Please Stop Talking - To Boldly Pee | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: October 22, 2021

Anyone wanna have a sleepover? Check out AdamandEve.com! Use code: PTSPod for 50% Off 1 Item + Free Shipping in the US & Canada *some exclusions apply Support the podcast and Patreon ▶ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Join the PST Discord server! ▶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65 Links: Avery ▶ https://twitter.com/ShammyTV David ▶ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Mandy ▶ https://twitter.com/Lord_Mandalore Brendan ▶ https://twitter.com/BrendanielH Corbin ▶ https://twitter.com/lobbymemez Podcast ▶ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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name it something as funny as ketamine yo kyle take a look at this. Uh... Is it good? Yeah, man... what? Let me see that. Avery, this is a bag of dildos. Well, it's actually a bag of sex toys, you fucking prude. Why do you have... why are you asking Kyle if your bag of sex toys looks good? Well, if what this Kyle says is true and the ads will see us coming in this thing, Original Recipe Kyle is gonna need something to keep him occupied. And you got him the Aschasm penis ring and plug instead of water?

No, I got him the Aschasm penis ring and plug and the Bang Backdoor Adventure Kit instead of water. Where did you even get this shit? I got an email from adamandeve.com while we were on the road for 50% off one item and free shipping in the US and Canada. Some exclusions apply with the code PSTPOD. Wow, you removed all that? Yeah, I have it open on my phone. Look. Avery, this email is from David. Well, then I guess you better stop arguing with me

so that I can give original Kyle this stuff and we can leave then, huh? You are going to leave me with water though, right? No, I don't trust the tap water around here. They're putting something in it that makes you piss. Don't worry though. I left him with some water from the Garden of Eden. I'm winking. Avery, this is 50 gallons of forbidden anal lubricant. Yeah, and if he doesn't finish all of it, they have a 90-day hassle-free return policy and 24-7 customer service. Why didn't you just get bottled water? What, you hate the gays or something? WHAT?! 20% of their profit goes to fight the spread of HIV around the world.

Does that bother you? I-I don't- look, if you order that stuff here, somehow, we need to get moving as soon as possible. I agree. Here you go pal. I'm winking again. I heated fish and I forgot to eat it, but I'm just going to leave it there. What is wrong with you?

What the fuck, David? What? Did you put fish in the microwave and you're just leaving it? Oh, God. And now I want to talk about fucking Julian. Oh, fuck. Julian will reheat five-day old seafood in the microwave

and eat it and insist that it's fine. I thought the boo shit was weird and then you're like, oh, by the way, Julian and seafood. And he's like, no, shrimp is different. It's like, no, it is different. I thought you were just going, oh, by the way, Julian.

What's the worst that can happen, you know? You can get very sick. Is there like fish salmonella? What's fish salmonella called? Also the smell. Salmonella. It's like, I think I've realized anybody who reheats fish in the microwave doesn't have the ability to smell how horrible it is.

I think you just can't smell with five day old fish. I think at that point, your brain shuts off your ability to smell because it knows you don't want to i think you just nuke the the smell out of it with you no it fish microwave no matter what it permeates an entire household also wait just for the sake of clarity david did you fucking microwave fish well yeah yeah why it's like one day old why because it was already i already made a thing and it was like in fuck you i made like i made like butternut squash spaghetti and there's like fish in the thing oh and like the fish yeah oh that's a little different that's a little different that is a little different than just fucking nuking fish in the microwave well it's kind of nuked i i mean

but still it's different it's sauce with fish in it is different than just fucking throwing a fish in the microwave no i want you to scream at me what What? Fucking weirdo. What the fuck? I don't know. When are we starting? We started. This is the issue with having no intros, that you never know when you're starting. No, because after the clap, after the clap, it's just whenever. You just go. You just go and you cut out.

Why are we doing this? I didn't even fucking mention the intro this time. Hi, welcome to the podcast. Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Please Stop Talking. As always, I am your host, Shammy, but you might know me better as Avery. Fuck you. I thought you didn't want to do intros. You're right, I don't. Why are we talking about this?

You stopped us to do an intro. You literally stopped us to do an intro, I guess. David, you brought it up. David, you brought it up. David, you brought it up. David, you brought it up. When, you brought it up. How is this my fault? David, you brought up when are we starting while recording? We had already started. Everything before this was great to start with.

That's so... Corbin and I went to too many games, right? How was too many games, David? We didn't even finish intros. It's fine. I don't care. It was really fucking great, weird weird and sad at the same time sad because every single person that went to this one restaurant got extremely bad food poisoning

one after the other and we had to cancel the meet and greet which was sad and it was weird because i've never well i've never ever been in the same room as Doug Walker, but I was in the same room as Doug Walker like every single fucking day there. Oh my God. What a fucking way to bring up Doug Walker. You're talking about like it's radiation. I've never been in the same room as Doug Walker. It was just really weird to always like hear, ah! Or it's like you would just hear like a faint like melvin melvin

brother of the joker and it was like oh man that's so weird that's not true my favorite part was that david would constantly be like oh my god that's doug walker and i'm like who the fuck is doug walker because you're a well-adjusted man apparently apparently i need i need to mention this i didn't think it was a story but we basically nothing happened at too many games because of like everybody getting sick but like the first day before everybody started getting sick we had a like party like with a bunch of youtube people and like video game people and at one point i just go to oh also the alcohol was free which was a fucking horrible idea it's always a bad idea awful fucking idea i we i i drank like 12 fucking rum and cokes i was i really i really like how the

alcohol being free like ripples on the rest of the party were described to me by the least drunk person in y'all's group. They described it as if you walk around the party, you can see that everyone else has one or two glasses at their table in front of them. And then you look at your group, and it's just a fucking mountain of glass. Everyone has had so much. Everyone else is fine. It was y'all that it was about to get free alcohol, too. I have a video. I'll put it in the description.

Wait, do you have a video of how many? It's a video of our table. And you can see the other tables have, like, one drink on it. And our table is just covered in glass. You couldn't put anything on our fucking table. We were rowdy and drunk and screaming which probably did not help with the rest of what happened that much pain brendan i was supposed to go my wife got sick and i got sick and i knew i was like the second i knew that i couldn't go i

was like oh my god they're not gonna have adult supervision oh fuck like i was like actually upset i was like oh i cannot leave anybody in like like like this because i know for a fact i'm gonna hear some whack shit from somebody else about like those pst guys drank like 29 beers and i wasn't there to be like hey we we i i drank 12 rum and cokes but to be fair they weren't like they were free rum and coke so they were like pretty small but still we drank so much at one point i paid for mine well at one point yeah we were cut off uh cut off from the free alcohol at one point we had to start paying uh and i

actually that's when i went because there was like a karaoke thing happening which was kind of fucking sick like people were getting down at one point there was like somebody just singing goofy movie the goofy movie song i don't remember what it's called the power line not michael jackson one no, there was somebody just singing the Goofy Movie song. I don't remember what it's called. The Paraline, not Michael Jackson one?

No, it was on the upper road. On the upper road. And they were going hard. It was fucking sick. And at that point... Y'all wound up hanging out with some guy who sings Minecraft songs about Dream. That's what happened?

