Please Stop Talking - V Cards and Gay Bars | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: June 30, 2018

Tina's a gal I'd like to bring to prom. David vomiting: https://clips.twitch.tv/SourHandsomeHamsterHassaanChop Support the podcast and David on Patreon: www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Humble Bundle Monthly: www.humblebundle.com/monthly?partner=pstpodcast Humble Bundle: www.humblebundle.com/?partner=pstpodcast Podcast also available on iTunes and SoundCloud! iTunes - apple.co/2slCqTT SoundCloud - @pstpodcast Rating us on iTunes is extremely helpful for us and a great way to grow the podcast! Links: Avery - twitter.com/ShammyTV David - twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Ed - twitter.com/PunkDuck_ Cameron - twitter.com/SuperSneakSheep Podcast - twitter.com/PSTPodcast Art by Madbuns: Twitter - twitter.com/mad_buns DA - madbuns.deviantart.com Other links: YouTube - youtube.com/c/shammytv Twitch - twitch.tv/ShammyYT Reddit - reddit.com/r/Shammy David's Spotify - spoti.fi/2gAtGSJ David's Soundcloud - @sirmeowmusic Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. No, I'm fucking telling you, he was fucking there. There's a literal hole in the ground which he fucking came out of. Listen, son, that part of town has seen better days.

Sinkholes are a dime a dozen. Now how about you tell me what really happened? I've been telling you what really happened. I've been telling you what really happened. I've been telling your partner what really happened. I've been telling everyone here what really happened. And none of you will fucking listen to me. I don't know what to tell you, partner. We've asked witnesses.

We've checked CCTV. There is literally no evidence of a man coming out of a hole and stealing your dog. So I'm going to need you to take a deep breath and start again. Okay, I was... Wait. Wait, do you hear that? Do you fucking hear that? I don't know what you're talking about.

That music. That fucking music. Do you hear... I'm glad you asked. No. No! Have you ever wanted to directly support the podcast? How did you get here?

I'm being interrogated this is a police station god he's losing in security well now you can by heading on down to patreon.com sir meow music why is it always an ad what do you want for me david yes i know i'm a police officer but security at the 500 goal we're going to start a D&D podcast. I'm not going to play D&D with you, David! Open the door, he's got a gun! I do! I do! Oh, God! Shit, shit, shit! Officer, are you okay?

I'm glad you asked. No! Welcome to the podcast. Hello, everybody, and welcome to the first episode of season two of Please Stop Talking. As always, I am your host, Avery, but you might know me better as Shammy, and I'm joined this time by my lovely friends. Ed? Wait. Yeah, no, that works fine, Ed. Sure, what's going on pow pow david the balance is

destroyed is are you are are you upset by me starting with ed a little okay rewind i'm joined hey i'm joined today by my lovely friend David. I win. Ed. What do you win? I don't know, but you lose and that's good. And Cameron is here too. Ah, always in last place. How I like it.

Oh my fucking gosh. So we should probably explain the changes in season two. And I'm really lightheaded from yelling no really loud a minute ago to give Karen an example. That is an alternate reality. Are you sure it's not the alcohol? That's also possible. Ed tricked me into drinking some beer before we recorded. Oh, what a trick.

Excuse me? What a bastardly trick. I'm sorry for spending $30 on imported beer Avery it's not my fault you didn't look at the price tag I fooled you season 2 season 2 fucking

hitting a home run right off the fucking first bat god damn welcome to the fucking game the game so Welcome to the fucking game. Oh, the game? Oh my god. So, let me fucking explain what the new season is.

So, a few major changes we're making for the second, well, we're calling it a season. It's basically just, it's the one year anniversary. 2.0. We're also making some changes to the formula, which is now instead of having the same four hosts every week and then sometimes we sub in people for guests. It's just going to be a fucking melting pot of friendliness. We have a rotating cast of about seven members. Not about, exactly seven members.

And we'll also still have guests sometimes, but it's just whoever's available at that time. Because that makes it easier for us and it makes it easier for whoever has stories. Who are the new members, members avery i'm glad you asked david no the the permanent members of the podcast now are me david cameron yeah hell yeah sorry shut the fuck up cam Cameron. David didn't say anything when I said his name.

Ed, as you might have guessed. Mandy. And Brendan. Wait, yes. Yes, exactly seven. Wow. So, um... With that

comes a new logo. Just a new look. New logo? Just a new look. New title cards. And probably new shows coming pretty soon in a couple months. At some point, yeah. At some point. It's closer than people might think.

And there's also a new Patreon link. It's actually patreon.com slash punkedupnow. I don't know what you think. I don't know what you think yeah exactly think ed what did you fucking say no nothing he plugged he plugged it's been literally less than fucking like four minutes into the podcast you've already plugged your patreon no he plugged his own patreon like not even his other podcast Patreon. His own personal one. It's fine, I'll just put my Patreon over his. Fuck it, alright. And with this new change in the PST,

I'm also announcing a Patreon. Just for me, though. I hate all of you. Cameron needs a Patreon for all those Paladins videos that I'm not paying him for. Oh my gosh. Let's not talk about that. You're under an NDA.

Don't you... I can talk about that he's working on it. He's gonna put himself in the credits. I just can't talk about the details. That's fine. Head, are you going to fucking talk about your story? What, me? Are we starting with that story. I thought we were... Yeah, sure.

