Plumbing the Death Star - Are Muppets Second Class Citizens?

Episode Date: May 15, 2016

In which our heroes play the music, light the lights, and meet the muppets on the muppet show tonight as they discuss whether or not Muppets are second-class citizens. We talk about the world of entertainment, ask some hard hitting questions about relationships and put the Muppets on the “Rights Spectrum”. Jackson calls Sesame Street a slum, Zammit doesn't remember what Gonzo does and Duscher just claims that maybe Muppets can vote and they just don’t want to. So join the gang as they mock their own friends and fight for the rights of chickens everywhere. Chickens are Muppets and Muppet are People! Want to figure that out with your modern day science? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can solve the Gonzo situation. Make something of yourself in this crazy world? Do us a favour and go to http://www.geekfuel.com/sanspants and sign up to get into the entertainment industry so you can get the vote!Come see D&D is for Nerds Live Dungeon Crawl on the 28th of May, you can book tickets here: https://www.trybooking.com/LKBEAnd don’t forget to purchase your copy of Plumbing the Death Star Vol. 1 right now available at https://audiobooksontape.com/shop/plumbing-death-star-bonus/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

San Spence Radio, eat your entire advent calendar in one sitting. So, I'm going to keep this short and sweet because I'm watching Sleepless in Seattle and I don't want to miss a thing. But, Plumbing the Death Star's sister show, D&D is for Nerds, is having a live show on the 28th of May at Next Level Gaming. Tickets are limited, we've only got 10 left, so get hurrying. Deets are in the show notes below, so check them out. Book yourself a space, they're going fast. are in the show notes below, so check them out. Book yourself a space. They're going fast. Also,

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I'm going to say Lachene. The world is a furious mandrill, and you have the choice of either running from it, or your life, or turning around and punching it square in the nose. I recommend the later. It sounds like Sleepless in Seattle is back on, and I want to see what happens to Tom Hanks. Enjoy the episode! Hi everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. We ask the important questions like, are Muppets second-class citizens? It's the Muppet Show! So, this is a theory I've been sitting on for a while. And when I say theory, I mean thing, I thought.

So this all started when I was watching the Muppet movie, the first one that came out really recently with jason seagull on it yep the muppets the 2011 film the muppets how's that lung cancer going jackson you should really get that treated it's a shame that your ball cancer has spread to my lung bypass it's contagious so i'm a coffee boy Jason Seagal's Steven Seagal's The Muppet movie The main character whose name escapes me right now Is adopted by a human family Right?

He's played by Walter He's adopted by a human family, right? And he lives in a neighborhood that is Absolutely devoid of any other Muppets and clearly from this we can infer that Muppets are a race of people

Jason Segel and Walter I want to say Marcus again and they watch the Muppet TV show together and Walter is like I want to be on that because those are my people. Yeah.

He looks around and he's like, nah, this is the magic of the Muppets movie. He never says anything like that. He's like, I want to be on that, but he's never like, I want to be on that.

Cause they're also Muppets. Clearly he wants to be on that. No, the subject is, between the goddamn line. Plus he looks, he looks at it. Imagine if he wasn't a Muppet and he imagined himself as Sheldon.

Yeah. Which is the actor that plays him Fuck that guy No because that's why it's so nice Because like Jason Segel No one treats Walter like he is Anything Then why do you never see Muppets

In any job other than entertainer Full stop End of list you do where there's a dog when Kermit in the original Muppets movie goes and tries to acquire all the Muppets to start the Muppet show none of them are in like

decent jobs one of them runs a mechanic you'd be loaded running a mechanic isn't one of them like high up in like the government official isn't Miss Piggy running an entire company that's after the event Reloaded. Running a mechanic. Isn't one of them high up in the government official? Isn't Miss Piggy running an entire company? Yes.

After the events. I mean, I'm talking about the first Muppets movie from the fucking 80s, you ho-bag. 1978. Fuck you. That's my fucking catchphrase. Shut up, you cunts. Shut the fuck up and listen you dumb cunts your very first movie everybody's living in squalor

it's only after the events of the movie that everybody has it's almost like they have a better resume now exactly a better resume the same way that anyone gets a better job I don't think that they're trash people which you seem to be inferring not saying that because they got a like were on the

muppet show they were second-class citizens i'm saying they were second-class citizens the only place they could see as like a avenue for expressing themselves was through entertainment like a lot of people who were judged second-class citizens historically and after that people were like we've seen you on the TV. You are actual human beings. You are actual human beings. Let's give you a fucking job. You've seen Hairspray. Yeah.

