Please Stop Talking - The South Jersey Struggler | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: December 6, 2024

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includes good times, relaxation, and great Gulf Coast weather. Visit flyporter.com and actually enjoy economy. It's Black Friday! We're bringing back every design we've ever had and actually enjoy economy. tapes merch check it out at please stop shopping.com that's please stop shopping.com what do we call you on the line do we call you bad lad call me bad lad i'm hunting you down just call me mike or michael i don't fucking know for a second i was like i would never call you bad

lad it's so funny what if you're like oh my private life is worth something fox i've had uh friends who like we've known've known since at least 2020. And sometimes they'll still call me bad lad. And I'm like, Lone, stop. It's weird that you call Shane Fox, honestly. This is a mandate. He said he likes Fox more. He said it sounded cooler.

And I'm just so used to it. Why have you never told us this? Is it because you knew that we would make fun of you because that's an animal furry? No, it's an awesome name. It's because in our general friend circle, it has become like a customary to just be like, use, you know, like your non like YouTuber name. So I was just like, oh, that's fine. Like, that's just how it is.

And now you can say slave name. It's okay. Yeah, I was gonna say slave name is the joke he's always made. I made that joke once on stream and somebody just told me like hey whoa back it up buddy in general i'm not too bothered either way it's more i'm just so used to certain people calling me one thing that when they call me the other it throws me off like there's some people that are so used to hearing them say uh fox when they refer to me or they talk to me that when they say my actual name i kind of get caught off guard for a second i've never had anybody call me meow and i'm so fucking happy because i i think i might

actually that might yeah but how many dms have you gotten on twitter that have said started with mr meow a lot mr mimu no it's it's always strange whatever i call uh fox shane i feel like i'm calling my teacher by their first name like what's up sharon it's a little too familiar i think fox is too tactical for me i could never say it yeah it does sound like it feels like a video game call out okay um okay let's do two clap syncs all right three two one three two one back when like high school um my buddies and i were doing an ifunny abridged we had like a really bad podcast we got two episodes outged we had like a really bad podcast we got two episodes out of we had one friend just record our discord call and all of us just like you know you'd record all of us none of us recorded individually like this but we still

did a clap sync because we knew that podcasts do clap syncs but you didn't know why it was a secret yeah a sign without a signifier what the fuck is an eye funny i funny what the fuck is an eye funny abridged you don't want to go into this dude you've never been to memes for dad.com what the hell is i funny abridged this is you're you're about to get my batman origin story um so in high school uh when my first girlfriend broke up with me i was bored as shit and i was like perusing i funny because when you're 16 17 you just do that shit in high school and i was bored as shit and i was like perusing ifunny because when you're 16 17 you just do that shit in high school and i was really into jojo at the time which uh the jojo ifunny community is up there with like the third right in terms of just evil organizations okay so um they were

organized they were organized there was a group on there that was doing a an abridged of uh diamond is unbreakable part four and i was like oh dude you know that sounds like fun you know i submitted an application to like write for it or whatever you know back and forth things happen i got in talked with the people blah blah blah society's rise and fall time moves on and that's how i met one of my not one of the like a lot of my best friends currently like my buddy phil one of my closest friends i met through that and it's just like god imagine like imagine meeting your homeboy in like stalin like russia just like the worst time possible and you're like that is my dude that's how you know the friendship is real like it was forged in iron yeah like we have been through hell oh man, death threats were thrown. Men and women were gaslit.

But at the end of the day, it's all love. It is all love. iFunny would have started their movement. They would have mobilized if they weren't so busy arguing about clout. Well, that actually happened at a certain point. I don't know when it was. Sometime when I was in college and stopped using the app. A significant number.

This is like what I heard through the grapevine like a significant number or if not all the mod team got taken down by the fbi for um uh some cp apparently so i funny became a lawless wasteland without any mods so just the most random shit we can post it it's one thing it's one thing if it's like one guy if it's like the entire mod just like a strike force it's one thing when it's i funny it's another thing when you funny sun tzu art of war welcome to the podcast fuck oh dude the coolest fucking thing ever happened to me earlier i know mailhouse died yeah tell us yeah fuck that fuck that cracker i went to the grocery store, man. I was thinking like, man, I've been working my ass off.

I finished like editing three episodes. I deserve a big fucking beer. So I went to the beer aisle at the grocery store and there was this guy like giving out samples for his microbrewery. And that was the first time I ever saw that. He was just like, hey, man, dude, check this beer out. It's fucking awesome. It's like my summer beer.

And I was like, oh, dude, you know what? Fuck yeah, I'll try it out. Like, I love going to microbreweries and shit. And I just start talking with him and I'm drinking like his samples. And he like every time I finish drinking one sample, he just fills it back up. And I keep fucking drinking. And eventually, like three other dudes that just show up in front of the fucking little table.

And then we kind of just all talk to each other for like very very long time just all drinking beer in the middle of the fucking grocery store that rocks just a pop-up bar in the middle of the grocery store this dude really wants to be a bartender like he's really into it he's like yeah dude you gotta come over to my house i got this bar at home in my basement i got so much stuff we can watch footy on the tv dude it was in the middle of the grocery store out like right next to the toilet paper it was fucking awesome man at one point the guy was like what you're you said you were doing you were in audio did you do anything in music and then i was like oh yeah i that's my major my major was music production and we keep talking and at one point

he's just like bro you gotta check me out man i'm i'm. I'm a rapper. And I was like, oh, cool. I got it. I'm totally going to listen to you later, man. And then he just gives me like, he's like, oh, yo, by the way, I have like a shit ton of beer still. If you guys want to stay for another like 10 minutes or something, like I'll just give you a full like a full can of beer. And at that point, I had already drank like an entire fucking big can of beer like one of those like four four hundred seventy five mil like a tall boy i just drank like two tall boys in the middle of the fucking grocery store i'll just talking about this dude's rap career you had a holistic dad experience dude it was fucking

i'm not gonna lie i i kind of wish i got their phone numbers that was fucking awesome dude even better one of the best experiences ever you got coaxed in i did i did and i was um i was starting to get tipsy and i even drove home uh and i i was like uh that's not true make a stop at the school zone do you make how do you make an awesome day even better? Get behind the wheel. Please, it's some of me's. Yeah, yeah. When you said, yeah, dude, I'm totally going to check out your album. And then that's when Kendrick dropped his new music. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That was how you found out. He was there. You thought Kendrick dropping was crazy? Steven from fucking the grocery store just dropped the craziest shit of all time i was gonna say real shit happening real shit you've heard of the alchemist get ready for the potion celery dude that was fucking that was a great fucking time though his his beer was really good too like i'm drinking it right now it's called little flor 7%. Oh, shit. You just witnessed your death in a can and you're like, oh, no.

Dude, it tastes like fucking... It tastes like... It tastes like alligator piss. It tastes like pineapple. Uh-oh. Now I'm fucking with you. I'm allergic to pineapple. There's no pineapple. It's mango and pamplemousse.

What's pamplemousse? What's pamplemousse in fucking English? Is that grapefruit? Grapefruit. How did you know that? There's a band that I really like called Pamplemousse. Yes, it is grapefruit. Yeah.

I know things sometimes, dude. I was terrified that you were going to have an experience that mirrored my experience at the polling station when I went to vote a couple of weeks back. Oh my God. That's one of my favorite stories. I just love it. I did my patriotic duty. I voted.

I'm not telling you who for, but I definitely didn't stuff the ballot with 48 ballots for Jill Stein. It wasn't me, but I will say. I got like 50 abortions just to... Oh, I'm so aborted. The polls were nice. It was super easy. I walked in.