You're the new member. New host. New member. Break the ice. Co-host. Oh, shit. I'm still the host. We're all hosts.

We're all hosts with the most... Ed, tell your story. Okay. Well... See, only the host can give commands like that. No, wait. i need to tell a different yes i got it there was one story i had to talk about remember because i was like do i yeah this one or the uh fucking the the girl i got in the crack i gotta tell this one you already

told the crack story yes but there was another one that i was like, do I tell, is there another girl you got into crack? No, I did something worse. Okay. Oh no. Should I, um, should I talk about, I thought you were just going to tell the story about how you lost your virginity. I can tell that one too today.

I mean, which one you want first? whatever. I don't, this one sounds way more interesting. This one makes me, okay. So you're going to continue your trend of being the worst

person on the podcast yeah yeah for sure yeah um so this happened like a year after i finished high school but i had already dropped out of college so picture this i'm in belgium and every summer i had friends coming over to chill because they have like two months off and they always come back to Belgium because the beer in England and like the hangout spots like basically in England everyone's spread out they're not like all in one city so every summer they'd come back to Brussels to fucking catch a few drinks hang out you know the works and the beer have to do with anything shut up uh anyway one of you see how fucked up that was anyway i don't see any problem with that one of the friends one of my close friends that always

comes around this summer is i shouldn't say his name now that i'm thinking about it let's call him cameron let's call him cameron sure is this an incriminating story uh yes but it's okay all right but it's my name so it's good yeah Cameron had had this girl girlfriend for about two years and she was hell yeah I was like I'm pretty much best friends I'm yeah Cameron is one of my best friends not real real Cameron. Wait, which Cameron are we talking about? I'm getting confused. The Cameron in the story. But you said best friend.

Yes, I did. So it's obviously not you. Anyway. News to me. Can I stop getting interrupted, please? Can you tell his fucking story? Cameron. Please stop talking.

Season 2. Available now. We really are the please stop talking. Shut the fuck up. Let him tell his story. So Cameron was one of my best friends and the girl that he was dating was sick. She's great.

I heard she was sick. I heard she was sick as well. I also heard that. I was like, she was not six years heard she was six as well. I also heard that. She was not six years old. Same age as him. Anyway, she was sick. She was sick. She was epic.

I was really good friends with her. And we decided to go hang out with... Fucking hang out at the bar with Cameron, his girlfriend, and like three other people. This is so confusing. Fuck Jesus. No, it's fine. It's because I keep getting interrupted. I can't finish the sentence.

I'm sorry. I let you finish the sentence. So I keep losing track of where I am. I let you finish the sentence before I said anything, Ed. Tell your fucking story. So I'm hanging out with Cameron and his girlfriend and three other people, and we're sitting at a table, six people in total. I'm sitting in front of Cameron, and his girlfriend's sitting next to him,

and three other people don't matter. So me and Cameron are talking, and we're catching up on, like, tales from our high school, and we're talking about his chemistry teacher, who was called Mr. white and was bald you know huge coincidence right and we were uh talking about him and he was a really good teacher and then and then i happened to say do you think his kids were bald too and then cameron said oh oh i hope okay hang on how do I phrase this without him sounding awful

it's fine it doesn't matter it's me so it's whatever you think his kids were bald too and then Cameron said maybe I know he has a daughter and then I said do you think his daughter's hot and Cameron said oh I hope so I'm really into I'm really into bald girls

and out of and out of nowhere his girlfriend wasn't even part of the car. It was just me and Cameron talking one on one. But his girlfriend was just sitting next to us. And out of nowhere, his girlfriend gets up, clearly pissed and runs out of the bar. At which point Cameron thinks about it a second and goes, oh, no. And then he runs out. And I'm like, what the

fuck just happened? So I go out of the bar with like the three other people that were sitting because they were all asking me like, what happened? And I just I had no idea. And then we're all sitting, sitting, and we're all standing outside the bar looking outside at Cameron and his girlfriend having a very violent argument because

there's a lot of arm flailing but we can't hear what's happening can we change his name to david and no no and then cameron because then we get more confusing cameron slowly walks back to us and he tells me yeah i'm gonna walk home with her and then i ask him like what what happened he said i'll tell you tomorrow. I'm like okay so I Mean my three other friends we go back to the bar We spend the rest of the night there and then in the morning. I check my texts and Cameron says So what happened is my girlfriend's little sister has alopecia

What is that she can't grow hair properly oh no ed how do you have two alopecia stories no that's the only one this is the alopecia story you told it differently last time no no i i haven't told it on the yeah okay i haven't told it on the podcast but did i tell you you told me on you told me at some point and you told it very differently yeah okay i haven't told it on the podcast but did i tell you you told me on you told me at some point and you told it very differently okay well this is like the way more detailed version so like you get context uh and he told me yes so she has alopecia and i'm like ah that would explain why i should be upset at you saying you have a thing for bald girls he goes yeah well anyway i have like a barbecue party at my place in like a couple days.