That was the plot of Hairspray. It's basically the plot of Hairspray. Plus, little bonus point, fucking gentrified New York with goddamn Sesame Street. Get all the Muppets, shuffle them in one shithole. That's the Muppet neighborhood. There's like such a vast majority of Muppets there and no Muppets anywhere else in the city. Everybody's always like,

holy shit, Big Bird. Did you say that they were second... I want to say hand, but that's wrong. Second hand Muppets. Class citizens and now they're not as much? I would say that the Muppets probably, as in the TV show and the group, probably did a lot for Muppet rights.

But I would say that probably there's still a lot of stigma around Muppets. Wait, the movie also... Imagine Jason Segel's parents adopted a Muppet. Well, I'm sure that happened. I'm sure people were like... I mean, behind the scenes, they're not going to show it in the movie, but I'm sure people were like,

you're adopting a Muppet, and they're like, Muppets are people too. I think the worrying thing about this film and something that we probably need to touch on very early is the song Man or Muppet. Am I a Mppet of a man or a very manly muppet yeah because that means that men and muppets are different things well there you go but maybe i mean i'm obviously a muppet because a muppet can be a fucking chicken that's true literally fucking anything like if somebody's out there making the claim that muppets and human beings

are like the same thing i'm like no but some are chickens and penguins some are just an animal oh wait Gonzo's from space yeah but he's also a Muppet figure that one out with your modern day science nah it means that in the

they're trying to figure out where Gonzo's from no the rest of the Muppets aren't from space that's the whole plot of the film no it means that Muppets are just an occurring the rest of the Muppets aren't from space that's the whole plot of the film. So Gonzo's not a Muppet? No, it means that Muppets are just an occurring thing, so like, maybe Muppets are just born in, from like, so like Walter could have had a human mother

and just like, been born a Muppet Popped out a Muppet instead. What if you popped out a chicken Muppet? No, no, no, chicken! Oh Christ, of course you'd lay an egg. Yeah, no, chickens would chicken, no, no, because normal chickens would just lay eggs and they'd be like, chicken, chicken, Muppet chicken.

That actually explains Muppets a whole bunch because you get humanoid Muppets and they clearly come from humans. You get chickenoid Muppets that come from chickens and then the gonzo aliens... And maybe, like, you know, emus. They're like, emu baby, emu baby, a big bird. What the fuck is that giant thing there?

I forget what it's named. Sweetums? Yes! Sweetums? Yes! Sweetums. The giant. A Sasquatch. Oh, Sasquatch baby. There we go.

He's big. He's a big fella. He's a large one. He runs everywhere. He does. He's good. Let's look at the jobs in the original 1970s classic.

No, no, no. Hang on. I just want to go on this thread. Okay. So it's similar like mutants. Yeah, I was going to say are they basically

like a mutant? How do we deal with mutant problems? Just kidding. Jackson, no, hang on. I just want to go on this thread. Okay. So it's similar like mutants. Yeah, I was going to say, are they basically like a mutant? How do we deal with mutant problems? Just kidding. Jackson, stay out of this. So is this what Muppets are? They're just like a mutant version of whatever the thing is? I suppose, but I think that falls apart at a certain point. Where?

Because you get things that aren't anything, like Elmo. Or like a bear? Yeah, there you go. I suppose. Cookie Monster as well Why do they communicate then They can communicate language Unless it's like if an animal fucks this

Maybe Sweetums is the original Muppet He's just going around fucking all these different animals And people Can Muppets form relationships With like actual humans Well there's Walter, obviously. Yeah. And Miss Piggy is always attracted to human beings.

Miss Piggy's always fucking horn-dogging around. Miss Piggy wanted to fuck the drummer of Weezer. Everyone does. Pat looks like a turtle. No one wants to fuck Pat. If we're assuming that a Muppet chicken is in some way different to a Muppet human, why the fuck are Gonzo and that chicken fucking? Gonzo is fucking

that chicken. Gonzo and that chicken fuck hard. Yeah, Gonzo's wife's a chicken. Gonzo's from space, though. Yeah, no, they can't be chicken, chicken, Muppet chicken. They've got to be one species that has a thing. Unless Gonzo's fucking a chicken and everyone's okay with this.

Unless Kermit comes in and he's like, oh, I suppose you're fucking a chicken there, are you, Gonzo? And then fucking... Oh, Jesus. Miss Piggy comes in and he's like, hi-yah! And he's like, karate chops a chicken in the neck. So I think we have to assume unless Gonzo is a specific sex event. Also, Miss Piggy and Kermit, that's a frog and a pig.

