Plumbing the Death Star - Bonus: Margaret Moves to Mars S01E01 Parade

Episode Date: April 28, 2020

After a bad break up Margaret moves to the Australian colony on Mars to become Chief Advisor for the Mayor. Upon arrival the Mayor immediately gives her the impossible task of organising an Mars Anniversary Parade for later that afternoon.Written and Created by Michelle Brasier and Sam Lingham. Starring Michelle Brasier, Tim Lancaster, Vince Milesi, Ben Russell and Mish Wittrup. Edited by Sam Lingham. Music and Mixing by Tom Armstrong and Tom Backhaus. Artwork by Anneliese Nappa. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, do you know we have too many shows on the Sants Pants radio network? And it's only getting bigger! So over the next little while, we're going to be showcasing some of the other great content that we have every now and again. Today, have a listen to episode 1 of Margaret Moves to Mars, a fictional sci-fi comedy about a girl named Margaret who, after a bad breakup, moves to the Australian colony on Mars, hoping for a fresh start. Created by our good friends Michelle Brazier and Sam Lingham, you can listen to all six episodes of Season 1

right now on iTunes and Spotify. Enjoy! Sands Pants Radio, Australia's dumbest podcast network. Hi, I'm Margaret, and there have been two major developments in my life lately. I broke up with Jono, or Jono broke up with me, depending on who you talk to. I broke up with Jono. And now I'm moving to the Australian settlement on Mars.

It should be... fine, right? Yeah. Our story begins like all life back on Earth, where Margaret, fresh from some personal turmoil, applies for a new life in the stars. Hello, Margaret. Yes. Hi, how are you? I'm Jemima.

I'll be taking the interview today. Thank you. Hi. It's so nice to meet you. Yes, you too. Oh, sorry. I never know if it's a kiss on the lips or on the... Sorry.

It's fine. Just stay where you are and I'll stay where I am. Okay. And I feel like we'll both be very comfortable. Yeah. Okay, great. Firstly, I just want to say thank you so much for coming today. I know a 9am interview is always really ridiculous, especially when the interview is taking part

in Nary Warren, if you know what I mean. Yes, yeah. So thank you so much for coming. Yeah, I scooted here. Right. Yeah. From where? Nary Warren.

I live close. So a tiny scoot. Yeah, just a little. Okay. Well, firstly, I just want to say thank you so much for applying for the position. I'm very excited to interview you today. Thank you. As you're aware, the position is for Chief Advisor to the Mayor on Mars.

Yes. Yes. Could you please explain to me what it is about that role that really appeals to you? Giving advice to the Mayor on the planet of Mars as a chiefly advice. Okay. What kind of qualifications do you have? What makes you believe that you'd be good at that kind of job? I think I'm very, I'm just a people person.

I think I make people feel comfy and I think I could make the mayor feel comfy with the advice that I was giving him. I also think I've had some business experience, so I could, you know, if there's some business administration that needs administering, I could administer. I'm just going to stop you there very, very quickly. Your advice, describing it as comfy, we're not 14-year-old girls at a sleepover talking about getting our rag. No. It's not about comfort here. Margaret. Yeah. The role

of chief advisor to the mayor on Mars is to advise the mayor. Yeah. But like a chief, like a chief, Margaret, I'm not feeling chief from you. Yeah. I'm feeling worm. Okay. I'm feeling scudgy. Oh. I'm feeling a little bit dirty on the inside when I look at you. Okay. So I'm thinking that maybe this position isn't exactly, exactly suited to you, Margaret. I would like you to explain to me right now what it is that you were doing in this room.

Why did you apply for the position? I applied for this position because I just needed something new. I needed a new challenge. I've recently had a personal life change and I thought, oh, where can my skills be best used? And then I thought, oh, very, very far away from Jono. And I thought, where's the furthest? And I thought, oh, that's Mars.