And I'm like, oh, cool. And he says, and my girlfriend's going to be there. So if you could apologize to her, that'd be great. And I went, what? Because like in my eyes, we were having a one-on-one conversation. I had no idea his girlfriend's sister had alopecia. So I was like, why the hell should I apologize? Because like he's the one that said the bad thing too right

and then he said dude come on for me and I went okay yeah I'll do it if it makes her feel better and it helps her like not hate you you know absolutely I would have done it so what do you mean would what is this piece of shit Cameron

done what is this piece of shit Cameron done where do I find him? So a couple days later, I go to the party with like three other friends. It doesn't matter. Basically, everyone else was already there, including his girlfriend. So I'm saying hi to everybody, and I'm saving his girlfriend for last because I really have to swallow my pride and just apologize for bringing up bald girls. So yeah, I'm saying hi.

Then she comes up and I'm like, listen, Charlotte. I'm making up a name. Listen, Charlotte, I just want to say. And she doesn't let me finish my sentence because instead what she does is she crosses her arms and goes, so are you going to apologize? Oh, what the fuck so instead of saying you know what I should have said I said yeah I'm sorry your sister looks Ed this okay this is the part of the story that I remember no

you didn't no Ed Ed you're fucking awful I was with you I was so with you no

no so you got kicked out no I didn't get kicked out I was with you! I was so with you! No! No! So you got kicked out? No, I didn't get kicked out. She just hated me and ran off and then I didn't talk to her. I haven't talked to her since. Oh my gosh. We spent the rest of the party ignoring each other. I can't believe your

friend wasn't just like... I can't believe your friend wasn't just like, yo dude, you've gotta fucking leave. Like, I'm so... Like, did they break up? No. Are they still together? No, they're still together.

I haven't talked to him either in a while, but, like, I assume we're still on good terms. You assume a lot of things right now. That's a big assumption. Eddie, I've known you for a while. You do assume a lot of things. You just say shit sometimes without bothering. Listen, that really fucking pissed me off.

I know for a fact I should have said that, and that was awful. But I was so pissed off for the moment, and I just said the first thing that came to my head. Which was that? Your sister looks like a thumb. No! Your sister looks like a thumb no god your sister looks like a thumb I get why you did that I would be pissed

as shit as well so she didn't slap you or anything she just like fucking ran away did she start crying she did that thing where like you start like um she really tensed up her face and just fucking stomped out

you mean she did that thing where she got really mad yes weird that's so strange wow oh my god Jesus fucking Christ that's really bad that's so bad yeah so speaking of bad things,

David, you had a story where you had to drag Ed into another voice channel to ask him if it was too bad. No, you said Greg. You said Greg. It was Greg. What did I say?

You said Ed. You said me. Fucked up. No, it was Greg. So basically what happened, we were in a voice chat. I don't remember how it got there,

but we just just we talked about i just told avery like hey did i ever tell you about that one thing i used to did that was pretty fucked up and then he was like no and greg was also in voice chat and i we i wasn't sure if i can because it's pretty bad but it's like i don't know if i can... Because it's pretty bad, but it's like... I don't know if I can get in trouble legally for this. That's fine. Statues of limitations or something. And then I dragged Greg into this

and went into a private channel and just... Don't drag Greg into the actual crime. No, not in the crime. He didn't do anything. No, he's an accessory because he didn't report you. He's an accessory. He is. But he just...

Are you going to make us all accessories? I just told him what happened. You have to make everyone who listens to this podcast an accessory to a crime. Listen, we're going to find out pretty goddamn soon. I told him and then we came back into the main voice channel and he said, he's fine. But the thing is, I don't, I'm going to be honest. I'm not sure if it's fine still.

So are you not going to tell the story? Oh, I am. Okay. How long ago did this event happen? How long ago? Oh, it's a while ago. I was in college. How many years?

How many years? Seja, yeah. Four or five years. All right, you're good. I think I'm good. I think it's after five years. It's five years of statute of limitations. Boom, there you go.

I think it's true, yes. That might be in New Zealand. I don't know what it is anywhere. I'm in Canada. You know, the Queen. We're linked by the Queen, Cameron. I'm sure David's fine. Just tell the story. Honestly, it's not that bad.

Did you kill a man? No. Then you're fine. Go ahead. So basically, basically, when I was in Sejep, I was extremely poor because I didn't have a job. But I wanted to play video games.

But I also Oh no, I know what that i know what oh no you told me this i knew i told you basically what i did i i pretended to be like small youtube like small youtubers and i sent emails to pr companies like video game pr companies and i was like hey man i heard you had a new game coming out uh could you send me a key for review and and like it was i i got i got we should clarify you were pretending to be other small youtubers who were real youtubers oh so, so impersonation. Impersonation, yes. Wouldn't they ask you to send that email through your through the email that they have as business

emails? I wrote, I made like fake emails. Listen, Ed, it was pretty bad but I got, I should I start naming games I got? No, maybe not. No

No, look at this. I'll censor. I'll censor the game Because that's the biggest catch I got okay. I got I got into the I got an alpha key for Oh And I also got the full game. That's a pretty impressive catch though, right? That is. But like I was on the other end of that spectrum where so a game developer, you can, you don't have to censor this cause like I didn't do any crimes in this situation.

One of the developers for some indie game called Planet Nomads You don't have to censor this because I didn't do any crimes in this situation. One of the developers for some indie game called Planet Nomads, which is like a No Man's Sky-ish game, just emailed me saying, like, hey, we had this guy email us asking us for a code saying it's you. We're just making sure you did do that. And I went, uh, no. Like, out of all the games you want to get by imprisoning me, you're gonna get something called Planet Nomads. That's whack. I'm honestly surprised. You literally did that! Yeah? Five years ago?

