Please Stop Talking - They Think You're Me (feat. Noodle & Samperson) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

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That's pleasestopshopping.com. Billy, did you know about Labooboo BBLs? What the f- Do you guys know about Labooboo BBL surgery or- Labooboo? What is Labooboo? Yeah, I've been learning a little bit about Labooboo BBL surgery or- Labooboo? What is Labooboo? Yeah, I've been learning a little bit about Labooboo BBL surgery recently from the Labooboo subreddit.

I'm gonna be real, I don't know if you're allowed to say that, man. I don't think that's your word. I just typed in Labooboo and I'm seeing a small rabbit child. Yeah, so they're like little toys that people are getting really into and then I found that there's guides on giving it a fat ass. Oh my God, you're right. There's like full on reference guys. Yeah, there's even videos and everything.

I've been, I've been really sucked into like the idea of people buying these to like attach to their purse, attach to their key chain. And they've just been like full on guides of giving them big chunky asses. Giving, it's like giving a beanie baby a fat cock. Man, immediately opening an episode was something that no one is going to be able to see and therefore not understand in a-

Julian, shut up! Julian, hey, Julian, you ever hear about gang stalking? Cause like- I have so much to say about gang stalking, Brendan. I have so many very well-developed thoughts about gang stalking. How about you start? I mean, you don't need theories. It's all me. It's always been me. It always will be me.

I've got I've got a pitch for you. OK, Brendan, I've got a pitch. Yes. Is it what decibel? Yeah. So with that out of the way, gang stalking, I've been thinking about this. I've been I've been shopping it around. I'm thinking there's like an app, right? Yeah. And we can like we can

test this out of the next MacFest, right? But there's an application. And it's it's general. It's general function is to unite people with a singular goal. And I'm thinking like, you know, there was like, Pokemon Go. No, no, you're fucking me. You're Mark Zuckerberg in me. No, no, you're fucking me. You're Mark Zuckerberg-ing me. Don't do this to me, Julian. What the fuck is... No, this is Pokemon Greg.

This is Pokemon, you're just describing Pokemon Greg. That's my million dollar idea that I stole from Jello. This is, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jello and I came up with this together and you stole it from him. Oh, you son of a bitch. You don't get to rewrite the media narrative. Welcome to the podcast.

So GregGo is an application where you boot it up and then you enter in your name, right? And then if your name is Greg, then you have a very different experience from everyone else. Everyone else, they got to go and get Greg. If you're Greg, you're talking about an immersive PVG experience is what you're getting. Person versus gamer? Well, person versus Greg. Oh! Yeah. This is the difference between you and me, Julian, is that you stole the idea, but I made the app and I am sending 300 people to your house right now.

300 beta Greg testers. My name is not Greg. You're a fucking idiot, dude. It is now. Check your birth certificate. Buddy, I've been talking to RFK. We've got it locked in. We've already changed the name to Greg.

Look at your fucking driver's license right now, dude. Yeah. One of our Pokemon Greg Beta testers is inside the Library of Congress right now rewriting your personal history. It's not a joke. No, no, no, no. You're not taking this far enough. I'm talking like reality altering, like your documents have always been Greg. Look. Look right now. You've never not been Greg. Let me ask you this as a potential investor or buyer for this app real quick. If I was going to hit you with like a, just a, just for like some web dev stuff,

does it know if it's a Greg with one G at the end, two Gs at the end, three Gs at the end? Oh yeah, it's all character sensitive stuff. It's UGC, it's user specified. Okay, so like it's not going to be in a recursive loop. If somebody has a baby, their name is Greg with like 5g's at the end And then they put themselves into the app when they grow older like it'll be able to handle that load If their actual legal name is Greg with 5g's

I feel like we should just stick everyone on them immediately because that is an insane thing to do. That's unfortunate for them The parents did well, right? You don't know that Billy you don't know that, Billy. You don't know that. Hey, you of all people would know about that, wouldn't you? That's right. Like, listen, listen, I was thinking about having like dailies, you know, like, I mean, like if you want this to succeed, it's got to be a live service like a Greg pass. You get like a right like Greg.

Greg is like the standard experience, but you can add on to that with additional stuff like if you buy the Greg pass, then like you'll be able to do daily achievements wherever someone else with a different name is like a secondary objective alongside getting Greg. If you find them along the way, you know, they don't know that they're a secondary target until, you know, someone's acquired them, but it's, you know, it's, it spices up the experience on a day to day basis. I have a question. I still don't know. What do you, what do you do once you catch a Greg?

Oh, you know, you know, you get, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you, is that not clear? Do you kill them? No, you get it. No, no, no, no, no. What the fuck is wrong with you? No, you're not survival. The app store. If you kill them, you get Christ Billy. I you get Christ Billy Let me let me ask this then too as well Um, do you think you could get like augmented reality like a our aspects in this so I could like Through the battle pass as I unlock achievements and by by Greg score my great gamer score goes up. I buy Greg bucks Do you think as I chase the Greggs I could apply skins to the Greggs that I'm chasing so like maybe like a cool I could apply skins to the Greggs that I'm chasing. So like maybe like a cool cat hat. Applying skins to a real person. I don't like that. I don't like that. I was thinking like the AR aspect. Well, cuz Pokemon Go if you're doing Greg Go.

Pokemon Go has the AR aspect to it. So you also need an AR aspect to the Gregg as well. So you could AR the Gregg and give him big bouncing breasts? I mean hey. Here's the other thing. Here's the other thing. With the power of A.R. you can also remove skin from Greg. Oh. He can be just like a skeleton. Yeah.

So you could like the Gregs that you get, you could diagnose them and then you could add mini games to the game like Operation Greg. Brendan you're on the team. Could you for instance virtually scalp Greg? Well no I think we're going too far Judge Holden from Blood Meridian. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Judge Holden from Blood Meridian. That would be way too far. What the fuck is wrong with you? Okay, my bad.

That was way too far. That was way farther than the murder thing I said earlier. Yeah, I mean, I'm getting an image from a United States drone. They say that Julian is always here. They say he'll never die. Be fucking careful, Julian, because with three keystrokes and one click of my big red button, I can turn this into Pokemon Julian. Julian go, fuck. Sorry, that's not good. Three keystrokes, bro doesn't even know how to write Julian.

Dude, that's at least six letters, dumbass. I have like a hotkey mapping, I downloaded auto hotkey to say Julian's name just in case they ever get really mad at him I need to order his death really fast one that says Julian one that says Sam and God You don't want to fuck it up Like but dialing 9-1-1 in a movie theater instead of speed dialing the projection is so you can berate them for doing a bad job The way I like to do that happens to me all the time I always fucking but dial 9-1-1 when I go to shows and then they call me back like three times during the night and every time I'm like, shut up, numbnuts.

The first and only time I've ever butt dialed 9-1-1 in a movie theater. I think I was like, I don't remember how old I was. I was watching Mr. Popper's Penguins in theaters. I just completely, and so I, I, I was like my first time that I was allowed to like have a cell phone in my pocket and I butt dialed 911 in the movie theater during the scene where it's like a big party and the penguins are crashing in and everyone's screaming. And so like, I just remember hearing that like a very faint like, hello, and like from my pocket, looking in my hand, looking at the screen, and then just hanging up and spending the entire fucking

rest of that movie, Mr. Popper's Penguins, fucking white knuckling the movie's seat, because I knew in my heart that the minute that I walked out of that theater, I would be shot by police officers for misusing state resources. First they pop the penguin, then they pop you. I would've worn you in 2011. Oh, then I would have been like 10.

But yeah, it's like the fucking walk out of that movie theater. I felt like I was looking over my shoulder. It was like a purple. To make sure there's no one following me. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Wow. I just think, fuck, it reminds me all of you had like phones when you were kids that I'm saying

I didn't have a phone until like late high school. I didn't have a phone when I was a kid I had one of those prepaid phones. I had a flip phone in high school. Yeah. Yeah, it was like a track phone Yeah Track is a good word for it because it was only there So my parents could check on me any time of the day that I was not immediately under their supervision. I vaguely remember having a phone, but it was a flip phone and it was also prepaid. And it was mostly so my mom could call me and be like, did you take your meds and I'm, you get to be like, oh, and then hang up and be like, listen,

there's not many minutes left. I remember my mom getting rid of her old razor and me not having a phone and being like, oh can I have your phone? She said no, so I went around her back and stole her pink razor and I was going through it. Just a bunch of my stepdad ex-stepdad, just pictures of his hog all over. And that's why you never steal a phone. Just the entire memory card of her razor flip phone full of dicks. That's why Motorola doesn't make the Razer anymore. It was it was on us personally. That's why you don't pay per text anymore. So many hog pictures.

