eat david's feet and then he does it he sucks his toes he sucks david's toes in the middle of the hot tub and charlie the arbiter of all that is pure and good in this world keeps taking oh no it was charlie no i'm saying the arbiter of all that's pure and good in the world. All right. Charlie is the warden of all that is good and pure. Oh, yeah. I'll allow that.

Charlie is just taking David's feet away from Ed. Ed is just absorbed. He's in the foot zone. He's in the foot locker. Ed is gobbling toad. I'm in the foot locker. Ed is this whole night. Ed is in the foot locker. Ed is, this whole night, Ed is in the

footlocker. Ed is... Ed is goblin toes. He's trying to kiss every boy. Ed has decided that the Colorado trip is his dating sim. Oh my... So speaking of Ed trying to kiss every boy, so I have

a friend. I have a good friend of mine who's been a friend of mine for several years his name is ahmad he's from california he's uh he's 20 i think right now so ahmad is 20 he's oh he's for context because there's no way that ed could have known this uh ahmad is very well dressed very handsome great voice no not just that basically after the whole tuck sucking debacle i was like man i don't kiss dudes enough no okay yes that is true that did happen but also for context of how you didn't know that this was a thing i'm giving context that no one would assume this so Ed after sucking toes goes come here

get that big brown face over here I didn't say that go on and they kiss on the mouth and then the day after we get not only that i kissed him i kissed me also charlie and me probably brendan maybe david oh hell yeah you kissed a lot of dudes that night but good so the day after we get back ahma Ahmad reveals that Ed was his first kiss. What? Yeah. I did not fucking know that. Me neither. Ahmad's been texting me non-stop.

Are we a thing now? what's happening? when are we seeing each other again? when are you going to talk about kissing a 15 year old in a bar? just for context you know when are we going to end this episode? do you want to end on you kissing a 15 year old

in a bar without explaining? Fine. God, I love children. Oh, no. Oh, my God. And what happened was... God. I had a phase in my life where me and my friend Phil, we'd just hang out at bars, like, late at night on Fridays, and we'd just try to pull chicks.

And then after a while, we realized, man, we really exhausted the regulars. So, we were about to leave after a night of none of us scoring. So, I was just hanging out at the bar, getting last drink and I look to my right and I see a good looking blonde woman and I'm like, I haven't seen her before. Let's give this a shot.

So we start talking. Blah, blah, blah. She was also in the same school as me. So that's cool. Happens all the time. That bar area was like our Papa Morgan. Literally a school happens all the time. That bar area was like Papa Morgan. Literally Papa Morgan. Oh god. David, cut out the word Papa Morgan.

Change it to like Minecraft server. Change it to Papa Morgan. Sample that. Sample what I just said and put it over Papa Morgan. Anyway. And then we're just talking, hey, we made out. Cha-ching.

And we're just talking, whatever. And then she goes, I gotta tell you something. And I went, yeah, sure, go ahead. You were my first kiss. And then, as soon as I heard that, a lot of alarm bells started going off. And then, soon as I heard that, a lot of alarm bells started going off.

And then I went, oh, which year are you in? And she said, oh, I'm in year four, secondary year four. I was in year six and 17, and she was either 14 or 15 and I went I gotta leave I'll see you later yeah but how old were you though? I was 17

and then I left the bar and I was looking for Phil and I was like we gotta fucking go and then I find Phil and, and I was looking for Phil. And I was like, we gotta fucking go, we gotta fucking go. And then I find Phil, and he's talking to this girl, but I don't want to cockblock him, so I'm just standing behind him, like, really eager to leave. And then she fucking sprints out of the bar. She's, like, panting, she's exhausted, and she goes,

Oh, I finally found you. Oh, God. Me and my friends are going to this other bar if you want to chat some more later on and I went okay sick get the fuck out please and it feels like what happened I tell him what happened

then he laughs and calls me a loser and we go home and then this was a Friday so like the days like to do this after that was a weekend we didn't have school but the entire Fucking weekend she kept messaging me like hey cutie. How was your day? Friday was fun So are we a thing now?

I Didn't read any of them. I just I knew I kept she kept messaging me I just didn't click on them and then Monday first day of school I get like before class I'm just chilling in the hall and I fucking see her at the corner of my eye and she's doing that thing where like you hunch your shoulders over you get a big shitty shit-eating grin and she like waves at me with her fingers yeah like the the finger wag on I'm like ah fuck I gotta talk to her and then I messaged her like hey can we talk and I brought her outside the hall and I went yeah here's the thing I just got out of a really complicated

relationship not really looking for anything right now but you're super sick Friday was fun yeah and then she took it pretty well or at least I thought she did cause like a week later she starts dating one of my friends who's also 17 and they dated for the rest

of the school year the end thanks for listening oh he was German could explain some of it thank you everyone for listening to this episode of please stop talking Trelli where can people find you at Trelli Relly on

Twitter that's all you really want to know you don't want people watching your smite videos or your smite streams I don't blame them for not wanting to yeah I mean I was saying you don't want them to oh at trellyrelly on twitch too but yeah that's all you need to know

Brendan at brendanielh on twitter and brendanielreads on youtube brendaniel on youtube either works and ed finally on Twitter and Bryndaniel Reads on YouTube. Bryndaniel on YouTube. Either works. And Ed, finally. You can find it on YouTube at PuckDuck007!