Plumbing the Death Star - Are Mummies Scary?

Episode Date: October 29, 2017

In which our heroes explore an old pyramid, disturb an old sarcophagus, and are attacked by a bandaged ghoul as we ask are mummies scary?Check out our upcoming lives shows right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter:  twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: twitter.com/dusch13Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetype Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SANS Pants Radio, trudging through the sewers. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, are mummies scary? As you may notice in today's episode, it's a little different, a little less contrived than a usual plumbing topic. It has nothing to do with comics. I mean, like any of our normal. There's no references to shooting Spider-Man at all.

Well, that's a throwback Adam Or maybe A throw forward Hard to say Anyway Yeah so we were going through Before we recorded today's episode We were like what should we do today

So we went through a list of episode titles we had And for some reason Our Mummy's Scary was written there It's not even like All the other ones are like Which plumbing boy would make the best this Or like how does this work in the MCU? This one's just like, are mummies scary?

No? Or maybe yes. And that's what we're here to discuss today. Well, what is a mummy, first of all? Probably is a good idea to nail down. Well, there's a few different mummies. I didn't see how it was written. I think two different mummies.

How many mummies? A few different mummies. Okay. I didn't see how many mummies a few different mummies because you've got the classic mummy from the Hammer Movie Monster mummy which is just a wrapped up zombie basically if I get a zombie, like an undead and I wrap that shit up, have I got a mummy?

basically, yeah then there's like the mummy from Brendan Fraser's The Mummy and that's an undead mummy that becomes an alive mummy But he's secretly really also dead But also is a priest And there's scarabs Scarabs are the scariest part of that

No the big scary cloud face Hang on a minute Because in The Mummy his objective is to Like take from the people who opened his tomb All the different body parts Does that mean he comes... Like he's alive alive at the end of that? Because if he is,

then I don't think he gets all the different parts. Then he's technically never an alive mummy. Oh, fuck. No, you're right. He's never alive. I think he's always missing some parts. He's close to. Yeah, but he never gets...

No, but in the second one... No, wait, he does get it because that's how they kill him. No, in the first one, he does get it. That's how they kill him. How does he come back in Nomura 2? How does he come back? Someone say the mummy returns.

What? How does the mummy return, Adam? In the mummy returns. And then how does the mummy tomb of the dragon emperor? That's a different mummy. Well, that's a third mummy. That mummy can become a yeti. That's good.

That's scary. And then we've got the fourth mummy. A parent. Mummy dearest stop or my mom will shoot that was a very good reference thank you that was so childish thank you thank you what about the mummy in the new mummy movie the mummy oh that's a mummy that's a lady that... She's got six eyes for some reason. She's barely a mummy. When's she wrapped up? Basically never.

Yeah. I don't even think they... She's alive, alive, I think. But they took her guts. She's sort of alive a bit, but not really. I've seen the movie, and I've watched it.. I've seen the movie and I've watched it. Yeah.

And like didn't fall asleep. I've seen the movie and I've watched it. No, but I wasn't just like there going through the motions. I was in a cinema. Yeah. I didn't fall asleep and I wasn't talking to anyone. But you don't remember? And I still don't really remember it.

Wow. All right. So let's go through the mummies then and talk about how frightening V not frightening they are. I've got my own theories here. Have you got more mummies for the mix? I've got more mummies. More mummies then and talk about how frightening v not frightening they are. I've got my own theories here. Have you got more mummies for the mix? I've got more mummies. But I've got a theory on whether or not mummies are scary. Well,

let's see if you can just fit it into this. I'll put the lid on this pot and we'll continue on with the main course. Feel free to open that lid if you see fit at any point in the episode. I don't know if the structure we're about to do is going to help that pot. Probably not. It might just boil and burn. I'm hoping I don't know if the structure we're about to do is going to help that pot. Probably not. It might just boil.

I'm hoping I don't burn this stew is what I'm trying to say. Extended gag metaphors. This is what the people have come to love. I'll check back on that stew as the episode carries on. You'd be surprised, but here's one I prepared earlier. Oh, another stew. Get confusing with them,

I reckon. Make me more unsure as to what the metaphor actually refers to. I like my stew well done. Sorry, come on. Okay, so mummy numero one. So, Hammer Movie Monster Mummy? Yeah. Zombie wrapped in paper. Not that scary. Like, it's just a guy. Yeah, the scary part with that is sometimes in, and it's just a guy. Yeah, the scary part with that is, like, sometimes in... And it's the classic mummy, but more modern takes on it. When you get the mummy mouth. Mummy mouth is nasty, because it's all...

Mummy mouth, no eyes is good. Because you expect a big kiss, basically. Fucking let me show you something. What are you doing? Has Adam got a mummy? Adam got a... Oh, no, he's reached for his D&D books. Wrong podcast, dickhead.

The look of hurt. The look of hurt and confusion. I just want to go to a picture. We're going to see a spooky mummy. Is this an episode of Plumbing in the Death Star? Is this an episode of our paid content? Hey, D&D, it's me, Adam, and here's a picture of a mummy. Check the mummy in that book.

