Please Stop Talking - The Shanking (feat. Mikasacus) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: November 5, 2018

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Hello, everybody, and welcome to Please Stop Talking. Welcome to the podcast. Another episode of Please Stop Talking. I'll be your host, Avery, but you might know me better as Shammy. And I'm joined today by the notorious David Tremblay. Hi. Also joined by Punk Duck back in Europe. Hi.

And special guest joining us on this episode of the podcast is also known as Mika. Hi. Thanks for having me. I'm so glad we re-recorded that intro because this was way funnier. Yeah, Ed,

you dwelled on it for too long. Do you want to talk about the intro? I'm trying to feel you! Every intro! You bring it up! I bring it up and youlled on it for too long. Do you want to talk about it? You keep bringing up pedophilia! Every intro! You bring it up! I bring it up and you dwell on it. You dwell on it. You do bring it up. Ed, Ed, Ed.

Everything in small quantities, you know? Everything in moderation. Pedophilia in moderation, you know? That sounds bad. That sounds real bad. That sounds nice. Oh, let's keep this one because now Avery had the big funny about

fucking children, but now when he does it, it's fine and tame. Because I don't do it for five minutes. We didn't do it for five minutes. We did it for like... Momentary pedophilia is fine. If it's prolonged, that's when you run into problems. Hello everybody and welcome to another

episode of please stop talking let's fucking go I'm excited for someone to isolate at some point I have something a pedophile story? I can't even tell if we're doing it for real now.

Is it? No. This is the podcast. Like last year, I talked about pumpkin pie, right? Because I've never had pumpkin pie. Oh, yeah. And a lot of people have been asking me like fucking nonstop. I've been getting DMs about pumpkin pie.

People have been flooding your inbox with with what about the pumpkin pie story you're fucking laughing now but i'm not even kidding i got dms every single week it was just david saying i've never had pumpkin pie and then i always wanted to and then i pointed out why don't you just go to like tim morton's and get pumpkin pie tim morton's doesn't have yeah they don't yeah yeah they do you looked it up on the podcast oh right but not this year not this year this year they didn't have any it was last year's shortage I actually streamed myself

getting pumpkin pie and since I don't want any more fucking DMs about pumpkin pie I got it and it was fine that's it I just don't want any more fucking DMs about it, please. Oh, I can sleep soundly at night now that I know that David's pumpkin pie was fine.

Anyone else have any other mind-blowing stories? First the raccoon, now the pumpkin pie story. Damn, David, you're pumping them out. The raccoon? What's this raccoon thing? No, it was the beaver. now the pumpkin pie story. Damn David, you're pumping him out. Wait, the raccoon? What's this raccoon thing? No, it was the driver. It was a beaver. Oh, it was a beaver. Sorry, I forgot. It was so mundane, I thought it must have been a more mundane animal than a beaver.

Okay, you guys are dicks. The story was... never mind. Did he just see a beaver is that no a beaver got into his backyard but the way he told the story he introduced it as a beaver got into my backyard and then the big fucking mic drop of the story was and it was beaver in my backyard i'm bad it happens to you, you know? Okay. Does anyone have any fucking stories that are not beaver related? I have one and there's definitely no beavers in it. At least not literally.

Oh, hell yeah. Oh, nice. That means coochie. Okay. Coochie. In the topics chat, you just wrote police? Yeah, that's what it is. That's the story I was thinking about. I just wrote police yeah yeah that's that's what it is that's the story i was thinking about i just wrote police i wouldn't spoil it but also so i wouldn't forget

what it was about uh so anyway you got arrested there's a story called police surprisingly no did not get arrested but what happened was my parents are out of town and you know when you're a little bit of a teenager in your in your 17s you know what's going on when your parents are out of town am I right fellas? you go to somebody else's house party and then you I went to my friend's house party because if I say his name

David's gonna be like oops forgot to censor here's your entire address you don't say it you're just like David you should fucking know every single name ever I need to believe every name if it's his ex girlfriend yes

why would I know that what do you mean you're a human being are you guys just like a dysfunctional three way marriage and I'm just listening in on your kitchen conversation we could have been

but Ed was too scared of people thinking he was gay. We could have been you're right. Damn. I went to my friend's house party and then there's a lot of peeps there. There's a nice big house with three floors. These details don't

matter. I'm just talking about details while I try to remember what else happened. It's like me describing the elevator. The elevator had four corners. It was really nice. Quite quaint. It was not nice or quaint at all. Oh yeah, it smelled like piss. There was piss. Literal piss. Oh, okay. You looked and saw

piss. Gotcha. So I was at that house and I was drinking a little bit and I was that. And then I saw this girl. She was, you know, above average attraction. She had a beaver.

Physically, shut up. Physically fit, two legs, able-bodied, could work in the fields. Was she alive? We were just chatting. We were chatting about who gives a shit.

And if I remember correctly, I had been laid in fucking ages at that point. And I was like, yeah, fuck it. This will do. This was... This story is called police. That's awful. Oh my god this story is called police that's awful this this is not sex crimes can we fit into one podcast i'm exaggerating she was actually quite

hot i'm just like i'm just prolonging this intro because i'm trying to still remember all the details so i don't forget anything but i think i've got it down but yeah she was pretty hot i was talking to her i've been late in a while then we're just talking whatever and then like there's a bunch of people around us. And then we go out. We were speaking in the terrace. So we go out of the terrace and into a room. There was a couple more people there.

