Plumbing the Death Star - Are Kermit & Miss Piggy Actually In Love?

Episode Date: January 25, 2026

Are Kermit and Miss Piggy doing kissing? or perhaps even more...? Who knows? There's only one thing we know for sure, and it's that Jackson should never be allowed near those puppets.Thanks to our special guest Sammy Peterson for joining us. Be sure to check out his special herehttps://linktr.ee/sammypetersen?utm_source=linktree_profile_share&ltsid=ec20a302-2c17-43b2-9787-d602cd7b53d3Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also. So I got a bunch of hair on me. And Mul Jackson sorts that out. I'm going to take this opportunity to introduce a very special guest. Today we're joined by Sammy Peterson.

Thank you, so I've got a bunch of hair on me. Oh, damn, it's just contagious. Where do you know where you come from? I think my head. Oh, that would make sense. Okay, this suddenly checks out. Okay. The world's greatest detective.

No friends of questions. I'm molting. Okay. So fucking forgive me. It's hot. Exactly. He's getting rid of his winter coat. Why are he on his case so much?

He's leaving him alone. He sheds like a dog. Like the dog he is. Can you imagine it there's that much of the front of me, how much is down the back of me? Do it, do it. That's it. He's like, when we were like, we doing the studio and everything like that and having to, like, you know, clean up, the couch that Jack often sat at was covered in hair. It's not even a couch.

It's just... He was like, and he could clump it together. You've seen those things where, like, I shamed like, you've seen those things where, like, I shamed. I made a whole cat out of the pack. You can make a whole Jackson hair. Cuffing up for his hair. Cuffin' Upin' Up Pover's.

Now, Plumman the Death Door is a comedy Pop Culture podcast and asked the important questions like, are Kermit and Miss Piggy actually in love? So obviously, Kermit and Miss Piggy. And obviously we've got Muppets fever. We got Muppets Fever, baby. Yeah. Coming fresh off...

Top Muppet. Well, okay. Hang on, let me finish what I was going to say first. No, top Muppet. No, not Muppet. No, not Muppet. You're still freaking out about the hair. Top Muppet.

Top Muppet, dude. Top Muppet. You're trying to distract everyone on YouTube meeting. Who's your S-Tia Muppet? The cream of the crop, dude. Probably Pappy. Pappy is your good Muppet. That's a really good show.

Pepe or Pepe? I think it's Pepepe. Pepe the King, Prong. Yeah, Pepey the Prun. Don't even know your favorite Muppet's name. Don't even know your favorite Muppet's name. Coming fresh off the appearance in the Sabrina Coppenter tour, Miss Piggy was there.

she got arrested for being too hot. Then she also appeared at the Game Awards the following week to make sure she was hitting both audiences. Smart. Horny people and losers. That crossover bed died. Yeah, yeah. Top Muppet, top Muppet.

Top Muppet. I'm a gonzo man, too. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm a boring answer. Gonzo man, he's fucking a chicken. I never thought about it like that, yeah? You know what? Gonzo, no, Fuzzy Bear is probably the boring answer.

The other boring answer. Because the problem is the reason I panicked is because, like, my favorite Muppets, it's the worst one to pick. Actually, no, not the worst one. I think animals the worst one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think Pepe is like kind of like the Plugs Muppet? No, Pepe is my second favorite Muppet because my actual favorite sucks to say. What is it?

Kermit the damn frog. Oh, dude. Kermit's a baller. That's okay. Nothing brings me more joy than when Kermit is angry and his puppet scrunches up his face. The best thing. Best facial expression that's been throughout the entire history of movies and television. It's incredible.

I agree. Yeah, you fuck my life. Yeah, dude. Every time he panics. Ah! He's just trying to run a fucking show. Maybe I just see a little bit of myself in that. Yeah.

Yeah. So. Pop Muppet. It sucks, but yeah, like Kermit. You see a lot of yourself in Kermit sometimes. Dealing with a bunch of Muppets. Yeah. You know, put together a show.

Beautiful wife. Beautiful, wonderful. Beautiful wife. Beautiful wife. Topmop it. Miss Piggy. I've actually got in my house, I've got a Venus Demiloh of Miss Piggy. Oh, that's amazing. And it is sexy.

People come in and they're just horny. I just go to the bathroom real quick. Hey, Sammy, it's so good to hang out. Do you mind if I just jack off real quick? Real quick. It's just one of those houses where you could just jack off. Do I shoes off going to jack off? Yeah, yeah.

I know we're talking true crime, but like, damn, I've never been turgeoned before. I'm very distracted. I just solved a crime. I want to jack up. Is that all right? Is that fine? That's the real...

It's just a cool house. It's a back. It sounds cool. You guys next time you come over and you want to come on next time, you can jack off in this. Oh my God. It's a great house you can jack off. Hey, if you want to get your towel. God, Sammy's good at hosting a podcast.

Can I get your drink, towel? For the jacking on. For the jacking off you're doing obviously. I won't watch. I'm not proof. I just go and stand right next. Cool. Yeah, take a load off.

Shoulder to shoulder. I'm not quite being to each other in a year ago. I'm not looking. I'm not looking. I'm just here. I'm just going to make... I'm just going to have a squeeze. I'm just assuming if I'm going to have a sleep. I'm a little curious.

You're in my house. You're in my house. I'm giving you a towel. Let me have a look. I just want to know your technique. Yeah, exactly. If someone's standing side by side with me whilst I'm jacking off

and they make it obvious they're not watching or even sneaking a pig, That's worse for me, I reckon. Here's what I do. I'm going to turn around. That's where you draw the line. You're going to look over my shoulder? You're going to take a step, like, do a one-each.

Yeah, like I'm a hinge on a door. Towards them or away? No, toward them. Oh, okay. And then if we're jacking off at the same time. Oh, coming to each other's nuts, I understand. Well, I can move from my penis off the end. No, I don't want to make my house get uncomfortable.

I just want to watch. Yeah, exactly. The normal thing you can do. That's all. It's a much normal, normal, like, it sounds like a cool house. Well,

yeah, that's why not another, not another, not another crime podcast is really not another crime. It's a, because it's like, it's not a crime.

It's a true crime podcast with a guests that they've just come in and they've jacked off first. Would be so funny, though, to say, come over,

put your feet up, it's your house, you can jack off if you want. What? Yeah. You can jack off if you want. We've got the media picture. It's fine.

What do you think it's there for? That's funny to say if someone, house sitting for you too. Yeah, jack off. That's fine. Oh yeah, so you say, act like it's your home.

Jack off if you want. Jack off is a little room. I don't know. The jack off mitt. The what? The jack off of the blue knife. Whatever you need to do. I usually just use a sock. Okay, well, whatever you need to.

If you want to use the mitt, that's all right. It's made like a Muppet. Yeah. Like a Muppet's head. It's not Miss Biggie's hands. Oh, you've really themed it, haven't you? Yeah. Okay.