What's crazy is those couldn't have been very good quality photos. They weren't. I just kept fucking. Why are there these many hog pictures? What's happening? Your mind immediately goes to like, this is kind of gratuitous just in terms of sheer number. Like, you know, you paid by the text for these, right? It's like a surcharge. Oh, they weren't taxed. She took the pictures.

They were saved. Oh, so that means they did like they did like little like a grab your photo shoot. Yeah, they did little photo. That's interesting. That's really she had like a Rolodex. Someday I'll be able to feed this into an algorithm that'll upscale it so that I'll be able to see them in new quality, never thought possible.

Wow, thank you, AI. Me going to my ex-stepdad's Facebook, taking all these pictures of him and adding pictures of me and then just generate me beating him up. Now generate me beating him up again. Generate me beating him up. Grog, enhance this hog. Grog, generate a picture of me beating my stepdad up and then beating my dad up and

then beating my other stepdad up. Grog, new app idea, my stepdad go. Stepdad go! Everybody must gangstalk him and find him. So the gangstalking thing was actually not the app. I forgot the origin of this, which was a different thought exercise. I also want to pitch you guys. Mm-hmm.

Bro has thoughts. Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about gang stalking. I really like the idea of like next time we're all in like a group together, right? One person who already lives there is just not told about like the group getting together in their area. And like as a sort of collaboration, everyone who meets up, like let's say it's Chicago, right? There's a person we know in Chicago and they don't know any of us are are going to be going there.

And we just sort of collaborate together like in increasingly creative ways in order to like turn gang stalking from a hypothetical into like a reality just to like, you know, just and like see how this person. Gang stalking has only been an abstract concept and we want to make it real. Right. Right. Because gang stalking is a delusion shared by many people. But like what if nobody has ever done? What if we actually? I'm not going to lie. There's a fine line here between gang stalking and a really lame flash mob. fine line here between gang stalking and a really lame flash mob.

It could also just be like a weird game of tagging the person doesn't know there is. Here's the thing. It's got to be really subtle, right? What I'm imagining, like the POV of like the cameras that you'd hide everywhere, like you would need to like be extremely subtle about it. There'd be a camera hidden behind their mirror. Like you'd be able to access their phone camera, right? You're talking about an incredibly expensive undertaking. Right. This is already, it's already blown the budget.

This is nuts. But imagine their face. But imagine it. The first time they find a camera and it's like they're looking down at it. I want you to imagine the footage of that. I want you to imagine the POV of them squinting into like a a a b a b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b And this is all so we can get shots of them really close to a camera going,

what the hell? It's just like really baffled. No, no. And like, imagine the inverse of that too, right? Like one of us is perched up on a watchtower like 300 feet away with a telescope photo. Why are we a sex? Imagine. Why are we a sex?

I need to imagine them like looking at that and like imagining them from 300 feet away, like, and you can just barely make out their confused slightly paranoid face like imagine the Truman Show but there's no escape it's just us at the Truman Show following you following them into a fun house full of mirrors and they only see you in one of the mirrors as you exit It's a fucking Scooby-Doo page I need you to imagine this is going on for days at this point and they're like actively paranoid I need you to imagine

So we get a plant someone who they don't know comes up and they're like at a convention and it's a couple people And they're just like yo, can you yeah? Can you get to use like a photo of us and they're like cosplaying so they're gonna be like, okay Sure, and they they hand you a phone and it's already rolling. And it's like their face, it's like them staring into the front facing camera, already rolling. Imagine they're just like, seeing the process like trying to figure out

what the fuck is happening. You actually thought about this way more than I thought any of you. I thought about this a lot. That's not saying. There's a point where it stopped being funny. I just wanted to. That was it. That was it.

I just, I just, first time I thought about this, I was in tears for like, like an hour thinking about how funny this would be. How tired were you? It was like 7 p.m., brother. You weren't tired at all. So what in your mind was the punchline to that? At what point did we cross? It's about the journey. Not everything needs to be there. I like the hypothetical of- I like seeing this- I like imagining this person's reactions to like increasingly paranoid reactions and like having footage of them. You're like a fucking baby that freaks the fuck out when he sees a funny face. I think that the mental image of being several hundred feet away from a person

and them making you out from that far away and like they're barely defined features on their face, cycling through confusion, shock, paranoia, anger, and then just walking again is just so funny for reasons I struggled to articulate. Hey Julian, you would love war. That's pretty close. That's kind of what I'm describing in a way. What if we brought the war home with us? Yes Yeah, that was awful. Thanks. TST, please stock them It's fucked up because groups of surly dads in iowa are called stock gangs. So whoa

What yeah like the stock of cordon, but you're you're still on your dill thing. Yeah, I mean hey dill Hunter 2025. What if you could find DILFs? Actually change this, this gang stalking app idea. I'm taking it. It's just to seek out DILFs now I'm changing the algorithm. That's interesting. God, if only that. Is it DILF seeking thistle? Bro's creating Grindr. Now we're finding, we're finding, we're finding off the grid DILFs here. We're finding DILFs off the grid. Off the, like dads that don't have internet access. Dads I'd like to find. Yeah. Like DILF they'll soft the grid like DILFs that are out there In log cabins chopping down lots of wood riding a ski do just just chilling out there in the woods

No cell phone no nothing just nature free range. We're gonna get them free range deals Yeah, ski do kind of implies that they're stuck in a very specific place where there's snow It's a natural habitat. I feel like a four wheeler would make more sense because that you can drive anywhere. No, I mean, you watch like a spy movie and when the spy retires, they go up to like a cabin in the mountains. They got a ski-doo up there.

Should we have introduced Sam at any point? I mean, it depends. Do you deserve it? Well, introduce me at the end of the episode if I pass. Pass by what metric? Give us a good reason why you should. We haven't gotten there. Like the vibe check?

Yeah. Vibe check, letter drain. Whatever the metric is, yeah. You ever think about how we've built a world for them, but not a world for us? I'm talking about foot fetishists, by the way. You ever realize? Okay. They got that whole episode of the king of the hill.

Peggy puts her feet in mashed potatoes. It's really annoying that nowadays I can't just take a picture without wearing socks and without somebody going, whoa, mama. Like what happened, man? You have to be hyper aware of your feet in the digital age. You have to be hyper aware. That's what I'm saying.

The world is built around fearing them. I will say, I will say, there is a lot of comedic potential that comes from it now. Like, well, for instance, there's a live action video that I plan on. Let's hear your foot funny. There's a live action video that I plan on putting out at some point this year, fingers crossed, toes crossed,

that because of the amount of raw footage that is in it, there will absolutely be points wherever people's feet are at some point in passing on camera. And I'm going to have to go in there and manually like mosaic blur sensor all of the feet. And like that's an active choice that people are gonna notice. And I think that's pretty funny. I don't know. I guess it's funny, but you see, I have a problem with that because that we're doing that because we fear them. And I don't think we should fear foot fetishes. You ever heard all the stories about how foot like I went to the shoe store and

the guy was helping me with my shoes. And then when I took my socks off, he sniffed my feet. Did Corbin ever tell the nightmare about the story of the nightmare he had like a year or two ago on the podcast? I don't think so. It's very, it's very short. It just, I think he just woke up one morning while we were living together and he just had to tell someone, but he was just like Julie and I, last night I had a nightmare that I was back in my old place and the street the camera was on and I was streaming I was streaming myself asleep and I came to and I wasn't wearing any socks and my feet were only covered by the by the bed sheets and I knew that in order to turn the stream off I have to get out of bed and people would see my feet. And so I could. That's what I I was saying and I just stayed there forever

It was a very long dream where all he did was just lay there in fear pretending to still be asleep I mean, I'm different so I don't care but you know, I'm just tired I posted a fucking somebody posted a picture of me in like the group chat recently and My feet were out and then everybody you were the weren't you the one that just said nice feet asshole I whatever I wouldn't do that. No, that doesn't sound like me. It sounds like you're you're a foot weirdo No, I'm awesome. It was fucking Charlie. Yeah that okay that's It was fucking Charlie. Yeah that okay that's Do you guys think it's like it's one of those things where they sneak it in as a joke and then suddenly it's real And it's just an actual thing you have to contend with what do you mean?