And we sat down on the bed. We were still talking. And then I look around and there's no one in the room. And then, you know, we're doing we're doing those flirty back and forth. Like, hey, you got hair. I have hair. You card. those flirty back and forth like hey you got hair i have hair you card and then and then suddenly my phone starts screaming and i and i look down it's my mom i'm like shit and then i just decline

it and i tell her if it's important she'll call me again and then she calls me again and i decline it again because i'm like maybe she just called again because she's pissed i put her on voicemail but third time she won't call again and then she does but like I don't answer it but she keeps calling and then I answer it and I go this better be important and she's like Ed are you home and I go uh no I'm actually at a party because the house alarm went off and i need you to go home and turn it off and i'm like no no i don't you said i mean that seems pretty reasonable if you don't go home and turn off the house alarm the police are gonna show up and they're gonna like try to break into the house to see what's going on because the alarm automatically calls the cops and i I'm like, God damn it.

So I tell her, wait right there. And then I lunge out of the room. I football tackle a couple dudes. And I'm like, how the fuck am I going to get home? Because in Europe, there's no public transport past whatever a.m. it was. So I asked my friend, hey, can I borrow something to get home faster? He's like, yeah, you can get a bike. Have you ever tried to ride a bicycle while hammered?

No. Yes. It's horrible. What? It's fucking horrible. It doesn't work. Imagine playing a game. Imagine playing a game like a really fast.

Imagine playing a platinum game game but you have the motion blur cranked over just fucking imagine playing co-op but with your fucking legs and motion blur and motion blur a lot of motion doesn't work but i somehow knew the way home when i was having to check my phone and the bike ride was actually pretty good because it sobered me up on the way because of all the leg movement so i got home and i get off my bike and there's two policemen outside my house and i go ah shit i'm drunk and they go sir are you the owner of the house yes and then i put one thumb in my belt and I lean on the tree and I go yes and they go we need the house alarm went off

we need your permission to get in the house and I go yes ma'am because it was a lady police very progressive in Belgium and then I go into the house and I open the door and then i'm just like hey it's probably the neighbor's fucking cat because the neighbor's cat loves our backyard so i'm gonna go check and then they tell me sir step away from the door i go okay and then i step

out and i look back and in both police officers get their fucking guns out and cock them what are you sure this was in belgium yes this was in belgium i was fucking scared now but i was hammered and so i wasn't scared instead i took out my phone start taking pictures i was like bro this is so fucking cool no and i was just waiting outside and then i went like five minutes and they come back out and they go okay we couldn't find anything it was probably the cat like you said they go okay cool thanks officer you have a good day and then they fuck off and then i call my mom and she goes did the police come and i went yes i had to open the house and like let them in and then she went did you give them your keys i went no why

because if you gave them your keys they could be police officers in disguise and they're actually Villains oh my god. I hope you didn't give them your keys that no it no I can fucking give him my keys Like no these are real police office, what did she want you to do she went you should yeah like bonus fact that like a week later when she came back from her business trip she forced me to change my code to the house alarm because the police saw me enter the code she's like if they were robbers in disguise they will know the code god psycho but anyway what jesus i fucking closed the door and i'm like shit the house party because i forgot i was supposed to go back on my friend's bike so i get back on the bike cycle all the way back and then i get to the house party and i asked my friend where is she

it's like fucking batman because i went to the room and she wasn't there. Like, I told her. Why wouldn't she still be in the room? Surprising. And then I went to my friend. I was like, where is she? And she went, oh, she went home. She was tired.

Ah. I was very sad that day. And then the ending of the story is on Monday schools on again and I'm telling my friend Brian about the story and and then I tell him the whole thing and then he gets a big old smile on his face he puts a hand on my shoulder looks me dead in the eyes and goes Ed you just got cop blocked cool story ed is he in a sitcom now i'm not joking that's exactly what happened that's a fucking that's absolutely a sitcom ending and then we jumped in the

and then we jumped in the air and high-fived and then freeze-framed, credits rolled. Produced by Michael J. Fox. That didn't happen. That can't happen in real life. That can't happen. You can't freeze-frame. Something's fishy around here. No, but yeah, that was very sad. Not that sad once I found out that that girl

was actually one of my best friend's ex-girlfriends and they broke up like a month before. Blessing in disguise. Saved. Do you still have those pictures you took of the cops? Lucky him, she was on the field worker level. I could find them if I went on my Facebook because while I was taking the pictures, I was sending them

to the friend whose house party it was. Okay, wait. So what kind of pictures did you take take it was just of the front door with the policemen cocking their guns and whatever okay i was i was thinking more selfies no and i was like you're such a fucking idiot no hey officer i know my house is uh under siege but do you want to take a selfie bro also you might be a robber what's up might be a robber what's up with that well I mean then at least you got photos if they're robbers

in disguise collecting evidence your mom should have been proud alright well somebody else doesn't know this story I'm going to try to find that picture alright Michael Sauce I got a story. I got a story about trust,

betrayal, violence, shanking. Isn't this an elementary school story? You were talking about it earlier. It is. Hang on. What is up with people we invite on this podcast whose names

start with M and really fucked up elementary school stories I don't know found it that's just the curse we got I found it we brought Mandy on this podcast and he told a story about elementary school look at guests

a court slavering but go ahead where is it guests looks like hot fuzz I thought it would have been pitch black A court slave ring. Go ahead. Where is it? Guests. Guests. Looks like hot fuzz. Why do I not? I thought it would have been pitch black for some reason, and I was just imagining, like, the most menacing streetlight fluorescent flashlights being shone everywhere. I was thinking the same. I was also picturing.