Yeah. I knew he looked familiar. jello told me about it he looked the guy up after after y'all hung out with him yeah he just he makes minecraft parody songs about dream that dude bought a house this year i know incredible i wish i could talk to i i if if i was there i would have gotten him to like recreate gold or because that's my favorite minecraft parody and the fact that it's gone from the internet makes me so sad anyways while that was happening the karaoke the goofy the yelling the screaming i went to the bar to get like a drink for everybody i was getting around and i locked eyes with scott the waz and he just like i i i didn't say anything or do anything he just like did that he nodded towards me gave you the midwestern hello yeah the the

howdy yeah and then i was like i was really drunk and i didn't know how to react because I was like, that's Scott the Waz. He literally just announced that he's going on fucking TV now. And I didn't know what to say. So I just like, I just like went over to him and I was like, what? And he, he just, he just went like oh uh nothing i just i want to see that from scott the was perspective just as drunk guys just staring at you and aggressively says what what dude i don't know why i was so aggressive and if dude it's so fucking weird to be in a place where, like, a table away from you, there's the angry video game nerd hanging out with fucking Doug Walker. It was so weird.

Do Brendan and Mandy know about the piss story? No. No, they don't. No. I intentionally said, Corbin, tell them what you did. So, David, we're already like absolutely shit face at this point it's pretty late i think that yeah i think this is like at the end of yeah this is before i was like we need to leave before julian was on the ground actually no i got back

i know julian was on the ground julian did his thing where he like gets on the floor but like next to it but like yeah but he he kind of did it in public so like i hated that yeah i know i could tell uh but david gets up and goes to the restroom and i go well i might as well go too and so david's already peeing in the urinal and uh where one pees and so i leave a urinal gap between us and so there's one in in the middle and David's just staring at me. And so I started staring back at him and we're just holding eye contact. And David goes, I really don't like this.

And I go, this is my favorite. And then boo walks in and like cartoon style slips in a puddle of piss there was dude somebody like actually just pissed on the floor oh yeah it was so much fucking piss on the floor it was probably someone in y'all's group and so me and david just jul step up. Step up to it already. That's why Julian started sitting on the floor afterward. He felt so ashamed. Oh, no.

That's a sad part. I can't fucking believe Julian pissed all over the floor at the screenwave party. Well, see, that's not our- That wasn't our first guest. Or at least Corbin's first guest. Well, I didn't- I assumed it was just water on the ground and so me and david are just fucking like laughing our eyes out just fucking cry laughing

and i'm going to wash my hands and i look and like the puddle is clearly fucking right it's like bright yellow and i go yo that's not that's not water that is straight up piss and david's like who pissed on the floor and i go doug doug why did you do this doug is pissed all over the floor doug we just and i'm washing my hands and we keep saying like dog walker pissed on the floor i'm washing my hands and i look up in the mirror and the stall door opens and Doug Walker walks out. What the fuck? My heart just stops and I stare at David and I go, it's Doug. I couldn't stop.

Dude, no, you were so, you did not whisper it's Doug. That's one thing you misremember. You like look at me and he was just like, it's Doug. Like really fucking loud. And he just kind of looked at us. I'm so embarrassed for you. My headphones are only a fourth of the way on.

I am cringing so hard. I'm curled up. There was no reason for Corbin to say that. He just said it. Oh my god. Brendan is currently experiencing to boldly pee. Dude. I just leave my bag towards him and just fucking sprint out of the restroom, hands still wet.

What the fuck? Dude, you didn't. I thought it was true. Okay, hang on. Quick question. Have any of you seen that fucking clip from the fucking musical movie that came out, Dear Evan Hansen? Where he gets approached by a girl

at his locker and he Naruto runs away? That is exactly what I'm picturing you doing right now, Gordon. I just run back to the table crying. Dude, I'm like, what happened? Dude, I'm like, don't walk with this on the floor. I wasn't guilty that much, so I kept washing my hands. I just ran away. But, like, I just remember seeing his like he looked like he looked

so fucking okay you guys know the the that one video where he's like typing at a keyboard and looking like gonna yeah confuse the shit he was wearing the same shirt he was bald and he looked exactly the same peanut butter he of course he was bald what he was yeah that's what he does now oh i don't know that's the that's that's the ad from the wall yeah oh is it well he was he was he looked exactly like that but instead of a keyboard he was washing his hands it was yo doug come on the podcast and tell us why you pissed on the floor man tell us tell us your side of the story or else for the rest of you for the no i like i am i there is a huge like a like a there's a there's a fucking watermelon sized embarrassment welling up in my chest i am i am so it was the first night i had we were in the same room as him like close to him non-stop it was it was it was horrible i couldn't make eye contact i just every time we'd walk past

his booth i just put my head down and turn away i wanted to get an autograph but i never wanted to go to his booth pay him 20 to ask him why he pissed on the floor cause I was also embarrassed I was so embarrassed I couldn't even look at no I looked at him it was hard not to look it's just what the fuck David it's hard not to look cause it's like

it's Doug Walker and he's just there and he's hanging out he looks over and some french canadian with beach block with bleached blonde hair is staring him down it was it was surrounded by glass by empty glasses and then he'll do an eyebrow raise and then the french canadian boy will approach him and say what oh dude at another point actually same night uh i i don't remember how it happened court is just like really good at making friends with every single person yeah they bump into they bump into anyone and it's just like their best friends i want to talk about something that happened to court that court told me at one point i i just go to help them with like drinks because we were buying rounds and we are

we were like a small group so i i want to help them out and they were just talking to this fucking, this random guy. And this, this guy, like bump into him and I apologized to him. I was like, oh, sorry. And then it was like, what are you Canadian? What? Yeah. I was just like, yeah. And then he just started laughing, cry laughing. He was like, just like slapping his fucking thighs and going crazy. Yeah. He was like just like slapping his fucking thighs

and going crazy yeah he was like he was going no dude what you guys don't know like the like thigh slapping laughs knee slapping oh knee slapping whatever he was just going

nuts because I was Canadian I just I've been like haunted by that image. It's just such a weird thing. Anyways. Something very funny about you being haunted by someone just fighting on your Canadian. And they can't fucking contain themselves. But it's so weird but it's such a weird thing to like cry laugh about yeah i just didn't know what to do it's

just a it's just a funny thing to be haunted by david immediately came back to the table and started complaining about it no i did not don't even even. I didn't. Yes, you did. No. You went and you sat down and you were sad and you go, someone laughed at me for being Canadian. That sounds right. Yeah. That sounds absolutely correct. Yes. Fuck you guys. And then we all started laughing and slapping our thighs.

I mean, if something like that happened to me, that'd probably be the first thing I'd bring up when I sit down. Like, yeah. I mean, it was weird. happened to me, that'd probably be the first thing I'd bring up when I sit down. Yeah. I mean, it was weird. It was so weird. Yeah. What happened to court? Oh, it was just when you guys ran into some fans before you introduced yourselves. David said, hey, you have to guess who we are.

And they point at David and they say, you're David. They point at Corbin and they say, you're Corbin. They point at David and they say you're David they point at Corbin and they say you're Corbin they point at boo and they say you're boo and then they look at court and someone says and they're like I don't know who you are and David says that's Avery and then and then Corbin goes I'm, I'm not Avery. I'm just a friend. And then one of the fucking fans that you were meeting just said, yeah, you wish you were Avery. That did happen, yeah. Dude, we made fun of Kourt so often with that.

