Please Stop Talking - Turning Italian | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: August 8, 2022

Call up Guinness, it's happening. Check out our merch! ▶️ https://pleasestopshopping.com/ Support the podcast on Patreon ▶️ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Join the PST Discord server! ▶️ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65 Links: David ▶️ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Julian ▶️ https://twitter.com/LegitimatNoodle Ed ▶️ https://twitter.com/PunkDuck_ Cameron ▶️ https://twitter.com/SuperSneakSheep Justyn ▶️ https://twitter.com/FUNKePills Podcast ▶️ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Clear your schedule for you time with a handcrafted espresso beverage from Starbucks. Savor the new small and mighty Cortado. Cozy up with the familiar flavors of pistachio.

Or shake up your mood with an iced brown sugar oat shaken espresso. Whatever you choose, your espresso will be handcrafted with care at Starbucks. Hi, if you like the podcast, check out our Patreon at patreon.com slash sirmyamusic. Link is in the description. Welcome to the podcast. I couldn't hear any of that, but let's go. Oh, fuck. Dude, your cable.

My headphones. He's going to lose three parts of his computer today. Oh, my God. Holy fucking shit. Hello, everybody. Welcome to PST. Oh, my God. Are you okay? Wrong way around oh shit dude

welcome to the podcast right before this ed broke his fucking keyboard speaking of ed uh i did i did break my keyboard my name is david surmeow and today we are with... Justin Funk. But Funk's fine. Cameron. Hi. And Ed, also known as PunkDuck, also known as... I thought it was pronounced Funk-E, considering it was a capital E. I also did. I thought it was Fumke, like that guy from Arrested Development. Yeah, I've gotten at least four interpretations of it, and I kind of just allow any of them

at this point. But the official one is funk. Yeah, that's just because of what I heard the most. It was supposed to be funky because it's the tiny e, so it's like syllable, but... So the canon one is funky. So you let people change

the way you say your own name? Okay, you know how JoJo doesn't have canon color schemes? My name's like that. No, hang on. Okay, so if your name's supposed to be No, I don't, Cameron. You sit still, you

beautiful bastard. I've never done like a straw poll on it to get the definitive answer. No, it's not about them! Fuck the straw polls! You should be assertive done like a straw poll on it to get the definitive answer no it's not about them and you should tell us how it's pronounced who gives a everybody else pronounces it your name is f-u-n-k-e and you how do you pronounce it okay how do you're right. I want to be funky. I am funky. There it is. This dude wants to be funky.

He wants to be funky. That's fucking nuts. Julian gets so upset when you get in his bubble. It's so cute, actually. His bubble? He has a hamster ball? What are you talking about? No, as in his social bubble. Because Julian has a lot of subscribers.

So, God forbid, we overstep our boundaries and just start talking to him like a person. Because if we do, he'll start sub-checking us. Julian does this a lot, and it's really adorable. He sub-checks people. That's someone with no subs. I'm immune. He always brings me back to like wish i came more prepared anytime i say anything he's like hey 50k shut up he says that to me he refers to people just by numbers yeah that's how he stores them in their brain hey 50k calm the

fuck down it was really weird in chicago when he really insisted that everybody like tattooed their sub numbers on their wrists with like the exact same font as the ss i was not a big fan of that dude that was so weird i i don't think that was very cool of him anyone below 100 100k subs had to have an ombed it was like real messed up he didn't even get it like he didn't even know what the ss was and then when we explained it to him he was just like so yeah no he was like so comma who does that he um when i told him what the ss was like over text he sent me that image of gohan blocking a punch captioned yeah and and i thought that was like okay um i'm gonna like just forget it all you know it's so fucked up because it all started with the

cocaine yeah like the moment he got the cocaine habit that's when it all started going downhill julian was like julian was like pretty chill beforehand i want to say even like a friend like i wanted i called him a friend before but now i'm scared to call him a friend because i feel like his stipulations for like anything outside of work have just raised to such an like unrealistic pedigree that i cannot i do not feel comfortable calling him anything except a co-worker i feel like he's gonna kill me it's a safe bet all is to say um it wishes julian never woke up i just miss him dude i just miss the good times bring it back to good time i miss when my keyboard works that's my good time

fucking bitch david what are you drinking? Is that apple juice? Oh, it's beer. It's Heineken. Hey, and also starring Julian. Wow. That just showed up in the middle of the recording. Yeah, Julian showed up in the middle of the fucking intro. I've been here this whole time.

I just didn't want to say anything. It felt impolite. He was like in the corner just... For once in his lifetime, Julian was in somebody else's bubble. And I think that was a character-making moment. You were all playing Halo.

It just made sense to play Quake. What did you learn? This bit sucks. We're moving on. Are you champions, Pilt? I have a question. Is that game still running? It's still not released, I'll tell you that. It's still running.

Is that the Quake hero shooter? Is that not out? That's Quake for watch. That's free to play. Yeah, early access since 2017 oh just like path of exile speaking of exile ed you have a story what that's not a treasure are we not going to introduce the guest at all i thought we were professional now yeah that totally happened okay fine all that stuff gets to get guess gets to hi justin actually what yeah let's do all okay so we got we got cameron the top ed the bottom

and justin the fuck maniac i'd say switch but yeah okay fine Okay, fine. You can be Switch. I can be Fuck Maniac. And Julian is... Yeah. Julian's the director. Julian's the director and welcome to pornography. That's all. Or how about we actually introduce Justin Instead of Coming up Hey Justin how are you doing

I'm good Are you excited for the porn shoot Yeah Porn shoot Today I tried to find an acronym Porn shoot today Porn shoot today

It sounds official Like a newscast Acronym today. Porn shoot today. Porn shoot today. Why does it sound official like a newscast? It sounds official. No, no, it sounds like we're putting too much pressure on. Like, Justin, we need your cum on my desk Monday morning. Now. Otherwise, we're dropping the whole episode. We've got heavy showers coming on Casting Couch 4.

Dude, I'm so happy that we have a guest on because that means that we're gonna get so many new people they just join in and this is what they hear for the first time they're gonna be losing their shit like what the no they're gonna be like half the cuffs are gonna be like hey what fucking patriots here do i have to pledge to see justin's cum i feel like this is like destroying the viewer experience after having never used the word come on my channel i think people are in for some kind of an awakening after this i think that that's a missed opportunity you've never said yeah i've just been saving it for the right day for the right that's how it goes out the right day what would the right day be i i'm not sure we can give

it we can give you an out right now you can say come right now when i'm at my lowest okay come his lowest is pst okay i i gotta like i gotta like come clean here um justin has been telling me in confidence for ages that he's been sneaking in a texture of 3d cum and every single one of his videos and he didn't want to like broadcast it on any of his like public channels he wanted to announce it privately on pst but he messaged me all your recordings saying like he's really shy and he wanted me to say it instead so yeah to any viewers listening there's a puddle of cum in every like episode since the start of like the tf2 like retiree days just go look for it and you'll get a prize the craziest part is i totally blacked out whenever i make the video so i don't even remember where they are but they're there somewhere

if you i mean you we he will recognize justin will know if you show the cum p. Justin will know. If you show the cum PNG, he will know. I recognize a pile of cum when I see it. Don't tell people to send them cum. Why? What do you mean, why? What do you mean, why? Ed, your story. Oh, my God.

What? I'm just waiting for the state of the state of common video games okay okay just for reference i've already told my puddle of cum story many episodes ago what the fuck are you talking about i don't remember that i missed this what was the puddle oh wait yeah there you go my my puddle of cum story was long story shirt short no you don't met up yourself on that i'm gonna write that down yeah long story shit write that down put that on a coffee mug long story shirt i met up with a friend of a friend at a hotel room and we were just hanging out at his hotel room and me and my friends were like, hey, we're going to go buy vodka. You just stay in the

hotel room and just hold the fort. And the moment we left the gates of the hotel room, my friend was like, it would be so funny if you jacked off to its completion while we were gone. And he was like, lol, that'd be so funny. We left, bought bought vodka came back

there was a puddle of cum on his desk and we just started laughing our asses off like you you've never said this story i've heard this story before i've heard this story before i've heard it so we come back it. So we come back. So we come back and there's just a puddle of cum on his desk. You're sure it wasn't just like distilled Elmer's glue or something, right? It was cum.