This is kind of a boring one. This is a boring picture. I didn't have my fucking camera crew with me when I went to my house. No, you should have just went closer. Aren't they had guns? They had guns, yeah. You had clout to go get. Wait, wait, wait.

Did you say quartz slavering? Yeah, it's not important. Go ahead and tell your marshland story. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So let me set the scene i'm in third fourth third grade i'm in third grade okay three and a half grade yeah and we've we've we've got this we've

got this out of school care program set up for the people in my school because, you know, we're young and our parents didn't want us to be going home alone. So we get picked up by a bus and we get sent to another school until like 6 p.m. when our parents come pick us up and take us home. So it's May and the weather is starting to become beautiful outside. And so as part of this forced uh health thing the leaders we called them they were like the leaders from yeah the leaders they're like the adults that oversee the operation they they tell us okay from three o'clock until five o'clock, you're going to be outside and you're going to like it. Oh, no.

And you're going to play. That was their first mistake. Jesus. Now, okay. Outside, we've got this huge estate and this huge park because it belongs to another school. And there's a hill that we're not supposed to go behind. Uh-oh. But since there are only like two leaders supervising, we're just like, uh, we don't care.

And we go behind it and we find a marsh. Like an actual microbiome marsh. Microbiome marsh. Yeah. So this kid, his name is brandon he he he founds the marsh and he says this is gonna be our marsh kingdom this is eerily similar already this is really really similar oh my god and he says since i discovered this marsh and he's one of the older

kids right so he's he's cool so we have to listen to him that's true and he says since i'm the founder of this marsh i'm gonna be the king of this marsh and if you want to play in my kingdom you have to do what i say oh my god this is just mandy's story all over again this is mandy's story from the other perspective oh my god this is terrifying so so bless you he starts they've been mute that no he starts giving people roles and tasks there are maybe like 40 of us 30 of us and he doesn't want anyone else getting into the marsh because he's very protective of his land i guess so so he assigns he assigns armed guards with guards armed guards he gives people

sticks and he says patrol my marsh and in exchange in exchange I'll give you I'll give you rooms I'll give you rooms in my marsh what rooms?

and how we made the rooms was we flattened reeds to make like clearings and they would be surrounded by other tall reeds right? so it would look like there were walls and then we would build

roads between the rooms by putting down wood planks. So we had like a marsh city with just rooms and different areas to do certain things. For example, some people were given the task of chef. And what they did was they went to the northmost part of the marsh and they collected leaves and rosebuds. Or not rosebuds, but flower buds.

And then they would like dig holes into the marsh to bring up all the water. And they would put the stuff in there and they would make soup out of it. I did that. And then so they said, oh yeah, this is medicine. And we all

believed them because we were into it. This had been like three weeks of just playing this marsh. So we started getting a little loopy. And they were like, everyone has to drink this flower bud medicine. Is this becoming Lord of the Flies?

What the fuck is going on? Dude, what the fuck is going on dude what the fuck is going on and now at this point we have a currency and the currency is also a weapon it's rocks it's the exact same fucking story no no it's it's you said quartz right it's not quartz no this is just this is just actual rocks okay what do you mean quartz is quartz it's like put into clocks isn't it it's also a rock it's it's a rock oh okay well these are just boring rocks right and so So the task I was given was inventory taker and armorer. And so people just keep putting rocks into my room. They just keep dumping rocks into my room. And then comes up to me and he says, there's a war brewing.

There's a war brewing. And I need you to start arming my troops excuse fucking me because i'll explain i'll explain how the descent got got there in a second but um so what i do is i take reeds my job is to take reeds and to tie rocks to the ends of reeds to make slingshots and i i test this out like it oh it worked what that's sick tens and tens of meters i kid you not tens of meters tens of meters no fucking way dude i kid you not 10 meters that's okay 10 kid meters so probably like seven feet no no no your perception of space is my perception of space is messed up but i kid you not literally tens of meters because these are long reeds and and the rocks are the perfect size to be tied to the end and you can just throw them like a whip? Because you don't let go of the reed.

The rock gets ripped off by the momentum. And it actually goes flying. Okay, so here's the second huge mistake. Was making these rock slingshots. Yeah, that sounds pretty bad. You're right, that sounds really bad. The second mistake we made was making weapons. To prepare for war.

There was actually a Cold War going on. And I'll explain why. Is this your question? I'll explain why. Yeah, exactly. Because some people, they start getting in groups and they say, hey, you know, I don't like the job Brandon gave me.

