Please Stop Talking - Treaty of Canem (feat. MandaloreGaming) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: April 5, 2018

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Must be legal drinking age. Hey, Lord Mandalore. Have you got wall space where you'd like to hang something? Yes, I do. Well, you're in luck. Because if you go to the URL, PleaseStopShopping.com, you can buy the brand spanking new

Please Stop Talking poster for 2018 spanking. Yes, indeed. You can also get other goodies, including David's, uh, attendance to a wedding where you will be his date. US and Canada only. Wow. That's two countries. So head on down and pick up the new poster

or many other goodies. I'll get my limbo coin right now. On with the podcast. Hey, everybody. I'm the new host. Yeah? As always, we have the guests and the hosts. Your host, Shammy Television, also known as Avery.

Hi. Sir Meow Music. Hi. And of course, Super Sne hello mandy when i asked earlier if we were ever going to do an episode where someone was secretly drinking the entire time did you start please by my God. What the fuck did you say? Are you okay? The beginning of April,

you will see on Amazon. Oh my God. No one's gonna understand what the fuck you're talking about. Bye bye fucking game. What the fuck you're talking about. Bye bye fucking game. What the fuck are you talking about? What is happening? Are you actually drunk right now? I'm crying.

What the fuck is happening? I'm jammed. Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Please Stop Talking. I am your host Avery, but you might know me better as Shabby. I'm joined today as I feel like I need to actually do an intro after that. I'm trying to get us back

on the rails a little bit. I'm joined today as always by the cat one, David. Oh. Don't do this, Avery. Don't do this, Avery. Don't do this, Avery. Don't do this, Avery. Don't do this, Avery. Don't do this, Avery. Fine.

The goblin, David. I guess that's fine. The, he has an accent, Cameron. Hey, I'm token. Yeah. And then Mandy's also here and I think he might be dying. Spanking?

Oh my God. Did you say? Can you just please start telling your stories? Okay, yeah, so. Start with the loony game. Yeah, what is a loony game? Do you guys know what a loony is? it's like a loony tune?

no like a no you're a crazy person it's a dollar coin right? it's a dollar in Canada it's called a loony okay cause you have a loony and a toonie

uh and what the fuck is a loony? that sounds like fake money it's not real that sounds just like fake money it is Cameron have you seen what the Canadian dollar is worth?

Canadian money looks fake and sounds fake as well. Avery, it's worth more than my currency. It is. Yeah, you aren't on maps. What does your currency look like, actually? New Zealand dollar?

It's beautiful and bright. It sounds like monopoly money. Wait, what does Newaland money look like straight up right now if it looks like it looks like this looks like monopoly money cameron this looks uh what the fuck it's canadian money that's fucking canadian money what the fuck nah man no cameron avery cameron okay yeah that's the new zealand $20 note it recently got redesigned so like the site is more yeah guess fucking what bitch this is canadian money it's pretty similar terrible revelation terrible revelation what the fuck um that's crazy anyways it's is better designed. Fuck you.

Also, ours doesn't rip. And I'm pretty sure Canadian money doesn't rip either. Oh, yeah. No, American money is pretty trash. I mean, it's worth more. So what does that tell you? Maybe if you spent less money making your money not fucking rippable, maybe it would be worth something make money as a social construct and

I want it gone. I just like this. I made somebody believe that when the new money, like the plastic money came out, when we got the first plastic 20s, I made somebody believe that the plastic couldn't burn

and they burned a $20. Oh, no. And you didn't stop them? Why would they start with a $5? Why would they start with $20? I don't know. The guy was fucking retarded. Dude, the moment the fire touched it...

It sounds like you're getting dangerously close to victim blaming. It does sound like you fucking made them do this. I tricked the guy into burning money and he did it. I didn't trick him, I just said I just said, oh, did you know that the $20? What do you mean you didn't trick him? You lied to make him do something stupid.

That's a trick. That is a trick. That is a trick. He's stupid. Doesn't matter. So you think that it's right to trick someone out of their money alright what's the fucking loony story what's the god damn loony story

no the loony game me and my friends invented a game in uh secondary like at the beginning of secondary so it was like secondary one or two. So like beginning of middle school.

How old were you? Like what age are you in that grade? I was secondary two. Okay, but how old were you? I think I was like 14. Okay, so that's more like freshman year of high school. Yeah, it's like high school. Okay, I guess it's beginning of high school.

Sure. Actually, yes, that is ninth grade. Yeah, plus five. That is ninth grade. Okay, so yeah, ninth grade. What we had nothing to do because I went to a private school. It was really fucking boring. So we invented this game called the Looney game which is the one of the worst things it's so

fucking stupid if you're a kid don't do this i'm glad you felt like this needed to be said on a podcast regardless go ahead i mean what what do you mean the kids are listening I mean there might actually be kids listening that David is not someone to aspire to be for the kids I feel like that has been established pretty hard throughout every episode of the podcast