I did my ballot. I was like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. You're cool. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I get up to the the guy who is taking the uh the votes into the big voting machine and i walk up and i'm very tenderly slowly slide it in this 60 year old man looks at me he smiles and he looks me up and down and says oh so gentle for a big boy i had to be like yeah man that yeah i just didn't want to break it you know i'm pretty i could break

i you know i'm used to buy and then i walked out i didn't even wait for my wife to finish i just like walked outside and waited for her outside because i didn't want to have any more awkward moments with this guy he like he flipped your punch your primordial pouch around he just flipped up my shirt he started rubbing my belly he pulled out johnson and johnson's baby oil he started rubbing it vigorously on my belly yeah he put his thumb into my belly button he pulled out a grape dude it was terrifying i don't know where that grape came from i'm so grateful for a big boy i thought you were gonna i thought you were gonna say just to prove him wrong i hulked out what brendan smashed and kick a fucking pole

and then i destroyed 9,000 votes. And sucked them with Jill Stein. Let's go, Jill. I have this poster in front of my house that just says, Stein-a-mania is running wild in one of these days. Stein-a-mania. Jill Stein will fix our economy using steiner math people keep trying to like fend her away with torches and picks pitchforks but she keeps

breaking through the village walls yelling stein smash the village walls i'm just telling you man the village one of these days that's why she was on the referendum uh jill stein yes or no do we need to get rid of i love Dude, I love that referendum. It's the funniest fucking story of the election. Do you guys know about that? I have no idea. So, in Nevada, something happened where Jill Stein's campaign didn't file correctly to be on the ballot, so she filed as a referendum

question. So, like, normally for those unfamiliar, a referendum is, like, at the end of a polling ballot. It'll say, like, you know, general questions that affect your community, and you give, like, a yes-no opinion on it. So, like, at the end of the Nevada ballot, it'll say like, you know, general questions that affect your community and you give like a yes, no opinion on it. So like at the end of the Nevada ballot, it would be like, you know, Donald Trump, Kamala Harris, whomever else.

And then at the very bottom, it just said Jill Stein, yes, no. And overwhelmingly, overwhelmingly when the referendum came back, it voted no. Oh my God. So Jill Stein is X'd out for personhoodhood it's crazy that we're rebranding to political science think tank oh dude i think is this the first this is the most political

we've ever gotten and it's with fucking mike there are only two americans here it's okay i was gonna say oh shit i didn't even realize we could have like an actual political moment where we talk about our feelings towards politics. I'm going to make a Trudeau blackface joke. You don't want that on your podcast. As if it's the first time we have blackface on the podcast. This is how Boo gets deported. Back over. They put him in the trebuchet.

That's a French word. Yeah, French Canada. Where does he live? Yeah. Can you say it in French? Yeah, that's where I live. Trebuchet? Yeah the trebuchet. That's a French word. Yeah. French Canada. Where does he live? Yeah. Yeah. Can you say it in French? Yeah, that's where I live. Trebuchet?

Yeah, trebuchet. Is a trebuchet like the one that's like a sling? Yeah, it's like pulleys and levers, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Cannon's gunpowder. Trebuchet is a sling. A blister is a big arrow. It's a big crossbow.

And you know what a catapult is, right? Yeah. It's a catapult. Oh, yeah. Okay. This might be your most intelligent episode yet what what sound does the cow make now when you're playing mountain blade to banner lord uh youtube comments do you prefer to spec into engineering or do you build more into

stewards so that your party can grow bigger and rounder where's this coming i've just been playing mountain i've just been playing a lot of mountain blade on the brain yeah yeah just on the my swatty and knights will wreck your town they can have it you know it's been on the playing a lot of Mountain Blade. Just on the brain. Yeah. Yeah. My Swadian nights will wreck your town. They can have it. You know, it's been on the brain a lot recently. We're getting closer to Christmas. In fact, this is coming out in December. Happy holidays, guys.

Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. If anyone says Merry Christmas, they will be killed on the spot. I will literally fucking do it myself. This is how you come out as Jewish. Shalom. Ah.

Now, time for the live ceremony is it brie or bris i never remember it's bris isn't it bris oh shit i'm gonna look like a fool on the internet again it's fine i've been thinking about doing like gifts especially because now we have like my my sister has a has a baby now so you know a lot of people are we're thinking about it a bit more where like, oh, do we get toys? What do we get? Blah, blah, blah. And I was at this thrift store recently. I was just getting kitchen stuff, like a used pan, just so that my husband can destroy it when he makes eggs instead of the nice pans. That's really mean. He can cook far better. I taught

him better. Did you teach him did you teach him to cook yeah i actually did and he cooks pretty well there was the chef boo arc the boo chef bouillard that's a whole story that's like a whole fucking thing man but you know i was just getting eggs and then i i saw like clothes for babies at the thrift store and i was like oh shit my niece is sick two months old right now by the time it gets summer maybe i could get her a little you know a little summer dress like a a summer dress for a six month old i just go there and i start looking through the rack then i grab i grab this fucking summer dress it's really nice and i i just give me a sec i just um i i i grab it i take

a picture of it and i say wow that's really nice but i don't say it like that i say it more like oh nice and um you talk to yourself out loud yeah you talk you talk to yourself like a fucking yuck as a character talk to yourself like deacon from days gone i don't know what to tell you man shit just comes out of my fucking mouth when i think about it and i don't know what is that like uh a mental illness it's called lack of social awareness exactly okay well i have a severe one i realize that right next to me there's just these two old women and they're just looking at me like I'm the biggest creep in the fucking world

because I just look down at myself and I look fucking disheveled, just holding a dress for a six-month-old and going, nice, and taking pictures of it. When I see that, I'm just like, oh, fuck. I can't let her think I'm a pedophile. I'll just say something that will make her think I'm normal. And I just say out loud like, like wow my niece will love this you turn towards them and thumbs up and they slowly walk away i didn't know what to do any afterwards so i just kind of turned i kind of turned around like a little bit

to look at they're already on the phone with the cops yeah i mean they were kind of looking at me like i was i was a nefarious little man. So I just kind of ran away. Like, whenever you try to save a bad social situation, when, like, you have that thought in your head where it's like, I will say something to smooth this over. It never works. The power move is to try the dress on in front of them. Just try and

squeeze into it. Aw, damn it! It doesn't fit! The power move is to just open your mouth and scream. Yeah, just start screaming. Like, hinge hinge your mouth backwards like stitch when he starts playing elvis and just start screaming in awkward situations the best approach is like you're uh you're in front of like a cougar or something you just like make a lot of loud noises and wave your arms they were not cougars they were grandmothers actual cougar get your head out of the gutter oh i see i see i see i really like the way you frame that though just like you take a picture go nice like you're frank fucking wise i'm just

imagining like uh like like how this would escalate is a tim robinson bit where he would look directly at the old women walk up and go not a pedophile i'm not a pedophile i'm not a pedophile this is for my niece look here are pictures of her i love children just not like that fan of kids dude i literally follow kids on blue sky well one sec wait a minute uh what the fuck what does that mean what the fuck brendan what do you mean by that at kids i was imagining it was like a social media platform for kids news that's weirder than what i said you made that you made this whole bit even weirder with what you just said what the fuck what what do kids hold up hold up now i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna run defense

here you're the pedophile here mister like i don't know why you're putting this on brendan you ever see that video of that grandma who's like in the Walmart and it's like this kid who he does. He's not a kid, but he does a prank on his grandma and his grandma. All of the DVDs in the DVD section, he superimposed his grandmother's face on them. So it's like, what the fuck? What? What the fuck is this? What the fuck do you mean?

