Please Stop Talking - World War IV | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: October 13, 2019

Hello, I hate you. Support the podcast and David on Patreon ▶ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Humble Bundle Monthly ▶ http://humble.pleasestopshopping.com/ Humble Bundle ▶ https://www.humblebundle.com/?partner=pstpodcast/ Join the PST Discord server! ▶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65 Links: Avery ▶ https://twitter.com/ShammyTV David ▶ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Ed ▶ https://twitter.com/PunkDuck_ Podcast ▶ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Podcast also available on Spotify and iTunes! iTunes ▶ https://goo.gl/X1C3nG Spotify ▶ https://goo.gl/fdVg9V Art by Madbuns: Twitter ▶ https://twitter.com/mad_buns DA ▶ https://madbuns.deviantart.com #PleaseStopTalking #PSTPodcast #ComedyPodcast #StorytimePodcast #TravelingStories  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. It's me, Spooky David. Would you like to support the podcast and also have some spine-tangling rewards for doing so?

Why'd I interest you in signing a contract on Patreon? If you sign with five souls, you can ask a question or hypothetical for the Patreon Q&A. At ten souls, your name is in the credits of the video version immortalizing you forever. Thank you. podcast and selling my soul it's the millennial dream welcome to the podcast is this the real one is it i don't know i don't know it's happened like five times are we all recording this time i'm recording yeah i'm recording we're synced up i can't believe david tried to start the podcast while skipping like four steps. I still can't tell if we're actually doing this now. Are we talking? Do we regular talk or do we podcast talk?

I don't know. Isn't that the same? No, I gotta do podcast talk if we're doing podcast. What's podcast talk sound like? Hey guys, today I beat up a cripple or something. You know?

That sounds pretty accurate. Oh, it's like how Brendan has YouTuber voice? Yeah, exactly. YouTuber voice podcast mode. But you just sound way more upbeat. You sound like you don't want to die. Same. That shit's awful. I used to edit for, like, fucking big YouTubers that I won't name.

Because, actually, for a second there, that I won't name because actually for a second that I was going to name him. No, he's European market plier. Not Jacksepticeye. What is European market plier is? But yeah, dude, this isn't going in. He did this. Oh, it's not.

Is it? Is it? I don't fucking know. I can't fucking tell. Are we recording holy fuck it's trodinger's podcast welcome to the podcast are we doing it now can we just go i guess am i in youtuber mode how do you get into youtuber mode what's the brain what's the brain don't go in today we're mixing it up i'm your

host punk duck but you might know me better as ed and i am hey ed you did the thing that i always do oh motherfucker it is that's going in uh and today i'm joined surprisingly by my wonderful co-host avery you might know him better as shammy. Fucking killed it. There you go. Fucking murdered it first try. Hello. Do the funny thing you say when you get introduced. Do the line. David's a pedophile. Oh my god. That's the one. And my other

co-host, you might know him better as pedophile, is David. Sir, ma'am, music. This is the bad one now. Now it's the bad one. Now we can't use this. I kind of like it. It's so bad.

One day I'm going to get in actual fucking trouble, man. Okay. Okay. Now this really can't be the real one okay but welcome to the podcast wait no we're stopping no we're not we keep going okay because i want to talk and go ahead and tell your story you've been wanting to tell the story no not that i was going to talk about european market player how did we talk about european market player again all right we were talking

about no no we're talking about how like brendan goes into youtuber mode when we record these right yeah and i know that shit first i know that shit firsthand because i used to edit for big youtubers that will remain anonymous but they're basic they were basically european market players it was a couple and dude they would like they wouldn't like trim their footage at all when he sent it to me like they'd send me stuff like the first 10 minutes was like unusable because there'd be like a recording error halfway through and they totally start over right and if you watch those first 10 minutes it's fucking grim like they're just

dead faced just at a computer i'm really gonna do it and then they're like okay oh like this all right three two one what's up guys like they just fucking go crazy and then and then he's like I'm gonna go I'm gonna put this guy I'm gonna oh my audio's not on okay then they just like go back to just zombie mode it's it's it was fucking freaky like how just that's like you snap your finger we don't even we don't even do that i don't think do we do that oh no we don't i don't think we do that we just go in and we talk shit about literally everything we can before i'm not even close to shitting on brandon he just sounds like slightly more upbeat when we record sometimes. He doesn't sound slightly more upbeat. His voice gets deeper.

Yeah, his voice gets... That's the big thing Brandon does. He starts talking from the... He starts talking from the... Esophagus? Starts talking from his chest. Chest. What's the esophagus? That's your throat.

That's where you don't want to talk. If you talk from your throat it damages it yeah i i was thinking i was thinking in french mode and i was like what's that what's a chest what's your story what oh but yeah anyway to just finish off that little segment i just want to say if you donate uh the highest tier on the sir meow music patreon i can i will tell you what youtubers i'm talking about. And I can even send you the footage because I still have it in a flash drive somewhere.

What? No, I don't. Oh. That'd be incredible. I was like, wow, Ed's really big into archiving. That'd be fucking weird. Honestly, if I still had it, I'd be a fucking freak. Wait, is that weird?

I don't think it's weird to keep everything you've ever worked on weird well not it's not just as i'm like i'm professional kind of no to keep all the assets from everything you've ever worked oh well i'm saying like the stuff that they gave me like their raw footage i'm sort of that what i have everything everybody ever sent me for work is it like youtubers like being dead inside i mean it's it's a lot of things that's that's what makes it weird it's french canadian politician so it might be weirder dude i have i probably have some dirt fucking dirt oh boy let's interfere with let's interfere with the oh actually there's one coming up right now let's do that actually I was just

commissioned to edit some footage from like a prison security camera oh no really that inside what if like the last trial it's just they get like a guy in the mask like in a hood and like who could it be they reveals the hood it was me epstein it was me all fucking vince mcmahon

ah son of a bitch really pedophile centric episode ed tell your story oh my god it doesn't have to do with pedophiles at all i probably shouldn't even tell it at this point even here um yes my real story besides that little youtuber mode segment that was that was the b story the main thing is and i am shocked that i have never told this on an episode because this is one of my favorite stories and i've had multiple episodes recently where i just go i got nothing to talk about and i'm just here to you know yeah you always remember at the end we finish recording and you're like fuck yeah i do do that a lot it's been going on for months and i don't't write them down, but this time I did.

So, this is... You wrote blackface in the topic. No, that's not... I already told that one. Man. When are you going to tell that one? Anyway, this is a story about marijuana and high school. Dude, badass.