Mouth, no eyes. Oh, no, and here's a picture of a mummy. Check the mummy in that book. Mouth, no eyes. Oh, no, that's scary. Also because the mouth is a bit too high up. It's a bit too big is what it is. Yeah, yeah, there you go, douche. You can have a look at that. All right. Yeah, that's not okay.

So D&D mummy. Although on the other page, there's no picture, but it says mummy lord, and that's all right. A mummy lord has blinding dust. So look out for that. Yeah, mummy kiss. Frightening. But because you expect it to

suck your guts out of your mouth or something. Yeah, which is kind of how Tom Cruise beats the mummy in that mummy. He sucks his guts out? No, he kisses. Love. Yeah. Love's true kiss. That's how he gets it. That's how you get any mummy. Yeah, no.

He sucks people's souls or whatever out of them by giving them a smooch. And then Tom Cruise kills her by doing the same thing. It's real weird. What is it with bad universe movies and women who kiss people to make them dead or whatever.

What's the other one? Fucking Suicide Squad. Who kissed people dead? Oh. Enchantress does that. Oh, yeah, she does too. Yeah, the mummy and Enchantress are kind of the same.

Enchantress is actually in many ways almost a mummy. She is. I'll add that to the mix. Put that mummy in the mix. Yeah, that's a mummy. That'd make a mad tattoo to put that mummy in the mix Yeah that's a That's a That's a mummy That'd make a mad tattoo

Put that mummy in the mix Enchantress not very scary Yeah look let's nip that Let's like knock that one Out of the park We'll jump forward a bit Through the list I'm not afraid of enchantress

See that dumb dance And you're like Oh god She's like I'm embarrassed for you I'm not afraid I'm just A shame

Those should be The two measurements How scary is the mummy And how embarrassing is the mummy? No, but you're absolutely right, because if a mummy's not scary, it is embarrassing. I mean, yeah. Like, if you see a mummy hobbling down the hall, but it's got an okay- actually, like, a bright white smile with, like, perfect teeth is also scary for a mummy. Yeah, that's frightening. But if it's just like your typical, like,

wrapped in bandages, moving- what's scary about like your classic hammer monster mummy is being trapped in a pyramid. That's a scary part. Not the mummy. Pyramids are scary. Not the mummy. If I was trapped in a pyramid without a mummy, I'd be afraid. A very specific type of claustrophobia, I believe. Well, like a pyramid's real dark.

Like, I don't know. It's scary. And if you're trapped in a pyramid, it's like you know that it's forever. Yeah. Well, yeah. If you're trapped in the dark, you don't know, it's scary. And if you're trapped in a pyramid, you know that it's forever. Yeah, well, yeah. If you're trapped in the dark, you don't know it's a pyramid. That's a good point. After getting trapped in the catacombs of Paris

and popping out in Giza. That'd be scary as. Plus, I feel like a mummy, a hammer-moving monster mummy, anyway, is really easy to defeat. I feel like all you gotta do is grab a bandage. Yeah, fire, water, all the elements. Fire, water, wind?

Blow on it? Gotcha. Also, like, what's a mummy noise? Yeah. It's not quite the zombie. It's more. Yeah, it's more of a. Mummies can talk sometimes.

There's no, like, in its voice. It's always like... Kind of like a whale, but wrong. Mummies talk sometimes, though, and their voice always echoes. That's true. That's scary. Well, that's because a mummy is... I'm a mummy.

I believe there are stages to the mummy. There is, though, because there's mummy, and then there's, like, my tooth. There is, though. That's when you're bringing the mummy back, because the mummy starts off just being like... The mummy basically goes through the stages of waking up, but, like, for a very long period of time.

Because, first of all, the mummy's like, what the fuck? What's going on? Who are these guys? What's going on? I'm no good to anyone till I've had my morning coffee. When is it? And then the evil...

Oh, 2017. I overslept. No. Mummy is terribly late What if the mummy fucked up And was 2000 years late But then when the evil The evil cultists are like

We've brought the mummy back a bit That's when the mummy is a bit clued in To what's going on And is like alright sick I'm a mummy I'm a mummy I'm a mummy I don't know what voice we've divulged into but it is no longer a mummy voice

I just did an echo really wrong an echo with a testy pop is funny Anyway So a ridge mummy Just woke up mummy, not scary Coming back a bit mummy Scarier Fully alive mummy though, not scary

Just a man Fully alive mummy tends to have magic though But magic isn't scary Magic's like good turn me into a goat But the magic a mummy has Tends to be like Locusts Or scarabs

Like in Brandon Fraser's The Mummy Scarabs are the scariest part of that movie They get under your skin But they're not a mummy's power They just let those scarabs out. They attack anyone. Yeah. I think they attack him in there.