You know people you know about feet. Oh, just like Brendan uses big and round right? Yeah It's like a joke until it isn't anymore. It's like a joke until you look at the search history. It's to get us, it's to get us closer to a whole whale society. I want this to be a pod, not just a podcast. Does it ever piss you off that you can't like attribute anything to big, big and round without repeating yourself a little bit? Anyway. You can't attribute it. Yeah. Yeah. Big and round industrial complex. right around industrial great I was

thinking about buying a pair of Crocs and then putting some really fucked up gibbets and then whenever I take pictures that include my feet like some analog horror gibbets why is that buddy huh just cuz like really just put the fear of God into people how often do you show your feet pretty often I mean I go into foot finder and I just post pics on there every once in a while no you don't no you don't I No, you don't. I attribute the feet to different people. Like these are the feet of Charlize Theron. Okay, never mind. That's pretty good.

These are the feet of Sam Rockwell and like nobody's caught on. They're always the same feet. It's always your feet. It's always my feet. Yeah. Oh, the trick is you put makeup on them. But you know, I put makeup on them. You put makeup on them. Every time. Yeah. Different angle, different kinds of makeup.

Is there like a, you know how there's like a face app? Do you think there's like a foot app where you can like change, change it the way it looks so you can? I'll Google it right now. I'll Google foot app application for foot jobs. Not what I meant. Yeah. No, hey, localfootjobs.com is a website. Oh, there you go. So it does happen. Cool. Yeah, but they don't have foot filters. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about like, can you yosify your feet? I mean, yeah, you could do literally anything. God gave you free will with your Xbox. If you put like nail polish, I guess. Yeah, but like, is there an app that lets you do it quickly? Like, is there an existing solution to this problem? Because if not,

I think I'm identifying a gap in the market. Foot fetish phone apps. I don't care about my history. Okay, I know we're joking right now, but the worst part is I feel like you could make a lot of fucking money off of that idea. No, you could not. It's too niche. It's called Feet Finder. It exists. Oh my God. Do you know how freaky foot guys are? Dude, I wish my foot was just like a little bit more tan on the insoles. Dude, I wish my foot was just like a little bit more tan on the insoles. Feet Finder has an app included in it where you can scan your feet. It'll tell you how much it's worth from their expert analysis. No fucking way.

You can literally go to Feet Finder, take pictures of your feet, and it'll tell you exactly how much money your feet is worth. What? Brother. Yeah. Pawn stars for feet? Wait, what? Is that real? Yeah, feetfinder.com. You can stars for feet. Wait, what? Is that real? Yeah, feetfighter.com. You can actually see how much money your feet are worth based on their expert data.

What? So that's kind of, that sounds kind of bullshit because you are also giving them the pictures. Right. Like they've got to be low balling you on that. Oh my god, you're right. Yeah. Like. That feels, this feels like a scam.

They can just say whatever they want. All the power is in their hands on this, you know? Oh my God, getting gas lit by feet finder. Yeah, if you really wanted to do this right, it would have to be a physical center that you would print out the picture and make sure that they don't scan it or anything, because you would need a physical

so they can't hold on to it. Right, or you would just go without shoes and there'd have to be a no camera, no phone policy. I'd like to stop thinking about this. I would like deposit. We pivot. How do you? So I'm like on the seller's page of Feet Primer, right? Yeah.

What's the point? What's the point of paying for a foot picture? Yeah. Look down, stupid. You can buy, you can go to the library and get Dr. Seuss's the foot picture. Yeah. Look down stupid. You can buy, you can go to the library and get Dr. Seuss's the foot book. The foot book is right there and it's in the library. I mean, it's not even that. It's more the fact that the preview pictures for the feet are just the feet. So what else do you want? You want it in ultra HD. So you can zoom in. If I can't count the pores then it's not a good picture.

Whack. I assume you want pictures of the feet getting nasty. Like big ol' pile of honey buns that they step on like uh- Hey Billy, you ever thought about this? Maybe that one- Oh it's live cams! Ohhhh. Yeah maybe that one image is just a preview. Maybe that's not the whole package okay? Think about about it Oh my god, there are so many categories of feet. What the fuck feet feet feet. There's a foot book. That's insane There's one that says emo and one that says you see oh fuck. Yeah, I can get juicy emo feet on calm Do you think I could get like sweaty goth feet? I'm googling right now what did you find what did you find clowns fucking hilarious what the fuck is this people into feet listening Feet listening to this and being like man. Stopping, oh! That picture is amazing.

It's a little boy, it's a little man. That's the thing, yeah, guys like their balls stepped on or they like to imagine they're really tiny and get stepped on. I'm fucking, I'm benching myself at halftime coach. I'm done. Oh, but one of the categories is just awesome. Yeah!

Awesome feet, feet, but awesome. Am I the only person in this call who's not on footfinder.com right now? Why is there one that's just Fred Flintstone? Yeah. What? No, this is real. There's one of the categories that's just Fred Flintstone.

Yeah, but they have to do it. How many entries? Okay, I'm done. I can't do it. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, but they have to do it. How many entries? OK, I'm done. I can't do it. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, but they have to do it. I can't do it. I'm not clicking on that. OK, fine. I'm clicking on that. How do you get Fupa feet? What?

Why are there so many Fred Flintstones? I don't get it. Fred Flintstone, when they propel the car, the vehicular motion of the cars and the Flintstones is done by the feet. And like the feet are like a central part of it. They are the engine of the cars and the Flintstones is done by the feet. And the feet are like a central part of they are the engine of the car. Yeah. So like kids definitely clear my browser history. That's not going to be enough. We participated in feet finder. Yeah. If you're watching that and with a young impressionable mind, you definitely could focus in on that. Those feet go so quiet. Why,

why are you doing like play by play analysis of the flints? I'm sorry. Well, because I didn't think about how that could possibly find its way onto a website like that at first. I was like trying to rationalize why the fuck is that a category? And so I followed it through. I followed it through. And then by the end, it made sense to me, Sam. It's called an exercise in empathy. You should fucking try it someday. Yeah. In fact, I'm going to ask all the, all the sex psychologists that listen to this show. Could you tell us if how correct Julian is?

Thanks. Thanks guys. Give us a detailed three paragraphs minimum on why Fred Flintstone would be on feet finder. Bonnie. You can find our inbox at a twitter.com slash Sam person. Not even close. Uh, it's twitter.com slash grok. Ah, please send all your grok.

Grog, what are you setting up 500 PCs just to render feet pictures through grok. So people only get feet? Grok, am I onto something here? Grok, turn on sexy mode. Gork, is this concerning? Is this a concern? Gork, what's the world coming to? Gork, it seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV,

but where are those good old-fashioned values on which we used to rely? Grock, have you seen Family Guy? It's pretty good. What do you think? If you say that, they'd probably, they'd probably spew back something about like, that's not funny. I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop this thought.

That's not even funny. That's just sad. A sad state of the world we live in. Dude, the world is fucked up and crazy if you really think about it. Yeah. I'm like 50-50 on what dropping this on the conversation is going to do, but like right now as we speak, there is a current issue with- Is this the South African?

It's the, yeah, it's the fact that they dropped a, someone dropped a bunch of information on racial conflict in South Africa into the like prompt for GROC. And so now he's responding to every single query as if they were talking about racial conflict in South Africa, really kind of, you know, blunt force method of, of trying to insert your political opinion into a large language model, but it is leading to some really cool haikus. So that's nice. What do you mean haikus?

Like there are people who are asking Grok to like make haikus so that's nice. Wait what do you mean haikus like there are people who are asking grok to like make haikus about things that they were seeing on twitter and every haiku would just come out being about the racial conflict in south africa no matter what the actual original problem was what the fuck it's really cool talk south africa i don't know much about that place. Hope that they're okay. Thanks, Grok. Oh, that was you. That was you. You did that. Yeah.

I thought you read that. That's you. You created this. Yeah. Wow. Thanks. We have a little haiku master over here. Send him to the Japan Nationals. Yes. Send him to the Japan nationals.