Like, yeah, you fucking wish. Fucking wish you were i told court like oh you should have you should have you should have said you were avery yeah court and i sound very similar they could have pulled that off for a while that's what's funny for uh for reference for the audience we sound nothing like i think if i had to pick the person I talk to who I sound the least like I might pick court like we sound

fucking nothing alike I think I got like food poisoning like extremely sick because I grazed the shoulders of Doug what? like he hexed you? I think well the same thing happened to court

actually I don't know if it was food poisoning because everybody who bumped into into doug by accident in the hallway which happened like a few times so i think it was intentional on his end uh everybody who bumped shoulders with doug got extremely sick and hexed. I'm just going to say that. Court walked into the room one morning and their nose was just bleeding. What the fuck? I'm like, you okay, bud?

And he goes, oh yeah, just, you know, Doug. And then just sort of shoving him. We're getting blacklisted so hard. Doug was just the boogeyman for everything that went wrong. David, I don't think we're getting blacklisted for this if we got away with watching all of the wall on stream. This one is more public than that. That's true. Just imagine, like, y'all leave the bathroom and Doug's still washing his hands and he just sighs

and he goes, those crazy kids. Ban them. What'd you do if like in the new review he makes like a skit based off that encounter? Like Tamara and Malcolm are like in the same bed. They're like, Doug, pee on the floor. And he's like, what? No, I didn't.

But if you want something that'll really piss you off, let's talk about the Smurfs 3. That would be amazing! Oh my god, that would be incredible! Like Malcolm's like dressed up as you, he has like a blonde wig. David is the role of Corbin in the Nostalgia Critic sketch. Like, he gets it wrong. Why? Well, he didn't see who said what, to be fair. He'll just assume it was you because Corbin ran out too quick and he couldn't, like, see you. No, it'll be because he and Scott the Was exchange notes. I don't...

This is the worst outcome. I don't want that. Fuck, do we go from here? Speaking of hexes and curses oh fuck so um my witch problems have mainly been over there was a

lingering issue which was um I change out my uh my apartment's air filter every month and like for the vent system because it's uh I have pretty bad allergies so I'll like I just do it once a month instead of like the usual three except this time when i checked the vent was pure fucking black and i went that's very fucking strange because usually it'll go from like a white to a light gray color and it was like you send me a picture of that that was like tar fucking black yeah so

i called the uh apartment maintenance to like look at it the next day because like i've been here for like three years now and i've never seen anything like this here and so the maintenance guy looks at it he's like oh yeah this is like from this looks like ash from like scented candles and stuff like yeah like i'll burn a candle sometimes but like i've done that before and i've and I've never had the air filter turn black. And he put a finger to it, he wiped it off, and his finger was like Play-Doh.

He's like, this looks like several years worth of ash buildup. I'm like, what are you talking about? I changed this three weeks ago. He goes, oh, I don't know. Could just be something weird happened to the system. And so I just threw it out. And so I don't know could just be something weird happened the system and so i just threw it out and so i don't know how long it was like that but in the meantime dimitri came to um

fucking abe he was there for that that's right i was yeah because we were going this mexican place and he was like i have a solution to your witch problem. Oh, no. Oh, no. And he brings us into my fucking living room like he owns the place. Like, come this way. And he has this box sitting in the middle of the table. It's a pretty small box. And I'm like, all right, and I open it up. And he has this fucking eye talisman that wards off evil.

What? Yeah, it's this fucking eye talisman that wards off evil. What? Yeah, it's an evil eye talisman. Yeah. It's like really ornate too. It had like multiple eyes on it. I think there was like an elephant dangling from it. He's like, it's a talisman to ward off evil. And I went, okay, fine. And I just went in my office, I pulled out a hammer.

I can't, I don't remember what I said, Avery, but I remember just hammering it into the wall and yelling something. What the fuck? Why? I don't remember what you yelled. I just very distinctly remember you, like, stomping to your office

and then stomping back to your front door, pulling out a fucking hammer and just ding, ding, ding, ding ding and then hanging up the charm and just going fuck it oh right it was fuck off witch that was fuck off witch yeah and then he reaches in the box again and he's like by the way there's a keychain sized

version too which is hanging on your keyring now or hanging on your uh yeah key hook so I was like oh I'm fine and then Avery goes I don't know cause I think the bell was rung at me So I was like, oh, I'm fine. And then Avery goes, I don't know because I think the bell was rung at me when I was coming over. No, I don't think that so this is, I had arrived and I

hadn't mentioned it yet, I don't think, at that point. Well, he just said, I think, because he said I think the bell was rung at me. Yeah. And we went out and I was like, I was like, oh, did it come from over there? Like, oh yeah, right there. Uh-oh. No, you asked, where did it come from? And I pointed at one of the balconies and you went, uh-oh.

So yeah, what happened was I was walking over to Mandy's apartment for fucking Mexican food and then watching bad movies. We watched Hocus Pocus and Bradley, or Dimitri had a fucking stroke fucking it doesn't matter oh right yeah we watched fine movies i don't remember what happened movies well we want some

big margaritas from that place yeah big anyways uh when i was walking over as i uh as i like approach the like staircase to go up to uh nanny's apartment as i'm like approaching it i just start hearing ding ding ding ding ding ding ding and i look up and there and i just see like i see it the the they're not on the balcony but i see through the window i see like in the darkness i see a bell just being rung and then it's ding ding ding i take i'm walking toward the apartment. Ding, ding. I step onto the threshold. Instantly stops. The second I step into the threshold of the apartment, instantly silent. And I went, oh, fuck.

Oh, my God. That's right. Because you had the fucking flight the next day, too. Yeah, I did have the flight. That was such a big night. Yeah. Because then as the night went on, this ties into a very old episode of the podcast, actually. What?

Because we started watching movies, and then at some point, it's like probably past 5am at this point, and we see Planet of the Apes on Amazon or something and Avery's very drunk by now I did not think we were going to mention this I feel like I have to because it's like a tie-in and he's super drunk and I'm like oh that's like the shitty Tim Burton Planet of the Apes

and he's like yeah Marky Mark tongue kisses a monkey in it he tongues an ape what? He's like, yeah, Marky Mark tongue kisses a monkey in it. He tongues an ape. What? And I'm pretty drunk, too. When I get drunk, we argue. So, like, no, he fucking doesn't. It was, yeah, he, like, fucks this ape on screen.

He, like, tongues this ape. And he keeps going on about it. And so I say, fine, we're going to watch the whole movie and then 10 minutes in Avery just passes out I pass out after asking multiple times please turn it off I don't wanna watch Marky Mark tongue the monkey

and so we're up me and Dimitri are just sitting there drinking watching this movie and then it's 8am at this point things are so out of control and there's a knock at the door and i'm like oh right oh no i have a i have a furniture person coming because i needed to get my uh a table repaired and he comes in and he's like he's this nice indian guy and he's like he goes oh like your place looks very spooky for hallow. Like, yeah, I'm back in my mind. Like, oh, yeah, it's September and I put my Halloween stuff up. It's fine.

It's like it's really Halloween down over here. So this is a little strange. And he comes to the coffee table and me and Demetri are trying to get around that. Avery's just like dead on the couch. Like, oh, you can repair it. Just don't mind him. He looks at the table he looks at avery he looks back he's like well you know with covid you you can't really be in here when i'm doing this

like all right so we start poking at avery he's like he's barely alive but he manages like to get up and stumble to the office and collapse on the couch and the guy like finishes his work pretty quickly and so i mean demetrius sitting there and then we're so drunk now we're getting fucking mad we're just like avery said marky mark tongues the monkey that doesn't fucking happen you didn't get the unrated cut and so you know what fuck him can i hang on can I describe this part from my perspective yes it's good you reveal how this happened I vaguely recall

the vaguely recall watching the first 10 minutes of the 2001 Planet of the Apes where Marky Mark is playing a scientist and this was the most unbelievable part of the Apes, where Marky Mark is playing a scientist. That's right! And... That's the most unbelievable part of the movie.