That's true. Come on now, guys. They're clearly not... They're in love. They're in love. But there must be something. Because the way way that it would have to be like at some point someone has gassed the entire world and instead of wiping out something they've accidentally created a new gene what that's a muppet gene a muppet gene i think there's probably more likely

a muppet eve that's kind of send the Muppet genetics throughout that are just making chickens or what have you. But it still stands that the Muppets within society Unless all Muppets are human based and yeah you can just accidentally give birth to a chicken Muppet like as a human lady Yeah could be. Well I don't know if humans are necessarily giving birth to Muppets

I think Muppets are probably giving birth to Muppets No because I'm basing it because Walter is not treated any differently by anyone No one is like you're a fucking Muppet People make fun of him for liking the Muppets are probably giving birth to Muppets. No, because I'm basing it because Walter is not treated any differently by anyone. No one is like, you're a fucking Muppet! People make fun of him for liking the Muppet show. Yeah, they make fun of him for liking the Muppet show. They never make fun of Jason Seagal for liking the Muppet show. And Jason Seagal's

a human, because they see him and they're like, of course you like the Muppet show. Jason Seagal, let's stop this now. Jason Stephen Seagal. I'm back on board now. Nobody makes fun of Jason Seagal for I'm back on board now. Nobody makes fun of Jason Segel for liking the Muppets. They might, we just don't know. But then they also might make fun of Walter for being a Muppet. Also, I guess they're not mocking him because he acts like a human.

He acts like a man because he was raised by men. Plus, if you were raised in a neighbourhood where one of the kids was just a Muppet, you'd be like, whatever, I'm used to that. But it's a big deal for Walter to go and see his heroes because they like him. You know what I mean? Like where else does he ever see a Muppet in his day to day? Nowhere. And if Muppets weren't

were just like a regular part of society then in all the dance numbers in their little town you might see a Muppet Gringo, but you just don't. The only Muppet I can think of that's in a high position is in Muppets from Space there's a Muppet Gringo, but you just don't. The only Muppet I can think of that's in a high position is in Muppets from Space. There's a Muppet bear that works for the government. That's the best news. Oh yeah, that bear in a suit and glasses. He puts honey

on the back of the bad guy. It's funny. Muppets are classic. He works for the CIA. Yeah, but that's just because the CIA is evil in every kid's film. No, but that's still a high position. No, the eagle, not evil. Oh oh yeah in Muppets Most Wanted the eagle that has

a giant badge yes well there you go it was time to have gotten into the government I guess maybe to do with

Muppet relations maybe no I reckon that he was sort of incompetent from memory he had a really big badge that's pretty good so was the bear Muppet

he was fairly incompetent too but then he put honey in a whatever he did some shit where honey was good i was in space i appreciate it treasure island also see that's very treasure island is not canon we have to discount that why because it takes place in pirate times that's fine time travel

exists um that's a story for another muppet christmas car All right. So I guess what about the Muppet one where scrubs are in it? Yeah. One of the Muppets movies has fucking Zach Braff and all those other fucking lads. Really?

All of the cast of scrubs. Which one? It's one of the later. It's one of the later film Muppets Wizard of Oz.

That was like the latest one before they did the two new movies. It was the one with Tina Fey or that the that was the latest latest no it was like it was like a mid

2000s one like one of the director DVD ones because there was the Muppets episode of scrubs they did the other way around as well that's kind of cool it was like yeah JD Dr. Cox and Turk it was either

Turk or Elliot or maybe but it might have been both of them actually well good because no one wanted why are you bringing this up it means that Scrubs takes place in the same universe as the Muppets and no Muppet doctors

because nobody gives Muppets an education because people look at a Muppet and they're like second class citizen I know what I'm doing let's discount that on that. It's beautiful. Yep. I know what I'm doing. Let's discount that. That's a dream time. Okay.

But there is no Muppet doctors. There are no Muppet doctors. Yeah. And what happens when a Muppet gets hurt? Does he go to a human doctor? Can he go to Beaker? Beaker is a scientist. Yeah.

Beaker is a scientist who gets fucked on by fucking... Well, in Scrubs, Kermit goes to see fucking JD and shit, and they're like, you've got a hand in you, and he's like, hmm, that's not good. Yeah, well, there you go. So, yeah, they just go to human doctors. Well, does the human doctor sort out the hand? Obviously, he's never worked on a Muppet before, if this is something he's bringing up.

Every Muppet does, except for Big Bird, who has a man inside his bed. How funny is it to imagine, like, Muppet does, except for Big Bird, who has a man inside his bed. How funny is it to imagine Muppet health class, and they're like, the Muppet body, and they're just like, a fucking picture, it's just like a hand. People are like, the fingers. These are the phalanges, these are the metacarpata. Where does my food go?

Out, and onto the ground. Or in Cookie Monster's case, just everywhere. Everywhere. Sesame Street is an interesting thing to bring up because Sesame Street is clearly a place where all of the Muppets live with other Muppets. You know what I mean? Elmo and there's like a very little human population there.