I feel like it needs to be explicitly stated at the beginning of this story based on the sound of things we were really bored and we invented this game where we took a loony coin and we would just like make it spin and the you could only like everybody we sat in a round table and it was from like we did like clockwise the first person starts spinning the coin the loony and then somebody else spins the loony but the only way you could spin the loony was with your thumb you had to like give it more like i guess propulsion is that what you would say uh i guess yeah momentum

more more more more continue the spin you have to hit it with your thumb and make it keep spinning. You have to continue the spin. Got it. If you fuck up the spin, like, if it just falls down, you would put your fist on the table and then somebody would take, like, take, okay,

this is hard to explain in audio. So basically, you would take the loonie, put it flat on the table, put your thumb on it, take your, uh uh take two fingers uh fuck i don't know i don't know the names of the fingers index in middle english oh index in middle yeah index in middle you would put and what you would do you would just fucking like just make it like go fast i don't know just launch it this is really hard to explain did you so okay okay you would put your thumb on the dollar and then you can follow so far you would like use your you would just fucking david do you

want a video you doing it and then I can insert it into the podcast this is a podcast it's an audio medium you should probably explain it we should probably explain it for the audio listeners yeah we had minor slaves in third grade what what I don't know him talking about the money reminded

me of being elementary school the slaves you had slaves okay after the loony story we're getting back to that mandy don't david go explain it explain it we need to get to the slavery story so like in this picture you can see like my my thumb is on a scent and my two oh and then you flick it you flick it forward between the two fingers are there. Flick it. Flick it. Yeah, you put your fingers down in like a triangle thing. Flat down. And the thumb is

on top of the coin. And then you flick it forward in between the two fingers. Right on the person's wrist. Not wrist, I mean knuckle. This is a very visual story. Yeah. Okay, wait. We did that, but do you know how fucking insane I mean knuckle this is a very visual story like okay wait we did that but

do you know how fucking insane that is a loony is super thick and like if you flick it like real hard which we would do it would fuck up our knuckles like really bad and we did that with loonies of all things which is like really

fucking insanity no but all my knuckles were open We did that with loonies of all things, which is like really fucking insanity. No, but David, I gotta say, this is probably the craziest story you've told yet. David, no wonder you're such a hard guy. Holy shit. I'm leaving. I fucking hate you guys. No, it's because we had all my knuckles were open.

I have so much buildup for this. It's like, dude. What the fuck? Okay, so what's the learning game story? Like, what's the story behind this? What happened? Go ahead. There's a guy that... So, base, I don't...

He was like a friend of a friend of a friend. And he would... That's the thing. I don't know his name. Fuck. Okay, things just got interesting. Wait, because of the game, everybody knew him. Like, his name was Dickskin.

What? What? Is that a nickname? His nickname was Dickskin. Is that a slur? Explain the nickname. Why? How did he get a nickname Dickskin?

What was he doing? What did he do? Because when we played the Looney game, and we would just flick the loony onto his knuckles, the moment the loony would touch one of his knuckles, it would just burst open and bleed everywhere why was that called so why why is that dick skin i don't know somebody was like oh dick skin's pretty sensitive bleed yes that was that's what i fucking said what are you

saying that's not what i do does it make more sense in french? I mean, it's not really. It's penis skin in French. That's a terrible nickname for someone who has bad skin. I mean, everybody played the game and everybody had bloodied fucking knuckles at the end of recess. Okay, how did the teachers not notice? I don't know. The teachers just think you were fighting? We weren't fighting.

We were all around a table and flicking their bloody knuckles off the races. It was kind of disgusting. There was so much blood on the table. Kind of. Because we would just open all of our knuckles on the table by playing that game. Which is horrible because the fucking

loony is already a dirty, rusty... Also fucking disgusting. Are you using the same loony after it busts someone else's knuckle open? What the fuck? You were retarded. That's why you shouldn't play that fucking game.

Okay, so what is the story? What about Dickskin? Dickskin? I just don't know his name. So what is the story? What's the... Like, what about Dixkin? What did Dixkin do? Dixkin? I just don't know his name. And nobody knows his name in my friend group after years.

That's it. I mean, the game was fun to talk about, right? It's the adventure. Yeah, I mean, sure. Yeah, sure. It's the adventure. You made it sound like it was like some fucking big thing he did with Looney. Yeah. The Looney game. I mean, I ruined my knuckles for life.

Probably. I mean, that's pretty good. Alright, Mandy, explain the slaves. What the fuck was the slaves thing? Something started reminding me of it. I don't know if it was... Okay, but what is it?

Why did you have slaves at school? Slaves, money at school? Oh boy. This is getting interesting. There's a bit of context. I would hope so, for the slave story. Okay, I... I'm gonna make a visual in MS Paint really quick to help you understand.

It's an auditory medium, Mandy. Why do we have so many visual fucking aids? Goddammit. Yeah, okay, so... stand it's an auditory medium mandy why do we have so many visual fucking aids god damn it yeah okay so in about i guess it was third grade we made a discovery on our playground because the way dirt works in other i guess most of the country and elsewhere is a lot different than southern American dirt. It's like clay. And water can sit on it really easily. But you can also dig through it really easily. Yes.

And our playground, it was maybe a quarter actual playground play equipment and it was like on wood chips, right? I don't know if you've seen them. It's like a little black wall filled with wood chips right you have like the i don't know if you've seen them it's like a little little black wall chips yeah and there was a um because i would just break my arm and then have blood and wood chips inside the wound and then you rub the in it yes oh what is so soft i love the pain yeah so we had that but then within the fenced area, there was about two or three times the area of the playground.