Yes. Send him to the grok mine. Yeah, this is good. I hope I hope that none of this gets cut. You think I cut anything on PSD? If anything, I'll censor when somebody says something awful. I know. And that's about it. People always think I'm cutting a bunch of shit out of the episode. I'm really not. I never do that. Yes, you do. Whatever happened. No. There are moments where you have to step in. It's happened.

Like what? I don't remember. Yeah, exactly. The record has been scrubbed, Billy. That's kind of the point. Billy, cut it from your mind. That's the power of audio editing. Brandon, didn't you Billy cut it from your mind. That's the power of audio editing. Brandon, didn't you, didn't you have something that you said you wanted to save for the podcast that got a strong reaction out of me? You did say that earlier. Oh yeah. So I, I've been on my like, I've been on my, I bet I'm a positive mental health. I gave Julian a tidbit. Um,

I've been on my positive mental health arc lately. So I've been going to see like a brain doctor about brain things, I've been going to see like a brain doctor about brain things. Right. You're signaling. And he had me on antidepressants for about two weeks and I did not like them because I got unreasonably angry at a burrito. I remember that story. And I mean like, and I told Billy about this.

That sounds, that sounds like the opposite of what an antidepressant is supposed to do. Well, the problem was, is I was trying to wrap a burrito and I got so mad that I saw red and I had to ask my wife, the problem was, is I was trying to wrap a burrito and I got so mad that I saw red and I had to ask my wife, please leave the kitchen. I need a minute with this burrito. Dude, I know exactly that feeling though.

I know exactly how that feels. Did you talk with the burrito? No, I was just trying to wrap the burrito, but I got way angrier than I have in the last like 20 years of my fucking life. Like I have not been this mad since I was a kid. Like I was, I was frustrated. Leave the kitchen. I must, I must commune with this food. I need to start a dialogue with this fucking tortilla. See at that point, it's not even a burrito. It's a loose tortilla. Cause I can't get it to be a burrito. I'm trying to convince it to wrap.

It's a fucking Nat 20 charisma check. It's a Nat 20 like fucking intimidation check. I need to get this burrito and I need it wrapped now. But yeah, I had this problem. And so I went to my brain doctor and I was like, Hey, you know, talking about it, trying to like figure out like what the next steps are. Cause it's like, he doesn't think it's, it's, it's, it's depression now. He's like, okay, probably just unmedicated ADHD. And we're like going through the steps and he's like, Hey, ready player one? And he just goes in.

I love my brain doctor. Love him. He's talking about like dungeon. He's talking about books with me for like half an hour. He's like, he's got these like posters of like Star Wars on the wall. He's got like a final fantasy wood carving, an earthbound cube.

Like this guy's like a 40, 50 year old, like gigantic nerd. So much pop culture. So many red flags, brother. I'm gonna be real with be real with you no but no it would be red flags if I saw a Funko pop he had a bunch of video game merch but not a single Funko pop okay okay we're in the clear okay so like he brought up ready player one then he was talking and I was like yeah I don't really like ready player one already player two like genuinely it's like books Have you ever heard about Ernest Cline's nerd porn auteur? I told my brain doctor. No way.

No way. You brought that up to him. That's like my favorite thing ever. I brought up Ernest Cline's nerd porn auteur and I told him a little bit about it. And he's like, huh, we should get you on Adderall. And I. Yes.

Julian, you need to not say who this is because you were there one of the times, but but I had a friend I had a very good friend who as a joke once while I was playing fortnight with my friend started reading out Ernest Cline's nerd porn auteur yeah and yeah as like as it because I had never read it before that's a good reason he was like it before. Oh, it's a good reason. So he was like, oh, you know, a, a re yeah, it's a, it's fascinating. And the fucked up thing is I started playing better when I was distressed by the things that was here. And so this fighter flight can do wonders.

It's like in real wars. Yeah, dude. Yeah. It's one of it. Actually there are declassified CIA documents where they talk about using this like alongside, you know, Katy Perry music as a method of. Actually, there are declassified CIA documents where they talk about using this alongside Katy Perry music as a method of torture. No, first off, it's Britney Spears.

Just imagining California girls overlaid with nerd porn auteur as somebody's just getting waterboarded. It was the fucking Meow Mix theme, alright? Someone hating America more and more as they get closer and closer at the end of that poem. No, but it's like, no yeah, what's fucked up is that I was, I was then later playing a Fortnite with this friend and Julian, uh, and he started doing it again and it worked that time too. Yeah. Oh, you found your activation phrase. You may actually be ready player zero, Sam. There is an actual, there is an actual fucking phenomenon where like I will play video games better

the worst my life is going. Yeah, this is this is. And so I guess that was like a shortcut. This is a documented phenomenon that has held true for several years now. And so I guess he was just trying to shortcut that process as my friend. So we should like kill your dog so you can win evil. Sam, have you entered your name into Greg Go yet? I have a great... You should boot up League of Legends right now. I think we could go competitive, but there's just something that we need to do first. Me just handing you the audio book for Blood Meridian.

Here you go. You need this whenever you game. You want to feel bad? Here you go. Hey need this whenever you game. You wanna feel bad? Here you go. Hey Sam, do you wanna come on our podcast? Yeah. Please. Dude, you should boot up Fortnite right now as we speak.

I guarantee you, you'd be fucking gaming like a pro. I am. We're halfway there. So many chicken dinners, they call you the buffet. We still haven't entered the fucking phase two of this podcast episode. Yeah. What is phase two? I don't know phase two. Oh, I mean

Yeah me scrolling through the questions, I can't believe these people have the audacity to support my work What is wrong with them? So, any guys, you can support us if you search up PST on Patreon. Well, if you type in PST, you're probably just not going to find it. You can search PST on Patreon. You can find us if you just keep searching for a while. You'll get there. I believe in you. And then we get to make fun of you. And I think that's beautiful. This is not the transition into Patreon.

I know. Okay. What the fuck? Okay. What the fuck was that? Who would be the funniest character for Dwayne the Rock Johnson to play in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

and why is it Varukha Sultan? I don't know. Dwayne the Rock playing Willy Wonka. I really like the idea of. Yeah. Because he's trying to be a badass, but he's also trying to capture the whimsicality in these two things. They just don't meet.

Like they don't work. And he contractually cannot die. Right. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and it's all the exact same movie, but Hollywood Musclemen play the kids. Hollywood Musclemen? Jason Momoa, Dwayne Rock Johnson, that guy from Reacher. Oh, that guy from Reacher. He's a bulky Sherlock Holmes. What? Yeah. That's the whole show. Oh, I thought you were talking about, he wasn't an actual Sherlock Holmes thing. I was like, no, Reacher Reacher is just kind of bulky

Sherlock Holmes. Yeah, kinda. I like Richard guys ever watch red one. Yes. kind of bulky Sherlock Holmes. Yeah. Kind of. I like Richard. You guys ever watch red one? Yes. What's red one again? Is that the oh, that's the one with the that's the one with the makes the car small. Well, you know that Dwayne is on his

comeback tour. He's going to be in a 24 movie called The Smashing Machine playing a UFC guy that I am actually interested in. I feel I feel like I did see him like he probably noticed that people were like really sick of him and his fucking annoying shit. ZOA energy? I don't know.

That's a charitable reason. I mean, Black Adam was such a fuck up that I feel like he probably... Brother, he made Red One after Black Adam. I don't think that that's a fair assessment. I feel like, oh, well, it was probably... Okay, it was probably in the works for a while. I don't think that's entirely fair Do you do you hear what he said about black adam whenever it flopped?

Did you hear how he was talking about it? I don't think he learned a fucking in the hole It won best picture Moron it won best picture. Yeah In to me. Oh That's what's important. Nothing else matters. I'm always legitimately interested and excited when celebrities who fall into a stick do a curve ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do hope that his eight twenty four movie forces him into some uncomfortable corners

because that's that would be neat. I'm hoping that he's uncomfortable all the time. He will be. I saw the pictures. He has so many prosthetics on his face. He reminds me of the Tim Robinson bit where it's, I don't even want to be here anymore, where he's got all the shit all over his face. I don't want to be here anymore. That bit is so fucking funny, dude. I love that show.

I only started watching it recently because you guys kept fucking referencing it. And I was like, what the fuck are they saying? They're freaking me out with these things. How would you feel if one of these were recording Billy or recording live? Right. We're recording live. We all get in a room and it gets really uncomfortably hot, as is always the case. Right. Yeah. And we start recording. And as soon as we start, just no one like, no one says anything.