Yeah, I think they do. Or at the very least, maybe in the second one, the mummy's like, uh, careful. It's full of fucking scarabs. Those scarabs are fucking, like, maybe, like, you know, in a swarm they're dangerous. But one at a time, those scarabs are fucking easy. And also, it's that kind of thing where you're like,

it's like saying the mummy is scary because you're in a pyramid. Like, if you're saying they won't make a mummy scary, you're actually saying scarabs are scary. True. And they're not. What about the zombies that the mummy brings back sometimes? You know, sometimes the mummy brings back... Surely those are just further mummies.

I suppose they're just like lesser mummies. Yeah. That the mummy brings back. A lesser mummy. Yeah, I suppose. So what are we going to say about your classic Hammer movie mummy? Your HMM. On a spook meter?

Yeah. So one to five. A one being. Spookiness, embarrassment. Yeah. Or do it in terms of like the noise you'd make when you were scared. Oh, okay. Is it like an ah, an ooh, or an oh, no?

Oh, yeah. So I reckon with mummy just working up, I'm like a uh an ooh or an oh no okay so i reckon with with the with mummy just working up i'm like oh but mummy mummy a bit working up i'm like oh geez but i reckon with a fully alive mummy like what now i think i'm like just working up mummy i'm like oh boy yeah uh come back alive mummy i'm like what Cause I don't quite get it. Yep. Fully alive. Mommy. I'm like,

is that just a guy? Yeah. I'm like a rattlesnake. Yeah. Adam, I think with just woken up that you get like the, I think that's the scariest. You get like a, ah,

with, uh, coming back. Mommy. That's like, that's also pretty scary. Not as scary as the, cause the coming back.

Mommy is like half human half it's got that classic like yeah that is a human body that that could be me true so you're like ah and then the fully back mom fully back mummy is just like a person if you didn't know it was a mummy you wouldn't know that's true it's just like hello you're like oh boy all right what was the next mummy douche so the next mummy was Dushan? So the next mummy was Brendan Fraser's The Mummy. Well, that's scary because, I mean, like it follows the classic mummy trope. Yeah. But actually he doesn't start off wrapped in bandages really, does he?

He starts off as just like a desiccated corpse. That's scary. That's scary, grosser. Yeah. Oh, what's really scary, actually, I just remembered, when he's like, when he's dealing with some of the people, this one guy gets blinded or whatever, and the mummy wants some part of his body.

I forget. Maybe his mouth. His tongue, I should say. Sorry. That mummy takes body bits. Yeah. The mummy is in town walking around with a mask and a full body thing because he's not properly back yet.

There's the scene where the guy can't see anything, but he's still wearing the mask for some reason. I don't like it. Yeah. So we got that. That's almost stages as well. Brandon Fraser's the mummy. When he gets his bits back.

It's pre-bits. Yeah. Pre-bits. Pre-bits. Some bits. All bits. All bits. Cloud.

Yeah. Cloud. Yeah. Remember he becomes a cloud and yells at the plane. Sand. Yes. He becomes water as well. Should we say, like...

Okay, let's say big face. Big face. Big face. Big face is good. No bits, some bits, all bits, big face. Big face is scary, though. Like, if a fucking tidal wave is coming at you And a face comes out

You're like, ahhh And the face is like, no And I'm terrified He tries to swallow them both times as well That's scary What is he gonna do? He doesn't have like a stomach Where's it gonna go?

Alright, so no bits, mummy Spooky, I'll be a little bit like, oh Yeah, I'll be a little bit like Yeah I'd be a little bit like This is very similar To the last one That's alright Oh that's what you said that's your assumption Yeah I think I might actually just have

But because of the mask stuff I might change my answer Mask some bits Yeah no is what I'm saying I might change my answer Because that's really scary Yeah what about mask mummy for you Is there a zombie? Yeah. Jesus!

That's probably my noise. Because I'm unsure, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this a guy? Is this a ghoul? What's the gulf? My ghoul sense is through the roof at that point. I think...

No, I'm going to keep it the same. So, no bits scariest, some bits scary, and then- No, they're not noises, mate. Try again. You've broken our review system. All right, all right, all right. So no bits, I'm like, yeah. Some bits, but with mask, I'm like-

There's dread more than proper fear. Yeah, I was going to say, some bits with mask for me is maybe even more like, ooh. No, I'm sticking with my Jesus. And then the low bits. Sorry, all bits. You're like, aren't you an actor? Yeah, all bits I'm like, weren't you in The Mommy? All bits I'll just be like, are you a guy?

Yeah, aren't you? Are you a wizard? More like a, huh? Oi. For a long time I thought you were the same. Oi, that's good. For a long time I thought you were the same actor who played Voldemort. Okay, what about Big Face? Oh, boy.

Oh, fuck. I forgot Big Face. Because he's a big face. Big Face, scariest. Big Face, absolutely hands down, most frightening. For me, Big Face, some bits, no bits, all bits. Yeah, that's the same as... Actually, no. Because some bits is like a bit wrong. Some bits is, I face, some bits, no bits, all bits. Yeah, that's the same as... Actually, no, I think I...

