Please Stop Talking - The Puzzle Box | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: June 14, 2020

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You must let go. But I love these funny broadcast males. I would like to support them, X01. They are dead. Maybe I could become a patron of their online broadcast and get some recompense for my currency. B705 the internet web is outdated we use the cube now. X01 I must find a way. I want to give them my 58 floor bows which equate to an amount of 25 earth currency. To name a non-playable character in their Dungeons and Dragons broadcast.

That broadcast has been discontinued for Rians B705. I could also ask them a question for their Patreon Q&A if I give them 5 or more earth currency. That broadcast has been discontinued for Rians B705. Perhaps I can still access their domain through the cube. www.patreon.com slash sir meow music. B705? Yes X01? What would you ask the humans if you could?

I would ask them about love, X01. I see. So why is Po poo sealed inside the book for China and Kingdom Hearts? We haven't done the intro yet. No, no, no. That's the fucking intro. No, no, no.

That's the intro. Why did they seal poo in the book? No, Winnie the Pooh is... That has nothing to do with China. They made him like a big, glowy... They made him a white... Yeah, they made him white. Yeah, they made him white.

They made poo white. I can him white they made him white have you actually not seen this they turned him into a beam of light no i've never played kingdom hearts what when you said they made one of the poo white i thought you might let me let me no change this first wait wait wait i i'm gonna no no i'm gonna send it it's fucking amazing look at it okay yeah oh yeah that's at it oh yeah that's what he looks like that's what he looks like in the game in China oh okay if he's there is he actually

trapped in the book what's the point of trapping him in the book if you're turning him into pure light energy anyways well he's like so Sora finds a magical book why'd i ask in the town of hollow bastion in kingdom hearts uh one wait no two i can't remember who cares and basically poo is stuck in the book and he goes into the book and they have moments. David, I thought you liked this game. I don't like Winnie the Pooh because Winnie the Pooh

is... There's no fighting in it. There's like zero gameplay. You basically go to the... You go to Winnie the Pooh's world. Wait, you go to Winnie the Pooh's... This game sucks! It's because you go in and...

I want Mickey to call me home. I'll step her off. That's what I'm here for. it's because you go in and then winnie the pooh's like all he's bummed about some shit and then the rab is like he's probably bummed about being turned into an object of pure light and being trapped in a book for all eternity well i don't think he knows. This is a game for children and Winnie the Pooh is the baby franchise. Oh, right. Also, for some reason... You know Christopher Robin in Winnie the Pooh?

Is that stuck in an island? No, Sora is... No, no, no. Sora is Christopher Robin in the game. He's not. he takes the role he takes the role of that movie fucking sucked i didn't see it welcome to the podcast detective pikachu is like someone watched hate watched um uh who framed roger abbott they said hey let's make that but shitty i've actually i'm actually the only detective pikachu

there's some sunglasses they take it off they have ditto eyes and she's like wow that's so clever like no it's fucking not they did that and i mean that's extra bad because who framed roger rabbit is somebody watching looney tunes back in action and going let's make that but shitty i don't think that's true shut the fuck up who the fuck who? Looney Tunes back in... Wasn't that with fucking Brendan Fraser? Yeah, that's the joke. It's much later.

That's the joke. No, I know. I was just like thinking about Brendan Fraser. And it's not Brendan Fraser. It's Brendan Fraser playing Brendan Fraser's stuntman. And there's a scene at the end where he punches Brendan Fraser and calls him a dickhead. And then it turned out later that Brendan Fraser took the role because he was very self-hating at the time for a bunch of horrible

reasons I won't talk about. He's like, yeah. He's like, actually, I took that movie because I was trying to hurt myself. Like, wow, that adds a lot of darkness to Looney Tunes back in action. It's actually why his wife divorced him. For real? I don't think that's true at all. No, his wife divorced him so he

could go on Looney Tunes back in action. No, the Looney Tunes back in action was pre-divorce. You can tell because he doesn't look like... He looks human. He looks better now. He does look better. He's fucking such a good actor.

So fortunate, dude. He's great. Before wife, after after wife marriage bad I don't like you much Ed have you guys seen that image where it's Captain America no no no it's Captain America it's like 20 years no wife

and then it's like young Chris Evans 20 years with wife and it's old Chris Evans at the end of Endgame yeah I've seen that but hang on can you hear those kids? at thumping That's singing. It's not coming through this We boost it. Oh

My god, I don't like it Yeah, I can hear the fuck is that yeah, I can hear it too Is that children? Is that children? He's yelling at his downstairs neighbor. Listen to this shit. Oh, I can hear it pretty clearly. Yeah, and these are the same people who did the Dune music.

The Dune music? Oh, we can probably talk about that. No, just Brendan, please. You just keep talking. This will be happening for a little bit. I'm just going to wait for them to tire themselves out. Mandy, turn your fucking game back down. Is any of this making it in? I'm confused. Probably not.

I'm probably not turning this game way the fuck... Turn it down! In what universe does it help that you would turn the game up when there's too much background noise? Oh my god. Well, I was wondering, so I was like, I wonder if future David will hear this, and the answer was wondering because I was like I wonder if future David will hear this and the answer was probably because they're like vibrating

the walls a little bit. I don't want to talk about the Dune night. That was a bad night. We can't talk about bad nights. We can't talk about anything that's happened since I moved. We can't talk about good nights either. Okay so the Dune night was um Have you ever seen the movie Dune? The David Lynch one? I haven't seen Dune. I... Have you ever seen the movie Dune?

The David Lynch one? I haven't seen Dune. I don't even know what it's about. All I know is I hate the new one. Oh my god. Shut up. It's so loud. Shut up.