This was the phase where I was just now starting to be friends with the bad people right like you know the the friends the white kids what did you just say they were white he's right okay they were white not even were they white they were like fucking uh eastern european no yeah so i mean great you know i'm talking about like the kids they don't necessarily like commit crimes but they're the ones that are like hey try this drink hey they make you they make you commit the crime basically no and it wasn't like peer pressure they were just fun to hang out when they had access to these things and they were like hey if you want to try it out go ahead i'll give it to you for free and i was like oh shit nice

these are so they were people why'd you call them the bad kids well the fucking quote on quote the bad kids like the ones that society hates bad influence like the ones that you see walking down the street and your mom would like lock the car door for no reason what that's never happened to me oh my dad does that shit all the time he sees a white kid in the hood

and he locks the door speaking of bad white kids this is not like an actual story, but I was talking to my brother the other day because he was in town and he was telling me about how he went to a bar in the college town he lives in or like a club or something. And then someone like asked if they could sit down at his table with him and his friends. And they were like, yeah, sure, fuck it.

And then the person just started doing lines on the table. Bro, is that right? Yeah, that's just that's the whole thing that's just what happened sorry for a second i was like oh nice he's practicing his audition and then i thought about drugs again he's yeah like doing i i genuinely thought he was like he got like a script out practicing his lines oh i i didn't i didn't expect that he was completing his lines um but yes so i was in high school i was hanging out with them and this was around the phase where i tried out like marijuana a couple times and then i was like yeah it's pretty fun i wasn't like huge on it and then um one of my friends this was like because because the deal with my specific, I forget what exact year high school it was, but it doesn't matter. For that specific year, I was one of the lonely fucks who had advanced maths.

So my Friday had like three classes back to back starting at 8 a.m. But then for two straight classes, I had nothing. I had like two uh two breaks pretty much and each class was worth 45 minutes so i had an hour and a half basically to myself which was super boring so usually what i do is i take a bus home i'd fucking watch a movie or whatever and like study uh and then i just take a take a bus back but this time uh the teacher was supposed to be teaching those guys that i used to hang out with, they weren't there either. So they also had one hour and a half break.

So I was hanging out with them. And they were like, dude, we're going to go smoke up. You want to join us? And I went, probably not because I have bio next. And my bio teacher was a fucking menace. Like, she was scary. Like, you know what I'm talking about. You show up late, she's going to fucking

just berate you in front of the entire class. She's just going to take her belt off. Okay, yeah. She starts screaming, David, you were late again. Time to go into the... Go on. Anyway, she... time to go time to go into the go on anyway

you can cut that David I lost my train of thought now I'm thinking about dominatrixes it's actually dominatrices it's dominatrix oh my god she was scary I had bio next and my teacher was scary

but then I thought about it again and went oh wait for this week for bio specifically each class is we're all doing presentations like powerpoints and shit and each class is each presentation is supposed to be 45 minutes long but it's not my turn it's gonna be uh my one of my portuguese friends so i can actually get high and it won't matter because we just sit there and we just watch the guy like the teacher just has

her eyes on the guy presenting so it's fine i know the punchline isn't gonna be actually it was me that was supposed to present so don't worry about that that was so just go, oh, no, yeah, everybody's doing fucking PowerPoint presentations. Actually, yes, I can smoke weed with you guys. This sounds like the setup to a fucking Seinfeld episode. It kind of is. It really does. It really does. So we go.

Kramer! Jerry, I need to borrow your bong. Why is that, Kramer? I got to jump off the roof or some weird shit. I don't know. But yes, so we go behind some weird foresty bits that was outside our school. I smoke weed and I'm like, damn, this isn't kind of different. And then we have lunch break.

We have lunch. And then right after lunch, it was my bio lesson. We all ate lunch together. It was fucking funny. And then I went to my bio lesson. And I'm like, outside the class, waiting for the teacher to show up. And I'm like, breathing? I'm just like, all right.

I'm feeling amazing. But like the number one tell, I can't smile. I can't laugh. As long as I don't do any of this shit if i just stay quiet and i watch the guy presenting i'll be fine and i didn't smell either so that was fine too and i didn't have red eyes i already checked so teacher shows up we go into the class and she goes all right guy's name it's your turn to present i'm going to call him john because he comes up a lot all right john it's your time to present he goes okay and john's presentation

this was bio class and we were doing a bunch of stuff about climate change for some reason it was weird so his presentation doesn't even exist yeah so his presentation was about uh the water shortage and how like uh our like our water might run out, blah, blah, blah, ways to prevent, you know, uh,

lack of water and, you know, droughts and whatever. Yeah. So it's all going well. Uh, Oh, actually important note,

this bio class, I had two bio classes back to back. So 45 minutes and in between, we have a five minute break and then John was going to present first and then some other girl presented second. That doesn't matter. Um, so job is presenting. He's talking about the water or whatever.

I'm just like, I'm doing the fucking really fake, like interested posts. I actually didn't want to be interested, but I was so fucking high. I had to like Twitch act. So I was just like, like,

you know, one elbow on the desk, my, my chin in my hand. I'm going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fucking water, bro. Just wait for it to rain i'm checking the watch and i'm like all right i'm almost done with the first lesson i'm doing i'm doing amazing right 35 minute. You're so good at listening. You're so good. 35 minute mark of the presentation. It ends at 45 minutes. So I got 10 minutes left. John is wrapping up his presentation and you're supposed to save five minutes for the teacher to give feedback. So John's wrapping up and he goes,

so here's how you, you know, the ways we could preserve water. And then he has a new segment at the very end called, why is it so important? Guys, the ways we could preserve water. And then he has a new segment at the very end called, why is it so important? Guys, the thing is, in the future, water shortage could be so bad that there could be conflict in the world over who has sources of water, similar to how there's conflict over people who have access to sources of oil. if we're not careful if we don't preserve our water supplies world war four might happen

john you fucking idiot now imagine me high as fuck and locked in and listening to that shit I lost it dude honestly honestly though even if I wasn't high I would have laughed my ass off cause I didn't instantly like burst out into tears right

I looked around like I literally just my fucking face swelled up I could feel I was so red and sweating because of how much I was trying to hold it in. And I'm just looking around, panicking, like, please tell me other people are laughing. And everybody's just respectfully nodding, like, yeah, hold on for more of my dab.

Man, just after we got over three, too. I start giggling. Like, the hardest. I start going... I start giggling like the hardest I just go like I'm so fucking stupid for like the rest of the class and I'm just sweating and John just John keeps interrupting himself

to just look at me and be like what the fuck it was so fucking embarrassing I think was it embarrassing? and then at the end of the lesson It was so fucking embarrassing. I think, was it embarrassing? And then at the end of the lesson, we all could go out for our five-minute break.