A hill that went up on the side, and erosion from rain and stuff would run down it. So, just for an extra visual, playground down there, big hill with fence goes all around it. Yes. Now, when we were in third grade, what we discovered, because we decided to be edgy kids and not play in the playground that day, we were going to go up on the hill. Nice. And then,

but then, everything changed when this kid named Ryan found the rock. The rock? It sounds like some more of the- We called it a crystal. What?

The crystal. That, I mean, that- This is some more fly shit. Wait,, that... Wait, hold up. Grade school? Yeah, like third grade. Oh, okay. I mean, that's young as fuck. I can see that. Yeah, so, what we didn't understand was that when the water

was coming down the hill and was eroding away the clay and dirt very slowly, and we realized there were these crystals buried in the dirt. Now, what we didn't know because we were little is that it was quartz. Quartz is basically worthless.

But to little kids, they saw these white crystals. Quartz is diamonds. Yes. It is diamonds. Which are also worthless. Yeah, but that's a more complicated issue. There is perceived value for diamonds.

You know, you can make diamond drill tips. You know, you can perceive value in quartz. You just have to be in third grade. Yeah. And a cartel. See, no. The difference is, like, the equivalent would be, I guess, with Quartz as a kid,

I guess the teacher is the cartel? No. No, the teachers weren't involved until later. The teachers weren't involved until later. Oh no. Okay, go ahead. Anyway, so we found this and we're like, wow, you know,

this is really cool. We should dig more of these up. Oh, I already... Oh no, I... This is the slave story. I know where this is really cool we should we should dig more of these up oh i already oh no i yeah this is the slave story i know what i know where this is going okay but what happened was there was perceived value because we started saying like you know oh you know your your eevee pokemon card is cool i'll give you five crystals for it and then someone said yes god and so at this point now they had value and then kids we didn't know

yeah but then kids we didn't know came up and started trying to dig in the courts and so we told them to go away and then we had like two of these huge friends I knew came and were like you know get them away as kids will do by roughhousing them away so then we had

a small border of kids surrounding the digging people. And then we were like, oh, you know what we should do? What if we could just sit here and talk and not have to dig? We'd have the younger kids dig for us. Oh my god.

Oh my god. So we're like, you know, we're like, hey, you know, we'll give you a chocolate milk if you dig up these crystals for us at lunch. So we had the first graders digging up the courts for us with this ring of older kids around it. Mandy, you were playing Eve Online in the third grade. Oh my god!

You were! It didn't escalate yet. Oh no. When it escalated was when the gambling ring started being formed around it. Oh my god! There was a gambling ring? How? I bet you were fucking taking a rake,

you piece of shit. You would. Our school had a very, very strict no gambling policy. I'm pretty sure everyone... Why did it need that? Why would it need that? What the fuck do you mean? You know, like, you couldn couldn't have so kids wouldn't lose things you know so they'd be like you know we're having a pokemon battle you have to give me your rarest card well so that wouldn't happen but what happened was people were playing you know i think

it was mainly pokemon yugioh wasn't around yet that much so people were playing with pokemon cards but there was like you know there's candy but, but then the crystals entered it. And the thing is, we didn't know what crystals meant for older kids. What? What? What the fuck? I guess around here, I don't know if they were called, this was before

crystal meth. I was about to say, did you start gambling for crystal meth in third grade? No. No, but wires got crossed and people started believing it was something else entirely so then older kids like from middle school like people's siblings were like trying to find more about out about it like you know these kids have some crystal they didn't understand. Okay. And so, you know, people play these Pokemon cards.

They lose crystals. They lose candy. We kept digging more and more up. And then we had the guards, and we thought we made it fun. We're like, I still have the document around here, actually. What? You made a document? What? We made it in notebook paper. You had a lidger?

I still have it. It's stapled together because the sixth grade girl ripped it in half, but I still have the ledger around here. It was like, we made this document, and we all signed it. We called it the Treaty of... I don't remember the name of it. But we made a little treaty, and we basically sold out mining rights to this corner of the playground

where we knew nothing was. And that was how we had peace for a while. You were selling sham plots of land. You were Star Citizen before Star Citizen. Oh, we were selling useless land. And in return, they wouldn't throw kickballs at the miners and all the other stuff. Holy shit. So we had the economy all laid out.

It was perfect. It was perfect. It was perfect. The thing was, there were issues. It was perfect, but then there were problems. You had the one dumb second grader who tried to buy a muffin at lunch with crystals, and the lunch lady wouldn't take it. What? And so then the teachers started to get aware of like,

ha ha, you know, this kid tried to buy some food with quartz. Isn't that cute? But then that was when they really noticed how much courts was around they noticed the cabal of children like making like standing in formation and digging with ledgers that took a while they thought it was like people were making sandcastles or something like oh you know they're out they're up digging there you know like oh they're digging little castles or something and up there it's like you know fucking Ryan you didn't meet your quota

today Ryan you know what that means no chocolate milk for the next two weeks no chocolate milk give me your Eevee the problem was the high roller there was this high roller Pokemon player and he lost $20 a bunch of crystals and he was mad about it so he thought the other kid cheated

I wasn't there for it so maybe he did maybe he didn't and he told his dad about it and so his dad went to gripe to the yeah so his dad went to gripe to the school about it and we were giving the younger kids stuff to mine because we're like oh you know

if I give you chocolate milk, you know, you have to be our slave and dig for us. And they're like, okay. Because we didn't know what slaves really meant. I should say, Bendy, that sounds more like indentured servitude. Yeah, it was, but we didn't know. But you had a ledger.