Not only this is a sexy house, it's a sexy Muppet house, which are, hey, in the Jim Henson room. So the reason we're asking if Miss Piggie and Kermen love each other is because a lot of their on-screen relationship is seen as tumultuous. At first, the Muppets, when they first hit the big time, they're invading our idiot boxes. Yes. With the Muppet show, it's one way. Miss Piggie is just like forning for Kerman. He's like, Maw! Miss Piggy!

That's my Kermit. It's really. Really good. Oh, Mr. Kerman DeFra. I just want to run my fucking show. He's really destroyed. Yeah, I've never heard him quite like that before.

He's really destroyed. He's on the edge. This biggie for fucks me. I'm trying to run a goddamn show. He just keeps saying that to identify him. I'm just a frog. They got a replacement for one day, and the voice is way off.

No, I can do it. I'm just a frog. The rainbow connection. Barry, take one. Okay, can, uh... He said he could do it. Give him another chance. Give him another try.

Are you just warming up? Yeah, okay. Mrs. Pig, my wife. Come in here. I don't think he knows their names. Oh, me. That was March. Sorry.

Back again. Wise crossed. Miss Piggy. Can we just take it from the top? Right, right. Can I just go to the bathroom? I just need to figure it out. And then you're listening at Thor and he's like,

you're a fucking superstar. Is your jack-off tail in the bathroom? You're fucking nailing it. You're going to be the, you're going to see your fucking name in lights. You're going to get this. Thinking you've absolutely nailed a fucking... Barry the frog. Barry the frog.

And one more direction. Could you follow the lines? I'm a frog. I'm a frog. I'm a frog. This is a big. No, I'm trying to fucking run this show. Oh, I'm just a fox.

Where's that fucking... Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. No, we're going to cut on that one. We do have a storyline. We do have to steal. We're going to cut on that one. Get any notes? Okay, what?

Don't swear up. Okay. Oh, okay. Is Frickin okay? Freckin' frog. Where's my freaking frog wife? My friend, fricks chickens. Okay.

Can I freak a chicken? Okay. In every shot as well, because you're in love with Miss Piggy. Your control and come up. your human head just keeps going up and touching her every frame.

Okay, because you're afraid from touching the Miss Piggy Popper, please? With your human hand. I'm method acting. No. Not human acting. No, really not.

I'm Kermit the Frog. The children are terrified. Stop putting your human hand on the pig. But in the timeline of the Muppets, eventually in the, I believe, second film,

Muppets take Manhattan, Kermit and Miss Piggy get married. They tie the knot. Now, it's up for debate at this point whether or not... It's hard it down. Yeah. Well, it's up for debate whether or not Kermit is like in on it and like...

I mean like whether or not... What? Got confused. Like is it... Sorry, if he's... I'm not in on this married. Was he just worn down or was he like, I do love you, Miss Piggy? Because they joke about it a bit in the following things.

Then in 1990, they just declare that Kermit and Miss Piggy have... broke it up. Huge. And then they announced that it's going to be, they had a crazy name for it. But people don't talk about it. It's so funny, they got a public divorce as well. They gave me remember that.

Muppets took sides. It was a really bitter divorce. Who's going to take the pig kids or the frog kids? Miss Piggy and Kermit formally ended their romantic relationship on the 10th of May, 1990. The decision was made and a public campaign titled, The Pig of the 90s was scheduled to follow. including an autobiography of Miss Piggy.

However, six days later, Jim Henson died and it was abandoned. Oh, my God. Was Jim Henson writing it? I guess so. That's so funny. Or was it just, like, hang on, how did Jim Henson die out of curiosity? Yeah. Like, was it a sudden thing?

Was it like, Muppet related? I want it? Was he his understanding that killed him? Was he like knee deep and all the Muppet, like, you know, things? Like, I got this great idea for a storyline and then just like taken too soon. He's wearing his spiky's hoof hands while he's riding. Or was it just like, oh, Jim Henson had like, you know, he passed a tour to all the other people and he was like, we're tired.

It does feel bad to, like, I was going to immediately be like, oh, autoerotic fixation, Muppets, ha, ha, ha, ha, jacket off. But it's true. But it's just like, he's a real guy. What? Okay. Fair enough. Fair enough.

That makes sense. He died of toxic shock. What? What? What? Toxic shock. Yeah, toxic shock syndrome. Is that a shock that's really?

Well, toxic shock syndrome and look. Yeah. Yeah. So the only way I know of getting it. Yeah. And I'm about to isolate a very small amount of our audience who have to be careful about this. But yeah, like leaving a tampon in for too long can cause it. Oh, right. But I don't know how he got it. Leaving a tampon in for two-lop it? Yeah, was he trying to hear it? Was he trying like, you know, oh, I got like a felt butt plug?

Yeah. Left it in. But what, what, how? Sorry to speak ill of the dead, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, there's just right. It's just bad riffing. I'm sorry, Jim Henson company.

I think it's like, it's probably a good side of Jim Henson that we respect him enough that we're not just mocking his death. Because he's been able to die more recently than 1990 that I'm sure I've made so. I don't think so. No, death. I don't think anyone's died since 1990. I just refuse to believe facts. I don't think so. I can't know.

I can't believe that. We cured that. So, yeah, apparently it was like. like a really, really, really, really bad reaction to like the, like the bad stuff you get from like strep throat and pneumonia and stuff. Like one of the inf— It's a group A. I'm not even going to try it's something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Part of the infection that you get from like pneumonia and stuff like that result, like this thing is in you and that can turn into toxic shock although it's very rare. But that's what got him. Wow, that's all crazy. He was, wish I didn't close that tab. 57. Okay.

Great guess, because he was 53. Close. That's pretty close. Pretty close. Can I guess 52? Yeah. Sammy's closer. Without going over.

Without going over. Damn it. Which you did. I remind you, you did. And I did not. Keep bringing that up for ages. A year later. Remember when I won that competition?

No, that wasn't a competition. I don't think. Remember what I won that? And you lost it more importantly? And you went way over and I did that. Yeah, I guess I can't do. After the answer was ready. Yeah, I remember that.

That was a fun dog. It was like being a big loser. You know, it's up and down. I'm surprised that, so Miss Piggy never got a big break until now because he died writing the book. That's, I know. To the fact that we can never read a Miss Piggy autobiography is tragic. All that unrelaged tapes and also like unedited where it's like really sexual. It was never released because it was fucked.

It was too. It was too racist. It was too racy. Well, I imagine the Muppet house, you know, has got to be like one of those, like they're all banging. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We have to assume all the Muppets are going to town.

It's like any sort of like, like, a sitcom situation, like even like, you know, like, Gray's Anatomy where they've got like the very early seasons. Yeah. There's like, everyone living in this one house. They're all banging. They're all banging. And it's wonderful. That's what, yeah, no, no disrespect to the Muppets, but I assume.

