Please Stop Talking - Wuv. (feat. hbomberguy) | Please Stop Talking

Episode Date: January 19, 2020

We're the "listening to Pink Floyd" of podcasts. Support the podcast and David on Patreon ▶ https://www.patreon.com/SirMeowMusic Check out our merch!  ▶ http://pleasestopshopping.com/ Join the PST Discord server! ▶ https://discord.gg/YNqTT65 Links: Avery ▶ https://twitter.com/ShammyTV David ▶ https://twitter.com/SirMeowMusic Mandy ▶ https://twitter.com/Lord_Mandalore Harry ▶ https://twitter.com/Hbomberguy Podcast ▶ https://twitter.com/PSTPodcast Podcast also available on Spotify and iTunes! iTunes ▶ https://goo.gl/X1C3nG Spotify ▶ https://goo.gl/fdVg9V Art by Madbuns: Twitter ▶ https://twitter.com/mad_buns DA ▶ https://madbuns.deviantart.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm, like, so worried about my sister. Randy, you cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but I am healed. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina.

The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday? This is so dangerous. I gotta get out of this. Based on a true story. New season Mondays at 9, Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on Stack TV. Thanks again. Sorry we dragged you all the way out here. I kinda forgot what we needed was petrol. Huh? It means gas. Huh.

I know Kyle. We finally made it. You said it, pal. So, uh, what do we do now? Well, when you think of Pripyat, what's the first image in your head? Cancer? No! Ferris wheel? Oh, right. You think he's there? No. I know he's there.

Okay, I thought he would be here. Uh-huh. Well, smart guy, where do we look next? Uh, hospital, I guess. Stop right there! You here to sell me something? No, please don't shoot! You told us to come here. If you were here to sell me something, what would it be?

If I try to sell you something right now, you're just going to shoot me. Shirts! Shirts and hoodies and other merch shit from PleaseStopShopping.com. Something called Folk and Dagger. That's all we know, I swear. Shirts. Shit. It happened again. Willkommen auf dem Podcasten! Why did you have to be extra?

Danke, Open Gruppenführer. I wanna be- I wanna be- I wanna make a splash. I wanna impress your audience. It's way too late for that. No! Someone has to stop! Come on! I want to impress your audience. It's way too late for that. Someone has to stop. We've only done like 50 of these.

I think we're going. Yeah, we're already in. Cut all this out. Get it out of here. No, it keeps going. Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Please Stop Talking. I'm not going to present anybody except the guest. Is this the first episode of season four? No.

What? Okay. It's the first episode of 2020. That's why I'm asking. How does season four work? Season four is already out. I don't fucking know. Season five?

I don't know who the fuck cares. I don't fucking know where we're at. Harry, introduce yourself. Hi, I'm Harry. I make YouTube videos, but you shouldn't watch them. Not very good. Okay. Okay, thank you. You stole my introduction for him. Wait, no.

Harry, do you have any fucking stories? My god, this is what I was talking about! This is why we need to plan more before something happens! We all agreed! stories my god this is what i was talking about this is why we need to plan more before we don't we all agreed harry needs to start with the fucking story because harry's got a fucking story i'll start and then he goes in because i have a story but it's not a story it's more of a question uh how do you make the the visuals for the podcast where like they glow is like after effects do you like make volume keyframes and then you like make it go after

ask after the podcast i think it's really it's all sorry question look at look how loud is it see it's glowing it's great you do you take a fucking volume you convert audio to keyframes and then you apply it to the fucking opacity of like a oh that's sweet i don't remember what i learned how to connect to connect to.json files like yesterday. It took me all day, but I made a graph move the way I wanted it to. But then I accidentally closed After Effects before it rendered. So it rendered wrong. And now it's just a bunch of lines going in random directions

and the word text keeps popping up instead of the word by the program to come up. Oh, that happened in Vegas once. Yeah, it's broken. So I have to do it all again. So, JSON's great. That made Minecraft, I think. I have a story. Okay.

So, recently, and by recently, I mean like three days ago, I... That is recent. Yeah, I was pretty... Don't judge me, but I was really feeling down and desperate and i decided to check out uh a dating app and i signed up for it okay um i said grinder

i set up my grinder i set up my how many others are there? Come on. What? Bumble? Bumble? What the fuck is Bumble? Yeah, Bumble. Bumble's for fucking straightos. It's like a feminist dating site, but for people who want to just have a bad time. Anyways, so I make my profile there and I start exploring the app a bit. And like I said, this is not a story. This is more like a small experience. But I started like checking out how the app was working and everything.

And I get my first message. And when I get my first message, I'm like, ooh, I'm a hot commodity. Fuck yes. And I checked my first message and it's just somebody that's like, hey, are you David from Please Stop Talking? And I immediately uninstalled the app uninstalled the app ran away as far as I could

I mean they're gonna hear it now so to that stranger hey Jacob yes it was me holy fuck I've never been so fucking afraid it feel it felt like my biggest fear just happening like while i was making the profile i was just like so careful

i was like oh what's your job i was like before the bots did i was just it was just like oh what's your job and i was thinking like oh i can't write YouTube I'm just a fucking audio engineer musician and everything I was so careful not to link the YouTube stuff into it and immediately it fucking happened it was like my worst fear how did they find you do you have just like an iconic face like

I don't know how it works I was on there for like a few seconds and it happened what pictures did you upload if not your face I mean it was my face how it works. I was on there for like a few seconds. And what do you mean? What pictures did you upload? If not your face? I mean, it was my face. The most recognizable.

So you're fit. So he answered Harry's question. Well, I guess, I guess the, I don't know. I guess, I don't know.

I guess they, they looked at me. They were like, they, they went through their checklist. They were like, all right, a twink check.