It was five years ago! Why are you- I don't even know how fucking it works for you, David. I wouldn't do that anymore in Canada there is no statue of limitation oh that's why I was curious as to why they didn't like just email the actual

business email attached to those people asking like yeah you're fine it'll get the podcast blacklisted but still that's bad like Like, fuck you. That's really bad. It was five years ago. I was in Sajap.

I was poor. And instead of pirating... You're making a lot of excuses. You really are trying to justify this? Instead of pirating, I did the exact same thing as pirating, but also broke another law by impersonating someone else. Listen, I'm just trying to make you... I broke a different wall than most people.

I'm trying to make things less worse, but I'm making things... Because you keep justifying it! Like, you still stand by it! No, I don't. Then why are you justifying it? I don't know. Jesus.

Okay, hang on really quick. I need to go to the restroom really fucking badly I've been drinking a shit ton of water to try and sober up give me one minute and then I've got a story I can tell when I get back and one two three break patience my friend patience the show will be right back.

I'm sure that we all have stories. Right, Cameron? Well, at least I didn't commit a literal crime. I didn't commit any crimes. I've committed a lot of crimes in my life, but I haven't been caught yet, so I'm good. Anyways, Avery, let's go. Well, you've been caught now. I ruined some guy's van.

Okay, well, I guess you're going again after me then I don't know what no I have a better one I have the V card story. Okay. Okay. Yes the same V card story. Okay, so apropos of nothing Ridge one so Ed and Cameron have heard this story before oh But David is not Ed and Cameron have heard this story before. Oh. Oh. But David has not. Oh. Yes.

Oh, is it this one? I know. I know what it is. Are you sure? Are you sure you want to tell it? Like, you're okay? Yeah, whatever. I don't care. So, somewhat recently-ish, I decided to go to a bar

for the first time in my life just on a whim wait you've never been to a bar no I have now I had never been to a bar before this but for whatever reason I decided

you know what? If I'm going to a bar, I'm not going to any old bar. Oh, I feel like I know what's going to happen because I feel like you told me like. Did I tell you I went to a gay bar, David? Yeah, that's the thing you told me. Well, you told Charlie while I was there. Wait, Charlie wanted to go to a gay bar told me. Well, you told Charlie while I was there. Wait. Because Charlie wanted to go to a gay bar with me.

Oh, yeah. I did do that. And then you said I went to one. You don't know anything that happened. But I don't know anything. Okay. So. God.

I don't remember a lot of what happened because, spoiler alert, I got really drunk. But the gist of it is um I walk into the bar and I'm just going to call it the bar from now on uh I walk into the bar it is and I go and I get uh a rum and coke because it's my drink of choice and uh, uh... So classy. Well, it's a good drink. Fuck you, Cameron. It is a good drink. What's your fucking deal?

What the fuck is this? I'm realizing when I'm ordering the drink that, like, ah, this is going to be an experience because the bartender is wearing a leather harness, no shirt and when I ordered the drink he says you're cute I'm making this one strong ah

hey that's like super like vaguely creepy dude it was fine I got more bang for my buck I need to hit up some gay bars. I'm cute as shit. Yeah, dude, it was an experience.

I forget who I was messaging while I was there. I think it was Charlie, but I don't remember. You told me it was Charlie. I told you it was Charlie, but I'm thinking back. I think it might not have been Charlie. But I was talking about the, uh, the decor of this bar because, uh, I walked into this bar and I walked into the sort of back area of the bar where there was a second bar, which is where I ordered my drink.

And, uh, there was just a, I was so, whoever I was messaging, I was like, dude, I'm at a gay bar. And they're like, what the fuck are you doing? Because, um, little insight for anyone who doesn't know me, that's very unlike me to just randomly go out to a gay bar. And, uh, but I said, it's fucking awesome, dude. There's like a four foot painting of just a dick on the wall. It's like the Quantic Dream office. Oh my God, it is. And then instead of sports, the TVs are just playing videos of mostly naked,

really muscular orange men walking around on the beach it's like a mandalore video it's like the chronic dream office it's no god damn it but and then um so i go and i get my drink and i sit down and i'm just kind of like um something that i learned in uh in when i was studying of like, um, something that I learned in, uh, in when I was studying, um, acting and stuff is something that you get taught is like to go out and you go people watching, which is like, you sit down in like a public place and you just sort of like casually watch like the people around you and be like, how do they walk? How do they talk? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I was doing that. And then all of a sudden, uh, and a sudden, and I'm wearing a beanie at the time because I just wear beanies sometimes.