I promise you. I promise you it was cum. And we start laughing. And i was with two friends not including a come fucking puddle guy one of them goes to the bathroom because he needs to shit out the vodka me and my friends are standing in front of like come homie and come i i tell him like odds on you just drink it and he goes like dude no shot and my friend goes dude that's not even an odds on i do it and i was like what the fuck do you mean i do it and he goes like oh okay he starts shaming me he goes like oh okay so you've never tasted your own cum. And I'm just... What the fuck? No!

What? No, I've never tasted my own cum. And he goes like, Girls, do it. Girls, do it. Oh, wait, okay. I thought he meant like, girls taste their own cum.

I'm fucking stupid, dude. No, but that sets the comparison, though, isn't it? That is the comparison. He't it because that is the comparison he's saying like whatever how is it weird that i drink my own cum girls taste their own cum so like what's the problem so i'm like i don't want to taste my own cum and he goes like dude it's seriously not that much of a bet and i don't even know if not even that much cum i don't even know if that conversation was legit or if that was him just just baiting just baiting cum puddle guy into drinking his own cum because the more we talked about it the more cum puddle guy was like you know this doesn't sound that weird actually

you know man not bad they they they were able to fucking convince cum puddle guy to do so cum puddle guy goes like okay so what if i do actually drink my own cum so i i tell him to get gritty with his own cum and then i tell him like hey if you just dip your finger in the puddle and fucking like just suck all the cum out of your finger. Instead of drinking the entire puddle, instead of paying you, I will instead buy any amount of shots you want. Because, for context, we were planning on going to a nightclub. Like, that night after he drank his cum. His dose of cum. And he goes like, okay, so a whole night's

worth of shots, huh? And he starts going like this. To be fair, that's a lot of money. It is. So, he does what any sensible man does. He looks me in the eyeballs, grabs his index finger, shoves it in the puddle of cum,

mixes it around, and then just oh and that just sucks it clean off me my friends start laughing my other friend comes out of the bathroom to check what the commotion's about we tell him he just drank his own cum he starts laughing and we just simmer down and we're like okay we've done enough pre-coming let's get on the bus and go to the nightclub you know and we get on the bus and the moment we get on come puddle guy goes like shit i have to get off the bus this nightclub this nightclub takes cash only i have to get off the bus and take cash out you guys wait for me but here's the thing we were really drunk not on come unlike this guy so he gets off the bus

goes to the nearest like cash machine to take cash out but and me and all my friends are just looking at each other like we're not gonna wait for him right and they're like what no so we just stay on the bus so we just stay on the bus and just keep going to the nightclub while he stays behind the moral of the story is i made him drink his own cum and didn't pay him shit. Wow. Because after that night, after he got off the bus, that was the last time I ever saw him ever. I don't know what ever. Do you not know this guy?

I don't know this guy because he was a friend of the guy that was like, hey, I break my own cum. I think that's fine. He left him to wallow in his own puddle. I think he just came into the night. Of cum? Yeah. How's your audience doing right now?

Just listening to this, you think? From movement shooters to cum. I'm glad we're not playing the put a finger down game. David, that is a very small migration. If you're not cumming when you play a movement shooter, then you're the weird one. That's true, though. Sort of a metaphorical cum.

I can 100% see that as the title of a video essay. From movement shooters to cum. Brackets. Fucking Hitotaki Itsuno's journey in game development or something. When you think about it, sex is a movement shooter. True. Wait, actually true. I said true on Reflux.

Wait, wait, wait. We have to take the layers off one by one. I don't like that metaphor. It makes me think of Cubs. How many texts you get from your girlfriend after the fact, that's your style meter.

How many texts? Hey, I've got this weird... That's a secret mission, Cameron. I think there was a moral to your story, but i don't think it was the one you you're thinking of at all no my my moral was odds on is the best game ever made because sometimes you'll get people to do dumb shit and you don't even have to pay them it's amazing like genuinely me and all my friends never saw that guy ever in our lives ever again and the only reason he comes up is to talk about that is whenever we make the joke like whenever we do an

odds on we think about that guy and say the joke i've paid less for more dude holy fucking shit I am shocked we didn't do more odds on in Chicago I was trying to we did not David mute this don't mute that can you like amplify that 10 times

and code it make it so it's actually good enhance that enhance that brap that was such a fucking weak like that was weak dude i'm sorry oh okay david let's hear your braps to sound like more noticeable but i'm gonna be honest as weak as possible it's been a week and i have not been to the restroom yeah you need to go to the doctor room you need some fiber dude you haven't pissed in a week? No, it's fine.

He really is white. No, no, no. Hear him out. I said it's fine. I'm not going to the bathroom. Dude, I haven't had zero impurities for a week. What have you done? Shut up.

Wait, actually. My record is three weeks. Actual good transition. How the fuck was that? for a week what have you done shut up wait actually my record is my record actual good transition because three weeks how the fuck was that i actually have that i i actually have a wait what what's going on julian just said his record for not shitting was three weeks ed had a story julian no no no no hey hey i don't think you're gonna go get away with that one buddy tell the story of when julian couldn't shit for three weeks julian i was clinically constipated and i and i shat i couldn't shit for three weeks did you find out why no i honestly i'll accept

that that's what other details are there was i made it up because it was funny and I didn't expect Another youtuber making things the fuck up. I'm tired. Julian. I didn't know you were I thought you were an animator not a storytime animator bro he just took someone out of his closet and beat the shit out of them and put them back in while two broken keyboards in one call wow ed you had a story yeah sorry hang on i gotta rip ass um so you're so bad these are so sad they're so sad like you're waterboarding your own fart

I can't even hear it it really it really sounds like it do you like listen it's so meager how thick are your butt cheeks god damn

hey Cameron you know how thick my butt cheeks are that's a rhetorical question Ed next time Clint's like potting the rip they get the right

kind of like no it's like thunder you hear it 10 seconds after he he rips it david i want you to keep this on record i'm stealing that what what was it julian clench clench before you shit like instead of think before you speak it's clench before you shit i didn't i didn't mean for there to be any kind of parallel oh did you not because that's funny no i just said clench before you fart it'll make a louder sound that's all i was saying yeah i said shit by mistake. I'm writing it down, bro.

Okay. Where's my bad idioms? I can't write it down. I don't have a keyboard. I gotta use... What do you mean you don't have a keyboard? He broke it before you got here. Yeah, he spilled all of his beer onto his keyboard. All right, you know what?

Ed, I'll immortalize it. No, no, I got it. I got keep notes on my phone. We're chilling. Bro, just tell your fucking story. It's going right under Not My Cup of Feet. I mean, whatever. If only this was recorded or something

that you could play back later. If only you had the recording. If only it's already been immortalized. Why are you still writing it down? It's been written down and it's being recorded. No, but hear me out. It's literally being recorded and immortalized why are you still writing it down it's being written down and it's being recorded no but hear me out really being recorded i have i have i have surreptitiously which i don't know what it means i have pernicious i also don't know what it means i have amphibian brackets

ambidextrous so i i'm assuming i wrote this down with the intent of referring to ambidextrous people as amphibian that's a good yeah uh not my cup of feet and now clench before you those those damn ambidextrous with their whipped hands and and still to this day my favorite which i have to find a way to use it is instead of using eye hand coordination i want to use brain thumb choreography that one it's so fucking good that was so fucking funny down in the details uh regardless regardless of all that regardless of all that. Regardless of all that, David, you mentioned something about a bathroom encounter that went Ori. You mean Ori? Boy, do I have a...