And he's gone, you won't go. And I've gone, yep, I will. And then so I came here. And I'm just thinking in terms of being a chief, you know, I could be and then say I came here. And I'm just thinking in terms of being a chief, you know, I could be proud, be a big, I could get bigger, I could eat heaps and get bigger, so be more of a chiefly presence, and I could just wear big shoes and just give, like,

advice that is, you know, big, big, big advice. And I think for me it's important that I can know, big, big, big advice. And I think for me, it's important that I can come. Can I please, I just really want you to let me come to Mars to give me a job. Okay. That's mental. Yeah. But okay. From the very, very small amount of time I've spent here with you now. Yeah. It is very clear to me that you're a bit of a fuck-up, Margaret. All right. You've applied for a job that you're not qualified for. You've applied for a job that you know nothing about.

Yeah. You have made a joke of me. I am ashamed of myself. I have three children, Margaret. Oh, good. If I told them that this is what I did with my morning, do you know what my children would do? Oh, you want to say laugh, Margaret? They'd cry. They'd cry for their mother. Goodness. I'm ashamed of myself. But mostly

I'm ashamed of you. Oh, okay. But you're the only person who applied for the job, so I'd like to say welcome to the team, Margaret. Welcome on board. Thank you. You are not going to regret this. I think I might. Well, I won't, that's for sure. Okay. Get out of my sight. Yep. No, no won't, that's for sure. Okay. Get out of my sight. Yep. No, no, it wasn't a sleepover. And no, there were no 14-year-old girls talking about getting they rag. No, this was much more serious than that. It was a new job on a new planet light years away.

job on a new planet light years away. And as the spaceship approached Mars, and she saw the barren wasteland that was to become her new home, Margaret thought to herself, whoopsie daisy, and the spaceship landed, and

the doors opened, and then strangely, Margaret found herself in the mayor's office. Well, it's just a crazy old day on Mars. That's right, we're hanging out in topless bars sometimes. When we feel the rhymes coming out of our mouth, we think, all right, come on down, baby girl.

This is not the same song. Who's that baby girl on Mars? Better than an Earth girl, you'd better be sure. Who's that baby boy? Is it the mayor? Back on earth? Nobody cared, but up here I'm the guy. I'm the coolest chick in town. Everybody wants to give me a smile because they aren't allowed to say no to a giving me a smile. Let's see those pearly white snail girls. Five, six, seven, eight. Smile if you're going to be my new chief of advisory. If that is you, then smile.

Don't ever tell me who's going to come through my door. So you'd better smile just to let me know if that is you. Hello? Yeah, it's me. Oh, welcome. That's right. It's me. Oh, welcome. That's right. It's me, the mayor of Mars.

Hello. Hello. How are you going? I'm so good. A little tired. A little starstruck. Starstruck? Oh, I didn't take out a few stars on the journey, did you? Those arms sore?

I'm joking. You didn't really fly here flapping those arms around, did you? I'm an achiever. Came in the ship. I get away with a lot on here, which is why it's going to be good having a nice person recently here from Earth to pull me back down to Mars, if you will pardon the puncher. The puncher.

Yes. Sorry. I've been away from Earth for a long time. Sometimes I piss-pronunciate my worms. So you'll have to forgive me. Please. Forgive him. Oh, thank you very much.

I haven't confessed for a long time. Yeah. Okay. Last week, I thought about my mother. Oh. She was 94 when I left Earth. Yes. I didn't recall her. I didn't recall her.

I didn't recall her. She called me. She called me. She called me and said, where are you? I said, I'm coming back from the shops. She said, you still going to bring me your wheat back? I said, yes. We don't have any wheat here.

We grow as potatoes. Okay. And famous. We grow famous. What are they saying about me down on the old earth? Just only good things. Uh-huh. That'd be right.

Yeah. Still trying to get me there on those bloody logies. They never let me at the logies. No. No. Mayors don't go. No, mayors don't go to bloody Logies. They never let me at the Logies. No. No. Mayors don't go. No, mayors don't go to the Logies. They once led a horse.

Go to the Logies. I'm making a reference to mayors and mayors. It's another old grey mare she. Okay. That sort of thing. Anyway, sorry, I'm a bit flustered. You will be. That's okay.

You've got to keep up with me. Yes. You've got to be with the sharp. Okay. You've got to be a sharpie girl.. You've got to be with the sharp. Okay. You've got to be a sharpie girl. Okay, sharpie girl. Yeah, be very sharpie. Do you have a sharpie?