Gay hair, gay, blonde, white hair check. And immediately it's like, okay, we got him.'s this is we got him yeah that's the guy that's the guy i get him yeah so i deleted that app and i god well i just remembered years ago i had a very similar thing only the message was someone the only thing i remember at the interaction was they knew who i was and their username was goodnight underscore pun pun uh i really wanted to reply and be like i love that manga but i was so terrified i immediately deleted the the

it was horrible you want you want it to be anonymous you want it you know like preferably no names or faces i'm gonna be i'm gonna be anxious for the rest of the podcast why why you're in these just after hearing those fucking stories why do you have a date oh if you're single you can never date now that you're a youtuber it's over yeah because because then then it's like people always know who you are and it's so fucking weird god we're so fucking famous guys no but like it's a sorry job it's unsolvable you just say you're a freelance video editor that's what i said for a very long time do you actually edit stuff outside of youtube videos from time to time that's cool it's not it's not often like it's not my my main contract stuff but

i um i can lie about it i used to do editing for you know the school of life uh that sounds familiar there are a youtube channel that's run by a guy called alan debaton he's like I can lie about it. I used to do editing for, you know, the school of life. Uh, that sounds familiar. There are YouTube channel that's run by a guy called Alain de Botton. He's like, his thing is he's a philosopher who like explains other people's ideas in a simpler way. Like that's a job where you were like, explain the hard stuff. Um,

but basically all he's doing is offering his interpretation. So it's, it's functionally just, you're listening to him tell you he's smart. Anyway, he, his, uh, his channel is like, basically it's a stationary. So it's a's functionally just you're listening to him tell you he's smart anyway he his uh his channel is like basically it's a stationary so it's a youtube channel yeah basically he sells books he sells like notebooks but written on the front it's like philosophy is is nice and it's like 50 pounds or something and the youtube videos are just like five minute explanations narrated by him uh with like little animations about stuff. And I worked on a couple of those and the one, the, the worst memory of it is there's one about the history of manners

and I did most of it and then handed it off to another guy to like do the finishing work on it and get it uploaded and all that stuff. And at some point in the process, and I'm, I'm so sure it was him, uh, a glitch got introduced where for one frame, right in the middle of the video, the word manners just appears and disappears very quickly it's one of my favorite things i ever made and all the comments are like hey at this time code the word manners appears what's going on with that i'm like no this is my one time oh no this is what i was gonna shine i was gonna sell so many notebooks they all picked up and now you're

fucked yeah and that's it and like the whole time i'm i'm never gonna be sure if it was me or the other guy um i i just i just don't want it to be me but i don't know i'm so sorry that's what that'll follow you forever yeah i ha caught you half a millisecond i saw your mouse cursor in the corner oh yeah you didn't try at all you fucking dip oh i forgot that was topical i was actually thinking of youtube videos i know i forgot about that uh it's crazy that the artists and programmers also make the directs well nuts how many how many staff could nintendo possibly? You know, they're a very rinky-dink operation. There's like five guys.

It's called the Nintendo Switch because they couldn't even pick, you know. Soul Shield was made in a garage. Blood, sweat, and tears. Speaking of blood, sweat, and tears. Hair and hairy. Oh, God. Please. Oh, God.

I just remember the time I got glued to my bed by blood that's what the fucking shit that's not even that was a different yeah sorry just i know you're bonkers you're bonkers you you're you you went on you were like you were telling me like oh i have no stories my life's fucking boring and then you just immediately get into this voice chat and you keep telling me this shit. One time I was glued to my bed by blood. Oh yeah, fucking nothing. Okay, I have to come clean. I did make that story up.

I have to come clean. This whole day, in fact, it's been two days because we delayed this for a day. I've been anxiously walking around going, I don't have any interesting stories for this podcast where people tell stories about their lives. My life is boring. I make YouTube videos and I sleep. Like, that's it. So every time I remembered an interesting thing that happened in my life,

I wrote it down in case I forgot. So I have a notepad. How many do you have? Like 12. I'll go through them if you want. I don't know. Jesus fucking Christ. Okay.

Fuck it. This is the 12 fucking commandments let's go okay roommate setting apartment on fire um me setting apartment on fire okay me linking that one video to all my patrons by accident i was gonna say are you gonna talk about star trek i was going to ask about star trek i remember this. Getting glued to my bed by blood. Oh, God, I don't have an alternative explanation for what this is and the way I wrote it's really embarrassing. My mother's weed brownies and the nipple itchy story, which is now preserved forever. Wow, we're never running out of content with you around.

I'm a wild and crazy guy i'm average american man i enjoy bad game runescape okay burning furniture on the beach with a bunch of drug people right working in a chip shop that closed because of rats everyone pissed in the sink is that wait whoa is that another story or is that it's really simple in university at the place i went uh everyone's room had a sink in it and everyone pissed in the sink instead of the community piss sink everyone pissed in the sink they like no one ever used the bathroom it's i thought it was like linked to the fucking getting fired or whatever from the chip shop

because of the rats no because of the rats i thought it was like the rats because the guy like instead of throwing paying for like proper like hey you run a business we'll pick up your trash he just put out in the hallway connected to like the apartment building nearby and the smell was terrible and he had a dog so the dog's shit was in bags there and just eventually rats like came in and destroyed everything like two weeks after i quit it was closed like forever uh it's so sad the everyone pissed in the sink just sounds like one of the notes that would have been did i talk about on the podcast i don't remember from when i was at mandy's how one time when we were getting really fucked i could tell it was going to be a bad night and i wasn't going to remember anything the next

morning so i opened a google doc on my phone and I started writing down. I remember that. Yeah. Have I talked about that on the podcast? Definitely. Yeah. He took it a log. He's like, man, you tried to poison me by soaking the pretzels in vodka.