I'm fucking Spider-Man. What the fuck? I think about that video a lot lately because i saw it again and there's a part where like you obviously know the video is fake when the grandma like picks up a stranger things dvd and she's like they made me look like well for stranger things she's too aware confused about what she's looking at she doesn't know what stranger things is but she has a script my grandma incensed that i've made her normal gam gam look at this look at the funny dude i was talking to my grandma today and uh she just wanted to talk about this youtuber that she follows that has like four million sheep

old people love that shit like i work with so many old people who tell me about like the farming videos they watch or shit like that and And like, they love people tending to sheep. Am I a gram gram? Do you love farming? I fucking love farming videos. They're really cozy. I watch these people. When I was still on Twitter, I was always interacting with Japanese goat Twitter. And I would use like Google Translate to talk to these Japanese,

this like 50 year old Japanese goat farmers about like their goats. And I would just, I don't know, I would just keep track of them. And I'd be like, hey, man, how is Jackson son doing? You know, because they would call it they would call their goat like Jackson. And then he would be like, oh, he's not doing so hot and Billy. And I'm like, oh, dang, I hope I sure hope Jack does better and jack was really cute i like that goat does the story end with you being in the middle of a target and looking at a goat dress and going nice and then a farmer looks at you wrong no i said this is real this is real i used to hang out with japanese goat farmers on twitter real goat facts real goat facts i just

talked to my grandma about uh she just was talking about this goat youtuber and she was talking about like they they have their own wool and everything and then she went on about how disappointed she is that she didn't have a facebook and everybody uses instagram why doesn't she make a facebook it's like nanny you gotta get on insta aren't they all wrapped together now ish but like i do my my grandma really likes to follow pages on facebook she doesn't want to learn a whole new like social media thing that's fair she makes a lot of doll furniture and a lot of those doll furniture pages are all on facebook and she likes to peruse those yeah not a lot of i mean my uncle died that's not a story i have i have one let's hear it bomba clout bomba clout i don't know if shane uh like brought any of this up summer of 2023 when he met up with you guys i don't know if that was

was that in new york yeah this so this precedes uh us billy uh meeting up in new york it was like august it was this past year yeah oh yeah that's right yeah so so every summer i live at the beach so i have um i have a bunch of our like our one friend group come down for what we call MilkCon, male lactation themed convention. Oh, I see. Yeah, it's just how it is. It's one of those friend jokes that you initially establish as a bit, and then it becomes such an ingrained bit that you try to explain it to anyone outside the bit, and it's like you sound like a fucking crazy person.

It just becomes uncomfortable. Why is male pregnancy uncomfortable to you guys? Well, so originally it wasn't about male pregnancy. It was about male lactation and how Father Near cared for Yona after her mother died. Hmm. Yeah. Okay, yeah. You open the box.

Yeah, the bit is not going to make sense. You open the box. That is beyond me. Holy shit. Yeah, okay. That's what I'm saying. This is not our bit. We got roped into the bit.

Okay. The point is, the whole group comes down for like a long weekend or whatever we just chill hang out and go do beach stuff the saturday of this weekend which was like the last full day we had because everyone was kind of skedaddling on sunday we went to the beach had a great time love the beach uh we're there for a really long time till like at least probably like five o'clock at night and we got there about like 11 uh so we came home got changed and all i was just like originally saying oh we can go to wildwood but that's like oh that's the fucking french canadian oh dude that yeah anybody who's fucking french canadian listening to this

knows what wildwood is i think i talked about it before that's just new jersey is for french canadians so funny thing i talked to someone at work because i i like mentioned that briefly i was like a friend of mine told me that like a bunch of french canadians apparently go to wildwood all the time they're like oh i know they're all assholes dude that's that's not surprising they're just so rude that's not surprising i remember the first time i talked about that on the podcast somebody just dm'd me and just said like never come here again you fucking assholes and i was like that was me no damn that's crazy um but you are not welcome within my borders uh so we were i i originally

said let's go to let's go to wildwood the problem is i'm like an hour away from wildwood it's the one of the most like southern yeah shore towns in new jersey i think cape may is the only one that's like more like towards the um like tip of the state so they said no you know we're all kind of tired we spent the whole day at the beach and everyone's a little bit like exhausted from the sun let's go to atlantic city because i live right next to atlantic city so much worse yes i was a little bit apprehensive to say the least i was like begrudgingly saying like sure let's go to atlantic city um and we had split off into groups the group that matters is i believe it was uh shane and i just drove like independently where he got my

whole spiel about atlantic city and it basically comes down to do you know what the most fun thing you can do in atlantic city is leave yeah i mean mario died what yeah they killed mario shot dead in atlantic city it was fucking brutal yeah goomba stomped him and everything oh wow the boardwalk is nothing to play with no you don't fuck around in atlantic city which is why we went to the boardwalk obviously is there a tram car is there a tram car there is not a tram car there are uh don't get the watch the train car please no but there are uh you get something different they're basically rickshaws like driven by bikes that go down the center instead and instead of watch the tram car please get the fuck out of the way they are not

excitable over there they don't fuck around they do not play so as we go to atlantic city and we're all on the boardwalk we're like all right let's try and make the most of this the problem is there is literally nothing to do on the Atlantic City boardwalk we've been to Ocean City beforehand it's garbage it's terrible there's nothing to do there it's all casinos so I don't like gambling everyone I know is broke they don't want to gamble so we're walking up and down this really shady board walk. We're like, we got to find something. We see Rainforest Cafe. It's like, you know, one of the however many Rainforest Cafe places. Wait, I did not know there was an Atlantic City Rainforest Cafe. I don't know when it opened, but that's like always the place I thought it was.

So like we stop in there. We're like, we have not eaten dinner. Let's try the Rainforest Cafe and just try to salvage something from this trip so we get in the rainforest cafe we're like hey can we get a table and they're like table for whatever whatever whatever hour 45 minutes or like get the fuck out of here no there's nothing for us to do for an hour 45 the total head count was like seven yeah so it was like it was seven people it was it was a little bit so we decide all right cut our losses there is a big shopping mall they have apparently just built and or renovated on the boardwalk let's go to that shopping mall and see if we can just get something out of this so we walk in there the only way i can describe this mall is it's like the mall from the beginning of silent hill 3 where it definitely was open at some time but that time is not now and most of the stores

just don't exist not like they are closed or have been closed they just were never there we're basically in like the world that never was but a mall it's so crazy to me how in the u.s malls just die i don't think this one was ever born oh oh it's like the we were born we were like we're walking through like an empty mall that was like it felt like we were in there after hours but it was like it's still open there's still like things that are open it's just nothing's there so yeah it was just like it was so so off-putting we had like gone up three flights of stairs just or like three floors just trying to find something because they kept advertising like there's a restaurant on the third floor and we were like

let's just get there and try and get this and get out of this we get up there abandoned and we're just like what is happening get to the fifth floor it's bread it's definitely no bread it's bread i get this this is a reference and so my my friend turns to me she's like michael and i look at her i go do you just want to go home and order a pizza and everyone's just like yes so we get home you know after this really annoying trip because i was like very just like flat-faced and just angry that i'm there because i hate atlantic city and it ruins my vibe everyone's doing normal shore procedure getting changed getting ready for bed and all that and shane walks out and he's like the whitest dude i've ever seen and he goes dude look how bad my legs got burnt he showed me like his like caps of

his knees and like kind of the top of his thigh and this man was coked he was so red and i'm sitting there playing yugioh with a friend and i just look at him and i'm like that is definitely a sunburn wow and then i didn't clock something important i should have clocked something important so yeah this man was burnt to backtrack a little bit um when we went to oh you're fucking tomato yeah i was red and that doesn't show the worst of it because an important context here is i was um i was using sunscreen but i i was not good at re uh applying suntan to my legs after i had been swimming for a while so after being out in the sun for i want to say we were out there for like a good five hours in like prime sunny weather at the like oceanside beach so that was my top half that was my like arms which were pretty red the worst of it was my legs my legs were fucking beat red just because they just had not been properly taken care of so the

way that my house is it was originally a duplex which means it is two houses stacked on top of each other we broke down a wall like chris jericho and basically connected them to make it two floors of the same like layout so shane decides i'm gonna show off my sunburn to everybody else uh the thing they did not clock was his attire because he walks down the stairs in nothing but his fucking boxers and he's like dude check out my sunburn to our friends who are just watching tv downstairs the problem is he does not know that his fucking little john and the yin yang twins are poking through his boxers literally literally the visual the visual of this is not they were hanging loose they were not out right what the thing is little john at the get out so listen it's not that they were hanging

out he was not hanging brain unbeknownst to himself it was more like freddy krueger and nightmare on elm street coming through the fucking wall where it's like poking through so aggressively wearing boxers which the reason why i the fucking wall where it's like poking through so aggressively. I was just wearing boxers which the reason why I didn't think about it is like A, you know, like I get changed in like, you know, the break room at work all the time. It's like, ah, it's fucking boxers. Who fucking gives a shit? And also

you guys had seen me in fucking like trunks the entire day so I just. Buddy, your cock is huge. What do you want from me? Yeah, why don't you fucking take a compliment this is where i have to come in and give a perspective shot because mike wasn't uh mike was still upstairs i was still upstairs mentally clocking what happened to everyone else who's in the living room uh watching uh tv and they were all sitting on the couch so when i

walked out they were all waist level with me. So when I come in and I'm like, guys, check this out. They don't look at my legs. They were looking at my fucking eye level. And I just see them all staring at me. And I like look down like, oh, fucking. I was like, what are you guys doing? Because like, imagine you're like embarrassed.