You'll be taking notes with sharpies on Mars. Right. Great. Well, let's have a quick tour of the office. Yep. This is my office. Okay. That's my dance floor.

Wonderful. That's my crayon. Sorry. They only give you one crayon on Mars. Oh, okay. Yeah. What colour would you have? Pink. I had the you one crayon on Mars. Oh, okay. Yeah. What colour would you have? Pink.

I had the gold one. Yes. Which is cool because that's one of the rare ones if you're on Earth. You don't often get a metallic crayon. No, yeah. But Crayola. Yes. It's still Crayola.

Oh. Well, you can have this office over here. Mm-hmm. This is just outside. Well, yeah, it's just outside my office. Okay. It's literally outside. Right. What did you want me to... Look at just outside my office. Okay. It's literally outside. Right.

What do you want me to... Look at that for a view. Yeah. Red. Red. Do you like red? Mm-hmm. Mm.

We've got one thing to do today. Yes. And that is, of course... Yes. Organise the big 10-year anniversary of the Australian colonisation settlement of Mars. Great. Can you feel it?

Yes. Can you feel it? Yes. Can you feel it? Yes. Can you feel... Oh, sorry, I'm sorry. No, we only do the first two.

Oh. And then we stop for a quick shuffle. Okay. No, no, no. You can do whatever you want. You don't have to shuffle. Sorry. Okay, so the parade. Yeah. Yep, no, no. You can do whatever you want. You don't have to shuffle. Sorry. Okay, so the parade.

Yeah. Yep, okay. And when is the parade? The parade will be in precisely four or five earth hours. Today. Today? Yeah. Okay.

Do I have a team that could help me? I have an assistant if you want to meet her. Sure, thank you. I hope you don't have a schmackos in your pocket. I'm sorry. You'll understand. G'day, Margaret. How you going? Oh.

Yeah, down here. You see me? Uh-huh. I'm a dog. Okay. I'm the mayor's dog. Right. I can bloody talk. I'm Margaret.

It's nice to meet you, Margaret. I've heard a lot about you. I'm just going to ask you a quick favour. Why don't you come over here with me? Okay. Later, Margaret sits at her desk, ready to compose an email. Okay, Margaret, it's me, Brenda the Talking Dog, and I've got a couple of things for you. Yeah, I've got this big old bag of tricks for you.

Oh. All right, just here, this is a key to the office. Thank you. Not a problem. It shouldn't be too hard to use because your office is outside. This here is a couple of Tupperware containers of some sliced potatoes. Oh. Just as a snack. Okay. From us to you. These are raw. And I'm also going to tell you your email address. So I want you to write this one down for me, okay? Here's a pen and a post-it. Oh, thank you. All right, so this is your email address all right yep sexy underscore margie underscore beach babe

241 at hotmail.com um did you get that yep yeah i'll say it again okay sexy s-e-X-C Yes, sorry. Underscore Margie. Yep. Underscore Beach Babe. Beach Babe. 241. At Hotmail.com. Yes, thank you, Brenda. Not a problem.

Great, wonderful. Okay, so I'm just going to shoot an email out to the Mars residents, I suppose, and try and get this happening. Do it, baby, you got this. Okay, so if I say something like this, how's this? Dear residents of Mars, my name is Margaret. I'm the new chief advisor to the mayor. Hello. It's a bit cold, isn't it? No, I won't say that. Sorry, I'll delete. Please come to the parade celebrating the 10th anniversary of the colonization of Mars.

You will be the mayor's special guests and please advise if you would like to have a float because there is nothing organised at all and it is today. I'll bring hummus. Love, Margaret. Oh, cheers. Regards. Kindest.

Kind? Fuck me senseless, Margaret. That's one of the best emails I ever did here. Great. Thank you. That is good. Okay, I'll send it. No matter what you sign off with, Margaret,

we're going to have a plethora of Mars residents coming to this parade. Okay. So don't worry about sending it. I'll do that for you. No, it's okay. I can send it. Margaret. What's up?