No disrespect to bang it. No, no disrespect to bang it. Some of my best friends are banging. Yeah. We're all for that here. We're all four banging a Muppet. No one's saying we can't bang a Muppet. I'd be rare white meat to the Muppets.

Like if I went in, they'd be like, holy shit, skin? Holy, I'm not used to skin. Yeah, dude. Oh, my God. Hey, Miput, come over here. They'd spluritize me. Yeah, you'd be sucked fully dry. Hell yeah, brother.

You'd turn to sand. Yeah. Not dast to sand. I'm chosen sand The dehydrated area I'm just fascinated

I'm just fascinated that that because that her big break could have come a long time before Well yeah

So basically also Jim Henson's death who's crazy I just quickly read about it Yeah So yeah

Basically he did the Arcedio Hall show on May 4 And then he was like Damn I'm really tired And I've got a sore throat

But it's probably A minor Illness Then like Less than a week later, he, uh, yeah, he was like with his wife. Yeah. He's biggie. He remarried. He's he's married. Yeah. So 11 days later, he still has a sore throat and he's tired. He woke up in the middle of the night, coughed up blood and was like, I think I'm dying. Oh my God. And his wife was like,

and then was like, but was like, let's go to hospital. He's like, can't take time off work. Damn. To go to hospital. Get away the Muppet show killed him. Yeah. Wow. That's like a full on Kermit situation. Yeah. That is some shit that would happen. And then two hours later he's like, okay, fine, take me to hospital. He went in a taxi. And then he got to the hospital and they were like, Jesus. And then he just stopped breathing.

Jesus. Fucking hell. Yeah. And then he had abscesses all over his lungs. What the fuck? And they gave him, just like they flooded him with antibiotics, which killed off pretty much all the infection, but unfortunately didn't undo the damage. Yeah, yeah. He basically died of like

one week earlier. He was like, Like, damn, got a sore throat. Next week, killed him. That's insane, dude. And that's why you're rocking up the next day as the understanding of you don't. Yeah, exactly. I go, well, let me give a crack at two of me. I'm a pit, I'm a frog.

Fuck! I'm a pit, I'm a frog of me. Yeah. Where's my frog pig wine? You haven't done any research, so you don't know what the other Muppets are. Who's this guy? And you don't know who you're married to us. Some kind of bud.

Some kind of bird. And big bird. Yeah, Big Birdie. You get Sesame Street and the Muppet and stuff. Where's that Oscar? Anyway, so Miss Biggie and Kermit get back together at some point, and then in 2015 they break up again. What is going on with these two?

Well, now they, like, I don't think they've officially beaten back together. The most recent Muppet show. Classic toxic relationship with something going on there. Hey, you know, Miss Piggy, I just can't quit you. I just can't quit that pig. And we get it. Oh, I get it. We get it.

We've all gone back to an ex, been like, Yeah, yeah. We've all gone back to a big. We've all gone back to Miss Piggy. We've all gone back to Miss Piggy. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, do they actually love each other?

It's maybe, but... I think it's lust. Yeah, I think it's pure lust. I think for Kerman, it's pure love. Yeah, well, you know, Miss Piggy is... I think it's a little bit of... I think it's a little bit of... Yeah, oh, come on, dude.

I feel like for Miss Piggy, it could be a little bit opportunist. It flipped in like it could be a little bit of it. He's very fan of it. Yeah, he is very famous. But she is very famous. It flipped. It was lost from Miss Piggy. So, yeah, went from like Miss Piggy being very lustful and chasing Kermit.

But then like in more recent appearances, after the second, well, after their breakup, any, like, when you look at like the Muppets movie or whatever, Kermit's like nostalgic and like mournful. Well, those were the best years of his life. Oh my God. You know, it was like, high of his career. Yeah, like, exactly. High of his career, beautiful woman on his arm. Yeah.

You know he lives in a giant house that's empty. He's a frog. He's a frog. I can't even do nothing properly. Yeah, dude. That would be sad. That would be sad. You know, to you have this wonderful life

and then as an old man, you're all the frog. It's still green. Flabber didn't age as well. He's the king of the green guys. Dick Shrek came along. Fucked that Shrek guy. He'd be so mad at Shrek. Flubber's fine.

He's got good terms of Flubber. Do you all remember where you were in 2015 when they split? I do. I do. I do remember where I was. I believe... I mean, we all remember. Being like, I can't believe 9-11

was 14 years ago. You reminisce it every year. Every year. I look at the color. I remember coming into the room and say, guys, there's been a new 9-11. Miss Picking and Germit the Frog have broken off. Everyone? Everyone? A moment of silence for Miss Picking and doing it.

You have the police station? I want to report a crime. I want to report a new 9-11. Have you seen this? They just have a fake report. for you now with crayons. Here he comes. Yeah, just feel it out.

Here he is. It's probably going to be about Miss Piggy and Coombeenman again. It's still broken. Destroying me. Well, I think Miss Piggy, I think she needs someone new. She does.

I don't know if you agree with this, but in live action casting, I think Jennifer Coolidge is Miss Piggy. Yes, oh, I agree. Yeah, absolutely. I see her. This is my pitch for boyfriend. Okay.

Haven husband, if you want to go with him. Okay. You know, there's always some sort of extra marital affair with the goddamn, that goddamn frog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I guess, like, basically, are they in love? Maybe are they good for each other?

Probably not. Let's pair them up for something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking Stanley Tucci. Whoa. The Tuts! The man or any of his roles? No, the actor?

The actor. The actor. Because if you've ever seen him on YouTube.com, TikTok.com, he's always cooking a nice meal. He's always having a drink. And I reckon she would. fit into that environment really well. Have you seen him go to Italy and whatnot?

Yeah. He's a wonderful, very good. Imagine her with him that whole time. They would have a blast. This again does feel bad to riff on. But I think it does line up with what Miss Piggy would like. Is Toot you dead? Please don't tell me Toot you three.

Come on. Since I walked in. He is a widower. He's got a dead wife. Okay. That's all right. That's all right for Pink. That's okay for Miss Piggy. I don't think Miss Piggy. I think that's a plus for Miss Piggy. They call it the Black Widow. The Pink Widow. He is currently married to a new person, though.

That's okay. Well, remarried three years later. Oh, we're off Tuch. Three years. Very interesting, Mr. Tud. I mean, that's not straight away, but Stanley. Imagine meeting him, like, he's on some sort of press junket and everything, and you go and do shit with just going, three years.

Now, as your small talk. Three years, I had a thought. I think you would be the perfect match for, like, Miss Piggy. But then I found out. Three years. You don't respect your effort. What's that about? Also, you had an affair with Edie Falco?

Whoa. If I know that, you're a dirty dog. Dirty dog. Three years and an affair? I bet that affair really sucked when your wife died. And then they're going, you've got one question. You've got five more minutes with Tucci. Any question you want to ask?