I don't like being a gatherer. I want to be a chef. Or I want to be a healer. I want to be a dancer. A healer? Excuse me. And so, yeah, because we had this belief

that if we ate leaves, we would like... The medicine. It was the medicine. It was the medicine. Keep the fuck up. I'm sorry. this is a lot of lore like this is like game of thrones level lore so so we started got all kinds of new codex entries there's like too many fucking characters at the same time actually mika did you know it's godzilla but we start dividing into these classes so there's an upper class what were you a paladin what the fuck no no i mean like like an actual hierarchy like like a hierarchy

yeah okay so this is just mandy's story all over again from another perspective literally the man of the proletariat what were you i i was i was actually middle class because i i was arming the king's men pretty much oh my god and so the people in these lower classes they start getting rambunctious and they start arming themselves with other sticks and whips because there was a willow tree and you know willow tree branches you can just rip off a branch and it's it just goes right yeah and it all escalates on this one day oh my god what is it on this one day you need a name for that day the shanking the shanking so this one kid

is just minding his business in marsh kingdom and out of nowhere we hear this piercing cry echo into the air wah and everyone runs over and we're like what the hell happened and we see this kid and he's just bleeding out of his arm what what and we see this small sharpened stick on the ground beside him

we're like what happened this is a scene from lord of the flies this is lord of the flies and he says someone assassinated me because you know in his kid mind like he thinks it's over he thinks he's done he's gonna fucking die so so you know like the normal thing to do is be like oh my god are you okay but no no we give him like a burial ritual and he's just sitting he's just sitting and we're just having a burial ritual around a fucking viking funeral just a viking funeral oh my god basically kids are so fucking stupid. God.

Just like get out of here and never come back. He would have been fine. We tried. We were like here take this medicine and he's just like no I'm dying. I'm dying. He's a fucking transfer at ferdinand of our time so brandon's just like all right leave this marsh but you can never tell anyone about it so he doesn't so he doesn't he doesn't tell anyone he doesn't tell anyone and the leaders still don't know we're doing this behind the hill the only way out is

death it is and so comes up to me and he's like hey you know that kid who got shanked our side did that whoa that's fucked he was like side did that, and we did that to build up the tension. What? So I'm going to need you making even more weapons. What? It was an, oh my god, it was an economic, oh my god. It was a false flag attack, basically. Oh my god.

The kid was, he was in the ruling class. He was in the elite class, and he wanted, you know, the lower class to basically be eradicated. Eradicated? Jesus fuck. All right. He was not a good ruler. Some would call him a tyrant.

Oh yeah. That kid was a fucking schemer yeah no he's a conniving little kid anyways so the next day we're having our snacks at school this is where it never fucking ends no no this is the culmination

this is the end of it it's snack time and everyone's talking about the assassination everyone's like oh my god did you hear did you hear got assassinated did you hear was snack time no he was he was just sitting at like a different table just pointing pointing at him like you fucking died so my I've got a friend and his name his name is and and he's like the leader of the lower class and he says I've had it with this. Let's just

revolt today. A French revolution? It was the French revolution. No! History repeats itself, dude. And there are 14 kids on each side. And they have sticks. They have whips. Oh lord. And they have sticks. They have whips.

Oh, Lord. And they have rock slingshots. And they just go at it. Oh, my God. They just go at it. And eventually it gets so bad that the leaders see what we're doing. And they just see children beating each other wasn't there a lot of screaming from just the fucking what the fuck were the leaders doing

like i didn't they didn't they notice that one kid was fucking bloodied up didn't they notice that half the fucking kids were missing from playtime there were a lot of kids right okay and so and so like a few hundred no there were probably like 50 you said it was 14 per thing so that was like yeah that's more than half what do you yeah but like what they're they're with like they're with the kids that need help right they're with the kids that need help, right? They're with the kids that need assistance. You clearly needed help. You might be projecting a little bit. Look, I don't know. We had medicine and weapons. Those kids

had no idea how to defend themselves. They clearly needed taking care of. We had a fucking system. We had hierarchy. Yeah, we actually did we we even had like we had something called pod racing which was just like like star wars yeah like star wars pod racing where we would just we would tie bottle caps together and we would fill it with rocks why is it and we would what what rocks what the fuck and we would we would send them down the slide and the fastest

the fastest the fastest pod racer would get more medicine and they fixed the healthcare system rocks and bottles so rocks rocks were a currency

they were a weapon and they were energy to fuel the pods. No, you would redeem your rock bottles to get healthcare. No, you couldn't. You had to prove yourself. This is an interesting fantasy

currency. Have you guys ever seen that YouTube channel gels marble runs no no it's a it's a marble olympics channel it's incredible everyone look that up hang on continue your fucking story all right all right so so the resolution is the leaders come over and they see kids whipping each other they see kids beating each other and stabbing each other with pointed sticks and slingshotting rocks at each other granted we kids beating each other and stabbing each other with pointed sticks and slingshotting rocks at each other granted we all had terrible aim so no one got hurt thank god no one lost an eye thank you lord um but but from an adult perspective you see this looking and and you're like oh no yeah of course oh no so so they they force us inside they sit us down

and they're like you're never playing in that marsh again and i kid you not the very next day the very next day everything is uprooted like the reeds are uprooted and they drain all the liquid out of the ground to make it dry. In one day? Okay, this was over the weekend. One day to us. One kingdom day. One kingdom day? One empirical day.

Oh my god. And that's my Marsh Kingdom story. Wow. That was eerily similar to Mandy's court slavering story. I want to learn about that. There's an episode of the podcast

that you can listen to. It's a lot. I'm going to listen to it. Wow. I have no questions i don't i haven't yeah that was like i'm very satisfied complete history of the shanking the swamp shank redemption that felt like the spiritual sequel to lord of the flies this is that was very good yeah thank you it was quality you I mean like afterwards everyone was bored so we would just throw pine cones at each other that actually reminded me

it's not we didn't have like we had something similar to that this reminds me we actually We didn't have like... We had something similar to that. You didn't have a society? This reminds me. I saw a paperwalk. We actually kind of did have a society, but it didn't go as far as that.