I'm like, you guys, my legs. My legs are fucking beet red. Stop looking at my heart. Imagine you're chilling with your boys watching nichijou on the tv and your bro comes down the stairs and said please observe my hog you have to oblige you all became closer that day i'm sure i jerked him off after so it didn't matter yeah right yeah right like yeah i mean i mean that's what milk con was for Yeah You gotta milk something And guess who presented with a golden opportunity

I love your cock dude You're a legend Thanks man Nice cock man I'm never gonna get over fucking Yeet Yang twins Hey this episode of Please Stop Talking Is brought to you by Fitbod

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for 7 days at FitBod.me slash PST. That's F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slash PST. And now, back to the show. Unfortunately, I play a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh! And when you play a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh! especially in person, i play a lot of yugioh and when you play a lot of yugioh especially in person you meet a lot of um socially inept characters yeah you just have to power

through it so at my old locals which had shut down which i'm still sad about because there were some fucking mutants who went there there was one guy came in for a single day and i wish i could forget about him we got matched up and i just expected him to be like normal kind of like off guy who plays yugioh just a little socially awkward or whatever i think this guy might be my guardian angel i don't know this is not a good thing my guardian angel might be homeless um so no what happened was we're sitting there talking or like playing a game or whatever and apropos of nothing he goes oh well you know i just moved into an airbnb this week and i'm like i'm i'm so sorry like i barbarian

literally and i'm you see justin long was he there the way he describes it doesn't sound like that awesome fucking barbarian where he goes there's a there's a concrete cave and i was wandering through it for hours and hours and i got to the end there was a wizened old man holding a cup of piss i wouldn't drink it but i feel like i should go back and drink it should i enter the caves again like i should oblige him so this this guy when i'm i'm again just sitting there trying to play a game he drops this on me i've never met this dude in my life and he's just dumping on you oh i thought you knew no i didn't know this guy he's just saying well the problem is i didn't know if he was trauma dumping so i go like i'm i'm so sorry like you know i just like give genuine concern he's like no no no no it's great it's

great and he's like explaining to me like you know how he's like happy to have moved down on like oh good on you okay and then he goes yeah yeah, you know, I love my Airbnb. It has like my flat screen. It has my Japanese Xbox. A door that locks. And I'm just sitting there like stone face. I'm like, what do you mean? What do you mean? The door that locks a door that.

Perhaps you would like to come over to my Airbnb and we can watch Yu-Gi-Oh GXX or 5Ds on my flat screen television while I lock... It sounds like the killer is dead. While I lock my doors. You will come over. We will watch Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds. I may suck you off. I may not suck you off. I may be

naked. I may be showering. But the door will be locked. But the door will be locked. You cannot escape. So I'm sitting there and I'm just like baffled at what this guy is is telling me because i don't i don't know if he's happy about this or if this is like the the worst thing to ever happen to someone so in my infinite wisdom i look him dead in the eyes and i just go normal summon rabina rabina effect one eglon two and i just start playing i'm like

what do i say to this what do i do here and eventually you know i beat him round passes he plays the child at our locals because every locals has like a 10 year old that just runs around and plays like egyptian god shit and is like i'm yugi from the anime it's like you sure are unfortunately his name was also billy um oh man so billy is a funny little kid he never wins because his deck sucks and he's 10 but he's he's funny and good vibes so people like having him around i'm in my next round i'm playing against whomever we're having a game having a conversation and i hear from the table next to me like over like on the far side of the room billy just starts fucking screaming into sheer elation and i'm like what is going on there and he's doing circles and he's like i won i won he's so excited he finally

beat this guy and this dude in the most sonic the hedgehog side character voice ever goes well now goes, well, now you're just getting cocky. I'm sitting there trying not to fucking die. I'm like, there is no way that this man, whom I have dubbed the South Jersey Struggler, because I have no idea what his name was, and I hope he's doing okay, because I never saw him after this day. I never saw him get picked up or walk away. He just stood there. I'm just imagining he gets back to the airbnb the door is unlocked he opens it there's a white void he

steps in he says he takes his japanese xbox and he gets isekai he despawns there's some stephen king-esque horrible story that he went through before he got to that yugioh tournament then he lost to a child got back and realized he had never escaped the loop. Yeah, he lost his shadow game against Billy and got sent to the infinite suffering void. You're a Yu-Gi-Oh! fan. Just say Shadow Realm. It's too cliche. Grow up. Cliche is fun. I never watched the

anime. I literally just like the card game. I'm an enigma. Oh my god. Spit on me, boo me. The only time I was into Yu-Gi-Oh! as a kid was I have like two yugioh related stories i think i told the bodyguards one of the podcasts before yeah um did i tell the time i got my yugioh card stolen i don't ever talk about that i've never heard of this i i think so i don't know unfortunately for you you're an old man and you keep repeating

sorry that i like my life to live my life off the fucking edge. And I have the social awareness to just walk around the store, pick up a loaf of bread, say, hmm, bread's $3.50 today. Nice. And then take my bread to the counter and leave.

You could go. I have microbrewery adventures and say, nice. I don't go nice. I just go, wow. Nice nice i just go wow nice i just go wow i love i love running portraying his life as like this norman rockwell like idyllic american life even the truman show without the cameras man i literally picked up i literally i literally picked up my fucking cup of beer and i went mmm yummy thank you so much i put my groceries on one leg at a

time like anybody else i i i turn grocery degrees backwards and i fuck off oh i can give a cat update uh my cat bill set herself on fire three days ago what the fuck what does that mean for a cheat day because it had been a rough day yeah and so we get home the cats are trying to paw their way into the pizza box. They're being annoying. My wife has all these candles set up because she really loves candles. She loves fire, but contained in safe fire. Unfortunately, there are some candles in the coffee table.

Beals and Truck were both like jumping on the coffee table left and right. And then Beals sat down, laid down. We look over at her. Her tail's just in the fire. It starts smoking. Both me and my wife look at each other. We go, what the fuck back at her we go peels no and she thinks she's in trouble she doesn't notice that her tail is on fire so she like runs off thank god it didn't catch full flame but now her tail looks partially circumcised it didn't get burnt but it like there's just

one upstairs still smells like burnt cat hair two part of her tail is just puffed off a day later does she not like does she not have nerve endings well it wasn't like the skin of the tail like i don't know why uh like she is on medicine because she does have a couple of health problems because she's she's a silly trash cat but i don't i just she didn't notice like the fire at all a day later truck also injures himself there's this eight pound old glass pan my wife uses sometimes for cooking she had just got done cooking and she'd left it out uh and i was going to clean it like right before i went to bed and i she had moved it because the cats were trying to get into it because they had chicken grease beals is allergic so it's like oh fuck all Alright we'll take care of this in a minute.

And I go. I sit down in the living room for a minute. Before I get started on it. And I just hear a thump. Truck had gotten into it. And like knocked it onto his paw. Somehow this eight pound glass. He'd pulled it off the counter.