Look. You want a scratch on the ear? What's up? Can I please have a cheeky little scratch? Yeah, it's okay. I can send it. No, no, no, Margaret. What's up? Yeah, look. You want a scratch on the ear? What's up? Oh, can I please have a cheeky little scratch? Yeah, let's do it. Oh, oh. Oh, sorry, that's my leg. My leg's gone.

Okay. I do a lot for the mayor, you know? Of course. Yeah, I love him. Mm-hmm. I love him dearly. Yes. I organise his schedule.

You do? I make sure that he has fresh flowers every morn. Okay. It's a lot for him to expect me to also get the internet up and running, okay? So we might be struggling a little bit there. The internet doesn't work. Please don't look at me like that, Margaret. I'm going to put my shame eyes on. Cheeky shame eyes. Yeah, good girl. Thank you. That's a good, that's a good girl. Thanks, I'm a good girl Anyway off you trot Okay Ah see me in on that one

My email's djmurdakiller69 at yahoo.com With the internet down Margie or SexyMargieBeachBade241 Decides to visit everyone in person, starting with the farmers, the potato farmers. That's what I was talking about when I said farmers. Probably didn't need to clarify that. But potato farmers. that. But I don't find it.

I mean, you can ask the others but I have to be honest with you I'm not really keen on that. Me asking the others? No, I'm not keen myself. No, you don't want to come? No, not particularly. Okay. Tarvis time, you understand. Sure.

Of course. We've got to cut the potatoes in half. Yes. And then shit on them. And then plant them to regrow them. Otherwise, people don't eat. Yep. Okay. Sorry.

Hello, sir. Sorry, this is Gravid. Oh, hi, Gravid. Hello. My name's Margaret. Margaret, I'm Gravid. Hi, Gravid. Listen, I wanted to ask if anyone from the potato farmers wanted...

You'd like to come... Gravid, are you listening? What? Gravid? Yes. My name's Margaret. Hi, I'm Gravid. Okay.

Excuse me. Gravid's a robot, so he's only programmed with a certain number of things. Isn't that right, Gravid? Hi, I'm Gravid. Okay, sure. Is there anyone else I can ask or I can just... Oh, I guess Druid. Druid?

Which one of you is... I'm Druid. Hi, Druid. Do you have some time this afternoon to just come and... I can make the float for you? It'll be a... I don't think you seem to understand, little tyke. I've been pissing and shitting and pissing and shitting all day.

You think I want to go to a parade? I want to go home, bury my head in the sand and pretend I don't exist. I shit on potatoes all day, so no thank you. I don't think I will, but you have a lovely day. She's not like the brightest spark, but she's got the most nitrate-rich shite in all of Mars. Oh, congratulations.

It's actually award-winning shite. It's the gut. It's something to do with like the bacteria in her gut. Right. Congratulations, Druid. And this is my daughter. Oh, hi. Munt.

Oh, she's so beautiful Hello Hello, Munt No one on Mars is more beautiful Than my daughter, Munt If you ever lay a hand On my daughter, Munt You better watch out

Alright, isn't that right, Munt? You are beautiful, you are such a princess I want to be number two. Munt, did you want to come? You could be a beauty queen. I mean. She already is a beauty queen. Look at her.

She could be on a float. Look at her eyes. Ever seen eyes dart out in different directions like that? There's so many. I've never seen it before. So many eyes. I can see my cat. I can see my death. I can see my death.

She can see her death. I can see my own death with my eyes. She can see her own death. Would you like her to see if she can gaze into the future and see your death? Personally, I tell her to keep her business to herself. Don't I, Mund? You tell me to keep her business to herself, don't I, Mund? You tell me to put my business on the picket?

Okay, okay, okay. I'm just going to go. Thank you so much. It was wonderful to meet you all. Welcome. Here, I'll shake your hand. I'm fine. You sure?

Hi, I'm graven. Okay, bye. Goodbye, little girl. Don't touch me, daughter. Goodbye little girl Don't touch me daughter Failing to convince the farmers She tries her hand At a more cultured crowd

Heading to the Mars Masonic Lodge To plead her case To the Mars Repertory Players Hmm Ha Ha I don't want to pee that thing Don't want to be that man.

I'm not going to be, I don't want to be that man. I'm not going to be that man. Hello. Hello. Hi. Hello. Sorry to interrupt your noises. All the world is a stage. Oh, okay.