Okay, so... And I start having... And I don't realize that I'm asleep, because I don't recall the transition into sleep. So I just start having nightmares about chimps. Like I did when I was a child, every fucking fucking night of the chimps coming to my house and beating me to death and i am slowly roused from my sleep by these nightmares and thank fuck by the way because my phone was in the other room and that's where i had the alarm that was going to

wake me up so i didn't miss my flight oh shit so i am roused from sleep by these fucking nightmares i open my eyes and i am still hearing chimps going ape shit right next to me and i just let out a guttural scream and jump off the couch and say oh fuck oh fuck I woke up to hearing I was on the floor I just started hearing Oh fuck Shit And I'm like

My eyes are bulging out of my fucking head There's sweat immediately running down my body I'm spinning around in the room And I realize that fucking Mandy started playing chimps going ape shit noises on his fucking computer while I was sleeping because he was so fucking

mad at me for saying that Mark Tung's the monkey in the 2001 Plants of the Apes movie. And then that fear subsides and then I'm re-afraid because i'm looking around i have no fucking idea what time it is i don't have my phone i sprint from the office to the kitchen and i look at the microwave and i'm like oh fuck thank god and then i just search

your apartment after screaming and running around like a fucking bull for my phone and then quietly leave like I sure hope I didn't wake up maybe. Yeah, because we're like we'll just let him sleep in here. But first let's turn on the 10 hours of chimp noises playlist.

That's not too loud, but just loud enough. And then we go in the other room and sit back on the couch demetri goes hey i just realized something oh what didn't avery said he had like nightmares about monkeys as a kid or something how they'd like kill him in his sleep like oh yeah he did oh fuck well i can't get up now. I'm sweating just recounting that. That was a horrible morning. And then you came back to witch shit, apparently.

Yeah, there was no witch shit when I was visiting family. But once I got back to my apartment, I think it might be a range thing. Because I didn't get anything nearly as bad as Mandy, except for the one morning where I was woken up by a horrible acrid smell that had no source. And then I went back to sleep eventually. And then I woke up again like an hour later and I just vomited straight bile. That was probably the worst of it for me.

And I don't, I don't fucking know what could have caused that. Um, I didn't, I like, uh, all the food I ate was fine. I ate it again the next day and nothing happened.

Um, and, uh, I didn't drink at all that night. So at one point you're like, Oh, I thought I heard like, I heard like a child laughing or tapping.

Yeah. That was the first night. The first night that I was back, I was sitting in my office and I hear tapping on the window to my left. By the way, I'm on the third fucking floor. I hear tapping on the window to my left and I look over and I have the fucking blackout curtains drawn and I just hear like

from behind like muffled coming from outside. And I instantly, I just messaged Dimitri and I said, I need one of those fucking eye shards. Yeah. And then throughout the rest of that night, I would occasionally hear like the tapping again or like whispers or whatever.

And I was like rationalizing. I was like, it's just my fucking downstairs neighbors. They're breaking up again or having like the judo tournament again or something. I don't know what's going on. I not i'm not it's fine i'm fine and then um a few days ago the most recent haunting thing that i had was uh at random intervals throughout the night i would just feel bumping from the floor beneath me oh Like, in my feet. Like, someone was hitting, like, my downstairs neighbors were done with their judo tournament, and they were hitting the ceiling with broomsticks.

Like, directly underneath me. And then sometimes from above me, like, from the ceiling, but always directly above and below me. Like, whether I was in, like, my living room, or the kitchen, or at my desk. And then I went to sleep and I think this was probably a nightmare

that was caused by that one being fucking freaky but I woke up and I swear I felt bumping directly underneath me like from my mattress oh my god oh christ that one I think was a dream that one I hope was a dream but uh yeah i

don't really have many witch updates other than that and then later that day fucking ecto one was in the parking lot oh yeah that did happen yeah i remember you sent me a picture of that have you talked about the uh your neighbors who exploded? What? What? What? Oh, no! Your neighbors exploded? I don't know they exploded. Oh, my God. The apartment's being very hush-hush about how they exploded.

What the fuck? We've had problems, like, ongoing for fucking months with, like like people using grills or gasoline inside like all over what no way yeah I want to clarify all over his building my building's fine my building just has the

judo tournaments this one wasn't at my building this time but yeah like people downstairs would try to use like a grill indoors and stuff and would sit off the like monoxide detectors. They nearly kill themselves, things like that. But,

um, Oh my God, this was a, Oh my, what was it? A few weeks ago, there was a, um,

some emergency vehicles come through as they do. And like, I look at the office when I see like a fire engine come through and go past my building. I'm like, Oh, okay. Then I see a second one come through and go past my building like okay then i see a

second one come through then a third then a fourth then two like hazmat control vehicles then an ambulance like some sort of like a rescue team vehicle then two more fire engines like why is there like a parade of engines yeah because he's closer to the road than me i am uh i think there were seven fire engines that came yeah like it would be like fire engine fire engine various emergency vehicles fire engine fire engine and i'm at this point i'm like okay is the building next to me actually like on fire because i'm really worried and i'm like okay but what the fuck do I do like all right I'm just gonna leave the area for now and I'll come back in like a

little while so I get in my car I do some errands I come back and I pull my car around my own building to see like what's going on the other side and I see a bunch of people are already out of their um like outstanding because they also want to see what's happening. And I go, okay, I probably shouldn't be in my car in case vehicles need to come through or, like, enter out. I'll just park it here. And so, my car is quite old. It has a, um, a little knob for, like, adjusting the volume that, like, it's sort of loose from the internal mechanism on it. So, like, I'll turn it to the right and the volume will go down instead.

And I have to really grip it. Something's loose in it. It's bad. And so I turn this down and click it at the same time to turn it off. I do not know yet that I've actually turned the volume up to a meteor impact volume. This is a surprise for later. And so I get out. And I see a bunch of emts and fire department people and they're talking to like the um some residents somewhere and like okay

whatever's happening is clear like it's under control like the hoses aren't like all out there i don't see anything burning and people are standing around talking whatever is happening is clearly over and then i see some stretchers being pulled out from like one of the buildings i can't see how they are but there's multiple stretchers i'm like okay holy whatever happened was bad but it's over and so i get back in my car to leave and the windows were down because i just parked for a second and it was fucking burning that day. And it starts playing this Adam Levine song that came out a while back, which has just now reached the radio,

about beautiful mistakes. So I turn on the mic by my car, and he's screaming, beautiful mistakes! And all these people turn and fucking look at me, because my windows are down and this is blaring. And it looks like I've just sat in my car to turn this music on. Like, I think it's funny.

And I, like, turn it down. Like, I'm sorry. And rolling my windows up. And I'm realizing, like, oh, thank God I can leave and drive home. And I realize home is 50 feet away from me so i like i've started to peel out but then like i slow down and then just make like an abrupt right in park my own building and then i we have like a um like an apartment facebook kind of deal

where like you can um like like post about like stuff you're selling like i'm trying to get rid of this chair like ask about community events like hey does anyone know why like over a dozen emergency vehicles came through but they they did not allow me to post that they had to start um start like approving posts on it because people were getting really catty on it look people would say like i saw your nasty ass dog like in my yard and stuff like that but what's odd is that every like all the fighting posts were not approved but our maintenance people are trying to sell a scam crypto on it oh hey do you remember which one it was? It was like, oh my God. Was it MetaBot coin?