Because some bits is like a bit wrong. Some bits is, I think, my scariest. Big face, second scariest. Yeah, and big face is scary the same way like an earthquake is scary. I'd put no bits ahead of some bits. No, because some bits I'm like, he's on the way and he might take my bits. Yeah, because he does take people's bits. He's a bit taker.

He's a bit... I'm more scared of like a walking skeleton with just like on it than like a more scared of a walking skeleton With just like What about a walking skeleton With a beating human heart And a tongue that he just stole I'm assuming he's wearing the bodysuit at that point The tongue he just stole and new eyes Your eyes

What if you were the blind guy That's scary That's frightening I'm afraid of some bits. He doesn't have stages in The Mummy 2, does he? No, he just comes back proper in The Mummy 2. Least scary one.

Mummy Returns, maybe he should have fucking stayed at home. How scary is The Rock? In Scorpion King? That's scary. He's a bit of a, jeez, you're a big fella, aren't you? Oh boy, what? Was he a hero? They made separate Scorpion King movies, right?

There were four, I think. Yeah. Four Scorpion King films. Is The Rock in all of them? No, he's only in the first one. Yeah. Wait, doesn't another wrestler take up the mat? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that happens.

Is it Goldberg? Or Gold, what's his name? Gold something. Goldberg is the wrestler, but I don't know if it's that wrestler. I fucking hope so. That's funny. Also, is he a good guy or a bad guy in those movies? At the end of The Mummy 2,

he's in the first stage of waking up. That's what it seems like. But instead of responding confused, he's responding with panic. He's like, what? This is all off topic, though, because he is not a mummy. Oh, no. The person who takes over from the rock is Batista.

Oh, Dave Batista. Oh, that's amazing. That's only the Mummy 3, Scorpion King 3. Scorpion King 4, it's just different fellas every time. All right, well, what about Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor? While we're on the Brendan Fraser trilogy. I haven't seen that one. It's a lady mummy?

No, yeah, maybe. No, no, it's a male mummy. It's a Bruce Lee, I think. Maybe not Bruce Lee. Jet Li. Jet Li, that's it. Jet Li. It's a Li.

Okay, so Jet Li, he's a mummy. I thought you said it's a lady. Jet Li's that's it. It's a Li. Okay, so Jet Li, he's a mummy. I thought you said it's a lady. Jet Li's definitely a man. And he can become a yeti and become different animals, and he's got elemental powers. I don't remember the mummy three very well. Nobody does. I remember that at that point they had started making the joke

that Brendan Fraser was saying, I'm too old for this. There were too many mummies in that man's life. At a certain point you're going to think you're the problem, Brendan. Is the mummies, is there a mummy problem in the world or is there a Brendan Fraser problem in the world? That's what you should be asking Brendan. I'm not afraid, frankly, of somebody that can become a yes. Too much, you know what I mean? I think, okay.

It's not scary anymore, it's just like Overkill. So the noise is like That's a very loosely a mummy That's your noise This is the mummy I'd be more scared of Jet Li Than I would be of a mummy

To be honest He has the terracotta army doesn't he Yeah that's a bit scary I'm not that scared of a terracotta army Too many fellas Too much ceramic You're supposed to be careful around ceramic You don't want to knock them over

I'd be more afraid that I might topple one And they'd domino and I'd all break I'd be like I'm super sorry I'm so embarrassed Sometimes I'm just like a bull in a china shop I'm sorry dude How's the stew? Oh it's still going I'm so embarrassed. Sometimes I'm just like a bull in a china shop, you know? I'm sorry, dude. So what are we getting?

How's the stew? Huh? Oh, it's still going. Don't worry. I haven't forgotten it. Oh, good. I forgot about your stew. Yeah, I didn't.

I was worried. I just don't want it to boil over. We're overselling this. Is it still cooking? It's burnt. Oh, no. I can already tell at this point it's burnt. We left it go too long. I was was hoping to get in there at a good time

it was burnt like after turned it down to a simmer I reckon you said hammer movie monster Jackson the first time I'm like that's burnt did you turn it off? I forgot to oh jeez

I'm looking forward to getting it at the end when we finish with the mummies. What's next? A mother? No, wasn't it the mummy in Tom Cruise's mummy? It's a lady. Yeah, she's got four eyes. That spooks me out. She looks kind of scary in the trailer.

Yeah. Yeah, her eyes split. But then, twist, spoilers for the mummy, I guess. She splits. She's gone. Tom Cruise becomes the mummy. What? No way to add her to this twist.

I think I just got it from the trailer that he was becoming the mummy. So she is like, I need to make a sacrifice of a person so I can become a mortal. And then he sacrifices himself using the same thing. And somehow that makes him the mummy. I honestly could not tell you. And he gets the split eyes? Yeah. They both have the split eyes.