Now who's this? My name's Margaret. I work for the mayor. I'm new here. Oh, Margaret. I work for the mayor. I'm new here. Oh, Margaret. Wow. That's dramatic.

Mayor. Okay. So I am organising a parade that's actually today. Oh, wow. Today. And we're celebrating the 10-year anniversary of Musk. So if you guys would like to come along, we would love to have you guys in the parade.

Oh, no, we can't. No, it's not going to happen. No, no, no. It's empty. It's empty. Because I just thought you could do a dance number. No, no, no, no. I don't think you really understand. I can dance.

You're waltzing here. I'm sorry. I said something wrong. I'm a great dancer. Okay. Would you like to come along? We'll have rehearsal. That is impossible.

You have rehearsal? Yes. Okay. For what? Rent. Rent. Rent. So you could do some rent at the parade.

Is the parade a theatre? Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Yep. No. Sorry. It's just been quite a long day. If you guys would like to come along, it would mean a lot to us.

Okay. I have one question for you. How would you feel about kissing me on the mouth? See, what I don't think you understand is that I'm playing Joanne. And when I look at you, I think jaded lesbian. I think Maureen.

I think Maureen. I'm a sinner, Maureen. You have it written on your face. Okay. I can't be Maureen in your rent show. Oh no, but you wouldn't be Maureen in your rent show. Oh no, but you wouldn't be Maureen, you are Maureen.

You have already metamorphosized. Oh, okay. Listen, would you come to the parade if I play Maureen? No. It is impossible. Right, you just can't get out of this rehearsal that you guys organized yourselves. You can't get out of this rehearsal that you guys organized yourselves. You can't. Okay.

Can a whale beach itself? I don't, yes. Can a fish talk to a bat? I don't, I don't know. I have to go. Having been cast as Maureen in the Mars Repertory Players New Spring production, Margaret heads to the school. Once Mars is

Mars. Two Mars is Mars. Three Mars is Mars. Four Mars is Mars. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. You smell weird. Okay. Thank you. My name's Margaret and I... Margaret. Okay. That's a weird name. Your skin is golden and your mouth is wide.

Her mouth is wide. Her skin is gold. I... Okay. I dream about rats. Uh-huh. I work for the mayor's office and... I've never seen one. The mayor.

Are there any teachers here? No. No. No. No one's here. OK. Mars teaches us. My teacher is Mars.

Sometimes my mummy and my daddy, but mostly Mars. Look at my skin. Why aren't the kids right? Look how it just flakes right off. Oh. Oh, whoops. I dropped my face. I'm going to pick up my face and put it back on.

It doesn't hurt. Nobody likes to be stupid on Mars. Dropped my face and put it back on. It doesn't hurt. Nobody likes to be stupid on Mars. Drop my face again. It'll come to a school on Mars. It's okay. I'll pick it up again. Put it right back on. You'll never be very smart.

Oh, no. What was that? You might think it's my face. I drew a tree, but I've never seen a tree. Okay. You know what? I'm just going to leave it. We're just going to leave it.

No, stay with us. I don't going to leave it. Stay with us. I don't want to. Stay with me, too. What does sunshine taste like? I have to go. Having no success with those little freaks, Margaret travels back to the mayor's office to deliver the bad news. You know that spirit is rising because the pressure's on.

I'm getting on my foot, I'm ready to sing my song because my little crazy girl is here. She's going to see me in the parade and they're going to all cheer because here we go. Catch me, boys. Whoa, I'm going to be out there and I'll wave and I'll cheer because you know that I'm your man. And the people know that I really care.

Hello, you're back. You ready to get my parade on the go? Yeah, I'm good man. And the people know that I really care. Hello, you're back. You ready to get my parade on the go? Yeah, Margaret. Hi, Brenda. Listen, sorry, if I was just... I'm sorry, mate, we've got to go. We've got to get our kick line in order. We're bloody ready for this parade, mate.

I'm so bloody proud of you. This is going to be the best bloody parade. Can they do a kick this high? Whoa! Can they do a kick this low? I just need to talk to... Thank you. Brenda, is he coming back before the parade?