No, it was way worse. It was like, it was, he said it was like tied to some university. I don't remember. Oh my, I'd have to, I'd have to search through. But yeah, cause I was like, oh, please. Like, I wonder why emergency vehicles came through. Will this affect me? Oh, right.

It was, it was pie network. Oh yeah. It was pie. The, uh, yeah. The, uh,

pyramid scheme one. Yeah. So like I see that he's, I've had my posts asking about like the, why were there fire trucks here denied, but our fucking maintenance manager for the entire complex is like, I'm sending you a pie to claim your pie. Just click on my link.

I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? No, every month someone tries to boil gasoline. It's not explained what's happening. Like, once a month, a bunch of vehicles come through. Is there a drug you can make with, like, boiled gasoline? Unless they're using it for gasoline? Unless there has to be one, right? I mean, you could if they're using gas for like a heater, but I don't think they're

like boiling gasoline for the fumes for gas. How can you just huff gas? Yeah, there's no heat required. It's not nearly as dangerous as boiling gasoline. I don't know. I mean, that was the worst podcast does not endorse gas huffing. Please don't huff gas.

No, I'm not endorsing gas huffing. I don't think I was even approaching endorsing gas huffing. Well, no, Corbin. I was giving Corbin some ideas. That makes sense. Brendan was just talking to me. I was saying that for Corbin's sake. Bring your gas to a rolling

boil and throw some Velveeta in there what are you trying to make I think that would genuinely instantly explode I think the addition of moisture to boiling gasoline like that I genuinely think that would explode

in that case we could probably make Kraft in it. Kraft would be safe. Holy shit. Please, if you're listening to this, don't. Don't. I don't know why. Make some gaseroni and cheese.

Have you ever been in the podcast? Have you been in the podcast discord? I'm just saying that.'t do it oh fuck this is hypothetical talk don't do it but hypothetically would it taste good no no what do you fucking think gas noodles that just reminded me corbin is is what is corbin's roommate told me because corbin got a walk because i talked about making popcorn to walk and how i really like it and corbin got a walk and he apparently tried to make walk corn one time corbin is it true that you tried to do without covering the fucking walk with foil

no oh my god okay your roommate fucking told me that oh yeah he just didn't cover it so the fucking popcorn just went everywhere no i covered it It's just not very well. But like, did you like not wrap the foil under the edge a bit? No, I left a little, uh, the tin foil wasn't big enough. Oh my God. So you used two pieces. Yeah, well, I didn't want to waste. So I just used one. You can reuse it.

It's not a little lip. A few popcorn got out. How many is a few popcorn? Please don't make gasaroni. I'm begging you. Please don't make gasaroni. I'll use two sheets of tinfoil. For gasaroni or for popcorn?

Yeah. Okay. Corbin's gonna fucking immolate himself. Listen, I didn't make gasaroni I made gas with chili it's different don't make anything

like with the foundation of it being gas Corbin you're the one you're the one you're such a hypocrite the second you think of a joke

it's on the table that was my pin clicking listen you can say this but like corbin was almost genuinely upset that i made him eat beans so what do you mean almost i go i feel sick why did you make me do this and you just went corbin and i would be the worst duo ever because i would just think of incredibly inane things that he would then do you guys already do that why are you pretending you don't do that what the fuck are you talking about still on the internet brendan like that's that hasn't gone anywhere yeah exactly oh god um i can talk about kitsu king or the sleepover story i have two options

for you that i'm putting on the table i want locked door sleepover is so fucking ominous i want that one okay um when i was in high school i was friends with a lot like i was i was the general like weird kid but i would try to make friends with anybody that i could um and i was friends with a lot. Like I was, I was the general like weird kid, but I would try to make friends with anybody that I could. Um, and I was friends with this kid called Colby and Colby had, uh, had a car.

Uh, so we'd give me rides home every once in a while. We chat, we play games over Xbox live. And, uh, one night I was like, Hey man,

uh, I was, I was in his car. I was like, Hey man, uh, you want to do like a sleepover or something like i don't know we can play games all night he's like oh yeah man that sounds great

so i get in his car we drive over to his house and i think all we do is play like frontline fuels of war on xbox 360 it's it's from like an epic 4 p.m to like 9 pm. and then his mom knocks on the door and is like hey it's bedtime I'm like it's 9 p.m. what are you like we're both 16 17 like what are you talking about it's like oh you know well he's got to take his pills and then go to bed I'm like oh okay so she pulls out one of these

old people like pill sorters and hands it to him and he like pops open the day and there's like 15 pills in there and he takes them and he pops them all open the day and there's like 15 pills in there and he takes them and he pops them all into his mouth and he's like night night i'm like all right i guess we're going to bed at 9 p.m i at this point i was used to staying up till like 3 a.m he went right he took a pill and went he took all 15 pills and dry swallowed them. Yummy. Night, night.

Yummy. Wait, did he do all of them at once? He did all of them at once. All 15 pills. That is psychotic behavior. Now I'm understanding why they fucking lock the door. What the fuck? I was like, okay, one thing to note. The door was locked, but it was only lockable from the outside,

and it had two... What are the locks that you push them? Like they're the... Yeah, it had two bolt locks on the outside. And I noticed this at first, and I was like, whatever, it's like an old house, maybe. So he had two bolt locks on the outside of his bedroom door. And I'm like, okay, where am I going to sleep? And he's like, on the floor. I'm like, i'm like okay where am i gonna sleep and he's

like on the floor i'm like oh do you guys have extra pillows or anything he had like three pillows and two blankets and he's like nah so i'm like okay it's 9 p.m it's just like getting it's it's it's dark but it's not like quite dark dark yet and i'm just laying on the floor next to him in the in the cold with like one of his sweaters under my head and no blanket and i sleep like i try to sleep like that for like two hours like i'm laying there tossing and turning and then he just starts snoring and then talking in his sleep and it's stuff like i'm gonna kill you i'm gonna get you and i'm like okay this is too much for me i'm just gonna say that i need to pee so i get up and i go to the door and the door is locked and in that situation i didn't know what the proper thing to do would be i i was like do i knock do i wake him up so i try to wake him up i try to wake him

up and he's just dead asleep just dead so i sit there by the door i sit there for like an hour and a half like i cannot wake him up until i see a light flick on and then i just start going and it's his mom and she's like oh do you need to go to the bathroom and i'm like i'm just gonna go home we had a good time but i think i'm more comfortable in my bed i'm like oh well he's never had a sleepover before so thank you for coming over and hanging out with him. I'm sure he'll appreciate that. I'm like, okay. So at like 12 a.m., I'm 16 and I walk like half a mile home in the city to just go home, close the door, go to sleep. The next morning was Sunday.

And then that Monday I go back to school and he's like, oh, thanks for sleeping over. My mom said you left at like 8 a.m. I'm sorry you missed breakfast. And I'm like, no, I didn't. I left at like one. I mean, his mom did you a solid there? Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I had it like I don't know if that was weird in high school, but I had a lot of sleepovers in high school because I didn't have them as a kid. I had a few in in high school because i didn't have them as a kid i i had a few in like high middle school i don't know yeah i didn't i did that pretty frequently i just never called them sleepovers i just always said spending the night yeah oh yeah spending the night yeah i mean that is that is the that is the term i think i would use as high as high school brendan that is correct it was sleepovers once i got to uh high school there's so many for the night at people's house anymore because i thought i would be like doing drugs what was i don't know my parents had like a really weird fascination me being like an

insane drug addict and i was like i haven't even had beer now to be fair the first time i did get high was at a sleepover and that was also an adventure i'm just like i'm still hung up on like locking the doors yeah it's like that that's very much like a movie where you were put in there to be food what is he capable of? I don't know. What is he capable of? He was weird and also like, so like, hey, one day, senior year, I got a ride from him and his entire bottom of his car fell out.