Does Tucci just stare at you like, five more minutes? You're there for Devil Wears Prada too. Yeah. Hey, did you regret your affair with E.D. Falco, when your wife died, seven years later? How'd that make you feel? Why a security knockout this man out? He booked a time. I don't think that's how that works.

He booked a time. When you die, Stanley Tucci, you're going to get buried next to your first wife, your second wife, or Edie Falco. Where are you from, Horson Hound? Look it up. Likely staring at Stanley Tudgeon. Plumming the death star. Plumbing the death are. You know how to have to explain it?

Look it up. Look it up. Look it up. Look it up. Well, Staley Tucci's married to Emily Blunt's sister now. Okay. Okay. Felicity Blunt. Well, I worry. Who is... Who is 21 years younger than the Tuch. Oh, God. How old is his dog, dude? How old is pig? Is his piggy aged out? Yeah, good question.

She's not made a lot of DiCaprio ready. Yeah, yeah. She might be, yeah, I don't know how old Miss Piggy is. I mean, like, to be fair, still being 21 years younger than he... Like, Felicity Blunt is in her 40. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that I worry now for Miss Piggy. I don't think Miss Piggy her ego could survive being cheated on.

No. And I think if the Toch is a dirty dog. Yeah, just a bit handsy. I think that would devastate her. I mean, Miss Piggy love her to death. But she's a textbook narcissist. No. She's very violent.

Very violent. I think Stanley Toucci's going to arrive in the red couple with a trotter mark on his face. And it's going to be in all the tabloids, dude. I think maybe he'd be good for a trist. How old do you think that Miss Piggy is? Well, 62. Yeah, I guess the question is, is this Miss Piggy's... She has a birth year.

Okay, okay. Of course she does. Okay. Is it like in real life, as in which she was like, you know, created that kind of thing? No, no, no. It's a fictional bio birth year, but unfortunately... Does it update? Well, yeah, so they have never updated it,

but they've now just started calling her a timeless diva. Okay, that is true. That's what I'm gonna put up my... At the moment, it's busy mum. It'll be my epitaph. Yeah, instead of a death year, just like timeless. Timeless diva. So she was born in 1938, making her 88 years.

Oh my God. I went way too long. Yeah, but then they were just like, um... Timeless diva. Timeless diva. You know that's timeless divas. When her age comes up now, they basically... Because the Boppets is 50, that's like, she's 50.

Yeah, that's kind of what I would guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd get 62. For no reason, based on nothing. So, yes, Ms. Piggy is a narcissist. Yeah, I think she's attracted to, say, people, like, in leadership positions. Absolutely. I think that's what she likes.

I think she likes the, I guess, like, someone who is in a position of power. You're thinking Elon Musk. I'm not. I'm thinking of, because you don't think of what else could, like, really in her. She's a violent woman. Yes, she is, indeed. She could really have, is a gun. Hi-ya.

Okay. So I think the perfect, I guess, paramour for Miss Piggy, Megatron. Whoa. That's interesting. He's a leader of men. Yeah, well, I thought you were going Donald Trump. Yeah.

Because of him, remember recently when he was going, calling that woman. That's right. That's true. And I thought he was actually pointing at Miss Piggy. To Miss Piggy. To Miss Piggy. You be a good little bit out of there. Piggy.

Peeee. Yeah. Okay, this is interesting. I can imagine Miss Piggy saying, have you met my man? And then the car transforms. Oh, Tronny. Oh. And then she starts the labor.

He ya. Clank. Yeah. And I reckon Megatron would love that. Did you just kick me? And he just squishes it with his thumb. Before Muppets fans come for us, we keep saying Miss Piggy's kicking people, because that's funny. We know she goes for the karate shop.

Every time. That is her movie. I think she does. She goes a crudy shop. I've seen her do a roundhouse kick. It's not outside. Hey! Pink power.

I love that, well, I don't love, but at some point, in The Simpsons, when Homer stopped strangling bar. And I love that Miss Piggy is still real life. I just love that. They've kept it. They should. Oh, boy, I want to strangle you. But I'm not going to.

We've got to go and stop getting the understudies in. Really got to stop getting these understudies in. That's a scary. fucking homer voice. Imagine a little bonner sleep but it's better the door creaks open oh boy

I really want to strangle you don't that's a fucking nightmare you're saying really badly I eyed look with his eyes moving

I don't have a word You can try and do a homo yeah I don't have like a word that I can latch on to Marge Zavits is a word Morge Morge

Oh boy Oh yeah It's going Yogi Oh boy I want to strangle you my son So now is that the dialogue of this show that he says, I want to strangle you, but I simply must. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, oh boy, you're pissing my jeans off. I really want to strangle you. But then the joke is that then he doesn't strangle Bart and then Miss Piggy comes in and just kicks Bart in the head. Oh, yeah, that would be good. But that would be a family guy joke and not a Simpson's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It would have then a random cut to something you've never heard of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a random guy. Just remind you at that some, some, when a pig fell in the river. You should ride for family guys You should ride for family It's just you're throwing stuff at the wall That'll work Pig in a river

Is that anything? I don't get my paycheck now Typically there's a pop culture references I mean not always What if we make the pig Babe from the pig in the city Is something what about Oh how there's babe in the river

Is that something? No Babe over the river Kly No Let me have dead in the river Let me save this bit. Then it cuts back to Peter off of her pig falls in the river, and Peter goes, well, they're not always good.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That could be a family. I guess, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then everyone goes, wow, Peter Griffin. You're right, did it again. So you're imagining a scene in family guy. Let's walk through this.

Okay. But Peter says, wow, this is just like that time of pig fell in the river. And the pig really quick. And he goes, ah, well, they're not always winners. And then everybody else. It turns. Peter. What did you say?

Peter. No, I was, I was being the viewers. Oh, I see. Oh, Peter Griffin. Okay. That could happen. Yeah. But Lois would go. Peter.

Oh, Lois. I'm Lewis. Is it the same understudy that does every understudy role in Hollywood? Yeah. So they have to be. I'm Lewis. I'm Lewis. I'm right.

Right here. Right. And I'm married to a pig, right? What a deuce. Wait, we've given you, and your agent has to sit you down and go, they just want you to learn the script. If you don't know the voice, that's okay. That's all right.

Just want you to learn the script. You gotta stop going and just saying you are the character's name. That's nothing. That's nothing. Oh, hey, Lois, it's me. I call up Glenn Quagma. No, Ken, as your agent, Gigoooooooole, don't even get that right.

Okay, giggly googly googly. He got a... I'm a horny man. Watch one episode. That's all I ask. You do that, you go. I can't do a fun one. We didn't nail it.

I don't know a fun one. Oh, it's me. I'm me, Mr. Hornie neighbor. That's him, right? That's his even name? That's Flannis. My phone ring. He's got a mustache.

He's horny. He's a lot. And you please learn the script. Your agent, phones ring that phone rings. They're like, yeah, I'm talking to him right now. Yeah. Don't worry. I'm always talking to it.