I love that video game, Ori. Ori? Wait, do you mean Ori? Is it actually how it's pronounced? A-W-R-Y. Ori. It's Ori. I don't know why you guys are gaslighting him on this.

It's Ori, like the Blind Forest. It's Ori. It's Ori, like the Blind Forest. Like the Will of the Wisps. No, that's a different game. A story that went Ori. It's a different Ori. I was out with some friends when I was like 17. And we went to a very, very bar populated by very very french people but because

am i right hey guys calm down i'm french but because how was the food the food was fine like but pubs here food was french pubs here are fine like if you go to an english pub here you get like fish and chips and the fish and chips are actually like above average but if you go to like a belgian fish and chips you get uh mussels and chips also known as french fries dude belgian mussels slap ass no word of a lie no i mean flex like over your plate what do you mean? You straight up get mussels in a big steamed pot to share. What do you mean mussels?

Mussels as in seafood. Seafood. Oh my god, do you think it's pronounced mussels? No, I just don't think he knows what mussels are. Can you send me a delete? Hold on. Dude, I think I'm having a pickles are. Can you send me a dewey leaf? I think I'm having a fucking... Hold on.

Dude, I think I'm having a pickles are the same thing as cucumbers. No, it's a black oyster, but it's not an oyster. It's a mussel. A muscle. I'm surprised you've never heard of these, but I guess you're in Texas. Exactly that. I always thought these were just like clams. No, no.

These are mussels. Not at all. Mussels. Clams. I hate mussels. Mus at all. Mussels. Clams, I hate. Mussels are cunts. Mussels taste extremely good. Dude, I also like mussels. Haha, blushes, walks away.

But anyway, that's what Belgian pubs are all about. It's like mussels and french fries. But the food doesn't matter at this point. It is. It's fucking sick. But at this point, it doesn't matter at this point nice it is it's fucking sick um but at this point it doesn't matter we're going to the delirium corner of the bar area and we're going to specifically a place called tequila bar where you order tequila tequila and um oh like the song we're

just being chilling like the song and um my friend goes to the bathroom takes a while to come back comes back pale as fuck and he tells me I think I might have just been sexually assaulted in the bathroom hey man is this story and I go like and I go like

surely not and he goes like a French man asked to see my cock but like in a funny way so i don't know if this actually happened or if i'm really high in a funny way what's a funny way so i go like funny way i go like okay you're taking the piss i want to see this for myself you're taking the piss. I want to see this for myself. You're taking the cum. So I go upstairs to the bathroom. I go to the urinal. And like a normal gentleman would in front of a urinal, I started taking my little pee-pee out and I started peeing. Little did I know that the urinal next to me would have two French men doing cartoonish moaning sounds. And I was like, oh like oh okay that's what my

friend was talking about and like just like he's being very straight about it and being like oh i was assaulted because like two french guys next to me started moaning because they're like i don't know just you know living their best But... How would you feel if two Frenchmen, like you were pissing in a urinal, and it was the middle, right? And then two Frenchmen stand on either side of you and start using the opposite ends of the urinals and start moaning to each other while you're pissing?

See, Julian, let me finish my story. That's a bar, baby. So they were moaning in their own urinal, but at one point... They're sharing a urinal? No their own urinal, but at one point... They're sharing a urinal? No. Not urinal, sorry. They were both moaning out from one of the stalls, sharing a stall.

One of them opens the door, gets out of a stall, casually walks over, stands next to the urinal I'm standing next to, doesn't whip his cock out, which I think was very rude, and simply leans his head over the wall and then just stares at my cock. And then I go, okay, this is a little bit weird. And then the second French guy leans out of the stall that he's in vertically, like a cartoon character, and says the sentence quote do you want to suck my

dick to me in french which translates to no he says dude who says beat beat is like beat is like a tiny cock. Cur is like a fucking... While his homie is just staring at my cock. And I'm just like, well, this is certainly new. I certainly have egg on my face for doubting my friend.

I just shake up my wiener and I go, I'm gonna wash my hands and leave. No, thank you, fellas. But keep living your best life yeah keep assaulting people in the toilets that had the same vibe as like knocking on the door and being like cuckoo you want to see my dick see i feel like that one's a little bit worse because mine was worse because mine was like i feel like at least they asked you know permission i feel like asking asking permission is not bad i think they should have asked permission to look but sure a little above the bare minimum i guess

why and i was single these people and how much is my question because like because i mean i was 17 and like yeah so that doesn't make it personally cameron that makes it cameron when i'm that young and honestly when i'm today years old i will always prioritize you know this is the camp story all over here's my gradient yes exactly no no no just i always prioritize hey how fucked up is this bard how funny is this and if it's and if it's really funny i will excuse this part you know it's fucked up because that's my life now every time i do anything and something fucked up happens i'm like hey wait a minute this could be a funny story this could be a funny story exactly literally literally one of my one of my fucking british friends i know british but you know one of my british friends i love how i love how ed just like i said british and on his webcam

he was just like just like a song for that yeah no i do it for the bants do it for the banter do it for the story oh go on you fucking geezer if i do something and i there there's a potential for a funny bant i will do it damn you, you're peeky blind. It sounds good. Hearing the phrase for the cheeky bant in any dialect that is not British makes me want to fucking recoil. Do it for the bant.

Oh my god, David. If you get something in the mail, open it up. Dude, Julian, that's the same amount of shtick. I hope it's asbestos. Like this. That's the same amount of s hope it's asbestos like this that's the same amount of shtick that i get from my friends because like it sucks that i grew up with british people with an american accent because all the slang that they use like like pang banter uh fucking you name it wait wait banter you can get away with. Banter I think you can get away with.

What is pang? Pang, spelled P-E-N-J, just means hot. Like, his mom, pang as fuck. Do you use mingen? Oh, man. Yes. Mingen. Mingen's a good one.

Do you use the really obscure shit where it's like they'll refer to testicles as Jacobs or some shit? Because it's like seven no layers of weird no they say i say bollocks and they say stones or minerals okay yeah that's that's not too mineral i have a i have a question actually this one goes for uh mostly mostly cameron is gobby is gobby and an australian new zealand thing or is it like gobby oh my god? Or is it like... Gabi. Oh my god. Wait, what is it? Gabi is so bad.

Yo! I'll give you a Gabi! That's a really good word for that. So bad. I hate it. It's so gross. Gabi is very... That's really funny. Wow, I've never heard that before.

Disgusting word for it. Gabi just sounds like Dobby. I just think I'm going to do a Harry Potter elf on your car I'm imagining the fucking plant you pull out of the face and it goes like oh my god no wonder he wanted to be freed please give me a sock I'll I'll give my girlfriend a sock and she gives me sloppy toppy dude a sloppy is bad sloppy sloppy

not even you just hand her a sock you're free now I've heard of people just saying like a sloppy and that shit's already bad just like oh oh i'm gonna go get a sloppy it's like bro what the fuck is wrong with your cock i'd rather get a tidy what the fuck are you talking about it's like very prevalent at like high school like it would be like you know like i've never heard gobby in my life go go behind the cricket cricket nets and

go get a gobby or some shit like that you know the one that i hear is like we had like i don't know about you guys that's awesome for every year that we had like if you signed up to our high school you'd get like three proms per year and for every prom after the prom we would go scouting for girls with like dirt on their knees for god and we'd say like oh that's the blowy squad squad you know that's so bad group so if i ever go to Europe, I need to bring a Rosetta Stone with me, basically. Has there ever been a Rosetta Stone for like...

Just porn slang? I'm pretty sure that's just the Kama Sutra written by the Indians. No. No, that's for sex positions. That's not the terminology. I don't think... Does the Kama Sutra even have words?

Isn't it just images? Illustration primarily. It definitely has words. I'm pretty sure I saw Gobby Goblin written on the Kama Sutra. Did you know that Kama Sutra means teachings of desire? Ooh.

I did not know that. So, Cameron, if a woman came to you and was like, they call me the Gobby Goblin, how would you respond? There has to be words in it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, boy. Oh, God.