We're just kind of looking at you. Did you can't have me, having me in a room and be quiet is a literal impossibility. Yeah. I feel like I'm more talkative in person if I'm honest. And that's not because of alcohol. I'm just imagining what the reaction would be like generally, you know, just like.

I feel like at that point, like a scary vinyl record would be playing on the old Victrola and then it starts skipping and then lights would go out. We'd be in a haunted house. Like that'd be the, it would have to be ghosts. Why ghosts? Why is it always haunted, haunted by ghosts? Why can't it be haunted by like gnomes? Like a house haunted by gnomes? Yeah. Fuck gnomes dude. Little freaky fucks with them. If I go outside and I see a little dude with a red hat sitting on a fucking mushroom in

front of my house, I'm kicking him. I don't care. You can't stop me. I'm killing him. I'd eat him. What the fuck? Okay, podcast is haunted. Got it.

What the fuck was that? Who just drifted through your wall? Some dude was just speeding on my road. Oh it was. Oh my god. Like really fucking insane speeding. Like really fucking insane speeding. Like really fucking insane speeding.

Like really fucking insane speeding. Like really fucking insane speeding. Like really fucking insane speeding. Like really fucking insane speeding. Like really fucking insane speeding. Like really fucking insane speeding. What the fuck was that who just drifted through your wall some dude was just speeding on my oh it was Like god really fucking insane speeding the dress was blue. He swerved because he saw kids kids playing hockey outside The drift meter appeared on his dashboard he didn't know what to do he had to give in Jesus Christ, dude. Thank God. kids are safe. Unless they're bad kids. Thank God those kids are playing hockey. Otherwise you wouldn't have slowed down unless they're bad kids. Bad kids should die. It would be fucked up if a road safety PSA commercial played out in real time in front of your house. I don't think that would be very funny if I'm honest. No, it wouldn't. That's why I'm laughing.

So fucking insane. Speaking of bad kids getting splattered on a car, Patreon question. Yes. If you're part of the $5 and above tiers, you can torture Sam. Oh, when did we? When did we? Do I see any of that? Yeah. I get to see the money. I don't get to have the money. Well, see, I, the thing is, is I, I, I I found a free-range contraption and it's just you sized What the fuck do you mean a free-range contraption?

That is sometimes you go out to the woods and you see a contraption out in the middle of the woods and you grab you Bring it home. You put salmon there. That's free-range contraption. I was gonna say I feel like it's pretty obvious What he met by that? I don't know. Fucking. It's not like a homemade contraption. Yeah. Why are you being weird? Sorry. Have you ever seen American Pickers?

It's like American Pickers, but for game developers, they find free range thingamabobs contraptions, all sorts of things. I really like when you're wandering in a field and you see a sign and you're like, I wonder what that sign says. And it, and you walk up to it and you said it says if you're reading this sign You're way too fucking close. You're way too fucking close back the fuck I thought I really in my head the first thing I thought is the sign says bug bunny home I love that. I love I love being out there and I just see a big sign. It's a bug bunny home. I look down hole It's always a good day when hole

Yeah, no, right fields are known for guys saying it's hunting season and then shooting trespassers. Yeah, I live in the Midwest That's just true. Oh my god. I just remembered the story. I was gonna say Oh my god, okay I was gonna say. I was looking at the topics. Wait, no, wait a sec. I was looking at a fucking, okay, this is insane. I totally forgot about this. This is so awful.

I was looking at the topics and I just read bird and I was like, the fuck do I mean bird? I just remembered what bird was. Uh huh. Uh huh. Do you guys, okay, so I don't know if you guys noticed or not by looking outside like last year But there was something about like an eclipse happening, right? Uh-huh. So me and my friends we took a little trip to go out a bit farther because we live in the suburbs So we went a bit farther in the rural area. I hate that fucking word and we were like pretty far

We were we were just like watching the eclipse next to a big, a big like river and it was going to be right on the path where we would see it the best and the longest. We see the eclipse during the entire time. I'm going to be honest, I had a drink or two. I had a drink or two and I had to piss. So after the eclipse, I'm like, okay, guys, I'll be right back. I gotta I gotta go. And then my friend, Ferds is like, okay, I'll join you. And then I'm like, we're like stumbling to try to find anywhere to pass because there's just a big river and a little patch of like forest. So I go into we go into the forest and we're trying to find a spot.

Now I'm like, OK, dude, I'm going to literally piss myself if I do not drop my pants and start pissing. So I just drop my pants. Not not actually, because I'm not a toddler. Full ass out. You know, I fucking full ass out. I drop my pants. I start pissing there. And I'm not I'm not even looking where I'm pissing.

I'm just kind of like staring blankly in front of me. As I'm pissing, I just hear, we. What? What do you mean? Like a fucking little. Are you talking Like a little wee wee wee wee. Like a little pig in the bathroom or something? There was a bird. There was a bird. I started pissing on the bird. It flew away. It flew away screaming.

And then Ferd saw the bird and was like, what the fuck did you do to the bird? Oh, that sucks. That was awful. I couldn't believe it. Dude, I'm surprised the bird even let me get close enough to do that. It trusted you. It was like, how to train your dragon. Wow. It trusted me, but I was not looking at all.

Wow. Oh, wow. Yeah. I have a bird story, but it doesn't end like that. I hope that what about your bird? Yeah, no, my bird story doesn't doesn't end with pissing or stepping on it. It was there's a couple of years ago. I was wrong with me. I was basically, you know, I was, you know, it's like very late at night. It's like 11 p.m. or whatever. I'm about to go home. I'm walking to the parking garage where I left my bike. Uh, classic nighttime, nothing happened story.

And then, and I have a picture of this so I can prove it. A Falcon lands on my shoulder. Uh, actual Brown Falcon lands on my left shoulder. I have a picture of this that I took that I will send later because I'm not gonna fucking root for it right now. And I just stopped moving because this has never happened to me before. I would have that on speed dial. That would be like most recent images 24 seven.

That is an S rank random bird event. Oh, this is only the beginning of the story. All right. That would scare the fuck out of me. No, I was very, I, in the picture, I have a completely blank expression because internally I'm trying not to freak out because I don't know what the fuck is going on.

I am nowhere near nature, right? I'm this, and this bird is the size of my fucking head. And so after a second, you know, I hear some more flapping, uh, but it's not the bird next to me leaving. It is a second Falcon coming into land on my other shoulder Picture I know how unbelievable this sounds this is only the setup for this I have a picture and I will show it to you as soon as I can So they probably just had like a nest in there and they were just hanging out. No, hey, no, I I learned

I learned what happened. This is the picture when there was only one Falcon on my shoulder as you can see the parking garage behind Yeah, so anyway, so I'm standing there, one falcon on either shoulder. You can see I'm wearing this like black winter jacket. You can see like the little thread. And I'm just standing there because I don't know what's happening. It's like they're waiting for me to do something, but I cannot possibly imagine what. And then, and I'm completely alone because it's late at night. And then a man steps out of the shadows.

And when I mean, when I say steps out of the shadows, I mean like the shadows roll off of him, like a velvet drape being pulled off of an Apple product. Like he walks out and he's dressed in these same clothes as me. He has the same jacket, he has the same jeans, and he has the same facial. He looks like, it's like I'm looking in a fucking mirror

But he's a little taller and so I'm so I'm losing my fucking mind right now But I'm not saying anything because if you'll remember I have a fucking Falcon on either shoulder And so he looks at me and he kind of like gestures vaguely at me and he says they think you're me and I'm like think you're me and I'm like I don't say that because that's an inside thought and I have a Falcon on the shoulder so I just go like oh like and it's I so we kind of stared each other for a second he does not seem bothered by this situation at all and he goes come on and they both fucking fly off of my shoulders and land on his because I guess he was like a Falconer doing fucking Falcon practice in this parking garage and I don't know what to say because he hasn't left yet as I say

like some shit like you come here often like you you do this often Why would you say that? With two falcons in a parking garage I need to know everything about this man's life But like that's all that I can conjure up in that moment And he goes like in a sense That's less than no information That is less than no information And then he starts walking away

And he walks away into the night And the velvet drape comes back on and I never see it again. Okay, he's fucking with you. So he's fucking with you. No, I am not. Got it. I am not. Oh, that guy fucking with me? No, the guy was probably not fucking with him. No, I think that guy was just fucking weird. All right, but that's not the end of the story.