Yeah. So it was, it was put vodka in a plant, soaked vodka in a pretzel. Oh yeah. He tried to poison a tum with 47% alcohol because I felt sick, and he decided, oh, this will be really funny. And he just dunked the tum in fucking vodka

before handing it to me. Poured 47% alcohol into jam. And then the last one, before it just trails off, is why is this pizza so wet? I feel like that weekend or that week rather for you guys was like your bodies were just 50 being tested i have maybe two to three hours of actual memories from it yeah you should talk about you should talk about your girlfriend finding the kingdom of the crystal skull what what talk about that oh fuck yeah so um i i usually get a crystal head vodka because it's very smooth oh yeah it's a very good brand but i i really like the container but what i was doing

was instead of just like throwing them the recycling because like that's a nice bottle i started putting them in my closet like among the shelves oh man and and it's like the office closet which we usually don't open until it's like holidays are coming and so we're getting ready to decorate for christmas and she opens up the office closet and she sees just rows upon rows of these crystal skulls in the shelves and she stopped she looks at me she's like what is this like it's the kingdom of the crystal skull and she keeps staring at me i'm like you don't like it i don't know like my instinct was just you don't like it I didn't know what to do is it the Dan Aykroyd

brand yeah that's good ass vodka I keep one on my mantelpiece with a wig on it I barely drink though so it's I don't know does vodka go bad I don't think so

it's invincible right I'm pretty sure alcohol is invincible probably goes bad eventually ketchup definitely goes bad it's a preservative it can never go bad oh it's the ketchup don't start

what do they make ketchup in glass bottles there um i've seen some restaurants i have okay yeah i've seen it's a kind of a rare thing twice in my life i've like tried to do a big shake of a glass uh ketchup bottle and it slipped out of my hands and shattered on the floor they're terrible like there's a reason why they're banned and you have to use squeezy ones now. It's my fault. Aw.

Thank you. You ruined it for everybody. No, that's an improvement. I have like a weird callous zone on my foot from like it being struck repeatedly on separate occasions by drops. You just can't stop dropping ketchup bottles? There is a little tiny piece of- That's not a callous.

That's scar tissue. There's a tiny piece of glass in my ass still. Like in my- In your ass? Like my upper thigh uh it like got on my and like my what is the the jacket i was wearing and i took it off wrong and like got glass in me and every time like the temperature changes i can feel like my skin shift around a tiny piece of glass you're like a cat you can you can fucking predict the weather with the temperature because i start to sweat and feel like this very very brief sharp pain oh my god it's not worth the effort i understand that though because ever since my disc popped i've been like super temperature

and weather sensitive yeah oh my god yeah i've been exclusively using it to piss off my girlfriend because that's that's not even how i got the that that cut that was actually not from dropping the ketchup that was from do you know those big uh glass like wine glasses that are like the bell shape that's huge yeah yeah i would always hold it by the bell instead of like the stem And one time, it crushed in my hand. And trying to put it down correctly... It crushed in your hand? How fucking powerful are you?

Like really thin glass. I'm weak as hell. It was just like an ornamental glass thing I was drinking out of to feel fancy. And I shat it into my hand. I was about to say, someone mentioned capitalism. Yeah. That glass was only 3.6

ronkin it was fine uh so yes and yeah it does make you more sensitive to things once you've been like horribly injured in some way you can yeah it's only because like i'll feel something moving kind of at the bottom of my spine it feels like tighter yeah but the only thing i do is i just fucking quote the phantom menace so what no no no like we'll be on the balcony and my girlfriend's like oh it looks kind of nice out and i look at the clouds and i feel like the tingle and i'm like oh storm's coming annie i'll feel it in my bones like an hour later it's like actually raining and she's just saying they're fuming when yeah when you get an injury like that you can can detect barometric pressure. It's just what happens.

Awful. I always wondered, I had a friend who got kicked in the head by a horse, basically, but lightly. It missed him almost. It was a near miss. It was a near hit. I don't know what the... He got kicked, but not that badly.

I always wondered if maybe he has horse sense now, where he flares up in defense when he sees one so he can detect when they're nearby. But no. You don't get any cool powers when you get most by a horse yeah you just get weaker see new colors i've invented a new color it's called kick kick thank you i'm sorry kick with the k can we talk about you being glued to a bed by blood yeah i wanted to go back to that that seems how okay so the the short version is i went out drinking at university and it was like the little period where i actually drank i didn't drink much until i got to university and i drank loads to make up for it and i was getting hit on by a woman who was like 40 and it was weird and my friend was playing like

in a band at this this place i'm trying to remember the name of the place um it's a place in aborist with so if you go there you probably you can reenact this so i got out and went for a walk and then i went the wrong way around like the street to get back into the bar um and it's one of those ones where there's actually like a hill and then there's like a sheer drop where there's a wall and then you, Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So like it's,

it's way higher up if you go the wrong way and you can't get down. But then I thought I'm pretty, I'm pretty strong. I've been to the gym once. Oh my fucking God. I just signed up at the gym. I was at university. It was changing my life.

So I went to climb over. And then as I got over the, you know, the main point of the wall and my center of mass was shifting, I saw that the wall was way higher than I thought it would be. I'd completely misjudged it, but I was past the point of no return on my arm. I couldn't pull myself back over the wall and I could just barely hold myself up.

So it's pretty bad. But then I saw sort of slightly off to the side of my drop zone there was a bin um you know like a normal like medium-sized trash bin i thought well i'll just land on that and then walk off so it's fine like then and then it's basically just like a one person size drop and then i climb off the bin it's fine so i i get over it could fucking assassin's creed yeah i get over and i let myself drop just fucking swan into the bin and i let myself i let myself drop and my feet land hit the top of the bin fine and then the bin which is wheeled immediately slides 50 feet forward and i go backwards into the wall and slide all the way down it um oh my god so oh my god and i'm i'm wearing like a a very easily torn jacket that i i i detected something was wrong and i chose not to think about it i was like if i ignore this you know how sometimes like you hit your arm on something and

you don't look at it because you don't want to see what the injury is i did that i went in and i kept drinking and hanging out with people and i didn't even tell the story because i was so embarrassed dripping blood at the bar so that continues i get i get a taxi home and i wait how long wait how long were you doing that like if you got glued to the bed that means you were bleeding the whole time maybe another like half hour i think so you have a jacket though holy i mean still dude so i get in a taxi and i go home and i go to my shitty apartment this is second year of university and i call my friends on skype and lie on my back on my bed um and talk to them and then just drift off and go to sleep and then in the morning I get woken up by their voices in the headset.