It stopped really fast, like within a week. Like we had this... Because we just made like sort of igloo things. I swear I already talked about this. Maybe. We just... Oh, you did, I think. Yeah, never mind. made like sort of igloo things i swear i already talked about this maybe we just yeah we just made like yeah never mind and it's not a story it doesn't go anywhere well the we made igloo things and then we went to war like fucking snowball fight and somebody one of the kids put ice ice yeah they put ice and rocks inside and then somebody almost lost an eye so they had to stop oh no fucking pussies we had snowball fights ban too you guys need free health care

we're we we need that health care dude we're fucking crazy somebody has to stop us there there's nobody can stop us we we had snowball fights band too because uh because of the ice problem yeah i think that's every school that had that we we had an assembly and the principal was was like red in the face trying to explain to us why we shouldn't be throwing blocks of ice at each other's faces. Kids don't get it. They don't understand. We kept doing it honestly. Of course you did. You're kids.

We're kids. Kids don't stop doing things when they're told not to. They just do it quieter. Yeah, pretty much. I mean, that's it. Yeah. From the shadows. From the shadows. Oh, man. Hey, Hey Ed stop putting toothpicks Stop impaling

flies on toothpicks and putting them in your sister's room Ed is this real? Yeah Wait what? I'd get like a fly in my room and then I'd sneak up to it very sneakily with a newspaper and then crush its spine so it couldn't fly anymore and then I sneak up to it very sneakily with a Newspaper and then crush its spine so it can fly anymore and then it dropped to the floor

And then I'd get a toothpick and impale it and then I'd hide it somewhere in my sister's room You're a psychopath fucking psych you're a fucking psychopath There's so many steps to that what the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck? You're a psycho How did you- Yeah, probably- How did you know to hit it at just the right strength to break its spine?

Oh, there's like a very specific noise that you hear and then they drop to the floor and they fly What the fuck? I think you're breaking its wings, I'm gonna be honest with you. Hey, Ed, you know that bugs don't have spines, right? Yeah, oh don't they? Oh, well, I'm gonna be honest with you. Hey, Ed, you know that bugs don't have spines, right? Yeah. Oh, don't they? Oh, well, I mean, they couldn't fly. They have exoskeletons. Yeah, they probably broke its wings.

I break the exoskeletons. You broke its wings. You fucking psychopath. Like, so they'd still be alive when I impale them, so when I put them in my sister's room, and, like, she'd find them, their legs would be twitching and shit. Oh, God.

Oh, my God. Oh, it keeps getting worse. This is just a fun fact. This is not a story. You guys know how spider legs work? No. No. How do they work?

They work by... Oh, fuck. What's the word? Oh, no. It's pressure. They work from pressure. They have, like, their blood that they use in valves, and they operate their legs entirely via pressure.

That's why they skitter. So, like, frantically. Oh, that's sick. That's so cool actually. And it's like, so that's why when a spider dies, its legs will curl up really tightly because there's not any pressure in the legs anymore. That's why they always do that. That's really cool. So basically spiders run

by giving themselves eight boners constantly. That's so sick. Same. That's insane sick! Same! Yo! Riders are cool. Ed? Ed has eight? I saw... Sorry, go ahead.

I interrupted rudely. No, I just said Ed has eight penises. It's not important. It wasn't worth going back to. Do I? No. I was kind of glad you were interrupting me. Go ahead, though.

Oh, okay. I saw a dying spider on Halloween night actually and um it was pretty big I was actually surprised that this was in my house and it was just on it's back and it's legs were thrashing and just kicking

and it was just clinging on to dear life I felt so bad for it because um and just kicking, and it was just clinging on to dear life. Yikes. Oh, no. That's gross. I felt so bad for it, because I went up to my room, and I know I killed a mosquito here a few days ago, and I was looking for the... So you were gonna feed it

to him? I was gonna feed the spider. It's such a reverse Ed. I was just gonna... I was gonna grab the old toothpick keep why do you keep dead bugs around i don't it's just spider well apparently because i slapped it on the wall i'm like i'll clean this later that's that's fucking wholesome as shit it's so weird it's the weirdest thing i've ever that's the weird that's the weirdest thing I've ever... That's the weirdest wholesome thing

I've ever heard in my life. I kill bugs, but I keep them for my spider friends. In case they get hungry when they're dying horribly. In case they're fucking thrashing on the ground. While Ed's sharpening his toothpicks.

I think spiders are dope. I'd like leave the mosquito like right outside of the spider's range but definitely in like eyesight that's terrible that's really terrible I wanna hear what compelled

you to be impaling these flies though I can tell you what compelled him his entire reasoning was funny his entire reasoning was funny no my entire reason was it would gross out my sister and why were you trying to gross out your sister because funny no because I know why sister no I think I know why you read kid paddle right yeah was it because of the because like that was like a recurring joke in the fucking thing

where he would just grow. Yeah. He would just gross out his sister all the time. Oh no, that's the fucking thing in everything. That's just a thing. Is it? I don't know. That's not exclusive to a French comic book.

I'm not a kid paddle. I don't know. Because I feel like. Sibling rivalries exclusive to kid paddle. No, not that. Like the specifics, because they're just really fucking gross and specific. I don't even remember Kid Paddle having a sister.

He did. What is Kid Paddle? What the fuck is Kid Paddle? It's a French comic book. It's a Belgian comic book. It's Belgian? Yeah, it is Belgian. Oh, shit.