It's mostly a Muppet population. It's kind of a getter. Yeah, it kind of is. Oh, yeah. Oscar the Grouch is just a homeless dude you know what I mean like it's this place where they're like look you Muppets do your weird Muppety shit mm-hmm keep it away from the rest of the city but I would say that the

Sesame Street Muppets turn it like keep it at like a four out of ten on the ridiculous scale where Kermit and his mates are like a constant 12 but I think that's because they have the liberty to doing this the Muppet show they're like kind of can show off their Muppet-iness. Kermit can be like, ah, and put his hands in the air

because he's like, whatever, I'm a Muppet. I'm a Muppet and I'm proud. Yeah. You know what I mean? Statler and Waldorf present something of a problem because they're Muppets that have clearly made a lot of money at some point in their lives. Probably from getting a job

because society has no problems hiring Muppets to do human work. Slave owners. i'm in muppet slaves they were second-hand citizens they were like you know stop saying second hand damn it second class second hand implies that at one point they were citizens and then they were like pawned off again no second hand makes it sound like that they were citizens then there were slaves and they were sold to other slave off again No second hand Makes it sound like That they were citizens Then they were slaves Then they were sold To other slaves Yeah yeah yeah

True it does Second class citizens Because maybe they were Previously slaves That's where Yeah Sattler and Waldorf Made their money

Potentially At the very least Maybe selling out Other Muppets Maybe That kind of thing Maybe The very first

Reality show Was just them Filming Muppets Doing ridiculous shit Doing Muppet shit And everybody loving it What if they play a role like Cranky Kong I was going to say Arrested Development

like they were the original Muppets what if they were the original Muppets when they were younger and they made their money entertaining same way that Kermit and that are making their lives up that makes a lot of sense and then it's like oh Skyler and Goldoff made money we can make money entertaining and also that's why they're sitting up in the fucking thing being like

fuck these guys we're the champs because They're sitting up In like the fucking thing Being like Fuck these guys We're the champs Because they're like Hey we're the originals Or they're fucking Bankrolling them up a show So when Kermit's on stage And they're mocking them

They're like shit Kermit can do Because they're the Fucking moneybags Yeah That's true But why would they Mock them if they're

Yeah that's funny I mock my friends All the time They get a kick out of it Whatever That's after they get Their jollies off Yeah exactly

Good more power tool Yeah exactly Go bitch a piece of shit We have fun all the time. They get a kick out of it. Whatever. They get their jollies off. Yeah, exactly. Good more power tool. Yeah, exactly. Go, bitchy piece of shit. We have fun. Also, all of the Muppets live in one big house. No, they don't.

Yeah, they do. In Muppets in Space, there's a whole fucking song and dance where all the Muppets from the Muppet Show live in the one house. They do that, yes.

In Muppets 2011 film, they don't. Kermit has a big mansion. That's right. Miss, the live in the one house. But then in Muppet's 2011 film, they don't. Kermit has a big mansion. That's right. The dog lives in a house. That is true. Because he's like, hey, you didn't show my scene in the montage. It's like, hey, want to get the group back together? He's like, yep.

What a great story. Fuck that movie, Rules. That was a good gag. I haven't seen the second one after it. No, I don't think it's trash. I think it's just nowhere near as good. It's one of the problems seen the second one after it yeah Muppets Most Wanted no I don't think it's trash I think it's just nowhere near as good it's one of the problems where the 2011 one is like a 10 out of 10 and the next one's like a 7

and Ricky Gervais is in it and he's absolute human garbage Ricky Gervais is the equivalent of a puddle he's the equivalent of farting in a bag and then bursting the bag why? what has he done that's funny except the office? he makes me laugh he's like hey you're a cunt and I'm an

atheist that is a pretty good fucking impression to be honest Ricky Gervais shows alright anyway yeah you know hey Ricky you listening? fuck you Idiot Abroad's fine Idiot Abroad is great he created it

extras life's too short that's funny is fine Idiot Abroad is great yeah but he's not he created it yeah Extras yeah Extras is fine Life's Too Short that's funny no what's that recently oh Life's Too Short

oh the Liam Neeson episode everyone this is the same problem with Extras as well everyone just remembers like three good episodes and like it's a great show no I watched it all last night

it's fine all of Life's Too Short or all of Extras even last night or the night before yeah all of Life's Too Short Warwick Davis isn't funny

but everyone else is yeah suck it Warwick fucking fucking suck it Warwick Davis isn't funny but everyone else yeah fucking suck it Warwick stick to acting Rickie Gervais is trash it's fine he's I like him