There's a scene where this guy is riding a giant worm and it starts playing this really triumphant like band music toto did the soundtrack for the entire movie by the way what yeah yeah um is it good yeah music's good huh the thing is on dune night i was trying to do audio for a video and i heard the worm theme from dune playing downstairs and the thing was it was only this one song and like the crescendo of it was playing 20 times louder than the rest of the song and it was on loop for five hours what the fuck i don't believe you and then it stopped for two hours between 11 a.m this story has been corroborated by dimitri and between 11 a.m and

1 a.m it stopped and then it happened again and kept going until 5.30am when I said fuck it I can't work tonight and I just went to bed. What? Why the fuck were they listening to the tune? I don't know. And for 30 seconds you just hear What do they look like? Do you know what your

neighbors look like? Yeah I do. Are they gamers? No. Are they dooners? It's like a very normal nuclear... Actually, no, I take that back. One is a gamer. Oh, no. Not gamer. Dooner. No, because I was with my girlfriend going downstairs like two weeks ago

and I passed by him and he had like an NES shirt on. He had like a Zelda... He had an NES shirt on and he had like a uh an nes shirt on he had like a zelda he had an nes shirt on and he had like a zelda chain but he was like 35 the thing is this is the only nintendrew i guess so but like this is the only time this has ever happened there has never been a dune knight sensor before and usually it's like now. Oh my god. They're chanting.

They're chanting. Wow. No, they're not. They're not chanting. Yes, they are. You got a little bit of trauma going on downstairs. Oh my god, there he goes. He's bumping them again and again. Oh wait, I...

They are chanting. They're casting a fucking spell on me! I think they're eating someone. They knew you would talk about Dudenite. First rule of Dudenite. Don't fucking talk about Dudenite. Fuck off! Are they playing SingStar? Are they playing sing star

jesus what the fuck every time mandy opens his mouth there's banging enchanted i feel like that's kind of his vibe that is that is such a vibe dude dude. Oh my god. I sure like trying to talk to my friends and hearing fucking pathologic downstairs. Mandy, that would be such a good new one for when people ask me what it's like to hang out with you in person. You hear chanting? Every time you speak, I hear banging and children chanting.

Also, I'm confused. The chanting is new. I've never heard the chanting until today. Are we keeping any of this? Yeah, of course. We're keeping some of it. I don't think we're going to keep. Oh, OK.

All of the chant. Because we haven't even introed yet. I'm confused. Yeah, I don't think we're doing that this episode. I think we're just. He'll just cut out me yelling fuck off at the children. It's getting louder. What the fuck?

They just started again. But they're drumming now. drumming's getting louder I feel it in my ankles it's a fucking rain dance it actually has been raining pretty hard the past few days it really has it's been nice I hear the

banging even without your game being loud it's so loud. Jesus. Holy shit. What is wrong with them? Mandy, have they made it inside yet? It's multiple children chanting.

Okay, we should stop and save this and let's go ahead and save this and so our heroes waited for the chanting and drumming to end watch mandy get a noise complaint because of the clap sinks oh my god oh my god i mean i have so much recording. You have proof. You have actual fucking evidence though now. Our weird quartz neighbor keeps clapping. You know how easy it would be for me to like take cell phone footage and like bass boost the volume and put it

over it and send it to the office? Make it 30 times louder than it actually is. Add Dune music to the background. I think he's unloading a gun into his fridge. I mean, Dune is a very strange movie for someone to want to loop the theme of over and over again. Not the theme, just the worm music. Yeah, I was about to say, it's just the worm theme, isn't it? It's the worm theme, like 30 seconds of it specifically.

Maybe this podcast will go smoother if we just stop trying to intro it. I like that. Fuck it it i'm done with it welcome to the podcast no we're not done i'm done with trying to intro we don't have to i thought yeah this is a fucking quick hour just start well the thing is like the ending of the song was way louder and so we realized it's either oh he has like an edited mix of the song he made himself or he was manually turning up that part he liked for five hours straight and then turning it back down. This is not going in.

Why? What do you mean? There's no context. He's giving the context. I put the context on drive. David, what do you mean there's no context I put the context on drive you gotta give me 20 minutes a new d*** just came out shut the f*** up

welcome everybody to another exciting episode of Ed Tells a Story I feel like this episode should start this episode's first topic is this episode's first topic is why this this episode's first topic is that's not going in

wait right no you're thinking of yeah oh it's Yeah, none of all this is being cut Even just I don't even know why we're discussing it. I'm just making a joke. Yeah. No, that's the same way Oh, it's cuz I just don't know anything about it. So I was just curious so move on Can't even make jokes anymore What happened to comedy? What do you mean? I was the one that made the joke

Ed was the one that made the joke And you're the one that went Uh wait no isn't it that Ed tell your fucking story Ed tell your fucking story please What, tell your fucking story, please. What do you mean? I did. No, the thing you did. Oh, you mean the puzzle.

You don't mean what I was just talking about. Okay, gotcha. That's not even a story. No, but I'm just confused now. Because we're just going to cut that entire first chunk. So tell your story so we can get to the part that won't be cut. So the podcast literally just starts with me going. So 10 years ago.

Yeah. Everyone, everyone will know something was cut off, which will be really funny. Yeah. It'll just start bleeping. It'll just start bleeping a fuckload for a few seconds. And then I'll be like, well, so 10 years ago. Okay. Have bleeping, have chanting so 10 years ago. Oh, okay. Have bleeping, have chanting, Ed tells a story.

That's it. There's no more chanting, I think, right? No, there has not been any chanting since we started. I can text my mom if you want. What, to stop the chanting? Shut up, tell your fucking story. Tell your fucking

puzzle box story. I think the sound would travel upwards too, because she's like on the floor below me. I'm shitting. And like the floor is made of wood. I hope she hears your puzzle box. So if she has like, like bongos, bongos? Which ones are the ones you hit? Bongos. Tell your fucking story, Ed. What the fuck? Whatos bongos are drums i know that bongos are drums so he was asking he was asking he asked bangos or bongos he's not saying bangos are a thing he's asking bangos or

bongos and i said bongos why would you extend this i don't know maybe he was like oh maybe bangos are a thing I'm so happy in the Congo I'm not gonna tell it. I think it's funnier if I don't. It feels like I've been waking up from a nightmare. Are you quoting Joker? No, he's quoting Todd Phillips. We've been over this. And everybody knows all about it.