Good shit. Yeah, it's good. Wasn't there a TV show? Who cares? Who fucking gives a shit? Why the fuck are we sticking with this? Because I like Kid Paddle. No one else knows what it is.

Yeah, it does. Oh, my God. Yeah, I do. Hello? Let's talk about Tito. Oh, pardon the Tito. I have a story I can vaguely... I mean, I was reminded of this at the very beginning of the podcast I have a story I can vaguely...

I mean, I was reminded of this at the very beginning of the podcast when Ed was yelling at David for not censoring his ex-girlfriend's name because it's an ex-girlfriend story. I'm going to censor all of that. I can loosely relate it because it was a school thing, I guess. It was a school dance. So, in my freshman year of college uh i well right before i went into my freshman year of college i started dating a friend of mine from high school who was a year

younger than me so she was a senior in high school at that point so she and i had been dating for a while and when we started dating she was super super friendly, she was super nice, she was super chill, but over the course of us dating, she sort of actually kind of lost her mind. Oh, God. A little bit. And at the point when she started to lose it, she had already asked me to go to her prom with her. Oh, no. And I said yes at the time, obviously, because I was her boyfriend. So naturally, I would do that. And the final weeks leading up to her prom, she started to get confrontational because she could tell something was wrong. She could tell I was like unhappy.

She could tell she was like, do you know I'm going to do you know when to date me anymore? And then like not directly she was very indirect in her wording but it was very clear that she could tell that i wanted to get the fuck out of there tone of voice yeah just passive aggressive out of there um but uh one week before her prom she confronted me directly oh no oh you've told me this she confronted me directly and she came over to my house and she was like

do you not want to date anymore and I was like uh and I'm a moron I should have cause oh no you were nice no I wasn't I because because oh no you were nice no I wasn't what I was honest oh no I mean both are bad honestly and I said not really no I mean I I still like to be friends if that's possible

and then she she was quiet for what felt like six years. And then she looks up at me and her eyes are like welling up because she's about to start crying. What a loser. What the hell? She just looks at me and she says, will you still come to prom with me? Oh no. Oh no, you said yes. Don't spoil the story david what yeah and i just i was like

of course i don't want to send you to prom alone what kind of asshole would i be if i did that oh no so weak passes and uh i don't know none of you are american i don't know what the prom experience is like in other countries but do you guys have like everyone there isn't there is none there is none not not here yeah that's what all the teachers just send us home and tell us to lock our doors we need to be all offended because I inquired. Because I've told you about all three of them. Oh, yeah. I'm like, what? Oh, yeah.

Well, I don't know. Did you have, do you guys do the thing where you go to like a nice fancy dinner before you go to prom or is it just a school day? Yes. So we show up to the dinner together and it's a dinner with a bunch of her friends and and they are friendly with me but we are not friends and i can very quickly tell that she told everyone that i broke up with her a week ago. Oh, no. Because everyone is glaring at me. Everyone is so fucking mad at me.

Except. Okay, honestly, it's her fault. She shouldn't have asked you to bring her to prom. Yeah, there's a lot going on. I mean, when she asked me to go to prom with her, it was pre-insanity. Like, there are two eras of this of this relationship there's two insanity and post-insanity like and this was like ever this was the mid-insanity arc this was this was the transitional art what's up no it's the uh sell games

fucking concentrate that's fucking weird interjections what the fuck was I we're at dinner and everyone's clearly fucking pissed at me and um and we get our food and

at a point she goes to the bathroom and then one of her friends just like stares at me and she was like you're a fucking asshole out loud to me directly and then look and then turns away and like because she was at a different table this friend she was at a different table and she turns away and she doesn't fucking look at me again my fucking so i'm sitting there, and I'm thinking, what the fuck have I gotten myself into?

Oh, God. So we finish up the dinner after she gets back, and she is very much, clearly also not having a good time, for the record. She... And I guess me, partially, because I agreed to go ruined her prom.

I shouldn't have agreed to go, obviously, but that will become more obvious as the story progresses. So I didn't know much about the venue of the prom for her prom because mine was at a different venue. It wasn't at the school so it turns out it was at like a music hall and when we got there uh it was live music and the live music was fucking terrible and also really loud but i'm trying to be nice so the music is playing and I'm like hey I mean do you want to dance

and she was like no I would have said yes okay so I look around and I'm like what the fuck else is there to do do you want to go like grab something from the snack table? And she was like, we just ate.

We did. We did do that. Just shutting you down. She deserves to have her prom ruined. And then, so, I mean, do you want to, it's kind of loud, do you want to just go hang out and talk somewhere? And she was like, yeah, sure. And so, we look around

all over the venue. It's one giant room with two levels. There's nowhere you can go that is private and or quiet. So she finds some seats in like these upper stands on the second level because it's moderately quieter there. And we just and she sits down and I sit down next to her and it's moderately quieter there. And we just... And she sits down, and I sit down next to her, and it's silent. We don't say fucking anything.

And I start to notice people walking around, like, looking at us, and just being like, oh. Yikes. Noticing the yikes looks and uh

sigh I don't know when it's appropriate to leave oh no no and I'm thinking it's probably not appropriate to leave before she does because she's going to like an after prom thing. I think fuck. I was like, nah, too.