All right, because I am fucking crazy at this point. And so I end up walking because it's not that far from my house. so I end up walking home and I get back to the next morning and my bike is gone so I don't know if that's connected. He used his Falcons as a distraction to steal your bike. In my head there is someone out there in LA who is a Falconer and owes me a bike. Who's after? And I know what he looks like because I see him in the mirror every fucking morning. This is what... That is one possibility. There's a second.

Maybe he was on the app. Maybe he was on the app. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He found Sam. That's what happens when you get him. He's still a bike. I'm just imagining him walking along and his two birds carrying the bike next to him in the middle of the air. They just, like they're just carrying it for him.

The two birds are one on each pedal, just pedaling around. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the other third possibility is that he is like a time traveler future self where my life takes a series of left turns. And so to prepare- And you become a falconer.. I become a Falconer and I have to go back in time to falcon myself. So to that end, I will say, I have been, just to kind

of account for that possibility, I have been looking into the possibility of taking some beginners falconing lessons next year. We'll see if things line up. What if, what if taking your bike, he took your bike because if you, if he didn't take your bike, you would have had an incident that led you to become the Falconer. Dude.

So he took the bike because he wanted to make sure you weren't going to become him. Right. You would have took, the butterfly, the butterfly effect, the Falcon effect. You were being like riding your bike around and then somebody fucking T bones you. And then someone you wake up in a falcon cave, you land in the falcon cave, but your life takes a dark turn. Right. Your nurse to health back by Falcons. And then they take you under their wings. And then they, they use you for their servitude.

Phineas and Ferb attack of the second dimension version of my, you get to the Falcon crystal in the middle of the cave and you go back and save yourself. They are evil Falcons They're evil Falcons. That's still bikes. That's Also, it's just like it's crazy because I don't think there's any way that y'all would I'm so glad I took this fucking picture On my phone because there is nobody no Podcast fucking believes me. The only reason that you guys believe me is because you guys have the picture. I see the picture. The picture is, it is, it is, it is right there.

I believe you, man. I believe you because that's not the face of somebody who's comfortably like hanging out with the fucking fire. And that is not the background with the, what is that in the background? A cyber Egyptian statue. That's not like a county fair or anything either. Yeah. That's not a, that's not a county fair. That's like a parking. Yeah, that's a parking garage. And on the right, there's like a mural and there's some bushes and shit.

This is an office complex parking garage. Amazing. Yeah. Good for you or bad for you. I don't know yet. That's like, that depends on how your Falcon training goes. Yeah. Yeah. We'll see maybe future you took out off his jacket, you, he would have been like half bird, half man. And he's trying to avoid that. Yeah. Just like that one movie with a Smith, Kevin Smith, a surgery in the Falcon case. Yeah.

They turned you into half bird, half man, half gamer. I said some cryptic shit like I can't save you, but I can save myself. Whoa, that's bad ass. Where is, you know. Don't go to the Denny's on March 15th, May 2026. Yeah, exactly. All that to say Patreon question. I totally forgot what we were doing for a bit.

So, yeah Patriot questions. If you're part of the $5 and above tiers, you can ask us a question on the Patreon Q and A only pick good ones. Cause they're usually shit. Amen. They're giving you money. They should give us more and we'll treat them nicer. Maybe they should give money and have good questions.

Like it's, it's not like what's the correlation with money and good questions here? More money means we're more likely to answer the question. Okay, I have I've picked mine out Adam what rich asks well a member of the podcast is charged with committing an Adam West Batman show type crime What ludicrous embarrassing and most importantly fake alibi do you tell the police that results in the charges being immediately dropped? The eagle story. Yeah. Yeah, a couple of falcons landed on my shoulders.

Two falcons landed on my shoulder and I met my future self. I'd immediately just start talking about Erdest Clyde's nerdpormator. Oh, that's pretty good. I just recited. The cops would just start getting really good at shooting. I don't know if you want that. It's fine. It's fine. I've been,

I've been taking small caliber bullets. I'm immune to large caliber ones. Oh right. Like that guy who shot himself and had to be hospitalized. Some dude just started shooting himself because he was like, I'm going to be impervious. He worked, he started with BB guns and he worked his way up to like, you know, just the harder and harder, more painful stuff until he reached a bullet and then lo and behold, it didn't work. That is, that is the funniest outcome of that. I mean, you know, the, the worst thing I can't tell if it's a bit, but I'd like to assume it's

not because that makes it funnier that the post ends with him saying, guys, it didn't work out for me. I had to be hospitalized for it. It might work out for you. But if anyone else is willing to try this, your results might vary. So here's what I did just like for reference if anyone else was trying this. His last thought was like, this is my big moment. I think honestly, that would be my alibi is like, it would just be like, listen, I was trying to like build up the tolerance for the bullets. You know, my bullet impervious thighs. Throwing out your medical history to the guy.

I can't be held accountable for what they do after they leave the gun. So first off, we're being charged with committing an Adam West Batman show type crime. What does that even fucking mean? Like, ah, I've stolen the brick laying machine from the brick laying factory. And now I'm going to make bricks in my own house. These are my bricks, Batman. That's not a crime. That's called democratization.

I mean, if you steal, you've stolen the brick laying machine. That's not a crime. That's the start of a fucking business. Yeah, I don't fucking I don't find that to be a crime. I would be more interested in knowing what is your alibi. Is this your alibi? Is this your alibi? I'm democratizing bricks. Yeah, my alibi?

I don't think that's a crime. I don't think that's a crime. My alibi is I did that shit. Sorry. My alibi is guys, really, think about this. Sir, you went to the local aquarium and you put lingerie on all the fish. In what way is this a crime? Sir, you put lingerie on all the fish. You did. In what way is this a crime?

Sir, you put lingerie on all the fish. Because the other thing is like your alibi kind of is can be the crime where it's like, that's stupid. Yeah. You know, like you can just kind of say that's dumb. You're wasting taxpayer money on me putting lingerie on fish. What are you stupid? Dude, you're saying that I went to the bank with a big sack of money that had the dollar sign written on it in marker

This is cartoonish. What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm not even gonna take this seriously What do you think I'm do I look like Bugs Bunny and then he says yes and then the camera pants and I'm bug bunny house Dig my way down to China. Great. Cool. A lot of molten core you gotta get through. Anyone ever think about that?

How they're just kind of like powering through magma for like a long time? Bugs Bunny is the most powerful character of all time because he can go through magma. No, that would be like Goku or like Superman. Goku would die No, Superman would go through because there's no kryptonite in the earth. So interesting Superman is lame Yeah, but Superman once he goes into the hole He's going to lose power because he needs the energy of the yellow Sun to work on me. He does need that Yeah, he'd like store all the power before he did it though. So we like he's not a mall

Yeah, but he'd like store all the power before he did it though. So we like he's not a mall person He'd like store the power. So you guys ever think about? How there might be mall people? I got an Incredibles video game about that. Can I be honest? I don't actually think it's the patreon questions fault for being bad The frost ace asks, oh no, there's been a mix up with the voting and now you're the Catholic Pope. What's the one thing that you would do before you're inevitably removed from being the Pope? Rats go to heaven.

What do you mean? I like that. But only rats, no other animals. Oh, I thought you were gonna say only rats, including at the exclusion of people. No, yeah, well, actually, yeah, no, doubling down on that. That's a better idea. Only rats go to heaven.

There's only rat heaven. Nobody else. Right. Not only that, but we are like, to make room, we have to evict the current residents of heaven. Sorry. Let's, let's, yeah, we are, we are, we are paving heaven and building a rat heaven.

We're paving heaven and building a sewer. I think it's time to innovate in the space, okay? Let's get rid of all this guesswork. I'm going to commission someone to make like, like, like a, like an online, um, like an online question questionnaire. And if you answer honestly, then by the end, you'll know if you're going to have that's a Bruce Almighty. But yeah, you, why are you, why are you stealing from Jim Carrey?