Didn't he make Hangover? That was funny. Tell your story. Oh my god. Not funny enough because he can't tell jokes now that's what todd phillips said so he made the joker he made art instead of making a haha shut the fuck up and tell your statement started when he made hangover 3 i'm pretty sure hangover 3 didn't have any jokes yeah when he made a shitty movie with no jokes he said you can't

make jokes in society it's time to show you what it's really like they showed a clown getting hit by a sign wasn't that project x the one with the monkeys and it was a stop sign it was like me getting hit with a society sign telling me to stop saying jokes wait project x like the the drunk party movie or the the chimpanzee flying airplane movie yeah project x it's about chimpanzees what's's that one? It's where Matthew Broderick trains chimpanzees to fly military jets. What the fuck are you talking about? What? That one's based on a true story.

Matthew Broderick trains chimps? Yeah. To fly military aircraft. Which one's Matthew Broderick? Is that the rapist? Matthew Broderick. No! What?

No, no, no. Matthew Broderick is the murderer who killed people. He killed a family in Ireland. He's Ferris Bueller. Is that the guy from Friends? Oh my god. He's the guy from Ferris Bueller who killed a family in Ireland. There's him in the monkey movie. Oh, he's Godzilla guy. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a lot of fish. That's a lot of fish. Actually, it's Totopolis. Totopolis. That's when he trained the chimpanzees to fly planes into Godzilla. He was in War Games? What?

Of course he was in War Games. He's the main character in War Games. He was also in Spectre Gadget. I never... Oh, it's because he was young as shit. Dude, he was so young, I didn't even recognize him. He's looked the same forever. He hasn't been in movies lately.

He could be a rapist. He was an Inspector Gadget. What is that correlation? He hasn't been in movies lately. He's got a lot of free time. No, I'm just saying, you wouldn't want to be making movies with a rapist. He's not a rapist! But everyone does, Ed!

Stop saying! Imagine being cornered by Matthew Broderick. Like you're in an alley. You see him holding hands with a chimpanzee. Like that. Whips it out and says it's a lot of fish. Wait, oh wait! There was actually another movie called Project X!

Yes! The chimpanzee movie! I didn't know. I was thinking of the party movie with the three high school kids. No, that's a remake of it. He did the mocap for Jeff the Cameraman in Uncharted 2? Jeff the Killer in Uncharted 2?

I want you to tell your story. Before I mech-frick you! Me? Me? Okay, so 10 years ago I had this friend in high school called do I say his name yeah

yeah fuck it you can say Rexy's name full name no name address Jesus Christ we can just pretend it just change his name with Rexy wait hang on I Jesus Christ. We can just pretend it. Just change his name with Rexy. Wait, hang on. I'm looking in guests now.

What's Project X? Wait. That's the movie with Matthew Broderick and the chimpanzees. There's two movies called Project X? Yes. Oh my God. That's what we've been talking about.

Is it good? It's okay. It's one of those movies where you can tell it's a female chimpanzee because the male ones will rip your head off. I'm gonna mech freaking lose it, bro. Because I didn't even...

I couldn't even tell that was a chimp. I thought that was Yoda. What if Yoda... It does kind of... Actually, it does kind of look like Yoda. Project Yoda. It's Project Y. What if it's Project Y? Oh, that's... He was the voice of Simba. Yoda doesn't start with an X.

You know, I actually saw a Star Wars theory video the other day called, uh, What If Yoda Was Tall? And it was just this image for like ten minutes with loud Imperial March. None of this is going in! Oh my god! Oh my god! Dooku would stand no chance

um i had this friend i had this friend named jack um and he was basically like the new kid that year i need to close all these project x tabs i can't talk while this chimp is next to Matthew Broderick What you mean all of these project X because I opened like both of them but multiple times This is the most feverish This pie has this I had this friend named jack he's gonna be unlistenable yeah he was like the new kid that year can i tell my story please he was the new kid that year and i'm not taking that bait um and we were gonna try to do some funny hazing mind you this was high school so i was around around, I think I was around, like, 15?

So, the way that we handled his, like, I mean, because it wasn't even really hazing. We just wanted to fuck with him. Because, like, usually you make the fat kid eat spiders, right? Isn't that called bullying? No, because you also thought it was funny. Like, we weren't forcing him to do anything. We were just, like, egging him on to do it. So, all of our hazing methods i'm gonna keep calling it hazing but they all boil down to basically making him shit

in increasingly weird places was your friend jack that's it yeah it's pooping it so to name a few but but not all examples, because I'd be here for a while, because they weren't... How much shit? Most of them were at school, but a lot of them were just when we were just out and somebody had a good idea.

So to name a few examples, a construction site, like recently poured concrete. What else? There was a lot of just like vanilla ones like oh just on the sidewalk i don't i don't understand so you you how does this even fucking happen you're just like yo wouldn't it be funny if you shat well it's because the yeah ed can you explain the mentality of a poop bandit because i've always wondered oh it's just funny what's their psychology hmm okay just whenever jack had to take a shit

we just go all right everybody squat up and brainstorm what the fuck maybe yeah and like the zones where we all pretty much lived the walk back from the bus the bus stop was really far away so we basically had entire streets to ourselves if that makes sense so like it's not like there was a designated shitting street no not really designated shitting streets it's more that there was no praying eyes cut that um no so so yeah construction site most of them were on the sidewalk. A really, really funny one, but there's not really a story to it, was on the toilet seat. We made him shit on a urinal. Oh, right. Made him shit in a book.

That was a good one. In a book? Yeah. What? Did you close it afterwards? Yes. You have to. Okay, yeah. You get the idea we made him poop

in a lot of places um what kind of fucking relationship do you have with your friends where it becomes what kind of relationship do you have with shit so many of your stories involve shit what is up with that dude it's always shit with you. I don't know. Always. I'm not a bigot. I'm open. You're not a shit bigot? A lot of the times we'd have to study in the library and the library lets you in this innovative thing called renting books. You can do that there, but you can also rent board games and puzzle boxes. Oh, no. And, you know, people rent the books because that's the main appeal of a library.