That's. I mean, that has happened. That's a common occurrence in music. Fuck off. It happens sometimes. What can you say? It sucks. I have so many

French slangs that I find hilarious, but I can't say them. It's incredible. No, because if I say a gonzess everybody's gonna be like that sounds funny dude that's the word for like that's like the most thought that's like the most insulting way to say broad like that hot broad that's a non-french speaker bad these jokes have a skill ceiling for me not a bad problem to have dude what's the there's one word that fucking makes me shit i don't know

i i feel like it i feel like it's just a difference in context you know like they're playing tetris we're playing fucking tic-tac-toe because we're just like oh man this sounds funny yeah like that's where it starts. French isn't even hard to learn. You just have to learn... That's not true. It's a moral thing for me. It's hard emotionally. No, no, no. I know.

I just remembered the one that always makes me shit. Nana. Dude. Nana. Not even that. I was going to say like... Nana that means fucking girl it's so bad like what yo i'm with i'm with my fucking girl that's so terrible it's so bad for me like i wouldn't even say that i said like the only words in french you gotta learn is I can't wait for the French listeners

to be like yeah we agree basically translates to it's John Marie Bigard my little sack of nuts come hither or I'll fuck you in the ass. Come hither.

It's worded like a folktale. Dude, French is a beautiful language, even though really... Come hither lest I fuck your ass. That's genuinely what it means. Viens buter un ou deux ou je t'encule. C'est Jean-Marie Bigard ma couillasse

it's a weird episode not even any stories it's just been like it's just been the weirdest

thing more weird stuff oh I wanna know more oh I was I don't know if this is like a specifically new zealand thing or

if it's something that happens in other countries but like do you guys have you guys is it like common to steal like roadwork cones and like random stuff from roadworks i am okay yeah road signs anything that's not nailed down i haven haven't done it. Bro, I pull the fucking stop sign out of the ground by just, like, balancing it like, back and forth. Every single... These are crimes! You're admitting to crimes right now!

You'll never know what I've done. For the listeners, I just screamed aloud, you are committing crimes! You are admitting to a crime! To which Ed smiled stupidly and nodded at the camera like, yeah. This one time when we were going to Colorado from Chicago, we stopped by a pit stop that was under construction. I stole a cone and put it in Charlie's car.

And Charlie came out and was like, no! No! We cannot steal that cone! And I was like, why? We could have gotten a cone. That would have been so funny. Dude, that's some baby shit. You could buy a cone. You're not as bad as him. You know how much worse that is that you did that?

David, you know how much worse that is that you did that? Because it's an international crime now. Yeah, because I'm Canadian. It's an international crime. But I didn't do it because that fucking pussy charlie said no that cone has history if you buy one you're just getting it fresh that is some pussy shit too because like me and my homies we were like 20 we were coming back from the bar and walking back it was like a one hour walk we stopped we saw a stop sign

that was like eerily attractive and we were all like what if we just like stole it because it was a stop sign that was like plant that's it was planted into the fucking cement so bad so i grabbed one stop at a four-way stop my homie grabbed the other side and we just kept balancing like back and back and forth. Hey, wait. This is hilarious, though. We kept balancing back and forth until it came off. And then I just put it over my shoulder. He put it over his shoulder. And we just carried it back to my place.

Disclaimer. You're not a good person. Disclaimer. We do not condone these actions. We do not condone any of this. In fact, anything that comes out of Ian's mouth is not condoned. No, listen, we'll balance it out. We'll balance it out.

There have been a few times where signs were knocked over by my neighborhood, and I put them back up. See? The karmic resolution of the brand is now back to neutral. The Virgin Good Samaritan versus the Chad.

Okay, so Justin, I'm'm gonna need you to tack team here in a second because we there's only so many signs near me okay sorry because i gotta tell you man we got bored of the stop sign and we just left it on the side of like a pharmacy at one point because we got really distracted by a car that was left unlocked and had like, what do you call it? Like a baby seat. So we just like unlocked it and we just took the baby seat and I was just like sitting on the baby seat while my homies were pushing me like down, like a downward hill. Yeah. That's real bad.

That's real bad dude david i like that i like that you're more shocked by by their friends stealing a baby seat than them making a four-way stop extremely dangerous by making one of the stops not in my defense this is like the plot of like 13 reasons why or something like oh my god in my defense that downhill street was covered in snow. It was like November of December. And we were really tempted to grab the baby seat because it's like a free toboggan because the car was left unlocked. So we just took it. And I was just in it. And I was sitting on it like this.

You know like how an adult counselor would sit just like, hey, you did drugs. But this was like, imagine this was like a baby seat. You know what I'm saying? That's what they say when you go to counsel. I would not trust this counselor for the record. And then it's just me like going down the street on like a baby chariot. But, you know, it's just me going down the street on a baby chariot. But, you know, it's not mine. Did you at least replace the stop sign with a yield or something?

Like, anything? Oh, right. He replaced it with a baby seat. It's going to get up and be like, no, I still have the stop sign. It's right here. It's in my fucking closet. I actually had it for a while. I think on the list of signs you could have possibly stolen,

stealing a stop sign in frozen weather is probably the single worst thing you could have possibly stolen. I mean, also, that's pretty crazy. You're so strong. Stop signs in America are more important. In Europe,

it's like implied stoppage. You know you have to stop. For someone with a stop? What do you mean? Do you know how many fucking people travel in Europe between places? Nobody knows any of the fucking... I feel like tourists

just need to adapt in that case. They're going to adapt to the crutches you put them in. You're filtering tourists you're right and i think that's character development i think i think they will be thanking me dude i can't wait i can't wait to talk to the our manager later and be like hey can we say this on youtube and he's gonna be like what the fuck the physical therapy arc hey ed just do a quick line just just just record a quick line wherever you you say that

you made all of this up just in case hey hey podcast listeners real quick no this all happened true to my word when i was 20 years old look at my lips true to all of, when I was 20 years old, look at my lips, true to all of mine, that's so much older than you should have been. Every single one of the things that I said happened, and I am still very proud of them. Not only am I proud of them, I would still repeat them.

You're proud of the lessons you learned, right? Lessons? I learned no lessons. The only lesson I learned was how to get a stop sign out of the street efficiently. I'm sorry for bringing this up. I thought I had a neat, cute story. I'm so sorry.

What's your cute story? It wasn't even that cute. I think Cameron's story is he found a stop sign in the middle of nowhere and he was like that's so crazy. So I took down these light posts that were like no no no um i went to like this uh i went i went to this this like a traffic light and i just shot out the lights wait in tires like the entire fucking light post like no no no no this is not true this i was joking it's lie this is like oh funny lie

um anyway in new zealand i if you any flat you go into will have a either like some kind of like roadworks here or some sign pointing to like like a street sign or something every single flat because it's so like there has been ads i've gotten on like how much it costs the new zealand government each year in terms of how much like roadworks like signage gets stolen like straight up it's like what it's like it's like millions it's like millions a year like that's so funny and so my friend group was especially at high school was no different uh they we they used to steal signs all the time and one time i was like like getting picked up just to hang out with friends in like one of their car and i go into the back seat i had no idea what

like we were going to do or anything and then they they just stopped at a roadworks someone in like the car slows down still moving and someone gets out of the back seat sprints over to the reconstruction site grabs something jumps back in the car and they they go go go go go and we just like speed off like so we're just driving around like our city to all of the different roadwork places and like they stop at one they stop at one they go cameron it's your turn i'm like no i don't want to do this like you have to you have to or or you're you're getting out of the car and you're you're not you're not staying i'm I'm like, what? So I, like, have to, like... What? I love that they work with the efficiency of a mugging sign. That's so shitty.