I really like yeah like no fuck him anyway Rickie Gervais aside yes um yeah they all live in a big house and what I wanted to do is I

wanted to go through in the original Muppets film where kermit the frog he sings somewhere rainbow connection beautiful songs he's riding a bike you see his legs the first time audience loses their minds yeah it's amazing um and then he goes and he collects the muppets i want to go through if we can remember and i can remember a couple of them i can remember enough what the carrying the team here mate what the Muppets are doing as he collects them okay so animal and the

gang are a failing band performing in like a church yep from memory in the recently becomes a successful band he's working with animals like I'm not allowed

to draw him exactly so that's in the first one so Jack Black like don't drum and everyone's like Jack Black retire Jack Black we're sick of you maybe that was

just me. I think it's the world. So that's fucking the, what are they called? Something Tooth? Whatever. Dr. Teeth and the Mayhem. The Electric Mayhem Band or something like that. Fuck you, Howard, I'm dying.

Yeah, right. Yep. They are performing a shitty band, not doing well because they clearly haven't been given the opportunities to do well. Their band is good. You find out later on when they get together and perform, everybody loves them. Because now they have legitimacy being with the Muppet Show. But beforehand, everyone's like,

why would I listen to a Muppet band? Kind of like Kings of Leon. Like, they're not good. All right. They're not a good band. But then if you're just like, everyone's just like, no, they're a good band. Everyone's like, no, they're a good band.

But they're still not a good band. But people quite like just like, everyone's just like, no, they're a good band. Everyone's like, no, they're a good band, but they're still not a good band. But people quite like the fucking... People quite like Kings of Leon. Fair enough. What's the dog's name? Rufus? Yep. Yeah, I'm just letting that pass on by.

Like a fucking leaf down a river, just let it go. Okay, all right, sure. What's the dog's name? Fucking Ralph. Ralph, that's right. He is in a dive bar playing piano and his life is clearly pretty shit

is it like a country fair none of these Muppets for the Muppet show are in any kind of position of authority they all just sound like they're in the wrong location geographically what do you mean all of these are shitty places for anyone like yeah but it's i wouldn't be able to start this world-class podcast if i was living

in the sticks by myself you might have you were living in like just performing piano in a dive bar i doubt it no one's going to be like hey you i want you on the podcast well that's because you were given the opportunity to go to university where things like this can happen. Whereas the Muppets weren't afforded such an opportunity. But I believe that it was, like again, if I was living in the States... I think you're going to be like, I believe it was Walter Cronkite who said it. But I believe it

was an amazing person once said it. And just like saying something, he's quite himself. Yeah, exactly. I believe an amazing person once said, Kings of Leon is not a good band Did they break up? I don't know I don't fucking know about Kings of goddamn Leon

I don't even know what songs they bloody well sing Sex on fire, it's trash Use somebody What were you gonna say? I can't remember I'm gonna take you to a sex bar or some shit That's my favourite song I'm gonna take you to a sex bar I'm gonna take you to a sex bar or some shit That's my favourite song I'm going to take you to a sex bar

I want to take you to a sex bar What the fuck is land Did you say electric six Yeah it's electric six It's either them or steel panther I don't fucking know Steel panther they're a band Did you have a point

Yeah I did but I forgot Keep talking I'll come back to it. You waste. I'm good. You're rude. Oh, yeah, that's right. It's mostly because of where they are in their situations rather than what they're doing.

Because the band, like, you can go into the fucking city right now. Yeah. And I guarantee you that we'd be able to find a band that rules, but they're not popular because they're just not given the opportunity. Where if I was like, hey, come play at fucking Big Day Out or Coachella, people would be like, no, they're not popular because they're just not given the opportunity where if i was like hey come play at fucking big day out or coachella people would be like yeah they're sick because of course they are because they fucking got booked to play giant thing it's the same with the muppets but why are they not like they're clearly like the people busking could be going out fucking you know performing in different places they could be trying to get fucking signed

they're not no i'm talking about bands playing like the venues like sort of like dive bars or pubs in the city yeah i suppose maybe that explains the electric mayhem but doesn't explain rolf doesn't explain miss piggy doesn't explain miss piggy was at a country fair she's at a country fair i think she's pretty lonely i think she's actually getting broken up with she's getting divorced so she's she's married didn't mean anything I know marriage is nothing guys marriage is a meaningless exercise exactly

what's this fucking dust in the wind boys does anybody remember what Gonzo does look at that I don't know Jack alright

so that's as best we can remember for the 1978 mob it's because none of them were in great positions until Kermit comes along and he's like

we're going to the big city and in fact on his way to the big city he bumps into fucking Big Bird and Big Bird's like I'm also going to try and make it big because I think that's the only fucking avenue Muppets have if they want to make something of themselves in this crazy world. This is going to be