And I go to get up and I feel the bed sheet move with me. And basically, while I was lying on my back, after taking off my clothes, that had torn off whatever had scabbed on my shirt. And I continued to bleed and got it all over the bed. And over the course of the night it had like scabbed up and solidified and i was i was part bed part human and i'm like so my friends taught me with the story of because they like they were american so it was not that late for them and they just heard me wake up going i can't move i'm glued to my bed with a scab we're a fucking you were a fucking

bed homunculus bed golem i'm just fucking polpo from part five oh my god so that that might be the most i don't know i'm i'm usually not super squeamish but that i don't know man anyway i remember the story because i was going through my closet to find stuff to throw out and I found the bloody sheets yeah I did

I never washed it I kept it with the intent of at some point telling the story or filming it or doing something fun with it

and eventually I was like this is just you know it's please tell me you threw it away I threw it away

I threw it away I didn't even take a picture of it I was too embarrassed by the whole thing and then I remembered it and wrote it down so now we're here oh my god jesus fucking christ i had to very carefully peel myself the future liberals want future david um it was bad it sounds bad it sounds bad you're i i like, I felt like this would not be that chaotic an episode. And here we are. I was not,

this is like too drunk to feel any pain from it. So for me, it was just like this funny, I injured myself. And did you buy, did you have to buy new sheets? Dude, that poor taxi driver.

I took the sheet off and then slept on the mattress for the rest of my university time. I actually, because I thought it would be cool to sleep on the floor, I slept on the floor and put stuff on my bed as like storage. What? What? People wonder why, like in my videos from Sidon, I look like the Virgin in the Virgin Chad meme.

It's probably because of the time I spent sleeping on a hard floor because I thought it'd be cool. The Dark Souls 2 positivity is making more and more sense by the second I'm gonna look so fucking cool on the ground people are gonna walk in

see my bed covered in shit and immediately be like fuck I don't even know what bed I just sleep on the floor clothes hit the fucking wall dude that poor taxi driver

you fucking bled on his on his seat no it was in the inside of his jacket oh it was inside the jacket okay that's why people in the bar weren't like hey uh yeah i didn't let on that i was in any kind of pain or that it had happened the whole night so like this was a this was an event that was restricted solely to my skype pals for years and i'm so glad i got away with it well you and now you got away with the friends i went university with would have tormented me with it forever like i remember the time you did that i mean now now the the whole internet is gonna fucking yeah the entire internet yeah i have this one university friend

who I just, I'm just waiting for him to come forward with all the shit I did to him. Oh, God. Oh,

is Harold Bloodbent Brewish? No, no, like, I actually filmed this. I think I put it on my, it's probably unlisted

on my channel. I broke into his room when he was asleep and brushed his teeth because his breath was terrible. What the fuck? What is wrong with you? You're fucking chaotic.

Yeah, like I was fucked up. It was awful. I learned a lot of hard lessons in university. Some literally painful, some emotionally, you know. I mean, did he wake up? Yeah, he did. How did you brush a man's teeth?

Yeah, he did. Of course he woke up yeah can you talk about star trek please no never okay fine you might have okay i think i recounted a version of the story to you that is like more in detail than my memory so correct me if i'm wrong yes but yes so i have a patreon i i link people to things to things when I do stuff on it so I think what video was I done with although I was linking to people I forget what it was

you weren't linking the video you were linking a spreadsheet of all of your a comprehensive list of all of your video ideas for future projects that's right yeah I was linking them that so that they could like tell me what they wanted because I have no idea what I'm doing and I just want people to tell me what to do. Um,

so you introduced it as a comprehensive list of every video idea. Yeah. Yeah. Pick one, pick it. Just tell me. Here's everything I would like to make, but I can't pick cause I'm an idiot.

Um, so anyway, at the, at the same time we were talking, me and, uh, me and Swift, uh, me and Avery, we were talking me and uh me and swift uh me and avery we were talking about we as you do we were talking about ruibi and how how great it is um we were discussing

how big crescent rose would be in real life six foot two um and or 0.001 three miles uh and i was reminded of a time that i learned uh 3d animation software in order to uh in order to do animations and make fun of ruby that was basically why i was learning it and in doing so i linked avery uh the the video star trek which is like a three second animation where the cantina theme is playing in the background and the default the default character that you can animate in poser is sliding and you can hear my voice saying star trek and then it cuts off anyway i linked this to avery because that'll be a funny joke and then so i go into this patron post that i'm writing and i click paste and i and of course i've accidentally pasted in the wrong thing um so then i edit it um so that you're like when you double click on it you can change the hyperlink to

something else so i change the hyperlink um and then i post it and then to my horror when i go into the email it sends patrons and click the link it takes me to star Trek and it turns out that when you edit a link it doesn't change the email it doesn't change where the link is going to it just changes the text of the link oh so that's what the

hyperlink is not the URL so it's the address of the Google Doc but when you click it it links you to star treff star treff so i linked thousands of people one of the worst things i've ever made in a way that makes no sense the funniest dude it's one of the funniest videos it's so fucking good it's the only good video i've ever made i've come to think of it just picturing like car it's just picturing everyone who donates you on patreon

being like oh awesome a comprehensive list of everything it's just a 3d model sliding and like stretching what you go star trek when i'm when i'm done when i like fake my death and change my career i'll unlist that as my final video goodbye goodbye to this world yeah i've completely i've officially reached enough patrons that i can finish the h bomber guy movie click here oh my god it's a comprehensive review of the wall it's so oh fuck go fuck yourself before we get into patreon questions i really want you to tell that furry story oh god please it's so embarrassing okay it's fucking hilarious Please, I told my embarrassing story. Oh, that's true, you did.