Okay. So, well, that means we've got two options here. A bridge mummy and cruise mummy. Mummy original flavor or extra spicy. So original mummy, she's a bit psychotic. Like, as in, like, she's unhinged. She seems too quick. Yeah, so you're just like,

oh. No, I think mine would be like, ah, ah, ah, ah! As she crawls on up to me and then sucks my guts out. She's not like a crawler, she's more just like a poppy-uppy. Oh, okay, so I don't know where she is and then all of a sudden, there she is? Yeah. So you're like, huh, huh, huh, huh! Gosh! Plus, are we in the know where she is, and then all of a sudden, there she is? Yeah. So you're like, huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Gosh!

Yeah. Plus, are we in the situation where we're about to get sacrificed? Whoa, she just kills other people. Because it's a similar thing with the bits in the original Mummy. She has to kill people to come back a bit. But it's not like specific guts. It's like just general life force. That's less scary than Brennan Fraser.

That is a bit, actually. It's definitely less scary. If I can't see the parts that I'm going to become, then That's less scary than Brennan Fraser. It is a bit, actually. It's definitely less scary. If I can't see the parts that I'm going to become, then it's less, yeah, there's less, like, to it. Yeah, no, it's just like she sucks people's life, I guess, and then she absorbs enough, she kills, like, four or five people,

then she's, like, back to... Yeah, not that scared. Scared of her four eyes? Because I'm like... That's too many eyes. Is she an alien? Nah, if you're, like, standing even maybe this far away, someone has four eyes. You just don't notice? Yeah, you might not be noticing. If my fucking pupils split into two, you'd notice eventually.

Presumably we're not sitting here having a conversation, though. Like if she comes up, if she does a pop-up, and she's like, boop, splits her eyes, then I'm like, ah! And then she sucks my guts. But presumably there's like, you know, some other context to it. Maybe I'm a soldier or something. Yeah, that's true.

What about Cruise, Mom? I'll be like, mm. A bit of a mm. You're little. That's your noise for Tom Cruise, the mummy? No, that's my noise for her. Okay, what else for Tom Cruise? I reckon I know. Are you Tom Cruise? Asking if he's Tom Cruise.

I loved you in Vanilla Sky. I liked that in that movie it was confusing, but then it was a dream. Yeah, that was fucking... Because you were fucked. That was really good, man. Remember that time you jumped that couch? Are you a mummy now? I hear you love Katie Holmes.

I love Katie. We were on Oprah that one time. I wouldn't feel very intimidated at all because Tom Cruise never plays bad guys. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Like, when's he been villainous? I think the scariest Tom Cruise has ever been is in Tropic Thunder. Yeah? Not fair, though. That's like the baddest

he's ever been as well. He plays a dirt bag in Magnolia. You know that movie? Yeah, I know the movie. He's one of those, like, he's had a date a woman. You know those people? Pick up artist? I know the movie. He's one of those, like, he's had a date a woman. You know those people? Pick-up artist? In Magnolia, though, does he, like, just let someone die?

Like he does in Tropic Thunder? No. Well. I forgot that happened in Tropic Thunder. Yeah. Yeah, okay. So Tom Cruise, the mummy. He saves their lives by throwing a tivo in

front of a missile in that movie let's not forget that let's not forget the sacrifices matthew mcconaughey has made to save ben stiller robert downey jr and jack black that's so weird in that movie that they try to like pass ben stiller off as though he's an action hero like i know that maybe that's the joke, but it just seems really weird. It's more of a comedy movie than it is an action movie. No, I mean, like, in the movie, Ben Stiller's character is an action hero.

But I'm like, he's so weedy. Well, Tom Cruise is as well, though. Like, in real life, Tom Cruise doesn't look like an action star. It's just a coincidence. That's true. So Tom Cruise, the mummy, we're like, oh, you're Tom Cruise. That's fine.

Are there any other mummies before we get to mamas? I'm trying to think. There's a time that mummy met Abbott and Costello. That's not that scary. I saw that movie. Did they become friends? I assume they must have.

It was hijacked. They didn't actually really meet the mummy. Abbott and Costello movies used to do the thing where they had a B story and an A story. And Abbott and Costello were strangely always the B story. In their own title. They were there and the mummy was there, but never the twain chilled me.

Yeah, the mummy was like scaring other people. It's weird. And Abbott and Costello were just doing goofs. Yeah, they're just like the CPO and R2-D2 characters. Weird. I guess Mama's, though. Well, I was going to say, speaking of C-3PO and R2-D2, Darth Vader's a bit of a mummy.

Yeah, he is. He's a bit of a mummy's boy, you know what I mean? Hey! No, but I see what you mean. He follows the same arc as, like, I'm putting on my shoes. I mean, I guess. He's like a very powerful prince of sorts. A prince of the Jedi.

All right. If we're doing like different levels, then we got to be like the boy, the adult Darth Vader. Well, it's the boy, the limbless boy. I'm saying like little boy adult. Little boy adult, bad slash limbless adult Darth Vader. Okay, so we're doing four. But listeners, you

appreciate that he follows a mummy's nature. Yeah, I mean like he's really powerful. He's a boy king. He's a boy king that has like a destiny. He betrays that destiny. He tries to do something that gives him ultimate power. He kind of, they're like, he's dead, but then they sort of mummify him in the Vader.