I'm like, oh, you fucking idiot. World War III hasn't happened. Why'd you say four? Dude, what did he think World War III was? Oh, and then he said, oh, no but like, the water drought will happen so far in the future that by that time, logically,

World War III would have happened at some point. I just can't fucking take it anymore. Yo, John's got big plans. Dude, he has huge plans. I can't fucking take it. Dude, that's so fucking good.

I just sat down in a corner during the break just crying laughing god he's so stupid I fucking love that story because everyone else was like because everybody else just like thought they misheard him they thought they didn't hear four and then i remember one of my other portuguese friends was like can't you say four oh my fucking god he just has like he just has law in his mind he just has future lore. Yeah, that's

it. It's so fucking good, man. Thankfully, I didn't get in trouble either, because the teacher just assumed that I was just laughing at him saying 4-4, which is respectable. Which is fair. We're all doing it right now. We're all sober, as far as I know.

I'm sweating as much as I was back in the day right now i i just remembered my body just transposition yeah i i covered it so i'm fucking you're back there sitting in class god what a fucking moron i i i can't believe this is a true story because it shouldn't be it's so fucking he didn't even be he wasn't even like wait world war 3 didn't happen he just fucking said it like instantly no stammering no stuttering

he just said oh no yeah I just assume world war 3 is going to happen eventually like soon yeah yeah it's coming we've been living under the shadow of world war 3 for like a decade it's easy money speaking of world war how was germany We've been living under the shadow of World War III for like a decade. Yeah. It's easy money.

Speaking of World War, how was Germany? You know what's funny about that? What's funny about that is that I actually didn't bring up Hitler at all, and they brought it up like four times. What the fuck? Progressive. It was weird. So for anyone who doesn't know um i was invited to the launch party for the surge 2 by deck 13 and they flew me out to germany and i

was there for like four days and i went to the launch party and um honestly most of my stories aren't actually about i don't actually have very many stories it was kind of uneventful it was cool and it was fucking weird it's one of those camera trips gotcha not quite when I first walked into the studio the first person other than the social media guy who spoke to me was another guy

who worked in PR who walked into the room looked at me and said hello I hate you and then went and sat at his desk without saying anything else. Wow. Was that the first person you spoke to? Yeah.

Yeah, first one other than the social media guy. How did he know you? Did he just assume? Did you have, like, a badge? Oh. No, what? What the fuck? So you just got in.

He probably just knew oh this guy doesn't work at the company and i know that piece of shit's coming today oh i mean weren't there other pieces of shit coming uh just family and friends really it was a very small party that's something that i don't think i don't think everyone realizes is this was not a huge event. This was not an industry party. This was some guy's barbecue. They did it in the studio's backyard. It was just chill. It was like 100 or so people.

100 to 200 people. Not like a ton, but a decent amount. They had people from the studio, from other studios nearby, and the publisher and uh so when i was at the i want to before i okay well actually i'll just go ahead and talk about like what it was like at the studio yeah um so i uh i get to have a nice little studio tour where the entire time, every single room I walk into,

I at least one, like, I feel like I'm getting side eye from almost everyone because they all know who I am. Yeah. Because hot tip. I don't know. I don't know if anyone other than me knows this,

but if you look up anything about the surge, like the first game on youtube not only am i the first result on youtube my video is the single most viewed piece of media about that game on youtube by quite a lot and if you look up any like guides or anything it's next up in the autoplay which i think is how it got so many views oh man yeah so every single person pretty much knew who i was uh and we walk into the room next to the social media room and phil the social media guy who was great, he walks me in, and he's like, ah, doing the tour, and he gestures to this group of people, and he's like, this is game design.

And then four of them look up and are like, no, we're not. What? And he was like, I thought this was game design, and they're like like this is level group and oh my god it's funny but it's so fucking uncomfortable because they're talking about no no no see this is level group see we're making levels and like there's like two designers here like over there and so that was level group and then we do the rest of the tour it's pretty uneventful uh i hang out at the studio for a few more hours and i'm jet lagged to all shit so i am on like the verge of passing out the entire time. And I'm so fucking disoriented by the time that it's like, oh, let's go downstairs.

The party is going to be starting soon. People are going and heading down so we can go and like grab a seat or something at a table. And I was like, all right, sounds good. And then as we're walking down, Phil's like, oh, I got to do something really quick. So it's like, all right, I guess I'm going down to the party alone. And I get in the elevator. I go down to the ground floor. I step out of the elevator.

I turn toward the party. I walk into like the little backyard area, which is like covered. And the first thing I see is three people, three like people standing, like blocking the path, wearing full black from head to toe. And I genuinely had like a flight or a fight or flight response for a split second. Like,

do you mean one of those like full suits like even the faces covered no no no not the faces but they all had like okay they all had like they had like black beanies and shit like like full black head to toe uh but it was fine like i just had the moment of panic then i sat down and throughout the party uh i had like 10 different people from different parts of the company approaching me like one by one being like so you're the owl guy and i was like yep I sure am and they're like what do you think how's the party it's weird

it's weird to be here it would feel weird yeah but it was fun they were all really friendly actually except that one guy I mean he was actually he was just making a joke he was like I haven't watched the video I don't fucking care about you and i was like that's great

he wound up uh he was like i hate you slightly less after the party because i told him i played tribes 2 and he was like dude tribes 2 oh nice so we had that conversation but yeah so i don't none of that was really a lot of stories it was just a really fucking weird experience yeah and uh the only real story i had was like like traveling stuff which is uh so on the way to Germany, I have my flights, like they're all booked for me. It's so it's a, it's a,

there's, it's a direct flight. And so I don't have to make any connections or anything, which is nice. It's just an 11 hour direct flight. And since it's 11 hours, I check into the plane. Like I check in like 24 hours before it leaves,

which is like as soon as you can basically to make sure that i can get an aisle seat because i don't want i don't want to sit in the middle seat for 11 hours and then i get to the airport i go through security and i'm like i have fucking two hours before this plane leaves i'm gonna go and get fucked for a bit like i'm gonna get fucked on like i'm just gonna get drunk and then i'm gonna get on the plane and then i'm gonna pass out oh no savory what a bad plan no it was a great plan that's not the problem the problem is i got fucked i go back to the terminal and they're like planes delayed by two more hours and so i'm just fucked at the terminal no uh i'm just fucked at the terminal for two hours and i saw i just start walking around um like just aimlessly around the airport because I'm so paranoid whenever I'm at a terminal

I'm like so thoroughly convinced that someone's going to steal something of mine no matter how well I'm guarding my bags for me like falling asleep at a terminal I'm not falling asleep at a terminal absolutely not

I was up for like 40 hours in the dominican republic and and like so fucking sleep deprived every time i tried to sleep i'd wake up five minutes later like where's my bag and it was like literally under my leg yeah i do the same thing i just brace i just like have my bags like i wrap my my arms around my bags like really tight i close my eyes and if anybody comes near me i just fucking like brace open my eyes and if anybody comes near me, I just fucking brace open my eyes and look at them. And also the last time I tried to leave my bags alone, I almost got arrested.