Okay, a couple of years ago, I dated an ex-furry. A recovering? Recovering furry. They go to furries anonymous. Yeah. Oh, God. A recovering furry. So, yeah, that was the thing that they would like to say specifically

so like a recovering furry i used to do this stuff i used to have a fursona and put a bunch of art on deviantart and people got really obsessed with it and i moved on and now i'm you know now i'm into like normal stuff i changed yeah yeah like now i'm now i'm like when people on twitter who are like yeah i used to troll on 4chan like i used to run that gang by the way um uh don't date anyone who says i used to have problems but they're 100 fixed now i'm normal so if there's a problem it's you that but that's a just a bit of advice don't date those people anyway um so i go to visit them um and we've met up before but like this is the first time we're meeting like as a couple and i i have a fursona it was like mandated to me by the state like someone picked it for me as a ferret yeah sure and for streams and drew it for me and now it's like my fursona i've got

a daki makura art of it but i haven't made a pillow of it yet but that'd be funny if i could anyway don't say yet yeah it'd be really funny i i want to sell weird shit on my store uh just because it starts as that yeah i've seen this transformation too many times here over the past years i'm i'm going to i'm going to ironically become a furry yeah let's see what happens next um so i get there and they give me a wall closing in and the gift is a sheet of paper with a very immaculately drawn you've got a-drawn image of their old fursona that I've only heard the legends about and mine making out. And in the middle between this, they've written,

W-U-V. And looking back, there are many red flags and it's only now that i realize that i there were way more than even i remember now so anyway um it goes quite well and i take it back with me and i put it on my desk and then i go to america for something i think there was like a convention or some friends were doing a thing i think i think actually i think it was a wedding i went to a wedding in america and a thing that my mom likes to do is go through my stuff while i'm away so i get back from this wedding uh i'm in this relationship that i don't know what i'm really gonna do do with it. Um, and how it's going. And I go in my room and the drawing is framed on my wall.

So I still have the picture in its frame and I don't know what I'm going to do with it. I didn't know that. I didn't know that part. It's in a closet, and I don't know what I'm going to do with it. I didn't know that. I didn't know that part. It's in a closet somewhere. I don't know where exactly it is. I didn't throw it away. And I still have it. I just, I don't know. Do I give it back?

Like, what do you do with that? What do you mean, do you give it back? I don't know. I don't know how the culture works. You know? The culture. Yeah. Oh, my God. If I don't give it back, back will i be hexed i don't know what's going on

you have you have to you have to bury it in a with like a lemon oh my god i have to carry them up a mountain so they can drink out of the stream let's have bad luck for 100 years so yeah that happened that was a fun that was a fun period in my life i'm glad that i at least have like the best possible souvenir did your parents ever say anything about it no they didn't question it at all like like weirdly only part of my life they've been super accepting about was the time that they found like oh his girlfriend drew a drew a funny picture for him i don't get it let's put it on his wall as a fun gift like they don't understand the youtube thing you know they don't understand

being or being by how long did you uh you know how long did you leave it there until until i broke up with them so like a little while uh and then i took it off the wall and put something else on the wall and just kind of kept it and have not yet decided what to do with it. You've moved since then. Yeah, I do. I kept it with me. My parents kept all the, like, every nice thing I've ever got. Like, Scottish Parliament commended me for some reason.

And my, like, play button. They have them. They wouldn't let me take them. But I've got my fucking framed furry fan art picture. Mom, please, can I take my play button? She's like, no, it's a plaque. It's the only part of your life I understand, Harry. Wow, that's fucking incredible.

So if your followers can help get me to one million subscribers so I can get a plaque to replace my current fan art picture on my wall, I'd be really appreciative. I can't imagine being able to work with that just being near me. It's face down.

I can't stand the wall and seeing wuvs staring at you. It's face down on like a couch somewhere. Okay. I feel sick. That was rough. This is so much. This is a lot.

Should I tell the Cracker Barrel story or should I wait until next time? No, do it. Do it. Do it. We cannot close the story segment on Wuv. Please, please don't finish this on deviantart okay god everything everything terminates at deviantart all roads lead the deviantart after what they did to tumblr deviantart's all that's left is it deviantart doesn't allow porn what you're telling me what what Mandy your cracker barrel story

tell the cracker barrel story please so two months ago my girlfriend's entire family had a a birthday thing for her grandma southern families are very tight knit and very large and so naturally they went to cracker barrel

and they decided to go on a Sunday around noon. So of course, you know, it's packed. And they do that thing and they're like, oh, you know, we'll call you, your family when it's ready. And it has a gift shop inside. So all of our older relatives are like looking at stuff. There's a gift shop in the fucking Cracker Barrel? Yeah.

No, it's all Cracker Barrel. It's like a combination gift store and a restaurant the whole front of the store is basically a gift shop and they have like all the old people get their candy from there they have like little knick knacks and gifts and all that stuff

I'm gonna be real I've never heard of Cracker Barrel in my life it's a south thing is it like breakfast they do like everything Yeah, it's a chain. Yeah, it's a South thing. Yeah, it's a Southern chain. Is it like breakfast? Yeah, they do like everything, but they're a big breakfast place. They'll have like senior discounts and stuff.

They'll give like a lot of stuff. So that's why it was packed on a Sunday because they have discounts. Yeah, exactly. All the old people are going for their after church or before church, like Sunday brunch. And so I'm outside with her. Do they go to church in shifts?

They might. And they have this row of rocking chairs outside with checkerboards because sometimes it's full so the old people go out there to play checkers. And there's crowds of kids going by laughing and doing whatever. And so we're just sitting there talking.

And then this guy walks by me with his um i i couldn't tell if it was his daughter or like his girlfriend because it's it was that age range where it's kind of ambiguous but i just see they're holding hands but this man is huge like he looks like um well i can't remember his name but the god that The Rock plays in Moana. Right. He looked like him, but with just the tiniest legs. But his upper body is huge, and he's holding this girl's hand. He just has these little cigarette legs.

Yeah, but he is like... His traps, he is stacked. And he's holding her hand walking by and i'm just like oh and i'm still talking with her and then the girlfriend daughter all of a sudden she goes and she starts screaming like at the top of her looks and she starts pulling against him and like she looks at me and reaches her arm out towards me going like, like, help me. I'm sitting there fucking just dumbfounded by it. And then he's just grabs her other hand forcefully. It's like pulling her with him towards like this car.