I'm trying. I'm trying. But he's one of my biggest earners. He somehow gets all these. The only understudy in Hollywood. The greatest voice actor that ever lived. It's just like really good because they're like, well, yeah, we just, I guess like we just never thought that we'd need an understudy for a voice acting role for famous television. Yeah, television TV shows, I was about to say.

Yeah, he's so really all like, oh, I'm box born here. And it's hard to have a dog. Ham for that adventure, hon, hang, hong, hong, hong. Why doesn't even specify the vegetable? That's so weird. He just says vegetables. Hey, I'm the rabbit. Hey, I'm the rabbit, you love.

In the show. Oh, Mr. President. A plane's at the second tower. What? It's a serious documentary about Farronite 9-11. We just need you to do just one voice. It's a really quick time. It's literally just a voiceover.

You just need so much. You're witnessing the like, like, incorporate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. of the 21st century. You are a secret service agent. Your job, you are basically the bodyguard of the most powerful man in the country, if not the world.

What up, George? I'm the mouse. I'm the mouse from Stuart Lewis. And I'm here to tell you, George, don't be a bush. Don't look outside. No, no, no. He's reading that book in.

Let's take a big of break. Let's take a 10 minute break, all right? Let's take a 10 minute. And you show we could get no one else? I got to head off because I've got another. I've got six other things to do right now. I'm the busiest fucking guy you've ever met. I'm a roadrunner.

You're going around the studio on one of those buggies that you bought yourself. It's so busy. Okay. We'll see what we can do with this. We can see what we can shape together out of this. I think Miss Piggy, I don't think she needs to date a celebrity. I think she needs to date somebody down to earth who works a normal job. Okay.

Because I think that would ground her. I think that's bad. Like a podcast. Yeah. Like a guy with a... Covered in hair. Like a shoots podcast or maybe. A guy who's losing a lot of hair on his front and back.

Yes. A guy who did not shoot himself. Yes. No, I think like an architect or somebody in just completely different industry to Miss Piggy. Do they have to be rich? Like, do they have to be a American? I think. to meet Miss Piggy's standards.

She's got a way of living. Exactly. You know, she needs to be kept in finery. But I don't think if it's somebody in the entertainment industry, to Miss Piggy, that's always going to be competition. Okay? But if she comes home and she says, hey, this happened, you know, on the set today. And he goes, oh, that's really interesting.

But he's like, but that's outside my frame of reference, this happened at architect school or whatever. Yeah, an architect school today. Yeah, and Miss Piggy goes, oh, we had this guy that it was my understanding. And he did like, he said he was doing my voice. But he was really... It was amazing and it was weird.

Yeah, okay. So you think a normal guy. What do you have to say? Well, what about... Because again, like, like, architect is kind of... It's all like, it's art related as well. You could do something maybe like a... I'm thinking maybe a chef.

Oh yeah. Or somebody just works in like the restaurant. What about the Swedish chef? I don't think she... She ate another Muppet. Yeah, I think the Muppets not for her. No, no. Ooh, hooty goody burdy meatballs.

You know? It's fun to hang out with for two minutes. Just morning. Just morning. I'm really singing a guy. Hey, sweet chef, what's this? Hurdy, hurdy, burdy, burdy, meatballs. Oh.

That's not right. No, that's curtains. I pointed to the curtains. Don't take advice from here. Yeah. Hey, what do you want, I'm jumping up to grab drinks. You want anything, sweet a chef? Hoardy, hurdy, hurdy meatballs.

No. Say beer. Wine. Hurdy, hurdy, hurdy, hurdy, hurd, burd-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-be-dard. Speak fucking English. I'm going to a real hard time. And then somebody's filming that, and I'm cancelled.

racist attack today on Swedish chef he's my friend close friend he's my close friend he's not speaking Swedish he should be in trouble do you speak Swedish though sir no but get of personally speak Swedish in here

and they'll say he's just a fucking difference he's just pissing me off king punching him strangling and then they got the microphone to the Swedish chef and he's like got a bruised eye He's like, How could he have sworn the...

The stenographers. Like, just typing and just looking at you, being like, just shaking their hands. Look at what the stenographer is. It won't be anything. Just nothing. Nothing on the pad at all. She's just fucking writing gibberish. You're just losing your mind.

Everyone's in on this. Everyone's in on this. This is a joke on me. Coordinated attack. He's not saying anything. She's not writing anything. I don't even think this is a real car. What's your own goal?

It's on Sesame Street. This is bullshit. Yeah, this is all a lesson about tolerance. And you're in a Sesame Street sketch. Tea is for tolerance. Oh, dear, don't be like this man. Hurry-a-hurty-hur-d-bur-d-d-do-do. Hey, look, he's doing the intonation.

And you're eating him in the back of a head. Speak English Muppet. Hurdy-U-B-Derm-Dur-A. Today's letter is T for tolerance. Don't be like Jackson. A hateful individual. Where's my fucking racist? They took my phone and bag.

I can't contact the people that care about me. I'm missing. But don't worry, children. We're going to take good care of this bad man. I think the mobbits are going to fucking eat this. I guess like a felt prison has come to bars in front of you. I like the idea of like you're in like one of those like, yeah, like a felt prison. Yeah.

But then as this is like introduction, direct to cameras, going on. Someone's just pulling a rope and you're just lifting the game. Where the fuck am I going? Where the fuck am I going? My name is Jackson Bailey. My name is Jackson Bailey. Make it move up my name. Remember my name. Death by firing squad. Death by fire. Death by fire and kill the Muppets. Or they eat you. Oh, I'm just never seen again. There's all the Muppets ate you. Yeah. Wow. Prepared by the Swedish. Yeah. Wouldn't that be his sweetest revenge? That piece of shit. Because you were racist ones.

I wasn't even racist. He's not even Swedish. He's a Muppet. Muppets can be Swedish. I don't know if he is. Is he born in Sweden? You've got a, like, a pointing stick. Yeah.

Where was he raised? Where was he born? Where was he born? Oh, Muppet's born? Oh, we don't fucking know. I thought he was my friends. He's like, yes, Miss Biggie is 83 years. Fuck.

Fuck. Oh, fuck. Yes, but yes. You just think a normal man? A normal man. Then they've got nothing to bot. They just, they live in different worlds. And so all they got to bond over is their relationship and their homewife.

But think about every single time you see Miss Piggy interacting with a general member of the public. It's the opposite of that. She can't live like that. It's not like the Kermit. The problem is with Miss Piggy and Kermit, it's not that Kermit swinging his little green frog dick about like being like, I host a successful show. I'm what you want to be. He's just like, oh. Oh, Biggie.

Oh, Biggie. Okay. Miss Piggy. I got an idea. I got an idea. Because I think maybe, maybe we're thinking this may be a bit wrong. Maybe it's just, you know, one individual can't really be enough for Miss Piggy. Maybe what about, I guess, the cast, say, of like a chippendales.