A couple people rent the board games so they can play during recess or whatever that's called during high school. I don't know if that's still the word people use. But nobody rents the puzzle boxes so me jack and another guy we were all hanging out in the library studying and that's when we get the brilliant idea of renting a puzzle box and all squatting up in the bathroom while jack takes a shit in it when you say all squatting that makes it seem like everybody shat no as in we'd go to the we went to the boys bathroom he got in a stall and then me and the other guy were just like i don't know pretending to piss in the urinals just keeping a lookout so he shat so he So he shot in a puzzle box and then our plan was to just, you know, close it and then put it back. So we closed the puzzle box and we just put it back.

And when we give the fucking library guy the ticket and he goes, all right, you officially haven't rented the puzzle box anymore. And we just went back to studying like like, like you know going back to the scene of the crime so and then we just left the library because part of us kind of wanted someone to find it while we were still there but nobody did because who the fuck does puzzle boxes in 2012

and then why is the year relevant for whatever I mean because you know that's fair who does puzzle boxes anymore so we just left people so we just left and then we forgot about that incident for like a year and that's when there was another new kid and this guy we just didn't bother with the hazing because i don't think he was into the whole shitting in public thing. Yeah, really. So instead we just told him like, oh, well, you know, with Jack we made him shit in a ton

of places and I basically gave him the same rundown that I gave you guys. Has Jack shat more times outside of a toilet or inside of a toilet? I mean, I assume collectively now that he's an adult, probably inside a toilet. You don't know. Maybe it goes on. Yeah, maybe it goes on. Maybe he's still adult probably inside a toilet. Maybe it goes on.

Yeah, maybe it goes on. Maybe he's still shitting in public spaces. I'd have to ask him, but he might be dead. Oh my god. What? I kind of assume that everyone in Ed's stories might be dead, if I'm honest. We just...

I was giving him that same rundown and then I went, Oh my God, we made him shit in a puzzle box. I forgot about that. And then the other guy that was there was like, Oh yeah, we did make him shit in a puzzle box.

And then the new kid asked, is it still there? So we go, I don't know, bro. We should go check. How, wait, how,

how long has it, how long was it about a year a month or a year is a pretty big difference for this was it months I don't know the time gaps the time gaps are very hazy

like when it comes to high school at this point I just remember the events so he just goes is it still there we have no idea we haven't fucking read to the puzzle box this point yeah sure i just remember the events it's been a while so so he just goes you know is it still there then we go i mean we have no idea we haven't fucking read to the puzzle box since and then we have the brilliant idea of going to go check if it was because you remembered which puzzle box it was and let's be real it was probably still in the same place.

So, we went to the library with a bunch of books, so we were, like, undercover studying. We put them on a table, while the other guy, not the new kid, went to go find the puzzle box. So, me and the new kid were setting up, like, our bags and shit. And then,

the other guy comes back with the same puzzle box. So, we're just like kind of crowded around it and we're sitting at a table that's pretty much out of view for fucking everybody like including the the guy that's just at the desk at the library and then we're like oh shit moment of truth so the guy slowly raises the box and it's not there it's been a while dude so it's just gone and we're just looking yeah but what but how would maybe well did somebody just like take it and clean it like we were really confused especially because it still smelled awful and that's when did it smell at, did it smell awful before you opened...

David. And that's when we saw it drop out of the top of the puzzle box. Oh, no. Oh, my God. And just fucking collide with the contents of the box while the other guy was holding the top oh no oh was there a splash zone and we just started that's fucking awful holy shit where was jack during Oh, he wasn't there. I don't think he was even at school.

Oh, no, actually, I think he was because we didn't do this during lunch. It was during a if one of our teachers didn't show up, we just have like a 45 minute break. Like if one of your teachers were absent. But yeah, that's that's pretty much the story. This story isn't as funny when I can't do the visual of me holding the top of the puzzle box and then doing the motion of the giant chunk coming out of the top and that's just splashing down

on the fucking puzzle pieces. For all we know, it might still be there. For all we know, it might. Yeah. It could be. Like, honestly. It was amazing. It was just... I'm gonna go check to see if he's dead if he's dead you might have to censor his name what what the fuck uh he's probably fine i'm sure he's fine okay i know he's he's alive. He's been alive until the 2nd of February.

I know for a fact, but who knows? He's been alive until... That's when the pandemic started. Why would you say that? What the fuck? That is true. Oh, God. Now I need to close out of Facebook.

I scroll down for half a second. I see a girl eating crystals. What? Eating crystals? There's a couple people from my high school that fucking went off the deep end, dude. I've heard of people who put crystals under your moonlight and shit.

Is it like that, but then they eat them? I don't know about that part. She's like, fucking, I don't want to reopen it. You know what? Nah, let's just move fucking, I don't want to reopen it. You know what? Nah, let's just move on. Gotta go home, Anita. I don't want to reopen my Facebook. I'm curious now. I need to moonbathe my amethysts. I'll be back.

My birthstone has to be bathed in moon. Yeah, it's called moonbathing, or lunar bathing. What does it do? I don't know. It energizes the rocks and then they do something. What's the point of doing that? Just use a J.O. crystal. Shut up.

That's a J.O. crystal. You don't know what a J.O. crystal is? Is that like from Steven Universe? No. What would a J.O. Crystal's Steven Universe design look like? That would make the show a lot more interesting. Just a fucking Chad.

We'll do the new season when they're like, hey, our children's show isn't capturing the LGBT audience like we hoped for. Can we have the J.O. Crystals and try to fix that? I still don't know what they are. Give it a quick Google. A J.O crystal is like a crystal you wear on your neck

when you jerk off with your bros and you power it up by jerking off. You jerk off and the motion of jerking off with your bros... How are you the one who doesn't know about this? How do you not know about jerking?

It's not just how do you not know. It's not how do you not know. It's how are you the only one who doesn't. That's fucked. I'm DMing it to you. Don't worry. It's coming. Why is it the same guy four times? Because he's the J.O. guy.