And so I'm sitting at this table and this like 50-something year old man sits down at the table with me and starts flirting with me. And he just, as he's flirting with me, he's like's like that is just it is the ugliest hat what you just called out your fucking no i started i started getting negged by a 50 year old man what the fuck and i kept okay and i just this is and this is not part of like the main story but this is context so i got offered drinks a few times throughout the night and i just kept ordering drinks of my own because i wasn't accepting their drinks but in my head i was like yo if these people are ordering me this many drinks we're all getting hammered because i was drunk and i'm a moron and and so not a whole lot else around, I go out to the front of

the bar and I'm like on my phone and I'm like ordering an Uber. And then all of a sudden this man comes up behind me and he like puts his arm around me and I'm like, Oh, hello. What's up? What's up new friend? Cause I'm really fucking drunk at this point i'm like barely standing up did you actually call him new friend no i was just like he put his arm around me i was like oh hello hello what's up avery i bet you like we were like more drinks no i could barely stand up so I just

immediately like subconsciously leaned in and I'm like hello what's up how are you and he's like yo dog listen why don't you why don't you catch a ride back to my place and we can have some

fun with Tina and I was like Tina who is Tina? Is she nice? And then he starts laughing and he's like, ah, it's, uh... And he, like, looks over his shoulder and then he looks over his other shoulder and he's like, it's, uh...

It's crystal meth and I just say how dare you sir did you actually I am a classy boy I will have you know I only

make fuck for cocaine. Oh, no, he had cocaine. No, he didn't. Oh, fuck. And I pushed him away, and then I ordered my Uber. God damn it. My God. Did you actually tell him that? Yes i did i did say that i only make

the fuck for cocaine no i only make fuck for cocaine i did in fact say that and i distinctly remember at the time thinking this is hilarious not this is dangerous. Avery. What's up? When are you taking Ed to this gay bar? I don't know. I've already been to a gay bar. It's pretty good. Well, you've been to a gay club. Yeah.

You danced in a cage with gay men. Hell yeah. What? I should mention that before I got offered meth, I did get offered money like twice. Jesus. I'll fucking take it. Game bars are insane. It seems so fucking wild.

Like, holy shit. Fucking crazy. Also, that's literally the most drunk I have ever been in my entire life. And I don't remember half of what happened. Thank God you were telling everything that happened to Charlie. Yeah. Or whoever I was messaging. I think it was Charlie. I'm pretty sure it was Charlie because I remember

you sending me screenshots of DMs with him. Actually, that's probably why he immediately texted me and was like, we need to go to a gay bar. We're running low on meth. God. Nice. running low on meth god nice oh fuck dude what a fucking turn my life could have

taken that night yes yikes oh fuck me if you just had goddamn cocaine. If only, man. Like, I was locked in at that point. I'm a man of my word.

I could start a fucking farm. I'd just go to one of those, and then he'll be like, yo, let's go have fun with Tina, and then I'll bring Tina back to mine, and I'll sell it off to somebody else. Yeah, yeah. Like, turn it into a fucking empire. I am planning on starting a meth lab.

Officer. Wow. Not a meth lab. A meth dispensary. I am gonna use a gay club as a meth farm. Eventually, eventually, you meet up with some stranger out in the middle of the desert.

You're notorious at this point. We're looking for so much meth. So what I've gathered from the second season of the Police Stop Talking podcast premiere is that, uh, it's, it's, we're criminals.

Yeah. Nice. It's a new theme. I like it. Don't act like that wasn't a theme of the first season. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. As long as none of us

try to run for office at some point, you know? Oh, yes. Me, notorious for my politics. Why would you say cameron because we all know all politicians don't do drugs then the mayor of canada take a shit the mayor of canada no the mayor of toronto he died because of all the crack he had yes oh god yikes didn't he i don't think well he didn't i don't think he died from the coke. He was just on cocaine. But he did die. Listen. And he did also

have a fuck ton of crack. I mean, it probably didn't help his health. Oh, it definitely didn't help. It probably didn't help, yeah. Generally not healthy to do cocaine. Yikes. In my experience, at least. Shut up, Avery. Goddamn. Do you have another story like right now well about cocaine i don't have a cocaine story what are you talking about just drink more avery it's water calm down okay okay

i heard gloss like how do we know what do you mean how do you know why would i continue drinking beer okay all right it's clear it could be anything ed what's up yeah i was just looking at it i was just looking up the ex-mayor of canada rob ford he was on crack yes yeah but can we get off the dead man? Why he's a hero let him let his legacy live on a bit David you had another story I think Wait and if David doesn't have a story Ed can talk about the time you went to a club and danced in a cage Oh Well, I mean it's probably the same story. Go ahead. Me?

Wait, do I start? Yeah. Who is? Oh, because my story is short. Did you lose your virginities to each other? What is happening right now? Don't I wish. I fucking wish, bitch.

So I streamed. yeah, not yesterday. I streamed recently Bloodborne, except I got extremely drunk because basically we were four guys. It was me, Ferds, David, and Babs. And we would, like, let's say I would start, I would give my controller to Ferds, then Ferds to Babs, Babs to David, and when it came back to me, we all took a shot of Absinthe.

What? Wait, how strong is the Absinthe in Canada? What do you think? How much do you think Absinthe is? I mean, Absinthe in Belgium is 90%. I'm pretty sure it's 90% here as well. See, I know the story, but I don't know how you got to it. So this is all great.

And also every time somebody donated a certain amount, we would take a shot. So we got insane. Oh yeah, and also we were drinking beer. Dude, I'm going to be honest. Mixing with absinthe? Oh no. Wait, beer before or after the absinthe? Beer shots

and absinthe. During. Beer shots and absinthe is enough, David. Everything at the same time. David. What? Oh my god, that is so, David. Everything at the same time. David. What? Oh my God, that is so much alcohol. Anyways, I mean, we took like two shots of absinthe.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Which is enough for me. I'm sure. Anyways, so. David wasn't feeling good. Other David, you should clarify. Other. Every podcast is someone's first podcast, David. You feeling good. Other David, you should clarify. Every podcast is someone's first podcast, David.