He started explaining. Yeah, but so the kid had to explain to the teacher. And he's like, well, it's not fair, you know, because, like, I don't get enough crystals. And they just have their slaves dig up all of it for them. And you're like, oh, my God. And so the teacher's, of course, like, excuse me? Like, yeah, you know, those kids, they always have their slaves out there working for them. You have to understand, our state was part of the

Confederacy and the Civil War. Oh god. So when they heard that their kids had slavery and not really understanding what was happening and that's when the teachers looked and they noticed and saw the ring of people

and the kids digging. We were a very diverse school. I'm going to say that right now. There was a... Oh no, Mandy! Oh no, Mandy! There were a mix of people digging. It wasn't like...

No one was signaled out because they were stupid kids. But there were enough of both sides where they said, oh no. Because they looked up. Everyone know, everyone's having fun up there. Like, we're getting the crystals. Like, oh, this digging's fun. Yeah, and these crystals are going to get me a sick Charizard after

class. And so then they found out about it. And they didn't know how elaborate and widespread it was. So they started to have this kind of crackdown. How could they have, Mandy? How could they have? You had a ledger in the third fucking grade.

It wasn't a ledger. It was a treaty. What? You had a treaty in the third grade? What? I saw the copy of it somewhere. I mean, we all signed it. It's really cute looking. Everyone has their little signatures on it.

It's like a notebook it. It's really cute looking. Everyone has their little signatures on it. It's like a notebook paper. It's adorable. Wait, was it on the big double-lined notebook paper where it has the dotted lines? Yeah, for lowercase letters. It was like treaty. We agree not to do stabbings or attacks. Oh, the stabbings was because

people started stabbing each other with pens and pencils over it. But that was... It wasn't hard. What? What do you mean it wasn't hard? What? I actually still have some graphite in my right arm. Mandy's asking his math teacher how he...

Mandy's asking his math teacher how he can... He's asking his history teacher how to stop stabbings. It was like the third or fourth grade. It was... How does that help? I thought it was playing. Jesus Christ, Mandy.

Okay, so the teachers started to find out. This is fucking wild. And so, then we had... I don't remember when it was, but we started to learn about the word slavery that following week. We need to know that slavery was a wrong, bad, bad thing that happened. And we're like, oh yeah, that was messed up.

That was messed up. And then we go to lunch and it's like, what are we going to have the slaves dig up today? Because we didn't associate it. We didn't put it together. Because we're like, oh, working for nothing, that'd be awful, you know? We need to give Tim some more goldfish if he's going to work hard today.

If you're really good, you eat goldfish and chocolate milk. Yeah, and so they thought it was over. But then a second problem started cropping up. Because we were digging so much, the ground on top of the hill above the playground was starting to get worse and more and more water was coming down when it rained. So

our little operation was starting to dig into the hill and actually destroy the property. Oh my god. Wow. Because it always looked bad because there wasn't like any grass below it. It was just like clay and... I don't know what the term for it is.

Just reddish dirt. So it never looked good. But now the wood chips were being affected by it. And so the teachers, I guess, came together somewhere. Who knows, because we didn't get to see any of this. But they said, we have to put a stop of it. So they made quartz, an item you

couldn't have to school. I think their excuse was it was sharp and people get hurt or something like that. But they knew what it was for. To stop the slavery. No parent knew what happened?

Well, there were parents that started to find out about it because kids were coming home with their backpacks jostling and rocking around because they were full of rocks. Because people were getting stashes of it. They found out about the courts, but did they find out about the slaves? The slaves, yeah, that's the thing. Yes, they did. Because when they heard about this, they're like...

They tried the class like you know slavery was wrong you know you shouldn't we shouldn't even pretend about that kind of thing we're just like yeah okay that's a good idea but then we just kept doing it anyways i think we changed the name to worker but it to them it looked like nothing had changed because nothing had changed yeah weird that it would look that way yeah like hmm their freedom challenged their freedom challenged yeah we gave them goldfish and you know chocolate milk

all the riches they could desire and they just had to give us the quartz this is so wrong I'm actually about to fucking piss my pants so I need to get up really quick don't fucking tell any more slave stories until I get back because I don't want to miss anything

the podcast will be back in the best part two minutes the best part about that story is that I know that if I was a kid there I would be digging we'll be right back we'll be right back with more Mew Mew Power

but this whole story reminded me of how uh yugioh cards got banned at my in my primary school oh boy that's a story yugioh yugioh cards got banned in every school yugioh cards got banned at my school yeah they're also banned at mine and in my house oh why though why because like ours got banned because we were gambling for them we were gambling with like lunch yeah ours got banned because we were gambling for them. We were gambling for them. Yeah, ours got banned because we were gambling for them. There was an underground video on Pokemon gambling ring at my school. That's what happened to me as well! We had a- Hang on, hang on, I have a question. Cameron, did you have one of those- did you have one of those dome jungle gym things?