The council will judge you now. He's the J.O. crystal guy. Jake. He's the J.O. Crystal guy. Jake. Jake. He's the guy. He wants you to charge up the J.O. with... The crystal I wear around my neck contains an essence that gets recharged when... When I jack it with a bro.

It gives me confidence at work. Home, social situations, etc. I have seen it glow white while jerking it with a bud. That's how I know it's real. I want to down the rabbit hole on the J.O. crystal. Oh, yeah. Fucking let's call it Frederick Knudsen. And then there's this one where it's Joseph Joestar.

What? Oh, yeah, I've seen that one. Oh, God! Jesus Christ! You know, there's actually an easter egg for the J.O. Crystal in the Croods movie. What? What are you talking about? I'm not gonna elaborate. I'm not gonna

elaborate on it. You guys know about Neon Cat? Shut up. Wait, Neon Cat's an actual Ruby character? What the fuck? Yeah, Neon Cat. What? She's a real Ruby character. Oh my god, I forgot that was real.

What? Oh, that's right. She gets an upgraded design that's stolen from JoJo. It's cool. Yeah. She comes back like three seasons after she's introduced. Is that the previous design then? That's the one that's introduced is that is that the previous design then that's the one that man you that's the previous design yeah because that looks like

something else that they ripped off that looks like the girl from kill a kill not the main one but the one that oh it does too the you know the one who i'm talking about the one with the ipad yeah oh yeah everything in ruby is stolen from somewhere unashamedly too they go it's a homage or it's a reference it's like the way you're thinking david let's talk about all your close relatives which one let's go baby i don't know do you have any divorced parents yes me too. We went over that in an episode. This episode is bad. Yeah, kind of. This is not a good episode at all.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. This is really fun to do, but this is going to be unlistenable. This might be the worst episode just because of Dwight. I'm just waiting for you guys to transition into something else. Am I the only person that came here with something to say? Yeah. I guess we'll have to talk about the Predator. I don't want to... Do we have to talk about the predator i don't want to do we have to talk about the predator like a movie i've seen three times now oh my god the new one dude yeah the predator on rewatch that movie's actually excellent

no it's fucking not okay i'm excited for you to edit this and like just DM me on telegram at 3am just like I can't this is not salvageable dude I mean this all PST fans go to twitter.com slash f*** and post big chungus under each of his tweets that would be so wholesome 100 you know what, Mandy?

If, God forbid, it ever happens that, um, I'm literally only going to reply with big chungas. Yeah, just post big chungas. Honestly, the only way to own anybody online is to just post big chungas. You post big chungasus or Fedora Shrek. That's it. I don't care. And then I'll go on Cameo and I'll pay a celebrity to also say Bing Chungus.

Get Boogie to do it. Boogie doesn't have a fucking Cameo. Yes, he does. No, no, no, no. What? It's fucking cameo. Yes, he does. No, no, no, no. What? It's a cameo. I'll pay the guy to play fucking Falcone in Dark Knight to say Big Chungus. It's only 40 bucks.

Boogie's cheaper than Bruce Green. Yeah. Just say, can you chant Big Chungus to get angry and more vigorous each time you say it? And then just send that to him. Just send him. No, no. I'm just gonna send a request pay for his fucking pay for the fucking cameo so are we scrapping this because now we're on this can we get elijah to say Big Chungus it's probably a video

of Elijah Wood saying Big Chungus I don't want to get Elijah Wood to do Big Chungus Elijah Wood is respectable he's so nice look at his trailer look at his smile he's so nice Mandy

Mandy we're never going to escape it we're never going to escape That's true. Mandy. Mandy. Mandy, we're never going to escape it. We're never going to escape the fucking Goos and Bo whiskey. You have to talk about it, yeah. Why do I have to talk about it? Because you're the one who's like, why are we talking about Goos and Bo now? What is this?

It's a long fucking story. Fucking... Do I need to do I talk about why you bought a bunch of expensive booze I feel like that's you could talk about are you allowed to did you find booze that had koozumbo on it and it's called koozumbo

it's just it's just a thing no it doesn't it just I don't think that part's important it's just we got whiskey and got whiskey we went to the fucking I didn't I wasn't there I didn't fucking pick the's important. It's just, we got whiskey. Got whiskey. We went to the fucking, I didn't, I wasn't there. I didn't fucking pick the whiskey. So I'm tired of this being pinned on me. I didn't pick the fucking whiskey.

I was not there. I was doing laundry. Mandy and Dimitri went to the fucking liquor store and bought a bunch of like nice looking booze bottles. And one of them was this fancy shit looking japanese whiskey and when i came over i don't even know if the first night the fucking kusumbo whiskey is much of a story because basically what happened was well that's when we learned about it yeah that's when we found out about it when we started calling it the kusumbo whiskey when you started calling it the kusumbo whiskey everyone else fucking started too i'm i said it first that doesn't mean i'm the only one who was calling it that

there it is anyways i've never denied that i said it first this has been an ongoing argument for four days if you guys can't tell everyone pours themselves a glass of the fucking, this fancy Japanese whiskey. And we all take a sip and it tastes like lighter fluid. There's no other way to describe it. It immediately makes you want to vomit. If you try and take a full gulp of this whiskey, your body will legitimately make you vomit to reject it. And the only person who finished their glass was Dimitri,

because he wanted to make a point, I guess. And it didn't... The thing about this whiskey is that it doesn't get you drunk, necessarily. It gets you wrong. Something is just wrong for the rest of the night if you drink any amount of this whiskey so after drinking the fucking whiskey what dimitri does is he goes like i can't sit at this table anymore i need to stand up and so he goes he just stands up and just kind of hovers next to the table for the next 30 fucking minutes. Just kind of swaying. I forgot about this.