That is the most efficient thing I've ever seen. And, like, they're like, okay, I'm going to pop the boot because we don't have space in the back anymore. So, like, the car's still fucking moving. I, like, grab the tiniest, like, sign I could find and then, like, chuck it into the boot and jump in. And then we, like, speed off. And then we're, like, driving around doing in and then we like speed off and then we're like driving around doing this for like two two hours and they're like oh we're bored like they're like oh we're bored of doing this or whatever so we drive we we drive to an

intermediate like a like a middle school and it's like it's like night time and we drive we drive they're like oh i think we can get in here oh look the gates are locked I'm like what are we doing we drive one to the middle school into the driver yes there's a field now this is nighttime no kids are there into the field and just start doing doughnuts and I'm like I'm like oh my fucking god I'm like this is the dumbest how big how big are the fucking signs that you how many signs did you have we had like at least five one of each how did that fit in a car you had a what and so did you have an suv it was like a hatchback um oh my god was it unmarked it was a shitty

hatchback as well if i remember some like nissan or like a toyota black um i think it was like maybe i can't remember so long ago now i think it must have been like red or something i don't think it was black oh that's not as funny but um we're just doing skits in the back of the school and it's just like we see like we see someone like across the thing and we're like oh fuck we have to go and so we just like speed off

but it was the most it was the stupidest thing I think I've ever like been witness to because like the fact that we didn't get caught hey I'm gonna be honest you were a part of it whether you like it or not you weren't witnessing it all right yes i'm very sensitive but yeah i was i was pressured i was made culpable but i was in the backseat i wasn't driving i had no control okay for, for PST context, Cameron told me in private that he was not pressured at all.

It was actually all his idea. And he was, in fact, pressuring everyone else to do all of the things that he just said, especially the illegal ones. Ed, that's weird. He told me he was in the driver's seat, but they had a gun to his head. We don't have guns here. What are you talking about?

Ed, that's so weird. Cameron told me they were recreating Dragged Across Concrete, directed by Zay Ziegler. Did you all sit around a table? What the fuck are you talking about? The guy that directed Bone Tomahawk directed a movie called Dragged Across Concrete. It's a fucked up

movie. I don't recommend it to anyone. I would assume so. A guy gets dragged across concrete presumably it's horrible it do yeah but i uh i didn't get into a car with that person again because i was i was like i don't want this to happen why not what do you mean why not look it is a miracle that one the car didn, like, get stuck in the mud in this disgusting, like, field that's, like, a rugby field. That's, like, just the mud is, like, so thick. Like, it was ridiculous that we didn't get stuck and we didn't get caught.

Did you take it as a sign that you shouldn't do it anymore? Yes, I did. That was my moral of the story. I was like, I shouldn't. You took about five signs, I did. That was my moral of the story. I was like, I shouldn't... You took about five signs, I think. Cameron, what you're saying is this feller within your circle fed you an amazing story

for you to tell on your podcast with all of your white friends and you decided to... Oh, okay. I'm never going to talk with these people ever again. I would say ethnically ambiguous, friends. Hey, I'm part European.

I'm fully European. I'm white as fuck. Okay, well, I'm part of the more interesting Europe. I'm part white and pot white. I'm devastated about something. My 23andMe said I was 16% Italian years ago. I checked it again.

Apparently, they can change the results. And it went up to 22% and I started panicking. Oh, no. It's just going to keep going up. I'm worried. It's like venom. Go check right now. It bases it off your actions.

Sure. Being Italian is an idea. It bases it off your actions. Sure. Being Italian is an idea. It bases it off your actions. It's your moral quandary. It's like an infamous main quest. It's like Paragon versus Renegade. Okay, Italians, Italians, Renegade,

what's Paragon? Okay. No, no, no. What's Paragon? Okay. No, no, no. I'm going to Photoshop that. I'm going to Photoshop a game cover where the IT are lowercase and then alien are uppercase. So it's like infamous. It's alien.

So I checked it. It hasn't gone up, but 22.4%. That's a lot of Italian. Dude, that's almost a quarter Italian. Are you okay? Are you white? Dude, you gotta stop restricting your dialogue choices, man. Increasingly, I am. Increasingly white? Oh my god.

That's the worst kind of white. I wouldn't be worried until you start saying shit like Mamma Mia. I've been eating more pasta, but I think that's coincidental. Correlation versus causation. Like the thing is like the pasta might be like bumping up like how much Italian there is. Oh my God. Back on that.

No. You remember when in The Sims 2, if you eat too much spaghetti, you become pregnant with twins. I thought you were going to say you become pregnant with meatballs or something. But the truffle arrabbiata is so good. I don't. Maybe I can just stop at like 26%. Bro, this but the truffle arrabbiata is so good i don't maybe i can just stop at like 26 this guy eats bro this guy eats truffle you fucking rich it's it's like two dollars more it's pretty good i yeah it's pretty good you gotta uh give yourself a treat

sometimes affordable truffles i'm not cheap here i'm not going to Trader Joe's for this dude It's right off Publix Y'all getting fucking great value Publix fucking What's the Publix brand What's the Publix great value We're nearby Great value is Walmart's one Isn't Trader Joe's the cowboy guy

From Steel Ball Run I thought that was that guy Is that a store Mountain Tim Oh Mountain Tim Steel Ball Run? I thought that was that guy. Is that a store? That's not what that is. Mountain Tim? Oh, Mountain Tim! I thought his name was Trader Joe. Trader Joe! Just going down to the Mountain Tims.

Trader Joe Joe? If you name a fucking organic grocery store like Mountain Tim, I'd be like, Tim be mountaining. Tim be, damn. Tim be mountaining. Tim be no one. Tim be no one. I walk up there and then I'm like, damn.

Mountain Tim. Oh, cool. Yeah, cool. Make fun of how he speaks. What a fucking cool guy you are. Maybe get out of your fucking bubble from time to time to see how the real world goes, dude. Maybe get out of your fucking bubble from time to time to see how the real world goes, dude. Yeah, maybe get out of your bubble and let me into your bubble, Julian.

Oh my god, I'm blushing. How about we just start fucking kissing instead? How about we all start ripping ass? Or maybe I start ripping ass. Or maybe I mute and start ripping ass. Let's just conglomerate our bubbles. He just muted to rip ass. I'm back.

Hey, you know that doesn't mute your recording, right? Yeah, that doesn't mute your recording. Ed looks so defeated. Tough. Tough. Tough, huh? What a horrible day. Hey, anybody else have ass-ri stories ripping ass stories justin do you have any stories i feel like we need to balance it out i don't know i stole a saltwater taffy from publics once

oh dude you're so bad there's my contribution you're so bad this is your opportunity to cross into the dark the cross onto the dark side wherever you become a story time animator for like 10 minutes i don't have any zany stories but recently uh i got a kimono rack for my weezer snuggie and i just my fucking god i hate you and i uh put it up on my wall and it looks like i crucified it because the arms just reach out to the end of the rack instead of falling down like a kimono. So it looks like I crucified a Weezer fan. What's even better is I also got a chia pet of Rivers Cuomo's head of the singer and Weezer.

You got a what? What I plan on doing is having a little shelf above the Snuggie and put the severed head above it, let it grow, and just have it be a bit of a shrine. Wait, you have like a fucking voodoo doll head? Yeah. For like their last album, they had this little merchandise of his head, but it grows hair that's like grass. Ed does not know what a Chia front no what did you buy that from the fucking gremlins guy uh it was unmarked maybe he was the vendor but no i don't think so how do you know it's how do you know it's for rivers cuomo the funny thing i have it it doesn't look like

him at all but it has it's pretty official branding so i don't know what do you mean it's someone's head someone's marking it's passable how many people know what rivers cuomo looks like anyways no one's gonna ask you definitely do i just realized why did i raise my hand me sir me me i do do. So-called free thinkers when they're asked if they have a decapitated head of Rivers Cuomo. I'm of a very small echelon. Cameron,

you had a story about ripping ass. Speaking of ripping ass, so this is like the first flat I ever moved into, which was a piece of shit. Had mold in it flat is short for flatulence yo in this story um we had had a bunch of friends around and um i needed a shit right i ended up taking probably the loudest shit of my entire life like did you have a decibel counter with you okay i think i i think i think i would have peaked on like any microphone i can't do you know you know you guys know about

that fucking cat that meows the loudest so they put a little fucking decibel meter you should have done that you should have called guinness hey guys the one that i love this is it the one that i love is that i think this is the one that i love is like that app that app that records you're snoring and then just people tweeting out like this the last time i used this app and it's just like somebody's snoring and then like it'll be in between just the loudest ass ripping of all times like bro this app fucking sucks it's just like it's like a brick wall of sound i love that anyway meanwhile there's a bunch of people in the lounge just like talking and so i get done whatever i walk down and it's dead silent in the room.