No, we had a little sheet that we- The gambling ring, the rules were that was the only place you were allowed to actually gamble for cards someone could see it yeah wait was that enforced by your school what do you mean okay yeah same yeah same same i was about to say like because we had like a little shed which we would hide behind from all the teachers and we'll have a lookout who if they saw a teacher coming towards us would be like we, would, like, whistle to us, and we'd fucking put away our Yu-Gi-Oh cards. That's fucking weird. We had the same thing, but since we were in Canada,

we would hide in, like, igloos we made. God, I... Wait, what? That's a really good joke. Nice joke, David. That's not a joke. How'd you make igloos? Did you make yugioh igloos?

It was like snow forts, but mixed with igloos, because we would bring water bottles and then put water so that it would freeze and become ice. Yeah. So we made, like, kinda igloos and would gamble in there. What the fuck? Canada's a third world country but gambling for yugioh cards is fucking it's so good especially when you get that fucking

Lee snack when you so funny thing is I had a bunch of yugioh cards and I but I never actually knew how to play the card game yugioh but I did know how to play Texas Hold'em. So at one point, I was convincing other kids to play Texas Hold'em inside the jungle gym for Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. Wow. Yeah. Did you have a weird kid who would make the Life Points sounds? Yes. Everyone.

We had that kid too. Yeah, he was the kid with the tough skin shirt who ran the class. Yeah. Oh my god. What the fuck is happening? That's a universal thing. What the fuck is happening? That's a universal thing. I've never heard that. I've never, I've never.

Yeah, you have the does meet in America. Yeah, you have a weird kid and he'll make the LifePoint show and some people play. Yeah, and he always has his shirt tucked in and he runs in between classes. Those are the rules. Between classes? Those are the rules. Those are the rules. Yeah.

Those are the rules. I'm so confused. Is that, is that, is that a thing in New Zealand? We've had similar. I mean, I've had a kid that used to narrowly run everywhere. Oh, that's another one. Generally, there's a crossover between them.

Unfortunately, though, he was at high school. Oh, well, yeah. No, that was also a thing at my high school. There's always, like, two kids who would run between classes. And, I mean, if you don't want to be late, you don't want to be late you don't want to be late what do you mean run between yes you're oh you're gonna put your arms in fairness my high school my high school is fucking enormous and you only had like a few minutes to get between classes so i legitimately had to run to one of

my classes one time like for one semester i had to run to one of my classes because it was on the opposite side of the school and i legitimately couldn't get there in time if I didn't run. Just be late. If you were late at my school, you got detention. If you were late to class a single time, you got detention. I was always in detention. I was also always in detention.

American grade school is way harsher in being late than college. Really? Dude, college doesn't care if you're late you just sit down and yeah they always tell you the next level would be scary they won't tolerate that in college okay that happened to me in college no if you if you don't go to your classes at college you fail your courses pretty much you pay a lot of money for nothing unless you're me in which case you don't go to a single course a one course a single time and then you pass anyways it depends which teachers though because like my teachers would not like it depended it was dependent on each class because my professors were different my

french teacher was like really strict about that but but my film teacher was like, hell yeah, be late. Before we get into college stories, did any of you have a rock war at your elementary school? Yes. Yeah, of course. You had a rock war? Yeah. How fully fledged was your rock war?

How long did it last? It was the peak of the courts era. The peak of the courts. There was a, was there a great courts war you didn't tell us about? What the fuck? Yeah. What is the, I want. Was there a great courts war you didn't tell us about? What the fuck? Yeah. I want to hear about the great courts war. Well, after courts got banned from the school,

everyone... It became contraband? We started meeting at a local park. And then someone discovered it was useless. And so, it was kind of like Brave New World, but instead of having an orgy, we just hit each other with rocks. Like our little third grade brains were so distraught that it was worthless.

Our only reaction was to pelt each other with all the rocks we gathered. Oh my god! It was a Kafka-esque time to be in third grade the rock war at my elementary school was there was the war zone on the playground because the playground where the teachers sat so obviously the teachers would sit and watch during recess to make sure no lord of the

flies shit was happening right that's pretty standard I've heard uh those schools yeah so but the the thing about the way that one of uh one of the playgrounds at my at my school because i went to a big elementary school too but um one of the playgrounds at that school there was a smaller playground for lower grade like really little kids that blocked their view from this one like field in the playground and there were a lot of fucking rocks on that field. And so what happened was it started as a friendly game kind of thing,

but it's a kid game. So the game is you throw rocks at each other and, uh, you basically win by not bowing out and it uh it was a team game so whoever had a team but yeah i mean it was we built skills while we were throwing rocks most of the skills were how to throw rocks harder and more accurately but we were learning other skills as well um and initially it was just a game but it sort of escalated because we were throwing rocks at each other into two different factions of students who grew to really dislike each other

oh and well that's because you were throwing rocks at each other's faces no but the thing is it came to the point where there was an unspoken established rule that the only place you were allowed to have physical violence in the war was on that area of the

playground but non physical violence was allowed elsewhere so it became a thing of trying to get as many people from the enemy side into trouble during recess so that you had the overwhelming numbers during the actual war during the battles yes that's pretty good eventually we got caught and we all got in so much fucking trouble. Of course. That's fucking insane. They didn't know the extent of it because there was another unspoken rule that if you fucking told the teachers the extent of the war, your ass was fucking grass.