You're right. My friend David, the ying to my yang. He's only saying that because he's black. Just call him... What? Just call him D. Easy. The D? Okay, the D. No, D. Just D. Just call him d easy the d okay the d look d just d call him dave

there we go oh my god or black david or other david just say something other than just david i'll call him uh david and we'll let it go david my friend david i hate you so much he looks at babs in on the stream he just goes i'm not i don't dude i'm not i'm not feeling too good because babs was like we were in a small room and babs was like blocking the way to the restroom and he's just like babs i'm not feeling too good can you just like move a bit? And then I don't, Babs was really drunk. And for some reason he did not want to fucking move. And he was just like,

I'm not moving. And then eventually he did move. And David, you, you just see on stream, David looking absolutely shit face. And he just, he just,

his eyes expand like he just gets up and you just hear running and we're trying to figure out how to make a game work or whatever that was the final fantasy game i i i i turn around i look i look towards the kitchen and i just see david his face inside the fucking uh oh shit what's the word sink sink inside the sink and he i just like raises it and everybody just turns around afterwards and like we just hear... Extremely loud. And you can hear it extremely loud. Super loud on stream. You hear it on stream. Our response is just...

Uh-oh. Wait, I'll... It was all three at the same time. We just all go... Look in general. It's... Just click on it. It's so good. We'll post a link in the description.

I remember when you were telling me about it, David. I was scrolling through it to find it and I find it and they're like David literally says like dude, I think I'm gonna throw up and the babs is like, no, you're not. No, you're not.

He just like sits down. And then David says, I was like, I guess I'm not gonna vomit. And then he just gets back up. Right, dog? God. Oh, the uh-oh is great. Yeah, it was a good night. It was a good night. Whose sink was it? Oh, God. Oh, the uh-oh is great. Yeah, it was a good night.

It was a good night. Whose sink was it? Oh, man. Whose what? Oh, it's Ferd's sink. The thing is, the distance from the fucking bathroom to the sofa and the kitchen to the sofa is almost the same. We don't know why he vomited. Was there a closed door to the toilet?

No. I think we were just really drunk. He was just confused. We were just making ramen at that point. And it happened. A lot of ramen at that point. And it happened. A lot of things happened that night. You're going to be doing a similar stream? I mean, probably.

We're trying to finish the blood. We're just trying to finish Bloodborne. You're going to finish Bloodborne like that? Bloodborne on Absinthe? Bloodborne on Absinthe. Absinthe-born? Pretty... Oh, shit.

That's pretty much what we've been doing. Yeah. That's a new title. Anyways, that's my story. You're not gonna finish the game? I'm never... No. No, we're not. We legit... I don't think... I don't even think we got one bonfire or lantern

on that whole three-hour stream. You guys are morons god damn that's like infuriating to watch like right it's like what oh because we were fucking yeah no i know i i know i know i know also we're really bad at soulsborne games anyway speaking of vomiting violently into a sink Here's how I lost my virginity Nice Don't tell me that actually ties in Nice

It doesn't It sounds like it could knowing Ed Right? That's why I'm so concerned Yo you heard of poop and seek? We're about to play throw up in a sink violently. And what? And fuck. God damn it. That's the title of the- no it's not.

No it's not. No it's not. How to get banned. Okay, shit. How do I start it? Same way you started it when you told me. What? Okay, so this happened when I was 15 to 16 years old. I'm not sure exactly when. It was like two years before I finished high school.

So that's my age for people that can gauge that. And during that, the end of that specific year every single class in my year always takes a one week trip to a country to europe in europe that they haven't been to and uh i voted for europe for you i voted for a pretty broad choice i chose sweden so i got put in the group of people that also chose Sweden, and we were like 30 in total, and then we fucked off to Sweden for a week. It was pretty cool.

We got to do a bunch of activities. I got to ride a ski bike. Is that what you call them? It was pretty sick. It was a snowmobile. Snowmobile! That's what it's called. Yeah, I got to ride a snowmobile. We did some frozen lake fishing. It was pretty cool. That sounds pretty cool fucking that sounds cool as shit yeah yeah anyway we're not here to talk about that now the problem with ed getting his dick wet hell yeah in the ice pool um so that's

how he was catching fish the thing with sweden is that it's one of the few European countries that actually enforces a drinking law. So how it works is you have to be 18 to drink and 21 to buy. So if you're 18, you can go to bars and shit, but if you want to buy alcohol at like a grocery store or something to take it home, you have to

be 21. So instead of like at the end of like the days because... I don't see how that's relevant since you were 15 no i know i'm getting to it i'm getting to it okay um so from like 8 a.m to 4 p.m we had activities to do but anything past 4 p.m we were free to do whatever we wanted because we were staying at this uh accommodation for college. So everyone that was actually local was like 18 to 20. And past 4 p.m. we could do whatever we wanted. So instead of drinking, we just got fucking hopped on Red Bulls

and Monster Energy drinks. Like we drank like five per night. And we just go out and do dumb shit. That's the most ed sentence I've heard in such a long time. And you're living with me. I know. It's fucked. Did you not hear the thumb story earlier, Avery?