entertaining and that's their meaning of life Exactly because again historically the lower class or the second hand second class citizens that's one of the very few avenues they have to make something of themselves yeah it'd be entertaining and then you sort of like your muppet rights and now in the public eye because like yes we're entertaining oh by the way we need rights exactly like you love the muppet show hey guess what maybe we should

get the vote we're humans too we're not quite humans but we're living in the same planet so like just all about i think we said this before but Muppets is just hairspray? Yeah, Muppets is the plot of hairspray. Muppets, yes. Correct. Does that make the song Man or Muppet very offensive? It just means that Walter is conflicted. Like, Walter sees this beautiful life that

human beings have, and he's like, why can't I have that? Do I go with my people where clearly we'll be downtrodden and second class, or do I stay with my people, where clearly we'll be downtrodden and second class, or do I stay with my brother, where I'll be living in a privileged society? And be considered a sellout. Yeah, exactly.

Because he's just not doing his best for my kind. Bloody, bloody... I'm trying to think of something for it. Felt on the outside, meat on the inside. No. Something like that. Yeah, felt on the outside, meat on the inside. Exactly.

You are, Walter. That's great. Fuck, I wish there was a thing that was like meat and felt You know like people say Twinkie I wish there was something like that for Muppets But alas Felt covered meatball What is there? No such thing like that exists

When the Muppets break up Do something like a bear When the Muppets break up they all go get into Do something like a bear When the Muppets break up They all go get jobs Huh They all go get jobs Yeah but what jobs So Relatively successful ones

I agree but like Let's go through Huh Working in the CIA Fucking scientist Who's working in the CIA Fucking Big

Fucking eagle Oh yeah yeah yeah He is Runs a mechanic You've got someone Which one runs a mechanic It's not Gonzo The bear

Fuzzy Yeah it doesn't F fuzzy or maybe it is gonzo no gonzo runs a successful toilet business maybe that's what i'm thinking of when i'm thinking mechanic that's right because he has a massive no fuzzy is working in for a muppet uh like the muppets fucking tribute band and it's real sad oh yeah that's right that is performing for a group of human beings. That's some low, low shit there. The Muppets. And Dave Grohl's the drummer. That is some rough shit. Being like, not only am I not performing with the people,

I am performing... Don't play in your own tribute band. Oh, it's painful for old Fozzy there. I wish I could remember what Fozzy was doing. It's like Ringo Starr playing in a Beatles fucking tribute band. That's sad. That's the state of Muppet society though, guys. I mean, actually, that kind of sounds like it's Fox's fault.

It's like if Billy Corgan fired every member of Smashing Pumpkins and then kept touring as the Smashing Pumpkins for 20 years. Oh, wait! Is that what happened? Is this like the episode where Dusha just gets salty about bands? It's like a side plot to the episode.

I'm just remembering a lot of things that have hurt me over the years. It's the B-plot to the episode i'm just remembering a lot of things that have hurt me over the years it's the b plot to the muppets episode jelda should get salty about different bands uh-huh um yeah uh miss piggy is working for a fashion company in france but again in every scene there aren't many muppets in like in every scene that shows like a group oh uh miss piggy she pretty much... She's like a fashion... She runs like... It's The Devil Wears Prada, but she's the head of it.

She's playing... Exactly. Meryl Streep? Yeah, that's a lady I was thinking of. And Emily Blunt is playing the same role she played in both films. Good. And playing a role in my heart as love of my life, because she is amazing.

She's an angel. Too bad she's married. It's real sad for Kermit. And I would be so pissed off if I was him. That all these people, they came into the Muppet Show and that gave them their big break. And that's the reason they're successful now. But he's just like, come back. And they're like, no, we've got no respect for you anymore, Kermit.

And it's like, I've made you who you are today. When does that happen? No one ever fights him on it. Yeah, Miss Piggy doesn't want to come. Yeah, that's because she... Gonzo's like, I have run a business now until he does a silly stunt. Yeah, but like,

Miss Piggy's like, you broke my heart kind of thing. No, that's fair, I guess. Like, approach your ex-wife and be like, hey, come back on the show. I can't, she lives in Oregon. And it's not like, you know,

let's become, like, try and rekindle this. No, no, no, let's become entertainers again. Yeah, I guess that's fair. That would be a shot. And she also runs a very successful business. Very successful.

Like she's in the top floor of a big building. That's big. That's pretty successful. So you reckon Muppets can vote? Yeah. What do you think? I reckon they can. Do you reckon one day we'll see a Muppet president?

Yes. Here's hoping. I'm thinking. No, I reckon they would because it's... No, too hard. What do you mean? Getting a chicken, like a Muppet chicken, how are they going to vote? No, I think that...