And it landed on top of him. He's perfectly fine now. But we thought he had like broken his paw. We were terrified. No it's just he's stupid. He just like pulled it off the counter on top of him. He's perfectly fine now, but we thought he had like broken his paw. We were terrified. No, it just, he's stupid. He just like pulled it off the counter on top of himself. He ended up being fine, but it just,

both of my cats are just going to give me heart attacks this week. It's crazy how stupid fucking cats are. I don't know what they're going to get up to next week. They need to stop being stupid. You need to stop watching wrestling with your cats in the room. It's a bad influence on them. I don't watch wrestling with my cats in the room. It's a bad influence on them. I don't watch wrestling with my cats in the room. For this express reason. I don't want to show

them mankind falling 15 feet off the Hell in a Cell through an announcer's table. What if they need to learn this for the future? What if a burglar comes in and they have to mankind Hell in a Cell on the announcer's table? What if a mankind-shaped burglar comes into your house and they have

to know what to do? If a burglar comes into your house and they have to know what to do? If a burglar comes into my house, they're just going to start asking him for food. No, they're going to have to hell in a cell. That's my dogs. My dogs suck. Mick Foley comes looking for your Funko Pop collection. Hold the line, brothers. Yeah, the burglar's coming for my Fallout Vault Boy gold Funko

Pop. I can't believe they'll do this to me. My collection. You have that? You have that at home right now? Yeah, I have some Funkos from my time at GameStop still. Why? Why? Because I bought them when I worked at GameStop and I had a lot of disposable income, or brincom as I call it, and I was like... Why don't you

sell those? You could make big bank, big money. Because they're not worth anything. They're Funko Pops. That's not fucking true. That's not fucking true. Did you know it's crazy, but you can collect 44 buckets of Colonel Sanders chicken in Funko Fusionops. That's not fucking true. That's not fucking true? That's not fucking true. Did you know it's crazy, but you can collect 44 buckets of Colonel Sanders chicken in Funko Fusion, and then you unlock Mecha Sanders?

You people are trying to outdo each other. Stop the brother wars. Yeah, okay. My Witcher 3 collectible strategy guide is worth quite a pretty penny. Oh. So if anyone's looking to break into Brendan's house... The address is no i've

home alone in my house i'm not worried about it i have paint cans everywhere on string ah it's like that old green text where it's like every day i try to escape my house and then break back into it and i short my defenses so i'm either locked out forever and entombed for an eternity with a cannon at the top of the stairs t Tally-ho, intruders. So earlier this year, I went on a bit of a Europe trip to Belgium to hang out with our buddy, Punk Duck, Ed. Oh, enemy of the show.

Yeah. Yeah, enemy of the show. When he split from the podcast, it was actually very, very, very, very poor. Yeah, I actually went there to fight him. Yeah. So yeah, I went to go hang out with him uh then we went to uh london to see uh leon that bald fuck and some other uh content creator

friends that are not leon do not call them that and then after that i was in uh ireland uh hanging out with eyepatch wolf and a few other friends in that area the story is when i'm in ireland why won't you talk shit about him why won't you talk shit about eyepatch well uh i think everyone knows i already paid i'll just get ready just wait oh my god just wait it's because it's because we're loud so we don't want to you know start shit oh yeah yeah for sure is he can talk shit on leon or ed because you know they're small smaller number they have a smaller number than big number it's why we're not mean to Julian because they also have big numbers. I don't think I could be meter to Julian if I tried.

We can actually be meter to Julian when we're with him. Me and John actually were just coming from a... We were doing some Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. He booked a session for us to just have a spar, which it was fun. I beat his ass

obviously you know i i'd never done brazilian jiu-jitsu before but i was obviously awesome at it you see my face you should have seen how fucked up the other guy was exactly and uh afterwards we were just walking back to uh dublin city center where he had a concert to go to i was meeting up with other friends and along the way we were walking down this path just outside the city as we're walking down there path just outside the city as we're walking down there's this kid about like i want to say at this point 20 feet away from us and he is um fishing in this river that runs like right alongside the path and as we're walking we're just kind of chatting amongst ourselves and then older gentleman on a bike i want to say like 50

years old bikes past us and he's going towards the kid and as this old man onto the bike and the kid are about to kind of like meet the kid winds back his rod as he's about to recast and the guy on his bike because the kid is not paying attention winds up his rod the guy freaks because he thinks he's about to get smacked in the face with this rod and or the line so he fucking slams on the brakes and he goes ass over tea kettle on this asphalt road it is the roughest i've ever seen someone eat shit on a bike it is so bad that me and john immediately look at each other and go oh fuck and we like run to this guy i am not joking when i say when we got to him he was in the family guy like fallen pose like if you need a visual image he isn't one of the two death poses family guy death pose or yamsha death pose yeah yeah exactly

he is in the peter griffin fallen pose and not only that is when we get to him we're like oh my god are you okay after he's like cussing like he said fuck ah he immediately does the peter finn knee like he is doing that and i can't like i'm not gonna crack up when he's hurt but in my mind i'm thinking this is literally that fucking family guy little fucking family guy funny moment he's angry he's like pissed because he like you know is hurt and he just starts like cussing this kid out and this kid is kind of stun locked he doesn't really know what to do so once we get there and are like kind of like oh are you okay like do you need anything the kid just goes back to fishing because he just kind of doesn't know what can't stop the grind he's like 10 yeah he can't stop the grind he's got fishing to catch dude the next reel could

be a fucking big one never It could be a big one. You never know. And so this guy is like, initially he's almost like, I don't want to say non-responsive in like an injured way. Just like when we ask him something, he just is. He's so just busy being like, ugh. And eventually we're just like, dude, you need us to call anybody? Like, are you okay?

And we try to get him to stand up and he cannot. Like he immediately is about to collapse. And so me and John try to get him to stand up and he he cannot like he immediately is about to collapse and so oh my god me and john have to basically like shoulder him onto a ledge nearby and just like sit him down for a sec very old stubborn irishman he does not want anyone's help because we're just like can we call like an ambulance can we call like do you have like a uh you know wife or family nearby that we call he's like no don't don't call my wife there's gonna be traffic soon i don't want her to go through that and we're just like and it's getting to the point where we're just like what do we do like we can't just

like stand here until he's finally better because clearly he's not and so we're just kind of like waiting for like him to give us a response of some kind that was like what do you want us to do and eventually go okay what if we try to stand you up and like see if we could maybe walk you to the train station because like right up the hill there is like a train station he could get onto so at least he could get to his house and so we each kind of go on a side a respective side and have him just like put his arms over our shoulders as soon as he is upright i look down at his leg his left knee is about an inch farther than his right it is fucked like just from looking at it in his like i'm gonna be honest i thought you were gonna say we i look down and he's hanging

i look down no way but his knee is is fucked and it is like i look over john we're like we're putting them back down like no shot he can walk on this so we go you cannot walk we need to call you an ambulance like we have to and he eventually he begrudgingly goes okay fine sure and so we call an ambulance and we're just like hey we're we're on a path right next to this train train station around this area because we're also just kind of like off the beaten path a little bit. We're on like kind of almost like a just like a walkway that, you know, bikes and runners use. So it's kind of hard to give like an exact location. Yeah. But so I go, I'll stand on the street corner near the train station.

So when the ambulance comes, the I can flag them down. So I go over there and I'm like, okay, it's going to be like maybe 10 minutes or something like that. Sometimes the ambulance takes a little bit. It goes 10 minutes, then it's 15, then it's 25, then it's 45. It is taking an hour and we have still not gone word that the ambulance is on their way. When John has called them again, they they just say you're in the queue but like they're not saying they're on the way and we know there's like an ambulance like a station like down the road like we're not that far off from a hospital and a ambulance and at this

point like john has like a concert to go to like he he's like on like a time crunch and i'm like well i'm supposed to meet a friend for dinner that i'm also late for at this point fortunately that friend meets up with me at the train station and then we go back to the guy because we're like where the fuck is the ambulance eventually john just goes i have to leave like i have to leave and funny enough he actually ends up taking the guy's bike because the guy can't bike anymore so he's like what do i do with my bike and john's like well i can get it to you tomorrow and i can just take it home with me so john made off like a bandit he got a free bike out of this most elaborate bike theft i've ever heard that was super elaborate you told

me john uses evil irish magics to make this dude fucking eat shit and steal his bike stole his bike yeah it's fucked up that's crazy i didn't even know that was a thing they could do. You clearly haven't watched Leprechaun. True. We did, actually. On Pondering Spooky Tapes, we did. Plug the episode.