That's true. Put your feet on your bags. Fuck it. So I was just walking around with my bags and I fucking, I just wandered around for two hours questioning everything in my life because I was drunk that wasn't

waffles and chicken day no this is a completely different waffles and chicken was connecting flight from Colorado to going to Mandy's place yeah so I eventually I get on the

plane and at this point I'm sober. Aww. So I was just fucked at the airport, because I was like, I can't spend airport booze money to continue getting drunk, like, for the next two hours, or to get drunk again.

That's so fucking expensive. It's so expensive. Booze at the airport is fucking expensive. It's like that duty-free shit. Yeah, that's so pricey. Yeah, so I get on the airplane. Oh, by the way, plane delayed by two hours because we have to use a different plane,

which, by the way, means none of your seating reservations are going to be kept. So I get on the plane. It's a different plane. Which airline was this? We're putting them on blast. Fuck you. Fuck you, United.

Yeah. You're fired. No more sponsorships. All right, go ahead. So, I get on the plane. I get in my fucking middle seat. And the two guys who are sitting next to me sit on either side. And they take both of the middle armrests.

That is fucked. Oh, jeez. The middle should have both, you fucking savages. Yeah, oh, and they were both Americans, so they were large. So they had no choice. They had to take the armrests. It wasn't even the arms on the armrest.

It was the arms, but it was just they were splaying legs into my space and shit too i wanted to fucking kill someone but uh yeah so that was that was where i was starting on this flight and i realize that if i'm not drunk i am not going to be able to fall asleep on this plane because I cannot sleep on planes unless I'm drunk. Like just, and oh,

and I'm right next to the engine as well. So it's loud as fuck. So, I mean, that's just basically, I just keep ordering wine from the drink cart every time it comes by because they don't have beer. They just have wine.

Was it good? Was it good wine? Fuck no. It was airplane wine. It's always, it's always horrible. It was airplane wine it's always it's always horrible isn't it it was airplane wine it was garbage it was warm white wine oh awful i'm gagging come on yeah warm white wine man jesus so christ i just get off the plane and i'm jet lagged and it's tomorrow and then i I get off and I've paid. By the way, I planned. I

knew, I know how data works. I paid for data, roaming data. Like I paid for a week of roaming data for this trip. I get off the plane. I step out the airport. I turn on my data. I can't fucking load anything. It says mobile data is not working. So I that if i go if i hug the wall of the airport i can still connect to its wi-fi to order an uber but i just have to memorize the fucking i just have to memorize the where the guy's gonna go get where the guy's gonna pick me up the license plate and the make and model of the car and so i do that i get in the uber and i just quietly sit as he takes me to my fucking hotel i go to the hotel and i'm waiting in line to check in and this fucking this this bitch this bitch in front of me in line checking in so she has like 10 bags for some fucking reason all right what was her name we're putting her

on blast i don't know her name probably irene okay oh geez okay go on she goes up to hate her she like goes to check in she tells them she tells the like people the front desk her information and then i guess they're taking they're taking a little bit longer than she's happy with so she starts like doing the thing where she's like tapping her card on the desk and I'm just like wow this is awful

and then after I don't know like 30 seconds she just turns to me and she goes so much for Jim and efficiency eh and I'm like don't fucking drag me into this what was that accent? was that Canadian? I don't know I don't know where she was from

is that Canadian? he said eh at the end I don't know what her accent was but she just turns around and she says so much for German efficiency and I'm like don't involve me in this I don't want spit in my room. Spit?

I don't fucking know. I just don't want to be a part of this. I haven't slept. The fuck, yeah. The trash goes into your room and spits everywhere? Yeah. So I get...

I get... I get checked in. I go to my room. I discover that my universal plug adapter doesn't fucking work. It's broken. And I look at my phone and it's at 6% and my laptop's dead. So I can't charge it from the hotel. Not have USB ports.

No, it did not. What? That's weird. Yes. Really weird. Yeah. So I go okay I'm gonna connect to the hotel wifi

I'm gonna look up really quick where I can get a fucking universal adapter here and then I'm gonna match to that place and I'm gonna walk there and I'm gonna buy a universal adapter so

I'm at 6% battery I walk out i'm like oh this isn't too bad it's like uh it's like a 20 minute walk i'll be all right so i'm like checking my phone intermittently because i can't like have it on constantly obviously and i walk and i i'm just like kind of paying i'm just kind of like looking around at the scenery where uh where the hotel's at like on the way to pick like go buy this adapter and it's like a big fountain there's a jewelry store called christ that's interesting there's a mcdonald's right next to a clothing store called mcfit i don't know if those are i don't know if those are related.

For some reason, there's a church called Dirty River in Spanish. Weird. Well, no. And I'm realizing as I'm walking through, I'm like, wow, I don't fucking. This is certainly a European city because this is not on a fucking grid system. These are goat trails. Like goat trails from ancient times that

became the city streets. Like small, small, small Well, not just small, but it's completely random where the streets are. It's not like on a grid, like an American city. Yeah. So I

and I'm just walking, I'm walking by every once in a while. I get someone, someone approaches me and speaks to me in spider. And I'm like, I'm sorry. And they're like, oh, okay. I'm sorry. And then I keep going. And I'm just kind of, I'm just kind of like picking up like, like passively on landmarks, like,

uh, or landmarks in air quotes because it's Frankfurt. And so I'm, and I walk in the big one that sticks out in my mind is like the halfway point of the trip is just a strip club that is like hot girls and tea girls. And I was like, Oh, progressive. Wait.

Oh, girls. Okay. and t-girls and i was like oh progressive wait oh t-girls okay so i eventually do get to the get to the stand to buy the universal adapter i'm like do you have a universal adapter and the guy's like yes i do and he goes and he gets it and i'm like how much he's like seven euro and i'm like great and i pull out my car and he's like we don't accept that i'm like you don't accept card. And he's like, no, no, no, too expensive. I don't have a card reader. I'm like, okay. Is there, is there an ATM nearby then? Cause I really need this. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like one that way it's, it's across the streets. And so I'm like, all right. I can, then I go across the street, which like he's on the corner. So like, I'm just, I just crossed the street and I'm just walking around.