What? Like the whole undercarriage fell out. Like axles, both. We were just driving out of the school parking lot and the whole car fell out from the bottom. we were just driving out of the school parking lot and the whole car fell out from the bottom uh last time i saw him he actually worked at a vape store that i went to and he didn't know who i was he didn't recognize me at all like he was like i don't remember any of this i don't remember who you are like i didn't go to that school and i was like what are you What the fuck? What the fuck?

Dude, okay. When the car fell out, did the floor fall out? Did it turn into a Flintstones car? Like a whole undercarriage fell out. I'm just picturing, not picturing it, fucking Brendan with his like long legs just running under the car. Yeah, Flintstones car. Yeah. This is great is this is headcanon

dude what the fuck what the actual fuck what the fuck i i don't know there's something that happened there there has to be something between when the car fell out to like eight years later when i met him in a vape store when he was working there how do you trust your child with the fucking car but like doors at 9 p.m night you have to like lock the doors and make them take pills so they are knocked out he did something i think he also got in trouble for huffing wood glue in shop class too oh god now that i'm remembering he's just like a really avid sleepwalker avid i mean i was pretty extreme sleepwalking i was like i need to get out of there when he said i'm going to kill you in his sleep like maybe it's like split and that's how they contain the

beast oh my god then why let me sleep with the beast why lock you it's an experiment the beast needs feeding the beast gets hungry at night the mom was like he's never had a sleepover where the other person survived i think that was like the third time too where i've been over to a kid's house and it was like this is his first sleepover i don't know why i'm like the first like i don't know why i was like the third time too, where I've been over to a kid's house and it was like, this is his first sleepover. I don't know why I'm like the first, like, I don't know why I'm like the control group for this shit.

Oh yeah. I had one of those too with a fuck. Oh boy. That's an experience, isn't it? It's always weird. My first one was a farm kid. We had mock trial.

So I stayed at his house. We played with Legos for an hour. We went to bed at 8 p.m and then his mom woke me up at like 4 5 a.m to help him do farm chores and i decided i'm never going over to a farm kid's house ever again fuck this i'm not waking up at five to feed the goats what the fuck she's so in shorts what who the fuck is like well farm people are so fucking weird who the fuck is like sleepover all right help him go feed the goats and the chickens i just woke up can i have breakfast you get breakfast after work is done my dad sells meth at his farm i'm not a farm kid

my dad sells meth at his farm and shoots fucking uzis at cats don't forget, my dad also used to take out his old rifles and he'd shoot at airplanes in the sky and point laser pointers at them. What the fuck? Dude. But it also let me,

me at 11 years old and my brother at nine years old, use the four-wheelers unsupervised. Fuck yeah. Holy shit. That's like going to a Fourth of July in fucking Baton Rouge, man. I did that shit. and my brother at nine years old used the four wheelers unsupervised fuck yeah holy shit that's like going to a fourth of july and fucking uh baton rouge man i did that shit i should have ruled i was like i was like nine fucking years old and i was going off fucking jumps in an atv that was sick i wrecked that thing like five times into a ditch and it was always the same spot in the same ditch avoid the spot no i was stupid i was

a kid all i did was ride on a four-wheeler play xbox original games and then throw yugioh cards at the uh like outside of the house and pretend they were real and my friends oh my god what wait and my friends what like all right so when i collected i collected when i collected pokemon and yugioh cards i didn't really have a lot of friends like elementary middle school until i like really was in high school so i and like when i was in foster care uh so i would take pokemon and yugioh cards and i'd go outside and i'd throw them on the ground and i'd imagine they were my friends and i'd run around and have adventures with them. Okay, that's very different. That's not what you said.

What did I say? What came out was kind of weird. I thought his weird would be the weird I knew because there was this kid who told me that Yu-Gi-Oh shit was real, but he was like he was one of my friend's brothers or something so he was like in 8th grade and I was still in elementary school so he would never lie brothers or something so he was like in eighth grade And I was still in elementary school so like he would never lie to me

And he was like no dude like Digimon and Yu-Gi-Oh monsters like they're all real if you know the summoning spells see this Shirt is that in retrospect? It was definitely like a fucking appendectomy scar he goes I got this from a minotaur and then I ran home Okay this from a minotaur and then i ran home okay i didn't want any part of what you had to show me to be fair maybe that kid was me because i did like used to spray paint summoning sigils in my grandparents trailer to try to like bring forth magic what are these children learning wiccan symbols and shit what the fuck it was like a three to

reverse lightning bolt and like it was squigglies and i always tried to like spray paint it my grandparents always made me like clean it off with paint thinner and like i just always was trying to summon like something from another world because i thought it was cool brendan i'm gonna i'm gonna stop you right there like it was okay when you were talking about gasaroni and cheese but right now you're just telling people to summon demons and that's not okay now to be fair like I think a week shoplifting the mind

body spirit section of books a million a week a week after I drew the first sigil the trailer did start on fire oh my god what buried the lead on

that one there was a there was a trailer fire and it was started it wasn't started by that it was started by an air conditioner that was improperly fitted why do you think that happened you hexed it no my uncle installed a pagan podcast my uncle my uncle even this shit my uncle installed the air conditioner backwards so the water yeah he installed it backwards like your backwards lightning bolt you fucking know what

you did and not out of the cold shut up speaking about that sleepover just brought up like a dredge of memories like this is so much there's so much iowa lore i'm not gonna lie i spaced out when brendan clarified what he meant by the yugioh thing so i'm still just picturing brendan throwing yugioh cards into into his field and pretending that they are his friends no that is that's what i did i threw them

onto the ground i was physically throwing them and pretended I was friends with them like they'd hang out and have adventures like that's what I said I'll tell a weird sleepover story yeah yeah I what's so fuck what's a weird kid's name I never like to use real names for these things Clement Clement Blaine Blaine oh blaine blaine is good blaine is really good blaine is also a weird kid i had a sleepover with so this works yeah so i was made like nine or ten fuck how yeah probably about nine or ten and this wasn't even like my choice this was like uh your moms are friends and then like a sleepover happens oh yeah she's like you're gonna you're gonna sleep over at blaine's house this weekend and i went okay my mom's like you have to understand like he's like blaine has always

been a little like he's had trouble making friends you know ever since his parents got divorced he's had a lot of anger oh my god oh boy and in retrospect i realized this made some sense because um we were just playing like gold nine the n64 for a while and everything was okay and he goes let's play upstairs and i went okay you know how like in um in every 90s like or 80s children's movie the child has like an enormous fucking bedroom yeah it was like that and at first i thought that was his bedroom but it was like it was a really nice like big room with like a a single window at the end to let light in hardwood floor the thing was this was probably the dad's office before like he went wherever he did because the whole room was enormous

but empty except for two items in the left corner there was a box filled with connects and in the middle of the room was a rock'em sock'em like robots set which if you don't know what that is it's like a little um it's like a little punching game where you just have a controller it's like there's no real steel don't know what that is yeah and you you fucking mash the button and pop the other one's head off and it was a fucking small soldier's one so it was just like yo that's kinda sick