Like completely fucking quiet. And they all look at me. Is Guinness there? And I'm like, what's up guys? And they all just start laughing. And I'm like, fuck. And it was like this room full of people. Like some of them I'd never like met before

because I was meeting someone for the first time Dude That's not an icebreaker Sorry like there were a lot but then I'm like so you guys heard that huh? Yes Dude, that's exactly me with the Swedish woman when I was 15 where I was like no no it's not It's nothing like that

I can tell you it's not like that. Or that that just happened and then they kept eating. My God. Yeah, I remember when that happened in Age of Ultron. That was a crazy scene. I hope the listeners enjoyed

the last two minutes of solid beep audio. Oh my God. My God. That is getting sick. We had moved on that is getting spider verse is good i like spider marvel dude i had so many stories for this episode too i'll be moving on to patreon questions already you can dude you can make you i'll give you one story but it has to have no head to already and they're both terrible david don't give him this out okay fine fine we have a we have a guest on guest didn't even say his story figure one out don't put the spotlight on me how do i follow that up justin you're funny right now dude if you don't start a story right now we're going to get in your bubble uh i've justin either you make me laugh in the next 10

seconds or you hand over your password to the channel i i went canvas painting in south carolina once it was fun yeah but were you that That's really good. Oh my fucking god! I used mostly purples and yellows and I did a sunset. That's awesome. It was a perspective piece. For the $20 patrons, here's a PNG

of Justin's painting. We don't have a... I mean, I could send you it. I didn't... This isn't on hand already. I would have to go take a photo. I don't want someone to NFT my canvas painting. This is personal.

You will never NFT your painting. Please. Hey, don't say never. Yeah, exactly. Okay, that's true. This is as good a time as ever to announce the PST NFT. Please stop talking. More like never forward.

Never stop. Never forget this. Never stop. Never forget this is really good. It's like a threat. Yeah, it is. If you're going to sue someone for

libel, please stop talking. Never forget this. And then you just start writing up all the accusations. Like, after all that. That could work. In fact, I'm going to write that up right now. Patreon questions. David, you look like you're in a trance.

Can I be honest with you guys? I've been looking at Legogo cooking asmr videos all fucking recording do they cook the legos with you i dude i i always have i i've already talked about this on another episode i know i have my main screen what's wrong with you i'll do my research i oh yeah sorry guys i'm really i just put cooking i put cooking asmr videos on my second screen and that lets me focus because i have really bad add i don't know what to tell you i mean shit we could move to patreon questions i do still have a story i would love to tell and i could tell it just tell it i could tell it and david you can cut it out i got a shit ass

so if you're gonna tell a story then I'm going to shit ass. Go shit ass, Julian. Go for it. All right. Time to shit ass. Make a story out of it, buddy. Yeah. Keep the content going. Bring the mic.

Okay. I'll bring my microphone with me into the bathroom. Bring a decibel meter. Yeah, I'm going to call Guinness. You know, this was something I literally did a couple episodes ago, Julian. I told the story about how like trelly asked me brought a microphone into your yeah trelly told me to do vlog shit and i said okay i'll literally do vlog shit so i took his camera and i went in the bathroom after i ate

like out of a food truck and then and i just recorded an hour worth of me having the runs that's cool anyway i'll be right back. I'm going to take my mic with me, but it's not long enough. Because I still remember my anus was slightly off screen, so all the footage was safe for work. But it was just like an hour of me grimacing and going.

I don't think that's safe for work. You say that raw ass cheek isn't still NSFW. You can't pull that up at a meeting, at a board meeting. No, no, no, but I'm saying that like... Raw ass cheek is not an SFW. It's just funny. It is, but I don't think you can get away at a meeting.

But also, what I'm saying is that the vlog footage that I took with Trelli's camera was like this angle. So imagine I'm sitting on a toilet right now. You wouldn't even be able to see like the the bottom half of my body so like yeah but like my boss looks over my shoulder sees me staring at this fucking dude grimacing on a toilet like fucking yeah he's gonna be like oh cameron's hot at work I like the implication that you would put off work at work to watch me shit for an hour

that's what it means you've watched him shit before while working is it like a zoo camera like you're watching bonobos I think he used ring actually Ed Charlie Ferds and I have had I think he used ring actually. Ed Charlie Ferds and I have had

a group where we would send each other pictures of us shitting. That is true. Who won? Who won? Ed. Ed never stopped shitting. Everybody else stopped posting pictures and Ed kept

posting pictures. It kept posting pictures it was a good shit if if you guys are familiar with me as a person you know that i'm not a big fan of over familiar rudeness so i went to a party last week that was hosted by one of my friends who's part of what i call quote the coke gang what oh the coke gang we've heard so we've we've weirdly heard so much about so what that means is i have a group of friends part of my in real life friends that segregate themselves into just the coke gang self-administered title because all they do is get together and do cocaine recreationally and one time recreational coke oh if you work at walmart wall street walmart which one's the money one wall street wall street you work at wall street you do the coke you make people you make the money

oh my god he's turning italian i'm up to 24 man it's not slowing down but elisimo uh justin i think you might have just went up a percent oh god i'm too afraid to f523 in me also i can't believe you pronounce it right i've been pronouncing it belly simo for like the longest period of my life like it's a name a nickname belly simo yeah i've done that i would have assumed you were just being but regardless i was turning out to this coked up barbecue because i was like you know fucking my boy's here and maybe he won't do coke today he did and when i turned up he had a homie of his whom i will call charlie i don't know why i said that that's his real name his name was charlie and now we know that his name we're gonna call him charlie what's his fictional real last name robert downey jr

his name was charlie i know his last name but i'm not gonna be fooled cameron um but i pulled up and this guy is just like super quiet, doesn't say a word. So I'm just like, okay, he's one of the quiet ones. So we just let the night roll on through. And then after the Coke guy shows up, the guy who sells Coke and gives all of my friends Coke, and they get coked up because they did the Coke. I don't know if you guys are following they did my my coke friends i did coke that night okay oh so i was confused but i'm glad like the drink

and and charlie cameron yeah and charlie gets out of all of them really coked up and i don't know if you guys have been around coke fiends lately but they get real aggressive and in your face when uh they when they do cocaine it's been a while let's say that i have so this guy gets really in my face and really like aggressive about the fact that i do youtube for a living and this was the day that i had met this guy so like for me this was really weird and i was just trying to like okay whatever i'm not gonna like like respond to this because i don't care so the guy keeps making jokes about it in what way like what is there to be aggressive about oh like like just oh you think you're better better than me because you do youtube

for a living and i was just like oh yeah i don't anyway sure like i was just like sitting there you should sounds like someone with this dude i if if that was me i'd be like hey buddy you're my fucking bubble i knew i knew that was coming but no i didn't do that i just let it like oh okay everybody else was really uncomfortable so i was like oh okay it's not just you're part of my sub count. We're everyone else. So I was just letting the guy talk his shit. And I was just like, nice.

Julian Christ. You guys watch the movie Speed. I was just trying to move on from whatever this guy was chatting. Yeah. And then here's the thing. He starts talking about the fact that he's going to go to a festival with his girlfriend for his 18th birthday. Oh. And I go, wait a fucking second.