Just like swaying back and forth, not really contributing to the conversation much. Like you'll chime in once every 15 minutes. He was like, oh yeah, that was cool. And he, and I was. That's me when I'm drunk, but really tired. So I was the only one facing him uh mandy and red were both like backs to him for the most part and i just kept on locking eyes with him and i couldn't figure out why it was making me so uneasy and like anxious the entire time he was there and then after like 30

minutes i realized that i felt like i was in a character select hovering him because it looked like he was just doing a looping animation he's doing a looping idle animation and every once in a while he points to a camera and he goes come come on. Yeah. And so he makes the comment about like that whiskey. I don't feel drunk. This is just bad. I don't feel well. Something's wrong tonight. And I think that was when he mentioned something about it being like a Kappa, like the fucking Japanese turtle men.

I was like, what? You think the fucking whiskey has the spirit of Kusumbo trapped in it? And that's because he's the fucking king of the kappa and that's just when we started calling it the fucking Kusumbo whiskey I don't know what else happened with the Kusumbo whiskey on the first

night cause I don't fucking remember most of it it was just wow that felt kind of sick we shouldn't drink more of that oh yeah because then we started watching the Bigfoot is an Alien documentary they had on Amazon Most of it. It was just, wow, that felt kind of sick. We shouldn't drink more of that. Oh, yeah. Because then we started watching the Bigfoot is an Alien documentary they had on Amazon. What? Oh, yeah. The one that you edited, apparently.

Oh, yeah. I thought I edited it. There were, like, several moments that looked like things that I would edit as a joke. It's a horrible night. Oh, that was also the night where we forced him to watch Rise of Skywalker. Oh oh fuck that was yeah that was horrible yeah so dimitri is like a huge fucking star wars war nerd lore guy and he he got so fucked up in the first like 30 minutes of rise of skywalker that he couldn't fucking move anymore like he was he was he was stuck in the fucking chair just yelling why are there fucking squid on a desert planet

doesn't make any fucking sense jj oh right that was when the lamp happened yeah well i think the lamp happened later than that i think the lamp happened when he was a was that no was it plapidine or pluton vitor it was plap pluton vitor was before plapidine okay because you said that that disgusting rick and morty alien in the bar was a knight of ren yeah alien in the background i was like it's one of the Knights of... Because the entire time, every time he would ask a hypothetical question where he just knew that the lore was wrong, I would make up an

excuse about why it made sense. And I don't know fucking anything about Star Wars lore. Oh, that's actually what my dad does. It's pissing him off so much. What the fuck is that alien in the background?'s the knight of red no it's not no it's not it is

what's his name it's pluton vitor but the lamp came from uh fucking palpatine so that was another moment where who was it he was asking about it was when general um

it was when Richard E. Grant was talking to Palpatine through the hologram right and you didn't know who Richard Grant's character was he pointed out who the fuck is that Palpatine no not the hologram the general

yeah that's Palpatine the other one's Palpatine I figure No, yeah, it's Palpatine. The other one's Palpatine. I figure you already knew that. It's Palpatine. And then he threw a fucking lamp at me. What the fuck? It was really sick. He got really mad about Palpatine.

No, you don't understand what Dimitri is like with Starz War. He was screeching. It was a terrible night. You had to hold him down a couple times. What? It was like that scene from A Clockwork Orange, but instead of like, close to him, it's just Kusumbo whiskey.

You forced him to watch Star Wars. Jesus. Well, the loudest he screamed was when Palpatine goes, begin the ritual. What ritual? What ritual? And then it plays the Nile. What ritual? What ritual? And then it plays the fucking Nile bass boost meme sound. What a terrible movie.

Jesus. I can't believe I've seen it twice now. What a terrible time. Oh, and then the most recent incident with the Kusumbo whiskey was four days ago when we were over again. And when things get... Now, it reached a point where that night, Mandy just fucking took out the Kusumbo whiskey and put it on the coffee table in front of everyone. And I asked, what are you doing that for? He was like, just like a dare, you know? I didn't think anyone would do it until we yeah somehow by the way it's

still my fault that the kuzumbo whiskey stuff happens it's still my fault when he's the one who takes it out and puts it on the table as a dare it's not my fault i shot him there was a gun right there what do you mean i didn't fucking make him do it no you're like hey i'll start chugging that i said i'll neck the i'll neck the fucking bottle if there are two things that could happen in the predator or if you guess it i will neck the fucking bottle i didn't really tell him to do it that is true i did not fucking tell him to do it to be fair though when he was like guessing he got really fucking close on the first guess. Yeah, I was really scared.

He got even closer. I was really fucking scared. He was like, wait, are there predators taking autism from humans and trying to make humans more autistic? Yeah. Oh, by the way, there's a plot point

in The Predator where the predators are trying to steal autism and inject it the way, there's a plot point in The Predator where the Predators are trying to steal autism and inject it. Yeah, that's a real thing. They're trying to mainline some vaccines. And then a more bigger, eviler Predator shows up and stops them. He tries to stop them from taking the autism. Because he wants the autism.

He's the one who wants the autism. But he doesn't want it for the good of humanity. He wants it to juice himself up and load up his door oh yeah that was the other one no the other one is the twist do it because global warming the other one was the twist no because the first one you're forgetting ed the first one was a good guy who came to protect humanity and that's why he was even after that's why he was killing everyone that's why he was killing all the scientists on the way out yeah yeah because he was there to help global warming right no no he's here to help us he's here to help us try and stop global warming because warming or ayn rand one of them yeah global warming shut up global warming global warming was big predator because he wanted the global warming to happen so that

he could rule earth as a predator planet with his autism and yeah and then terraform it with the autism gotcha right yeah exactly oh my god it's real yeah do you were you spending the entire time looking that up everything we just said is real about the predator by the way and what's really yeah so about the predator okay so Predators weaponize autism? Yes. We figured it out when we saw a scene, like a flashback or a hologram or something that showed Predators shoving a large like Looney Tunes syringe into Predator's face. And they went, wait,

are they harvesting our autism to make themselves more autistic? And then we just grabbed the bottle. I had to fucking bottle it. Wait. I was so fucking upset. My favorite part of the Predator is when the main evil scientist