I was a shitty boyfriend for that. I was like, nah, I'm not going with that. You have fun, though, because I knew at this point I was like, I don't want to do any of this. So, about an hour passes, and we make a little bit of small talk, and then some of her friends come, and they sit next to us, and they start making conversation.

And they're not mad at me. And I'm so happy. You had an orgy. What, sorry? Never mind. No, just keep going. Just please keep going. Just please.

So they're talking to me and then they're just telling us, all right, well, we're going to go ahead and head out. We're going to leave. Like after two minutes after I'm thinking, I'm fucking saved. Oh my god. They leave. Instantly. They basically came over to be like,

Eat my shit, I'm leaving. Not really, but that's what it felt like. So, I turned to her again and I'm like, You still not wanna dance? No. Do you wanna go go get like yeah see if there's an ice cream bar it's still not hungry and I say okay well I'm gonna go. Jesus. Thank God.

I wanted this to end so badly. I felt like I was there. This is, yeah, this was painful to listen to. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I want you to experience a little bit of what it was fucking like. Terrible. Oh, God. And I leave. And then, uh...

We don't talk anymore how's she doing these days i hope she's doing fine i wish the best for her but uh yeah no that's not true uh one time about a year later no she's not doing no no no no like uh one time a year later randomly i meet up with a friend from high school and she's also there and it's the three of us and the friend didn't think to warn me that she was going to be there but it was fine she seemed fine uh we talked we didn't happen to look pale and like hunchback and the ring girl girl hair but she was already pale so she'd still looked pale but right so then after that goes i tell her i'm like i'm really sorry about that whole like. I could have handled that better, and I feel really bad about ruining that for you.

Bitch it. Bitch it. And then she said, you should, and turned around and left. Bitch. Oh my god, I'm so mad. What a funny bitch.

Oh my god. And I have mad! What a fucking bitch! Oh my god. And I have not spoken to her at all since. She fucking sucks. She's a second hand embarrassment from hearing that whole ordeal. That's horrible.

I didn't date for a while after that. Oh my god. Yeah. I'm unreasonably angry right now. Oh my god. I feel like actual pain. That fucking went on.

Oh yeah. Like I could feel the awkwardness. Jesus. Also, I'm sorry for interjecting earlier and just when you had an orgy because that story sounded eerily similar to something that happened to me. you had an orgy because that story it sounded eerily similar to something that happened you had an orgy anyway oh i remember that one this episode of wait no patreon questions also orgy story what right now no at some point off air i want to know the orgy story ed i've told you my weird story.

Off air. Never mind. I don't even know which one that is. I'll fucking explain off air. Patreon questions. Has Ed had an orgy? Yes, he did. Hey guys, this is Patreon questions.

It's questions that we get on the PSD Patreon. Found it. Shut up. You should explain what these... You know what? Whatever. Last time you told me not to do that. Listen, it's okay. You actually told me last time. I already explained what it was. Why are we having this argument? When Ed does it, it's fine.

That's literally what I just said. I did it fast. Let's move on. Jarmander asks, if you could have something that was either discontinued or cancelled be released, what would it be? For example, mine would be the game PT that was cancelled by Kojima Productions. Pretty sure that was not

cancelled by Kojima. Pray to. Pray to. That game looks fucking sick! It looked amazing. And it was finished! It was done. Anything I say now. It game looks fucking sick. It looked amazing. It was finished. It was done. Anything I say now. It's finished.

It still is finished somewhere. Wasn't there also a time splitter game that was finished and never came out because of licensing shit? Probably. No, because the playtesters didn't like the game, so it never came out. Oh, actually, video game Prey 2, any other media, Hannibal. Oh, actually, video game, Prey 2, any other media, Hannibal. Oh, yeah. I would like to see

Final Fantasy versus 13 because that game looks way better than Final Fantasy. That is also a good choice.

Yeah. Mika? I, okay, here's the thing. If I say anything but Prey 2, you I say anything but pray to yeah you are going to die I mean at some point we all do

so I think I think the logical decision here is to say pray to what's the emotional what were you gonna say though the emotional one what's the emotional I know you're not a paragon of pure logic like your text to speech voice makes you sound I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say

another Digimon game the Digimon games keep coming out though there's a bunch on PS4 are you serious? I'm dead serious they're like Persona games yeah they're on PS Vita too. Yeah.

They're like, they're like Persona games, but Digimon and they're up. They're like apparently really good. Are you serious? I'm dead serious. Yeah. I just fucking blew your mind.

You can bust out the old Vita. I'm so excited. Yes. Gravity rush. Move over. Uh, bust out the old vita i'm so excited yes gravity rush move over uh tyler collins asks what bands slash songs have you been banging on our on your speakers that normally we don't want people hearing so like oh the metal gear rising soundtrack guilty pleasures guilty pleasures some some 41 uh oh yeah that is a fucking guilty pleasure like mine's crush 40 the metal gear rising soundtrack i don't think those are guilty

pleasures maybe crush 40 uh no and i'm talking like crush 40 from the sonic 25th anniversary concert i don't really have any i don't listen i don't i don't listen to a lot of music i don't listen to bad music i don't listen to any music i don't fucking listen to anything you my shit ed i'm a weirdo i work in silence uh terrible i know i'm a fucking weird fucking weird i completely feel that because i can't edit while i'm listening to anything else the only shit i can listen to when i'm editing is fucking neil cicerega's dumb weird remixes that's all i can listen to i don't know what it is i edit in silence i also usually edit in silence when I edit I use my second screen as like I just put like weird

ASMR videos of people making candy okay we're gonna deflect that please guilty pleasure probably because it's not socially acceptable yet

just very early Mariah Carey Probably because it's not socially acceptable yet. Just very early Mariah Carey. What? What combination of words just came out of your mouth? You feel like you're going to like, like, like persecuted? It's the fact that he said yet. That's fucking me up. There's so much going on. There's a lot going on in that sentence.