You were dead. So they just thought they caught us all throwing rocks at each other and that was that was what we actually got in trouble about they didn't know we were framing each other for breaking the rules so that different students would not be able to play at recess and i think that's what eventually made them realize hey we should check that area of the playground where we can't see was when they looked out at the playground and there were like

half of the kids missing because they were either not in on the actual like equipment or they were not allowed it And that's pretty much how it ended that was We didn't have a treaty So we didn't it was like we didn't have rocks so we would just use like snowball

So we just did snowball fight. So I guess you guys win yeah i mean um well i need that's just a difference in cultures i don't know if i don't think i've told the story but we didn't have rock fights we just had fights and uh what the fuck okay we're gonna have to delete this episode if we tell this story no no no no no it's fine i was like eight so fuck off um but we're we're on so we had this area of the primary school where there were two like hills there was like one hill on one side and one hill on one side and then a concrete path in the middle and so we would fight over each hill and kind of be a king of the hill type situation but just by like pushing each other around and like you know like pushing each other down the hill and uh the reason we could do

this because it was out of the way and what like one teacher would sometimes walk through but we'd all stop and just start running up and down the hill and act like oh, we're just running up and down the hill. It's the perfect crime. And as soon as they leave, we start pushing and stuff. I don't know. Wait, I'm trying to think about how I should tell this. So, it's just like, every once in a while, a kid would get an elbow in the face and stuff like that.

Uh, because of how we're pushing. And one time I accidentally elbowed someone in the face and their nose started bleeding. Right as the teacher, right as the teacher came around this corner and I like, I just start fucking crying because i'm eight and this kid's nose is bleeding and i go up to the teacher and immediately confess exactly what's happening i snitched no i snitched on myself i was like i accidentally elbowed him and stuff like that and the teacher literally said to me get out of my face before I get really angry

and give you detention and then I walk away and like never got punished for it no I never had any detention or anything I don't know I just walked away and got away with it and I have no clue why.

Out of my face before I get upset. I just don't know why. And then I just never went back to the hills. I don't blame you. I left those hills behind. You're a different man than you were when you were running up and down those hills.

I mean, knowing other things you've told us, you're you're a different man than you were when you were running up and down those hills i mean knowing other things you've told us you're not actually that different of a man ever since you left those hills that one was by accident what do you mean that one was by oh my god it's literally titled treaty treaty i told you am i allowed to say or is that the name of the school no i think one of us read it from a history book i think it's an actual treaty that someone our unnamed group hereby agrees to be with us and to not mutilate other members unless very ticked off hang on hang on no everyone shut up let shut up. Mandy needs to read the entire treaty. Oh yeah, no, you need to read the treaty. Yes, you need to read the treaty.

Our unnamed group hereby agrees to be with us and to not mutilate other members unless very ticked off. We agree to enforce a ceasefire with the Hardin gang? I don't know, I think it was named after someone. Something gang.

And affiliates and not insult, mock, or gesture to them unless they have done it to us. We agree not to use... Oh no. We agree not to use drugs, alcohol, or participate in criminal activity. We also agree We also agree

to defend each other against outsiders who harass us. Tyler suggested our motto be Cheese Whiz, but instead a new one is in development. We will take the courts. It is with us forever. Veni, vidi, vici. And then I signed it. And a bunch of people signed it.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Tyler suggested our motto be cheese whiz what why did you for some reason my tyler in the fucking treaty i like how there's you drew like a a wreath around it as well you did for some reason my title is the cobra commander we. We had a deal sealer. Oh god, I think we had a David too. Because Tyler is signed as the Monkey Commando Pimp in a spacesuit. Yeah, we had a David. There's several signatures on this.

Oh, there's an asterisk on the bottom. Failure to comply will result in beatings. Yeah, I can see why the teachers didn't like this. You just made that up. That's not real. Give me a second. Because that's not in the picture. It's the bottom of it. Give me a second. They did right. We won't use drugs,

alcohol, so... We will not mutilate. Unless Barry ticked off. Mandy, can we make that the fucking title of the podcast will not mutilate unless very ticked off it's called the podcast episode cheese whiz no it's called a treaty of canem oh we should the treaty of canem yeah we should oh my god that's so good someone look up what that actually was?

Because I think it's a real treaty. I think someone read it off a history book and convinced us it was a good name. Uh, no. List of Latin- Oh, it's a Latin word. It's cane. It's cane, not fucking Canem. Cave Canem.