laughs like this. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Fuck yeah. Is Predator giving himself autism? Yes. They're injecting themselves with autism. They're trying to mainline human autism. They're trying to steal it from the main character's son

because the main character's son is autistic and you know he's autistic because he can memorize chess do you think you shoot up autism or snort it? I think shoot up they shoot up in the movie it's an edible it's an edible autism is an edible

what the fuck you bake it into some brownies what do they gain from they gain autism they get they get stronger and they literally david they get off that's what they get super saiyan if they could if they successfully steal the autism they are now autistic that is the plot point you know what's more dangerous than a predator a predator who can't stand loud noises right the thing is predator actually has some pretty good jokes

like most of them most of them are funny it's just that half of them are delivered so poorly yeah because the cast the direction it's everything Keegan Michael Key says is awful yeah the one line that Ed and I both liked when we watched it was how tall is he like 11 feet it's pretty fucking tall yeah like that too I also really

laughed at the no yeah but we all agreed Predator's cooler right yeah fuck yeah alright so stupid is it so bad it's good is it worth Predator's cooler, right? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Alright. So stupid. Is it so bad it's good? Is it worth watching? No. Absolutely not. I would say yes.

And then there's the Predogs. Oh, I love the Predogs. One of the Predogs gets shot in the head and then he becomes a nice Predog. What is a Predog? It's a Predator dog. It's one that gets shot in the head and actually becomes autistic. Oh my fucking god, dude. Yeah.

That looks awful. Yeah, they have dreads. That looks awesome. Look. They have dreads. I wish they had big titties. You know, it's like how dogs on our planet have human ears. It's basically a version of Iggy from part three.

Oh my god. It's just Iggy. It's just their version of Iggy from part three. Oh my gosh. It's just Iggy. It's just a version of Iggy. That's all they had to go with was pictures of Iggy. And they saw the fucking human face and went, I guess we'll just give it a predator head. Oh my god.

There was also this part where I kept telling Avery that Per Dog was the official film version for it. And when he was arguing telling me to look it up, I was already editing the Wikipedia article. See if you look right here, they're Per Dogs. I've been calling them Per Dogs forever.

I know, and I was like, Avery, that's the official term for them. No, they're not. No, show the Wikipedia article. See Per Dog. Yeah. You guys want to just go into Patreon questions and do a bunch? I've actually come around on Patreon questions. I used to hate these, but now there's a chance I might get to make fun of people. You're just saying that because of the bread.

No, not saying you. I'm saying the people that ask the questions. Oh, okay. I'm going to do this one really quick because I'm offended by this comparison. Which is a worse... Van Derrick asks, which is a worse take, Avery on Celsius or David on bread? I've always said Celsius makes way more fucking sense than Fahrenheit. My entire point is that Fahrenheit is useful for outdoor temperature.

And that's it. I think it's more useful for outside temperature that's the entire fucking argument i don't think that's even a fair that's even a fair comparison anyway it's not because your take on bread is stupid and i'm right okay yellow snub asks you gain control of all media in the entire world for 24 hours. What do you use it for? Okay, that one is good. All media. All media. As in I can control what is being broadcasted everywhere right now? Yes.

Okay. Hmm. I would loop Bird is the Word. Wow. Why? You haven't seen that Family Guy clip where peter sings bird is the word yeah it'd be like that i would loop the family guy chicken fight which one oh but yeah but i'm signing out the music and it's just the punch sounds

yeah and bird is the word um i broadcast the Family Guy theme song it starts at 0% volume and then every time it restarts it goes up 1% no no no no I'd broadcast the Family Guy opening for 24 hours without Brian with the other dog oh yeah

that happened I would actually just loop Brian's death oh my god that's a good one Oh, wait, that happened! I would actually just loop Brian's death. Oh, that'd be a good one. Oh my god, that's a good one. I'd just loop the Big Chungus song. Isn't there a Big Chungus song? I don't think there is there.

I'm sure there are plenty. There's probably a Minecraft parody Big Chungus song. I swear there's a Big Chungus song. Minecraft parody song Big Chungus. Yeah, but instead of Chungus song. Minecraft parody song, big Chungus. Yeah, but instead of Chungus, they say pickaxe or some other stupid shit. Hit or miss Minecraft parody featuring big Chungus. That sounds really great.

Big Chungus. There was a song. There was a song. It was like big, big Chungus, big Chungus, big Chungus. Yeah, that's the Reddit one. Yeah. What the fuck? That sounds like Kidz Bop.

It's actually pretty decent. Well, that's because that's because... Stick Larry asks, You've given the power to control one person in the world and do as you wish. Who do you control and what do you make them do? I control ****** and I'd make him do anything that has value. I think that's that question done. I control Biden and have him shit himself on white.

That happens. Joe Biden may or may not have shit himself on. No, he definitely shit himself. I saw that. I control. I'd control DSP and make him turn himself in and see if he even gets in trouble for it oh my god he'd get away with it he'd get away with turning himself in he absolutely is really good one so he could be like i want dsp to travel to

the earth's core and tell us what it's like because nothing bad will happen to him when he's going through the lava wait am i a fucking super saiyan when I'm DSP? I'm saying like... How am I getting to the earth's core in 24 hours? He's like Watson to a volcano. What harm is gonna come to DSP? Fucking none. He'll be fine. That's true. He gets in the tunnel. It's not even that hot.

These rocks are supposed to be hard. Why are they liquid? Fucking bug rock Wow Rocks liquid I started dying laughing today Because one of my friends sent me a song That is just Wings of Redemption And DSP autotuned

But they call DSP Snort Franklin. Jesus Christ. Snort Franklin. Why is that like an actual artist's name? Yeah, that's what they were coding for. Snort Franklin. I haven't. I have no idea what I would do, man.