One day people will understand. One day the fucking knuckle draggers who've given me shit. Those fuckers are all work for me someday. And you know what's gonna be blasting over the work radio? Mariah fucking Carey. Early. Early Mariah Carey. Specifically early Mariah Carey.

Pre-crisis Mariah Carey. She had a crisis? I don't know. Probably. Didn't she have one? Generally a safe bet. She had like a thing happen to her voice and she lost her voice. I'm just still hung up on Avril Lavigne.

There's like different eras of Avril Lavigne timeline. What is it with you and Avril Lavigne today? Free crisis Avril Lavigne. You know she makes Christian music now, right? That's her thing. Avril Lavigne? That's Flashpoint Avril Lavigne. No fucking way.

Yeah, no. She straight up makes Christian music now. Flashpoint Avril Lavigne. Shut the fuck up, man. What did I do? I fucking hate you. And she's played by the guy that played, what's his face? The guy, baseball bat guy from Walking Dead.

Yeah, there he is. Jeffrey Dean Morgan. How did I know? How the fuck did I know who you were talking about? It's him in a wig singing Toxic or whatever the fuck Everly Bean sings. What were you talking about before you said baseball bat walking dead guy? Is his name

Morgan? Do we do the last one? What's the last one? Last one is by Bagels the Kraken. If you could change the pronunciation of one word, what would it be and how would you say it? Megalodon. I'd change it to Megalodon.

Nickelodeon? No, I would change Nickelodeon to Nickelodon. I love that. Fuck. I'm trying to think of a word that I think of. Why did I answer that so fast? I don't know. Why did you have that ready? I would change

gender to gender. How often are people saying megalodon gender i like gender it's because when the meg movie came out people like what's it about and i said oh it's about the mega load and then people left it left gift the jif and then just watch the world burn excuse me you mean jif to gif yeah exactly whoa what about you mika um mine's a bit more general it's not really a word i would um get rid of the uh the ing sound and think because i think it sounds nasally and awful i would i would change like any of those to to just an end so it'd be like think what i'm so i'm so confused i feel like i just took a like i just instead of your mind instead of think it would be think. Think.

Think. Think. That's an extra syllable. Yeah. I just don't like nasally noises. It's like an extra mouth movement. I don't like it. I don't like it either. I'm sorry. You're off the podcast.

Or like instead of Don't of fucking change instead of uh singing it would be singing singing singing i don't like singing so would it be fucking all right i take it back you're right it's stupid you're right it's stupid i like that it sounded like this is something that's been on your mind that you've wanted to express for a really long time and then after like two seconds like two examples you went oh fuck that's fucking stupid oh no all right uh podcast who oh no guys Alright. This fucking podcast. Who? Oh no, guys, I lost my recording. Are we done?

Mika? Yeah? Where can we find you? Oh, um... Is this where I get to shill myself? Yeah, this is where you get to shill yourself. Good luck when you can't say your fucking channel name out loud. Can you just censor it whenever I say it?

Yeah. How are people going to use that to find how just put how are you shilling if you're going to censor your name it's in the description it's fine i'm gonna i'm gonna spell itill myself m-i-k-a-s-a-c-u-s okay and how's that pronounced it's are you're gonna censor this right yeah i'm gonna censor this don't worry censor like it's a motherfucking ex-girlfriend all right it's wait so don't censor it anyways it's uh it's pronounced you have now heard the word of god whoa jesus i may or may not be uh butchering that on purpose but anyways uh so yeah you can find me on twitter at youtube uh spotify alex unknown i'm doing some music stuff you have twitch

i don't really use twitch these days but sure you could i guess i thought you were i don't have time you know school is it's crazy Yeah. Um, yeah, but then crazy. Um, I'm going to be, uh, releasing another EP soon. It's almost all wrapped up and, uh, I'm working on a game. So follow me on Twitter for updates on that. And, uh, yeah, thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Thank you for letting me show my, my, my services, thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Thank you for letting me show my my my services, if you will. Edward.

David, I almost vomited. Jesus Christ. I'm muted. Oh, I'm good. I'm good. What's up? You're just vomiting. Did you?

It's your turn to show yourself, Ed. Oh, right. it's your turn to show yourself ed oh right uh you can find me on youtube and twitch and twitter that's it just look for him you'll find him oh you know what it is fuck off David talk

it's my turn now I'm sirmeowmusic on twitch I'm sirmeowmusic on twitter soundcloud and I'm sirmeow on spotify so happy you said your name. So now I can find you on those platforms. Thanks. That was wonderful.

Okay. You can find me on Twitter at ShammyTV. You can also find me on YouTube. My YouTube channel is Shammy and there is actually going to be a review coming out later this month. Yes. It's almost done. I've been working so fucking long on it and I'm going to Yes. Almost done. I've been working so fucking

long on it and I'm going to fucking lose my mind. I've been wanting to hear what you think of the new No Man's Sky update. Please comment on it and be like, well, just... We've been waiting for a while. There's actually another update coming up, you know.