Yeah, there's not a chance he's coming back before the parade. He's got to have a shower, got to have a bath, got to do his little bit of make-up, make himself look all pretty. I've got to sparkle my scrotum. You've just got to embrace it when he's like this. Isn't it lovely? Look at his dance. Anyways, we've got to go.

See you later, Margaret. Can't bloody wait for the bloody parade. It's going to be a bloody hoot and a half. Bloody love you, Margaret. Is it too early to say that? Probably. Oh, I'm a dog. It's all right because I'm lovable. Bye. Okay, Margaret, you can do this. You are on the planet Mars and you've made it this far and you don't even have your period. You are fine and your bra fits perfectly and you have met a talking dog and that's incredible. And Jono didn't ever meet a talking dog, so shut up. You're fine and you can do this and you can make this happen.

It's going to be the best parade. So clean up this furniture and get rid of the glitter and we're going to press that big red button that says internet and just figure it out. You're just going to figure it out. And now a quick word from our

sponsor. Do you like potatoes? What's the deal with potatoes? I asked him in for a potato. He gives me a potato. Why does Mars have potatoes? Get a potato. I'm Jerry Seinfeld. And you need potatoes.

If you live on Mars, you got to eat. You have to eat something. It might as well be a potato. It's all they grow. Spoken by Jay Seinfeld for Potatoes on Mars. Margaret. Margaret, what are you blooding doing, mate? Sorry, I was just cleaning up after the dance.

That's all good. It's me, Brenda, the talking dog. I know. It's parade time, baby girl. Oh. Let's get outside. Let's get our little tushies outside. Oh, Brenda, I don't think anyone's going to show up.

Oh, look, you are being ridiculous. You've been running around all day gathering people and I've got nothing but faith. Come on, mate. Okay. Let's go. Mayor's ready. I'm ready.

Let's go. Take my lead. Take my lead. Oh, there we go. You can't walk yourself? I talk all day. Sorry. You expect me to bloody walk meself now too?

Good girl. Thank you. Okay. Wow. That dog's a real bitch. Literally. With Brenda in tow, Margaret heads around to where the parade should start. Feeling low and uninspired, she is surprised when she hears the faint noise of a crowd.

Surprised when she hears the faint noise of a crowd. Even more she is surprised when she turns the corner to find that the entire town, the entire colony of Mars has turned up to celebrate the 10-year anniversary of the Australian Mars colony. The potato farmers are here. Hi, I'm Gravid. Hello, Gravid. This is a great parade. My number two is number one. Don't touch my daughter.

The Mars Repertory players are there. 525,600 minutes. 600 minutes. 525,000 moments. 600 minutes. 5,25,000 moments. Mom, it's so dear. 5,25,600 minutes.

Come on. How dear is the measure? Come on. Measure our yards. Everyone. You too. The Country Women's Association of Mars have even shown up with their world-famous potato scone.

Hello. Hello, how are you going? Oh, this is nice, isn't it? Yes. We love our lovely potatoes. We had potatoes we just cooked with our own kids. Keep moving, Karen. The Flat Mars Society has shown up too.

You don't know. You don't know. Um, excuse me. I just, um, how come if Mars is like a sphere, then how come I don't just, like, fly off into space, you know? Like, how come that's, how come if I vape, it just doesn't just fall back down, you know? Like, how come that's... How come if I vape, it just doesn't just fall back down, you know? If I vape with my vape pen right now,

how come it doesn't just... How come I'm not pulled into space? You know? The polyamorous society has arrived. Which is just Steve. He's lonely. Come on, come on. Come join the Polyamorous Club. For anyone...

The LARPing Society. Not what force feels on. None of you can get me. Ha ha. None of you can get me. None of you can get me. But I've put a spell on you. And I've put a spell on you. I've put a spell on all of Mars.

Brenda, I can't believe this many people came. This is incredible. I can't believe it either, to be completely honest. I had no faith in you whatsoever. Oh, you're so cheeky, Brenda. Good girl. Oh, the community spirit is amazing here on Mars. I can't believe it.