Like I walk an entire full circle around that city block and I don't see a fucking ATM. And I'm, and I'm just looking around. What? Sorry. It might've been in a store. No, see that. Just wait. So I'm, I'm walking around and i'm looking at my phone

it's like ah three percent and i'm just like i need i fucking need to find this atm am i fucking stupid where is it where the fuck is it i've gone around this entire thing i don't see anything i walk into one of the i in like in like a moment of desperation i walk into like a restaurant and i'm like if i buy something can you do cash back and then the woman looks at me and she's like we accept card oh fucking I'm like

okay thank you sorry and then I leave and I go back to the stand and I'm like okay I'm sorry where is the ATM I can't find it and I'm like, okay, I'm sorry. Where is the ATM? I can't find it. And he's like, oh, it's across the street at the tram tracks at the tram tracks. That's three blocks away. That's not just across the street. So I'm like, you know, I, i whatever so i go to the fucking i go i cross all three blocks

i go to the across the tram tracks i get the i get into the fucking atm i get 50 euro because that's the smallest amount i can get in cash i go back i buy my fucking adapter I open my phone and I'm like alright oh fuck I don't have data or wifi I cannot map myself back to the hotel I have no fucking idea how to get back and no one is going to be able to tell me where to go

because I don't really know where I need to go and it's all goat land yes exactly it's goat goat land. Yes, exactly. It's goat trails and spider tongue. So I'm, I, I realized at this point, I'm like, I'm in Germany. This is a real country. Is there like a, is there how many wifi like places are there around me right now?

And I look and there's like 50 and they're all private oh yeah which like I figured but I was like maybe maybe and so I I'm starting to get really anxious because something that I don't think I've talked about much on the podcast is I have

no sense of direction whatsoever like none I have to I like google maps shit that's like a mile from my house like quite often so i i go and i start on like the most recent path because i'm like i remember where i turned here and i'm making my way through and every, and at this point it's like, like in my head, I haven't played the Resident Evil 2 remake, but the, the hunk theme from Resident Evil 2 remake is just playing in my head.

Like as I'm walking around, I feel like everyone's looking at me because I'm having like an anxiety attack and I'm walking and I, I am like making, making dip making like I'm making the correct turns I'm recognizing these streets vaguely I recognize a city hotel I remember that cuz I was like that's a vague name and then I I turn I get to an intersection I turn left cuz I'm like ah tea, T-Girls. I turn left here. Popular Germany landmark, T-Girls.

Exactly. It's Frankfurt. What am I going to use as a landmark? So, I am looking at the spider tongue street signs, looking for things that I vaguely recognize because I can't fucking read any of them. And every once in a while. That's surprising. I figured Germany would have all the signs in English as well. Like the thing Japan does.

Oh, okay. Weird. Yeah, no, they're all in German. And I eventually, I make it, I make it to city center and that's where McFit is. And that's where McDonald's is. And I pull out my phone cause I'm like, if anywhere's going to have wifi, it'll be there. It's McDonald's. Yeah.

I open my phone. I open wifi. The McDonald's doesn't have fucking wifi. My phone's at 1% battery. I look up. No, hang on. Hang on. I look up.

I see the fountain and I'm like, I'm like a hundred meters. I'm like a hundred meters from the hotel. I'm like a hundred to two hundred. I don't know how big meters are. I'm so I'm like speedwalking to the fucking fountain. And then I stop in my tracks and I realize I have no fucking idea what direction I'm supposed to go from here. Oh, fucking Jesus. And I look at my phone one last time and I'm like, I really fucking need something here. I open the fucking Wi fucking wifi hotspots And what do I see But McDonald's Christ hotspots

Oh shit It doesn't have a password I click it It asks me do you agree to Christ's terms and conditions And I say yes Because I want something and i open maps i connect to the wi-fi i look up the hotel it says turn left at the fountain and my phone dies oh my god perfect and oh my god i i was i almost cried holy shit dude you're sean michaels you're born again

christian yeah done thank christ i mean i got what i wanted so not really so i turn i get back to the hotel i plug it in i charge my phone and i pass the fuck out and then damn the only other thing i really have is a story it's not really a story but it was just when I was at the airport leaving I realized oh I've still got all this cash all this euro that I have no fucking use for in America I should just

spend this shit in the airport so I walk around and I find you can trade it back to dollars at the airport that's not the American way Ed I couldn't be fucked I couldn't be fucked i couldn't be fucked for that and i'm like i'm walking on the airport and i find this uh this hot dog stand and i look and they have like a drink thing like a like a cooler full of drinks basically and i noticed

that they have they have beer and i'm like oh okay cool i can get drunk before this fight too oh boy and then i look and i'm like wait a fucking second in the bottom shelf they have red bull next to jaeger oh no did you fucking do jaeger bombs before getting on a plane the terminal and i'm doing Jaeger bombs. Oh my fucking Christ. Oh no. I'm doing Jaeger bombs and I'm drinking beer. I'm alternating back and forth. My stomach is so angry at me.

Of course. It's fucking Jaeger bombs. That's like the That's like I don't understand. How do you make you tired uh what so i casually what oh you have you have no shame like my uber's here in 15 minutes i could sneak in a couple tequila bottles fuck it yeah i yeah i would be looking around like i couldn't do that because i would be like oh fuck there's so many people around. Not seeing any of these people again.

What if they know I'm an alcoholic? Who cares? I couldn't do that. Also, it's noon in Frankfurt when I'm doing this. Oh, so it's fine. It's fine. No worries then. It's like 7 p.m. for me.

Perfect Diego ball time. No, you can't even use the fucking excuse. It's not 7 p.m. It's 7 a.m. I mean, it's still 7. No, it was 7 p.m. for me because I didn't sleep on the flight overhead. So my clock was all fucked up. Fuck you.

Fucking hell. So I get on the plane and then the and i get in my seat and i open the fucking entertainment system and i'm fucking drunk so i just make the decision of what if i just watch all of the worst movies they have on this plane oh great, great. So I watched Dark Phoenix. Was that actually bad? Because I heard those things. It was pretty bad. The final action sequence was actually really good.

The one on the train. Everything else was bad, though. Okay, go on. I watched Dark Phoenix. I watched Fantastic Beasts, The Crimes of Grindelwald. Oh, fuck you. I watched Dark Phoenix. I watched Fantastic Beasts, The Crimes of Grindelwald. Oh, fuck you. I watched something else. I don't remember what it was.

Oh, because this cart had beer, and I was just getting a Stella every time the cart came around. Oh, my God. Stella's good. Stella's really good. Stella is really, really good, yeah. Way better than the warm white wine. Oh, I don't doubt it. And then... And then I watched The Predator.