That's true. I've already heard the thumb story, though. Ah, right. So, on the very last night, we were like, oh, we're going to have like 20 Red Bulls each. It's going to be crazy. We're going to climb every mountain. Before we leave, it's gonna be crazy we're gonna climb every mountain before we leave it's gonna be sick uh i'm gonna i'm gonna fuck bigfoot see that mountain you can fucking climb

it dude see that mountain you can fuck bigfoot on it but instead of me doing any of that i'm getting dressed everybody's ready and then I get a call from my mom, and she informs me that a very close relative has passed away. So, obviously... This got weird. Obviously, I'm not... This got really weird. It's important to the story.

I feel like Avery's just saying, just wait. This is so much weirder, Ed. You have no idea. Wait, why? Never mind. What? You're talking about how you lost your virginity

and you're bringing up how a family member died. But that's what happened! I know, but it's still weird. That's what's weird about it. Maybe it's a red herring. No, it is relevant because she told me that.

Oh, God. And obviously, I didn't feel like going out. So instead, I told my friends, yeah, I know it's the last day, but I'm not really feeling it. I told them I was, like, sick or whatever. And they were like, oh, well, okay. So they fucked off. And then I stayed in my room.

I was bummed out, sad. So I'm getting, I'm putting my pajamas. I'm literally, like, half pajamas, half normal clothes at this point. And suddenly, I hear a knock on my door a female and i'm thinking it's probably the teacher's asking me if i'm if i'm okay and it was but instead but instead of that i open the door and it's one of the college students that's staying here and she's asking like you are oh no oh no and she's asking like yo how come how come you didn't go with them and i went oh

i'm feeling a bit sick i'm just gonna go sleep right now and she's like oh do you have like a fever or a headache or something because if you want we can go back to to my room and I'll make you some tea until I get better and I'm fucking stupid and I genuinely thought she was offering me tea so I went yeah that's a great idea hang on so I put my regular clothes back on I follow her back to her room so we're in her room she puts puts the kettle on. And we're just talking, you know, good times. We're watching TV. She's talking about how much she likes Sabaton. And I like

Sabaton too. And then we had sex. You know. Well. Yeah. Nice. It was a complication. So, so, so, Ed. Avery, I'm debating whether or not I talk about the complication. Talk about the complication debating whether or not I talk about the complication. Talk about the complication, Ed.

You should talk about the complication, my man. Quick question. How old was she? Did you ever find out? She was 19. Oh, my God. You did not mention that to me. No.

I mean, it's pretty obvious since she was a college student. College means different things depending on where you are she could be like 17 that's still weird to me even that is a lot yeah wow that 19 did you did you at any point tell her how old you were no oh my god but she knew but she knew you were from a high school. She knew I was from a Belgian school. Oh. Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Let's not pin anything on her. Her name was Cameron. Her name was Cameron. Man, common name. Best case scenario, she just knew she had what do you call exchange students for like a week so you know it's fine plus I look old the fact that I'm like six

foot whatever and I still was that height back then yeah that's a reasonable doubt is what we're going yeah that's what we're going with okay understood Cameron's off the hook close one anyway any more 15 year olds and we're gonna have problems though Cameron's off the hook. Whoa, close one. Anyway, any more 15-year-olds and we're gonna have problems, though, Cameron.

Look, man, as long as I'm in Sweden and it's a camp, they don't tell me their age. And they're six feet tall. That's the main hook. Ed, talk about the complication. I don't want to talk about the complication. It's your foreskin. You've already talked about it. Ah, man! Well, I don't want to make the listeners uncomfortable.

What do you mean? You're talking about the fucking crime. Well, anyway. Yeah, but they don't know about it. So you guys remember the first podcast I was on, I talked about getting a circumcision? Yeah. The reason I got it was because I found out during my first ritual.

Ritual? Oh my God, she was going to harvest you that's why she's picking the young one she harvested my foreskin and the doctor finished the job is that no that's not how it happened what do you mean

of course not what no no no I mean that's not what I fucking meant like as in... Basically, I found out that during the deed... What could you possibly have meant? I had a condition that didn't allow the old Johnny Skin to, like, pull back all the way when it's, you know...

The American flag has been raised this morning you know so when the flag has been when the when the flag has been raised there's no there's no going back you know yeah

so she found that out pretty quick so instead we tried doing it didn't really work out because i was in pain the whole time jesus is it supposed to hurt so so wait so wait at that point she didn't also realize like maybe this guy's a bit young! Like, if he- That's a pretty solid indicator, right? That's a huge, like, red flag right there. Hey, maybe she thought he was just a virgin, you know?

So anyway, she just, you know, we- Why am I going up to bat for someone who committed a sex crime? We settled, I take it back. I'm trying to end this story before anyone else admits they're okay with this. I'm not okay with it, for the record. So instead, we settled for third base, and then we went to sleep. And then we woke up, and we cuddled for a bit. We talked, like, hey, that was pretty good.

Hey, I'm 15, by the way. Just letting you know you committed a crime here's my parents I asked her how it was and she lied to me it was all good and then it was like

10am and since you know it was the last day yesterday how it worked was we were supposed to catch a bus the next day in the morning so it's 10am and I'm like oh shit I gotta get out and go pack. So I tell her, hey, this was great. Later, I'm going back to Belgium. And then.