What does Canem mean in Latin? It's a Latin word for black poetry. Treaty of Canem. Oh does canem mean in Latin? Treaty of Cain. Oh, cave means beware. Yeah. Did you mean Treaty of Cain? Oh, right. Treaty of Cain was signed in Cain, France

between William II and King William. Literally meaning beware of the dog. Oh, right. No. At the top of the hill, the old urban legend among the kids was that the principal kept his dog chained up there like the principal keeps his dog chained up by the fence what's that's what i named it that treaty of the wear of the dog why why did were you guys afraid of the dog that's kind of. That's the least weird thing about the story, David.

That is the least weird thing, David. It is the least weird story, but I don't know. I wouldn't be scared of the dog. Failure to comply would result in beating. Oh my god. Fucking Christ, Mandy. We had an exciting childhood. Did you write this up?

That is my handwriting. That is my third grade handwriting. It's not too bad for third grade. I mean, the handwriting isn't. The content is pretty bad for third grade. Drugs, alcohol. How did you know

what drugs and alcohol were? There it is on the bottom. It's real. Mandy, I have a question. Shut the fuck up. There it is on the bottom. It's real. Oh my god. Okay, so, Mandy, I have a question. Shut the fuck up. I have a question for you. What the fuck course

did your life take that you wound up being a fucking obscure PC video game reviewer and not like the head of a mob? That is... How do you know

he's not Beau Favre? I mean, I know he's not Beau. You wouldn't know. You don't. You think I'd be Beau? I don't... I mean, maybe he has... Maybe it's part of his job to be the leader. I don't know.

Maybe he has more than one job. I do wear many hats these days. Don't... Oh my god. Hmm. You're on the list now. Don't. Oh my god. Hashtag the China job. Are we already talking about the China job, Mandy? We can't talk about the China job. Why would you mention it?

Because we're wearing many hats. I'm so scared to be around you, Mandy. I want you to know that. Hey, Cameron. For the record, yeah i'm so scared to be around you mandy i want you to know that cameron i don't feel safe cameron for the record the china job involves me this time as well so all right i can't wait to hear about it you're never going to what kind of job how bad is it it may involve a conspiracy. Mandy? Is the podcast over? I want to know.

No. No. No, we're still recording. This is the darkest days of the podcast. This is a pretty dark stage. This is an interesting episode. Tell us more about the Looney Toonies. Yeah, what was your other story?

You had another game. Oh, my other story. I do have another story. Yeah, you said my book. Did you write a book? Because when I was in secondary, so like same year, I think, my English teacher was fucking wacky. So the thing is, since I went to a French school,

so English is basically like Spanish for you guys, so it's not as harsh. And it's split into two classes it was like regular English and enriched English regular English is insanely easy same with like enriched English and um we had this uh teacher that was actually American, if I remember correctly. And he was really fucking weird and old. And he had a fanny pack. And he would just walk around class and like randomly ask comprehension questions about what we were reading at the time. And if you had right he would be like god god and then he would reach down his fanny pack and give you a chocolate oh no that does not sound good yeah he was really

weird and he made us write these like murder mystery uh stories and he actually published them what yeah i the thing is i think i i think i threw away mine which i'm really sad that i did because it was really bad and the one we wrote was was okay this might i don't know if it's gonna be funny or sad but we it was around when ed ed's world died oh no like the person ed gold died right and me and the other guy i was with on this writing project, we were really sad, so we made a murder... This is kind of bad now that I'm thinking about it. I don't know if I can say this shit.

Okay, so we wrote this murder mystery. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no. You didn't. It was based on the Ed's's world characters not okay okay okay okay yeah i thought you were just gonna like come up with a new way and well in way he died like no no we were actually like it actually affected us a lot because like me and my friends were

super into ed's world. So we wrote this probably really fucking terrible Ed's World thing that actually got published. Wow. Jesus. I might still have it. If I find it, I'm going to post the whole thing on Twitter.

Because it is probably a cringe fest. How do you publish? I don't know. Genuinely don't know. Did you get money? Oh, no. It was all the money that was for the school. Because we would do, like, trips.

So you wrote something, and it was published, and all the money made from it went to the school. Canada really is a third world country i just yeah that sounds bad that sounds really bad that sounds pretty bad but i guess sounds like you're to it what you were children children cannot agree to things like that your parents should have fucking signed off on it if anything oh no oh my god I'm so sorry Greek pillars and laurels that's cute

that's incredible that's a very important document that book it never got published though so David's David's ahead of me we only got a teddy bear book published in like second grade and I think it was exclusively bought by the school. Yeah.

We all brought a teddy bear and we had to write a story about our teddy bear. Or stuffed animal, whatever. We each got like a page in this big book. So what was your teddy bear? David, quick question. Did they ask you to publish it? I think they actually did. and the people who said no just did not have their stories published i'm pretty sure like it's far

it's far but i'm pretty sure like we did say yes or no and i did i did say yes. But, um, what were your, like, what was your plush? Your childhood plush? Oh, mine? Yeah. I'm gonna say mine. I'm gonna say his name. Mine had a sad ending, I guess. I had a black cat named Sam.

That's a cat? Yeah, I had a cat. Sam? Sam? We couldn't have any... We couldn't have any. We couldn't have real pets. My mom had allergy issues with cats. But I really wanted a cat when I was little.