Oh, the Shane Black one? The Shane Black one. Yeah. Was that good? And something... A predator tries to steal a child's autism, and that's the plot. I know, I know. Yeah. Well, it's not really the plot but it is a thing that happens dude i don't think that movie was made by human beings

i like the theory that shane black is talented and funny so i think he just got that project and he went i'm just gonna fucking ruin it is that why you got his friend who's a pedophile to be in it yeah yeah i'm just gonna attach as many pedophiles to this as I can. Fuck. Something about the predator fucking broke my mind. And so I'm sitting there

drunk off my ass in the aisle seat. In the aisle. And all of a sudden, as the credits are rolling for the predator i snap and i go i need to get off this fucking plane whoa okay and i like my eyes are like bulging out of my head and I'm like manically looking around. And the, one of the flight attendants, one of the flight attendants is walking by and I flag her down and she was like, can I, can I get you anything? I'm like, can i have some water and she goes and she brings me some water and i have it in my hand and i have a decision to make

oh and i realize i can't i will not be this man so i get up i go to the restroom and i splash the water on my face instead of pouring it on myself in the seat so that no one would know that i was all wet wait that was your decision whether or not to splash the water on your face in public or privately basically it wasn't a big decision i just got up and went to the bathroom because i didn't want it to drink i needed something i needed cool on my face because i was sweating oh sweating gotcha i know that so yeah and then i got out and it didn't fix anything but i felt a little bit better and so i sat on the plane and i continued to not sleep and i think i watched another movie but i don't have any memory and watch predator again i could just look through their

selection i could figure out what movies i watched that i don't remember but yeah that was my germany story it was a good time deck 13 are really nice i like the year oh this isn't really a story i just you know almost like took control of a plane once. That reminded me of a fucking, uh, something that happened in a middle seat. It's not a super long story, but this one time when I was going to France, uh,

I was in the middle seat and next to me was like a small, like a little girl. She, I mean, I was, I was like 16. So maybe she was like 14 or something and on my on the other side there was sorry can we can we have a count no how many times oh my god

i'm sorry i'm sorry can we have a bell fucking christ we set the clock we'll stop i'll stop i'll stop okay and on the other side there was a there was just this businessman and like before the god so fucking stupid before the the plane started i just i i started like i i i i don't know how it started but we just started talking me and the businessman and i he was like oh yeah i work for this fucking makeup company and he was like so I don't know how it started, but we just started talking, me and the businessman. And he was like, oh yeah, I work for this fucking makeup company. And he was super chill. And then at one point, the girl next to us, she just hops into the conversation and she's like, hey, I have this thing where when we're in the air, have like really bad headaches so I just want to apologize in advance

and we were like no it's fine we don't we don't care if you get a headache I was about to say why would you say that to us yeah so we get the plane starts the motor starts

everything we get we get our seatbelts done. We were in the air and like, you know, like you start going up and you keep going up and they say like, like exactly when you hear the beep the girl next to me just like has fucking whiplash she just like head bang right on her fucking thighs and she's like what

what and then like I just jump out of my fucking seat i'm like what the fuck and i learned and i learned that apparently she was one of the she's one of the students that was like in our group for this uh this trip to france and one of the teachers like fucking loses her mind she's like what the fuck she just gets up and goes to see her because she's like fucking losing her mind everybody's fucking panicking because of course like we're in a we're in the air and she's just like screaming her fucking lungs out and then she's like eventually the teacher calms her down enough to ask like what what's what's happening are you okay like what

and then she just like it's just like the air pressure just really hurts my my brain and she just says it like that it's like what oh i've had that happen to me yeah i know but like to that point to the point where she would scream like that uh for me it was different for me it's because um my front right tooth one of the big ones uh i broke it when i was eight so i have like a fake one on top of it. And a couple of years ago. Well, not anymore, because a couple of years ago, I got the roots removed. So I don't feel anything. But before that, for some reason, every time the plane took for like a year straight, every time a plane took off or landed, the pressure would all go straight to my fucking tooth. And that shit hurt for like 30 minutes every time.

Just a really sharp, continuous pain in my right tooth to the point where I was just like going like, like gripping my armrest and going. The thing is, the thing is. No, wait, let me just finish. I just like. Yeah, okay, sorry, sorry. And then near the, like,

there's always a specific point where it gets really bad and then stops. And then this one time was really fucking bad. So I just go, and then I just start slamming the fucking window next to me. I start punching it over and over like Giorno in Notorious B.I.G. And the woman next to me just goes, are you okay? And I go, yes, I am. I'm crazy.

The thing is, when the teacher was asking her like what what's what's wrong she was just saying oh it's just a headache don't worry which makes it look like i don't know it makes it look weird and during the whole like how long is it like eight hours seven hour flight from what she from uh montreal to paris oh yeah i'm guessing it's like 7-8 hours she just had her face like in between her legs and from time to time she would just go like

and just like fucking she would beat the shit she would like beat the shit out of her head with her fist like she would just punch herself and like the guy the guy next to me was like

I've never seen a man with as much fear in his fucking eyes he was so fucking terrified of the girl like right next to me and sometimes he would just like go hey are you okay and she was like and she would just like she would

just get up and she was like oh yeah I'm good I'm good and and she would just like, she would just get up and she was like, oh yeah, I'm good, I'm good. And then she would just continue again like, ah! Dude. How accurate is that scream? Because that's fucking funny. She, like, really fucking accurate.

Imagine a 14-year-old girl screaming. That's pretty much how they all scream. Yeah, you'd know. I didn't do it this time god damn it well yeah no and uh i learned afterwards that apparently she she does a lot of shit like that for attention when we were like in paris like she she would just hurt herself and then make people look after her it was very weird she was very strange kid i hope she's doing okay me too i hope so too this is the part of the story where david goes i forgot she has some terminal disease she might be dead what she had lyme

disease lyme disease isn't terminal it's just just in the wind. All right. Wait, did she actually have it though? No. Oh. No. Have you ever clarified? No, never mind. Speaking of Lyme disease, Patreon questions. Oh, I wanted to throw in a funny little also weird airport man

that was sitting next to me. I've told this to Avery because I'm pretty sure this is the guy that was sitting next to me when I was flying to his place. I swear to God, airports just bring the weird out of people. In my case, it was an old guy in his 40s or 50s.