Vader's a mummy. He has the mummy storyline. I'd never thought about this before, but they're a fresh take, hot take. There you have it. Fuck, I love your hot takes. There's another classic Joel Dusha hot take. There are 43 across San Spencer Radio.

Find them all, email them to me, and you get a prize. It's a date with me and Ted Hamilton. That reference anyone? I just don't. Todd Hamilton?

I don't even know who you're talking about. There's a movie like it's a mid T. Win a date with Ted Hamilton. Yeah. Or Todd Hamilton. Let's find out's a movie. It's a mid-tea. Win a day with Ted Hamilton.

Or Todd Hamilton. Let's find out. Fuck me. What an interesting Todd Hamilton. We knew it was a tea and a day with a male. So, kid Vader. Is he a mommy? Should we rate him on

Fear Factor? Todd Hamilton is played by that young guy that was in the TV show Las Vegas and is now in the Transformers movies. Josh Duhamel. I do not know.

This guy. Can't follow you. Oh, okay. That's Dad Hamilton. Oh, that guy. Didn't he also fucking play... No, it's like at a distance on a phone, so maybe I'm wrong. Who are you thinking of?

That's not the guy who played in Suicide Squad. No. No, but he does look like him. He's got very small features. Yeah. He does have a small feature. He looks like he's got a big face. No, a big head, but a tiny face.

Tiny face. It's weird. Josh Duhamel, I'm pretty sure is how you pronounce his name. Anyway, if I met Josh Duhamel, I'd be like, hmm. I'd be like, hey, aren't you from that TV show that went for like 103 episodes and no one ever talks about? You've got very small features. I don't think I have a sound for this one. I think I just keep walking.

Do you remember the TV show Las Vegas? Does anyone remember that TV show? That's so weird. I don't think he's in think I just keep walking. Do you remember the TV show Las Vegas? Does anyone remember that TV show? That's so weird. I don't think he's in anything I know. Ed Sheeran. No, not Ed Sheeran. I think the sound for that one would be mentally must remember to tell

Jackson, Samet, and Dusha that I think I saw the guy from Suicide Squad. James Cairn or Cain is the main guy in Las Vegas It's just about them running a casino But like Shenanigans?

Yeah a bit of shenanigans I do not remember that show It was on Anyway Anakin Boy Anakin Boy Anakin Is he scary? No he's annoying

I'd be like Yeah What about young man Anakin? Pre-Losing Arms? Yeah Nah he looks like he might He's like He looks like a school shooter a bit I'd be like What about young man Anakin? Pre-Losing Arms? Yeah. No, he looks like he might... He looks like a school shooter a bit. He did.

I'd be like... Darth Vader, I'm like... You've jumped ahead. You've jumped ahead. What are you doing? What about limbless young men? I'm giving them an order of scariness. Okay, yeah, not fair.

We've been doing it the same way all episode. You keep jumping ahead. No, we haven't. Yes, we have. No, we haven't. Me and Jackson have. Jackson and I way all episode no we haven't me and Jackson have Jackson and I and no you haven't shut the fuck up we go through them in order

listeners will appreciate this this is a bit of a recap we go through them in order and then after we've made all of our noises we then rank the noises we don't do it halfway through. Are you sure about that? Yes. The listeners can listen back. Maybe I've just heard a mess

instead of the order that you claim. Maybe, bloody, if you weren't too worried about your fucking burnt stew. Oh, yeah. I forgot about it. Crack it open. Let's try some. Actually, no.

This is a perfect time. Crack open the stew. If we threw our Darth Vader rankings, bring out that stew Adam that mummy theory stew that's been boiling this whole episode it's overcooked talking about the fucking mess that this episode is let's crack it open

hang on just pass me your balls alright so I reckon rankings and therefore the fear factor on different mummies change as you get older. That is a fresh take that you should have said at the start of the episode. I think you should be 15.

I think the age is pre-15 and after 15. Because before 15, you're like still enough of a kid. After 15, there's a grace period where you're like, I'm too cool to be scared. And then you're like just actually not scared. I think there's there's a grace period where you're like i'm too cool to be scared and then you're like just actually not scared i kind of know i think there's also a point you hit where you're like a mummy is basically a stupid monster you know what i mean like if you if you're younger than 15 the og mummy you're probably gonna spook you but as an adult man i'm like i'll smack those bandages off your dumb face you're like it's just like a guy like it's not

even as scary as a zombie because a zombie is is like, well, I can't stop that. And there's heaps of them. Even Brendan Fraser's Mummy. I remember watching that movie as like a 14-year-old and being like, ah, this is the scariest thing that'll ever happen to me. And now I'm like, whatever. It wasn't.

No. Scariest thing was adulthood. That's another fresh take. The scariest thing movie I watched when I was 14 was Blade 2. Is Blade 2 the one that opens with the blood club? Yeah. I was so scared of that movie. What's going on?

That is a sick song. New order. That's good. All right. So Burned Anakin. Let's get this done at least. Okay. Just.