And because like the parking lots right by the chairs. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah. And I look at the sign and i realize he's parked in a handicapped spot and so i'm like oh okay oh okay and i'm like oh okay that's fine and so i say haha anyways and i start talking to my girlfriend about something something completely unrelated to this because it's like oh whatever and then she smiles and

she's like haha and then the other door of the car opens up and this large hispanic woman comes out she goes don't you fucking laugh at my daughter oh jesus christ oh no like i'm like and i'm so fucking confused i'm like what she's like i saw you i saw you laughing at her you think this is funny and i'm just sitting there completely fucking dumbfounded because i'm still not sure what's happening and then all of a sudden the other door opens up with the car and the girl comes back out and she's screaming again and pointing at me and i'm like no we're talking about it what's happening like what is this happening and she's like yeah i saw you laughing i heard everything you said and i'm like okay i'm just sitting there like uh

my girlfriend goes how could you hear us you were in the car oh no oh god and and duane the rock johnson he pokes his head out he doesn't look angry he's look he has like the most neutral expression he just he pokes his head out he's just looking at me dead in the face i'm like oh he could easily kill me and so we're just desperately trying to convince like we're just talking we don't know what you're talking about and then another group of kids comes by and she's like so screaming and they look at her and they kind of go like and they keep walking and then her attentions turn to them are you fucking laughing at my daughter and then the daughter starts screaming more i'm just like holy fuck what do we do do i get up do i try to walk away And so I just turn back to her. I'm like,

so anyways... Oh no. Continue the conversation. You fucking activated her, I bet. No. She just goes back to the car. She starts saying something in Spanish. I'm sure it was insulting. I heard puta.

I was about to say, did you hear puta? I heard puta. The door closes. And the guy, he's just like, he doesn't even look angry. He just goes, he goes back in the car. He just slides back in.

No, he didn't have any facial expression the whole time. He looked like when you're getting, like, your ID photo taken. Oh, yeah. Like, and it's like, that's the man who's just, like, beyond everything. It's like he that's the man who's just like beyond everything it's like it wasn't like we're

gonna fight about it it's like they have enough problems already why is this happening to me i mean chances are he's probably used to the mother being really like defensive of yeah like yeah exactly it's just the problem was like she flipped out and we're just like oh okay we're just like talking it wasn't like we were even if we were hypothetically talking about her it wasn't like we're going ha ha ha look at you it's like we're not we're over here

I don't want to be involved in this I mean at least if a fighter started he could have just taken his legs out and then he's down I don't I don't know if he would have made it that far. His center of gravity is so low. How are you going to knock him over? He was actually like a gorilla.

And, like, I wouldn't want to fight him. It's like, we would both think we're in the right. Now, listen, I can bench press maybe 30 pounds, but using a variety of grips and other maneuvers, I could destroy anyone. You want a keto flip over him. Yeah. If my dex is high enough. Yeah.

See, that was a, that was a fun Sunday encounter. Oh God. So, you know, like the mom's upset. My girlfriend's trying to cry because she's like,

that's so awful. Like I wasn't laughing. It was like, I wasn't laughing at her. Like, I know you weren't, I know you weren't. And inside the car,

the doors, the doors are closed to the van. van and we just hear muffled like i know but i'm just praying like i know and i'm just like please god please just don't i hope she's not pointing at us again like please god i don't know why this is happening my god and it was the strangest thing that is a nightmare yeah because like when she first flipped out they had already walked past us so she had turned around and in retrospect was probably just she liked the gift shop and wanted to go back in the store but what the mom probably saw is she looked up and she sees her daughter screaming with her hand gesturing towards

me well i was probably laughing at some joke my girlfriend told so I'm like looking up at her half smiling and she probably thought I said something God So that was my awful story of shame even though I did nothing wrong. I just found out that you can order toys from Cracker Barrel

online and they have a llama and hedgehog collection Oh my god What? Avery, Avery don't do this Can you eat llamas and hedgehog collection oh my god what avery do they sell don't do this can you eat llamas and hedgehogs what's going on no it's just it's just just stop now oh my god it's it's it's hedgehogs holding up some text that says looking sharp that's cute fucking epic oh man oh wait wait. Now I remember why he did that. Never mind. Oh, no.

Why? What is it? What? Wasn't that a thing where Mandy looked up like, am I just fucking losing my mind? What did I look up? What? Am I losing my mind? What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? Oh, no. It wasn't you guys. Oh, fuck, never mind. Never mind, I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind. Patreon questions. If you donate...

Is it donate? Okay. Pledge. Say pledge. Pledge. Is it pledge or donate? Pledge. Pledge sounds better.

Sacrifice. Okay. If you sacrifice... It's tax deductible. If you sacrifice $10 of your money every month to the

Please Stop Talking Patreon, you can ask a question for this section of the podcast where we answer questions. I used to donate to the podcast to try and get your attention, but then I realized I can just use Grindr. I told you donate to the podcast to try and get your attention, but then I realized I can just use Grindr. I told you not to. I told you.

I fucking texted you. I said in our fucking messages not to say that. You fucking dickhead. Now everybody's going to know I'm gay. David, do you have a fucking question picked out? I'm gonna be real, I kind of nod and do that again. Ian France Coleman asked, favorite Rascal Flats

album? What is this? Okay, let's see, okay. I can see a mouse cursor in that screenshot i hope you understand notes uh so what's your favorite rascal flats album mine is uh the greatest hits album by rascal flats they probably have one right they oh no never mind mine is the christmas album it's called the greatestest Gift of All. I've only heard their singles.

I don't think I've ever listened to a Rascal Flat album. I don't, yeah. I've never listened. I've never listened to a Rascal Flat album. That said, my favorite is Me and My Gang. My favorite album is I Make A One Cocaine. That is not, I don't think that's Rascal Flat. I'm going to be real. I think, well, I mean.

He's probably sampled them. Okay. Oh, yeah. Is Ian Franz Coleman the drummer on Rascal Flats? that's rascal flats i'm gonna be real i think well i mean okay is ian france coleman like the drummer on rascal flats wow ian france coleman himself pledges to the podcast we have phil collins from genesis travis babe said with the mcc coming to pc is there any other console exclusive games you'd wish to get the same treatment? Bloodborne. Bloodborne. Yeah. Demon's Souls as well.