Do you have a cat now? No. I had the black stuffed cat. But one time we went on a trip to the mountains or something. And I left him in one of the hotel rooms and he was never seen again. My parents called him up but I don't know if a maid took him home

or what but he was never seen again. No dogs either but dogs is a story that is not for this podcast. What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? It's not a happy story.

Oh, okay. Oh, God. It's a dog dies in the end story. Thank you, everybody, for listening to this episode of Please Stop Talking. No, Avery, Avery, what was yours? What was your plush? Did you have one?

I got up to look because I have a I was looking for a thing My stuffed animal was a stuffed T-Rex Oh that's That's fire What was his name? T-Rexy

Not Rex? No You know what? That's more creative so you win it is yeah you win yeah like like uh you know the popular smite youtuber sexy rexy 22 and othanatos it was actually spelled that way as well r-e-x-s-i that's good that's pretty good what about you cameron uh so my parents always tried to buy me plushies and stuff like that, but I never liked them So I I never had one I had real cats though. I had a real cat. Man you must have had issues growing up Mandy, you've got a contract and slaves. Yeah, probably. That's the joke. That's the joke.

My cat gave birth on my beard one time. That's pretty fucked up. Oh yeah, that's pretty messed up. That's sick. Uh, yeah, so I woke up and there was blood everywhere and four tiny little fucking things. They were all newborn kittens that looked like gremlins. That sounds terrifying. Newborn anything looks like gremlins.

That does sound really terrifying. It was bad though. Cause like she'd just stay there. So I, I had to sleep somewhere else for like five days. Oh my God. It was good though. Then we sold all the kittens. Apart from one.

Oh no. What did they get? They went to good homes. What's good homes, David? My stuffed animal was a monkey. Yeah? His name was

Mr. DuPont. That's nice. He's the closest to a stuffed animal I had was a stuffed snake, but I used it as a doorstop. What? You're a sociopath I don't you said you don't feel safer on me I mean you're uncomfortable as a child I would have made me uncomfortable you would have the camera would have been one of your fucking you would Cameron would have a clause in the treaty of Ken M I'm just gonna sure I said that no 100% I I would have done Cameron would have been one of your fucking, you would, Cameron would have a clause in the Treaty of Can-Am.

I'm just going to say that. Oh, yeah, for sure. I said that. No, 100%. I would have done that. That sounds like a fucking, sounds like a blast. You're fucked up. You're fucked up, Cameron.

What do you mean? Cameron is like quietly the most fucked up person on the podcast. Dude, it's like built to be a, it's a snake. It's built to be like a doorstop. Come on. That is not at all true. What are you talking about? Woah. Why are you trying to justify the fact that you were a sociopath as a child?

I've got it- I've got it in a closet somewhere. I need to find it. What the fuck? It's Cameron. Cameron. Cameron. Yeah? It's not gonna help. What's up? It's- I don't- It's not gonna help. You're still- you're still the freak.

I- Yeah. How does this make me a freak? Yeah, it's not gonna help yourself. It's I don't know if you're still you're still the freak I yeah How does this make me comes across as this fucking mild-mannered boy on the podcast? But he you're and then there's like a fuck there's darkness within you. There's a fucking darkness What do you think that means Hey, do you remember that one time we had to fucking delete an episode? Hey, 50k. You are the freak. 50k special. 50k special. Don't change the subject.

We're getting dangerously close into we might have to delete this episode territory, so thank you everyone for listening to yet another episode of Please Stop Talking. Everyone, please plug your shit. It wasn't a next and I meant to elbow him in the face. Fucking god damn it.

We don't need to plug our shit. Mandy, plug your shit. Mandy, you're the guest. Yes, I am Mandelor Gaming. I do videos about old games. And you could look that up on YouTube. There's gonna be some really cool games coming out soon on Amazon.

Cornering the market. He's cornering the market. I'm so afraid of Cameron. I think we're all afraid of Cameron. I would sacrifice hundreds of kindergartners to the digging hole before using a stuffed animal as a doorstop. It's not. It's like

a snake. It's like a big one. God damn it. What about the size of it is like a snake. It's like a big one. It's Goddammit What about the size of it is relevant? This is what's creeping out the most No, Cameron shut up What's freaking me out right now is the fact that you don't understand what's upsetting to us Like you but like Italy are not understanding what we're saying. You're saying but it was it made sense to use it as a doorstop You're saying, but it was big. It made sense to use it as a doorstop. You're a fucking psychopath.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna find, I'm gonna find a picture of it. I don't care. Don't understand. He doesn't understand. You don't get it. You don't understand. Hey, Kevin,

you're a freak. No, you don't understand. You didn't see it. Let me take a picture. What the fuck do you mean? That's Maggie, the enormous beast, wasn Why doesn't she use the Enormous Beast to stop traffic? It's big after all. You can follow me on...

You can follow me on Twitter at SivisNaySheep. David. You can support the podcast and me at Patreon.com slash SermiaoMusic. If we hit we hit the 500 goal we're gonna dnd podcast so uh pledge i guess you can also follow me on twitter at sir meow music

spotify soundcloud sir meow music or just Sermiao on Spotify, actually. Fuck those things, babe. That's it. God damn. Spanking. No one cares!