Oh. And then Darth Vader Uh oh That's good Alright and now So Darth Vader Pretty scary Could kill you He's scarier than a mummy

Yeah But probably not as scary As a mummy with less bits Well Darth Vader's scary Darth Vader Darth Vader's scary Darth Vader Danny Darth Vader

Darth Vader Yeah He's scary because like a serial killer scary not like a monster you know what i mean yeah you're like he can kill me but like he's a guy i think if i like because like ted bundy and stuff like that you're like if you saw him for some reason and you're like yo ted bundy you're a serial killer that's scary but then i feel like it was a more fucked serial killer, although Ted Bundy, how fucked was he? Pretty fucked. I used to fuck corpses, didn't I? I think so. Probably. No, but if you saw it's a different like if one's attacking

you, it's scary, but it's a human fear. Yeah. Whereas if a mummy with bits is attacking you, you're like, I don't know what's going on. And that's scary. I want an opinion here because I've been thinking about it and I reckon I got this like little dessert thing. Thank you. It's good.

Darth Vader walking down the corridor in Rogue One is very similar to how you might see a mummy going through soldiers in a mummy movie. Absolutely. Darth Vader is mummy-esque. It's a very good theory. Darth Vader based off the mummy. Call George Lucas.

He'll tell you. You watch it. It's shot for shot. The Rogue One is shot for shot. Abbott and Costello meets the mummy. Do you know when Revenge of... When the second Star Wars movie came out, Episode 5, that's when

they named it Episode 4 and Episode 5? No, it's not. I found that. I looked it up. It was Episode 2. I'm saying when episode five came out, they called it episode four, episode five. They did. I looked it up. It's fucked. Look, Adam,

I don't want to have a debate that has an answer on air, but I can assure you that that is not the case. Does somebody want to look it up so that we don't have this discussion? 1996 is when they got the titles. Well, I'm willing to concede, but I looked it up and I'm so certain. So A New Hope was never called A New Hope. It got named that when they did the

special edition, when they first went back and edited them. So Empire Strikes Back would have been Star Wars 2, but it was never Star Wars 5. I'm willing to be told on that, but like, I was so certain. Well, coming into this, I was 100% sure. Into this mummy episode If I'm wrong

Is it true then though That the Indiana Jones movie Was like George Lucas is like Indiana Jones The first one Is like Indiana Jones number 32

I don't know Maybe Cause I heard that From the same place So now I'm unsure On that one Well that seems reasonable Because that's the kind of thing

Well it kind of does That seems reasonable The Indiana Jones like Series is them... Well, it kind of does. That seems reasonable. The Indiana Jones, like, series is them being, like, it's, like, meant to be, like, a serial. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so, like, it would make sense for them to be, like, yeah, we're just jumping in on one of Indy's many adventures where he's got to get the bloody arc of...

That seems literally anything but. So, like, because George Lucas was planning on making those 32 movies. Oh. Yeah. Okay, well, that's 32 movies. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's just mad. Yes. Fuck.

You've watched the behind the scenes. This is so off topic. You've watched the behind the scenes of... Are there any mummies in Indiana Jones? I feel like there surely must be. In Kingdom of the Crystal Skull... Oh, wait. No, I was wrong.

Fuck. Oh, Adam Cannavale. Winner, winner, chicken chicken dinner that's very confusing but cool yeah no it was never it was always called the empire strikes back but in the opening crawl it's just like episode five like what yeah it's fucked that's crazy that's so dumb in so many ways this is you learning it's just a whole bunch. I'm just really fucking confused now, because I honestly thought it was... Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed me being smoked and then wrong. I refused to believe it until it was right there in front of me.

It's sad that people can't be in the studio with us to taste your hubris. No, no, I'm not even like... I was in douche... I was butt in douche's seat not that long ago Well there you go I called the friend who said it Dirt shit dog shit dumb shit And then I turned out to be dirt shit dog shit dumb shit

Fucking twist You're probably right about Indiana Jones Probably did intend to make 32 I was going to say if you watch the behind the scenes Of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull You can see how much he's done Making Indiana Jones movies Who you that could be anyone that could have been fucking shia labeouf at that point it's fucking ah fuck man spielberg's like yeah i got

these ideas and george lucas is like it should be aliens and spielberg's like oh no that's kind of silly and he's like no let's make it aliens. And it's like an interview and Spielberg's like, I just knew George Lucas wasn't going to stop. So it's alien. It's amazing. I'm surprised they're still fun. I'm imagining like, um, I think we should, um, I reckon, uh, aliens. Aliens is probably the good idea. Aliens is what it should be. It's very funny. Anyway, I'm flying back to the Skywalker ranch

you want to come with? What a voice that man has. It's quite Mickey Mouse-like. 1981 was when A New Hope was titled A New Hope. Yep. Alright. Cool.

It's fucked. Imagine if they didn't make the prequels for 20 years after that. Longer. 30. It is fucked. 20 years. I was right the first time.