This guy's 17? What is he doing here? First off, yes, what is he doing here? And second off, hang on a minute this guy's 17 year old is coked up no this 17 year old is about to get trolled so i notice that he gets really mad at the dj for the party and starts queuing his own music so in my head i go like so my head goes like lame as fuck that's the worst shit I've ever heard in my life So my head goes like

Start pretending you don't know what music is So He cues A Beatles song I forget which one A Beatles song at a club? At a party He definitely

Felt what the vibe was And I and i point at his phone i go like hey what is this he goes like what do you mean what is this and i'm just like i'm hearing sounds what is this and he and he goes and he goes he's british by the way it's the beatles one and i go oh sorry is this like outcast for white people and he starts going like what what are you chatting about and i go like oh sorry do you not know what outcast is he goes i know what outcast is oh my god oh my god getting really mad at me that i've never heard of the beatles and then after i go i go like oh the beatles okay sorry okay that's a band and then like i visibly turn to one of my friends and I go like this.

Yeah. I start like I start just like for the viewers, for the listeners at home, I start like doing a little hand motion. Shut up. I start doing a little hand motion at my neck, just being like, I have no fucking clue what the Beatles are. And I just let him simmer in that little moment because like the moment I told him that like I don't know what music is he completely let me off the hook of the youtube stuff and just focused on the fact that like i apparently have never heard a single song and then he starts bragging about the fact that like do you guys know a festival called tomorrowland yeah oh yeah he starts bragging about the fact he's gonna go to that really popular that's a weird thing i'm just making sure because i thought it was like a european you're not a music head you might not have known about it oh okay okay no i thought

he was i thought you were saying he was bragging to people about that no he he was but i'm making sure you guys know what it was yeah so he's because i was because i was confused if it was like a european thing but he starts bragging about that and how he's going to it and he has to leave early and right before he leaves he queues up bohemian rhapsody oh my god and right before he leaves i tapped him i tap him on the shoulder and i go sorry is this the beatles too dude i that's such a weird like i'm going to tomorrowland anyways here's the beatles what the yeah that's such a crazy wouldn't you play wouldn't you be playing like mark garris just like that's so weird that mouse i don't know x or something anything how about you play some fucking weezer weezer i think at least one bar of bohemian

is inspired by the beatles so you're like 164th right has weezer ever experimented with electronic music yeah kind of in their newer stuff the black album is a bit more nightcore not nightcore that's not the right word nightcore nightcore i'm gonna night vibes right there night vibes like synth kind of stuff it's a little not never extensively i was i was i was kind of fishing for like okay have they ever gone the dark arc of like muse in the second law where they just made dubstep for no reason and it was trash no they should they've like shared uh like deluxe editions have like electro version electro versions someone else made, but not Weezer. Like, remixes of their songs. Steve Aoki, don't ask me how I know this, but Steve Aoki did make some fucking Weezer remixes.

Alvin Risk as well. I mean, yeah, they get sampled now and then. No, they didn't get sampled, they got remixed. Those are actual remixes. Oh. River Squamo's in a lot of fucking random songs. Isn't River Squamo the old mayor of New York? Yeah.

He was also the singer for Weezer. It's crazy. It's so weird. Quite the history. It's so weird how that happened. Andrew Cuomo is who you're thinking of. That's why they call it the blue state. The Cuomo state. Stop.

Shut up, Julian. I fucking hate you forian i fucking julia proud of that one christ oh my god patreon questions technically it's self-titled it's only known blue colloquially they don't call it the self-titled state, idiot. Patreon questions. Wait, wait, what's your... Okay, Patreon questions. You funny guy. David Sermiao asks, what's your favorite song off Blue Album? Oh, wait, no, it is the self-titled fucking... Because it's New York, New York.

Fuck! New York, New York. Wow, your joke works on two layers. Damn. Wow. I'm like Weezer. I am actually curious. What's your favorite Blue album song?

Holiday. You say it ain't so, I'm going to make your life ain't so. Holiday's pretty good. I mean, they're all good. I don't have a bad song. Even In the Garage is a fucking banger. I kind of like In the Garage. I know people talk shit, but I like In the Garage

it's authentic in a silly way I would say King Nothing I like that song haha looks at camera shits pants I'm getting I don't listen to Weezy English I'd pick Fake Plastic Trees oh I got one

Drazen Tetsuken asks if you could become anyone's sleeper asses demon who would you choose and what would you do i'd be ray william johnson damn it you stole my one i think of him what that's so fucking random i I hate Ray William Johnson so much. Julian, I would just repeat his intro to him constantly. Like, when he's equals three intro, that would be it.

Wait, wait, wait. Can we get a... What did it sound like? What would it sound like? Wig, wig, wig, wig, wig. That's a record. What's happening for him? what's happening for him? What's happening for him? Can we get a what's happening?

Wait, wait, no, Cameron, give us a what's happening for him. What's happening for him? Hey, that was pretty good. That was pretty good, yeah. Mine would be Ouija the God, and it would just be the script to his Blue Yeti video, repeated ad infinitum but only the

bits that he ripped off. That's the whole video. I know. That's the joke. Congrats. What would you do, Julian? To Ray William Johnson? I would act as like an alarm clock for him but like awful.

Anytime he would set an alarm I would wake him up like an hour and a half earlier and i would do it by like running up to him and like clapping extremely loudly in his face and screaming equals three equals three until he woke up isn't that how casim g woke up every day for now he works for g4 justin he does what would you do i would pick myself so that i can i don't know it feels like a life hack i could just like go back to sleep you know just pat myself bring myself some water pat myself on the head is that not a valid answer and tell myself anyone you're you're doing great can i be justin's sleep paralysis demon too actually i would probably just be like river squamo and all you're not wrong you

this much no but i didn't say why i didn't say why i would just go what's with these homeboys this in my girl that's not even the lyrics. What's with these homeboys? I don't care. As a Weezer fan, he has wronged me. I don't care. I would do it until it became canon. Then he would go and do Buddy Holly live. Maybe they'd finally play.

He'd say the wrong lyric. Maybe they'd finally play the song differently for once at a live show. I thought Buddy Holly was a skating guy. Buddy Holly is a real person. It's like, what, he's an actor? It's an American singer and songwriter or something, right? David, I ain't a rip-ass.

I don't know who Buddy Holly is. From the 60s. Dude, your ass rippins. Your 30s. Isn't it 50s? It's from before our time. It's really old. The most popular

Buddy Holly thing is the Buddy Holly song by Buddy Holly. Today, the top of the results, it shipped with Windows 95, I think. It do? What? Yeah, the install

I'm not fucking with you. No way. Windows it would the install disk came with the music video for that song I believe that this is this is the tree yeah what it was the Mac equivalent was that they backed on back backed up on it was like some album funny one to include i think it might have been fallen kingdom by sky does minecraft youtube no it was youtube when you when you had apple music uh for the first time it was like a youtube youtube album um was like forced to downloaded if you used Apple Music or something. Dude, they did that multiple times.

U2 has been Trojan-horsed into Apple products for decades. They did that for a U2 album that I can't remember which. What was it? I can't remember. It was in 2014 or something. Yeah. You guys remember the worldwide release of U2 3d no nope nope did you not have that bro when 3d cinema was just becoming a thing before they like like made a foothold in

europe they released u2 3d which was just a pre-recorded concert of U2 recorded in 3D. But like, I can't look it up because I don't have a keyboard! Fuck! Somebody look it up! Just describe it in detail. Just fucking type in the words U2 3D. It does have a

Wikipedia page. It's a thing. It's a fucking movie that they released in europe and they were like look how cool 3d cinema is and i remember going there with my dad getting two songs in and then both of us going this sucks and leaving i'd rather just watch like the gorillas hologram live show honestly gorillas gorillas crack, but 3D. I'd be down. I still haven't listened to it. Yeah. I just like that crackers are mad.

It's good. 92% approval rating. On U2 3D? Yeah. I'm going to come. U2's fans be like... Average of 7.5 out of 10, with the consensus that U2 3D was, quote, an exhilarating musical experience at the price of a movie ticket.