He looked kind of cool and he was dressed well. And then we were flying out of fucking Belgium and he had an American accent. We were going to Iceland. And then he ordered some food and then I ordered some food and you noticed I had an American accent. So he struck up a conversation. Oh, where are you from and every time you talk to a middle-aged man on an airport a

little clock starts in your head going when is this motherfucker gonna show me pictures of his family yeah right so we're just talking and whatever oh why are you going to iceland oh actually i'm gonna whatever oh okay where are you going i'm going there for business and see family my family lives in iceland i go oh cool that's neat oh do you want to see my family a fucking prick fine i'll see your family i said to him to his face you said fine fine i'll see your fucking family come on you're objecting to find a not that you prick i mean he does sound like a prick okay so this is the part that got weird because like fucking middle-aged people they always got to show off like their trophies or whatever like family's like a trophy i think in their eyes isn't it i don't know yeah the ultimate goal so i'm just like okay show me pictures of his

family i'm gonna say oh that looks like a great family congratulations and then we're gonna not talk for the rest of the nine hours so he gets his phone hits the home screen it's the hottest fucking woman i've ever seen and she is pretty much naked and this is a guy i don't know it's just weird that a guy in his 50s with a work outfit looks very business type. Just his phone... Alright. Half-naked woman. Basically porn.

And then he opens it and I go... My eyes just open like, okay? And then he just looks at me and he's got like... You know that... A smirk? He's got a smirk and he goes, pretty hot, right? Yeah. You said yeah? You know that... A smirk? He's on his way and he goes, Pretty hot, right? And I go, Um, yeah.

Yeah. You said yeah? I mean, I just shrugged and went, Yeah. What was I supposed to say? No? Could be his wife. Who fucking knows?

It wasn't. It wasn't, no. It was his daughter. No! There's no way. Can we stop? Please. Why please for like five minutes david control yourself what the fuck okay so he gets his phone he unlocks and he goes oh let me show you pictures of uh iceland and he's just showing me like footage of like him and his family no not him

and his family just like panoramic like videos of like iceland landscape whatever yeah and this is where we live blah blah, blah. And then he shows me this specific video that's just a pan from right to left of this town where he lives and it's covered in snow. And he's like, yeah, it's pretty cool. And then just keeps panning. And then there's just at the end of it, there's just a guy pissing

and the camera holds on the guy pissing for like 10 seconds. Oh, that's my cousin. He's peeing. All right. What the fuck? And then he just locks his phone and then we keep talking for a little bit

and then that's it. That's the weird man I sat next to. Fucking. I think he forgot that video ended with his cousin pissing because I saw dick. Nice. How was it? I saw dick. Nice. How was it?

Peeing. Nice, dude. Nice. Patreon questions? Speaking of pissing. I don't have a transition. Speaking of men pissing. Patreon questions.

You got one in particular, David? I forgot. Oh, my God. Oh, I like this one. Wait, unless you guys answer this on one that i wasn't on i don't i mean we don't know if you weren't on it you can just answer it now because this was 9th of september so avery what was my birthday avery what was the craziest what was the craziest thing that happened when you and ed lived together uh probably when we

went to the gay bar i blacked out lost my hat and ed had to ward off rapists oh yeah that and then i also woke up and my bathroom was filled with vomit and so i just stopped i stopped over to avery's room and i was like avery you motherfucker why did you puke in my bathroom and he was like i didn't puke and i went oh that was me did you guys tell that story on the podcast yeah it's not really much of a story no we definitely told that story all right dude i don't think you did i don't think we did either but it's not really much of the part of the gay the part of the game i don't think you did we just pre-gamed like crazy in the kitchen and then we went want to go to a gay bar

so we went to a yeah you never you never told that it was so dead there was like two people dead yeah and then i got blacked out. And one guy was sick and the other guy wouldn't shut the fuck up about the MCU. About Marvel movies. I was dying. Oh, God. Gay people under MCU. See, the thing is, here's why introducing Captain Marvel

is going to be a bad idea because she's just going to one-shot Thanos and I was like, oh my fucking God, shut up. Shut up. God. That sounds like fucking hell but yeah uh so i got blacked out and then we had to get an uber and i lost my hat at some point i don't know when that happened oh i don't remember that happening yeah uh i just remember the one cool guy that we met that was sick also helped ward off rapists so yeah that's to him i remember that vaguely good no that definitely happened the thing

is i remember everything really clearly and i was the one that blew chunks somehow you fucking vomited like crazy i woke up not hung over you were like rushing over to my room and i was like yo what's up uh fred berry asks if you could have a stand and name it what would it do and why ah fuck damn it I know what mine is yes

my stand my stand is called nuclear and it has the power to just leak all of your not personal information per se, but everything racist, sexist, homophobic you've ever said. It can leak all

cancelable information about you. So like, every time you've said the bad words, like, everything. But the thing is, there's a 50% chance it just does it to me. Every time I activate it. Exactly. That's pretty good do you have one neighbor no i don't i don't really i've thought about i've thought about mine because when i was when i was having like yeah sad machine because i was

having like a really really good jojo phase where i could not stop watching fucking jojo and my my stand would be called sad machine and it would change a person's hearing with something else so like for example you could switch the hearing of i don't know fucking i would switch ed's ear hearing with a fucking sewer rat in a like prox in the proximity Like I'd be hearing what the rat's hearing? Yeah. Okay, I thought you were just going to give me rat ears. I was confused. No, no, no. You still have your normal

ears, but you would hear what the rat would hear. I'm saying like rat hearing properties. No, no. You would listen to what the rat's hearing. And the rat would listen to what you're... What the rat's hearing. Okay. And the rat would listen to what you're hearing. Fuck up that rat. You could use that to eavesdrop on people.

Yeah. I went a different way with that. Like spying. Mine would be Nostalgia Critics The Wall. It just makes everyone wrong around it. Wasn't that a question? I don't know if that was a patreon question that was that was a patreon question now do you want to do that do you want to talk about it really quick very briefly

yeah so big dong daddy dom asks what's your dad what's your opinion on the nostalgia critic did you like his new video about the wall we watched i wait was ed no ed was not there i didn't even know what the wall was for the longest time it's you and mandy watched it yeah and cameron was there cameron was there too cameron was there but he was there late we watched the wall man that's like that has to be the worst video on YouTube that is probably one of the worst videos

on YouTube it is the most surface level bullshit I've ever seen in my fucking life we're like comfortably dumb hang on wait I can do more like dumb side of the moon oh fuck yeah dude fucking get him imagine imagine more like not taking in the piper the history i'm gonna assume this is a

nostalgic critic review of the hour wish you were dumb i'm done okay go ahead no it was i mean it was i thought i think it was supposed to be about the movie The Wall, but it's like a musical of the album. Yeah, oh, the Nostalgic X video is a musical parody of songs from The Wall. It is. And it's the worst thing I've ever seen. Childish. It is so childish and stupid. And like, I mean, honestly i i was speechless during the whole

thing but avery was not speechless i was yelling i've never seen avery this mad at a video in my fucking life more like dumb animals i'm done yeah he was so mad he made us watch ruby right i did do that mandy brought the nostalgia critics the wall into my life. I had to force him to watch Ruby. Why did you force me in it? I don't know. You were there. You could have left. Fuck. I guess that's fair. Yeah. Horrible.