Why are you fucking stealing from Jim Carrey again? What do you keep stealing from him? I like, I like whenever he, I like when he opens his mail and instead of Yahoo it goes, yah weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I think a fucked up thing to do is pope is to make an official creator code for Fortnite for I Know what I would do for it's easy. I would I would say here's what I would do All right one proclamation played undertale. Not that good. That's it full statement Just just for the chaos dude, but what if the Pope cube at the book of the bebo what if you made a pope Proclamation the book at a better Pope cube. Yeah The Bucatabepo Pope Cube. Yeah. You don't know about the Pope Cube, the Bucatabepo? No, I remember that's been a while.

Yeah, they got the Bucatabepo Pope Cube. What if you made a proclamation that Sans got put in the Bucatabepo Pope Cube instead of the Bucatabepo instead of Pope? You don't know what the Bucatabepo? Amended statement, played our tail. Pretty good. Sans going to hell. I like the idea of saying pretty good.

Sans fight was really hard, implying that by default, you just went down the fucking, the massacre route, whatever it's called. You ran, you ran the genocide run. First thing. Pope just naturally does a genocide. He doesn't even like the, like he doesn't even know. Had to see.

I'm surprised you never heard about the Pope room. Oh yeah. The Bucatipeppo. The Bucatipeppo. This is like real. Most, most locations of like a book at a Pepo have like a fucking room. That's like the Pope room that you can rent. Yeah. They have the pub in there. The Pope cube. Dude, I, the fucking reminds me of the time that I, I went to a

Superbowl party that was run by the Freemasons and they, that was run by the Freemasons and they...... ... ... ... ... ... ...

... ... ... ... ...... and I would filter by all and I would just see what kind of shit was happening because very often you'd have like Oh my god, that is such a good idea. Yeah, so like very often you would have like weird ass events, dude This is also how I accidentally got registered to do a shift at Dodger Stadium despite never working there because sometimes people will just use Eventbrite as as like a way to you know, manage invitation they'll make it public for no reason so I found this like oh you know the Freemasons Super

Bowl party happening vaguely near me I am you know not old enough to drink I should go to this fuck hang on I will be right back I'm so sorry one second oh my god I should use event bright look what I found in my local area. Yeah. I'm like looking at these. These are posted in guests midget wrestling. Micromania. That is why. That's what it's called. That is what it's called. It's called Micromania midget wrestling in CU City. Wow. Wow. Oh, that's today. Damn. I missed it.

There are so many of these that are insane. Oh my wow. Oh, that's today. Damn, I missed it. Oh man. There are so many of these that are insane. Oh my God. Divorce dad rock night. You're kidding. No way. If Vette Bright is awesome. What the fuck? This is like a, this is a really cool discovery.

There's so much weird shit. This is like a story cheat code. I'm back. Hello. Sam, Divorce dad rock night. That is insane. Divorce dad rock night? That is insane divorce dad rock night? Wait after after you stepped away we went and checked the vet brain. We're discovering that this is the best thing This is the best thing to ever happen. Yes fucking fine. Dad themed drinks

Wait dad themed drinks now. This is music moonshine I saw these guys these guys live once gulp back in my name drop. Dallas pickle festival. Hell yeah. Content creator, wait, content creators wanted. What? Dead or alive, preferably dead?

No, yeah, but dude fucking like, oh my God, going on Eventbrite whenever I was bored and just attending shit Maybe one of the best most personality defining choices I've ever made in my life dude as like a growing up person. This is this is a brilliant I can't believe I didn't know about this earlier. This is the best thing I've ever found. I cannot believe it's real Yeah well

It's just insane that like they as a ticketing system also have a discover ability thing where it's like here's a public right along of like you because who the fuck goes on event bright calm to find out what shit is happening around them that's just Dallas pickle festival is almost full dude act now why are you not acting now stop talking act Jesus Christ Julian no but like you know cuz I was I mean if you guys want to hear the end of the of the Freemasons story yes yeah so I was you know I had no connection to the Freemasons I'm so sorry I'm so sorry Sam last it has to be the last one. We can't keep going. Badass human race.

Three plus smiles. What? In El Paso. What do you mean, badass human race? What does that fucking mean? It's totally bad. It's a race where there are badass humans and they race. Oh, that is not what I thought this was gonna be about.

Okay, sorry. I'm sorry, no. Okay, yeah. Yeah, no, yeah, that's what I thought. No, it's like, no, cause Eventbrite is really fascinating because it's basically a social media platform for the opposite of people who are terminally online, for like terminally offline people,

people who are actually out doing stuff. And it just kind of aggregates all of their shit into a feed that no one checks. But yeah, so like, you know, I was, you know, a young lad with no connection to the Freemasons. I'm just going to get my ticket and show up. The first thing that becomes incredibly clear is after I printed out my little Freemasons ticket and showed up, besides the fact that it's not like a bit tough to blend in as a high schooler showing up to

a Freemasons party alone. I was also the only person who had a printed out ticket, so I just kinda kept it wadded up in my pocket. I sat down at this fucking table. They had incredible grillin' in the back. They had a giant projector. They had pictures of guys wearing the Freemasons funny hat on the wall. And I was like, I'm just gonna kinda blend

into whatever conversation is happening around me. This was your in. What I hear is two conversations happening at once on both sides of the table. On my right, there is a guy who is talking about where to find his favorite kind of shark. He is talking about specifically regions of the world and also down to like individual, which aquariums have it. Because it seems like he might be in the business, I'm assuming he's like in the business on the aquarium side of, you know, fish logistics. But I didn't investigate that much further because on my left,

I'm hearing a guy talk about in extreme deal, in detail, all the problems he had with the Liam Neeson movie taken and how he would have done the kidnapping. Which is immediately more interesting and distressing to me. And so, you know, I kind of key into that half of the, as like, you know, no disrespect to Fish Guy, but I key into that half of the conversation. And so I asked, uh, hi, Sam here. Why would you do that?

And he, and he goes, well, I wouldn't, but I work, I used to work in security for events like the super bowl, so he used to be like a celebrity body guard and apparent, and so what followed was like 20 minutes of him just kind of talking about all of the occupational hazards of his job, occasionally dipping into telling it from the perspective of the attackers, of his job, occasionally dipping into telling it from the perspective of the attackers, like hypothetically gaining it out from their position, which was fucking odd. I, you know, I fucking- I mean, I guess that's the kind of mindset that would help in a situation like his, right? You want to get into the attacker's mindset, but also what the-

Right? You want to get into the attacker's mindset, but also what the f- Yeah, but anyway, so like, you know, um, someone- I eventually, you know, decide I'm going to avail myself of the many barbecued offerings that the Freemasons Lodge has. So I go over, you know, because I'm a fucking straight-ass- I grab a Bud Light and don't open it because I'm like, I need to be able to say I did this, but I don't actually want to drink. Using Eventbrite to just get free food. Get free food and drinks. Yeah. It's like, but yeah, so eventually, you know, it becomes clear there's exactly

one other person there who was not a part of the Freemasons Lodge. And it was this, it was this random young woman in the corner. And eventually someone who was clearly keyed into the social dynamics of the event comes over to both her and I, and he's like, yo, I'm gonna give y'all a tour, if you want, of the rest of the Freemasons Lodge. And I say, okay.

And I'm thinking, this is it. I'm gonna find out where the Ark of the Covenant is. And so, you know, he takes us into this back room that is one of the strangest, like top 10 strangest religious rooms that I've ever been in. Uh, there was a giant box in the center of the room, followed by a generous amount of space. If you've ever, you know, seen the inside of

a Freemasons lodge, you probably know what I'm talking about, but, and there's like benches all around the perimeter of the room facing this box in the middle. That's not the weird part. The weird part is that it is like the opposite of cult lighting. It's like office fluorescently lit. Yes. So there's something incredibly strange happening at like the intersection of I am I need these papers by five and we're bringing Satan back. But you know, I finished my day and I go home and I tell my dad where I've been and I say,

oh, I went to the Freemasons Lodge to fucking see their Super Bowl party. Isn't that wacky and weird? And he goes, white. And he says, wait here one second. And he goes up, he says white. And then he said up he says white Eden he did not say white you misspoke surely you he's already white, but he went whiter And he said wait here one second. Oh, I thought you said okay. I'm sorry I

He went white he didn't go white No No, uh, that- An accusation? No, what- well, in a way, because he went upstairs, and they're graduating, I'm standing in the kitchen, and I'm just thinking like, I am so confused, what's happening? And he comes downstairs with a box, and he hands me this tiny little box, and he says, this was your grandfather's, and I open it and it's a fucking me Freemasons ring it's like a Freemasons shipwreck I was like holy fuck God put me on the path of that event bright page and that's what happens when I get bored and I'm in high school yeah

anyway well go to a memory I'm sorry high school. Yeah. Anyway, go to a member. Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. No, that can't be the end of your experience with the Freemasons. Surely that was the beginning of something beautiful, Sam. You've got to, you've got to maintain that relationship now. Okay. So, so, so here's the thing is that the guy who, that is the ending because, and this is something I probably shouldn't have done.