I'd like that. Demon's Souls as well, yeah. With online again, so I can finally online with my friends and my enemies. The Resistance games, I guess? Oh, Resistance 3. Yeah, Resistance 3, please. I would have said Phantom Dust, but apparently I checked and that's been out for free

for years now, so yeah, it's amazing. What's, wait, Phantom Dust? Phantom Dust, but apparently I checked and that's been out for free for years now. Really? Yeah, it's amazing. Wait, Phantom Dust? Phantom Dust was an Xbox game. Yeah, it was really cool and everyone forgot about it and I always wanted to play it. Wait, it's free on PC? It's free on Windows 10, yeah. What?

Yeah, it's been free for years. What? It's like Abandonware? No, they made a new re-release of it and then they were like let's give it away for free no one knows what this game is and they were right no one knows yeah that's actually sick as hell yeah it's great yeah huh yeah holy shit yeah right i i'd like it if uh i mean i'd like it if just like old gamecube games came to pc, but at the same time... You just fire up Dolphin. Yeah, that's it.

Just fire up Dolphin and use your own ISOs. Haha. Yeah. I'm a huge fan of the mods for the N64 emulator that let you use a mouse and keyboard to play old first-person shooters. Like Perfect Dark still holds up when you can control it properly. Wait, are you real?

Wait, for real? Yeah. You can do that? Yeah, it's great. That's why YouTubers will go online and say that Goldeneye is tolerable. Yeah, it's only tolerable. It's not a massive piece of real? Yeah. You can do that? Yeah, it's great. That's why YouTubers will go online and say that GoldenEye is tolerable. Yeah. It's only tolerable.

It's not a massive piece of shit. They'll play it with a mouse and keyboard and go, wow, it's just as good as I remember it. Play that with a controller and come back. That fucking N64 controller sucks so bad.

Yeah. I recently, a fucking year ago, I did nothing else with my life. I played a lot of an N64 game. And let me tell you, I'm so glad I used an Xbox controller. Holy shit. I still have a thumb imprint from the fucking N64 stick

from playing Mario Party and having to spin the fucking thing. Oh, yeah. We have to do the palm technique. It's an indent. Try and remove your palm from the stick and it's glued to it. With blood? Yeah. The N64 controller is trash. What the fuck

Nintendo? You think people have three hands? And they get it. And they get it with a Wiimote. That takes me back. Oh god, one of my favourite ancient YouTube videos is someone like going after the wii and it's like a stock photo of a guy and his son playing a game and it's just this woman's

robot voice saying the wii is for tiny children and pedophiles oh god i miss those console wars we'll never have a chad warden again yeah god now it's just about that i'm so sad that people are fighting in the race war now yeah what happened whose side will you choose harry actually what was the next question uh the wii u asks you have all but one of your memories wiped what memory do you keep and how do you use it to rebuild your life? Ooh. He specifies you don't get to remember any specific person in particular, only an event. One event? One event. Has there ever been a time

where you were holding a diary in your hands? Like, can you remember the diary? Oh, well, that's fucking cheating. Don't do that. No, but you don't remember the contents of the diary you remember holding a diary that's the thing david unless you have a so then you know that there is a diary and you have to fucking csi where the diary you have to find the diary you remember you had one and that's what you have to do i never had a diary i would just

want to remember a mystery thing i just want to remember one of the one of the one of the nights i forgot when i was at mandy's that's your only memory what else am i gonna i mean it's same thing it's a mystery it's a mystery i have to figure out who the fuck i am based on absolute nonsense clearly i'm very i'm very about lions fighting that's all i know about myself i think i'd like to remember just my magnum opus my my my fucking galaxy brain magnum opus where i wanted to make a boat with shower doors and just try to rebuild my life with that with that knowledge wait you don't know that with shower doors oh my god that's when this like second ever episode of the podcast and it's yeah oh wait that's right yeah it was called shower doors too yeah yeah you're a nightmare person david i mean imagine rebuilding your life with only the

information that boats can harry what's mean, frankly, I can't think of anything I even want to remember now. Like... Frankly, it sounds like... No! That's the only thing I want to forget. It's like Memento. He's wandering the city just showing people the picture.

Just remember pissing in sinks. It's gonna fuck you up for so long brush his teeth while he sleeps I just have written like a tattoo on my hand remember wuv what if you get to

you get to pick the memory but you have time to prepare so you can tattoo all the other important facts on your body oh so instead it's like you keep you keep one tattoo of something yeah you gotta keep it that happened a list of rules you know find my diary actually don't trust the skull don't trust the skull i'd probably get someone foot that just says they're coming for you to fuck with myself you definitely will keep me on my toes.

It'll get me out of the house more. Don't trust me here, purifier. Eric Scott Gillies asked, You were apprehended by the UN Security Council. What war crime are you guilty of and how high are the casualties? What's arson on a grand scale? Super fire. Grand arson? Is that a thing? Grand arson. Grand arson on a grand scale super fire grand arson is that a thing grand arson grand arson grand arson no just larceny that's what i was thinking of

this grand arson thing just huge fire you know i've always wanted to reenact the old, like, inspirational poster that's... This is going somewhere bad. That's, like, a commissar from 40K in a tank, like, pointing forwards with his sword. And the text says, drive closer, I want to hit them with my sword. I want to be arrested for trying to do that. Because they made that a line in Dawn of War 2, because the image was so popular. Oh, that's great. If you put him in a tank, he'll say that popular. Oh, that's great. If you put him in a tank you'll say that now.

That's actually really cute. Finally, something good in Dawn of War 2. I'm glad to get the update. Dawn of War 2 has its merits. I love Company of Heroes in space. I'll expose you later.