Put it in the cards at the top right. Yeah, yeah. Click on the link. I don't fucking do that. If you want to see more Leprechaun tricks and devious magics, watch the Pondering Spooky Tapes

on Leprechaun. On Leprechaun in the hood it is fun so so me and my buddy uh brian go to the guy we're just like yeah the ambulance just isn't coming like and then he eventually relents and goes like okay like i'll call my buddies and they'll come pick me up so about like i don't know 20 minutes later uh down this like fucking pathway we have this like white work van coming down uh that his buddies are driving that we then have to literally like lift this guy and haul him back into like we i i literally had to like lift him up like a like sack of potatoes or like flour and carry him into the van uh because he is just like unable to

like even like move his leg at this point like we have to carry him in the van uh because he is just like unable to like even like move his leg at this point like we have to carry him in such a specific way or he is in insane amount of pain eventually we get him in the van and they can drive him to the hospital i still don't know at this point if the ambulance ever showed up maybe they finally got there today it's been three months hopefully they got to him you know what the most heartwarming part of this story is shane what's that if it happened in london and you went up to that guy he would have stabbed you yeah no they would have called out the jar of acid yeah jesus hey what if the ambulance would have come and poured acid on his leg going no like no problem but yeah that was my uh watching a guy fuck up his leg on a bike uh story you know to

be fair if this happened in america i'd just walk up, I'd take a picture and say, nice. And then I'd walk away. I'd walk up and I'd just drop a fucking bow on him, Shawn Michaels. You ever hear about an arm bar? What about a leg lock? Yeah, you want to hear it? I go up to this dude, his leg is fucked. I just look to the head and just go, woo!

Just put him in the figure four. I would point and say that's a work brother he's working me you can't get me like that i just get close to him be like jeez man and then i would just leave that's really bad i don't know why but now i'm thinking of the fucking horrible leg breaking scene from freddie got fingered fuck it's like that my i'm thinking i'm thinking of when uh sid jumped off the top rope at uh agreed and broke his leg in half oh my god tearing both his quads shut the up bill billy is there like a horror themed like wrestling movie to watch i think there are exactly there's like a million i mean

the one with uh with brett you can find it there's one with yeah isn't it it's like wrestlers versus zombies yeah kill her goats has a wrestler in it i think got one episode of uh of it there's one with Kurt Angle in it isn't it it's like wrestlers versus zombies yeah kill her goats has a wrestler in it I think it's got one episode of of uh there's a fuck ton of wrestling there's a fuck ton of wrestling uh horror movies you can do the Scooby Doo ones oh those are fun I like that or the one episode of what's new Scooby Doo

I like that one I like that one you see that guy that shit on a woman Patreon questions if you're part of the five dollars and above tiers, you can ask a question for the Patreon Q&A. Why did nobody react to that? Why did nobody react to the shitting on a woman's chest bit? What are you talking

about? What does that mean? Vince McMahon. To be honest, whenever anybody talks about Dookie, it goes in one ear and out the other. Just like that scene in Scary Movie 2. I was gonna say. When he puts his ear up yes well no that's we get it we get it we get it we get it brendan that was actually a work fuck man chips asks what's your most embarrassing i'm a youtuber or i have a podcast moment this is so easy because every single time i get flustered or confused i always

you know i i was gonna say i feel like it's that's always yours or always mine is when i'm next to you and you do that i know i did it at the passport office i still can never let that down i fucking hate when you do that it pisses me me off. Here's the thing, though. When I did that at the post office, she didn't need my social security card and she pushed through my passport even faster because she loved the clip I showed her. What? Unironically.

What clip is that? Let's go. I couldn't corroborate. It was just like she was asking, oh, what do you do? I don't have a standard driver's license because I'm a weirdo. I have an instruction permit

because I'm 31 years old, but I hate driving and I can't be fucked to go and just get the license because I'm a weirdo. I have an instruction permit because I'm 31 years old, but I hate driving. And I just have, I can't be fucked, but like go and just get the license. I'm getting it next summer. Finally. I don't know if that's, that's more laziness than anything. If I'm honest, I don't drive and I don't have enough money to own a car. So like it just, and I can drive in emergencies.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Brendan, but nobody has enough money to own a car. Yeah, but I definitely don't have enough money to own a car. Anyway, real embarrassing is one time in Colorado, we were all in a gondola. We did that story a billion times, but I agree. That's the one where we're all in a gondola.

Everybody is acting really rowdy, and there's a dad and his son, and I try to calm things down. They weren't rowdy. They were acting scary because they had a knife. They had a knife that was open and they were just shaking it around and cutting their own arm hair. It wasn't that. It was everybody was fucking. What do you mean it wasn't that?

It was literally that. Every time I'm in a group with these fuckers I'm fighting. I'm fighting. Huge loads have come. Anytime I'm in a group with any of you rowdy assholes, I swear to God, it's fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit, fuck, fuck. And it's like I'm sitting there with my fucking eyes wide open every time for the last six years. There are children around and I'm just like, hey guys, maybe we could watch the profanity a little bit.

Who cares about swearing in public anymore? I care! GamGam says fuck! I'm from Iowa! This is unheard of! GamGam will kill me if I say cuckoo! There's a giant swirly lollipop and a beanie propeller hat! And you fucking...

Fuck that, dude! And his fucking propeller hat goes, what? I can't say fuck in front of Tiny Tim. It'll break his leg. His fucking crutch is going to fall out of his hands. He's going to go, oh, please don't swear anymore. That's what social awareness is. That's having social awareness. This is why.

Okay, well, to be fair. Fuck, dude. This shit is fucking bawling while you're holding the fucking buzz ball in your hand while a goddamn field group of children is walking through. That's the plesiosaurus. That's the Tyrannosaurus Rex. My ass is in the Natural History Museum drinking fucking hard liquor and saying, fucking bones, dude.

We've never done that. what the fuck are you talking about damn skeleton damn it's not a swear grow up that's what beavers say anyway just in the fuck in the gondola and i'm just like i try to like like just i i sometimes i try to embarrass myself to save the situation so like i like, I immediately just start talking. This kid, like, is like, you don't have to save the situation. Okay, first off, first off, we were alone. It was just you and me. I didn't say a fucking word.

It wasn't just you and me. There were four of us. No, there were four of us. Brendan, there were nobody else. There were four people in there. Yeah, with the other fucking, yeah, the fucking, the dad and his son. But I'm saying it was just us two. We didn't have any other friends.

Nobody was saying fuck or shit or anything. You didn't have to say anything. You could have said nothing. The only reason you said anything was because the guy got a knife out and started cutting his own head with it. I don't remember a knife. I remember a group of people hooting and hollering, like screaming at the gondola walls. No, no, no, no. It sounds like two people arguing about a dream they had.

Dude, I feel like I'm watching Rashomon. I mean, it's easy. That's how I remember things. Somebody in the comments can corroborate what I'm saying because we talked about it on an episode because you wanted to get vape juice and i was the only there were like three other people i swear to god there was never a moment where it was just you and me in a gondola the only time we were alone on any of those trips was the times we were just wandering around town away from the group because i went to get your fucking va babe juice no that was just while we were walking

around town away from the group after you had a big tequila because there were six other people with oh my god dude it doesn't i just realized something bro it doesn't matter it's been eight years it has been literally so long people because there was not a single moment where i would go alone into the town by myself with one other person. I was like, I'm not doing that. It was me. We did. You were there with four other people. We went to the vape juice.