Oh, hot hunky young men. Okay. So in your mind, Miss Piggy. Jamie Jewry. He was in, what was he in there? Backyard Blitz. Backyard Blitz. Wasn't he originally in manpower?

Yes. So he was like the Australian Shippendales. He's got to be Jamie Jerry. Yeah. And six of his hunky... He got manpower. Manpower. Six hunky men.

Okay. And to make this a beautiful reference for our overseas listeners. Imagine Magic Mike, but everyone's Australian. Yes. And then Big Crabb. And then Magic Mike went on and did a backyard... Maybe a video show. Yeah.

Well, I mean, Magic Mike and Magic Mike just wants to make furniture. It's the same. It's kind of similar. It's like, you know, furniture, but for the outsides. So in your mind, though... What is a plant, if not a chair of nature? Jamie Jury's on TV. Magic Mike's just in a shed.

Yeah, that's true. And his wife's left him. His life sucks. He likes so bad. He can't even retire from stripping properly. Every time he announces his job, he's retiring, they're like, well, one last dance, Magic Mike. One last job, Magic Mike.

So, wait, in your mind, is this, because this would absolutely satisfy, I believe, Miss Piggy's carnal desires. Yes. But what about her emotional and spiritual needs? With at least, you know... She's got show business. She's got show business. She's kind of married to the job.

You all right. You know? With like six hunky men. Surely, surely at least one of them you could connect to emotionally. Yeah. In your mind, let's explore that. Does that mean that you think if you got a hundred people say, you could find one person to connect on an emotional level with it?

At least. Like in every 100 people. 100 men, there's one husband? Surely? Well, it's a number. It's a number's logic. It's not one in a million. It's one in 100.

But that means like, Ceree, I mean, obviously, you've got a beautiful wife. Oh, my miss piggy. Yeah. Oh, beautiful. Beautiful. That's a beautiful pig.

Yeah. But like, like, you're saying if you were single and you did speed dating, you could just, you would fall in love. I think it is, I think it is a numbers game. Oh, it is a numbers game. But I wonder what that number is. But then also,

one in six is a lot. It's, you really baking on. Yeah, one in six. But then also... I think Miss Piggy would find love for one in a hundred. I mean, I haven't dated a hundred people. Today. You know, today.

But you are married. You're all married. You're married. I have you married twice. Yeah, that's true. Your strike rate's huge. So yeah. I met two people.

I met two people. It's pretty good odds. 100% of the people I date I'm married by Joe's over. And that I insist. My divorce rate is 50%. That's not bad. That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

Some people out here rolling 100%. Yeah, exactly. You got to be pretty sad. Yeah, that's true. Titch. Yeah, too. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Stanley Tudjee is not divorced.

Not yet. Famously. Although. You're on the ground. I believe it's a death to you part. Yeah, exactly. They parted. They parted.

I'll put it. Bring it up an interview. It's sad. Would you continue yourself a divorcing? Yeah. I'm a widower. Same thing to my eyes. Tucci.

You're saying different words, Tucci. I can say different words, too, Tucci. And they're like, Jesus Christ, like, I got one other question. And he's like, fuck you. And I'm like, oh, yeah, so you're credited with coming up with the name Ving Rames. How'd that happen? They're like, what? What, you wait to the end?

Well, I didn't want to open. Stanley Tucci's had a crazy laugh. Yeah. His wife died would have felt terrible about it. Then he named Ving Rames. He's all buyer Yeah, that is crazy I guess it's an extensive film

Yeah, that's true You should write his biography You know they have those unauthorized biographies And it's really brutal This man had a vendetta I guess I think this guy liked him one bit I have a feeling one way or another

On Stanley Tucci I like his name I like the way he looks Yeah I think I would like Stanley Tucci as a rich uncle of mine The only thing is I'll write this biography This could be insulted

Oh, well, it's definitely insulting. But when I think of Stanley Tucci, if I have to picture him, if I think about it slightly too long, I start picturing Dana Carvey in his famous turtle-cloth sketch. I can see that. I can see that. If I think Stanley Tucci too hard, then that's the face of him. Stanley Tucci was an animal.

He'd be a turtle. That is the famous story about... A filmed the 9-11. And they had to take a moment of silence. That's right. He was still dreads as a turtle. Oh, my God. I don't know the context for the...

turtle suit. I've never seen... Master of disguised. Is he disguised as a turtle? A turtle man. A turtle man, I see. Does it make sense now? Yeah, he's trying to... He's trying to get into the turtle club. Right. Which is not actually turtles. That's the joke. Oh, so he's made a mistake. He's made a mistake. Yeah. No, he's, it's hard to see if it's a mistake or if he's just an insane, insane unwellment.

We're not sure. Am I not turtle enough? Yeah, might not totally enough for that total club. That's, I feel like it's... I'm pretty sure this is... Playing crashes. And then he... I'm pretty sure the guy he's talking to, he bites off his nose,

but then spits it back onto his face and sticks a good. Is it a fake nose? Oh. Is that... Or is that... Danny Devedo is the penguin. No, Danny DeVito bites off the nose and it's just...

It's just grim. It's really grim. But no, it's like a slapstick thing where they've just, like, CG-ed off their nose that he spits it back on. That's probably a good move in a fight, in those bites. No one's expecting it. Yeah. Yeah. You know?

It's going to... Very close, though. You're going for the kiss. Alarming me. Going for a kiss. Let's stop fighting. Let's start kissing. Speaking of... Sike, I was still fighting. Iron's damn lips up.

Speaking of Danny DeVito. Whoa. Hey, hey, maybe maybe uncouth, maybe. I don't know. But what about like Frank Reynolds for Miss Peking? Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. He's a dirty dog. He's a dirty dog.

I can see Frank. Reynolds being sort of Miss Piggy's sort of like piece of rough, you know? That's what I'm thinking. Dirty sort of piece on the scene. After the divorce, she goes with dirty fuck pink. Yeah. Yeah, I can see that for Miss Piggy. Because she's a woman of taste.

You know, but sometimes you like to get filthy. Sometimes she wants some junk food. Yeah, exactly. Frank is, you know, filthy rich. Yeah, that's true. Shockingly. Shockingly. Now, this is going to be probably one we don't like thinking about too much, but I think he ticks a lot of boxes. Okay. He's won a lot of

awards. He, I think at this point, would either be a widower or a divorced father. Okay. Very famous. Because you've a walker. Much like Miss Piggy is not human. Okay, interesting. Airbud. Now,

Airbud is just a dog. Yeah, but Miss Piggy's a pig. Well, okay. Just Airbus. Hang on, Gonzo fucks a chicken. Fair it on. No one's like, wow, Gonzo shouldn't fuck this chicken.

They're just like, yeah, that's his beautiful chicken. The chicken is a muppet. The chicken is a muppet. It's not a real chicken. If you saw Gonson. Fucking an actual chicken. You live on like a fucking farm somewhere. You open your chicken coop and Gonsos fucking one of your chickens.