It was 2008. The standards were different. Yeah, well, I mean, Ed's standards were just ahead of the curve then, I guess. Everybody was like, whoa, fucking 3D's so crazy and novel that I went with my dad, and me and my dad were too busy making out to appreciate the movie

for what it was, I guess. Hey, man, what man what yeah I read that Spotify review this happened to my buddy Eric are you sure their name's Eric sure it's not a John Smith my dad is named Eric wow just a friend

should we go on to another Patreon question somebody help me hey you're given the opportunity to make some changes in a movie script for an for an already existing movie who said it who said it person says oh me me says oh no oh you you it's literally me their name is. I don't know what to tell you. Their name is me. Me says you're given the opportunity

to make some changes in a movie script of an already existing movie. What movie would it be and what would you change? I would pick the live action Death Note and I would get rid of the Death Note. Oh my god. I want to see them flounder. Have you seen the live action

Death Note I actually love that movie so much it's my favorite live action anime movie it's kind of fun it's really fun

the Phoenix Wright anime movie is also really fun also it stars the guy from hereditary the guy from hereditary and willem dafoe yeah for like 12 seconds i forgot willem dafoe was in that

oh my god that's so fucked up to think about just take any movie where there's like a central thing and just remove it i'd love to see red line but like there are no cars honestly that would rock i want to see like i want to see something like that yeah that would be it's just it's just that'd be fun it would be about a lot of guys running real fast i'd like marvel marvel's dr strange multiverse but at one point dr strange just stops looks at the camera says women's rights and then continues the movie is just normal for the rest of it

my uh so you're removing that part i would would like a version of Doctor Strange multiverse but at one point every character stops, looks at the screen and says David Tremblay and then they move on I think that would be pretty cool I would watch Perfect Blue but with an explanation of what the hell happened Shut the fuck up.

That was for me, right? That was targeted at me. You were part of the group I was aiming at. Oh my god. Okay, I would do mid-90s, but it's about tech decks. I would do ping pong animation, but it's about tech dicks. I would do Pink Pong the animation,

but it's about tech dicks. That would be fucking awesome. I would watch that. I would love that. Actually, this isn't even like changing one thing to make it worse. This is changing one thing to make it better. To make it cool.

To make it cool instead of art. Oh, here's what I'll do. I'll take the latest mortal combat movie and remove the main character because fuck that kid jesus christ actually actually yeah fuck that dude that that character sucks it's so boring he's so boring just make the whole movie about kano okay hey wait a minute you're onto something that that actually sounds good yes they have no fucking rocks dude that that movie you've slapped if you ignore the main guy also i just want to say um yeah my finger keeps hurting like

a lot uh and i haven't mentioned i wanted to keep it as a story for the podcast, but long story short, my girlfriend gave me like a metal, like, my girlfriend gave me like a metal mug. And I decided like, let me make coffee in it. And I heated up the mug, not knowing it was metal. And then I went to reach for the handle, not knowing it was metal. Anyway, here's what my finger looks like oh my god ed i'm surprised they wouldn't cover the handle of a metal mug you have leather or something aloe vera see that's what people see that's what people tell me they go like hey uh is your microwave okay i go like oh yeah my microwave's fine i didn't set anything on fire but my fingers don't look good my fingers been like burned to shit holy shit i'm gotta be like one of the degrees

they do and this one's like covered up too if every burns a degree oh yeah it is uh this one was like just flipped off the camera it was very funny this one had like a big pussy pussy pus a big pus ball and when i went to like reach for my phone it popped in my pocket and all the pus leaked out of my finger into my phone i don't enjoy hearing about this it was really gross next patreon question i didn't get a look does your finger look like among us it does does. It looks like a zombie. I knew it. David, can you put in the first note from the Among Us thing? Just the first one, like the bum, and that's it.

No, that's what I would change. I would change There Will Be Blood, but every time the movie cuts, you just hear the first note of the Among Us theme song. How about for one or two cuts, it's the first note of the among us theme song how about like for one or two cuts it's the second note every time the main character goes i stole your milkshake it says boom boom boom me asks was your day good smile yeah it was okay it's 1 p.m mine just started and I have no regrets about that. Haha. Julian was fucking late and then

I played Judgment and then everybody watched me and it was nice. And then we talked about 13 Sentinels and it was also nice. And then my new cat shit on the floor and that was nice. That is nice. Smile. My day was... How do you get

the cat to stop shitting on the floor please tell me after the podcast tell me yeah please help my my okay actually comment section we read them please give us tips for how to get the cat to stop shitting on the on the floor please i need help that was landlord if you're listening this is a bit ed. Ed, please continue. I was just going to say, my day was very average. I woke up at like 11 a.m. I did a bunch of work, mainly updating my Patreon rewards. And then my friend was like, hey, we got to go to a party. And then I went, what party?

And he went, give me a second. And by a second, he meant two hours. And then I called him and I went, when is the party? And he went, oh, my and by a second he meant two hours and then i called him and i went when is the party and he went oh my bad it's now and then i left for the party to which he said by the way before you come here can you pick up some plastic cups because we want to play uh beer pong i go to a night shop they don't have them i go to another night shop they don don't have them. I go to another night shop. They don't have them. And then I go, Hey,

they don't have any fucking beer cups. Wherever I go. Is it fine? If I just go to fucking the party and he goes like, yeah, go on. I go to the party. I go outside.

There's a table. They have red plastic cups. And I go, why did you want me to buy them? Then if you already had them and he he went, because theirs aren't cool. And I went, I'm going to fucking kill you. And then we played beer pong anyway. And the moment we threw one ball,

it started pissing down rain. And I went, fuck this. I showed up late and I got so fucking dedicated to plastic cups. I'm going to stay out in the rain and play beer pong. I was just playing beer pong against myself and getting fucked up while everybody else was just watching me play

beer pong. That's awesome. Afterwards, we played horse races and that was pretty fun and I got fucked up and then I went home. That sounds nice. Smile. It was pretty nice, honestly. Smile. Justin, do you have any closing words for us?

Yeah. Shout out your channel. Here's how you stop the cat from shitting on the ground. You put a decibel meter where it keeps shitting and it'll be too embarrassed to try again. The moment a cat goes to shit, it'll start buckling its knees and putting its pointy fingers

and staring at the ground going, I I'm so sorry I keep shitting. Exactly. Just give me one second. I'll be right down. Well, well, well. Fashionably late as always, huh? Operative word being fashionably. God damn, you look fine. Please, after you.

Yeah, it's seen better days. My dad lets me house sit every once in a while, but I can never find the time to clean up. But at the end of the day, only one room gets a lot of use. Allow me. This is where the magic happens. What do you think? I'm trying to get like a motion sensor type thing set up so it plays Guns N' Roses whenever people walk in. Ain't she a beauty.

Try not to touch that part, The CDC still wants a sample. Make yourself at home. I'm going to go put on something more comfortable. Oh, and don't feed him. He bites. Oh, much better. Now, where were we? We'd like to take the time to thank our wonderful patrons,

which include Brain Soup, The Frost Ace, Butternut, Stinger123, It's Ducktastic, Ethereal, The Cardboard King, or Knight, actually.

Give me a second. I don't know. Me! Kaka! Inspector Seb, Chris Chapman, Matt, Caffeine Addicted, I don't know. Sounds kind of nasty. Sounds like a weird condition. Schizolingvo. Bayek. Leo the Geotech.

Air 109. Fang Jade. Generic Phoenix. Inverted Van Man. Ben Kritzmanik. Isn't that the Zodiac Killer? Notoriety. Winchester Curse.

Ducky Madness. Teague. Travis Vapes. I sure hope he does. Boopaloo, Spherical Nathan, William Oliver, Dreams of Ice, Smaggle, Eric Scott Gillies, Alan Diver, and Jeff Smith. Way to end on a fucking flaccid one. Christ.

Thank you for all the money, idiots! Thanks for the money, morons!