No. Mandy, what would your war crime be? Yeah. I don't know, probably racketeering, I don't know. That's like the liking Pink Floyd of war crimes, like what's that what is that even some pointless nonsense everyone racketeers fuck oh i got up to some really weird stuff one time i can't fucking breathe oh i drank too much coffee once oh that's such a weird time. Fuck you. Oh, I took it up the ass once. Oh man, you're so edgy. What a kink.

You think you're famous? I got recognized on Grindr. What would your crime be, Avery? I'd just do the fucking Highway of Death again. What? What do you mean, again? Here's the bit where it turns out that Avery's an actual war criminal.

It's just like, well, you know, I already know, really, what it is. That was the Russians. Sherman's March to the Sea HD remake, 2.8. I'm still laughing about that. That's the pink, pink floyd of war crimes so you're so you're telling me that i'm like part of this is that you get caught doing it right i can't like specify you have to get caught yeah oh you have to be tried poses we'll real war criminals never see a day in court because the americans pick them up and have them work on their space rockets

oh boy oh boy following ormders are we done operation paperclip was a rescue operation oh no christ oh von braun's employees wanted to work on that rocket dr fisk whose anime avatar is a cat girl so nice uh set writes avery once mentioned that he thought ed was 20 gay if you had to give an estimate how gay would the other podcast members be percent wise percent wise oh this is fucking easy uh david 90. Ed is 35, at least. I feel like I'm way more than 90.

95. I'm pretty much not at all interested in women. No, I understand, but I don't think anyone's 100% either way. I mean, that's fair. I haven't met any fucking gay women. I haven't met any woman that was like

oh maybe you've dated women I'm so sorry to all the exes I have I'm lying you were mean fuck's sake are we doing everyone on the podcast or just everyone here? Everyone on the podcast.

Brendan is a fat 15%. Brendan is so extremely straight. I'd say 15% just because he's got gay dad energy. He does. Ed, 35. I already said that. Kyle? I take it back. Kyle. Ed, 35. I already said that. Kyle.

Kyle's, I take it back. Kyle's 100% straight. Kyle is really straight. Kyle's the most heterosexual man I've ever met. It's so real. It's so true. Cameron. Huh.

Yeah, same. I have no idea. What about Creel? Creel's married. That doesn't answer my question. He's kind of a libtard, so like 50. Did you say 50?

If you're married, but you're poly, whatever. What is happening? What the fuck is going on? Where are we? Who? Who else is on the podcast? Joseph Anderson?

Joe has never been on the podcast. He's in this fucking Discord server. You tricked me into thinking this was a popular podcast. Why is he here? Get him out. Get him out of here. He's in this fucking Discord server. You tricked me into thinking this was a popular podcast. No. Why is he here? My guest's in. Get him out.

Get him out of here. That was before Mandy joined. Mandy's like 95% straight. I don't know. I did a video on Pathologic. You're 87% straight. Yeah. That's fair.

Oh, Bachelor. Harry. I'm like 1520. You think so. Harry. I'm like 15, 20. I don't... You think so? Yeah, I go through, like, more extreme phases. Like, for me, it's more of, like, how I'm feeling in a period of time. Yeah, yeah.

Like, I'm very much, like... I'm into men for this period now. Like, it just... That's just how it shakes out, you know? That's just... Yeah. So, like, most of the time you're 20 but then you just fucking gay it up yeah yeah like that's how it's been for me as i've just gone through periods of it

it's kind of like you know i really like turkey but one day you're just like you know what one day you want to fuck the turkey that's not what i'm doing okay i think I'm the last one. Oh, wait. 50%? I don't know. Yeah, I guess. That's low. I mean, you're...

What the fuck does that mean? Wait, Avery's gay? What? I mean, I don't know. I don't... I don't know. I feel like you're pretty fucking bi. I don't...

I've never seen, like, any bias, really. Yeah. Probably. I don't fucking know. Kind of gay to think about. Yeah you everyone for listening ah thank you everyone for how are we ending this thank you for listening to the to this like fucking hell gay on a potter at the end manuel martinez asks if this podcast was a monarchy who'd be the monarch and what disciples would get what job? Mandy would be the jester who secretly controls everything. The fuck?

That's true. I can't even be like Grima Wormtongue where I'm like just overtly creepy. I'd be the jester hiding it. His name is Wormtongue. I just want to put that out there. Late is the hour in which the counter monkey is made. Wait. I was thinking about Spoonie earlier.

Who would be the easiest one to control? Brendan. Please donate to my Patreon. Why does every king in every movie have a guy at their court whose name is like Count Slitkill? And then they're like, oh, I can't believe that my trusted advisor would like, just kill him. Just cut his head off fine movie's over if someone has a suspicious surname just kill him get rid of them i have lots of friends and they all have normal names and it was a wise decision my normal named friend mandalore gaming how do we how are we still going sorry i mean it's my legal name i have the documentation to prove it from

sealand up on the wall i can probably we can probably end it at how are we still going what are you talking about i've ever told more patient questions i told you surely i've told you about how many times my mom has asked me if you're my secret trans girlfriend that i'm moving in with it's been like three three times now it's so fucking funny you're just like no mom he's not i'll make him a castle anyways she keeps fucking asking well it's nice that she wants to be supportive of that i don't know if it's support yeah oh man you like the barry manilow song when uh when my mom figured out that i was gay she was like in like before i knew really she was like harry's probably gay i'm gonna be really supportive

and she like she brought me a bag of condoms and gave me a bunch of like advice i was like wait what are you doing this and she was like oh do not oh forget it and then like years later i was like oh she figured it out what do you mean advice she like... What kind of advice did she give? Well, she obviously knows how to pick a guy up. I exist. Obviously, there's something next to it. Let me tell you about boys, Harry. How old were you?

You better fucking cut this out. No, I'm kidding. I don't know. I think the podcast ended like 10 minutes ago. I was like six, seven years old. It's off the rails now. Can we clap sync real quick just to end before something happens?

Yeah. Howdy, thanks for listening. Please Stop Talking wouldn't be possible without the help from patrons like Alan Diver, Alex Steer, Buckshot Papaya, Q underscore, Dax Ritchie, Dreams of Ice, Eric Scott Gillies, Jeff Smith, Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time!