The, the tour. The tour guide guy Was like dude, you should fucking join up you should like we do these kinds of events, you know I did give him my real phone number. Oh Which I should not have done because he was Insistent upon my return and I felt very awkward, uh, trying to dodge and turn that down, but so I haven't gone back, but I do still have that text conversation. So next time you're on, you need to tell us, uh, what progress

you've made since now. And I'm going to call him and invite him on that. Yeah. Can you put them on speakerphone? No. Hello. Hello. Hello. Is this the free mason? Go on Eventbrite if you live near a city and be careful. I'm not going to lie. While while you were while you were talking, I just bought tickets to divorce that.

You have to do funny. You have that is how that goes. OK, so here's the thing. Yeah. While I was OK, OK, talk. Okay, so here's the thing. Yeah. While I was, okay, okay, okay. While I was on their, the vent page, I noticed that they're, they're doing a call for content creators and influencers and you just need to contact them.

Oh my. And I was convinced, I just convinced everybody I know in Montreal to go to, to it with me. Oh my God. Oh my God. I have never Montreal to go to it with me. Oh my god. Oh my god. I have never wanted to go to Montreal more than right now. There is a contest for the most divorced dad looking motherfucker in the crowd. No way! Oh my god.

This is the fucking funniest event I've ever seen. I'm going to be there. What day is it? When is this? It's the 31st of May. Fuck dude. That's so fucking funny. Dude, I'm sorry.

I like sidetracked a bit. Let's do one last question. That's not sidetracking. No, this is, this is good. That's amazing. Dude, Eventbrite is so good. What the fuck? I only found, I only found little person wrestling.

Eventbrite is fucking awesome. It's filled with spam, but it is so good. What the fuck? I only found I only found little person wrestling. Eventbrite is fucking awesome. It's filled with spam, but it's so good. Some of them are really fucking funny, though. I don't care if it's spam. Yeah, even the spam ones are good. Holy shit. I'm kind of sad my Eventbrite only had small person wrestling and it was today and I missed it by recording this podcast.

Fuck, I'm sorry, man. Lil fella wrestling. I could go to content creator cookout. That sounds like a great time. That sounds awful. I would never know. It sounds not convince me. You got it.

Got to got to dodge. The kind of thing you would only attend is like a bonding like a trauma bonding experience. I would take other content creators just so we could suffer through it together. See what it was like. Kind of kind of thing you buy as a prank Takes us someone who you know what hate it and be like I've got one too You can't turn this down account is taking to someone you know would hate it if it's you and you go What the fuck do you mean? The afro man is going to be at the icky nickel?

What? I can only take so much. What about that sentence is not self-explanatory. Why? Just, I just, I saw it in a Vimbrite and I was like, why is that for me? I'm going to be at the icky nickel. Holy shit. Yo, world's greatest titty signer.

Yeah. Oh my God. What? Well, world's greatest titty signer. Yeah. Oh my God. Well, here's the thing. I was fucked up is that like part of the reason I was doing this is because I was like an incredibly, incredibly socially anxious kid and young adult and guy. And that for whatever reason, doing shit like that was easier to me than just like going up and talking to people normally. Because I would like I would always feel out of my element in social

Situations, but when you're doing something like going to the Freemason Super Bowl party, there's no social script to fuck up There's no expectation. You're just kind of there. Yeah, there's just dudes being guys Yeah, that was like how I tried to force myself to develop You know like more confidence was just by doing outrageous shit like that and trying to roll with the punches as best I could. And it kind of worked. That's so beautiful. I got, we got, we, I got to move on from this one last question and then we're calling it, I I'm fucking pissing myself laughing.

What the hell? Grizzly Adams with Nick Olato. Hell grizzly Adams with Nicolato I saw that in my area. Scribbly Adams with Nicolato and I was like what the fuck is happening in Iowa? What was the original question I don't even remember actually oh it was the Pope cube. Oh, that's right. The Bukka to Bepo. Bukka to Bepo to Pope cube. Menstrual cycle awareness workshop.

I thought that was a Patreon question and I was like, why did you say that? Whomst of whomst of asking shit like that? The hell? What's your favorite pickled vegetable by Sir Borblo blister Sav? Easy! Fucking, literally run it through easy one. Fuck you, uh, Carrot. Coolicle. A Coolicle is really good.

They're all my favorite. They're all my favorite. Oh, fuck you, fence sitter centrist. I think they're the funniest thing I've ever seen, honestly. That's such a fucking centrist take. Fuck you. I'm kind of a, I'm kind of a pickle centrist. Have I said on the podcast that I didn't know what pickles that pickles and cucumbers were the same thing until I was like 19

It happens. I I can't remember with who I had this conversation But it was very very recent and they were very too old for that probably me. No, I don't there's you weren't 19 Yes, I definitely was I didn't meet you when you were 19 I don't think I told you when you were 19. I'm not the one. Oh you told someone You know, I told somebody like very very recently there They were like way too old to not know that and I was like, that's kind of nuts I don't know. I think you know what somebody's mate might be listening right now and just like had a fucking brain blast Yeah, what? Somebody's mate might be listening right now and just like had a fucking brain blast.

Yeah, it's you. What? Yeah. No, because I remember because I remember how it happened. I was like, I want a pickle. So I get up and I go and I waddle over to the to the fucking to the fridge and I get a pickle and my eyes wander to the ingredients list and it simply states ingredients. Cucumber, cucumber, comma, vinegar. I squint at it. I'm like, cucumber, cucumber, comma vinegar.

And I squint at it. I'm like, well, that can't be right. Concerning. Where's the concerning? I must alert the others. I must alert Grok. Grok needs to know.

Grok, did you know this? Grok, you fact check this for me. Can we plug our podcast? Wow. Sam dance. No. No, you're on your own. I've never been on this podcast before. Did you know?

Shut up. Did you know? There are five shows on the PSD network. That's right. A secret fifth one that you never knew about. Why are you fucking always moaning? That was crazy. I didn't know.

You can find more of this kind of amazing content on Sam and my own personal podcast Final V3. And there's some there might be some guests that they poached on it. Some hosts from PSD being poached. Yeah, we have poached. It's got to be like half the PSD cast at this point. Go check it out at finalv3.com. It's not. It's finalv3.com.

It's fv3.zip, right? Yeah, Billy edits it and occasionally he'll say like two words, but he hasn't been doing it as much lately. That makes me like I'm busy. Yeah I'm I Did it oh well, I haven't heard that I just did it on this episode That's coming out because Leon kept talking and I literally told him to shut the fuck up Yeah, that sounds about right. You can hear that and more coming soon, I guess

I have one question for y'all did I did I earn the right to be introduced yet go go for it what are you go for it spread your slide thank you I am a guy hey thanks so much for listening this episode would not have been possible without the help from our patrons such as Alan Diver, Blant But Funny, Boo Boo Lou, Brain Soup, Brass, Cassandra Crash, Chipples, Chips, Chris Chapman, Devo, not the band, DX Studios, Edward McMillan, Eric Scott Gillies, Ethereal, GEEF, Generic Phoenix, Guy Beam, Heretic Shark, Invictus Echo, Lomdoman, Leo the Geotech, Lucavia, Mr. Starchy, Mr. Shirt, Pharmacy Fruitbat, The Lasophicool, Presta Huss, Rat Supreme, Spherical May, Sponge Guy, Synthetic Pacifist, The Frost Ace, Tritty Bird, Ulbert, Will9455,

and Woodstock. If you like hearing a little ol' Julian and Sam, why don't you go check out their podcast over on Final V3 on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. It's part of the PSD network, so it's pretty much the same style except they talk about being creativity and other pretentious shit like that. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I will see you next time with the other people maybe or maybe the same people. I don't know. This sucks dude.