I gotta watch it. Damn. I'm missing out. No. It's not even funny bad. I don't think it's funny bad it's just really fucking stupid uh avery do you want to pick one because i because i found a good one no go ahead go ahead alex steer asks what is one skill that you're absolutely terrible at but would love to actually learn and do well i have mine and it would be Dota 2, just to see

how much it would fuck with people, that suddenly I'm just like the best fucking Dota player of all time. That's a really good one. Mine would be like, yeah, David, let's play Dota. And then I'd just carry the whole game. I'm the donkey. I'd be so happy,

because I'm a support. I'd be okay. I'd be okay. Ed, I'd be okay. Ed would be the best fourth position player in the world. I don't know what that means. That's my position. Fuck off. I know.

Get the fuck out. That's my position. Learn something new. Ed's better at it. Oh my God. I am. He's going to push me into the bitch corner. Oh man.

What is something I would like something you're totally shit at but you want to be amazing at it? Avery said time management. That would be my real one, but a good one would be...

Dota 2 is like the perfect answer just because it would fuck with people so much devil may cry and then i'd say that dmc is better than all the actual devil may cry games just to piss everyone off and they can't tell me i'm wrong because i'm the best in the world because in the b-roll you're showing like don't make cry fly footage and you're like on the last level of the bloody palace and you haven't been hit yet yeah exactly so good yeah and then i'm just talking about a dmc is actually the best ah beautiful the fact that don't make cry 5 doesn't have a dedicated launcher button just really hampers the whole experience um i guess percussion and drums would be the thing i want i'm not really good at and i'd like to get better at

i've been trying to get better at it though so my real answer would be tech decks dude oh my god okay i changed my answer i would be so sick dude how lit would it be to just like bring around as just have a tech deck with you at all times. And you could just like do a six, a six fucking like pop shove anywhere. It's the dream. You'd be carried out of the gay bar. You wouldn't need to ward off the rapists. Like you would just be a Christ figure. Like, you know, you know, in the fucking what's the fucking movie where the guy gets carried around and he's just like he's just like doing the fucking cross what jesus

no passion of the christ man of the christ is it man of steel i feel like it is it's spider-man 2 it is spider-man 2 like careful he's a hero that's yeah that bit he's doing the cross when they're carrying him yeah except except the head there would be like rapists trying to get you but you would be protected by your tech tech your tech tech what are you fucking talking about next question um oh this one is awful i mean this one's this one's another alex steer question this one is awful I mean this one's another Alex Steer question this one's not like a fun long discussion but if there was another person who y'all could add to the podcast as a rotating host who would you each pick and why

mine would be Ahmad he just doesn't have a good microphone like rotating hosts like us you know adding a new permanent member I'd add someone that would just have the most nuclear fucking takes. Hang on.

Dave. I would, honestly, I would probably add, I would probably add my friend Babs because he's fucking hilarious. Like nuclear takes and also would disagree with everyone on everything.

Inward Carl. No. Oh. God, that's a good answer but no let's get let yourself fuck i'd add like a weirdly like obscure political candidate from like the u.s election what i'm talking like weird like um fuck that's a bit too weird i don't i don't think that that would do anything really mar Marianne Williamson. Her. The crystal lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm down for that. She's not really obscure, but you know what I mean.

She's fucking weird. Like, people that would just go to the baits, say fucking kooky, I'm fucking crazy shit, and then people go, yeah. Oh, yeah, I see that. Oh, I would get the toaster guy. Toaster guy? Yeah. Do you need a permit to oh fucking

toast your bread from the uh from the fucking uh libertarian debates yeah have you ever seen that clip ed where it's they're talking about it is do you think that people should have to have a license to drive a car and the first guy that answers goes what's next a license to make toast in your own damn toaster oh what the fuck am i talking about and i have it's wait can i say this name maybe maybe i'd have hang on i'm you can say the name and if you can i'm gonna censor it it's fine no censored censored if we're censoring stop making work for yourself

what are you doing oh man we're gonna get in so much trouble if I miss one either that or that guy that always applies to the fucking English parliament that's got a fucking like giant like totem for a hat. Are you talking isn't there?

Oh he's. What's that guy's? I know what you're talking about. He has a weird name. He has a weird name. He's sick. Yeah. Oh we're getting political. I think the podcast is over. He likes weed. I like weed.

Oh we're not doing one more? We can do one more if you have one. Yeah. I like weed. Oh, we're not doing one more? We can do one more if you have one. Yeah, let's do one more. Oh, God, no. Okay, let's do one more. Stick Larry asks, your mom and your partner have somehow switched bodies. Stop, we're not doing this one.

Oh, I want to do it. I just saw what I want to do. It's so bad. Okay. Your mom and your partner have somehow switched bodies and the only way to get them back to normal is to fuck one who do you choose i fuck ed what hey yeah and then i shoot myself but that doesn't wait that doesn't make any sense your partner's i feel like i could close i'm not

solving the problem david that's what i'm saying you're creating you're just creating another exactly like i'm close i could close my eyes and just oh wait no she'd have my mom's voice oh god oh would they have the voice yes they can be quiet it's the just choke them yeah um tape their mouth shut uh this is hard man uh you did this no i did this no david no you were down would they would they switch would everything go back to normal afterwards and they but they remember they remember well they would definitely remember oh fuck well either way you'll get some weird oedipus shit oedipus so i i honestly flip a coin both of them are horrible well here's the problem with me my partner has a penis and my mom doesn't oh you're gay that's horrible i couldn't oh dude because for me it's fine because for me i can just pick one oh my god but for me it's like it has to be that i mean

having a choice doesn't make it easier honestly oh yeah but not having a choice is like well you're fucked i'm one of them no that kind of makes it easier david because now it's not on you that you chose that because you didn't choose that you have to do that yeah but i don't want to do that no one thinks you do why are what i mean i wouldn't want the other side anyway okay i would close my eyes and do i think that's the partner's brain in mom's body yeah i think that's the answer gross i just tell him to not talk yeah but the moment the moment you nut it immediately changes right, right? What? No. Okay, relax.

You can't add that rule. No. Well, how does it change back? What's the time? How much time does it take to transfer it back? Oh, it's like Freaky Friday. You got to see the souls go in the bodies. And then the Chinese man's like, aha, I did it.

Yeah, so you nut and then you pull out and immediately fucking bolt cause you don't want to be there so it's just like usual sex for me and then we're done subscribe to painhole thanks for listening stoner and a big thanks for all the top supporters on patreon such as

alan diver, buckshot papaya dax richie, dreams of ice eric scott gillies Top supporters on Patreon such as You guys are fucking sick. Shouts out.