it was the archer like furry man and then Tommy Lee Jones soldier and that's in the middle of the room he's like come on let's play what the fuck so we just sit in the middle of this huge fucking room playing this rock'em sock'em robots thing and it's like everything we say is like echoing because the room is so big

we're playing with the same for like three hours and he's really loving it and he goes okay and like i don't remember what we had for dinner it was like she had like we had like hot dogs or something but i remember he's like okay time for sleep we went into his bedroom which was directly across from the cathedral with the connects in it that we never touched the cathedral it was so big like the rooms the house were pretty tiny except for this one freakish room on the second floor and his room his actual room was possibly a walk-in closet or some sort of storage room for this huge room because in it he had like he had like some windows in the wall he had a bed barely enough room like to walk to the bed on the floor and directly like in front of the walking area was a tank with a huge fucking snapping turtle in it and and i mean like when i say too big for the container the edges of the shell were like

fucking touching the glass on both sides like this was clearly a turtle he had found so parents thought it would be like a um like a box turtle and so they got a container for one but it had hugely outgrown it and when it would turn the fucking glass would loudly creak oh and blaine would be like oh that's just that's just sammy moving around and i'm noticing the top panes the glass they're like they're like bending outwards a little bit like it's out the glass is partially out of the frame that's so sad no no it gets worse he's like oh yeah like he doesn't what no because it's out and he goes, like, the glass breaks a little bit. Like, you know, sometimes he's escaped.

We just put him back in there. And I'm like, oh, okay. But what I realized laying on the floor is that, oh, when it's escaped, because it's, like, kind of on, like, this shelf, it probably, like, breaks, it shatters out of, like, his little habitat. And he goes onto the floor. And he doesn't have much like space to around with really he either runs the cathedral room or he's like is here on the floor in the walkway and i'm supposed to sleep on the floor next to his bed and i realized looking up at this there's a snapping turtle glaring down at me

and that he could probably escape at any time he wants and i'm on the floor was it like an alligator snapper i don't know it was so long ago but just like it was huge and clearly evil like he had probably gotten deranged from his time in captivity yeah probably but it's it was realizing on the floor it's like trying to sleep at oh wait when it breaks out it lands right where i'm laying so i looked up at it and it's like looking down at me i'm staring up at it now i'm terrified because i don't want to get up because i don't know if that'll provoke it and the door is like to the left of it. So if I try to leave, I have to walk past it. And it's staring at me and I start hearing. No. I realize the glass is starting to push outward.

And I'm like. Holy shit. Blade. Blade. Blade. Blade. He's fucking snoring. And then the creaking stops and it's still staring at me

and water's like leaking out of its little container oh my fucking god it's like dripping onto my foot and i realize if i like startle this thing it might like thrash around and like collapse on top of me and it'll just start biting me and it'll kill me because once it starts biting me it just won't stop i'm nine I don't know how to deal with a fucking snapping turtle. I'm just like, oh, it bites you until it kills you. That's how they work. That's what I'm saying.

Their foot feels like ours. Just staring at this turtle as it's pushing against the glass, which is starting to come out and out more at an angle. And it's clearly about to flop over and it's going to fall on me. And I'm just like, holy fuck, what do I do? And so I start, I pull my feet up,

and I start balling myself up, and I don't know what to do. So I'm like, oh, I got it. And I stand up as fast as I can, and I fucking punch Blaine in the face. What the fuck? i fucking punch blaine in the face and he starts screaming i jump on the bed the turtle habitat falls over the turtle runs out and he's like he's screaming and i start screaming too because i'm see the turtle like coming out the turtle's loose his mom runs upstairs she sees that like the thing is knocked over the

turtle's loose and he's screaming and so she's like no i'll take care of it like don't worry we'll get it we'll get the we'll get the turtle tool get the turtle tool what the fuck is the i don't know how to describe this fucking apparatus she comes back with it's some fucking nutty professor swiffer looking crab claw that's clearly been fashioned out of like broken cleaning materials and she fucking snatches it up like a crab and just like is flipping it like a fucking burger in the air i'm so thrown off by what's happening because she's just like turning this turtle over and over again like upside down right side up she's like don't worry i'm just disorienting him

don't worry i'm just disorienting him that is so that is so much yeah i don't know what's happening he's still screaming and then she's like and then she goes i'm so mad she goes oh it's okay what it's like we'll put blaine out in his habitat in the backyard for a while and i it's like blaine pardon me not blaine whatever this is the turtle's room you're just allowed to be in here might as well have been so we'll put mr turtle's habitat in the backyard for a while and then like i'm back in the floor and the turtle's gone so i'm like fine and blaine's sitting there and then he starts crying

and he's like why would the turtle do that to me he was convinced it had bit him he was sleeping i don't say a fucking word and the next day the turtle when i'm going to leave i look like dude they have like a sliding glass door i look out back the turtle has a huge fucking habitat out there it looks like it's made for a dog. Like with a little pond and everything. And it's just like sitting on the edge of it completely fine. It had like more room than you would need for a turtle. And it's just like, for whatever reason, he sometimes just liked having it in this little box so he could look at it. And it would get pissed and try to break out to go back down there.

Wow. But it couldn't deal with stairs, so it would just run into the cathedral and fuck around with the K'nex. We can't touch the K'nex. Those are Mr. Turtles. Yes. And I was sleeping in his fucking toll lane. I slept on the road he uses to leave. Oh my god.

Fucking people who are from the south, I'm gonna post an alligator snapper cause this is what I've been picturing as the turtle for the entire time and it makes the story so much better. Yes! Yes! Oh my god, that's a monster. Wait, it was an alligator snapper? It was fucking huge!

Oh my god! This shit's huge! Like I said, the fucking glass is like making a scraping sound whenever it moved and it It was fucking huge. Oh my god. This shit's huge. Like I said, the fucking glass was making a scraping sound whenever it moved and it could just lean against it and break out. Oh my god. He should not have had it. He had a kaiju in his room in a glass cage.

There was room for the bed, the turtle, and the turtle's road and that was it. Holy shit. I slept where it got out. it would flop out i would assume every night to try and escape and it would just go into the one empty room so it'd be no problem because it's like where can it hide it's either in the connects or behind no it couldn't hide behind the rock it's a fucking monster it's literally kind of it was like a jokey scene

a cartoon like oh like that, that's Fluffy. That's his little cage. It can just move its arm and break out of it. That's what it was like. It was just sitting there with a little pond to stick its foot into. This is a lot. This is so much. I guess it liked the heat lamp.

That's the only reason it didn't break out all the time. It was because it would sit there and then go okay i'm warm and then it would just fucking leave except this time like the fact that he started the blaine started screaming was enough to make his mom come up instead of just hearing like the nightly when like it fell falls over this time she heard screaming so it's like i want the dad left because of the turtle are you dad left and wasn't just gone i don't know that's why the boy was screaming why would he do this to me this is like a fucking a24 movie like you have a relationship loss you just like start fixating

onto this like fucking kaiju oh my god you have to get over your wife's death the turtle's not a replacement it's clearly a monster you have to get over this in a healthy way cameron would fucking love that fucking n6464 connects Small Soldiers Rock'em Sock'em and Monster Turtle. Those are the entertainment options. I think I'm going to throw up. I've been laughing so hard that day.