That's a good question. Now you're going to be like levels of Muppet? Yeah, exactly. Because some Muppets can talk and others can't. So that could be like different levels of sentience per Muppets. No, but the chicken's just a sentience. She just doesn't talk. She talks in clocks. Her and Gonzo have long conversations.

That's like Jake and Unicorn Rainbow Lady. No, she just speaks in a different language. She just speaks Korean. It's not the same at all. Clocks

are foreign language. All the same. It's a Korean. at all. Clocks, a foreign language, all the same. It's a Korean. I thought she spoke Spanish. No, it's not. She is, her voice is... Lady Rainicorn, that's right. Lady Rainicorn is the same person who voices Beemo. Same lady, just speaking her native language.

Pretty cool. English. Good one. Would they vote? I don't think so, no. I think they would definitely vote I don't think so no I think they would definitely vote how do you also then like get how do you quantify how do you quantify

I am for Muppet rights do not get me wrong but I just there are some fucking little speed bumps I just don't think they have rights they kind of like I just

maybe I don't know if they can well they can marry yeah they can marry or can they marry or do they just say well here's a weird thing fucking Gonzo and his chicken wife yeah who I think name is Clarabel they're not married Or they can marry. Yeah, they can marry. Or can they marry? Or do they just say... Well, here's a weird thing. Fucking Gonzo and his chicken wife,

who I think name is Clarabel, they're not married. Is that because they want to keep it loose? They don't want to put a label on things? Fast and loose. Or is that because legally they can't get married in America? I mean, there's a double trouble of them being like, she's a chicken, he's a... Actually, Miss Piggy and Kermit have gotten married.

And also, when Gonzo's from space, he might be able to legally get married because he's from space. Because he's an alien. He only finds out he's from space in Muppets in Space. And weirdly about that, all of the aliens are also Muppets, though. So what? How did Muppets come to be? Are they just like some kind of media full of Muppet DNA?

Maybe. It's like the symbiote. Symbiote? So you reckon M maybe it's like the symbiote symbiote i was gonna say symbolite and i was like that's not right that's beautiful. That sounds like a drink that would hurt you. It sounds like a name for a sex candle. It does. Now, on Sam's Pants Radio, Sin by Light, only $9.95.

Head to www.sinbylight.com for Sam's Pants Radio to really spice up your sex life. Have you been ever trying to sin in the dark? Well, do I have the solution for you sin by light sandalwood rose chuck a simba between your butt cheeks but only kind of behind you leave a trail of wax for your partner to follow for a fun sexy game um i always thought that maybe the Sesame Street Muppets had like a real grudge against the Muppet Show Muppets because these are the Muppet Show Muppets kind of selling out

and being like, look, we're entertaining like the human population and the Sesame Street Muppets are like, what are you doing? Like, Muppet rights, yo. Can they pay taxes though? Maybe not. And that's maybe, is that why some of them, like you either see them being entertainers or being very highly successful

and so there might be good tax break having your head of company a Muppet being a Muppet yeah it's like well he's a Muppet

it's like we don't gotta pay tax at all that's just not our fault that's just the law and they can also get a driver's license

Muppet I'm trying to think of all of the official things that a Muppet can get by doing Muppets can own property

which is good that is good can Muppets I that a Muppet can get by doing. Muppets can own property, which is good. That is good. Can Muppets... I'm thinking of Muppets running businesses. I know that when there was that part of Sesame Street... And if they can work in the CIA and other government stuff, I mean, that's pretty good. That's true, but I'm trying to think of low-level stuff.

I remember when there was one season of Sesame Street where another street opened up to the side, and this one was a little bit of a higher, fancier level. Quickie toitchie. They had a hotel, but that didn't last very long. It lasted one season before they shut it down. Are they just getting no business? Because people are like,

I'm not staying in a Muppet neighborhood. That's gross. Yeah. Maybe. So on the scale of real world, where are they at right now? What do you mean? In terms like what's a parallel yeah are we talking gay rights african-american are we talking uh like like a native australian like where are we on the sort of rights i don't even know really spectrum here because they are a people that clearly will appear within our media and they will hold high ranking jobs but

they are also people that struggle to find it kind of have a voice clearly in our society so hairspray hairspray it's just the plot of hairspray in the hairspray times yeah yeah that's basically muppets now and that's a fucking shame that is a shame well hopefully they'll get to vote soon yeah one can hope vote on campaign 26 giving muppets the vote i'm a supporter i'm a muppet ally i'm so strongly supporting that like i can't believe it's not already happening yeah like i don't know i feel like that they can vote i feel like if they have the ability to go into a voting booth and be like i vote then yeah sure like if okay if for some reason remember they're americans it's a different system right we in australia we have to vote yeah americans don't they have to register to vote maybe they might be just

fucking lazy as fuck they just don't there's no evidence to say that they don't vote that's true that's true but there is evidence i still argue to say that they if not now in the progressive age of 2016 perhaps back in the day the 70s 80s and early 90s they were second-class citizens second-hand definitely i would say they were second-class citizens at some point and maybe there's still that sort of there's a stigma there's that stigma surrounding the muppets and there's still that kind of i guess muppet racism that still is prevalent in that society whereas like maybe you can't really hold a job we don't really care about any jobs you might hold but hey you can detain us and you have some token jobs of authority and power, like working in the CIA, like working on the Space Bear dude.