In the paper the next day. I would have to shoot him with my god. Or imagine on the set as an animal handler going, I don't want to do this job anymore. Gozzo can fucking fucking keep the real life chickens. I've got to shoot that chicken fucking. I would think I don't know what I would think what's happening. But I think is Air Bud are regular dog? He can play basketball.

Can he talk, Air Bud? No, I don't believe so. But his children can't. His children can. The Air Buddies, Air Bud's kids, they can talk. They're far more sapiens than Air Bud ever did. Yeah, they went to space. They developed superpowers.

They saw ghosts. Yeah. They did shit. Air Bud could have only dreamed of. This motherfucker spent his life playing 80 sports. Maybe AirBud, the original is kind of like the proto, human. Yeah, I guess it's like if you had sex with the... Whatever came to being just before.

Just before. That, like, that, like, fucking fish with legs is walking up out of the ocean. You're just like, Hell yeah! Ah! Oh, God, I'm gonna wreck. I'm gonna wreck that fish with legs.

Maybe that's how it happened. That's a big tube. I have something that would fit in a big tube. No, because there would have been a point where there was a sort of hominid. Yeah, so I'm saying. And its kid was going to be the first homo sapiens. Yeah.

Like, it's not quite in the end of all. It's not quite there. It's not quite, like, I don't know, the branching paths or whatever, but whatever was just. Now, some out there might say evolution doesn't work like that. Well, I mean, hey, I got something. Some liars will say evolution. Liars and losers might say. Ginger hair and blue eyes can be a dormant gene.

Yeah. Like you can have two parents that both have brown eyes and then you can have blue eyes. Maybe if Miss Piggy and Airbot had sex and presented it, like gave birth to a child, that child would just be a human boy? Oh, yeah. They both have the dormant human gene. A family truly can be anything. Yeah.

It can be a Muppet Pig, a dog, and a human boy. I'm crying now. Wow. That's beautiful. Wow. That's beautiful. I'm on Sesame Street. Crying.

Crying. And they're like, wow, I've truly learned a lesson in tolerance. And they're ready to hang you. On Sesame Street for your cries. Standing in the gallows. Hanged on sesame strip, I felt. No, wait, he learned a lesson. I learned a lesson.

A family could be a pig. Let him down. A pig woman, a dog, and a human boy. That's H. fanging. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. What about the con-fictional characters?

What about Feathers McGrathes. Who's Fathers McRoe? Oh, Fethers-Mug. The evil penguin. Of course. Many mistake him for a chook. Yeah, yeah. But he's actually a penguin.

I would be worried about Gonson's. I'm eating my husband. Mistaking him from him. Because he's pretty glavony. My Gonzo? Don't fuck my husband. You're allowed to find my husband. You're allowed to find my husband attractive to a certain point.

That's probably just a good thing to say to your friends with him. That's a really good idea, actually. Just go around me like, hey, this is my wife. You've met her before, but just to remind you this is my wife. Yes, she is beautiful. Yeah. But you can only find her beautiful to a certain extent. And you're not allowed to.

One, try and tow that line. Two, tell me what that line is. Repeatedly. How about this? I know you use like no Muppets. Okay. And I'm like maybe, yeah, maybe no Muppets. But what about in the same like sort of field?

A little bit, maybe it's a bit of a foreigner for Miss Pee. Okay. Something exotic. What about a Mr. Squiggle? Oh. Interesting. Beautiful Australian. Yeah.

Mr. Squiggles's fun. Yeah. He is a puppet. I just had the worst mental image. I can't picture it. I just had the best mental image. Why? What's your worst one?

Is Mr. Squiggle, shall we say, sharpening is, you guys got a towel in here? So is this Miss Picking on all fours? Yes. Wow. I'll let you guys wake in my house. Yeah, what the hell?

What the hell? That's awesome. Well, what about any of the ferales? Oh, she's going down there. Rat is the rat? I can see her with... I thought you made like Will Ferrell. That's not a bad pair.

It's not a bad pair. Actually, Wilfair. You know, Will Ferris got a quiet dignity to him, and I think he would not tolerate some of Miss Piggy's worst qualities. You know what? I'm going to go, if we're going comedy actors, I reckon I've hit the home run here. John C. Riloh. Oh, that's fantastic.

Johnsy Riley would keep Miss Piggy humble. Yeah. But also, like, he's funny. Obviously, he's successful. He has, like, the best qualities of Kermit the Frog. And I'd say this to his face. Yeah. I don't give a fuck.

The thing is, like, he's not only he's very successful, like, he's got, like, a really good... He's got range. He won, did he win an Oscar for Mr. Sellefane performance in Chicago? Yes, that's right. And he was doing really well in terms of the dramatic stuff, but then he was like, no, I'm gonna do like comedy. Like he did like walk hard and then he's Dr. Brule. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very true.

Steve Brul. He also famously was in Holmes and Watson, a movie that is often regarded as one of the worst. He's terrible. He's terrible. Genuinely terrible. Yeah. But it's funny they made it. The joke is that it's real.

That it's real. Yeah. That and Will Ferrell's, you know, the one where he speaks, in a film that he speaks in a film that he speaks, a Spanish. Oh, yes. That's a very weird Wilfarrell movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A weird choice.

Yeah, it's kind of like meant to be like a parody of like Spanish melodramers or something, but it's... But he speaks Spanish to the whole film, it's a while. Wait, Will Ferrell or John C. Riley? No, Will Ferrell. What the hell is this movie? It's a thing. It's so strange.

But I think John C. Riley would, yeah, he would... That's a great choice. He would ground Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy would say, oh, you know, this, this. This is a puppet drama And he'd be like You don't have to worry about that, babe Yeah

I cooked fucking You know spaghetti It does feel like Like yeah John C. Riley has like He did like You know The height of fame

And he's like All these very serious roles And acting in very very Very very very like Magnolia Exactly Classic And then he's just gone like

I've done really well And I don't need to keep You know pursuing that I'm gonna do some like comedy stuff And now he's just kind of doing what he wants Yeah exactly Hey I'm John C Riley

Hey Hey What's happening I'm John C Riley I was McDonough. A movie. Do we Cox, baby.

Ah, movie. And then Ms. Piggy's calling the police There's something wrong with my husband. There's not something terribly wrong. I think it'll be the understudy. The understudy is broken. Hey, Miss Piggy hasn't worked on. I think I'm dying, but I can't give up on work.

Something's got really wrong with my husband. Actually, everything's fine. Good. I miss piggy I'm a fucking pig Yeah it's sad that there was a virus That spread Yeah

Cut to the police station And the police officer just puts the phone back down You alright man Do we need to go out to a place? I don't know I've had better days I've seen better things

I'm gonna take some time off I think Hey you know the move of the invasion of the body snatches I think it's real unhappening Miss Piggy's house Maybe you should think some time off. Yeah, I think it's starting with the Muppets. As everything always does. Remember that serial killer Barry the understanding?