And she was like, wait, wait, I thought you worked here. I get out of her room and I turn around forgetting that her front door of her room was angled straight at the dining area. Oh, no. And everyone was having breakfast. And everyone knew she committed a sex crime. Everyone including the college students, my friends, and everyone on the school trip, and the teachers on the school trip.

And she still didn't like, nothing happened? She just... I mean, I don't know. I haven't talked to her since. I'll be honest. I mean, I would hope not. So, I don't know. I haven't talked to her since, I'll be honest. I mean, I would hope not. So I turn around and I look at everybody and I'm processing how to respond to this. And what I did was I just waved hello with my hand and then I went to my room.

Are you going to talk about what happened when you came back to the dining hall? Oh, yeah. I packed. you came back to the dining room? Oh, yeah. I packed. I came back. The dining room went quiet. Sat down, and I ate in complete silence. And then we got on the bus. You should clarify everyone at your table was completely silent when you sat down.

No, I sat down next to my friends friends and no one said a word for the entire meal. Nothing. That's really awkward. What the fuck? Instead, they just asked me for details when we were on the bus because, like, to be fair, in the dining room, people would have heard. Like, the dining room was just this big open hall, but then on the bus, everybody

was sleeping. We were just talking about it. Whatever. And now, a little bonus segment. Oh, nice. Was that like this school trip happened like a week or two after I had just broken up with a girlfriend I had at the time. Was it bad teeth, bad breath girl? Was it coke? No, it wasn't. Bad breath girl was when I was 12, Avery.

I don't remember when anything is in your life. Who's bad breath girl? Bad breath girl is crack girl. Oh, right. That is the same girl yeah yeah yeah remember it was his fault right there anyway you have a fucked up story about this ex-girlfriend no no she's great we're still in touch okay great sick which will be surprising once you hear what what the bonus oh no it, no. Which is the first school day after the school trip. It spread like wildfire.

I mean, not really because I only... Because I mean, everyone knew, but nobody else was really close. Because it was a big year. One year was like a thousand people. So only like ten people actually got the details on the bus and then I was sitting with a The very first school day, but a bunch of my friends in the school lounge including a friend that was on that trip and

He just out of nowhere yells as soon as I sit down So Ed I heard you got laid! You know who else was in that lounge? My ex-girlfriend. Oh, yeah. You just won, it's fine. And that's the story, which beautifully segues into my circumcision story.

It's like my circumcision is original Star Wars, and this was Rogue One. You can watch them back to back and they all make sense. There you go. The end. They pick some plot holes in the first one as well. They do. There's some cameos in this one. Like, when did he find out his foreskin was fucked? Fuck.

Gone. Is that where we ended? Is that- we ended? Ed's first PSD story No we're not calling it that God what do we even call this episode? Dude I don't know It's been fun though I had a good time

Yeah it's been fun I also had a good time Gay bars and V cards That's a good one That is a good title That's a good one We're going that one's a good one. That is a good title. That's where we're going with that one. Gosh.

What a good time we had today, boys. How about gay meth heads? How about Christina? Christina. What the fuck is gonna be the thumbnail? Ed's forcing it. Obviously. I can send you a picture of the Swedish girl if you want.

What? I was so scared. Ed. I thought you were going to say that. Wait, you took a picture with her? I mean, I have her Facebook. So you do still talk to her. So she knows how old you are by now.

I have her on Facebook. Of course she does. What are you saying? Of course she does. And she still added you? Yeah, I mean, after we kept Snapchatting for a while, she sent me tits.

After she found out how old you were? I don't know if she knew back then. I mean, we just gradually stopped talking. Can we just end the podcast? It's been fun. What's your YouTube and your Twitter, Ed? Plug it.

And plug our Facebook while you're at it. What, me? What other Ed could we possibly be talking to? Hey, you can find me on youtube.com c slash punkducktv Nice. And Twitter is punkduck underscore.

Yeah. What about your Twitch? It's PunkDuck. I got the PunkDuck handle. Sick. Yeah. David? Cameron? You can follow me on Twitter at SuperSnakeshape.

You tweeting stuff now? I should unmute you. Since E3 has been over. You didn't unmute me? I should unblock you. So fucked up. Wow. I unblocked you. You know, out of all the fuck shit that's happened in this podcast, this one hurt the most. This one is the fuckiest of shits.

David? You can follow me on at Sermiao Music on Twitch, Twitter, and SoundCloud, and it's just Sermiao Music on Twitch, Twitter, and SoundCloud. And it's just Sermiao on Spotify. There you go. You can follow me on Twitter at ShammyTV.

On YouTube, I'm Shammy. I don't... Twitch, I guess. Sometimes, ShammyYT. Sometimes Twitch. Sometimes Twitch. I feel like that's it. Unless I'm forgetting something.

Wow. Hey, Ed. Man. What's up? I'm forgetting something. Wow. Hey, Ed, man. What's up? I don't know. Say something funny, why don't you? We've all grown a lot as people today, haven't we? I feel like I've regressed. Yeah?

That sounds like a you problem. Oh, here's something funny you can end it on. One of the times she sent me tits, I screenshotted it, and I was new to Snapchat, and I didn't know it sent her. Oh my god!