So I guess there are a level of second-hand citizens. Damn it! Second-class citizens. How is this so hard to say? I don't fucking know. I'm struggling. I am struggling so hard. We started a Kings of Leon cover band called Second-Hand Citizens,

and people were like, what's the joke? I'm like, listen to my podcast. This next song's called Sex on Fire. I take it to a sex bar. So I still think they probably, you know, some places where it's like, we don't like your kind around here. Yeah, we don't like your kind here. And the Muppets are like, oh, run away.

Why do you hate us? Muppets can be shot out of a cannon and that's sick. They're better than us. Oh man, they probably have like, we're going to light your cannon around here, getting the cannon. Oh man. Yeah. That's the best.

That's a weird way to eject someone from a bar. In the cannon. I suppose that's the problem though, isn't it? That's the problem with Muppets in society They can be shot out of canon They can You're like I can pick you up and put you in a blunder

Whatever You're made of felt What if you saw Muppet chicken In the wild You're a hunter And you bow and arrow her I don't want to eat felt until the end

And eat her Could you be charged for like murder is that murder wow that's a good question well I'm assuming if we're assuming

all meat is murder guys well yeah yeah yeah but like you know what I mean like is that murder or is that manslaughter or is it just like

whoopsie daisies because I feel like going to Gonzo whoopsie daisies is bad I feel like here's what would happen you shoot a chicken and it's just not clear cut

so it's not like you're charged with manslaughter it's not like you're charged with murder but it goes to trial and it lasts a long time and it becomes maybe even a political tool where the Muppets are like look at what happens this should have been cut and fucking paste but instead it's become a big deal I think that hunting in the Muppet universe

would be a completely different thing than it is in our universe for that exact reason same way that the last mammoth if someone was like the last mammoth and shot it they would be put in jail regardless yes there's no law against it

there is so many laws against it. Is there a law? Snuffleupagus lives in New York. Is there a law to say... Yes, that's a protected species. Is it though? There's no mammoths left, it's fine. It's not a protected species, it's a Muppet.

No, if things are extinct... It's not a mammoth, it's a Muppet. No, butson's saying your defense is because then it would be murder because you'd be like lost mammoth and people like you know that you knew that was a muppet we are in the middle of new york city in the muppet neighborhood this is fucking sesame street you're going to jail 25 to life all right fair enough what if you saw some of Snuffy's tribe hanging out

in wherever Snuffy's from forests I guess the tundra you can't it wouldn't matter because

no okay it doesn't matter like last mammoths bang bang bang bang it wouldn't matter because if you think

because your defence would be like I thought they were the last mammoths they'd be like that wouldn't matter because if you think because your defense would be like i thought they were the last mammoth they'd be like that's also illegal i just wanted to taste what it tasted like you're going to jail yeah probs killing the map of snuffle i guess they're like that's a man on moppet and murder so poaching mammoths yeah you're out but yeah um muppet chicken i feel like, it's not going to be clear cut. I think people are going to be like, well, he's a chicken. And then people are going to be like, look, and then you have to choose. Chickens are Muppets too.

Chickens are people too. Chickens are Muppets and Muppets are people. Yeah, that's the good chant. Chickens are Muppets and Muppets are people. Chickens are Muppets and Muppets are people. You just fucked that up And on that note I've been Joel

I've been Jackson I've also been Joel Vote yes on proposition 26 And if you're a Muppet No it's good, Muppets should vote Chickens are Muppets and Muppets are Muppets Chickens are Muppets and Muppets are Muppets Chickens are Muppets and Muppets are Muppets. Chickens are Muppets and Muppets are Muppets. Boy, chickens are...

Chickens are Muppets and Muppets are people. God damn. This topic was suggested to us by Aidan O'Grady. Thanks, Aidan. You're a champ. You too. If you want to suggest a topic, just head over to Patreon, give us money, and we're legally obligated to do it.

If you don't, you can just punch Jackson in the neck. I promise. Whoa. Okay, fine. Do she in the neck? No, you can. No, that's fine. Yeah, good.

Fuck Kings of Leon. This is what we call the Muppet Show. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner.

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