So I can control somebody, right? Yeah, you can make them do whatever you want. I haven't. I have no idea what I would do, man. So I can control somebody, right? Yeah, you can make them do whatever you want. I... Can I control... Wait, so I can control anybody and make them do anything. I would control Nomura. The creator of Kingdom Hearts. And I would just invent

a bunch of fucking lore shit that's absolutely insane. It wouldn't stand out. Honestly, I think I would just say shit J.K. Rowling said, but in the Kingdom Hearts universe. That's a really good one, actually. Okay, that's actually really good. Just go on Twitter.

Actually, take her to the darkness cinema all along. Actually, back in the day, the Keyblade Masters would shit their pants and they would poof it away with magic. Literally the exact same things and see if anybody would pick it up. Absolutely they would.

What do you mean would anyone pick it up? Japanese fans would not pick it up. They would just accept it like, oh yeah, Goofy shits his pants. Goofy shits his pants and then believes it away. I'm pretty sure Goofy shits his pants is actually the name of one of the cartoons.

Yeah, that's what I would do. I'd just invent shit. Did you know that J.K. Rowling's magic school in Japan was literally her putting magic place into Google Translate? What? Yeah, I learned that the other day. Apparently when she had her worldwide magic schools

for the Harry Potter universe, for Japan, instead of asking a Japanese person a name, she put in magic place into Google Translate and clicked that. That sounds like J.K. Rowling. That's how she wrote half the spells oh are you wait really yeah half the spells are just what they do in other languages abracadabra yeah it's it's literally it's like naming people in stars it's worse than that it's not just abracadabra it's abracadab. But changed slightly. Because a cadaver is a corpse.

Yeah. Avada-Cadavra. It's Abra-Cadaver. Yeah. Fuck Harry Potter sucks. Speaking of J.K. Rowling, remember when- I made a magic universe where every character has a gun. So you guys know like her new thing, the Ichabog? She's like doing a new thing.

Is that like the Babadook? What the fuck is that? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, what the fuck is- No, that's like doing a new thing. Is that like the Babadook? What the fuck is that? Pretty much. That's all the context you need. So somebody, some mom sent her fan art of fan art that her daughter did

of the Ichabog and when JK Rowling quote tweeted it, the first half of the quote tweet was like, oh thanks for the fan art. And then the second half was saying that she hates trans people. The first half of the quote tweet was like, oh, thanks for the fan art. And then the second half was... I found it. Saying that she hates trans people. What?

What? Oh, yeah, I did see that. What the fuck? There's the thumbnail, David. It's the Ichabog. Okay, so... I know what you're talking about. I saw it earlier today.

And then she had to quickly delete that and then repost in like this i love this truly fabulous echo bog with its bad ears mismatched eyes and terrifying blood-stained teeth in court wolf claimed the facebook post in which he'd said he wanted to fuck up some turfs was just bravado hashtag Hashtag the Ickabog. What the fuck? Yeah. Weird, huh? She accidentally pasted that in before tweeting or something. Jesus Christ.

J.K. Rowling sucks so much, dude. She's used to copying and pasting before writing. Hey, J.K. Hey, Joan. How come if you accidentally pasted it in, the end of the tweet is hashtag the Ichabog? Joan. I got a problem with this story.

I just love the use of the flushed emoji. Oops. Oops. Accidentally transphobic. Dang it, not again. Isn't that... didn't she do that more than once too? Fucking hell, dude, what is happening?

No, but this isn't the first time she's transphobic. Nor will it be the last. Yeah. Jesus fucking Christ, dude. Yeah, she's got three bars of super built up. She's gonna fucking unleash a hyper fucking she's gonna unleash a hyper

combo dude it's gonna go fucking crazy oh my god jonas about to go max mode oh my god oh alex steer asks if you lived inside a book what genre would you want it to be i want to be in the kingdom hearts we need that's not a genre that's not a genre young children Inside a book, what genre would you want it to be? I want it to be in the Kingdom Hearts. We need a full book.

That's not a genre. Young children. Young children. I'd want to live in the Ichabod and beat up a trans person. What the fuck? You can't say shit like that. Wait, is the Ichabod a place or a thing? It's a character.

What the f- From what? Are you thinking like Ichabod a place or a thing? It's a character. What the f- From what? I keep thinking like Ichabod Crane. From the Ichabod Harry Potter? Is the Ichabod a thing? Yes! Oh, it is. What?

J.K. Rowling wrote that? I went over this! Where have you been this entire episode, David? I don't know, man. I don't know anything. I feel so fucking dead right now. Does the Ichabod also have weird pro-slavery stuff in it maybe oh right harry potter was in the staircase oh no that's not that's not even what i'm talking

about the fucking pro-slavery stuff in harry potter is way more fucked than that oh yeah because hermione's like we should free the elves and like haha what do you mean we should we should free the subservient race that we are subjecting to do our bidding and work for no pay and we can't we won't even give them clothes and everyone is like shut the fuck up hermione you idiot they love it the movie also frames that she's being annoying too yeah the book frames it like she's being ridiculous oh you're being preposterous, wanting goblin rights? What are they? No, the goblin servants? Goblins?

I must correct you. The goblins run the banks. Oh. Perfect Cell asks, which podcast member is most likely to fuck another podcast member? Guests included. Not doing that. Why do you think we're not doing that?

Okay, fine. Ed's a slut. It's funny. Who is Ed fucking? What do I mean? Including guests. Oh. You asked the question, Ed.

Oh, so that's what we're doing now. Okay. Ed, you're a slut. You're a slut. And you would fuck... Wait, with guests? Yes, guests included. Yeah, and guests.

Harry? That would be a fucking clashing of worlds. Yeah, that's why my mind just... Welcome to the marketplace of ideas. What the fuck? You gotta be shitting me. I just realized, look who's in guests. One of these things is not like the other.

Look under Joseph Anderson,erson specifically who's that that is fucking who i hate how is he here i'm banning him who the fuck is this how long has he been here ban reason who the fuck are you? What is happening this episode? May someone try to invite him to the podcast server and they went, oh, I'll

invite him to the internal server. All right. But who am I fucking? I'm fucking Cameron as a favor. Hey, the podcast

wouldn't be possible without the help from our patrons, such as... Thank you so much for the support and we'll see you next time!