I feel dizzy and kind of ill. I love this episode. Like, I've gotten to weird sleepovers, but that was definitely the worst one. Because that's what I thought I was actually going to fucking die. Oh, shit, dude. Like, your life changes when, like, you're trying to sleep and a fucking giant turtle's looming over you for three hours. You're fucking confronted with your mortality via turtle.

Confronted with your mortality. It wouldn't have even been a problem if I, like, had the fucking sense to go to his mom and be like, can I, like, sleep in the cathedral and not like here? But I'm like, oh, that's that's the grown up. And I'm eight or nine. I don't know how to deal with this. I guess this is where I sleep. Holy fuck.

What a fucking nightmare. I don't even remember the turtle's name. I remember the kid's name, but not the turtles. I was so scared of it. I just forget details about it. God, fucking alligator snapping turtles are horrific. They're literally monsters. He just fucking had one.

And the only reason it didn't kill him was because it would flop onto the floor and it couldn't physically reach up and get him. I don't know if the turtle tool was ever snapped in half. and it couldn't physically reach up and get him. I don't know if the turtle tool was ever snapped in half. Oh my fucking god. Why was the turtle tool downstairs? The turtle tool needs to be in the bed with your son. Yes. Just like a big

fucking pair of tongs made out of slippers slippers used to grab your big turtle and lug him around patreon questions i guess i guess this one's this one's seasonal and also i think i know corbin's answer to it and it's funny uh generic phoenix asked what's what was your favorite halloween costume you had growing up uh my dad made me a fully custom fucking bionicle costume when I was a kid that shit was cool as fuck that was awesome

mine was uh I think mine was Travis Touchdown I really liked that Avery can I have a hint oh it's uh you went to Northgate in this costume oh what happened to Jesus yeah oh that was awesome Avery, can I have a hint? Oh, you went to Northgate in this costume. Oh, what happened to Jesus? Yeah.

Oh, that was awesome. That was the first night I ever blacked out, too. Didn't you tell the cops, sir, I promised this was water when I grabbed it? Yeah, that's so good. it was an endless bar tab in this bar tab open bar tab and i felt untouchable like i was just parting the seas of the drunken i mean you were jesus to go to the bar and just grabbing so many alcohol and the place we were at too uh we were on the second story and it had a little outdoor balcony and i kept getting really hot because i was in like a full robe beard and like long wig and uh so i kept walking outside to get fresh air and uh i got separated from everyone

we all got separated in this like giant party and uh one time i walk outside to go get fresh air cool down i'm like okay cool i turn around i'm outside and i'm at a completely different bar and i'm like what the fuck and this car pulls up and goes corbin and they go yeah and she goes i'm your uber and i go okay wow i get into the uber and she's just like so you're dressed as jesus right and i go yeah pretty tight and then we talked about jesus for like the entire car ride home the only other part i remember is the second my roommate got home I had a giant bag of candy corn and I just as hard as I could threw it at his face and it just

exploded everywhere and then we spent the rest of the night eating candy corn off the floor power move why off the floor oh my god I don't know I was really drunk it was a great Halloween though that sounds really fun

have we talked about your 21st birthday at all on the podcast I don't remember yeah okay cool so we talked about when you walked out of the bar and the cop clearly wanted your ID and you gave him the leg of a table you stole yeah I told that story

yeah okay cool I shouldn't go to northgate no you should go to northgate it's always last time i went i threw a blood whoa i was actually it was really funny i was telling the kachow the kachow girl story uh to some of my friends that hadn't heard it before and as as soon as I finished, I turn around and I just were outside. I just started throwing up and there was blood. And they're like, are you okay? And I go, yeah, it just happens when I think about her sometimes. Fucking hell.

Anyone else have a fun costume? Yeah. I dressed up as Pikachuachu that's pretty cool that's cool i guess i also my mom dressed me up as a ghost when i was three and i love the pictures for it i wish i could find them and she dressed me up as a ghost she gave me white face a white robe and then a pointed white hat i looked like a clan member with an open face. Yeah. Oh my fucking God.

Why? Like a proud Klansman, not even hiding it. Oh my God. I was like, I have to show, I make fun of my mom. Like almost every Halloween.

I was like, remember when you dressed me up like a Klansman and she just sighs and embarrassment. To be fair, my mom was like 18 when i was three so she's pretty fucking stupid oh my my favorite costume i guess was my buzz lightyear one because i thought i was really scary well because i was going trick-or-treating and i would turn around and like kids would be crying and i just thought because i had like this little face plate you

could pull down with like a buzz lightyear face and i just thought it looked scary it turned out whenever I was turning around my fucking wings were decking kids in the face That's fucking great like well, it was crying so spooky I was buzzed I was maybe like I was young I was a little kid I was a little buzzed it's just the way you said it

I'm 19 with wings like hitting other fucking 20 year olds in the face with wings and they're crying you say that like it's out of the fucking question

for you to do that he's so high up Corbin don't worry I got that it was beautiful thank you thank you I almost just said Corbin Corbin says no he was just a little buzz

I almost spit water on my nose Weezer Superfan asks oh great I don't actually want to ask the question I just wanted to say the name ah fuck it uh if every if everyone on the episode on this episode had to collectively decide on a group halloween theme what would it be and what would each person wear spooky probably some halo machinima fucking

garbage yeah it would probably be like no because everyone would have to agree i couldn't convince you guys to do that oh channel awesome would be a fun theme oh that would be a great one actually who's Doug I think I'd call Winkara can I be the piss on the ground I want to be cinema snob I don't even know who's on fucking that guy

with the glasses I just remember the cast of the main movies David you can be film brain I fucking hate Film Brain. I don't want to be Film Brain. He's not the character you play in the movies. Corbin can be Oni. What is Oni?

Oney. It's Oney. I'll bite the bullet and be Doug. Hell yeah. Yeah. Listen, as long as we can get cameron dressed up like angry joe yeah with like all the transformers movies in his hands at all times would ed be oh my god um who's the one guy who dresses like a rock what oh

what all of our knowledge comes from the movies. Who's the one guy who's like 2D and then gets mad and becomes 3D? Somebody can be Angry Joe. I think Angry Joe could be Ed. Ed could probably do a really good Angry Joe, actually. He could do a great Angry Joe. Jeff Keighley fucked on me. That video's incredible. Why is there a cars-themed question?

Corbin, I hate you. Yeah, there's a cars-themed one. Joke's cars themed question Corbin I hate you yeah there's a cars themed one jokes on you Corbin you'd have to read it to ask it I know now I'm reading the questions you fuck I mean we can answer that one pretty quickly I think which host would be most likely to shit themselves in public as a bit Ed Jeffrey Jangles

oh Jeffrey Jangles Jeffrey Jangles asked that Ethan Carter if everyone on the podcast was transported into the cars universe what type of car would they be segue hey thanks so much for listening. Banjo won't stop smacking my face right now, but I'll still go through the Patreon names of our top patrons, such as... Air109, Alan Diver, it was nice to meet you at Too Many Games, by the way, Alex Steer, Ben Krizmanek, Bank, Bongo Crust, Boopoo Lou,

Clayotic, Daxter092, Destrick Gothroy, Dreams of Ice, Ducky Madness, Eric Scott Gillies, Fang Jade, Generic Phoenix, Harry Norris, Inverted Van Man, Jeffrey Jangles, Kobe, Lance, Lone Star Doge, Manuel Martinez, Mellowolf, Maya, Notoriety, Pyro Pat, Schizolingvo, Thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time.