Yeah. I think he's back. Could we get him or? She's still around, though. I think he's, I think he's back. Yeah. I think we should have got bored of that one. We just couldn't solve it from being like,

ah, fuck it. We kind of have done the more fun. Gave up. This case, not fun. Yeah, it's not for me, I reckon. Well, we'll do something fun. I think that we've covered a lot of ground. I agree.

But any final thoughts on who? I think John C. Raleigh is my choice. Obviously, John C. Rale is the best choice. I would love to date Miss Piggy. You know, I had to force myself, Dr. Pigs myself. If you had to force yourself to date her? Yeah. No, no, no, to not choose myself.

You had to force himself to not date her. You know, I would love to date Miss Piggy. I think we all would like that. She's one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood. Yes. You know, but unfortunately. Exactly. I got my divorce rate down to, you know,

66%. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. 30. It would be third. Oh, no, actually, it would go up because you'd have to divorce your wife.

You're married Miss Piggin. And then, I don't think, you know, and this is maybe rude to say about a dear friend. I don't think you and Miss Piggy would last. I don't think so. I think that would end in another divorce. Which would be 100% divorce. Yeah.

But then you get to have a fourth marriage, which is huge. That's a huge for you. Doesn't happen. I would be attending your third marriage. Yeah. Four? No, if I'm getting an invite to a third wedding, I open the invitation.

I literally go. Whoa. Third wedding. I don't know. I'm with Jack. Like third, you're like, oh come. Yeah, like, okay. Four. Four. Four of your library. You can say, you're idiots going again. Sixth, nothing. Six.

Yeah, exactly. I'm thinking the same thing. Fifth, I go, okay. Here we go, Johnny Marriott's getting married again. Sixth, they go, well, you know. What's a common denominator here? My friend who keeps inviting me to his wedding. The common denoted is me going to the wedding. Yeah, I just go there and break it.

Yeah. They never lost. Just ruin everything. I object really loudly. I've known my friend way longer than you have and he fucking is awful. Get out of that. He fucked a puppet. Yeah.

You know the person who married before you was a puppet? Like a full on pig puppet. Do you know that? You've just photoshopped different pictures. You've been fucking a puppet. You seen that? This sort of might have looked like. Hitting up my friend being like, yeah, brother, I got you again.

This is an awesome running joke being happened. He's like, please stop ruining my life. I didn't invite you to this one. Yeah, but I heard about it. Don't worry. I've invited you since the second one. I didn't send you one. Yeah, I made my own.

Yeah, I made my own invite. I used chat GPD. Do you reckon it would have looked like this? Anyway, I'm coming. You bring along the invite you, man. Yeah. You don't need to bring, you're not invited, but you don't need to bring the...

I made a speech. Yeah. I'm going to do it. I'm your best man, right? It's good to see you all again. Ah! Fucking got him. Yeah.

Yeah. I didn't divorce. My friend, who fox pigs, don't worry. Muppets? Apparently. As far as we know. And this one or seven human women that he's currently married.

You know he's seven times married? Oh my God. Anyway, I'm drunk. It's crazy. Six human women, one Muppet woman. This guy. This guy. Muppet woman, who's a pig?

Let's not forget. Don't take him to the farm. He might fuck a pig. Am I? All right, fellas. That's your punch one. He might fuck a pig. Again.

I hope there's not pork on the menu tonight because he might fuck the dinner. Yeah. Could you say porked him? No. Is this your best man? No. I think you might have kidnapped my best man.

He made his own invite. Hi, I'm best man. Best man. Best man speech. For my good friend, Jackson. Fuck the virus. Run! We gotta get out of you.

What's the problem? No! My beautiful seventh one! It starts planning for next. Another 28 years later. Anyway, look, we've done it. Miss Piggi and Kerman, are they actually in love? No.

Yeah, we figured it out. And look, good episode, and speaking of good, good guests. Yeah, good guests. Sammy Peterson, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I believe that you're also the host of a podcast that we are. Not another crime podcast and your two drunk aunties are my two podcasts.

Very different. One is two drunk women yelling at each other and one of the drunk women. And the other one is true crime podcast with Georgia Love, do that every week. And I've got a comedy special coming out. Oh my God. So I filmed that very recently and that's coming out on the Comedy Republic YouTube channel. Oh, fantastic. And that's right on the 27th.

So watch it maybe. Share it with Hollywood if you can. Yeah. Can you? Get Hollywood on the buzzer? On the war? Don't give it to Stanley Toon. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've got nothing. Get him away from it. Get it away from it. I think he doesn't deserve this. I'm, I've come full circle because if I know this stuff about Stanley Tucci, that means he's not famous enough to have agents that can just make up, like, cover up this stuff. He's a real man. Yeah, that's true.

Stanley Tucci is real to me. Yeah. He's just like, he's just like, well, you're a flawed human beings. He's just like, well, you're a flawed human being. Yeah, exactly. You got problems. I got problems. And I'm hearing about them. You're not hearing about my problems. Yeah, exactly. I'm big on this. I'm starting to, I flip it again. I'm better than sending a picture.

I don't am. I do it. When you go on my Wikipedia page, you're just says page not found. It doesn't have a controversy. It says page does not exist. Would you like to make one? Yeah. That's what my YouTube channel says to Stanley Chichy page not found. I just change the link somehow. I don't want to see it. Nothing. Nothing. Well, everyone should definitely check out both of those podcasts and especially your YouTube. stand-up special. And listeners,

thank you so much for listening. And hey, don't forget if you want to support us by plumbing the death star don't worry about it. Get your mind off made for one thing.

Yeah. If you go, I still love these funny fuckers. Yeah. Then you can support us by signing up to the bad brain boys. You get access to a bonus episode of Plumbing the Death Star

every month. An episode of our show, What If? We're going through what if and losing our minds at the 1970s comic book series. Episodes of Jackson Bailey Spooks America.

You get access to the fucking Discord. Did you get discounts on live show tickets? Why aren't you doing it right now? Come on. You're making me cry with your behavior. Look at those tears. Yeah.

Look at those. He's shedding tears and hair. Come on the poor boy. Really, really good stuff. Thank you so much for listening. And until next week, Plum in the Death Star, baby. It's good.

It's good to be back after last week. Yeah. It's good to be back. Have you been waiting this whole time for him just to say, and on that note? Because we've been doing that for like 10 plus years. No, no, no. I thought about that too.

And then I was just like, maybe, hey, 2026, new year, new me. I'm not signing off. And on that note, I've been Jill. I've been Jackson. And on the studio. Oh, the virus. The virus is in the studio. Hey, good night and good luck, everyone.

Good luck. Lock your doors. That's the new one. Good luck, good luck, good luck. Good night, good luck. Lock your doors.