That's so whimsical. The only time you went to go look for vape juice with me was when we split apart from the group after you had a giant billion tequilas because you had a big margarita and you were sloshed to hell. So I was like, I'm going to take Billy with me and we're going to just walk around. I'm going to go to the weed shop and see maybe they have tobacco products they probably don't and then everybody separated because we went down as a big group we went back in the gondola as a one group you and me i don't remember it like that dog i'm sorry i'm gonna have to look at the tape i feel like i just witnessed the domestic this this did feel like a domestic that was the that was the biggest fight we've ever had

i'm so sorry brendan i'm so sorry good i'm glad you're sorry you're not forgiven dumbass fucking piece of shit me when i'm like me when i'm like me when i'm like a midwestern mom looking at looking at her children do better do better spit on you i swear to god you made a hawk to a noise and it activated my i'm an alpaca bro it's just what i'm doing oh my god do you think that like the hawk to a girl will sell like fruit snacks i was thinking about this because there's welch's fruit snacks and that's ailey welch so what if she sells welch's fruit snacks you know what i think you cracked the hawk to empire i think i i I cracked it. I saw a post about Ellen DeGeneres being the apex predator of

memes like that. I vibed with it heavily. No, it's a thousand percent true. We exported her to the UK this week. We exported her to it all comes together. So to answer the question, I forgot what we were even doing. I'm going to so i um it's it's weird i i normally play

that i i do youtube stuff because this is like my hobby so like i i play close to the chest i i get a lot more um being in awkward situations because i do youtube yeah the the biggest being so i believe uh you've told it on this podcast before uh your story about uh you and woolly on the plane yeah that's where this comes from that's where this question comes from i am a serial woolly embarrassment oh yeah it has happened to me multiple times all at magfest so what happened was magfest 2020est 2020. Shane and I go to MAGFest together. It's like the first time we're meeting up in person. Everything is good before everything went bad. So he, at the end of like whatever night, meets up with John, Wooly, I think Lil V,

Austin Eruption. Oh, dude, I love Lil V. He's so nice. Lil V's at home. Was there anyone else there? I think that was it i think that was a general group i just popped in to say hi because we were like kind of walking past them after like i think like a panel or something and i just wanted to like pop in and just like yeah

it might have been donkey kong country the musical i think that's what we were going to that's what we were yes so they're they're all standing around in a circle, and in the circle, if I remember correctly, it's like me, like, going clockwise, so it's like me, little V, Osterruption, Chain, or Wooly John. So it's like that kind of circle. I'm sitting there, they're all talking YouTube banter back and

forth, all the boys know each other and all that. YouTube banter. And then a horrid thought hits me. None of these fucking people know who I am or why I'm here. So I just look like some fucking asshole who's just like a fan. Did you do the thing I did? What did you do? Did you fucking tell him you were YouTube?

No, no, no. I stood stock still. And I'm just standing there. And I'm like, nobody's talking to me because I don't know anybody. And I was never introduced. Because I'm just Shane's boy at that point like i'm just some dude you should have just you should have just said shane introduced me now no introduce me squire roll out the red carpet to your friends squire come to me what makes it worse is um i forget if woolly did like a meet and greet or something but i i went up to woolly at a different point in that day like earlier in that day and i remember explicitly being like i'm

gonna be cool i'm just gonna say hey love your videos you always been a fan that's it and i go up i do that cool and now i'm just standing there in the same vicinity he's probably like this motherfucker is following me and i'm sitting there in this like nathan for you ask like social nightmare and i'm just like i gotta get out of here and so i started checking the weather app on my phone oh that's the last that's the last ditch effort so then fast forward man magfest 2023 yeah we are you know the escalator you take uh to get up to like the pavilion uh at the gaylord so a bunch of our friends are going up that um that escalator and i forget who said it

but as we're going up john and woolly are coming down on the other one and someone kind of tasked me and goes yeah that was woolly and i was like really and i turn around and i'm like well that is certainly woolly hard to miss our one friend she has no fucking clue who woolly is what we're talking about but she goes yeah woolly she starts clapping everyone on our escalator starts laughing and woolly looks back she specifically goes yeah give it up for woolly just starts fucking doing a clap which our other friends start joining in on is the important detail multiple people are clapping a whole escalator starts clapping and woolly fucking woolly looks me dead in my eyes and i'm like i'm never meeting this dude in a normal way i'm always gonna be a be a freak. I'm an unlovable, chungus freak.

You know what? Last year that happened too. Not the clapping bit, but last year we had a really long moment where it was just us hanging out. It was just all our YouTube circle just hanging out. And everybody thought that one guy was friends with another guy, but it ended up

being just a fan oh my god he actually was he was what i thought i was i know what you're talking about yeah no it actually happened there was just one guy that nobody knew that and he was just a fan of everybody that was in the youtube circle and it was really weird everyone made the same assumption of he was like with the other group because i think there was like my god two or three different groups kind of all like compiling together and everyone all thought like oh that is so and so's home it was fucking weird because because everybody assumed that but he was also acting weird like really weird dude was saying the weirdest shit and i i was just like oh oh, it's somebody else's friend. Whatever.

I'm just not, I'm not going to mention it. But at the end, at one point we're just like, who was that weird guy? And everybody was just like, I don't fucking know. Dude, you got fucking a Moses. You literally got infiltrated by the imposter. We did. I mean, cause what the fuck are we, what the fuck are you going to do? Vote him out.

What are you? Who the fuck are you? Who are you with? Who are you with? like what are you who the fuck are you who are you with who are you with who do you know who do you claim what url sorry buddy but uh i gotta press the emergency meeting button i'm so fucking sorry no no no you can't do this to me i have 20k subs please i do have a cap to this uh question actually that also kind of ties into this magfest discussion i was actually gonna save this story uh because anyone who's like heard this story is like possibly sick of it at this point but it is

possibly the funniest thing i've ever done to someone because this isn't a story where i where like i did the embarrassing thing i did to someone else when we were at magfest this past year basically we me woolly john and a few other people ended up going to a strip club with uh gene park uh the washington post uh reporter uh because he was just like oh yeah this place has like really good food like we should go and we're all just like ah for the bit like that sounds funny uh so we went and while we were there i ended up paying our bartender to go up to john and go hey are you super eyepatch wolf and i caused him to have a mental breakdown in the strip club because he was not remotely prepared for this

i remember hearing about oh dude i remember i remember i remember hearing about this because the next day at the room party john came no that was the same day that was the same night so oh that was the same day that happened that's why he was so fucked up yeah he was so fucked up even at the party and i've never seen someone at the party he was fucked up because he would not stop talking about he was like that was fucked up that was fucked up yeah so like in the moment in the moment he blue screened like he like uh like he to, like, reboot his brain after she said that. Because I just thought it'd be like, oh, like, John's been being approached all weekend with this exact question. And I think he just won't be prepared in this context.

And it'll be really funny. Ha ha. I didn't realize that John was not prepared for strip clubs in general. So, he was already kind of in a weakened mental state. Weakened mental state weakened mental so through a flashbang and a dude in nom if anyone plays um call it cthulhu like at this point he was at like one sand bro like he was about to he was about to turn and he was gonna die it happens and the question comes up later um separately because a couple of us went to the bathroom

afterwards it was uh i think it was me wolves and reggie and the question kind of came about like okay so when do we break the news to him and reggie was like later like wait like like later tonight like let him actually conniving it's crazy how you don't get that guy until you actually get to know him it's like oh you're like you're you're a little freak aren't you he's so he's really a fucking freak he's so funny so so we're like yeah like we'll let him sit in it so for the next like few hours like john's like at a weakened point like he is like a fighting game character and like a stun lock and like he's trying to rebuild his gray health and you know we wrap up

the night and uh're like, oh, we're going to go to Billy and everyone's room that they have. It's like, OK, we'll all meet up there. We're all going to go our separate ways for a little bit and, you know, decompress for a moment and then we'll meet back there. So we get to the room party and John is telling the story to a bunch of people because it is like a crazy thing that happened he still doesn't know the reveal yet and as he's telling the story i think to i think to court and 10 it was i think no it was us three because i'm i was there when i learned that it was uh okay okay i i remember there was a few people yeah that's why i was saying so yeah we were we were because we were next to the fridge yeah so

we were in the kitchen next to the fridge giving people beer yeah and at some point he goes he he says to me because i i edit his vods he's like oh when you do like the edit for this uh story make sure to include that you were there too and i was like oh i think this is the time to rip the corn and i go yeah i do have kind of a confession to make i paid her to do that and his sanity meter hit zero he he literally went and sat on the floor for that is fucking crazy he went and sat on the floor for the rest of the night he went off into a corner and sat for that is is worth it that shit's priceless this is like a timeless story that will last forever like yeah you were there like you can attest he went and sat on the floor he literally just went like oh fuck and then just grabbed like opened his beer and just sat there if he were in

eternal darkness it would have already flipped the channel but yeah i don't think anyone's ever gonna have a worse uh i'm a youtuber type type than that i will say i did once at nebraska in 2014 my wife and my friend were both running around everywhere I went and yelling, is that Bryn Daniel Reeves? But I don't think that comes close. I just, I was thinking about that. I don't think I, I'm trying to think of embarrassing stuff, but I feel like I already told all of them. Yeah, you're the progenitor of this.