Anyway, The Mummy. This just shook me to my core. Fuck, that's scary. That one is me like, oh, I'm super right all the time. And now I'm like, oh. Maybe I'm not right about some other things. You're wrong about everything. Fuck.

I love Star Wars. I've read so much. How did I not know? I don't know, man. This is fucked. Gel Dusha shook. Anyway, mums. Mums.

Scary. When you're first born, from under 15, you're like, oh. Yeah. When your mum's being like, I'm cross. You're like, oh. You're like, oh, shit. There's an age. There's an age where you stop being so oh. Yeah. When your mum's being like, I'm cross. You're like, oh. You're like, oh, shit. There's an age. There's an age where you stop being so scared.

Yeah. But then mum can hurt you in other ways. Yeah. Financially, emotionally. Has anyone here ever had the, um, your mum calls you by your full name and then you know you're in trouble? Uh.

Do you have an equivalent, at least? Yeah. If my mum used Jackson instead of of jack or bode which is her nickname for me dickhead yeah oh fuck jackson you fuck with dog is something the matter mother dirt shit jackson um but no if she you know because my mom's here jackson then i'm like oh fuck i'm in trouble or i was my name is short and therefore cannot be extended or shortened. Yeah, same thing. But surely you got like Adam Carnavale. Joel Fortescue Dusha.

Four square, actually. Joel Four Square Dusha. I think there might have been like the faster she said it. I'm like, ooh. Dumb! Adam! Adam! Ah! Dumb! Ah!

Dumb you dumb! What if it's real slow? Ah! Dumb! That sounds frustrated. Like, ah, no. But no, if it was like clipped. Like that?

Yeah, like, maybe not. That's a little bit going. Yep, that, that, that one. Whoa, it sent chills down my spine. Oh, maybe not. That's a little bit going. Yep, that, that, that one. Whoa, it sent chills down my spine. Oh, stop it. I'm scared. I'm in trouble again. Again, I am 10.

I am but a 12-year-old now who has spilt Coke all over the floor on the good rug. I once spilt milk all over family photos when I was about eight. It was a big box of family photos and my mom was not happy. It occurred to me that you could have said literally any age and I would have been like yep. Oh, I just had like milk on photos yesterday. Yep. Speaking of scary moms.

It's not as great as it did imagine me with a big box of photos but like a jug of milk. I'm just like coming down my beard onto the photos. That just reminded me of a story involving photos as well. So when I was like nine, maybe 10, youngish, but not that young. Like my sister used to go to a scrapbooking class. Yeah. I mean, don't ask, but I went to like for three weeks cause I was bored and mom gave

me what I later found out was one of her favorite photos of me as a child, which I mean, I was born in 1991. So there's no digital copies of that bad boy. And I cut it wrong and cut off my own head and then I just threw it in the bin. And then mom was like, Oh, what happened to the photo? And I was like that. She's like, I got to stuck it back together. And she was, I was like, oh yeah.

She's like, did you just throw it out? I was like, yeah. She's like, oh, what happened to the photo? And I was like that. She's like, I gotta stack it back together. And I was like, oh, yeah. She's like, did you just throw it out? I was like, yeah. She's like, Joel, I loved that photo. That's so funny. There's similar photos. Like, as in, like, it's... A lot of the milk photos were gone forever. My dad's very particular about this shit.

He documents fucking everything. Like, I didn't know for the longest time. I didn't know that it's not usual for when someone has a birthday. First off, for, like, fucking relatives from overseas to come over for any old birthday. And I also didn't know it was unusual that everyone, everyone has their photo taken with the birthday person. What? Oh, that's weird. Group photos, sure. Not one-on-one. Everyone has their photo taken with the birthday person What? Oh that's weird Group photo sure

Not one on one So like What we would do is So Or what we do at a party is Like Say it's one of my cousins Me, my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister

We're all there We take the photo But then My brother has a girlfriend So it's the It's the cousin My brother And his girlfriend

That's a photo Every Every possible combination Every possible combination of people So it's the cousin, my brother, and his girlfriend. That's a photo. Every. Every possible combination. Every possible combination of people who are related one way or another to each other. That's mad. Where's that on the fear factor for you? That's scary ass.

What noise? I'd be like, oh. I'd be like, oh, no, that's too many photos. I didn't know that was unusual until I was like 20. Oh, my God. That was only like three minutes ago. Boy, you got to... Fuck, you got to... The whole shebang, this whole rigmarole.

It's got to be a good photo. There's multiple photos taken. Of course. Okay, naturally. Yeah, yeah. Well, what was the scariest mommy? Mommy with some bits. Yeah.

Darth Vader. My mother. Uh-huh mother Who is a lovely lady But sometimes mums are scary Sometimes a mum's gotta be scary Put you in line Adam's photo dystopia Big face That's my top five

I forgot big face That's a perfect ranking of the mummies. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've been Adam. Mummy! Come to a family photo thing. It's good.

It's not. Anyway, thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter, you can find us at Sandspants Radio, or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead. And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to hear our other shows,

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But not forever. Kisses.