It's wonderful. See, the thing is, Margaret, miracles, they really do bloody happen. I mean, just look at today. You've got the whole bloody town. You've got Munt. You've got the kids from the theatre. They're all bloody enjoying the parade. Bloody miracle, considering that yesterday the internet didn't even bloody work.

But then we wake up this morning, bloody internet's working. It's like some bloody dummy here went along and pressed a big red button that said, turn off me internet. Bloody pressed that button, came back this morning, pressed it, turned it back on again and now all of a sudden, everyone's here. Oh, tra-la-la, loving the parade.

I'm a dog. Listen to me talk. Wait, so they got my email? Excuse me, Margaret, is it? Yes, hi. Yes, the potato farmer. Yes. Yes, indeed. You can tell it's me because I have an Irish accent.

Yes, thank you. Anyway, great parade that you've got here. Thank you. Fantastic. Thank you for coming. Well, that's the reason why I kind of wanted to see you, right? Because me and me daughter, Munt... Where's me hummus?

That's right. We wanted your promised hummus. In the email? Yes. I did. Yes. Here you go, Munt. I don't care if it's hummus or not,

as long as I can put it on my nice, fat, juicy potato. Okay, that's great. Don't touch my daughter. Sorry. Whatever you do. Okay. Okay, hold on. I think I understand what's going on here.

Yes? Everyone got your email. In the email, you promised hummus. Yes. You don't understand, mate. No one here's eaten anything but potatoes for ten years. What you've promised here is a whole bloody taste bud sensation up my face. Yeah.

And I think everyone here is feeling bloody excited to eat some hummus. You're a bloody godsend, Margaret. We are lucky to bloody have you, Margaret. Oh, thank you. Is this where we get the hummus? Hummus. Hummus. Oh.

Stop it. Okay, thank Hummus. Stop it. Okay, thank you. That's great. Thank you for coming, taking time off your rehearsal. Oh, yes, applause, of course. You guys want hummus? That's why you came? Thank you.

Okay. Sing and everything. Cool. Great. Eat it somewhere different, Munt. Munt, go. Munt, please go. Would you like Munt to tell you about your death?

Sure, yes. I'm not sure, but I see that you're going to be nicely well fed. Okay. You won't die hungry. be nicely well fed. Okay. You won't die hungry. That's good news. Thanks. But I will die terribly. All right, that's enough, Mont.

I know I can see it. You know the rules. No talking about death while we're eating. Oh, at least I'll have tasted karma's father. With the crowd's bellies filled with mushy chickpeas, the mayor takes the podium.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, thanks. Tolerance. Bollerance. Hip-hop anonymous. You can do whatever you want to do on Mars

Because when you were on Earth People told you you couldn't be the mayor there Earth is flat Come on now For real? Potato peel? Hey, let's hear it for Mars, though, because without Mars, we'd just be back at home in Australia.

Yeah, just an everyday failure. But now we're not. So let's lift up our hummus and spuds. Come on. And let's all thank Dr Karl and especially Marg. Thank you, Dr Karl. Thank you, Marg. And especially Marg.

And Marg too. Especially. Dr Marg. Thank you, Marg. Because who's had hummus lately? Not us. Until today. Or lately.

We've all just had it. I should have brought more. Well, yes. More than one. Do you know what, though? I am proud to call this red, round or flat. Yeah, flat. Come on, we all know he's great.

This planet, home. Is it perfect? No. Is it ours? Yes. Was anyone else here first? Not this time. Hi, I'm an alien.

Can I have some hummus? Whoopsie-daisy. Oh, fuck my face. Well, fuck my face indeed. An alien. I can't wait to hear what happens next. Tune in next time and subscribe to get more episodes, and I hope you enjoyed this first episode of... What's this called again?

Margaret Moves to Mars. Fuck, Ben. I sent you an email. Yeah, I know. I said it's called Margaret Moves to Mars. I feel like it was very clear. Mars needs moms. Well, Mars needs Margarets.

Okay, can you just not? That's not bad. Yeah, okay. Maybe you should call it that. You're a right fuck-up, Ben Russell. I am a cool person. We hope you enjoyed episode one of Margaret Moves to Mars. To listen to the rest of the season,

just search for Margaret Moves to Mars on iTunes and Spotify.