Yeah, you're the progenitor of this question. So I don't think you're going to tell me. I'm like, yeah, with Scott the waz woolly scott to network like i i've done it so often that it's part of my personality i will say yours yours is the best one because now you're homies with woolly that is like the actual best possible outcome that story could ever have that's the goal yeah it's fuck it's still funny but he will bring it up all the fucking time that's because it's funny it's it really tests our friendship it's awesome but also he did prove my point because when you told me that story like ages ago you're like oh

i'm sure he i i really hope he doesn't remember this and i told you i was like i bet you that doesn't even that did probably didn't even like factor into his top like 50 most embarrassing fan moments ever and when you when he heard this story he's like yeah i don't remember this yeah but now he knows that you're a youtuber no he does yeah message to the fans listening to this you have to be a real freak to be remembered as a as a as a fan so you gotta like make sure your game is like, yeah, you really, really got to fumble. So if you want to be remembered, don't forget, be the worst.

Message to PST fans, please stop DMing me asking if you can date my mom. I got to pack up. That's my whole enterprise. You're going to have to stop, man. Damn. This was actually all targeted towards you. They told me we were going

into a recession i didn't believe them fuck uh am i good to read another question yeah go for it cracker all right uh crunchy lettuce asks what is your guys's worst wait that's real moments like when you learn something exists for the first time when you should have known years beforehand and it's socially embarrassing. I have a really good one for this. I didn't know that Mario 64 existed. What? I played Mario 64 DS when I was a little kid and I just didn't know that there was another game called Mario 64 until I was at least maybe i think like 14 i i genuinely thought that mario like 64 ds was just like an oddly titled game i didn't know it was a remake i know what mine is

i just realized i know what mine is when i was um i was very young i was very very young but i thought for the longest time that the entirety of canada talked french as the main language and it blew my fucking mind and i i was when i i remember meeting when i was like when i was maybe like 10 i met like somebody from ontario and they talked english and i was like what the fuck like hey where did you where did you come from and they were like canada and i was like no where did you come from before that and he was like canada and i was like what and it kind of blew my mind that people that french canada was so small at that time because i thought everybody spoke french french french canadian yeah i don't know my i have like my little world view um another that like comes to mind is i think it's less like oh that's real

more so i was just like an ignorant kid who didn't understand how these things worked um when i was like four my parents brought me to uh the amish country in pennsylvania because it's like 30 minutes away and i was fucking mortified because the only thing i knew about amish people was that they didn't like technology i I didn't understand like what that meant. Oh, so it freaked you out because you were in a car? Yeah, actually. Because I was afraid we were going to park our car, go out, and we would come back and they would fucking take it apart like Jawas. Like, I genuinely thought that's how Amish people work.

Like fucking Jawas. Literally, I thought like we'd leave the car and they'd be like, and take my fucking car apart and I couldn't get home. I was terrified. They'd take it apart and turn it into a barn. I remember walking by like you know the people in like traditional like Amish dress or whatever. Little four year old me walking by. I have like one hand

holding my mom's hand. The other one I look at one of them. I give them the fucking I'm looking at you eyes where it's like the like hand signal where you point to your eyes with two fingers and point to them. And I'm just i'm watching you don't touch my car realistically a question like this is uh like it it cuts deep to my core because my life is just a series of moments like this but two to come to mind that i think of immediately one i thought it was illegal for women to drive a truck until i was 12 hey man and the reason i thought it was i don't know why i thought it was illegal for women to drive a truck until i was 12 hey man and the

reason i thought it was i don't know why i thought it was illegal for women to drive a truck like just any kind of truck my grandma had this friend her name was tony and i thought she was badass because she drove a truck and i thought she was just breaking the law so i thought she was just the coolest woman ever because she'd like come over my grandparents he'd be driving this red truck and be like holy shit she's gonna get in so much trouble if they find out because my grandma had a car my grandpa had a truck and my grandma would never drive the truck so in my head at some point it just correlated like it is illegal for women to drive trucks in fact it is very illegal so it took me a long time to realize no that's that's not illegal like women could just drive trucks the second one was

there was a movie that i watched as a kid that i shouldn't have watched and then the movie i think a character yells out something like they've got herpes in like a movie theater scene and i can't remember the movie but i know for a fact for a full year i would just yell at kids on the playground you have herpes you have herpes you're all herped up on her i didn't know what the hell it meant i just was like oh fuck oh i am personally owned though because i had cold sores i was the one oh you were the herpes you were a little herpy harry that's adorable. Aw, Herpy Harry with his little fucking herpes. Oh, I also, for the longest time, believed

that Santa Claus was real. I also had that. What age did everyone 13? Mine, I think, was like not... Mine was like 6th grade, so it was probably like 11 or 12. I was a little social engineer, though, because I didn't want to admit that i just believed in magic and santa claus so i pretended

like i knew the whole time actually i was just pretending to not know for a very long time but but if you're listening to this uh santa claus is real and honestly he needs to stop sending me hate mail dude and i know it's him because it smells like peppermint every fucking dumbass no it's fucking just because you get cold you fucking you get cold i got hate mail you got hate no i get hate mail santa yeah it's personalized in descriptive prose he writes how he's gonna kill me no i i remember my um my like santa's not real moment because my my mom it wasn't even christmas time it was around easter because i still believed in the fucking easter bunny my mom like in the middle of an acme goes like yeah the easter bunny you're

like we had to get something for a family member of mine they're like oh we're gonna get them this i'm like isn't the easter bunny get that and i was like you fucking kidding me he's like in the middle of an acme just rocked my world i'm just like are you fucking stupid damn yeah you don't i can't remember what mine was i think i i'm pretty sure at one point i think i was maybe 10 i don't remember i was i was a bit older uh to have known better but i just told my mom like santa claus not real right and then she was like nah and i was like yeah yeah yeah i was like yo what's up mom not real right and then she was like no and i was like no yeah that makes sense that makes sense well father christmas is and you should be afraid but he is real and uh he's coming soon uh because it's almost christmas so you better be nice

you better be nice you better be nice to us how about how about this exercise um under the comments of this video or podcast uh comment a nice thing and say a very nice thing and uh then say save that nice thing and then use it for your mom and then reply to the comments and say a very mean thing yeah reply to the comments from the people who said nice things and say a mean start wars i want to see violence yeah i mean the the fact of the matter is is we want to neutralize santa by giving him so much schadenfreude he doesn't know what to do so he never leaves the north pole so please nice comments mean replies evil intentions and if you could draw santa cla in a glue trap, that'd just be the bee's knees.

Neutral subscriptions. And give him a really big butt. A big fucking dumper. I want that shit to look like a sloppy Joe in a Walmart bag. We need to fucking end this podcast. We're going off the rails. Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

Last episode of the year. Can you believe it? And none of it would have been possible without the help from our patrons, such as Alan Diver, Blind But Funny, Boopoo Lou, Brain Soup, Brass, Cassandra Crash, Chips, Chris Chapman, Diamante Yogurt, DX Studios, Edward McMillan, Eric Scott Gillies, Ethereal, Gief, Generic Thanks so much for listening, and I guess we'll see you February next year. February. February.